


Becoming Connor Davids

by race_the_ace



Category: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: F/M, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-01
Updated: 2009-02-28
Packaged: 2017-10-17 04:29:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 53
Words: 532,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/race_the_ace/pseuds/race_the_ace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheppard/OMC Connor Davids is a shy, quiet scientist who keeps to himself but over time finds he's lonely. John Sheppard is the man everyone wants and everyone wants to be except all he wants is quiet understanding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this is the edited version of this fic.

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 1 : Arrival**

Disclaimer : I don't own Stargate Atlantis or any of its character or plots. I do own Connor Davids, Eric Johns and any other characters you don't recognize. I mean no infringement, this is for personal benefit only.

Author's notes:  
\- Disneyland belongs to Disney.  
\- _Coke_ belongs to Coca-Cola.

** Re-posted and re-edited: 3/8/10

* * *

Dr. Connor Davids, PhD, sat on a cold chair in the _Daedalus_ mess poking his food. He was too excited about finally making it to Atlantis to eat. After eight years at the SGC decoding ancient ruins and then later translating parts of the Atlantis database they sent back to earth, the chance to see the fabled city of the Ancients was life altering.

He'd been offered the opportunity 3 years ago when Atlantis had re-initiated contact with earth, but both of his parents had been ill at the time and he didn't want to leave them. Now, five months after their deaths, his mother dying days after his father, he had no ties left to earth; no siblings or relatives of any kind.

He sighed, _I guess that's what you get for being the only child of only children._

Connor looked around at the surrounding people in the mess. Marines, mostly, and a few scattered scientists here and there along with a couple soldiers he thought were Air Force. None of them gave him a second glance, just the way he liked it.

He was naturally shy, very quiet and introverted to the point where he probably came off rude. But he just wasn't a people person. He needed his space and his silence and his solitude. He'd always been alone, but rarely had he felt lonely. His studies had consumed his life and later work and his search for knowledge had taken their place. And now, at thirty-three, with no friends to speak of, no relationship experience and no family left, he was going to Atlantis, a place with a sparse population and half of them military.

 _You couldn't find someone within the billions of people on Earth, you're never going to find someone in a place with just a few hundred people._

Resigned to being alone and not quite bothered by it, he transferred his attention back to the tablet to the left of his food tray. His eyes met lines of Ancient text. He'd been working on this section for weeks, it talked about Atlantis' star drive functions and energy out-put, most of which they knew from Colonel Sheppard flying the city to another planet. He was almost done and ready to move on to the next section. He worked methodically, going through the database line by line in the order it was sent to the SGC.

He had been really excited when he had learned he had the ATA gene although his excitement deflated a little when he realized he would probably be put to use turning things on in a science lab full of people.

 _But it will still be pretty cool to just think a light on_ , he thought with a smile.

He picked up his tray and his tablet, dumped his food and made his way back to the bunk he was assigned, with any luck his two roommates, an exobiologist and nurse, would be out. They loved to talk and loved to make Connor talk, and Connor really was all about the silent conversations. A wiggle of the eyebrow, a slight lifting of the shoulders, and more often than not, the sight of his back as he walked away.

 _Good, they're both out_ , he thought, _maybe now I can get some rest_.

He quietly moved to his bunk and sank down on it with a sigh, setting his tablet aside.

 _This time tomorrow I'll be on Atlantis_ , he thought happily, and with that he closed his eyes.

* * *

 _Whoa that was pretty neat._ It was only Connor's second time using the Asgard transporter beam. The science behind it was pretty cool too.

His group was met by Major Lorne. Before arrival Connor had studied the crew manifest of Atlantis and the _Daedalus_. With an eidetic memory, he never forgot anything, and he quickly memorized the personnel he would be working with. Connor still remembered the name of his Kindergarten teacher. He didn't like surprises, or not knowing something when he could, so he did everything he could to prepare for the Atlantis mission, including reading through all the back logs of mission reports. He had pretty high clearance considering he could be translating directions on how to build the Ancient version of a nuclear bomb. And for the record, that still hadn't happened yet.

"Alright people, welcome to Atlantis. Listen up, new arrivals to the left, return visitors go do whatever it is you do." Major Lorne said with a smile as some people walked away.

"Now, new arrivals, military and science, follow me." And with that he lead them to a room off of the control room, where they had arrived. "Your bags will be sent to your rooms." He added, looking back over his shoulder.

Connor looked around, trying not too act like a child in Disneyland. He was on Atlantis. _He_ was on Atlantis. He felt a small smile creep across his face.

As they packed into the room, that Connor could now see had chairs, the military and the scientists seemed to naturally divide. The military on the left, the civilians on the right.

"At ease."

Connor startled as he sat down. _What? Oh._ He noticed as the left side of the room all moved as one to stand in a different position then sit as Major Lorne gestured them to do so while taking a seat himself atop a table at the front of the room.

"Now, I'm Major Lorne. Colonel Sheppard is stuck off world so you're all stuck with me for at least the first portion of the orientation. After this you will be split up and sent to your individual departments to meet with your department head who can give you more directions on what you'll be doing. I have your housing assignments as well, so don't forget to pick those up before you leave." He paused and smiled at them again. "I like to call this Atlantis 101. The people who've been here too long like to call it 'How-not-to-die-or-incur-the-wrath-of-Dr. McKay'. There are some general guidelines you should be aware of if you plan to stay. Number one…"

Connor sat there taking it all in, keeping one ear to Major Lorne while focusing on the persistent, but pleasant buzz/hum that had taken up residence in his head from the second he beamed into Atlantis.

He didn't remember reading about this and wondered if he was too young to be going crazy. He thought he probably wasn't, but these days, you couldn't be too sure.

"…Well that's it for Survival 101 in the Pegasus Galaxy. Remember to pick up your housing assignments. And welcome to Atlantis." Connor remained seated, not in a rush to move into the mass of people surrounding the table with the housing assignments on it. He waited silently for the crowd to thin.

When finally only a few people were left looking for their names and their new quarters, Connor stood and made his way over to the table. He scanned the list, looking down until he found 'Davids - Tower 3, Section 4, Room 6'. He pulled up his memory of the layout of Atlantis and with a smile realized this was a mostly unoccupied residential section. He scanned the rest of the list and found that he was the only new-comer assigned to that section. With a grin he left the room and headed out to meet his supervisor.

* * *

Connor walked towards the nearest transporter and quickly pressed his desired location. Within seconds he was in a completely different part of the city. _I hope this never gets old_ , he thought. He moved out and walked down the hallway to Dr. O'Suileabhain's office. Dr. O'Suileabhain was the head of the linguistics and anthropology department and a fellow Irishman like Connor. Connor, though, had been living in the states for a while and in an effort to fit in better he adopted a more American accent, expertly masking his true brogue.

Connor waved his hand over the door sensor, letting his boss know that he was there. A moment later he heard, "Come in." And the door slid open. Connor hesitantly stepped inside.

Dr. O'Suileabhain was a short man, a little on the heavy side, with bright red hair and a matching red beard. _A ginger_ , Connor thought. "Ah, the first one here." His boss greeted. "Most people get lost on their first day. So you would be…"

"Connor Davids, sir."

"Ah yes, Dr. Davids, our Ancient translator. I've been reading through your work on the Ancient database and I must say, your speed and efficiency are very impressive. Great work. You've made a lot of progress, and many people here appreciate it, son."

"Thank you, sir." Connor replied, letting his accent slip through so it sounded more like 'Tank you'.

"Ah! And a fellow Irishman to boot!"

Connor blushed. "Yes, sir."

"Whereabouts are you from, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Me mum's from Wexford and me dad's from Killarney."

"Irish through and through then! Well, it's certainly nice to meet you. Now, about where you'll be working…"

Connor stepped lightly back into the transporter, eager to find his new quarters. His boss had given him a small lab that they had found with complete access to the database. "No one else uses it, so now it's yours," he had said. Connor wouldn't have to work around people all day, free to be in his solitude. His boss had also thrown out any mention of a schedule. "Do whatever, whenever, as long as it gets done." Connor was free to work through the night. He had a similar way of life back on Earth. He woke up early, went for a run, would shower and work till his stomach complained, eat, work some more, do his martial arts work out before eating once more and falling into bed. Sometimes it changed, sometimes he would work 48 hours straight because he was so caught up in his work or would just forgo eating to just fall into bed. The only things that never changed were his runs and he workouts, he made time to do those to keep in shape. Not that he enjoyed getting up early to run, no Connor certainly wasn't a morning person.

More recently, within the past couple years or so, he had also taken to training on the shooting range. He had no need for guns in his life, but was always looking for something to help him focus better, and with a gun in your hand your mind was always in focus. The soldiers back at the SGC had gotten used to Connor hanging around the shooting range and a couple months in they had all started giving him tips, too. He quickly became an expert marksman, partly due to skill and partly due to the fact that he never forgot any of the tips they would give him.

 _I wonder if I'll be able to shoot here, I'll have to talk to Major Lorne about that._

Major Lorne had told them to see him on any military matters, not because the Colonel wasn't helpful, but because any paper work got passed on to Lorne and Sheppard often had enough to deal with.

As he stepped off the transporter on his level, he looked around the hallway. From the crew manifest he knew that Dr. Zelenka, Dr. McKay, and Ronon all resided in this hall. He wondered why he was placed here, but didn't want to ask in fear of being moved to a more populated floor.

He walked to door six and it slid open before he could wave his hand. Stepping in he saw his bags on the floor at his feet and thought _close_ at the door, and instantly it shut. _That is so cool._

Connor grabbed his bags off the floor, set them on the bed and went about unpacking. Since they gave him clothes for the expedition Connor had wasted little room on packing extra clothes, he had a couple t-shirts, two pairs of jeans, work out clothes, a hoodie and a jacket. He'd also managed to pack his favorite Chuck Taylors.

Connor quickly put his clothes in the dresser before moving to the next bag and taking out some books, he left some in the bag with the intent on bringing those to his new lab. The linguist unpacked a few more personal items, a picture of him and his parents from just before they became ill, a skateboard he would have to screw the wheels back onto, a poster from Amnesty International, a couple tchockies and just a few toiletries knowing they would provide him with some here. His Tai-Chi staff was also among his bags, he had permission from General Landry himself to bring it. He placed it carefully in the corner.

His room was not too big, but not too small, it even had a small balcony that overlooked the inside of the city. This was home now, and to Connor, nothing had ever felt more right.

* * *

Connor hefted his bag onto his shoulder as he made his way back to the transporter. He was going to get something to eat before checking out his new lab. Pressing the button he was instantly moved to another tower and level. Stepping out he almost collided with a Marine he remembered from the SGC, Private Morrison. He was one of the more helpful marines who gave advice on the shooting range. He had left for Atlantis a few months before Connor.

"Sorry, Doc, you okay?" Morrison asked.

"Hi, Private yes, uh, thanks, sorry." Connor stumbled out. For a linguist he was incredibly unprepared for most social situations. Keeping to himself didn't really allow a great flow of conversation to happen.

"Not a problem, Doc, good to see ya. Will I catch you on the range here too?" Morrison asked, holding the door of the lift open.

"Uh, yeah, maybe, if I can, um, swing it with Major Lorne." Connor replied softly.

"I'll put in a good word for you, Doc." He said, stepping into the lift. "See ya around!" He offered as the doors closed leaving Connor standing there by himself.

Connor shook his head and tightened his grip on his bag before heading down the hallway to the mess. It was bustling with people and Connor grimaced lightly. He bit his bottom lip as he debated whether or not to go in. A rowdy yell from inside made the decision for him and he turned around, heading back for the transporter. He stepped in and was delivered to the right level within seconds.

Readjusting his bag he set off for his lab, first left and at the end of the hallway. When he got there the doors opened again without a wave of his hand and Connor stepped in.

The room was large, It could fit maybe ten or fifteen people comfortably. There was a giant screen that seem to hang down from the ceiling. In front of it was a console that Connor knew would activate the database. There were a couple shelves against the back wall, a desk by the console, and a of couple chairs. He loved it instantly. He moved towards the shelves to unpack his books, they barely filled two shelves. The linguist had more coming on the next Daedalus run. General Landry liked Connor, and had assured him that any books he needed to do his job would arrive, along with a giant stack of notebooks and pens.

Connor knew they didn't really use paper a lot in the Pegasus Galaxy, but he found some translations just needed to be done the old fashioned way, through trial and error on a piece of paper.

 _I wonder if I can find a couch and move it in here?_ He thought to himself as he looked around the room.

The scientist remembered reading about some Ancient living quarters that they had stumbled upon, but no one had ever moved there. He didn't know if the Ancients had couches, but he would knew he would find out. Glancing around the room again, he saw a small fridge in the corner. _Perfect_ , he thought. He would get a water kettle in here too so he could brew some tea.

He set his empty bag down, called up the database and got to work.

* * *

"How'd it go today, Major?" John asked, coming up behind his XO in a corridor off of the control room.

"Fine, sir." Lorne replied.

"No lunatics or psycho killers?"

"No, sir. Just your average bunch of scientists and soldiers."

John scrunched up his face. "Well, that's no fun."

"Sorry, sir."

"Always sorry, Lorne," John said with a roll of his eyes. "Thanks for doing the welcome today, McKay tripped over some plant thing and then got stuck in it… you know how it goes."

"It's not a problem, sir," Lorne said with a grin. "It happens to the best of us."

"Yeah. Didn't Reed trip on some ivy thing a while back?"

His XO adopted a pained look. "Don't remind me, sir. We spent five hours trying to get him out of it."

John laughed, "Well, I guess I shouldn't complain about the two hours we spent fishing Rodney out today then."

"Yes, sir."

"Good job today, Lorne," John said with a nod. "Make sure you keep the new kiddies out of trouble."

"Will do, sir."

John nodded once more before letting Lorne go on ahead to wherever he had been heading before John caught up to him. He switched directions and headed for the transporter, pretty sure that his team would be there, filling up on dinner.

Sure enough, when he arrived, Ronon and Rodney appeared to be having a speed eating contest with Teyla frowning on in disapproval. John grinned and grabbed his own tray, loading it up with meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. He raised an eyebrow at the new dessert that appeared. John assumed the small cups of butterscotch pudding had arrived on the _Daedalus_. He reached past them and grabbed a chocolate one as well as a can of _Coke_.

Teyla was subtly passing a napkin to Rodney when John took a seat next to her. "You guys can slow down you know, there's plenty of food." Ronon didn't even look up from his plate and Rodney shot him an 'are you crazy?' look before shoving another forkful of food into his mouth. John laughed and started cutting up his meatloaf.

"How did the orientation proceed in your absence?" Teyla asked.

"Lorne says it went fine, no psychopaths in this group."

Rodney snorted. "He would know."

"He's not crazy, Rodney."

"He tried to shoot me!"

"He was aiming for the Wraith behind you," John placated.

Rodney disagreed, "He didn't have to cut it so close."

"It wasn't that close."

"Yeah," Ronon agreed. "I've seen closer."

"Yeah, like that time you almost blew my ear off?"

John laughed as Ronon and Rodney continued to bicker. This was his team, his family.


	2. Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 2 : Meeting**

Author's Notes :  
\- Don't own _Star Wars_ or _Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon_.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/8/10

* * *

The days flew by for Connor. His third day on Atlantis he tracked down a couch and politely asked some Marines he knew from the SGC to help him move it in exchange for pointers on the shooting range. Many of his nights he slept curled up on the couch. He spent most of his days holed up in his lab. Connor came out at odd times to eat and run and work out. He had wandered around the area his lab was in and found all the rooms unused, some were small, maybe the Ancient version of a closet, while some were bigger than his quarters. One rivaled the size of the mess hall, so Connor got to work converting it into a personal gym.

He scrounged for some of the mats they had found and put in the main gym, he lined the floors and walls with them until it was well padded. He grabbed a small table and maneuvered it in to hold a couple towels and water bottles. He didn't do anything that couldn't be undone to the room within a couple hours, in case someone else needed the space. But for now, he was set.

He also calculated a few running routes through the approved areas of Atlantis. A couple would take him out to the piers if the weather was nice. He ran in the morning, when he woke up early enough, and on one of his routes he found he would run past Colonel Sheppard and Ronon on their routes on his way back. They never said 'hi' and neither did he. They were just a few guys out for a run in the morning.

One month into his new life he received an e-mail form Major Lorne conditionally approving his use of the shooting range, provided he could prove he had the knowledge to be left there unsupervised and went through a short 10 minute lecture on using bullets, requisitioning more bullets, carrying a weapon off world, where to put/get the guns etc. He had a meeting to meet with Lorne at 1500 today. Which was in…

Connor looked at his watch and saw '1450' staring back at him. He quickly saved his work, grabbed his jacket and ran out the door. Connor made it to the armory as his watch changed from 1459 to 1500. It was empty as he walked in and waited for Major Lorne.

Fifteen minutes later Lorne came rushing in. "Sorry I'm late, I was working out and left my watch in the gym and by the time I got it I realized I was five minutes late."

"Not a, uh, problem, sir." Connor replied softly.

"No need for that Doc, you can just call me Evan, or Major. Whichever you prefer."

"Sure, Major."

Lorne smiled, "I don't know if you realize this, but you're somewhat of a legend among a few of my men."

"A-a legend, Major?" Connor asked quietly.

"Yeah, they definitely rave about 'Doc-the guy who could shoot anything with anything' back at the SGC, and now that you're here, they're excited to get you back on the range. Unfortunately I couldn't just say yes, we have procedures and things that I sorta have to follow." He said with an easy smile.

"Oh, uh, really, I'm not that good. A lot of those guys are very, um, helpful and much better than I am." Connor said with a blush. He looked down and away from the Major, embarrassed.

"And they said you were very modest too." Lorne revealed with a slight laugh. "So rules of the range…"

It took ten minutes, like Lorne said it would and it ended with permission to use the range whenever he wanted. So Connor counted this as a very good day.

"Thank you, Major." He said, as Lorne turned to leave.

"Not a problem Doc. See ya later." And with that he was gone leaving Connor alone with a P-90, a supply of bullets, and a target just begging to be hit.

* * *

Slowly one month crept by, then two. Connor had his routine down. It was almost identical to the one he held at the SGC. Wake up, run, work, work, eat, work, work out, work, shoot, work, then crash. He flew through the database faster than ever. He felt compelled to keep going, and the more he read the faster he was at translating. The buzz in his head was comforting, it was welcoming and Connor felt… needed.

It was somewhere in the middle of the third month that things started to change. Connor reached a section of the database on Atlantis itself. Just the city, for once, and not its components. He soon began to theorize that the buzzing was Atlantis, and his newfound ability to work better was Atlantis giving him a shove in the right direction.

The only problem was he had no way to test his theory and he was too nervous to ask. Surely if Atlantis was a sentient being another one of the ATA carriers would have mentioned it. So for the first time Connor skipped translating a section of text. He removed it from the yet to be translated pile and put it off to the side. He would come back to it later.

It was now morning and Connor groaned. He was not a morning person, but he tried to get up each morning to run. Most of the time he would rather stay in bed. Sometimes he did. Sometimes he ran at night, when no one else was out. The chill outside reminding him of Ireland.

The weather had been pleasant lately, though, so he rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom to get ready. Ten minutes later he was stretching and five minutes after that he was off. The linguist decided to take a route that would lead him out to the end of the west pier and back. As made his way down the lower levels he saw Ronon and Colonel Sheppard running toward him. Without a word to either of them he passed them and moved through a door that lead outside.

The rising sun hit his face as he ran along the edge of the dock. He remembered back to when he lived in Santa Monica with his parents, running along the promenade in the morning. If Connor squinted he could still make out a Ferris wheel and a roller coaster to his right with a Hooters to his left.

He reached the end and turned around before coming to an abrupt halt. Behind him were Ronon and Colonel Sheppard with indecipherable looks on their face. Ronon looked the same as ever to Connor but every time he had seen Sheppard there was always a slight smile on his face or a look of determination. Now though Connor thought maybe he looked curious. He was never the best at judging moods.

"Colonel Sheppard, Specialist Dex." He greeted both, formally and with a nod of his head.

"Doctor…"

"Davids." He finished, face didn't expect either man to know who he was.

"Dr. Davids then. Nice weather today, huh?" Sheppard drawled with an easy smile.

"Very nice, sir." Connor answered quietly. "Was there um, something, I could…I mean do you…help…can I help you?" He finally got out. The last time Connor had talked to someone was three weeks ago when his supervisor had praised his work. He had never been much a people person.

Sheppard shook his head. "Nope, just out for a run, saw you go this way and thought it might be nice to change things up a bit."

"Um, okay, sir. It was nice, uh, talking to you." Connor said quietly. He shouldn't have stopped so suddenly, he would need to re-stretch before he took off again.

Connor moved a few paces away before pushing his leg out to the side to stretch the cooling muscle.

"Actually, we've seen you before." Sheppard said, turning to him again. "Running, that is, in the morning."

"Yes, sir." Connor said with a light blush.

"Ronon and I run sometimes in the morning, you're welcome to join us if you want." He offered.

Connor looked down embarrassed before mumbling, "No thank you, sir." He paused. "I'll, um, see you later." Connor took off running, leaving them behind to stare after him.

Connor made a mental note to avoid Colonel Sheppard and Ronon Dex in the future.

* * *

Connor was in the middle of translating text on some medical supplies; Dr. Keller would probably be interested in them. He looked up, startled, when the door chimed. He'd been on Atlantis for three months had no one had ever come to his lab before. He thought the door open and glanced toward the entry-way.

"Love what you've done with the place," a voice drawled. Connor looked up, surprised to see Colonel Sheppard hovering in the doorway. The other man held a life signs detector in his hands and had a curious expression on his face.

Connor stood up. "Colonel Sheppard, sir. Can I… I mean, you, uh… Can I help you, sir?"

Sheppard stepped further into the room towards Connor. "No, I was just out walking, noticed that someone was in the lab up here." Sheppard gestured with the life signs detector. "Thought I would check it out." His gaze traveled around the room. "So, what is it you do in here Dr. Davids?" He asked. Connor watched as his eyebrows raised at the books on the shelves and the stacks of papers that littered various surfaces. Books and paper were somewhat of a rarity on Atlantis.

"I've been, um, translating the uh, Ancient database, sir." Connor said softly, looking at the wall behind the other man.

"You're _that_ Dr. Davids?" Sheppard asked. "The one that Rodney actually knows the name of because of how fast you've been translating stuff?"

"I'm, um, the only Dr. Davids on base, Colonel." Connor said with a blush, briefly meeting Sheppard's eyes.

"I'll remember that," Sheppard promised with a smile. "So this is where the magic happens, huh? You didn't want a closer lab? They sure stuck you out here in the boonies."

Connor blushed again, looking away. "They didn't offer me a closer lab, sir, and I, um, like this one. It's, uh, quiet-out of the way."

"Well, it's definitely out of the way," Sheppard grinned. "So, you've got the gene?"

"Yes, sir, I… uh, how… yes." Connor stumbled. The linguist flushed and looked away. Sheppard probably thought he was a bumbling idiot by now.

"You were standing over here when the door opened, and I know I didn't do it," Sheppard explained, crooking a smile. "And hey, you're not one of my Marines, you can call me John."

"Yes sir, I mean J-John." Connor said quietly.

John smiled again. "So, how are you with the jumpers?" he asked as he moved to sit on Connor's couch across the room from the linguist.

"The puddle jumpers sir? I'm, ah, not sure what you mean." Connor bit his lip. He wondered if he was supposed to be translating database sections on the puddle jumpers. No one had ever told him to do so.

"Everyone with the ATA gene is required to log at least fifteen hours of non-combat time in the jumpers, Doc. In case of an emergency. Didn't anyone tell you?" He asked raising one eyebrow.

"No." Connor answer softly. "I'll e-mail Major Lorne about it right away, sir." Connor wasn't sure how that had escaped him. He definitely would have remembered someone telling him he had to log fifteen hours of jumper time.

"It's John, and no need, are you busy now?" He asked getting to his feet.

Sheppard looked expectantly at Connor while the linguist inwardly winced. "Now, John?" Connor asked weakly.

"Yeah." Sheppard smiled again. Connor was beginning to think that the other man's default setting was a smile. "I've got an hour before Lorne finds me and tells me where I'm supposed to be. And learning in one hour increments is, we've found, probably the most productive. There's a lot to take in at once."

Connor blinked. "Well, I'm, uh, in the middle of… something."

"Of something, huh?" Sheppard smirked. "Sounds important. Save whatever it is, and let's go." John said motioning towards the door.

Connor didn't have anything to say to that. He was in the middle of something, true, but he was always in the middle of something. So the linguist moved towards his laptop, saving the data and followed the Colonel out the door, thinking the door shut behind him.

* * *

John was bored. So bored he even _volunteered_ to be a light-switch for McKay. But McKay had waved him away with one hand while his other kept typing away at the important discovery of the hour. He tracked down Ronon and found him training a bunch of Marines. John really wasn't in the mood to be embarrassed in front of his own men so he had vetoed that idea as well. Teyla had come to mind next, but John quickly remembered, after he looked everywhere for her, that she was off world with the Athosians today.

It wasn't sitting well at all that his friends had lives outside of him. Well not McKay, but that was hardly a reassuring thought.

So John decided to wander around for a while, politely asking Atlantis to hide him from Lorne. His XO had a strange way of always being able to find him. John murmured his thanks to the city for hiding him.

And so John found himself wandering around with a life signs detector. Because even though Lorne couldn't detect him, he could certainly _see_ him if he walked past. John had wandered up a few levels that had been cleared but not used, when a life sign caught his eye. His curiosity got the best of him and John found himself heading for the life sign.

He moved up another level until he was on the same floor as the life sign. He passed a few rooms as he walked down the hallway. One of the doors was open and John peered inside and saw a gym set up with a couple towels on a nearby table with a few empty water bottles littered about.

Moving on, John followed the life sign until he reached a door at the end of the hallway. He waved his hand over the door sensor but instead all he did was signal the door chime. Five seconds later the door was opening and John hovered in the doorway.

His eyes immediately sought out the room's occupant, recognizing him as Dr. Davids; the runner that passed them every few mornings or so.

John looked around. He noticed a couch pushed against a wall and the scent of tea hit his nose. There were stacks of paper strewn about and a shelf with actual books on them. His eyes kept moving until they landed back on the doctor.

"Love what you've done with the place." He said, smirking.

"Colonel Sheppard, sir. Can I… I mean, you, uh… Can I help you, sir?" Davids asked, sounding surprised _._

"No, I was just out walking, noticed that someone was in the lab up here." John gestured with the detector in his hands. "Thought I would check it out." John paused, looking around. "So, what is it you do in here Dr. Davids?" He said raising an eyebrow to the tea and the papers everywhere. John searched his memory for an indication of what Davids' job was.

"I've been translating the, uh, Ancient database, sir." Came his quiet reply. The other man seemed to be looking everywhere but at John.

"You're _that_ Dr. Davids? The one that Rodney actually knows the name of because of how fast you've been translating stuff?" John was impressed, Rodney hadn't said anything bad about the man yet and John can remember him actually praising the accuracy of the Ancient translations, saving the astrophysicist time in having to re-do them.

"I'm, um, the only Dr. Davids on base, Colonel." Connor said modestly with a blush. John met the blue eyes of the linguist briefly before the other man looked away.

"I'll remember that," John smiled. "So this is where the magic happens, huh? You didn't want a closer lab? They sure stuck you out here in the boonies."

Davids blushed again and turned his head away from John. "They didn't offer me a closer lab, sir, and I, um, like this one. It's, uh, quiet-out of the way."

"Well, it's definitely out of the way," John agreed. "So, you've got the gene?"

"Yes, sir, I… uh, how… yes." John was pretty sure that Davids wouldn't be winning any public speaking contests anytime soon.

"You were standing over here when the door opened, and I know I didn't do it." John smiled. "And hey, you're not one of my Marines, you can call me John." John blinked as soon as the words left his mouth. Hardly anyone on base called him John. Even his team rarely called him by his first name, instead preferring his rank or last name.

"Yes sir, I mean J-John."

"So, how are you with the jumpers?" John asked as he moved to sit on the couch in the room. John really wanted one for his own office.

"The puddle jumpers sir? I'm, ah, not sure what you mean." The scientist looked confused at John's question.

"Everyone with the ATA gene is required to log at least fifteen hours of non-combat time in the jumpers Doc. In case of an emergency. Didn't anyone tell you?" John asked raising one eyebrow.

"No. I'll email Major Lorne about it right away, sir."

For some reason that didn't sit right with John. Before he could think twice about it, John opened his mouth, "It's John, and no need, are you busy now?" He asked getting to his feet.

"Now, John?"

"Yeah, I've got an hour before Lorne finds me and tells me where I'm supposed to be. And learning in one hour increments is, we've found, probably the most productive. There's a lot to take in at once."

"Well, I'm, uh, in the middle of…something."

John was sure that Davids was always in the middle of something. Like Rodney was always in the middle of something. Like every scientist in the city was always in the middle of something. "Of something, huh? Sounds important. Save whatever it is, and let's go." John said with a smile as he motioned towards the door.

The scientist sighed softly but turned around to face his computer, clicking a few things with his mouse. A few moments later Davids was right behind him and John led him towards the transporter, hitting the button that would take them to the jumper bay.

* * *

"Alright, so, this is a puddle jumper. Long story short-it flies in space, and we also discovered that it can act as a submersible" John said, glancing at Connor who didn't look surprised. They both stood outside of the jumper, walking towards Jumper One, John's personal favorite. "What do you know about them?" He asked. John was really hoping that Davids knew more than the last guy, he still hadn't recovered from that jumper lesson.

"I've, um, read all the information gathered on them, sir."

John sighed at the moniker, "Reading and knowing are pretty different, Dr. Davids."

"It's my job to, um, read and know, sir. And I never forget anything."

"Anything? Ever?" John couldn't really imagine that. Just last week he'd forgotten to put socks on.

"No, sir." Davids answered with a blush.

"Well let's see what you remember then." John motioned to the jumper, gesturing for Connor to go first.

The jumper lit up as soon as the linguist stepped foot on the ramp. John felt a small twinge of joy from Atlantis. He followed Davids into the ship; the hatch closed behind them before John could reach for the switch. He looked back at Davids who was now seated in the pilot's seat glancing at the different buttons and switches.

He moved to sit in the passenger's seat as Davids put his hand on the pilot's controsl and brought up the HUD. Davids acted more comfortable with the ship than any of the other gene carriers that John had trained, military included. And the other man was right, Davids did seem to know where everything was.

"Just a minute," John said moving his hand to his earpiece to notify Control that they were taking a jumper out.

"Control, this is Sheppard."

"Yes, Colonel?"

"I'm taking Dr. Davids out for some jumper training, we'll be back in an hour."

"Copy that Colonel. Control out."

"Alright," He said turning to face Davids. "You ready?"

"Uh, yes, sir." Davids replied quietly.

"Than take her up." John sat back and watched Davids out of the corner of his eye. He wondered what the scientist had read that made him this comfortable with the jumper already. Maybe he could get all the other gene carriers to read it as well.

* * *

Connor kept nervously glancing at the HUD. He didn't know where they were going, Sheppard had just said to stay within the atmosphere. So here they were, fifteen minutes into the flight, suspended over water, and Connor was praying that they wouldn't crash land in the water like Dr. McKay had. He didn't think he would do as well under pressure. He was already stuck with another person for the next hour. Connor hadn't spent so long with someone else in months. The linguist was glad that Sheppard was at least quiet, and possible asleep. Connor glanced at the man next to him who had his head tilted back and eyes closed.

"So," Connor startled as Sheppard sat up and glanced out the front window before facing him. "How are you liking Atlantis?" Sheppard asked.

Connor tilted his head towards Sheppard, unsure of what the other man was really asking after. "It's quite grand, sir."

"Grand? And I thought I asked you to call me John," Sheppard responded easily.

"Uh, sorry, John." Connor blushed and looked back towards the HUD.

"Not a problem. So how long have you been here? Two, three months, right?"

"Yeah, two and a half." Connor wondered how the other man had known that. He wondered if Sheppard knew everyone on the base.

"Miss Earth yet?"

"Not really, sir. I've been, uh, working at the SGC for the past eight years, this is pretty similar."

"You don't miss the movies, or the food, or the football?" Sheppard asked.

* * *

John loved Atlantis, the city had become his home, but there were certain things he missed. Pizza deliveries were definitely one of them, as well as football.

"I, um, didn't really get out much, si-John." Davids said quietly. "I don't really watch a lot of, uh, movies or football, and the food here is pretty good."

If Davids thought the food on Atlantis was good, he'd definitely been at the SGC for too long. "C'mon, you don't miss anyone back on Earth? Any siblings, parents, girlfriend?" John said with a sly glance at the scientist's face. John couldn't miss how the other man suddenly stiffened, as if uncomfortable. John winced know he'd probably just put his foot in his mouth.

"No, I don't, um, have anyone back home." And with that the mood suddenly dropped and John went back to looking out the front of the jumper while Davids did the same.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to… I mean, I didn't… I'm… just… sorry." John apologized softly.

"Not a problem, sir." John winced at the 'sir'.

And with that the two men lapsed back into silence. John felt a slight turn and saw that Connor was heading them back. A look at his watch said that thirty minutes had passed. John settled back into his seat.

* * *

Connor gently turned the puddle jumper around as he felt a slight hum from Atlantis telling him that thirty minutes was up. The ride back to Atlantis was silent. Neither knew what to say.

As Connor gently set them down in the jumper bay Sheppard turned to him. "Look, Doc, I just want to say again, I'm sorry. I know what it's like to not have anyone back home." Sheppard said with a pained look on his face. Like he was sharing a secret with Connor, one that he knew Connor would protect, and one he knew Connor would understand.

"It's really fine, sir."

Sheppard eyed him and nodded slowly. "Well, excellent job for your first time out. If I could I would certify you right now, but it's fifteen hours for everyone. So I will see you back here on Thursday, 1400 hours." Sheppard said, all business again.

Today was Tuesday. That gave Connor two days to learn some small talk. "See you then, sir. Thank you for, uh, taking me out today."

"My pleasure, Doc, really."

"Um, it's Connor, sir." Connor mumbled quietly.

"Huh?" Sheppard turned to stare at him.

"My name, Connor Davids."

* * *

It was then, as Davids spoke his whole name, that John noticed a slight accent and glanced at the patch on the other man's arm. The flag had three thick lines of green, white and orange, representing The Republic of Ireland. John blinked, he couldn't believe he'd missed that. "Well in that case, my pleasure, Connor. You can shut the jumper down?" John asked. Davids nodded. "See you Thursday then."

With that John set off to find his XO and wasn't at all surprised to see Lorne walking towards him. John slowed slightly and saw Davids pass him heading towards a transporter stopping to exchange a few words with Major Lorne. Pleasant words from the look of things. John wondered how the two of them knew each other _._

"Colonel," Lorne greeted, coming closer."

"Major." John paused. "You know Dr. Davids?"

"Yes, sir."

"…And?" John watched as the linguist left the jumper bay. John thought he was probably heading back to work.

"He's on the range every other day. I approved him myself, sir," Lorne answered.

"The range?" John asked in surprise. "The shooting range?"

"Yes, sir."

"We have a scientist on the shooting range every other day and you never thought to tell me?" He questioned looking his XO in the eyes.

"I sent you an email, sir," Lorne answered with a barely hidden smirk.

John rarely read his e-mail and Lorne knew that. "He any good?"

"He's probably the best we've got, sir. He can out shoot any of our guys."

John was impressed. And then, almost unwillingly, his mind flashed back to the gym he saw and the steaming tea next to a well worn couch in Connor's office. He shivered as Atlantis sent him a mental image of Connor alone in his lab working. _Everyday?_ He questioned. And he felt Atlantis' affirmative answer along with a tinge of sadness. Atlantis liked Dr. Davids, liked him almost as much as she liked John. _Huh._ John shook his head, bringing himself back to the present to concentrate on whatever Lorne was telling him.

"…and that's why your room was painted blue, sir."

John nodded. "… Wait, what?"

"Just checking to see if you were paying attention, sir." John certainly can't remember being this annoying to his commanding officers before. Lorne knew, though, that John would be lost without him and, God forbid, actually have to do paperwork, so John let it slide. Just this once though.

Lorne continued, "So I need you to sign off on the requisition forms I left on your desk and there's a meeting with Colonel Carter at 1600 and Ronon was looking for you, sir."

"Sign papers, meeting, Ronon… got it."

"Alright, I'll see you later, sir, to pick up those forms… later today, sir." And with that Lorne walks away. John thinks he never would have gotten away with that, before moving out to go find Ronon.

* * *

He found Ronon in the mess hall eating with McKay. John would find it an odd sight if he hadn't already seen it so many times before. Rodney was waving his hands all over the place while Ronon was devouring a huge sandwich, not even pretending to pay attention to the scientist.

John grabbed a tray for himself and headed to the lunch line, piling a sandwich, some salad and a pudding cup on before grabbing a bottle of water and making his way towards his teammates. McKay was in the middle of telling Ronon how _Star Wars_ changed the movie world.

"… before _A New Hope_ special effects were so different. What, did you think there were always planes flying through the air and Jedi mind tricks?"

Ronon lazily glanced up at Rodney. "All I'm saying is the tiger movie was better."

"Tiger movie? _Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon_? How can you even compare that to _Star Wars_? They're not even in the same category!"

Ronon smirks at McKay as John sits down next to the Satedan and across from Rodney. John knows that Ronon can tell the difference between a sci-fi movie and a martial arts action movie. Last week they he and the Satedan were discussing how the new _Star Wars_ filmsjust didn't add up to the old ones. John grins as he realizes that Ronon is just riling Rodney up.

"Hey Rodney, Ronon," John says as he separates his silverware and digs into his salad. He grimaced at what was passing for lettuce these days.

McKay must have seen his grimace. "That's some rabbit food they found on that slug planet. It's completely gross, and useless in anything else, so they're masquerading it as salad until it's all gone." He gestured to the plate of salad on his right side.

John pushed the rest to the side of his plate and grabbed his sandwich trying not think of what was being labeled as meat this week. He took a tentative bite. Discovering it wasn't so bad, John took a bigger bite.

"So, anyways, that 'tiger movie' is no where on par with what George Lucas had to -"

"So, Ronon," John said, cutting Rodney off. "Lorne said you were looking for me?"

"Yeah," he said, before shoving the last half of his sandwich in his mouth.

"Oh, now that's completely gross, at least show some manners, Conan. Gosh you would think you were raised by barbarians." Rodney commented before slurping his coffee.

John hid a smile behind his sandwich, taking another bite.

"Got permission from Carter to explore the mainland. She said to tell you when you got back," Ronon said.

John swallowed, "I was doing some jumper training."

"We got a new gene carrier?" Rodney asked while reaching for his pudding cup.

"Yeah, smart one too, you like him, Rodney."

"McKay doesn't like anyone," Ronon said eyeing Rodney's pudding cup as the astrophysicist set it down to look for his spoon.

"Well, he likes this one. Dr. Davids? The database translator?" John said after finishing the last of his sandwich.

"He's here? On Atlantis? Hm, wonder why no one told me. Last I heard he was working at the SGC," Rodney said before slapping away Ronon's hand. "Get your own Conan."

John pushed his pudding cup towards Ronon. "He's been here for a few months." He said as Ronon reached for the offered cup, tearing off the lid and dumping it into his mouth, not bothering with a spoon.

"Hm, cool, cool," Rodney said, tearing the lid off of his own pudding.

"Cool?" John asked deadpanned.

"Well what do you want me to do? Throw the man a party for having a brain?"

"Just never heard you say someone was cool before," John pointed out.

Rodney glared at John. "I said Teyla was cool."

"After she kicked Sheppard's butt," Ronon put in.

"Hey! She did not kick my butt, I simply let her win to avoid hurting her feelings," John defended.

Ronon snorted as McKay laughed. "Yeah, right."


	3. Assurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 3 : Assurance**

Re-post and re-edit : 3/8/10

* * *

John rushed to the jumper bay. He was late for his meeting with Dr. Davids _._ John hoped the other man was still there. He had been ambushed by one of the biologists who was positive that… well, John wasn't sure what she was positive about, her words had been filled with technical terms that made John's head hurt just remembering.. And now he was _late_ , again.

It was 1445 when John finally arrived. Connor was sitting on the floor, leaning against the back of the puddle jumper with his computer tablet in hand, poking away at the thing.

John cleared his throat as Connor rose to his feet. "Sorry I'm late." John said, without explanation. He was pretty sure Connor didn't really care why he was late. The scientist didn't seem like the kind of person who did.

"Not a problem, sir." John inwardly groaned as Connor reverted back to the more formal address.

"Well, let's get this show on the road." John said, motioning to the jumper even as the back door started lowering.

Connor stepped out of the way as the door became a ramp then made his way into the jumper and towards the pilot seat. John followed and sat in the co-pilot's seat. The linguist quickly did his pre-flight check and after John called it into command they were air born.

"Let's head towards the mainland today, Colonel Carter has finally given her permission to check it out. We'll just do a fly over, sound good?"

"Yes, sir." Connor said, pulling up the HUD.

Words in Ancient started scrolling across the screen and John squinted at the screen. "Is the HUD broken? I'll have to get Zelenka out here again."

"It's, uh, no, I mean, it's not broken. I sorta asked it, um, to display in Ancient, sir." Connor admitted nervously.

"Oh. Cool." John was pretty sure that Atlantis loved Connor. This just cemented the notion.

* * *

As Connor flew, he could feel the silence stretching between them. He mentally ran through the list of topics he had put on a list of things to discuss with John.

"So, uh, John, what do you miss about earth? You mentioned college football?" Connor awkwardly stumbled out.

"Oh yeah. Football. Cheerleaders. _Beer_." He sighed. "I definitely miss it all. Ferris wheels too. You like Ferris wheels, Davids?"

"I miss looking at them, sir."

"You what?" John asked. His head turned to face Connor with a questioning look on it.

Connor blushed at the scrutiny. "I used to live in, um, Santa Monica? You know, California? There was a giant-"

"Ferris wheel on the boardwalk." John finished. "That one is one awesome ride, Doc. You lived there but haven't been on it?"

"No, sir." Connor answered softly.

"It's official, when we go back to earth on vacation, we're going." John said with a grin.

"Yes, sir."

"John, Connor, it's John, remember?" The other man reminded him lightly.

"Sorry." Connor mumbled quietly.

John nodded in acknowledgment and kept talking, "I kinda miss choppers too. Feeling the G's, ya know? Don't get me wrong, I love the jumpers, but sometimes I just sorta miss more of the rush."

"I've never been in a, um, helicopter." Connor offered.

John turned to him, surprised. "Never?"

"Nope. Never had any, um, reason."

"Oh, man." John said shaking his head, turning back to the front. He grinned, "So we're taking a chopper down to Santa Monica."

Connor couldn't help but smile too. "Okay, John." Connor doubted that he and John would ever vacation at the same time, or that he would be going back to Earth anytime soon but there was no harm in agreeing to something he didn't think would happen.

John continued to chat about 'choppers' as Connor gently flew the puddle jumper towards the mainland. It took forty minutes to arrive at the edge of the giant continent which meant that their lesson would be longer than normal today. Connor strangely wasn't bothered by that thought at all.

"-and the Osprey has vertical take-off…" John drifted off and sat up straighter. "Oh, we're there. Cool. Let's do a cursory look around, see if there's anything Rodney worthy. You didn't have plans did you?" John gave Connor a worried look as if just realizing how long they would be. "We can go back now if you do."

"No… no plans." Connor told him quietly.

John hesitated a little before flashing him a smile. "Okay then, let's explore."

* * *

Three hours later Connor and John were landing back in the jumper bay. Connor thought it probably wasn't as awkward as it could have been, although he wasn't positive. John didn't act like it had been that awkward, although Connor wondered if the other man was just being polite. On the other hand, Connor had just sat through a two hour explanation of soccer. He really shouldn't have let it slip that he'd never seen a game. After finishing with that, John moved onto explaining some weird Athosian version of soccer. By the end Connor was inwardly begging to get off the jumper. John had never talked so much in the past, and all Connor really wanted right now was some quiet.

Connor quickly landed the jumper, thought it off and scrambled out of his seat as quickly as possible without trying to seem rude. He was ready to be back in his lab, alone.

John looked at him as they walked down the ramp. "See ya Tuesday, Doc. Good job today, again."

Connor offered a quick "Bye!" as he headed out of the bay. He walked to the transporter and pressed the control for his lab. It slowed and Connor stepped out and almost ran into another scientist. He frowned because there usually weren't other people on his level. Connor looked up.

Atlantis had deposited him at the mess hall. He turned to step back into the transporter when the doors closed and refused to open. _I'm not hungry, I just wanna go back to my lab._ The doors remained closed. _Please?_

Connor sighed. Atlantis wasn't letting him go back to his lab until he had food. Resigned he moved towards the mess hall and the doors slid open before he was even close enough to trigger the sensors. _I got the hint._

He grabbed a tray and made his way down the line grabbing an apple, a sandwich and a bottle of water. _Happy?_

Connor could swear he saw the light above the desserts get brighter. He stopped and grabbed a bowl of butterscotch pudding and the walked back towards the doors. They opened slowly, as if reluctantly and Connor quickly left.

He made his way back to the transporter, passing Ronon and Teyla as he did. He quickly hit the button for his floor and breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out onto the right floor. _Thank you._

* * *

John ran a hand through his hair and wondered what he'd done to make Connor run off like that. The jumper had barely landed before the linguist had bolted for the door. John surreptitiously sniffed at his shirt but didn't smell anything out of the ordinary. He shrugged and a second later his stomach rumbled. He looked at his watch. 1830.

John hit his radio. "Sheppard to Ronon."

"Yeah."

"Wanna get some dinner?" John asked.

"Yeah. I'm with Teyla."

"Bring her. Meet you in ten."

"Got it."

"Sheppard out."

John walked out, the jumper bay doors closing behind him. A quick walk, a transporter ride and five steps later he was at the mess hall. He met Ronon and Teyla in the line. Ronon, predictably, had piled his tray high with sandwiches, salad, pudding and two bottles of water before stalking off towards a table in the corner. Teyla had an apple, sandwich and a salad, grabbing a mug and filling it with hot water, sliding a tea bag onto the corner of her tray before grabbing silverware for herself and Ronon. John grabbed a like-orange fruit from the chunky squirrel planet, two sandwiches and a cup of coffee before following Teyla to the table Ronon had decided to occupy.

Ronon was plowing through his food like it might disappear if he waited too long. After all these years, John still found that a little humorous if not acceptable from a guy who had been on the run from the Wraith for so many years. Teyla was more sedately waiting for her tea to steep. John was just sitting there, staring at his food.

"Is there something troubling you, John?" Teyla asked gently.

John frowned and shook his head. "No… at least I don't think so."

"Are you not hungry then?" She questioned.

Almost as if to betray him his stomach grumbled again.

"Do I talk too much?" John asked, looking back and forth between Teyla and Ronon.

Ronon didn't pause in his eating before glancing at John and answering, "No."

"I do not believe you talk too much either. Has someone here implied otherwise?" Teyla questioned before moving to take a sip of her tea.

"No, I just… never mind, it's nothing." John said before picking up his like-orange and peeling the outside. Unlike oranges that were orange inside and out, this one was orange on the outside and a vibrant blue on the inside, John still thought it was cool despite the fact that the mess hall had been serving them for months.

"Are you sure there is nothing troubling you?" Teyla asked again, looking at him.

"Yeah, it's fine." John mumbled around a piece of fruit.

"Sheppard." Ronon said. "Sometimes you don't say enough. But we always know what you mean."

John blinked at the serious words coming from his friend _._

Teyla looked from Ronon to John before agreeing. "Ronon is right. You have always said what you need to say."

If that was true then John wondered what Connor's problem had been. An image of Connor's lab flashed into John's head again. _You need to stop doing that, give a man his privacy,_ John thought towards Atlantis. In the image Connor was sitting on his couch eating dinner, alone.

 _What does that mean?_ John felt Atlantis withdraw. _You're a big help, thanks,_ he thought sarcastically at the city. John swore he felt it shrug in response. He shook his head and resumed eating his dinner.

Suddenly John was overwhelmed with gratefulness for his companions. He'd never had friends as good as Teyla, Ronon and Rodney. They were the closest thing to family he had and although he never said it he thought they knew. At least he hoped they did, and with that he picked up his sandwich, smiling as he chewed.


	4. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 4 : Awakening**

Author's Notes :  
\- Don't own sudoku.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/8/10

* * *

It was 0204 and Connor was, once again, in his lab. He'd briefly thought about just moving his stuff down to free up his room, but Atlantis had seemed very displeased with that idea _._

His thoughts drifted back to yesterday's flight lesson, his third with Colonel Sheppard. John had been a lot less chatty yesterday, at least in the beginning. Connor had figured out quick enough though that if the other man was talking Connor didn't have to. So he'd asked subtle questions to urge Sheppard on. It worked well enough.

They had spent their time yesterday once again exploring the mainland and Sheppard had waxed poetic on the waves of Maui, the music of Johnny Cash, and how once, when he was thirteen, he was skateboarding and turned to look at some girls sunbathing on the beach and ran into a dog walker and his fifteen dog leashes wherein the dogs all got loose and John spent the next two hours tracking them all down. He'd said the girls were worth it though.

Connor shook his head as he silently laughed remembering John's story. When Connor was thirteen he'd spent most of his time in his room rebuilding had never regretted his choices, and had even gone on to earn degrees in computer engineering and applied mathematics, but he couldn't remember anything in his life that had put a smile on his face as big as the one on John's. _Maybe_ when he finally got his doctorate in linguistics, or his first published paper, but Connor didn't think so.

Connor had never felt like he was missing things in life, but now, on Atlantis, he was beginning to parents had always been supportive of Connor, in all his endeavors, and had been happy that he was happy. His mother had tried once to get him to join in with clubs at school but Connor had never felt like he fit in.

His work made him happy, though. Connor loved translating databases and ruins and the odd Ancient device. He loved that he lived in the city of Atlantis. But sometimes, and maybe more often than he would admit, he had an ache in his chest when he looked at people. Sometimes he was overwhelmed with the desire to just sit down with people and start talking. Except he was way too shy for that.

Connor knew though that Sheppard's life hadn't always been filled with skateboards and dog walkers. Sometimes the older man would go silent and a sad, quiet look would come over his face. John's eyes said everything _._

The linguist was jostled from his thoughts by a 'knock' at the door. It was late, or early really, and he wasn't sure who would still be up at this hour, but he got up to open the door anyways. It slid open and Connor saw the object of his recent musings on the other side.

"Hey, Doc." Colonel Sheppard had picked up on the Marines' name for him. Connor noticed John used it more often than Connor's first name and rarely called him by his last name, the usual address around the base.

"Colonel Sheppard. Can I, uh, help you with-with anything, sir?" Connor asked softly.

* * *

"Just taking a walk, couldn't sleep. Usually I bug McKay but he wasn't there tonight, I thought I'd come see if you were still up." John answered with a smile.

Okay that was… not at all true but John was hoping Connor wouldn't catch on. John had been sleeping when Atlantis had woken him up with strange feelings of… wanting? Loneliness? John couldn't place them but had nonetheless stumbled out of bed following Atlantis' hints, leading him to the scientist's lab.

"Oh, um, yes. Still up." Connor answered shyly with a soft bob of his head.

"Whatcha up to tonight?" John questioned, glancing over the other man's shoulder.

"Just, uh, translating some of the ruins that Major Lorne's team photographed a couple of, um, days ago."

"Anything good?" John vaguely remembered Lorne telling him about the ruins. He mostly remembered Lorne telling him about the scorpion-like bugs the size of a goat. John had made a mental note to avoid that planet at all costs.

Connor shrugged, "Not really, sir. Most of it has been eroded away, and what's, uh, left of the, um, ruins are just tales of the Wraith."

John had seen a lot of those. It seemed to be a recurring theme in the Pegasus galaxy. It probably never got old since the Wraith never seem to get old.

"Cool, Doc. Shouldn't you be sleeping though?" John asked. "What are you doing up so late? The ruins aren't going anywhere." John blinked, not at all sure why he cared about Connor staying up so late. The linguist was a grown man and certainly didn't need John telling him when to sleep. John never told Rodney when to sleep and the astrophysicist had certainly pulled his share of all-nighters.

And for some reason that bothered John. Because he did care about the younger man getting enough sleep. And looking over at Connor it was clear that the scientist needed it. John could see that he had probably lost a little weight since coming to Atlantis. He tried to remember what Connor looked like a few weeks ago when they'd met on the pier. To John, the bags under Connor's eyes seemed more pronounced and his shoulders were slumped just a little in a way they hadn't been.

"Uh, sleep, yeah. I was just gonna finish this section." Connor said somewhat tiredly, motioning to the papers behind him.

John could hear a more distinct Irish brogue emerging and wondered if that was what Connor really sounded like. He felt a twinge of sadness for Beckett's Scottish lilt before pushing it away.

He could then feel Atlantis' displeasure at Connor's idea, and if John wanted to get any sleep tonight he knew he would have to make sure that the linguist got some too.

"C'mon, Doc." He said, pulling Connor gently by the elbow. "It's sleep time. This will all still be here in the morning."

He felt Connor stiffen in his hand and briefly wondered at that before pushing it into the _things to think about later_ part of his brain. He gently let go of Connor's arm before ushering him, with a gentle hand on the younger man's back, out of the lab.

John followed Connor to the transporter and stepped in. The transporter began moving before either one of them had a chance to select a destination and John filed that away also. He was a little surprised when the transporter stopped at Rodney and Ronon's level.

"Didn't realize they had put someone else out here." John commented. With all the times he'd met Ronon to run or dragged McKay out of his room to fix some problem, John was surprised he had never run into the younger man.

"You don't have to walk me back, sir."

John knew what Atlantis thought of that idea, just as he knew that Connor was likely to go back to his lab as soon as John left if he didn't get him into his quarters so Atlantis could lock the door. "Let's go, Davids."

He followed Connor down the hall to the door that opened as soon as Connor had stepped off the transporter. He glanced around the quarters subtly. It was clean, really clean, John noticed. There was a skateboard in one corner, a giant bookshelf filled with books in another, a poster on one wall, a few sudoku books on the bedside table and what John thought were computer parts on a desk opposite the door.

"Uh, well, thanks for, um, walking me back Colonel." Connor said quietly, turning to face John.

"Call me John." John offered again. Eventually he thought it would stick with the younger man.

Connor blushed. "John. Sorry."

"Not a problem. Goodnight." John bid as he silently backed out of the room. He felt the door slide shut before him and knew that Atlantis had locked Connor in for the night. _You're welcome_ , he thought to the city. He knew he wasn't imaging it this time when Atlantis laughed.

John walked slowly back to his own room. He wasn't sure why Atlantis was pushing him towards the linguist so much, but he knew that the city was.

John thought back to the feeling of loneliness that had woken him up. It had hurt and ached and John was almost positive that it had come from Connor. Why else would the city lead him to the other man in the middle of the night? John had felt that feeling when he was younger, before Atlantis, before he'd made a family for himself on the city of the Ancients. Connor hadn't seemed sad when John opened the door, but John knew how easy it was to hide real feelings.

It saddened him that Connor was so lonely here, here in this place that John had made his home. John barely knew the linguist but he wanted to help, wanted to erase any feelings of loneliness that Connor may have. And he wasn't sure why. He wasn't sure why at all.

* * *

John leaned over Rodney's shoulder from behind and peered at the other man's computer screen.

"What's that?"

Rodney jumped and John wondered if it was time for 'how to decipher stealth training' again with his… least military minded teammate.

"Sheppard! Jesus! Don't you have better things to do then waste my time?" Rodney asked, turning to glare at John.

John grinned and shook his head. "Nope. Can't think of anything."

"If you think at all." Rodney muttered, spinning back to face his computer.

"Be nice, Rodney." John teased.

"What do you want?" Rodney asked with a sigh. His fingers flew across the keyboard, typing so fast that John couldn't keep up with what he was doing.

"Let's get some lunch."

"It's three."

"1500." John corrected. "And so?"

"And so… I already ate with Katie like an hour ago." Rodney informed him.

"So it's time for you to eat again." John tried. "C'mon, Rodney. I heard they have chocolate cake."

"They do." Rodney confirmed. "I had some for lunch."

"Well come have some more." John tried again. "You know you want to."

"What I _want_ is some peace and quiet." Rodney huffed.

"Pretty please? I'll be your _best_ friend."

Rodney sighed. "Fine. But you better eat fast. And there better be chocolate cake left."

John grinned. "I had the chef save you some."

"Chef." Rodney scoffed, standing up. "What you meant to say was 'poor, unfortunate soul who pissed you off and got stuck working in the mess hall'.

John laughed. "Now, Rodney, these men are just serving their country in the best way possible. They're not 'poor, unfortunate souls'."

"Uh-huh."

John laughed again. "They're not!"

"Sure whatever, Sheppard." Rodney said but John could see him smiling.

This was what John hoped Connor would find here. Friendship. Laughter. Family.


	5. Practicing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 5 : Practicing**

Re-post and re-edit : 3/8/10

* * *

"Hey, Doc." Connor turned to see Major Lorne standing a few feet behind him. Connor was just finishing up on the range. His target had a small hole in the middle but was other wise pristine. He had been working lately on accuracy, and today he had managed 2 rounds in one place. A new record for him.

"Looking good." Major Lorne commented with a smile as Connor retrieved his target.

Connor smiled. "Thanks, Major." He moved to put back his 9mm and the safety goggles.

"Evan, Doc. Remember?" Lorne smiled. He knew Connor remembered, he knew Connor never forgot anything and instead found the doctor's reluctance to call him by his first name amusing.

"Thanks, _Evan_." Connor said smiling slightly, putting emphasis on the Major's first name.

"Wanna catch some lunch, Doc?" Evan asked. He asked at least twice a week but Connor had only taken him up on it a few times, preferring the privacy of his lab. Today he felt like he could use a little company.

He looked at his watch. 1312. That meant he could have lunch with Evan and then head out for another jumper session with Colonel Sheppard at 1400.

"Sure, Evan." Connor answered softly.

He followed Major Lorne out of the practice range and towards the transporter to the mess hall.

"I hope there's something good on the menu today." Evancommented as he hit the button for the mess.

"I kinda like the, um, like-pears. They had them yesterday." Connor offered.

"The pink things?"

"Yeah." He paused. "Well they were only, uh, pink on the outside. The inside was white."

"Oh, hmm. I passed on them. The pink disturbed me a little. Fruit really shouldn't be a neon color." Evan said with a laugh.

Connor let out a slight laugh too. "It was a bit weird." He agreed.

* * *

"Did you not want to avoid Major Lorne?" Teyla asked John before taking a sip of her tea.

"Yeah, he's been trying all day to get me to sign off on some requisition forms. If I can hold him off a little longer he'll just give up and just forge my signature." John said with a grin.

"Ah." Teyla replied with a small smile. "Then you will be interested in knowing that he has just entered the mess hall."

John knew that she found it amusing that he would willingly take a bullet for anyone here but ran scared when faced with paperwork. John quickly turned his head in the direction of the door. Lorne entered, and was relieved when it seemed that the Major was there for food and not for him. He saw Connor enter closely behind Lorne and John wondered if they were there together. John searched his brain for the last time he saw the linguist in the mess hall and came up blank.

John didn't know if he should invite the linguist to eat with them or not. Teyla wouldn't mind, but John wasn't sure that Connor was alone. He'd never seen the other man with Lorne, but the timing was suspect. If he wasn't with Lorne he was probably heading back to his lab anyways. Connor, like all the other scientists on Atlantis, was a complete workaholic.

"Do you know Major Lorne's companion?" Teyla asked with a slightly raised brow.

"I've been giving him some jumper training." John explained, reaching for his not-chicken.

"That is Dr. Davids?" She asked.

"Uh, yeah." John replied trying to think of when he told her about Connor.

"Ronon mentioned that you were taking him to explore the mainland."

John half-listened as he observed Major Lorne grab his tray full of food and sit at an empty table, out of the way. He watched as Connor followed the same path Lorne took before setting his food down across from the Major. Huh. They were friends after all. A strange emotion welled up in John and he quickly pushed it aside.

"More like _he_ is taking _me_ to explore the mainland." John offered back, keeping one eye towards Major Lorne and Connor.

"You are friends?" Teyla questioned.

At that John turned back to face her. He shrugged. "I'm not sure. He's quiet and I'm pretty sure he thinks I talk too much."

"Ah, so he would be the reason you were distracted last week." Teyla figured. Sometimes John hated how intuitive the Athosian was. It wasn't that he unhappy that she has pieced it together, but he was still trying to figure it all out himself and now he would have to explain it all and John just didn't feel like doing that.

He glanced back over at Lorne's table. Connor was smiling as his body lightly shook with laughter at something Lorne had said. "I'm not sure." John mumbled.

Teyla moved to put her hand on top of his for a second before removing it. "You do not have to speak of this now. But I would be happy to listen should you change your mind." She offered gently knowing John's hesitance to ever talk about anything close to what he was feeling.

"Thanks." He mumbled again, glancing at his XO and jumper trainee once again.

* * *

"…So then Parrish turns around to face this monkey thing hanging in a tree. It leaps onto his head, starts humping his ear and Reed is standing there laughing while Coughlin is trying to help Parish get the monkey off when another one falls on Coughlin's head. So Reed pulls his gun and is about to shoot the thing off when Parish starts screaming that he was not shooting a monkey that was on his head." Evan laughed. He as recounting his team's last mission through the gate to Connor.

Connor shook with laughter. "So what happened next?"

"Next, Reed got out his knife and decided that was the second best option when Coughlin loudly vetoed that idea. So he-"

"Where were you?" Connor interrupted, then blushed.

"I was doing the perimeter check when I heard those two loons squawking like fools and went rushing back. So there I am, standing there watching Reed try and stab a monkey on Parrish's head. Parrish, for his part, is trying to escape Reed and his knife while Coughlin is bent over shaking his head back and forth trying to get the thing off. So I walked over, grabbed its tail and threw it off Coughlin's head before doing the same for Parrish." Lorne smiled as he remembered.

"How did you know that would work?"

Evan started laughing. "I didn't, I saw it on the Discovery Channel once."

Connor laughed with him. "Glad to know I'm not the only one who's watched that."

"Definitely not." Evan said still slightly laughing. "Wanna hear about the time Reed shot a dog so the local villagers were going to shoot him?"

"Oh yeah." Connor replied. He definitely needed to have lunch with Evan more often.

* * *

Sheppard, for once, had arrived at the jumper bay early. He and Teyla had left while Connor and Lorne were still eating their lunch. He heard a noise and turned to see Connor hurrying through the doors towards him, ten minutes early.

"Sorry to, uh, keep you waiting John." Connor said walking towards John and the jumper, a light blush on his cheeks.

"Not a problem. I'm early, and anyways I've kept you waiting a lot more." He said as Connor entered the jumper. John followed close behind.

"I saw you leave with, um, with Miss Emmagen." Connor explained, starting the pre-flight. "So I knew you were here waiting."

"Ah. Well, no harm, no foul. We're both early." John commented. "Control, this is Sheppard and Davids, heading out."

"Copy that, Colonel. Have a safe flight." He heard back from Chuck.

"Thanks. Sheppard out." He turned to Connor and smiled. "Ready?"

Connor gently lifted the jumper up and directed it out the bay doors.

"I thought today we might actually head out of the atmosphere, so you can get some space experience." John directed quietly.

The jumper's direction changed easily. John turned in his seat slightly so he could observe Connor. The scientist had bright blue eyes and reddish brown hair with a pale complexion. He was slightly shorter than John by a few inches. He was thin and lithe, well muscled, not overtly like many of his Marines, but had more of a silent strength. John guessed that the linguist had martial arts training of some kind.

"So how come you don't sound Irish?" John asked.

"Excuse me, sir?" Connor glanced at John nervously.

"Never mind, sorry, it was a dumb question." John replied turning back to face the HUD.

"I've been, um, at the SGC for several, ah, years. And in the States for a few years, uh, before that for university." Connor offered. "My accent faded a little, and I worked-worked to try and blend a little better."

"Why?" John asked softly. Unsure if Connor would actually answer him.

"I don't…" Connor paused. "I don't really like to stand out, sir."

John glanced at him from the corner of his eye. He knew that Connor didn't like to stand out. It was apparent in everything the younger man did. So he just said, "Oh."

It took forty minutes for them to reach the upper atmosphere and soon after they were leaving the planet and flying into space. John heard Connor inhale sharply at the sight around them. John grinned, that had been his reaction too.

* * *

An hour and a half later they were touching down again in the jumper bay. The ride back had been more chatty than the ride there. John had offered some more childhood anecdotes as well as a recent mission-gone-horribly awry Pegasus style. Connor, in return, had offered some memories of Ireland and a few more of his time in Santa Monica.

The linguist was heading for the door when John called his name. "I have a mission on Thursday, so I won't be able to make jumper practice."

"Should I… I mean… by myself…?" Connor's sentence drifted off as he saw John shake his head.

"No, you need someone with you. We'll just meet at the normal time on Tuesday." John told him.

"Sure, Colonel." Connor said moving again towards the exit. "Bye."

"Bye, Doc." John offered before Connor moved out of hearing range.

John watched Connor disappear through the doors before heading off to spar with Ronon. The big guy had been getting on his case lately. It wasn't John's fault he was so busy and everyone wanted something from him.

John tapped his radio. "Sheppard to Ronon."

"Yeah."

"You up for sparring?"

"You up for losing?"

"I'll meet you in the gym in ten minutes. Sheppard out."

John hurried to his quarters to grab another shirt before rushing off to meet Ronon in the gym. Ronon was already waiting for John when he arrived. John wondered if Ronon had been already there when he called. John tossed his shirt to the side as he did a few warm up stretches before approaching Ronon.

"How'd your jumper thing go?" Ronon asked as he lunged for John's left side.

"F-ine" John said, moving quickly to avoid Ronon, although not quick enough as Ronon's fist landed on John's side.

John stepped to the right before turning to grab Ronon's arm. Ronon used the arm that John had to pull John's body and flip John onto his back. The next thing John saw was Ronon's face hovering over his as he looked down at him.

"You need to practice more." Ronon said stepping away.

"I'll get right on that, in between saving the city, getting ambushed by locals and being yelled at by McKay." John groused.

Ronon smirked. "You do that."

John gingerly stood up before turning back to face Ronon. Three seconds later he was on his back again. John was pretty sure he was getting too old for this.

They sparred for another thirty minutes before John decided that his body didn't really deserve to be punished so forcefully. He grabbed his other shirt and changed into it before turning back to Ronon who was wiping his brow with a towel.

"Wanna get some dinner, Chewie?" Sheppard asked using his favorite nickname for Ronon.

Ronon didn't answer. He just moved towards the door confidently expecting John to follow. Which he did, at a slower pace, limping slightly.

* * *

After sitting in a jumper for three hours, Connor was restless. He had been heading back to his lab when he decided to do a short circuit run around the city. He made his way to a starting point on a lower level, did some leg stretches before taking off at a medium speed.

As he ran, Connor wondered if he and John Sheppard were friends. He thought that maybe he and Major Lorne were friends. He wasn't sure. Connor had never really had friends. There were people he knew in the academic community and co-workers and classmates, but never anyone he just hung out with or ate with.

He wondered if eating lunch with Major Lorne made them friends. Connor wasn't sure how he felt about that. On one hand he _enjoyed_ eating lunch with Major Lorne and listening to his tales, on the other hand Connor had no idea how to be a friend. He didn't have fun tales to offer in return, and was grateful that Evan hadn't asked for any. But with John it felt different. Connor had shared some bits of his life, albeit boring, and Sheppard had reciprocated.

Connor wasn't at all sure if that made them friends or not. He didn't really see John outside of jumper training, unless he counted passing the other man sometimes when running or the two times that Sheppard had come to his lab. Connor thought this was more like polite co-workers. H doubted that Sheppard saw them as friends. So co-workers, okay _._ And for some reason that thought made him sad.


	6. Saving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 6 : Saving**

Re-post and re-edit : 3/10/10

* * *

 _Why did I get out of bed this morning?_ Colonel John Sheppard wondered for the fiftieth time that day. He was waiting in the his puddle jumper for the gate to shut off so he could dial home. It started with a call on his headset at 0436 from Sergeant Johnson saying that Lorne's team missed the scheduled check in time. So John had rolled out of bed, into his combat gear and had his team, minus Rodney, plus four marines ready in the gate room eight minutes later.

Soon after, everything went to hell in a hand basket. He made radio contact with Lorne only to find out his XO and team were hiding out in giant trees in the forest to escape the villagers who apparently thought everyone who came through the gate was a Wraith. John was a little insulted because he's not sure he looks _quite_ like a Wraith.

Now the villagers were prowling the forest and had set up a perimeter that was, "Pretty well thought out, sir." Lorne had said. And from Lorne that translated into 'No way in hell can you make it through undetected.' So John had gated back to Atlantis to get a jumper and hope for an air retrieval when Teyla had radioed through that Major Lorne's team had split up and Dr. Parrish required medical attention..

So John needed two jumpers. He might have to wake McKay up after all. Stackhouse had been on the jumper rotation for this week but had sprained an ankle two days prior. As he reached to tap his headset, Atlantis sent him a picture of Dr. Davids drinking tea in his lab. John's first thought was that he couldn't take Davids-the man was a civilian. But so was Rodney. Atlantis flashed him an image of Rodney sleeping with his face on his keyboard in his lab.

John sighed. "Sheppard to Davids."

"Uh, yes? I mean, Davids here."

"Get to the jumper bay ASAP. I need you to fly rescue."

"Me?" Connor squeaked.

"Yes, and grab a tack vest on your way. Be fast. Sheppard out."

As if the day wasn't going bad enough, now John was risking a civilian to do his job.

"Sheppard to Keller."

"Yes, Colonel?"

"We're going to need medical assistance as soon as we come back through the gate." He said, making his way into the jumper bay. To his left he saw Connor entering and heading towards Jumper Two.

"Understood. Keller out."

As John climbed into Jumper One a voice his headset turned on. "Colonel, Teyla is reporting that a Wraith cruiser is in orbit. We dialed out before they could, but she doesn't know how long they can hold position."

"Tell her," John said as his jumper started moving down towards the gate, absently noting Connor's doing the same. "To take cover we're coming through now, we'll pick them up on the other side." This is going from bad to worse.

"Copy that, Colonel. The stargate is disengaged you are free to proceed." This time John recognized Carter's voice.

"Copy that. Sheppard out." John tapped his earpiece again. "Connor?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Cloak up. There are now Wraith on the planet, we're stopping to pick up Teyla, Ronon and some marines. I'll grab my marines you get Teyla and Ronon." He knew he would feel better if at least some of his team were with Connor.

"Yes, sir."

"You're going to be fine," John said, interpreting Connor's stilted words as nervousness. "Just make sure to follow my lead. When we get closer you will pick up Lorne and Parrish, I'll grab Coughlin and Reed."

And with that he shot through the gate, positive that Connor was behind him. As he arrived on the other side Teyla, Ronon and the marines were nowhere to be found.

"Teyla, come in." John ordered.

"I am here, Colonel Sheppard."

John sighed with relief. "What's your position?" He asked bringing up the HUD, there were several darts flying near the gate and John's sensors picked up the Wraith cruiser in orbit.

"We have taken refuge in a small cluster of trees east of the stargate." John turned his jumper in that direction as it picked up their life signs.

"I see you. Davids is going to pick you up, the rest are coming with me." He said, gently setting down the jumper before running back to open the door.

His men hurried into the invisible jumper and John could see Teyla and Ronon disappearing as well. He hit the door latch and it closed as he took off.

Tapping his earpiece, "Lorne, what's your status?"

"We're in the forest three clicks from the gate southeast."

"Davids, you got that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Try and see if you can maneuver a jumper in to get them, if not look for the smallest area possible to land and send Ronon and Teyla to get them. You _do not_ leave the jumper. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Lorne, Davids is coming to get you so hold tight. Can he get a jumper to your position?" John asked already scanning for Coughlin and Reed.

"It's… possible, sir."

"Try your best to make it happen. Sheppard out. Sheppard to Reed."

"Yes, sir?" John could hear a P-90 being fired on the background.

"What's your status?"

"Taking fire, sir. We're in trees four clicks south of the gate."

John turned his jumper a little more south. "They have guns, Sergeant?"

"No, sir. They do have very pointy sticks though, sir. And they seem to be able to throw them pretty rapidly."

"Anyone hurt?"

"We're…" More P-90 fire. "…fine, sir."

"Hang tight, we're coming to get you." John told them

"Yes, sir."

John could hear Wraith darts overhead and saw various culling beams hit the planet. He silently urged his jumper to go faster while anxiously checking the HUD for any progress by Davids. He saw their jumper slow to a hover and silently urged his people to be safe.

* * *

Connor was completely terrified. The colonel had pulled him out of his lab at 0500 and ordered him to the jumper bay to assist in a rescue. Oh, and there were Wraith on the planet they were going too and the people they were rescuing were stuck in trees.

The linguist had a silent freak-out when he discovered that the team they were rescuing was Major Lorne's team. He'd finally made a friend and the next week he's in mortal peril.

To make matters worse, Ronon and Teyla were hovering over his shoulders making Connor even more nervous than he already was.

Connor noticed a flashing light a second before Teyla said, "There, see that light?" She pointed to a tree to the left. "John has taught me that is the signal for help. That must be Major Lorne and Dr. Parrish."

Sure enough as they got closer Connor could Lorne's dark hair sticking out from atop a tree. He wondered how exactly he was going to get them into the jumper without landing.

"Turn the jumper around and have it hover at their height." Teyla offered, as if reading his mind.

Ronon moved towards the back of the jumper to lower the door. Connor didn't know how to make the jumper hover. He didn't even know _if_ jumpers could hover. His fingers moved automatically then, over the Ancient flying controls, hitting the right keys for the jumper to turn around and hang in the air. _Thanks._ He thought towards the jumper.

He felt a rush of cold air as the door was lowered and Ronon leaned out to help Evan maneuver Parrish in before the major jumped in himself. The door clicked closed and Connor breathed a sigh of relief. He turned back to look at Lorne and immediately became alarmed at the blood rushing down the man's arm.

Evan caught his gaze and offered a weak smile. "It's not as bad as it looks Doc." Connor thought it looked pretty bad. He began moving the jumper out of the forest and closer to the stargate. As he approached he saw the stargate active.

"Should I ask Atlantis to shut down the gate?" Connor asked nervously.

It was Evan who answered, "No. There's a risk that the Wraith might dial out before us. We'll wait for Colonel Sheppard. There would also be the risk of them sending darts through the gate or weapons fire before we're ready to go, and while the city has a shield… we've never really put it to the test of how much it can withstand. Set us down at the edge of the forest, Doc. Guess we have to wait a little bit."

As Connor set down he turned once again to look at Evan and Parrish. Teyla had the med kit out and was gently patching up the gash in Parrish's side, while Evan was taking a swig of water. Ronon was pacing back and forth. Connor guessed he was worried about John. _Connor_ was worried about John.

He watched as Evan tapped his earpiece, "Lorne to Sheppard."

"Yeah, Major?"

"We made it into the jumper, sir, but we're waiting for you before telling Atlantis to cut the wormhole. We're parked on the edge of the forest, east of the gate."

"Copy that, I'm working on getting Reed in, he took some fire, then we'll meet you there. Sheppard out."

Connor heard the whine of Wraith darts overhead and winced. There were people out there probably getting culled right now so they could be fed to the Wraith. Connor wished he could help.

Suddenly the HUD re-activated from its stand-by mode and life signs were popping up. Apparently Atlantis wanted to help too. Connor saw four life signs rapidly approaching their position . He quickly stood and moved towards the door intending on opening it.

"Whoa, Doc." Evan said putting a hand to Connor's chest to stop him. "Where do you think you're going?"

"There's four villagers running this way, we could-we could take them in."

"The same villagers that were just trying to kill my team?" Evan questioned lowering his hand

"Yes, but it's not their fault, I mean, uh, they didn't, didn't know better." Connor stammered out trying to move towards the door once more.

"Sorry, Doc. Not this time. The Wraith don't know we're here, let's try and keep it that way." He said with a gentle shove towards Connor urging him back towards the pilot seat. Connor could see the life signs getting closer and closer.

"Please, Evan. We can do something. We can help these people." Connor said with his best pleading look. He wasn't sure what that looked like but it must have been working because he saw something flicker across Major Lorne's eyes.

Lorne glanced towards Teyla and Parrish before looking at Ronon and settling back on Connor.

Ronon moved towards the door, hitting the release to open it just as the four villagers came rushing past. Ronon gestured for them to get in. They looked shocked, but nonetheless they allowed themselves to be ushered into the invisible jumper where Evan turned the face them, prepared for a fight.

Two women, a child and an older teenager, huddled together on the far side of the jumper, wary of their rescuers.

"It is alright, we mean you no harm." Teyla said, moving slowly towards them. "I am Teyla Emmagen of the Athosian people, This is Dr. Parrish, Major Lorne, Ronon Dex and Dr. Davids," she said motioning to each person as she spoke their name.

"I am Staerla, this is my sister Laerta, and my two sons Yarewhim and Holerth. We thank you for your help." The oldest woman said quietly. Teyla ushered them into seats in the back of the jumper.

"There's two more coming." Connor said.

Lorne motioned for him to sit down as Ronon once again opened the door. Two men came in this time, looking surprised and confused with a strange mixture of gratitude.

"Sheppard to Lorne."

"Lorne here, sir."

"We're about one minute out from your position. How is everyone doing?" Connor took that as code for 'Did Dr. Davids pass out from sheer terror yet?"

"Everyone is fine and accounted for Colonel. We have also-" Lorne hesitated, "We've also picked up a few passengers."

"You've what?"

"A few villagers ran by us and we took them in. I take full responsibility for it, sir." He said glancing at Connor with a look that might have meant 'don't say anything' but Connor wasn't sure.

"These wouldn't happen to be the same villagers that were just shooting at you, would they, Major?"

"Yes, sir, they would be."

Connor could hear the Colonel's frustration over his headset. "And just how many is a few, Major?"

"Currently six, Colonel."

"Currently?" Connor winced and turned back to the HUD. He saw Sheppard's jumper landing next to his when suddenly five more life signs flashed into view. He turned to Evan.

"Five more are coming" He mouthed, holding up five fingers. It was Teyla this time who lowered the door to usher more villagers inside.

"Uh, make that eleven, Colonel." Lorne said a little nervously.

"That's some breeding program you have going on in the back of there, Lorne."

"Yes, sir."

"And you're going to be the one to explain it to Colonel Carter.'

"Yes, sir." Lorne said starting to smile. Connor figured that they weren't in any real trouble.

"Sheppard out."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Connor was exiting his jumper when a hand wrapped gently around his upper arm. He looked back to see Colonel Sheppard who lowered his hand as Connor faced him.

"Good job today, Doc."

Connor tried not to think of all the people they couldn't save, or the blood rushing down Lorne's arm or the wound on Parrish's side. "Uh, thank you, sir."

John studied him. "It was a success, Doc. You saved as many people as you could have. More than would have been saved had we not been there at all." John offered. They had ended up with 31 people between the two jumpers. Connor pushed the image of life signs disappearing off the HUD from his mind.

John was right, without them all of the villagers would probably be lost. Now they would be gated to a market world where they could pick some place new to start over.

"And," John continued, " You won props with Teyla for going against Lorne to rescue the villagers."

Connor blushed. "How did you…"

"…know it was you who suggested it?" John finished with a grin. "You're not the only one Atlantis likes." Sheppard said with a wink before walking away.

"Don't forget to store your vest." He offered over his shoulder. "Debriefing in an hour." And with that he left the jumper bay, doors sliding shut behind him, leaving Connor with a stumped look on his face staring after the lieutenant colonel.


	7. Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 7 : Understanding**

Author's Notes :  
\- Don't own _Cheetos_.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/10/10

* * *

Dr. Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD, PhD, was pissed. He had been woken up three hours after he went to bed by some new scientist off the _Daedalus_. There had been a problem in one of the labs with flashing red lights and certain signs of doom that he just had to fix now, now, _now_. So he had rushed from his quarters into the lab to find the Ancient equivalent of a Soccer ball lit up on the lab table and three scientists hiding out behind a desk like a make shift bomb shelter.

He had ranted for a while, yelling, and waving his hands frantically to indicate how dumb they all were before stalking off back to his quarters. Where he proceeded to lay in his bed for an hour before deciding he couldn't go back to sleep.

Now he was in his lab, without Zelenka, just him, his three laptops, some Ancient devices and a giant cup of coffee. One laptop had the latest translations from Dr. Davids.

Dr. Davids. Another reason Rodney was pissed. He had woken up in his lab yesterday to find that his team had gone off on a rescue mission without him. Instead Sheppard had asked Dr. Davids to go along with them. Dr. Davids. _A linguist._ Rodney was insulted.

Rodney still wasn't talking to Sheppard, who had brought him blue jello twice to try and make it up to him. Not until Sheppard gives him a real reason. None of this 'I didn't want to wake you Rodney'. Yeah, like Sheppard's never woken him up for things before. Just last week Sheppard had woken him up to play golf on the computer. _Golf._

So now here he was, in the dead of night on Atlantis, fidgeting with Ancient gadgets and trying to catch up on the database translations. Rodney liked people to think he knew everything about Atlantis by osmosis, but there had been a lot of late nights reading through reports, especially since Dr. Davids had arrived on base and started submitting weekly reports. Before the SGC had just sent them monthly.

Rodney started on the translations about Atlantis' star drive that were a few months old. Better late then never. When he finished that he moved on to the next section and the one after that.

"McKay."

"What?" Rodney squawked, annoyed. He was intrigued by the small bit of information on Atlantis' food system that Davids had managed to translate. There was a prospect of chocolate in the future.

"You're late."

Rodney checked his watch. 0912. Shit. He had been up all night reading and was now late for a mission briefing. His team was scheduled to go off world later today for a check in with some allies that they traded with on M13-X98. He downed the rest of his, now, cold coffee before shutting off his laptops and running out the door.

* * *

John was annoyed. Not only was McKay angry at him for taking Connor out yesterday instead of him, _blame Atlantis_ , now Rodney was showing his annoyance by holding everyone up at the meeting. After ten minutes John had had enough.

"McKay."

"What?"

"You're late." He said succinctly. When Rodney didn't respond he got madder. John wondered if he would have to talk to the astrophysicist again about the merits of promptness.

Three minutes later McKay flew through the door looking a little flustered and like he didn't get any sleep. Some of John's annoyance dissipated.

John's eyes followed Rodney as he entered the room and then took the seat farthest away from John. Carter just gave McKay a look before starting on the mission briefing. John had made sure to read the briefing memo this time before the meeting. Last time he'd made the mistake of skipping the memo and then not paying attention in the meeting and as a result had missed one of the cultural differences and had ended up making a mistake that he paid for by consuming some soup that he swore was made from dirt. John could still hear Ronon and Rodney laughing. Even Teyla had covered a smile.

He liked the people of X98. The Lujarians. They were nice, had never tried to shoot at him, and always sent them home with a ton of a sweet bread that they made that John had fallen in love with, not that he would admit it to everyone. He thought they probably knew, or at least Teyla, seeing as how she always gave him half of hers. He glanced at Teyla, who was concentrating on Carter. A small smile came over his face. John had never had friends as good as the ones he had made in Atlantis.

He had always been a bit of a loner in school. He was a gawky kid who was good at math and only wanted to fly. John's family had moved around a lot when he was a kid. His dad's job had him moving and changing schools so often that John didn't even bother to learn the name of his teachers. He'd been to nine high schools before he'd graduated. And his time in the Air Force had him focused on doing whatever it took to fly.

He'd had a couple buddies in the Air Force after he'd graduated from the Academy. His squadron had been as close as John thought brothers might have been, but John had never really been able to open up to them. He'd never been able to get close to anyone.

John briefly thought back to the two girlfriends he'd had. One during college for five months and the other for the year before his deployment to Afghanistan. He was pretty sure he'd loved her, even though he'd never told her, and three months into his tour he had received a Dear John letter and that was that. He couldn't be bothered with girlfriends after that. Flying was his life and the whole time he was dating Charlotte she had wanted to be his life instead.

John knew that Rodney thought he was the Captain Kirk of the Pegasus Galaxy, but John wasn't really one to sleep around. He'd had a few one night stands over the years and decided they weren't worth the effort. John's new best friend had become his right hand and it's been a great friend.

But lately, watching Rodney dance around with Katie Brown and Teyla glow when she returned from New Athos, and even Ronon who had seemed a little less doom and gloom lately, John realized that maybe he was a little lonely. It wasn't anything he didn't think he could live with, after all he'd made it through almost forty, John winced, years on his own, and he had more family now than he'd ever had.

"I guess that's it then, anything to add, Colonel?" Carter asked with a smirk in John's direction, looking for all the world like she knew that he wasn't paying attention. She probably did.

"Nope, I think you got it all, Colonel." John said with an easy smile, hoping there really wasn't anything to add.

"Dismissed then. Good luck." She said with less of a smirk and more of a smile. Carter wasn't Elizabeth, but John respected her well enough and thought, in time, he would be able to like her too.

He followed his team out the door and to the mess hall. He watched as Rodney and Ronon fought for the title of who could eat the most food. He observed as Teyla took extra silverware for Ronon, a cup of coffee for Rodney and an apple for John. John filled his plate modestly, never liking to overeat before a mission, but knew that anything could happen and this could be his last meal for a while. He grabbed a cup for coffee and decided at the last minute to grab a cup of tea instead.

He headed towards the table his team had chosen when he passed Lorne sitting with a few other marines. John stopped at the side of the table, awkwardly holding his tray.

"How's the arm, Major?"

"Better, Colonel, in fact-"

"Don't even try it." John warned, cutting him off. "Keller would use the long needle on me next time, in an unpleasant place. You're on light duty for three days."

Lorne tried to look like he wasn't about to say anything of the sort before sighing. "Yes, sir."

"Good boy." John said. "Enjoy your meal, Major, gentlemen." He said, acknowledging the other soldiers.

"Thank you, sir." Lorne said. And with the John walked the rest of the way to his team.

Teyla gave him a smile in acknowledgement as he sat across from her. It was an unspoken rule that John usually sat across from Teyla. He was the only one with table manners that she could stand to look at. She would never say anything, but the lines near her eyes would get tight and her eyes disapproving. John glanced at Rodney sitting next to Teyla who was gulping down his third cup of coffee while holding some toast in the other hand. Ronon had shoveled scrambled eggs onto the fork Teyla passed him with one hand as the other warily protected his food.

John pulled his silverware apart, cutting up his omelet as his tea steeped. Teyla raised an eyebrow at his choice in beverage and John answered with a shrug. She didn't press the matter as she took a sip of her own tea.

So yeah, maybe John was a little lonely, but as Ronon slapped away McKay's hand and Teyla placed his apple by his plate, John realized that he could stand to be a little lonely as long as he still had his family.

* * *

Ronon was happy. They had just returned from the bread planet. And while he didn't get a chance to shoot anything, and no Wraith had shown up, begging to be killed, all in all it had been a good mission. They secured more fruit for Atlantis, enjoyed some of the local mead and were sent home with giant loaves of bread.

Sheppard loved the bread, Ronon knew. He also knew Sheppard would never admit it. So Ronon would never admit that he gave some of his bread to Teyla knowing she would pass it on. Sheppard was a good guy, and a good commander in Ronon's book. He never asked for more than you could give, but always asked for more than you thought you could give.

And he never left a man behind. That was important in Ronon's mind. He had been on his own for years before he'd captured Sheppard and Teyla. He didn't want to be alone anymore. And they made sure he never was.

From his first day on the team, where they had invited him to watch football, Sheppard called it a Hail-Mary right of passage, Ronon called it confusing, but nonetheless had shown up and eaten popcorn with them. Sheppard had made an effort of explaining the game, while McKay had loudly argued that football was for girls and that hockey was a real man's game, as Teyla had quietly whispered to him to just go with it.

And Ronon had. He was still just going with it. But now he understood football and Hail-Mary passes and even hockey. Instead of being confused he felt like part of a family. He had even taken it upon himself to train McKay some more so he would be safer in the field. Ronon thought he deserved more than chocolate for that. Maybe some more _Cheetos_ or ice cream. Ronon liked ice cream, he had never had any before Atlantis. Now he awaited every _Daedalus_ shipment hoping for new flavours.

So now, after returning from a successful mission, Ronon sought out Dr. Keller to share his happiness with her, and maybe some of his bread. He knew she would like it. As he approached the infirmary he listened for voices. After confirming that Jennifer was there with two other nurses he slipped in the door.

She was bent over her computer studying funny shapes that Ronon didn't understand. She was a lot like Melena, devoted to her work and her patients. Ronon tapped on her shoulder, smirking as she startled.

"Ronon! Hi, what uh, brings you by? How did the mission go?" She asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Good." Ronon answered. "Brought back some bread, thought you might want to share some with me."

"Bread? Um… sure." She smiled. Ronon felt a small twinge in his chest. She was beautiful. "When?"

"How about now?"

"Now?" She asked, looking back at her computer screen then looking back at Ronon. She turned back, hit a few buttons before hopping off her stool. "Sounds good." She said with another smile. Ronon felt that twinge again. "Let's go."

Ronon followed her out of the infirmary with a smile on his face. Oh yeah, Ronon was happy.

* * *

Teyla was meditating, surround by candles. After returning from their successful meeting with the Lujarians she had gated off to New Athos to spend some time with Kanaan. They had been seeing each other for some time and Teyla had decided it was time to question the progress of their relationship. After talking for two hours she had realized that while she loved him, their paths lied in different directions. He was helping to build up New Athos and Teyla was still devoted to the destruction of the Wraith and the cause of the Lanteans. So she had looked at him with a sad smile, one he returned, before announcing that it was time for her to return to Atlantis. While both knew she would be back to New Athos, they both knew that she would not be back in his bed. They had touched foreheads, Kanaan had wished her happiness, and with that she had gated back to Atlantis.

Now she was meditating on her decisions. She had long held her people as her priority. Fighting with the people of Earth had given her greater resources with which to fight the Wraith and she had jumped at the chance. Now she was paying the price. She had been happy with Kanaan, and could have even pictured a future with him, but she also knew it was not meant to be.

As she moved to blow out the candles around her, the door chimed. She gracefully climbed to her feet, deftly avoiding the burning flames and moved to open the doors. John was waiting on the other side, shifting nervously from one foot to another.

She watched him take in her clothes and the candles burning behind her. Teyla saw the moment he realized he might be intruding and a wall started falling over his eyes.

"Sorry, I'll come back." John said apologetically, turning away.

She gently grabbed his arm before he could make it more than a step away, effectively keeping him in place. "You are not disturbing anything, John. I am quite finished here." She said. It had taken her over a year to use his first name instead of his title, and now she relished being one of the few people he allowed the honor. She gently tugged his arm until he followed her back into her own room.

"Is everything… alright?" He said nervously.

Teyla knew that Sheppard did not like to talk about feelings but would do anything for his team. She also knew that he knew she meditated to seek answers and comfort in decisions. She smiled. "Everything is fine. Please come in, sit down."

Teyla gestured to her bed, and tried not to show surprise when John moved to sit in front of the lit candles on the floor. The Athosian followed, lowering herself with more grace than John had.

"Is there something you wish to discuss?" She questioned after sitting in silence with him for a few minutes. Teyla had assumed he had come for the Lujarian bread, but now, looking at him in the candlelight, she could see that he was bothered by something. Perhaps the very thing that had been bothering him for over a month.

They say in silence as Teyla watched John struggle for words. She would be patient with him. If there was one thing she knew about John Sheppard it was that he kept his own time and his own secrets and Teyla would respect that.

"I, uh… how's Kanaan?" He asked suddenly.

She raised her eyebrow knowing that was not what he meant to ask. She would answer the question anyways. "He is well, but we have decided that our paths are no longer along the same road."

"Oh. Sorry, I know you liked him." John offered.

"I did, but this is perhaps for the best." Teyla replied, still waiting.

Suddenly John was a flurry of motion as he got to his feet. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I'll just go." He was already moving towards the door before Teyla could stand.

She quickly moved to follow him. "John, wait." John turned to face her. His face was a mixture of embarrassment, nervousness and… fear? Teyla would have to think on that later. "Please, stay. You do not have to talk if you do not want to." She knew that sometimes John liked to be reminded that he was not alone, but that he could never ask for it. He hesitated, his nervousness increasing. She knew he was already looking for excuses to leave. "Please." She said again.

He looked at her, staring into her eyes. Teyla saw the decision as it was made, John would stay. If not for himself, than for her. She smiled and gestured back to the floor. He moved to again sit as she lowered herself in front of him. She knew he would not talk about what was bothering him, at least not today, but for now she could offer him companionship.

Teyla opened her mouth and began to tell John tales from her childhood, something she knew he loved hearing. A smile crossed his face and Teyla knew that she had done the right thing.

* * *

Connor was waiting. It was 2030 and he was sitting in the deserted mess hall with a cup of tea. He'd been sitting in the mess hall for four hours waiting for Major Lorne. His laptop was open in front of him, along with a pot of hot water, three unused tea bags and seven used ones. He was hoping that Evan would come for some dinner. He wanted to make sure he was okay with his own eyes. All Connor could remember was Evan with blood dripping down his arm.

He knew logically that the wound was superficial, that Evan had been patched up by Dr. Keller by now and was probably even on duty. But he was Connor's first friend and Connor thought that meant he should make sure he was okay. So he had been waiting in the mess hall since 1630 and Evan still hadn't come in. Connor was beginning to think that Evan had probably taken an early dinner.

The linguist looked up as the mess hall doors slid open. John walked into the room. Connor saw him glance around, his eyes briefly landing on Connor before he moved to grab a mug. The linguist watched as John filled it with hot water and grabbed a tea bag before making his way to stand by Connor's table.

"This seat taken?" John asked, gesturing to the seat in front of Connor.

"No, sir." He replied, pushing his laptop to the side. He thought it might be considered rude if he had it open between them.

Connor watched as John played with the string attached to his tea bag as tea seeped in his mug. The scientist took another sip of his tea, wrapping his hands around the mug as he lowered it to the table.

"How's it going, Connor?" John asked. Connor thought he sounded genuinely interested.

"Pretty good, sir." Connor knew the eventually the other man would insist, again, that he call him John, but he found it weird. 'John' seemed intimate. Connor had never heard anyone else refer to the military commander as John.

"Connor…" John warned, and this time Connor smiled and laughed a little. It seems he knew Sheppard better than he thought he did.

"Sorry, John."

John took a tentative sip of his tea, before making a face. "Needs sugar." He said.

Connor pushed a packet over to him. The Colonel smiled gratefully before tearing off the top and dumping it into his tea. He took the spoon Connor offered as well, stirring the sugar in.

"So…" John said with a look at the used tea bags. "Been here long?" He asked, taking another sip of his tea, this time he had a smile on his face as he lowered the mug.

Connor wondered how pathetic it would sound to say he'd been waiting for someone for four hours. He stared into his tea. When he looked back up, John had an expectant look on his face. "I'm, uh, waiting for someone, sir."

John looked startled. "I'm sorry," John said, suddenly also looking very apologetic. "Am I interrupting?"

"Interrupting?"

"Yeah, you're on a date, right?" John asked cautiously.

"Date? What?" Conner asked, confused. "No, I'm, uh, I'm waiting for Major Lorne."

"Lorne?" The other man looked bemused. "I thought he was flying some scientists to the mainland."

"The mainland?" Now it was Connor's turn to look bemused.

"Yeah, he's on restricted duty, so we put him on ferry duty to keep him busy. Some scientists have been heckling to see the new mainland, and Lorne was bugging me about paperwork so I… gave him something to do." John finished with a shrug.

Oh. That would explain the Major's absence. Now Connor felt dumb waiting four hours for a man who wasn't even on Atlantis. "Oh." Connor said.

John studied Connor's face and Connor blushed lightly under his gaze. "Did he know you're waiting for him? He didn't mention he had a meeting."

"No, no, it's uh, not a meeting. I just wanted to, um, make sure he was alright. Yesterday with the blood, and the uh, yeah." Connor stumbled.

John gave him a look that Connor couldn't decipher. "Well, if it helps any, I saw him this morning and he was well enough to try asking to be put back on full duty."

It did help, Connor realized. He believed Sheppard and the need to make sure Evan was okay vanished.

"Uh, yes, John, thanks." Connor said, reaching over to close his laptop before collecting his tea bags together. He started to stand when John's hand reached over to rest lightly on top of his.

"Stay." John said, not looking at Connor's face. Connor sat back down and glanced at John before saying, "Okay."

And together they sipped their tea in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

* * *

Connor was having his eleventh flying lesson. It'd been seven weeks since they had started, since a couple lessons had been canceled, and he had decided he liked flying the puddle jumpers. He didn't think he was particularly good at it, but he liked it nonetheless. It got Connor out of his lab, away from his thoughts, and just sort of let him…float for a while. And the company wasn't too bad. He glanced over at Colonel Sheppard in the co-pilot's seat.

He thought things might be weird between them. They had sat in silence for two hours, sharing multiple cups of tea a couple weeks ago, the day after Connor had flown his first and only rescue mission. Instead, the lessons that followed had been the same as before, even a little less stilted. John continued to offer stories from his past, even a few from his days in the Air Force, and Connor had continued to reciprocate with stories of his own. He was sure now that he would call John a friend. What he didn't know was whether the man would do the same.

John shifted in his seat as he continued to tell Connor of his upcoming mission. The other man liked the villagers, and was hoping to get more of the like-apples. Connor knew that John loved apples, so he had offered up the story of when he tried to make an apple pie and failed miserably. To this day Connor had no idea why his dessert hadn't turned out. He had followed the recipe but the pie had come out a pile of mush anyways. John had laughed saying that his mother had made the best apple pie. Connor knew enough to figure that John's mother had died when he was still young and he felt a pang in his chest at the wistful look that crossed the military commander's face as he mentioned his mom.

"My mom loved to bake, too." Connor offered.

"Something we have in common." John said with a smile.

Connor smiled at that too. Ever since they started sharing childhood storied they had struggled to find things they had in common. They both steadfastly ignored the fact that they had loneliness in common, instead comparing sneakers and board games.

The linguist looked back at the HUD. Today he was going to navigate an asteroid field. They had gated to a planet near one and were headed towards it. Fifteen more kilometers and they would reach the edge. Connor was a mixture of nervousness and excitement.

"What have you been working on lately?" John questioned, turning to watch Connor as he flew.

John had shown a real interest in his work. Always remembering what Connor was working on. Connor didn't know if that was because he being polite or was hoping Connor would find something useful.

"I've actually been, uh, translating some writing that Evan, um, brought back from ruins that his team found." He had been working on it for the last week. It was completely fascinating how the languages matched up so closely with Earth languages.

"How's that going?" John said, facing forward once more.

"Really well. I'm, um, almost done. It's so fascinating." Connor said, his face lighting up. "Evan took a video of the ruins for me, too. It's amazing how cultures can be so far removed from, uh, each other but still so similar." Connor was excited. He wasn't an anthropologist, but he could appreciate culture.

* * *

John watched as Connor's face lit up while talking about his work. He seemed so happy. John loved asking Connor about his work, it always produced a real smile from the quiet man.

"So far the writing is, uh, mostly about, um…" Connor drifted off.

John waited before realizing that Connor had no intention of finishing his sentence. He prompted, "About…"

"Um." Connor blushed," Fertility rights."

"Ah." John smirked. "Anything useful?"

"Um, not unless you're, uh, looking to sacrifice a-a virgin anytime soon." Connor flushed an even deeper red.

John laughed. "Nah, I only sacrifice virgins when I'm really, really bored."

Connor offered a slight laugh of his own. "Good to know, John."

"So you said Lorne took a video for you?" John asked.

"Yeah, last time he took all these picture but I, um, was hoping for a better idea of the-of the layout."

"You haven't been to the ruins?" John asked, surprised. The planet had been deserted, and with no giant dinosaurs or elephant sized chickens, John figured it would have been safe for Connor to visit.

"Uh, no, sir. I don't go off-world, unless it's, um, in a jumper." Connor said.

"Never?" John was surprised. Connor had been on Atlantis for months now, and at the SGC for years.

"Never."

John thought he could probably do something about that. "Do you want to?" John asked.

Connor's face briefly showed his excitement at the prospect before the linguist could hide it, but John caught it anyways. "It would be interesting."

John decided he would talk to Lorne when he got back. He smiled, "Lemme see what I can do."

"You don't have to, uh, do that, John." Connor said softly.

"I want to."

And with that Connor smiled. "Thanks."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence.

John looked up as they reached the edge of the asteroid belt. He watched proudly as Connor moved into it without hesitation, maneuvering the puddle jumper swiftly around asteroids. Connor was definitely turning out to be one of the better jumper pilots. John wondered if Connor would let him put him on pilot rotation and made a mental note to ask the younger man when his training was finished.

Twenty minutes later they emerged on the other side of the field and Connor hadn't even broken a sweat. John was pretty sure the linguist was a natural. Connor turned them around, sped up and made his way through the asteroid field again, heading towards the planet they had gated from.


	8. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 8 : Falling**

Author's Notes :  
\- _Nil_ means 'no' in Irish.  
\- _Star Wars_ belongs to George Lucas  
\- There is a line in here reminiscent of a line from _Twilight_ which belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

It was 1425 and John was hungry. Teyla and Ronon were both off world; Teyla was with the Athosians and Ronon had gone to a market world to try and find a new knife. McKay was across the city in a new research lab that Connor had found mention of in the database. Even Keller was busy.

He hated eating alone, it reminded him too much of his youth, even if he would never tell anyone that. So now it was 1431 and John was on his way to see if Carter was free. He was one step into the transporter when the doors started closing on him. _Do you mind?_ Atlantis it seemed did mind as before he could select a destination the transporter started moving. It let him off at an unfamiliar level. The doors opened and John thought he recognized the corridor but couldn't place it. He turned to press a new level when the power turned off in the transport. _Fine._

He stepped off and headed down the hallway. John passed by the open door to Connor's make shift gym and wondered why he hadn't thought of the linguist. John made his way to the end of the hallway as the lab door swung open.

John took in the scene before him. The normally organized stacks of paper were strewn about with a couple empty mugs lying about. Connor himself was curled up on the couch, sleeping, from what John could tell. He looked disheveled and certainly looked like he needed his sleep. This was a bad idea. He turned to go back out the doors as they slammed in his face. John backed up, feeling hurt. His city had never been rude to him before.

He moved back to Connor. Obviously the city wanted him to take the younger man to lunch. John moved a hand to Connor's shoulder to try and gently waken him up. He gave Connor a gentle push.

"Davids."

Connor didn't budge.

"Connor." He said again, a little louder. The scientist remained unmoving. John began to worry a little.

Pushing a little harder he said, "Connor", once again louder than the time before. John moved his hand form Connor's shoulder to Connor's forehead, feeling for a fever. Almost at once he pulled his hand back. Connor was burning up.

"Sheppard to Keller." He said worriedly, once again moving his hand to gently push Connor in attempts to wake him up.

"Keller here. How can I help you, Colonel?"

"I'm in Dr. Davids' lab and he's feverish and non-responsive."

"I'll get a team to your position, they'll be there in four minutes. How else does he look?"

John looked at Connor's face harder. He was flushed and appeared to be sweating. He didn't look good. John relayed his observations to Keller.

"Okay, it sounds like he picked up the flu that went around last week." Keller offered. John was not placated. He wondered how long the scientist had been like this and how no one had noticed. John wondered why _he_ hadn't noticed. Connor was his friend, right? That made John pause. Connor was his friend and John didn't even notice when he was sick.

Keller's med team came through the door just then. One of the nurses moved to take Connor's pulse as the other moved to take his blood pressure. John felt himself gently moved out of the way. One looked to John.

"Colonel, can you help us place him on the gurney? We need to get him back to the infirmary." John nodded, moving back. Together they lifted Connor onto the gurney and John watched as they wheeled him out. He followed them out of the room and to the transporter.

* * *

Connor tried to open his eyes, they felt heavy, too heavy. But he was hot, so hot. He tried to kick the blankets off but he was too weak to move, and he was so tired. Connor heard some strange noises, was someone trying to talk to him? Why couldn't he understand them? He tried to say he didn't understand but the blackness called to him again.

* * *

Connor shivered. He was so cold. Why couldn't they understand? He moved to try and find some heat. He felt hands holding him down. "Stop!", he tried to say weakly but nothing came out but a small burst of air. He finally managed "Nil, nil."

* * *

Connor woke up to a soft beeping sound. He slowly opened his eyes to take in his surroundings. He didn't recognize where he was and last remembered being in his lab. The linguist winced at the brightness of the light and immediately they dimmed. His mouth was dry and Connor desperately wanted some water. He moved to lift his hand, finding himself disturbingly weak. Glancing to the left he could see medical supplies and suddenly knew he was in the infirmary. The scientist moved as quickly as possible to try and untangle the two IVs running into his arm, getting more tangled within the sheets as a result.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" A voice asked sleepily from his right. Connor startled, turning his head. Colonel Sheppard was lounging, looking very uncomfortable, in the chair beside his bed. John looked like he had just woken up and Connor wondered why the other man was sleeping sat up a little and glanced around to see if any of Sheppard's teammates were in the infirmary too.

John caught his confused look. "What? No way are you well enough to leave." John said, gently reaching out to push Connor back against the bed.

"No, I, uh, I mean what are you…. what happened?" He croaked, his Irish brogue coming through thickly. Connor knew it was because he was tired.

John reached for the glass of water at the side of the bed holding it up for Connor to take a sip. Connor didn't move towards the glass, instead he was waiting for John to answer his question.

"You drink, I'll talk." John offered. "I went looking for you, to see if you wanted to grab some lunch and I found you passed out on your couch." He said with a glare as Connor obligingly sipped the water.

"Look, Connor, I know you like your privacy, but if you ever, I mean ever, feel that sick again you need to tell someone. When we found you your fever had hit 104°F. Keller wasn't sure if you were going to make it." John paused. " _I_ wasn't sure you were going to make it." He added softly.

John ran a hand nervously through his hair, still holding the cup of water for Connor. Connor couldn't place the look on his face; he couldn't tell if John was angry or scared, or maybe something else entirely. The linguist pulled away from the water and collapsed back against the pillows, exhausted.

"You've been here for five days." John said, looking at the side of the bed. He ran a hand through his hair again before dropping it down to the bed. "I should probably let someone know you're awake." He said, starting to stand.

"Wait, John." Connor blurted. John paused, looked at him, and sat back down.

"More water?" He questioned, already reaching to pour more out.

"No, I just, uh…" Connor drifted off. He still wasn't sure why John was there and if he were honest with himself, he didn't want to be left alone. "How's your team?" Connor asked quietly. John topped the glass off and set the pitcher back down on the table.

"My team?" John asked with some confusion.

"They're the reason you're, uh, here, right?" Connor said softly, nervously.

John's confused expression changed into another unreadable look. "No." He said firmly. "I'm here because my friend has been sick for the last five days and they weren't sure he was going to make it." John finally lifted his eyes to Connor's.

This time Connor could see John was nervous, angry and…scared. _Friend_. The word kept repeating through Connor's mind. John had called him a friend. "Oh." Connor breathed, still looking into John's eyes. He slowly moved his hand to cover the hand John had resting on the bed. John looked down at their hands and Connor, embarrassed, moved to pull his away. Something flashed across John's face and Connor paused before leaving his hand there.

They stayed like that for ten more minutes before John went to get the nurse.

* * *

John was worried, he was scared, he was nervous. He had called the nurse and then stayed with Connor until the linguist had drifted off to sleep again. John had spent the last five days worried for his friend. Connor would drift in and out of consciousness, mumble some words in what John thought might be Irish and then pass out again. John had visited everyday, spending hours at Connor's bedside. He would bring his laptop with him and work from there.

Teyla had brought him meals without fail, Ronon stood guard when John couldn't and even McKay bitched about the only good linguist falling down on the job. Which, in Rodney terms, equaled a tiny bit of concern. John had also met Connor's boss, Dr. O'Suileabhain, when he stopped by to check on the scientist. And John probably shouldn't have been as surprised as he was when Major Lorne and more than a few marines stopped by.

John thought that Connor probably had no idea how many people cared for him. Teyla and Ronon were there more for John than for Connor, but they were there, and that still meant something.

Now John was pacing in his quarters. He had held Connor's hand. He had _held_ Connor's hand. Technically Connor's hand had just rested on his, but it was the same to John; they might have well have been holding hands. Except that John didn't hold hands. Not with Sarah, not with Charlotte, not anyone.

John paced some more.

He needed to think. He had guy friends, and guy friends could touch. But John didn't hold Ronon's hand or McKay's, and as it was John barely touched Teyla and she wasn't a guy at all.

But John had felt Connor start to move his hand away and a feeling of sadness tinged with fear had over taken him. Connor had noticed and left his hand there. For John. And now John was pacing. His mind couldn't stop thinking about it. He didn't know what it meant, he couldn't figure it out.

John flashed on Teyla's words, weeks earlier, _"You do not have to speak of this now. But I would be happy to listen should you change your mind."_

Before he knew what he was doing, John was out his door and headed towards Teyla's quarters. The Athosian could help, John was sure of it. He hit the chime for Teyla's door and a few seconds later the door swished open with Teyla on the other side.

"John," she said, sounding surprised to see him. "Has Dr. Davids awoken then?"

"Yeah." John replied, running a hand through his hair. Teyla motioned him inside and the doors shut at John continued "About an half hour ago, he's asleep now."

"I see." She said, looking patiently at John.

As John remained quiet and motionless in front of the closed doors, Teyla moved some candles to the floor, lighting them, then inviting John to sit down. He slowly lowered himself to the floor looking across to Teyla. They sat in silence and the minutes ticked by.

* * *

"We held hands." John blurted out eventually.

"You and Dr. Davids?" Teyla clarified. At John's nod, Teyla pressed forwards. "During Jumper training?" She would be surprised if John had been less than professional while on duty, but had to make sure regardless.

John shook his head. "No, just now, while he was awake. He moved his hand on top of mine and I didn't move away. He was going to but I didn't want him to. Why didn't I want him to? I don't hold hands, especially with guys! Can you imagine if I tried to hold Rodney's hand? Or Ronon's?" John exploded. He stood and started pacing again.

Teyla followed John's movements with her eyes, a knowing look held within them. She could see the conflict and confusion on his face. Her heart went out to him.

Teyla stood gracefully. She reached out with a hand to gently grab John's arm as he walked by. He stopped as she pulled him to face her. Teyla could see the wear that this past week had had on him. She did not realize before that he was such good friends with Dr. Davids. Looking at him now she suspected that 'friends' was still not quite the right word.

Teyla pulled John into a hug. She felt him stiffen and hesitate before accepting the comfort she offered. John's arm would around her tightly. She could feel his body shake, not knowing if he was crying. Teyla doubted he would though, John was too much of a warrior to allow himself even that bit of comfort and weakness.

She moved her hands soothingly up and down John's back. The Athosian wasn't sure how long they stood that way, but when John finally pulled away, his eyes slightly red, he looked more composed than before. Teyla lightly pulled John's hand towards the ground, indicating that they should sit again, and John acquiesced, lowering himself to face her again.

"Tell me of Dr. Davids." She urged. She wanted to hear of the scientist that John had befriended.

"Connor." John corrected with a small smile.

"Connor, then. Tell me of him." She persisted.

"He's Irish," John said with a laugh, "Though he hides his accent and he drinks more tea than even you, I think. He's smart, really smart, speaks seven languages or something."

"As is likely among his science, is it not?" Teyla questioned.

"His science? Linguistics? Yeah, I guess so. Before that though he went to school for math-"

"Such as you did?" Teyla interrupted.

"Yeah, like I did." John smiled softly. "He also has a degree in computer engineering. He loves to build computers. He's friends with a lot of my marines, I just found out. They told me he fixes their computers and stuff, I guess that's why I've been getting less complaints from Rodney about military grunts breaking their laptops. They also told me he gives them pointers on the range. That's another thing," John added. "You should see him shoot, he's amazing."

"I am sure I will." Teyla said, letting a smile grace her features.

"He's never been on a Ferris wheel." John said with a shake of his head. "He can't cook, except for baking cakes, and he loves Star Wars. He said that once, when he was younger, he went through a phase where he tried to prove that the Force was real through physics. McKay would have loved that."

Teyla watched as John's face came alive as he described the linguist.

"He's an amazing Jumper pilot, though I don't think he sees himself that way. And don't tell McKay, but I think Atlantis loved him more than she loves me." He said a bit wistfully.

Teyla was surprised at this. She had often heard Rodney complain about how much Atlantis loved John.

John must have noticed her surprise as he added, "She's the one that led me to find Connor."

John had confessed, in confidence, to her early on that Atlantis was perhaps more than just a city. She had caught him, more than once, referring to the city as a female.

"I was going to get lunch and Atlantis took me to Connor's lab instead. I thought he was sleeping but she wouldn't let me leave." John admitted. "God, I didn't even notice he was sick. What kind of friend am I?" John questioned, more to himself than to Teyla.

"Major Lorne said the same thing, and he had dinner with Connor the night before you found him. He mentioned that Connor seemed fine, but now, he too, blames himself for not noticing Dr. Davids' illness." Teyla offered to John.

"He did?"

"Yes."

"Oh." John looked thoughtful at that.

"Yes. Connor is a grown man and is fully capable of take care of himself." Teyla said reproachfully.

"Yeah, I know, it's just…he could have _died_ , Teyla. Keller said if someone hadn't found him, he wouldn't have lasted the night." John's face took on a haunted look as he remembered the doctor's words.

"Then perhaps you should have a discussion with him on what to do should he feel unwell in the future." Teyla offered.

"I've already had the first of many."

"John." Teyla paused as John looked at her. She did not believe John ready to hear her suspicions yet.

"Yeah?"

"All will be well." She offered instead. "Have patience."

"I know. Thanks, Teyla." John replied softly.

They continued to sit in silence for another hour, just enjoying each other's company, before John stood back up to shower before dropping by to visit Connor again.

* * *

When John arrived back at the infirmary after his shower he found Connor awake again and talking softly with Major Lorne. John paused before they could notice him and listened to them talk softly.

"You really scared me, Doc." Lorne was saying. "All the guys were here rooting for you."

John could practically feel Connor blush from here.

"And Colonel Sheppard," Lorne continued. "He never left your side, Doc. I'd never seen him so worried, and for a guy who's faced down the Wraith without flinching, that's saying something."

"I, what… he… what?" Connor said. John could tell he was surprised.

"Yeah, I thought he'd be here actually."

"He was here when I first woke up. I think I, uh, maybe did something? I don't know if he'll, um, come back." Connor stammered out quietly.

"I'm sure he'll be back, Doc." Lorne assured him.

"I… yeah, okay." Connor sighed.

John was about to make his presence known when Lorne started speaking again. "So I'm sure you'll hear this from a lot of people, but I don't care. You need to take better care of yourself, Doc. You're up in your lab by yourself all the time, the only time I see you is when you're on the range or I drag you out for a meal. It was close this time, Connor." John blinked at Lorne's use of Connor's first name. He hadn't realized the two were quite so close.

"I'm sorry, Evan." Connor said softly.

"Don't be sorry, just be careful, okay?"

John couldn't hear Connor's reply and decided that now would be a good time to walk in. He backed up a little and made his steps a little louder as he entered.

"Hey, you're up." John said with a glance towards his XO. "Major Lorne." He said acknowledging the man sitting by Connor's beside. Lorne moved to stand as John waved him back down. "Sit, it's fine."

"I'm surprised to see you awake so soon." John mentioned to Connor as he moved to stand on the other side of Connor's bed.

"Sorry I, uh, fell asleep, um, while you were here before."

"Not a problem, Doc." John offered, observing Connor's slight frown at the title before the scientist could hide it.

Major Lorne got up, motioning his CO towards his seat. "I'll just get going. Connor, it's nice to see you awake, I'll see you later." He said with a pat to Connor's shoulder. "Sir." He nodded towards John before exiting the infirmary leaving John and Connor alone.

"I heard you earlier with Lorne." John admitted taking the abandoned seat.

"You, uh, did? When?" Connor questioned, blushing.

"When you said you thought you did something to drive me away." John wasn't sure why he was bringing the subject up when he had planned to avoid talking about it for as long as possible. But after hearing Connor's admission to Lorne he knew they should talk.

"Oh. That." Connor turned his head away from John.

"I'm sorry." They both blurted at the same time, Connor turning to look back at John. John laughed a little as Connor reddened again. John noticed that Connor blushed a lot. And then noticed that he was noticing that Connor blushed a lot.

"I…" They both said together, again. Connor motioned to John to go first.

"I'm sorry if I made you think you did something to drive me away." John offered.

"So I didn't?"

"I… No, no you didn't do anything." John gave Connor a crooked smile. "Your turn."

Connor looked up John. " I'm sorry if I made you, uh, uncomfortable or, um, anything. I-I won't do it again."

An emotion hit John that he couldn't decipher. All he knew was that he didn't want Connor to stop, but he also didn't know how to admit that.

"No, Connor, it's, uh, fine. Bunking with McKay and Ronon for three days straight, now that's uncomfortable. Earlier," John gestured with has hands towards Connor. "…well, that was fine." John inwardly groaned at how horrible that sounded. Connor, though, looked placated and even offered John a small smile before a yawn escaped.

"Go back to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up this time."

"Promise?" Connor asked hesitantly in a small voice.

"Go to sleep." John commanded, watching as Connor's eyes drifted close and his breathing evened out. He settled back into the chair for the night.

* * *

Two days later Connor was released to his quarters. True to his word, John had been there when he woke up and almost every time after. Once Connor had awoken to Ronon leaning against the opposite wall, watching Connor. They had stared at each other in silence until Connor had drifted back to sleep.

Now John was helping Connor back to his quarters. Connor felt really out of shape and knew he would have to push himself hard to get back to where he was before.

John hovered uncertain at Connor's door. After constant supervision for a week in the infirmary, Connor was ready for a cup of tea in the privacy of his quarters.

"Thank for, uh, walking me, John." Connor said softly.

"No problem. Are you sure you'll be okay on your own?"

"I'll be fine." Connor promised as the doors opened.

"Ah, okay then. If you start to feel sick again though…" John drifted off.

"I'll be sure to let someone know." Connor said with a small smile. He had received lectures from John, Evan, Keller, a few marines and his boss.

The doors opened and Connor moved into his quarters offering John a short goodbye before the doors closed behind him. He filled his water kettle up and then set it to boil. The linguist selected a tea before sitting down on his bed.

Alone with his thoughts, Connor allowed them to drift back to the infirmary. He didn't know what to make of John. He was the sure now that they were friends. But Connor wasn't sure if friends held hands or not _._ He certainly didn't hold hands with Evan, and Connor could never recall holding hands with a co-worker. Connor convinced himself that John was just worried. After John had come back, he hadn't moved to touch Connor again.

The water kettle whistled and Connor found a clean mug to pour water into before adding his tea bag. As he sat back down Connor thought about putting on some music when Atlantis began playing some classical music softly through his room's speakers. _Thanks… and thanks for getting John to find me._ Connor could swear he felt Atlantis hum with pleasure. He sipped his tea and tried to put thoughts of Colonel Sheppard out of his head.

It took five cups of tea for him to think of nothing.


	9. Discovering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 9 : Discovering**

Author's Notes :  
\- _Star Trek_ belongs to Gene Roddenberry

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

Two days later Connor was back in his lab, translating the Ancient database. While he had been sick, Dr. McKay had sent Connor an e-mail expressing interest in the material Connor had translated on Ancient food machines, so Connor was doing his best to work through those sections. He hoped to have them all translated by Friday. Today was Tuesday, at least on the Earth calendar.

As for John, well, Connor hadn't seen him since he had dropped Connor off at the door. He'd overheard yesterday, while he was in the mess hall that John's team had gone off-world.

John had come through on his offer to help Connor go off-world. While he was recovering, Connor had received an e-mail from Dr. O'Suileabhain saying that he had permission to gate to M41-D28 to examine the ruins he was translating as long as he had a marine escort and the journey was approved by Colonel Carter.

Connor had sent in a request as soon as he read the e-mail and was now awaiting word from Colonel Carter.

As Connor worked through the text he finally found mention of a food hub. An area, he assumed, that food was produced and consumed in. He pulled up a map of Atlantis and saw that the area had been marked blue, indicating that it had passed initial safety exploration by the military but had to yet to explored by a science team. Connor could see that it was marked for exploration in seven months.

He knew that the rules for exploration detailed at least one scientist and one military. Connor wondered if he could get Major Lorne to help him. Atlantis sent him a picture of Evan in Colonel Sheppard's office sorting through paperwork.

"Davids to Lorne." He said, hitting his radio.

"Lorne here. What can I do for ya, Doc.?" Lorne answered, maybe a little too fast.

Connor smiled. "You up for a little exploring?"

"Sure. Now?" Evan answered quickly. Connor thought his friend would take almost anything over paperwork.

"If you're free. Can you meet me in, um, my lab?"

"Already on my way. Lorne out."

Connor uploaded the map and files onto a data pad before saving his work and finishing his tea. Major Lorne walked in just as Connor set down his empty mug.

"So, where we going, Doc?" He asked with a smile.

"I found mention of a, uh, food hub…?" Connor trailed off.

"Gotcha." Evan said with an excited look on his face. "After you." He said motioning towards the door.

Connor led the way to the transporter with Evan following closely behind. He could feel Atlantis' excitement at the prospect of Connor operating another dormant part of the city. The linguist pressed the level on the transporter map and the doors shut. A moment later they arrived and Connor moved to step out when Evan's hand on his arm stopped him.

"I think I'll take lead on this one, Doc. I know it's been cleared, but better to be safe than sorry."

Connor was about to argue that Evan risking himself wasn't them being safe but the look on Evan's face said he wasn't backing down on this point. Connor sighed. "Fine, Evan."

The other man offered a crooked smile before stepping out and taking a look around. He motioned to Connor and Connor stepped out next to Evan. Together they made their way down the dimly lit hallway. _Lights?_ Connor asked Atlantis. He could feel her trying and the frustration she experienced at not having enough power to help him. Connor reached out to put a hand on the wall. _It's okay_ , he soothed as they walked. Connor saw Evan give him a funny look out of the corner of his eye but other than he remained silent.

After a few minutes of walking, Connor stopped to consult his data pad. "It should be at the end of this hallway." Connor said to Evan. As he said it he noticed he stumbled a bit less for words with Evan than John and pondered the thought. While they walked, the major a step ahead of Connor, the scientist wondered if that meant he was more comfortable with Evan than John or if it meant something else entirely. Approaching the large doorway at the end of the hallways, Connor pushed his thoughts away for later.

The doors practically burst open as they approached. Atlantis was excited. Evan turned to quirk an eyebrow at Connor. Connor, for his part, did his best to look innocent. He followed after Evan when he received the signal that it was okay. He stepped into a giant circular room.

Hub was right. There appeared to be small food booths lining the room with chairs and tables in the middle. Connor estimated over two hundred tables with five or six chairs at each table. Some tables could hold more and some held less. There were a couple giant tables that probably held close to twenty chairs. The ceiling was made of glass that let in the natural sunlight from the planet, lighting up the room. Connor could see some doors that led to what looked like the Ancient version of a patio.

Connor moved towards one of the machines in a booth. Connor thought it looked almost like a milkshake machine. As he touched it, the machine lit up and whirred to life. The linguist pressed a button on the front that read 'water'. And liquid started pouring out. It looked clear, and when Connor placed his finger under the stream it felt cold.

"Whoa, cool, Doc." Evan said, joining him. "Did you know it would do that?" He questioned.

"It, uh, says, 'water', so I thought maybe…" Connor replied.

"It does?" The major asked, squinting at the label.

"Oh, uh, sorry, it's in, uh, Ancient." Connor said, embarrassed.

"Got it. Think the rest of this stuff works?" Evan asked with a grin.

"Let's see." Connor answered with a smile.

Six hours later they had met back up. They started at the drink machine, Evan had gone right, while Connor had gone left. As it turned out, almost all the machines Connor found worked. Some were more drink machines, with more than just water, and others produced food. From what he could make out they had a lot of the same properties as replicators, the Ancient and the Star Trek version. He knew the biologists would have to judge the nutritional value of replicated food, but Connor was happy with the discovery. And so, it seemed, was Major Lorne who was standing next to Connor with a huge grin on his face and an excited look.

"Most of mine work." Evan offered.

"Mine as well." Connor replied, returning his friend's huge smile.

"Did yours make food appear out of nowhere?" Evan asked.

"Uh, yeah, I think they might work a lot like the replicators."

"What kind? The I-wanna-kill-you kind or the Star Trek kind?" Evan asked, interested.

"Both, I think." Connor offered back.

"I don't know if Colonel Carter is gonna like that first one."

"I'm sure that, um, Dr. McKay can, uh, figure them out."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Colonel Sheppard's gonna be mad that he missed this." Evan said, still grinning.

Connor agreed.

* * *

Connor received an e-mail that night from Colonel Carter to be at the morning briefing the next day. Connor had never been to one, but knew it was mostly science department heads and Colonels Carter and Sheppard. Colonel Carter wanted him and Major Lorne to present their findings all at once. Connor asked Atlantis to wake him an hour before the meeting and for once he fell asleep in his bed instead of on the couch in his lab.

 _Connor stared at his brand new Chuck Taylor sneakers. He didn't think they were really anything special but he had seen a lot of the kids in his class wearing them. So had his mom. So in an effort to help Connor fit in she had gone out and bought him some. They were black and they felt weird to Connor. Stiff. And they squeaked when he walked._

 _It was the first day back after winter break. His parents had met with his teachers and they decided to move him up another grade level. No one asked Connor what he wanted._

 _So there he was in a class of resentful fourth graders._

" _What's that Connor? Got some new sneakers did ya? Thought they would hide how much of a freak you are?" Taunted a child from his old third grade class._

" _You're still a freak, Davids. No one will be your friend. You're a big, fat wanker."_

 _Connor watched as his old classmates called him name after name, eventually they started throwing rocks at him._

 _Connor ran away as tears streamed down his face. He wished he's never worn the stupid shoes and he wished he weren't smart so the other kids would like him._

Connor woke with a cry. He remembered that day of course. It was the day he knew he would never be accepted. And he never had been, at least while he'd been in school. Afterwards there had been some acceptance at the SGC where everyone was smarter than their peers, had to be to work there. The paper's he'd published had also been accepted well within the academic world, but Connor had never felt that same acceptance deep down. Deep down he was still the kid in the new squeaky shoes that was misunderstood by all.

A glance at his watch told him 0513. Connor laid back down and tried to go to sleep. After a few minutes of tossing and turning he decided to go for a run instead.

He pulled on his running clothes, stretched a little before taking off on a shorter circuit than normal, aware that his body was still recovering.

He was out of breath and shaking when he hit the pier. It had taken him seven more minutes than normal to reach this spot. Connor spotted the sun beginning to rise over the horizon. He slowed to a walk, stretched a little, then sat with his feet hanging off the end to watch the sun rise.

He couldn't shake his dream. He had tried to fit in when he was younger, but it was never enough. He was always the youngest in his class, always the smartest. Soon after that Connor had given up and shrunk into himself. He stopped going to the clubs his mom signed him up for and just read in his room instead.

"Hey." Connor startled. He looked towards the voice. Colonel Sheppard and Ronon were jogging towards him. Connor was surprised to see them, but figured they'd just gotten in late from whatever planet they had been on. He knew John, at least, was scheduled to be at the meeting later that morning.

"I thought Keller told you to take it easy." John said as they slowed to a stop next to him. Ronon tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"This… _is_ easy." Connor replied quietly.

"It's at least two klicks from your quarters to the pier." Sheppard said reproachfully. "That doesn't count as easy."

Connor didn't feel like arguing, he never did. "Sorry, sir." He said softly to Sheppard, looking back at the sea. Connor saw John frown out of the corner of his eye, whether at the title or the apology he didn't know. By now the sun was almost up and a glance at his watch told Connor he had an hour and a half until the meeting. He reluctantly got to his feet and stretched again. "I'll, uh, see you, um, later, John, Specialist Dex." He said with a nod in their direction before taking off for the doors leaving them behind.

Connor arrived back at his quarters forty five minutes before the meeting. He took a quick shower and changed into his uniform, his Irish flag proudly displayed. He decided to grab a muffin or toast from the mess hall. The linguist headed out to the transporter, running into Ronon on the way. Offering a nod of acknowledgment and receiving one in return he moved past the bigger man into the transporter. Atlantis shut the door and started the transporter.

The scientist stepped out and walked quickly to the mess hall where he ran into Evan who looked like he had the same idea as Connor-grab something to go.

"Hey, Doc." He greeted easily, smiling.

"Hey Evan." Connor greeted back, grabbing a tea and a muffin.

Evan collected a cup of coffee and a muffin and they walked together to the transporter where they got on together, quickly arriving at the command level. As Connor strode into the room with Evan he glanced at his watch. He had three minutes so spare he found and smiled to himself. Connor quickly took one of the empty seats and Evan took the seat to his left.

Connor glanced around. There were a few department heads there, including his own, who offered a wave. Connor nodded his head in return. Colonels Carter and Sheppard had yet to arrive, as had Dr. McKay.

Suddenly Connor heard a loud voice yell, "What do you mean they discovered food replicators yesterday! Sheppard! We trudged through three hours of slime and sludge to come up with nothing and they discover chocolate?"

Connor hear John laugh. "Sorry, Rodney." He offered to the scientist as they walked into the room together.

"Hey, Major, Connor." Sheppard greeted.

"Hey, John." Connor offered back as Lorne said, "Good morning, Colonel."

"If you've really discovered chocolate it _will_ be a good morning." Rodney grumped. McKay and Sheppard moved to sit at the head of the table leaving an open seat between them for Colonel Carter.

A few seconds later Carter walked in and sat in the empty seat. "Alright, let's go." She said with no pomp.

One by one each person at the table started reporting discoveries and updates from the past week. By the time they reached the fifth person Connor wished he had brought his data pad to work on. Instead he was listening to a biologist drone on about a new fish they'd found.

Something poked him on the side. He turned to Evan as the other man leaned closer to whisper, "At least _look_ awake, Doc." He smirked before sitting back up straight again.

Connor made an effort to look more alert. Finally, _finally_ it was his turn, almost two hours after the meeting had started. Connor proceeded to explain his findings and why he contacted Evan before describing what he found in the 'food hub', with Evan adding his own knowledge in between his descriptions and then some more to the end.

By the time Evan finished everyone had an interested look on their face and Connor thought Dr. McKay might burst from the need to know everything about the 'replicators' that they had found from the rapid fire questioning he aimed towards Connor and Lorne.

"Great job, Dr. Davids, Major." Carter said, interrupting McKay's latest question, with a smile and a nod of her head. "We'll get a team working on this right away. Well, if that's it…" She paused to look around and when no one offered anything more, except McKay, she continued, "Then you're all dismissed."

Connor grabbed his empty tea mug before exiting with Evan after a few scientists. He stopped when he heard a voice behind him call his name. Evan turned to him and offered a, "See you later, Doc," before continuing on down the stairs and out of the room.

"Bye, Evan." Connor offered after him before turning towards the voice behind him. He saw Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay approaching him.

"Good job with the replicators." John offered with a light pat to Connor's arm before quickly lowering his hand back down.

"We really need another name for them," McKay added. "Don't want to confuse them with the evil, killing ones."

"Uh, yeah, no, you wouldn't want that." Connor stammered.

John smiled. "We're off to breakfast." He said to Connor, "You interested?"

"I, um, had a muffin earlier." Connor replied softly.

Sheppard laughed. "Rodney had two."

"They were small!" McKay defended.

"I, um, really should get, uh, back to my lab." Connor answered.

Sheppard looked at him and Connor met his eyes. A few seconds later Sheppard broke the silence.

"Maybe another time then." John finally said.

"Yeah." Connor answered with a hesitant smile.

"If you two are finished acting like love sick teenager teenagers some of us are starving here." McKay interjected waving his hands about.

"Hold your horses, Rodney, I'm coming." Sheppard said exasperated, but Connor could detect a note of fondness.

John quirked a half smile. "Catch you later, Doc." He offered without moving.

"Bye, Colonel."

"Sheppard!" McKay said loudly, pulling on John's sleeve.

With a final wave, John disappeared into the hallway. Connor turned down another hallway to get back to his lab.


	10. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 10 : Confusion**

Author's Notes :  
\- Don't own Cheetos, _Fight Club_ , _Star Wars_ , _Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon_.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

John was on his way to Connor's thirteenth flying lesson. It had been a month since Connor had been in the infirmary, and John's team had been very busy lately so consequently this was the third time this flying lesson had been scheduled. It was about to become the fourth if he didn't hurry up; John increased his pace. Living in Atlantis was weird like that. Sometimes there would be complete lulls in activity and sometimes John was so busy he barely had time to eat.

Twenty minutes late, he burst into the jumper bay. His eyes found Connor sitting in the pilot seat of the jumper with his head pillowed on his arms that rested on the main console. John wondered if the other man had fallen asleep. Quickly John's mind flashed to the last time he had seen Connor asleep-it was on the couch in his lab while he was feverish. John hastily made his way over to the scientist who shot up, awake, as soon as John's hand landed on his shoulder, and a feeling of relief shot through John.

"You okay there, Doc?" John asked, without removing his hand. Connor's shoulder felt warm to his touch and Connor, for his part, unconsciously leaned slightly into the hand.

"Yes, Colonel… sorry. Long, uh, night." Connor said softly, blushing. John finally removed his hand as he took the co-pilot's seat on Connor's right.

Connor had already moved on to the pre-flight, and soon enough the jumper was ready to go. He looked to John for guidance on where they were going.

"To the mainland today. The biologists found a new fruit there last week… the yellow one that's been in the mess hall?" He said, questioning if Connor had noticed. At Connor's nod he continued, "So yeah, they want us to get some more. It's gonna take a couple hours to get there, get the fruit, and get back, so today's lesson will count for two."

Connor brought up the HUD and John pointed out the area that the fruit was in. There was silence for a few minutes as Connor directed the jumper to the right direction. John leaned back in his seat to watch him.

"So, Rodney has spent all his free time with the replicators." John offered, breaking the quiet. "He's been trying to get chocolate out of it. So far it seems like the Ancients didn't know what chocolate was, and so he's trying to re-program it or something like that. Coffee too."

"Do you, uh, miss any food?" Connor asked hesitantly.

"Oh, definitely. A good steak, Cheetos, cheesecake… I can't wait to stop eating so much fish and brightly colored fruits. What about you?"

"Pancakes." Connor said simply. "Although Irish pancakes are more like, uh, crepes." He offered.

"Really? I've never been to Ireland. What's it like?" John asked, turning to look at Connor.

Connor moved to face John, his eyes lighting up. "It's grand. Me mum's from Killarney, in the, uh, south-west of Ireland, me dad's from Wexford, in the south-east. They met at uni in Cork, in the very south, and we, um, lived there." Connor's accent began to seep in. "In Ireland it, uh, rains all the time. Very cold nights, but it's the most beautiful place I've been to."

"How long did you live there?" John asked.

"Until I was twenty. Then we, um, we moved to Santa Monica. I went for more schooling, and my dad, uh, got a job out there as well."

"So do people really drink as much in Ireland as we think they do?" John asked with a grin.

"More." Connor said blushing. "Pubs everywhere."

"Anything like bars in the states?"

Connor appeared to think about this for a second. "No, uh, not really. Pubs are… quite loud. People, um, everywhere. There's more… energy. I think they're less depressing than bars."

"Sounds just like your scene." John said sarcastically, with a laugh.

Connor laughed too. "I much prefer to stay in. I'm, uh, not a big drinker either. A pint of Carlsberg will, uh, do just fine."

"No Guinness then?" John asked, referencing what some jokingly call Ireland's greatest export.

"No." Connor shuddered. "Gross."

John laughed. "Do you miss it there… Ireland?"

"Sometimes. But I-I love my job." Connor answered.

"I know what you mean." John replied.

For the rest of the ride to the mainland, John continued to ask Connor about Ireland, who in return asked him about Antarctica and other places John had mentioned, and John responded enthusiastically.

When they reached the mainland, they unloaded the cartons in the back of the jumper and began filling them with fruit. It took about forty-five minutes to fill them all and soon enough they were loading them back into the jumper and heading back to Atlantis.

"So what kind of music do you like?" John asked after Connor had set the autopilot.

"Um, I dunno."

"What bands do you listen to?"

"Um… a lot of, uh, classical. Schubert is… I really like his work."

"Classical? Hm, okay. Any more modern stuff?"

"Um, I like, uh, Declan O'Rourke, Dervish, Teada, The Script… mainly, um, Irish music." Connor said, blushing.

John thought for a moment. "I'm not sure if I've heard of any of those." He offered, somewhat embarrassed. "Do you have any of that with you?"

"In my, um quarters. I can, uh, send you some? If you want." The linguist added hastily.

John flashed him a smile. "That would be great."

"What about you? What music do you like? You said before, um, Johnny… Cash?"

"Oh yeah. The Man in Black, classic American icon, Doc. Changes lives. What else… Hmm, I like Willie Nelson, AC/DC, Lou Reed… just all kinds of music I guess." He said, somewhat sheepishly. "What about movies?" John continued asking. "I know you like _Star Wars_ , and I think I remember you mentioning _Crouching Tiger_ …?"

"Um, yeah, those are both, um, cool." Connor said.

"Well, what else? What's your favorite?"

"Um, I really like, uh, Fight Club." Connor blushed.

" _Fight Club_ … the one with… Brad Pitt…?" John questioned trying to place the movie.

"Yeah."

"I've never seen it. I meant to get around to it, but you know how that goes."

"I have it… in my, uh, quarters, if you want to borrow it, or something."

"How about a movie night?" John suggested.

"A movie night?"

John ignored the question. "Let's see… I'm busy tonight and tomorrow… how about Thursday night? Where do you wanna watch?"

"Thursday night?" Connor said, still a bit lost.

"Thursday it is then." John grinned. "How about your quarters?"

"Um… sure."

"Awesome. Want to grab dinner first? Say 1900? I'll come get you at your lab."

"Dinner, uh, okay." Connor said, flustered.

"Perfect. Now what other movies do you like…?"

* * *

It was Thursday and Evan was, once again, doing the Colonel's paperwork. At around 1130 his stomach growled, definitely time for lunch. He finished up what he was working on, before grabbing his jacket. He made his way towards Connor's lab. Since Connor's brush with death, Lorne had made a standing lunch date with the linguist for every Thursday, and he was trying to swing every Monday as well.

Connor was quickly becoming one of Evan's best friends. Evan found him funny, smart, patient, and just an all around good guy. He even talked Connor into coming to a couple movie nights with his team and some of the marines. Evan thought his new friend needed to get out more. He stepped out of the transporter onto Connor's level. And if you got the linguist talking for long enough, he stopped stuttering over his words. Evan wanted to help Connor become more confidant. Evan thought the other man was a great guy, and Connor had plenty of friends here, he just didn't seem to know it.

Evan rang the chime on the lab door before stepping in. He saw Connor by the large screen in his lab. The linguist was frantically moving his head back and forth between the screen and his notebook, scribbling things down at a furious pace. Connor hadn't even turned to look in his direction when Evan stepped in.

"Just a minute, Evan." Connor said, before Lorne could open his mouth. Evan nodded to himself and took a seat on Connor's couch, watching the young scientist work.

Three minutes later, Connor was closing down the screen and his laptop. Evan stood with a smile. "'Bout time, Doc." Connor blushed before grabbing his jacket. Lorne met him at the door. "Ready?" Connor nodded and they made their way to the mess hall.

The mess hall was crowded when they got there, but there were still a few open tables. Evan moved towards one, with Connor following him. He put his jacket on the back of one chair, as Connor did the same, reserving the table. Together they made their way to the food line. The scientists were still working on the food hub that Connor had found, so until then it was prickly purple fruit and mystery meat.

The two companions filled their trays before moving back to their table. They had both started in on their meal before Evan asked, "So anything new, Doc.? I heard Private Michaels saying you helped him out on the range a few days ago."

"Uh, yeah, he just needed to, um, center himself better."

Evan smiled, "Well it was pretty nice of you."

Predictably Connor blushed, before looking back down at his food.

"What else?" Evan urged. From past experience he knew it took Connor a few minutes before he could start opening up about his day.

Connor just shrugged.

"Well," Evan started, not at all deterred by Connor's silence, "Yesterday my team went to M51-Z38. We were there negotiating some of this." He said, spearing the purple fruit and waving it around a little. "The people there were great, a little crazy, but great. They gave us some of this mead that they make… it was amazing stuff. I think next time we should just trade for that. And you know Parrish, he had a few drinks too many and pretty soon Coughlin, Reed and I are trying to stop Jakiyl, one of the village elders, from marrying off his youngest daughter to Parrish." Evan laughed at the memory and was happy when Connor did the same.

"Parrish," Evan continued, "For his part, didn't remember any of this in the morning. But I had Colonel Sheppard take us off the trading rotation for that planet." Evan said with a twinkle in his eye.

"And by Colonel Sheppard you mean…"

"I mean myself." He confirmed with a smile. Connor laughed as Evan shrugged innocently. "What? Can I help it if the man never does his paperwork?" Connor just laughed some more.

Evan went on to tell about the past couple days, and they were mostly finished with their lunch when Connor blurted out, "I think I have a date tonight." He then blushed a deep red.

Evan stopped talking about his breakfast with Parrish this morning and stared at Connor. "Come again?"

"I, uh, think I have a, um, date? Tonight?" He stammered, looking down at his half empty plate.

"Okay." Evan said with a smile, "Who's it with?" He asked, taking a drink of water.

"Um…" Connor's voice drifted off. "Well, it's just that, um, I don't… How do you know if it's a, uh, date?"

"Well, what are you guys gonna do?"

"We, um, well it started… I just… At first we were talking about movies. And I said my, uh, favorite was _Fight Club_ …" He paused to take a sip of tea.

"Good movie." Lorne agreed.

Connor nodded before continuing. "And, um, I mentioned I had it in my quarters and they seemed interested and said we should have a, um, movie night? Then they, um, mentioned getting dinner before? Maybe it's not a date. I don't know, Evan. I've-I've never been on one." As he said that last part quietly, Connor looked downtrodden and suddenly Lorne was both anxious and sad for his friend.

"Well, Doc, it sounds like it could be a date." Evan said gently. "It's hard to tell. There's not much else to do here." Connor looked up at that. Evan could see emotions playing across his face. He couldn't tell if it was disappointment or relief on Connor's face. He sought to reassure Connor. "What do you want it to be?"

"I'm, um, I'm not sure. I don't know how I feel about it. This is… this is new. Maybe I'm just reading it all wrong. I must be reading it all wrong. Please, Evan," He begged. "Tell me I'm reading it all wrong."

Evan looked at Connor's face, the scientist looked so torn. "It could just be hanging out, like you and I do, Doc."

Connor's face was pensive before he accepted what Lorne said, with a sigh of relief. "Okay then, it's, uh, not a date. Just hanging out." He said with a small smile.

Evan couldn't tell if it was a happy smile or a sad one. His heart ached for his friend. And with that they continued their lunch, this time with Connor telling Evan of his week.


	11. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 11 : Rescue**

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard was not having a good week. It started off pretty well, with a relaxing conversation in the puddle jumper with Connor but then proceeded downhill from there. Almost as soon as they landed back at Atlantis he was swept away by Colonel Carter who briefly informed him that SGA-3 had missed the last two check-ins and from there it only got worse. When he and his team arrived at the planet that SGA-3 was supposed to be at, there were no signs of them or anyone else. After looking around for two hours they made their way back to the stargate only to find three Wraith ground soldiers in front of it and John, wondering how he, Ronon and Teyla (he didn't wonder about McKay) had missed the sound of Wraith darts, had then taken cover for the five hours it took for the Wraith to finally leave. He still had no idea what they had been after.

Rodney had logged the address the Wraith gated off to and John's team went back to collect a jumper and a team of marines before heading back out… to a Wraith controlled planet. After almost getting blown out of the sky, three times, John found a place to sit down and had Rodney reconfigure the sensors to locate the subcutaneous beacons of the missing team. After finding three, instead of four, John made his way through two hive ships, recovered the three men, grabbing the dog tags of the fourth and then made a harrowing escape back to Atlantis' Beta site before dialing the Alpha site and then Atlantis.

Well, that's mostly how it went. Except that Ronon took two stunner blasts, Teyla took a hit to the forehead that left a huge bruise across her face, Rodney met up with a Wraith who tried to strangle him before eating him and John had taken some small bits of shrapnel in his back after blowing up the outside of the cell his men were stuck in.

And to add to all of that, on Wednesday he was awoken at 0300 by some scientists who needed his gene _right now_ , to stop something that they shouldn't have been messing with from blowing up; that had taken three hours to fix. Then he was yelled at by Rodney for another two hours for not stopping to get him. He never did go back to sleep.

Today was Thursday, his movie night with Connor. The thought brought n small smile to his face. John hoped nothing else went wrong that week. It was already 1700, so there were only two more hours before he was home free, but almost before he could finish the thought Chuck was calling him on his radio to the control room. John groaned.

He carefully made his way to the control room, wary of the cuts and stitches in his back. Carter met him at the bottom of the stairs.

"John, Major Lorne's team just reported back in that they're taking heavy fire on M58-925, he's requested back up. You have ten minutes to get your team and SGA-5 together."

"Yes, ma'am." He replied, already moving away, hand raising to his earpiece. "McKay, Ronon, Teyla meet me in the jumper bay now."

"On my way, John." Teyla replied.

"What? Now, Sheppard? I'm in the middle of-"

John cut Rodney off. "Now, Rodney."

Ronon didn't respond, but John didn't expect him too either.

"Sheppard to Samuels, I know it's your day off, but I need you to get your team together and meet me in the jumper bay in," John checked his watch, "-eight minutes."

"Copy that, Colonel. Samuels out."

As John made his way to the jumper bay he wondered if he should give Connor a heads up. He didn't know how long this would take. He sighed and tapped his radio. "Sheppard to Davids."

"Davids here." Came the prompt reply.

"Hey, Connor. Listen, something's come up with Lorne's team off-world, I'm on my way out and I'm not sure if I'll be back in time for the movie tonight."

"Is Evan alright?" Came the immediate response.

"We're not sure, he just reported back that he's taking some fire."

"Oh. Um, okay. Good luck." Connor said softly.

"Thanks. Sheppard out."

John stopped quickly to grab his tac vest, seeing Teyla there along with all three out of four members of SGA-5. As John finished clipping it all together, Rodney came stumbling in. John grabbed his vest for him, holding it up for the astrophysicist to slip into. Teyla checked John's pack as he did so, John checked Rodney's and Rodney in turn moved to check Teyla's as she finished John's. The last member of SGA-5 rushed in, one of his teammates holding out his vest, checking it as he put it on. They all made their way to the jumper bay, where Ronon was waiting for them.

John automatically headed for Jumper 1, his favorite. It lit up as they made their way inside, and nine minutes after Carter had called him, John was lowering the jumper into the control room in front of the Stargate. Carter gave them a 'go' and John launched the puddle jumper through the stargate.

* * *

Evan Lorne had been having a good day. Well, sort of a good day. He spent the first half of it doing paperwork, before meeting up with Connor for lunch. He suddenly realized he'd never asked the linguist who his date was with. Evan turned around and he fired his P-90 behind him as he ran.

The day had been fine until he had shown up on M58-925. The villagers had seemed receptive at first, but had failed to mention they were in a war with a neighboring village. The neighboring village, feeling left out from the negotiations, had shown up with some of the more sophisticated weapons in the Pegasus galaxy.

Coughlin had taken a hit to his shoulder while covering Parrish, Parrish had sprained an ankle running and was now limping along as well as he could and Reed had taken an arrow to the arm that Evan had pulled out ten minutes ago and now the wound was bleeding somewhat profusely. Evan had taken a hit to his shoulder and one to his lower back, right below his vest as he was covering their six. Coughlin had been able to dial the gate a few minutes ago to let Atlantis know the situation before the villagers had found them and forced them to take shelter in the nearby forest before they could make it from the DHD to the gate.

Evan could see Parrish ahead of him leaning against a tree. Reed was bent over in exhaustion, clutching his arm to try and staunch the blood. Coughlin was keeping watch but Evan could see him wavering.

"Sheppard to Lorne, what's your status, Major?"

"We're in the forest, sir. About four klicks from the gate." Evan fumbled with his compass. "North-west, sir."

"I've got you. There's a clearing about half a click due east, do you think you can make it there?" Evan looked at his team.

"We'll be there, Colonel, Lorne out."

"Calvary's here guys. They're landing in a clearing about half a click east. Let's go."

He waited as Coughlin took point, with Parrish limping after him and Reed close by before closing in behind them. It took longer than Lorne would have liked before they saw the jumper. By then Parrish was limping quite badly and Evan changed his earlier thought of sprained to broken, Coughlin was swaying dangerously and Reed looked on the verge of collapse. Evan knew how he felt.

The jumper door lowered and Evan recognized SGA-5 as they moved out to surround SGA-2, keeping guard as Colonel Sheppard's team moved to help them into the jumper. He heard P-90 fire briefly before the jumper doors closed and they were airborne. Evan made sure his team was being seen to before sitting down. He heaved a sigh of relief that ended quickly when he heard Sheppard swear under his breath.

"What?" He heard Rodney ask.

"Wraith. Just fan-fucking-tastic." Sheppard answered. Evan glanced to the front, and sure enough the stargate was dialed and there were three Wraith darts, that he could see, flying, their blue transporter beams hitting the ground.

"Hang on." Sheppard commanded. Evan winced as they took a sharp turn away from the gate. Standard procedure said they would set down and wait out the Wraith, but with a glance towards Reed, Evan didn't know if they could afford to do that, and from the way Sheppard glanced back at his team, Evan knew his CO was thinking the same thing. Evan felt the jumper touch down as Sheppard turned off non-essential systems before making his way to the back of the jumper.

Evan winced as Teyla removed his vest. He could see Samuels attending to Coughlin as Sheppard moved to help Parrish and Sgt. Chung helped Reed. Ronon had retrieved the jumper's medical kits and was sorting supplies based on who needed what. He heard Parrish yelp as Sheppard worked off his boot. Evan could see his ankle was already a deep purple and very swollen. David's ankle was definitely broken. Evan could see Sheppard arrive at the same conclusion. The major dry swallowed the Tylenol that Ronon handed to him and McKay passed him a water bottle to chase it down with.

He turned to look at Reed again and felt a spike of anxiety and worry hit him as he saw his teammate unconscious, passed out from pain or blood loss, Evan didn't know. Sgt. Chung began to work faster, now that Reed was unconscious. Evan watched as he removed Jake's vest, shirt and jacket. Chung pulled out a sterile wipe to clear away the blood before affixing a pressure bandage to the wound.

Teyla had worked Evan out of his jacket and shirt and was now tending to the wound on his shoulder. Samuels moved over to tend to the wound on Lorne's back. Evan could see Stevens doing the same for Coughlin.

McKay had returned to the front of the jumper to monitor the stargate through the HUD and Evan found himself praying that the Wraith would leave soon.

Twenty minutes later McKay announced that the stargate had deactivated before shortly announcing that it had reactivated again. Lorne sighed, looking around. The rest of his team had either passed out or was dozing. SGA-5 was sitting on the floor towards the back of the jumper talking softly between themselves with occasional glances at Evan's team. Ronon and Teyla had taken up seats in the front of the jumper, only Colonel Sheppard remained sitting with Evan.

"So the Doc tells me he's almost finished with jumper training, sir." Evan offered quietly to Sheppard, in an attempt to take his mind off the pain.

Sheppard looked up at his XO. "Yeah, one more session." The colonel offered back.

"How's he taking to it, sir?" Evan asked curiously.

"He's one of the better pilots we have. I'm gonna ask him if he wants to be put on the pilot rotation." Sheppard responded with a grin.

Evan returned his smile. "It'll be hard to get him out of his lab."

"Oh, don't I know it? He practically lives in that lab of his." Sheppard replied with a shake of his head.

"Him and his twenty cups of tea." Evan said.

"Well, he's Irish, so the tea can be forgiven." Sheppard laughed.

"I almost forget that, sir." Evan said. Connor hid his accent well.

"Me too, sometimes." With a glance at his watch, Sheppard muttered an, "Excuse me." Before making his way to the front, quickly scanning the HUD before going back to sit with Evan. "I was supposed to watch _Fight Club_ with him tonight, but it looks like we'll have to re-schedule." Sheppard offered, making conversation again.

Evan tried not to let the shock show on his face. Connor thought he had a date with Colonel Sheppard? _Evan_ had thought he had a date with Colonel Sheppard? Evan turned to discreetly study his CO's face. Sheppard looked disappointed and… mad?

"He, uh, mentioned a movie tonight. I know he'll be disappointed, sir."

Sheppard gave Evan a sharp unreadable look, as McKay called from the front. "Alright, they're gone, Sheppard."

Sheppard got up and went to the front and taking the pilot's chair. Evan felt them lift off and winced in pain. But his mind wasn't focused on the pain. It was wondering if Connor _really did_ have a date with Colonel Sheppard.


	12. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 12 : Introductions**

Author's Notes :  
\- Ignores _Outcast_ (John is an only child).

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

After accompanying Lorne and his team to the infirmary, John set out to track down Connor. It was only 2100 and John was hoping he could still salvage part of his night. Atlantis flashed him a picture of Connor in his lab so John headed for a transporter quickly hitting Connor's level. He rubbed his hands over his face as the transporter doors opened. John ran a hand through his hair as he stepped out and headed towards Connor's lab.

He reached out and ran his hand over the door sensor before entering. Connor turned to look at him, surprised.

"John. Hi. How'd the rescue, uh, go? How's Evan?" He asked, looking John over surreptitiously to make sure he wasn't injured.

John felt Connor's gaze on him and something in his chest tightened at his friend's obvious concern. "The rescue was successful, got them all back. They're in the infirmary right now, all but Parrish have to spend the night. Coughlin took a hit to the shoulder, Parrish broke his ankle, Reed got an arrow through his right arm, lost a lot of blood, Lorne took a hit to his arm and back, flesh wounds though, both of them. He's going to be fine." John saw Connor stand and start to move towards the door. "Hey, hold up. When I left they were prepping Lorne for surgery, to close the wounds right. He'll be in there for a couple of hours. And probably out of it for the rest of the night. I'm sure he'll appreciate a visit in the morning though."

Connor looked back at John and nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Have you eaten?" John asked, glancing around. There was the ever present tea cup at Connor's desk, but no presence of a food tray, and John knew that Connor didn't like to eat in the mess hall alone.

"I, uh…"

"I'll take that as a 'no'." John said, reaching out to gently grab Connor's elbow, steering him towards the door.

"Wait! My, uh, stuff… I need to…"

"It'll still be here when we finish." John said gently.

"Okay." Connor acquiesced, flashing a small smile towards John and following him out the door.

John let go of Connor as the lab doors swished shut behind them. Together they made their way through Atlantis. When they reached the mess hall it was empty and the lights were low. John expected them to brighten as they walked in, but Atlantis refused, instead, dimming the low lights even more. John sighed.

"What?" Connor asked, turning to John, as they made their way to the line to grab some sandwiches that were left out under a plastic dome.

"Nothing." John said, grabbing an apple as Connor grabbed one of the fruits he and John had collected earlier that week. John took a cookie and a bottle of water as Connor filled a mug with hot water from a carafe before selecting a tea bag and following John to a table by the window. The room was lit mostly by the moonlight streaming in from the moons of the planet.

John gave a short hiss as he sat down and his injured back hit the chair. _Damn, that hurt._ He stood up and turned the chair around, straddling it instead and sat to face Connor who was looking at him with a mixture of confusion and concern.

"It's nothing." John answered, waving away the concern. "Just hurt my back a couple missions ago." John smiled a little to try and ease Connor's worry.

"Injured? What? How? When?" Connor questioned rapidly, standing. John regarded him warily as Connor walked around the table to John's side. John tried not to feel annoyed when the lights suddenly brightened for the younger man. "John?" He asked, after John had remained silent.

"Oh uh, my back. Took a few hits from some grenade debris on the Wraith ship a couple days ago."

"You were hit with a grenade?" Connor's hand moved to the bottom of John's shirt, in what John could only imagine was an attempt to look at the wound.

He reached around and took Connor's hand. "Really, Connor, it's not that bad."

Connor looked at him with wide eyes. "Can I see?" He asked hesitantly.

John's first response was to say 'No.' But the look in Connor's eyes stopped him. With a sigh, John nodded his head and let go of Connor's hand. He felt the linguist hesitantly lift the back of his shirt.

Connor gasped and John felt his hand lightly trace around a few of the cuts, it was warm against John's skin, and suddenly John felt cold everywhere but where Connor's hand was. The scientist continued to examine the cuts on John's back, ghosting over the bandages that covered the deeper wounds. Finally John felt his shirt lowered, and Connor's hand smoothed the shirt over his back, lightly.

John closed his eyes at the touch and wondered what was happening between them. But before he could think about things further Connor had moved back around the table and sat back down across from John. Now John felt cold everywhere, and he shivered lightly. Connor was staring at him intently.

"Why didn't you, uh, tell me you were hurt? I thought that-that we were… friends. Friends, uh… friends tell each other things… Right?" Connor looked a little hurt, but his face was still clouded with concern for John.

"Hey." John said gently, reaching out to place his right hand on top of Connor's left, which was lying on the table beside his tray. "If I had been seriously hurt I would have told you, someone would have told you. I wasn't hurt that badly, this time." John saw Connor wince at his words. He moved his hand to wrap around Connor's fingers as he hurried to add, "It comes with the job, Doc."

Connor looked at their hands before looking back at John. "Someone would have told me?"

"Someone would have told you." John repeated, making sure Connor understood.

"And it's, uh, not too bad?"

"It's not too bad."

"Okay. Uh, okay. Sorry." Connor said, softly.

John gave Connor's hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. "Okay."

And with that they continued with dinner, as John told Connor of his horrible week and Connor told John of his findings that week, talking late into the night.

* * *

It was 0320 and Connor was making his way through the halls of Atlantis to the infirmary. Colonel Sheppard had just dropped him off at his quarters probably with the thought that Connor would get some sleep. Instead he had waited a few minutes before Atlantis gave him the 'all clear' sign and now he was making his way to check on Evan.

He and John had talked for hours about their lives. After all their jumper lessons Connor wasn't sure they had much more to share, but tonight he couldn't stop talking and neither could John. Connor smiled at the memory. He couldn't quite figure things out. He spent more time with Evan but he felt _closer_ to John. The linguist was also starting to realize that he didn't really think of the two men in the same way. He didn't know what was different, and no matter how much he thought about it he couldn't figure it out. Connor thought maybe he would ask Evan when he was feeling better.

The lights were low in the infirmary when Connor arrived. He listened for noises and determined the night nurse was in the office. Connor quietly made his was into the infirmary and quickly determined which bed was Evan's. He sat quietly in the chair by Evan's bed. His friend looked paler than normal, but otherwise looked okay. Connor examined his face, searching for signs of pain, but didn't see any.

He hesitantly reached out to gently grab Evan's hand. It felt warm to the touch and Connor breathed a sigh of relief. He had been so worried for Evan, even though John had assured him that the Major would be okay.

Connor didn't know if it was because he abruptly let go of Evan's hand, but the next moment the major's eyes fluttered open lightly. Evan glanced around before his eyes landed on Connor's face.

"Hey, Doc." He rasped. Connor quickly moved to pour him some water and offered it to Lorne who gratefully accepted, drinking deeply before handing the glass back to Connor who replaced it on the tray.

"Hey, Evan." Connor said quietly. Evan's brow furrowed as he reached up with the hand that Connor had held to gently push some hair out of Connor's face.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. I'm okay." Evan soothed gently. The other man moved his hand to Connor's to offer a reassuring touch as Connor took some deep steadying breaths.

"I was so… so worried for you, Evan. I… John said you were hurt, I, uh, I'm sorry I didn't come earlier… John said you were in surgery and then probably… anesthesia…" Connor babbled, turning his head away. He could feel tears prickling at his eyes and he refused to let them fall.

"Hey." Evan said again. "Hey. Connor. Connor, look at me." Connor turned to face Evan, who must have seen something because his next words were meant to comfort. "Hey, it's okay. Shh." And with that Evan pulled Connor down into a hug, running his hands up and down Connor's back, soothingly. "C'mon Doc, shhh. It's okay." After a few minutes Connor calmed and sat back up, biting his lip in worry.

"I'm sorry, Evan. Here you are, hurt, and I just…" His voice drifted off.

"Hey, it's fine." Evan said, smiling softly. "You were worried. It's okay. Really, Connor."

"Are you okay, Evan? Really okay?"

"I'm really okay." Lorne smiled.

"Promise?"

"I promise." He said, making sure Connor saw that he was serious. A small smile broke out across Connor's face.

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too, Doc. Me too."

After a few more minutes of talking, Evan drifted back off to sleep, and Connor watched over him until the sun started to come up.

* * *

"Final lesson, Doc. You ready?" John asked his latest jumper trainee. It had been a week since the last lesson and John was looking forward to graduating his student. Now he and Connor were walking together to the jumper bay where they would meet up with Ronon and Teyla before Connor flew them all the mainland. Colonel Carter had asked them to pick some more fruit and John had enlisted his team members to help.

Connor smiled confidently. "Definitely, John."

When they arrived Ronon and Teyla were loading empty crates into the back of a jumper, John grabbed a couple more and carried them on the way in, noticing Connor doing the same. The scientist expertly took his seat in the pilot's chair and begun the short pre-flight as Ronon and Teyla moved the last of the crates in before taking the seats behind John and Connor.

"Sheppard to Control, we're taking off."

"Have fun, Colonel. Control out."

And with that Connor gently lifted them up and out of the jumper bay and soon enough they were on their way to the mainland.

"So, are we, uh, getting more of that, uh, yellow fruit?" Connor asked quietly. John noticed he said everything quietly.

"Yeah, some of that and some of that pink fruit and uh…" He scratched his head trying to remember the last fruit.

"The small, orange fruit." Teyla provided.

"Thanks. Yeah, that. Have you had any?" John asked Connor.

"Of the, uh, orange?"

"Yeah, or the pink."

"I, um, didn't like the pink. The orange was… okay… though." He offered.

"That pink one was gross." Ronon contributed.

"I, too, did not care for the pink fruit." Teyla said.

"So maybe today, in our fruit gathering efforts, we find that there just wasn't an abundance of the pink fruit." John suggested. Teyla raised an eyebrow and Ronon grunted. John took that as agreement from both of his team members before looking at Connor who had a slight smile on his face. "Cool." John grinned.

"So, Doc, translate anything cool lately?" He asked, turning to look at the linguist. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Teyla watching them both.

"Um. Dr. McKay has me looking for, um, more references on the, uh, food replicators. I've been doing that."

"For a month?" John asked, annoyed at Rodney.

"Um. Yeah." Connor blushed. "It takes… a while to, uh, find things."

"So have you found anything?"

"Uh, just a couple mentions. Dr. McKay is not… happy with my progress."

This time John looked at Connor's face and finally noticed the deep circles under his eyes, indicating how tired he was. John wasn't sure Connor had gotten any sleep lately.

"Have you been sleeping?" John blurted out before remembering that Teyla and Ronon were in here with them. Connor was less apt to answer truthfully with them here. "Never mind." John said, knowing he would get it out of the linguist later.

There was a brief silence before John spoke again, this time about their last mission. "So a couple days ago we gated off to this planet…"

* * *

Three hours later they were landing back at Atlantis with twenty crates full of fruit. Only one of them had the pink fruit. John had called ahead to have a few marines meet them to help load and transport the fruit to the mess hall. Ronon and Teyla moved to help the marines and John hung back with Connor.

"Hey, so Doc…" Connor turned to look at him. "Listen, I was wondering if you would agree to be put on the pilot rotation."

"The, uh, what?" Connor asked confused.

"Pilot rotation. It's basically for rescue missions but we also use pilots for other times when we need a jumper, like to the mainland and back. Anyways, when we take the teams out they like to stick together so we get someone else to pilot the jumper and stay with it. I'm not gonna lie, it gets dangerous and scary, but it's also extremely useful and helpful. We don't have a lot of pilots, much less good pilots, and you're one of the best, Doc." At this Connor blushed. "You don't have to answer now, just think about it, let me know."

"I, uh, I'll think about it, John." Connor answered quietly.

John smiled. "Thanks. Let me know what you decide, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome. Well… good job today, and congratulations on finishing your training." John said, giving Connor a pat on the back. "Sorry to train and run, but I've got a meeting with Colonel Carter. So, see you later?"

"Uh, yeah." Connor answered. And with that John left, leaving through the jumper bay doors. Connor moved down the jumper ramp to help load the crates of fruit onto some carts.

"Thanks, Doc." One of the Marines offered Connor before moving to push one of the carts out of the jumper bay, following the other marines. Ronon offered Connor a nod before also heading out.

"Dr. Davids." Connor jumped slightly. He forgot that Teyla was still there. He turned to look at her.

"Would you accompany me to get some lunch?" She continued.

Connor didn't really know Teyla, and had certainly never hung out with her before and was more than tempted to say 'no'. But she was one of John's teammates and he'd heard so much about her from John, so Connor nodded and Teyla smiled before moving to his side as they made their way to the mess hall.

"I was impressed with your flying today, Dr. Davids." Teyla offered as they moved down a hallway to a transporter.

"I… thanks, Miss Emmagen."

"Please, Dr. Davids, call me Teyla." She offered as they moved into a transporter. She hit the mess hall level and Connor felt them start to move.

"Then you can, uh, call me Connor." He offered. The transporter stopped and they made their way to the mess hall. Neither said a word as they joined the line. Teyla selected a salad, some fish and tea, Connor selected the same. They made their way to a table on the side, where they would be able to talk quietly.

As their tea steeped Connor's mind raced. He wasn't sure why the Athosian wanted to have lunch with him. He wondered if something was wrong, or if Connor did something wrong. Connor bit his lip as he wondered if John said something about him to Teyla and then something in his chest ached as he thought that maybe she was here to warn him off John. Tell him that she and John were dating and that Connor needed to leave the other man alone. The idea bothered him more than he was willing to admit and it made something inside Connor ache, he wasn't sure what. He had heard plenty of rumors that she and John were dating, but Connor never paid them any mind. He and John had been friends for months now and he had never mentioned dating Teyla.

* * *

"So, Connor, how has your time on Atlantis been?" Teyla asked before taking a sip of her tea. She noted that he looked nervous and Teyla wondered why. John had come to her many times over the past few months to discuss the young scientist. Teyla almost felt as if she knew him, and was glad to have an opportunity to talk to him now.

She watched him take a bite of his salad, chewing and swallowing before answering her. "I, uh, really like it here. It's amazing."

"You do not miss Earth? Your family? Friends?" She questioned. Teyla watched as an embarrassed, hurt look appeared on Connor's face. He suddenly seemed uncomfortable and Teyla regretted her question. She knew that some of the people on Atlantis had no family to leave behind. John often went quiet when family was brought up. "I am sorry." She said gently. "You do not have to answer that. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."

Connor offered her a weak smile but surprised her by answering anyways. "My parents both died right before I, uh, came here. The SGC had been, um, I mean, I worked there for eight years before I, uh, came here, and they asked me a few times to come. But my, um, my parents were ill so I didn't want to leave them. When they died, I didn't have anything really to keep me there, so I, uh, took them up on their offer." Connor looked away from Teyla before continuing in a low voice. Teyla struggled to hear him. "I didn't have any… any friends before I came here. I-I guess I, um, wasn't friend material. John and Evan are… they're the only friends I've, um, really ever had." Connor picked up his tea and took a sip. Teyla noticed that his hands were shaking though.

"I see." She said gravely. "Well, now you have another friend."

Connor's head snapped up to look at her, searching her face. For what, Teyla didn't know, but she knew she had made the right choice when he offered her a small smile, his eyes lighting up.

"I… okay." And with that it was settled. For the rest of their lunch Teyla continued to ask Connor about his work on Atlantis and some of the Earth things that John and Rodney talk about but never explain. In return Connor asked about Athos and her people and Teyla found herself enjoying a long lunch with a new friend.


	13. Overthinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 13 : Over-thinking**

Author's Notes :  
\- Cars are from _The Prodigal._  
\- Don't own _The Matrix_.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

"McKay."

"What?"

"They're here."

"Where are you?"

"East pier."

"Give me ten minutes."

"Fine. Sheppard out."

* * *

John looked up as Rodney burst through the doors of the lower levels of the east pier.

"Where are they?" He questioned, moving quickly towards John. With a glance around, John led Rodney to a small room off to the side of the hallway.

There on the table were two remote controlled cars, one red, one yellow. There were other car components spread out around them, with various tools in a small box on the side.

Rodney reached for the yellow car as John wheeled the red one closer.

"Sweet! You know what this means, Sheppard?" Rodney said, turning the car over, already starting to unscrew the bottom.

"Less golf, more racing?" John asked, amused. He had already adjusted his car's controls to allow for more speed and maneuverability. They had ordered the cars a few months back and they had arrived today on the Daedalus. John was really supposed to be helping to sort the new equipment and supplies, but decided he needed to allocate something to Lorne, if only so the other man wouldn't get bored.

"Exactly!" Rodney had the bottom off and reached for a screwdriver in the box on the table. While he tinkered with his car John put his on the ground to do a few practice runs with.

He followed his car across the room before looking back to McKay. "Rodney?"

"Yeah, what?" The scientist answered, distracted.

"You listen to, uh, classical music, right?"

"Why, you decided Johnny Cash isn't man enough for you?"

"What?" John sputtered, "No, just thinking of branching out a little."

"Hmm. I have some on my laptop." Rodney answered as he clicked the battery out of it's place to examine it.

"Any… uh… Schubert?"

This time Rodney stopped fixing his car and looked up at John, who was innocently trying to look away at his car that was circling the room. John could feel Rodney's gaze on him. He finally looked up and Rodney had a pensive look on his face. As if John were some Ancient technology that he couldn't quite figure out.

"What, McKay?"

"You actually know the name of a composer? Is the world ending, again?" Rodney questioned before turning his attention back to his car.

"No. Someone mentioned the name and I thought I'd do a little research. Is that allowed?" He asked, sarcastically.

"You? Do research? Ha! This must be some girl."

John sputtered again. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, let me guess, a girl you were chatting up mentioned she listened to classical music or something, said Schubert's her favorite and now you, Captain Kirk, are trying to impress her to get into her pants. So, no, sorry, you have to get your suave, seduction music somewhere else." He clicked the battery back in, before giving the car another look over.

"What are you on about, McKay? It was not a girl-"

"Ha!"

"-It was not a girl," John repeated. "Can't a guy just show some interest in music?"

"When the guy's you? No, no way."

"Are you gonna give me the music or not, McKay?" John asked, resigned.

Once again Rodney turned to look at his friend's face. This time John looked back, and Rodney must have seen something because he said, "Fine, I'll send you some, happy?"

John smiled. "Deliriously. Thanks Rodney."

"Oh, um, you're welcome. Now about these cars did you make sure you…"

* * *

Teyla was on her way to pick up Connor for lunch. She had suggested a weekly lunch and Connor had agreed. So every Tuesday she would meet the scientist at his lab before they would embark on a late lunch. She noticed that Connor preferred the mess hall when there were less people about, so Teyla took to meeting him at 1345. She arrived at the lab, ringing the chime and after a minute when there was no answer from the linguist she waved her hands over the door control, stepping into the lab after they opened.

"Connor?" She asked, quietly. She looked around and spotted the scientist curled up on the couch in his lab. She approached the sleeping man, hesitant to wake him. The last few weeks he had seemed exhausted, and Teyla was loathe to wake him up now for something as trivial as lunch. _He can always eat when he wakes up_.

She ran a hand softly over his brow to make sure he wasn't sick again. Connor's hand shot up to encircle her wrist, tightly. Surprised she tried to pull he hand back, but Connor wasn't letting go. As if to save her from having to pry her hand free, Connor slowly woke up, blinking at the form crouched by his bedside. He seemed to realize he was gripping Teyla's wrist, immediately letting go.

"Teyla. Sorry." He said, sitting up. "Is it Tuesday already?"

She smiled at him. He looked so much younger than his thirty three years. "Yes, I do believe it is Tuesday. Would you care to have lunch with me?" She offered him the chance to go back to sleep. She didn't know how long he had been napping on the couch but the circles under his eyes told her it wasn't long enough.

"Yes… of course. Sorry." He stood up slowly, stretching a little, blushing.

"It is not a problem, Connor. I was merely wondering if you would prefer to sleep longer."

"No, it's, uh, fine. I can sleep later." As if on cue, his stomach growled, Connor blushed again.

"Well, let us not delay then." She smiled.

Together they walked to the mess hall. Connor slid into the food line behind Teyla. She had noticed he always lets her go first, just as he would put an arm in front of the transporter to prevent the doors from closing. _A gentleman_ , she decided. She placed a salad on her plate, followed by some meat and vegetables, before selecting hot water and tea. Connor, she noticed, chose the same food as her. Together they made their way over to a table by the window.

Teyla placed her tea bag in her hot water and Connor followed suit. She was struck by how alike she and Dr. Davids were, at least in eating habits.

"So, Connor, how has your week been? John has mentioned he has not seen you running for the past few days."

"Uh, yeah, I've just, um, I've been really busy. I'm still trying to find more information on the, um, food replicators."

Teyla knew that the scientists studying the food replicators were close to allowing the Atlantis personnel to use them, John had said it would probably be within the month.

"And have your pursuits been successful?" She asked, before taking a bite of her salad. She was particularly fond of the salad dressing brought from earth, John had called it 'Ranch'; she had thought a ranch was a place where horses lived like in the John Wayne movie John had showed them. Rodney had been quick to disavow her of that notion.

"Not really, I haven't found anything more, um, on them. Dr. McKay has been…" Connor's voice trailed off with a glance towards Teyla. She quickly realized that he knew she and Rodney were friends and he did not want to speak ill about him to her.

"Unpleasant?" She asked, with a small smile.

Connor ducked his head. "Um…"

"Rodney can be difficult to understand." She offered.

Connor only nodded before taking a sip of his tea.

"How has Major Lorne been?" She asked, changing topics to one she knew Connor would be much more open towards.

A smile crossed his face. "Good. I, uh, watched a movie with his, um, team last night. _The Matrix_?" He offered, asking if she knew it.

"That is one of Ronon's favorite movies to watch." She answered.

"Um, yeah, Parrish likes it too. So we, uh, watched that and, uh his team found some ruins a few, uh, days back. Colonel Carter has given me permission to go and explore them." He smiled again at the thought.

"When do you leave for that?" She asked as she took the last bite of her salad, moving on to the rest of her lunch.

"Next week. Evan's going to come with me. He, uh, offered."

"That was very nice of Major Lorne to do so."

"Yeah." He replied with a blush.

As they continued their meal Teyla offered parts of her life the past week, while studying the linguist that had John so… enamored. When they had finished their meal, Teyla and Connor stood up, moving towards the door together where they would then split up; she would go to meet Ronon and he would go back to his lab.

"Thank you for a lovely meal, Connor." She offered, tilting her head.

A few moments later she felt Connor tip his forehead to touch hers. "Um, you're welcome, Teyla." And with that Teyla pulled back and began moving down the hallway.

"Teyla!" She heard Connor call after her. She stopped and turned to face him, his face help a look of embarrassment and indecision.

"Can I, um… never mind…" He finished with a sigh, looking away.

Teyla walked back towards the linguist. She reached out a hand to the side of his shoulder. "You may ask me anything, Connor." She said, trying to sound encouraging.

"I, uh… can I come see you?" For a moment Teyla was confused about what he was asking, she did not believe it was a date, but the way it was phrased made her hesitate.

"It's just… I have, I mean, I… talk. I…" He drifted off, clearly uncomfortable. From his words though Teyla could surmise that he wanted only to talk.

She smiled at him, "You are welcome to come find me whenever you are ready." She offered. A look of relief passed over Connor's features.

"Yes, thank you." He said gratefully.

"You are welcome." And with that she moved away again, down the hallway, towards the gym to find Ronon.

When Teyla found Ronon she was also surprised to find John. They were sparring on the gym mats and from the look of things, John was actually holding his own. Ronon's face held a slight look of frustration and John's held determination. Teyla took a place to the side and watched as John ducked punches and even managed to land a few hits and kicks on Ronon.

Teyla knew John had been busy lately and wondered when he had the time to practice. After about ten more minutes Ronon finally managed to get a good punch in to John's stomach and he went down. She normally would have thought Ronon would have won through superior strength, but today she couldn't help but wonder if John had simply tired.

Ronon reached down to offer John a hand up, which he took, and allowed the Satedan to haul him to his feet. They both grabbed a water bottle, chugging it slowly.

"Hey." Ronon greeted her.

"Hello Ronon, John." She greeted back. John offered a hand wave, still chugging his water.

"You fought well today, Sheppard. You finally practice?" Ronon asked, curiously before taking another swig of his water.

"Naw, no time. I got some pointers from a friend." Teyla was suddenly sure that the friend he was referring to was Dr. Davids. She had never witnessed him fighting but John had mentioned it in passing during one of their many conversations. Suddenly she was overcome with the urge to watch the linguist fight and wondered if he would allow her the opportunity to observe him, or maybe even engage him.

Ronon just grunted. John moved to collect his gear, putting his radio back on and wiping his face down with a towel. He moved towards her on his way to the door. He walked out, leaving Teyla with Ronon. She smiled. She was definitely in the mood to win.

* * *

When Connor arrived back at his lab he had an e-mail from Dr. McKay asking about any progress he had. Connor guiltily thought of the lunch he just had with Teyla and his nap before that.

He wrote back saying that he had not found anymore, apologizing at the end. Minutes later he received another e-mail from Dr. McKay, only this one was angry and called him lazy, slow and useless. Connor's chest began to ache as he read through the words. Dr. McKay was right. He couldn't do anything right, maybe he shouldn't even be on Atlantis. He didn't feel helpful at all.

Connor was determined to find more information for Dr. McKay though, so he brought the database back up, retrieved his notebook and pen and got to work. He scanned line after line after line for so long that his eyes were tired and begging for a rest, but Connor persevered. His mind was working overtime to translate the lines of Ancient text and soon the linguist could barely remember his own name, but he still didn't stop. He needed to find something, he needed to be helpful, he needed to be needed.

Connor wasn't sure how much time had passed before he finally found what he was looking for. A large chunk of information on reprogramming the food replicators to add new food. He started in on it immediately, looking back and forth between the screen and his notebook as he translated. Hours passed and he was still working on the translation. Finally he reached the end, barely able to hold his head up, Connor transcribed the translations to an e-mail and sent it off to Dr. McKay.

A feeling of relief overtook him as he finally noticed his stomach screaming at him, and his bladder begging for relief. Connor stood slowly, his joints aching from sitting for too long. A wave of dizziness overtook him and he felt himself stumble. He grabbed the chair for support. Black spots danced in front of his eyes. He was pretty sure he was about to pass out and he remembered his promise to Evan.

"Davids to Lorne."

"Lorne here, what can I do for you Doc?" Came the quick reply.

"Evan, I… I'm in my lab and I need… I need some help…" Connor whispered before unconsciousness overcame him and he succumbed to the welcome darkness.

* * *

"…help…" He heard Connor say softly. Immediately Evan was on his feet, something did not sound right with his friend. It was 1145 on Thursday, his normal lunch day with Connor. Evan wondered if the linguist was calling to cancel. But Connor had never canceled, not once, and Evan knew the scientist looked forward to their lunches.

"Doc?" He said into his radio, already moving towards a transporter. "Doc? Connor?" Scared and anxious he raced into the transporter hitting the level for Connor's lab, time seemed to slow as he waited. When the transporter finally stopped, Evan raced out and down the hallway. He found Connor slumped on the ground.

Evan quickly moved his fingers to Connor's neck. Pulse strong. He could feel Connor breathing naturally, not too fast or too slow. He moved to lightly slap the linguist's face and was relieved when Connor started moaning. His hand weakly coming up to try and swat at Evan's hand. Evan moved to help Connor into a sitting position. The scientist grabbed onto his arm as he swayed slightly. "Connor? What happened?"

"I don't know." He mumbled into Evan's shirt. "I was, uh, getting up to get some dinner and I guess I must have, um, fallen or something."

Connor moved in a way that Evan knew meant he was about to stand up. "Hey." He said, placing a firm hand on Connor's chest. "Just hold on a second okay. Now, you said you were going to get dinner?"

"Yeah, I had, um, lunch, with Teyla…" He drifted off.

"With Teyla?" Evan asked bemused. He knew that Connor had lunch with Teyla on Tuesday.

"Connor?" He gently shook the scientist who looked like he was falling asleep again. "Connor, what day is it?"

"What do ya mean, Evan… s'Tuesday…" He slurred, slumping more against Evan. Evan was even more worried as the linguist's brogue came out.

"C'mon, Doc. Up." He said, standing slowly and reaching down for Connor. Now that the scientist was standing Evan could see how tired he was, and how his clothes, that had always been a little loose, now hung off him a little bit more. He reached an arm around Connor, directing him out of his lab and down the hallway to the transporter.

"Evan?"

"Yeah, Doc." He helped Connor into the transporter when it arrived and before Evan could select a level the lift was moving.

"…'m tired, can I sleep, please?"

"Not yet, okay? Let's get you into bed first." As he said that the doors opened and Evan stepped out, holding Connor closely. He moved towards Connor's door. The scientist was fading fast, so Evan picked up the pace. They reached his door and as Evan was about to ask Connor to unlock it the doors opened. He didn't stop to think before moving the scientist into the room and onto the bed. Connor slumped against the wall and Evan bent down to untie his shoes, before moving to gently remove the scientist's jacket. "Connor? Should I call someone… a doctor? How do you feel?"

"No…" Connor murmured. "I'm fine."

Evan hesitated, "Are you sure."

"Yeah. Thanks." Connor whispered before his breathing even out.

Evan was pretty sure that Connor was asleep now, and he gently rearranged the scientist, taking out his radio. Evan pulled the blankets gently out from under Connor and moved them on top of him. Connor looked so young, laying there against the stark white of the pillow. Evan moved slowly to the door and with one last glance at the sleeping scientist he made his way out, locking the door behind him.

* * *

When Connor woke up again he found himself in his bed this time. His bladder screamed angrily so Connor slowly moved to the bathroom. When he finished he stumbled back to his bed, intending on sleeping some more. A glance outside showed a dark night sky. His stomach growled and Connor stood back up, intent on making tea. He had filled the water kettle and was waiting for the water to boil when he noticed a tray of food by his bedside.

A sandwich, two apples, some cheese and four cookies sat on it. Connor reached for a cookie, nibbling it, when he saw the note stuck under the tray.

 _Connor,_

 _Make sure you eat all of this, and I_ will _know if you don't. Then get some more sleep, kid, you look like hell. Call me when you wake up._

 _\- Evan._

Connor smiled at the thoughtfulness of his friend. The water boiled and Connor poured some into a mug, placing a tea bag in there as well. After a moment's pause he pulled some milk out of his mini-fridge and poured a bit into his tea.. He started on the sandwich before moving on to the apples and cheese. Before he knew it the tray was empty with apple cores being the only thing left. The linguist finished off his second cup of tea and moved back into bed, quickly falling asleep.

This time when Connor awoke it was light out. A quick look to his left told him that Evan had come and gone as another tray of food was sitting on his bedside table, a glance at his watch told him 1108. He moved to use the bathroom again, joints protesting, and when he finished he set some more water to boil, lightly stretching. He sat down and ate the food, clearing his plate again. He moved back to the bathroom to take a shower, relishing the feeling of hot water soothing his body. He changed into some clean clothes, put his radio back on before grabbing the empty tray and exiting his quarters.

He dropped his empty tray off at the mess hall before moving towards Colonel Sheppard's office to see Evan. He chimed the door and heard a "Come in!" before waving his hand over the door controls to open it. Evan was sitting at Sheppard's desk with his laptop open in front of him and a few paper forms stacked next to it.

"Hey, Doc!" He greeted, enthusiastically. "How you feeling?" He motioned for Connor to take a seat, so he sat in the chair across from Lorne, on the other side of the desk.

"Better. Thanks, Evan." He said quietly.

"Not a problem, Doc. But you really need to take better care of yourself."

"I… yeah, sorry."

"Well, at least you called this time, that's a step in the right direction." He said, looking Connor over to make sure the scientist was really okay.

"I just, um, got caught up in my research."

"I'll say. Doc, you slept for over two days!"

"I did?"

"It's Saturday." Lorne said gently.

"I… oh! Uh, wow."

"So did you find what you were looking for?" Lorne asked curiously.

"Huh?"

"With your research." He prompted.

"Oh! Yeah, I, uh, e-mailed it to Dr. McKay."

"I'm glad." Lorne said with a smile, "But next time…"

"I promise to take better care of myself."

"I'm gonna hold you to that, Doc."

Connor smiled. "Okay, Evan."

"So tell me what else has been happening, since I was cheated out of my lunch this week."

"Well…"


	14. Reaching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 14 : Reaching**

Author's Notes :  
\- The constellation names are real, but they exist in the Milky Way galaxy. Pretend they exist in the Peg. galaxy.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

Connor was laying out on the north pier, the pier that extended the furthest out from Atlantis, his feet hung over the edge as he pulled a blanket around him. He had a pillow tucked under his head, he had come out to watch the sunset, a past time he had picked up in Santa Monica, and now that night had fallen Connor was quietly looking at the stars. The ocean provided a nice background soundtrack. Connor found the waves comforting, soothing.

It had been a long two days for Connor. It started yesterday, Colonel Carter had given permission for him to explore the ruins that Major Lorne's team had found, so he and Evan had made their way to the abandoned planet. Connor had been amazed at how well preserved everything had been. The writings on the walls had been close to a mixture of Earth Greek and Latin. Connor had spent a few hours trying to crack it before he succeeded. He moved on throughout the remaining structures looking for more writings. Evan, for his part, had been very patient with Connor, letting him run around the ruins excitedly, waiting as he stood in front of a particular wall for three hours, dragging the linguist away for lunch. They had gone back early this morning, after coming in late last night, for Connor to finish up documenting everything. He decided he liked going off-world. He loved Atlantis and the ocean, but sometimes he missed hiking and trees and flowers everywhere.

Now he was relaxing under the stars. Trying to identify all the constellations. The Ancients had names for most of them, some just had designations, for those Connor was trying to figure out shapes and forms they could make; he wanted them to have names. And if he squinted enough Connor could make out the Milky Way Galaxy. It was a small, swirly cluster of stars. Connor remembered looking at the stars with his father who pointed out the constellations to him.

Connor turned his head at the sound of someone walking towards him. He heard their boots clink softly against Atlantis' metal piers. Colonel Sheppard was approaching him slowly and Connor wondered what he was doing here. Connor could make out his face well in the moonlight. Suddenly all he could think was how beautiful John was.

John approached the scientist as quietly as he could. "Room for one more, Doc?" He asked softly.

Connor nodded and John took a seat to his left, sitting down next to Connor before laying back, his head touching the could metal of the pier. Connor saw Sheppard wince lightly and lifted his blanket to offer part of it to John, who hesitantly accepted. Connor scooted over a little so his head moved to the edge of the pillow, he patted the other side in a clear invitation to John who, after a moment's pause, accepted.

They lay there in silence, staring up at the dark night sky. Connor could hear John breathing softly and wondered if John could hear his own. Connor moved his left hand out from under the blanket.

"That one's Caelum." He said, pointing towards it with his hand. He felt John move his head to try and follow his line of sight. He picked up John's right hand and aligned it with his own scooting his head slightly closer to John's. He heard John's breath intake quickly, but ignored it. "And there's Lacerta." He moved his hand a little to the left. John's head followed. Connor chanced a glance towards John and saw him staring intently at their joined hands.

"Which one's that?" John asked, moving his hand a few degrees to the left and up a little. Connor squinted to make out which one John was talking about.

"With the really bright one and a couple less bright ones?" He asked to confirm. He felt John nod his head. "That one has no name, but I, um, always thought it looked like a B-52."

John laughed quietly, "The old bomber plane?"

"Yeah."

"Hm, well, B-52 it is then."

Connor smiled. He moved their hands further right. "There's the Milky Way."

He felt John move a little closer. He didn't know if it was to make sure he was looking in the wrong place, if he was cold, or something else.

"Huh. It seems so small from here."

"Well we, uh, look quite small from there."

"Smart ass." John teased.

Connor laughed. "And there's Volans." He said moving their hands once again. He suddenly became aware of how warm John's hand felt in his. He lowered his hand and gently let go of John's. Together they tucked them back under the warm blanket.

He stayed quiet after that, afraid of what this meant. Of him and John sharing a blanket and a pillow under the night sky, looking at constellations. His dad's words came to him then.

"Athair _, I wanna go back to my book." A seven year old Connor whined. [Father]_

" _Come now, Connor, some day, some girl will be very impressed that you can name the constellations."_

" _Girls are gross, Dad."_

" _They're gross now, but they won't always be. The first date I ever went on with your mother was-"_

" _-I know, you took her out to the country side and watched the sun set-"_

" _-and then pointed out constellations that my father taught me, like I'm teaching you now. Now see that one there? That's Cassiopeia, and that one to the right of it? That's Aries…"_

Connor smiled at the memory of his father and then a sudden swell of homesickness hit him. He missed his mother's cooking and his father's sense of humor. How his mother would always bake his favorite pie when he came home, how his dad would take him golfing and whine when Connor tried to figure out shots with math. His heart ached a little for them.

"Connor?"

"Yeah?"

He heard John exhale slowly. He turned to face John and was surprised to see John's head already facing him. He wondered how long his friend had been studying him. Their faces were so close that if Connor moved his head just a little he knew their noses would touch.

"Yeah?" He repeated again when John offered no more words. He watched as John struggled for words before giving up.

"Nothing."

"John?" He asked after a few more minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"This is nice." Connor said, blushing. He hoped John wouldn't be able to make it out in the dark.

John smiled. "Yeah."

Connor's eyes studied every bit of John's face. Under the blanket he felt John's hand move to hold his. Connor held his breath, but when John didn't let go after a minute, he exhaled slowly. He turned his head back, so he could keep looking at the stars. He felt John's gaze still on him, and gave John's hand a little squeeze. A minute later he felt John return the squeeze.

Connor pulled his right hand out from under the blanket. He pointed up again.

"See that one? That one's Cassiopeia and to the right of that is Aries…"

* * *

"McKay! You need to fix this and fast!" Sheppard yelled.

"I'm trying, Sheppard! It might go faster if I didn't have Air Force Colonels screaming in my ear!" He yelled back.

Ten minutes ago one of their trading partners had dialed Atlantis except the only thing that came through were packets of computer data. After two minutes the control room staff had called Rodney who realized that a virus was working it's way through their shield and at any moment would break through. John wasn't sure of the technicalities of it, but Rodney's face got really tight, his hands started waving and he was screaming at people a little louder than he normally did. For a brief moment John wished Carter were here to help but she had been called Earth side for a few days.

John watched as his best friend typed quickly away on his computer, yelling at some scientist next to him to rearrange some crystals that connected to the DHD.

The lights flickered overhead as Atlantis struggled to maintain the power needed to keep the virus behind the gate shield.

"Rodney!"

"I know! I know! Try that now!" He screamed to another technician. And angry beep came from the computer and John surmised that whatever Rodney had been trying hadn't worked.

"Time for Plan B!" John said loudly to Rodney.

"What? Sheppard? I'm busy if you haven't noticed."

"It's not working Rodney. We need to shut down Atlantis."

"What do you mean shut down Atlantis…we can't shut down the…" Rodney snapped his fingers a couple times. "That's perfect!" He exclaimed. "Radek." He said, hitting his radio. "We're going to shut down the city, I need you to go take out the ZPM."

John watched as Rodney flew into motion, hitting different buttons on the Ancient consol. "Attention Atlantis personnel, you have thirty seconds to save what you're doing before we shut off the power." Rodney announced.

John heard angry mumbles from the people around him as they all burst into a fury of motion. Laptops clicked shut and screens went dark. Marines showed up with flashlights, John took one for him and one for Rodney.

"Ten seconds people. This also means we'll be in the dark so make sure you get a flashlight." After their first year at Atlantis John had made sure that every room, commonly used, was well stocked with a flashlight.

Nine seconds later everything in Atlantis went dark except for the Stargate and the shield. John turned on his flashlight. Rodney was still a blur of motion. "Okay, Radek, on my mark… mark."

The shield went dead and John found himself holding his breath. A few seconds later the gate collapsed. He turned to Rodney.

"Well?"

"Well let's give a few minutes to be on the safe side, but with nowhere to go the virus is good as dead, we can essentially do a… go-back on the city's system."

"Good, then we can figure out what the hell happened with the Minoans."

"The who?" Rodney asked, bemused.

"The people whose IDC was used to dial in?" John said, shortly.

"Oh, yeah, them… Alright people, let's boot it back up." Rodney was already opening his laptop, light emerged from it. "Radek…" Rodney started talking into his radio.

The lights whirred back on overhead.

"What I would rather figure out is why we didn't know the Ancient shield would hold up against a computer virus." Rodney added, as the rest of the scientists mulled about reopening their work stations.

"Well we haven't really encountered a lot of planets who would have the capability." John reasoned.

"Which leaves the Replicators… who we wiped out… and the Wraith."

"I'm not really liking either of those options."

"Me neither."

John reached up to tap his radio. "Sheppard to Lorne." It took a few seconds for his XO to respond. "Lorne here."

"Get your team together and be in the gate room in ten minutes."

"Copy that, Lorne out."

* * *

It was Tuesday again and Connor was enjoying lunch with Teyla. They had been eating for a few minutes, barely enough time for their tea to brew before Ronon was standing over their table with an eyebrow raised. Teyla looked at Connor, questionably. He realized that she was asking if it was okay for Ronon to sit with them.

Connor wasn't expecting Ronon to ask permission, from everything he had seen the Satedan was brisk and abrupt and wouldn't wait for permission. But clearly those impressions were false as Connor could see the taller man waiting for an okay.

"Connor, would it be alright if Ronon were to join us?" Teyla patiently asked.

Connor looked up at Ronon, whose tray was overflowing with food. He nodded. "Uh, yeah, sure."

"Thanks." Came the gruff reply.

Ronon sat next to Teyla and began to plow through his food.

"Ronon, Connor was just about to tell me where he was when the lights went off this morning." Ronon looked up at that.

"Oh yeah?"

Connor swallowed. Truth be told, Ronon intimidated him a little. John had told him all about his team members, and from his stories Ronon was a big, giant, teddy bear. To Connor he was a warrior.

"Yeah, I, um, was in the shower. I had to, um, stand there, dripping wet and wait… for the lights."

Ronon laughed a little and Teyla joined him. "That would be most unfortunate to have to experience, Connor." She said.

"Uh, yeah, I'm not looking forward to repeating it." Connor said with a slight laugh. He reached for an apple and took a bite before asking Teyla, "Where were you?"

"I was meditating in my quarters, so my lights were already off with candles lit. I was impacted very little." She said with a smile.

They both turned to Ronon, expectantly. He shoveled mashed potatoes into his mouth and looked back at them.

"And where were you, Ronon?" Teyla prompted.

Ronon took a swig from a pitcher of water. "Training some Marines. They ran out soon as McKay announced the lights would go out. Figured they were probably afraid of the dark." He offered.

Connor couldn't hide the small laugh that escaped him. John told him what Ronon thought of the Marines-weak men with no predilection for fighting. John said Ronon had taken it on as his personal goal to get them in shape. He also said that so far it was working.

Teyla shot a smile towards Connor. Ronon pretended not to notice either as he continued eating. Teyla continued telling Connor of the rest of her day and previous week.

Connor relayed his off world adventure with Evan, excitedly describing the ruins. As he looked at Teyla she seemed very interested, asking questions, Ronon was silent, but his eyes would flicker to Connor every now and then.

"But you guys have been to lots of, um, ruins, so you probably, uh, know about it…" He said, suddenly embarrassed.

"We have." Teyla confirmed. "But it is nice to hear your account of them."

"Yeah." Ronon added. "Usually we don't see them before McKay blows them up."

Teyla swatted his arm, but Ronon just grinned. The Satedan started in on his pudding cup looking sideways at Teyla's piece of cake. She subtly moved it to the other side of her tray, away from Ronon. Connor smiled a little and pushed his own piece of cake towards the bigger man. Ronon looked up from his pudding and glanced at the cake before looking at Connor then Teyla. Connor saw Teyla nod ever so slightly. Ronon grabbed the cake.

"Thanks." He managed between bites.

"Um, sure, yeah." Connor mumbled. He sipped the rest of his tea as Teyla broke the silence, chatting about their mission tomorrow.

* * *

"Hey."

Connor looked up from his translations. Ronon was standing in the doorway of his lab.

"Hey." He answered. Ronon must have took this as an invitation because he walked over to Connor.

"What do you do in here?" He asked, glancing around.

"Um, I translate the, uh, Ancient database."

"That hard?"

"For me? Um, not really."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

Connor waited as Ronon moved around his lab before coming back to stand next to him.

"Some of the Marines say things about you." Ronon said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Connor shrunk back in his chair. "They do?"

"They say you can fix things. Computers. You help them."

"I, um, yeah. Do you need help? With a computer?"

"I need a computer."

"Oh."

"They said you were nice and could help."

"I'm, uh, not in charge of distribution."

"Never mind then." Ronon said, turning around and heading for the door.

"But I can see what I can do." Connor said after Ronon.

The bigger man turned around. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Um, give me a couple days. Why didn't you ask Dr. McKay or, um, Colonel Sheppard? I'm sure they could help you."

"Would you ask McKay?"

"Good point, but, um I'm sure John would have helped you."

"Probably." Ronon agreed. Connor waited for him to expound on his answer but nothing came.

"Um, okay then. I'll, uh, call you?"

"Sounds good. Thanks."

"Um, yeah, sure."

And with that Ronon was gone, leaving Connor mystified behind him. He turned back to his computer and e-mailed Dr. Roberts who was in charge of laptop distribution.


	15. Safety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 15 : Safety**

Author's Notes :  
\- Don't own _Rambo, Die Hard, Lord of the Rings_.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

Dr. Rodney McKay would never be called the most understanding person there ever was, and he definitely wouldn't be anyone's first pick for discussing feelings with, so he was at a loss as to why Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, military leader of Atlantis and his best friend, would pick him over Teyla to talk about _things_ with. Neither Rodney nor John had any clue how to talk about feelings in the first place, so they just sat awkwardly on the east pier, a couple empty beer cans between them. Rodney grabbed another and opened it, taking a long swig.

For the past few minutes John had been staring up at the stars. And while Rodney loved the stars as much as anyone, he was an astrophysicist after all, he was never one for awkward silences and he and John had always had an easy rapport. And it was a little cold outside.

"So…" He tried.

Sheppard turned to look at him, almost as if he had forgotten Rodney was sitting next to him. "Hmm."

"'Hmm' nothing, Sheppard. Why are we sitting out here at two in the morning, drinking beer and freezing our balls off?" He asked exasperatedly.

"How's it going with you and Katie?" Sheppard asked out of nowhere.

Rodney paused. He doubted that John had brought him out there to talk about Katie. "Ah, well, she, uh, that is… we… it's fine, Sheppard. Why?"

Rodney saw his friend shrug his shoulders lightly. _Okay._ John took a long swallow of his beer. "Is it hard to find time together?" John asked.

"No, since I'm not in demand at all." He replied sarcastically. "Of course it is, Sheppard. But Jeannie says you have to make time." He said, referring to his sister.

"Hmm." Sheppard said again.

"Why? What's this really about?" He asked, looking at Sheppard's face. His friend's face gave away little, but Rodney didn't expect to see emotions anyway. "Sheppard?" He asked again, giving John's shoulder a little nudge.

"I think I might like someone." He finally said softly, so softly that Rodney had to strain to hear him over the waves.

Rodney didn't know how to respond to that. While he might joke with his friend about being the Captain Kirk of the Pegasus Galaxy, Rodney knew he wasn't. Over the years John had only mentioned two girlfriends in the past, and Rodney was inclined to think that two was probably the amount that John had ever had. Sheppard was as emotionally stunted as Rodney was, if only in a slightly different way, but when it came down to it neither of them connected with people well. Sure, Rodney had seen Sheppard make friends faster than you could make instant pudding, but he also knew that those were just people to John. He knew that he, Ronon and Teyla were John's family, and, Rodney acknowledged, maybe that new linguist. John had only mentioned him a few times, but that was a few times more than he had mentioned anyone else.

Suddenly something clicked in Rodney's brain. Here Sheppard was-admitting to liking someone as Rodney recalled him mentioning the translator. John never mentioned scientists before. He might make a passing comment about Zelenka, but Rodney also knew that John had never just hung out with Zelenka, not like he did with that linguist. Suddenly Rodney wished he could remember his name.

John turned to look at him and Rodney knew he had been silent for too long. "Okay." He said, simply.

John scoffed. "What, no Captain Kirk jokes?"

Rodney took another swig of his beer. John was his _best_ friend, but Rodney wished he had picked someone else to talk to. Anyone else. He was a scientist, he didn't know how to do this or the right things to say.

"And this person is here on Atlantis?" Rodney asked.

"What? Yes they're here on Atlantis. What kind of question is that, McKay?"

"Well that chief's daughter was eyeing you on the last mission."

John sputtered. "The one that was, like, twelve?"

"Um, maybe she was older than she looked."

"I think twelve _is_ older than she looks."

"Oh. Um, well then…"

"Forget it." John said, annoyed. He started to gather the beer cans around them, about to stand.

Rodney reached out and put a hand on John's arm, before quickly removing it. "John, wait."

Sheppard turned back to look at him.

"You know I'm not good at this stuff." He gestured with his hands between them.

Sheppard seemed to deflate then. "Yeah, I know. Me neither."

"I guess if you like this person you should probably tell him. Them. I mean, them." Rodney quickly covered, hoping John hadn't caught his slip. No such luck. John was looking at him with wide eyes. "Wait, John, I just-"

"You know, don't you?" John asked quietly.

"That linguist that works on the database?" John didn't say anything but Rodney caught a very slight nod. "Okay, so you like a guy, so what, Sheppard? It's not the end of the world."

"It is in mine, Rodney. I'm in the United States Air Force, if you haven't noticed. They tend to frown upon these sort of things."

"Yes, well, I've always said that Canada had the superior military."

"Rodney." Sheppard drawled.

"Yes, sorry, not helping… hmm… well, are you going to tell him?"

"Are you crazy! Of course I'm not going to tell him, he'd probably never speak to me again, McKay!"

Rodney wasn't sure of that. He decided a little research was needed on the linguist. He knows how John feels, so now he only has to figure out how the other man feels.

"Oh, hmm."

"And…" Sheppard continued. "He's a guy."

"Uh, yes, I thought we already covered that."

"I know, but he's a _guy_ , Rodney."

"Are you about to have a big, gay freak out on me? If you are hand me another beer." John didn't say anything, just passed Rodney another beer, before opening another one for himself. "So I'm guessing you never…" Rodney said, making an obscene gesture with his hands.

"What? No, McKay."

"Never?" John just glared at him. "Okay, okay, no need to get mad." Rodney defended himself.

"So, uh…what's his name." He asked after a couple moments of silence.

John looked away. "Connor." He replied. "Davids."

"Does Teyla know?" Rodney asked, taking another swig of beer.

"Yeah. At least I think she does. She always has that knowing look in her eyes, ya know?"

Rodney nodded. "So what are you going to do, Sheppard?"

John set down his beer and leaned back on his hands looking up towards the stars. "I don't know." He said softly. "I don't know." He repeated.

* * *

"Davids to Ronon."

"Yeah."

"Can you, um, meet me in my lab?"

Ronon paused, he was headed to his quarters to shower after training with some Marines. He was having lunch with Teyla in an hour and when he didn't shower before hand she would give him disapproving looks. "When?"

"Oh, um, any time today, really."

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Okay. Davids out."

Ronon stepped into his room, stripping as he went. The shower was quick and he changed into some cleaner clothes. Ten minutes later he was ringing the chime for Connor's lab. The doors swished open. He found the linguist sitting on the couch in sweat pants. He recognized them as the clothes he saw Connor run in. The linguist stood up and motioned Ronon towards a small desk. He gestured for Ronon to sit down.

"Do you, ah, know how to work a computer?"

"McKay showed me how to play solitaire."

Connor smiled. "That's a good game." Ronon strained his ears and could have sworn he heard Connor talk differently than Sheppard. _Like Beckett_ , Ronon decided.

"So um, this button here turns it on…"

Thirty minutes later Connor had explained all the basics of the computer. Showing him how to write things on it, send notes to other computers, and the doctor had even set up an e-mail account for him. He had even installed a few more computer games for him, and added some music and movies, also showing him how to access the Atlantis server to download more music and videos. Connor had also acquired a case for the laptop in black leather that Ronon liked.

Ronon had decided that the linguist did talk like Beckett, but sounded more like Sheppard. "So why do you talk like that?"

"Like what?"

"You sound like Beckett. And Sheppard." He explained.

"Oh. Um. Well I'm from Ireland." Connor offered. Ronon wondered if this was another planet… _no country_ , he reminded himself, on Earth. "It's near Scotland, where Dr. Beckett was from."

Ronon remembered Beckett telling him all about Scotland. The medical doctor could go on forever about his home country. "And Sheppard?"

"You mean, American?" Ronon nodded.

"I lived there for some amount of years. I learned a different, um, way of talking."

"Why?"

"To try and fit in better." The doctor offered.

Ronon looked over the linguist. "I like the Ireland better."

"Irish." Connor corrected.

"Whatever."

Connor smiled. "Me, too." He admitted. Ronon wondered why he didn't just talk like it all the time, but he knew the Earth people were strange. Connor zipped his laptop up for him, handing him the strap of the bag.

"Here you go. If you have any more questions or, um, problems, I'll be here."

"Thanks, Doc."

"Sure."

And with that Ronon left with his new laptop to track down Teyla for lunch.

* * *

Ronon entered the bustling mess hall with his new laptop proudly slung over his shoulder. He looked around for Teyla and spotted her a second before she raised a hand and shouted "Ronon!" in his direction. He offered her a nod before moving to the food line. He filled his tray with food moving towards Teyla. When he got there McKay was sitting across from her. Ronon set his tray down and took the seat next to Teyla before gently placing his new laptop and case on the table across from him.

McKay glanced at the bag then at Ronon and back at the bag. "What's that?" He asked, mouth full of food.

"New computer." Ronon answered before starting in on his food.

"I can see that, Conan. Whose is it?"

"Mine."

"Who gave you a laptop? Was it Zelenka? I knew he was trouble." McKay said, looking around the mess hall for, Ronon assumed, Zelenka.

"That… Irish language talker." Ronon answered. Teyla turned to him.

"You mean Dr. Davids?"

Ronon swallowed. "Yeah."

"He's a linguist! He can't just give you a laptop." Rodney argued.

"Got it from Roberts."

"Hmm." Rodney said, turning back to his food.

"So you are learning to use the computer then, Ronon?" Teyla asked. He nodded. "I find that quite admirable." She offered him. Ronon just shoved another piece of meat into his mouth.

"I can't believe _you're_ going to use a computer." McKay said, still in disbelief.

"I like solitaire."

"You like solitaire? A computer is a complex machine, one that I'm sure your 'shoot first ask questions later' brain will never figure out." Rodney argued.

"Irish told me how to use it. Even showed me something about a world of war."

"World of Warcraft?"

"Yup, that's it."

"Why do you even need a computer?"

Ronon shrugged. "I like movies."

"Fine. But don't come crying to me when you break the damn thing with your monster fingers."

Ronon just laughed as Teyla kicked Rodney under the seat. She slid a napkin towards Ronon who took it without question, along with the silverware she wrapped in it. He wiped his hands and used the fork to shovel mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"What do you know about him?" Ronon asked, more to Teyla than Rodney.

"About who?" She questioned back.

"Irish." He took a swig of water.

"Oh Dr. Davids. Connor. He's a linguist, works with languages, loves math and computers-"

"-And classical music." Rodney broke in, before a strange look passed his face.

"Yes. He is from Ireland, as you know. Oh! He has an excellent memory." Teyla added, unphased by Rodney.

"Sheppard said he could kick butt, too." Rodney added.

At this Ronon looked interested. He pictured the doctor in his mind, he looked small and fragile to Ronon but Sheppard knew a formidable opponent when he saw one.

"Think he'd fight with me?" He asked, reaching out to grab McKay's dessert and inwardly cheering when he captured it.

"I too have been wondering the same thing. John has also said he is very passable with a staff weapon." She said, giving Ronon a look for taking Rodney's pudding. Ronon shrugged, it was his now.

He dug into the chocolate pudding. "You ever ask?"

"Not yet. Will you be asking him then?"

Ronon just shrugged.

"Hey! Is that… You stole my pudding! Ronon! It was chocolate too!"

Ronon just smiled, licking chocolate from the spoon.

* * *

John was sitting on the couch in Connor's office, watching a movie on low volume. He had shown up an hour before with his laptop and the scientist had ushered him in. Without saying a word John opened his laptop up and started watching a movie that one of the Marines had received on the last Daedalus trip. Ten minutes later Connor had brought over his laptop and sat next to John on the couch.

Now the younger man was quietly typing away as John enjoyed an action movie. They sat so close that John could feel the heat radiating from the quiet linguist. Their elbows touched occasionally as Connor moved his hands across the keyboard. When the first movie finished John put on another movie. About an hour into it Connor set his laptop aside and scooted in a little closer to John. John moved the laptop so it rested on both of their laps so Connor could see it better.

He had been paying such close attention to the movie that he jumped ever so slightly when Connor's head fell onto John's shoulder. John turned his head lightly to look at the scientist. His chest rose and fell slowly, and John knew he was sleeping. He turned the volume on the movie down more.

About thirty minutes later John felt Connor startle awake. The scientist bolted up and his breathing was rapid. Connor was shaking slightly and moved, resting his elbows on his knees with his face in his hands. John set the laptop aside before tentatively reaching out with his arm to run a hand soothingly up and down the linguists body. John could feel the small shakes that racked the smaller frame.

"Connor." He said quietly. He watched as Connor rubbed his eyes before looking up at John. Something inside John ached as he saw the wetness on Connor's eyelashes and the red around his eyes. He had been crying. But he wasn't anymore.

"Hey, come here." John said, voice a little rough. He pulled Connor to him in an awkward side ways hug. He continued to run a hand up and down Connor's back as the other one sought his hand. He felt Connor automatically thread their fingers together. Eventually the shaking stopped, but John didn't let go.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked after a few moments. He felt Connor shake his head 'no'. So John just tightened his arms around Connor. He wasn't sure how long they sat like that but too soon Connor pulled away. Their hands remained linked though and Connor rested his head, once more, against John's shoulder. John fought the urge to run his hair through Connor's shaggy locks.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"I… Nothing." He said, unconsciously repeating John's words from the night they spent out on the pier.

"Okay."

They sat like that until John's watch beeped, signaling that it was time to wake up.

* * *

A couple days later Connor received an e-mail from Evan informing him that he was the pilot on call this week. Two weeks after John had asked Connor if he would consider being put on the list, Connor had decided that he enjoyed piloting jumpers and he wanted to help Atlantis as well, so he had e-mailed Evan with his answer. Evan, for his part, had tried half-heartedly to talk Connor out of it. The Major knew that they needed pilots, but he also knew how dangerous it was and how many pilots they had already lost.

" _Doc, please, think about it a little more."_

" _I've thought about it for two weeks, Evan!" He protested._

" _It's dangerous."_

" _I know." Connor crossed his arms across his chest. He wasn't backing down on this._

" _Pilots die." Evan's face took on a haunted look and for a second Connor thought about relenting._

" _I know."_

" _Doc… Connor… Okay." He had finally sighed. "Okay."_

Connor's stomach rumbled, startling him out of his memories. His watch said 2123, way past dinner time _._ Connor saved his work, grabbed his jacket and headed to the mess hall. When he entered there were a few people scattered about, a quick glance around showed a few scientists at one table, some Marines at another. In the far corner Connor could make out Teyla and Dr. McKay. Connor moved towards the line, prepared to fill his tray and leave when he heard his name called. Looking around he saw Teyla with an arm raised, beckoning him to join her and Dr. McKay. Connor swallowed. He had never really spent time with McKay and had the distinct impression that the scientist disliked him.

Connor filled his tray and started off towards Teyla with just a little bit of hesitancy. He tried to convince himself that since McKay was John's best friend, he couldn't be that bad of a person. Connor swallowed again and sat down next to Teyla.

"Hey, Teyla, Dr. McKay."

"Good evening, Connor." Teyla offered. Rodney made a small noise that could have been a greeting. Connor added his tea to the steaming mug of hot water in front of him, holding it between his hands for warmth. "You are eating quite late tonight."

"Uh, you know…" He said with a small shrug.

Teyla offered him a smile. "Yes, you were… caught up in your reading." She said imitating a phrase Connor often used.

He smiled. "Yeah." He started cutting up the like-chicken that he selected. The linguist took a small bite before deciding it didn't taste too bad and continued cutting up the rest.

Teyla turned to look at him. "Ronon says you helped him get a computer."

Connor swallowed the like-chicken in his mouth, nodding. "Yeah, he, uh, asked."

"That was very nice of you." She smiled again.

Connor blushed. "It was nothing."

"Have you seen him with it?" McKay cut in. "He takes it everywhere now."

Connor blinked. "He what?"

"He carries that laptop everywhere. I had lunch with him the other day and he had it out watching a movie! I was trying to explain something to him and he just starts up _Rambo_!"

Teyla laughed and Connor joined her. "Perhaps he _is_ a little excited about his latest acquisition." Teyla offered.

"A little? Please! The man wasn't even this excited when he got that new knife from the fuzz planet."

"I thought you would appreciate someone taking an interest in your planet, Rodney." She said, trying to appease the scientist.

Rodney took a huge gulp of coffee. "An interest? He just likes to watch the bad guys get blown up!"

"And who was it that wanted to watch _Die Hard_ during the last movie night?"

" _Die Hard_ is classic." Rodney sniffed.

Connor took a bite of his mashed potatoes. He enjoyed watching John's teammates banter back and forth; they were a family. John had often described their team dynamics as such, but Connor had a hard time picturing McKay with Ronon, Teyla and John, but now he saw the mutual amiability they had. He knew John trusted Rodney with his life and that made him wish he knew the head scientist a little better. He had heard so many stories about all of them, but Connor knew he didn't really fit in with them. With John, maybe, when they were alone, but together, sitting with more than one of SGA-1 Connor felt like an outsider.

He quickly finished the rest of his meal, excusing himself from the table. He dumped his tray before leaving the mess hall.

"Connor!" He turned to see Teyla walking after him. He paused, waiting for her to catch up.

"Is everything alright?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah." He said, avoiding her eyes. He turned to leave again when she reached out to grab his arm gently.

"You have not yet come to see me." She said, referring to when he asked to visit her.

"I've been busy." Teyla searched his eyes.

"Alright. Tomorrow then, will you come?"

"I don't know, uh, if I can…"

"2100. My quarters." She said firmly. Connor knew she wasn't going to back down. He nodded and she released his arm.

"I will see you tomorrow then."

"Bye, Teyla." And with that he quickly moved away, back to his lab.

Two hours later the doors swished open and Connor saw John come in, much as he had two nights previous. With his laptop in hand, John took a seat on Connor's couch. The scientist didn't hesitate this time before gathering his own laptop and moving to sit next to John.

John put on another movie. _Lord of the Rings_ , Connor recognized. His own laptop was full of Ancient writings. He maneuvered the laptop onto his left knee and tried to balance his notepad on his right, but it kept slipping off. John moved his laptop over to the right a little before reaching over a resting the notepad on his and Connor's legs where they touched. Connor blushed.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

John went back to his movie and Connor went back to work. He blushed a little every time his elbow gently touched John's side from writing, but John didn't seem to mind.

"I heard it was your week for pilot duty." John said. Connor startled. He saw the credits scrolling across John's laptop, a glance at the clock on his laptop told him that three hours had passed.

"I… yeah."

"I'm glad you decided to do it. We can use more guys like you out there." John said, closing his laptop and setting it on the arm of the couch.

"Evan tried to talk me out of it." Connor admitted.

"I know. I would too if I thought it would help." John said, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh." Connor could feel John's gaze on him, but he stared at his computer screen instead.

"It's just. I… we… care about you Connor. It's dangerous, I've lost a lot of guys already, I don't want to lose you too." John said softly.

"I know. But you _need_ me. _Atlantis_ needs me." He argued, finally turning to look at John.

"I know." He repeated gently. John reached over and grabbed Connor's laptop and notepad, setting them on the floor between their feet. He looked at Connor strangely for a moment. Connor felt John take his hand in his, their fingers automatically threading again. They seemed to end up like that a lot, but Connor didn't mind. He moved his feet up off the floor, bending his knees and moving them to the side of him. He leaned a little into John who automatically shifted back against the couch, untangling their fingers for a second to wrap his arms around the scientist before reaching for his hands again.

"John?"

"Hm." He felt John answer, more than heard from his position against John's chest.

"Are we… are we ever going to talk about this?" Connor held his breath, afraid of John's answer.

"I don't know." John admitted, after a beat. Connor exhaled.

"We probably should."

"Yeah. Not yet though, okay?"

"Okay." Connor said softly. He wasn't sure he was ready to talk about it either.

"Can we just stay like this for now?" John asked.

Connor nodded. John tugged on him a little before pushing against the back of the couch, Connor stood for a second as John picked his feet up, laying down against the back of the couch, he pulled Connor back down in front of him and they laid on the couch, chest to chest. One of John's legs lifted slightly and Connor nudged a knee between them, entangling their legs. Connor's head was tucked underneath John's and their arms wrapped around each other.

"Did you set an alarm?" Connor asked quietly.

"Yeah." John answered.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Connor felt Atlantis lock his lab door before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

John awoke to a small beeping sound coming from his watch. His eyes blinked open and he was instantly alert. He felt a heavy weight on top of him. Looking down he saw a mop of reddish-brown hair resting on his chest. Some time in the middle of the night he and Connor had shifted. The scientist was now laying on top of John, their legs tangled and their arms wrapped around each other. John could feel him breathing slowly. He couldn't remember the last time he had fallen asleep with someone, he was sure, though, that he had never been this comfortable before in his life.

John took a moment to think about everything that was happening with him and Connor. The scientist had acknowledged that something was happening between them, but John didn't know if he thought it was good or bad. Although considering they just spent the night together on his couch, John guessed good. He liked relaxing with Connor at the end of the day; watching a movie as the scientist worked beside him. Connor mumbled a little and John tightened his arms around the linguist.

And despite Rodney's lack of concern or empathy John was completely aware that the person he was wrapped tightly around right now was a guy. John had only ever dated women and had certainly never looked at another guy romantically, much less cuddled with one in said guy's lab on a militarily run base that he was in charge of.

So yes, John was worried. About his future, his career, his friends, his life but mostly what he would do if the scientist rejected him. John had never felt this way before, and at his age, John was sure he would probably never feel this way again. He had tried with Sarah and Charlotte but his job made it difficult and he could never be what they wanted, but with Connor it was different. John felt his heart beat a little faster every time he saw the scientist, he loved being able to hold Connor's hand, he loved spending time with Connor, he loved hearing the younger man point out different constellations. John wanted to know everything about his life, his hopes and dreams, his favorite food, the name of his third grade teacher. That scared John, he had never wanted to know someone as badly as he wanted to know Connor Davids. And he wanted Connor Davids to know him just as well.

John didn't know anything about being with a guy. He didn't know if it was the same as with a girl; if they should go on dates and if John should bring him flowers and candy. John only knew what he heard in the locker rooms from high school, or whispered words at night in the Air Force barracks.

He wondered if Connor had ever been with a man. The scientist had certainly never mentioned a boyfriend, or a girlfriend for that matter, but John hadn't really spoken much of his past relationships either.

Connor moved a little above him, and a glance at his watch told John he really needed to get up soon if he wanted to shower before the morning meeting. Unconsciously John's hand moved down Connor's back before slipping under the scientist's shirt. John began to rub small circles against Connor's warm back. He felt Connor move again and John moved his other hand up to Connor's face to move his bangs out of the way. John watched as Connor's eyes slowly opened, he could practically see the scientist taking in the situation and processing it.

"Hey." John murmured, stroking Connor's hair.

"Hey." Came the raspy reply. John could hear a bit of Connor's lilt through the tired tone. "Time is it?" Asked the scientist, who didn't seem bothered at all that John had one hand up his shirt and the other, for all intents and purpose, was petting his hair.

"Almost eight."

"Mmm." Connor replied. "Time to get up?"

"For me, at least. You can probably sleep a little longer."

"Comfy now." Connor mumbled, already falling back asleep.

John slowly withdrew his hands, and gently tried to push the younger man off of him and to the side, when Connor tightened his arms around John. "Mmm… John, stay."

John really wished he could. "I can't." John said weakly.

Connor lifted his head slightly and looked at John. "You have a meeting?"

"I have a meeting." John echoed.

Connor slowly moved towards the back of the couch, slipping between it and John, leaving John free to get up. John slowly sat up as Connor began to drift back off to sleep. John stood, turning around to face the scientist, not knowing what to say. Connor squished down into the space John vacated.

"Hey." John said, squatting down so he would be on eye level with the scientist. "Lunch?" He asked, reaching out to brush hair out of Connor's face again. "1200?"

"Mmm… okay."

"Are you going to remember this conversation?"

"Remember everything." Connor mumbled into the couch.

Oh yeah. John was about to stand when Connor's hand moved out towards his, John grasped it, tangling their fingers for a few seconds before standing and slowly letting go of the younger man's hand. John grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over the scientist. He fought the urge to press a kiss to the linguist's head and with one last glance he left the lab heading towards his quarters.

He was ten minutes late to the morning meeting.

* * *

Connor woke to an incessant beeping in his rooms. Atlantis was flashing the lights and beeping trying to wake him up. As soon as he was fully awake the noises stopped and the lights returned to normal. A glance at his watch told him it was 1130, he jumped off the couch.

"Why did you let me sleep so late?" He cried to Atlantis.

The city gave him the mental image of him working at night. "I did not need the sleep! I needed to be working." Somehow Connor knew he wasn't going to get an apology. Collecting his jacket he rushed out of his lab to his quarters. _We will be talking about this! I'm an adult! I can take care of myself._

Connor couldn't be sure but it felt like Atlantis was laughing at him. He rushed into his quarters and quickly stripped down, he started the shower while his mind raced back to last night. Connor had never spent the night with another guy. He had never spent the night with _anyone_. He had never slept with anyone, and certainly no one had ever put their hand up his shirt. Connor smiled at the memory and moved to touch the spot John had caressed this morning. He wasn't sure how to feel about last night but he had woken up feeling safe and warm in John's arms. And he knew he wanted it to happen again.

The shower water suddenly turned cold. _Hey!_ Atlantis turned the heat up. Connor figured Atlantis was telling him he was running out of time. After a quick scrub and some soap through his hair, he stepped out, drying off quickly. He grabbed a new outfit, quickly getting dressed. As he strapped on his watch he noticed it was 1208. _I'm late!_ He rushed out of his quarters towards the mess hall. He stepped off the transporter and shot down the hall.

"Doc! Hey!" He slowed and turned to see Sergeant Reynolds chasing after him. "My computer just totally died last night. Like kabam!" He continued.

"Oh, um, Sergeant, I, uh… okay, uh, yeah, just drop it off at, uh, at my lab. I'm sorry, I'm late for something." He said, trying not to be rude.

"Oh…Sorry, Doc. Yeah, I'll drop it off. See you later!" He said, waving Connor on.

"Yeah… thanks." He said, rushing off towards the mess hall again. He was turning the corner when he heard his name called again. Connor wondered if he really knew that many people.

"Doc! Hey!" He turned to face Evan this time.

"Evan! Hi! I'm…uh…"

"Hey, I've been trying to get you on the radio for the last five minutes! SGA-6 missed their check-in. We need you in a jumper." Evan said, latching on to Connor's arm, dragging to scientist back towards the transporter.

"I… okay." Connor said. He had forgotten to put his ear piece back in after his shower. "Evan… my radio is still in my quarters. Sorry, I, uh…"

Evan flashed him a quick smile. "It's okay, Doc. We all forget sometimes, just try not to let it happen too often."

The transporter deposited them at the jumper bay level. Lorne led Connor to get a tack vest, checking it over for him. He also grabbed him a radio, which Connor stuck in his vest, and a new ear piece.

He tapped it immediately. "Davids to Sheppard." He said, already running into the open jumper. Lorne ran to a second jumper. A few Marines got in behind Connor.

"Sheppard here. Where are you? I've been trying the radio for fifteen minutes." He sounded worried to Connor.

"I, uh… sorry I left my radio in my quarters, and then I ran into Reynolds and then Evan and I have to go off world, John."

"Wait, slow down, what? Where are you going?"

"SGA-6 missed their check-in. I'm in a jumper. We're about to gate out. I'm sorry I, uh, missed our lunch."

"Did you eat breakfast?" John asked.

"I, uh…"

"Connor." John said sternly.

"I overslept." He replied weakly. The puddle jumper started up and he saw Lorne's descend into the control room in front of the gate. Connor followed suit.

"Connor…" John trailed off. "Good luck, okay?"

Lorne's jumper shot through the gate. "Yeah." And with that he was through the gate. He cloaked as soon as he was through the event horizon, following Lorne's jumper.

"Jumper one to Jumper four."

"Jumper four here." Connor responded, hands flying across the controls.

"SGA-6 has been split up. Two are…to the east bearing-"

"I've got 'em." Connor interrupted Lorne.

"Okay, you take those two, I'm going north to pick up the others. Good luck."

"Thanks. You too." Connor said, ending the transmission.

He started moving them towards the life signs. The jumper registered one of the life signs as extremely weak. Connor mentally urged the jumper to go faster, it obeyed.

"I'm picking up two life signs, one weak." He said to the Marines behind him.

"Understood, Doc." Connor turned to look, he recognized a couple of the guys from the firing range.

The jumper was rapidly approaching the side of a cliff, Connor veered up narrowly avoiding the rocks sticking out on both sides. The team members, who had been on their way to investigate some ruins, had apparently run into this planet's version of dinosaurs. Connor could pick them up on the sensors, large creatures moving on the side of the rock. The jumper flew towards the outcrop that half of SGA-6 was stuck in.

"Davids to Perelli." He said, calling to one of the team members.

"This is Troby, Doc. Perelli's in been injured."

"Copy that. What's your situation?" Connor maneuvered the jumper through a brush of trees.

"We took shelter in a small cave on the face of the mountain."

"I see you. Okay I'm going to hover the jumper in front and lower the back down." Connor turned to the Marines behind him. "He's going to need help with Perelli."

"Got it, Doc."

Connor's hands moved across the flight controls as he put his plan into motion, minutes later they were hovering in front of the two men. Perelli was on the ground with Troby kneeling near him. The Marines with Connor jumped out to help Perelli into the back of the jumper as Troby followed. Connor shut the door before making their way back to the gate.

"Jumper four to Jumper one."

"Jumper one here."

"We've got them, we're heading back to the gate. Perelli needs medical assistance."

"Copy that. We're still working on getting to our guys. Go ahead and gate back to Atlantis. Good job, Doc."

"Jumper four out." Connor said, blushing at Lorne's praise.

Ten minutes later they were gating back to Atlantis. A medical crew was waiting in the jumper bay. Connor shut down the jumper before walking down the ramp. John was waiting at the bottom for him. A glance around told Connor that they were the only two left in the jumper bay.

Connor felt John's eyes roam over his body, looking for injuries. "I'm fine, John. I didn't even get out of the, um. jumper." Connor said with a small smile. With a final glance, John appeared satisfied that Connor wasn't injured.

"Wanna get that lunch now?" John asked.

"Let me dump the tac vest first." Connor replied. John nodded and followed Connor to put the tack vest away.

"No gun?"

"I'm a civilian." Connor replied with a small smirk.

"So is Rodney. And Teyla. And Ronon for that matter. Let me see what I can do. You're more than qualified."

"I don't really need a gun, John." Connor protested.

"If you're going off-world you do." He replied sternly.

"Okay."

"Okay. Lunch?" Connor nodded, following him to the mess hall.

* * *

Connor sat down heavily on his bed and stared at the necklace in his hands. A small silver Celtic cross given to him by his mother. It had rested around his neck for years. The same neck that had been pressed against John's chest last night. It had felt heavy on his body all day until a minute ago when Connor had taken it off.

It was beautifully crafted, a symbol of his faith.

Connor bit his lip and a single tear slid from his eye as he opened a shoebox. He held the necklace up and looked at it one more time before dropping it into the box. A teardrop followed it in before the linguist could replace the lid. He rested a hand on top for a moment before setting the box onto the floor and sliding it back underneath his bed.

* * *

It was 2058 and Connor hovered nervously outside of Teyla's quarters. He had never really been one for talking things out. He wasn't sure if that was because he never really had someone to talk things out with or if he just preferred to ruminate on his own. He swallowed and ran his hand over the door chime.

A few seconds later the door opened with Teyla standing on the other side.

"Teyla. Hi." He said nervously.

"Connor, welcome." She gestured him into her quarters. The lights were dim and a few candles were arranged on the floor along with a couple pillows. Teyla gracefully lowered herself onto one of the pillows and Connor, just as gracefully, lowered himself onto the other one, across from her. She poured some water out of a kettle sitting on a tray nearby, passing a cup to Connor before taking one for her self. The Athosian held out her selection of tea and Connor took one he had never seen before.

"My people made that one." Teyla offered.

Connor smiled. "Thanks." He said, dropping it into the water. He glanced nervously around her quarters. They were wonderfully decorated with Athosian, he assumed, art and tapestries. He spied a picture of her with John, Ronon and Dr. McKay on her bedside. On her desk across the room was a similar photo without Ronon and another young man that Connor had never seen before.

"That is Lt. Ford." Teyla spoke, as if reading Connor's mind.

Connor had seen his name on the memorial wall set up in Atlantis with the name of every fallen soldier or scientist from the expedition.

"I'm sorry for your loss." He offered gently, not sure of what to say.

"Thank you. Although we are not sure if he is truly gone. I am sure John still holds hope of finding him." She replied.

"He was lost?" Connor asked.

"Yes, to the Wraith. He became… addicted to the Wraith feeding enzyme during the first Wraith siege on Atlantis. We have not seen him in many moons, but he is still out there. Ronon, too, believes it is his duty to find young Aiden."

"Ronon knew Lt. Ford?"

"Did John ever tell you how we met Ronon?" She asked the scientist.

Connor shook his head. He took a sip of his tea and sighed. "This is amazing." He told Teyla.

"I am glad you like it." She said, taking a sip of her own. "We had been looking for Lt. Ford on a planet when he discovered what we were doing and kidnapped Rodney in order to explain to him the benefit of the Wraith drug. John and I were looking for him when Ronon found us. John and I were captured and awoke in a cave with Ronon. We discovered he was a runner for the Wraith." At Connor's quizzical look she explained. "A runner is… a game for the Wraith. They placed a tracking device in his back and would let him go on various planets before hunting him down and letting him go again. This continued for several years before we found him. Anyways… long story short, as John would say, we convinced Ronon that we could help him and so Dr. Beckett removed the tracking device from his back. In exchange for our help Ronon vowed to help us track down Lt. Ford."

"But he escaped?" Connor guessed.

"Yes. And Rodney too, escaped Lt. Ford's company."

Connor thought about all this. "And John feels it is his, um, job? To track down Lt. Ford?" He asked.

"Colonel Sheppard carries a great deal of weight upon his back. He believes he let down Lt. Ford, as he does many others. But young Aiden was among the first." She said solemnly.

Connor's heart ached for John. "Do you think you will ever find him?"

A sad look passed across Teyla's face. "I do not believe so." She answered.

Connor didn't know what to say. He settled for, "I'm sorry, Teyla."

She offered him a small smile. "Thank you."

They both took sips of their tea. "Let us speak of happier things." Teyla offered.

"Alright." Connor agreed. Silence stretched between them. Teyla was looking pointedly at the young scientist, but Connor offered up nothing. After a few more minutes of silence Connor sighed. "You know, don't you?"

"To what are you referring?" She asked kindly with a knowing look in her eyes.

"About me. And John."

"That you are friends? Yes."

"Teyla!" Connor said exasperatedly.

"Yes?"

"… I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?"

"Talk about things, about feelings. I just… I don't know."

Teyla reached out a hand to cover Connor's briefly, the touch grounding him. "We do not have to discuss it if you truly do not want to. I am always available should you need me." She offered.

"I just… I'm not sure what's happening." He murmured. "I'm, um, I'm confused."

"That is perfectly acceptable." She soothed. "What is it you would like to happen? What is it you want?"

Connor thought for a moment. He wanted last night to happen over and over, he wanted to wake up every morning feeling safe and warm. He wanted to sit with John while he worked and John watched movies. He wanted to joke with him over lunch and have someone to look at the stars with.

"I… He… I mean…" Connor took a deep breath and started over. "He makes me feel safe." Connor admitted. "And he listens to me, no matter what I talk about. He makes me happy, Teyla. And I just want… I just want that to last."

Teyla looked at him with gentle, understanding eyes. "Have you spoken of this with him?"

"I can't!" Connor quickly said. "He's… he's in the, um, US Air Force, for one, and I, um, I've only heard him mention women… And I just… I mean I never… with a guy… I'm not sure how…" Connor blushed.

Teyla nodded. "I believe you should discuss this with him anyways." She said.

Connor blinked. "I need some time." In case John decided to never talk to him again and all he had was now.

"Do not wait too long." She advised.

"I won't." He promised.

Twenty minutes later he had said his goodbyes to Teyla and was headed back to his lab, along with a bag of the tea made by the Athosians. Connor had hardly done any work today and needed to catch up.

As he walked into his lab he noticed John on the couch with his laptop open. Connor grabbed his laptop off his work station before sitting next to John. He opened the database and began translating. A few hours later he surfaced from his work enough to notice that John had fallen asleep, his head resting near the arm of the couch and his knees tucked into his stomach with his socked feet resting gently against Connor. His boots lay forgotten on the ground. Connor tugged the blanket off the back of the couch onto the sleeping Colonel before turning back to his work.

Sometime after that John woke up enough to gently push aside Connor's laptop and pull the scientist down with him, tucking the blanket around them. Connor sighed before falling asleep, safely in John's arms.


	16. Learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 16 : Learning**

Author's Notes :

\- _Star Wars_ belongs to George Lucas.  
\- _Batman_ belongs to DC Comics and Warner Bros.  
\- _Harold and Kumar_ belongs to New Line Cinema and Warner Bros.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/29/10

* * *

"McKay! Shit!" John yelled as he fired his P-90 at an approaching Wraith. They had been caught in a Wraith beam on an uninhabited planet. John and his team had woken up twenty minutes previous, in which Ronon and McKay had gotten them out, Teyla had found their weapons, and now John was trying to get to a Wrath dart to get his team out and go home. Too bad someone forgot to tell McKay.

"McKay!" He yelled again at the scientists back. He nodded towards Ronon who covered John as he ran after McKay. Teyla had followed directly behind the scientist.

He caught up to Rodney two hallways down. Teyla was standing guard as McKay hacked into the Wraith database.

"We do not have time for this, Rodney." John said sternly. "We need to go."

"This is it, Sheppard!" Rodney said, hands flying over the console.

"This is what?" John fired his P-90 at a passing Wraith as Ronon fired to his left and Teyla behind them. "McKay!"

"What! Busy here, Sheppard!"

"Yes, I can see that, Rodney. What are you doing?" He fired again. Two more fell to the left as Ronon's gun hit true.

"We've hit the jackpot!"

"What jackpot, McKay?" John asked through gritted teeth. This was the hazard of having a scientist on the team.

"This ship has Wraith research on the Replicators."

"McKay why are we bothering with the Replicators? They're doing what you programmed them to…attack the Wraith."

"Carter thinks they're the ones wiping out worlds."

"What?" He fired again.

"I don't have time to explain… just let me…" He plugged his recovered tablet into the Wraith computer. Two minutes and five dead Wraith later it beeped. Rodney pulled the cord.

"Well? Let's go, Sheppard!" He said.

John rolled his eyes. He took point as Ronon covered their six. _This was not how I wanted to spend my night._ He fired at the Wraith in front of him, jumping over him as he hit the ground. For the past few weeks he and Connor had spent almost every night together. Most of the time in the scientist's lab, occasionally venturing to quarters, but both were more comfortable in the secluded lab.

Nine hours later they arrived back at Atlantis. It took seven hours just to find a planet with a gate, another hour and a half to get to the gate from orbit and half an hour spent waiting for Teyla, Ronon and McKay to wake up from being stunned, as they rode in the Wraith dart beam. They waited at an uninhabited planet before ditching the dart and gating to the Alpha site. John would send people back for the dart. Right now all he wanted was a shower.

It was 0217 Atlantis time. He followed his team to the tacc room, dropping his vest off before heading to medical for the required check in. After waiting for Keller to poke him and pronounce him sound in body and mind, at which Rodney snorted, he made his way drearily back to his quarters. He left the lights low as he started shucking his jacket and boots. He had his shirt half way over his head when he noticed a body shaped lump in his bed. He raised the lights slightly and made out a mop of reddish-brown hair. _Connor._ John smiled. He knelt down by the linguist's head and moved some hair out of his face.

Connor didn't move. John pulled the blankets up over the younger man before lowering the lights back down. He finished removing his shirt and threw it in the direction of his hamper. He undid his pants, stepping out of them as they fell, chucking those after his shirt. He grabbed a pair of sweats and hesitated before grabbing a shirt. He stepped into the bathroom as Atlantis started the shower. _Thanks._ He stripped off his boxers and climbed in. The water was soothing against his back. John put a half hearted effort into scrubbing off the Wraith ship, eyes drifting shut. The water ran cold and John blinked awake. He turned off the shower, drying quickly before donning his clean clothes.

John set the alarm on his watch and gently climbed into bed beside the linguist. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * *

Connor blinked awake. "John?" He reached out and hit air. He looked around John's quarters. John was here. 'Where is he now' was the question. Connor watch read 0923. He knew John often had meetings in the morning starting at 0800. He sat up slowly, stretching a little. He slowly pulled on his boots, remembering what brought him here.

 _Connor's lab door chimed and he opened it without getting up. Evan entered._

 _Connor smiled. "Hey, Evan."_

 _When Evan didn't return his smile Connor became nervous. "What is it? What's wrong? Evan?"_

 _Evan walked over to Connor and leaned against the console. "I… Doc… Connor… Colonel Sheppard's team has missed their last two scheduled check-ins."_

 _Connor started breathing quickly. "They… what? I mean maybe they're just stuck somewhere? Or it's raining or…" He drifted off as Evan shook his head._

" _SGA-5 has already been to investigate, there was no sign of them. There were a couple dead Wraith on the ground, though."_

 _Connor's heart beat so fast he thought it would fly out of his chest. "But they'll be okay, right? John's fought the Wraith before. And Teyla! And Ronon has that gun of his!" His words tumbled out, faster and faster as his breathing continued to increase._

 _Lorne squatted down in front of Connor's chair. "Doc, hey. We'll get them back. We don't leave our people behind. You know that." Connor nodded. "You need to calm down, okay? Breathe with me. In… out… In… out…" Connor followed Evan's example and his breathing slowly returned to normal. "That's it Doc… I've got to go, will you be okay?" Connor nodded. "Okay. Call me if you need me. Okay, Connor?" Evan looked at the scientist. He was pale but his breathing had slowed. "Okay?" Connor nodded again. He gave Connor a small pat on the shoulder before leaving him alone in his lab._

 _When Connor could think right again he unplugged his laptop from the database and carried it to John's quarters, intending to wait for him there._

Connor shook his head. He tugged on his jacket and went to get his laptop off of John's desk. He found it open with a note typed out on the screen.

 _Connor,_

 _Hope you slept well, sorry we worried you, we're all okay. Dinner tonight?_

 _\- John_

Connor smiled. Between Evan and Teyla, and now Ronon, Connor rarely spent his lunch alone, but John had noticed that Connor would get too involved in his work to remember dinner and had taken it upon himself to make sure he ate. Connor packed up his laptop and waited for Atlantis to give the all clear signal. He quickly made his way out of John's quarters and back to his for a shower.

Thirty minutes later he was back in his lab, engrossed in the database. He was translating Ancient research on plants and animals. Not the most exciting thing in the world, but since he started this research a couple weeks ago, tea and biscuits had shown up in his lab, compliments of the agriculture and botany labs. It was nice to be appreciated.

Connor was writing down something about fish when he felt a warm hand touch the back of his neck. He sat up to see John standing there, his hand resting on Connor's bare neck.

"John, hey." Connor looked the military leader over and John let him. Connor tugged on John's jacket and shirt lifting them slightly. When he was assured that John wasn't hiding a stomach wound he turned John around to examine his back. Satisfied he let go of John's clothes.

John raised an eyebrow. "Happy now?" He asked gently.

"You're not, uh, lying about being hurt are you?" Connor asked sternly.

"Would I do that?" John asked. Connor just stared. "Fine, fine. I'm not lying, Keller gave me a clean bill of health." John said. "Ronon and Teyla too, and McKay for that matter. The only thing hurt is our egos at being caught by the Wraith _again_."

"Okay." Connor said, turning back to his work. "Let me just finish these, um, last few sentences."

John's hand moved back to his neck and his other one went to push on the console as he leaned over Connor's shoulder to look at his work. "You're translating… plants?"

Connor nodded as he worked out another sentence. John's hand traced small circles on his neck. He quickly finished the last few sentences before sending the information off to the botanists.

"Want a bis…cookie?" Connor asked standing and collecting his jacket, John's hand slid off his neck. He held out the plate of cookies to John.

"I'll take a _biscuit_." John stressed, with a small laugh, reaching out for a chocolate one.

Connor hit him lightly on his shoulder. "Hey where I'm from they're called biscuits."

"Which is strange." John said with a cookie in his mouth. "Where did you get these anyways? The Deadalus isn't due for another few weeks."

Connor shrugged. "The botanists."

John froze. "The botanists are giving you cookies?" He asked stiltedly.

"Uh, yeah. Since I started, um, translating the, uh, plant stuff for them." Connor replied nervously. "Why?"

John relaxed slightly at his answer. "Nothing, never mind. Dinner?" Connor's stomach rumbled. John laughed. "I'll take that as a yes."

Together they made their way to the mess hall. Connor grabbed a tray, filling it with two sandwiches, an apple, two servings of pudding, a salad and some bread, along with his customary mug of tea. John glanced at his full tray before taking a sandwich, apple and pudding for himself. He followed the linguist to a table by the window.

Connor dug into his salad, suddenly ravenous. He forgot breakfast… and lunch. He grabbed his bread, biting into it. He swallowed roughly. "Tell me about your mission yesterday."

"Well it started out okay, except for McKay bitching about the heat and how he was going to get sunstroke or melanoma, then a Wraith dart came out of nowhere…"

As John talked Connor finished off his salad and bread, polishing off a sandwich and grabbing John's knife to cut up his apple with. John watched but kept talking.

"…and then we gated in from the Alpha site. That's about it." He finished, reaching for his untouched dinner. He bit into his apple and juice dripped down his chin. Connor handed him a napkin as he started in on his own apple. "So…" John started. "Forget to eat today?" He asked casually. Too casually. Connor froze. He looked up at John who looked had a look of concern across his face as well as a touch of anger.

"I… well…" Connor mumbled.

"Connor." He said sternly.

"I know. I'm sorry." He offered, looking back down at his plate. John glanced around at the mostly deserted mess hall before reaching across the table to quickly touch one of Connor's hands, before pulling his hand back. Connor looked back up at him.

"I'm just worried about you." John said softly, honestly.

"You don't need to be. I'm, um, fine. I am thirty-three, John."

John smiled lightly. "I know. But Lorne may have mentioned something about finding you passed out in the lab once…"

Connor blushed hard, embarrassed. "I…" He trailed off. He didn't really have an excuse for that, nothing that John would accept.

"Got caught up in your research, I know." John chuckled and then turned serious. "Just please, try and remember more often."

"I… yes, sure." Connor conceded.

"Thank you." John said softly. He reached for his sandwich. "So tell me about these plants… and what else have the botanists given you?"

Later that night John had followed Connor back to his lab and they were once again resting on the couch together. Connor was laying on top of John and John was in his favorite position with one hand caressing Connor's back under his shirt and the other stroking the top of Connor's head. Connor had a hand playing with the sleeve of one of John's arms, picking at the seams and squishing the fabric.

Teyla's words came to Connor unbidden.

" _I believe you should discuss this with him anyways. Do not wait too long."_

Connor wondered if a month was too long. Or maybe not long enough. "John?"

"Mmm."

"Are we… I mean, are you… am I… Teyla said…" Connor drifted off haplessly. He definitely was not good at this talking thing.

"Teyla said what?" John inquired gently.

"Nothing." Connor mumbled, angry at himself for chickening out again.

"Hey." John said, resting his hand flat against Connor's back. "If you're upset, it's not nothing." Connor stayed silent. "Connor?" This time John sounded worried and began to sit them up. Connor pushed gently on John's chest, moving him back down.

"Are we… I… I like you, John." Connor finally said.

John was silent for a moment before his hand started moving again, drawing patterns on Connor's warm back. "I like you, too." He finally offered.

Connor pushed himself up a little so he could look at John. The hand in his hair moved to his arm to help support the scientist. "I _really_ like you, John." He stressed.

John met his eyes. "I _really_ like you, Connor." He repeated.

"Like-like?" Connor asked, needing confirmation.

John rolled his eyes. "What are we, five? Yes, like-like." And though his tone was amused, Connor knew he was entirely serious.

Connor settled back down against John, listening to his heartbeat through his shirt. John's hand moved back to his hair. They sat that way in silence for a while, each lost to their own thoughts.

"John?"

"Mmm." He answered again.

"Should we talk about this more?" Connor asked as he reached up to catch the hand in his hair, pulling it to him and holding it close to his chest. He gently traced John's fingers.

"Probably." John admitted.

Connor waited a beat before asking. "Have you ever… I mean, with a, um…guy? Before?"

John was silent for a moment. "No. You?" He asked. Connor blushed and didn't answer. "Connor?"

"Yeah? I, um, no… not-not with anyone." Connor answered softly. John's arm tightened around him briefly.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry." Connor offered.

"Sorry?" John sat up a little, pulling the arm from around Connor to lean on his elbow. "Why are you sorry?"

"I just… I mean, I don't know anything… about…" He drifted off.

"Connor." John said, taking his hand out of Connor's grasp to move his head to look at John. "I don't care about any of that, okay? I care about _you_."

Connor blinked disbelievingly. "I… John? Oh."

John let go of Connor's head and lowered himself back down, offering his hand back to Connor, who took it gratefully.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure?"

"That I care?" John asked.

"No." Connor said.

They waited in silence as John started to understand the question. "You mean about this?" He asked, tapping Connor gently on the back. Connor nodded against John's chest. "Yes." He answered firmly.

"But… your job?" Connor questioned softly.

John sighed. "I know."

"I can be really discreet." Connor offered. "Atlantis will help."

John laughed lightly. "I know she will. We'll just have to be careful, Con."

"Okay."

"Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Since this is a night of confessions, I have another to make." John said slowly.

"Yeah?"

John paused, gathering nerve. "I… do you think you could speak less… American like? When it's just us?"

Connor laughed softly. "Ta." He answered.

John smiled. He pulled the blanket off the back of the couch onto both of them. Atlantis lowered the lights and John leaned forward a little and pressed a kiss to the top of Connor's head. The scientist responded by tightening his grip on John's hand.

"Goodnight, John."

"Goodnight, Connor."

* * *

"…So Parrish has his hands down his pants trying to find the snake that crawled up them when it starts coming up the back, so Reed puts his hands down Parrish's pants and grabs the snake. He flings it away, it lands on Coughlin and two seconds later is down his pants. Parrish is busy yelling at Reed for copping a feel and Coughlin is dancing all over the place trying to get the snake out when it slithers out the bottom. It goes straight back for Parrish, tangles around his legs, Parrish falls over, Reed reaches out to catch him, Coughlin reaches out to catch him and I reach out to catch Coughlin, and long story short. That's how we all ended up in a giant swamp on a planet that Yoda probably lived on." Evan explained to Connor over lunch. "We finally got rid of the snake but then spent the next two hours peeling leeches off."

Connor shuddered. "Gross, Evan."

Lorne smirked at him. "Hey, you asked."

"All I, uh, said was 'How was your day?'" He said before taking a sip of his tea.

"I'm telling you how my day has been."

Connor wrinkled his nose. "Well next time leave out the leeches." He said, stealing Evan's pudding.

"Hey! Get your own!" Lorne said, reaching for his pudding.

"I did." Connor said, waving Evan's pudding about.

"I mean get it from the food line."

Connor stuck his spoon in. "Too late!" He teased before sticking the spoon in his mouth. Evan sputtered and Connor laughed. "Like you didn't get it for me anyways." He stated with certainty, taking another mouthful of the pudding.

"Nope." Lorne denied. Connor looked him in the eyes. Evan stared back.

"It's butterscotch, Evan."

"So?"

"So… you hate butterscotch."

"So?"

"So… I love butterscotch." He stuck another spoonful in his mouth, indignantly. Lorne just laughed, picking up the rest of his sandwich.

"Rumor has it the botanists are leaving you presents." Lorne smirked as he said this.

Connor blushed. "I… they're… it's just some biscuits."

Lorne raised an eyebrow. "Biscuits?"

"Erm… cookies. Oh and some tea."

"Yes because what you clearly need is more tea." He teased his friend with a pointed look at Connor's mug. Connor laughed with him.

"Teyla, um, introduced me to some, uh, Athosian tea. It's really good."

"What's your favorite?" Evan inquired.

Connor took on a pensive look, wrapping his hands around his tea mug. "Raspberry." He finally said.

"Raspberry?" Lorne repeated incredulously. "Out of all the teas you like _raspberry_ best?"

Connor shrugged. "I love raspberries." He offered. "In Ireland many things are, um, raspberry flavored."

Evan scratched his head. "Okay." He continued eating his lunch.

"Who told you?" Connor asked.

"Huh?"

"About the cookies." He prompted.

"Ah. Mum's the word." Evan said with a smile, finishing off his sandwich.

"John told you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Doc." Evan offered, but Connor had already figured it out. What he hadn't figured out was why.

"Why did he tell you?" He didn't expect an answer, but asked anyways.

Evan looked at him. "Hypothetically… if it was Colonel Sheppard, he might have wanted to know which botanists were giving you things. Hypothetically, though."

Connor blinked. "Hypothetically, yes, of course. And, uh, hypothetically what would have been your, um, answer?"

"Well… hypothetically I would have said I didn't know anything about them." Lorne said with a smile. He finished his coffee in one big swig.

"I see." Except Connor didn't, maybe he would ask John. Or Teyla.

Lorne stilled before he reached up and tapped his ear piece. "Lorne here." He said with an apologetic glance towards Connor. "Alright, I'll be there in five. Lorne out." He gathered his lunch ware back onto his tray. "Well, Doc. Sorry to eat and run." He offered.

"No, it's okay. Thanks for, um, lunch, Evan." Connor said softly.

"No prob, Doc. I'll catch ya later. We're thinking movie night tomorrow." He said to Connor as he stood up. "You in?" He paused to ask.

"Um, yeah, sure. Just call me or something." Connor said.

"Sure thing, Doc. Later."

"Bye." Connor offered silently to Evan's back as he walked away. Connor collected his tray and dumped it before leaving the mess hall. He walked around Atlantis for a while before heading back to his lab.

Connor opened his laptop to check his e-mail. He had one from Dr. O'Suileabhain, six from different botanists, two mass Atlantis e-mails and one from Ronon. He smiled before clicking open the one from Ronon.

 _Irish move e 2 nite._

Connor laughed a little at Ronon's effort to spell English words. He hit reply asking what time before moving on to Dr. O'Suileabhain's. It was just a short note informing Connor that there was a department meeting next Monday. The botanists' were various questions from 'what does this translation mean' to 'was this the only translation you could think of'. Connor wasn't offended by the last one, especially since there was a virtual bouquet of wild flowers attached, the same flowers that Connor had translated and figured out how to program the replicators to produce seeds of.

"Nice flowers."

Connor jumped, his hand going over his racing heart. He turned around. "John! God, you, um, scared me." He said, taking in John's slightly defensive posture and _hurt?_ look. "I, yeah, they're from the, uh,-"

"Botanists." John finished for him.

"Um, yeah." Connor blushed as John studied his face. "John? I… is something wrong?"

"It's nothing, Doc." _Uh oh._ John rarely called Connor 'Doc' anymore, especially in private.

"John? Tell me?" He pleaded. John moved to lean against Connor's desk. He watched as John struggled for words.

"You don't like them, right?" He finally asked.

Connor was confused. "Like who?"

"The botanists." John bit out.

"Um, sure I like them. Why wouldn't I?"

John rubbed his forehead lightly. "I… never mind."

"What? John? I don't understand. I'm sorry for whatever I, um, did. I won't talk to the botanists okay?" Connor said quickly, afraid that John was mad at him.

John looked at him hard. "What? It's fine, you can talk to the botanists if you want."

They remained there in silence for a few minutes before Connor hesitantly said, "I don't understand. Please, John?"

John gently crouched beside Connor's chair, holding on to either side of it. "I'm just jealous, Connor." He said finally.

"Of the botanists?" He asked softly. John nodded. Connor reached with one hand to cup John's face. "Don't be. I don't care about them. I care about you, _a chuisle_." He offered John, in Irish.

"Even though they give you things?" John asked doubtfully. "And digital flowers?"

"I don't care about digital flowers or, um, biscuits. You give me enough." He said gently.

A smile broke across John's face and Connor felt his chest ache from the beauty of it. "What was that you said? Ah hoishle?" He said, trying to pronounce the words Connor had spoke.

Connor just smiled. He leaned down and gave John a soft kiss on his forehead. "Did you need something?" He asked John.

John had a dazed look on his face, he stood back up and leaned against the desk again. "Um…oh yeah we're watching that new Batman movie tonight. I just wanted to know if you were interested."

"Was that the one you watched last week?" Connor asked, remembering seeing bits of the movie John watched on his laptop.

"Yeah."

"Sure." Connor agreed. "I e-mailed Ronon about the time, he asked me to, uh, come first. Well, more like told me."

John smiled. "I'm glad you two get along. I like how he calls you Irish."

Connor blushed. "I told him to, uh, call me Connor. He said he likes Irish better."

John laughed. "Well it's at eight, in the rec. room. Rodney's bringing popcorn."

Connor froze slightly. "Dr. McKay's going to be there?" He asked, stiltedly.

John gave him a weird look. "Well, yeah. Why?"

Connor shook his head. "It's just that… I think… I mean, I don't know…"

"Connor." John stated. Connor knew that was John's way of telling him to get to the point.

"He's been, um, staring? At me? And I think… following me?"

"He what?"

"I just, uh, see him around all the time. He's always looking at me, it, uh, makes me nervous."

Suddenly Atlantis sent them both a picture of a Marine stepping off the transporter, walking down the hallway to Connor's lab. John stood up. "We'll talk later, okay?" He asked the scientist.

"Yeah. Bye." He offered a small wave as the door chimed.

"Later." John said as he walked out letting the Marine in.

"Doc, hey, can you look at my computer…?"

* * *

John left Connor's lab. He felt better about the situation with the botanists. Connor seemed genuinely confused about John's jealousy and John was sorry he brought it up. But he did feel better, so not that sorry.

John hit the transporter button for the control tower before thinking better of it and hitting the one for Rodney's lab. Even though he didn't get the full story from Connor he was sure as hell going to get the full story from Rodney.

"Ah hoishle." He repeated softly to himself, he didn't know what it meant, but the way that Connor had said it, John knew it was an endearment. "Ah hoishle. I like it." He smiled and stepped out down the corridor to Rodney's lab. He could hear the yelling from out the door.

"…No, no, no! When I say don't touch, I mean _don't touch_! Ever! Where did you get your degree? The University for Stupid, Incompetent People? You! You will stay over there on that side of the room! And you! You will leave now and not come back. Go! Shoo!"

The doors opened and a scientist rushed past John out of the room. John entered and found the room in a small amount of chaos. There smell of burnt metal was in the air, along with a little bit of smoke lingering. Scientists were moving about trying to clean up various messes.

"Geez, McKay, blow up another lab?"

Rodney turned to him. "I don't have time for this, Sheppard! One of my brilliant scientists decided that coffee would be a great way to upgrade a computer." He said sarcastically.

John raised an eyebrow. "Coffee did this?" He gestured to the lab.

"Among other things." John stood there watching everyone clean. "Sheppard, if you're not going to help, get out of the way." Rodney said, pushing John back towards the door.

"Let's get lunch." John said brightly.

"If you haven't noticed, Colonel, I'm in the middle of something."

"Oh please, McKay." John rolled his eyes. "Like you were going to help clean up."

Rodney huffed. "Well maybe I was." John just stared at him. "Fine. But if I leave and come back and there's nothing left it's all your fault, Sheppard." Rodney said, pointing at him.

"Got it." He quirked a quick smile and heard sighs of relief and he ushered Rodney out the door.

"So…" John said as they sat at an empty table, trays of food in hand.

Rodney looked up from where he was ravenously eating. "What?"

"So we haven't really spent a lot of time together lately."

Rodney choked on his food. "What? A couple days ago we were captured by the Wraith again. I'd say that counts as bonding time, Sheppard."

John took a sip of his water. "I meant on Atlantis."

"Well that's hardly my fault. You're nowhere to be found these days."

"Oh cause every time I stop by your lab you jump at the chance to race cars." John said sarcastically.

"I do have a job, John." Rodney said. "This meat is delicious today." He said, inhaling his food.

John glanced at the grayish meat on his plate and shuddered. "Anyways, what have you been spending your free time doing?"

Rodney gave him a look that John couldn't decipher. "Okay, Sheppard, I give, what do you want?"

"What? Rodney? A guy can't ask his best friend what's happening in his life?"

"When that friend is you? No." He said succinctly.

John tried to put on a hurt expression. Rodney laughed. "Fine." John said. "Connor mentioned you've been stalking him." The fork on the way to Rodney's mouth froze as a guilty look came over Rodney's face. John caught it before he could hide it. "So it's true?" He asked the scientist.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Sheppard."

John leaned in closer to Rodney. "McKay, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" He hissed.

"I'm trying to eat, do you mind?" He said. John kicked his leg. "Ow! Sheppard! What was that for?" He moved his hand to rub his shin. "You probably gave me a bruise."

"I'm gonna give you a lot more if you don't start talking, McKay. Why are you following him?" Rodney stubbornly speared some more meat with his fork and stuck it in his mouth, pointedly ignoring John. "McKay." John said murderously.

"Okay, okay. I… just wanted to get to know him a little better. Is that a crime?"

"Stalking? Why yes, McKay, I do believe that is a crime."

"I wasn't stalking him, Sheppard, will you stop saying that?"

"Then what exactly were you doing, Rodney?" He looked at his friend and waited for an answer.

"I was just… uh, following a little, observing. I'm a scientist, it's what I do."

"And how is that not stalking?"

"Well, I didn't leave dead cats on his doorstep." Rodney answered, eyeing John's brownie.

"Rodney. Why do you want to know him better?"

John got nervous as Rodney glanced around them, the mess hall was all but empty at this time of day, there were two scientists sitting at a table across the room. "I… well, Ronon and Teyla know him. I want to know him too."

John rubbed his head, he was starting to get a headache. "Why?" He repeated.

"Well if you're dating him…" John's head snapped up at the word. "…then as your best friend I feel I should get to know him."

John glared at Rodney. "Rodney. It's not… I mean, we're not…" Were they? Was what he and Connor had dating? It sounded so juvenile to John, not good enough to describe his feelings towards the linguist. Rodney just stared at him. "Fine, okay, whatever, dating." He said quietly. "But you can't go stalking him! Why can't you get to know him like a normal person?"

"He doesn't like me." Rodney said quietly.

"He doesn't know you." John offered to his friend.

"I… might have sent some less than… nice e-mails regarding the food replicators."

Suddenly John remembered a conversation he had during Connor's last flying lesson. John furrowed his brow. "What? When?"

"I don't know, Sheppard, I don't keep track of these things." Rodney replied, exasperated.

" _Um. Doctor McKay has me looking for, um, more references on the, uh, food replicators. I've been doing that."_

" _For a month?" John asked, annoyed at Rodney._

" _Um. Yeah." Connor blushed. "It takes…a while to, uh, find things."_

" _So have you found anything?"_

" _Uh, just a couple mentions. Dr. McKay is not…happy with my progress."_

 _This time John looked at Connor's face and finally noticed the deep circles under his eyes, indicating how tired he was. John wasn't sure Connor had gotten any sleep lately._

" _Have you been sleeping?" John blurted out before remembering that Teyla and Ronon were in here with them. Connor was less apt to answer truthfully with them here. "Never mind." John said._

"Look, okay, you were an ass, but Connor doesn't hold grudges. I'm sure he'd talk to you if you talked to him."

"Well maybe I don't want to talk to him, Sheppard." A hurt look flashed across John's face, before he hid it away. Rodney winced at his words. "What would we talk about anyway?"

"I don't know, McKay, whatever you want. He's coming to the movie tonight, you can talk about that." Rodney didn't say anything, just turned back to his food. "And no more stalking, Rodney."

The scientist rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"I mean it."

"I said 'fine', Sheppard."

John looked dubious at Rodney's words, but let the matter drop anyways. "So which one spilt the coffee…"

* * *

Connor walked into the infirmary. He had a pounding headache that started minutes after John had left him. He tried laying down for a while, but it didn't help, so now he was here to beg for some ibuprofen.

"Hello?" He called out quietly.

Dr. Keller came out of her office. "Dr. Davids! Hi." She sounded surprised to see him. "How can I help you."

"Headache." He said weakly as Keller pointed him towards a bed. The infirmary was blissfully empty and Connor took a seat. Keller shined a light in his eyes and he immediately pulled away, his headache increasing by the second.

"Sorry, Doc. Standard procedure. How bad is it on a scale of 1-10. 1 being 'Let me walk it off' and 10 being 'Shoot me'?"

"Seven." Connor gasped as his head pounded. Keller looked at him in concern.

"When did it start?"

"Couple… hours… ago." He managed to say.

Keller moved away to collect a syringe. "I'm gonna administer some pain meds intravenously so they hit your system faster, okay? It might make you drowsy." She warned.

Connor nodded a little, already lying down against the bed. He felt a small prick of a needle before drifting off. The last thing he was aware of was someone removing his shoes.

He slowly came awake, wondering where he was before remembering he came down to the infirmary. He blinked as he felt the echoes of his headache, it still there but much more manageable. His mouth was dry and he looked for some water.

"Hey, you're up." Keller said, coming out of her office. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, Dr. Keller. Thank you so much for your help."

"Not a problem." She said with a smile. "It is my job you know." She winked at Connor.

"Do you have any, uh, water?"

She moved over to a table across the room, bringing back a glass for Connor. He accepted it gratefully before drinking it down. "How's the headache now?" She asked, bringing back out her pen light. Connor still moved away from it when she shined it in his eyes, but it didn't hurt as much this time.

"Better."

"But still there?" She asked, knowingly.

Connor nodded. She turned to her medical cabinet and took out some pills before handing them to Connor. "Here's some ibuprofen. Take two with water every four hours." She recommended.

Connor looked at his watch. 2014. He was late for the movie. "Thanks, Dr. Keller." He said, sitting up and putting on his shoes.

"Come back tomorrow if you're still in pain!" She yelled after him as he raced from the room.

Connor skidded to a stop in front of the rec. room. He probably looked a mess. He knew John would recognize that he had been sleeping, but tried to cover it up anyways. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to make sure it was all lying flat, before he opened the door.

Two pairs of eyes looked at him. "Um, hi. Sorry." He offered to Rodney and Teyla, the room's only occupants.. He tugged nervously at his jacket.

"It is quite alright, Connor. We were simply worried. John and Ronon have gone to find you." Teyla explained.

Connor blushed. He hit the radio in his ear. "Davids to Sheppard."

"Finally!" Came the response. "Where have you been?" Connor could hear his concern leaking through.

"I… um…"

"Never mind. You're at the rec. room now?"

"Yeah."

"I'll get Ronon then. Sheppard out."

"Finally!" McKay said. "What took you so long? We've been waiting forever."

"Rodney." Teyla warned. "We have only been waiting a few minutes."

"Feels like forever." The astrophysicist grumbled, taking a seat on the couch.

Teyla motioned Connor over to sit next to her on a second couch there. "How have you been, Connor?" She asked gently.

He nervously ran his hands over his hair again. "Good. I've been, uh, doing some, um, translating for the botanists." He answered. "I really enjoyed the tea you gave me." He added.

She smiled. "I am glad you liked it. I would be happy to get you some more the next time I am on New Athos." She responded.

Connor blushed before smiling. "I would, ah, really like that." He said. He glanced nervously at Dr. McKay, the scientist was watching him again but looked away when he caught Connor's gaze on him.

"So have you seen the other… Batman?" Teyla asked.

"Which one?"

She turned to look at Rodney. "What was the name of the other one we watched."

"Batman Forever." He answered accordingly. She looked back at Connor.

"Um, no. I think I've only seen the, uh, original Batman."

"With Michael Keaton?" Rodney asked.

"Uh, yeah." Connor said.

"That was the best one, anyways." McKay offered. Connor nodded in agreement.

The doors opened and he turned to see Ronon and John walk in. Ronon took a seat next to McKay, stealing the bowl of popcorn that sat between them. "Hey!" Connor heard Rodney protest.

John sat on the other side of Connor, leaving him in the middle of him and Teyla. Connor turned to greet John who had already noticed Connor's somewhat disheveled state. Teyla was busy setting up the movie to play so John leaned close to Connor.

"You okay?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah." Connor answered, and he was. His headache was already drifting away.

Teyla started the movie and the lights dimmed. Connor watched as Christian Bale looked for a flower on a mountain. As he started fighting Liam Neeson's character he felt John take his hand. He shot a questioning look at John in the dark. John moved close to whisper, "Everyone in here already knows." Connor blushed a deep red.

"You told them?" Connor whispered quietly back.

"I told McKay and Teyla."

"And Ronon?"

"Did you think he wouldn't figure it out?"

Connor thought about that for a second. Ronon had never given a hint that he knew something was going on between John and himself, but he seemed very intuitive and Ronon was almost as loquacious as Connor, so he wouldn't have said anything even if he had noticed.

He turned back to watch the movie, threading his fingers through John's. He drifted off as Katie Holmes wished Batman a happy birthday, his head gently falling to John's shoulder.

He woke up to someone shaking him. "John?" He asked looking around. The room was empty except for him and John. "Did I miss it? What happened?" He asked, referring to the movie.

"They were gonna poison the water or something and Batman saved the day."

"Oh, okay." Connor said sleepily.

"Oh no you don't. Bed, Connor." John commanded, reaching out to tug the scientist to his feet.

Connor stood, swaying slightly, John reached out to steady him. He pulled away after a minute and headed for the door, with John behind him. The corridors were mostly empty as they passed the occasional personnel on their way to Connor's quarters. With a glance around and assurance from Atlantis, John followed Connor into his room, the door swished shut behind them. Connor's light's were dim as he sat on the bed, shucking his shoes. He pulled off his jacket and saw John doing the same. He offered John a night shirt, which the Colonel took, before grabbing a night shirt and pants for himself and moving into the bathroom to change. He brushed his teeth before heading back out, John went in when he was done, brushing with the toothbrush Connor had put out for him.

Connor poured a glass of water before hunting down his jacket. John's arms wrapped around him from behind.

"Whatcha lookin' for?" He asked as Connor rummaged through his pockets. He pulled out the tablets of ibuprofen, breaking two of them out and downing them before gulping down the water. "Connor?" He heard John ask.

"Nothing, just a headache." He offered, turning around in John's arms.

"Is that where you were?" John asked the slightly shorter man. John leaned his forehead against Connor's.

"Yeah, went to the infirmary for some meds." Connor offered, not wanting to upset John with the knowledge that he had basically passed out in the infirmary from the pain.

"Mmm." John said as his head moved down to Connor's neck. He felt John kiss him lightly there before moving his head back up. "Bed." He said, pulling Connor along behind him.

They fell into Connor's bed and Connor moved so that he was half lying on John. John was on his back and Connor's head rested on John's shoulder, he had an arm slung over John and a leg stretched across John's. The position seemed very intimate to Connor as he snuggled in closer to John. John's arm came up behind him with his hand landing on the scientist's hip. Connor felt him slip a hand under his shirt to draw patterns on his skin.

A few minutes later Connor was drifting off to sleep again as John pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

* * *

"Hey." John murmured to Connor as the scientist woke up. He had his arms tightly around the younger man, holding him close. Connor's head rested on John's shoulder and the scientist blinked lazily at him.

"Hey." Connor answered and John smiled. One perk to having a… _boyfriend?_ who remembers everything. Ever since John had asked, Connor had let his speech shift back to it's natural brogue around him. John rubbed one of Connor's arms as it stretched over his stomach. This was new to John, this intimacy. He had slept with girls before, but rarely had he stayed the night. John liked being able to wake up with Connor, but it took some getting used to.

Before Connor Davids he had never so much as looked at another man romantically and now he was in a relationship with one. It was weird to him how attracted he was, physically, to the young linguist. It hadn't started that way but now one of John's favorite things to do was to touch Connor. He loved being able to stroke his back and play with his hair. And he loved how Connor let him. He was sure that the Irish man was as new all this as he was, in some ways newer, but John liked the idea of learning together.

"Time is it?" Connor mumbled into his chest. John shifted an arm to grab his watch on the night stand.

"Early." He answered. The watch read 0612. It was raining outside and John could hear the drops hit Connor's window.

"Mmm." Connor answered, trying to burrow his head into John.

John crooked a soft smile and ran his fingers through Connor's locks. "How's the head?" He asked. He knew that Connor hadn't told him everything the night before, but wasn't going to press him for answers.

"Better."

"Good." John replied, bending down to kiss Connor's forehead. They had yet to kiss on the lips, which seemed to John much more intimate than sleeping together. He startled slightly when one of Connor's hands worked its way under his shirt, resting on his chest. The scientist drew lazy patterns into John's skin.

John was happy. For the first time in a long time he felt like he had something more to come home to, a better reason to keep fighting. He had his team, and even though they were like family they could never fill the hole inside him that seemed to grow bigger with age. John had felt acutely alone on Atlantis before Connor arrived. As the military commander he was in charge of the entire military and didn't feel comfortable hanging with them in his off hours. The scientists barely gave him a second look, and when they did he was often passed over. But then Connor came and for once, John felt like someone had seen him, like someone cared.

"What're you thinking about?" Connor mumbled.

"You." John answered truthfully.

Connor shifted a little to look up at John's face. "Me?" He looked a little nervous to John, hesitant.

"How happy you've made me." He admitted. _Great, John, you've turned into a sap_. But the smile that lit Connor's face was worth it. The scientist shifted back down to once again lay his head on John's shoulder.

As he laid there, with the scientist wrapped around him, John felt as if all his secrets and worries were being soothed by the hand on his chest. Connor gently pressed a kiss to his chest, through his shirt. John had a sudden urge to take it off, but he knew neither of them were ready for that yet. He was happy to take it slow. He had rushed into sex with his past girlfriends, always afraid he would be sent off to war and never return, he had been determined to make the most of the time he had. But with Connor it felt different. John wanted to take his time, he wanted to slowly unravel Connor Davids.

Connor's hand slipped from John's shirt, and John immediately felt the loss. He felt the scientist shift a little before he sat up completely.

"Connor?" John asked, sitting up with the younger man.

"Toilet." Connor answered sleepily. John watched him stumble off the bed and across the room. A minute later he was back and he sank down onto the bed. John pulled Connor close to him again, retaking their previous position. Connor, once again, slid his hand under John's shirt. John, in return, slipped a hand under the back of Connor's to rub at the warm skin there. After a while Connor retracted his hand before shifting so his body lay more on top of John's. John moved a little to accommodate the scientist. He pulled the blankets up around them. Connor shifted his head to rest under John's, on his chest, and soon his breathing evened out.

John raised a hand to the sleeping man's hair and gently moved some out of his face. He stayed that way for an hour, guarding Connor's sleep before slipping out to shower, leaving the sleeping scientist with a kiss on his forehead.

* * *

Connor woke slowly, sharply aware that John's warmth was missing from underneath him. He pulled the blankets in tighter but couldn't seem to warm up. A glance at the clock told him 0948. Time to get up. He sighed. He pushed the cold blankets away. He put a some water on to boil before stripping and stepping into the shower. After washing and a quick shave, he moved to find clothes. He stared at the drab uniforms that the Atlantis expedition wore. The linguist thought John's uniform was much better. Connor sighed again.

He pulled out his uniformed pants before hesitating and grabbing a black shirt that John had left there. He pulled it over his head. The shirt was just a little too big on him, but was well worn and still smelt like John. "Okay that's it Connor, you've gone round the bend. Smelling John's shirts!" He mumbled to himself.

He moved to collect a cup of steaming water adding a lemon tea bag. He sat down and booted up his computer, waiting for his tea to brew.

He answered his e-mail as he enjoyed his morning tea. There was an e-mail from Evan telling him that the movie tonight was at 1900. Connor replied that he would be there before downing the rest of his tea. He stood up and hesitated before pulling John's shirt back off, over his head. He grabbed one of his own clean shirts, tugging it on. He collected his jacket and his computer before making his way out to his lab.

Connor thought about going for a run. He had been working late recently and so had been running and working out at odd times during the day. He was tempted to run out in the rain, he had certainly done so many times in Ireland, where it rained all year round, but he could already picture John and Evan's disapproving looks in his head. With a sigh he dropped his jacket and laptop off at his lab, a little excited to see more biscuits waiting for him. He made his way to his gym and changed quickly before stretching.

Connor was halfway through one of his longer indoor circuits when he heard footsteps behind him. A quick glance showed Ronon running behind him, he slowed a little to let the Satedan pass, but instead Ronon pulled up next to him. Connor didn't say anything, even though it felt odd to be running with someone. He had never had a partner to run with and he wasn't sure if you were supposed to make conversation or just stay silent. Ronon certainly didn't seem to be offering any words of wisdom, so Connor followed his lead. Ronon followed him all the way back to him makeshift gym. Connor offered the taller man a bottle of water and a towel, before doing a cool down. He felt Ronon's eyes on him as he stretched and moved through a few katas. When he finished he retrieved a bottle of water before downing the contents.

"What was that you were doing?" Ronon asked curiously.

"The stretches?" Connor confirmed.

"Yeah."

"Those are called katas. A, um, series of movements, sort of a form of, uh, tai chi."

"Tie what?" Ronon asked, confused.

"Tai chi. It's, um, slow martial arts… sorta." Ronon nodded even though Connor could see that he couldn't understand. "It's good for your health." Connor added. "And it sort of, um, assists in other types of… fighting."

"Okay." The Satedan offered simply. "Wanna get lunch?"

"Um… sure. How about a, uh, quick shower first?" Connor asked hesitantly.

Ronon didn't say anything, just walked out of the room to the transporter. Connor quickly followed grabbing his uniform on the way out, not sure if he was going to get a shower or not. They arrived at Connor's level and Ronon entered a door a few rooms down from Connor. Connor quickly entered his quarters. He took the quickest shower of his life, before changing back into his work clothes. His door beeped and he let Atlantis open it as he ran a brush through his hair.

Ronon made his quarters look tiny, as he awkwardly stood in Connor's small living area.

"Ready?" Connor asked. Ronon just nodded and soon they were off to the mess hall.

* * *

"Hey, Doc can you take a look at my computer for me?"

Connor was working in his lab when his door rang and he found a young Private on the other side, computer in hand. "What's wrong with it?" Connor politely inquired.

"I'm, uh, not sure. I was watching a movie and it froze before my computer shut down and wouldn't start up again."

"That doesn't sound good." Connor offered. He finished the sentence he was looking on before turning to grab Private Nelson's computer. He tried the power button, knowing it probably wouldn't work but he had to cover all his bases. The computer remained off. "Can you leave it with me for a couple days? I'll see what I can, uh, do." Connor offered.

The Private smiled. "Yeah, sure, thanks, Doc."

"No problem." Connor offered, already moving to get some instruments for safely opening the computer.

"I'll leave you to it?" Came the hesitant question.

"Yeah, I'll call you." Connor said distractedly. He heard the door swish open and shut, turning to the task at hand.

An hour later he had figured out the problem, quickly replaced the circuits and was now screwing the protective plating back on to the bottom of the laptop.

He turned it over and pressed the power button, happy when the computer whirred to life, and didn't explode. Connor set the laptop down and turned back to what he was working on. He was completely engrossed in his work when Atlantis flashed his lights. _I can take care of myself you know?_ Connor asked the city, rhetorically. The city flashed his lights again, sharing her doubt. _I can!_ He argued, except even Connor could admit that he didn't do a very good job at it. He grumbled about busy-body cities while gathering his stuff up. Only David Parrish and Tim Coughlin were in the rec. room when Connor arrived.

"Hey Doc, what's up?" Tim greeted.

"Hey, nothing." He answered, taking a seat by David. Jake Reed came through the doors a second later, sitting by Coughlin.

"Hey all." Jake greeted. "What's the movie for tonight?"

"Well I was thinking… _Return of the_ -" Everyone, but Connor, groaned as David finished. "- _Jedi._ What? It's classic!" He argued.

"Yes and you suggest it every time. We've watched it so often we can _all_ quote it by heart. Next!" Reed demanded.

Connor watched as they bantered back and forth, with Tim interjecting. He didn't get to spend a lot of time with Evan's team, but he always cherished the times he did get. Connor liked them, and thought that maybe they liked him too.

"What's all this fighting?" Evan asked, walking through the doors. "Did Parrish suggest _Star Wars_ again?" He asked.

Connor nodded while the rest of them answered "Yes."

"It's a good movie!"

"Hey Doc," Evan greeted, taking a seat on Connor's other side. "I vote for something funny. _Wedding Crashers_? _Harold and Kumar_?" He suggested.

Connor hadn't seen either, and hadn't so much as heard about them.

" _Harold and Kumar_!" The others chorused.

Evan turned to look at him. "That alright with you, Doc?" He asked considerately. Connor shrugged, Evan smiled. "Good! The second one should be floating around here somewhere."

"Found it!" Parrish said, digging through a small pile by the DVD player, sticking the movie in.

Connor sat awkwardly as the other guys laughed at Kumar yelling "It's a smokeless bong!". He didn't really find it amusing, but offered a small laugh. When they entered the prison Connor's body went rigid as they were almost forced to eat a "cockmeat sandwich". Evan's team laughed but Connor didn't find it funny at all. He lasted until the bottomless party at some guys mansion before fleeing the room.

His breathing was rapid and Connor was sure he was having a panic attack. He slowly made his way to his room, collapsing on his bed. He couldn't believe they put those things into a movie. Connor had never seen a fully naked woman before now, he even skipped forward through the inappropriate parts of _Fight Club_. But now he had seen more of a woman than ever before. That movie was horrible. He didn't know anything about gay sex, but the movie had made it seem incredibly unappetizing to Connor. He wondered if that was what he and John might eventually do. The linguist stumbled to the bathroom, emptying his stomach of his lunch.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his back. "Hey Doc, it's just me." Evan soothed. Connor nodded before heaving some more over the toilet. He felt Evan move behind him, and a glass of water entered his peripheral vision. He pushed it away, as his body heaved again. Evan crouched down beside him, rubbing his back.

Finally Connor's body stopped and he took slow, even breaths. He used the water to rinse his mouth out before splashing water across his face. He turned and Evan stood there holding a towel out to him. Connor took it, drying his face. He followed Evan back out into the small living room area.

"Do you want some tea?" Evan asked him gently. Connor thought about that. His stomach hadn't revolted at the thought, and tea would calm him down. He nodded and Evan set some water to boil.

Connor took a seat on the edge of his bed and moved so his head was in his hands. He felt a tear slip from his eye.

" _Now, Connor, you're fourteen now, and there are some things you need to know." Connor looked up from his homework as his dad sat across from him at the table._

" _Girls are… girls are special creatures. Connor. They should always be treated with respect, not ogled like a meal."_

" _What do you mean?" Connor asked._

" _I suspect you're too busy with your studies, son, to really notice, but you're growing up now. Women are beautiful gifts from God, kid. And I know your ma and I raised you in the Church, and you knew all this, but I just want to make sure. There are some guys out there, Con., who treat women badly. I never want to hear about you doing that, got it, kid?" His dad asked gently._

 _Connor nodded. He didn't know why his dad was lecturing him on girls in the middle of his chemistry reading but he would take his advice to heart._

And since that day Connor had only treated women with respect. That movie though, that movie had degraded them. Connor was disgusted that he had watched it. He pondered despondently how Evan could watch a movie like that. Evan crouched in front of him, his hands resting on Connor's knees. The major peered up at the scientist from below.

"I'm sorry, Connor." He offered sincerely, and Connor could hear the regret in his voice. "I never should have suggested that movie."

Connor just nodded. They stayed that way until Connor heard his water boil and Evan stood up to fix it for him. He handed him the full mug and Connor just sat there trying to process what he had seen tonight.

"Do you want me to stay?" Evan asked, gently. Connor shook his head. He needed to be alone right now. "Alright." Evan moved to crouch in front of him again. "If you ever need to talk about anything, Doc, I'm here, okay?" Connor nodded. "Okay." Evan stood, quietly leaving Connor to his thoughts.

After a while Connor set the still full mug on his bedside table and curled up on top of the blankets, lightly falling asleep.

Heart racing, Connor shot up. A few tears fell from his eyes as he remembered the dream… no nightmare, he just had. Warms arms wrapped around him, pulling him against an equally warm body. John. He leaned into John's arms, accepting the comfort they offered him.

"Shhhh." Connor heard as he was gently rocked back and forth. As his breathing evened out a little he felt John's arms tighten around him. "Wanna talk about it?" Came the quiet voice.

Normally Connor would say 'no', but his mind was still caught up in the nightmare. "I… we… there was… prison and you… I mean… sandwich… I couldn't…" Connor felt John rock him some more, aware that he wasn't make any sense.

Connor took a deep breath and tried again. "I was watching a movie with Evan's team last night." He finally said, slowly. He felt John nod against him. "And they… um, chose a movie called… _Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay_. I… have you seen it?" Connor asked. John didn't answer, but by the way his arms tightened around the scientist, Connor knew that he had. "I…I didn't make it that far." Connor continued, somewhat embarrassed now. "They… in prison and I… it's not like that…" Connor argued. "And then those… women…" He shuddered.

"Was that what you dreamed about?" John asked gently.

"I… no, it was I mean, we were… in prison and those other prisoners… and the, uh, guards…" John's arms squeezed even tighter. John moved Connor around to they were laying on their sides facing each other. John pulled Connor too him, their legs tangling and Connor's arm fell over John's waist as John's arm found its self under the scientists shirt, rubbing small circles.

They were facing each other, and Connor looked everywhere but John's eyes. John's other hand wiped away the few tears that had fallen.

"Connor." John said gently but firmly. "It's not all like that, okay?" Connor nodded. But John continued. "It's not. What we have isn't like that. That movie was crude, and I don't know what the hell Lorne was thinking showing it while you were there…" He said a bit angrily."…But it's not like that."

Connor moved to tuck his head into the space by John's neck. John rubbed soothing patterns on his back. "Are you sure?" He asked John hesitantly.

"I'm positive." John said, hugging him close. "And I would never let that happen to you." He added, referring to Connor's dream.

"I didn't think it was funny, John." Connor said softly. "Everyone was laughing, and I didn't know why. I didn't understand." He admitted shuddering a little.

"It's okay. I'm glad you didn't. And you're right, the movie isn't funny." He admitted. "It's a cheap way to get an audience, Connor." He pulled the linguist tight. "You know you're safe here, right?" He asked gently.

"Yeah. With you." Connor answered.

"Always." Came the reply. "Can you go back to sleep?"

"Just don't let go." Connor begged.

"Never." John promised. "I'm never letting go."

Connor breathed in John's presence and slowly fell back asleep.

* * *

The next morning John stayed as long as he could before waking Connor up. He didn't want to leave the linguist after last night, but he had meetings to get to. _And a major to ream out_ , John added.

While it took a horrible movie for it to happen, John felt as if another stepping stone had been laid in their relationship. Connor suffered nightmares. That much John knew, and while John himself had the occasional few, they didn't number nearly as many as Connor's. But the scientist had never offered up the contents of his nightmares, and last night, John's heart ached as Connor relayed his story.

"Connor." He rubbed Connor's back. "Connor." He repeated. The scientist mumbled before burrowing deeper into John. "I gotta get up." John said regretfully.

"Stay." Came the sleepy reply. And John almost did. He wanted nothing more than to stay with the linguist forever, but he knew he had people counting on him, and he knew Connor would never forgive him if he sacrificed other people to stay with him. But John wanted to, badly.

"C'mon." John urged gently. "You can go back to sleep after I leave. Will you have some tea with me?" John asked gently. Connor blinked up at him. He offered John a small smile and John felt his heart burst at the sight. "You are so beautiful." He whispered to Connor.

The scientist blushed a deep red before scooting down and hiding under the blankets. "'m not." Came the muffled reply.

"Yes, you are." John countered, pulling the blankets down off Connor's head. "Have some tea with me? Please?" John asked again.

Connor smiled again. "Alright." He agreed softly. They climbed out of bed and John headed for Connor's shower as Connor headed to his water kettle. John took a quick shower, shaving while he was in there. He heard a hesitant knock at the door.

"John? Can I brush my teeth?" Came the muffled question. John nervously thought about his reply. The showers in Atlantis had frosted glass, so you couldn't see anyone inside them, but he didn't know how he would react with Connor so close to him while he was naked.

"John?" Came the question again, tinted with worry.

"Yeah, sure." John yelled back. He felt the steam whoosh out the door as the scientist stepped inside to brush his teeth. Connor finished and stepped back out as John rinsed the shampoo from his hair. John heaved a sigh of relief. He had been half afraid he would drag the scientist into the shower with him. He stepped out and quickly dried, stepping into his clothes from yesterday. After quickly brushing his teeth he made his way out to Connor who had two mugs of tea prepared.

John took a seat in a large plush chair that Connor had added to his quarters a few months back. The scientist made his way towards him with two mugs of tea in his hands. John grabbed both and set them down on the table next to him before gently pulling the linguist down onto his lap.

"What? John! Stop, I'm heavy." Connor protested, trying to stand.

John just smiled and maneuvered the scientist so he was sitting sideways across John. He moved an arm around Connor's side, anchoring the linguist to him as he handed Connor's tea to him, taking the other for himself. Eventually he felt Connor relax a little, leaning against John's shoulder. Connor was a little too tall to fit as well as John's girlfriends had, but he thought the scientist fitted perfectly.

They enjoyed their tea together before John's watch beeped. The scientist regretfully moved off of John's lap, and John stood, taking his empty cup and rinsing it out.

Connor's arms came up around him from behind. "You going back to sleep?" John murmured, leaning back slightly.

Connor nodded against his neck. John turned and pressed a kiss to his forehead, grabbing his hand and leading him back to bed. He pulled the blankets up around the younger man and moved some hair from his forehead. "Sweet dreams." He offered, pressing another kiss to his head.

"Thanks." Came the quiet reply as Connor's breathing evened out. John waited a few minutes till he knew the scientist was fully asleep before grabbing his jacket and heading out after Atlantis gave the all clear.

John stopped briefly in his quarters to change into clean clothes before heading to his morning meeting. After sitting through two hours of scientific updates John was ready to run his head through the table. When Carter ended the meeting John tried not to look too excited as he left. He headed to the mess hall to grab some fruit and a muffin before heading to his office.

"Sheppard to Lorne." There was a short pause.

"Lorne here, sir."

"My office. Now."

"Yes, sir."

"Sheppard out."

* * *

Evan Lorne felt horrible about what happened the night before. He _knew_ the Connor wouldn't like the movie. He didn't know why he suggested it. After he left the scientist's quarters he went back to his own, no longer in the mood to watch _Harold and Kumar_. He wondered what was wrong with him that he would show a movie that he knew his best friend wouldn't like. He decided to try and make amends with Connor. Starting with breakfast.

"Lorne to Davids."

"Davids here." Came a sleepy reply. Damn. Evan was willing to bet the linguist was still in bed..

"Never mind." Evan said, about to sign off.

"Evan?" Came a much more alert reply. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to ask you to breakfast." He answered sheepishly. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't." Connor replied. "Give me fifteen minutes?"

"Sure. Should I meet you at your lab?"

"My quarters." Connor answered.

"Okay. Lorne out."

Evan took the long way to Connor's quarters and fourteen minutes later was outside the door. The door swished open before he could 'knock'. No one was in the main room, he heard noises coming the bathroom and assumed the scientist was in there.

"Connor?" He said from the doorway.

"One sec! Have a seat." Came the reply, echoing slightly from the bathroom acoustics.

Lorne entered and the doors closed behind him. He had only been in Connor's room a few times before, but never really looked around. It was clean, cleaner than Connor's lab, there were two tea mugs sitting by a water kettle with an assortment of teas in a basket next to them. Lorne sat in a giant plush chair and wondered where Connor got it, and if he could get one for his own room. There was a laptop on a desk in the corner and a small pile of DVD's by it. In the corner was a pile of books stacked neatly. A couple jackets were thrown over the back the desk chair. A small hamper with dirty clothes was sitting near the bathroom.

Everything looked normal to Evan.

Except that the DVD's were ones he knew his friend would never watch, one of the jackets was black, there were a couple black shirts in the hamper, some instant coffee was sitting next to the tea, one of the mugs read 'USAF', and _War and Peace_ was sitting on top of the pile of books. There were two skateboards in the corner, resting under an Amnesty International poster.

Evan felt a pang of hurt that his friend hadn't officially told him that he was dating Colonel Sheppard. He covered it up quickly. Evan knew how something like this could ruin someone's career. He would just have to subtly let on to Connor that he knew and was okay with it.

Connor chose that moment to come out of the bathroom. He was dressed in his normal uniform and grabbed his jacket, leaving the black one underneath there. "Ready?" He asked Evan.

"Yup." Evan stood as Connor collected his laptop and then followed him out of the room. They were quiet on the journey to the mess hall. It was an awkward sort of quiet too. The kind Evan wished he were more able to fix.

They gathered their food and Evan led them to a table that would allow a small amount of privacy in the busy mess hall. He watched as Connor took a bite of his eggs and stirred his tea. The scientist looked up at him curiously before turning back to his tea. Evan took a sip of his coffee, letting it burn the roof of his mouth before swallowing.

"I want to apologize again, Connor." Lorne said, breaking the silence. "I should never have suggested that movie, much less let them put it on with you there."

A weird look fell across Connor's face, a look that Evan couldn't decipher. "You've seen it before? You, uh, liked it?" His friend asked him.

Evan frowned a little before answering. "Uh, yeah. I've seen it, I guess I would say I liked it."

"I don't understand." Connor finally said, looking up at Atlantis' second in military command. "It was so… crude, Evan."

Evan took another swallow of his hot coffee. "Yeah. I… it's an immature movie." Evan admitted. "I don't have to think when I watch it." He tried to explain.

"Oh." Connor responded softly. "Um, okay."

Evan didn't think this conversation was going right at all. If anything, he felt worse than before. "I'm sorry, Connor, really." He said earnestly.

The linguist looked up at him, his blue eyes bright. "It's alright, Evan. I… I guess I just didn't really like it. I'm sorry I ran out like that." A horrified look passed over his face. One hand moved to cover his eyes. "Coughlin and Reed probably think I'm a, uh, wanker now." Connor said. "Parrish, too." He added.

It sounded weird, to Evan, to hear his friend say 'wanker' with an American accent. But he ignored that. "I'm sure they don't, Doc." He offered, pulling Connor's hand off his face. Actually Evan wasn't sure at all what they thought. _He_ had known immediately what was wrong with Connor, his team on the other hand, didn't know him as well.

"I… did they say anything? After I left?" Connor asked shyly, taking another sip of his tea.

Evan swallowed the eggs in his mouth. "They just seemed shocked. I didn't, um, I didn't go back after I left your quarters." Evan admitted in a low voice. "I'm really sorry, Connor." He said again.

"It's alright, Evan." Connor repeated. "I forgive you." He said honestly, offering his friend a small smile.

"Thank you." Evan offered, his voice full of emotion.

Connor looked up from his toast. "I… um…" He looked worried to Evan, who didn't know why.

"Yeah?" He prodded gently.

Connor glanced around before answering. "Colonel Sheppard might, um, say something?" Connor guessed in a soft voice.

Evan's eyes widened slightly and mentally groaned. He was a dead man. Colonel Sheppard was one of the best men Evan had served under, if not the best, willing to do anything for his men, but when he was mad, he was _mad_. Evan hadn't been there for the Genii invasion of Atlantis in their first year, but every soldier on Atlantis had heard about how their commanding officer took out over sixty men on his own. There was a balance of awe, respect, and rightful fear of the man.

"I… he might not." Connor tried to assure him.

Evan was about to answer as his radio activated. "Sheppard to Lorne."

He hit his earpiece. "Lorne here, sir."

"My office. Now." Evan swallowed hard.

"Yes, sir."

"Sheppard out."

Evan looked at Connor who looked nervous. "I'm sorry, Evan, this is all my fault."

"It's mine, Connor. It's fine." He said, already gathering his breakfast up. "I'm sorry I have to go." He said.

"I'm really sorry." Connor said one more time.

"It's okay. Hey." Evan said, trying to offer a small smile. "Since our breakfast was interrupted, what do you say to lunch?" If he was still walking by then…But he didn't say that out loud.

"Sure." Connor smiled. "Um, bye, Evan."

"Later, Doc."

He quickly dumped his tray before making his way quickly to Sheppard's office. The door swished open in front of him and closed behind him as he stepped in. Evan felt Atlantis lock the door. He didn't have the connection that Sheppard or Connor had, but Atlantis still liked him.

"Have a seat, Major." Sheppard said. His face didn't give away anything.

Evan sat down across from Sheppard. They sat in silence for a few minutes and Evan could feel his pulse racing.

"This conversation is off the record, Evan." Sheppard eventually said. His voice even.

"Yes, sir." He replied. Even though it was off the record, he wasn't going to call Sheppard by his first name, almost no one did, and it would sound weird to call him by his last.

"I just want to know… What _the fuck_ were you thinking!" Sheppard asked, his eyes flashing in anger.

Evan shrunk a little into his seat. "I… sir…"

"I mean, seriously, Lorne. You couldn't have honestly thought _Connor_ would appreciate that movie."

Evan gulped. "I… no, sir." He answered.

"He's young, Evan." Sheppard said, calming a little. "He's not like you and me."

"I know." Evan said, moving so his elbows rested on his knees, his head resting in his hands. "I know. I don't know what I was thinking. I've apologized, and I'll apologize some more."

"Damn right, you will." Sheppard agreed. "He doesn't understand movies like that. I can appreciate you including him in your team nights, but this can't happen again."

"Yes, sir. It won't." Lorne vowed.

"Because I swear to God, if I see that look in his eyes again, and it's you who put it there…" Sheppard drifted off. Evan looked up at his superior officer. A look of anguish was on Sheppard's face, a look that Evan was sure he had put there. Sheppard shook it off after a minute.

"Understood, sir. I'm really sorry." He offered. Sheppard didn't say anything for a long time and Evan hesitantly stood up, not sure if this was a dismissal.

He had reached the door when a tired voice said, "And no more movies with references to homosexuality, Evan. He didn't understand that. He doesn't know what it's like, and now he thinks that's what it is."

Evan tried to hide his shock at Sheppard's words. Regret seeped through him. He gave a sharp nod, still facing the door, before he left.

Shit. Evan walked down the hallway before stopping and punching the wall. _Shit._ A couple Marines walked by and asked if he was okay, Lorne just waived them on. His feet were moving before he could think about and soon he arrived at Connor's lab. He needed to talk to the scientist again.

He chimed the lab door, stepping in as it opened. Connor was sitting on his couch with his laptop open on his lap and a mug of tea in one hand. He didn't seem to be working, just staring at the screen.

"Connor?" He asked hesitantly.

The scientist moved a little, looking up at him. "Evan." He greeted with a smile. "Can I, uh, help you? How did it go?"

"Can I sit?" Evan asked, gesturing to the seat next to Connor on the couch, avoiding his questions.

The linguist nodded and Evan sat down before taking a deep breath. He ran his hands over his face. "I, God, Connor, I'm so sorry."

A hesitant hand reached out to his shoulder and landed gently. After a few seconds Connor moved it in a comforting gesture.

"What did John say?" Came the quiet question.

"Nothing you need to hear, Doc." He answered gently.

"Please, Evan?" Evan turned to look at the scientist who had a nervous look on his face.

"He just wanted to know what I was thinking. He told me you didn't understand movies like that." Evan swallowed before continuing. "That you were different from him and me." He said, not looking Connor in the face. "He also said no more movies with, uh, homosexual references."

"I'm sorry." Were the last words he expected out of Connor, but those were the words offered to him.

"What? Why?"

"He's a little… overprotective." Connor mumbled. If Sheppard was overprotective it was because Connor needed it. But Evan kept that to himself.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Evan pleaded. "You're my best friend, Connor. Why didn't you come to me?"

"I'm… I'm your best friend?" Connor asked in awe.

"Of course you are." Evan answered firmly.

"You're mine, too." Connor offered shyly.

"Connor?" He prompted.

"I, um, I mean, we can't tell people, Evan."

"I'm not just people, Connor. You can trust me." Evan offered.

"I know. I just, it's, um, new. I don't know how… to do anything. It's still… weird." Connor answered, blushing.

There were a few minutes of silence before Evan answered. "My best friend, from high school, is gay. I promise I'm okay with this, Connor, and I promise not to say anything. You can talk to me about it if you want, whenever. Don't feel like it's something to be ashamed of."

Connor looked at him. "You… I… okay. Okay. Thanks, Evan." He whispered. "I don't think I'm ready yet, but maybe… later."

"Whenever, Doc." Evan repeated.

"Thank you." Connor whispered again.

"You're welcome." Evan offered. A glance at his watch told him he was late for a meeting. But he knew this was more important.

"And I'm so sorry about the movie, Connor. I'll probably say it a million times more." He admitted.

"I know, Evan. It's alright." Connor offered him a smile. "And you're late for your, uh, meeting."

The problem with having a friend with such a good memory. He remembered your schedule better than you did.

"I know." Evan admitted. "But this is more important."

A blush filled Connor's face. "I'm fine. Go to you meeting." He urged, pushing the major until he stood up.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Alright. We still on for lunch?" He asked, backing towards the door.

"Definitely." Came the response. And with a wave Evan left the lab, rushing to his meeting.

* * *

Five minutes after Evan left, Connor was out the door to track down John. Atlantis showed him in his office for a change, and Connor made his way there. The door slid open for him, and Atlantis locked it behind him.

John looked up at him, as if he expected Connor to be there. He probably did. Connor moved slowly towards John, walking around the desk to crouch beside him on the floor. He looked up at John's passive face. Connor reached a hand out to cup his face. "I'm alright, John." He whispered.

"No, you're not." John countered, looking Connor in the eyes.

"Alright, I'm not." Connor admitted. "But I will be. Evan has already apologized. He came to, um, see me, after talking to you. He told me what you said."

"I thought he might." John answered, reaching up with a hand to cover the one on his cheek.

"I'm a big boy, John. I can take care of things by myself." He said, but the thought of John protecting him left him warm inside.

"No, you can't." John argued again. "You don't try. He shouldn't have done that, Connor, and he knows it. You're not like us, Connor. You're so much more innocent." He whispered. "And that's alright. And it's alright that you don't understand. It's part of who you are."

Connor didn't say anything, just thought about John's words. "Okay." He said finally.

"Okay?" John didn't look convinced.

"Okay." Connor repeated. "I'm… too easily distracted by work, and I forget to eat and I have all this brain space, but I'm shite at emotions. You know this, John." He said, and John nodded. "And you're right. I, um, I don't understand. I wish I did, because I feel stupid now." At this, John started to protest, but Connor cut him off. "I do. I feel stupid now. But it's okay, because I know that you, uh, that you'll explain things to me. That you'll remind me to eat and help me with the emotions."

John looked at Connor, moving a hand to the back of Connor's neck and pressing their foreheads together. "I'll explain anything you fucking want me to." He said, his voice strong with emotion. "I'll protect you, Connor." He said roughly. "I won't let anyone hurt you." He vowed. "Not even Lorne."

Connor swallowed lightly, accepting John's words. He nodded and John pulled him to a standing position before moving his arms around the scientist, tightly holding him to his body. Connor wrapped his arms around him just as tightly, needing the reassurance. They stayed wrapped around each other for a long time, neither willing to let go. Eventually John's headset beeped and he was needed in another part of the city.

"Will you be okay?" John asked him.

"Yeah." Connor whispered.

"You sure?"

"I'll be fine, John. Go save the city." He said with a smile.

John punched him playfully in the arm. "Save the city." He mumbled. "Hrumph. I see how it is." He pouted.

Connor laughed lightly, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight." He offered Sheppard.

John gave him an intense looking before nodding his head. "Tonight, then." And with that he left Connor standing in his office.


	17. Hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 17 : Hiding**

Author's Notes :  
\- Don't own _Harold and Kumar_ , _Armageddon_.  
\- Please note that this is SLASH, which means guy/guy love.  
\- For the purposes of this story John Sheppard was never married.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

John was already in Connor's bed when the door swished open and Connor stepped in. The scientist quickly changed into some sleeping clothes and brushed his teeth before sliding into bed with John. John lowered the book he had been reading, a math book of Connor's, dog-eared the page and reached over Connor to put it on the bedside table. The younger man turned on his side to face John, resting his head on John's shoulder as John's arms automatically wrapped around him.

"How was the movie?" John mumbled into Connor's hair. It was the first movie Connor had watched with Lorne's team since the _Harold and Kumar_ incident a little over a week ago.

"Good. We watched _Armageddon_." Connor replied softly. He moved a hand up John's shirt to rest on the warm skin of his chest.

"Mmm. Good movie. Animal crackers." John replied sleepily.

Connor laughed softly. "Yeah. I don't really like animal crackers."

"They have them in Ireland?" John asked curiously.

"Not really. I've had them in America, though."

"I don't really like them either." John offered. "Too bland."

Connor nodded against John's chest.

"The Daedalus is coming next week." John said, breaking the comfortable silence that came over them.

"Separate rooms?" Connor asked quietly.

"Yeah." Came the reluctant answer. "I think Carter might know something, but doesn't care. Caldwell will."

"I'm sorry." Connor breathed quietly.

"Don't be." John answered, hugging the scientist to him.

"But you could get in so much trouble, John."

John pulled Connor up, the scientist's hand slipping from his shirt, until Connor's head rested on the pillow by his. John turned to face him. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Con. I was… alone before. I felt disconnected." John admitted quietly to the other man. They had both been working on opening up to each other. Talking wasn't a strong point of either of theirs, but they made the effort anyways.

Connor reached a hand out to John's face. "I'm glad I found you." Connor whispered. John pulled him in, tucking Connor's head under his and holding him close. After a while John rolled on to his back, pulling Connor with him, so he was laying on top of the older man. John pulled the blanket around them both. One hand moved to rest under Connor's shirt, while the other rested lightly under the top of the waistband of his sleep pants.

"G'night." Connor mumbled.

"Goodnight." John whispered back.

Connor woke slowly, still lying on top of John. His watch read 0441. He turned his head to listen to John's heartbeat. It's rhythm soothed Connor, almost as much as the warm hand on his back did. He shifted a little and John's arms tightened around him. Connor stilled and tried to fall back asleep, but his mind wouldn't let him.

Lately all he could think about was kissing John. Connor had never kissed anyone. He seemed to have spent the experimental teenage years with his nose in a book, and when he finally woke up he had a nine to five job that was more like six to ten and left him with little time for a personal life. He never dreamed he would find someone on Atlantis who wanted him. Much less a very male military commander. But John Sheppard was the best thing to happen to Connor Davids and Connor was quite captured by him.

Connor had never been in love before and he wasn't sure he knew what romantic love was. He was still a little too hurt to ask Evan and too scared to ask Teyla. Besides, he and John had only been officially together for a couple of weeks. Surely that's too soon for love, but Connor wasn't sure. What he _was_ sure about is that he was constantly overwhelmed with the urge to kiss John. But as John hadn't given any hints to wanting the same, Connor did only what he could get away with. He pressed small kisses to John's forehead and cheek and he would press his lips against John's shirt covered chest.

Connor was nervous though, about kissing. John, he knew, had two serious relationships in the past, and Connor couldn't imagine that John had been any kind of saint in either of them. He was afraid he wouldn't measure up to John's past experiences. He was afraid of being bad at kissing and that maybe even John wouldn't want to.

This was new for both of them, maybe John wasn't ready. Connor could be patient, he had already decided to wait for John to make the first move. But when John looked at him, like he did last night, sometimes it was hard to remind himself of his decisions.

"Stop thinking." Came a sleepy voice. Connor stilled. Had he woken John up with his thinking? Is that even possible? Maybe he was being-"Hey, you didn't stop." John objected softly.

"Sorry." Connor offered. He stayed very still against John, waiting for him to fall back asleep.

"What's keeping you awake?" John asked gently.

"I… it's nothing." Connor mumbled.

"Connor." John said in his 'don't bullshit me' voice.

"It's embarrassing." Connor admitted.

John gently rubbed Connor's back in an effort to soothe him.

"You can tell me anything." John offered. There was a long pause and Connor remained silent before John said, "Alright." "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" He offered again.

"Is it weird?" Connor blurted out.

"What weird?"

"That I'm, um, a man?" John's hand paused for a moment before resuming it's movements.

"In what way?" John questioned.

"I… Never mind, I don't know." Connor answered, dejected. He moved a little further down John, pulling the blanket over his head.

"Hey, no hiding, unless I can come too." John said, pulling the blanket up over his head too. "How about a hint?" He said relentlessly. Connor shook his head. "C'mon, Con, you gotta give me something, or else I'm gonna imagine it to be worse than it is." Connor shook his head again. "Just a small hint?" John begged again.

Connor felt one of John's hand move down to find his and intertwine their fingers. Connor pulled their joint hands to his chest, holding them close. They laid there in silence, under the blanket. Connor pulled John's hand up to his face and gently kissed the back of it. He heard and felt John's sharp intake of breath. Connor stilled for a second, afraid that he did something wrong but John's other hand was still moving in soothing circles. He released the hand he held and turned it over in his own. He moved it close and kissed John's palm, his lips lingering there for a few seconds before he pulled John's hand away, once again threading John's fingers with his own.

"Connor?" Came John's soft voice. "Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

"Not yet." He answered truthfully.

John sighed but didn't ask again. Instead he pulled the blanket down off the top of them with the hand that was on Connor's back.

"It's not weird…anymore." John said, breaking the silence. Connor had almost been convinced he had fallen asleep again.

"What?"

"You being a man." John answered. "It kinda freaked me out in the beginning, but I only see _you_ now, Connor Davids. And I'm attracted to you, man parts and all."

In the dark, Connor smiled before drifting back off to sleep.

When Connor woke for the second time it was to John's gentle shaking of his shoulder. "Mmm. John?"

"Have some tea with me?" His freshly showered boyfriend asked.

"Okay." Connor replied, sitting up. John had moved away to put some water on to boil. Connor stretched a little before standing. He found John staring at where his shirt had risen, before it fell back down to where it was. Connor stumbled over to John, still slightly asleep. He stood in John's arms as they waited for the water to boil. When it finally did, John released him to pour the water into mugs and Connor stumbled into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he came back out John was sitting in Connor's plush chair holding his tea as Connor's sat on the table next to him.

Connor walked over, reaching down for his tea, taking a few sips before putting it back. John reached out and grabbed Connor's legs, keeping him in place. He leaned forwards a little and kissed Connor's stomach, over the small part that had appeared when Connor stretched. One of John's hands moved up to Connor's waist, teasing the edge of his shirt and catching on the edge of his sleep pants.

"J-John." Connor stuttered as John kissed his stomach again. His boyfriend looked up at him with a question on his face, asking Connor if he wanted him to stop. Connor moved a hand to John's hair, running it through the soft locks. John nuzzled Connor's stomach for a few more moments before tugging on Connor's shirt in an effort to pull the scientist onto his lap.

The linguist offered a small laugh before gently perching on John's thighs. John reached his arms around Connor's stomach pulling his back flush against his chest. Connor rested him arms on top of John's and leaned his head back onto John's shoulder, wiggling a little to get comfortable. He pressed a kiss to John's neck, before moving up and pressing a kiss behind his ear, shifting slightly on John's lap. He felt John's body stiffen a little underneath him before John gently pushed him forwards.

"John, what…?" Connor asked confused, standing up. He turned around and watched as John took a few shuddering breaths in, exhaling slowly. He reached for John's hand. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked in a small voice.

John looked at him with a weird expression. "No! You were perfect. Are perfect." He corrected. "I just…" John trailed off.

"John?" Connor asked again, fearful, kneeling in front of the chair.

"Hey, no." John said, sitting forward. One of his hands brushed hair out of Connor's face. "I just didn't want to scare you." He finally said.

Connor was confused. "Scare me how?"

John sighed. "When you kissed me, I, um, I got hard." John mumbled.

"What do you mean you got… Oh." Connor said, his eyes drifting down to John's lap. Connor felt a blush spread across his face, down his neck. He looked away quickly, embarrassed at doing so.

"Hey." John said. "You can look if you want." He quirked a small smile. Connor kept his face turned away. John leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I don't mind." He offered.

Connor shook his head. "I'm okay."

John laughed a little, he moved his foot a little before standing. He pulled the hand that held Connor's up and helped the linguist stand. Connor shot a quick glance down between them before blushing harder and looking back up. John laughed again. "Really, Connor. I don't mind. I'm flattered." John promised.

He took a step towards the linguist who automatically took a step back. "What are you doing?" He asked John warily.

"Offering you a hug?" John said sheepishly. Connor thought about it and moved into John's arms. He could feel John's hardness pressing into his thigh. It felt weird and Connor wasn't sure what to make of it. It seemed really intimate and served to reimburse the idea that John wanted him, or at least part of him did. Connor didn't understand how John could be so accepting of this, especially since Connor couldn't even work up the nerve to give him a kiss.

The scientist felt John's hands drift down his back, his fingers hooking into the top of Connor's sleep pants. Connor leaned forward and tilted his head up, kissing John's neck again. His own arms wrapped around John, one slipping under his shirt. He felt John harden more against his leg. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Connor offering intermittent kisses to John's neck and shoulder.

Finally John pushed him away gently, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "Lemme go take care of this, then we can finish our tea, okay?" He asked softly. Connor nodded, his eyes following John into the bathroom, watching the door as it closed.

 _Oh wow._ Connor sat on the chair in shock. He had made that happen to John. And John was in his bathroom right now doing… Connor let the thought drift off. _Oh wow_. Connor continued to stare at the bathroom door until John reemerged with a sheepish grin on his face.

John came over to stand in front of him, pulling him up from the chair before sitting in it and tugging Connor back down on top of him. He handed Connor his warm tea, before grabbing his own. Connor cuddled back against his, enjoying the morning. Connor finished the rest of his tea, setting the empty mug back down on the table. He heard John's mug join his as arms wrapped around him.

"Connor?"

"Hmm?" He was falling back asleep.

"Was that okay?" John asked hesitantly, stroking Connor's stomach. Connor thought for a second before nodding. "Are you sure? Because I don't want to make you uncomfortable…" John stated.

"I'm sure." Connor answered.

He felt John smile against his neck. "I'm happy." He whispered into Connor's ear.

"Me too." Connor answered sleepily. He felt John shift him to the side of the chair before standing and wrapping an arm around his waist. "Bed, Con." He ordered. Connor stumbled back to bed and John pulled the cold blanket up over him. John crouched by Connor's head, a hand moving hair out of his face. "I'm going off-world today, I should be back by dinner." John offered.

"Be careful." Connor pleaded.

"We will. It's just standard trade." John promised.

"Okay." Connor sighed, burrowing into the blankets. He felt John's lips ghost his forehead again before drifting back off to sleep.

* * *

John was bored. He and his team were on M32-984, a.k.a. The Giant Bug planet. John hated bugs, especially Pegasus Galaxy bugs, and didn't understand why Lorne's team couldn't have done this. So far it had been him staying quiet as Teyla attempted to negotiate some trade with Atlantis and Ronon and Rodney laughing every time John killed a bug. John wasn't even sure what they were trading for anymore. His mind drifted back to that morning with Connor. A smile unwittingly came to his face. It had been embarrassing for John at first, but Connor's reaction was more than ideal, taking in the situation and accepting it.

John frowned remembering that Connor had woken up in the middle of the night. He flexed the hand resting on his P-90 as he remembered Connor kissing it under the covers. _I wonder what he was thinking about_. _Does he have problems with dating a man?_ Connor hadn't shared any hesitations with him, but John had hardly shared his either. He resolved to talk to the scientist about it when he was brought out of his musings by Rodney bumping his shoulder signaling that they were about to walk somewhere else. John swatted at another bug as he followed Teyla and the village leader farther away from the stargate.

Six hours later he was gating back to Atlantis. Teyla had worked her magic and secured what they needed for Atlantis, all in all a good mission. But now John was hungry, tired and sweaty from walking around the hot planet. He dropped off his tack vest before following his team to debrief Colonel Carter. Now he was on his way to his quarters for a hot shower, followed by some food. He passed Lorne on his way. He gave his second in command a glare. "Next time you get the bug planet." He promised as Lorne smiled at his appearance.

"If you say so, sir." Came the cheeky reply. Some days John didn't know why he kept him around. Oh yeah. Lorne did the paperwork. _._

John just moved past him, eager to get clean. He stepped into his quarters, stripping his dirty clothes off and throwing them in the direction of his laundry basket. He grabbed a clean towel before stepping under the hot stream of water. After a long shower John stepped out feeling slightly refreshed. He grabbed a pair of uniform pants before putting them back and selecting some jeans instead. He tugged them on over his boxers and grabbed a black shirt to go with it. He pulled his red flannel shirt on over the top, placing his radio back in his ear.

He was soon out his door and headed for Connor's lab. He doubted the linguist had stopped to eat dinner, even though it was already 2100. He wondered if Connor had even bothered with lunch. John shook his head lightly, and stepped out onto Connor's floor. The lab door swooshed open and he found his boyfriend bent over his desk with three books open around him. Connor didn't turn when he entered so John loudly approached behind him, not wanting to startle the younger man. He gently settled his hand on Connor's neck. The scientist looked up at him, giving him a glance over. John smiled as Connor moved to lift his shirt, checking for injuries. He dutifully turned around so Connor could check his back as well. Apparently satisfied, Connor let his shirt fall down before his eyes drifted down to John's jeans.

A blush spread across Connor's face and John wasn't sure if it was from checking him out just now, or if he was reminded of their morning activities.

"John, hi." Connor offered softly.

"Whatcha working on?" John asked, leaning over Connor's shoulders.

"Well Colonel Carter said they're, um, almost ready to open up the, uh, food hub. She wanted me to look over the translations, um, one more time." He said referring to the food hub he had discovered a while back.

"Wanna get some dinner?" John asked.

"Sure." Connor answered. "Can you give me, uh, ten minutes?" John nodded.

"Can I use your laptop?" He asked, gesturing to the computer on Connor's right. The linguist nodded before turning back to his work. John carried the laptop over the couch and sat down. He opened the top and pulled up his e-mail, answering them as he went. Twelve minutes later he felt Connor sit down next to him.

"Finished?" He asked, as he read through an e-mail from Carter. He felt Connor nod. John exited his e-mail, closing the laptop and setting it aside. They stood up together and John followed Connor to the mess hall.

When they entered John saw Teyla and Rodney sitting at a table, the only other people in the mess hall. He looked questionably to Connor who just shrugged. So John gathered his food, waiting for Connor to do the same before heading towards his team mates.

"Room for two more?" He asked, sitting next to Rodney, without waiting for an answer. Connor seemed less sure and hovered by the chair next to Teyla. He sat down after John did though when Teyla nodded and Rodney waived his fork in what John assumed was agreement.

"Where's Chewie?" John asked, referring to Ronon.

"No idea." Rodney said with a mouth full of food. Teyla glared at him disapprovingly.

"Ronon should be joining us momentarily, he had something to do." Teyla offered.

Before John could ask further the doors opened and Ronon entered with Keller trailing behind him. John raised an eyebrow at the sight but otherwise stayed silent. He wordlessly stood up and pulled over a chair from another table, setting it at the end next to Connor and settling down in it, before pulling his tray over. He kicked McKay who scowled back at him. John pointedly looked at his vacated seat and McKay huffed before moving over.

Ronon and Keller came over with trays and the doctor took Rodney's vacated seat while Ronon pulled up another chair, sitting opposite John.

"Good evening." Jennifer Keller greeted everyone.

"Hey, Doc." John offered in reply.

"Hey." Connor said softly.

Teyla inclined her head and Rodney gave her a small glance before continuing with his food.

John sat there, eating in silence with his team members and boyfriend. He was a little disappointed that Ronon had brought Keller along, the only one at the table unaware of the relationship between him and Connor, but he couldn't begrudge Ronon his happiness, not after so many years spent alone running from the Wraith.

He looked up from his salad to see Teyla discreetly passing Ronon some silverware and Rodney a napkin. He looked over to Connor. The scientist had apparently finished his meal, leaving over half on his plate. Connor pushed his chocolate pudding over to Ronon and received a giant grin in response. John frowned and gave Connor a pointed look towards his food. The younger man shrugged and John let it slide, not wanting to bring it up in front of everyone else.

"Sheppard tell you he shot a bug with his gun?" Ronon asked, in between bites. He was looking at Connor and John saw a smile play across his boyfriend's face.

"No. With the, uh, 9mm or the P-90?" Connor asked, leaning towards Ronon, clearly interested.

"P-90." Ronon answered. "Sliced it in half with bullets."

Connor glanced back at John with an indecipherable look on his face. John shrugged before taking a bit of his chicken. "It was big." He offered in way of explanation after swallowing.

"Oh please." Rodney chimed in. "It was smaller then my grandma's bladder."

Connor laughed and John flung some mashed potatoes at the astrophysicist, earning him a look from Teyla. John went back to his chicken.

"Was pretty small." Ronon confirmed.

"Was it attacking you?" Keller asked.

"It was about to." John replied.

"I do believe it was heading away from you." Teyla offered with mirth in her eyes.

John narrowed his gaze at the table's occupants. "It was a giant bug, and now it's dead. The universe is a better place."

"Not if you're the bug." Keller answered. Ronon laughed and Teyla and Rodney joined in. Connor offered a smile to his boyfriend and John huffed.

"Well fine, next time I'll just let it attack you guys." John threatened to his laughing team mates.

"I think we can take it." Ronon laughed. He reached for Connor's pudding and started in on it.

John felt Connor's foot gently rest against his under the table. The scientist gave him a small smile as he looked over. John finished his dinner, trying not to look like he was rushing. He quickly said goodnight to everyone, Connor following his lead before taking both of their trays and dumping them before leaving the mess hall.

"Are they friends?" He heard Keller asking before the doors shut.

John and Connor made their way to Connor's room, the doors closing quickly behind them. Connor grabbed John's hand and tugged him towards the small balcony attached to his room. The rain had stopped for the moment, but John knew it would start again soon.

He briefly let go of the scientist's hand and grabbed Connor's sweatshirt out of the closet. He made his way out to the balcony and handed the sweatshirt to Connor before buttoning up his over shirt. The scientist took off his light work jacket, throwing it back into his room before pulling the sweatshirt on over his head. John's arms wrapped around him from behind and Connor covered them with his own. John rested his head on Connor's shoulder and they watched the waves crash about Atlantis.

After about ten minutes it started pouring and John, who had been fine with the light sprinkling that started a few minutes previous, pulled his reluctant boyfriend back into the warmer quarters. He tugged the damp sweatshirt over Connor's head as Connor unbuttoned John's shirt. John let it fall from his shoulders as he turned to look at Connor. His cheeks were a rosy red from being out in the cold and his hair was slightly wet from the rain. John ran a hand through Connor's hair, leaving it clumped together from the water.

He took a step closer to Connor, who didn't back away. John's hand moved from his hair to the side of his face. John looked into Connor's eyes and saw desire mixed with confusion and hesitancy. His other hand moved around Connor's waist, pulling him to John so their bodies connected. John's eyes studied Connor's face, taking in the younger man's features, his fingers tracing his nose and cheeks, ghosting over his lips. John felt Connor shudder a little and he tightened the arm around his waist. Connor's hands encircled John's waist, his thumbs hooking into the belt loops on the back of John's jeans.

John slowly moved the hand on Connor's face to the back of Connor's neck, he leaned in slowly, as to not scare the younger man and to indicate firmly what he was about to do. Connor's eyes widened a little, and John saw fear creep in. He paused in his movements.

"Connor?" He asked softly, his face inches from Connor's.

Connor's eyes searched John's and John forced himself to stay still, allowing the younger man to read his intentions. Connor seemed to find what he was looking for and the fear left his eyes leaving a nervous look on his face instead.

"Can I?" John asked, wanting to make sure.

Connor nodded. But John wasn't satisfied.

"Connor?" He asked again.

"Yes." Came the soft answer. John slowly resumed leaning down towards the younger man. He felt Connor tip his head up slightly to meet him.

John's lips brushed Connor's lightly, hesitantly before pulling away. He looked into Connor's eyes again and seeing assurance he lowered his head once more, brushing their lips together.

Connor's lips were soft and John parted his slightly to gently pull in Connor's top lip, sucking it lightly. John's bottom lip was gently held between Connor's own as the younger man returned the action. John pulled back a little, pressing his lips to Connor's again.

Pulling away from Connor's mouth, John heard the scientist breathe his name and desire coursed through him. John rested his forehead against Connor's, a smile tearing across his face. Connor had a similar look on his, happiness shining in his eyes.

John leaned in again, kissing Connor gently on the lips before pulling away. He looked at Connor again and a blush spread across the Irishman's cheeks. John grinned at the sight. _So beautiful_ , he thought. He pulled Connor in for a hug, loving the feeling of their bodies pressed together. When he finally pulled away, Connor's face was still red, but a larger smile had broken out across his face. John pressed another small kiss to Connor's lips before releasing the younger man.

The hand on Connor's neck caressed his cheek briefly before dropping to the side. Connor's hands slipped out of his belt loops, tracing around John's body to rest in his front belt loops. Connor tugged John into another small kiss before letting go.

John looked at his boyfriend with a dazed look. He wondered if you could be kissed stupid. He thought he just might have been. His eyes followed Connor as the young man moved to his dresser to pull out some sleep clothes for them both. John felt his pants tighten as Connor walked back over to him, offering him a shirt and some pants. John gulped lightly, accepting the clothes before moving to the bathroom to change. He willed his body to behave, picturing Caldwell in a bikini, before slipping out of his clothes and into Connor's before brushing his teeth. When he came out Connor had already changed and was waiting to use the bathroom after John.

John sat on the bed as he heard the sink running. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to wipe off the stupid grin he knew was on his face. Connor must think he looked crazy. His smile widened at the sight of his boyfriend as he exited the bathroom, heading for John. The scientist climbed into the bed, once again resting his head on John's shoulder, a hand slipping up the front of John's shirt. John bent his head down a little and Connor moved his up to meet John's lips again. John couldn't get enough of the younger man, but didn't want to overwhelm him by moving too fast. He slowly pulled away and Connor rested his head again.

"I liked the jeans." Connor mumbled against John's chest. John's smile widened even more, if possible. He _knew_ his boyfriend had been checking him out.

"I'll try to wear them more often." John promised as his arms tightened around Connor, both hands resting on the skin of Connor's warm back. John swore he felt Connor blush through his shirt. John kissed the top of Connor's head.

"Connor?" John asked, remembering back to his earlier resolution.

"Mmm?" Came the contented reply.

"Is it weird, for you, that I'm a man?" John asked.

Connor was silent for a while and John felt nervous, waiting for his answer. "Yes." The scientist answered truthfully and John felt his heart clench. "But it doesn't matter to me." He continued in a soft voice. "I just never, um, thought, I'd end up with a guy. It's… different. I wish I, uh, didn't feel so lost… all the time." He admitted.

"I feel lost too." John offered the man in his arms.

"This, um, this doesn't feel wrong though, John." Connor said softly. John felt his heart unclench a little. "I love being here. With you." John's chest burst at Connor's words and a warm feeling enveloped John.

"I love being here with you, too." John responded, his voice full of emotion as his arms tightened for a second around Connor before they loosened. "Do you… I mean… Are you attracted to other guys?" John asked nervously.

Connor shifted his head to look up at John, the younger man gave a soft laugh. "I don't think so. John, you're the only one I've ever wanted." He said with certainty. Then nervously asked, "Are you?"

John thought about it for a second. He had certainly never been attracted to any man before Connor and now…"Just you." John said with a smile. He kissed the top of Connor's head before Connor moved his head back down over John's heart.

They lay in silence, tangled together. John listened to Connor's steady breathing. He wanted to ask Connor why he only ate half his dinner, but he didn't know how to without offending the younger man. He moved his hands up and down Connor's back, drawing a contented sigh from his boyfriend.

"Connor…?" John trailed off, deciding not to ask.

"Hm?"

"Nothing, never mind."

Connor was silent for a moment. "I ate breakfast and lunch." The linguist offered without prompting.

"You… what?" John wondered if Connor read minds on top of everything else he could do.

"I was, um, waiting for you to ask me. Was it, uh, something else?" The scientist asked quietly.

"No." John admitted. "It was that. I just didn't want to offend you."

Connor pressed a kiss to John's clothed chest. "You didn't. It's, um, kinda nice."

John thought about that. Was it nice that John asked or that he cared? He thought it was probably both and he felt sad that Connor had never had anyone in his life to care, other than his parents really.

"Con?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

 _I think I love you._ John bit his lip. "Goodnight." He finally said.

"'Night, John." Came the soft reply. John felt Connor's breathing even out as the scientist drifted off to sleep. It scared him, what he had been about to say. John couldn't remember saying those words to anyone. Not his parents, his girlfriends, anyone. He certainly could never remember hearing them either. His parents had always been…awkward, and not ones for displays of affection or reassuring words. John was never certain if they meant to have a kid or if he had accidentally come along.

Then came this scientist, who out of nowhere had stolen John's heart. Somehow Connor Davids had become the most important thing in John's world, something that John had always thought would be his job. After Charlotte, John had thought he was destined to be alone. He was a solitary man and couldn't connect on any level that women needed him to. All John had ever wanted in life was to fly. Until now.

Now he wanted soft touches and tea in the morning. He wanted a warm hand on his chest and a soft Irish accent. Connor had fit so perfectly into the hole in John's life. And John's heart ached when he thought about how the scientist probably didn't even know it.

He tightened his arms around Connor before following the younger man into sleep.

John woke alone, suddenly cold. _Connor?_ He looked around the room but couldn't see the linguist anywhere. He listened for noise from the bathroom but the room was eerily quiet. John pulled the blanket off him and threw his feet over the edge of the bed.

"Connor?" He asked softly. A glance towards the patio showed a sliver of light in the darkness. It was too early for the linguist to be up. John grabbed his headset off the side table.

"Sheppard to Davids." He heard a beep and saw Connor's headset on the small table by the scientist's plush chair. _Lights?_ He asked Atlantis and the room was immediately bathed in a soft glow, not too bright, but light enough for John to see that his boyfriend was nowhere in the room.

John pulled his jacket off Connor's chair, slipping into it before pulling his boots on over the borrowed pajama pants. He would probably look odd to anyone who saw him, but John didn't plan on getting caught. He grabbed Connor's radio as Atlantis opened the door and John headed out to Connor's lab.

The lab door was locked when John arrived but a quick plead to Atlantis and it swished open. John quickly glanced around, but didn't spot the brown haired man. He left the lab and headed for the transporter, glancing into Connor's empty gym on the way. John knew that Connor spent ninety-five percent of his time in his lab and his quarters, leaving a very small amount of places he might be.

John headed to his quarters next and sighed in disappointment as those too were found empty. He jogged by the mess hall and the infirmary before crossing those off his list. That leaves people he would be with. But who…? John hit his earpiece.

"Sheppard to Lorne."

"Lorne here." Came the sleepy reply.

"Is Dr. Davids with you?"

"No, sir." Came a much more awake answer. "Is he missing, sir?" Sheppard appreciated that Lorne didn't ask why Sheppard would be looking for the errant scientist at five in the morning.

"Not yet." Sheppard answered. "Sheppard out."

He hesitated before hitting his radio again. "Sheppard to Teyla."

"John?" Came Teyla's hesitant answer, he knew she, at least, was awake to do her morning meditations.

"Is Connor with you?"

"I have not seen him since last night." She answered promptly. John felt his heart sink a little.

"Okay, thanks. Sheppard out." He said quickly, before she could ask questions. Who else, who else? "Sheppard to Ronon."

John didn't get an answer. He didn't think he would, really, since Ronon was usually up this time of day to run and left his radio in his quarters while he did so. Suddenly John remembered the conversation he had with Ronon yesterday while they were off-world.

" _Ran with Irish." John quirked a brow at the statement._

" _Oh yeah?" He asked._

" _Yeah. Good runner. Kept up."_

" _He's been running since he was a kid. He ran track to make his mother happy. It was the only sport offered that he didn't have to join a team for."_

" _Oh." Ronon said thoughtfully. "Did some weird moves afterwards. He said he was moving energy."_

" _Moving energy?… Oh the Tai Chi?"_

" _Yeah. Looked weird."_

" _You should ask him to teach you. It's good for fighting."_

 _Ronon looked at John like he was stupid. "Sheppard my grandma could fight faster than that." He snorted._

" _Those are just… stretches. Really, Ronon." John insisted. "Ask him."_

 _Ronon looked at him curiously before shrugging._

" _Will you two keep walking? Some of us are hungry." McKay broke in._

John was sure that Ronon was with Connor and had probably dragged the young man out of bed to go running. John wondered how he could have slept through that. He ran a hand through his hair, making his way back to Connor's rooms.

He sank down into the cold bed and pulled his shoes off. The small bed suddenly felt very empty with only him in it. John smiled at the thought of Connor getting up early to run. He knew the scientist had done so before he and John got together but now John knew how much of a morning person Connor wasn't. The scientist would rather stay up all night and sleep through the day. If John had the option, he probably would too.

He slowly drifted back off to sleep with the knowledge that Connor was safe.

* * *

Connor ran steadily next to Ronon. Ronon had knocked him up before the sun had risen, quietly demanding he go running with him. The ex-Runner's eyes had drifted slightly to John's sleeping form before focusing on the scientist again. Connor didn't want to wake John up, arguing with Ronon so he had nodded his agreement and an hour later they were running along the abandoned depths of Atlantis. A glance at his watch told Connor that John would probably be up soon.

"I've gotta head back." Connor said, no explanation.

Ronon nodded and they changed their path to head back to the living tower. Connor glanced at the man beside him. John's words from last echoed in his head. _Are you attracted to other guys?_ Connor thought that if he were, Ronon would probably seem more attractive to him, but the Satedan seemed the same to Connor as every other man. He wondered what John thought of Ronon.

Forty-five minutes later, with a wave to Ronon, Connor was slipping back into his quarters. John was still sleeping under the covers and Connor gathered his sleeping clothes with him into the bathroom. He needed a shower to clean the sweat off, but he didn't want to wake John. With a glance at his sleeping boyfriend, Connor made his way out the door.

He headed quietly to the transporters, intent on showering in John's quarters. He stepped off and took a quick glance around with Atlantis' help and quickly entered John's password, opening the doors. They swished behind him and he dumped his clothes on John's bed, moving to the shower.

Twenty minutes later he was clean and dressed, he threw his running clothes into John's hamper and was about to ask Atlantis if the hallway was empty when the doors opened. Rodney McKay came in, dressed and loud.

"Sheppard do you have the-" Rodney stopped when he noticed that Connor was the only one in the room. "You're not Sheppard." He said dumbly.

Connor shook his head. _Oh this is not good. Atlantis!_ He felt the city offer apologies but Connor shook them off.

"Are you supposed to be in here?" Rodney asked suspiciously. "And where's Sheppard? Are you stealing his stuff? I knew it! You're using him aren't you?" McKay asked loudly. "Oh this is great. What am I gonna tell him? Gee, buddy, better luck next time? How did you even get in here? I knew you were going to be trouble!"

Connor swallowed lightly. "I… I… was just, um, I was just…"

"Just what? Taking Sheppard's things? Are you wearing his shirt? That's his shirt isn't it?" Rodney accused.

Connor looked down. Honestly he was wearing John's shirt, but John had given it to him a week back. "I… no, this is… he gave it to-"

"I'm sure he did." Rodney took a step towards Connor who backed up a few steps. "What have you done with him? Why isn't he here?"

"I… he's…" Connor stuttered, his breathing increasing. He backed up some more from the angry scientist, his back hitting a wall.

"Well?" McKay asked menacingly. "I can't believe Sheppard chose you! You can't even form a sentence without stuttering!"

"He's…" Connor drifted off, breathing heavily.

Suddenly the doors opened again. "McKay!"

Connor looked up to see John barreling through the doors, barefoot and in his pajamas, before they closed tightly behind him. _Thank God,_ Connor thought, sliding down the wall to sit, pulling his knees up to his chest. Rodney turned to look at John.

"What are you doing in here?" John questioned the astrophysicist, quickly walking towards the huddled linguist. "Connor?" He asked gently, kneeling down by his boyfriend.

"Hey." Connor managed weakly, grabbing for John's hand and squeezing it tightly. Connor saw anger flash in John's eyes before John turned to face his friend.

"Rodney?"

"I… Sheppard… I just stopped by to see if you had that Ancient lightbulby thing and-"

"And decided to attack my boyfriend?" John interrupted angrily.

"What? No! Sheppard! I…You weren't here and he's wearing your shirt so I thought maybe…" He drifted off.

"You thought maybe what, McKay?" In a way that indicated that John knew exactly what Rodney thought.

"I, well…" Rodney stuttered.

"Did it ever occur to you that I might have _given_ it to him?" John asked darkly. His free hand moving slowly up and down Connor's side.

"Um, maybe."

"McKay!" He yelled. "Out. Now." Rodney flashed John a hurt look before leaving Connor alone with John.

"Are you okay?" John asked, tilting Connor's head up to face him. "Did he do anything to you?"

"I… no, he just… I… it was…" Connor fumbled nervously.

"I'm gonna kill him. " John swore.

"No! John! I'm-I'm alright. I'm sorry. I, uh, shouldn't have been in here. He's right."

"No he is _not_ right. You can be here whenever you want." He said sternly, leaving no room for doubt. "Up." John said, standing and pulling Connor up with him. John pulled him into a tight hug. "I… God, Connor. When Atlantis showed me McKay yelling at you… I-I was so scared. Rodney doesn't always think before speaking." He said into Connor's hair. Connor tightened his arms around John.

"I'm sorry." He offered meekly, again.

John pulled back a little. "Hey. Hey, there's no need to be sorry. You're welcome here anytime, whether I'm here or not, okay? I'm sorry about Rodney. He has a habit of just barging in." John paused for a second. "And jumping to the wrong conclusions. So it's not your fault, okay? You're fine here." John said, looking into Connor's face. "Got it?"

Connor nodded and John pressed a quick kiss to his lips before pulling him back into a tight hug. John rocked him a little bit as Connor's breathing slowed back to normal.

"I, um, just wanted to use your, uh, shower." Connor whispered into John's ear. "Ronon made me run with him, and when I got back I, uh, I didn't want to wake you up."

"You can use my shower whenever you want, Connor. I just don't want to be kicking you out of your own quarters." John admitted. "I don't mind being woken up by you." John whispered into Connor's ear.

Connor blushed. "I'll, um, remember that for next time." Connor said softly.

"And, um, hey, next time can you leave a note? I woke up and you were gone and I swear my heart stopped, Con. I went to your lab and the mess hall and infirmary." John close his eyes. "I called around and when Ronon didn't answer I figured that was where you were. Just please? Next time? Leave a note?" He said, opening his eyes and breathing in Connor's scent.

"I'm sorry." Connor said again. "I didn't want to, but Ronon…" Connor shrugged lightly in John's arms. "He's, um, hard to argue with. I promise to leave a, uh, note next time."

"I'll hold you to that." John said, pulling back. "Let me change and then let's get some tea, okay?" He asked gently.

Connor nodded and John pulled some clothes into the bathroom with him. Connor sank onto John's bed. His morning was _not_ going well. First, Ronon had woken him up before the crack of dawn to go running, pulling him from out of bed with John, then, John's best friend accuses him of stealing from John and of using him, although Connor wasn't sure for what. Now John was mad at Dr. McKay and all Connor could remember was the flash of hurt that appeared on Rodney's face as he left. He put his head in his hands. He was ruining everything. He had worried John when he just left with Ronon. And John was fighting with his best friend and it was all his fault.

Connor felt gentle hands pull his hands off his face. He looked up, tears glistening, but he refused to let them fall. John kneeled in front of him and held his hands in his one of his own, the other moving to rest lightly against Connor's face.

"Talk to me. Please?" John asked softly. And Connor felt his heart ache as he looked at the beautiful man in front of him. "Connor? Please?"

"I'm sorry." Connor blurted again. "I should have told Ronon 'no', and then I made you worry and I, uh, I mean, he… and now you're fighting with Dr. McKay and Dr. McKay's mad at me and he thinks I'm, um, using you, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean for him to think that. 'Cause I'm not." He said earnestly to John. "I'm not, I promise I'm not." He repeated.

John watched him, his face softening. "I think I caught most of that." He said, and Connor kicked himself again. John loved his accent, but Connor knew that sometimes he had trouble understanding him. "And none of this is your fault, Connor. I'll talk to Ronon. He can't just make you run with him, okay?" He said, looking Connor in the eye, wiping away the tear that fell. "And I'll talk to Rodney. He just doesn't understand, Connor."

"No." Connor protested. "Please, no. Don't be mad at him. Please, John. Please. He's your best friend. He was concerned. Please." Connor begged. John furrowed his brow at the request. "Please." Connor pleaded again.

John nodded slowly. "Okay. Okay, I won't yell at him. But he can't just accuse you of things, Connor. That's not how it works. He's my _best_ friend, but you're my _boy_ friend. He can't treat you like this."

"Don't be mad at him." Connor pleaded again.

"I don't understand why this is so important to you." John admitted.

"Please." Is all Connor said again.

"Okay." John said. "I won't be mad at him." John promised. Connor breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't want John fighting with Dr. McKay over him. "And I don't think you're using me either, Connor. I don't know where that came from."

Connor shrugged. John looked at him closely, leaning in till their foreheads touched. John tipped Connor's head towards his own and their lips met gently. John pulled Connor's upper lip in again, deepening the kiss. Connor let him, moving his hands to fist the front of John's shirt, pulling him closer. When they broke apart, Connor blushed. John just offered him a smile. Connor let go of John's shirt and stood up from the bed, he offered a hand down to his kneeling boyfriend who accepted the help up.

"Ah, I sense the need for tea." John teased Connor. Connor stuck his tongue out at John before pulling him towards the door. John gave a small laugh, following his decaffeinated boyfriend.

* * *

After John left Connor in his quarters he decided to walk around for a while. He didn't know how he was going to keep his promise to the younger man. Rodney was his best friend, but he was also difficult to handle, at best. But he had promised Connor he wouldn't get mad, and John was nothing if not a man of his word. He waved to a couple people who greeted him, but for the most part, John kept to himself. He ended up at his office, a place he almost never was.

When he stepped through the doors he wasn't surprised to see Lorne at his desk, working on his laptop. The major stood as John entered and John just waved him back down. He plopped into the seat across from Lorne and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"Sir?" Lorne asked hesitantly. John just waved a hand absently at him. Lorne didn't say anything else and soon John heard the clicks of the keyboard resume. He sat there staring at the panels on the ceiling. A small smile flitted across his face as he remembered their first kiss last night. It was perfect _, Connor_ was perfect _._

John wondered if Rodney had a problem with Connor being a man. He didn't seem to have one that day on the pier, and he usually insulted people on intelligence levels alone, not lifestyle choices. No, Connor had seen something in Rodney that made him defend the man, of this John was certain. He didn't know what it was, and Connor hadn't said, and John knew he wouldn't either, but there was still something there. He wondered briefly if his best friend was jealous. But John dismissed the idea, McKay had Katie Brown and seemed perfectly happy to spend time with her over John. Not that John could begrudge the man. He knew Rodney had little romantic prospects in the past.

A beep of the door distracted John out of his musings as the door opened and one of his men stepped through. The man, Sgt. Chan, looked hesitant at seeing John there, but John waved him on to Lorne who accepted the data stick he was carrying.

"Good morning, Colonel, Major." He greeted properly.

John gave a small nod of his head as his second in command offered the greeting back.

"Mission reports?" Lorne asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Thanks Sgt., you're dismissed." John heard the doors swish open and shut again. John went back to studying the ceiling. He wished he had Connor's math book to distract himself with.

"Ah, sir?" Asked Lorne hesitantly. John tilted his eyes down to the other man. When didn't say anything, Lorne continued. "I was, um, wondering, if you found Dr. Davids this morning."

"Yeah." John drawled. He probably should have called the man back, he was Connor's best friend. Which, to John, still seemed a bit weird. He had trouble picturing Connor and Lorne hanging out, but he knew they did, several times a week. Connor talked about him all the time and John now knew more about his second in command than he had learnt in the two years previous to Connor's arrival. "Went running." He offered in a tone that uninvited more conversation. Lorne apparently took the hint as the typing continued.

John wasn't sure how long he sat there, pondering the ceiling and his relationship with Rodney and Connor, probable more time than he would like to admit, but Lorne broke him out of him musings as his XO stood.

"See you later, sir." He offered, heading for the door.

"Yeah." John offered to his back. He heard the doors swish again and he was once again left to his thoughts.

* * *

"Hey, Doc, ready for lunch?" Evan asked, sticking his head into Connor's lab. It was Thursday, their weekly lunch day.

"Just a minute." Connor said distracted. Evan perched next to his desk and waited for Connor to finish what he was on. He wondered what was up with his CO. The man had come into the office and sat there for four hours, staring at the ceiling. He wondered if everything was alright between him and the doctor.

"Alright!" Connor said happily. "Food?" He asked grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. Evan walked after him.

"You mean more pudding?" Evan teased.

"Pudding is food." Connor protested as he hit the transporter button.

"Pudding is dessert." Evan argued as they stepped out onto the mess hall level.

"And dessert is food." Connor shot back. Evan grinned. The mess hall was mostly empty when they got there, only a few people here and there. Evan waited for most of the lunch crowd to disperse before grabbing the scientist for lunch, knowing Connor was more at ease around smaller amounts of people.

He followed the linguist through the line and to a table off to the side. Evan looked around. Starting next week the food hub that he and Connor had found was going to be put into operation part time. Carter wanted to see how it would work before starting it full time.

"So what, uh, exciting things have you done, um, this morning?" Connor asked. Evan watched as he dropped a tea bag into his hot water.

"Oh you know… slayed a dragon, fought an evil wizard, took over the world." Evan responded cheekily.

Connor gave him a small laugh. "So… paperwork?"

Evan grinned at his friend. "All morning." He didn't really mind it, and despite what Colonel Sheppard let everyone think, Lorne didn't do _all_ of his paperwork. Sheppard did an amazing amount by himself. Lorne just took care of the smaller item details. He knew the Colonel was overworked as it was and tried his best to help out. "What about you?"

A small frown graced Connor's face then and the scientist looked around them before answering. "I, uh, went running… with Ronon. He, uh, woke me up really early." Evan fought his smirk. Colonel Sheppard had woken _him_ up early to find Connor. It seemed epidemic today. "Um…" Connor's face took on a constrained look. "…Then nothing, really. Um, work, you know."

Evan did know. And he also knew his best friend was leaving something out. "So this… nothing that you did." He started. "Was that after you went back to your books or before?"

Connor's face scrunched up before the scientist sighed. "Alright, but you can't tell anyone." Evan rolled his eyes. He wouldn't break Connor's confidence and the linguist knew that. "I was showering at John's place." He began in a low voice, as to not be overheard. "Uh, John was… um, sleeping, in mine… and I didn't want to-to wake him." Evan raised an eyebrow at this. He highly doubted that Connor and Colonel Sheppard were _sleeping_ together, but Connor had implied that they were at least just sleeping in the same bed. "I, uh, after I dressed… Dr. McKay kinda burst in." Connor said with a wince. "He, um, he…" Connor drifted off.

Evan started to get nervous. "He what?" He urged Connor.

"He, um, was talking to me…" And Evan figured that as code for yelling and began to get angry on his friend's behalf. "He said that I, uh, that I was using John. And, um, stealing his stuff." Evan did a double take at the words. Connor? Stealing? For the first time he noticed the faded black shirt his friend had on under his jacket. "Which I wasn't." Connor was quick to add. "John, uh, he gave it to me." He said quietly.

Evan processed all that Connor said. So McKay had invited himself into Colonel Sheppard's quarters, found Connor and no Sheppard, started yelling at him and accusing him of using the Colonel and of stealing the Colonel's stuff.

"I didn't think you had." He said in response to Connor's defense. "What happened next?"

"Um, John came in. Told Dr. McKay to leave." Connor winced again. "He was really mad, Evan." Connor confided. "I made him, um, promise not to get mad at Dr. McKay."

Evan thought that explained the pensive look on Sheppard's face, and maybe the reason the man had just spent the last few hours staring at the ceiling. Evan didn't know what to say. He was mad at McKay for yelling at his friend; of accusing him of using the Colonel and stealing. Evan wondered if McKay was just that stupid. Evan wondered if McKay didn't know about Connor's and Sheppard's relationship. It was possible that Sheppard hadn't confided in McKay like Connor had with him, or at least how he had confided after Evan admitted to knowing.

"Evan, please, he didn't mean it." Connor defended, having guessed at what put the angry expression on Lorne's face.

"Why are you defending him?" Evan demanded. "He hurt you, Connor."

"I'm fine." Came the quiet reply.

"He hurt Colonel Sheppard." Evan said in a lower voice.

Connor's face took on a surprised look. "What? When?"

"When he hurt you."

"I said I was fine, Evan."

"Yes, so you said." He offered back, implying he didn't believe the scientist.

"I am." Connor affirmed.

"Yeah. You really think that him saying those things to you didn't hurt Colonel Sheppard?" Evan asked.

Connor stayed silent.

"He basically called you a whore, Connor." Evan said, eyes flashing angrily.

A shocked look went through his best friend and Connor's eyes widened. "What? No. He said-"

"He said you were using Colonel Sheppard." Evan finished.

"Yes, but how is that…" His voice drifted off. Connor's face suddenly held a look on anguish. "He hates me, Evan." He said before hiding his face in his hands. Evan looked around the mess hall. The few people who had been there when they arrived had cleared out and they were left alone. "I just… I just wanted him to like me. He's-he's John's best friend. His _best_ friend. And he hates me."

And suddenly Evan hated Dr. McKay. For putting those thoughts into his friend's head, for tearing into Connor like he did. Evan gently pulled Connor's hands off his face, swallowing his anger. "Hey, Doc, it's okay. I'm sure he doesn't hate you. If it helps, he hates everyone." Evan said. Connor offered him a small smile. "Hey, c'mon, it's how he is. Be glad you're meeting him now, he was worse before. And I'm sure he just doesn't know you. Once he does, he'll like you as much as I do."

"Really?" Connor asked.

"Really."

Connor seemed satisfied with the answer and stirred some sugar into his tea. Evan watch as the young scientist skipped over his salad and went straight for the pudding.

* * *

"Coffee. I need coffee." Rodney McKay said to no one in particular. He was not having a good day. He had lost the Ancient light bulbly thing, yelled at his best friend's boyfriend and then was kicked out by said best friend. He had spent the last few hours holed up in his lab, waiting for an angry Sheppard to burst through the doors. He glanced at them again. Still no Sheppard. Rodney had no doubt that John was going to talk to him, he had just thought it would have been sooner rather than later.

"Coffee." He mumbled again. He got up, scraping his chair back and headed for the mess hall. When he got there the coffee pot was empty and there was no one on duty to refill it. "Great." He mumbled, heading into the kitchen to grab some more. He scrounged around and smiled in triumph as he found it. He headed back out to grab the pot when he heard voices nearby mention his name.

"…Dr. McKay kinda burst in." A male voice said. "He, um, he…" The voice drifted off.

"He what?" Another male voice asked.

"He, um, was talking to me… He said that I, uh, that I was using John. And, um, stealing his stuff." Rodney's eyes widened. It was Sheppard's boyfriend. Rodney tried to figure out who he was talking to. "Which I wasn't." The scientist added. "John, uh, he gave it to me." He continued quietly, Rodney strained to hear him.

"I didn't think you had." Came the response. Rodney clicked his fingers silently, he knew that voice. "What happened next?"

"Um, John came in. Told Dr. McKay to leave." Rodney winced. "He was really mad, Evan." Rodney mentally ran through a list of personnel, coming up with Evan Lorne. He wondered what Davids was doing talking to the other man. "I made him, um, promise not to get mad at Dr. McKay." Rodney blinked. What?

"Evan, please, he didn't mean it." Connor defended, breaking Rodney out of his musings.

"Why are you defending him?" Lorne demanded. Rodney thought that was a good question. "He hurt you, Connor." Rodney winced again.

"I'm fine." Came the quiet reply.

"He hurt Colonel Sheppard." Rodney mentally protested that. Sheppard was just fine..

"What? When?"

"When he hurt you." Rodney really had no idea what Lorne was talking about.

"I said I was fine, Evan."

"Yes, so you said." Even Rodney could hear the doubt in his voice.

"I am."

"Yeah. You really think that him saying those things to you didn't hurt Colonel Sheppard?" Lorne asked. "He basically called you a whore, Connor." Rodney balked. No he didn't.

"What? No. He said-"

"He said you were using Colonel Sheppard." The major finished. Rodney thought about his words. They could definitely be construed like that.

"Yes, but how is that… He hates me, Evan. I just… I just wanted him to like me. He's, uh, he's John's best friend. His _best_ friend. And he hates me." Rodney suddenly regretted his words. Sheppard was going to kill him _._

"Hey, Doc, it's okay. I'm sure he doesn't hate you. If it helps, he hates everyone." Rodney snorted. That was true enough. "Hey, c'mon, it's how he is." Lorne offered. "Be glad you're meeting him now, he was worse before. And I'm sure he just doesn't know you. Once he does, he'll like you as much as I do."

"Really?" Rodney could hear the hope in his voice.

"Really."

Rodney slowly backed away from the doorway and snuck out the second door in the kitchen, leaving the coffee behind.

* * *

John found Connor hunched over his work again, in his lab. He groaned silently at the sight. The scientist was teasing his bottom lip between his teeth, his hair had fallen into his face and Connor's cheeks were a rosy red. Unfortunately for John he was also in deep concentration. John wasn't even sure if he had noticed him come into the room. He silently walked over to Connor's couch, not wanting to interrupt the younger man. John laid down on the squishy piece of furniture, watching his boyfriend work.

When John woke up there was a heavy body on top of his. Connor's head was tucked underneath John's and a hand had wormed its way up John's shirt. John kissed the patch of hair closest to him, checking the time. 0328. He wondered when Connor had finally stopped working.

"Connor." He whispered loudly. "Hey, up, up." He encouraged.

"Joooooohn, noooooo." Came the mumbled reply as Connor attempted to burrow further into John.

"C'mon, bed." He urged.

"Stay here." Connor said into John's shirt. John stroked the back of Connor's head. He thought about it for a minute.

"The bed is more comfortable." He tried to persuade.

"You're the same on the couch or on the bed." Connor countered tiredly.

John paused. That was true. "Okay, the bed is more comfortable for _me_." He said, knowing that Connor would probably give in to that.

"Mmm." Connor said before sitting up onto the edge of the couch. John sat up behind him. John rubbed the sides of Connor's arms, briefly.

"Bed."

He pushed Connor up and followed after the scientist. John caught Connor's arm before the linguist walked into a wall. He held on, directing the shorter man to the transporter than out to his quarters.

"What time did you finish?" He asked as he sat Connor on the bed. John knelt to gently remove his boyfriend's shoes.

"Time is it now?" Came the tired reply.

John glanced at his watch. "Three thirty-ish." He replied, removing Connor's jacket. The scientist laid back against the pillow as John shucked his own shoes and jacket.

"Twenty minutes ago." Connor answered. John paused half way through taking off his shirt.

"Why so late?" He said, pulling the shirt off over his head and grabbing one of Connor's sleep shirts, tugging it on.

"Forgot." Connor mumbled.

John crawled into bed next to Connor. The tired man quickly curled up into John's side and fell back asleep. John stroked Connor's back before drifting off to sleep after his boyfriend.

John awoke with a start when he heard Connor let out a cry. His boyfriend had bolted up and was sitting on the edge of the bed. _Shit._ He sat up behind Connor, moving his legs to either side of the linguist. He pulled the shaking man back against his chest and a hand rubbed small circles on his stomach. His other arm was clutched tightly around the scientist, holding him against John's body. John rocked them a little back and forth as Connor took in shaky breaths.

Neither man said anything. John knew it probably wouldn't help Connor and he knew Connor knew the same thing. Finally the younger man relaxed against him. John pulled him down with him, so Connor's back was still pressed to his chest. John preferred to be able to see Connor's face, but he knew that the scientist liked a little bit of privacy to recover first.

His hand continued to trace circles on the flat stomach and John felt his boyfriend fall back asleep. _I wish I could help you_ , he thought to the younger man before slowly following Connor into sleep.

When John woke again he was alone in bed. _This needs to stop happening_ , he thought with a groan, throwing one hand over his eyes. Sunlight had started streaming in through Connor's window. _I never did get around to talking to Ronon_. With a sigh, John pushed himself up and out of bed. He grabbed his clothes and headed for the shower. By the time he stepped out, clean, shaven and fully clothed he could smell tea brewing.

Connor was sitting on his chair, _with wet hair_ , John noticed, _and clean clothes_. There were circles around the scientist's eyes, betraying how awake he looked. John walked over and nudged Connor up, pulling the younger man back on top of him. He grabbed the mug of tea that had been set aside for him. Drinking slowly he pulled Connor closer to him.

"Mmm, this is good today." John said, indicating his tea.

"Athosian." Connor replied, taking a sip of his own.

"Really? From Teyla?" Connor nodded. "She never brings me back tea." He said with a small pout. Connor only laughed.

"Have you asked her to?" _Good point_.

"Ronon wake you up again?" John asked, changing the subject.

Connor gave him a pointed look but answered anyways. "Yeah." He set his empty mug on the table and leaned back against John.

"I'm sorry, I didn't talk to him yesterday." _I was busy plotting ways to_ not _kill Rodney McKay_. But he didn't say that.

"S'okay." Connor answered. "I like running."

"I know you do. But you also like sleeping. And I like sleeping. With you… next to me." John answered wryly.

Connor kissed his neck in reply, but otherwise said nothing. John thought he might be falling asleep. He took another sip of his Athosian tea.

"I had lunch with Evan yesterday." Connor said after a while.

"Yeah?" So that's where his XO went. John was still there when he came back, except Lorne had come back with a murderous look on his face. John hadn't thought that Connor had put it there, though.

"Yeah. He, um, says that Dr. McKay hurt you." Connor continued, hesitantly.

 _Shit, Lorne._ John wasn't at all sure he wanted Evan telling Connor these things.

At John's silence, Connor continued. "I'm sorry, John. I, um, I didn't realize."

John tightened his hold on Connor and took another sip of his tea hoping that maybe some of Teyla's patience and wisdom would come to him. "It's fine. I was more worried about you." John offered.

"I'm sorry." He repeated again softly. "I don't know what to do." He admitted.

"About what?" John asked gently.

"You. Dr. McKay. Evan. I think I, um, might had made him mad? At lunch yesterday." Connor said quietly, looking away, out the window. "I didn't mean to."

"Well I can only help you out with me." John admitted. "And I'm fine. I didn't get mad at Rodney. I told you I wouldn't and I haven't." _Mostly because I haven't seen him since_. But John didn't offer that up. "Connor." John said, and the scientist turned to face him again. John tilted his head up and pressed a short kiss to Connor's lips. _I love being able to do that_. Connor offered him a small smile. "I think, with Rodney, he just needs a little time. He'll come around. And with Lorne, well, I don't know him as well as you do. I agree that he was probably mad, but just talk to him some more, okay? I don't think he was mad at you." He advised.

Connor nodded and leaned down again. John happily met his lips, deepening their earlier kiss. A few minutes later John pulled back and Connor's face was flushed. _God, he's so beautiful_. John moved a hand up to run his fingers over Connor's reddened cheeks. "You're so beautiful." He murmured. Connor ducked his head.

"You're not so bad yourself, _a chuisle_." He answered lightly. John smiled shyly. In the past, many people had complemented him on his looks, but no one as important as Connor had, and to John it just meant that much more.

John pressed another soft kiss to Connor's lips before pulling back with a groan. "Ugh, work."

Connor laughed at his antics. He stood up off John's lap, pulling his boyfriend up after him. John gave him another kiss, moving some hair behind his ear. "I have meetings all morning, and then we're doing a little more exploring of Atlantis. We probably won't be finished until late." John offered. "I'm not sure I can meet you for lunch." John paused. "Maybe dinner, though."

"I'm having dinner with Evan's team." Connor informed him.

"Good." John said, with another kiss. "That means you will eat."

Connor rolled his eyes at his overprotective boyfriend. He gave him a small push towards the door. "Bye."

John laughed. "Later."

* * *

Connor 'knocked' on Colonel Carter's office. "Come in." He heard. He took a hesitant step inside as the doors opened. Carter looked up form her computer offering Connor a smile.

"Dr. Davids, Good morning. How can I help you?" She asked, gesturing him into a chair. Connor sat down lightly.

"I, uh, finished re-translating everything on the, um, food replicators." He said.

"Everything look alright?" She asked.

Connor nodded. "Same as before."

She smiled at him again. "That's great. Thanks for doing that for me. I know it was a lot of extra work for you, but I really appreciate it."

Connor blushed. "It's not a problem, ma'am. I'm, uh, happy to help."

"Thank you."

Connor stood. "Um, if there's anything else…?" He let the question hang.

"Nope, that's it. Thank you, again."

"You're welcome." He offered, moving back towards the door.

"Oh, wait a moment." She called after him. Connor turned around to face her. She studied his face. "Off the record, Dr. Davids… The Daedalus arrives in a few days, and this is none of my business but…" She drifted off, clearly uncomfortable.

Connor shifted a little, just as uncomfortable. "I understand." He offered, before she continued.

She looked at him hard before nodding. "Okay, then." She paused. "There's one more thing I'd like to talk to you about. Do you have a couple minutes?" Connor nodded and she gestured him into the seat across from her. "What I'm about to talk to you about is classified… on this base only you and I will know."

"I understand." Connor said quietly.

"There's something I need you to do for me…"

Fifteen minutes later he left Colonel Cart- _Sam_ 's office and glanced at his watch; John was still in meetings so he decided to visit Dr. McKay. He slowly made his way to Dr. McKay's lab, hesitating before stepping through the open doorway. He glanced around the quiet room. The linguist saw a few scientists working, but no Dr. McKay. Connor walked towards one of the scientists.

"Um, excuse me, uh, is Dr. McKay here?"

The scientist looked up. "Hasn't been in today. He might be in another lab…or maybe the jumper bay." He offered Connor.

"Thanks."

Connor turned and left. _Will you tell me where he is?_ He asked Atlantis. A moment later a picture of the outside of Dr. McKay's quarters popped into his head. He reached a hand out to the wall. _Thanks_. He headed off to find Dr. McKay.

Connor swallowed when he reached the head scientist's quarters. Now that he was here he wasn't sure what he was going to say. He rang the door anyways.

"Go away, Zelenka. I told you, I'm working from here today. God! Can't a man take a day to himself?" Came the irritated reply from inside.

"Um, it's Connor…Davids, sir. Um, Dr. Davids, from linguistics?"

It was silent after Connor answered. The door opened and Dr. McKay was standing on the other side, facing a side wall. Connor could only see half of his face, but the doctor looked like he hadn't slept in a week. His clothes were rumpled and Connor could smell coffee wafting from the room.

"What do you want?" Came the sour, but even tempered question.

"I, um, just wanted to apologize." McKay shot him a surprised look but didn't say anything. "So, um, sorry. I, um, I didn't mean to make John, uh, spend all his time with me and, uh, stop hanging out with you."

A look flashed across Rodney's face that Connor couldn't decipher. He stepped back into his quarters and gestured Connor in. The doctor took a subtle look around. The room was cleaner than Connor thought it would be. There were some clothes on the ground in a pile, and various empty mugs scattered around, but other than that seemed pretty organized.

Connor looked back up at Dr. McKay and gasped. There was a bruise on the half of his face that had been hidden before. Connor reached for it before remembering who he was with. He lowered his hand back down. Rodney flinched at Connor's gasp.

"What happened? You need ice! And, uh, a doctor! I mean, uh, a medical doctor, since, ah, we're both doctors, but not the, uh, the right kind." Connor babbled nervously.

"It's fine. An accident."

Connor's brow furrowed. "Someone accidentally hit you?" He asked confused.

"No one hit me. It was an accident." McKay argued. Connor turned back towards the door. "Was that all you came for?" He asked defeated.

Connor shook his head. "No, but you need ice." And with that he left the room, hurriedly moving towards the mess hall. He gathered some ice in a small bucket before making his way back to McKay's room. He rang the chime, but the door opened anyways.

"Hey, how did you get back in? I locked that." Rodney said, looking a the door.

Connor shrugged. "Just opened. Do you have a, um, cloth? Or something?" He said, looking around Rodney's room. He grabbed a washcloth out of the bathroom, dumping some ice cubes in it before pressing it against his face.

"I can do that myself." Rodney said, irritated. He grabbed the ice out of Connor's hand. "Why are you doing this, anyways? Shouldn't you be hating me?" He asked, pressing the ice back to his face.

"What? No! I don't, uh, hate you." Connor said gently. "Who did that?" He asked.

"Why do you think someone did it? I walked into a door."

"The doors here open automatically." Connor answered.

"Not if they're locked." McKay countered. With a glance back at his door, "Well, sometimes." He amended.

Connor just stared at him. Maybe he should get John. John would know what to do. He glanced at his watch, John was still in meetings. Atlantis flashed a picture of Sheppard in the mess hall grabbing a muffin.

"Um, I'll be right back." He said, before running out the door again.

He raced down to the mess hall. John was putting a lid on a cup of coffee when Connor skittered up to him.

"Doc! Hey! What are you-" Connor grabbed his arm before he could finish.

"I, um, need your help." He said, pulling John towards the door.

"Connor, hey, what's wrong? I have another meeting…" He drifted off when he saw the look on Connor's face. "Okay." He said simply, following the younger man.

Connor led him up to Rodney's door and knocked before going in again.

"I'm really going to have to fix that door if it will just let anyone in…" He trailed off when he saw who was behind Connor. "Hey!" He protested.

But John cut off whatever else he was going to say. He was angrily looking at the bruise on Rodney's face. "McKay? Who did that?" He asked.

"No one. Like I was telling your boyfriend before, I walked into a door."

John scoffed and Connor let him go as he moved towards Rodney.

"Rodney." He said in his 'don't bullshit me' voice. Connor knew that voice well.

"A door." Rodney sighed, looking back to Connor. Connor took the hint, he slowly left the room, John flashed him a grateful smile. He hesitated outside the doors. He didn't know if he should wait for John or not. He decided to wait.

After ten minutes he sunk to the floor, just sitting there. He wrapped his arms around his knees. A while later John came out. He looked tired to Connor. Connor stood and glanced around before pulling John into his own quarters a few doors down.

John sat down on Connor's chair and Connor hovered near by, unsure of what to do. "It was a door." John said, breaking the silence.

Connor opened his mouth but John held up a hand stopping him. "It really was just an accident, Connor." John said, accurately predicting Connor's words. "Come here." He gestured. Connor moved towards him, landing on John's lap. He leaned back against John, as John's arms wrapped around him.

"I guess Lorne went to talk to him." Connor gasped.

"Evan hit him?"

"No, I'm serious, it was a door." John said patiently. "Lorne went to speak to him, but Ronon and Teyla were also on their way to get him for dinner or something."

"Ronon hit him?" Connor asked again.

John sighed. "No." He pressed a kiss to Connor's head. "Anyways, they were outside the door or something, waiting for Lorne to finish. I don't think he meant to imply you're a whore, Connor." John said softly. "Even though he did. Lorne, I guess had reached the same conclusion I did but Rodney shot his mouth off again, saying you were using me and all this other stuff. But Rodney said Lorne just threatened him, told him to stay away from you." John's arms tightened around Connor again. "Rodney said he left and Ronon and Teyla came in. He said they were really mad and they got into a fight. Rodney said they left and he spilt his coffee on himself and jumped up and ran for the door and… missed." Connor looked suspiciously at John, before realizing what he had said.

"Oh no. Oh no." He repeated, sliding off of John's lap. "This is all my fault. Oh, God." He backed away from John, who was looking at him worried.

Now Teyla and Ronon were mad at Dr. McKay too. Connor backed against a wall and slid down. John moved off the chair to crouch down in front of him.

"Connor?" He asked. Connor buried his face in his knees. "Connor? This isn't your fault, okay? Rodney just needs to learn some discretion." Connor heard John's headphone beep, but the other man just ignored it.

"I'm sorry. Really. I didn't mean to come between you and Dr. McKay."

"You didn't." John said sternly. "I talked to him, Connor. We're okay now. I mean I'm still pissed that he implied you were whoring yourself out to me." John said roughly. "But we talked through some things. He understands that he's not allowed to attack you like that. That even if I don't respond, that Teyla or Ronon or Lorne might. You have friends, Connor, and while you don't care what he says about you, they do." John said firmly.

John reached out and moved Connor's head up, gently. He reached out and wiped away the tears on his face. He pulled Connor up and wrapped him in a hug, gently soothing the younger man.

"Shhhh." John murmured, running his hands up Connor's back. His headset beeped again. "What?" He answered, annoyed. "I know where I'm supposed to be, thank you. I'll be there as soon as I can. Sheppard out." He pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Connor said, wiping at his eyes. "You have a job to do, I, uh, shouldn't be hogging you. I just, uh, thought you would want to, um, know about Dr. McKay."

John lifted Connor's head up so he could look into his eyes. "I did want to know, thank you. And you're more important that my job." Connor began to protest and John cut him off. "Even if you don't think you are. You are to me, okay? You just need to accept that and move on." He said lightly.

Connor nodded, pulling away. "I'll be fine. You need to go do your job, John." He said, pushing John towards the door. He watched as John hesitated before walking towards the door. Before it could open though, John took a few strides back to Connor, taking his face between his hands.

"If you ever need me, Connor, I mean _ever_ , you just come and get me, okay? I don't care if I'm in a meeting or sleeping or exploring or whatever. You come first." He said, voice full of emotion. "Okay?" He asked again.

Connor nodded and John leaned down crushing their lips together. The kiss was full of need and reassurance as Connor's hands wrapped tightly around John and John moved his hands down to wrap around Connor just as tight.

John pulled back slowly and Connor felt light headed. John pressed several small kisses to Connor's lips before letting go of him when his headset beeped again.

"I'm fine, John. Go." Connor said offering his boyfriend a small smile. "Go." He urged again. John gave him one last hard look before nodding and walking out the doors. Connor touched his lips with his hand. _Wow_.

He moved to splash some water on his face, drying, before leaving his quarters. He headed to his lab and lost himself in his translations.

* * *

Teyla approached Rodney's quarters, tea tray in hand. She rang the chime.

"Sheppard, leave me alone."

"John is not here, Rodney." She offered. A minute later the door swished open with Rodney on the other side. Teyla winced when she saw the light bruise on his cheek.

"What has happened?" She asked quickly in surprise.

"Nothing." Teyla was doubtful about that, but let it pass.

"May I come in?" She asked.

Rodney looked at her suspiciously before letting her through.

"I would like to apologize for yelling at you so, yesterday. I should not have done such a thing." She said gently.

"I deserved it, Teyla." McKay sighed.

She nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Even so, you are also my friend, and I should not have done so. Please accept my apology."

"Fine, okay, whatever."

Teyla smiled. She sat down on the floor, placing the tea tray in front of her. Rodney awkwardly sat down across from her. She poured them both tea and passed him a small cup.

"Was John here earlier?" She asked remembering Rodney's previous statement.

"Yeah, and that scientist of his too." Rodney replied, taking a sip of the steaming tea. "Hot!" He moaned.

"Dr. Davids?" At this Teyla was surprised, she thought Connor would have avoided the hot tempered scientist.

"Yeah, him." He said taking another sip of the hot tea. "Came to, uh, say sorry."

Teyla raised her eyebrow at this, but she stayed silent.

"He, uh, said he didn't mean to keep Sheppard from me. As if." Rodney said, with a huff. "I'm not some child who needs to be entertained all the time by Sheppard. We're just friends. If he wants to run around playing house with his boyfriend then that's his problem. I mean, we're not attached at the hip or anything." Rodney defended.

Teyla looked at him closely. She could see a small amount of hurt on his face and wondered if Connor had seen it to. "I did not believe you were… attached at the hip." She said softly. "But he is your friend and as of late has not had as much time to spend with you." She said gently.

"Whatever, Teyla. I don't need Sheppard." He said hotly. "Besides I've been busy too. It's not like I'm sitting around waiting for him."

Teyla gave him a gentle look. She didn't say anything, just poured some more tea.

"I am planning on heading to New Athos tomorrow. I was there yesterday, but it hardly feels like enough time. Would you like to accompany me?" She asked.

A surprise looked flitted across Rodney's face. "I, uh, sure."

"I am sure that my people will be happy to see you again. It has been many moons since you have last visited." She smiled.

"Are you still seeing that… tall one? Keenan? Koonan? Kooko?" Rodney asked.

Teyla shook her head. "Kanaan and I have since parted paths." She supplied.

"Oh. Sorry." Rodney said in an uncharacteristic display of empathy.

"It is fine. We have decided it is for the best."

"No one else on the horizon?" He asked.

"Not that I am aware of." She answered wryly.

"Oh. Hm." He answered before his headset beeped. "What?… Radek!… I can't even take a day off without you blowing up the city!… What have you done now?… No, no, don't touch that… No it's not supposed to do that!… No when it flashes red that is not good…!" Suddenly the lights in Rodney's quarters went off. "What have you done! The lights just went out!… Yes I'm sure the lights are out… I'm sitting here in the dark… Oh for crying out loud! Don't touch anything! I'm on my way."

Teyla gathered up the tea mugs, gracefully standing before retrieving the tray from the floor. Rodney was already bustling around his room, putting on his jacket and grabbing his laptop.

"Will we see you for dinner?" She asked.

"If Zelenka hasn't blown up the city by then." Came the quick reply.

"Very well." She nodded to Rodney before following him out of his quarters. He hurried towards the transporter and she followed at a more sedate pace, happy to have made amends with her teammate.

* * *

John crashed into his bed. It had been a long day. He hadn't slept well after Connor's nightmare and then had woken up to an empty bed. He spent three hours sitting in meetings before having a long talk with McKay before soothing his slightly insecure boyfriend. Then another six hours of his day were spent sledging through Atlantis' abandoned depths and finding nothing but empty rooms and powerless labs. The only good things in his day had been that kiss and Connor's shy remark on John's looks.

John sighed before sitting up again. He pulled off his boots and socks before he started taking off the rest of his clothes. He threw his shirt in the direction of his hamper, groaning as it landed a foot away. He left it there. John pulled his belt off, slinging it over the back of his chair. He made his way to his dresser, grabbing some clean boxers and some sleep clothes. He dumped them on the bed before heading towards the shower. He slipped out of his pants, folding them up for tomorrow before tossing those near his dresser.

He turned on his shower and sighed as the hot water seemed to wash away his long day. He leaned a hand against the shower wall and let the water run over him. John reached out with his other hand, grabbing his member. He gave a small tug, remembering Connor's flushed face from that morning. He groaned and bit his lip as he felt himself harden. John stroked himself lightly picturing the younger man in his mind. He flashed to the small kisses they shared and heard Connor whisper his name in his mind. John groaned again, quickening the pace of his hand. He felt Connor's hand ghosting his chest and came with Connor's name on his lips. Spent, he panted a little as the water washed away evidence of his activities. He stood there for a few minutes gathering himself before reaching for the soap and washing his hair.

John stepped out of his shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist. He made his way towards his bed to grab his clothes when his door opened.

Connor took in the scene and blushed a bright red. "S-sorry." He stammered, stepping back out, the door closing behind him.

John tightened his hold on the towel before walking to the door. Atlantis flashed him a picture of an empty hallway, his boyfriend lingering in front of his room. John opened the door and yanked Connor inside, locking the door behind them.

The older man waited as Connor nervously glanced his way briefly, before looking back down at the floor. John directed Connor over to sit on his bed as John grabbed his clothes and headed towards the bathroom. A minute later he came back out, rubbing the towel through his hair before tossing it back into the bathroom. The linguist was still bright red and staring at the floor.

John gave a small laugh. "I'm decent, now." He offered. He smiled as Connor took a small peek before discovering that John wasn't lying. He looked up at John and blushed even more.

"Sorry." He repeated. "I should have, uh, knocked." John walked over and mussed Connor's hair.

"No need to knock. Would have been a little more awkward about three seconds later, though." He said with a smirk. Being in the Air Force had pretty much wiped out all of John's modesty. There were communal showers in the barracks and no time to change in the stalls. But John knew his boyfriend was a lot more conservative than he was, and tried to respect those boundaries.

John bent down and gave Connor a small kiss, before moving to put on some coffee. "How was dinner?" He asked as he filled his coffee machine.

"Good. Evan was telling me about their mission to MX1-983."

"The flying monkey planet?" John asked, setting the pot back in the machine, waiting for the coffee to drip. He made his way back over to Connor and sat next to him. Connor grabbed John's hand, interlocking their fingers.

"Uh, yeah. It sounds… different." The linguist answered.

"I don't think I've ever laughed so hard after reading a mission report." John said grinning. "All I can say is, I'm glad it was them and not me." He chuckled a little.

"Yeah, David-"

"David?" John interrupted.

"Dr. Parrish." Connor clarified. John nodded. "David was telling me about the one that landed on Tim… Coughlin's head. They, um, they have some grand times." Connor said with a smile.

"That they do." John agreed. "Tell me more." He asked.

And Connor complied. John let his boyfriend's words wash over him as the younger man explained something that involved a monkey tail and a rope. John poured himself a cup of coffee as Connor continued with his story. He sat back down next to the shorter man and immersed himself in Connor's voice. He finished his coffee as Connor moved on to tell him about something else Lorne's team had shared.

John decided he didn't care anymore as he set down his empty coffee mug and pulled Connor in for a kiss, interrupting him mid-word. He felt Connor's surprise before the younger man relaxed into his arms. John fell backwards against the bed, pulling Connor with him. He shifted the linguist on top of him, holding him close without breaking their kiss. He pulled Connor's lips into his mouth, sucking each lightly. He felt his boyfriend return the favor. One of John's hands moved up the back of Connor's shirt, caressing warm skin and he slipped the tips of the other hand into the top of Connor's pants, but he stopped his hand from drifting further down.

Connor pulled back a little, one of his hands tracing the side of John's face. "John." He sighed happily before leaning back down. John hesitantly moved his tongue to trace the outside of Connor's lips. The younger man stilled a little before opening his mouth. John could feel his hesitation and nervousness, but slowly pressed on. His tongue found it's way into Connor's mouth and gently traced the inside.

He heard the linguist moan a little and John caressed Connor's tongue with his own. The scientist tasted like butterscotch pudding, his favorite dessert, and it was quickly becoming John's favorite dessert as well. John pulled back a little, moving to lick at Connor's lip before sucking it into his mouth. John felt himself harden again and he tried to move a little, so Connor wouldn't feel it. He groaned when he felt Connor's own hardness press into his. John knew he had to end it or they would both do things they weren't ready for. He slid his hand back down Connor's back and gently removed his other from the top of Connor's pants.

He pulled his mouth away from Connor's, already regretting his movements. Connor was panting slowly, trying to catch his breath. The scientist leaned his forehead against John's tiredly. Happiness shown brightly in Connor's eyes and John moved them both so they were lying on their sides, facing each other. Connor pushed a bent knee between John's and the other rested on top of John's, tangling their legs together. John also tried to get his breathing under control, taking deep breaths. Connor's hand came up to trace John's face again, before gently touching John's lips. John kissed the fingers pressed against his mouth before moving a hand to the back of Connor's neck. He pulled the scientist in for another long kiss and they both broke apart panting again. John's pants were getting tighter and a glance down showed Connor in the same situation. When he looked back up at the younger man, a blush spread deeply across his cheeks. John smiled.

"I love kissing you." John said, as he moved in for another kiss. Connor's lips met his and John gently pushed his tongue in again, taking in the flavor of the younger man. He pulled back after a few minutes. "And I love butterscotch pudding." He said and Connor blushed again.

John moved some hair out of Connor's face. Connor shifted a little close to John and John moaned when their crotches touched lightly. "Oh, God." He said as Connor shifted their hips again. "Urgh, Connor, we need to stop." He forced out. Connor immediately stilled and John groaned again, but for a different reason. "I just mean that we need to slow down before we do something we're not ready for." He explained, his hand running down Connor's side, resting lightly on his hip. "I wish we could keep going, but I'm not ready for it, and I know you're not either." He said gently.

Connor offered John a small smile, before nodding in agreement. Connor rolled onto his back and John followed, laying next to him.

"I think I need another shower." John admitted. "You?" Connor blushed but nodded. "Do you wanna go first?" He offered.

"Sure." Came the soft reply. Connor slowly got up off the bed and grabbed some of John's clothes to change into before making his way into the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later the bathroom door opened and a freshly washed Connor exited the room, dropping his clothes on John's desk. He went back to lay next to John who hadn't moved. John watched as his eyes strayed down to the hardness straining against John's sleep pants. John felt himself harden more. He had spent the last fifteen minutes picturing his boyfriend wet, and in the shower, jerking off from their earlier activities. He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Connor's lips. He ran a hand through Connor's wet hair before pushing off of the bed and heading for the shower.

John closed the door, turning the water on. He stripped of his clothes and found himself leaning against the shower again. "Twice in one night, John. Doesn't having a boyfriend mean you don't have to do this as much?" He mumbled to himself. He slowly jerked himself off, saying Connor's name as he came. He wondered if his boyfriend said his. John shook his head before turning off the water and drying himself off on the damp towel hung up. He tried not to think of Connor using the same towel on his body. John quickly changed before heading back out to his waiting boyfriend.

Connor smiled as John came out. John sat down on the bed by Connor's side and pulled the linguist in for another kiss. "That was nice." John said.

"Yeah." Connor agreed softly.

"The ending needs a little work." John teased lightly. Connor smiled again and John felt his pulse quicken. John slid into his bed, next to Connor and gathered the linguist into his arms. He held him tight as Connor pulled the blankets up around them. "Goodnight, Connor." He offered softly.

"Goodnight, _a chuisle_." Connor replied quietly. John smiled at the endearment and slowly closed his eyes to dreams of his blue eyed boyfriend.


	18. Identity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 18 : Identity**

Author's Notes :  
\- Spoilers for Harmony. Also, I took liberties with the episode and his whole team goes on the mission.  
\- Don't own Scrabble, Risk, Boggle, Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit.  
\- Reminder that this is SLASH.  
\- _A chuisle_ means"my pulse" but is more roughly translated to "my love" or "my darling", an Irish term of endearment.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

Connor turned over again, trying to get comfortable. The Daedalus had arrived two days ago and this was Connor's third night spent alone. It was odd, sleeping alone, after all this time, even though the length of time was nothing compared to how many years he'd spent alone before John. Connor didn't realize how used to another body he had gotten, how cold he was at nights before John. He hadn't been able to sleep the last two nights, and was sure he must look like the living dead. He had hardy seen John or Evan the past couple days. They had both been busy in meetings with Caldwell and making sure all the supplies arrived and the men were settled. He moved again before sighing. Finally he gave up and left his bed. He put some water on to boil and sat, watching the water kettle work.

Ronon would be by in an hour to wake Connor up to go running with him. The scientist hoped he could muster the energy. The water boiled and Connor added some more of Teyla's tea to it. He pulled up his laptop and put one of John's DVD's in it, not really paying attention. He sat and sipped his tea, staring at the opposite wall.

A chime startled him out of his musings. Ronon was at the door. Connor quickly put some sweat pants on, keeping his nightshirt, stretching a little. He grabbed his radio, something John had insisted he carry if he was going to go running with Ronon, and opened the door. Ronon was leaning against the wall outside Connor's room and gave the scientist a brief look over before heading off to start their circuit.

They were still running inside because of the rain. Connor loved the rain, but he knew John, a California boy at heart, preferred the sunshine. He jogged steadily next to the larger Satedan. No words were spoken; no words were ever spoken. Connor didn't mind though. He was used to running alone and he wasn't the best conversationalist and neither was Ronon.

As they reached the quarter point, Ronon increased his pace and Connor followed after him. He wondered what John was doing now-if he was sleeping, if he still drank tea in the morning. It had only been three mornings, but Connor missed his morning tea with John. Ronon looked back at him and Connor realized he had slowed down. He sped back up to Ronon's side and missed the look the ex-Runner shot him.

They finished an hour and a half later. Ronon stopped outside of Connor's quarters, standing awkwardly. It took Connor a moment to realize that the Satedan wanted something. He looked at Ronon expectantly.

"You look worse than Sheppard." Ronon finally said, in a low voice.

Connor couldn't refute his words. It was probably true. "Is John okay?" He asked back in a quiet voice.

"Sheppard's stubborn." Ronon finally answered. "He won't break." Connor wondered if that mean Ronon thought _he_ would break, but didn't ask. "Asked me to tell you to eat more."

Connor gave a sad laugh. "I promise." He swore. Ronon turned to leave and Connor stopped him with a hand. "Thanks, Ronon." He said softly. The man gave him a nod before heading back to his quarters.

Connor stepped inside of his and suck down on to his bed. His computer beeped at him, and Connor found a new message in his inbox. His heart ached when he saw it was from John.

 _Connor,_

 _I'm sitting here, drinking tea without you and wondering why I don't just make coffee. The Daedalus will be gone in five days, but right now that seems like a really long time. I'm sorry I've been stuck in so many meetings. The IOA has a bug stuck up their collective butt. I asked Ronon to tell you to eat more, but I don't know if he will. He's not really big on the talking… I probably should have asked Teyla._

 _I miss you,_

 _John_

 _p.s. Eat more._

It meant a lot to Connor that his boyfriend would send him an e-mail. John notoriously avoided electronic communication. Connor knew he had no aversion to computers, but seemed to avoid his e-mail whenever possible. Connor saved the e-mail before hitting 'Reply'.

 _John,_

 _Ronon did tell me, thanks. I promise I will. I'm sorry you're stuck in meetings. I'm counting down the days. It's hard to sleep at night without you._

Connor hesitated on that last line, not sure if he should include it or not. He bit his lip and decided to keep it.

 _I'm having lunch with Teyla today. She's going to New Athos, again, tomorrow. She asked me if I would go with her. Colonel Carter gave me permission, so I think I will. I've never been there and it sounds quite grand._

 _I miss you,_

 _Connor._

He sent the e-mail and then clicked through the rest of them before pausing at one from Dr. Michael Hillson. Connor bit his lip and opened it.

 _Connor,_

 _We miss you at Bible study. Is everything alright? You've been in our prayers._

 _It's still in the same place at the same time. We hope to see you this week._

 _Michael_

Connor stared at it for a second before rubbing a hand over his bare neck, missing the weight of his necklace. He hovered his mouse over the 'delete' button and closed his eyes as he clicked. It sounded unnaturally loud in his quiet room.

The linguist took a deep breath and then decided to take a shower. It was still early, but Connor didn't want to just sit around his rooms. Thirty minutes later he was in his lab. He was back to working through the database. He had finished the small section on plants and animals that had appeared. Connor made another cup of tea and got to work. His stomach rumbled and Connor ignored it. Five minutes later he reluctantly got up, remembering his promise to John. He made his way to the food hub. It was only open for breakfast right now, but that meant the mess hall was closed. Connor moved to a food replicator asking for a cranberry muffin. He grabbed the pastry that appeared, carrying it back to his lab.

Dr. McKay had spent months re-working the replicators to create Earth food. Connor didn't understand how he did it yet, he just knew it had taken the scientist a long time.

Connor stepped into his lab and set the muffin down at his desk, he moved to make another cup of tea, setting the water to boil.

"How many cups does that make today?" A voice asked behind him. Connor jumped a little and almost dropped his tea mug. Arms wrapped around him from behind, steadying him and taking the mug out of his hands. Connor turned around, a smile breaking out across his face.

"But…?" He started to ask before deciding he didn't care.

"My last meeting got out early, I have a few minutes." John whispered into his ear. Connor threw his arms around his boyfriend, who greeted him equally enthusiastically. Connor leaned up for a kiss which John obligingly gave him. Connor pulled back and just basked in the feeling of being in John's arms again. He felt John hug him tightly.

John reluctantly pulled back and held Connor at arms length, looking him over, as Connor did the same to John. His boyfriend looked tired but a smile was across his face, belying his exhaustion. John frowned at him and Connor's face gained a quizzical look.

"What?" He asked, John didn't say anything, just kept looking at him. "John? What?" He repeated softly. John moved some of Connor's hair behind his ear, his hand lingered there.

"When you said it was hard to sleep at night… did you mean at all?" John asked seriously.

Connor shrugged a little. He definitely was not going to tell John he wasn't sleeping. His boyfriend had enough on his mind without having to spare extra energy worrying about him.

"Connor." John said sternly.

"I sleep." He defended softly. _Liar_ , a voice said in his mind. Connor didn't like lying to John, but he couldn't add to his worries.

John's hand stroked the side of Connor's head. "Now why don't I believe that?" He asked gently.

"I'm fine, John. Really." Connor said, turning back to his tea. John's arms wrapped around him again from behind.

"Have you been having nightmares?" He whispered worriedly into Connor's ears. Connor stiffened in his arms. They never really discussed him dreams, especially not outside of the bed.

"No." Connor admitted honestly. His slightly shaking hand reached for the water kettle. John moved to stop his hand and reached for the hot water, pouring some into Connor's abandoned mug. He didn't fill it all the way, leaving a healthy space at the top, in case Connor spilt it. John reached around to the other side of Connor, dropping a tea bag in. He set the mug back down on the table.

"Talk to me, Con." He begged quietly. One of his hands moved to rub small circles on Connor's stomach.

"Really, John. I'm fine." Connor repeated.

He heard John sigh, but he didn't ask again. John tugged Connor down onto the couch. He looked quickly at his watch. "Now, I have a few minutes left, how about you kiss me until I forget I have to sit in a room with Caldwell for the next two hours?" John asked with a smile.

Connor smiled and didn't reply, instead moving his head towards John's. John's lips captured his and he felt John's hands in his hair. Connor's moved to the front of John's shirt, grabbing a bit in his hands. John's tongue slipped into his mouth and Connor sighed happily. John tasted like Athosian tea with a hint of coffee. Connor opened his mouth as John coaxed his boyfriend's tongue into his mouth. John sucked lightly on Connor's tongue and Connor moaned happily. Connor pulled back a little, capturing John's lip in his mouth, he felt John do the same. John's hands drifted down Connor's back.

They kissed for a few more minutes, until Atlantis flashed the lights in warning. John reluctantly pulled away from Connor, giving him a few small kisses as they both tried to catch their breath. Connor loosened his grip on John's shirt and offered him an apologetic smile when he saw the creases he had left. John waved it away, rubbing a flattened hand over the marks.

John leaned in for another kiss when Atlantis flashed the lights again. Both men groaned at the same time. Connor stood up, pulling John up with him. He looked away as John discreetly adjusted his pants. John grabbed his arm, pulling him back against him for another kiss.

"God, Connor, not enough time." John whispered roughly as he pulled away. Connor definitely agreed. John grabbed Connor's tea off the table and took a large swig before handing it back to the scientist. John gave him a tea flavored kiss before separating from the younger man. Connor followed John to the door as John ran a hand through his hair, trying to look less like he just spent the last ten minutes kissing his boyfriend.

"You look great." Connor assured. John quirked a smile at that and leant in for another small kiss.

"And we will be talking about you not sleeping, Connor Davids." John promised with a look in Connor's direction before leaving.

Damn.

* * *

Connor inhaled deeply as he stepped away from the stargate on New Athos. He brushed his fingers against John's 9mm that rested on his thigh. When John had discovered a while back that Connor had been going off world without any weapons he took action to change that. And this morning as Connor prepared to leave with Teyla, John had shown up at his door, quickly pressing his gun and an extra magazine into Connor's hands. He had given the younger man a small kiss and a regretful look with a quick, "Stay safe." Before he was gone again.

Connor had happily strapped on John's gun before meeting up with Teyla. Looking around at New Athos he saw why Teyla tried to visit as often as she could. She pulled his arm gently and Connor followed her into the village.

"Teyla!"

"Teyla's back!"

"Hey, Teyla!"

Voices came from many directions as small children ran up to Connor's friend. She offered them all hugs before greeting a much taller man, who leaned his head down for her to touch hers too.

"Good morrow, Hollen."

"Good morrow, Teyla." He answered in a deep voice.

Teyla gestured to Connor. "This is Dr. Davids, he is a friend who works with languages on Atlantis." She explained.

"Dr. Davids. Welcome to New Athos." Hollen said, leaning his head down. Connor touched his forehead to the taller man's before pulling back. It felt odd to do that with anyone who wasn't John. "Any friend of Teyla's is a friend of ours. Come! Break your fast with us." He steered Connor towards a large tent. Teyla followed close behind.

There were over twenty people sitting at a long table in the large tent. A few more people were still taking seats and Connor sat down next to Teyla. On his other side was a woman probably close to Connor's age. He smiled at her politely, looking around.

Teyla turned to talk to the person on her other side and Connor felt a little overwhelmed. He couldn't remember the last time he had been around so many people.

"So, a friend of Teyla's are you?" The voice on his right asked. Connor turned to look at her.

"Um, yeah. From Atlantis."

"Well I can see that." The voice laughed. "I'm Taisha." She introduced, leaning her forehead down.

"Um, Connor." He answered, meeting her forehead quickly, before pulling back.

"So what is it you do in the City of the Ancestors?" She asked Connor.

"I, um, I'm a linguist. I work with languages." He said, remembering Teyla's simpler description of his job.

Taisha passed a basket of bread to him. Connor selected a small piece before passing it on to Teyla.

"What do you do with these languages?" She asked, interested.

"I'm, uh, I'm working on understanding the, uh, Ancient's research." Connor answered.

"Is it interesting?" She asked, taking a bite of her bread.

"Sometimes." Connor answered. He poured some tea into his cup after Taisha passed it to him. "So, um, what do you do here?" He asked.

"I work with textiles." She answered.

"Oh, wow. That's, um, pretty cool. My mother used to, uh, make blankets sometimes."

"Did she make many?" Taisha asked. She spooned some… eggs?… on to her plate. Connor decided not to ask before placing some on his own plate, followed by some kind of meat that was passed around.

"No." He answered. "Just in her, uh, spare time, really." He took a bite of the meat. It was surprisingly good and Connor wondered if John had had some before.

"What is it like? Living in the City of the Ancestors?"

"I like it." Connor offered. "It's, uh, cold at night, though."

Taisha laughed a little and Connor took a sip of his tea, sighing happily. It tasted even better on New Athos, if that were possible.

"It becomes quite cold at night here as well." She offered. "Do you fight the Wraith as Teyla does?"

Connor shook his head. "I'm, uh, more of a scientist. I… study things." He explained.

"But you have a weapon?" Taisha asked, confused.

Connor blushed a little. "Uh, yeah. I know how to, um, fight, I just don't… really."

"I see." She said, although Connor thought she probably didn't. "What else do you do in the City of the Ancestors? Surely you do not work all the time."

Connor swallowed the egg like stuff he had been chewing. "Um, I work a lot. I guess I just, uh, I like to read and, um, look at the stars… when I can. It's been, uh, raining a lot there lately."

"I, too, enjoy looking at the stars. They are quite nice at night. They serve to remind that we are not as alone as it would seem." She offered with a smile. "Perhaps tonight you could show me which stars are the same from the City of the Ancestors?"

"Um, sure." Connor said. "If we're, uh, still here."

Taisha smiled. Connor took another bite of his meat. He felt a soft tap on his shoulder and turned to look at Teyla.

"Connor, I do believe that Taisha is… flirting with you." She offered quietly.

Connor blushed. "She's, uh, what? No… we're just talking." He mumbled.

"Star-gazing is a popular thing to do amongst bond formers." She explained.

Connor looked at Teyla nervously. "I… uh… oh, no… I… Teyla…" He said haplessly. She smiled at him.

"Would you like me to say something to her for you?" Teyla asked gently.

Connor nodded. "Please."

Teyla nodded her head. She leaned forward slightly to look at Taisha better. "Taisha, I am sorry for the confusion, but Connor is spoken for." She offered quietly.

The other woman blushed. "Oh, my apologies… I did not realize."

"It is quite alright. He, too, did not realize the meaning of your words." Teyla informed her with a smile.

"Thanks, Teyla." Connor whispered to her quietly.

"It is not a problem, Connor."

Connor faced Taisha again. "I'm, uh, really sorry." He said, blushing again.

"It is no problem. I am sorry to have offended you so."

"You haven't." Connor assured her.

"So tell me about your betrothed." She said softly.

"I… uh…" Connor swallowed nervously. He wasn't sure at all about how the Athosians would take the news that he was dating a male. Teyla had been quite accepting, but Connor didn't know if her views were the same as her people or not. Connor felt Teyla gently touch her shoulder to his.

"It will be fine, Connor." She said gently in his ear.

Connor swallowed again. "Um, he's, uh taller than me and likes to, um, fly." Connor offered, not sure of what to say.

Taisha, to her credit, didn't act surprised. "He flies?" She asked.

"Oh, um, he flies in, uh, air crafts. Machines that fly." He explained.

"Ah… like the… Puddle Jumpers?… we have seen from the City of the Ancestors?" She asked.

Connor nodded. "Yeah, he loves to fly those."

"So when will you two bond?" She asked and Connor choked on the meat he was eating. "I am sorry! Are you alright?" She asked quickly, rubbing his back.

Connor just nodded. Eyes watering. He took a drink of his tea and coughed a little to clear his throat. "I, uh, we… I mean, uh, bond?" He stuttered.

"Your people do not bond?" She asked confused.

"Um is that like marriage?" He asked her.

"I am not sure. What is marriage?" She asked.

Teyla leaned back over towards them both. "Bonding and marriage would be quite similar." She offered them both. "With small differences."

"Oh." Connor said. "Um, thanks again, Teyla." She offered him a smile before turning back to her own conversation.

"Um, we're uh… I mean… we can't… bond." He said softly.

She furrowed her brow. "You are unable to bond? I do not understand." She admitted.

"Um, where we come from… Earth… um, because we are both, ah, male, we are not permitted… to bond."

"But you are in love?" She asked, confused.

"Um… I… maybe." Connor offered. "But we can't do anything about it."

"Then you should bond in the ways of my people." Taisha said.

Teyla cut back in. "I do believe it is time for us to depart. I am sorry Taisha, perhaps we will see you again later?" Taisha nodded. Teyla stood and gently pulled Connor with her. She nodded to the person she had been conversing with before leading Connor out of the tent. "I am sorry, Connor, I did not believe Taisha to be so… inquisitive." She said gently.

"It's alright, Teyla." He said, blushing.

"I will talk to my people about this, Connor." She promised. "I know you are uncomfortable with it."

"I'm not ashamed of John." He said quietly but firmly.

"I did not believe you were. I was just intending to ease your comfort." She said with a smile. "Now, come, we are to help with the harvest.

Connor stumbled onto his bed. He had spent most of the rest of the day helping the Athosians with their harvest. He had sat next to Taisha again for lunch and she told him about various trading partners they had and what they would trade their harvest for. Connor ran a hand through his unruly hair. He missed John. A lot. Three more days.

He stumbled to his shower to wash away the day's sweat and dirt. He sat down tiredly in his shower, just letting the water run over him. He leaned his head back against the wall; he was so tired. Connor eventually stood up and finished washing his hair, pulling on the sleep clothes that John had last worn while he was here. Connor breathed in deeply and could still smell John on them. He curled up with his laptop on his chair.

The scientist sent a quick e-mail to Ronon, telling him not to knock him up in the morning. He heard the rain start outside again. Connor pulled his chair over to the window, grabbing a blanket off his bed. He curled up on the large chair and watched the rain fall.

* * *

Ronon frowned when he opened his e-mail from Irish.

 _Ronon,_

 _Please do not wake me to run in the morning._

 _Connor Davids._

The linguist had been looking worse and worse as the week went on. Sheppard kept hounding him for details and Ronon wasn't sure what to tell his friend. He had grabbed the linguist for a few meals throughout the week, and except for tired, Irish had seemed himself. Ronon shrugged and left the e-mail hanging. He would let Irish sleep in, even though Ronon doubted that's what he was doing. He shut his computer lid and left to find Keller.

He poked his head into the infirmary and saw Jennifer leaning over a microscope. "Let's get dinner." He rumbled.

She looked up, surprised at his presence. "Ronon. Um, sure. Okay." She said, standing up. "Isn't it a little late for dinner?"

Ronon shrugged. "Have you eaten?" She shook her head. "Then it's not too late." He answered wisely.

"Okay." She said. Ronon watched as she pulled the rubber gloves off her hands, tossing them in the garbage. Ronon thought Earth people wasted too much stuff. She grabbed he jacket, zipping it up part way. "All set."

Ronon followed her to the mess hall as she chattered on about her research. He liked that she filled silences. Ronon had too many silences in his life. He wished he was better at talking. Irish, he knew, was a lot like him. They were silent people. Sheppard used to be silent, but since he began sharing a pillow with Irish he had started talking a lot more. Ronon followed the blonde doctor through the line, grabbing three times the amount of food that Keller did. She looked aghast at the amount of food on his plate. He just shrugged.

"One day that's going to catch up to you, Ronon." She warned, taking a seat at a nearby table. Ronon shrugged again, starting in on his food. "So what have you been up to today?" She asked warmly.

"Training." He answered succinctly.

"With the Marines?" Ronon nodded, swallowing more food. "Is that all you do?" She asked curiously.

"Sometimes I explore with Sheppard. And Teyla makes me fight with her. Sometimes Irish tells me more about computers or Atlantis." He answered, shoveling more food in.

Jennifer took a small bite of her sandwich. "Irish?" She asked.

"The linguist." He responded.

"He's Irish?" She asked, trying to place him. Ronon could see her trying to remember which scientist he was talking about.

"Yeah. Gave me a computer." He offered.

Confusion was still spread across her face. "Dr. Davids?" She said, finally. Ronon nodded. "And you couldn't have just said his name?" She asked amused.

"I did." He argued.

"You called him Irish, Ronon. That's hardly a name, it's a nationality."

"I call him Irish."

"And he lets you?"

"Yeah." He said, spearing a piece of chicken into his mouth.

"Hmm." She responded. "Does he hang out with you a lot? I remember he ate dinner that one night, with everyone else."

"Yeah." Ronon answered.

"And he left with Colonel Sheppard." She said, with a strange look in her eyes.

Ronon stayed silent, eating his food. Keller, on the other hand, had stopped and had a thoughtful expression on her face. She shook her head. "He hangs out with your team a lot?" She asked.

"He's friends with Teyla." He offered, not lying.

"Oh… are they dating?" She asked.

Ronon laughed a little. "No." Was all he offered.

She picked up her sandwich and took a few more bites. "So they're just friends?" She asked.

"Yeah. Why?" He asked, shoving a roll into his mouth.

"Just curious, I guess." She answered honestly. "I've only seen him a couple times but it seems like your whole team knows him."

"Irish stays in his lab. He likes to work." Ronon answered.

"As do most of the other scientists in Atlantis." She added. Ronon couldn't disagree with that. Connor might actually be considered more social than many of the researchers here. "What does he teach you about Atlantis?"

Ronon took a drink of his water. "How to read Ancient." He replied. "Sometimes Sheppard or Teyla is there too."

"He's helping you learn Ancient? Your whole team?"

"Yeah. Figure we need it. We see it a lot on other planets. Don't want Sheppard sucked into any more caves." He said.

She offered a laugh. "No I can imagine not. And on the computers?"

"He's been telling me the parts and stuff. Motherboards." Ronon offered.

"Oh I didn't realize you were interested in learning more about them."

Ronon didn't tell her he mostly did it because Irish liked to teach him. "I like learning." He finally said.

She looked at him a bit doubtfully but Ronon didn't care. Sheppard was his leader and Irish was his mate. Ronon felt like it was his duty to watch over the younger man, and it was much easier to do that from next to him than from across Atlantis.

"Sheppard got some new movies in on the Daedalus." He said, changing the subject.

"Anything good?"

"Didn't say. Move night planned for Monday, after Caldwell leaves. Want to come?" He asked her.

"Only if it's nothing gory." She replied, smiling. Ronon knew she would come even if it was.

* * *

"Sheppard?" Rodney asked, poking his head into the man's office. Whenever Caldwell was near, that's where he was. He took a second to examine his friend. Sheppard looked tired, but offered him a small smile when he looked up.

"Rodney, hey. What's up, buddy?"

Rodney waved the remote controlled car he had in his hand. "Wondered if you had time for a little race."

He watched as Sheppard thought it over. "Okay." He said, standing. "I gotta get my car from my room though."

"Whatever." Rodney said, following the man from his office. When Sheppard opened the door to his quarters the first thing Rodney noticed was the mess that seemed to have taken over Sheppard's quarters. There were a couple empty mugs sitting around, clothes in a pile near his hamper, towels slung over chairs, and, Rodney noticed, a light grey shirt near Sheppard's pillow. That one didn't even make it towards the hamper. His friend's quarters were usually quite clean, leftover, Rodney assumed, from his Air Force training.

Sheppard grabbed his car before heading back towards the door. "You coming?" He asked the scientist. Rodney hurried after Sheppard.

"Geez, Sheppard. What bomb exploded in your room?" Rodney asked as they walked to the transporter.

"I've just been busy, McKay. I think Caldwell is under the impression that I don't do any work when he's not here."

Rodney hit the button for the east pier. A few seconds later they stepped out.

"So I heard from Ronon that Teyla said some Athosian chick was hitting on your linguist."

"What?" John asked with a frown.

"Ronon said that Teyla said-"

"I got that part, McKay. Since when are you and Ronon gossip buddies?"

"He just mentioned it at lunch today that's all."

"So what did Teyla say?" John asked after a pause.

"That one of the Athosians was flirting with your boyfriend."

"His name is Connor, McKay."

"I know what his name is." They stopped at the end of a hallway, setting down their cars. "One, Two…" And at two their cars took off.

"Well then why don't you ever use his name?" John asked, as he turned a little to the side, moving his car over.

"I do!"

"No you don't."

"Fine. Whatever, I don't see what difference it makes."

"It…" John trailed off as he rammed his car into Rodney's. "…makes a difference to me, McKay."

"Fine then, Davids." Rodney acquiesced. John rolled his eyes and Rodney hit the side of his car.

"So an Athosian was flirting with Connor? Did Teyla say uh…"

Rodney looked at John. The man appeared the be concentrating hard on his car as they jogged down the hallway to follow their cars around a corner.

"She said that the woman asked Davids to 'star-gaze' with her, which apparently means date to the Athosians. She said he agreed before she pointed out what the Athosian chick meant."

"Huh." John said, he circled his car around a barrel, a second behind Rodney's.

"Then Ronon started going on about bonding or something and I tuned him out."

"He what? McKay!"

"What? I'm not your personal recording device, Sheppard. Ask him yourself." Rodney bit his lip and he raced his car past him down the hallway, back towards where it started.

Neither man said anything as they turned down another hallway, the sound of their cars echoing down the corridors.

"Katie thinks we should move in together." Rodney said out of nowhere.

"What? Does she know you're impossible to live with?" John asked.

"I am not." Rodney huffed.

"You're never there, you leave clothes all over the floor, there are so many empty coffee mugs in your apartment that the people on duty at the mess hall have a scheduled day when they retrieve them… Should I go on?"

"First of all, I am there… sometimes… and those coffee mugs are mine… and I just need a hamper." Rodney retorted.

"You have a hamper."

"I need a bigger one."

"No, you need to do your laundry."

"Well excuse me if I'm too busy saving Atlantis, Colonel, to do my laundry."

"Ha, McKay, you're just lazy."

"Hrumph."

John and Rodney chased their cars down another hallway, John running his into Rodney's again.

"So?"

"So what, Sheppard?"

"Are you going to?"

"Yeah right! That would be instant relationship death, even I know that."

"Haven't you been dating her for like two years or something?"

"So?"

"So… that's a long time, Rodney. Maybe it's time for the next step."

"Next step! Sheppard you just listed three reasons she shouldn't do it and now you're encouraging it?" Rodney asked.

"Ha! Take that!" John said, ramming into Rodney's car again, sending it into the wall.

"That was a cheap shot, Sheppard!"

"So what are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know! That's what you're for." Rodney said, exasperated.

"Well…" John drawled. "Just tell her you're never there, you leave clothes all over the floor, and have an unhealthy coffee addiction."

"Oh gee, Sheppard, that's really helpful."

"Don't know what to say to you, McKay. I've certainly never lived with a girl."

"Really? Never?" Rodney asked interested.

"No." John said.

"Well, whatever. You live with a guy now." Rodney said.

John gave him a sideways look. "No I don't, McKay."

"Whatever, Sheppard. You totally do."

John rolled his eyes again. "I don't McKay, and don't go spreading it around that I do either."

"Like I would, Sheppard, please." Rodney said, a little offended. "So you really have no words of wisdom?"

"I gave you my words of wisdom, Rodney."

"Yes well they weren't very wise or helpful."

John shrugged. "Not my fault."

"Well as they're your words of wisdom, it is totally your fault."

John was silent for a moment. "I think, McKay, that if you have to think about it and ask advice, that you're not ready. It's been two years, but we've spent most of that running for our life, I think Katie would understand."

Rodney absorbed his friend's words. Sheppard was right. Rodney wasn't ready and Katie would understand. "Hm." Was all he said, though. "Sheppard! Stop running into my car!"

* * *

It was 2300 and Connor shut his laptop, finished working for the day. His stomach grumbled and he made his way down to the mess hall. They always left a few things out for the people who worked odd hours.

The lights were dim when he got there, but he saw a familiar head of hair sitting at a table, nursing a cup of coffee. Connor grinned before grabbing a few things to eat. He placed a mug of hot water on his tray and plopped down in the chair across from his boyfriend. John's eyes lit up at the sight of him. Connor put his tea bag in his water before taking a bite of his sandwich. He smiled at John who offered one back. Caldwell was leaving in two days, that thought alone brightened Connor's night.

John looked around to make sure they were really alone before leaning across the table to give Connor a small kiss. He quickly sat back down in case someone came in, but a blush spread across Connor's face.

"So…" John drawled. "Heard you got yourself a fan following on New Athos." He smirked.

Connor's head shot up and he stared at John. "How did you hear about that?"

"McKay." John offered, sipping his coffee.

A confused look crossed Connor's face. "How did Dr. McKay find out?"

"He said Ronon told him." Connor opened his mouth but John stopped him. "And before you ask, Teyla told him. There are no secrets in this team." John teased.

Connor blushed again. "I… she… I mean I didn't know that that's what it was until, uh, Teyla…" Connor stammered.

John laughed a little. "I didn't think you did. You'll tell me about it later?" John asked, aware that anyone could walk in. Connor nodded and took another bite of his sandwich. "Well at least you're eating." John said, gesturing to Connor's sandwich.

Connor scrunched up his face. "I eat. Why does everyone think I don't?"

John laughed again. "Maybe because you don't? Please, Connor, the amount that you eat could sustain a small child. Maybe."

Connor huffed and took another bit of his sandwich. John reached over and stole a potato crisp off his plate. Connor swallowed. "How are your meetings?"

An annoyed look crossed John's face. "Boring. I swear, Caldwell sets them up and then arranges to be needed on the Daedalus, leaving me to sit there listening to people drone on and on about who knows what." He stole another crisp. Connor pushed his tray further into the middle. He pulled his pudding back, though, when he saw John eyeing it.

"Mine." He said possessively. John just laughed. The doors opened then and two Marines walked in. They gave John a small salute, which he returned lazily. They took a seat across the room from them, but John pushed Connor's tray back towards him anyways before taking another sip of his coffee.

"So what's new in the world of translating?" John asked.

"Not much." Connor answered with a sigh. "Just some history. Pretty boring."

John smiled. "The great Connor Davids thinks something is boring? I never thought I'd see the day." He teased.

"Haha." Connor said dryly. He set aside the rest of his sandwich and started in on his pudding. John gave his a disapproving look. "Mmm. Pudding." He sighed happily. He saw John shift a little in his seat. Connor just shrugged it off. "The Athosians are really nice." Connor said, taking a lick of pudding off his spoon.

"Yeah." John said. "Good food, too."

"Oh yeah. They served this meat stuff that was, uh, really good." Connor said, dipping his spoon back in his pudding. He stuck it in his mouth, pulling the cleaned spoon out through his lips.

John shifted again. "Yeah, Teyla says they bury it for a couple days or something."

"Taisha… the, uh…"

"One who had the hots for you?" John asked grinning.

"Uh, yeah… anyways, she said that it takes over a day to, um, collect all the spices." Connor said, collecting more pudding. He held the spoon in front of his face and licked at the butterscotch dessert. "Teyla says next time they go she'll, uh, tell me, and I can go with them."

"You…" John drifted off, swallowing. "You want to go with them?" He asked in a strangled voice. Connor gave his boyfriend a weird look. He swallowed more pudding.

"Yeah. It sounds fun." Connor answered. He hummed softly as he licked more pudding. He watched as John swallowed again, as he shifted uncomfortably. Connor set aside the rest of his pudding, reaching for his sandwich again.

He bit into the remainder of it, finishing it in four bites. He washed it down with his tea. Connor grabbed a crisp, offering one to John who took it, his hand lingering against Connor's for a second too long.

"I brought back more tea, too." Connor said, eating another crisp.

"Hmm?"

"More of the Athosian tea. Halling, uh, gave it to me, for helping with the harvest."

"You helped with the harvest?"

"Um… yeah, just a little though."

"Oh. Well, that's good. I like that tea." John said. Connor nodded.

He pushed the rest of his crisps towards John, who glanced towards the Marines sitting at the other table. A few seconds later both men got up and put away their trays, waving to John before leaving them alone in the mess hall again.

Connor reached for his pudding again. John groaned. The scientist looked at his boyfriend oddly. "What?"

"Do you always eat your pudding like that?" John asked.

"Like what?" Connor asked confused.

"Never mind." John said. Connor shrugged and licked his spoon again. He stuck the spoon in the pudding retrieving a giant glob of the dessert. He licked the top slowly, savoring it in between licks. He heard John groan again as the Air Force Colonel shifted in his seat.

"Are you okay?" He asked his boyfriend. John didn't usually fidget this much. His boyfriend didn't like to make a lot of noise so he could hear noises from the area around him. Connor knew he didn't like to be surprised.

"Yes." John said in a strained voice again.

Connor stuck his spoon in his mouth again, slowly pulling it out clean. "Are you sure?" John just groaned and moved to rest his forehead against the table. Connor glanced around again, despite knowing that they were alone. Satisfied he reached a hand out to John's neck. "John?"

"I'm fine." Came the muffled reply. "Just finish your pudding." Connor gave him a weird look even though he couldn't see it and went back to his pudding.

Too soon for Connor the scientist ran out of pudding. John looked up when he heard Connor scraping the inside of the bowl. He stuck the last spoonful into his mouth with a contented sigh.

"You can never eat pudding in front of me again." John said groaning again.

"What? Why?" Connor asked in confusion.

John swallowed hard. He looked at the younger man. "I… Never mind, it's nothing, Connor." He lowered his head to the table again. "I need more coffee."

"Um… okay." Connor said, grabbing John's coffee mug and standing. John's hand wrapped around his wrist.

"I can get it." John said.

"Okay." Connor said, sitting back down.

When his boyfriend didn't move, Connor poked the top of his head. "John? Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, concerned.

John swatted his hand away from his head. "Yes."

"Aren't you going to get more coffee?"

"In a minute." John answered.

Connor sat there waiting for his boyfriend to move. After five minutes, Connor sighed, stood up and grabbed John's mug. He walked over to the coffee carafe, filling the cup with decaf.

He placed the coffee back down in front of John. His confusing boyfriend raised his head and looked at the coffee. "Thanks." He said, grabbing it and taking a swig.

Connor eyed John cautiously. "What time are your meetings tomorrow?"

"I have one at seven, one at nine, one at three." John offered.

"Seven? In the morning?" Connor asked. John nodded. "Then you shouldn't be drinking coffee, you should be in bed!" He reached across the table grabbing the coffee out of John's hands. John gave him a sad look and Connor ignored it. He stood up and walked around the table, pulling John up too. John stood and his body pressed against Connor's side. He looked down when he felt something hard pressing into the side of his leg. He gave his boyfriend a questioning look.

John just shrugged sheepishly. "It was the pudding." He said. Connor shot him a confused look, but looked away when John adjusted his pants. Connor walked John to the transporter, pressing the button for his level. When the doors opened he pushed John out.

"Sleep."

"But-"

"Two days." Was all Connor said before the transporter doors shut and Atlantis let him off at his level. He braced himself for another sleepless night.

* * *

The last day before Caldwell left, Connor decided to stay in his quarters. He was exhausted and his hands were shaking so bad that he had spilt his tea everywhere. Caldwell would be gone that night though and Connor hoped John was planning on spending the night with him. As far as he knew, no one had ever died of sleep deprivation, but Connor was sure he was about to become the first. He got a few hours of sleep last night, but nothing substantial. He collapsed into the large chair that he and John often sat in together, it was still facing the window and Connor watched the waves as they crashed against Atlantis.

A few hours later his stomach rumbled again. Connor was really starting to regret his promise to John. He got up and slowly made his way to the mess hall. He grabbed a couple muffins, sinking into a chair by the window.

"Hey, Doc." Evan said as he took the seat across from him. His friend set down a mug in front of Connor. "You looked like you could use some tea."

"Thanks." Connor said, grabbing for the mug. It shook a little but the hot liquid felt good. He took a sip and set it back down. The linguist started in on his muffin, peeling the wrapper off slowly.

"Long day?" Evan asked. "Cause you look tired, Doc."

Connor bit into his muffin, chewing slowly, washing it down with tea. "Long night." Connor said. "I just came down for some food." He gestured to his muffins. "How has your week been?"

"Never ending." Evan sighed, running a hand through his hair. Connor wondered if he picked that up from John. "I've been in and out of meetings all week. I'm about ready to revolt. I signed up to fly and here I am listening to biologists drone on about some sea creature."

Connor looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry." He took another bite of his muffin.

Evan looked at him. "Yeah, well, I have my last one in-" He looked at his watch. "-an hour. Colonel Sheppard still has three more today. I definitely don't envy his job."

Connor yawned softly. "Sorry." He said.

Evan just waived it off. "You need to go back to bed, Doc."

"As soon as I finish my muffin." Connor said. "The other one is lunch."

"Lunch? It's already 1400." Connor shrugged. Evan rolled his eyes. The scientist washed down the last of his muffin with his tea, draining the cup. He stood slowly, Evan grabbed him arm. "C'mon Doc, bed."

Evan walked Connor back to his room. "Thanks, Evan. See you later?"

"Yup." Evan said. "Get some rest." He said with a stern look.

Connor stepped into his room and made his way back to the chair in front of the window. He set his second muffin on the floor, curling up into the seat. He shut his eyes and listened to the waves crashing, trying not to count down the seconds.

* * *

John tried not to run from the Control room. Caldwell had just beamed back up to his ship, and Chuck announced that it had entered hyperspace. John was two steps from the transporter when he heard his name called. He turned and found Colonel Carter walking towards him. John tried not to let the disappointment show on his face.

"John." She greeted. "I just want you to know, I understand it's been a long week, so I'm ordering you to take a couple days off."

That was not what he expected to hear, but John wasn't going to say no; she had always been his favorite Colonel. "Thanks, Colonel." Was all he said.

She gave him a small smile. "Dismissed."

This time John did run a little as he made his was into the transporter, hitting the level for Connor's room. He stepped off quickly and entered his boyfriend's room.

"Connor?" He asked. He took a small look around, he spotted his boyfriend's head as it rested in his comfy chair. He walked over and knelt in front of the scientist. Connor blinked lightly at him, a smile stretching across his face. "C'mon." John said. "Let's go to bed." He tugged the younger man up, pulling him towards the bed. He set Connor down and pulled off the shorter man's boots, before kicking his off and taking out their headsets. He crawled over Connor, pulling his boyfriend into his arms. By the time John looked down Connor was already asleep.

John woke to a small beep. His eyes adjusted to the dark before he reached over and grabbed the beeping headset. "Sheppard here." He said quietly.

"Oh, sorry, sir. I meant to, uh, call Dr. Davids." His second in command said hastily. John held the ear piece out and squinted. Whoops.

"You did, Major." John said.

Lorne was quiet for a second. "Um, I'll call back later."

"You'll call back in two days." John corrected.

"Yes, sir."

"Sheppard out." He placed Connor's ear piece back on the table, gathering the young man into his arms again. John kissed the top of Connor's head before falling back asleep.

John woke a second time to a beeping headset. This time he checked whose it was. Satisfied that it was his he answered. "Sheppard here."

"Sheppard? Where are you? Are you coming?" Came the voice on the other end.

John groaned. "Rodney, what do you want?"

"Movie night, Sheppard, or did you forget?"

"Yeah, I won't be there. Sheppard out." He said quickly, putting the ear piece back down. John resolved to not answer any more of them.

"Mmm. John." Connor mumbled. John tightened his arms around the linguist and fell back asleep.

When John awoke again it was still dark, but he had the feeling that it was not the same night. A glance at his watch confirmed his suspicions. He gently dislodged the younger man in his arms and scooted down to the end of the bed. He stood slowly before heading to the bathroom. After relieving his bladder, John washed his hands before moving back out, intent on going back to bed. He smiled when he saw that Connor had moved into the space he vacated, the scientist had a pillow hugged to his chest. John moved back up the bed and gently pulled the pillow out of John's arms, pulling Connor on top of him.

When he woke a fourth time it was to a gentle hand tracing patterns on his chest. "Hey." John said softly. Connor looked up at him with bright blue eyes and John felt himself melt. He pressed a kiss to the top of Connor's head before moving off the bed. He quickly brushed his teeth before making his way back to the bed. Connor entered the bathroom when he left, shutting the door. A few minutes later he came back out.

John took a good look at his boyfriend. The linguist no longer looked exhausted, the dark rings under his eyes were gone. His hair was mussed though and his shirt was rumpled. The scientist slid back into bed with John. John turned to face him, hooking a leg over Connor's hip. John's hand went up the back of his boyfriend shirt, while the other rested in it's favorite place, the top of Connor's pants. Connor moved one arm to tug John close and the other slid in between them, moving up John's shirt to rub his chest gently.

Connor leaned in slowly and John met him halfway, covering his lips with his own. Connor tasted like toothpaste and butterscotch. John opened his mouth and Connor's tongue slipped in. He gently caressed it with his own, moving his hands in a similar pattern. He gently pulled Connor's lips into his mouth, sucking lightly. He wanted more. He opened his mouth more. Connor gently pulled John's tongue back into his mouth. John groaned as his boyfriend swirled his tongue around. Connor's hand brushed against John's nipple under his shirt and John moaned again.

John licked at Connor's lips, devouring his boyfriend's mouth, his hand slipping dangerously low. John pressed his body closer to Connors and he heard the younger man moan when their crotches touched. John was breathing hard when he pulled back, he could see his boyfriend panting as well. John's hand slid down Connor's shirt and rested at the hem. He looked into Connor's eyes, asking permission. Connor nodded and John lifted Connor's grey shirt over his head as Connor tugged on John's own shirt. John lifted his side so his boyfriend could slide his shirt off.

John tugged Connor back towards him, their mouths meeting again. Connor scooted closer and John felt Connor's warm body touch his lightly. John pushed his hips forward again, eliciting another moan out of the younger man. Johns fingers teased the top of Connor's pants as his tongue slid into the linguist's mouth. Connor sucked on it lightly and John felt himself harden even more. " _A chuisle_ …" The scientist gasped. Connor shifted his hips and John moaned.

"Oh, God, Connor." He breathed, as Connor pulled him into another kiss. John moved his hips against Connor's again as the younger man lightly brushed a hand over his nipples again. John knew he was close. He pulled back slightly, panting. He looked at the younger man. "God, you're beautiful." He said to Connor.

Connor blushed and gently rolled on top of John. John slid his hands into the back pockets of Connor's pants as the younger man straddled him. Connor arms slid under John, pulling him close and John leaned up for another kiss. Their chests pressed together and John moaned.

"Connor…" He said, kissing the younger man again. "Connor…" He repeated. The linguists mouth moved to John's jaw, placing small kissed there before moving down to his neck. John groaned as Connor's body moved against his hardness. "We need to stop…" He breathed. The younger man didn't seem to be listening as he continued pressing kisses to John's neck. "Connor… I'm not gonna last." He moaned as the younger man sucked lightly on his neck. "God, where did you learn that?" John asked.

Connor lifted his head. "I saw it in a movie." Connor admitted, breathing heavily.

"I totally approve." John said. He moaned again when Connor moved back to his neck. John's hips bucked up to rub against Connor's. "We… Oh, God… really…. Con-nor… need… to… ah…. slow… down."

Connor slowed his kisses and moved down a little to rest his head on John's bare chest. John could feel him breathing heavily and he pulled a hand out from Connor's pocket to rub at his back. Connor pressed a kiss to John's chest and John's breath caught. "Ah." He groaned.

Finally Connor stopped moving, his breathing returning to normal. John felt his smaller hands playing with his chest hair, tangling his fingers in John's dog tags. He could still feel how hard Connor was on top of him. "Mmm… Connor. We need to shower." He said softly, moving his other hand to play with Connor's hair.

"I… do we have to?" Connor asked hesitantly. John looked at his boyfriend.

"Are you really ready for that?" John asked, not sure if he himself was. He watched as Connor bit his bottom lip, thinking about it.

Connor shook his head lightly. "I guess not. Can we just stay like this for a little while longer?" He asked shyly.

"If you promise not to move." John said. Connor nodded against his chest and laid his head back down. John's hand wrapped a small lock of hair around his finger before letting go and running his hand though the linguist's hair. "I love your hair." He sighed.

He felt Connor blush, but otherwise gave no response. They laid there for several long minutes before Connor sighed. John took that as a sign that he was ready to move. John gently moved Connor off of him. He gave his boyfriend a small kiss before pushing him towards the bathroom. "Go shower." He said. Connor nodded and grabbed some sweatpants before shutting the bathroom door.

John sighed heavily as he rested an arm across his face. He had heard the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' but he had never experienced it… until now. John was sure he was in love with the younger man, or at least what he thought love would be, but he didn't want to scare Connor with the words. He bit his lip. He didn't know how Connor would take it at all. He heard the shower start and John tried not to picture his boyfriend in the shower. As his pants tightened some more, John knew it wasn't working.

Finally Connor came out, an arm wrapped around his stomach, but he was shirtless and John's gaze rested heavily on his boyfriend's naked torso. There were a few scars on the front that John ached to touch, but his chest was otherwise smooth, hairless, unlike John's. He couldn't see Connor's back from where he was, but John knew there were a few scars there too from all the times he had rubbed a hand over them.

John got up slowly and walked over to the younger man. He gave Connor another deep kiss before his boyfriend ushered him into the bathroom, throwing some sweatpants in after him. John gave a small laugh, shutting the door. He quickly stripped down, stepping into the steamed shower stall. The water turned on and John squirted some soap into his hand before stroking himself. He was so hard that a few jerks later he came, crying Connor's name. John leaned against the shower stall letting the water wash him. He poured some more soap into his hands, washing his hair before lathering up his body. He stepped out of the shower clean and dried off, pulling on Connor's sweat pants. He threw his uniform pants towards Connor's desk as he left the bathroom.

He found his boyfriend staring out of the window at the waves below. Connor had pushed his chair back to it's original position. John walked over and wrapped his arms around him from behind. Connor leaned back into his arms and John kissed his neck gently. Connor tipped his head to the side and John captured his lips in his. He gently pulled back and Connor looked back out to the ocean.

John inhaled Connor's scent, lowering his face into the younger man's hair. "I missed you." He said.

"Me too." Connor replied, wrapping his arms over John's. "A lot." He admitted. Connor turned around in John's arms and John cradled him close.

"Do you want food or sleep?" He asked the younger man.

"Sleep." Came the quiet answer. John just nodded, he had figured that would be Connor's answer. He grabbed the linguist's hand and led him back to bed. John laid down first and pulled Connor to him, his boyfriend's head resting easily over his heart. John stroked Connor's hair as the young scientist fell asleep again. John waited a few minutes, making sure he was really sleeping.

"Connor?" He asked softly. No response. John pulled him tighter to him. "I love you." He whispered, falling into sleep after the Irish man.

When John woke again it was to hushed whispers coming from the corner of Connor's room. John reached out for his boyfriend, finding him missing, his sleepy mind not connecting the whispers with a missing Connor.

"No, Evan, tell David I'll be there… Tomorrow night, got it… I won't… Yeah… Okay… Davids out."

"Mmm… Connor…" John mumbled. "What are you doing all the way over there?"

The scientist walked back towards John. Connor leaned over and pressed his lips to John's and John happily obliged. When they finally pulled apart, Connor sat down on the bed, laying back. John pulled him into his arms.

"Was that Lorne?" John asked, giving his boyfriend another kiss.

"Yeah. Move night, tomorrow." Connor said distracted by John. John rolled them over gently until he hovered over Connor. He lowered his mouth to the scientist's and explored his mouth. John put his arms on either side of Connor, supporting his weight, John's dog tags fell forward, landing lightly on his boyfriend's chest. Connor's hands slid down John's naked back. John slowly moved his mouth down, kissing Connor's chin before lowering his mouth to the scientist's neck. John repeated Connor's earlier actions, sucking lightly on the skin there, before continuing down. He gently kissed Connor's shoulders, moving his mouth towards the center of Connor's chest. He felt his boyfriend shudder before Connor pressed a kiss to John's head. John leaned back up, capturing the other man's mouth again.

"Ah, John." Connor gasped. John flicked his tongue out and gently lapped at Connor's mouth. He bent his head back down, kissing the linguist's chest, he felt Connor harden against his stomach. John moved his head to hover over Connor's nipple, before gently leaning down and brushing it with his tongue. He heard the scientist gasp as one of Connor's hands moved to his head. "John… John… Ah…" John lowered his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hard nipple. "Ah…" He leaned up and kissed Connor again, the other man's tongue invading John's mouth. John sucked it in lightly, licking it with his own. He pulled away and moved towards Connor's other side, repeating his actions. His stomach rubbed against Connor's hardness, John's own beginning to press into the younger man's leg.

John groaned. They really needed to stop doing this. He felt fifteen again, taking showers every ten minutes. He couldn't believe how hard he got just kissing the younger man. John moved back up Connor, capturing his mouth again. John loved Connor's mouth, loved kissing him. He rolled them onto the side, pressing them close, one of his hands slipped down to lightly grasp at Connor's butt. The other man moaned into his mouth. John felt himself harden more, pressing tightly against Connor. "Oh, God…Connor…" They rocked back and forth, their mouths never leaving each other. John stiffened and pulled away quickly. He left the bed and headed for the bathroom, leaving the other man behind. He shut the door behind him and quickly pulled himself out of his sweat pants and a second later he was coming again. He leaned against Connor's sink, grabbing some tissues to wipe himself off with. _God, John, you need to learn better self control_. He was breathing heavily. John tucked himself back in before splashing some water on his face.

He opened the bathroom door and went back out. Connor was sitting on the bed with a worried look on his face. "I'm sorry." He said softly to John, misery pouring through his words. John quickly crossed the floor to crouch down in front of the linguist.

"Hey, don't be sorry. If anyone should be sorry, it's me. I feel fifteen again, Connor. I swear somewhere in me I have better self control than this." He said, moving some hair out of Connor's face. Connor just looked down. "Hey." John repeated, reaching a hand under Connor's chin and titling his head up. "I love kissing you, and none of this is your fault. It's just how it goes." John soothed. "And soon, we'll be ready to take the next step, but it's okay that we aren't now. Okay?"

Connor nodded. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around John, who quickly returned the hug.

"I'm gonna make some tea, okay?" John asked. Connor nodded. John stood up and pulled him up from the bed. Connor gave him a quick kiss before grabbing some clean clothes and headed to the bathroom. John put water on to boil and sank into Connor's chair. _God, John, you're almost forty, you need to start acting like it_ , he berated himself. _Connor is following your lead, don't rush this_. John heard the shower start and a few minutes later the water was boiling. He poured it into two mugs dropping some of the Athosian tea into each. He placed the mugs on the side table to brew as he waited for his boyfriend to finish showering. He stood up, pulled on a shirt and grabbed Connor's laptop, bringing it back to the large chair with him.

John checked his e-mail. He had several from Rodney, a few from Carter, and a few from a couple scientists and Marines. John started answering them and was half way through when the shower stopped. A few minutes later Connor stepped out, clean and dressed. John set the laptop aside and pulled Connor to his lap. He handed his boyfriend a mug of tea before grabbing his own and taking a sip.

"So Lorne invited you to a movie night?" He asked Connor.

"Yeah, said he would have, uh, given me more notice, but, um, he wanted me to sleep."

"That was nice of him." John said lightly.

"Mmm." Connor agreed, sipping his tea.

"And speaking of sleep…" John started. Connor started to slide off his lap so John set down his tea and tightened his arms around the scientist. "I don't think so." He warned. "Connor…"

Connor sighed and set his tea down, leaning back against John, pulling John's dog tags out and playing with them in his hand. "I… found it hard to sleep… alone." He admitted.

John pushed a hand under his boyfriend's shirt, rubbing his stomach. "How hard?"

"Um…"

"Connor."

"Quite." Connor answered, tracing John's name.

"Quite as in… it took you an hour to fall asleep every night or quite as in it took you five hours to fall asleep every night." Connor let the tags fall from his fingers and he reached for his tea, and John's hand shot out, stopping him.

"I'm not a child, John." He said finally.

"I know you're not. But I worry about you, Connor. You're so important to me." He said gently. "I just don't know how to help you and it bothers me."

"Maybe I don't need help with some things." Connor offered weakly. John knew his boyfriend didn't even believe his own argument.

John picked up Connor's hand and threaded their fingers together. "Please, Connor." He begged.

"Quite as in… I was lucky to get a couple hours a night." Connor admitted softly.

John's arm tightened around his boyfriend, holding him close. "God, Connor, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you come to me? Fuck Caldwell." He said roughly.

"I didn't want to worry you. You're, um, you're important here, John."

"So are you." John answered.

"You're more important." John started to interrupt but Connor put a finger to his lips. "It's true, so don't argue with me. I know that you, uh, have a lot on your mind. Evan told me how… how busy you were."

"I would have made time for you, Connor. I would have rearranged the schedule of the whole god-damned base." John admitted roughly. "You're my boyfriend, and it matters to me if you can't sleep. Fuck, you slept for almost two days straight, Connor. That's not good." John hugged the younger man closer to him. "Promise me." He said roughly. "Promise me that next time you'll come to me. Or to Lorne. Or Teyla or even Keller. Just go to someone Connor, we can help you."

Connor was silent for a moment and John feared his boyfriend was going to yell at him for being too over protective. But Connor just sighed. "I promise." He said softly. "I promise, John. I'm sorry."

John went back to rubbing small circles on Connor's stomach. "Will you tell me about New Athos?" He asked gently.

Connor offered him a small smile. "I, um, well, Teyla and I sat down to eat with the other Athosians and Taisha was sitting on the other side of me…" John let Connor's voice wash over him. Smiling at his clueless boyfriend. "…and she, um, asked when we were going to bond, which, uh, Teyla said is like marriage-" John tuned back into Connor's words. "-But I was telling her that, um, on Earth we can't, uh, we can't bond…" He paused. "…um, since we're both guys. And then Teyla, uh, interrupted, so I wouldn't have to explain…" Connor's voice trailed off softly.

"I'm sorry." John said, pressing a kiss to Connor's forehead. He wasn't sure why he was apologizing, but he felt like he needed to.

Connor nodded, resting his head against his boyfriend's shoulder. John recognized the look, telling him that Connor was thinking about something. John just reached for his tea again, before taking a sip. He offered his mug to Connor who shook his head no. Finally John couldn't stand the silence. "Connor?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking?"

He watched as Connor deliberated telling him. "I don't want to hurt you." Connor said.

"You won't."

"This might." He argued.

"I'd rather know what you're thinking, even if it does." John admitted honestly.

Connor was silent for a bit. "I, um, I never thought I would ah… you know… um, before…" He drifted off again.

John wondered if that statement actually made sense in Connor's head. "I don't speak incomplete Irish, Con…"

"What I mean is… uh… I was raised Catholic." He said, and John nodded, he knew this about his boyfriend. "I mean, uh, I'm Irish, and, that's how my parents raised me. And, I mean, I'm not devout, and I don't really practice religion very well but there are… uh…" John really wondered where this was going. "…certain things that I, uh, always believed." John nodded in encouragement. "I guess I just, um, never thought I would ah… you know… before marriage." Connor mumbled, ducking his head.

 _Never thought he would wha-oh._ And suddenly John felt sad. He had never been religious, and had jumped into bed with his first girlfriend on their third date. But for Connor it seemed a different story. He knew his boyfriend had never been with anybody, but now he had something else to think about as well.

"I guess it just hit me… the other day, that we, uh, couldn't get married. I mean, not now, but, um, maybe? Someday?" John felt an ache in his chest. "I'm okay with that, though." Connor said softly. "I'm okay with it, if I get you, John."

John pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm sorry." He said again.

"Don't be. I'm not." Connor said, pressing a soft kiss to John's lips. " _A chuisle mo chroí_." Connor said with a sigh. [Pulse of my heart]

"What's that mean?" John asked quietly.

Connor was silent. "It is what you are to me." He finally said.

"Will you say it again?" John asked.

"As much as you want." Connor answered softly. " _A chuisle mo chroí_."

* * *

A week later, John was off world with his team on a diplomatic mission to a trading partner and Connor was relaxing in his lab with a cup of tea and a book.

"Lorne to Davids." Came an urgent voice.

"Davids here." He replied instantly.

"Doc, we need you on rescue duty, ASAP. Williams was supposed to cover it this week but he's down with the flu. Can you get to the jumper bay now?

"I'm on my way." Connor offered, already across the room.

"Get a tac vest." Evan advised. "And Sheppard has okayed you for a weapon."

"Copy that. Davids out." Connor quickly made his way through the halls of Atlantis, stopping briefly to grab a vest and a 9mm. He entered the jumper bay and found a dozen or so other people there. Evan walked over and checked his vest before nodding.

"Alright, here's the situation and what needs to happen. SGA-3 was captured off world and taken to a another planet. One of their men made it back with the address, we already sent a MALP through and it's Wraith controlled. We will be splitting into four teams, each team to a different jumper. Teams 1-3 will be rescue only. Ahearn is Team 2, Stackhouse is Team 3, Davids is Team 4, and I'm leading Team 1. When we get there Teams 1-3 will each be assigned a sub-cutaneous tracker and expected to rescue that person. If they find their target with another one they are cleared to rescue both of them. You are not, I repeat, not given permission to rescue anyone other than your target once your target is collected. Team 4 is defense. Before the MALP was destroyed we were able to make out 10 guns all within range of the Stargate. Team 4's job is to take out each gun. They will need to wait for the signal from me. If we take them out too early, we will have to deal with Darts, but they all need to be out before we gate back to the Alpha site or they will get us all as we go back through the gate. When we go through the gate, we will go through with shields up, it will then be up to each individual pilot to decide when to cloak, but the sooner the better. Remember the cloak and shield do not work at the same time. Are there any questions?" Evan asked. Connor looked around. No one said anything. "Dismissed. And good luck."

Connor ran to his assigned jumper, a co-pilot and a Marine following him. As he wouldn't be landing he was assigned very little personnel. He warmed up the jumper, following after the first three. Connor said a small prayer before proceeding through the Stargate. When he exited the event horizon he was immediately bombarded with weapon's fire. He noticed two of the three other jumpers cloaking. He twisted his jumper up and out of range of the closest guns before cloaking himself, the other jumper doing the same.

"Alright." Came Evan's voice. "Team 1 and 2, your targets are in the fourth ship, and appear to be next to each other. If either team gets there first radio the other team and the second team will provide back-up. I'm going after the target in the main ship. Let's get this done, boys."

Connor gently maneuvered his ship around gun blasts, identifying the layout of each weapon.

"Should we go back to front or front to back?" His co-pilot, Dr. Killans, asked. Connor recognized him as an engineer.

"I think back to front. That way if they release the Darts they have further to travel." _Not that it will matter much…_

"Sounds good." The other man agreed.

Connor glanced at the Marine sitting behind them, the muscled man gave him a smile and a thumbs up. Connor felt like he was holding his breath, waiting for news. Teams 2 and 3 were both inside Wraith ships after their targets and Evan's team was just now landing.

Thirty minutes after they arrived Connor received the first good news.

"This is Team 2 we have Targets 2 and 3. I repeat we have Targets 2 and 3. Neither require immediate medical assistance."

"This is Team 3, we copy that Team 2, we're heading back to our jumper."

Connor wringed his hands nervously, Evan's team was only now getting inside the Wraith hive.

"This is Team 3 we are back in our jumper and heading to rendezvous with Team 4."

Connor watched as cloaked jumper took off and headed to hover near him.

"Jumper 4 this is Jumper 3, do you need assistance?"

Connor thought about it for a second. "We're waiting on the signal from Major Lorne, but when it happens, can you take out the two guns farthest back?"

"Affirmative, Jumper 4. Just ask us if you need anything else." Stackhouse said.

"Copy that." He might take the man up on his offer. Connor knew that after Evan and John, Stackhouse had the most experience in a jumper.

Ten long minutes later he heard the radio crackle. "This is Team 1, we have our Target, but we're taking heavy fire. If you don't hear from us in ten minutes, Stackhouse will take over. Team 1 out."

Nine long minutes later Connor breathed a sigh of relief. "This is Team 1, we're a minute out from our jumper. Team 4, you have a go."

"Copy that. Jumper 3, did you copy?"

"Copy that, Jumper 4, we are en route behind you."

Connor saw two drones fly past him, successfully taking out the far end guns. Connor fired four drones, two hitting the next two. The guns began firing in his directions. "Hold on!" He yelled to his passengers. He fired again, taking out another tower. His jumper rocked heavily as a shot glanced off their jumper. _Shit._ Lights started flashing, his jumper was losing power. Connor shot off five more drones, three finding their targets, while two were intercepted.

"Jumper 3 can you get the front two, while I get the last one?"

"Affirmative Jumper 4, watch yourself, your rear fin is smoking a little." He warned.

"I see it."

Another shot hit his jumper and Connor knew his clock had fallen.

"Jumper 4 to Jumper 1, we have one left, prepare to gate."

"Affirmative. All Jumpers prepare to gate on my mark." Connor's jumper indicated that the worm hole to the alpha site was being dialed.

Connor shot of another volley of drones, hitting his intended target when another shot shook his jumper, spiraling it a little. His body was rammed into the side, his head making contact with the jumper wall. He saw his co-pilot get smashed into the front console. Connor's hand flew over the controls. Another shot hit his jumper.

"All teams, get through the gate." Connor sluggishly turned his jumper around heading for the gate, he saw Jumpers 2 and 3 disappear through the event horizon.

"Get a move on, Doc!" Evan shouted in his ear.

Connor's body jolted into the main console as a shot hit the back of his jumper. He sighed when he made it through the event horizon. The HUD told him that Evan's jumper was right behind his. He moved the his air craft out of the way and another jumper began dialing Atlantis. Connor reached up to scratch an itch on his forehead when is hand came back wet and red. He reached up again and realized he was bleeding. He looked around. His co-pilot appeared to have been knocked unconscious and the Marine behind him was laying on the floor.

"Jumper 4, what's your status?" He heard faintly in his ears. Black spots were appearing at the corner of his vision. "Davids, respond. Killans, Jasper, do you read?" He heard Evan asking worriedly.

Connor reached up to tap his radio. "This… is… Davids."

"God, Doc. You scared me. Can you make it back to Atlantis?" He asked.

Connor looked up and realized that the other two jumpers had already gated back, Evan had remained behind with him. He nodded before realizing that Evan couldn't see him. "Yes." He said, slowly moving his hands across the console. Blood smeared across the controls and he repositioned his jumper through the worm hole. Atlantis took over the jumper, automatically sending it to the jumper bay.

Connor could hear pounding on the back door of his jumper. _Why don't they just come in?_ A few seconds later the ramp was lowered and Evan was rushing up it. He stopped to take the pulse of the fallen Marine.

"We need a medic in here now!" He yelled. He glanced at Connor's co-pilot before reaching his friend. "Doc? Hey, Doc? I need you to stay with me, okay?"

"E…van…" Connor whispered. He was so tired.

"Stay with me." He ordered again. Connor felt himself tipping and strong arms caught him. "Connor, you need to stay awake, do you hear me? Shit! I need a medic!" Was the last thing he heard before succumbing to the darkness.

* * *

Connor woke to soft beeps and a heavy weight on his arm he slowly moved his hand. Evan Lorne slowly sat up. "Doc? You awake?" Connor tried to open his eyes, but they were so heavy. He nodded slightly instead. "Okay, lemme get Keller, okay? Don't go back to sleep." Connor heard a chair scrape against the floor and footsteps.

"Dr. Davids?" He heard a female voice ask him. "Can you open your eyes for me?" Connor tried again, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

"C'mon, Doc, I'll get your some butterscotch pudding for when you wake up again." Evan teased with a serious lilt to his voice.

Connor tried again and they fluttered open. There was something foreign in his mouth and he tried to push it out. "Dr. Davids? Dr. Davids? I need you to calm down. You're on a ventilator. Your lung collapsed and we had to intubate. If you promise to calm down I can take it out." She said soothingly. Connor nodded again. "Okay, this is going to hurt." She warned. "On the count of three I need you to exhale as hard as you can, okay?" She said, moving around his bed. Another nurse came over to assist her. Connor could see Lorne hovering nervously in the background. "One, two… three." Connor pushed the air out of his lungs as they burned. He couldn't remember anything hurting this much, his vision blurred and he became dizzy before falling into blackness again.

He woke again to soft beeps. Evan had his feet up on his bed and was leaning back uncomfortable in a hospital chair. Connor reached a hand up. There was an oxygen mask covering his face, but that was all. He reached up to touch his forehead and felt a thick bandage. He took stock of the rest of his body. His ribs ached a lot and his left shoulder felt tender. He slowly reached for the glass of water on his bedside. _Okay, ow._ He thought.

"Evan." He rasped. His voice came out nothing more than a whisper. He fumbled his hand around for the nurse call button. He pressed it and seconds later Dr. Keller was stepping out of her office, towards his bed.

"Dr. Davids, nice to see you awake again." She said, bringing out her penlight. Connor winced as she shown it into his eyes. "Can you tell me where it hurts?"

"Head." He rasped again.

"How about you point?" She offered instead. He moved his hand to his head and then his shoulder and to his ribs. "You have a large bruise on your shoulder, probably from the same thing that cause the wound on your head. You took nine stitches there, by the way. You broke two ribs, one punctured your lung, collapsing it."

"Others?" Connor asked, pulling at his mask a little.

"Killans has a couple broken ribs, like you do. We need to think about getting some padding put into the jumpers." She joked. "Private Jasper was knocked unconscious, but woke up an hour ago. And SGA-3 sustained minor injuries. In fact, they've all been released."

"Time?"

"What time is it?" Connor nodded. "It is 0214, the day after your off mission." Connor gestured to Evan. "Is he hurt?" At his affirmative nod, she answered. "Nope, just insisted on staying with you. Muttered something about getting busted down to Airman?" She asked confused. "Anyways, he refused to leave."

"Thanks." He paused. "Water?"

She smiled at him. "I think I can handle that." She said as she held out the glass for him, pointing the straw towards his mouth. Connor moved his mask and took a couple small sips before leaning back against the bed. Keller replaced the glass on the table. "Get some rest, okay? We'll see how you are in the morning."

Connor nodded sleepily and drifted back off.

When he woke up it was brighter in the infirmary. A few people were bustling around and Evan had shifted, his head was resting on his arms on Connor's bed. Connor moved a hand through the major's hair, waking him up.

"Doc! Hey!" He glanced at his watch as he sat up. At Connor's questioning gaze he offered the time. "0946. How are you feeling?"

Connor tilted his hand back and forth in a so-so motion. His chest didn't hurt as bad at the moment and his headache had receded to nothing. Connor gestured to the water from last night.

Evan grabbed the glass and gently held it in front of Connor's face as Connor moved his mask, pulling the straw into his mouth. After drinking down the glass, Evan moved it back to the bedside table. "You didn't have to stay with me." Connor rasped quietly.

"Hey, it's what best friends do." Evan said, offering him a half smile.

Connor gestured him closer, glancing around. "John?" He asked.

Evan looked around, too, before answering. "He's still off world. Carter said his team was asked to escort some princess or something on a quest. We haven't been able to get a hold of him." Evan answered quietly. "But you know that even if we could…" He drifted off and Connor nodded. He did know. Even if they got a hold of John, they couldn't ask him to come back, not if they wanted to stay discreet. "Anyways, he should be back sometime this morning." Evan's radio beeped. "Or right now." He said wryly to Connor. "Lorne here… I'll be right there, ma'am… Lorne out… Colonel Sheppard's team has just gated back. I need to go meet them, Doc. Will you be okay here?"

Connor nodded. "Pudding?" He asked before Evan left.

The major laughed a little. "I'll bring some back with me." He promised, before quickly heading out of the infirmary. Connor settled back into his pillows.

* * *

 _So dead, so dead, so dead_. Was the only thing Major Evan Lorne could think as he made his way to the control room. Sheppard had left Connor in his hands and Evan was returning him broken. _So dead, so dead, so dead_.

He approached the control room and Sheppard turned to look at him. Evan couldn't read his face, but decided that he hadn't heard yet. "Major. Next time you get to escort the little princess on her quest." He said annoyed.

"Yes, sir." He answered shortly. "Um, sir…" Evan drifted off. Sheppard's whole team turned to face him, he gulped. _So dead_. He followed them as they placed their tac vests back onto their hangers.

"Well? Out with it, Major, what did you do to my city while I was gone?" Sheppard joked.

Evan swallowed again. "Sir, SGA-3 was caught off planet by the Wraith and then gated to another, Wraith controlled, planet." He paused and Sheppard looked at him with an expectant expression. "We launched a rescue and successfully retrieved all members of SGA-3 alive." He swallowed again. "But, um, Jumper 4, Dr. Davids' team, took heavy fire…" He drifted off as Sheppard quickly dumped the rest of his gear, leaving the room.

"Explain." Came a gruff voice from his left. Evan turned to face an angry Ronon and curious Teyla, even Dr. McKay was facing him.

"He's in the infirmary. He had to get stitches in his head. Broke some ribs. Uh, collapsed lung." Evan listed. He watched as Teyla put away the rest of Colonel Sheppard's gear.

Sheppard's team quickly left the tack room and Evan trailed after them. He made it to the infirmary in time to hear Connor laugh softly. "Ew, John. Go take… a… shower." He rasped softly.

When he approached he could see the curtain had been pulled around Connor's bed, leaving a small gap. Evan tried not to peek in, but was too curious. Colonel Sheppard was perched on the side of the linguist's bed and he had a tender look on his face and Connor's hand clasped in his. The scientist's eyes were alight with an emotion that Evan thought was probably love. He watched as his commander reached a gentle hand out and traced the side of his best friend's face. Sheppard leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Connor's bandaged forehead before pulling back.

"Shower." Connor said again with a very weak push.

"You wound me, Connor." He head Sheppard say warmly. "I rush here and you tell me I stink?" Connor gave a light push again and Sheppard moved off the bed. "I'll be back in ten minutes."

"Twenty." The scientist argued with a look in his eye.

Sheppard bowed his head. "Twenty, then." Evan had to hold back a laugh as his military commander, the man who never gave in to Wraith or Genii or anyone else they had come across, melted like putty in the hands of a smaller Irish man.

Sheppard left the curtains, pulling them closed behind him. "He's gonna take a nap." The colonel said. "Take a shower guys, get some food, then come see him later." He put a hand to Ronon's chest as the bigger man stepped forward. "He really is going to take a nap." He explained. Lorne watched as Sheppard's team mates all nodded, leaving the infirmary. Evan swallowed again. "Let's take a walk, Major."

"Yes, sir."

Evan followed his senior officer back to his office. He fidgeted nervously as the doors closed behind him.

"So when I said to you, 'take care of him', you took that to mean 'take him on a dangerous rescue mission and return him in pieces'?" Sheppard asked quietly.

"No, sir." _So dead, so dead, so dead_.

Sheppard suddenly collapsed into his desk chair, running a hand over his face, something Evan was sure he'd seen Connor do often. "Dismissed." Sheppard said tiredly.

 _That's it?_ "Sir?"

"Dismissed, Major." He said again.

"Yes, sir." Lorne quickly left the office before heading down to the mess hall to grab Connor his promised butterscotch pudding.

* * *

John stood up slowly. He needed to shower. And some food would be nice. He made his way to his quarters, quickly showering. He found some clean clothes before heading to the mess hall. Carter had decided to keep the mess hall and food hub open all the time. John liked it better that way, the food replicators still made him a little nervous and he could never remember when breakfast ended and when lunch was served. He grabbed a tray of food, and went to scope out some pudding for his dessert obsessed boyfriend. He only saw chocolate on the tray, he hesitated before grabbing two. He set his tray down and went to find the personnel on duty.

"Colonel Sheppard! How can I help you, sir?"

"Uh, yeah, I was wondering if you had any butterscotch pudding left?"

"Oh, Major Lorne was just here and took the last one. We'll make some more in about an hour though."

"Okay, thanks, sorry to bother you." He said, moving back to grab his tray. He carried his food back to the infirmary. He saw a cup of butterscotch pudding had been left at Connor's bedside. His boyfriend had fallen back asleep, so John took up the chair nearby and started in on his breakfast.

He was finishing up his sandwich when Connor stirred. John's heart leapt a little as his boyfriend's bright blue eyes found his. Connor offered him a smile under his mask and John returned it. John reached out to help the linguist sit up and Connor reached for his pudding. John moved to hand it to him, sticking a spoon in it. Connor reached up and tugged his mask down so it rested around his neck. His boyfriend gave a contented sigh as he took his first taste of the pudding.

"Tell me about your mission." Connor said softly.

John nodded. "Okay. Well… we went to this planet that we trade with and were all set to come back, remember we were supposed to be back yesterday?" Connor nodded. "Anyways, the, uh, royal sisters asked us to take their younger sister on a quest so she could be queen. The kid was twelve or something." John said, scrunching up his nose. "Very bratty. Reminded me a lot of McKay." John offered. "Anyways, so we're hiking through the jungle when the Genii show up." Connor's face held some alarm so John quickly added. "No one got hurt. So, the Genii are there, and later we found out that one of the sisters had hired them to kill the younger sister so she could be queen. Very Henry VIII." He commented. "So we're there and it turns out where the kid is trying to get to are these Ancient ruins with a mini drone machine thing. It was broken, McKay fixed it, everyone got home safely." John said.

Connor laughed softly. "You are not a very good story teller." He said as he finished the last of his pudding. "Mmm."

"No." John admitted. "Not really."

"Alright, Dr. Davids…" Came a voice. A hand reached out and pulled the curtain back. "Oh! Colonel Sheppard, hi." Keller said nervously. "I was just going to check out Dr. Davids one last time."

"You're releasing him?" John asked.

"Yup. He can sleep in his bed as well as he can in the infirmary." She said brightly, shining her pen light into Connor's face again. Keller pulled the mask off from around Connor's neck and gently removed his IV. She pulled a small bottle out of her pocket. "Here are some painkillers. Take two every four hours, and you're off duty until I say otherwise." She said, handing him the pills. "I'll get you some scrubs to walk back in." She said before leaving.

John took the painkillers out of Connor's hand, putting them in his pocket. He helped the scientist push the blankets off and Connor swung his legs over the side. Keller came back with the scrubs and hesitated before asking, "Do you need any help putting them on?"

"We've got it." John said, speaking for Connor.

"Alright." She said and she pulled the curtain closed again around them. John untied the back of Connor's gown and the scientist raised his arms as John slipped the scrub top over his head. John picked up the pants and Connor stuck a leg into each before John helped him stand up, holding him close to keep him steady. Connor reached down to pull the pants up, over his boxers, tying them so they wouldn't fall.

"All set?" A voice asked outside the curtains. John didn't say anything, keeping an arm around his boyfriend he opened the curtains. "If you need anything, just call. If at any time you can't catch your breath you need to let us know right away. Keep your ribs wrapped tightly, I'm sure Colonel Sheppard knows how to deal with them." She said acknowledging John's past experience. "Don't get your stitches wet, and I want to see you back here in two days." She finished.

"Got it, Doc." John said. "Thanks." John said as Connor slid his feet into some slippers. "Ready?" John asked him gently.

Connor nodded. He gave a small wave to Dr. Keller and John let his arm slide from around Connor's waist, holding it out so the linguist could hold on. Connor tightly gripped John's arm and they slowly made their way back to Connor's quarters. The doors opened for John and he helped Connor into the room, depositing him gently on his bed.

"Do you wanna stay in the scrubs?" John asked, already sorting through Connor's dresser. He pulled out some sweat pants and a shirt. He walked back over to Connor, who had pulled off the scrub top. John handed him the shirt and Connor set it aside, standing to push his pants down, he took the proffered pants and pulled them on, sitting back down heavily. John picked his feet up and scooted the younger man under the covers, pulling them up over his bare chest. John pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Sleep." He said.

"Stay." Connor asked, reaching a hand out.

"I've gotta report to Colonel Carter and Lorne needs to brief me on the mess he got you into." John said softly.

"Then you'll be back?" Connor asked sleepily.

"Yeah." John promised. "Ronon and Teyla might stop by." He warned. "Do you want me to leave your sweatshirt here, in case they do?" He asked. Connor nodded and John grabbed the zip up hoodie, leaving it by the bed. He pressed another kiss to Connor's head, the scientist already asleep.

John stayed a few minutes, brushing hair out of Connor's face before grabbing the abandoned scrubs and Connor's shirt, tossing them into his hamper. He quietly left the room, leaving his sleeping boyfriend behind.

When John returned that night Connor's blankets had fallen to the floor and the scientist had the hood of his sweatshirt pulled up over his head, the zipper zipped up tight. An empty pudding bowl was on the floor by the bed. John shook his head, his boyfriend had his team mates wrapped around his finger and didn't even know it. John picked up the empty bowl, setting it on the table before replacing the blankets. He took off his boots and hesitated before pulling off his shirt too. John put his belt and gun on the table, kicking off his socks. He pulled his earpiece off and slid up onto the bed next to Connor, careful not to jostle the younger man's injuries, falling to sleep quickly.

* * *

Connor woke slowly, John was laying on his side next to him, eyes closed, breathing lightly. His arms were tucked around himself and Connor reached a hand out and gently touched John's chest. John moved a little but didn't waken. Connor took a second to look at his boyfriend. John's face looked troubled even in sleep, and Connor ached to take all his worries away. He examined John's chest, noting various scars. He fought the urge to trace them all, curious about their stories.

Connor's eyes caught on John's dog tags, he gently touched them. They were a stark reminder of John's job and how dangerous it was. Connor knew soldiers on Earth died every day and someday all that might be left of John would be the small, oval metal tags, listing John's name, social security number and blood type, followed by 'AF' and 'No Religious Pref'. He knew the chances were even higher that if John were killed in the Pegasus Galaxy there wouldn't even be dog tags to recover.

"What is this obsession you have with my dog tags?" John asked in a not quite awake voice, eyes blinking open to stare at Connor.

"I just like looking at them." Connor offered, blushing at being caught.

"And playing with them." John added. "Not that I mind. You're a kid with a shiny, new toy." John teased.

Connor reached out and touched them again. "How long had you had these?" He asked.

"Since I came to Atlantis." John answered. "Stargate Command issued everyone a second set, in case we lost the first, and since we would be without access to Earth... they thought it would be prudent."

Connor traced John's name. "You have no middle name?"

"Nope. Just John Sheppard." His boyfriend answered. "Do you have one?"

"Hmm." Connor answered.

"Was that a 'hmm' yes or a 'hmm' no?"

"It was a 'hmm' I don't know what my parents were thinking." Connor admitted.

"Aaaaaand." John drawled.

"It's Aodh." Connor mumbled.

"You're middle name is 'a'?" John asked, confused.

"Spelt a-o-d-h. It's Celtic, means fire." Connor explained.

"How does a-o-d-h get pronounced as 'a'?"

"Do you really want to know?" Connor asked his boyfriend.

John thought about it. "You're right, I don't. But still, hm, good to know."

Connor laughed a little. "Good to know for what?"

"I don't know." John admitted. "I just like knowing things about you."

Connor smiled. "Well you can, uh, ask me anything you like, John. I don't care."

"I'll take you up on that." John said. "How're your ribs? Do you want some pain meds?" He asked, already getting up to get Connor a glass of water.

Connor accepted the pills and water from his boyfriend before swallowing them and drinking down half the glass. John sat on the edge of the bed and accepted the glass of water back, taking a small drink before setting it on the bedside table. Connor saw John glance at his watch, before he sat back against the head of Connor's bed. Connor slowly moved so his head was resting on John's thigh. John ran his hands through Connor's hair.

"So Teyla and Ronon stopped by?" John asked.

"Yeah, Ronon brought me pudding."

"I saw that." John mentioned.

"Yeah, butterscotch too."

"You are spoiled." John teased his boyfriend.

"Yeah." Connor agreed happily, staring at the ceiling.

"Lorne said you did some impressive flying yesterday." John said proudly.

"Really?"

"He said you pulled some amazing moves dodging weapons fire."

"Well, I didn't dodge enough." Connor said with a sigh.

John's fingers traced down to Connor's nose, before giving it a small tap. "Hey, you definitely dodged enough." John disagreed. "Whenever a pilot comes back at the end of the day, they've done enough."

Connor reached up and grabbed John's hand, holding it between his own, clutching it to his chest. "Thanks." He whispered.

"It's true." John was silent and he ran his hand through Connor's hair as Connor played with his other hand. "I have some off-world training today." John offered. "I'll be gone till lunch. Want me to come get you then?"

"Yeah."

"You gonna sleep some more after I leave?" John asked gently.

"Yeah."

"Good."

"John?"

"Hm."

"You didn't yell at Evan did you?"

"Would I do that?"

"Yes."

"Hm. Fine, no I didn't yell at Lorne. He was still in one piece when you saw him yesterday wasn't he?"

"I didn't see him after he left with you." Connor explained.

"He didn't drop by here?" John asked, sounding surprised.

"Nope. Was he supposed to?"

"Hm, I guess not. Whatever. I didn't yell at him."

"I'm glad."

"…"

"He was just doing his job, John."

"…I know." His boyfriend admitted. "It's just _so_ dangerous, Con. Anything could have happened to you. I worry about you."

"And you think I don't worry about you when you're gone?" Connor whispered.

"That's my job, Connor." John said softly.

"I know. And I love what you do." Connor said, tracing John's fingers. "But so many people step through the stargate, John. And sometimes they-they don't come back."

"I promise to do my best to always come back to you, Connor." John said softly. "And you better do the same."

"I promise, John."

John leaned down and gave Connor a small kiss on his lips, sealing their promises.

* * *

Connor woke to music playing in his rooms and the lights flashing. _I'm up_. He told Atlantis and the lights stopped flickering, the music turned down a couple notches. Connor sat up slowly, groaning as his ribs protested, he wrapped an arm around them loosely. On his bedside table was a glass of water and two small white pills. Connor took them both, chasing them with the water. When he set the glass down a glint of metal caught his eye. He moved the water glass over and there, in a small pile, were two dog tags on a beaded metal chain, like Connor had seen on John. He reached out and picked them up, running his thumb over the name.

 _Sheppard, John_

He smiled and slipped them over his head, the weight was familiar and Connor tried not to think about what they were replacing. He rubbed them gently, touched that John would give these to him. Connor stood slowly and made his way to his dresser, digging out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The linguist shuffled into the bathroom and tried not to look at his reflection. Connor brushed his teeth and ran a wash cloth over his face, avoiding the stark, white bandages. He ran a brush through his hair, detangling the mess that John had made.

He left the bathroom and gathered his clothes. Connor pulled his t-shirt on gently, liking the way John's dog tags were raised a little against his chest. He sat on the bed and changed his pants, not ready to bend over yet. The scientist had just finishing buttoning them up when the doors opened.

John strode in to the room and grinned at Connor's chosen attire. He helped Connor stand up before pulling him into a light hug. John's thumbs hung in the loops at the back of his jeans. "No belt?" He asked in a low voice before pressing his mouth to Connor's neck.

"Was about to get it." Connor gasped. John peppered his skin with kisses.

"Okay." His boyfriend pulled away and pulled Connor's belt out of his dresser before heading back over to the scientist. John stood behind his boyfriend and reached around to slide the belt through the front loop. He pulled the belt through the back, gently maneuvering it through the belt loops around to the front. Connor's breath caught when John's hands deftly buckled the belt, sliding up a little to caress Connor's stomach.

"Need anything else?" John whispered into his ear.

"Jacket." Connor answered.

John pulled away and found his hooded sweatshirt. He held the jacket up for Connor, who slid his arms in. John reached around from behind and pulled the zipper up mid way, his hand pressed lightly against his dog tags resting against Connor's chest. He pressed another kiss to Connor's neck before moving away. He grabbed the linguist's radio, placing it into Connor's hand and patiently waited for Connor to put it in his ear. Connor quickly did so before following John out the door to the food hub.

"Team's over there." John said to Connor, pointing a table on the side. "I'll bring you some food."

Connor nodded and made his way slowly over to John's teammates. Connor sat in one of the two open chairs. Ronon was at the end of the table with Rodney on his left, Teyla sat on his right and Connor left the seat by Dr. McKay for John.

"How are you today, Connor?" Teyla asked.

"Um, better." He said shyly.

"That is good to hear." She said.

"Yeah, you're slacking on your running." Ronon added.

"Oh. Um, sorry." Connor said blushing.

Teyla hit Ronon on the arm. "He is merely teasing you, Connor."

An arm placed a tray in front of him before setting one in the seat across from him. John sat down across from his boyfriend and Connor offered him a small pout when he saw the two pudding cups on John's tray.

"Lunch first." John said.

Connor picked up his fork, starting on his salad. John gave him an approving look and Connor wrinkled his nose at his boyfriend.

"So, did Sheppard tell you that some thirteen year old asked him to marry her?" Rodney said, looking in Connor's direction.

Connor saw John put his hand against his forehead. "McKay!"

"What? It's true. She said you were a gentle leader and all that."

John groaned covering his face.

"Definitely had a thing for Sheppard." Ronon added.

"She was _thirteen_! And annoying!" John defended with a worried glance towards Connor.

"Oh please, Sheppard, she had you eating out of the palm of her hand. I didn't see her crying all over anyone else."

"You people were busy!"

"I do believe she was rather taken with you, John." Teyla added, amusement shining in her eyes.

"You guys are not helpful." John mumbled into his hands. Connor reached over a plied his boyfriend's hands from his face. John gave him a sad look that screamed 'poor me'.

"At least she was royalty." Connor offered.

John shot him a playfully hurt look while John's team laughed. "I thought you were on my side." John said. Connor just smiled at him before digging into his mashed potatoes. "Moving on." John said with a wink towards Connor. "Did you see the board games I got shipped over on the _Daedalus_?"

"Saw Monopoly and Scrabble in the rec. room." Rodney offered.

"I saw a few people playing… Boggle?" Teyla said uncertain.

"Yeah, Boggle." John confirmed. "We also got Risk, and Trivia Pursuit. Lorne and I decided that we needed to do more than rot our brains with movies in our spare time." John explained rubbing his hands together. "So who's in?"

"Your people play bored games?" Ronon asked with a suspicious face.

"Yeah, they're fun." John said.

"Why would you play a boring game?" Ronon asked.

John laughed. "Not that kind of bored. Board… b-o-a-r-d, they're games you play with a board."

"You plays games with a board?"

Connor wondered how long John would last before he gave up. "Yeah, not like wood boards though, they're just pieces of cardboard."

"Cardboard?"

"It's thin wood."

"You said it wasn't wood." Ronon said with a frown.

Rodney laughed next to John and Connor was tempted to laugh as well. Teyla looked just as confused as Ronon at this point.

"Never mind, I'll teach you. You'll like it." John said, exasperated.

Connor ate the last piece of his chicken before gently pushing his tray forward. John reluctantly handed the pudding over. "You know, if you keep eating too much of that you'll become diabetic." John offered.

Connor just stuck a spoonful of pudding into his mouth. He watched as John's eyes narrowed before his boyfriend went back to his own food.

Ten minutes later Connor had finished his pudding and his ribs were starting to ache from sitting up. "Um, thanks for lunch." He said, pushing his chair back gently. "I'll see you later." He said standing, he reached for his tray when John's hand briefly covered his.

"I'll get it." His boyfriend offered.

"Thanks." Connor said, slowly walking back towards his quarters.

"Aren't you going with him?" He heard Rodney ask.

"He's going back to bed, McKay."

"So?…" The voice trailed off as Connor got further away.

Connor reached his quarters, gently settling into bed, not bothering with his shoes. He soon fell asleep.

Gentle hands were pulling at his waist. Connor swatted his hand to try and stop them. A voice laughed. "C'mon Con, lemme get your belt off, it can't be comfortable." His boyfriend pleaded.

Connor opened an eye and saw John leaning over him, a hand resting on his waist. "Mmm. Sorry."

John laughed again. "Well I would hope you wouldn't let just anyone undress you in your sleep." He said, continuing his work on Connor's belt. The scientist noticed that his shoes were already off. "Sweatshirt?" John asked.

"Keep it." Connor mumbled.

"Okay." John said, pressing a kiss to Connor's forehead. "I gotta go back to work. I just wanted to make sure you made it here alright."

"'K." Connor mumbled. "Bye."

"Bye." John said quietly, leaving Connor to his sleep.

* * *

When John woke up it was still dark outside. A hand on his chest had brought him out of his slumber. Connor was playing with his dog tags again.

"So is it the dog tags on _me_ you're obsessed with? Cause I happen to know you have some now too…" John asked quietly.

He turned his head to look at his boyfriend. John ached to pull him into his arms, but knew he couldn't while Connor's ribs healed.

"It might, um, just be you I'm obsessed with." Came the quiet reply.

"Well." John said thoughtfully. "That's okay then." Inside his heart sped up at the linguist's words. He moved the hand laying against Connor's side until it found the other man's. John intertwined their fingers, squeezing gently. "Will you say it?" He asked softly.

Connor was silent for a moment and John wondered if he had been too vague. Then quietly, " _A chuisle mo chroí_." John smiled and raised their joint hands to press a kiss to the back of Connor's.

John yawned, already falling back asleep. "One more time?" He asked, eyes drooping.

" _A chuisle mo chroí_."


	19. Traditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 19 :Traditions**

Author's Notes :  
\- Spoilers for the Season 4 episode Trio, also I changed a few things around about that episode, but the general happenings remain the same.  
\- If anyone is interested in the song that Connor sings in Irish there is an awesome cover by Enya. It's called " _Oíche chiúin_ ".  
\- _You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch_ belongs to Dr. Seuss.  
\- There is a picture of Connor's new gun (the M11) on my LJ under the tag 'gun'.  
\- _Silent Night_ and _Sleigh Ride_ belong to their respective owners, although I believe that both are in public domain.  
\- _Solitary Man_ belongs to Neil Diamond and appears as covered by Johnny Cash.  
\- I borrowed the idea of John giving a gun as a present from likethekoschka, who has given me permission.  
\- Don't own iPod.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

An e-mail was waiting for John when he opened his inbox. He was sitting on the couch in Connor's lab, waiting for the younger man to finish working. It was a mass e-mail from Carter to the Atlantis expedition and John clicked it open.

 _To All Atlantis Personnel :_

 _As some of you are aware the Yuletide season is just around the corner. This year, in response to many of the personnel on this base, we will be celebrating the multi-holiday season. Dr. Zelenka has donated his time in creating a 'digital hat', if you would, that draws names out, providing a different one for each member of this expedition. It is your responsibility to provide one small gift to your person on the day of the holiday party. You will be receiving a second e-mail with the name of your person. If you do now know who this person is please feel free to ask around, Colonel Sheppard and I are happy to help you._

John groaned as she volunteered him.

 _The party will be two weeks from today, starting at 1800. We will be arranging schedules so that as many people as possible are able to attend. If you have any questions please feel free to ask any of the Senior Command staff or your department head._

 _Gift giving is mandatory. I understand that supplies are limited on base, so we will be arranging for small groups of people to visit various off world markets. The sign up sheet is in my office._

 _Thank you,_

 _Colonel Samantha Carter, USAF_

"Did you say something?" Connor asked, turning around to face his boyfriend.

"No." John sighed. "Did you see that e-mail from Carter?"

"The one about bussing your trays?"

"No, the one about Christmas."

"Christmas?" Connor asked, furrowing his brow. "Is it Christmas time already?"

"Yeah, and she's organizing some sort of Secret Santa thing."

"Have you done this before?" The scientist asked. John often had a hard time remembering that Connor had been here less than a year.

"No, Elizabeth…" John swallowed. "Elizabeth always meant to, but we were just too busy in those first years. Wraith attacks and all."

"Oh." John looked up at Connor's face. A sad look had fallen over the linguist and John wasn't sure why. "Well, um, I guess it's nice of Colonel Carter to do this." He offered.

"Yeah." John half-heartedly agreed. Truth was, he wasn't big on holidays. His parents had never been into celebrating them. John was nine before he realized that other kids got presents on December 25th. He was eleven when he realized that the whole world wasn't crazy after Thanksgiving, singing weird songs and putting up lights; they were normal, he wasn't. So when John was fourteen he had taken it upon himself to buy some Christmas lights with some money he had saved from mowing lawns. Neither of his parents had ever said anything and the next year John didn't put them up, leaving them in a box under his bed.

John had tried to celebrate the holidays with his first girlfriend, but she didn't understand when John didn't know any of the words to Christmas carols or what to do with mistletoe. His second girlfriend was from a Jewish family and didn't seem bothered that John didn't know anything about Hanukkah. In the Air Force, Christmas had always meant doing a shot of bourbon with whoever he was stationed with. John had brought a bottle to Atlantis just for that reason; it was still sealed.

He looked nervously at his boyfriend. John knew his boyfriend was religious, and so had probably celebrated Christmas all his life. John wondered who he could ask to find out more about the holiday. He didn't want Connor to realize that he still didn't know any Christmas songs or that John hadn't received a Christmas present since Sarah, and all she had given him were a pair of socks.

"John? Is everything alright?" A voice asked, breaking him out of his reverie.

"Um, yeah. Everything's good. I'm, uh, I need to go talk to McKay about something. Will you still be here?" He asked, knowing that Connor would.

The scientist nodded. "Yeah, come get me when you're done?"

"Sure." John agreed. He stood, and walked over to Connor giving his boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips before heading out to find Rodney.

John found Rodney in his lab, alone for once. The lab was quiet with just McKay and John felt out of place. "Hey." John greeted.

"Sheppard? Is it time for that meeting already?" Rodney asked, checking his watch.

"No, it's still night, McKay."

"Oh. Then what are you doing here?" He asked bluntly.

"What a guy can't visit his friend?" John asked innocently, taking a seat by McKay.

"Not when said friend hasn't spent a night with his friend in months."

John sighed. "You got me, I was, uh, wondering if you had a minute to talk."

"Well I guess I can put the multitude of things I'm doing on hold. Atlantis should hold together for another minute. Beer?"

"Sure." John answered.

Rodney grabbed a couple of beers from his hidden fridge and handed one to John. "Is this about that e-mail that Carter sent?" He said, uncharacteristically intuitive.

"Uh, yeah." John answered, surprised.

"I'm not stupid, Sheppard. I might not be the first to offer a group hug, but even I noticed how against Elizabeth's grand holiday plans you always were. So? What is it? You're secretly Jewish and feel slighted?"

John shook his head. "It's just, I've never really celebrated in the past." John admitted quietly opening the can in his hand.

Rodney didn't say anything and John looked up at him. John could see a light go off in his head as he deciphered John's words. "And this year you've got a boy toy who will probably want to celebrate and you need advice, eh."

"Would you not call him that?" John asked irritated. "And yes." He admitted to the latter half of the statement.

"Get him a present." Rodney advised, taking John serious for once.

John looked at him with doubtful eyes. "Even I know there's more to it than that, McKay."

The scientist shrugged. "A Christmas tree would be a little hard to produce in the Pegasus Galaxy, although I have a sinking suspicion that Zelenka is helping Carter tow one in from the mainland."

"Well, what are you doing with Katie?" John asked taking a long swig of his beer.

"I ordered her some necklace thing that Jeannie said she would like, came on the last Daedalus run."

"That's it?" John asked, skeptical.

"Yeah. Look, Sheppard, I'm sure your boy… _friend_ will understand. It's not like there's much choice out here." Rodney said.

"Hm, maybe you're right." John said eventually.

Rodney took a long sip of his beer. "I'm always right." John rolled his eyes.

"Thanks, McKay." He said, throwing his empty beer can into the trash.

"Whatever, Sheppard. I will deny this girly conversation ever happened." He said, turning back to his computer.

John just laughed and left to go drag his boyfriend back to bed.

Later that night, John had an arm gently around Connor, his boyfriend's ribs were still sore from the rescue mission a couple weeks ago. The younger man had a small scar on his forehead, that faded more every day. Connor was laying carefully on his side, resting his head on John's bare chest. He had a hand tangled in John's dog tags again, something that happened more often than not.

"Connor?"

"Hm?" Came the quiet reply.

"Tell me about your Christmas." John asked quietly.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything. Everything."

"Um, well, we always went to midnight services. They were wonderful-candles and singing. Then we would go, um, home and me da and I would have a pint or two. When I was younger they used to put the presents out after I went to bed, Santa Claus, you know?" He asked, except that John didn't. "Anyways…" He continued. "When I got older, they, uh, just put them out as they bought them. Then we would get up and open them early. Like five or six in the morning. Then afterwards me mum would make a giant breakfast, a full Irish one with a few other things, and these amazing, um, scones. Then we would spend the afternoon baking a cake, for the Lord's birthday." He explained. "I would help mum make dinner and we would settle in and eat."

"Did you decorate?" John asked softly, pulling Connor closer.

"Oh yeah. One year me mum let me make the Christmas lights out of left over computer parts. We would decorate a Christmas tree and string up garland, it was quite grand. There was always eggnog and biscuits out. We had a wee baby Jesus that we would put on the mantle. My parents loved Christmas…" He said, trailing off at the end.

John heard him inhale shakily and felt small tremors coming from Connor's body.

"Shit, Con. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.' John berated himself. _God, John, his parents died this year. It's probably his first Christmas without them, could you be more insensitive?_

"It's fine. I just miss them." Connor said after a minute. John ran a hand slowly up and down his side, soothing the younger man. "Really, John. I'm fine. We can make some, uh, new memories." Connor said, looking up at him, eyes bright. "What about you? Did you decorate a lot?" Connor asked earnestly.

John swallowed. "I… uh, just lights." _Once_.

"What about traditions?" Connor continued, not catching on to John's reluctance.

"Um, not so much." He answered weakly. "You know I wasn't raised very religious."

"Oh." And with that Connor fell silent. The hand tangled in John's tags released them and moved in small circles over John's chest. "I'm sorry." Connor said softly. John's chest ached at the sadness in Connor's voice. His boyfriend was pretty smart and John was sure he had read between his words. "We'll make new memories." He repeated.

"I'd like that." John said roughly, voice full of emotion.

Connor pressed a soft kiss to John's chest before crawling on top of him and leaning his head down into John's neck, pressing soft kisses there. John let his boyfriend distract him, thanking whoever heard him for bringing the younger man into his life.

* * *

When John stepped into Connor's quarters the next night pulling off his jacket, he found that his boyfriend was not alone in the room. His second in command was sitting on the floor across from the linguist, a Scrabble board between them. John normally tried not to think of how awkward it felt knowing that a man under his command was best friends with his _boy_ friend. Except now Lorne was sitting on his boyfriend's floor playing a board game and John had just entered, without knocking, already shedding his work clothes.

"So, who's winning?" He asked, taking a seat on the bed behind Connor. The younger man was leaning slightly against it. John peered down at his boyfriend's letters.

"Who do you think, sir?" Evan asked. "He's cheating."

"I am not!" Connor exclaimed. "It's not my fault I have a degree in linguistics while yours is in art." He said, sticking his tongue out at Lorne.

John tried not to laugh. He had forgotten that Lorne's degree was in art.

"Oh, that hurts, Doc. I'll have you know, art is a very respectable major." Evan shot back as he laid 'dog' down on the board.

"And so is linguistics." Connor responded laying down 'ziggura' onto the board connecting it to a 't' to spell 'ziggurat', landing the 'z' on a triple word score.

"57." John contributed.

"Is that word even allowed?" Lorne complained.

"It's in the Scrabble dictionary." Connor confirmed.

"I still say your cheating." Lorne said, looking for John to back him up.

John raised his hands slightly. "Don't look at me, Major. You chose to play against someone who never forgets anything and who has multiple degrees, one in languages." John said laughing. "You won't find me playing him." He moved a hand out and unconsciously ruffled Connor's hair. Connor, in response, moved to lean against John's leg.

John watched as Connor and Lorne finished the game, his boyfriend winning by two hundred or so points. John winced on Lorne's behalf.

"Thanks for the game, Evan." Connor said as Lorne held a bag up and the linguist tilted the board over it so the pieces would fall in.

"No problem, Doc. Next time I'm bringing Parrish for my team." He said with a smile.

"He's a botanist." Connor said confused.

"Well he can't be any worse than me on my own." He allowed.

Connor laughed as they both stood up. Evan held the game in his hands. "Night, Doc, sir." He offered.

"Night, Evan."

"Night, Major." John said from his seat on the bed.

Lorne left and Connor turned to John with an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry. I know it's, uh, weird for you." He said walking over and standing between John's legs.

John hooked his fingers into the to back of Connor's pants along the top. "It's fine. I know he's your friend." John reassured him.

"Yes." Connor agreed, resting his hands on John's shoulders. "But he's your subordinate and it makes you uncomfortable."

"Really, Connor, I'll get over it." John said, leaning his head into Connor's stomach. John brushed his lips against Connor's shirt before turning the scientist around and gently pulling him onto his lap. John bent his head to the side of his boyfriend's neck, pressing small kisses there. Connor sighed happily as he leaned his head back onto John's shoulder. John's hands traced around to the front of the scientist's body, slowly moving under his shirt. John felt hands reach around him and rest on his neck, pulling him closer.

He sucked lightly on the patch of skin above his boyfriend's collar, careful not to leave a mark. His hands slipped further up Connor's shirt, one tugging lightly on John's dog tags resting there, the other ghosting over Connor's nipples. Connor moaned softly before pulling his hands back from John's neck. He turned on John's lap, causing John to groan. He pushed on John's chest and John leaned back against the bed, Connor following him down.

The linguist moved slightly so his knees were on either side of John's. John felt him struggle to balance against the edge of the bed. He put an arm around Connor, pulling him down to his chest before dragging them further up the bed. Connor sat back up a little and John's hands moved to the bottom of the scientist's shirt, pulling it off over his head. Connor's hands were already working under John, tugging his shirt up. John felt himself harden as he saw his dog tags hanging around Connor's neck. Since John had given them to him, his boyfriend hadn't taken them off. He got strangely aroused every time he saw them around the younger man's neck.

Connor pulled John's shirt off and leaned down to his mouth, John lifted his head a little to meet his boyfriend half way.

An hour later John was laying in bed, freshly showered waiting for his boyfriend to finish. John grabbed up the math book he was reading and picked up where he left off.

"John?" He heard softly. He looked up from the book.

"Yeah?"

"Can you hand me my trousers?" A muffled voice asked from behind the shower door. John set the book down and spotted the pants lying on Connor's desk.

"What will you give me if I do?" He asked coyly, already picking them up. He hesitated outside the door, curious of Connor's answer.

"Um. My eternal gratitude?" John laughed before knocking on the door. Connor opened it slightly and reached a hand out. John pushed the pants into the waiting appendage.

"Thanks."

"Welcome." John said. "Hey do you think we could fit a couch in here?" He asked through the door.

"What? There's a mouse in here?"

"Couch. Not mouse."

"What's a mouch?"

John shook his head. "Never mind, I'll wait for you to finish."

A few minutes later the bathroom door opened and his boyfriend stepped out. "What were you saying?" He asked.

"Do you think we could fit a couch in here?" John asked again.

"There's more room in your quarters." Connor said with a shrug, looking around his room.

John wrapped his arms around the younger man from behind, resting his chin on Connor's shoulder. "Yeah, but you have less neighbors."

"Hm. I suppose I do. How are we going to get a couch in here?" He asked, leaning back into John.

"How did you get one into your lab?" John asked curiously.

"Um. I may have traded some, uh, shooting lessons for some assistance."

"You bribed my men?" John asked amused.

"Not bribed so much as a… trading of, uh, services." John let out a short laugh.

"And speaking of weapons, Lorne said you took a 9mm to a Wraith controlled planet." John remembered with a hint of question in his voice. "If you were boarded were you hoping to get a few good shots off? Why didn't you take a P-90."

Connor shrugged. "I liked it better. And I wasn't planning on getting boarded. We don't all carry around armories, John." He said indicating his boyfriend's preference of always carrying a 9mm on and off base as well as a P-90 and C-4 off world.

"Yes." John mumbled into Connor's ear. "But you should. Next time…"

"I'll bring the P-90." Connor said, rolling his eyes.

John gave him a light squeeze. "Good. And I think it would fit over there." John said pointing towards the window.

"Facing out?" Connor asked.

"Mmhmm." John said, nuzzling Connor's neck. "I know you like to watch the waves."

"Like you're not dying for some good surf." Connor laughed.

"Hm, well, maybe that too. Want some tea?" John asked.

"Mmm." Connor answered. John took that for a yes, and reluctantly released his boyfriend. He put some water on to boil. When he turned back around Connor was slipping into his sweatshirt.

"Cold?" John asked, moving back towards his boyfriend.

"Yeah." Connor answered. John slipped his arms into the unzipped jacket, wrapping them around the linguist's back. "Aren't you?" He said, indicating John's bare chest.

"Not anymore." John said, pressing his body against Connor's.

"Where do you keep your gun anyways?" Connor asked, curious. John rarely came to his quarters with his 9mm strapped to his thigh.

"Was that a euphemism?" John asked teasingly.

His boyfriend blinked before looking back up at him, brow furrowed. "What?"

"Never mind. Anyways, to answer your question, I usually drop it off at my quarters."

"Afraid I'll accidentally shoot myself with it?" Connor asked oddly.

"No." John admitted. "I'm afraid I'll start ravishing you and it will accidentally go off."

Connor laughed and pulled the edges of the jacket as far as they would reach around John. "That's what the safety is for. And I think we both know how to, um, stop a gun from going off, John."

"Hm." John answered. "You're probably right." He offered, pressing a kiss to Connor's jaw.

"Who did you get for your Secret Santa?" Connor asked the older man, changing the subject.

"Dr. Weston." John answered. ""Do you know him?"

"Not really. He works with Dr. McKay."

"You haven't met him at some scientist mixer?" John asked, nuzzling Connor's neck again.

"What scientist mixers?"

"I dunno. My guys hang out all the time, I thought maybe the scientists did too."

"Hm." Connor answered into John's shoulder. "The only scientist I, uh, hang out with is Dr. Parrish. And, uh, Dr. McKay when he's with you."

"Prefer us military men?" John teased.

Connor blushed. "Just one." He said, sliding his hands down John's back to hook in the top of his pants, copying John's favorite position.

"And Lorne." John added.

"I much prefer you." Connor said, giving John a kiss on the neck.

"I think I can live with that." John smiled.

The water began to boil and John broke free of his boyfriend, pouring the water into two mugs, adding some tea. He walked back over to Connor and lead the younger man towards the large chair in the room. John pulled him down on top of him.

"Isn't it early for this?" Connor asked, referring to their morning tea.

"I gotta get up early tomorrow." John explained. "Just getting my Connor time in."

"Mmm. I have to make an appointment to see Keller sometime soon. Ronon's been bugging me about running."

John's hand automatically moved to rub over Connor's ribs. "You sure you're up for that?"

"It's been two weeks, John." He said taking a sip of his tea.

"I know. But ribs take forever to heal." John said.

"I'll be fine." Connor assured him. "Did you give me decaf tea?" He said glaring at his cup. "Where did you even get this?"

John tried to look innocent as he answered. "It was with the rest of your tea."

"Uh huh. I'm on to you, John Sheppard." He replied, leaning his head back against John's shoulder. "Yuck, decaf." He said, but took another sip anyways.

John laughed at his boyfriend's antics. "It's all in your head." He tried to convince the younger man.

"Uh huh." Connor repeated. "Why do you have to get up early?" He asked, going back to John's earlier statement.

"Invasion drill." John answered easily.

"Was I supposed to know that?" Connor asked.

"Probably not." He admitted. "But there has to be some perks to dating the Military Commander of Atlantis."

Connor set down his tea and curled up on John's lap. John set his mug down as well, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. "There's lots of perks." Connor mumbled into John's chest. "Dog tags."

John laughed. "Well, I guess that could be one, although all the military have them…" He trailed off.

"Mmm. None that say 'John Sheppard'."

He laughed again. "I suppose that's true. Bed time?" He asked.

"Comfy here." Came the soft reply.

John rolled his eyes. "C'mon, up." He said, pushing lightly on his boyfriend. Connor stood and John stood behind him, leading him towards the bed. John reached up and slid the sweatshirt off of Connor's shoulders. He saw the younger man shiver.

"Cold." He mumbled.

"I'll warm you up." John promised as Connor got into bed, pulling the covers up. John followed him in, pressing his chest against the younger man's back, wrapping his arms around him.

"Night, John." Connor murmured.

"Night." He responded.

* * *

Evan Lorne walked lightly towards his best friend's lab. It was Monday, a semi-usual lunch date, depending on how busy the two men were. When he got there Connor was pouring another cup of tea. His friend looked less awake than usual.

"Long night, Doc?" Evan asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Early morning." Connor said with a glare.

"Hey, I didn't schedule the drill." Evan defended.

"But you didn't talk him out of it either." Connor replied, taking a deep drink of his tea.

Lorne scratched the top of his head. "I can do that?"

"Mmmmm." Was his only reply.

Evan laughed. "Ready for lunch?" Connor nodded, finishing his tea. "Mess hall or food hub?"

"Mess hall." He answered, and Lorne knew he would. His friend had a slight aversion to the replicated food. In fact, most of the Atlantis personnel did. He had a meeting later that week to see about moving people back to the mess hall and just having the kitchen people replicate food and serve it there. Not hiding, per se, where it came from, but not offering information.

Evan followed his friend to the mess hall and waited in line, patiently as Connor deliberated over fruit. After selecting a prickly green one, Connor moved on grabbing some meat and potatoes and two, Evan noticed, cups of hot water for tea. Evan filled his own plate and followed the linguist to a table by the window.

Connor set his tray down adding his tea bags to his water. He pushed his tray to the side and set his arms on them before resting his head on his arms.

"If I didn't know better, Doc, I'd say you were hung over." Evan teased his friend. "Why didn't you just go back to bed? You, unlike the rest of us poor guys, aren't tied to a schedule."

"Couldn't fall back to, uh, sleep." He mumbled in answer.

"Hmm." Evan said, stabbing a piece of lettuce. "So, what do you think of the Secret Santa thing?" He asked, changing the subject.

Connor lifted his head up to look at Evan. "Shouldn't have been mandatory." He said before lowering his head.

Evan thought about that. He hadn't thought anyone would really have a problem with the idea, and was rather looking forward to a surprise gift. He wondered why his friend didn't like it.

"You don't like it?" He asked, taking a bite of his salad.

"I just think it's being forced on people." Connor answered, sitting up. "I, uh, guess it would have been nice to have a choice." He dipped his fork into his mashed potatoes before moving it to his mouth.

"Maybe you're right. I didn't really think of that." Evan admitted, finishing his salad.

Connor shrugged, taking a sip of tea. "Did you get anyone you know?" He asked.

"Got Zelenka." Evan offered. "You?"

"Lieutenant Dooren."

"From Iowa?"

"Yeah. You know him?" Connor asked curiously.

"A bit. He's a pretty cool guy." Evan said, cutting up his meat. "You've met him, right?" He asked.

Connor swallowed the food in his mouth. "Yeah, he's on the range a lot."

"Definitely one of our better marksmen." Lorne agreed.

Connor finished one cup of tea before grabbing the second. Lorne watched as he gulped the tea down. The linguist finished that one, placing it back on the tray, pushing his half eaten lunch away.

"What's new in Major land?" Connor asked tiredly, leaning an elbow on the table and propping his head up with his hands.

"Not much. Got a few new gene carriers from the last run so I'm giving them their flying lessons, one almost ran us into an asteroid the other day." Connor offered him a weird look. "Other than that, it's been pretty slow. We have a mission in a couple days. A follow up to one of Colonel Sheppard's missions." Connor nodded and Evan assumed that Sheppard had told him about it. Evan glanced around the mostly empty mess hall before leaning in. "So, um, was it a little awkward when we played Scrabble?"

"'Cause John was there?" Connor clarified. Evan nodded. "Um, not for me." He answered. Lorne took that to mean that it was a little awkward for his commanding officer. "But, um, John's fine with it." He added. Evan gave him a skeptical look. "No, really." Connor insisted. "He knows we're friends, Evan."

"I know." Evan said. "It just felt a little… weird." He admitted.

"Are _you_ okay with it?" Connor asked quietly.

Evan thought for a moment. "Yeah." He had to be. Connor was his best friend who just happened to be dating his CO, they were going to run into each other off duty.

Connor studied his face before nodding. "Okay."

"So what's new in the linguistical world?"

"Not much…"

Half an hour later Evan was walking Connor back to his quarters. The scientist had decided to go back to bed.

"I'll see you later, Doc." He offered. Connor gave him a small wave before disappearing into his room. Evan made his way back to Colonel Sheppard's office. He had an hour before his next flight training and had some paper work to do. He was surprised to find his CO there when he returned.

"Major." Sheppard offered in greeting.

"Sir." He said, with a small salute that Sheppard waived off. He took the seat opposite Sheppard, pulling his laptop over to him. He started in on his mission reports, answering e-mail in between.

"How was lunch?" The question broke his concentration and he looked up.

"Lunch? Um, fine, sir." Lorne answered, confused. He knew that Sheppard was aware that he dined with Connor but the other man had never brought it up before.

Sheppard hesitated before asking. "Did he seem tired?"

"He had three cups of tea when I saw him, sir." Evan answered truthfully.

"Damn." Sheppard muttered, standing. "Thanks, Major."

"Um, no problem, sir." He responded as Sheppard left the room.

* * *

John entered Connor's quarters, walking quietly to not wake the younger man in case he was sleeping.

"John?" His boyfriend asked, sitting up in bed. "What are you doing here? Um, is everything alright?"

John walked over to the bed and perched on the side. "Lorne said you had three cups of tea." He said softly, moving a hand up to gently brush hair out of Connor's face as his boyfriend laid back down. "Connor, we need to talk about this." John said gently.

Last night the scientist had woken up breathing hard from nightmares and had been unable to fall back asleep. John had tried to coax some words out of his boyfriend, only to be met with silence. Connor pulled the blankets up over his head. "No, we don't." Came the muffled words.

"No hiding." John said, reaching for the blankets. Connor gripped them tightly refusing to let go. "Connor." He said, but the scientist didn't budge. John sighed. "Please?" He heard Connor mumble a reply but John couldn't make it out. "What?"

Connor pushed the blanket down off his head. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, offering John a sad expression. "I don't mean to wake you up. Maybe we shouldn't-"

John cut him off. "Don't finish that statement." He warned his boyfriend. "I'm just concerned for you, Con. I want to help."

Connor was silent and for a while John didn't think he would answer. Just as he was about to say something, Connor reached up and grabbed a hand, holding it closely to him. "I've had them since I was really young." Connor admitted quietly. "I normally don't remember them. I'm sorry, John." He said again.

John squeezed the hand holding his. "Don't be." He answered gently. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Connor shook his head. "My parents tried everything." He offered softly.

"Okay." John said. He set his gun on the bedside table and shucked off his shoes. John climbed into bed beside Connor and pulled the younger man against him. "Go to sleep." He whispered.

Connor grabbed his arm tightly, holding it close. A few minutes later John felt his boyfriend relax as his breathing evened out. He ran a hair through the sleeping man's head. _Oh, Connor_ , he sighed, _what am I going to do with you?_

John stayed for an hour, watching his boyfriend sleep, before he gently pulled his arm away, quietly sitting up and slipping his shoes back on. He tucked the blankets around the younger man and quietly grabbed his gun and made his way to the door. With one last glance he left the room, going back to work.

* * *

"You can't just shoot at everything that moves, McKay." John grumbled, rubbing his shoulder.

"Well, sorry. How was I supposed to know that branch would fall on you?"

"Well when you sever it with a P-90, there's a pretty good chance." John replied curtly.

"Was a good shot at the branch though." Ronon offered, grinning.

Teyla hit him on the arm. They were currently off world, exploring a planet that had some up in the Ancient database that the scientists had labeled as a planet of interest. John thought it was more like a planet of boredom.

"Are we there yet?" He asked with a small amount of whine.

"Are you sure you do not wish to go back to Atlantis?" Teyla asked for the third time.

John rubbed his shoulder again, he could already feel the bruise forming. "No. We're here, let's just check this thing out and go home… That is if we ever find it, McKay."

"Hey! I already told you. It was here and now it's not."

Ronon laughed. "Sounds like you broke the thing, McKay."

"I did not! Either way, the energy reading came from this direction. I think."

John groaned. "So you're not even sure where we're going?"

"Of course I am, Colonel. We're going north." He said proudly.

John stopped walking and his team stopped with him. "McKay." He said through gritted teeth. "North is that way." He pointed to the left. "We've been walking east."

"What? No we haven't are you sure?" Rodney defended.

"I'm with Sheppard." Ronon added. "We're goin' east."

"I, too, believe we are traveling eastward."

"Um. Oh."

John groaned again. "That's it. I'm calling this one. Now."

"But, but-" McKay spluttered.

"No 'buts', Rodney. You don't even know where you're going. You made a tree fall on me-"

"-It was only a branch."

John continued. "My shoulder hurts, I'm hungry and we're chasing after a ghost. I'll send SGA-3 back here to see if they have better luck." And with that John turned back around to the Stargate, his team following him.

"Maybe I could just-"

"No."

"Or you could just-"

"No."

Ronon laughed. "Face it, McKay, we're going back."

Forty minutes later John was waiting as Rodney dialed Atlantis. He sent his IDC through and seconds later was standing in the control room.

"Colonel Sheppard, welcome back." Carter greeted. "Any luck?"

John shook his head. "Trail disappeared." He explained.

"And if you had just let me-"

"McKay." John warned with a disapproving look. Rodney closed his mouth. "I'll send SGA-3 back to do another look around." John continued.

"Alright." Carter concluded. "Go get some lunch." His team dispersed, heading towards the tack room, he started to follow when Carter called him back. "John, I've asked Teal'c to come to Atlantis to help Ronon with his IOA interview. I asked Teyla if she would like some help, but she declined. I, um, wasn't going to offer the chance to Ronon." She said a bit contritely. "What do you think of the idea?"

John though for second. "Couldn't hurt. Chewie can be a little… difficult sometimes." He admitted. "When's he coming?"

"Not for another month. I was wondering if you thought we should tell Ronon before he gets here."

John grinned. "Not if you want him to show up."

"That's what I thought. Alright, we'll keep this between us for now."

"Thanks, Colonel." He offered.

"Dismissed." She said with a smile.

John headed towards the tack room. His team was still waiting there for him.

"What'd she want?" Rodney asked as John replaced his P-90.

"Just military stuff." He offered, removing his tack vest.

"What military stuff?"

"Private military stuff." John said sternly, holding back his smile.

"Whatever, Sheppard." Rodney said. "So, lunch?"

"I'll meet you there. I want to swing by Keller first. Get some of the good stuff." He said, gesturing to his shoulder. "Save me a seat."

Rodney and Teyla headed off to the mess hall leaving Ronon with John. John eyed him closely before shrugging with one shoulder. Ronon followed him to the infirmary, standing against the wall.

"Colonel Sheppard, Ronon, what can I do for you?" Keller asked.

"McKay made a tree fall on me." John bemoaned, sitting on a bed. "Can I get some pain killers?"

"A tree?" She said a little skeptically. "Did he push it?" She asked, already putting some gloves on.

"No. Shot it. With his P-90."

"Was more like a big branch." Ronon contributed. Keller gave him a look before turning back to John.

"Alright. Where did it hit you."

"Shoulder." John offered, already unbuttoning his black mid-sleeved over-shirt. He slid it down his arms before tugging off his black undershirt. A purple bruise was already forming on his shoulder, going down his chest and his back.

"Ouch." Keller said, gently prodding at the mark. "Was some branch."

"Yeah." John muttered.

"Well, it looks like no internal bleeding." She offered, pulling off her gloves. John put his clothes back on as she turned towards the medicine cabinet. She handed John a few packets of pills. "Take these. Two every four hours." She offered. John accepted them gratefully. She turned to face Ronon. "Did you get hit too?" She asked.

Ronon shook his head. "He's just my bodyguard." John offered.

Keller laughed a little. "Well, okay. If you need anything else, just stop by."

John stood up. "Actually, we're going to get some lunch. You interested?" He asked, knowing Ronon probably wouldn't.

"Um." She said, looking around the empty infirmary. "Sure. Let me just tell one of the nurses." A few seconds later she was back, jacket in hand. "All set." She offered.

Ronon led the way to the mess hall, finding the line and loading up his tray. John glanced around as he waited in line. He saw his boyfriend sitting at a table with Lorne's team, eating lunch. He tried to catch the younger man's eye but Connor was facing away from him. John just sighed and put some food on his plate. Behind him, Keller grabbed a large salad and some chicken.

John followed Ronon to the table where Teyla and Rodney were sitting. John sat next to Teyla so he could subtly glance at Connor across the room. Ronon sat at the end next to him and Keller sat next to Rodney. John smiled as Teyla pushed some silverware over to Ronon and an apple to John. "Thanks." He mumbled.

"So what do you guys think of the Secret Santa thing?" Keller asked, taking a bite of her salad.

"Secret Santa?" Teyla asked confused.

"You didn't get the e-mail? On the gift exchange."

"Ah. I did receive the e-mail, I just did not remember it being referred to as such." She offered.

"Oh." Keller blushed a little. "It wasn't. Probably because they didn't want to promote one religion over another, but it's a Secret Santa."

"It's a waste of time." Rodney cut in. "It's bad enough I have to take time out of my busy schedule to show up at some flimsy party of Carter's but now I have to bring a gift? Ugh." He said, shoving some rice into his mouth.

"Is this common on Earth?" Teyla asked.

John shook his head as Keller nodded, confusing the Athosian more. "Well, maybe in some parts." John relented.

"It's just a way to ensure that everyone gets something. Just a gesture, really. The season is all about giving." Keller explained.

John looked up from his food, about to comment further when his eyes met Connor's. The younger man offered him a shy smile and a small wave. John returned the smile brightly, enjoying the way his boyfriend's eyes lit up. Then someone said something to the linguist and he reluctantly turned his head from John's.

"-ntis to Sheppard. Come in Sheppard." Rodney said, reaching across the table to snap his fingers in front of John's face. "We know the _biologists_ are hot." Rodney said pointedly. "But I'm sure they don't appreciate you staring like a loon."

 _Huh? What?_ He realized he probably had a goofy grin on his face and did his best to wipe it off. Keller shot him a quizzical look as Teyla moved to change the subject.

"So this Santa is a… jolly, fat man? Who sneaks into houses and brings presents?" She asked.

"Yeah." Rodney confirmed. "But less creepy than you make him sound." He added.

"And he comes down… chinmeys?"

"Chimneys." John corrected.

"I see." She said, although John could tell that she clearly didn't.

"Won't he get stuck if he's fat?" Ronon asked. "And how does he get to the top of it?"

"Well he has these flying reindeer-"

"Flying reindeer?"

"They're like deer with horns that fly." Rodney explained.

"You're planet has flying deer?"

"No, no, no it's part of the Santa myth."

"Myth? This guy's not even real?" Ronon questioned.

"No! I mean yes! I mean, there are some who think he was real at one time…"

John tuned them out and went back to observing his boyfriend. Connor would glance his way every few seconds and blush every time their eyes met. John thought it was a wonder that Lorne's whole team didn't know by now and that Keller hadn't caught on. He watched for a few more minutes before Lorne's team stood up, Connor with them. They all returned their trays before going their separate ways. John tuned back into the conversation.

"…so these little people-"

"Elves!"

"They make the toys that the fat guy brings?"

"Ugh. I give up!" Rodney said, throwing his hands into the air. Keller laughed and John smiled at his teammates.

"So anyways…" Keller said. "Did you guys get anyone good? For the gift exchange?"

John shrugged. "Some scientist."

"Marine." Ronon added.

"I believe I got one of your nurses, Jennifer." Teyla offered.

"Oh really? Which one?"

"Rebecca Hiver."

"Oh! Yup, one of the nurses. Quite nice, her parents always send cookies and she likes to share them." Keller offered.

"Got one of Zelenka's guys." McKay said sourly.

"And who did you get, Jennifer?" Teyla inquired.

"One of the military guys." She answered.

"See another problem with the Secret Santa! We all got stuck with someone we don't know." McKay argued. "Ugh, I can't believe Carter's doing this." He said.

"You guys haven't done this before?" Keller asked. "With Dr. Weir?"

John shook his head. "Meant too." He offered. "Got too busy with the Wraith."

"Oh. I see." She said softly.

And John thought maybe she did. He didn't think McKay's problem was really with the gift exchange. John thought it was probably the fact that this was a stark reminder that Elizabeth was no longer with them. That the things she had meant to do had never gotten done.

John stood slowly. "Well, it's been fun guys, especially when McKay made that tree fall on me-"

"Sheppard!" He protested.

"-But I've got to get back to work. See you guys later." He collected his tray as his team offered farewell greetings. He dropped of his tray and headed for the transporter.

John got off at Connor's lab level. He walked the short distance down the hallway and 'knocked' on the door before walking in.

Connor didn't turn around and John moved to stand behind the seated man. He leaned down and wrapped his arms loosely across the top of Connor's chest. He moved his head down so it was next to his boyfriend's, peering at his work.

"Whatcha workin' on?" He asked softly.

Connor shrugged in his arms. "Just stuff." He answered. John leaned down and kissed his neck. "How was your mission?"

"McKay made a tree fall on me." John said pouting.

Connor turned swiftly in his arms and John released him. "What? Where?" His eyes were already scanning John's body. Hands tugged at John's shirt, unbuttoning the top one before pulling up the undershirt. His eyes roamed John's torso, but John knew he hadn't pulled the t-shirt up far enough. He shrugged out of his jacket and gently pushed Connor's hand up higher.

The younger man gasped. "Are you alright? Does it, uh, hurt a lot?"

"It did before Keller gave me some awesome magic pills." John admitted.

Connor stood up and pressed a kiss lightly to John's injured shoulder. "It looks awful."

"Blame McKay."

Connor's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "How did Dr. McKay make a tree fall on you?"

"Shot it." John offered. He tugged his shirt back down and Connor pulled his over shirt back up, buttoning it for John.

"Why did he shoot a tree?" The linguist asked.

"Who knows with McKay." John sighed. "So do I only get one kiss?"

Connor laughed, he wrapped his arms around John's neck and tilted his head up. John's arms moved around Connor's waist, tucking into his waistband. He lowered his head, meeting the scientist's lips. John gently pulled in Connor's tongue, caressing it with his own. John sucked lightly, eliciting a moan from the younger man. He tenderly licked at Connor's lips, before pressing light kisses to his mouth. A few minutes later he pulled back. "Tonight." He promised and Connor nodded, pressing a small kiss to John's jaw. "I've got to get back to work. Just wanted to say hi." He offered.

"Hi." Connor whispered to him.

"Hi back." John returned. John reluctantly let go of the younger man. "I'll see you tonight."

Connor nodded and John left him alone in his lab, heading back to do some paper work.

* * *

Connor sighed in frustration. General Landry had e-mailed him some photos of ruins the last time they established a worm hole to Earth. At first, Connor had been excited, but now he was frustrated. He didn't have all the books he needed to help with the translations and parts of the words had eroded away. He was also having trouble figuring out the dialect that was used to write the words, it kept shifting, and the end result was a stressed out Connor and a massive headache.

He rubbed his hand across his forehead again and looked back to the pictures. He had finished maybe five percent of the ruins in ten days. It was definitely the slowest he had ever worked on anything. He moved his hands to his temple and massaged circles on to the side of his head.

After another few fruitless minutes he decided to clear his head. Connor got up and saved all his work, heading for his gym. He changed into his work out clothes before doing some light stretches. He moved to the center of the mat and began to work through different tai-chi forms. After an hour, the stress had receded, leaving him with only his headache. Connor grabbed his staff out of the corner and slowly began the katas that he used it with.

He focused on his breathing and moving the chi energy around his body. He could reach out and feel Atlantis, he connected with her briefly and could feel the life signs of each expedition member. She let go of him as he slowly moved through light motions. When he finally stopped a fine sheen of sweat had appeared on his face and Connor wiped it off with a towel. He could still feel the headache in the back of his mind, but for now, he was able to think better. His still healing ribs ached a little but Connor ignored them, replacing his staff.

He walked back to his lab, leaving his work out clothes on, and made a cup of tea. Once it was brewed he sat back at his desk, pulling up the pictures again.

Four hours later Connor's headache was back and raging. He dropped his pen on his desk, closing up his notes. A glance at his watch told him it was 20:00. He wondered why John hadn't come by to pick him up yet. He gathered his laptop and his jacket, carrying them back to his quarters. He peeled off his work out clothes, tossing them into his hamper. He stepped into the bathroom and started the shower. Connor stood under the hot water and let it run over his body. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, but it was long enough for John, who Connor thought must have come in while he was in the shower to call through the door.

"Connor? Are you okay?" Connor could barely hear him over the shower.

"Yeah." He answered loudly, wincing as own voice made his head ache more.

"You sure? You've been in there almost an hour." John called back.

 _Shite_. "I'll be right out." He answered. Connor squirted some soap in his hand before moving it through his hair. After he rinsed it out he poured some on a wash cloth to wash with. A few minutes later he turned the water off and grabbed a towel, drying off. He looked around and discovered he forgot to bring clothes with him. He wrapped the towel around his waist and called out softly to John.

"Can you bring me some trousers?"

A second later, a hand appeared in the bathroom offering him some sleep pants. He changed into them before brushing his teeth. He left the towel on the rack before leaving the foggy room. John looked up at him from where he was reading a book on Connor's chair.

"Hey, you sure you're alright?" He asked, concerned.

"Headache." Connor answered. He watched as his boyfriend patted his pockets, coming up with a small packet of pills, he pushed two out offering them to Connor before getting him a glass of water. Connor dry swallowed them before taking a sip of water. "Thanks." He said.

"Not a problem." John brushed a kiss to his forehead before moving past him to the bathroom. He came back out changed and the kiss he gently placed on Connor's lips tasted like toothpaste. "Come to bed." He said, pulling on one of Connor's hands. The scientist allowed his boyfriend to lead him to his bed. John laid down first before gently pulling Connor down with him. Connor moved until his head rested on John's shoulder and a hand tangled in John's dog tags. He felt John press a kiss to his head as a hand rubbed soothing circles on his back. "Go to sleep." He said softly and Connor did just that.

When Connor woke again he didn't know if it was really late or really early, but he gently rolled out of bed to get a glass of water. His headache was all but gone and with every drink of the water he felt it recede more.

"Mmm, Connor?" John asked from the bed, reaching for him. Connor swallowed the rest of his water before setting the glass back down and rejoining his boyfriend in bed. "You okay?" John asked, running a hand through Connor's reddish-brown hair. Connor nodded against him. "Your head still hurt?"

"Not really." Connor replied honestly.

"Good." John said pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Connor felt John moved a little and he looked over to see John looking at his watch. "We have an hour or so before we have to get up…" John trailed off. "Do you want to go back to sleep?" John asked.

Connor smiled a little but didn't answer. He moved a little towards John and his boyfriend gently pulled Connor on top of him. Connor leaned his head down and John opened his mouth a little, meeting the other man. John's hands slid down Connor's back, moving to gently grip the other man's butt, pulling his closer to him. Connor tongue flicked out and John moved to catch it. He sucked on it lightly. Connor's hands landed on either side of John and one wormed its way into John's hair, lightly tugging at it. John pulled his mouth back to press several kisses in succession to Connor's before closing the small gap and sucking in his upper lip. Connor's tongue slowly moved inside John's mouth and John moaned a little, moving his hips up.

Connor felt John's hands move from his backside as they dropped down beside his chest. John pulled his mouth away. "Let's sit up." He said, breathing heavy. "I don't want you to hurt your ribs." Connor sat up on John's legs and John moved until he was leaning against the top of the bed. He reached a hand out for Connor who took it and he gently pulled until the younger man was sitting on John's lap, facing him. John's legs were stretched out in front of him, close together and Connor was sitting on the top of John's thighs, his knees on either side of John's body, their chest pressed together.

John reached a hand around Connor and pulled his closer until the scientist rested his head on John's shoulder, lightly kissing his neck. His boyfriend leaned down to nuzzle his neck, pressing kisses and sucking the skin lightly. One of John's hands was moving up and down Connor's back, the other one had moved back down to cup Connor's bottom, holding him close. Connor had his arms wrapped around John and was moving his mouth up John's neck, pressing kisses to his jaw.

John turned his head and caught Connor's mouth in his, tasting the younger man. John kissed him deeply and Connor moaned, shifting his hips forward a little. His hardness hit John's and he heard his boyfriend groan in pleasure. Connor let go of John's mouth and trailed kisses down his neck. He could hear John breathing heavily in his ear, gasping his name. John pulled back a little and rested his forehead on Connor's. The scientist tried to keep still as John's green-hazel eyes bored into his. Connor felt naked all of a sudden, like John knew all of his secrets. He pulled his arms from around John's body, moving them in between their chests, he wrapped them tightly around himself and John's gaze grew concerned. John pulled him close with one arm and Connor leaned his head down onto John's shoulder. One of his hands unwrapped from his stomach and moved up between them to play with the dog tags around his boyfriend's neck.

"What's wrong? What happened?" John asked softly. Connor just turned his head into John's neck, inhaling the scent of his boyfriend. "Connor? What happened just now?"

Connor opened his mouth to try and explain but nothing came out. He felt foolish when he thought of being scared that John knew all his secrets. Instead he lightly kissed John on the neck. He felt the other man sigh but John let the issue drop nonetheless.

Connor pulled back from John's neck and once again lowered his mouth to John's. He felt John lick at his lips, before gently exploring his mouth. Connor unwrapped his other arm from his stomach and move it up to John's hair, moving his fingers through the spiky locks. His hand on John's dog tags drifted a little to pass over John's nipple. He felt his boyfriend groan and buck his hips a little, Connor pushed his hips back into John's, loving the feeling. John moved again and Connor gasped into John's mouth, pleasure sinking into his every bone. He moved his thumb to circle the top of John's nipple, causing his boyfriend to pull back from his mouth and pant heavily. John's hips bucked again, his hardness rubbing more against Connor's.

John's eyes locked with Connor's again and Connor knew he was ready for the next step. While he wasn't sure what that was, really, he trusted John. He leaned his forehead against his boyfriend. "John…" He breathed. "Do you… want… to…?" He let the question hang.

John's eyes searched his again. Connor thought he found his answer because a moment later he gasped. "God, yes." Before claiming Connor's lips again. He pulled back suddenly, "Are you sure?" He asked.

Connor nodded. "If you are." That appeared to satisfy John as his boyfriend leaned down for another kiss, covering his mouth with his own. The linguist felt nervous, not sure of what he agreed too, he pulled back a little. "I…what…how…" He drifted off again, blushing.

"Maybe…" John panted. "…a little, um, rubbing? We can… leave the clothes… on." He answered, sucking lightly at Connor's neck. "What do you think?"

Connor nodded. "Yes." He breathed. John's mouth moved back to his and the hand on his bottom pulled him in even tighter. They shared several heated kissed before John pulled back a little.

"Let's shift positions a little." John said. "Sit back onto my legs." And Connor gently leaned back until he landed on John's legs near his knees. John pulled his hand away from Connor, moving it to his waist. "Bend your knees up, put your knees by my hips." Connor scooted forwards a little and moved to do as John directed. "I'm gonna move my legs." His boyfriend warned him. A hand tightened on his waist and Connor landed gently on the bed between John's legs. John's knees moved past Connor's hips and Connor felt himself pressed much more tightly up against John.

When they finished moving, John's hand moved back to gently cup Connor's bottom and his other tightened around Connor's back. Connor moved his arms around John, bending one arm up and his hand came to rest on John's shoulders, holding him close, the other, avoiding John's bruise from earlier, curled around his back. Connor turned to rest his head on John's shoulder, pressing his lips to the skin there, he felt John lower his head to land on his own shoulder, mirroring Connor's position. They slowly rocked into each other. Connor felt his heart beating fast as John's breath on his neck came quicker and quicker.

"I want to see you." John said, voice rough with emotion and desire.

Connor lifted his head and John pressed their foreheads together, intermittently pressing kisses to Connor's mouth. John kept rocking them slowly and Connor felt him self get harder and harder.

"Connor…" John gasped. And Connor felt him start moving his hips a little quicker.

"John… John… oh, gosh…" He breathed, looking into John's eyes. The hazel eyes had turned dark and Connor could see his boyfriend's pupils dilating.

"Together." John said roughly and Connor nodded. "Oh, God, Connor…" He panted heavily and Connor could hear his own breaths matching John's.

John leaned forward and kissed him roughly, his hand moving up Connor's back to cup his neck. When he pulled back Connor felt dizzy from the lack of air. Connor gasped as he felt himself get closer to the edge. "I'm… close… John." He panted.

"Me too." Came the reply. John stared into his eyes again and Connor felt himself blush a little, despite their current activities. John rocked harder against him. "God, you're beautiful." John whispered. "Come for me."

A few seconds later Connor found himself doing just that. He gasped as his body shook. "John." He said, panting. He felt John's body shake with release and he heard his name whispered.

He leaned his head back down on John's shoulder, still breathing heavily, his boyfriend moved the hand on his neck to rub his back gently. Neither man said anything for a few minutes and Connor eventually felt himself soften, still pressed against John. He blushed deeply, thinking of what they had just done. He buried his face into John's neck and felt his boyfriend laugh a little.

"You can't be shy after that." John said warmly. Connor's response was to press further into John's neck. "C'mon, Con, shower." John said with another small laugh. John slowly moved his hands up, underneath Connor's arms gently pulling his boyfriend off of him. Connor offered John a shy look and John leaned forward to kiss him, exploring his mouth again. "Thank you." He whispered as he pulled back from Connor's lips.

"For what?" Connor asked softly, a little confused.

"For doing that." John said, pressing a small kiss to Connor's lips. "For being here… with me. For being so beautiful. For blushing…" John trailed off. "For being you." He finished. Connor blushed again and John laughed. "Now, shower." He said pushing Connor gently until the scientist stood up. Connor took one last look at John before heading off to the shower, closing the door tightly behind him.

 _Wow_.

* * *

 _Wow_. John thought, sitting back against the bed. He was pretty sure that was the hottest thing he had ever seen or done. He couldn't stop picturing the way Connor's eyes darkened as he came, gasping John's name. John had been surprised when his normally timid boyfriend had suggested they keep going. He hoped they hadn't moved too fast.

He wondered how Connor felt about what they had done, if he had enjoyed it as much as John did. He seemed to have, and John couldn't help but smile as he remembered the linguist blushing afterwards. It was such a Connor thing to do.

John heard the shower running and ran a hand through his hair. He paused when he remembered how Connor had pulled away a little in the middle. How he had hid his face in John's neck. Suddenly John was overwhelmed with an immediate urge to know why the scientist had pulled away. He stood up and walked to the bathroom. He knocked on the door.

"Connor? Can I come in?" He asked. There was a pause before he heard Connor answer affirmatively. He opened the door, shutting it behind him. He sat on Connor's small counter, next to his seat. "Connor?" He asked over the running water.

"John? Is something wrong?" Came the concerned voice of his boyfriend. John hesitated, he should let the younger man take his shower in peace. But John's mind wouldn't stop racing.

"Why did you pull away?" He asked loudly. For a minute Connor didn't say anything and John wondered if the other man had heard him. Suddenly the showered stopped and John offered a towel over the stall door. A few moments later, Connor stepped out with a blush and the towel wrapped firmly around his waist. He moved to stand in between John's legs, resting a hand on each of John's knees. John was suddenly reminded of his damp pants, but as his boyfriend didn't seem to mind, he let it go. "Connor?" He asked softly, moving a hand to lift the younger man's chin.

"I-I was scared." He admitted softly, so softly that John strained to hear him. And when he did it felt like bullet to his chest.

"What?" John whispered, shocked and hurt. "Of me?" He asked.

Connor shook his head firmly. "No, not of you, John, never of you." He swore, looking into John's eyes. John could read the truth behind them and his heart started beating normally again.

"Than of what?" He asked gently, lifting a hand to move Connor's wet hair out of his face.

"I'm… I'm not even sure." He admitted. "When you looked at me, I felt… exposed." Connor added softly.

"Oh, Connor." John said lovingly, he pulled the younger man forward and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug that Connor returned. "God, I…" _love you._ "I'm sorry I made you feel that way." Is what he settled on.

"You didn't… I don't know what, uh, what came over me." Connor mumbled.

John rubbed a hand up and down his back. He pressed a quick kiss to Connor's forehead. "I'm gonna take a shower." He said lightly. "Will you make some tea?"

"Yeah." Connor answered shyly.

"Thanks." John said, pressing another kiss to his forehead. Connor moved towards the door when John stopped him. "Oh, and Con?" His boyfriend turned to look back at him with a questioning gaze. "I like the look." John said, indicating the towel wrapped around his waist. Connor blushed a deep red before quickly exciting the room. John laughed softly before stripping and climbing into the shower. He quickly washed and headed out in his own towel to grab some pants before enjoying tea with his boyfriend.

* * *

Rodney McKay wasn't sure who piped the Christmas music into the halls of Atlantis but he had a sinking suspicion a soon to be dead Czech had something to do with it. No matter where he went, now, the music was playing. It had started that morning and already Rodney was ready to kill someone. He thought he might start with Sheppard. The man had been unnaturally cheery all day long. All throughout their morning briefing a stupid grin had remained on his face. The man had even commented that he _liked_ the Christmas music. This made Rodney think that perhaps his friend had been taken over by Replicators. So now he was on a hunt to find Teyla. The Athosian woman would know what happened to Sheppard and she would definitely be able to deal with it better. John had been by his lab earlier and nothing Rodney had said would wipe the smile off of his face.

He chimed Teyla's quarters and she answered promptly.

"Rodney! Is everything alright?" She asked concerned.

"I'm worried about Sheppard." He admitted. "I think he's finally lost it. He's been grinning like a maniac all day."

Teyla's face lost the worried look as she laughed. "So because he is happy you assume something is wrong?" She asked him.

"What? No! I mean… yes… I mean there's happy and then there's Sheppard." Rodney defended. "So you haven't noticed anything weird?"

"I have noticed that… today he does seem to be happier than normal." She pulled Rodney into her quarters and the doors shut behind them. "But I do believe it has something to do with Dr. Davids. He has a similar, if less noticeable look on his face."

"The linguist? What? Oh…" He said as a light went off in his head. "Oh, gross, Teyla."

The Athosian whacked him on the arm. "It is not gross. And you should be happy for your friend. John has had little in his life to make him smile so." She said softly.

"What are you talking about? Sheppard smiles all the time… just not for as long as he has today."

Teyla looked at him deeply and Rodney felt uncomfortable under her scrutiny. "If you truly believe that then perhaps you do not know him as well as you think." She said seriously.

Rodney squirmed a little. "Whatever." He said finally. "So you don't think he's lost it?"

She smiled at him. "No, I do not believe so."

"Well that's good, I mean the last thing we need is a manic Air Force Colonel running around shooting people."

As he left her quarters Rodney was once again greeted with _Jingle Bells_ in the hallway. "Ugh. Zelenka!" He yelled intending to track down the Czech scientist.

By Friday Rodney couldn't take any more of Sheppard's cheerfulness.

"Okay! That's it, Sheppard!" He said loudly, startling the other man. They had been eating lunch together and John had been in the middle of relaying Lorne's latest mission mishap to the astrophysicist.

"Rodney? What?" He said confused, but still with a smile.

"I can't take it anymore. Why are you so happy? Why isn't this Christmas music driving you insane too!"

"I told you, McKay, I like the music." He replied easily.

Rodney eyed him. "The music is making you happy?" He asked suspiciously.

John grinned up at him. "Sure, McKay."

"Sheppard! That's not it and you know it." He stated, scowling at the other man.

John laughed a little. "I don't know what you want me to tell you, McKay."

"I don't want you to tell me anything! Just stop grinning like a madman."

"I-what?" John asked confused.

"That thing on your face? Don't your cheeks hurt by now?"

His friend looked at him oddly. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Rodney." He said but was still grinning nonetheless.

"There!" Rodney said pointing at Sheppard's face. "You're doing it now!"

"I didn't know there was a law against smiling, McKay." John replied, happily munching on his food.

"Ugh, there is when you're slowly being driven mad by Christmas music and your best friend won't stop grinning."

Sheppard's smile faltered a little and a hurt look passed over his eyes. "I'm not allowed to be happy, Rodney?" He asked softly.

Rodney backtracked a little. "No! That's not what I meant, Sheppard. I just-"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you smiling? And don't give me some bullshit answer about the music because I know you don't like it."

"I'm happy, McKay. Smiling is usually a byproduct of that. You should try it some time." John answered, smiling lighting his face up again.

"What are you happy about?" McKay demanded.

"Now I need a reason to be happy?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! No!" Rodney answered, frustrated.

"Well? Which is it, McKay?"

"I… Teyla said it has something to do with Dr.-Ow!" He said as John kicked him under the table.

"McKay." He said with a pointed look around their location. Rodney glanced around at the busy mess hall, there were people everywhere.

"Well? Does it?"

John just looked at him. "Do you really want to know, Rodney?" He asked seriously.

"Yes!" Rodney exclaimed then thought about it a little. "Uh… well… I don't know. Do I?" He asked.

Sheppard laughed, shaking his head slightly. "Probably not." He offered.

"But it does have to do with… you know?" He asked persistently. A dazed look crossed Sheppard's face and his smile grew even larger. Rodney took that to mean that it did. "Oh."

Sheppard looked at him oddly. "What?"

"Nothing, Sheppard." He wondered if he ever looked like that after spending the night with Katie. Rodney thought he probably didn't and then thought that maybe he should. "Nothing."

* * *

"McKay thinks I've gone crazy." John said, later that night as Connor changed in the bathroom.

"He what?"

"Thinks I've gone crazy." John repeated a little louder.

"Why?"

"He said, and I quote, that I'm 'grinning like a madman'." John called back as he changed his clothes in the living room. "Are you dressed?"

He heard something that sounded like a 'yes' so he knocked on the door softly before opening it. Connor was brushing his teeth in front of the mirror and John reached around him to grab his tooth brush.

Connor spit his toothpaste out before turning to John. "So because you smile, you're crazy?" He asked, sticking his toothbrush back into his mouth.

John shrugged as he brushed his teeth. A minute later Connor was rinsing his mouth out, replacing his toothbrush in the holder. He wrapped his arms around John from behind as John finished brushing his teeth. Connor's hands moved up John's chest to play with his tags. John rolled his eyes.

"I saw that." Connor warned.

John smiled around his toothbrush before spitting and rinsing his mouth out. He put his toothbrush back in the holder next to Connor's. "Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" He asked, turning around in the younger man's arms. Connor blushed before leaning up to give John a toothpaste flavored kiss. John licked his lips after Connor pulled away. "Hmm, maybe I should roll my eyes more often." He teased. The younger man hit him lightly on the arm.

They made their way out of the bedroom, John tugged Connor's chair over to rest in front of the window. _We really need a couch_. Connor pulled a blanket off his bed and walked over to John, settling into his lap sideways. John's arms went around Connor's and the scientist leaned his head onto John's shoulder, turning his head a little so he could watch the waves. One of his hands was once again tangled in John's dog tags.

"So what did you, um, tell him?" Connor asked softly.

"Hm?"

"Dr. McKay." Connor clarified.

"That he probably didn't want to know." John replied softly.

Connor didn't say anything to that and John turned back to the waves. Soft classical music started playing and John startled. "What is that?" He asked, looking around.

"Oh. Sorry." Connor mumbled and the music stopped.

"You… How… Where did that come from?"

"I was just, uh, thinking that some music would be nice… and, um, Atlantis…" He drifted off.

"The city played some music for you?" John asked in wonder.

"Uh, yeah. She does that." Connor answered softly.

John held him tighter. "Don't tell McKay." John said lightly.

Connor laughed. "I promise." He said.

"You can put it back on, if you want." John offered and before he even finished the music filtered back in. "It's a nice change from Christmas songs."

"What's your favorite?" Connor asked.

"Favorite what? Christmas song?" The younger man nodded against him. John didn't know how to answer him. He didn't know the names of any Christmas songs and was just starting to learn the words to the ones Radek had tapped into the Atlantis intercom system. John struggled to answer. "Um, that one with the uh, snowman." He said finally.

Connor titled his head up to look at him. He had an odd expression on his face that John couldn't decipher. "Frosty the Snowman?" He asked.

John thought for a second. He didn't remember the word 'frosty' being in the song so he shook his head. "They're, um, building a snowman in a meadow?" He asked.

"Oh! Winter Wonderland. It's been playing in the city?" Connor asked for confirmation.

John nodded. "Yeah that one."

"John?" Connor asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I, um… do you…" He hesitated. "You don't know any Christmas songs, do you?" He asked gently, lifting a hand to cup John's face. John's breath hitched and his arms tightened around Connor. Connor ran his thumb gently over John's cheek. John didn't say anything and Connor kissed his jaw. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Will you sing me one?" John asked softly. Connor nodded and kissed his jaw again.

Quietly John heard his boyfriend begin to sing. " _Oíche chiúin, oíche Mhic Dé, Cách 'na suan, dís araon_ …"

"Is that Irish?" John murmured. Connor nodded.

A few minutes later he finished. "… _Críost a theacht ar an saol_."

"You have a beautiful voice." John whispered.

Connor blushed. "Thank you."

"What song was that?"

" _Oíche chiúin_ … _Silent Night_." He offered.

"Will you teach me?" John asked softly.

Connor nodded. "It starts… 'Silent night, Holy night, all is-"

"In Irish." John interrupted him gently. Connor looked at him surprised. "Please." John asked.

Connor hesitated before nodding. "It goes… _Oíche chiúin_ …"

"Ee-hah hune…" John repeated. Connor laughed softly. "What?"

"Nothing, John… _oíche Mhic Dé_ …"

"Eey-hah vick day?"

"Close enough." Connor murmured. " _Cách 'na suan_ …"

John eagerly soaked up a little bit of his boyfriend's culture and by the time they headed for bed John knew the words to his first Christmas carol.

* * *

Ronon made his way to Connor's lab, laptop in hand. The scientist was going to tell him a little more about computers. Ronon was going to take the opportunity to question the man about this holiday stuff that the Lanteans were doing.

"Ronon, hey." Connor greeted as he stepped through the doors.

"Irish." He acknowledged. He pulled up a chair by the linguist's desk and waited for him to finish up whatever he was working on.

"So, um, last time I, uh, showed you how to use the Atlantis network for file sharing, and um, e-mail. How's that working out for you?"

Ronon grinned. "Lots more movies."

Connor laughed a little. "So, I, uh…" He hesitated before continuing. "…I, um, got something for you, well, really more like, uh, made? For, um, for Christmas, just something small. I'm not sure what you'll think of it but…" He drifted off and Ronon found himself curious about what the other man could have made him. "Yeah. So, um, I thought today I'd, uh, help you use the writing program. I, um, I took the Satedan alphabet you gave me and, um, created an algorithm to uh, work with your keyboard." He handed Ronon a flash drive. "Put that in." He directed and Ronon did so. Connor tugged his laptop lightly to face him and Ronon heard his fingers hit the keys rapidly. After a few minutes the linguist turned the computer back to face him. "Okay, so it will, um, take a little getting used to. But all the Satedan letters correspond to keys on your keyboard. I thought that, uh, maybe you might want to write some history of your planet." He added softly.

Ronon looked up at the scientist. There was a nervous look on the Irish man's face, afraid he had gone too far. Not many people mentioned Sateda around Ronon, something he appreciated. But Irish had reached out to help him. Ronon knew that with this he could help Sateda's memory live on.

"Thank you." He offered gruffly.

A smile lit up Connor's face. "You're welcome, so, um here's how the keys work and stuff…." He said leaning over to show Ronon.

An hour later Ronon was packed up and heading out to lunch.

"Chewie! Wait up!" A voice called behind him. Ronon stopped and turned, waiting for Sheppard to catch up. "I thought we finally trained you out of carrying that thing everywhere." John said, indicating the laptop bag.

"Irish was helping me." He said.

A goofy grin came over Sheppard's face and Ronon briefly wondered what the other man was thinking of. "Did you learn a lot?" He asked.

Ronon hesitated. "Yeah, he made me a Satedan keyboard."

John's eyes brows went up. "Really?"

"Yeah. Said I should write out the history of my people."

"You should." John encouraged.

"Yeah." Ronon agreed.

They reached the mess hall and Teyla was already waiting there for them. Ronon grabbed a tray, piling it high, before trailing after Sheppard to the table.

"Where's McKay?" Sheppard asked.

"I have not yet seen him today." Teyla answered.

"Oh, I thought he was gonna join us." Sheppard said.

Ronon didn't care if McKay did or not. He dug into his food with the silverware that Teyla slid him. He flashed her a smile before piling his fork high with food.

"What you can't wait for me now?" Rodney asked loudly as he sat down next to Sheppard, setting his tray in front of him.

"It's not our fault you're late, Rodney." Sheppard shot back. He took a sip of the tea he had chosen. Ronon had noticed that since Sheppard started sharing pillows with Irish he drank a lot more tea.

"I'm like two minutes late, Sheppard." Came the response as McKay dug into his food.

"Still late." Sheppard argued.

Ronon grinned at his teammates. Life was good.

* * *

"You wanted to see me, Colonel?" John asked as he stepped into her office. The other lady had a backpack situated on her chair and appeared to be adding to it.

"Yeah, John, I have to go off world to M5V-801."

"The planet with the mines and the tremors?" He asked.

"That's the one." She confirmed. "We're not having any luck convincing the natives to move, and since I have a bit more experience with negotiating I thought I'd help out." She said, adding something else to her pack. "Which means…"

"That while you're gone I'm in charge." John finished.

"Yes, sorry to do this to you, John." She said honestly.

"It's fine." John said, waving his hand. "It'll give me time to finish some paperwork." He offered with a grin.

Carter gave him a look. "Uh-huh. Anyways, we're hoping it won't take too long."

"We?" John asked.

"Keller and McKay are coming with me."

"That's… quite the combination." He said.

"I'm hoping it will give me some time to get to know Dr. Keller better. I haven't been able to spend that much time with her."

"And you already know, Rodney." John smirked.

"Oh yeah." She smiled. Carter zipped up her pack, pushing her arms through the strap so it rested on her back. "Well, I'll see you later. Try not to burn her down while I'm gone." And with a pat on the shoulder she left. A few minutes later John watched as the Stargate engaged and the trio walked through.

"Chuck." He said to the Control room guy. "I'll be in my office if you need me, or just radio." He said.

"Will do, Colonel." Chuck said happily.

John left the room. He stopped by the mess hall to make a cup of tea, carrying it back with him to his office. When the doors slid open, John was a little surprised to not find his second in command sitting there. He shrugged and took a seat behind the desk, starting up his computer.

John glanced around his empty office before bringing up solitaire. After losing seventeen consecutive games, John gave up and moved on to hearts. He was in the middle of winning his first game when the doors opened.

"Oh! Sir, sorry." Major Lorne stammered, hovering uncertainly by the door.

"No problem, Major." He offered, clicking on a black three of spades.

Lorne took the seat across from John, pulling up his own laptop. Soon John heard the clicks of the keyboard and thought that it would probably be less obvious that he was playing a game if he actually made more noise. He looked over the top of his laptop to his XO before looking back to his game. John was under no illusion that the younger man thought he was working. He went back to his game.

John was about to start another game when he was interrupted by an e-mail popping up. He clicked on the link to find an e-mail from Major Evan Lorne waiting for him. He raised an eyebrow and peered subtly at the man across from him. Lorne gave no indication that he had just sent an e-mail. John opened it.

 _Colonel Sheppard,_

 _I was planning on giving Dr. Davids some raspberry tea for Christmas, I am writing to confirm that you will not be giving him the same thing._

 _Major Evan Lorne, USAF_

John stifled a laugh as he clicked 'reply'.

 _Major,_

 _Sounds good._

 _Colonel John Sheppard, USAF_

John clicked 'send', and a second later he heard a ping come from Lorne's computer. He glanced over and the younger man had a grin on his face. Another e-mail popped up and John clicked it open.

 _Colonel Sheppard,_

 _Thanks._

 _Major Evan Lorne, USAF_

John hadn't thought of what he was getting the scientist, except that now his boyfriend's best friend had already told him of the gift he was giving the linguist and John started to panic a little. The last time John had given a Christmas present he was with Sarah and he got her a box of chocolates that she had told him to buy her. John doubted his shy boyfriend would be so forthright, _and_ , John thought, _it's not like the selection is huge in the Pegasus Galaxy_. John wondered if Teyla would have any advice, but then decided she would probably say something like 'give from your heart' and if that wasn't the worst advice John had ever received than he would eat his shoe.

John closed his hearts game and instead opened up the Atlantis file sharing database that included a list of items people had and what they were trading them for. He browsed the list slowly, making note of the things he thought might interest his boyfriend. He opened notepad and made a list of all the things he marked. John thought more and slowly deleted items until he was, unfortunately, left with nothing. _Hm. What does he need?_ John shifted in his seat a little and his 9mm hit his desk. Suddenly a light went off in John's head. Connor appreciated weapons. John would find the younger man a suitable gun. He stood up suddenly, startling the Major sitting across from him. He left the room without a word, heading for the armory.

After he got there, John began shifting boxes of supplies around. After about an hour of searching he found the case with extra M11 pistols. John pulled one out and examined it lightly. Satisfied he closed the case and grabbed a couple of the thirteen round magazines that go with the gun. John moved to the inventory list and wrote Connor's name next to the weapon releasing it, officially, into the scientist's care. John also grabbed a gun cleaning kit and a leg holster, signing for those as well.

He made his way back to his quarters with the presents, setting them on a table. John hunted for a box and came up empty. _Hm_. He left his quarters making his way to the kitchens where he easily procured a box from the crew and went back to his room. John gently placed Connor's presents into the box before replacing the lid and sticking it in his dresser. He was struck with a sudden bout of nervousness of whether or not the younger man would appreciate the gift. John ran a hand through his hair before leaving his quarters. He thought Connor would probably like it.

His feet took him to his boyfriend's lab while John was thinking about the gift. He smiled when he realized where he was, 'ringing' the door chime before entering. He frowned lightly when he didn't see the linguist at his desk. He look around the room and found the missing man laying on the couch with a blanket thrown over his head. John slowly made his way over to him.

"Connor?" He called softly, in case he was sleeping.

"John?" Came the muffled reply.

John knelt down by Connor's head on the couch. He reached out and pulled the blanket off of the younger man's head. "Whatcha doin under there?" He asked.

"Nothing." Connor sighed. "Thinking."

"About?" John prompted.

"These translations I'm working on." Connor admitted. "I'm stuck."

John thought about that for a second. In all the months that he had known the linguist, Connor had never been stuck on something. Instead, he often moved through the translations at a record pace.

"Is this the database?" John asked, moving a piece of hair out of Connor's face.

"No. General Landry sent me some, uh, pictures of ruins and asked me to, um, take a look at them. Except that I'm… stuck and I don't have all the, uh, books that I need."

John gently moved his hand through Connor's head. "So you decided to figure it out under a blanket?" He asked with a small amount of amusement in his voice.

Connor glared lightly at his boyfriend. "I just needed to think." Connor defended with a pout.

John smiled. "I'm sure General Landry won't be mad if you can't figure it out, Connor." He tried to placate the younger man.

"I know." His boyfriend muttered. "But I…"

"Want to figure it out anyways." John finished.

"Yeah." Connor sighed again. "But it looks like I won't."

"Is this why you had a headache the other day?" John asked intuitively.

"Yeah."

"You work too hard."

"Hm. Not all of us can, um, get away with playing solitaire in our offices, John." He said with a small smile.

"I'll have you know that I play hearts too."

"Uh huh." Connor agreed. "Exactly."

"Hey! I'm in charge of this base right now, you should be nice to me." John said with a mock hurt in his voice.

"Where's Colonel Carter?" The younger man asked.

"Off world. She's trying to convince some natives to move so their village doesn't collapse or something." John explained. "Which… leaves me in charge." John said with a large smile.

"Do you have more to do when she's gone?" Connor asked curiously.

"Not really." John admitted. "I just have to be more available."

"Mmm." Connor mumbled.

"Want to get some lunch?" He asked.

"John…"

"We'll bring Teyla." John added. He hated that he and Connor had to be careful about being seen together. They rarely had meals together, often, instead dining with a group.

Connor looked into John's eyes and smiled. "Okay." He said. John pulled the blanket off his boyfriend, slinging it over the back of the couch before offering a hand up, which the younger man accepted. John pulled him up and Connor stood, his body ending up flush with John's. John smiled before leaning in for a quick kiss, which the younger man returned with a blush. Connor let go of John's hand and made his way to his desk, grabbing his jacket off his chair.

John raised his hand to his radio. "Sheppard to Teyla."

"Teyla here."

"Want to grab some lunch now?" He asked.

"Shall I meet you there?" She asked.

"Sounds good. Sheppard out."

He turned and offered a smile to Connor who returned it, following him out of the lab and down to the mess hall. Teyla was waiting for them outside of the doors.

"Connor!" She smiled warmly. "John did not mention you were coming."

"Last minute addition." John said with a wink to Connor as they entered the mess hall. John followed his boyfriend and teammate through the food line, adding another piece of fruit to Connor's plate and receiving a glare in return. John just shrugged innocently and moved to collect his own food before following them to a table. John sat next to Connor who sat across from Teyla.

"How has your day been, Teyla?" Connor inquired politely.

"Good. In fact I have spent the morning off world with a group who went to a market planet."

"Find, uh, anything good?" He asked, biting into the fruit that John had added.

"Several things." She answered. "In fact, I found something that even Rodney should love." She had a twinkle in her eye as she said this and John wondered what it was she had found the scientist. He doubted she would tell him. "How has your gift gathering been going?" She asked the two men.

John looked to Connor, letting him answer first. The younger man shrugged. "I have Lieutenant Dooren's present already. I gave Ronon his a little, um, early. He seemed to like it."

"The Satedan keyboard?" John asked.

"He, um, he told you about that?" Connor asked shyly.

"Yeah. Really likes it." He confirmed for his boyfriend.

Teyla looked between them. "You gave him a keyboard?" She asked a little confused.

"Um, no, I, well sort of. I wrote a program that will allow the, um, keyboard he has to let him use Satedan letters. I thought that he could, uh, write down his people's history."

"That was a very thoughtful gift, Connor. I had not thought to have him record his people's history, but now that you mention it, he should." She praised.

"It's nothing." The linguist muttered, clearly uncomfortable.

"I picked up a gift this morning." John announced to take the attention away from his shy boyfriend. Connor flashed him a grateful smile. "But I'm not sure what to get Weston." He said, referring to his Secret Santa person.

"He likes classical music." Connor offered.

John turned to him surprised. "I thought you didn't know him."

"I didn't, but, uh, I…" He mumbled something that John couldn't hear. John moved his knee a little to gently tap Connor's. He gave his boyfriend look that said he didn't hear him. "I asked about him to a, um, couple people." Connor admitted. "I know you don't know him, John."

John smiled. "Thanks." He said briefly, tapping his knee against Connor's again.

"Do you have many more presents to acquire?" Teyla asked. "I will be returning to the market tomorrow and there is some space left if either of you wish to join."

Connor looked at John before looking back at Teyla. "Um, I think I might like to come." He said softly. "I've never been to a market world."

"It's pretty neat." John contributed. "It's a planet that other worlds use just for a market. Lots of people and stuff. Be careful, though." He warned. "Some of them will rip you off, especially if they know you're from Atlantis."

"That is true." Teyla said. "But I will be there to help you with anything you may wish to purchase." She smiled warmly at Connor.

"Thanks, Teyla."

"It is not a problem." She responded.

John was about to add something when his radio beeped. He answered with an apologetic look at his companions. "Sheppard here."

"Colonel Sheppard? Colonel Carter's away team has missed their scheduled check in."

 _Shit_. "Alright, I'll be right there. Sheppard out." He looked to the other two at the table. "Sorry, I've got to go." He said, already piling his food back onto his tray.

"Is everything alright, John?" Teyla asked.

"Carter's team missed the check-in." He responded. A hand reached out and landed briefly on his. He turned to look at his boyfriend.

"I'll take your tray back." Connor offered softly. He pushed an apple towards John.

John took the apple, fighting an impulse to plant a small kiss on the other man's hair. "I'll see you later." He offered them both.

"Bye."

"Later."

John strode quickly from the mess hall to the Control room. There was already a team of Marines waiting there for him. He turned to Chuck. "Alright, what do we have?"

* * *

Connor looked around the market as he walked. John had been right. It was really neat. He couldn't believe the number of booths here. There were people from all over the galaxy. To Connor the idea was still novel, to these people it was everyday life. He could smell different meats cooking and something sweet grabbed his nose. He followed Teyla as she moved around. He had donned jeans, a t-shirt and a hooded sweatshirt for the outing; John's gun strapped to his thigh. His clothing was different from anyone in the Pegasus Galaxy, but not immediately recognized as Lantean clothing. He had a small message bag strapped across his chest, holding different items that he could trade with. Atlantis had a bunch of items stocked for when its personnel wanted to trade off world. There was a lot of food, some medicine and some toys and such. Teyla had told him that most of the merchants at the market loved to trade for chocolate.

He looked left and right as Teyla led him to a booth of stuff that she thought John might enjoy, Evan too. She stopped a booth ten feet ahead of Connor and he hurried to catch up. In front of him were various weapons. Mostly knives, some small, some big. Connor looked them over and found one that he thought Ronon would enjoy. He wanted to get the Satedan something else since the algorithim he created had only taken about an hour. He mentioned it to Teyla and the Athosian woman bartered for it. Connor was glad she was with him to help.

He quickly made the transaction, storing the knife in his bag before moving on.

"Teyla?" He asked softly.

"Yes?" She responded, slowing down to walk beside him.

"I was thinking, um, maybe a blanket? Or a quilt? For John?" He asked in a questioning voice. She had known John much longer than he had and he trusted her judgment.

She smiled at him. "I think he would like that very much." She offered. "There is a wonderful stall this way that my people trade with. They are sure to have some Athosian blankets, if you so wish."

"That would be grand, Teyla." He said smiling. He trailed after her to a textiles booth.

The vibrant colors quickly overwhelmed him as he moved to look around. Teyla had moved to the opposite end that he had, helping him look. Connor passed over the brightly colored blankets full of oranges and yellows. His eyes landed on a quilt hanging up that had been dyed a dark black with small grey dots. Connor's breath caught when he realized they were constellations.

"That one." He said softly to Teyla, pointing.

"That is beautiful." She agreed. "He would love it, and I do believe it was made by my people."

Teyla called the merchant over to barter with him some more and Connor walked away with a new quilt.

"Who do you have left?" The Athosian woman asked him.

"Um, Evan." Connor answered. "You. And um, Dr. McKay." He added.

"You do not have to get me anything." She said gently.

"I want to." Connor argued.

"Hm, well, I do not know Major Lorne as well as you do, is there anything you think he might like?"

"Hm… do they sell any kind of, um, art supplies?" He asked.

"I think I remember such a booth." She said before heading off in another direction. Connor rushed to keep up with her. Ten minutes later they had navigated most of the market before ending up at a small booth at the end. There were a few paintings hung up, but Connor didn't see any supplies. Teyla leaned over the bar to talk to the owner. The old lady on the other side smiled and nodded before producing a bunch of paints and a few canvases. Teyla looked back at Connor with a questioning look. Connor nodded and they worked out a trade for the supplies.

A few minutes later they were wandering around the market again. "Any ideas for Dr. McKay?" He asked.

"No, and the booth where I purchased his gift is not open today." She answered remorsefully.

"Maybe I'll wait and ask John." Connor said after they had wandered for a while. "Dr. McKay would probably prefer something from Atlantis anyways."

Teyla nodded. "Are you ready to head back then?"

"Um, can you give me… ten minutes?" He asked.

"Of course. I will be over there, waiting for the rest of the group." She answered, pointing to a spot at the edge of the market where a few people from Atlantis were already standing.

"Thank you." Connor replied softly. He turned and headed back to a jewelry stand he saw a few booths back. He approached cautiously and looked over the jewelry there. Most he passed over, but his eyes caught on a small pendant with a wave etched into it, it hung on a leather string and Connor thought Teyla would like it. He carefully bartered for the necklace as he had seen Teyla do, smiling a few minutes later as he packed it into his bag.

He met up with the rest of the group and they waited while everyone else finished up. As they were dialing the gate Connor turned to Teyla. "Um, Teyla, could you maybe keep this with you?" He asked softly, holding up John's blanket.

"Of course." Came her reply and she took the blanket gently from Connor. And with that they stepped through the gate.

Connor hurried out of the gate room to his quarters, depositing his gifts on his bed. He gently tucked them away into the bottom drawer of his dresser. He hesitated before deciding against changing out of his jeans before heading back to his lab to keep working on General Landry's ruins.

* * *

John found his boyfriend, once again, hunched over his desk in the scientist's lab. He walked over and wrapped his arms around the younger man from behind, his hands worming into the linguist's sweatshirt on either side of the un-zipped jacket.

"How was the market?" He asked.

Connor wrote out another sentence before crossing it out again. "Good." He answered, a little distracted. "Got stuff for everyone. I was, uh, hoping you could…" He drifted off as he crossed out another word, turning a few pages in the book on his left.

"I could…" John prompted.

"Oh, sorry. Help me with, um, Dr. McKay's present. You know him better than I do…" He flipped a couple pages in a different book, looking back and forth between the pages open in front of him.

"You gonna be finished any time soon?" John mumbled into his ear. "It's midnight."

"Um… I wanted to work for a couple more hours." Connor said apologetically, writing out another word on top of the scribbled one.

"Alright, wake me when you're ready." John said, pressing a kiss to his temple. John headed over to the couch, laying down on it before falling into a light sleep.

John woke up slowly, frowning lightly. He was cold and he wasn't sure why. He reached for his boyfriend only to come up with nothing. John looked to the scientist's desk and found the linguist still working. A glance at his watch told him 0412. John got up and walked over to Connor. He leaned around him again, nuzzling his neck.

"Two hours?" He asked softly.

Connor sighed. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to get more done before the dial out in a couple days."

"Come to bed." John whispered. "It's late. You need sleep." He said, gently reaching out and taking the pen from Connor's hand. He set it on the table and pulled the younger man up. His boyfriend looked tired, with dark circles under his eyes. John led Connor away from his lab into his quarters. He sat the scientist on his bed and John tugged off his boyfriend's sweatshirt before pulling his shirt off over his head. Connor sat still on the bed as John undressed him. John pushed him back gently until he was lying down. "Do you want to stay in your jeans?" He asked as Connor's eyes began to droop. John unbuckled his gun from Connor's thigh. The younger man shook his head. John pulled off Connor's shoes before he moved to get Connor some sleep pants as the Irish man slowly unbutton his jeans, lifting his hips slightly to pull them off. John passed him the pajamas and Connor wriggled into them.

John pulled of his own shoes and shirt before moving into bed with the other man, taking out his headset. Connor curled up into John's side, and John wrapped his arms around him. He reached around and pulled out Connor's radio, setting it next to his on the bedside table. He pressed a kiss to Connor's head before following him into sleep.

John woke up three hours later to his watch alarm going off. He laughed slightly as Connor moved a hand in the direction of John's watch, making a hitting motion. John turned the sound off and the younger man stopped moving. He gently untangled himself from his boyfriend, before moving to get out of bed. Connor, instead of letting go as usual, re-latched onto John and moved himself closer.

"D'you have to go?" The younger man asked sleepily.

"I have a meeting at 8:30." John offered.

Connor grabbed John's left arm, pulling his watch in front of his face. "That's in an hour and a half. Staaaaay." He drawled.

"I have things to do before then." John explained.

"Let Evan do them." Connor mumbled. "Please."

John's will broke and he leaned back against the bed. Connor climbed onto John, resting his head over John's heart. "So you wanted me to stay so you would have a pillow?" John asked, amused.

"A very comfy pillow." Came his reply. Connor's hand traced circles on John's chest as he pressed his lips against John's chest, belying the scientist's tired state.

"Don't start something you can't finish." John warned, smiling down at the linguist.

"Who says I can't finish it?" His boyfriend replied, lifting his head to lick at John's nipple.

John gasped. "Connor, you're barely awake."

The younger man lifted his head. "I'm awake, I promise." He said to John.

John looked at his face for a few moments before nodding. "Alright." He answered, tugging the younger man gently up his body.

"Wait." Connor said suddenly before rolling off the bed. He moved into the bathroom and John heard the sink run before the distinctive sound of someone brushing their teeth reached his ears. He laughed before following his boyfriend to the bathroom. He grabbed his own toothbrush and brushed his teeth.

A few minutes later he led the younger man back to bed. Connor settled on top of him again and this time he didn't hesitate before lowering his mouth to John's. John pulled the younger man's tongue into his mouth, sucking it lightly as Connor made pleased noises. He released his boyfriend's tongue before sucking in his upper lip and he moaned when he felt Connor do the same. His hand traveled down Connor's back, he pushed the tip of his hand into Connor's pants, resting lightly at the top. His other hand wrapped around the other man's waist, caressing his back lightly.

John heard a click as the two sets of his dog tags met on his chest. He pressed kiss after kiss to Connor's lips before deepening a kiss and earning a moan from the younger man. After a few minutes, John pulled back panting. "Your ribs?" He breathed.

"They're fine." Connor replied, moving back down for another kiss.

"They'll hurt later." John said, breaking the kiss. He pulled his hand from Connor's pants, moving it to his hips. He gently rolled the younger man off of him onto his back. He glanced down at the scientist's rising hardness before covering Connor's body with his own. He braced his weight on either side of the other man, careful not to put pressure on his ribs.

"I won't break." Connor breathed before John leaned down for another kiss. His tongue darted out to lick at Connor's lips before he pushed it into the other man's mouth, mapping out the inside. Connor shifted his hips up, brushing his member against John's. John moved his hips in a thrusting motion against the other man's. One of Connor's hand reached up to rub circles over John's nipples and John moaned into his kiss. He pulled away from Connor's mouth leaning down to his neck and pressing a series of kisses to the skin there. Connor breathed heavily in his ear and John felt himself harden more as the linguist panted his name.

John moved his mouth up and sucked on the lower part of Connor's ear before trailing kisses back to his mouth. He claimed the other man's lips in his own and their tongues swirled against each other. John's hips kept thrusting against Connor's and the scientist moaned in pleasure. One of Connor's hands moved up to rest on the back of John's neck, keeping their mouth locked together. The other trailed down John's back before gently teasing the skin above John's pants, occasionally drifting into the top before pulling back out.

John groaned and pulled his mouth from his boyfriend's. He rested his forehead against Connor's looking into his eyes. The linguist met his gaze and John watched as the blue of his boyfriend's eyes darkened into a deep sea blue. John panted a little as his hips kept moving, Connor's thrust up to match John's. His eyes drifted across Connor's face. His lips were red and swollen, his cheeks were flush with heat, beads of sweat glistened across his face. John thought he had never seen anything more beautiful. He moved his mouth down again to capture Connor's, sucking lightly on his lips.

"God, Connor, you… feel… amazing." John panted as they broke apart, their hips moving back and forth. He leaned to rest his forehead on Connor's again.

"John…" Connor breathed. John loved the way he said his name, slightly gasping and with pleasure strewn across his face. "John…" He gasped again and John felt the younger man stiffen slightly before his body shook. John watched as his eyes darkened to a deep blue, almost black, before he surfaced again. John thrust his hips a couple more times and came after his boyfriend. He breathed heavily and leaned down to kiss Connor again. The younger man gladly opened his mouth and John deepened the kiss as he felt them both soften. He kept pressing kisses to Connor's swollen lips greedily.

Finally he rolled off the other man, moving to lay on his back. He pulled Connor to him and the younger man curled up against him. John ran a hand through Connor's hair, stroking the locks. Connor's own hand tangled into John's dog tags again and he pressed soft kisses to John's chest. John reached out with his other hand to grab the hand not tangled in his dog tags, gripping it tightly as Connor threaded their fingers together. They stayed like that until John's watched beeped again, and John regretfully got up to take a shower.

When he came back out, Connor had changed pants and was once again tucked into bed. John walked over and crouched by the bed. Connor turned his head to face John and John pressed a kiss to his red lips. "Do you have lunch with Teyla today?" He asked when he pulled away, brushing hair out of Connor's face.

"No." Came the soft reply. "She has to take another group off-world again."

John kissed him again. "Meet me and Chewie for lunch?" John asked.

"When?"

"1345." John answered, kissing him again.

"Sure." This time Connor lifted his head to press his lips to John's. They kissed for a few more minutes before John pulled away reluctantly.

"I'll see you later." He said with one last kiss. "Go back to sleep."

"I will. Later." Connor mumbled, already sinking back into his pillow. John watched as his eyes closed before making his way to his morning meeting.

* * *

Four hours later Connor shot up from the bed, gasping for breath. His heart raced and he could hear it beating loudly in his ears. His breathing was shallow and quick and he felt himself beginning to panic. He reached up to tap his radio, his hand hitting nothing. He pushed his hand to the side, blinding groping the bedside table looking for his radio as his mind replayed his nightmare in his mind. Pictures of John bleeding and lying dead filled his eyes and he felt his heart begin to race even faster as his breaths came in shorter and shorter. He finally grabbed his radio, tapping it on.

"Davids… to… Shep-pard."

Connor wasn't sure how his call made it through but a second later John's voice was in his ear. "Sheppard here."

"Jo….Jo…hn." He gasped.

"Connor?" Connor tried to respond but no words were coming out. "Connor?" Connor could hear light thumps coming from his radio. The radio slipped from his fingers as he wheezed.

A minutes later John burst through his door. He ran to Connor's side, dropping to his knees. John's hand reached out to grab his tightly. "Connor, listen to me. Listen to my voice." He directed. "You need to calm down, okay. Breathe with me. In. Out…. Come on, Con, you can do this. In… Out…" Connor tried to follow John's instructions but black spots were beginning to form in his vision. "Shit, Connor, come on, breathe with me. In… Out… In…Out…" John coached and this time Connor tried harder to follow and slowly he matched his breath to John's words. Connor eyes wildly sought out his boyfriend's and John met his eyes, holding his gaze. John's hand flipped Connor's arm over and Connor felt John's fingers cover his pulse. "In… Out… That's it… In… Out…"

Connor felt himself slowly calm down, his heart rate lowering as his breathing evened out to match John's. John kept breathing with him until his pulse returned to normal. Connor didn't hesitate before launching himself at his boyfriend, who caught him deftly, pulling the younger man to him and running his hands up and down Connor's back, murmuring soft words of comfort into the linguist's ears.

Connor babbled incoherently into John's ears. "I… you… bleeding… John… scared…. dead…. leave me… don't leave me…" He begged, repeating his words over and over. "Don't leave me… please… stay… stay… stay…" He chanted softly. John pulled him tighter against him. After a few minutes John pulled back to look Connor in the eyes. He rested his forehead against his boyfriend's, staring back into the hazel gaze. "You were dead." He sobbed. "You were dead."

"Shhh, Connor." John soothed, his hands rubbing gentle circles. "I'm right here. I promise. I'm right here."

Connor moved his head to rest on John's shoulder as one of his hands went up John's shirt to clutch at the dog tags. He ran his thumb over John's name over and over. "Don't leave me." He whispered again, before his mind caught up to his mouth. _You need to stop, Connor. He's right here._ He told himself. _He's not dead. He has a job, and you acting like a baby is keeping him from it._ Connor pulled his hand away from John and gently pushed himself away, not meeting his boyfriend's eyes. "I'm sorry, John, I shouldn't have called you." He whispered, pulling away.

"Don't, Connor." John begged. "Don't pull away. Let me in." Connor shook his head, and tried to move away from John, but John's hands tightened on his back. "Please." The older man begged. One of John's came around to tilt Connor's head up and his boyfriend's eyes met his. Connor felt embarrassed for calling the other man and his cheeks reddened. "Please." John repeated. "Please." He let go of Connor's chin and wrapped his arms tightly around the linguist. "Tell me about it." John whispered into his ear.

Connor hesitated. "I… you were dead." He breathed. "In my dream… bleeding everywhere. You… you said my name… and then you died. You left me." He whispered softly. _It's not real_.

"I'm sorry." John offered softly. Connor's eyes lifted to meet his boyfriend's in surprise.

"What?"

"I'm sorry I left you." John said, and Connor could see the honesty in his eyes, mixed with pain and an emotion that Connor couldn't label.

"What?" He asked again dumbly. Connor couldn't believe that John was apologizing for his dream.

"I'm sorry I left you." John repeated gently. "And I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

Connor blinked in disbelief. His boyfriend was apologizing because he was at work while Connor was sleeping. A strange emotion coursed through Connor and he felt something in his chest tighten. John was looking at him so sadly. Connor moved a hand up to cup his boyfriend's cheek, and as Connor studied John's face he recognized fear in the other's man eyes. _Fear for what?_

"What's wrong?" He asked John softly. "You're… afraid?" He asked, confused. John nodded into his hand. "Why?" Connor breathed. _He's afraid_.

John closed his eyes lightly and Connor could see him struggling to find words. "For you." John whispered. "I'm afraid for you." _He's what? For me?_ "You scared me. I didn't think I was going to be able to help you, Connor." He opened his eyes and a tortured look over took his face. "You were breathing so fast and your heart… I was a second away from calling Keller." John admitted softly.

"I'm sorry." Connor offered gently. "I shouldn't have called you."

A look of terror crossed John's face. "No!" He exclaimed. "I love that you called me, that you trust me. What if you had passed out, Connor? What if you had fallen and hit your head? Oh, God, don't say things like that." John said, anguished.

"But it's the middle of the day." Connor protested. "You were probably bu-"

"Don't finish that sentence." John warned. "You come first, you always come first. I lo-" John cut himself off. "You can call me anytime, Connor. I don't care if I'm in a meeting with Carter or training Marines or fighting a fucking Wraith! You're more important to me."

Connor shook his head. "No, John. You have an important job. I can't call you every time I have a, um, bad dream."

"Yes you can." John argued.

"No. John, please. Atlantis comes first." Connor said gently. He could feel the city's displeasure with his words, but he also felt acceptance. "They need you."

" _You_ need me." John whispered sadly.

"Yeah." Connor admitted, but he didn't say anything else, and neither did John. He felt his boyfriend's arms tighten more around him and John moved slowly from his position on the ground to lay in the bed with Connor. He didn't kick off his shoes, but he did pull out his gun, placing it on the side table before pulling Connor to him. Connor ran a hand up his shirt again, to rub his fingers over John's name.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that before John's headset beeped. He answered it quietly before ending the conversation. John exhaled slowly and Connor pulled his hand out of John's shirt before pulling the matching dog tags out from his shirt and rubbing the name between his fingers. John's hand moved around Connor's squeezing it lightly before he sat them up. John stood, placing his gun back in it's holder. He moved to stand in between Connor's legs and Connor leaned into his boyfriend, hugging him around his stomach. One of John's hands tangled in his hair before Connor pulled back.

John gave his hand a tight squeeze before pressing a kiss to the top of his head, slowly pulling away. "Will you be okay?" He asked. Connor nodded. "Will you still meet us for lunch?"

"Yeah." He answered.

"Okay. See you in an hour." John said, pressing another kiss to his head. Connor nodded again and John reluctantly let go before moving away from him, and with one last glace at Connor he left.

Connor stood and gathered some clothes to wear before making his way into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, getting in and setting the water a bit hotter than usual, letting it burn his skin lightly. A sob shook his body and he bent his knees, sinking down to sit on the floor of the shower, knees pulled to his chest. He let out another sob and before he knew it he was shaking with tears, letting the shower wash them away without a trace.

* * *

Ronon wasn't sure what was wrong with his friend, but John Sheppard had been subdued since Ronon had picked him up to go to lunch. The other man hadn't said a word yet so Ronon led him wordlessly through the food line and to a table. Sheppard sat staring at the door and Ronon wondered if he was expecting someone to walk though it and attack. A few minutes later Sheppard's attention caught on a figure making its way into the mess hall. Ronon saw Irish approach the food line, waiting patiently for to gather some food. He looked between the two men and decided that something wasn't right.

As Irish approached them Ronon could see that his eyes were bloodshot and his face and hands were tinged with redness; the Satedan wondered what caused it. He watched as Irish sat next to Sheppard, a little closer than he normally would have. He looked on with interest as Sheppard shifted a little in his seat to move closer to the other man. Irish turned to offer a small smile to Ronon and John but by that point Ronon knew that everything wasn't alright with the linguist. He saw Sheppard study the other man's face. Irish, though, blushed and turned back to his food, his hand bumping lightly into Sheppard's.

The two men were quiet. Ronon had expected that from Irish, but Sheppard usually liked to catch up on Ronon's life and ramble on about inane things. This sort of quiet was unnatural from the man. He hadn't even been this quiet before Irish. Ronon began to get a little worried, but wasn't sure what to do about it. Sheppard, he knew, could take care of himself. The linguist, on the other hand, Ronon wasn't so sure about. He knew the scientist was stronger than he looked, but right now he looked soft to Ronon. Like he might break. Ronon was starting to think that Sheppard thought the same thing from the small looks the military officer was giving his boyfriend.

The lunch was quiet and felt awkward to Ronon. He decided he would ask Sheppard what was up after Irish left. _If he left_. Ronon wasn't sure he had ever seen anyone eat so slow, although right now, Sheppard might also make the cut. The two men across from him seemed to chew each bite of food a hundred times each before swallowing. Ronon had already finished two thirds of his food before Irish had made it through his apple. Sheppard had barely even started on his sandwich.

Ronon wished that there weren't so many people around so he could just ask right there. But he knew about the strange earth rules. Teyla had taken him aside soon after Sheppard and Irish had become friends and explained how it was a secret and how Sheppard could lose his job. She told Ronon he couldn't mention it to anyone and Ronon hadn't. He like Sheppard and he liked Irish and he didn't want either man to get in trouble. He didn't see why they had to hide but he let them anyways.

Finally Irish left them and Sheppard's eyes followed him all the way out the door. Ronon followed Sheppard out of the mess hall and when Sheppard turned to say goodbye Ronon grabbed his sleeve and pulled him down the hallway into an empty room.

"Ronon? What the hell?" He asked, pulling his arm out of Ronon's grip.

"What's going on, Sheppard?" He asked bluntly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sheppard said, avoiding his eyes.

"With Irish." Ronon clarified even though he knew that Sheppard knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Nothing, Ronon." He said weakly. Ronon just stared at him. John ran a nervous hand through his hair. "He… I… You can't tell anyone this." Sheppard said and Ronon rolled his eyes with a pointed stare. "Right. So, um, he has these… nightmares." And Ronon's eyes narrowed. "And they're pretty bad." Sheppard admitted. "He, uh, just woke up from one about an hour ago and sometimes he… panics after them. I… it took me forever to calm him down. And then when I did he insisted that I shouldn't have come! That Atlantis was more important. And he's right. I know he is, but I… and it's just… I've never had someone like him before. I never had someone who was more important to me than my job. I don't know what to do."

Ronon looked at him. Sheppard looked tired to him all of a sudden. He was surprised that Irish insisted that Sheppard's job came first. He remembered being in Sheppard's position. Melena had never asked him to stay out of war, even though he knew she had wanted to. He remembered the look in her eyes every time he left. He knew if she had asked that he would have stayed, and that's why she never had, because she knew how much his job meant to him, how important he was to Sateda.

"You're a warrior, Sheppard." He finally said. "Irish knows that."

John sighed. "I know."

"Then respect that." Ronon advised. Sheppard looked at him with a thoughtful expression. Ronon found himself offering more. "Melena always had a sad look, whenever I left. She always told me to go, though. She knew I was important. To my men, to Sateda. She never asked me to stay." Sheppard looked at him with a knowing look in his eyes. "I would have." Ronon admitted. "So she didn't."

"Thanks, Ronon." Sheppard said softly.

Ronon didn't say anything, he just left the other man in the room with his thoughts.

* * *

Connor entered his quarters to find the lights dim. He heard music coming softly from the bed and Johnny Cash reached his ears. _…don't know that I will but until I can find me…_ "John?" He asked softly. He received no response from his boyfriend and thought that the other man had probably not heard him. Connor knew that John was aware that he was there, light had poured in from the hallway. Connor didn't call out to John again. He recognized the music as a sign that John wanted some time alone. Instead he grabbed some clothes and headed for the shower, his second one of the day. _…I'll be what I am, a solitary man…_ Connor sighed as he turned on the water.

He leaned his head back against the wall and let the water run. Lunch had been strained and he felt awkward around John for the first time in a while. He was sure that Ronon had noticed something, even if he hadn't said anything to Connor. The scientist was sure he had said something to John.

Connor had tried to track down Evan to talk some things out, but the other man had been busy. Connor sighed again. He lifted his head as he felt a burst of cold air, but he thought nothing more of it when he moved his arm and knocked over the bottled of shampoo in the shower. He bent to pick them up and another one fell on his head. He grabbed at the fallen supplies and hissed as his razor caught on his hand. Bright red blood dripped down his hand onto the shower floor, circling the drain before being washed away by the water. He held his hand under the shower spray and cursed lightly as more blood rose to the top.

"Connor?" He heard lightly.

"John?"

"Are you alright in there?"

"Cut myself." Came his short reply.

He felt a burst of cold air again and wasn't sure what John was doing. He righted all the shampoo bottles before turning off the shower and grabbing his towel in one hand. He awkwardly dried himself off, wrapping the towel loosely around his hips, holding it up with one hand. He stepped out and the bathroom door was open, he could hear John moving about in the main room. He put his bleeding hand under the sink, turning on the water. He hissed lightly as the water stung the open wound.

"Ouch." John said, stepping into the bathroom. He had a med-kit in his hand and Connor wondered where he had gotten it from. John wet a wash cloth before gently grabbing Connor's wrist and pressing the cloth to it. He pushed the younger man's hand up until it was above his head. Connor could feel it throbbing.

John poked through the med kit coming out with some ointment and bandages. He set them down on the counter before pulling himself up and sitting on the counter by the sink. They waited in silence for the bleeding to stop. John reached out and grabbed Connor's other hand, holding it tightly in his. He slowly moved his thumb back and forth across the top of Connor's hand in a soothing motion. After a few minutes John reached for the injured hand, pulling it down in front of him and gently unwrapping it from the towel. It was still bleeding slightly, but apparently John wasn't concerned as he reached for the ointment and a small piece of gauze. His boyfriend carefully applied the ointment to the wound before opening a wide bandage and placing it over the top, securing it on the sides. John the slowly lifted the hand and pressed a soft kiss to the bandage.

"Does it hurt a lot?" John asked softly.

"No." Connor replied honestly. All he could feel now was John's gaze on his and John's lips on his hand.

"Good." John said with a smile and Connor was once again struck by John's looks. John looked like the kind of person who never would have talked to him in school. And even after Connor had finished school, John seemed the kind of person who never would have talked to him anywhere else, either. Connor still had a hard time believing that the amazing man in front of him chose _him_. Out of everyone, all the girls, and guys, he had met, John had picked Connor.

The linguist had no false conceptions that they were in the same league, but the man in front of him didn't seem to care. Connor reached out with his injured hand and lightly traced John's face before blushing and pulling his arm back. John caught the hand and moved it back to his cheek, leaning into the touch. He turned his head and kissed the inside of Connor's palm, the linguist could feel his breath against his hand.

John let go and easily jumped down from his seat on the counter. "I'll leave you to get dressed." He whispered into Connor's ear as he passed the scientist on the way out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Connor looked down and blushed again; he had forgotten that all he had on was a towel.

Connor changed as quickly as he could with one hand before brushing his teeth and heading out to join his boyfriend. John was, once again, propped up against the bed. His iPod lay on the bedside table, headphones wrapped around it. His eyes followed Connor's movements and Connor wondered if he could really be that interesting for John to want to look at him. He climbed onto the bed next to John. His boyfriend was still watching him, eyes absorbing every detail. "You're so beautiful." John murmured and Connor blushed. No matter how many times the other man told him so he still couldn't believe that _John_ , who was possibly the best looking guy Connor had ever seen, thought he was beautiful.

He shook his head lightly. "No, you are." He argued softly and happiness stretched across his boyfriend's face along with a light blush. Connor was surprised, he doubted that John hadn't ever heard that. "Didn't you know?" He asked, searching John's face.

The older man just shrugged. "It means more from you." He offered. They sat there for a few minutes before Connor tugged the other man down from their sitting position so he could rest his head on John's chest. John's hand carded through his hair and Connor felt happy. "Will you sing another Christmas song?" John asked.

"Sure. Which one?"

"…Any."

"…Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingaling too…"

* * *

Teyla glanced sideways at John. He had been humming all morning with a happy look upon his face. She smiled at the sight. She had long hoped her friend would find happiness, but as the years went on John had remained alone and Teyla had begun to believe that she would perhaps never see a content look grace his features. But then Dr. Davids had shown up and suddenly John was always smiling, he had a spring in his step and now, hummed in the corridors of Atlantis.

"What is it you are humming?" She asked curiously.

"Huh? Oh. Sorry, didn't even realize." John offered.

"It was quite pleasant. I just did not recognize the song. Is it more of your… Johnny Cash?" She asked.

"No, it's uh, a Christmas song, _Sleigh Ride_ , I really like it." John said, humming more of the song.

"Is that one of the songs that Dr. Zelenka has spread throughout the city?"

"Ah, no." John admitted. "Another one. There are lots of Christmas songs on Earth."

Teyla nodded. Connor had explained to her and Ronon more about the holiday since John and Rodney had declined to do so. He had spoken of all the Christmas carols sung and had further explained Santa Claus and the many nuances of the holiday season. He had also offered them explanations of other holidays celebrated during the season. It had been quite overwhelming and had left Teyla with the urge to experience the season on Earth.

"So it would seem." Teyla acknowledged. They were walking down the hallway to the Control room, as Earth was dialing in today via the Midway station, using a series of collected gates that would dial each other; it now took about half an hour to get to Earth from Atlantis. Colonel Carter had seemed particularly excited about this dial in as Earth was sending through some supplies that Teyla believed to be holiday related. "I am excited to see some Christmas decorations." Teyla offered to John. "It truly sounds wonderful on your planet."

John's smile waivered a little, but it was soon back on his face. "It is." He agreed. "And today couldn't have come fast enough."

"Why is that?"

John glanced around lightly before leaning a little closer to her. "Connor has been really stressed with his translations lately, something Landry sent him from Earth."

Teyla thought about it. She had hardly seen the young man recently and had attributed that to her off world visits, but John was alluding to another reason. "And he will be finished today?"

John shook his head. "No. But I'm hoping that General Landry will have time to review the work and see that it's taking a long time and a lot of effort and tell him that he doesn't have to finish it."

"And you believe he will?"

"Who? Connor?"

"No, General Landry… ask him to stop."

"Yeah, he's a pretty reasonable guy. You should see the pictures of these ruins, Teyla. You can hardly make out anything and what is there is so washed away…" John trailed off.

"I see. And Connor is determined to finish?"

"You know him." John said with a grin.

Teyla nodded, she did know the linguist. He was quite dedicated to his work. They soon reached the Control room and Carter was standing behind Chuck. She nodded to them as they made their way up to them. A couple seconds later Dr. McKay burst into the room, coming to stand next to them. A minute later the stargate engaged.

"Scheduled off world activation, receiving Midway IDC." Chuck stated.

After the shield lowered carts laden with supplies came through. Teyla raised an eyebrow at the large number. The Daedalus had been here just a short time previous, but she assumed many of the supplies were holiday decorations. Next to her John was directing his Marines to offload the bundles into different areas of the city as Carter was talking to someone at the other end. She was lost in her thoughts when John reached out lightly for her arm, before pulling back. She turned to him and he grinned widely.

"Let's go deliver some of the personal items." He said happily.

Teyla nodded. "Okay." She liked helping John deliver the mail from home; the Atlantis personnel were always grateful and often shared. They made their way to the unofficial 'mail room' off the side of the Control room. Marines had already moved the pallets of supplies into the room.

John moved to one and she moved to another. They began to separate the mail by civilian verses military. An hour later they were finished and they began to further separate the mail based on who worked where, John working with the military packages and Teyla sorted the scientist packages, asking John for confirmation on the location of a few scientists. When they finished, Teyla looked around at the mail. She walked slowly around the room, glancing at the names in each pile. She didn't fail to notice that neither Connor nor John had received an Earth package.

"Does Connor not have family on Earth?" She asked gently.

John turned to face her. "No, his parents died right before he came here and he's an only child, as were they." A strange look passed over John's face and his statement once again enforced the idea that the two men were prefect for each other. He shook himself out of his revelry before smiling again. "If only we had a Santa suit…" He said, grabbing some packages and loading them onto the mail carts. Teyla followed suit.

"Would that make me an… elf?" She asked with a laugh.

"Nah, I would let you be Mrs. Claus, just don't tell Mr. Claus." John answered, grinning wide. Teyla laughed at his description of Connor.

"The secret is safe with me." With that they both headed off to drop of packages to the intended recipients, smiling wide.

* * *

John stepped off the transporter onto Connor's level. It had taken him and Teyla a good three hours to deliver all the mail and now John was ready for lunch… with his boyfriend and no babysitter. He entered the lab without knocking. "Hey Con-" He broke off when he saw that Major Lorne was perched on the scientist's desk deep in conversation with the other man. "Oh, sorry." John offered contritely as he backed up towards the door. "I'll… uh, come back later." He mumbled backing out of the lab. He turned and made his way back down the hallway, pressing the button for the transporter. He was about to step into it when he heard his name called. Connor was jogging toward him, he offered the younger man a smile before apologizing again. "Sorry, I shouldn't have just barged in."

Connor reached out and lightly touched his shoulder. "It's fine, John. " He said returning the smile. "It's always fine. Did you, um, did you need something?"

John glanced back to Connor's lab where he assumed Lorne was still waiting for the younger man. "I… just, lunch." He offered.

Connor grabbed his hand and pulled him lightly back towards his lab, John found himself following, allowing himself to be led. "Evan and I were just talking, you're, um, welcome to wait. He won't mind." Connor said with surety. As they reached the lab doors Connor's grip on his hand loosened, intending for John to drop it, which John reluctantly did. The linguist went back to his desk and John took a seat on his boyfriend's couch, subtly observing their conversation. Lorne's face held a serious look and, from what he could see of Connor's, his boyfriend's held a worried one. He wondered briefly what they were talking about.

John watched as the two conversed deeply. He observed Connor's face as the younger man reacted to whatever Lorne was saying. He had never really seen the two talk before and it was interesting to John. Their conversation seemed to flow easier than his own with Rodney. He wondered what had driven his second in command to befriend his boyfriend. From what John observed, they had very little in common and were miles apart in personality. Lorne was engaging, energetic and outgoing; Connor defined a wallflower, content to stay home alone curled up with a cup of tea and a book, _and me_ , John added. But watching them now, John could clearly see the affection they held for each other. A small spike of jealousy coursed through him as Connor reached out to place a comforting hand on Lorne's arm, letting it rest there lightly as Lorne continued talking.

Slowly their conversation seemed to drift to lighter matters and soon Lorne was gesturing wildly with his hands, both men bent over in laughter. Now John was really curious as to what they were talking about, but both men spoke too low for him to hear. Connor said something else and John's second in command laughed harder. John wondered if his boyfriend had become a comedian and he missed it. Soon enough though, Lorne was leaving and Connor stood making his way over to John.

"So? Lunch?" He asked lightly.

John nodded. "No babysitter today."

"Okay." Connor agreed grabbing his jacket, following John out to the hallway.

Later that night, John was still thinking on the conversation he had witnessed. "How did you and Lorne meet?" He asked the younger man. Connor was tracing John's name on his dog tags with his head on John's chest.

"Um… he approved my use of the shooting range." Connor offered.

John ran a hand through the red-brown hair under his chin. "That's it?"

"Yeah. After that he asked if I wanted to get some lunch, and I guess we, uh, just started doing that. Why?"

"Just curious. He never really hung out with scientists, other than Parrish, before."

"Did you meet Dr. McKay when you came to Atlantis?" Connor asked.

"You know, you can call him Rodney." He offered.

"Um…"

John laughed. "Or not. Anyways, I met him in Antarctica. I was stationed there for a while." He felt Connor nod in acknowledgement. "And they were studying an Ancient throne chair when Beckett shot a drone off with it. It was heading towards my chopper at the time and when we finally reached the base, General O'Neill let me in. I had been ferrying people back and forth for months, so I had probably ferried Rodney, but didn't remember. Anyways, so I'm in the base and Beckett is explaining the chair and the Stargate to me when I felt this need to sit in the chair. I didn't realize it then, but it was probably Atlantis." John offered. "And, um, it lit up and Rodney comes running in, no introductions, just tells me to picture where we are in the universe, and that was it. After that we went to Atlantis and I asked him to be on my team and it just sort of went from there."

They laid there in contented silence for a while, John could feel the younger man breathing, assuring him of his presence in John's life.

"Connor?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm really glad you came to Atlantis." John whispered.

Connor tilted his head up a little, to smile at John. "Me too, _a chuisle_."

Slowly the Irish man's breathing tapered off and John soon followed.

When he woke the sun was beginning to shine through the window and Connor's head was buried in John's neck and most of his body was covering John's. He reached out with one hand to grab his watch, deciding it was time to get up. He gently shifted the younger man off of him, grabbing some clothes before hopping into the shower. When he got out Connor was awake and sitting in a chair waiting for water to boil. John moved over to perch on the arm of the chair and Connor leaned over into him, the military commander reached out and ruffled his boyfriend's already messy hair.

"Any big plans for today?" He asked softly.

"Have that appointment with Keller." Connor answered.

The water began boiling and John got up to pour it into two mugs. "Is Ronon still bugging you?" He added some tea bags before walking back over to the chair and taking his seat on the arm again.

"Mmm. Not so much." Connor said, holding the hot mug between his hands. "But I want to start running again."

John set his mug down and pushed Connor up before sliding into the seat and pulling the smaller man on top of him, careful not to spill his tea.

"When are you meeting her?" He asked.

"Eleven. Then I have lunch with Evan."

"It's Thursday already?" John asked. Connor nodded. "Hm. Okay. I think Carter is going to rope me and a few of my guys into hauling in a Christmas tree from the mainland. Zelenka scoped one out the other day, but he said it's big. I'm not sure if I should be affronted that my amazing skills are going to use to get us a Christmas tree." John said with a slight huff.

Connor laughed. "Are you going to chop it down?"

John snorted. "I think not. We're doing it McKay style." He said with a laugh. "Using the P-90."

"Ah. Take pictures." Connor said. John made a mental note to bring a camera.

"So, if she does make us go get one, I'm bringing Rodney so we can make sure we do it right."

"I'm sure he'll love that." Connor stated sarcastically, John agreed. The astrophysicist had made no effort to hide his contempt of Carter's holiday idea. He had even gone so far as to reprogram the Christmas music that Zelenka piped through the halls to add _You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch_ to the playlist.

"Although I think Cadman wants to try some C-4." He added as an afterthought.

"She wants to blow up a Christmas tree?" Connor asked, eyes wide.

"No, no." John assured him quickly. "Just some small charges around the bottom."

Connor bit his lip. "Um, okay." He said, taking a sip of his tea.

John pulled him down for a small kiss before they continued talking about their day.

When John left, after tucking a sleepy boyfriend back into bed, he made his way to McKay's lab. It was fairly quiet as he stepped in, only a few scientists were milling about.

"McKay?" He asked loudly, looking around.

"Sheppard?" Came a voice from his right, John turned to face it. "Ow!" He said, sitting up from a position on the ground under a lab console as he hit his head. "Did you need something? Or do you just like yelling my name about?" He asked grumpily.

John grinned. "Well I came to see if you wanted to get some breakfast, but yelling your name is a perk." John admitted.

Rodney rubbed his head where he had hit it. "Ugh, fine. It's not like this is helping anyways." He said standing, walking over to grab his jacket.

"What's wrong with it?" John asked as they made their way to the transporter.

"Who knows? It was working fine yesterday. I think Zelenka kicked it or something, but the man is hiding from me." Rodney scowled as they stepped into the lift and John hit the level for the food hub.

John was laughing as they stepped out into the hallway. "Rodney you put mistletoe in his tea."

"So?" Came the innocent answer.

"It's poisonous." John offered. "And it tastes bad."

"Well, it wasn't enough to kill him." Rodney defended.

"And you lit his hat on fire."

"Santa hats are not allowed in the lab."

John looked sideways at him. "Since when was that a rule?"

"Since I made it one." Rodney huffed.

John laughed again. "Uh huh. So you can't really blame him for avoiding you." He said as they stepped into the food hub. He followed Rodney over to a coffee machine, pouring himself a cup before ordering a small breakfast from a food replicator. He glanced at Rodney's tray and saw a much larger serving of breakfast, and three cups of coffee. John shook his head and followed his friend to an empty table.

"So what else are you up to today?" He asked, taking a bite of his bacon.

Rodney slurped his coffee. "Fixing some generators we found, getting some maintenance done on the salinization tanks, saving the world, whatever." He said blandly.

"So nothing that can't wait." John decided, cutting up his pancakes.

"Cnt wt fo wa?" Rodney asked with his mouth full.

John rolled his eyes. "Trip to the mainland." He said, deciding not to expand on the reason. "Ronon and Teyla are coming." He offered. Which was true, but a team of Marines was also coming, including Cadman who he knew Rodney can't stand.

"What for?" McKay asked, swallowing his food and taking a swig of coffee.

John shrugged noncommittally. "Exploring."

Rodney looked at him blankly. "It's been explored."

"So?" John asked, taking a bite of his pancakes.

"Fine, whatever, Sheppard. When are you leaving?"

"Couple hours. I have a meeting with Carter first." John said with a smile.

"Have fun with that." Rodney said dryly.

John took a bite of his fruit before answering. "Oh I will. I'll come get you when I'm done." He offered.

"What? Oh, mainland. Yeah, fine." Rodney said, shoving some eggs into his mouth. John sighed and wished Teyla were here. At least Rodney pretended to have manners then.

* * *

"Dr. Davids, hello." Jennifer greeted the scientist. She was intrigued by the Irish man. He had Colonel Sheppard's team enraptured with him, and she had also seen him dining with Major Lorne's team. Both were a little unusual for a scientist.

"Hi, Dr. Keller." He offered her quietly.

"Have a seat." She said, patting the closest bed. He obligingly hopped up. "How have the ribs been?" She asked, putting some gloves on.

"Fine." He answered softly.

"No pain?" She asked.

"Um… a little here and there." He admitted. Jennifer was willing to guess it was more than just a little pain.

"Okay, shirt off." She said reaching for him.

A nervous look crossed his face. But a moment later he reached for the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Jennifer's eyes caught on a pair of dog tags around his neck before the scientist pulled those off. She wondered whose those were.

She watched as the man swallowed nervously. She tried to smile reassuringly as she reached out to gently press against his ribs. She watched his face carefully for signs of pain as she moved her hands to different places. "Your ribs appear to be healing alright." She offered. She looked down at the linguist's torso, eyes straying to a light bruise on his neck. _A hickey?_ She wondered but didn't say anything. She moved around to his back, pulling out her stethoscope. She breathed on it a couple times to warm it up. "Inhale as deep as you can." She asked, listening to his lungs. "Now exhale." He did so. "One more time." She asked. His lungs inflated before deflating.

"Alright. If you're sure you're not in too much pain, I'll clear you to run." Connor smiled at her. "But…" She continued. "If your ribs start hurting when you run, you should stop. I know it seems like it's going so slowly, but ribs heal on their own time and if they're hurting then that's not a good sign." She explained. "So no running if they hurt too much." He nodded, pulling his shirt back on, she watched as he held the dog tags tightly in his hands. "And if Ronon gives you any trouble you tell him to come see me." She offered with a knowing smile.

"Thank you, Dr. Keller." He said softly.

"You're welcome." She smiled. She watched as he left the infirmary, still holding the metal necklace tightly.

Her mind sifted through all the female members of the military. She couldn't remember ever seeing the linguist with any of them. _But those were dog tags, so it must be one of them. Hm_. _But you're not even sure those tags belong to someone on base, they could have been a family member's_. She let her mind wander for a moment before shaking her head lightly. She turned back to her work forgetting about the Irish man.

* * *

John walked into his quarters that night to find a rarity : his boyfriend asleep without him. John had returned from the mainland a few hours ago and since then had been working on setting up the tree. He left when a multitude of women and some very interesting men swooped in with lights, garlands and trimmings to decorate the tree.

John laughed lightly, removing his jacket, as he remembered Rodney's expression when he discovered what they were doing.

" _What's Cadman doing here!" He exclaimed._

" _I'm here to blow up the tree, McKay." She said brightly._

" _Tree? What tree?" He turned to look suspiciously at John. "You said we were exploring!"_

" _And we are… sort of." John quickly sat in the pilot's chair, running his hands over the controls, starting the jumper._

" _Sheppard!" And with that John took off, laughing._

John shook his head as he changed his clothes, quickly brushing his teeth before sinking into bed behind the other man. Connor turned easily, in his sleep, to face John, curling into his arms, which John moved to wrap tightly around the other man.

" _A chuisle_." He mumbled in his sleep. John smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead as soon sleep claimed him too.


	20. Stepping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 20 : Stepping**

Author's Notes :  
\- Small spoilers for _The Hive_ (so small you might miss it if you blink).  
\- Aunty Em and the red shoes belong to _The Wizard of Oz_.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

Connor woke to soft lips on his neck and a body covering his. He automatically reached up to pull John closer. He tugged anxiously at the bottom of the other man's shirt and he heard a quiet laugh as John complied with his wishes, raising his arms so Connor could pull his shirt off. John's mouth moved down to cover his own, John's tongue slipped out to lick at Connor's lips before the scientist opened his mouth, letting John explore the inside. He pulled back slightly.

"I should…" He trailed off as John moved his mouth back down to his neck, sucking lightly. "… brush… teeth… John." He gasped.

John pulled away and looked Connor in the eyes. "What were you saying?" He asked as his finger flicked over Connor's nipple.

"I… ah!… teeth… brush…" He got out before John pulled a lip into his mouth, sucking lightly.

"I don't care." John mumbled as he moved his lips from Connor's mouth down his jaw before continuing down to his boyfriend's chest. Connor gasped again as John's tongue moved over sensitive areas. He moved his hands up to rest in John's hair, grasping the strands lightly as he moaned in pleasure. John looked up at him with a smile before moving back up Connor's body to kiss him deeply, his hips pressing into Connor's.

Connor pushed his tongue into the other man's mouth and John sucked it eagerly. John's hands moved to grab Connor's and gently push them over the younger man's head, holding them down. Connor moaned as his boyfriend's body began to rock back and forth above his, grinding them together. John's mouth never left Connor's and the linguist had to remind himself to breathe occasionally as they kissed.

When John finally pulled away, Connor was panting hard, as was the other man, their bodies still moving against each other. Connor's eyes flew open as he remembered…"What… time… is… it?" He panted.

John looked at him with a touch of disbelief but answered anyways, never breaking their rhythm. "Almost… ah…. six…." He leaned his mouth back down to Connor's but Connor pulled back a little, moving his hands out of John's grasp. "Connor? What?"

"Ronon's coming…. run…" He gasped as John kissed his neck again, sucking lightly. "John… ah!"

"We have time." John said, voice husky with desire. He sped up the rhythm of their hips and Connor moved his faster as well, thrusting up lightly to meet John's efforts. He moved his hands back up to grab John's, interlocking their fingers. "Connor, God… ah… so good…." John whispered into his ear.

Connor turned his head and kissed John deeply, pouring all his feelings for the other man into the kiss. He felt John stiffen in surprise at the feeling behind it but soon John was returning the emotion and Connor felt something inside of him burst; he wanted to stay with John forever, he wanted… well he wasn't sure what he wanted, but he knew that John had it, that John was everything. After several long moments John pulled back and rested his forehead on Connor's, looking him in the eye before pressing his mouth to the younger man's again. This time it was Connor who was surprised at the emotion behind the kiss. He felt overwhelmed and a warm feeling was spreading quickly throughout his body and Connor didn't think it had anything to do with what he and John were doing.

"John…"

* * *

"John…" At hearing his name John pressed a soft kiss to Connor's jaw before claiming his mouth again. The younger man willingly let John press his tongue in, soaking up his taste. Emotion was coursing through him. Connor's earlier kiss had left him reeling and unsure. He had responded in kind, trying to convey how he felt through a kiss. The emotion his boyfriend had shown was mind-blowing and John felt himself fall further in love with the younger man. He moaned as Connor's hips jerked upwards again. John pulled away from the kiss to rest his head on the pillow by Connor's head, above his shoulder.

"John…" His boyfriend gasped. He kissed the skin nearest his mouth. "Ah…" John continued to press small kisses to Connor's shoulder as their bodies rocked together. "Close…" The younger man whispered and John lifted his head back up to rest against Connor's. He wanted to see his face as he came. Connor's eyes held an emotion that John couldn't identify but the younger man looked…peaceful and so content that John wanted to stop what he was doing just so he could take a picture of the other man so he would always remember the way he looked; instead he sped up the movement of his hips, pressing them down slightly harder. Connor panted quickly and John could hear himself breathing fast too.

 _I love you._ John bit his lip, hard. He wasn't sure he was ready to say it and didn't think Connor was ready to hear it. John felt lips at his and a tongue was gently pulling his lip out from beneath his teeth. Connor's gaze was slightly confused and questioning, but the tranquil look was still there. John let himself be swept away into his boyfriend's kiss. Connor pulled back a little to look at John and John saw a smile form on his boyfriend's lips before he cried out lightly and the body under his shook. John's eyes roamed Connor's face, memorizing the expression he had; the knowledge that he was the only one to ever see the younger man like this was overwhelming. Connor gently thrust his hips up again and John felt himself explode, his emotions taking over as he lost himself to the feeling. His eyes glued to Connor's as he collapsed onto the other man, spent. He quickly rolled off of his smaller boyfriend, careful of his ribs, before turning on his side and pulling Connor against him.

"Hi." Connor offered softly, blushing. John loved how he would still blush after every time they spent together.

"Good morning." He returned, pressing his lips to Connor's in a soft kiss. John's watch beeped and a second later Connor's door chimed. John groaned and Connor laughed at him slightly.

"I told you he would be here." The younger man grinned, his face was alight with happiness and contentment and John basked in the knowledge that he had put that look there. Connor began to pull away and John just tightened his grip, unwilling to let go of him so soon. "Stay." John pleaded softly. Connor looked at him before pulling out of John's grasp. John felt his heart tighten painfully. The linguist reached over John to the nightstand and John couldn't see what he was doing but soon heard his boyfriend speaking quietly. "Ronon, I'm not going to, uh, make it this morning. Sorry…. yeah… okay… Davids out." Connor set the radio back and John felt his heart unclench as the younger man curled into John again. Connor reached out a hand to John's cheek. "I think I…" He said softly, so softly John had to strain to hear him.

"You think you what?" He prompted quietly. The other man didn't say anything, just traced John's face with his fingers. John kissed them as they passed over his lips.

" _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_." Connor offered softly, with a smile that had yet to leave his face.

"That's new." John observed quietly. Connor blushed but nodded. _I really need to learn more Irish_. But at that moment John didn't particularly care what the other man said, the look in his eyes said it all. "Connor?" He said softly.

"Hm?"

"You make me so happy." John said, looking into Connor's blue eyes.

"My heart is within you." Connor said softly, his hand resting on John's cheek.

"What?" John asked quietly, searching his boyfriend's eyes.

" _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_ … my heart is within you, _a chuisle_ … my pulse." Connor offered, honesty shining through his eyes and John felt his throat constrict at the words.

"Connor…" He breathed. John didn't know what to say, he wasn't good with words and everything seemed to pale in comparison to how he felt for the other man.

He watched as Connor swallowed lightly. "It's okay… if you, uh, don't… I mean…" He stammered nervously.

John reached out to tuck some hair behind Connor's ear. "It's perfect." He whispered. "You're perfect." He gazed into the other man's eyes and tried to hold on to what he was feeling.

The lights overhead flashed softly and John knew it was time to get up. He groaned. It was Saturday, the day of Carter's big party and John was going to do his best to avoid being talked into setting up.

"Why do you have to get up so early?" Connor asked softly. "Almost everyone has the, uh, day off."

"I'm meeting with Lorne." John explained. "We're going over the schedules today, one last time. And then Carter asked to meet with me."

"So early?"

"It's only early if you're a certain linguist who stays up until three in the morning working." John teased. "For everyone else, this is past time to be up."

"Not everyone can find dawn an acceptable time to get up." Connor argued. "Just you military people."

"Just us military people, huh? I bet if I left now I'd find Rodney in his lab, Teyla already doing morning meditations, Zelenka tinkering with something…" John said with a grin.

"Fine." Connor said lightly with a small pout. "Go be a morning person." He said airily.

John laughed before pulling the younger man in for a kiss, deepening it slowly as the lights overhead flashed again. John pulled back. He sighed as he left the scientist in his bed go take a shower. John washed slowly as he remembered Connor's earlier words. _My heart is within you._ He smiled as he finished before stepping out and getting dressed. There was a cup of tea waiting for him as Connor brushed past him into the bathroom, door closing firmly behind him. John sat down and took a sip of his tea. A few minutes later the younger man settled onto his lap, holding his tea close. He leaned his head against John's shoulder and John could see his eyes were closed.

"What are your plans today?" He asked quietly, before taking another sip of his tea.

"What are yours?" Came the quiet reply.

"Connor…" John drifted off. He sighed. "Well I have that meeting with Lorne at eight thirty then one with Carter at ten. After that I'm not sure. Probably lunch with the team, you're welcome to join if we do." John offered. "You?"

"I'm meeting Evan for breakfast at, uh, ten-ish and then Ronon rescheduled our run for eleven thirty and um, then I think I'm having lunch with Evan's team." He said apologetically and John just shrugged. "Then I'll probably do some work before heading to the party for a little bit. And, um, afterwards I was hoping that maybe we could, uh, have dinner? Together?"

John thought about it, but knew he would say yes. Connor was looking at him with a hopeful look on his face and John knew he would say yes to anything the younger man asked of him. "I'll probably have to stay at the party for a while. Carter said to make nice." John informed the other man. "But after that, I'm all yours." He said, giving the scientist a light squeeze.

"Grand." Connor mumbled into John's neck. John finished off his tea before setting the mug down and gently pulling his boyfriend's mug out of his hand. The other man was quickly falling asleep but John wasn't ready to let go yet. He held on with one arm, sipping Connor's tea. He could feel Connor's breath lightly on his neck and smiled.

"Don't fall asleep on me." John said quietly, moving his hand up to gently stroke Connor's hair. "Talk to me."

"'bout what?" Connor replied sleepily.

"Anything. What did you get people for Christmas?" John offered.

"Mmm. Got Evan some paints and stuff, canvasses. I got Teyla a necklace. I'm not, uh, sure she'll like it." He said softly.

"I'm sure she'll love it." John said.

"Mmm, maybe. I got Ronon a small knife."

"Because he needs another." John said with a laugh. "You know, we stuck were on this hive ship once and Ronon kept pulling out knives to throw at the door controls. It took four tries but I'm not convinced he didn't have more waiting."

"When was this?"

"Our second year here." John answered. "What about McKay? I know you weren't sure…"

"I just put my name on your gift for him." Connor answered cheekily.

"Really?" John said surprised that his boyfriend would do something so forthright.

"No." Connor said with a small laugh. "I just got him some chocolate."

"Gotcha. You know I wouldn't have minded if you did." John said, nudging the younger man slightly.

"Dr. McKay might have." Came the quiet reply.

John wasn't sure what to say to that. Connor may have been right, John couldn't tell with Rodney anymore. "He just needs time to get used to you." He said finally. "He likes you, Connor. He is just… not good with people."

Connor didn't say anything, just reached out for the mug in John's hand, taking a sip before passing it back.

"So what did you get me?" John asked, fishing for an answer.

Connor poked him in the chest with his finger. "Stop asking."

John laughed. "Did you want to exchange presents after dinner?"

His boyfriend nodded against his shoulder. "There's a, uh, nice room that I pass on my runs, with a, um, balcony that I thought maybe we could use…"

"Sounds good." John agreed. And it did. In a way this was almost their first date. They had been together for a few months and dancing around each other for months before that, but they hadn't been able to really do things together in public. John was excited and more than a little nervous. He had no idea what to do on dates, especially on dates with men. On other dates he had pulled out chairs, held doors open, paid for the food and complemented outfits. John couldn't really do any of those things in Atlantis and wasn't sure Connor would want him to anyways. John definitely hoped that Connor didn't do any of those things for him. He also wondered if he should change. He was wearing his uniform now and decided that he would take his cues from the younger man. John would check in on him after lunch and see what he was wearing.

John checked his watch, he still had forty-five minutes before he had to meet Lorne. "Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any regrets?" John wasn't sure where that question came from but he suddenly wanted to know the answer.

"About what?" Connor's hand moved up the front of John's shirt and pulled out his dog tags, tracing the name.

"Life." John answered. "Anything."

Connor was silent for a moment and John could almost hear him thinking. "I suppose that I, um, have some in the smaller scheme of things, but in the larger scheme… I did before I met you." He answered.

John finished off Connor's tea, setting it down next to the other empty mug. He grabbed the younger man's other hand and traced small patterns onto the back of it. "Will you tell me some?" John asked softly.

Connor hesitated. "I wish I had traveled more." He offered. "I mean I live in another galaxy now, but I've hardly seen Earth. Just Ireland really, and Britain, California, Colorado."

"I've seen the world." John offered quietly. "It's an ugly place. War, destruction, violence, people killing people over nothing." He paused. "Will you tell me some more?"

"I guess I wish I hadn't, um, been so wrapped up in my studies, in my work. I wish I knew more social things… what to say, um, how to act. That sort of thing."

"It's just how you are." John soothed. "It's part of you. Besides, most geniuses I know are a little… socially awkward." He said with a small smile.

"Yes, but I'm willing to guess that most of them weren't thirty-three when they, uh, got their first kiss." He said with a small blush.

John squeezed his hands. "So?" He asked. "I wish I had waited." He admitted to the younger man. "I find it kind of endearing that you did."

"What about you? What do you regret, John?" Connor asked quietly after a moment.

"Before I came to Atlantis I didn't have that many. I told you about Holland… right?" He asked, glancing down at the other man. Connor nodded so John continued. "In a way, I don't regret that, you don't leave men behind, but in some ways…"He trailed off. Connor squeezed his hand, and John squeezed back. "I… regret that I never knew my parents. I lived with them for eighteen years and I don't know a thing about them." He said quietly. "And now I have no family left." John said with a soft sigh.

"You have me." Connor said firmly. "And Ronon and Teyla and Dr. McK-Rodney. We're your family, John. Atlantis is your family. Most people here, they don't have blood ties on Earth, but, um, I've discovered you don't need them."

John was silent as he listened to his boyfriend. Connor was right, he decided, he would die for anyone on this base, he would kill for anyone on this base, and he would live for the man in his lap. "Thank you." John whispered.

Connor released his dog tags to cup his cheek, turning John's head towards his own. He pressed a small kiss to John's lips before pulling back. He moved his hand down to touch John's chest over his heart. " _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_." He said quietly and John leaned in for another kiss.

* * *

Later that day, John found himself stepping into Connor's lab. His eyes took in his boyfriend's wardrobe. The linguist wore blue jeans, a black shirt that John thought was probably his, and some Chuck Taylors. A blue button up shirt, the color of the Irish man's eyes rested on the desk next to him. Connor turned as John stepped through, his eyes lighting up at the sight of John. He smiled softly as he made his way to the younger man.

"What are all of these?" He asked as he leaned down from behind to wrap his arms lightly around the sitting man's neck. He gestured loosely with a hand towards a pile of wrapped gifts on the corner of Connor's desk.

"Um…" The younger man blushed. "Well, one's from Evan and another from his team, one is from, um, some Marines." John raised an eyebrow at that. "Um, one from Teyla and… one's from Ronon and, uh, one was here when I got here. Um, outside my lab door. My Secret Santa, I think."

"We're we supposed to deliver those already?" John asked. "I was just going to put mine under the tree at the party."

"Oh, um… I put mine under there earlier, so I'm not sure. Maybe my person is working tonight." Connor said with a shrug.

"Hmm, maybe." John agreed, leaning down to nuzzle Connor's neck. "You working?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I'm almost finished for the day. Why?"

"Just wondering if you wanted to get some tea with me and Teyla."

"Now?"

John glanced down at his watch. "Half an hour." He answered.

"Okay." Connor replied, turning his head slightly to give John a quick kiss. "Now, stop distracting me."

John smirked. "Distracting, huh?" Connor fixed him with an amused glare. "Alright." John said, pulling his hands away. "I'll be on the couch."

"Thank you."

He sat down and watched the younger man working. Every few seconds the linguist would glance back at John and a blush would spread over his face. John found it endearing. Ten minutes later Connor put down his pen and closed his laptop making his way over to the couch. John reached out and grabbed the younger man, pulling him onto his lap. He locked his arms around Connor's waist and Connor rested his hands over John's.

He turned in John's arms to look at his face. "Merry Christmas." He said softly.

"Merry Christmas." John offered in reply. He pressed a soft kiss to Connor's mouth. "So aren't you going to open your presents?"

Connor studied his face. "If you want me to."

"Just curious." John said.

"Okay." Connor started to pull away from John but John held him tighter against his body. "I have to go get them, John."

"In a minute."

"Okay."

They sat there together enjoying each other's company before John released the younger man from his arms. Connor walked over and retrieved his gifts placing them on the couch next to John before sitting on the other side of the gifts so they rested between them.

He offered a present to John. "Want to help open them?"

John smiled and reached for the package. "Which one's this?"

Connor glanced up from where he was opening his package. "From the Marines."

John made short work of the wrapping paper and laughed as he pulled out a Navy blue sweatshirt with 'USMC' on the front. He held it up for Connor to see. "Looks like you've been adopted."

Connor blushed. "Miller." He mumbled. John gave him a questioning look. "Been trying to recruit me."

"Ah. Well, next time, tell him you belong to the Air Force." John said with a grin, leaning over a smack a kiss against Connor's cheek.

Connor gave him a look that told John he thought he was crazy but was humoring him anyways. The linguist passed him another package. "From Teyla." He offered.

John set aside the sweatshirt and opened the other man's gift. Inside was a small tea set like those John had seen many Athosians using. He looked up to see Connor admiring his raspberry tea from Lorne with a grateful look on his face as well as a look of amazement. "It's my favorite." He explained, and John nodded.

He held up Teyla's tea set. "You can make it in this." He suggested, smiling. Connor nodded, holding the tea close and smelling it before setting it aside and reaching for Ronon's gift. He put Ronon's gift on his lap, handing the last one, from Lorne's team, to John.

John heard Connor start opening the crudely wrapped present from Ronon before he looked down and opened the box Connor had handed him. Inside was a handmade notebook along with some rudimentary writing utensils that John would bet they bought from the market planet.

He moved to show them to Connor and found the younger man admiring a knife. John would estimate the blade to be about six inches, the handle looked to be made of some type of horn. It was a beautiful weapon and by the look on his boyfriend's face, Connor seemed to think so as well. He smiled up at John and passed the knife over for him to look at while taking the box John held. The knife weighed well in John's hands, easily balanced. He glanced over at Connor's lap where the box the knife had come in sat. There was a small whetstone and a knife sheath in there as well. He gently placed the knife back into the sheath, setting it back in the box.

Connor opened the last one, from his Secret Santa, and found an assortment of teas, many from the off world market and John saw him smile happily, smelling each one, placing them gently back into the box when he was finished.

John restacked the presents as Connor collected the wrapping paper, bundling it all together and walking over to the trash can to throw it away. The linguist pushed the presents over and sat next to John on the couch, grabbing his hand, entwining their fingers as he leaned his head against John's shoulder.

"Merry Christmas." John said.

"Merry Christmas, John." Came the soft reply and John smiled.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later John had left Connor and Teyla to go change as the scientist and Athosian made their way to the party. As they walked, Connor thanked her profusely for the tea set and she offered her thanks in return for the necklace, gesturing to her neck. Connor was heartened when he saw it hanging there.

The linguist cringed a little as he walked down the hallway to the party room; loud voices could be heard inside and as they got closer the noise increased. He offered Teyla a weak smile as they walked into the room, Connor tugged nervously on the bottom of his over shirt.

It looked to Connor like all of Atlantis had shown up, even though he knew a few people had been left on patrol and gate room watch. For the most part the hall was divided; scientists on one side, Marines on the other. Connor allowed Teyla to lead him to the food where many different holiday items had been laid out, from gingerbread cookies to eggnog to candy canes. He accepted a mug of hot chocolate and Teyla did the same.

They made their way over to Ronon who stood in the corner with a huge plate of food.

"Ronon, hi. Thanks for the, um, knife. It's beautiful." Connor said, smiling. Ronon grunted in reply before shifting his arm a little. Connor could barely see the end of the knife he had given Ronon. He smiled at the Satedan. "I'm glad you, um, like it."

"Good balance." Ronon said, swallowing a piece of ham.

"Good evening, Ronon." Teyla offered with a smile. He grunted at her too.

"Doc!" Someone yelled from across the room. Connor turned to see Coughlin and Reed beckoning him over.

"Um, I'll be right back." He said to his two companions before making his way across the room to the military side. He received a lot of greetings of 'Merry Christmas, Doc!' as he crossed the hall.

"Hey, Doc! Merry Christmas." Coughlin offered and Reed echoed the sentiment. "Good party, huh?"

"It's… um, very thorough." He said, motioning with his hands to the decorations everywhere. There was a giant tree in the corner and a Menorah on a table along with some other decorations from various countries. Christmas lights had been strung up and there was garland hanging all around the room. "Thanks for the notebook and stuff." Connor offered the two men. "It's grand."

"Grand, huh?" Reed said teasingly. "Glad you like it."

"Hey, Doc." A voice said behind him. He turned to find Evan approaching, plate of food in hand. Connor took a sip of his hot chocolate. "Merry Christmas." Evan offered.

"Merry Christmas, Evan." He replied. "Thank you for the tea." He offered as Coughlin and Reed became momentarily distracted by a couple other Marines. "It's really wonderful."

"Glad you liked it." Evan smiled. "And thank you for the art supplies. That paint is amazing."

Connor blushed. "You're welcome." He said softly.

"I, uh…" Evan hesitated and Connor could see his face turning red. "Um, my friend, do you remember me telling you about him? From high school?" He asked quietly, glancing around.

"Yes."

"Well, I emailed him and I, um, mentioned you and a little of your… situation. You, know, seeing if he had any advice or something and he sent me… something for you through the Gate a couple days ago." Connor gave him a confused look. "A book." Evan elaborated. "And he might have switched the covers so it would pass inspection. I definitely wasn't expecting it when I opened it up." He said and Connor watched as he grew a little redder. "Um, anyways, I have it, in my quarters, so just come by to pick it up sometime, okay?"

"Sure. Um, tell your friend 'thanks' for me." Connor offered.

"Will do." Evan said smiling.

"'Will do' what?" Parrish asked, joining his teammates.

"Will do your mom for food." Evan joked back with a grin.

Connor laughed lightly as David sputtered. "Oh you did not just say that…" Connor offered Evan a small wave as he made his way back over to Ronon and Teyla. He glanced around for John and saw his boyfriend talking to a few scientists with Carter next to him. John looked bored to Connor's eyes, but he doubted most other people would recognize the signs. His eyes roamed over John's chosen outfit: jeans and a black button up shirt with three quarters sleeves, similar to the one he normally wore with his uniform but more dressy and the material clung to his body better. Connor swallowed lightly and tried to remember to breathe as John's eyes caught his and he offered a smile. Connor weakly offered one back as his eyes caught a glint of John's dog tags under his shirt.

Connor stopped walking to stand next to Teyla, who was chatting softly with Ronon. Ronon, for his part, had abandoned his now empty plate and was scanning the room. Connor saw a small smile make its way across the Satedan's face and turned to see Dr. Keller walking towards them.

Teyla stopped talking to greet the medical doctor and Connor echoed her words.

"Hey guys, how's everyone doing? Pretty cool party, huh?" Keller asked them.

"It is quite… festive." Teyla answered diplomatically.

Keller grinned. "I don't know how they got Christmas lights all the way up there." She said, gesturing to the ceiling. "But I'm not complaining."

Connor sipped the rest of his hot chocolate. When he finished he quietly slipped away from the conversation and headed to a side table to set down his empty mug.

"Dr. Davids! _Nollaig Shona Dhuit_!" Connor turned. Dr. O'Suileabhain was nearing him with a jovial look on his face and a glass of eggnog in his hand. Connor was positive it was spiked with something.

" _Nollaig Mhaith Chugat_ , sir." He answered with a grin. He had almost forgotten what it was like to speak Irish and get an Irish response.

"How are you today? Liking the festivities?" He asked, wrapping a loose arm around Connor's shoulder. He smelt lightly of brandy and peppermint.

Connor wondered why everyone felt the need to ask if he was liking the party. "It's grand, sir."

"It's quite grand isn't it? The tree, the lights, the brandy!"

"Yes, sir." He answered, trying not to sound as uncomfortable as he felt.

"Well, I won't keep you too long, my boy. Go on then, have some fun." He said, pulling his arm back.

"Thank you, sir. You too." Connor offered making his way back to Teyla again. He looked at his watch and wondered if it was too soon to leave. He decided it probably was and stepped back into the conversation next to Ronon and Teyla. He tuned them out as he stood there, feeling inexplicably nervous.

Tonight he and John were going on a… date? Connor wasn't sure. He had never been on one and wasn't even sure if this even counted as such. He had asked Evan at breakfast what to do and Evan's advice had left Connor even more unsure than before.

" _Just be yourself, Doc." He advised, taking a bite of his bacon._

" _Myself?"_

" _Yes, you know… Irish, about this high." He gestured with his hand. "Smart, funny… yourself."_

 _Connor definitely wasn't sure about that at all. "What should we talk about?"_

" _What do you normally talk about?" Evan asked._

" _I don't know, um… work, life… stuff." He answered hesitantly. The scientist took a long sip of his tea to try and calm his nerves; it didn't work._

" _Well then talk about that."_

" _And what do I do?" Connor moaned lightly putting his head in his hands. "I don't know how to do this, Evan. My dad only taught me what to do with a…" He looked around. "…a girl."_

" _Well, I'm sure a lot of those same things apply." Evan said, swallowing his eggs._

" _I should, uh, pull out chairs and open doors and tell him he has nice shoes even if I think they're ugly?" Connor asked doubtfully._

 _Evan coughed. "Well, okay, maybe not that last one." And at Connor's look he added, "Or the first two… Look, Doc., you've been together for what… three, four months?" Connor nodded. "Well, I don't think he's suddenly going to dump you because you don't know what to do on a date. Just be yourself, you'll be fine."_

 _Connor looked up at him. "That's it? That's your advice?"_

" _Well if I had better advice I probably wouldn't be single still." Evan said with a grin._

 _Connor moaned again, putting his hands back over his face. "That's just grand."_

He subtly glanced around the room and found John still with Colonel Carter but this time talking to some Marines. He sighed and turned back to Teyla, Ronon and Keller.

"…So when you say 'deck the halls' you mean…?" Ronon let the question hang.

"Decorate. We mean decorate." Keller answered.

"Oh. Sounds less fun."

Connor put a gently hand on Teyla's arm, getting her attention. "Teyla, I'm going to, uh, take off now." He said softly.

"Are you sure?" She asked him.

He nodded. "Um, yeah, the party scene isn't really my, um, thing."

"Alright." She said with a smile. She lowered her head and Connor gently touched his forehead to hers. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." He wished back. He offered Ronon and Keller a small wave before quietly slipping out of the room. Earlier he had set up a table in a small balcony room that was mostly enclosed to keep the wind and rain out. He knew John would find him, wherever he was, so Connor just headed back to his quarters. His boyfriend would pick him up, then they'd get dinner and carry it upstairs. He stopped by his lab to gather his presents before depositing them on his bed after he entered his rooms.

He put the teapot from Teyla next to his water kettle and added his new tea to his tea basket. He folded the USMC sweatshirt and placed it in a drawer. The knife from Ronon went onto a small table in the corner. He gently placed his new stationary on his desk.

He took out John's present, that Teyla had dropped off yesterday, and checked to make sure the wrapping hadn't been damaged. After a brief inspection he was satisfied that no tears had occurred and set the package down. Connor moved over to his chair, intending to push it over to the window so he could watch the waves as he waited for John. _Wait, no one's around I could… hm_. He left his room moving to an old Ancient residential floor, on his way he grabbed a small cart. He went through a few rooms before finding a couch in good condition. He slowly tipped it on its side, gently pushing the cart underneath it. _Will you help me?_ He asked Atlantis. He felt the city nod and flashes of empty hallways entered his mind.

The linguist carefully made his way back to the transporter and struggled to fit the couch and himself in. After a few minutes of positioning the cart in different ways he hit the button for his level. He was momentarily confused when Atlantis skipped his floor, moving him down one, when an image of a patrolling Marine hit his mind. A few seconds later the lift was moving back up and he quickly made his way to his room. He wheeled the couch into the front of his room before moving some of his furniture around to fit the couch through. He lowered it off the cart, pushing it to rest in front of the window, pleased when it fit well. He then pushed the cart back to the storage area before heading back to his quarters.

Connor made a cup of tea before settling down on to the couch to watch the waves. He must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing he knew the tea mug was being pulled out of his grip and a gentle hand was making its way through his hair.

"Connor?"

"Mmm?" He asked without opening his eyes.

He heard someone laugh and he opened one eye to see John kneeling in front of him, smiling. "Dinner?" He asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry." Connor offered, opening the other eye. He stretched a little as John set his mug aside.

"So I see you found a couch." John said gesturing towards the window.

"Yeah, 'lantis helped."

John laughed again holding out Connor's jacket for the younger man to slip his arms into. He did so and John's hand traveled down his arm to his hand, clasping it tightly. He pressed a kiss to Connor's cheek. "You ready?" Connor nodded and John pulled him from the room. They carefully made their way to the food hub without separating hands. The linguist watched as John ordered a steak and mashed potatoes. Connor ordered salmon and potatoes. He moved to order dessert when John whispered in his ear. "I've got that." Connor shivered and nodded.

They pulled apart to put their dinners on separate trays. John added a bottle of wine to his and Connor replicated two glasses. He followed John to the transporter and Atlantis took them up towards the top of a tower on the east pier. They stepped out and made their way to the prepared room, John bumping shoulders slightly with Connor. The younger man blushed as the doors opened and they took their seats, unloading their food from their trays. Atlantis dimmed the lights softly and Connor was relieved when John didn't seem to be waiting for him to pull out his chair. _Not that I thought he would._

The night went smoothly and Connor wasn't sure why he had been so worried about it. John's feet gently pushed over into Connor's side, under the table, and their legs entwined comfortably. Their conversation flowed normally and John regaled some tales from the party, along with telling him about the gifts his team mates had gotten him.

As they finished John reached out to lead the younger man to the balcony and they watched the moonlight hit Atlantis and the ocean. John's arms wrapped around him tightly from behind and Connor covered them with his hands.

"Have I told you how handsome you look tonight?" A voice murmured into his ear.

Connor turned his head gently to look at John. "Not as handsome as you." He said softly, pressing a kiss to John's jaw before turning back to the waves.

John kissed his neck lightly. "I highly doubt that." He said, pressing another soft kiss.

"Believe it." Connor whispered. John leaned forward so his cheek rested next to Connor's and they watched the waves for a few more moments in silence.

"Are you falling asleep?" John asked softly into his ear. Connor shook his head. "Good." John said, grabbing a hand. He pulled away from the linguist and stepped back, tugging Connor with him. John gathered their trays and empty plates and glasses as Connor grabbed the empty bottle of wine with his free hand, following his boyfriend out of the room.

Connor didn't ask where they were going. Not as they left their trays in the food hub, not as they wandered down the empty corridors of Atlantis and not when they reached the mess hall with a 'closed for the night' sign on the door. John pressed a few keys and the doors slid open, Connor felt them lock behind them.

John led him to the kitchen where a few things were laying out. As he got closer he realized the items were baking supplies. John stopped in front of a large bowl and looked at him nervously. "I, um, I thought maybe…since you used to…we could, uh, make a cake together? For Jesus?"

A smile broke out across Connor's face and a few seconds later a similar one appeared on John's. "That would be lovely, John." He said softly. "Now we need three cups of flour…"

They spent the next twenty minutes mixing up the cake batter before pouring it into a pan and settling it in to bake. Connor then walked John through the process of making icing for the cake and when that was done they slowly cleaned up the kitchen. There was twenty minutes left on the cake and John tugged Connor onto the floor across from the oven and they watched the cake as it baked.

Connor sat in front of John on the floor, between the other man's legs and he lightly brushed flour off of his shirt and off of John's shirt with John's arms wrapped around him.

"How do you say 'Merry Christmas' in Irish?" John asked him.

" _Nollaig Shona Dhuit_." He said slowly. "If you're talking to one person."

"No-lihg hoe-nuh ditch?" John pronounced, even slower than Connor had.

"Yup. That's it." He encouraged. "In reply, though, I would, uh, say _Nollaig Mhaith Chugat_."

"No-lihg wy hu-gut?" Connor nodded again. "Do I even want to know how to spell that?" John asked wryly.

"Probably not." The younger man admitted. "It's a wee bit confusing."

"A wee bit, huh?" John asked with a laugh. Connor blushed. "So did you speak Irish at home?" Connor shook his head before nodding. "Well? Which is it?" John asked, amused.

"Uh, in Ireland we had things we would say… in Irish. Not a lot though. It's taught to all the kids there, in primary schools and such but, um, it's not a language that most people speak. Only in certain places. My parents liked it so we spoke it at home more than others, but not all the time. Most adults can't, uh, speak it. I was there to bury my parents and I noticed that the government is, ah, trying to bring it back to life. Signs are in Irish and English now, things like that.

"Really?" John asked shocked. "Most people don't speak Irish?"

"Nope. It's a bit of a dying language, really. People don't, uh, like it and such, don't want to learn it."

"Interesting." John said as his hand gently moved under Connor's shirt to rest on his stomach, gently tracing small circles on the skin there.

Connor leaned his head back against John's shoulder so he was looking up at the ceiling. John tilted his head towards the other man and their lips met in a kiss. Eventually the oven buzzed and they slowly untangled, standing back up. John took the cake out of the oven, wrapping it up.

"Let's take it back to you place to cool." John suggested. "We can bring the frosting."

Connor grabbed a knife and a couple forks, before collecting the icing. John was waiting for him at the door of the kitchen, hot cake in two towel wrapped hands. They carefully made their way back to Connor's quarters. John set the cake down on Connor's desk and Connor set the icing and utensils down next to it.

The scientist wasn't sure where John pulled a present from but there was suddenly a gift in front of him. He reached for it before handing John his. They made their way to the new couch and both sat against an arm rest, facing each other., Connor had his legs tucked under him while John had one foot up on the couch, knee bent, and the other resting on the floor.

Connor gestured to John to go first and the older man hesitated before reaching for the wrapping paper seams He slowly and carefully unwrapped the box that Connor had placed his present in. Connor bit his lip nervously. John pulled the lid off of the box and pulled out the black Athosian quilt with constellations stitched onto it. He couldn't see John's face as John held the quilt out in front of him. A moment later it was lowered and John looked him in the eyes. "I love it, Connor, it's beautiful. Thank you." He said roughly.

"You're welcome." He offered softly.

John nudged him with a foot. "Open yours."

Connor held the slightly heavy box, setting it down on his lap. With as much precision as John had used, he unwrapped the box and gently pried its lid off. Inside lay a piece of foam with a pistol in a holder, three cartridges and a small kit that Connor guessed cleaned guns. He smiled as he reached for the pistol, pulling it out. He slowly removed the holder, feeling the weight of the gun in his hand. He was careful not to point it at John, loaded or unloaded he knew that pointing a gun at someone you weren't going to use it on was against the etiquette of gun ownership.

"For when you go off world." John said and Connor looked up from the gun to watch his face. His boyfriend looked nervous and Connor quickly moved to pull him from that notion.

"I love it, John. An M11?" He asked, even though he knew the answer. John nodded and Connor turned the gun over in his hand, examining it. "It's brilliant." He offered with a smile. The linguist replaced the gun into its holder and back into the foam, closing the lid on the box, he set the box and the wrappings on the ground next to where John had placed his while Connor opened his gift. Connor moved across the couch to lay a bit awkwardly on top of his boyfriend. "You're brilliant." He said as he leaned in for a kiss. John gladly offered him one, his hands moving around Connor to slip into the top of the younger man's jeans, holding him close. Connor was breathless as they pulled apart and could feel John breathing heavily underneath him as well.

John tugged him up from the couch, standing as well before leading him away from the window and over to stand in front of the bed. Connor moved to unbutton his shirt when John's hands stopped him.

"May I?" Came the husky question. Connor swallowed before nodding. John's hands slowly unbuttoned his shirt until the older man reached up and gently pulled it off of his shoulders, sliding it down and off of his arms. John reached for the bottom of Connor's undershirt, tugging it off over his head. John leaned down and kissed the younger man, gently walking them backwards until Connor felt the back of his legs hit the bed. The older man guided him down and soon he was resting on the bed. They pulled apart slowly to move up the bed before John captured his lips again.

The other man covered Connor's body with his own, his hands supporting his weight as they rested on either side of the linguist. Connor moved a hand up the back of John's shirt and slipped another hand into one of the pockets on the back of John's jeans. They kissed deeply and Connor felt himself grow hard as his jeans tented. John slowly moved his mouth away from Connor's to trail kisses down the linguists neck before moving to his chest. Connor's hand pulled out of John's jeans and joined the other one that was making its way up John's back, lifting the shirt as he did. John kissed his stomach above his jeans and Connor gasped lightly. John looked up at him and smiled before he made his way back up to Connor's mouth, slowly plunging his tongue in.

The scientist moved a hand around to the front of John's body and began to slowly unbutton his shirt sloppily with one hand. Soon he had the buttons undone and was pushing the shirt off of John's body. His boyfriend collapsed onto Connor's chest as he shrugged out of his shirt before moving to lean on his arms again. Their tongues dueled and Connor slipped a hand into John's jeans once again.

Connor broke the kiss as his need for air increased beyond the point of what he could get while kissing. He panted as John kissed his chin. The linguist arched up a little as John bit gently into his neck by his shoulder. Connor moved his other hand up to hold John's head there and John obliged, sucking the skin into his mouth.

"We shouldn't do this in jeans." The younger man said with a gasp. He felt John pull back from his neck, pressing a light kiss there before rolling off of Connor and to the side, settling on his back. He reached out with a hand and pulled Connor to him. The linguist rested his head on his boyfriend's chest, listening to John's rapid heartbeat slowly settle down. He allowed his eyes to rake down John's body. He blushed a little as he saw a similar tent in his boyfriend's jeans. John must have been watching him, for he laughed before pulling Connor tighter against him.

Connor kissed the bit of skin under John's head before pushing his body up until his head was in line with John's. His boyfriend turned his body towards Connor's and met his lips. The younger man felt a knee settle at his hip and he pushed one of his legs between John's. John's hand wormed its way into Connor's back pocket squeezing lightly and pushing Connor's hips more into John's.

"Jeans… John… not… comfortable." Connor moaned. John's only response was to pull his hand out and move it to the front of Connor's pants, unbuttoning them and moving the zipper down. Connor lifted his hips as John started to slide his pants down. They both froze at the same time, John's eyes meeting his. John exhaled slowly and they both rolled away from each other. Connor's heart was racing as John sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He rested his arms on his knees and Connor could see his back move up and down as he breathed.

"I'm sorry." Connor heard the other man say softly.

Connor sat up and moved behind John, scooting forward so his legs landed on either side of John's. He leaned against John's back and maneuvered his arms under his boyfriend's and wrapped them tightly around his stomach. He heard the older man's sharp intake of breath as Connor made contact. "It's fine, John." He said gently.

"It's not." John argued. "You deserve more." He added.

"And you don't?" Connor countered.

"I'm… Connor, you're special. You're not like me."

He sounded so sad and honest and remorseful that Connor felt his eyes begin to well up a little. He leaned his forehead against John's back, hugging the other man tighter, so tight he thought there might be bruises in the morning. He drew in a shaky breath. "You're special to me, John." He said softly, but firmly. "Important. I was so alone before you. Please don't leave me alone again." He whispered.

"I… never, Connor, never." John swore. "You're my life now, you're my everything. I won't leave until you ask me to."

"I won't ask you to."

"Then I'm never leaving."

"I'm okay with that."

"Good."

They sat there absorbing each other's words. Connor felt a tear run down his face and he wasn't sure why. It fell onto John's back and the other man slowly moved Connor's hands out from around his waist and turned on the bed a little to face him. He ran a thumb under Connor's eye, brushing away the tear track. He leaned in and gently kissed Connor's lips and Connor had never felt more loved. John may have not said the words and neither had he, but they had said everything but. They had said everything that was important.

John pulled away and stood up, grabbing a pair of sweatpants on his way to the bathroom. Connor moved to his dresser pulling out some sleep pants and tugging them on after pulling off his jeans. He threw those in the direction of his hamper and smiled when they landed inside the thing for once. A few minutes later John came out of the bathroom and their eyes met.

Something felt different to Connor, a weight was lifted and he felt closer to John than ever. He never knew you could feel this close to one person. He also felt a little awkward, not sure if they were going to resume their previous activities. John quickly laid those feelings to rest.

"Wanna make out?" He asked with a grin.

Connor smiled in reply and followed John to the bed, collapsing down next to his boyfriend. He turned on his side to face John and their legs entangled together again, John's hand moved around his back, avoiding the tops of Connor's pants instead settling softly on his back. Connor moved closer to John and their lips met. The kiss was soft at first, gentle, before John deepened it, pulling in Connor's tongue and soon desire was coursing through him as he moved his hips against John's. He could feel the older man moving slower than before and Connor wasn't sure if it was because of their earlier mishap or if he just wanted to take his time, either way he slowed down to match John's speed.

He groaned lightly as John bit his bottom lip gently before rolling and pulling Connor on top of him. Connor's elbows supported his weight as he rested them up by John's shoulders. John's hands flitted in between the scientist's arms and his body, resting on his back, still avoiding dipping too low. Connor's legs spread and a knee landed on each side of John's waist. John moaned as their hips connected again. Their mouths worked together and Connor wanted to climb inside of John and stay there forever.

John's hips started to slowly move in a circular pattern and Connor shifted a little to match the movements. He was overwhelmed with feelings. He pulled back from John's mouth and rested his head on the pillow by John's head, tucking it into the space between John's neck and shoulder. John's arms held him close; one moved up to gently cup the back of his neck, holding on to his head lightly. Connor breathed in John's scent and pressed small kisses to his neck as he gave himself over to what he was feeling.

He heard John mumble his name into his ear as he made soft noises of pleasure. He wanted this feeling to last forever; safe in John's arms, passion coursing through him.

* * *

Half an hour later found John washing up in his boyfriend's shower. The water pelted his back and he poured some of Connor's shampoo onto his hand, running it through his hair to wash it. He closed his eyes tightly as he rinsed the soap off and quickly washed his body using a borrowed hand towel. He heard his boyfriend moving around the bathroom as he brushed his teeth. John heard the sink run for a moment before it turned off and the bathroom door clicked shut. He rinsed off one last time before grabbing a towel and drying off, stepping out of the shower.

Connor had left John some more sweat pants on the sink and John was surprised at the number of sweat pants the younger man seemed to own. He looked closer at the bottoms as he put them on and grinned when he recognized them as his own. He figured the scientist had raided John's own dresser for pants, moving them into his room since John had all but moved in.

He wondered, as he brushed his teeth, if the linguist minded that they lived together. Connor had certainly never said anything to John about it, but John wasn't entirely convinced his somewhat shy boyfriend would. He rinsed his mouth out and quickly made his way out to Connor.

The younger man was lying in bed reading a book. He looked up as John came out but didn't say anything and went back to his novel. John grinned and crossed the room, pushing Connor over a little before climbing into the bed. He glanced at the novel's title and rolled his eyes when he saw it was in another language. _Russian._ He thought. _If I'm not mistaken_. He wondered how Connor had learned so many languages if he had traveled to so few places. John moved down the pillow a little and rested his head in Connor's favorite place, over the younger man's heart. He threw an arm over Connor's stomach and could almost feel the scientist's questioning gaze. The position wasn't familiar to John, as it was the one his boyfriend usually took up. John didn't say anything though and Connor went back to his book.

A while later, John was tracing words onto Connor's stomach and the younger man had abandoned his book. A hand carded through John's hair lightly.

"Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind that I've basically move in?" John asked.

There was a slight pause before Connor answered. "No. It just, um, took a little getting used to at first. I've never shared a room before." He offered.

John's brow furrowed. "Never?" John had shared a room for most of his life it seemed like. There was little privacy in the Air Force.

"Never." Connor confirmed.

"Oh." John said stupidly. "Wow."

"I like you here, though." The other man added softly. "I like coming home to you. And, um, you're like a living blanket."

John laughed. He thought that was probably the best description he had ever heard of himself. "If you ever want a night to yourself, all you have to do is ask. You know that, right?" He asked.

"Yeah. But then who would make me tea in the morning?" Connor teased with a grin.

"I get it now. You want me for my heat and my tea skills. That's all I am to you: a furnace and a chef." John said with a fake pout.

Connor laughed softly at his antics. "Yup. And tomorrow I want cake with my tea."

"Oh you do, do you?" John asked. Connor nodded. "I'll have to think about that."

John moved back up until he was facing Connor. He pressed a kiss to the younger man's lips while asking Atlantis to lower the lights. They were plunged into darkness, moonlight streaming in. He felt Connor's hand grab his own and John entwined their fingers as Connor took his normal place, curled up to John.

"No-lihg hoe-nuh ditch." John offered in somewhat broken Irish.

"Merry Christmas, John." Connor offered back in English as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When John awoke it was to an empty bed. At first he thought his boyfriend had gotten up to go running with Ronon but a look at his watch told him it was still too early for that. He glanced around the dark room and saw a faint sliver of light from under the bathroom door. He listened for a moment and when he didn't hear any sounds he got up and padded over to the door.

"Connor?" He asked softly, gently rapping on the door.

There was a long pause before John heard a reply. "Yeah?" Came the weak answer.

"Is everything alright?"

Another pause. "Yeah."

John definitely didn't believe that for a second. He tried to open the door but found it locked, and for the first time Atlantis refused to listen to him. _Damn._ "Connor? Will you open the door?"

This time there was a longer pause. "I'm fine, John… Go back… to bed."

"Please?"

A long moment later the door slid open slowly, as if hesitantly, and John saw his boyfriend sitting on the ground in front of the Ancient version of a toilet. The lighting was extremely dim and John's eyes took a few seconds to adjust. He was about to ask the younger man something when Connor turned suddenly and heaved into the toilet. John swore and moved to collect a wash cloth. He wet it with cold water and squatted down next to the linguist. He gently pressed the towel to the back of Connor's neck, a hand going to Connor's forehead. After a few moments John decided that the younger man did not have a fever, but that did nothing to allay his worries as Connor turned again to the toilet.

After a few moments, the other man seemed to think he was done and he laid back slowly against the cold bathroom floor.

"Do you want some water?" John asked quietly.

"No." Connor whispered. "Won't stay… down."

"Just to rinse." Connor seemed to think about that before nodding and John get to get a glass, filling it a little before handing it to the younger man. Connor sat up and swirled a little in his mouth before spitting it back out.

When he finished the linguist laid back down and threw an arm over his eyes and the bathroom lights dimmed further, plunging the room closer to darkness. John looked on, helpless. He moved the towel to Connor's forehead and sat there next to the younger man. Connor's hand slowly moved out and found John's, squeezing hard and John let him, figuring it would help with the pain. John decided then that his boyfriend probably had a migraine; all the signs were there: low lights, no noise, nausea, no fever, and, John knew, the linguist was prone to migraines.

Connor whimpered softly and his body turned in to John's curling around his legs, still holding his hand. John moved his other hand to Connor's back, rubbing slow and soothing patterns on it. John's heart ached at the ragged breathing coming from the other man and the soft noises of pain were eating away at him.

An hour later, John's legs had fallen asleep and Connor had passed out. He slowly pulled the other man out of his grasp, shaking out his legs. He bent and gently picked up his boyfriend, cradling him in his arms as he made his way back to the bed. He very carefully deposited the linguist back onto the bed, trying not to jostle him. John pulled the blankets up over the younger man and he pulled Connor's chair over to the side of the bed. He didn't want to climb back in and risk moving and waking Connor up, so he settled in the chair, one hand holding onto his boyfriend's as he drifted back off to sleep.

When John woke again it was to the sound of Ronon at Connor's door. John pulled a blanket over Connor's face, to stop the light from the outside corridor from waking him up and answered the door. He gestured Ronon inside quickly and the Satedan followed him in.

"He's not feeling well." John said quietly and succinctly.

Ronon look at John then to the lump on the bed. "I'll come back."

"I don't think he'll be up today, Ronon." John warned.

"Alright." And with that Ronon left quietly and John pulled the blanket back off of Connor's face, running a hand gently through the reddish-brown locks. Connor's window started to darken until it was as dark as the rest of his walls and John wondered if they could all do that, and how had he never known.

He slowly sank back down into his chair and listened to the ragged breaths still coming from the other man. John knew he wasn't sleeping peacefully and was still in a lot of pain. He debated for a minute on whether or not to call the infirmary. He tried to imagine what Connor would want. His boyfriend had certainly never really hesitated to get medicine before, but he also knew that there was no way anyone could come to Connor's quarters right now and not know what was happening between the two men. John got back up and started to slowly clean Connor's already clean quarters. He moved all of his stuff to an empty drawer in Connor's dresser.

"John?" Came a weak voice. John stopped what he was doing and made his way back to the bed.

"Hey." He whispered, running a hand through Connor's hair.

"Hurts." Connor said, eyes tightly shut. His hand moved out from under the covers to find John's and John reached out to grab it. Connor squeezed his hand hard, and John refused to wince.

"I know. Do you want me to get Keller?" John asked softly. There was no answer. "Connor?"

"No." The other man finally said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…"

"I have a meeting in a couple hours." John told him, while he was still conscious. "So if you wake up, and I'm not here, that's where I am."

"Okay."

John heard his boyfriend draw in another shaky breath. Connor turned to face him, hiding his face in John's knees. John resumed rubbing his back and twenty minutes later the scientist passed out again. John didn't fall asleep this time, instead he kept watch over the younger man until it was time for him to dress and leave.

In the middle of pulling on a shirt, John heard Connor get up and moved quickly to his side.

"Bathroom." The younger man gasped.

John directed him to the bathroom and Connor fell to his knees, heaving again over the toilet. John sank down next to him, rubbing his back as Connor continued to lose the rest of his dinner. John glanced at his watch and knew he would have to leave soon unless he wanted to be late. Connor must have saw the motion, for an arm waved him out.

"Connor-" He started.

The younger man sat up a little. "Go. It's fine."

John did not think it was fine at all. Instead he reached up and tapped his radio. "Sheppard to Ronon."

"Yeah?"

"Can you come to Dr. David's quarters?" John didn't hear a reply but knew that momentarily the other man would be here. "Sheppard out."

He looked back at Connor who was too busy making friends with the toilet to have heard him. As John continued to rub his back he wondered if perhaps Teyla would have been a better choice. But a look at Connor's shivering, weak form, told him that he would need Ronon to carry the scientist back to bed when he was done.

A minute later the door chimed and Atlantis let Ronon in. "Sheppard?" Ronon called.

"In here. To the left." He said softly as Connor whimpered at the noise.

John pressed a kiss to Connor's temple. "Ronon's gonna stay here with you, okay, Con?" Connor nodded weakly and John stood up to meet the Satedan. "He has a migraine." John explained. At Ronon's blank look he added, "A large headache. He's sensitive to light and sound, and right now is experiencing some nausea." He gestured to Connor in the bathroom. "When he's done in there you need to gently carry him back to bed, don't let him walk." Ronon nodded. "If he'll drink water, than that's good, if he won't than don't force him. I'll be back in two hours. He might wake up if he passes out again, just try to keep him calm and stay very quiet. If he seems to get worse, call the infirmary and then call me."

Ronon nodded again. "Got it, Sheppard."

It occurred to John, then, that he never really asked if Ronon was okay with this, but the fiercely protective look in Ronon's eyes told John that asking probably would have been an insult.

He pulled a shirt out of Connor's dresser before moved back to the linguist and crouched down again. He gently slipped the shirt over his head, helping the younger man put his arms through the holes. "Call the infirmary if it gets too bad, Connor." John whispered. The linguist nodded and John pressed another kiss to his hair, before standing up. With one last look to Ronon, who had taken John's place in the bathroom, John left for his meeting.

* * *

Ronon was crouched next to Irish as the other man heaved into the toilet. He marveled that Sheppard would trust him to do this. Most people would have called Teyla, but Sheppard had called him.

A few minutes later Connor was wiping his mouth with a wash cloth and rinsing his mouth out before spitting the water back out. He then laid back down on the bathroom floor and Ronon didn't think that could be comfortable at all.

"C'mon, Irish." Ronon said softly. He worked his arms underneath the other man and lifted, trying not to shake him around as he carried him back to bed. There was a chair on the side that Sheppard had obviously been using, so Ronon sat down in that as Irish curled up onto his side. Ronon watched as he seemed to concentrate on breathing. A hand moved out from under the blankets curling around one of Ronon's, squeezing hard. Ronon let him, figuring it was an outlet for the pain.

Eventually the grip on his hand loosened and Ronon tried to decide if that was because Irish had fallen asleep or if he just had no strength left. The linguist's breathing was still shallow and it sounded painful to Ronon's ears. He wondered what would constitute getting worse enough to call the infirmary.

About an hour later the door rang and Ronon got up to answer it. He heard a small groan as the light spilled in, landing on the man on the bed, he quickly gestured the visitor, Major Lorne, into the quarters, understanding Sheppard's earlier actions.

Lorne looked from Ronon to Connor and back to Ronon. He looked a little surprised to see Ronon there. "Is everything alright? Where's Colonel Sheppard."

"Meeting. Irish is sick." Ronon offered.

"Sick?"

Ronon tried to remember the word that Sheppard used. "Headache." He said finally. "A bad one."

"A migraine?" Lorne asked, glancing worriedly over to the doctor.

"Yeah."

"How come he's not in the infirmary?"

"Doesn't want to go."

Ronon watched Lorne shake his head softly before walking over to the other man. He bent down by the bed and put a hand over Connor's forehead and Ronon saw the linguist's eyes open slightly to look at the latest visitor.

"Hey." He heard Lorne say softly.

"Evan… breakfast, sorry." Connor said weakly.

"It's fine. I'm more worried about you. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Came the soft reply.

Ronon snorted and he heard Lorne do the same. The linguist was anything but fine. "Let me call Keller." Lorne said. The Satedan couldn't hear what Irish said next, but Lorne was tapping his radio calling down to the infirmary. He watched as the Major reached out and pulled something off from around Connor's neck, placing it safely in his pocket. He whispered something else to the linguist before standing up and facing Ronon. "Keller's on her way." He informed the taller man.

Ronon nodded. He wondered if it was really that easy to convince Irish to change his mind, especially since he knew the other man had been in pain for hours. He wondered how Lorne convinced him, but didn't ask.

A few minutes later, Ronon put a hand over Connor's face as Keller stepped into the room, black bag in hand.

"Major Lorne." She greeted. "Ronon." She said, a little surprised to see him. "You mentioned Dr. Davids has a headache?"

"Migraine." Lorne corrected. "I'm not sure how long…"

"At least four hours. Probably longer." Ronon contributed. "Threw up earlier."

Lorne looked a little shocked at that new information and Keller started going through her bag immediately. She pulled out something to listen to Irish's heart and he saw her frown a little as she did.

"Dr. Davids?" She asked softly.

"Mmm?"

"On a scale of one to ten, can you tell me how much it hurts?"

There was a short pause. "Nine." Came the soft reply.

"That's what I thought." She rooted through her bag and came out with a small pouch of clear solution and another, smaller pouch of something else. "Ronon?" She called. Ronon stepped up next to her. "Can you go to the infirmary and get me an IV stand?"

"The pole thing?" He clarified.

"That's the one." She said. Ronon left without a word and quickly made his way to the infirmary. He saw a few nurses walking about and thought about asking for one, but decided that just taking it would be faster. He grabbed a pole and wheeled it along side of him, moving as fast as he could back to Irish's quarters. When he arrived he saw that Keller had already connected the linguist to the IVs and Lorne was holding them up. Keller took them from the Major and hung them on the IV pole.

"When this one…" She said, pointing to the larger of the bags. "…is empty call me. It's a saline solution, to re-hydrate him. The smaller one is a pain-killer. If he's not feeling better within the next few hours, call me and I'll up the dosage. Will one of you be staying with him?" She asked, looking between the two men.

"Yeah." Ronon finally replied. "Sheppard and Teyla too."

"Alright." She said collecting her things. "I'll see you two gentlemen later." And with that she was gone.

Ronon gestured to Lorne to take the seat. The other man hesitated before sitting down. He reached out and took Connor's hand and the Irish man turned to face Lorne, his movements sluggish. "Tags?" Ronon watched as Lorne dug something out of his pocket and placed it in Connor's hand. "Thanks." And a few moments later he was sleeping again, holding tightly to whatever was in his hand. Ronon took a place up by the wall, leaning against it. He wasn't sure how long Lorne would stay but he was content to stand, watching over his sick friend. In a minute he would call Sheppard.

* * *

When Connor awoke, he wasn't sure what time it was. It was dark inside his room so he thought maybe it was nighttime but he couldn't see the moon outside his window, so maybe it wasn't. He felt thirsty, hungry and wanted a shower. He moved slowly, his head still aching, but nowhere near as bad as it had been. He pushed the blankets off of him and sat up slowly as a wave of dizziness overcame him. He reached out with a hand as his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. He could barely make out John's shape curled up in an uncomfortable looking position on Connor's chair. He reached a hand out to John's knee, shaking it slightly.

"John." He said softly.

The reaction was immediate. John's eyes sprung open and his body straightened, his hand going to his thigh where his gun was resting. He looked around, blinking. "Connor?"

"Hey."

"You're awake." John observed, his position relaxing. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Atlantis raised the lights a little and he cold see John looking at him skeptically. "Well, not as bad." Connor admitted.

His arm itched and he looked down to see a bandage resting on the back of his wrist. He had vague memories of Keller being here. His hand went to his neck looking frantically for John's dog tags.

"Hey, calm down, I've got them." John said gently. He pulled a set off from around his neck, placing them gently around Connor's and the linguist felt better immediately. "Did you need something?" John asked him, worry evident in his eyes.

"Water." Connor answered. John reached over and grabbed a cup off the side table and held it out for him. The scientist took small sips before handing it back. "Shower." He said next, moving to stand. John stood up from his chair and gently helped Connor stand.

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

"Yeah." Connor replied.

John nodded and slid an arm around his waist, walking with his to the bathroom. John hovered nervously behind him as he brushed his teeth. Connor shut the door, leaving John outside, and took off his clothes, turning on the shower. He stepped in and sighed at the feeling. He felt the door open as the steam rushed out and hear John moving around. He turned back to his shower, washing himself clean. A few minutes later he turned the shower off and a hand offered him a towel over the door. Connor took it gratefully and dried off, wrapping the towel securely around his waist.

He came out to find John sitting on the edge of the sink. His boyfriend beckoned him over and Connor went to stand between his legs. John gently tilted his head up and looked into his eyes. Apparently satisfied, he let go of the younger man, moving him a little before hopping off the counter. He left the room momentarily, before arriving back with some pants and a shirt. Connor smiled his thanks and John closed the door behind him.

He slowly got dressed and ran a brush through his hair. John was waiting for him as he opened the bathroom door, an arm slipping around his waist. He leaned into his boyfriend and allowed him to lead him back to bed. While Connor was getting dressed John had pushed his chair back to it's original position and Connor thought he might have changed the sheets. He wasn't sure though, but the bed was made. Connor slipped down under the blanket, and John tucked it around him.

John leaned down and pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead. "I have to get back to work. Will you be okay?" Connor nodded, already sleepy. "Alright, I'll see you later."

Before he drifted back to sleep he heard the doors open and close and the lights faded out again, plunging the room back into darkness.

* * *

John finished his meeting with the gate team leaders and made his way to the transporter to meet his team for lunch.

"Colonel Sheppard!" A voice called from behind him. He turned to see his XO walking quickly towards him. John hit the button for the transporter and Lorne climbed in behind him.

"Can I help you, Major?" He asked.

"I was just wondering how Dr. Davids is today, sir."

John eyed him before answering. "He woke up earlier in a lot less pain, so he'll probably be back at his desk tomorrow."

"That's good to hear, sir."

John nodded and the transporter came to a stop, doors opening. "I'll let him know you asked." John offered before stepping out.

"Thank you, sir." Lorne said as the doors shut. John smirked as he turned to meet the rest of his team.

He went quickly through the line, replicating a turkey sandwich and some mashed potatoes and vegetables. He grabbed a cup of tea and made his way over to the table his teammates were sitting at.

"'Bout time, Sheppard." Rodney said with his mouth full.

"Ew, McKay. Chew, not spew." McKay just glared and kept eating. John laughed, taking a bit of his sandwich.

"How is Connor today?" Teyla asked from his right. Ronon looked up as she asked.

"He woke up earlier, he'll probably be back on his feet tomorrow." John answered between bites.

"That is good. It was… disconcerting to see him in so much pain."

 _Tell me about it._ "Yeah." He agreed.

"What'd he give you?" Ronon asked.

"Huh?"

"For Christmas." He expounded.

Christmas seemed so far away to John that his mind had trouble backing up. "Connor?" Ronon nodded. "An Athosian?…" He said with a question in his voice, looking at Teyla who nodded. "…quilt. Black with constellations on it."

"Sounds cool." Ronon commented.

"It is."

"What'd you give him?"

John wondered what Ronon's sudden interest in gifts was. "An M11."

Rodney choked suddenly, and Ronon pounded him hard on the back. "You got him a gun?"

John shrugged. "He needed one."

"So? You gave him a gun, Sheppard. Gee, there's nothing that says 'Happy Birthday, Jesus' like a weapon used to kill people."

John opened his mouth to argue when Teyla beat him to it. "I think it is a very thoughtful gift, Rodney."

"Yeah, and he likes it, McKay." John added.

Rodney shook his head and went back to eating. Ronon caught John's eye and the Satedan flashed him an approving grin and John smiled.

"So what was that cake in there?" Ronon asked again.

"Geez, Ronon, what is this? Twenty questions?" John asked, annoyed. The Satedan shrugged.

"Cake?" McKay asked. "You stole a cake?"

John glared at him. "Baked. I baked a cake."

"You?" McKay laughed. "You baked a cake?" John glared again. "Well, better you than Teyla…ow!" He said as the Athosian hit his arm. "What? Geez."

John laughed as she hit him again.

"So you baked a cake? For what?"

John wasn't going to answer, except his other teammates were not looking at him curiously as well. "Birthday." John admitted.

"Whose birthday?" Rodney asked.

"Seriously, am I on trial here?"

"Oh please, Sheppard, get real." Rodney rolled his eyes.

"It was Connor's birthday?" Teyla asked confused. "He did not mention it…" And John thought his boyfriend probably wouldn't and made a note to look it up in his file.

"No, it wasn't his birthday." He took a bite of his potatoes.

"So you made a cake for no one's birthday?" Ronon asked.

"Not no one's." John said briefly, trying to convey that he wanted to change the subject. Unfortunately, his normally perceptive teammates, well Ronon and Teyla at least, didn't seem to be picking up on his need to change the subject.

"Sheppard!"

"Rodney."

"You're really not going to tell us?"

"I'm really not going to tell you." John said, finishing his sandwich. He started in on his vegetables.

"Ugh, fine." Rodney said, going back to his food.

John grinned before changing the subject himself. "So! Mission tomorrow…"

Two hours later he went back to his quarters to shower and change. He had just come from a practice with Teyla and he had a few more bruises on his shins than he would have liked. His quarters looked empty to him. Sure his Johnny Cash poster was still on the wall, a surfboard in the corner and a few other knick knacks here and there but the room seemed lifeless. It was only as John was getting dressed after showering that he realized it was seemed empty because Connor wasn't there. The room felt dead and John finished dressing quickly, leaving his bare room behind.

He walked into Connor's quarters and found the younger man sitting at his desk, laptop in front of him with a few notebooks spread around and a pen in his hand. He was writing something down and John leaned in behind him.

"Feeling better?" Connor nodded and John pressed a small kiss to his cheek. "Good."

John moved away from the desk, taking off the jacket that he had just put back on. "Lorne asked about you." Connor made a small questioning noise. "Just wanted to know how you were." His boyfriend nodded. "I told him you were delirious and kept asking for Aunty Em and red shoes." John said with a grin.

Connor turned around with his mouth opened. "You did not." John smiled widely. "John!" Connor said, throwing his pen at the older man.

John laughed. "You're right, I didn't." He picked up the pen from where it fell on the floor, returning it to his boyfriend. "I told him you were feeling better and would probably be back at your desk bright and early tomorrow morning."

Connor eyed him suspiciously. "I'll buy that… for now."

John laughed again. "Come watch a movie with me." John said, trying to entice his boyfriend away from his work.

The scientist chewed on the end of his pen. "Um… what movie?"

John thought about it. "I don't care, you pick."

"You really want to watch a movie?" Connor asked with a small laugh.

"Um… no." John admitted. "I'm bored."

"Go play with Rodney." Connor said, turning back to his work.

"He's busy with Katie."

"Then Ronon."

"He and Teyla went to New Athos for the night."

"Then… that can't be all your friends." Connor said thoughtfully, turning to John.

"Nope. You're sitting here."

"Yes, and I'm, uh, working." Connor said with a smile, John knew he was about to give in though. "Five minutes. Then we can have some cake."

John agreed and let Connor finish his work in peace. He took his stuff out of Connor's bottom drawer, replacing it about the room. _This room_ , he thought, _doesn't look empty at all_.


	21. Adapting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 21 : Adapting**

Author's Notes :  
\- _The Gay Kama Sutra_ belongs to Colin Spencer  
\- The jokes are not mine.  
\- I am in the process of moving back to America after a long time in Ireland, I will be without computer access for probably a few days.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

It was 1740 and John was jogging next to Ronon through the corridors of Atlantis. He knew the Satedan had already gone for a run this morning with Connor, but lately Ronon had been running again with John when he got off work. Not that John was complaining, he liked the exercise and not getting up at dawn to do it. Connor, on the other hand, was not as appreciative and John knew his boyfriend would eternally be a night owl.

He groaned internally as Ronon picked up the pace, forcing John to move faster. He never felt his age more than when he went running with the Satedan and he was pretty sure Ronon knew it too.

"So…" John panted a little. "How's it going with Keller?"

Ronon looked at him blankly but answered. "Not sure."

"Not sure?"

"Yeah."

"You've been after her for months."

"Yeah."

"Why don't you just ask her on a date?"

Ronon hesitated. "Not sure how."

"Say… 'Jennifer, would you like to go on a date with me?'… That usually works well."

"Is that what you did with Irish?" Ronon asked John curiously.

"Um, no." John admitted somewhat sheepishly as his legs burned while he ran.

"Then why do you think that will work?"

"Well for one thing… Connor's a guy, so things were different. Girls like the direct approach." John explained.

"Direct." Ronon parroted.

"Yeah. And bring flowers or something. Girls like that too." Ronon looked at him skeptically. "What? Just 'cause I'm with a guy now doesn't mean I've forgotten everything I knew about women." John defended.

"Hmm."

"So… are you going to ask her out?" John questioned.

"Maybe."

"You should."

"Why are you interested all of a sudden?" Ronon asked suspiciously.

"Can't a guy care about his friend?" John replied innocently. Ronon just looked at him. "I just want you to be happy, buddy." John said genuinely.

"So what type of flowers?…"

Later, John left Ronon in his quarters and headed a few doors down to Connor's room. The other man wasn't there and John called the lights up. He stripped off his sweaty shirt, rooting through the drawers, coming up with clean clothes. He tossed his shirt in the direction of the hamper before scooping up the clothes and taking them into the bathroom with him. As he showered he wondered where his boyfriend was then remembered the scientist telling him that morning that he was meeting Lorne's team for a movie. John wondered if he should feel affronted that he was never invited to a movie night with them, eventually deciding it would just have been weird.

After dressing he settled at the linguist's desk. He opened Connor's laptop and glanced briefly at the work there before opening the Atlantis e-mail service.

 _Junk. Junk. Junk._ John marveled at how he could go to another galaxy and still receive junk. John spotted one from Rodney and clicked it open. He quickly realized that it was a mass e-mail to the whole expedition as Rodney ranted about touching things in his lab. He deleted that and moved on. _Junk. Junk. Ronon?_ He clicked that open and saw it was just some forwarded chain mail. John shook his head. _Junk. Junk._

John sighed as he closed out of his e-mail and shut the laptop again. Had he really forgotten what to do without Connor? It seemed like it to John. He definitely knew that before the younger man he didn't sit around in his quarters checking e-mail. But now, even though he thought he should go out and do something, he didn't want to. He wanted to wait for Connor and hear about the movie that they watched and some of the semi-crude jokes that Lorne's team passed back and forth. He wanted to curl up with his boyfriend and watch the waves.

"Ugh, this is ridiculous." He muttered to himself. John stood up and left the quarters, heading for Rodney's lab. He found the other man hunched over his desk, as usual.

"McKay." He said into Rodney's ear from behind. He laughed as the scientist jumped up.

"Sheppard! Don't do that!" John laughed. "Did you need something, or are you just here to try and kill me?"

"If I wanted to kill you, McKay, you'd be dead." John said easily.

"Oh ha-ha, Sheppard. Do you mind? Some of us were actually doing work."

"Let's go race." John said cheerily.

"Hello? What part of 'doing work' did you not understand?" Rodney asked, gesturing to his desk. John saw different Ancient artifacts scattered across the top.

"What's this one do?" John asked, reaching for a small rectangular-shaped item.

Rodney slapped his hand away. "Don't touch! Didn't you get the e-mail? Besides, with your luck it will start working and then kill everyone."

John tried to take offense to that but ended up laughing instead. "So? Cars?" He asked again.

"You are such a little kid, Sheppard. Go play with your boy-toy." John gave him a glare at the name. Rodney snapped his fingers once. "I got it, he's busy. Well as nice as it is to be your second choice, I'm busy too." Rodney said, turning back to his desk.

"C'mon, McKay. One hour." John said.

"Working." Rodney answered.

"Ha! You just don't want to be defeated again." John taunted.

"Defeated? Again!" _Bingo._ "Fine, Sheppard, one hour, then you leave me to my work."

"Sure, Rodney." John said with a grin.

Together they left the room and John couldn't help but wonder what Connor was doing.

* * *

"…so we're tied up to these trees and the natives clearly don't speak English, so what does Parrish do?" Evan asked, laughing hard.

"He… he… starts throwing 'yo mama' jokes." Reed finished, doubled over.

Coughlin was laughing so hard that his face was a deep red and Connor thought that if he didn't start breathing soon he might pass out. Parrish, for his part, was trying to look innocent, but a laugh would escape every now and then. Connor, himself was busy laughing at the story.

"Hey! Evil tribe people! Yo mama's so fat that she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out!" Evan imitated.

"Oh yeah! Well yo mama's so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!" Reed added.

"And yo mama's so fat that when she tripped over 4th avenue she landed on 12th!" Coughlin managed to say.

"What?" Parrish defended himself. "It's not like they understood what I was saying. And it worked. They thought we were crazy…"

"…And they don't kill crazy people…" Reed put in.

"So they let us go!" The rest of them chorused.

Connor doubled over laughing. "You…" He paused to laugh. "…You escaped by telling 'yo mama' jokes?" Connor asked.

"Yup." Evan confirmed. "Carter's trying to think of a way to put that in a mission report that won't end up with us in therapy."

"Good luck with that." Connor said with a grin. They had finished the movie about half and hour ago and now Evan's team was regaling him with the story of their last mission.

"Thanks." Coughlin said. "We need it."

"Yeah." Reed agreed.

They chatted for a few more minutes before Connor politely made his excuses and headed for the door.

"Hey, Doc! Wait up!" Evan said from behind him. Connor paused at the door, waiting for Evan to say his goodbyes. The other man soon joined Connor at the door and they made their way to the transporter. Connor gave Evan a curious look and the other man opened his mouth and quickly shut it as a Marine walked by. He nodded a greeting and then gently pulled Connor into the transporter hitting the level for his quarters.

"Evan?"

"I still, um, have that book… I figured now was a good time to give it to you." He explained.

"I'm sorry, I know it's been a couple weeks-"

"-you've been busy." Evan cut in, smiling. "It's fine, Doc." They stepped out and Connor followed Evan to his quarters, stepping inside. The Major moved to his desk, shifting a few books over before handing Connor a book that said 'The Joy of Painting' on the top. "Definitely wasn't Bob Ross." Evan said, grinning.

Connor hesitantly took the book and shifted the cover off. Inscribed onto the cover of the books were the words 'The Gay Kama Sutra' and Connor blushed immediately, replacing the cover quickly.

"I'm sorry about my friend." Evan offered. "He's trying to help, I think. He wrote his e-mail address on the first page and said to e-mail him if you had any questions on anything. I tried to tell him you weren't really… like that, like you're more shy and stuff, but he's been sorta loud and proud for a while. I figured I would just give you the book and you can do with it what you will."

"Um… thanks." Connor mumbled, cheeks still burning red. "I better, uh…" He gestured to the door

"Hey." Evan said seriously. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." He said gently, touching a hand lightly to Connor's shoulder before dropping it. "I didn't mean to, and I'm sorry I mentioned you to my friend."

"It's okay." Connor said softly.

"Are you sure?" Evan questioned.

"Yeah. I just, uh, I mean, um, tell your friend, uh, thanks."

Evan eyed him suspiciously. "Alright." He said finally. "Well, goodnight, Doc."

"Night, Evan." With that he quickly left the other man's quarters, holding the book tightly against his chest. He hoped John wasn't waiting for him, so he would have time to hide the book somewhere. When the doors to his quarters opened he saw John playing solitaire on Connor's laptop.

"Hey." John greeted, turning in the seat to face him. Connor blushed just looking at John. He tried to casually set the book down on the table, but it caught John's attention anyways. "What's that?"

"Oh, um, just a, uh, book that Evan gave me." He mumbled.

"I can see that." John said with a laugh. "What book?"

"Um…" Connor didn't want to lie to John, but was definitely too embarrassed to tell John what it was. "Just a book." He said weakly.

John frowned at him a little but accepted that. "Okay." He drawled. He turned back to the computer, closing his game and shutting the lid. "What movie did you watch?" He asked, standing up.

Connor met him at the desk. "Indiana Jones." He said, wrapping his arms tightly around John's waist.

John returned the hug and they stood like that for several moments. "Is everything alright?" John asked him, concerned.

"Yeah." The linguist answered softly. "Just missed you."

"You saw me this morning." John said gently.

"I know." Connor mumbled into his neck.

When he finally pulled back, John's eyes seemed alight with happiness and were dancing with emotion. Connor tilted his head up and John pressed their lips together gently, softly, before deepening the kiss. John's hand settled on his lower back. They hadn't moved lower since Christmas day and Connor wasn't sure how to convince the older man that it was alright to do so. The linguist had no problem moving his hands down John's back and sliding the tips of his fingers into the top of John's pants.

When they finally pulled apart, each of them were panting and John rested his forehead on Connor's, a smile on his face. "I missed you, too." He said. Connor smiled shyly at him. Connor pulled his hands away from John and his boyfriend reluctantly did the same. The linguist went about gathering clothes and taking them with him to the bathroom and he saw John set about making tea. When he came back out John was sitting on the couch waiting for him with two mugs brewing at his feet.

John moved so his back was to the arm rest, with one leg up, one leg down. Connor sat in front of John and an arm crept around his stomach as he leaned back against John's chest.

"Did you hear about, um, Evan's mission yesterday?"

John was silent for a second and Connor reached down to grab their tea mugs, handing one to John. "I heard that they were captured and then… released? I think is what Carter said. She was a little busy laughing. Why, what do you know about it?"

He proceeded to tell the other man about Evan's mission yesterday and by the end John was laughing hard. "I'll have to tell McKay that one. And Ronon. And Teyla. I think that one takes the cake." John said. "We should try that next time."

Connor really didn't want to think about there being a next time. "Well it worked for Evan." Is what he said.

"Hm, I wonder why we never thought of that…" John said distantly. "Oh well, we have some interesting tales of our own."

"Tell me some." Connor asked softly, and John did just that for the next hour. The linguist loved to listen to his boyfriend talk. His voice held such reverence for his team, telling Connor how much John loved them. By the end the younger man began to fall asleep and John's gentle hand on his stomach wasn't helping.

He must have drifted off because the next thing he knew, John was shaking him lightly. "Let's go to bed." He whispered into Connor's ear and the scientist nodded. He stood slowly, holding on to John and allowed the older man to lead him to bed. He curled up into John, a hand grabbing his dog tags before falling back asleep.

* * *

"Ronon! Hi. How can I help you?" She smiled and Ronon cursed Sheppard for putting this idea into his head.

"Wanna get some dinner?"

"Sure. Let me just finish-"

"With me?" Ronon cut off.

She looked up at him, surprised. "Well, yes, that's what I thought you meant." She said.

He cursed Sheppard again. "No, I mean as a… date." He said, using the crude Earth word, he moved a hand above the desk holding out the flowers he had gotten from the botany lab.

She looked at him and then at the flowers before smiling. "I would love to."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She confirmed.

So maybe Sheppard wasn't wrong after all.

* * *

Connor looked up from his dinner with John and Teyla and saw Ronon enter the mess hall with Keller next to him. "Should we ask them to, uh, join us?" He asked the other two.

John and Teyla turned around in their seats to see who he was talking about.

"I think we sho-"

"No, just let them-"

They said at the same time. Teyla tilted her head to indicate that John should speak. "I think we should let them be." He had a mischievous look about him though. Connor decided to get John to tell him after dinner.

"You do not wish to invite them over?" Teyla asked a little confused. John gave her a look that Connor couldn't determine. "Ah, I see. Very well." Connor didn't see, but let it drop anyways.

"So, um, what time are you gating out, uh, tomorrow?" He asked John.

"0900." His boyfriend answered easily.

Connor scrunched up his nose. "So early."

John laughed. "Not for everyone, right, Teyla?" John asked, nudging her shoulder with his in a friendly gesture.

She smiled and Connor could see mirth floating in her eyes. "Yes. I wake each morning before the sun to meditate on the day's lessons and gifts."

"At least you have a choice." Connor muttered dramatically.

John smirked. "You mean you don't like running with Ronon in the morning?"

Connor moaned sadly. "Hey, you get to, uh, run with him at a reasonable hour."

John's foot gently rested against his for a second before pulling away. "Only because at that point we've lost you to your books." He teased softly.

Connor stuck his tongue out at the other man and John gave him a suggestive look as Teyla elbowed her teammate in the side. John shot her a hurt look that fooled no one and Connor laughed, going back to his dinner.

"What have you been working on lately, Connor?" Teyla asked politely.

"Um… some ruins."

John looked at him sharply. "Not Landry's?" He asked. The linguist didn't answer. "Connor? Not Landry's?"

"Well… maybe." He mumbled.

"Maybe?" Connor wondered how his boyfriend had heard that.

"I thought you had moved on."

"I did. But in that, uh, data burst a few days ago he, um, asked me to look at them again along with, uh, a few other things."

"Didn't you tell him that they're indecipherable?" John asked, anger creeping into his gaze.

"I…"

"…told him that you needed more time." John finished tightly. Connor nodded. "I… Connor…" He drifted off and the scientist knew that he would be grilled more later.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to cause a problem." Teyla offered softly.

"It's alright, Teyla." Connor offered.

She nodded but didn't seem convinced.

Too soon for Connor they were waving bye to the Athosian and they walked together in uneasy silence back to Connor's room. The doors had barely shut behind them when John exploded.

"Why would you tell him that? You didn't sleep for a week! Those ruins are a mess, Connor. I can't even make out shapes much less words!" He said angrily towards the younger man.

Connor instinctively took a step back from the other man. "I'm not a little kid, John. This is my job. You can't tell me what to do." He said weakly.

"And I'm not trying to!" John defended. "I just want my genius boyfriend to see that this is not something that can be solved. You can't do this, Connor. You told me you were stuck on this weeks ago! What's changed?" He asked, waiting for an answer.

"Nothing." He replied quietly.

"If nothing's changed than why are you still working on them?"

"General Landry-"

"Can go screw himself! You need to tell him that this is impossible. You're only a man, Connor."

"I'll do whatever I want, John." Connor said softly but defiantly.

John's eyes blazed with anger and Connor took another step back. "So you want to waste your time on something that can't be solved? God, Con! You sound like McKay!" John accused.

"Just because it takes more time, doesn't mean it can't be solved." Connor answered.

"You don't need to do everything, Connor. So Landry asked you to do it? So what! Say 'no'."

"I like General Landry." Connor protested quietly.

"That's not a reason to devote time to nothing." John argued.

"I…" Connor drifted off, looking at John's face. His boyfriend looked angry, and for once, that anger was directed at him. He felt his heart clench a little. "I'm going to keep working on this, John."

"I… Connor…" John drifted off. "I just want what's best for you." He said firmly.

"And I don't know what that is?"

"No!" Came the immediate and loud answer. Connor cringed a little and stepped back further, his back hitting the wall behind him. John's posture was tense and looked large and dangerous to the younger man. "You don't know what's best for you! God, most days you forget to eat!"

"I'm sorry." Connor said softly.

"Don't be sorry! I don't care about that. I care that you're working needlessly on something that's going to keep you up at night!" John exclaimed.

"I-I want to help General Landry."

"Then help him by telling him that these ruins are indecipherable!"

Connor pushed his hands flat against the wall. "No."

"Why not? Are you afraid Landry will think less of you? Newsflash: He knows you're the best, that's why he sent them to you in the first place!"

Connor swallowed and pushed himself further against the wall. "I… John." He said, shaking his head softly. "I don't think that."

"Then what is it?" John demanded.

"There's no harm in trying." Connor offered.

"No harm? All it is is harm! Landry would not ask you to do this if he knew what you were doing to yourself." John said firmly. "I can talk to him-"

"No!" Connor said loudly. "This is my job, John. This is what I do."

John shot him a look of disbelief. "I've seen what you do, and this is not it."

"I need to go." Connor said, pushing off from the wall.

"What?" John asked, bewildered.

"I just… you're angry and I…" He trailed off and was out the door before John could answer. He raced to a transporter and Atlantis had one waiting for him. He pressed the level for his lab, before hesitating. Instead he hit another level and felt the lift move. He stepped off, walking down the hallway before stopping in front of a nondescript door. He rang the chime, hoping the occupant was home.

He shifted nervously back and forth on his feet as the door slid open. "Doc? Is everything alright?" Evan asked concerned.

He shook his head. "I don't think so. I just…"

"Come in." Evan said, gesturing him into the room. His friend looked out the door for a moment before stepping back in and locking the door behind him.

Connor hovered nervously in the middle of the room, wringing his hands. "We… I…he… I mean it was…" He stuttered nervously.

"Would you like some tea?" Evan asked gently. Connor nodded and his friend grabbed his hand, leading him to sit down on his bed. Connor sat and watched as Evan heated some water, dropping tea bags into two mugs before bringing the steaming drinks over. Evan sat them on the bedside table as they steeped and moved to lean against the head of the bed. Connor sat cross-legged, facing him, towards the foot. A few minutes later, Evan handed him a mug and Connor took a sip of the soothing beverage. "So, what's up?" Evan asked softly.

Connor hesitated before spilling the whole story. How a while back Landry had sent him some ruins and how they were stumping him. He described the difficultly he was having before moving on to his and John's fight tonight. "…And he was so angry, I just… I don't know." Connor said, looking into his mostly empty cup of tea.

Evan remained silent through it all, just watching his friend and sipping his tea. When Connor finished, he gently pulled the mug out of his friend's hands, setting it aside with his own. He reached back and held Connor's hands loosely in his. "Connor, he was worried for you, and scared, concerned. And yes, maybe angry but only because he was so scared. I don't think he meant to tell you what to do or how to do your job. He cares about you. I remember he was worried about you a while ago, I didn't know why, but I suspect it had something to do with this."

"I… he was yelling and just… his eyes." Connor said sadly. "I made him so mad." He pulled his hands back from Evan and sighed, playing nervously with a loose thread on his pants.

Evan looked at him sharply. "He didn't do anything else, did he?" He asked seriously.

Connor's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"He didn't uh…" Evan swallowed. "He didn't hit you or anything? Threaten you?"

Connor gasped and shook his head emphatically. "No! John would never…!" He said adamantly, shocked that Evan would suggest such a thing.

"I didn't mean to imply that he would." Evan said quickly. "I didn't think he would. But you have to remember he's in the military, Connor. Just because he wouldn't, doesn't mean he's not capable of doing so."

"John would never do that." He repeated.

"Okay." Evan said seriously. "I just had to ask. I had to make sure."

Connor's hand went nervously to his neck and he pulled out John's dog tags, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the name. He swallowed. "He wouldn't." He said again.

"Okay. I believe you." Evan said, reaching out a hand, resting it on Connor's knee and rubbing it gently. "I'm sorry for upsetting you."

"I should get back." Connor said softly.

"You don't have to if you're not ready yet." Evan said gently, pulling his hand back. "I know you guys have never really fought before."

"We haven't." Connor confirmed. "I… he might not even be there when I get back." The linguist tried not to think that John would have left. "Oh no! What if he's gone?" He asked suddenly. "What if he doesn't come back?" He buried his face in his hands.

Warm hands pried his face and hands apart. Connor looked up at Evan's face. "I'm sure that's not true, Doc. He's not going to just leave." But even Connor could see that Evan wasn't entirely sure.

"What if he decides it's not worth it? That _I'm_ not worth it? I mean I just, I just… left him there!" Connor put his face back in his hands. "I'm a horrible boyfriend." He fought back tears, determined not to cry.

Hands shook his shoulders. "Connor, you need to stop this. Go talk to him. I'm sure everything will work out." Evan said gently.

"I can't." Connor answered.

"Yes, you can." Evan moved off of the bed and turned Connor around to face him. He pulled at Connor's hand until the linguist allowed himself to be pulled up right. He walked Connor to the door. "Hey." He said softly and Connor turned to face him. "If… you can't find him, or things don't end… well, come back here, alright? Don't stay in your quarters alone." Connor turned back to the door. "Connor? Alright?" The linguist nodded. "Okay. Go talk to him." Evan unlocked the doors and they swished open.

Connor turned to his friend and gave him a quick hug. "Thanks, Evan." He said, blushing.

"It's what best friends are for." Evan said with a lopsided smile. "Now, go get your man." He gave Connor a small push out the door and the scientist felt his eyes on him until the transporter doors closed, taking him back to his room.

He walked slowly down the hallway, dragging his feet a little, becoming more nervous with every step he took. He took a deep breath before opening the doors. He glanced around and his hearting started beating quickly when he spied John sitting on the floor against his bed. The other man looked up as Connor entered and the linguist could see relief written all over his boyfriend's face, along with sadness and remorse.

Connor walked over and dropped to his knees in front of John. He reached a shaky hand out and John caught it in his. Tears sprung to his eyes, before he could stop them, and suddenly he was sobbing in John's arms. His boyfriend's arms cradled him tightly against his chest and Connor could just barely make out the soothing noises John was making. He struggled for breath as sobs overcame him.

"Don't leave me." Connor begged between shaky breaths. "I'll stop working on the ruins, just please… don't leave me." John's arms tightened around him. "Please stay… stay, stay, stay…" He repeated over and over.

"Shh… I'm not going to leave you. Remember, not till you ask me?" John said gently.

"Please stay. Don't leave me." Connor begged again. This time, John didn't respond. He pressed small kisses into Connor's hair and held him tightly, rocking them a little bit. "Don't leave me."

Connor wasn't sure how long they sat like that: John rocking him as tears made their way down his face, reassuring words being whispered into his ear as Connor begged the other man to stay. When the tears finally slowed, Connor looked up at John's face. His heart broke at what he saw there. Small tear tracks glistened on the older man's face and Connor reached up a hand to cup the side of his cheek. John looked down and met his eyes and Connor swallowed at the love he saw in them.

He took note of their position. Some time while he was crying John had maneuvered him onto his lap and Connor was leaning sideways against his body with John's arms securely around him, holding him close to him. Connor moved his hand from John's face and pulled John's dog tags out from his boyfriend's shirt and he clasped them tightly in his hands.

John tilted his head down and Connor's lips met his in a gentle kiss that spoke of apologies and suffering and sadness and relief.

"Let's talk in bed." John suggested softly.

"So you're staying?" Connor said hopefully.

"Yes." John said with a small smile. "I'm staying."

Connor stood up slowly and held a hand down for John, who gratefully accepted it. John grabbed some clothes and moved into the bathroom to change. Connor changed while John was in there and then made his way in to brush his teeth and wash his face when the other man exited. He dried his face and looked at it in the mirror. He reached a hand out and gently touched his reflection. _I don't know what you see in me_ , he thought to the man waiting in the other room for him. Connor saw a plain face in the mirror; too pale and his cheeks were always red. His eyes seemed dull and blank and red right now from crying. Connor thought that his hair was messy and unkempt and maybe too long. His nose was on the small side and his lips were straight from his mother. Connor's heart suddenly ached for her as he looked at himself in the mirror. He could see traces of his parents in all his features and wished they were here to give him advice.

The door opened behind him and John's arms came around his middle. John looked into the mirror, staring at Connor through his reflection. The linguist still had a hand outstretched towards the mirror and John reached out to grab it. "You're beautiful." His boyfriend said honestly, voice a little rough.

"I'm not." Connor argued.

John moved their hands down from the mirror and settled them on Connor's bare stomach. "I love your eyes." John said quietly. "They tell me everything I need to know about how you're feeling. And when you come, they turn a dark shade of blue." Connor blushed. "And I love your blush. How no matter what we do together, you always blush. I love the way your cheeks become a rosy red, like it's snowing, even though I know it's not." John released Connor's hand and moved to trace the linguist's face. "I love your nose."

"It's too small." Connor protested.

"It's perfect." John countered. "And I love your lips. I love how they taste and how they feel and how I'm the only one who's ever touched them." He gently touched Connor's lips with his fingers. "I love your chin. How it fits into my mouth when I kiss it." His fingers traveled south to outline Connor's chin. "I love your neck, how you let me leave small hickeys." His fingers outlined a small bruise on Connor's neck by his shoulders. "And how you wear my dog tags around it." John's hand tugged lightly at the tags resting there. "I love your shoulders, hanging over them when you're working. I love your arms, how muscled they are from shooting and martial arts." His hand traced the scientist's bicep. "I love your chest. How there are small freckles everywhere and small scars that tell your story." His fingers ghosted over Connor's torso. "I love your stomach, how you're not ticklish and you let me trace words and pictures on to it." His hands followed his words. "I love your back." John said. "I love the feeling of it pressed against my chest." Connor swallowed. "I love your hair." He said. "How you let me run my fingers through it even though I mess it up, every time. I love how long it is." John's eyes had never left his in the mirror as he spoke, honesty pouring out through his words. John thought he was beautiful and maybe, for the first time ever, Connor felt beautiful. "Come to bed." John whispered in his ear, tugging him away from the mirror. Connor nodded slowly and followed his boyfriend out of the bathroom.

John slid under the covers, holding them up for Connor, who slid under them too. He turned on his side, resting his head on John's heart, his hand tangling in John's dog tags. John's arms went around him and Connor found the familiar position soothing.

"Where did you go?" John asked quietly. "I couldn't find you…"

"I went to Evan's." Connor answered just as quietly. "I'm sorry I ran out."

"No, Con. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled." John admitted.

"Still." Connor insisted. "I should have stayed."

"You felt threatened." John stated. "It's a normal reaction."

Connor thought about that for a second. "I'm sorry." He finally said.

"Me too." John said quietly, running a hand through Connor's hair. "Why did you think I would leave you?" He asked softly.

"I was… worried." Connor answered honestly. "I just left you here and I-I thought maybe you would decide that I wasn't worth all of this."

John's hand stilled for a second, before moving through his hair again. "How can I convince you that you are?"

"I don't know."

John was silent for a second. "You are."

Connor didn't reply. "Evan asked if you hit me." He said instead.

John froze again before relaxing. "I'm glad he's your friend." He said honestly.

"You're not offended?"

"It's a valid question."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is." John argued.

"No, it's not. I told him you would never hit me."

"I'm dangerous, Connor." John said softly.

"And I'm not?" John didn't say anything to that. "I have a third degree black belt in Tae Kwan Do. And I'm certified to use several different weapons, John."

"You are?"

"Yes. My point is, I think I can handle myself."

"…I often forget you're so well trained, Connor."

"Most people do. My parents did."

"It doesn't matter." John said finally. "If I ever try to hit you, you leave… and don't come back."

"John…"

"No." John said firmly. "We're not going to argue this."

"If you ever tried to hit me, I'm not sure there would be a you to go back to." Connor said finally, with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Let's see there's… Evan, Ronon, Teyla…"

John shivered. "You're probably right."

They were silent for a few minutes, soaking in each other's presence. John's hand was still carding, soothingly, though Connor's hair. "I'm going to, uh, e-mail General Landry and tell him I, um, can't finish the ruins." Connor said quietly.

There was a pause before John spoke. "I didn't mean to tell you how to do your job, Connor."

"Yes, you did." The linguist argued. "And you're allowed to."

"No, I'm not."

"You're my boyfriend, John. You're opinion means more to me than anyone's, including Landry's."

"But still-"

"You were right." He said, cutting the older man off. "I can't finish it, and I don't like sleepless nights. They take me away from you." Connor pressed a kiss to John's chest. "I'd rather be with you."

They fell silent again and Connor scooted up John's body a little to tuck his head into the gap between John's neck and shoulders. His boyfriend's arm went around him, holding him close.

"I promise I'm staying, Connor." John said softly. "I'll say it as much as I need to."

"Thank you." Connor said quietly. John sighed and pulled the younger man in tighter.

* * *

John was not looking forward to this away mission. He was currently eating breakfast with Teyla and Ronon, Rodney was supposed to join them fifteen minutes ago, but had apparently forgotten. After their fight yesterday, John was anxious being away from his boyfriend. With every step he took away from Connor his heart hurt more, and right now the pain seemed unbearable. To top it off, it was a joint away mission with Lorne's team to get some intel on the latest Wraith and Replicator movements. It was risky, and involved going to a Wraith infested planet to get it.

John fought a yawn. After Connor had fallen asleep, John had lain awake drinking in the sight of the younger man in his arms. Just as Connor had been afraid John would leave him, John was afraid that Connor would leave _him_. He had chased after Connor but couldn't catch him. He checked the younger man's lab, the mess hall, Ronon's room, Teyla's room. He hadn't even thought to check Lorne's, although in hindsight… _He is his best friend, John_.

So now, John wasn't sure how to act around his second in command. It felt awkward to know that someone under his command was so intimately aware of his personal affairs, but he found he couldn't begrudge his boyfriend any friends he had made since the younger man had been without them for so long.

"-right, John?" Teyla asked him.

John snapped out of his daze. "Huh? Sorry." He said taking a sip of his coffee.

"It is no problem, I simply asked if everything was alright."

"Yeah. Long night." Was all he offered. A glance at his watch told him he had twenty minutes before they were due in the jumper bay. John pushed his half eaten breakfast away, piling his stuff on the tray in front of him.

"I'll see you in the jumper bay." He said, standing. He quickly dumped his food out and left the tray in the used pile making his way to the transporter. _Will you tell me where he is?_ He asked Atlantis. John received a picture of Connor sleeping. _Thanks_. He hit Connor's level and the lift started moving. Seconds later he arrived at his destination and made his way to Connor's room. The younger man didn't stir as John entered sitting down on the edge of the bed. He ran his fingers through Connor's soft hair, smiling softly.

"John?" The scientist asked, blinking awake. "What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to see you before I left." John explained softly.

"Oh." He smiled shyly. The younger man got out of bed and hastily made his way to the bathroom. A few minutes later he came back out and walked over to John. He leaned down to offer his sitting boyfriend a kiss and John eagerly met his lips. One of Connor's hands moved to John's head, tangling in his hair and John's arms wrapped around Connor's legs. John tugged him down as he leaned back on the bed and Connor toppled onto John without breaking their kiss. John's arms moved to wrap around his waist tightly. Connor moved his knees up to rest on the edge of the bed on either side of John's hips.

"Mmm." John said pulling away. "I wish we had time." He said regretfully. He sat back up, taking Connor with him. The younger man was now seated on his lap, straddling it.

Connor moved back in for another kiss and John opened his mouth, admitting the other man. He sighed happily as Connor's tongue explored the inside. They pulled apart again, breathing heavily and Connor's head moved to the side, hanging over John's shoulder.

"I _really_ wish we had time." John moaned again. Connor pressed his mouth to John's neck, careful not to leave any marks. John sat there clutching his boyfriend to his body, need coursing through him.

A few minutes later the lights flashed and John knew it was time to go. Connor reluctantly moved off of him, standing with a saddened look on his face and John was reminded of Ronon's words.

" _Melena always had a sad look, whenever I left. She always told me to go, though. She knew I was important. To my men, to Sateda. She never asked me to stay. I would have." Ronon admitted. "So she didn't."_

John stood and grabbed Connor for one last hug.

"Be safe." His boyfriend whispered into his ear. John pulled back and pressed a kiss to Connor's lips. He pulled away and groaned. "What? What's wrong?" John's eyes darted down and Connor's eyes followed. John looked up to see a blush spread across his boyfriend's face. "Sorry." He offered.

"I'm not." John said with another quick kiss. He adjusted his pants. "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

John didn't look back as he left, heading for the jumper bay.

* * *

Evan couldn't read the look on Colonel Sheppard's face as the man walked into the jumper bay with Ronon and Teyla trailing behind him. For some reason the there was a pained look on the military commander's face and Evan wondered if his best friend was the reason why. He had waited up for a while last night to see if Connor was going to come back. Around 0100 he was satisfied that the linguist had patched things up and had fallen asleep. He wished he had time to talk to his friend before they left, but the mission was scheduled too early in the day for Connor to be awake.

"I'm here!" McKay yelled as he entered the jumper bay. Evan saw Sheppard scowl at him a little as the Colonel walked over to check McKay's pack.

"Alright. Let's go. Everyone knows what they're doing?" Sheppard asked, looking around.

Evan nodded and saw everyone else do the same.

"In and out." Sheppard said.

"From your mouth to God's ears, sir." Coughlin said.

Sheppard threw him a smile before heading into the jumper. Evan's team followed Sheppard's team in and they took a seat in the back as Sheppard lifted off.

"Sheppard to control. We're all set."

"This is control. You have a go. Good luck." Sheppard lowered the jumper into front of the gate.

"Thanks. Sheppard out." A few seconds later Evan saw the event horizon before he was sucked through.

The jumper cloaked as soon as they exited the space gate and Sheppard directed the jumper down to the planet. Evan knew it would take about forty five minutes to reach the surface. He glanced around at his teammates. Reed and Coughlin seemed alert but Parrish looked to be falling asleep on Reed's shoulder.

"David!"

Parrish shot up. "Huh? What?" Reed snickered.

"We're on a mission here, try not to make us look too bad in front of the Colonel's team." Evan joked with a jerk of his head towards the front of the jumper.

"Oh. Yeah, right. Sorry."

Evan rolled his eyes and went back to his musings. He glanced up to look at his best friend's boyfriend. Sheppard was dangerous, Evan was sure of that, and even though he didn't believe the other man would ever hurt Connor, he didn't regret asking. Their relationship puzzled him a little, although admittedly he had very few opportunities to observe the two men together. If anyone had asked him six months ago if Sheppard was straight, he would have said 'yes' without hesitation. Even now, if he wasn't such good friends with Connor he doubted he would suspect anything about the two men beyond friendship.

Evan knew that a lot of Atlantis actually thought that the linguist had paired up with Teyla as they were often seen together. While his own teammates had individually pulled him aside and asked if he knew if the two were dating only Reed had shown any indication that he thought that Connor might be dating someone else and had even more vaguely hinted at possibly a man. Evan hadn't confirmed his suspicions and knew Reed wouldn't dwell on it.

He also knew his team had basically adopted the linguist as one of their own and was as protective of his as Sheppard's own team. He thought back to last night. He couldn't imagine his meek, shy friend arguing with someone like Colonel Sheppard, but from what the scientist had told him they had argued for several minutes before he left. Evan hoped this mission went well so he could meet his friend for lunch or dinner to get the rest of the details out of him.

Evan bounced his knee nervously as he glanced at Colonel Sheppard again. The other man was busy flying the jumper with McKay chatting away next to him.

"What's up, Ev?" Reed asked from his right, catching Evan's nervous look.

"Nothing. Just, long night." He answered.

"Seems to be going around." Reed replied with a pointed look at Sheppard and then to Parrish and back Evan.

Evan just shrugged. "I guess."

"Well… if you ever want to talk."

"Thanks, Jake." Evan answered easily.

 _Okay, Evan, get your mind in the game_. And with that he started reviewing their mission.

* * *

Connor clicked his pen nervously. He had just finished e-mailing General Landry about the ruins, and even though the other man wouldn't get the e-mail until the next Earth dial-out, Connor was ready to move on to something else. He brought up the database again, this time it landed on some scientific research that Dr. McKay's lab would receive. He anxiously started on translating it. His body was here in his lab, his mind on John and his heart was heading into a Wraith base. He clicked his pen again.

Three hours later he couldn't sit still any more. He sent what he had to the appropriate people and left his lab. Another hour later he had worked through several advanced katas and was still feeling anxious. He wasn't sure why he was feeling like this. John had gone on plenty away missions, so had Evan for that matter, but he knew until he saw either of them he wasn't going to be productive.

He wandered back to his lab, making a cup of tea. While he waited he pulled up his e-mail, one caught his eye. It was from a scientist he had never met but knew worked in Dr. McKay's lab. Dr. Rebecca Grey. He searched his memory and decided that he hadn't met her and wondered why she would be e-mailing him. He clicked it open.

 _Dr. Davids,_

 _I received a copy of your latest work. I wondered if you were free some time today to discuss a few of the translations. Thanks._

 _Dr. Becky Grey, Ph. D_

 _Physics_

Connor thought for a second before writing a reply.

 _Dr. Grey,_

 _I am able to meet any time today. Where would you like to discuss the translations?_

 _Dr. Connor Davids, Ph. D_

 _Linguistics_

He left his laptop there as he went to collect his hot water, dumping a tea bag in a moving the mug back and forth between his hands. Connor sat down on his couch as his tea steeped, blowing at the steam to cool it. As he took his first sip his laptop chimed with the arrival of an e-mail. That was fast. He made his way back to his desk.

 _Dr. Davids,_

 _How about talking over an early dinner, say 1600, in the mess hall?_

 _Dr. Becky Grey, Ph. D_

 _Physics_

That last thing Connor was thinking about was food. He bit his bottom lip as he glanced at his watch. 1400. John's team had been gone for five hours. While it wasn't uncommon for an away mission to last all day, this one was different. They had no scheduled check-ins as their mission required a lot of stealth and radio silence, not to mention the gate in space was not the most accessible to check in from. Connor also knew that John's mission today held no expected time limit as the teams would have to adjust to whatever circumstances they found themselves in and if that meant that they stayed hidden in one place for thirty minutes, then they stayed hidden. Carter wouldn't begin to worry until twenty-four hours had passed without word from either SGA team.

Connor suddenly tasted blood and licked at his lip, realizing he had bitten hard enough to break the skin. He sucked it into his mouth to staunch the flow and clicked 'reply'.

 _Dr. Grey,_

 _1600 is fine. I'll see you then._

 _Dr. Connor Davids, Ph. D_

 _Linguistics_

He closed his e-mail and went back to work on the research translations, drinking his tea and trying not to keep biting his lip.

Two hours later found Connor standing in the mess hall holding a tray with an apple, a cup of tea and half a sandwich, his notebook tucked underneath his arm. He had forgotten to ask what Dr. Grey looked like and was now scanning the room for any potential Dr. Greys.

"Dr. Davids!" A voice shouted from his left. He turned and saw a blonde woman standing and waving in his direction. He walked over to greet her.

"Dr. Grey?" He asked.

"That's me." She sat back down and Connor sat across from her. He looked up from his food to glance at her face. She had blue eyes, blonde hair and was petite in nature, shorter than the linguist, and perhaps close to his age. He looked back down at his apple and remembered Teyla always passing one to John. He pushed the piece of fruit away and stirred some milk into his tea. "But call me Becky, please, everyone does."

"Um, sure, Becky." He said distractedly. "You wanted to talk about translations?" He reached for his notebook, opening it to his latest work.

She laughed. "You really are all work, Dr. Davids. How about in a few minutes, give me a chance to start on this soup?" She asked, gesturing to her tray.

"Oh, um, yes, of course." His spoon clinkered against the inside of his tea mug.

"So, I don't see you around much." Becky said before blowing on the soup in her spoon.

"My lab is, um, somewhat distant." He offered in explanation, pulling the spoon out of his tea.

She dunked her now empty spoon back into her soup bowl. "Got it." She grinned. "So are you new to Atlantis?"

"Um, I've been here for a while now… almost a, uh, year." He offered, sipping his tea.

"I've been here since the second wave." She said, referring to the influx of people that arrived once the Daedalus was operational. "How are you liking it?"

"It's nice." He took a bite of his sandwich before setting it back down.

Becky reached for some bread and Connor watched as she buttered it. "Have you made a lot of friends?"

Connor wondered what any of this had to do with translations. "I guess." He answered, noncommittally.

"I saw you at the holiday party with Colonel Sheppard's team, do you know them well?" Becky bit into her bread, smiling at the taste.

"Uh, yeah. I, um, go running with Ronon and Teyla shares my, um, affinity for tea." He made a pointed look towards the mug in his hands.

"That's cool." She dipped her bread into her soup, taking a bite. After swallowing she continued. "I've been here three years, almost four and I don't think I've ever met them. They keep to themselves."

Connor furrowed his brow. Both of the Pegasus natives interacted with more people than he did. "I guess a little."

"So have you been to New Athos then?" She asked curiously.

"Um, yeah, with Teyla, a few times." He placed his empty tea mug back on his tray.

"So you know her pretty well?"

"Yeah." He glanced at his watch again. John's team had been gone for seven hours. The linguist felt his heart ache a little more at the thought. He looked back to his dining companion who was now working her way through a small salad.

"Listen, Dr. Davids, I was, um, wondering if maybe-"

"Sheppard to Davids." Connor heard in his ear.

He held up a hand towards Dr. Grey, clicking his radio. "Davids here."

"Hey." John's voice came breathless in his ear. "We're back, where are you?"

"I'm, uh, not in my lab right now." Which was previously established code for 'I'm with someone'.

"Got it. Find me when you're finished?"

"Sure. Davids out." He turned back towards Becky who had a curious gleam in her eyes. "Dr. Grey-"

"Becky." She reminded with a smile.

"Becky, I'm sorry, I have to go. Can we, um, meet some other time to go over the work?" He asked, already standing and gathering his tray.

"Um, sure, I'll e-mail you."

"That would be grand, thanks." And with that he made a quick exit from the mess hall, dumping his tray quickly.

He met John in his quarters. The other man was standing, hunched over Connor's desk and checking his e-mail. He turned when the doors opened and Connor rushed towards him. John pulled him roughly to his body, holding him tight. They stood together for several long moments before Connor pulled back, fingers already working on the buttons of John's over shirt. He gently pushed the shirt off of John's shoulder and it fell to the ground. He didn't wait for it to touch the floor before he was lifting the black undershirt off of John, pulling it over his head. His eyes scanned John's torso for bruising, a minute latee, satisfied that there was none, he leaned up for a kiss and John's lips met his.

Hands pushed Connor's jacket off before pulling his shirt up. They broke apart briefly as Connor's shirt was pulled over his head and tossed to the side. The linguist's lips moved to John's neck and the other man sighed contentedly. John put his hands on Connor's waist, walking his backwards until the younger man felt his back hit the wall. John's hands came between his body and the wall, moving down to tug lightly at the top of Connor's pants. His boyfriend pushed his hips against Connor's creating a strong friction. Their mouths connected again and John's hands moved further south. The linguist didn't have time to even notice before John was pushing his body up slightly and his feet gently lifted off the ground.

"Too… heavy…" Connor panted, pulling apart.

John didn't answer, instead he ordered Connor to wrap his legs around John's waist. The scientist hesitated before doing so, their hips connected even more and Connor groaned at the feeling. He plunged his tongue into John's mouth and the other man sucked it greedily. The younger man couldn't get enough of the feeling. His back slid up and down the wall behind him slightly every time John made a thrusting motion with his hips.

It was all over too soon for Connor. He felt John come, watching as his eyes turned black, quickly sending the linguist over the edge after him. They stood there panting for a few moments, coming down from their high. Their lips met gently and Connor slid down John's body to rest his feet on the floor again, his boyfriend's arms coming around him for support.

Their foreheads pressed together. "Hi." John said, quietly, happiness shining in his eyes.

"Hi." Connor offered shyly back, blushing. "How was your mission?"

"Long." His boyfriend answered succinctly.

Connor smiled, inhaling deeply. "You smell." He frowned before blushing again. "Oh, um, I mean…"

John laughed. "I've been on a Wraith ship for hours, they're not exactly the best house keepers. I wanted to see you before I showered." He added softly. "I went to your lab but you weren't there." Connor heard the implied question in his words.

"I was in the, um, mess hall. One of the physicists wanted to talk to me about some translations I did." He explained.

"In the mess hall?" John asked skeptically.

"Early dinner or something." He replied with a shrug.

"So you ate?" John inquired.

"Um…"

John laughed again. "How about we shower and then grab some dinner." Connor's eyes widened. "Separate showers." John added with a grin.

"Sure." Connor answered softly. They slowly pulled apart and as John made his way to collect pants, the scientist picked up their hastily disposed of clothes that littered the floor. He smelt John's shirts before tossing them in the hamper, he folded his own gently and set it on the back of a chair.

As he watched the bathroom door shut Connor wondered when he had become one of those people who couldn't breathe without someone else.

* * *

John took the fastest shower of his life. He didn't know what it was, but today every second he spent away from the younger man seemed an eternity. He stepped out, toweling off as he opened the door. Connor was hovering nervously on the other side, clothes in hand. John pressed a small kiss to his lips and they switched places, the door closing again. He dressed quickly before heading back into the shower. He sat on the counter by the sink as his boyfriend showered, content to be near the younger man. John offered a towel over the shower door when the water stopped, before hopping down and leaving the small room, shutting the door behind him.

A few minutes later, a slightly wet Connor emerged. John caught a water drop that had fallen from the scientist's hair down to his cheek with his tongue, making the younger man blush. Their hands found each other and John tugged the other man over to the couch.

"So," He started, after they sat down, Connor leaning against John's chest. "How hungry are you?" He wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man.

"Not very." His boyfriend answered softly. "I'd rather stay here."

"For a little while." John agreed, tracing the palm of Connor's hand.

"So no one was hurt today?" The blue eyed man asked after a few moments.

"Not a scratch." John paused. "Oh, wait, Parrish tripped and fell into a Wraith web like thing." Sensing Connor's alarm he quickly added, " He's fine though."

"You're sure?"

"Positive." John confirmed. He pulled a hand away from Connor's palms and worked it underneath the front of the linguist's shirt to rest on his bare stomach, gently rubbing the skin there.

"And you, uh, got what you needed?"

John nodded. "Yeah."

"That's good." Connor mumbled. John thought the younger man was falling asleep and hugged him a little closer.

An hour later, the linguist was sleeping lightly against John's chest, but the older man was still wide awake, hand still moving gently on Connor's stomach. It stilled for a moment when a faint beep caught his attention. He frowned and looked around the darkened room as well as he could. He didn't see anything that would be beeping, so when it beeped again he ignored it.

Ten minutes later, Connor's door chimed and John groaned internally. His hand stopped moving and rested flat. "Connor?" He asked quietly.

"Hmm?" Came his sleepy response.

"Someone's at the door."

"It's Evan." The younger man offered.

John raised an eyebrow. "You can see through walls now?" He asked with a grin.

"Don't be stupid." His boyfriend admonished, but John could hear the smile in his voice. "Atlantis told me." He started to untangle himself from John so the older man held on tighter. The door chimed again.

"Make him go away." John mumbled into Connor's hair.

"I have to get up to do that." Connor laughed lightly.

John groaned, out loud this time, but reluctantly released his boyfriend, nonetheless. He watched Connor walk around the couch before he stepped out of sight. A few moments later light poured into the room from the hallway.

"Hey, Evan." He heard the younger man greet softly.

"Hey, Doc. I tried calling you on your radio but you never picked up?" John heard his second in command say, worry coloring his voice.

"My radio? Oh… I… it must have fallen out or something."

"You lost it?" Lorne asked concerned.

"Um, I'm not sure."

"You didn't." John offered loudly from his place on the couch.

"I… guess I didn't."

John couldn't hear Lorne's response or Connor's words after that as they both spoke too low for him to hear. A few moments later the room plunged back into darkness.

"Lights, please." He heard his boyfriend ask Atlantis and the lights came up halfway.

John was expecting the other man to re-join him on the couch, after a couple minutes it became clear that Connor wasn't about to come back. John sat up all the way, standing slowly and stretching. He saw his errant boyfriend crouched low to the ground, eyes scanning the floor. John rolled his eyes.

Reaching up to tap his radio he said, "Sheppard to Davids." A small beep could be heard in the room and he watch Connor turn towards it. He repeated his call one more time and the linguist emerged triumphantly with his radio in hand, blushing as he put it back in.

John walked over and wrapped his arms around the younger man from behind. "Thanks." Connor offered softly, turning his head to kiss John's jaw. "And…" He hit John's arm lightly.

"Ow! What was that for?" John asked, rubbing the limb, even though it didn't really hurt.

"Making Evan uncomfortable." Connor replied.

John laughed. "Well he needs to get over it then."

"John…" He could hear the warning in the younger man's voice.

He leaned down to whisper in Connor's ear. "Fine, I'll try not to make the major uncomfortable in the future." He promised, lightly nipping Connor's ear.

"Thanks." Came the breathless reply.

"I can't get enough of you today." John breathed into Connor's ear as his hands traveled up the younger man's shirt, hands gently moving over the rapidly hardening nipples.

"Me neither." Connor replied. He turned his head again and John captured his lips. The position was awkward, but John didn't particularly care at that moment. He gently sucked at Connor's tongue. "Mmm."

John pulled away, dropping his hands back down the other man's torso, he hooked his thumbs into the top of Connor's pants. "Dinner?"

"I'd rather stay in." Connor whispered, kissing John's jaw line.

"You need to eat."

"No I don't."

"I need to eat." John said weakly as the other man gently pushed his hips backwards into John's. He wasn't hungry, but knew that his boyfriend probably hadn't even had breakfast that morning and Connor wouldn't protest if he thought John was hungry.

Connor pulled away at that, like John knew he would. "Oh, um, sorry. Yes, dinner." He apologized, pulling away.

John held him tighter. "I want you." He whispered, quickly changing his mind about food.

"We just…" The other man gestured to the wall.

"So?" John countered.

"After dinner." Connor promised and John groaned at the thought, but let go of the younger man. "Should we bring someone?" The linguist asked, pulling on his USMC sweatshirt. John decided then that he had to get his boyfriend a USAF sweatshirt and then moaned lightly at the thought of him in it.

"Just us tonight… Lorne and I need to find you the right sweatshirt." John murmured to the other man, shrugging into his own jacket. Connor offered him a grin before heading out the door with John trailing behind him.

The mess hall was somewhat busy as they entered. John would estimate that half the tables were taken, mostly Marines he noted with a thought to be extra careful of his actions with the younger man. Tonight, they had no buffer.

He followed his boyfriend through the dinner line, selecting food at random. Connor placed a cup of hot water on his tray before sliding one over to John who did the same. He followed the scientist to a table with a small amount of privacy. He sat down across from Connor and they both waited for their tea to steep. John kept his eyes moving so he wouldn't be tempted to stare at the other man.

"So… what else did you do today? Some new stuff for Rodney's department, right?" John asked.

"Yeah." Came the soft reply. "Just some Ancient research, nothing very helpful to the expedition on a whole."

"Got it. So who was this guy you met in the mess hall?"

" _Her_ name is Becky… Grey." He added, taking a bite of his meal.

"No way." John said, looking up at Connor's face. "Blonde? Blue eyes?"

"Um, yeah… why?"

"Most of my guys have been trying to hook up with her for ages." John explained. "She wouldn't give them the time of day."

"Really? She seems nice enough." He swallowed some potatoes.

"And hot." John added.

Connor frowned a little. "Hot?"

"Definitely. For a scientist." John confirmed. "I think the fact that she won't date any of them is also part of the appeal."

"Should I be worried?" Connor asked lightly.

John laughed before looking around. He leaned in a little towards Connor. "Not for a second." He gave the linguist a genuine smile and Connor's face lit up, returning the smile. The smile didn't leave his boyfriend's face all night.

* * *

Connor closed the book for the twelfth time, blushing hard. He was trying to make it through the book that Evan's friend had given him, but every other page he was too embarrassed to read. A couple chapters he had only skimmed, unable to imagine doing some of those things with anybody. Except a small part of him wanted what the men in the pictures had. Closeness. He wanted to be closer to John. The linguist often felt like he was an open book to the other man, while John remained shrouded in mystery half the time. His boyfriend was willing to answer any questions Connor had, but wasn't the first to offer up information. So Connor wondered if physical intimacy would make him feel closer.

But parts of him, a lot of the religious parts and the innocent, naïve parts, were scared of the idea. He wished for the hundredth time that his parents were here to advise him. Maybe part of the problem was that everyone here was just so accepting, maybe too accepting. No one that knew about him and John had blinked an eye at the thought of two men together. Well, no one except him and John. So maybe that's where part of the problem rested. While Connor was sure that he loved the other man, taking the next step and then the step after and the step after and so on seemed…permanent, unchangeable, irreversible. Before John, Connor had thoughts of marriage and maybe a child down the road, his parents had always hoped for grandchildren. After Atlantis, Connor knew he wouldn't have at least one of those things, and after John he knew he wouldn't have the other.

He bit his lip and opened the book again, absorbing the words to try and make more sense of everything. The sentences and images only served to confuse him more. Every once in a while an image would change into him and John and Connor was scared to find himself wanting that, wanting more. Some of the book was helpful, informative; the rest Connor could barely read through without blushing and thought that if he wasn't ready to read about it, he probably wasn't ready to do it. John certainly didn't seem to be pushing the issue.

And that brought the linguist to his next problem and concern. John wasn't pushing the issue. Except for Christmas, the other man had given no indication he was ready to move forward and after apologizing so profusely after the incident, Connor wasn't sure John would ever take the next step. Which left it up to Connor, which meant that they would probably get nowhere fast. He tasted blood after biting his lip too hard and cursed. He sucked the lip into his mouth, eyes still skimming the pages.

"Whatcha reading?" He heard loudly from behind him. Connor jumped in his seat, closing the book hard moving a hand to rest over his rapidly beating heart.

"God, John. You scared me." He breathed.

His boyfriend frowned a little. "Sorry. I thought you would have heard me coming." He walked over and leaned against Connor's desk, gently pulling the book out of his hands. "The Art of Painting? Is this that book Lorne gave you a few days ago?"

Connor bit his lip nervously and felt more blood seep out. "Um, yeah." He reached for it back, but John turned it over to read the back cover.

"Are you going to start painting now?" He asked suspiciously.

"No! Just interested." He grabbed the book this time, tugging it back.

John held his hands up defeated. "Alright, got it, don't want me reading the book." He said it lightly but Connor could see the hurt in his eyes.

He set the book down and reached out a hand for John's. "I, no… John…"

"What happened to your lip?" John asked, clearly changing the subject but accepting his hand anyways.

"Bit it." Connor answered, sucking it back in.

"You need a new 'thinking' face." The older man joked, but his eyes were still tinted with hurt. Connor thought he could cry for putting that look in John's eyes. He took a deep breath, offering the book back to John. His boyfriend looked at it but didn't reach for it. "It's fine, Con. You don't need to share everything."

"I… it's-it's not a painting book." He said quickly.

John's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"The cover's, uh, fake."

This time John did reach for the book. "Fake?" He asked as he pulled his hand out of Connor's to open the book up. Connor heard him inhale sharply before John's hazel eyes pierced his own. "Lorne gave you this?"

"No, um, a friend of his from home sent it to him. He didn't ask for it."

"What is he doing talking about you to someone back home?" John asked outraged. "He should know better than that."

"He didn't mean to. He was just, um, telling him about me and, uh… it's fine, John. Please, calm down." He hesitantly reached a hand out to land on John's arm.

"What do you mean 'it's fine'? He could do anything with that information!"

"Yes, he could." Connor agreed softly. "And he decided to send a… mostly helpful book."

"You read this?" John asked shocked.

Connor blushed. "Um, some of it… not all of the, uh, parts about, um, you, uh, know." He stammered. John gave him a look that Connor couldn't decipher and he wondered if the other man was mad at him for keeping this from him. "Are you, um, mad at me?" He asked softly.

"You? No." He shook his head.

"Don't be mad at Evan." The linguist begged.

"I'm not." Connor didn't really believe that.

"Or his friend."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Fine, maybe a little." John relented.

Connor pulled his hand away from John's arm. "I'm sorry. I should have told you." He looked down at his desk.

A hand reached out to turn his chin to the left and as he moved his head, Connor saw John had crouched down next to his chair. "I'm not mad. I'm just… it's just…we haven't really talked about this, so it caught me by surprise." He lowered his hand. "I guess I… I'd hoped you would talk to me about this stuff. We're both new to it, I don't expect anything from you. God, Connor, half the time I don't even know what I'm doing. I never know if we're moving too fast or too slow or if you like what we do or don't do. I'm as lost as you are and I just sorta hoped we would… learn together."

Connor bit his lip again and John's hand moved out to pull it out from between his teeth before he could draw more blood. "I'm sorry. I just feel so lost all the time." The younger man admitted. "I love what we do together, but I, um, need information. I don't like feeling like this, John. I…"

"I know. It's how you are, and I don't mind, just next time come to me, okay? We're in this together and if you want to read a book about it, that's cool with me, just give it to me when you're done so we can still be on the same page."

Connor offered a hesitant smile. "I can do that."

"That's all I'm asking." John leaned forward a little and rested his hands on either side of Connor's hips on the chair. His lips found the other man's, kissing them gently. John pulled back and Connor heard a soft beep.

His boyfriend's hand tapped the radio in his ear. "Sheppard here."

"What? No… McKay I said no… Ronon said what?… Where's Teyla?… Fine… I said fine, McKay, I'm coming… Yes, now… Goodbye, Rodney, Sheppard out." John ended forcefully tapping his radio again. He looked back to Connor. "Sorry, duty calls."

Connor poked one of John's hands before brushing his lips lightly against the older man's, pulling away quickly. "See you tonight."

"Later." John said, rising. Connor heard the doors swish open before closing. He reached for the book again, slamming it shut a page later, blushing.


	22. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 22 : Revelations**

Author's Notes :  
\- Episode Spoilers for _Midway_ (Season 4).

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

"Teyla, welcome back." Colonel Carter greeted. "How was your interview."

"I believe it went as well as we had hoped." The Athosian answered taking a seat in the empty chair in Carter's office. John was sitting on her right, one leg resting on the other at the ankle.

"So the IOA were jerks?" He asked with a grin.

Teyla inclined her head. "There were certainly not very… pleasant." And John thought that from Teyla 'not very pleasant' was probably the worst you could be in her book. Unless you were Wraith.

"How did you like Earth?" Carter asked.

"I did not see anything outside of Stargate Command." Teyla answered.

"Maybe next time." John said. "There's a Ferris wheel with your name on it." She smiled appeasingly at him. "So next up is… Ronon. What time did you say Teal'c was coming?"

"He's gating in today at 1400." The expedition leader answered. "I have to admit, I'm a little nervous."

"Don't be." John offered lightly. "They're both grown men, right?"

Carter grinned. "We'll see."

"Have you talked to Ronon about this, John?" Teyla inquired.

"Not yet." He admitted. "I was gonna tell him over lunch."

"Good luck." Carter offered.

He offered her a wry smile. "Thanks, I'll need it." He stood and Teyla stood next to him. "You coming to lunch?" He asked her.

"If you do not mind." She answered.

"I don't mind." He responded easily. "Maybe there's strength in numbers." John heard Carter laughing as he and Teyla left the room. "So," He said turning to her as they walked. "You really didn't get to see any of Earth?"

She shook her head. "I saw nothing but the inside of my room and the conference rooms."

"Hmm." He mumbled thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Well, I'm trying to, uh…" He drifted off and looked around them, they were alone in the hallway. "I'm thinking of arranging some leave for Connor and I at the same time." He said softly. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you came with us."

She looked surprised at the offer. "You wouldn't want to spend your time together?"

"Well, it's not like we really could. We'd still have to be careful."

"Because of your jobs?"

John ran a hand through his hair as she pressed the transporter button. "Well yes, that and, um, not everyone on Earth is as… tolerant as the people here on Atlantis."

"Tolerant?" Teyla asked. "Of what?"

They stepped into the transporter and the doors swished closed behind him, John hit the level for the gym and felt it move. "Our relationship."

"Because you're from different… countries?"

"No, because we're both men." He said gently.

"I do not understand. I believed that was just the military. It is all of the people on your planet?"

"Not all." John said quietly.

"Oh, I did not realize this was a problem on Earth." She ruminated as the transporter stopped. They stepped out together heading for Ronon.

"Not in every country." John admitted. "Actually you would, um, be doing us a favor if you came."

"I would?" She asked, still confused.

"Yeah, um, they know you and I are friends and most of the base thinks that you and Connor are, um, dating." He said quietly.

"Ah, I see." She said. "And they would believe nothing amiss were we all to visit Earth together."

"Yeah." Johns said sheepishly. "I've actually been wondering if you mind that people think you and Connor are together. I know that you broke up with Kanaan a while ago, but it must be hard to meet other people, at least on base if they think you're taken."

Teyla smiled. "I do not mind. You are both good friends and for now, at least, I am content to be by myself."

"Okay, well, thanks."

"It is not a problem."

They stepped into the gym to find Ronon on the ground sitting on a Marine. John thought his Marine looked to be in a lot of pain. The Satedan held the position for a few moments before climbing back to his feet and another Marine standing to the side helped his friend up.

"Hey, buddy." John greeted. "Ready for lunch? Mind if Teyla joins?"

Ronon grunted and John took that to mean 'yes' to both questions.

Twenty minutes later, John no longer believed there were enough people to produce strength in numbers. Ronon was not taking the news well.

"Teyla didn't have a 'coach'."

"Well…" He drawled. "You're right, she didn't, but she's a little more… diplomatic than you."

Ronon glared. "I can be diplomatic."

"I'm sure you can buddy." John tried to soothe. "But Teal'c has been dealing with the IOA for years, he even might have some tips for you."

"Tips."

"Yeah."

"I don't need tips." Ronon argued flatly.

"Everyone needs tips." The Satedan offered him a glare for that remark. "Look, Colonel Carter went through a lot to make this happen, will you at least meet with the guy?" Ronon kept glaring. "For me?" At that John knew Ronon would meet him.

"Fine."

"Thank you." John said.

"I pick the next movie though." And John groaned internally at the thought of watching _Lord of the Rings_ again. Ronon loved the fight sequences.

"Deal."

Teyla offered John a smile for his effort, pushing her apple towards him.

A few hours later John wished his only problem was convincing Ronon to talk to Teal'c. Instead he was gearing up as McKay studied the data they had on the Wraith gear attached to the DHD and reworked the coding to bypass a planet. The Wraith had hacked into the intergalactic Gate bridge and now Midway station, where Ronon and Teal'c had gated to half an hour previous, was possibly being invaded by the Wraith. John knew McKay would need ten more minutes to finish rewriting the code and he turned as Teyla checked his pack.

"Thanks." He offered lightly. He left the room swiftly, without explanation. A couple minutes later he arrived at Connor's lab. The linguist turned to greet him and the smile faded when he saw John geared up. The scientist stood up and met John halfway across the room. Their arms wrapped around each other and Connor held on tight.

"What's wrong?" The younger man asked.

John didn't even pretend that everything was fine. "We lost contact with Midway. We think the Wraith hacked into the system and are on their way there. McKay is working on a program to rewrite the macro, he'll be done in a few minutes, so I can't stay long." John explained.

Connor didn't reply, just hugged him tighter, turning his face into John's neck. The older man could feel Connor's light breaths on the skin there. Soft lips pressed a light kiss to his neck. Connor pulled back a few inches and a hand worked its way up between them to rest over John's heart on his vest. " _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_." He whispered. "Bring it back."

"I will." John promised, gripping Connor tighter. "I will."

Connor pushed a little with his hand. "Go."

John stared into Connor's blue eyes seeing worry, fear and love reflected in them. He pressed a kiss to Connor's lips, pulling back before the other man could respond.

"I'll see you later." John promised.

"Yes… later." Connor echoed.

John pulled away and turned around, fighting the urge to glance back behind him.

* * *

Connor stared blankly at his food, sitting across from Evan in the mess hall. It was late at night and they were the only ones there. The Air Force Major had dragged the linguist out of his lab an hour ago and Connor had yet to take a bite. It had been four days since anyone had seen or heard from John's team. All anyone knew was that Midway wasn't answering calls and he working assumption was it had been compromised or destroyed.

"Hey, c'mon, Doc. It tastes better than it looks." Evan tried to entice. Connor couldn't even offer him up a weak smile. Dark bags had taken their place under his eyes and Evan thought the linguist was already losing weight. "Eat something? Please?" He begged.

The linguist looked up at him with a blank expression and Evan felt his heart ache for his best friend. Connor's hand moved up to tug on the dog tags around his neck. As soon as the linguist had realized they were alone he had pulled them out from his shirt and every few minutes he would rub them. Evan thought the worst part about the whole thing was not knowing. The Daedalus would be at Midway within twenty-four hours, and from what Evan could see, that was the only thing holding the linguist together.

"He wouldn't want this, Doc." He said gently. "You need to eat. And sleep."

Connor obediently forked some mashed potatoes into his mouth, seemingly eating by rote. Evan coached him until he had finished half of his plate.

Now that part of the problem was fixed, Evan was trying to think of how to get the linguist to sleep when an idea came to him. He stood suddenly, startling the other man. Evan just shook his head and collected their trays, dumping them and motioning Connor to follow him.

With the scientist in tow, Evan led them to the infirmary. He sat Connor down on a bed and went to track down a nurse.

"Nurse Mealy?" He asked.

"What can I do for you tonight, Major Lorne?" She asked with a smile.

"My friend hasn't been sleeping very well the past few days, I was hoping maybe I could get something to give him."

She frowned lightly. "We try not to give out sleeping pills whenever possible."

"I know." Evan admitted. "But he hasn't slept in four days."

"Four days? Is he here?"

"Yeah, he's waiting out there." He gestured to the room behind him.

"Well, let me take a look at him." She followed Evan back out to the main area and Connor was standing right where he left him. "Oh! Dr. Davids." She looked towards Atlantis' XO. "Is this the friend you were talking about?" He nodded. "Alright, well let's have a look."

Evan noticed that the dog tags had disappeared again and watched as the linguist flinched slightly when Mealy touched him. A few minutes later she turned to him. "Okay, I'm going to give you these." She said, walking over and removing some pills from a locked cabinet. "Two, right before bed, with water." She handed him six. "If he's not sleeping after these are all gone, come back."

"Thank you." Evan offered.

"Not a problem, Major. Have a goodnight."

"You too." He returned. He moved back to Connor guiding him out of the infirmary and back to the linguist's quarters. As soon as the doors shut the scientist began pulling off his shirt. Evan watched as he picked a black shirt up off the back of the couch, sliding it on, dog tags out. His shoes came off next and Connor collapsed into bed. Evan poured some water into a mug, passing it into Connor's hand, along with two pills. The linguist took them without complaint and as soon his eyelids were dropping. Lorne stood and a hand reached out to his arm.

"Thanks." Connor whispered before his eyes closed and his breathing evened out.

"Anytime, Doc, anytime." He said to the sleeping man before letting himself out.

The next day he was racing to Connor's lab. He found the linguist sitting on the couch, a mug of tea in his hands.

"The Daedalus has them." Evan burst out. Connor's face finally showed signs of life and his eyes met Lorne's.

"You've heard from him?" He asked breathlessly.

"Talked to Colonel Sheppard myself." He assured the linguist. "Ronon, Teyla and McKay are fine too."

"How far out are they?"

Evan grimaced before answering. "Six days."

"Six days." Connor breathed. "You're sure he's alright?"

"Positive. He said something that was probably meant for you, as well."

"What did he say?"

"He said, and I quote, 'Oh, and Lorne? I'm bringing it back.' I wasn't sure what that meant." But from the look on Connor's face it was clear the other man did.

"I… thank you." Connor said softly.

"Not a problem, Doc." And he meant it. "Now, how about some breakfast?" He asked with a smile.

Connor frowned at looked at his watch. "It's 1400."

"Oh. Um, lunch?" He asked with a grin.

Connor gave him a small smile. "Sure."

* * *

Days later Connor was eating with Dr. Grey again. She had e-mailed him a few days ago but he had never bothered to check his e-mail. So he had e-mailed her back and they arranged to meet over lunch today. He had his notebook spread open next to him and she had moved to the chair beside his so she could see his notes. She asked a few questions that Connor answered easily.

When they finished discussing the work she slid her tray back to the seat across from Connor's and moved over there.

"Thank you for explaining this all to me." She said with a smile.

"You're welcome." He offered softly, taking a sip of his tea. "Glad I could, uh, help."

"You did." She assured him. "So I heard that Colonel Sheppard's team is returning in a couple days." Becky stated. Connor nodded in agreement. "That's cool."

"Yeah." He pushed some carrots around on his plate.

"You must be excited to see Teyla again." She said lightly.

Connor furrowed his brow. "Sure."

"I… can I ask you a personal question?"

"Uh, okay." He responded hesitantly.

"Are you and Teyla together?"

Connor froze. "Why, um, do you want to, uh, know?"

She looked him in the eyes. "I like you Dr. Davids." She stated plainly.

"You, um, barely know me." Connor argued, blushing.

"I like what I see." She amended. "And I'd like to know more."

Connor prayed fervently for a Wraith attack, a spontaneous combustion, anything really to get out of this conversation. His prayer was answered in the form of a radio call to Dr. Grey.

"Sorry." She offered to the linguist, reaching out to tap her radio, turning away. "Grey here… Yeah, sure, I'll be right there. Grey out." She turned to face Connor again. "Listen, Dr. Davids, you don't have to answer now, think about it and e-mail when you've done so." She said with a smile.

"Um, okay." Connor mumbled.

"Great, well I have to go, thanks for lunch. I hope to see you soon." And with that she grabbed her tray, stood and left the mess hall.

 _What just happened?_

* * *

John was pacing back and forth in his small cabin on the Daedalus. He was worried, not for himself or his team but for his younger boyfriend on Atlantis. He knew by now that Connor would have received word that he was alive. John was worried about the four days leading up to the news and he was worried about the two days left until the space craft reached the City of the Ancients. It had already been eight days since he had last seen the other man. Since they got together they had never been apart for this long and John knew the last time they had been apart, when the Daedalus visited, that the linguist didn't sleep and barely ate.

The Daedalus was due to stop over at Atlantis for a week after arrival. John was barely holding it together with the promise of seeing the other man in two days, he couldn't fathom another week spent apart. He wasn't sure what they were going to do, especially with Caldwell in such close quarters, but John knew he wouldn't last the week and didn't think Connor would either.

He sighed as he turned around again, four steps to the wall, four steps back. He missed the younger man. When he slept his dreams were filled of the blue eyed linguist, when he was awake his mind was wondering what he was doing. He hoped Lorne figured out his message and delivered it. His second in command had looked puzzled, but John had faith that he would discern who it was for.

The door to his cabin opened. He turned to see Rodney in the doorway.

"Sheppard." McKay greeted. "We're going to get some dinner, you wanna come?"

John looked at him. "Yeah, sure." He grabbed his jacket off the bunk, following Rodney out to the ship's mess. Teyla and Ronon were already seated with food in front of them as John and Rodney selected their meals before sitting down across from their teammates.

"Is everything alright, John?" Teyla asked.

"Yeah, why?" He stabbed a carrot.

"You look…distressed."

"Just worried." He mumbled, biting off the end of the vegetable. When Teyla said nothing he looked up to see her studying him. "I'm fine." He asserted.

"I do not believe you are." She disagreed.

"I'll _be_ fine." John said, plastering a fake smile onto his face. The Athosian woman frowned at him.

"You worried about Irish?" Ronon asked bluntly.

"Ronon!" John hissed, looking around at the few other personnel in the room. The other man just stared at him. "No." John answered. Beside him Rodney snorted. "Okay, yes, fine, maybe a little."

"I too am worried about him." Teyla admitted.

"Yeah." Ronon seconded. "He's young."

John mentally laughed at that. Ronon was younger than his boyfriend in age. "You guys make it seem like he's five." John complained.

Teyla raised a brow at him. "He is young." Teyla stated with no room for argument.

"He's thirty-three." John argued on behalf of his boyfriend, even though he agreed with what they were saying

"That is not what we mean and you are aware of that, John." She countered.

"Fine, he's young, but he's an adult. You guys don't need to worry about this."

"Mostly 'cause you're doing enough worrying for all of us." Rodney grmubled. John was surprised at his contribution. He still wasn't sure where the linguist sat with his friend.

"It's my job."

"As it is ours as his friend." Teyla put in.

John watched as Ronon stole Rodney's pudding cup. "Just two more days… and then I get Caldwell breathing down my neck for another week after that." John groaned.

"Hey! Is that mine?" Rodney asked as the Satedan started in on the pudding.

"Nope." Ronon offered. "It's on my tray."

"Because you stole it from mine!"

Teyla rolled her eyes at them before stretching a hand across to gently tap John's before pulling back. "If you would like to talk further, I am here for you, for both of you."

John offered her a more genuine smile this time, still tainted with worry. "Thanks, Teyla."

"It is not a problem." She smiled.

"That was the last chocolate!"

"Yep."

John shook his head at his team before turning back to his food, the blue eyed, brown haired linguist still on his mind.

A few hours later he was resting on his bunk, staring at the ceiling. He had one hand clutched to his dog tags, reminiscent of the way Connor would hold them as he slept. John moved a finger over his name and tried to imagine what Connor was doing now.

"Two more days."

* * *

Connor was lying on the couch in his room, his head turned to look out the window at the stars and the sea. His thumb was moving slowly back and forth over John's name on the dog tags around his neck. He was restless. The sleeping pills had helped when he had them, but he knew that to get more he could have to talk to the base psychiatrist about why he couldn't sleep.

Connor snorted at the idea. _Hi, my name is Connor Davids, I'm in a relationship with Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, military leader of this base and I've found I can't sleep without him anymore._ The linguist didn't think that would go over very well.

He was also stuck on what to do about Dr. Grey. He knew that if he told her he was gay he wouldn't be able to be around John or Evan as often; _Ronon_ , he thought, _probably wouldn't care_. If he told her he was taken she would try and figure out who he was with. He hadn't denied being with Teyla, but he hadn't confirmed it either, and if there was anything more rampant than gossip on Atlantis it was intelligence. Connor couldn't see a way out of this that might not lead her back to him and John. He wasn't sure when the other lady had even found time to like him, since he had only talked to her twice.

He had asked Evan at dinner and the Major, after laughing for ten minutes, hadn't been any help. Apparently Connor's best friend found it quite amusing that the one person on base that every man has been trying to get for years, has a crush on the one guy who's most likely to turn her down.

" _I don't know what to tell you, Doc. If it were me, I'd definitely be saying 'yes'." Evan offered._

" _But you're single."_

" _That I am."_

" _Well maybe you could just, um, have her instead. I'll tell her that I'm not interested and that you're… brilliant."_

 _The Air Force Major laughed. "I'm not sure it works like that. I've been here as long as she has, and she's turned down every one of my guys. I'm not sure she's said 'yes' to any scientists either."_

 _Connor moaned. "Why did she pick me? John is not going to like this."_

 _Evan was still laughing as he answered. "I think Colonel Sheppard would congratulate you." He offered. "Before laughing."_

 _Connor pouted. "He said she was hot."_

 _Evan raised an eyebrow. "He did? To you?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Hm. Well, she is, for a scientist."_

" _John said the same thing. 'For a scientist'. Is there a different scale for, uh, people with degrees in science than there is for people without?"_

 _Evan shook his head. "Um, no, not really, it's just… most of you tend to be… dorky looking."_

" _Dorky looking?"_

" _Yeah. You know, like Zelenka or Calvin."_

" _Uh huh." Connor said. "And where do I fall on this scientist hot scale?"_

" _Um… I'm sure Colonel Sheppard would put you at the top…" Evan offered nervously._

" _But you wouldn't?"_

" _Not as long as you're still a guy." Evan grinned._

 _Connor laughed. "Uh huh. So what should I, uh, do?"_

" _I have no idea. Maybe you should wait for Colonel Sheppard and discuss that with him."_

" _You're not a lot of help, Evan." He complained._

" _Nope." The major grinned._

 _Connor threw a chip at him._

"Two more days." Connor said softly, pulling himself out of his memories.

* * *

Today was the day. Connor stood up from the couch after the (hopefully) last sleepless night. Today, John was coming home… in three hours. The linguist took a slow shower, scrubbing hard. He changed into newly cleaned clothes. After another sleepless night frenzy he went through and washed all of his and John's laundry. He also rearranged his and John's quarters and his lab… and then moved everything back the next night.

He tried not to look too happy as he stepped out of his quarters. He was meeting Evan for breakfast, then a couple hours in the lab. He knew that John was probably going to be working when he got back. _Fecking, Caldwell._ Connor cursed mentally then laughed at how Irish he sounded. The first time he had said 'feck' around John, the other man laughed for half an hour.

"Hey, Doc."

"Hey, Evan." Connor greeted as he met Evan outside the food hub. Together they entered, replicating their breakfast before choosing a secluded table. Connor groaned when he noticed Dr. Grey at a table across the room. He tried to look away quickly but she caught his eye offering him a smile and a wink. He blushed deeply, looking down at his food.

"What?" Evan asked.

"What?" Connor returned, confused.

"Why are you blushing?" He questioned, cutting up his pancakes.

"Uh… Dr. Grey, um, she… uh…" Connor blushed again. "She winked at me." He finished quietly.

Evan laughed. "Did you wink back?" Connor kicked the major in the shin under the table. "Ow!"

"No." The linguist answered shortly, Evan was still laughing. Connor cut up his own crepes with sausage and eggs.

"So those are the Irish version of pancakes?" Connor nodded. "And you call them pancakes not crepes?"

"Yeah." He speared some food onto his fork, placing it into his mouth.

"Are they better than American pancakes?"

Connor shrugged as he swallowed. "John doesn't think so. He doesn't really like the Irish food."

"From what I've seen you eating, can't say I blame him."

Connor grinned. "He does like the Irish whiskey though."

"Got to agree with Colonel Sheppard there, that's some good stuff."

"So how come you aren't dating anyone?" The scientist asked.

Evan choked briefly on his food before taking a sip of water. "Where did that come from?"

"I don't know. Just, um, curious."

"We don't exactly like the most romantic life, Doc. Besides most of the women in the military here are my subordinates and the scientists don't really give us flyboys a second look."

Connor studied his friends face. "Well, what about neither?"

"Neither?"

"Like Teyla."

"Despite the fact that half the base thinks you two are dating and she can kick my ass in two seconds flat?"

"Yeah." Connor took a sip of his orange juice.

Evan thought for a moment. "I guess I never really thought about it. Most of the base thought she would end up with Colonel Sheppard because of how close they are. That made her off limits to everyone."

"And now?"

"Now she's off limits 'cause she's dating you." Evan offered with a grin.

"Except she's not." Connor said quietly.

"A woman like her wouldn't go out with a guy like me, Doc." Evan said gently.

"What do you mean?"

"We're just too different."

"No, you're not." Connor argued. "You're both strong, honest, you always do what's right. You both look after me."

Evan's forehead wrinkled. "Why this sudden urge to pair me up? And with Teyla?"

"I… I'm just so happy with John. I didn't, um, know you could be this happy." He admitted. "I want you to be this, uh, happy too."

Evan offered him a gentle smile. "Thanks, Doc. I am happy though. I love my job, my friends, my life."

Connor shook his head. "I'm going to ask Teyla."

"Oka-wait, what?"

"I'm going to ask her what she thinks of you."

"This is a bad idea." Evan said skeptically.

"But you haven't said that you wouldn't want to date her." Connor observed, taking another bite of food.

Evan sighed. "Caught me." He admitted.

Connor smiled widely. "Good."

Two and a half hours later Atlantis sent him a flash of the Daedalus docking. Connor's heart started racing. He shut down everything he was working on. After five minutes had passed Connor began to get antsy. He stood and started pacing across the room. He turned when the door to his lab opened, his breath catching. A feeling of disappointment washed over him when he saw a Marine holding a computer on the other side. Connor took the computer from him, waving him out abruptly.

"I'll get it back to you soon." He promised, ushering the Marine out the door.

He went back to his pacing. There was no such disappointment the second time. The doors opened and John came through. Connor scanned him briefly, noting the tired look on his face. He all but ran into John's arms and the other man caught his deftly, hugging him close. Connor kissed John's neck.

"Missed you." He whispered. "So much." The linguist's hand went to the front of John's jacket, already unbuttoning the article of clothing. John's hands were similarly pushing Connor's jacket from his shoulders.

John pulled back. "Let's do this in your quarters." He said, breathing hard. Connor nodded against his shoulder. John pulled back, scooping up Connor's jacket, handing it over before tugging his over shirt back on. John started for the door but Connor pulled him back. His boyfriend shot him a questioning look. The scientist didn't say anything, just pulled the lieutenant colonel into his arms and hugged him tightly, not ready to let go for however long it took to get to his quarters. John didn't protest, he wrapped his arms around the younger man, returning the hug just as tightly.

When Connor finally pulled back he still didn't feel ready to let go, but did so anyways. John pulled him by the hand to the door and down the empty hallway. A quick transport ride later and they were at Connor's level and soon enough the door to his quarters was closing behind them.

John held both of Connor's hands, facing him. His boyfriend looked at him deeply, eyes scanning the length of his body and Connor felt himself blushing.

"You ate." John said with a hint of pride.

"Yeah." He confirmed softly.

"But you didn't sleep very well." He said matter of factly.

"Yeah." He agreed again.

"We'll make it work with Caldwell here." John promised.

"I don't want you to get in trouble." Connor said. He bit his lip nervously.

"I won't." John let go of one of his hands to gently pull Connor's lip free. He then leaned in and pulled that lip into his own mouth, sucking it lightly. John's hands moved to work on his clothing again as Connor fumbled with his boyfriend's jacket. A few moments later they pulled apart to pull their shirts over their heads and John's hands ghosted Connor's torso. "You lost weight, though." He observed, frowning.

"Mmm, I don't know." Connor returned, hooking his fingers into John's pants.

"Wasn't a question." His boyfriend answered. John gently pushed him backwards and Connor felt his legs hit the bed. John carefully guided him down landing softly on top of him and Connor heard a clink as John's gun went to the bedside table. He reached up to pull out both of their radios setting them aside. John's mouth sucked Connor's neck, stinging a little and Connor knew he would have a new hickey there in the morning as the mouth moved to the other side. The linguist thought he might end up with more than one in the morning but couldn't find it in himself to care as he slid his hands into John's back pockets pulling him tighter against him.

John moved his mouth down to Connor's nipples, flicking his tongue out to gently tease them. He pulled Connor's body further up the bed before dipping his mouth back down to the linguist's chest. He gently kissed every exposed piece of flesh. Connor moved a hand to John's hair, gently moving his fingers through it as lips caressed his skin.

John's mouth ghosted over the tops of Connor's pants and the linguist's breath hitched, but John quickly moved back up. Connor tugged on an arm. "Come up here." He said breathlessly. John obeyed, climbing up the linguist. Their mouths found each other and John drew Connor's tongue in, gently caressing it with his own, sucking lightly. Connor rocked his hips a little and John moaned into his mouth. He slid his hands back into John's pockets, gently kneading the flesh there, grinding their hips closer together. He felt John's arms work slightly under him, pulling them closer together, but Connor wanted more.

"Trousers." He breathed and John pulled back to look at his face with a question in his gaze. Connor said. "I mean… only if you, um, want." He blushed.

John laughed slightly. "You have no idea." A moment later Connor felt his boyfriend's fingers at his belt, tugging it off before moving to unbutton his pants. "Are you sure?" John asked breathing heavily.

"Yes… if you are."

John's answer was to unzip his pants. Connor worked his shoes and socks off as John gently tugged at his pants. Connor lifted his hips and John slid the pants down and off. The linguist sat up and reached for his boyfriends pants, unsnapping John's empty thigh holster, tossing it aside. His hands shook slightly as they went to the front of John's pants, unbuttoning them and then slowly lowering the zipper, his fingers inadvertently brushing over John's hardness. He blushed and looked up at the other man's face. John swallowed hard and his hands moved to the side of his pants, pushing them down. He stopped briefly to untie his boots before working those, along with his socks, off with his feet. John collapsed back on top of Connor and their mouths met again, greedily devouring each other.

When their hips met it felt so different with only two thin pieces of cloth between them and Connor gasped at the sensation. He could feel John's entire length pressing up against him. He hesitantly moved his hands down John's back, gently sliding his fingertips under the back of John's boxers, slowly moving them downwards. He felt John gasp and the older man pulled back to look him in the eyes.

"Connor…" He gasped. "What are… you… doing?" He panted.

The scientist stopped the downward movement of his hands and John moaned. "I just, um, want to be… closer." John's face had a hesitant look on it. "I'm sorry." Connor offered, pulling his hands back.

"No." John said softly. "I'd like that. It's just…a big step, are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes." Connor responded without hesitation. "But if you're, um, not…"

"I am." John promised.

So Connor slowly moved his hand back to the tips of John's boxers, this time hooking his fingers into the side. He looked into John's eyes for any sign of doubt or hesitation, all he saw was desire, lust, happiness and love. He gently pulled on the sides and the remaining piece of clothing was slowly removed, John kicking it off with his feet. The older man moved his hands to Connor's own waist band and just as gently removed the last thing separating their bodies.

The scientist blushed as he looked down before quickly looking back up. John smirked at him before unabashedly looking Connor's body over. The younger man felt his body burn red. John met his eyes again. "You're beautiful." He said with a kiss and their bodies pressed tightly together. Connor glanced down again, blushing and he felt John laugh against him.

John sat them both up and Connor leaned back against the bed, his legs spread slightly. John moved so his open legs landed on top of Connor's with their torsos' inches apart and their stiff members pressed against each other. The older man leaned in to kiss him deeply, their tongues exploring each others mouths. Connor's hands moved down to cup John's bottom, pulling him in closer.

The bed shifted and Connor looked up to see John reaching towards the bed side table, his hand came back with some lotion. He offered half of it over to Connor who pulled a hand back from John's body to accept it and with a look towards Connor's face John's hand descended and a second later Connor felt his boyfriend's hand moving up and down over his length.

"Oh, gosh… John… ah…" He panted, leaning forward so his forehead rested on John's shoulder.

The linguist spread the lotion around his hand before slowly reaching down for John. He hesitantly touched the other man and felt the flesh jump in his hand. He followed John's motions on his own body, slowly moving up and down. It was a little weird, Connor thought it was like masturbating but with a different body. He soaked in the feeling of his hand on John's body and John's hand on his.

Connor leaned up again and their mouths met in a hungry kiss, John trailed his lips down Connor's face to suck on his neck again.

"Connor… God you feel… so… good."

John's hand shifted a little and moved to wrap around both of their lengths, moving up and down them together, his fingers lightly touching Connor's. The linguist copied the action, loving the feeling and John made soft noises of appreciation.

John pulled his head back from the scientist's neck to rest his forehead against Connor's. They were both breathing rapidly as they stared into each other's eyes and Connor wondered why it took them so long to do this. His boyfriend's hand began to move up and down faster, taking Connor's hand with his and suddenly Connor felt himself coming, he panted hard.

"John…" He moaned as his cum littered their fingers.

"Connor…" John repeated breathlessly and a few seconds later Connor felt the flesh under his shake a little as John's cum mixed with his. They stayed that way for a few minutes, trying to get their breathing under control. Connor reached out and grabbed some tissues from the bedside table and offered a couple to John before wiping his hand off and then gently wiping up the wetness between their bodies, tossing the tissues aside, his boyfriend follow suit.

John slowly moved off of Connor and rolled to the side. Connor scooted down the bed until he was lying next to the older man on the bed. His boyfriend reached out to tug his body sideways and Connor complied, resting his head in it's usual spot over John's heart and John played with his hair.

It felt weird to be naked next to someone else and Connor wasn't sure what he thought of the feeling. He had never been naked with someone else. The last person to see him naked had probably been a doctor and his parents before that. Now that they weren't doing anything a flush of embarrassment hit him and he reached towards their feet for a sheet. His boyfriend didn't stop him as he pulled the sheet up over their bodies but Connor could feel his grin from his position.

"It's not funny." He mumbled.

"It really is." John countered.

"Well, some of us haven't been naked with anyone else before." Connor defended softly.

John's hand stilled in his hair for a second and Connor looked up to see a frown on his face. "I forgot for a moment. I'm sorry." His boyfriend offered.

Connor pushed his head lightly against John's hand until he resumed his earlier movements. "It's fine." He whispered.

"Is this uncomfortable for you?" John asked after a moment of silence.

"A little." The linguist admitted. "It's… different."

"Maybe we shouldn't have…" John drifted off.

"No!" Connor protested. "It was perfect. I just need some, um, time to adjust."

"Take all the time you need."

After separate showers, they fell back into bed together, a tangled mass of limbs. Connor had his head resting on John's chest and a hand holding John's dog tags while tracing patterns through his chest hair.

"Do you have to go back to work?" Connor asked softly.

"Carter gave us the day off." John responded quietly. He was carding a hand gently through Connor's hair.

"Remind me to thank her."

"I'll put your name on the card." John said wryly.

"Sounds good." He sighed, pressing a gentle kiss to the chest under his head.

"So what's been happening here? Did Lorne take good care of you?"

Connor blushed and thought of how to phrase his current dilemma. "Evan kept me eating." Connor said finally. "But his, um, advice skills could use work."

"What did you need advice on?" John asked curiously.

"It's, um, a little… uh, weird." Connor mumbled.

"Tell me anyways." John said softly.

"Um, you know Dr. Grey?"

"Blonde scientist who you met for lunch to talk about translations?" John asked.

"That's her." Connor confirmed. "Anyways, we, uh, got interrupted by you so we rescheduled."

"Okay…" John drawled. "Not so weird."

"Um, yeah. So we worked on the translations…and then afterwards she, um, well kind of askedmeout." He said quickly.

"She what?"

"Asked me out." He repeated, slower, still blushing.

"Becky Grey, the scientist that every guy here wants asked out the one guy least likely to like her?" John laughed.

Connor poke John's chest. "It's not funny. Evan laughed too."

"It is funny… and awesome that my boyfriend was hit on by Dr. Grey. So what was his advice that it gets a bad rating from you?"

"That if it were him he would say 'yes' and that she's really hot for a scientist."

"Told you."

"I asked him where I was on the hot scientist scale."

"Oh yeah? What'd he say?"

"That you would probably put me on the top and that he wouldn't as long as I was a guy."

"Well I do put you on top." John grinned. "In more ways than one." He said suggestively. Connor poked him again. "I'm going to have poke sized bruises tomorrow." John moaned.

"Yes, well, you have no room to talk. I'm going to have John sized bruises all over my neck."

His boyfriend laughed again. "You know you love them." And Connor blushed because he did. "So, back to your problem… is it a problem?"

"Yeah. She, um, asked me if I was dating Teyla. I didn't answer and she didn't seem to care. So now I don't know what to do. If I tell her I'm, um… gay she'll try and figure out if I'm with someone and it could lead back to you, or maybe even Evan. If I tell her I'm dating someone it could, uh, lead back to your team or Evan. If I say I'm not interested she'll ask why." Connor pressed his face into John's chest and sighed.

"Hey." John said softly. "We'll think of something, alright? And Teyla said she doesn't mind people thinking that you two are dating. We could maybe just stick with that."

Connor nodded against John's chest. "You know I'm not ashamed of you, right?" Connor asked quietly, his words slightly muffled by his position.

"Yeah." John said hoarsely. "I know."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, enjoying each other.

"John?"

"Hm?

"What do you think of Teyla and Evan together?"

"As a couple?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, never what I think you're going to say." John marveled. When he didn't say anything else Connor said his name again. "I'm thinking." John said softly. "Why?"

"I want Evan and Teyla to be as happy as we are."

"And what makes you think they're not?"

"I don't know." Connor mumbled. "Maybe they are. Evan said he was."

"Teyla said something similar."

"You talked to her about this?"

"Just if half the base thinking she was taken was salting her game." John replied.

"Salting her game?"

"Stopping her from meeting guys."

"And she said 'no'?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Never mind then. It was a stupid idea."

"No, Connor, it isn't stupid." John soothed. "Your heart is in the right place. I pushed Ronon to ask Keller out because I want to see him happy."

"Is that what that was? In the mess hall the other day, when we, um, fought."

"Yeah. Probably."

"I wouldn't have pictured them together." Connor offered.

"Me neither." John admitted. "Then again, it's just weird to picture Ronon with anybody."

"Yeah."

"John?"

"Hm?"

"What was it like spending so long in a puddle jumper?"

"Well, let's just say it's not anything I'm eager to repeat. Ever."

Connor laughed slightly. "Okay."

"I'm sure it wasn't as bad as what you went through." John said seriously. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." The linguist was trying to forget the whole thing ever happened, even though he never would. He didn't respond to John, instead he just clenched the metal tags in his hand harder. "Connor?"

"I'm fine." He said weakly. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me too." John agreed. "I missed you."

" _A chuisle_." Connor whispered, tapping John gently above the heart, before pressing his lips to the spot he tapped.

* * *

"Connor?" John asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"I had a lot of time to think, this past week and a half." John said quietly.

"Yeah." Connor agreed.

"And while we were waiting for the Daedalus I tried to imagine what you were going through, how I would feel if I didn't know if you were alive or dead for four days." He squeezed his eyes tightly at the thought. Soft lips pressed against his chin gently and John relaxed a little.

"I'm here." The younger man said.

"I know. It's just… never mind, anyways. I…" He hesitated.

"Whatever it is, John, let me help you." Connor begged softly.

"It's not that." John countered. "It's…" He hesitated again. _Just say it, John_. He gently untangled their bodies rolling on his side to face Connor as their legs retangled in their new position. He looked the linguist in the eyes, moving his hand until it found Connors, twining their fingers together.

"Connor?"

"John?" Came the worried response.

John reached his free hand out to gently trace Connor's face. "I love you." He said softly, holding the younger man's gaze. Shock crossed his boyfriend's face, eyes wide, his hand tightened on John's.

"What?" He whispered in disbelief.

"I love you." John repeated, moving some hair that had fallen into Connor's face. The scientist opened his mouth before closing it, still in a state of shock. "You don't have to say it back." John said gently. "I just wanted you to know, in case something happens to me and I can't tell you." He admitted. "When I sat in that puddle jumper for four days the only things I could think was 'Why did you never tell him? If you die he will never know.' And I knew I had to tell you, I had to let you know, because I do. I love you." He explained. "I love you so much it scares me." John confessed. "I didn't think I would ever feel this way about someone. Like I can't breathe without you, like flying is nothing compared to a small touch from you, like if I don't wake up next to you for the rest of my life, it won't be much of a life."

Connor was still staring at him with an awed expression on his face. "I… John…"

"You have stolen my heart, Connor Davids, and I hope you never give it back."

"It's only fair." Connor said finally.

"What is?" John asked.

"That I've stolen your heart, I need one since you have mine. _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_." He said quietly, reaching out with their joint hands to touch John's chest over his heart.

John leaned in for a kiss that the other man easily granted. He pulled away panting. "I love when you speak Irish."

"Really?"

"It's hot." John offered.

Connor blushed. " _Is tú mo ghrá_." He offered. " _A chuisle, a chroí_."

John grinned but didn't ask for a translation, knowing that the younger man would tell him when he was ready. He knew that Connor wasn't ready to say the three words back to him, but John also knew that he could wait forever to hear them.

"I love you." He said again, moving in for another kiss while rolling on top of the other man.

"John!" Connor laughed. "We just took a shower."

"I don't think we're going to run out of water." John offered with a smirk.

Connor poked his chest again from his position underneath him. "Didn't you say something about me on top?" Connor asked slyly.

John looked a little shocked before his brain kicked in; he rolled them over so Connor landed on his chest. "Oh yeah." John agreed as Connor leaned in for another kiss already moving his hips over John's.

* * *

The next week was hellish for both of them. John was busy running around trying to satisfy Caldwell and Connor was busy avoiding Dr. Grey and trying to figure out what to say. The only time they got to spend together was at meals and every third night, the schedule they had decided on to try and stay under the radar while the Daedalus was docked.

John's problem was solved when the Daedalus left on Saturday. Connor's was still walking around Atlantis. He finally bit the bullet and e-mailed Dr. Grey to talk, she responded enthusiastically and Connor was a bundle of nerves waiting for her to arrive. John had been there a few minutes previous to try and calm him down but he'd left for a meeting and now Connor was stuck with his overactive mind alone in his lab.

He jumped when the door chimed before walking over to open it. Dr. Grey looked the same as she always did, and he ushered her in.

"Would you like some, uh, tea?" He asked softly.

"Sure." She agreed, taking a seat on his couch as the linguist moved about, heating the water. They remained in silence until Connor brought the steeping mugs over to the couch, handing on to her before gently sitting down beside the other scientist.

"So… Dr. Grey."

"Becky." She reminded him with a smile.

"Becky." He corrected. "I… why me?" He blurted, before blushing. "Sorry." He mumbled.

She laughed softly. "I'm not really sure, actually. I remember seeing you at the Christmas party and thinking you were cute, and…awkward." She added with a smile. "You looked uncomfortable being there."

"I was." Connor mumbled.

"And then when I saw you with Colonel Sheppard's team and Major Lorne I wondered how I had never seen you before. You hung out with some of the most interesting people on base, so I told myself that I had to know the guy who fit in with Ronon and Teyla, the guy who jokes around with Major Lorne and Colonel Sheppard. So I asked around about you."

"You did?" Connor asked, swallowing a large gulp of tea.

"Yep. It was not surprising to learn that there wasn't a lot known about you, at least by the scientists. Some people said you were dating Teyla, others said you were just friends. Some people weren't even sure what department you were in, and I admit, until I received your e-mail, neither was I. So then I started asking around with the Marines. It _was_ surprising to know that they all, or at least most of them knew you. They all called you Doc and talked about how you fixed their computers and could outshoot any of them on a good day. That was when you really piqued my interest. So I took a chance and told you I liked you, but judging from how long it took you to e-mail me back and the fact that you look terrified right now, I'm going to say, you're turning me down." She observed.

"I… yes." Connor said gently. "I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a wonderful woman."

"But there's someone else or you want there to be someone else or you're just not looking for a relationship right now, right?"

Connor smiled weakly. "Yeah, I'm really sorry."

She laughed slightly. "It figures. The one guy who seems interesting is the one out of reach."

"There are lots of, um, other men out there. The Marines are all, um, great." Connor offered.

"Yeah." She agreed sadly. "But as selfish as it is, I don't want a man in uniform, someone who could die any day."

Connor bit his lip. "I'm sorry." He said again.

"It's not your fault." She offered. "I guess I'm just picky and it's not like there are a ton of singles bars in the Pegasus Galaxy. Well, thanks for the tea." She said, gesturing to mug in her hand. Connor could tell it was mostly full. "Maybe I'll see you around some time?"

"Um, yeah, sure." Connor agreed. She set the mug down and stood. He set his own down and stood also, walking her to the door.

"Bye." She offered sadly.

"Bye." He returned. He watched as she walked down the hallway, hitting the button for the transporter before his lab doors closed. The scientist went and sat down heavily on his couch, reaching for his steaming mug, sipping it slowly.

 _Well, it could have gone worse._

* * *

John followed Teyla from lunch back to her quarters without asking. The Athosian, to her credit, said nothing, simply held the door open for John to step through. She moved some of the cushions on the ground, gesturing for John to take a seat.

"I told him I love him." John blurted.

She tilted her head in acknowledgement. "How did he take it?"

"I think I shocked him." John admitted.

"Did he offer the words in return?" She asked.

"No." John said softly. "But I know he does. I'm not sure he knows how to say the words."

"Much like yourself." Teyla observed.

"Yeah."

"How does that make you feel?"

"What? That he didn't say it back or that we're both emotionally retarded?" John asked.

She quirked him a smile. "That he did not respond in kind."

"I thought it would hurt if he didn't say the words back." John admitted. "But it didn't. It felt good to finally say them to him, I was relieved that he knew. And… I know that he loves me, even if he can't say it. I can wait as long as it takes."

She smiled at him. "I do believe you are correct. He does love you, but cannot yet say the words. I do not believe it will be too long before he does, though. I am happy for you, John." She said warmly.

"Thank you." He replied, somewhat shyly.

"Is all else well between the two of you?"

"Yeah… oh wait, we had a fight a couple weeks ago."

"Really?" She asked, caught unaware. "Would you like to talk about it? I have not heard of you fighting before."

"We haven't." John confirmed. "It was… we fought over something Connor was working on."

"The translations that General Landry has asked him to do?"

"He told you about it?"

"No, I remember your reaction at dinner." She confessed.

"Oh, yeah, that was the night."

She stood and retrieved a fire starter before grabbing some candles and sitting back down. John helped her light the candles around them, casting a warm glow over their bodies.

"And it is resolved now?" She asked when they were settled again.

"Yeah. I… he…" John ran a hand though his hair nervously. "I yelled at him, Teyla. Just like I'd seen my dad do to my mom. I made him feel threatened."

She reached her hands out to grab one of John's between them. "And how did he respond?"

"He left. I found out later he went to Lorne's. I… God, when he walked out that door I thought a part of me had died."

"But he came back?"

"Yeah, he came back. He was so… scared that I would leave him. He thought he wasn't worth it and I… it just…"

She squeezed his hand lightly. "Then you will do what you must to convince him that he is." She advised.

"Yes." John said softly "If it takes the rest of our lives."

"So he is the one for you?" She asked seriously.

"You knew that." He responded, looking at her.

She paused. "Than I would offer you the chance to bond in the ways of my people."

"The marriage thing?" John asked with wide eyes.

"I do believe you would consider it so."

"I'm not sure we're ready for that." He said softly.

"That you are ready or that he is ready?"

"I'm not sure. I know that Connor… wanted to get married before we started dating. He was raised Catholic…" At her look he added, "It's a religion on Earth that believes that you should be married before you-you know." She gave him a look. "Anyways, yeah, but they also believe that homosexuality is wrong. I'm not sure he would want to get married, he might see it as… sacrilege." John explained.

"Have you talked to him about this?"

"What? No! We've only been dating for a few months, not even six yet."

"So on Earth there is an amount of time you must wait before you bond?" Teyla asked, confused.

"Um, no."

"Then I do not understand why the length of time you have been together should change your mind. You do not foresee separating do you?"

"No." John's eyes took on a pained look. "I'm not sure I could survive it if we did. I love him, Teyla, so much. Just knowing he's mine is… amazing."

"Then perhaps this is something you should talk about. It is up to you, John. The offer stands for as long as you need."

"Thank you." He said gratefully. His radio beeped.

"Reed to Sheppard."

"Sheppard here."

"Um, sir… there's been an altercation."

"An altercation?"

"Yes, between a Marine and a… scientist."

"Damn. Where's Lorne?"

"He stepped in and is on the way to the infirmary."

"Was anyone else hurt?"

"Yes, sir. Sergeant DeLina and Dr, Davids are both in the infirmary as well. A couple other Marines-"

"Did you say Dr. Davids?"

"Yes, sir."

"What the hell was he doing there?"

"It would probably be best if Major Lorne explained it to you, sir."

"Alright, Sheppard out." John stood quickly. "I'm sorry, Teyla, apparently Connor was in a fight with a Marine and Lorne stepped in. I've got to go."

"Is he alright?" She asked, standing as well.

"I'm not sure, Reed didn't tell me what happened."

"I'm coming with you." She asserted.

John looked at her than nodded, leaving her quarters.

* * *

Dr. Jennifer Keller handed an ice pack to Dr. Davids. His right eye was rapidly swelling up along with some premature bruising. The scientist also had a split lip, an oozing cut on his forehead and bruising on his stomach. So far the linguist had refused to take off his shirt, so Jennifer was making due by lifting his shirt up and gently examining the injured torso.

"Ouch, Doc." Major Lorne commented from the scientist's right. An ice pack was pressed to his head as well. Jennifer leaned in towards the bruise forming over Dr. Davids' ribs, the reason for Major Lorne's comment. She gently prodded it and the Irish man hissed in pain.

"They don't feel broken." Jennifer finally concluded.

"They aren't." Dr. Davids agreed. "Just, um, bruised."

She lowered his shirt back down. Behind her a nurse was tending to a couple other Marines that had been caught in the crossfire while another doctor examined Sgt. DeLina. Jennifer was amazed at how much damage the translator had done. She had believed the man to be harmless, he was certainly quiet enough, if not shy enough.

She reached for the bloody bandage on his forehead, gently pulling it off. The wound was still bleeding but not as profusely. She grabbed some clean swabs and began wiping the wound clean.

"You need stitches for this." She declared. "Lay back, will you?" She asked. The linguist obeyed her, laying on the gurney and Jennifer began setting up for stitches. She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Colonel Sheppard and Teyla approaching. There was an unrecognizable look on the military leader's face and concern was spread across Teyla's.

"Start talking." Sheppard ordered.

"John, I-"

"Colonel Sheppard-"

Lorne and Davids started talking at once. She watched as Colonel Sheppard ran a hand across his face, pinching his nose, he held the other hand up in a stopping motion.

"One at a time." Davids and Lorne both looked at each other. "Lorne, start talking." Sheppard chose.

"Sir, it might be best to discuss this in your office."

Keller glanced up at that and a look went between the two men that she didn't understand. Sheppard nodded. "Alright." He walked over to Dr. Davids and stood next to the bed.

"How's it going, Doc?" He asked in a surprisingly gentle voice.

"I'm fine, John. It looks, um, worse than it is." Davids replied.

"Well it looks pretty bad."

"I'm fine." The linguist repeated.

"Alright, Keller's fixing you up?"

"Yeah."

"Good. My office, when she's finished." Sheppard ordered. Davids nodded. "Alright."

"Dr. Keller?" Teyla asked. Jennifer turned away from the two men and looked at the Athosian. "Will he be alright?"

"Yup, just a few stitches and some ibuprofen and he'll be right as rain." Jennifer smiled.

"Right as rain?"

"It's a saying." Lorne explained. "On Earth."

"Oh, I see."

"Major Lorne." Jennifer said, addressing the man standing next to her. "You're free to leave whenever you want."

"Thanks, Doc." He offered, handing her back his ice pack.

"Oh, you can keep that." She said, gesturing towards his face. "Leave that on for a while."

"Yes, ma'am." Lorne responded.

Jennifer turned around to see Colonel Sheppard quickly leaning back from Dr. Davids. She furrowed her brow in confusion, but the two men didn't seem any different to her.

"Okay!" She said cheerily. "Ready for those stitches, Dr. Davids?" The scientist glanced quickly towards Colonel Sheppard before looking back at her and nodding. "Let's get started." She pulled on some gloves.

"Would it be alright if I stayed?" Teyla asked.

"Of course, well, if Dr. Davids doesn't mind."

"I don't." Teyla moved to the linguist's side and grabbed a hand.

"Then sure." Sheppard and Lorne swept out of the room and Keller shined a light on Connor's forehead. "Here we go."

* * *

"So let me get this straight. Sgt. DeLina, who arrived on the Daedalus a week ago, walked up to Connor while you were having lunch, said that he didn't like fags and punches him?" John asked quietly.

"Yes, sir."

"So Connor punches him back, he retaliates, you step in, he punches you, two other Marines step in to grab him, DeLina hits them both, kicks Connor in the stomach before Connor pinches some nerve in his arm and restrains him?"

"Yes, sir."

"And after he pinches the nerve, DeLina stops moving and you and the Marines hold him down and call for the infirmary."

"Yes, sir."

"What I find hardest to understand, Major, is that Dr. Davids just punches DeLina back."

Evan swallowed nervously. "Well, he didn't right away, sir. He tried to leave but DeLina pursued him."

"At which point he fought back?"

"Um, no, sir. Dr. Davids tried to talk to Sgt. DeLina as well."

Sheppard was pacing in his small office and Evan was sitting on a chair watching the other man walk back and forth. "I don't understand how this man made it through to Atlantis and why something like Connor being gay would lead him to attack him." He said somewhat angrily.

Evan thought the other man was actually holding it together quite well considering how profusely the Doc had still been bleeding when he arrived. Evan himself was angry at DeLina and still worried for Connor.

"I'm not sure, sir."

"Which brings us to the next problem. Do we know why he thought Connor was a… fag?" His voice shook angrily on the last word.

Evan hesitated. "No, sir."

"Do _not_ bullshit me, Major." Sheppard said gravely towards him.

"Yes, sir. Reed overheard DeLina asking why Dr. Davids would turn down Dr. Grey."

"And that makes him gay?"

"It's a theory, sir."

"Shit." Sheppard whispered, still pacing. "How many more of our guys think this?"

"None that I know of, Colonel. They all like the Doc and all the ones in the mess hall were ready to come to his defense."

Sheppard stopped pacing and sat down heavily in his chair across from Evan. "I can't even think straight." He admitted softly. "I want to…" He drifted off. "He punched Connor because he thinks he's gay. God, my boyfriend was basically just gay bashed and I can't even do anything about it but reprimand the guy and send him back to Earth."

"I know how you feel, sir." Evan admitted.

The door chimed and Sheppard waved a hand towards it. Teyla walked in, followed by Connor. Sheppard stood immediately and walked over to the younger man as the door closed behind him. Evan looked away from them as Teyla took Sheppard's old seat, also facing away from them. Evan couldn't make out words, but heard soft whispers coming from both men. His curiosity got the best of him and he quickly glanced in their direction.

Connor had an arm looped around Sheppard's waist, fingers hooked into the top of his pants. Sheppard was holding the linguist's other hand while his other one was lifting his shirt. Evan looked away again, feeling like an intruder. Teyla met his eyes and smiled sadly.

"Connor has explained what happened as we walked here. I can not believe that someone would do such a thing." She stated quietly.

"I can't believe it was one of our guys." Evan admitted. "Even though he was new, it was still… unexpected."

"John, no." Evan heard and his head snapped towards the two men. Sheppard's reply was too quiet to make out and he turned back to Teyla.

"I must say that I do not think I would have been able to show as much restraint as Connor." Teyla admitted.

"Restraint? I think he broke DeLina's face. I had no idea he could hit so hard."

Teyla frowned. "Dr. Davids holds a… black belt? In martial arts."

"What? No way." Evan refused with a glance towards the two men again. This time Sheppard's arms were wrapped around the shorter man and Evan's best friend had his head turned in against the colonel's neck.

"You did not know this?" Teyla asked curiously.

He turned back to face her. "I knew he had some training but not that much. He seems so…" He drifted off, not sure of how to describe his friend.

Teyla tilted her head. "That is true." She agreed even though he didn't finish his statement.

"What's true?" Sheppard asked as he walked back over to them, no indication of anything he had just done with Connor as the linguist stood slightly behind him. Evan stood to offer either man his seat.

"Nothing, John." Teyla answered, smiling.

Sheppard waved the linguist into the chair and Connor graciously sat down, an arm cradling his ribs.

"Lorne and I will interview the other two Marines involved before talking to DeLina. I'm going to have Carter take your statement, Connor." Evan was surprised at this, but it made sense. She was the highest ranking officer on Atlantis and he and John were both too close to the linguist to not be accused of favoritism. "I'll walk you back to your quarters."

Connor stared at John. "Lab." He argued.

Evan expected Colonel Sheppard to argue, but the man acquiesced. "Lab, then." He walked over to gently help Connor stand, as the linguist passed Evan he stopped.

"I'm sorry you got hurt, Evan." He offered softly.

"It's not your fault, Doc."

Connor reached out and gently touched the bruise on Evan's face but didn't say anything else and Colonel Sheppard gently led him out the door. As he watched the other man go, Evan had the distinct feeling that the Irish man would blame himself for the whole incident and he sighed.

* * *

John had an arm wrapped gently around Connor's midsection as he walked with the younger man down the hall that led to his lab. The lieutenant colonel would have preferred Connor take a nap but the linguist was determined to go back to work. The doors swished open and John deposited his boyfriend on the couch, bringing him over his laptop, notebooks and pens.

Connor smiled at him. "I'm not an invalid, John." He said amused.

"Humor me." John stated, going about making a cup of tea. Connor rolled his eyes at him but allowed John to move a pillow behind him, John went to stand back by the water kettle but Connor tugged his shirt.

"Sit." He commanded. John obeyed. Connor turned to face him. "I'm really sorry about all this, John."

"Hey, no." John said softly, grabbing a hand. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"If I hadn't turned down Dr. Grey…"

"Then what?" John asked, amused. "You could have dated us both?" He arched a brow.

"Um, well no…"

"Connor, the guy is messed up, okay? His ass is getting booted back to Earth."

"Oh. Good." The scientist decided.

"Well something positive did come of this." John said with a glint in his eyes.

"What?"

"The Marines have learned not to mess with you, cause you fight back." He said with a goofy grin on his face. Connor poked his shoulder. "And can you show me that nerve pinch thing?"

Connor's face reddened. "Um, yeah, sure."

John laughed. He got up when he heard the water boiling, pouring it in a mug and adding a tea bag. He put some milk into the mug, an indulgence Connor rarely let himself have, John had never figured out why. He handed the steeping mug to his boyfriend before sitting down again.

"I think Lorne was surprised at how well you handled yourself."

"I'm not sure Evan is fully aware of my… background."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Hm." John mused. "How many stitches did you end up with?"

"Twelve." Connor answered before taking a long drink of the tea. He made a noise of pleasure at the taste.

John pressed a kiss to Connor's temple. "I'm sorry."

"If I can't apologize than you can't either." The linguist declared. "Especially since you really have nothing to be sorry for." John opened his mouth to say something but Connor spoke up first. "And if you even suggest that I need you to fight for me…" He trailed off.

John gently grabbed Connor's tea, setting it aside before he moved a hand to cup the back of Connor's neck. The linguist turned his head and his lips met John's in a soft caress. John's tongue gently traced Connor's split lip before slowly moving into Connor's mouth. The scientist tasted like tea and John lapped up the flavor. John pulled away and motioned for Connor to move onto his lap. Connor maneuvered slowly until he was sitting on John's thighs, his knees on either side of John's hips and his feet by John's knees, legs bent. John wrapped his arms around the younger man, hands moving down to rest on his bottom and the small man moved his arms to hand loosely around John's neck.

John leaned in again to kiss the Irish man, reassuring himself that the younger man was really okay. John's heart had skipped a beat when he entered the infirmary to see his boyfriend laying on a gurney with blood streaming down his face. Moments later John pulled back, panting. He leaned forward and rested his head against Connor's shoulder and he felt a hand moved slowly up and down his back.

"I love you." He whispered quietly into Connor's neck. He felt the linguist's breath hitch momentarily.

"I'm okay, John." Connor said into his ear softly.

"I know." He stated. "It's just… God, why do head wounds have to bleed so much?"

"Because the brain needs a lot of blood sent to it so it-"

"That was rhetorical." John said with a laugh, pulling back from Connor's neck to look at him.

"Oh, sorry." Connor blushed.

John looked him in the eye. "Do you wanna talk?"

"About what?"

"Maybe the fact that you just got beat up by some guy because you're dating me." John said somberly.

"It wasn't because of you." Connor argued.

"Because he thought you were gay." John corrected.

"I am." The other man countered.

"Connor…" John said exasperated. "This was a hate crime. Aren't you bothered by it?"

"I-I guess I'm used to it." The other man admitted softly. So softly that John strained to hear him.

"What?" He gasped. "Has someone on Atlantis been-"

"No." Connor interrupted. "No one here has said anything."

"Then I don't understand." John said confused.

"It's nothing, John. I shouldn't have said that." Connor leaned forward, turning his head sideways and rested it against John's shoulder.

"Please." John said softly. "Tell me."

"You've never asked me why I learnt tae kwan do." Connor stated quietly.

"I guess I haven't." John admitted. He moved a hand up Connor's back, under his shirt, to rub small circles on his skin.

"I was… smart when I was younger, ahead of my age group."

"You still are."

"In some ways." Connor agreed. "My teachers kept moving me up levels and kids can be… cruel. They didn't like that I was younger than them but, um, smarter."

"Oh, Connor." John sighed sadly.

"At first they would just, um, tease me, mean words and stuff. But the older we got the worse it got. When I was ten I my father enrolled me in martial arts, he wanted to help me. And it worked. A year or so after I started I could fight back and when they figured that out they started leaving me alone more and more."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." John said quietly.

"It was a long time ago, John."

"Not that long ago." John countered. He looked at his watch and sighed. "I have to get back to work, I'm sorry."

"It's alright." He slowly moved back off of John, an arm around his tender ribs. John picked up his tea mug and handed it to him. "Thanks."

"I'll see you tonight." He pressed a kiss to the linguist's lips.

"Later."

And with a quick glance back John left the linguist in his lab.

* * *

"So what's it like?" Rodney asked his friend. They were sitting out on the pier, a couple empty beer cans between them; Rodney held a newly opened one while John was nursing his second one.

Sheppard's knee bounced impatiently. "What's what like?"

"You know."

"If I knew, McKay, I wouldn't have asked."

Rodney gestured with his hands, waving them about. " _You_ know." He said.

Sheppard took a swig of beer. "Okay, I know. What do I know?"

"Sheppard!" Rodney said annoyed.

"How can you possibly be mad at me? I have no idea what you're talking about Rodney."

The astrophysicist chugged half his beer before answering. "With a guy."

"What with a guy?" Sheppard asked suspiciously.

"You know." He gestured again, making an obscene motion.

John spit out the beer in his mouth. "McKay!"

"What?"

"You can't just ask a guy that!"

"Why not?"

"I… you-you just can't!" He settled on. "Is this what you brought me out here to talk about? Because Connor's waiting…"

"What? No! I'm just curious, Sheppard."

"Why? Thinking of coming over to the dark side?" John asked with a smirk.

"As if." Rodney huffed. He turned back to look out at the ocean. "So?"

"So what?"

"What's it like?"

"I think I need a lot more alcohol for this conversation." John said, finishing his beer. Rodney pulled a flask out of his jacket and handed it over.

"Here." He said, holding it out.

John took the flask, opening it and taking a swig. "Good God, did Zelenka make this?"

"Yup. One hundred percent distilled here in Atlantis."

"It tastes like horse piss." John grimaced, but took another sip.

"So?" He asked again, impatiently.

"I'm not going to tell you, McKay."

"What? Why not?"

"Did it ever occur to you that that's private?"

"Please Sheppard, there's hardly any secrets left between us anymore." Rodney said exasperated.

"Well, this is one I'd like to keep."

"Is it uncomfortable? Are you on top or on the bottom? How does that work anyways?"

John choked on the alcohol. "Jesus, McKay, can't you wait until I finish swallowing?"

"Oh whatever. So?"

"Rodney!"

"C'mon Sheppard, you shared before."

"I hardly shared before." John protested. He set down the half empty flask and reached for another beer. "And besides, it's not like you were ever going to meet those girls. Connor lives here."

"So? I hardly see him. You're too busy keeping him to yourself." Rodney grabbed the flask, taking a swig.

"Teyla and Ronon manage to see him just fine."

"Yes, well, I don't get up at the crack of dawn to go running and tea is for people too weak to drink coffee." Rodney finished off what was left in the flask before putting it back in his jacket and picking up her beer again.

"Gee, thanks, McKay."

"Oh, please Sheppard, we both know you only drink tea because your boy toy does."

"I happen to like tea, McKay."

Rodney snorted as he finished his beer, opening another can. "That's why you drank so much of it before that linguist came along."

"I can be open to new things." John protested.

"Uh-huh, sure. So are you going to tell me?"

"No!" Sheppard said emphatically. "On what planet did you think I would?"

"Does it hurt?" Rodney asked.

"Fuck, McKay!" John said annoyed. "We haven't done it yet, okay?"

"Wait, what? You haven't done it yet? Haven't you been together for like a month or something?"

"More like almost six months, and geez McKay, is that all you waited with Katie?"

"Meh, something like that. Six months, really? And what, he's not putting out?"

John rubbed his forehead with his hand. "What, you don't think that maybe _I'm_ the one not ready?"

"Yeah right, Sheppard. Please." Rodney snorted.

"Well what made you think we've even done it in the first place?"

"When you wouldn't stop grinning, around Christmas."

"Sorry to disappoint you, Rodney." John said with a grin. "But that was something else." He took a large gulp of his beer.

"How are you not tipsy yet?"

"I hold my alcohol well."

"Well, I'm tipsy."

"Off of two and a half beers and a couple shots worth of moonshine?"

"Hey! This stuff is probably like eighty percent alcohol." Rodney protested, finishing off his third can. John quickly swallowed the remainder of his beer setting the empty can down.

"Alright." He said standing slowly, trying not to sway as the alcohol made its effects known. "Bed time."

"It's only seven, Sheppard." Rodney said, but stood anyways.

"Yes, well, some of us have hot boyfriends waiting at home." John said with a grin as they made their way back.

"I think I might break up with Katie." Rodney said suddenly.

John stopped walking and turned to look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"It's been like three years, McKay, what's changed?"

"I… When you talk about your boy toy you're always so happy. I don't think I'm like that." He offered a bit morosely. Rodney really was starting to feel the alcohol.

"Maybe that's just how you are." Sheppard tried to console.

"No." Rodney said. "I don't think so, John. At least I hope not."

Sheppard reached out and quickly patted his back. "Well, if you want to talk about it more…"

"Maybe next time, when we're both more sober."

"You mean more drunk."

"Yeah, that too." Rodney agreed.

John laughed. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Nope."

"Well I'm glad we agree." He said laughing again. "C'mon, I'll walk you back."

* * *

Twenty minutes later John had deposited McKay onto his bed where the astrophysicist had quickly passed out. When he entered his boyfriend's quarters, John found Connor sitting at his desk working. He came up behind the linguist, leaning over his shoulder.

"How's the head?" John asked lightly.

"Better than the ribs." Connor replied.

"Should you be in bed?" John asked, worried.

Connor shrugged slightly. "Maybe. Have you been drinking?"

"Yeah." John answered, nuzzling the scientist's hair. "With McKay, on the pier. A few beers and a couple sips of Zelenka's horse piss."

The younger man laughed. "Strong stuff?"

"You have no idea." John mumbled. "Come to bed." He begged.

"I need to shower first."

John leaned down further to kiss the linguist's neck. "Do you have to?" He whispered.

"Yes." Connor said with a grin, turning his head to meet John's lips. As they kissed, John moved his hands gently down the front of Connor's clothed chest. Connor pulled away. "Give me ten minutes." He said. John groaned. "I'll be quick." He promised.

Seven long minutes later Connor emerged from the bathroom in just boxers. John stared at the deep purple bruises on his boyfriend's torso. The linguist, feeling his gaze, self consciously moved his arms to cover his chest. He walked over to the dresser, pulling out a shirt and John stood from his seat on the couch and walked over to wrap his arms around the younger man. "Don't cover up." He whispered into Connor's ear. Connor nodded and placed the shirt back in the drawer. "Give me five minutes."

John quickly made his way to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and stripping. He stepped into the shower, washing rapidly before stepping back out and toweling off. He pulled his boxers back on and grabbed his clothes. When he stepped out of the bathroom he tossed the bundle in his arms towards the couch and made his way to his boyfriend who had found his way under the covers.

John slipped under the covers behind him and gently maneuvered the younger man into his arms, John's chest to his back. "Does it hurt like this?" John asked softly.

"Not badly." Came the quiet reply.

"Which way would hurt less?"

Connor was silent for a moment. "I'm fine like this."

"Are you sure, Con.?"

"Yeah."

"Alright."

They laid there in silence, John could hear the other man breathing quietly. "John?"

"Hm?"

"What did you and Dr. McKay talk about?"

"Oh you know, just this and that." John replied nonchalantly.

"Um, okay."

"Really." John offered. "It wasn't really about anything."

"Oh. I thought you said he wanted to talk to you about something?" the younger man said confused.

John was silent for a second. "He might break up with Katie."

"Dr. Brown?"

"Yeah."

"How long have they been together?"

"Since our second year here."

"Oh. Why?"

John's hand moved in circles lightly on Connor's bruised stomach. "He didn't really say. Just that he didn't think he looked the same when he talked about her as I do about you." He said quietly.

"Dr. McKay said that?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah." John agreed. He could feel the younger man falling asleep in front of him as his breathing even out and his body began to relax more.

"John?" He heard mumbled quietly.

"Connor?"

"Will you say it again?"

John kissed the top of the linguist's head. "I love you."

* * *

Connor winced in pain as he shot up, breathing hard. Another nightmare. He had hoped that with John's arms wrapped tightly around him he would make it through the night. He glanced at his boyfriend, who was sleeping unusually heavy. _It must be the alcohol_. Connor gently maneuvered out of the blankets and down to the foot of the bed so he wouldn't have to crawl over John. He stood and walked over to pour himself a glass of water, his hands slightly shaky as he sipped the cool liquid.

He didn't remember this one, but knew that the previous day's activities had more than likely triggered it. He sank down heavily onto the large chair in the room, wincing again as his body shifted. He took small sips of water as his heart rate calmed down.

When he'd finished his water he set the empty glass down on the side table. He walked quietly to the side of the bed to glance at John's watch. 0329. _Great_. A look outside showed Connor that it was raining. He grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around him as he made his way outside. Atlantis shut the doors slowly to make less noise and Connor gently sank down onto the balcony, leaning back against the wall by the doors. Rain hit his bare feet as he wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling them up to his chest. It was an uncomfortable position with his injuries, but a familiar one. The linguist closed his eyes and leaned his head back listening to the waves crash against the city and the rain hitting the decks.

He felt water soak into his boxers and the blanket around him slowly dampened until it was heavy with rain. He shivered and pulled the soaked blanket tighter around him, beginning to drift off back to sleep.

"Connor?" The scientist jerked awake. John was crouched down in front of him on the deck. It was still raining and water drops were pelting his boyfriend's thin frame. "What are you doing out here?" He asked concerned. "Oh, God, you're completely soaked. Let's get you up." John reached down a hand and Connor untucked himself, grasping the wet hand. John pulled him up gently and when he was standing the older man pushed the soaked blanket from Connor's shivering frame and was rapidly moving his hands up and down Connor's back. "C'mon, a shower will warm you."

Connor's teeth began chattering and John ushered him inside, quickly heading for the shower. Connor heard Atlantis turn on the shower as they stepped into the bathroom. John was pulling down the scientist's dripping boxers before tugging off his own. Connor grabbed John's hand, tugging him into the shower with him. They stood under the hot spray and John pulled the younger man back against his chest, holding on tightly. "God, Connor, your lips are blue. How long were you out there?"

"Um…what time is it?"

"0620. Ronon came and when you didn't answer I woke up to find you missing."

"Sorry." Connor mumbled.

"So? How long?" John asked, rubbing his stomach lightly, careful of the bruising.

"A couple hours."

"A couple hours! In the rain?"

"Closer to three." Connor muttered.

John sighed heavily into Connor's hair. "What were you doing out there?"

"I woke up. Couldn't get back to sleep." Connor could feel himself finally starting to thaw as his limbs tingled. John's body combined with the hot water was rapidly heating his own.

"Oh, Con." John sighed. "You should have woken me up."

"I'm fine, John."

His boyfriend snorted. "Obviously not since you're dangerously close to hypothermia, if you don't already have it."

The hot water cascaded down their bodies and Connor turned around in John's arms to face him. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's chest, leaning his head against John's shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist.

They stood that way for a few moments before John whispered into his ear. "Do you remember any of it?"

Connor sighed. The military leader was too smart for anything to get past him. The linguist shook his head against the chest in front of him. "No." He said against John's skin.

His boyfriend's hands were moving up and down his back. "Are you getting warmer?"

"Yeah." Connor sighed.

"Good." John declared before pulling back a little to look at Connor's face. "Your lips are still blue. Maybe we should go see Keller." He said worriedly.

"I'm fine, John."

Connor felt the temperature of the water increase slightly and sighed again, closing the gap between them to lay his head back on John's chest. "We'll see." John promised, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"It rains a lot in Ireland you know."

"And what? You used to sleep outside in it?" John asked skeptically.

"Um, no. But it's not anything I'm not used to."

"We'll see." John repeated, pulling Connor tight against him. As warmth returned to his limbs, Connor began to feel sleepy. John's arms were holding him up more than providing comfort. "Hey." John said sharply. "Stay awake."

"I am." Connor mumbled.

"I'm serious, Con. If you sleep, I'm calling Keller." The older man warned.

"I'm awake."

"Good."

And suddenly Connor was awake. Wide awake. He pulled back from John swiftly, blushing a deep red. "You're naked." He said.

A confused look fell over John's face. "Well, yes."

"And I'm naked."

"Connor?" John said, worry coloring his voice.

"And we're in the shower… naked… together."

"And you're just now realizing this?" He asked incredulously.

"Um… yes?"

John shook his head and reached out for the linguist. "You've seen me naked before." John said with a slight laugh.

"Oh. Yeah." Connor said, embarrassed, stepping back into John's arms.

John laughed again. "Did you actually forget something?"

"Um I think more like… panicked." Connor mumbled. "Or, uh, woke up."

"Ah, not enough caffeine yet."

"Mmm-hm."

"Well let's finish showering and I'll make you some tea. Can you stand?" He asked worriedly.

"Yeah." The smaller man pushed off of John's chest and leaned back against the shower wall, closing his eyes.

"No sleeping." John repeated.

"I'm not." A few seconds later he felt a hand in his hair and a few suds slid down his face. John fingers massaged the shampoo in before tugging him back under the spray and rinsing it out.

"I love your hair." John said quietly, so quietly that Connor almost couldn't hear him over the water.

"I think yours is quite grand." Connor replied, reaching a hand out to ruffle John's hair.

John moved him back against the wall as he washed his own hair before quickly washing his body. Connor blushed as his eyes roamed the other man. John caught his gaze and grinned. "Later." He said. "When we know you're not about to die."

Connor rolled his eyes. "I'm-"

"Fine." John finished. "I know. Humor me."

The linguist huffed but accepted the wash cloth from John and deftly washed his body. When he handed it back John's eyes held a look of lust and desire, John pulled him gently towards him and tilted his hear, kissing him as the shower washed the soap off his body.

Connor pulled back, gasping for air and holding on tightly to John. He could feel the other man beginning to harden. "Later." Connor repeated weakly. "You have work."

John groaned and leaned forward to rest his head briefly on Connor's shoulder. "Alright." He said softly as Atlantis turned the water off. "Let's go get you your tea."

"Let's get breakfast." Connor offered instead.

John looked at him strangely. "That requires you to get dressed and be awake now."

"I feel like eating some pancakes."

"Alright." John agreed. And Connor knew he would probably never turn down any offer he made to eat.

John followed him out of the shower and they dried off, wrapping their towels around their waste. Connor brushed his teeth as John ran a hair brush through the scientist's red-brown locks. After he had finished combing it out, John continued to run his hand through the rapidly drying hair. Connor elbowed him lightly.

"Brush." He said around his toothbrush, gesturing to John's own on the counter. He glanced in the mirror and watched John reluctantly move his hand and grab his toothbrush, brushing his teeth.

When Connor finished he left his boyfriend in the bathroom and went in search of clothes. He grabbed his and John's soaked boxers, tossing them in the hamper and made a mental note to do laundry tonight. He was sifting through the drawers as John's arms came around his body. Lips pressed against the back of his neck and Connor sighed happily. He pulled out some clothes, handing a set back to John and setting his on top of the dresser. His hands went to his towel when John's arms came around him again. They gently unwrapped the cloth letting it fall to the floor. Connor blushed as John's hands grazed certain parts. John pulled his boxers off the dresser and Connor took them, bending slightly to step into them. He heard John groan behind him and two hands held onto his waist before reaching down to pull up the boxers, covering Connor's. John caressed his hip once more before pulling away.

Connor grabbed his clothes, turning around to face him, but John had already pulled on the bottom half of his uniform and was working his shirt over his head. He laughed at the small pout that had worked its way across Connor's face. The linguist finished dressing and sat next to John on the bed as they both pulled on their shoes. After his second shoe was tied, John tugged him gently backwards onto his back. He turned his head and looked at John. Their hands met and John moved sideways, leaning in to kiss him. Connor met him halfway and opened his mouth when John's tongue licked at his lips. The position was awkward, so the kiss was short lived and they both sat up. John ran a hand quickly through his wet hair, shaking some of the water out all over the bed and his boyfriend.

"Ew! John." Connor said laughing. "Now I'm all wet again."

John leaned over and caught a small drop of water on Connor's forehead with his lips. "I'll dry you." He whispered, leaning over to catch another drop on the linguist's cheek. The younger man's stomach chose that moment to make its self known. John pulled back laughing. "Or maybe I should feed you." He said with a grin. John stood up and reached a hand down for Connor pulling him up too. The older man grabbed both of their jackets, tossing Connor's to him, slipping into his own. He wrapped an arm around the scientist's waist and walked him out the door, only dropping the arm when the transporter had reached the food hub level.

* * *

Three men. Three good men. Three good soldiers. Gone today, in the blink of an eye.

John rubbed his forehead, staring at the paperwork in front of him. Three pairs of dog tags glittered on his left. He looked up at Lorne who was sitting across from him. "This shouldn't have happened." He said, voice low.

"No." Lorne agreed. "It shouldn't have."

"I want our men running drills." John decided. "At least once a week."

"Yes, sir."

"I want more training."

"Yes, sir."

"And damn it!" John said loudly, bringing his hand down hard onto the desk. "I want this to never happen again."

There was no response to that. Lorne knew, just as John did, that it would happen again. That they would lose men to the Wraith and the Replicators and whomever else in the Pegasus Galaxy had it out for them.

"Talk with Carter." John said finally. "Set up a memorial."

"Yes, sir." Lorne repeated, but this time softer.

"Dismissed, Major."

"Thank you, Colonel." And with that John was left alone in his office. Alone with his thoughts and alone with three pairs of dog tags.

A few hours later John had e-mailed his letters of condolences to stargate command, where they would print them out and deliver them. He hadn't known any of the three men extremely well, but if you stayed on Atlantis long enough, you eventually knew something about everyone.

His office doors swished open and John looked up.

"John?" He heard Connor ask softly.

"Hey." John greeted. "Did you need something?"

"It's two in the morning." The younger man answered, stepping in. The doors closed behind him.

"It is?" John asked. He squinted at his watch. "Oh."

Connor walked around the desk to stand next to John's chair. His face held a worried expression as he reached a hand out to gently stroke John's hair. "Is everything okay?"

The older man hesitated for a second. "I lost three men today."

"Oh, John." Connor said softly. He moved his other hand around John, pulling him into a hug against his stomach. John turned his head sideways and wrapped his arms around Connor's legs. "I'm sorry." John heard softly. "Is there anything I can do?"

What John really wanted right now was to lose himself in the other man. To hold him tight and never let go. He wanted the linguist to kiss him until he forgot his name. John shook his head. "Not really."

"Come to bed."

"I need-"

"To sleep." The younger man interrupted.

John smiled slightly. "When did we switch roles?"

"When you needed it." Connor replied. He let go of John and reached a hand out, pulling John up from his chair. John pulled Connor into a tight hug, grateful when the younger man returned it. "Bed." Connor whispered.

John didn't say anything in response. Instead he pulled away, grabbing the linguist's hand and leading them back to the younger man's quarters. John stripped down to his boxers and went to brush his teeth. As he was spitting he felt Connor's arms wrap around his waist and a bare torso was pressed up against his own. John quickly rinsed, putting his toothbrush back in its holder before turning around in the smaller man's arms.

Connor gently stroked his back and John hid his face in his boyfriend's neck. "They shouldn't have died." He mumbled.

The younger man didn't answer. Instead he pulled John with him out of the bathroom to their bed. Connor gently positioned him so he was lying face down on the bed. The older man turned his head sideways for air and gasped when he felt the linguist settle onto his thighs. John heard a snap and a second later he felt cold liquid hit his back. He shivered and Connor murmured an apology. The scientist's hands dropped to John's back and began to rub the liquid, _lotion_ , John thought, into his back. Connor's hand gently but firmly massaged John's muscles, starting at the top, his thumbs pressing into John's neck.

An hour later, John was a boneless heap on the bed and Connor was washing his hands in the bathroom. The sink stopped and the light flickered off and John felt the bed dip as the younger man crawled over John into bed. Connor propped himself up on his left arm, facing John who was still face down.

"Where did you learn that?" John asked lazily.

Connor blushed. "A book."

"You learnt that from a book? I need to start reading more." John joked.

"I… um, was it okay?"

"Better than okay." John corrected. He reached his arm out to grab the linguist's free hand. "It was perfect, thank you."

Connor blushed again and John hoped his boyfriend would never stop. John let go of Connor's hand and turned over, on to his back, he reached out to tug the linguist against him, aware of the bruising that was still dark on his torso. Connor melted against him, tossing a leg over John's, an arm across his stomach and his head on John's chest. John carded a hand through the linguist's hair, still feeling extremely relaxed. "You know," He said quietly. "You have to get up in a few hours to run with Ronon."

"Yeah." Connor mumbled into his chest.

"It's almost three-thirty, he'll be here in a couple hours."

"Yeah."

"Oh, wait, should you even be running with your…" He gestured towards Connor's ribs.

"It's fine."

"Hm." John mused skeptically. "Are you falling asleep on me?"

"Why aren't _you_ falling asleep?" The scientist countered.

John thought about that. His eyes were drooping, he felt more relaxed than he had in weeks, his boyfriend was a warm blanket on him and suddenly he was very, very tired. "'Night." He murmured.

"Good night, John." Connor whispered with a gentle kiss to John's chest.


	23. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 23 : Beginnings**

Author's Notes :  
\- Major Spoilers for _The Last Man_ , in addition not all events in TLM are depicted the same way.  
\- Some dialogue is taken directly from _The Last Man_ so it belongs to MGM Television Entertainment.  
\- Dialogue was used from a transcript at GateWorld as transcribed by Callie Sullivan.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

"Hey." John greeted as he walked into his boyfriend's quarters.

"John, hi." Connor answered, turning in his chair.

The linguist looked tired, John mused. It had been two weeks since the fight between Connor and Sgt. DeLina. The latter man had been shipped back to Earth during the next dial out; as for the former, John watched as the bruises faded away, leaving nightmares in their wake.

"So…" He trailed. "Big day coming up."

Connor looked puzzled. "I thought the Daedalus wasn't coming back for another couple months."

"Something bigger." John hinted.

A look of deep thought came over his boyfriend's face. "Martin Luther King Day?"

"Martin Luther-what? No!" John exclaimed exasperated.

"It's a bit early for _á Fhéile Phádraig_."

"Aw what?"

"Oh, sorry. St. Patrick's Day."

"Isn't that in March?" John asked perplexed.

"Yeah."

"It's still January, Connor."

"I know." The younger man appeared to be thinking again and John couldn't wait any longer.

"Your birthday!" He burst out.

Connor's brow furrowed. "My birthday?"

"Yes," John nodded. "You know, the day you popped out into the world?" John wasn't sure where the confusion was coming from.

"Oh, yes, of course." The other man mumbled. He tried to subtly turn back to his work, but John stopped him with a hand.

"The big three-four." John said, trying to elicit a reaction.

"Is thirty-four big in America?" Connor asked confused.

"No," John admitted. "But birthdays are! Why aren't you excited?"

"About getting older?" Connor asked skeptically.

"No!" John protested. "About presents! Cake! Birthday kisses…"

"Are they different from normal kisses?"

"Yes, 'cause they're on your birthday." John said with a grin.

"I don't understand." Connor mumbled confused.

"I… it's… never mind. Why aren't you excited about your birthday?"

"I just don't like birthdays." This time the younger man did turn back to his work in a not so subtle move that told John he didn't want to keep talking about it.

John just watched as he went back to scribbling in his notebook, confused about what just happened.

* * *

"So John has mentioned that your name day is coming up." Teyla offered over lunch the next day.

"Um, yeah." Connor confirmed before taking a large bite of his sandwich in hopes that the Athosian would drop the matter.

"I know it is customary of your people to celebrate. Ronon particularly enjoys the cake." Connor nodded his agreement, still chewing. "Will you be having a party as well?"

"No." He said shortly, taking another bite.

"John is not planning anything?" She asked quietly, aware of the people around them in the food hub.

 _I hope not_. "Not that I know of." He answered.

"Are you not excited for your name day?" She questioned.

"Not really." He took a long sip of tea, for once wishing he was drinking something stronger. He had some Irish whiskey in his quarters and decided to break it out tonight.

"Is something wrong, Connor?" She asked concerned.

"I just don't, uh, really want to talk about my birthday."

"Alright." She said finally, looking at him deeply. "Let us speak of other things."

Connor smiled gratefully. "Is anything new on New Athos?"

"As a matter of fact, two of my people have just given birth."

"Oh yeah? Boys or girls?"

"Jakyla had a son and Amira a girl…"

And hour later he was back in his lab going over more translations.

"Hey, Doc." Evan greeted from behind him.

"Oh, hey, Evan." He said facing him. The other man perched on his desk next to him. "What's up?"

"There's a rumor going around the base." The major said with a grin.

"Um, okay."

"That someone's birthday is next week."

Connor groaned and put his head in his hands. "Who told you?" He asked, his words muffled.

"Teyla told me yesterday. Is something wrong, Doc?"

The linguist shook his head in his hands. "No, I just don't want to talk about my birthday."

"Alright… I guess I'll see you later?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure."

Connor heard his friend's footsteps go out the door and the doors swished shut behind him.

Not ten minutes later the doors opened again. He turned to see Ronon making his way to him, laptop in hand. "Hey, Ronon." He greeted.

"Irish." The Satedan grunted.

"Did we have an appointment today?" He asked even though he knew that they didn't.

"Nope." Ronon answered succinctly.

"Alright, what can I, uh, do for you then?"

"What? I can't visit for no reason?"

"Um, sure." Connor replied uncertainly. "Would you like some tea?" He stood up from his seat as Ronon pulled a chair over to sit next to him.

"Sure." The linguist eyed him suspiciously. Ronon hardly ever accepted an offer of tea.

"Alright." He walked over to set some water to boil and stood impatiently for it to heat up. "So, um, how's your day been going?" He asked as they waited.

"Good. Beat up some Marines. Had lunch. Mission briefing."

"That's good." The scientist grabbed two tea mugs setting them down. He opened his mini fridge reaching for the milk. "Any cream or sugar?"

"Nope." Ronon answered.

Connor poured some milk into one mug and as he was placing it back on the shelf the water began boiling. He closed the fridge door, grabbing the water, pouring equal amounts into the two cups. He selected two tea bags, placing one into each mug and adding a spoon to his. He carried the hot mugs over to his desk, handing one to Ronon and setting his down, waiting for it to steep.

"When's your mission?" He asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Oh."

They sat in an awkward silence waiting for the tea to be ready.

"So." Ronon started. Connor looked up at him. "Sheppard said there'll be cake soon."

The linguist sighed heavily. "There won't be cake. At least not, um, cake for me. You can have cake."

The Satedan eyed him curiously. "It's your naming day, right?" Connor nodded. "Then shouldn't you eat cake too?"

"I don't want cake." The older man answered tersely.

"Why?"

Connor took a long sip of the scalding hot tea and once again wished for something stronger. "I just don't." He answered.

"Alright." Ronon accepted. "McKay'll be mad that there's no cake."

"I don't understand. The food replicators can make cake whenever you, uh, want it. Why do you wait for a birthday?"

"It tastes better then." Ronon offered.

"It tastes the same!"

The bigger man just shrugged. "Tastes better to me."

Connor groaned and took another sip of his tea.

* * *

John wasn't sure what to expect when he entered his boyfriend's room that night but a half drunk Connor certainly wasn't it. The Irish man was sitting on the couch, a half empty bottle of Jameson on the ground next to him as he stared out at the waves.

He greeted John as he entered. "John." He slurred. "Hi!"

"Hi." John replied with a grin. It was weird to see his normally shy boyfriend so… loose. "Whatcha been doin'?" He asked.

"Oh, drinkin', drinkin', drinkin'!" The younger man responded enthusiastically. "I saved you some." He said with a large smile. He bent down and picked up the open bottle waving it in John's direction.

John took off his jacket and shucked off his shoes before making his way to the couch to sit next to the linguist. Connor handed him the bottle and John accepted it, taking a swig.

"It's good." Connor said nodding. "It's Irish!"

John laughed. "Well, so it is." He took another drink, passing the bottle back to Connor. The younger man took a long swig before passing it back to John. "So, what are we celebrating?" John asked, drinking some more.

Connor shook his head emphatically. "We're not celebrating. Nope. Not at all. This is so we don't celebrate."

John laughed again. "So we drink to not celebrate?"

"Yup."

The older man grinned and took another drink. "Sounds like a good reason."

"It is." Connor agreed.

John set down the mostly empty bottle of whiskey and pulled the younger man to him. He felt Connor relax against his chest as he wrapped his arms around him. "So how was your day?"

"Well… everybody knows it's my birthday soon!" Connor said with a laugh.

"Everybody, huh?" John teased.

"Yup. Evan knows it my birthday soon and Teyla and Ronon and McKay and you. That's everybody!"

"I guess we're the ones that count." The older man agreed.

"Yep, you definitely count. A haon, a dó, a trí, a ceathair, a cúig, a sé…" He drifted off. "I forgot what comes after that…"

John replayed the words in his head. "Seven." He offered.

"Oh right! You're so smart." Connor agreed. "Smart, smart, smart. A seacht, a hocht, a naoi, a deich, a-"

"How about we stick to one language for the evening?"

"But you said you liked the Irish." Connor pouted, confused. "I can do it in another language if you want. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq…"

John laughed. "One language." He said again.

"Alright." The younger man agreed. John pushed a hand under his shirt and rubbed at the skin there. Connor yawned loudly and John chuckled.

"Bed?" He asked.

"But it's still early, early, early." Connor protested before yawning again.

John looked at his watch. "It's eleven." He said, holding out his wrist for Connor to see.

"Oh! Cool. Bed! Lots of kisses in bed."

John laughed. "Not tonight."

"No kisses tonight?"

"Not while you're drunk." John answered, grinning.

"But I'm not drunk. I'm…"

"Yes?"

"I don't know, but it's not drunk."

John stood and pulled Connor up with him. "Sorry, Con, it's definitely drunk." He led the linguist to the bathroom. "Brush your teeth."

"Okay!" Connor agreed, and John left him in there to brush his teeth. He made his way back to the couch, replacing the lid on the whiskey, setting it on Connor's desk. John pulled off his clothes, leaving only his boxers, neatly folding them for the morning.

"Mmm." Connor said, coming up behind him. His arms wrapped around John's stomach.

"All done?" John asked.

"Yup."

The older man led his boyfriend to bed and gently pushed him under the covers before heading to the bathroom to brush his own teeth. When he came back out Connor was already asleep. John shook his head at the sight before climbing in after the younger man, pulling him into his arms and following him into unconsciousness.

John woke up to the sound of the door opening. He moved to watch as Connor, freshly showered, entered the room after his run with Ronon. John quickly ran to the bathroom to relieve his bladder as well as brush his teeth. The younger man smiled as he exited and he walked with John back over to the bed, they climbed in together with Connor's head resting over John's heart with a hand tangled in dog tags.

"How was the run?"

"Ugh." Was all the younger man said.

John laughed. "So whiskey before bed… not a good idea?"

"Nope." Connor said softly against John's chest. The older man gently moved his fingers through the Irish man's hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"About what?"

"Whatever drove you to the bottle." John said lightly.

"That would be my Irish-ness." Connor joked quietly.

"Well, whatever drove you to the bottle _last night_."

"Were you… bothered by it?"

"No." John answered honestly. "Just worried. It's the first time I think I've you drink since we've been together."

"I don't really drink a lot." Connor mumbled.

"Which leads me to believe that something was wrong. Is it your upcoming birthday?"

"I… it's… You mentioned it, then Evan, then Teyla, then Ronon… and I just really don't want to think about it."

"Will you tell me?" John beseeched.

Connor was silent for a moment and John honestly thought the younger wasn't going to say anything, but then he started talking, his voice small and quiet. "My dad always used to joke about my thirty-fourth birthday. He would say that I would be married by thirty-four and have kids by thirty-five. My parents always wanted grandchildren. So over and over, when I was younger he would just repeat it. Married by thirty-four, kids by thirty-five. I don't know why he chose those ages, he would never tell me. And before thirty-four had always seemed so far off, like there was still time. And now…" He drifted off.

 _And now you're dating the male military leader of a base in a different galaxy,_ John finished in his head _. With no hopes of marriage or children._ "I'm sorry." He said quietly to the young man on his chest.

"What? John? No, it's not your fault." Connor said confused.

"I know. I just feel… I don't know." John said haplessly. "Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. And sure, yeah, at first I was freaked out that you were a guy but I never had the religious qualms that I know you did."

Connor pushed himself up with one arm to look at John. "I don't regret any of this, John. Yeah, those things were important to me before I met you, but afterwards? They didn't mean so much any more. Nothing meant anything if I couldn't be with you. It's just… this birthday really reminds me of my da and I just miss him, I guess, him and me mum." The linguist settled his head back down atop John's chest.

They stayed there in silence for a few minutes. John's hand carding through red-brown locks as Connor's fingers traced patterns on John's chest.

"How about we just stay in for your birthday then? Just the two of us."

Connor smiled against his skin. "I'd like that."

"It's a date." John said, pressing a kiss to the top of his boyfriend's head. He reached for his watch, glancing at the time. "Now… since we have a while until I have to be ready to go off-world, how about-?"

He was cut off when the younger man tugged John on top of him, sealing their lips together. John smiled against Connor's mouth before returning the kiss, plunging his tongue in to explore the younger man's mouth. Connor's hands moved down his bare back to gently push down his boxers and John wiggled a little before kicking them off with his feet. The linguist's hands kneaded John's bottom, pulling him closer. John groaned and pulled back.

"How is it I'm naked and you're fully dressed?" He asked as Connor continued to lean up and press his lips repeatedly to his jaw.

"I'm just… lucky." He said between kisses.

John grinned and reached down, tugging the younger man's shirt up and over his head, temporarily displacing Connor's hands from his body. The older man sat up and back onto Connor's thighs, his hands quickly unbuckling the linguist's belt and undoing his pants before tugging them down. John reached behind him to pull off Connor's running shoes, throwing them across the room as the body under him pushed his pants the rest of the way off, leaving him as naked as John, both only wearing dog tags.

"God, you're beautiful." John said, looking down at him. Connor's body blushed a crimson red all over and John laughed. The younger man tugged him back down, reclaiming his lips, their tongued gently caressing each other. John felt Connor harden beneath him, in turn his body responded likewise. The older man slowly pulled away from the scientist's lips, instead trailing kisses down his jaw line to his neck and shoulder. John sucked lightly on the skin there, not hard enough to leave a mark. He ran his tongue lightly across Connor's shoulders, tasting the younger man before moving to the other side and repeating his actions.

Moving slowly John moved down the linguist's body next, pressing wet kisses across Connor's chest. He flicked a tongue out at the hardened nipples, sucking each one gently, eliciting pleasure filled moans from the younger man. He could feel his boyfriend's breaths coming in shallow, his heart rate increasing with every move John made.

The older man continued his path down Connor's body, deftly avoiding the younger man's erection. John's lips kissed whatever skin they came near and Connor's harsh pants increased when John's mouth began sucking on the inside of his thighs. John glanced up to make sure that his actions were okay with his boyfriend, but Connor's face just held a look of pure bliss so the older man bent back to the thighs, pressing kisses there. John gave a small push to Connor's right side and the younger man obediently rolled to the right onto his stomach.

John moved back up Connor's body to press kissed to the back of his neck and down his shoulder. John's erection settled comfortably into the line of space between Connor's round cheeks and John heard his boyfriend gasp at the sensation. He pulled away quickly, instead moving his body down Connor's to gently lick and kiss the other man's back. John stopped when he reached the top of Connor's hips. He pressed a light kiss to one cheek before rolling the younger man back over.

Connor's face was flushed and his eyes were a deep blue. Their erections strained against each other and John reached into the bedside table for some lotion. His boyfriend held his hand out to John for some, but John didn't offer him any, instead he sat back on Connor's thighs and moved his hand to his boyfriend's shaft, slowly moving his hand up and down. Connor reached a hand out and hooked a finger into John's dog tags tugging him down and the older man let himself be pulled down, never slowing down the rhythm of his hand.

Their lips met and as John devoured Connor's mouth the younger man worked a hand down between their bodies and moved John's hand from his body to John's, covering it with his own, sliding it up and down as John had been doing. John gasped into Connor's mouth at the feeling. Connor reached his other hand out and John grabbed the bottle of lotion, pouring some into the younger man's hand. He felt Connor gently add more lotion to him before the linguist pulled their hands away. John moved to settle both his hands on either side of Connor's shoulders, moving his body up and down the younger man's to grind against him.

"John… John… John…" Connor gasped into his ear.

"Connor.." John breathed back. "Connor…oh, God…Connor…"

John latched his mouth onto Connor's neck and gently bit the shoulder there, he knew he would leave a mark, but wasn't worried. He pulled away and rested his head next to Connor's and moaned when he felt his boyfriend's hand squeeze his bottom, pressing John's hips closer to his as they moved.

"John…"

John reached between their bodies to grab Connor's erection, gently running a thumb over the tip. The linguist's hips arched up into John's and he repeated the action.

"I'm not going to… ah!… last long if you… oh, gosh… keep doing… that." Connor gasped and John repeated the movement again.

John moved his head up a little to look at the younger man. "You like that?" He asked, doing it again.

"Ye…ah!" He moaned. "John." He drew out John's name.

John captured his lips and began to thrust his tongue into the younger man's mouth to the same rhythm of his hand, groaning as the younger man writhed underneath him. He moved his hand and wrapped it around both of them, gently tugging and John knew that if Connor kept making those wonderful noises he would come soon.

The linguist pulled back for air, breathing heavily and John leaned down to his ear. "Are you close?" He whispered.

Connor nodded. "Yes."

"Me too."

He flicked his thumb over the tip of Connor's erection once more and felt the younger man under him shudder and pull him closer. A few seconds later his boyfriend was coming. John watched his eyes turn black and Connor called his name somewhat loudly. John sped up the rhythm with his hand and came with a cry, collapsing onto Connor.

They were both breathing heavily and John made to roll off of him, but the scientist kept his arms firmly around John.

"I'm… too heavy." John explained.

"You're perfect." Connor breathed, leaning up to kiss him.

John melted into the kiss and felt his heart burst with emotion at the smaller man's words. Their breathing slowly evened out and Connor finally released him. John rolled onto his side and wrapped an arm over Connor's stomach, taking up the younger man's normal position.

"Well, I think I'm going to need another shower." Connor said softly.

John laughed. "If you're nice, you can join me." He teased. They had yet to shower together since the morning John found Connor soaked on the roof. He knew the linguist held some lingering insecurities about his looks and was still a bit uncomfortable spending an extended amount of time naked. John respected his boyfriend's need for space and tried not to push the issue or pressure the younger man. Connor had made strides through; instead of pulling up a sheet, he used John to cover him. "C'mon." John said, sitting up. "Go shower and I'll make you some tea." Connor bit his lip and John could tell he was uncertain about something. "I was only joking, Con." John clarified.

"I… okay." He sat up before standing, he looked back at John and blushed, quickly making his way to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

John grabbed a tissue and wiped his stomach down a little before standing and searching for his boxers. Spotting them he pulled them back on and went about making tea.

By the time Connor emerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist, the tea had steeped. John pulled him in for a quick kiss before heading into the bathroom himself. John showered quickly and when he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, he found Connor already dressed and drinking his tea. John dropped his towel and grabbed his clothes, pulling them on.

He made his way over to the sitting linguist, pulling him up and taking his place on the chair. Connor settled back into his lap, gently cradling the mug of tea in his hands. John grabbed the second mug, sipping it lightly.

"Any big plans today?" He asked the linguist on his lap.

"Well… since you're stealing half my posse…" John laughed at that. "I'm having lunch with Evan and then movie night with his team. When will you, uh, be back?"

"We're not sure. Carter wants us to check out a few worlds that have been destroyed, I think I told you that she thinks the Replicators are attacking them?"

"Yeah, to kill off the, um, Wraith food supply."

"Yeah, basically. So we're going to check those out and then try a stealth swing by of the Replicator planet." John felt Connor tense a little and John became worried when the younger man didn't relax. "We'll be fine."

Connor tucked his head into John's neck. "The last time you went there not everyone came back." Connor said softly, referring to Elizabeth.

"I know. But we don't plan on getting out of the jumper this time. We'll be back."

"Alright." Connor said, but John didn't think he sounded reassured.

John finished his tea, setting the empty mug back down and watched as Connor worked on his. He wrapped his arms tight around the linguist.

"Connor?"

"Hm?"

"Never mind."

"Okay." His boyfriend set his empty tea mug down next to John's before curling up on John's lap. The older man could tell he was falling asleep.

"You gonna go back to sleep?"

"Yeah." Connor sighed.

"Well if you're going to sleep on me you should know that I…" John checked his watch. "Have to leave in twenty minutes."

"Okay." Connor mumbled but made no room to move.

John smiled and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head, still holding on tightly.

* * *

Connor smiled as he stepped through the gate. It had been a last minute decision; Colonel Carter had asked him to go with SGA-4 to check out some ruins. He had needed to cancel his lunch plans with Evan, but Connor knew the other man wasn't angry. The linguist followed Lt. Ramsey and his team towards the ruins. There was no scientist on this team currently. They had had one but he'd had been killed by the Wraith a few months ago and they were still looking for another scientist to join.

"So, Doc, you excited to get off-world?" Corporal Johns asked him. He was young; younger than Connor was at least but a usually serious person. He was smart and helpful and Connor liked hanging out with him on the range.

"Yep. It's, um, been a while." He offered the younger man a small grin.

"Well, hopefully you'll get to have some fun today." The younger man offered.

"Oh, the Doc here will have tons of fun." Sgt. Smith commented, wrapping a loose arm around Connor's shoulders. Smith was also younger than Connor, but not by much. He was a fun guy who was easy to get along with. Although his shooting skills could use some work, Connor liked the man.

"I, um, I hope so."

"You will." Smith guaranteed, letting his arm drop. "And I've noticed you're packing a little heat today." He said with a grin, gesturing towards the M-11 strapped to Connor's thigh.

The linguist blushed. "Um, yes, a Christmas gift." Connor mumbled.

All three men laughed. "I wish I got something that awesome for Christmas." Ramsey put in. "Instead I got socks."

Connor laughed. "Well you can, um, never have too many."

There was a twinkle in Ramsey's eyes as he agreed. "No, you certainly can't. So what have you been up to, Doc? We haven't seen you on the range much these past couple weeks, we've been worried."

"Oh, I'm, um, just busy with the database. I'll try to make more time to go." Connor promised.

"Not a problem, Doc." Ramsey offered. "But I think Smith here has forgotten all the tips you taught him."

"Ha! I think not… besides who was it that shot that cow on our last mission, sir?" Smith defended

"It wasn't a cow!"

"Sure looked like one to me."

"And me, sir." Johns added with small grin.

"You wound me!" Ramsey said dramatically. "My own team is against me!" Smith laughed heartily while an actual smile burst across Johns' face. "You see what I have to put up with, Doc?" The lieutenant asked.

"You shot a cow?" Connor asked innocently, hiding a smile.

"It wasn't a cow!"

"It even had udders." Johns put in.

"It was a demonic animal." Ramsey stated with certainty. "I did the universe a favor."

"It wasn't demonic." Smith mouthed to Connor behind Ramsey's back. "Whatever you say, sir." He offered aloud.

"Ha! We'll see who's laughing when review time comes around."

Johns leaned in towards Connor. "He talks big, but never goes through with it." He whispered, before straightening back up.

Connor offered the younger man a smile. "You guys seem to, um, get along really well."

"We're family, ya know? Smith is the only one of us with family back on Earth. His mom always sends us cookies."

"You talkin' about me?" Smith asked from a couple feet away.

"Just your mom." Johns shot back.

"Oh, well that's okay then, I know you love my momma, Eric."

"Sure do, Jim." Eric Johns said easily. "Anyways, we've been together since the first year, along with Jace." He said quietly referring to Dr. Jason Kliggs, the recently deceased member of the group. "These guys are brothers to me."

"Evan's team is, um, the same way." Connor offered.

Johns scrunched his face. "Oh! You mean Major Lorne."

"Yeah."

"I had forgotten his first name was Evan. That's cool though. I think Atlantis does that to people, brings you closer together, you know? Each person is like a little piece of Earth, like home and you want to keep that close."

Connor thought about it than nodded. "I can see that."

"Oh, cool. Check it out." Smith said, pointing towards the ruins that had just come into view. Connor estimated that they were probably another couple clicks away.

"That would be them, ladies and doctor." Ramsey said with a grin.

They were a lot bigger than Connor had been expecting, as well as a lot better preserved than most ruins. Buildings still had the roofs and all four walls. If he didn't know any better, Connor wouldn't call them ruins at all, they looked so pristine that he would have thought people still lived there.

"They've been cleared, sir?" Johns asked, apparently with the same reservations that Connor had.

"SGA-3 said they passed them but didn't have time to stop in."

"So why do they think they're empty?" Smith asked.

"They passed them in a jumper, got no life sign readings."

"And they didn't think there was anything masking signatures?" Johns questioned.

"Nope. But we'll be on our guard anyways." He said with a stern look at the three of them.

"Yes, sir." The other two replied. Connor just nodded.

Half an hour later they had reached the entrance to the ruins and Connor watched as all three men were suddenly on their guard, their hands resting on their P-90s. Connor's own hand was resting on the top of his M-11.

"Alright. I'll take point, Johns you cover our six." Ramsey ordered.

"Yes, sir." And the men rearranged with Connor and Smith in the middle.

They hesitantly entered the ruins and the further in they went the more Connor was inclined to think that no one lived there any more. Just as they had reached the center room, lit only by P-90s, the lights came on. Looking around, the linguist decided that the ruins were probably an Ancient outpost, not an abandoned village. He waved a hand over a near-by console, bringing up a large map.

"You've got the gene?" Ramsey asked.

"Um, yeah." Connor answered hesitantly.

"Hm. Cool. Smith is the only one of us with it, and he can only make stuff work half the time."

"Is his artificial?" Connor asked, curious.

"Yup." Smith answered. "Yours is natural?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell what this place was used for?" Ramsey asked.

The linguist scrolled through some writings, translating in his head as he went. "Give me a few minutes."

"Alright. Johns, you stay with him, Smith and I will secure the rest of the building, two clicks to talk." He said referring to their radios.

"Yes, sir."

"Call us when you've got something."

"Yes, sir." With that the other two left, leaving them alone in the main room. Connor could hear Johns footsteps as he walked around the center room before coming to stand next to him. "So you can read all that?" He asked, gesturing towards the screen.

"It's my job." Connor told him.

"Sometimes, Doc, I forget you're not one of us." The Corporal stated.

"Miller too." The linguist supplied. "He got me a Marine Corps sweatshirt for Christmas."

Johns smiled. "I bet Major Lorne loved that."

"Colonel Sheppard, as well." Connor added.

"Are you friends with him too?" Eric asked curiously.

"Yeah."

"You've got some friends in high places, Doc." The Marine said.

"I guess." Connor mumbled. "Found it."

"Found what?"

"What the Ancients were, um, doing here. They were, uh, trying to find a more natural source of food and were trying an animal, um, breeding program here."

"I take it that it didn't work."

"It seemed mildly successful but, um, not enough to feed all of the city." Connor confirmed.

"So no cool weapons?" Johns asked with a grin.

"Not that I've found yet, but I'll keep looking."

"Okay, I'm gonna tell the Lieutenant what you've found."

Connor nodded distractedly, already turning back to his work.

Nine hours later they were heading back to Atlantis. It was still light out and Connor had decided that the planet had long days, since it had been light the whole time they were there. It took six hours to explore all of the Ancient lab and they stayed another three so Connor could finish working through the database there. They didn't find anything of military worth, but the linguist had copies of some of their animal work for the zoologists on Atlantis.

The way back to the gate was filled with easy conversation and jokes between the four men. Connor liked them and they had somewhat helped in keeping his mind off of John's mission. He hoped the older man would be there when he got back. They paused as Smith punched Atlantis' gate address into the DHD. The linguist followed the three men through the wormhole back to Atlantis.

When he stepped out, Connor fought to stop a grin from stretching across his face. John was on the other side waiting for him, a small smile gracing his handsome features. Connor waved to the members of SGA-4, promising to submit a mission report soon as he made his way over to John. His boyfriend's face took on a slight frown as he looked over Connor's body.

"What?" The linguist asked, confused.

"You went off world without a tac vest?"

"It's not standard procedure for a scientist to take one." Connor answered softly.

"Not yet." John offered, discreetly looking him over again. "No injuries?"

"Nope. You?"

"Not a scratch." John waved to Carter, who was standing on the balcony before ushering Connor out of the control room and to a transporter. "Up for some dinner?"

Connor looked at his watch. Evan's movie night had started an hour and a half ago. "Sure. You, um, haven't eaten?"

"Was waiting for you." John offered, hitting the button for the food hub.

The younger man leaned into his boyfriend, offering him a quick sideways hug that John returned. They broke apart as the doors opened. The corridors were quiet as it was past dinner time for most people. John had a hand on the small of his back, leading the younger man through the doors. There were a couple people in the food hub when they arrived and Connor sighed softly as he felt John's hand drop from his back. He tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. The linguist led to the way to a replicator, quickly ordering food. John followed suit and they made their way to a table.

"So how was your mission?" Connor asked, as he prepared his tea.

John frowned lightly. "Well I guess you would say it's a success. We're almost positive that it is the Replicators wiping out worlds. So Carter and McKay are going over the coding to see about re-writing it."

"Oh. Well, I guess that it's, um, good that you found that out."

"Yeah." John agreed taking a bite of his food.

"I, um, know a little bit about programming, so if they need help… or something…." He let the offer hang.

"Thanks. I'll tell them, but they're probably okay." John smiled. "So how was your day? I come back to find you off world."

"I was out with SGA-4." Connor answered. "We, um, explored an Ancient outpost."

"Ancient outpost? I thought Carter said it was some ruins."

"That's what we were told, but, um, when we got there it was definitely Ancient."

"Oh. What'd they use it for?"

"Animal breeding." Connor replied, sipping his tea.

"I think I'd rather not know." John said with a laugh.

Connor smiled softly at him. "It was nice to get out, but a little… boring."

"Yeah, we get a lot of those." John offered. "So how was SGA-4? I don't think I've ever worked with them. That's Ramsey's team, yeah?"

"Yeah. Lt. Ramsey, Sgt. Smith and Cpl. Johns."

"There's only three of them? I could have sworn they had a scientist."

"They did." The linguist confirmed. "Dr. Kliggs died a couple months ago."

"Oh. Oh, now I remember." John said softly.

"They make a grand team." Connor added. "Nice guys."

"That's good. I would hate to think we had a mean gate team running around." John teased. Connor kicked him under the table. "You know, you're quite the abusive boyfriend." John grinned quietly. "Between your pokes and now your kicks…"

Connor raised an eye brow at him and looked around before reaching up and pulling his shirt down at the neck to expose a large hickey on his shoulder. "You were saying?" He asked before releasing the shirt.

"Um… oops?" John said sheepishly.

"Uh-huh." Connor said skeptically.

"I guess it's just an abusive relationship all around." John joked.

Connor threw a chip at him and John laughed.

"Oh we're gating out again in a couple days." John offered.

"Hm?"

"The Genii said they have some information on Michael." He took another bite of food.

"Michael? The Wraith?" He turned his head when the doors opened to see the two people that had been in the food hub with them, exit, leaving him and John alone. Connor turned back to his boyfriend.

"Yeah. Apparently he's been… stealing people? Ladon wants to meet in person to exchange information."

"Didn't the Genii attack you when you were on the planet with that child queen?"

"Yeah, but Ladon claims he had nothing to do with it. And we _have_ been hearing reports of people going missing in villages."

"Where are you meeting?"

"M4S-587, an abandoned planet."

"Is your whole team going?"

"Nah, I'm going with Lorne's team."

"I don't like the Genii." Connor said softly.

"I don't particularly like them either." John said gently. "But they're allies now."

Connor wanted to protest. He wanted to ask John to send someone else, anyone else. One night, a couple months back, John had told him, under the cover of darkness, about being captured and tortured by the Genii. Ever since then, the scientist had harbored hateful feelings towards the whole race and he definitely didn't want John dealing with them more. He swallowed thickly. "Okay."

John reached out and gently covered Connor's hand with his. "It'll be fine." He assured the younger man. "A piece of cake."

Connor turned his hand over, holding on to John's. "I know. I'm sorry." He said quietly.

John squeezed his hand. "Don't apologize for worrying." He said, letting go of his hand.

Connor nodded and turned back to his food.

* * *

Two days later John's stomach grumbled as he walked back towards the gate. He met up with Major Lorne.

"So, how'd it go, sir?" Lorne asked.

"The Genii contact didn't show up." John answered, annoyed.

"Can't say I'm surprised."

"What are you saying, Major? The Genii can't be trusted?" John asked with a little bit of sarcasm.

"Well, they did try and kill you and Dr. McKay along with that little girl." Lorne replied easily.

"True, true - and normally that's the kind of thing I'd take personally, but Ladon claims he didn't order the hit. He's trying to get on our good side."

"So why wouldn't they show up if they have info on Michael?"

"I have no idea, Major." John said with a shake of his head.

"Okay, so what do you wanna do?"

John walked over to the DHD and began dialing the sequence for Atlantis. "Well I'm gonna go ahead. You stay behind for a few hours; tell me if he shows up." He hit the last number and the gate whooshed out.

"Will do." Lorne answered.

"See you soon, Major." John said walking forward.

"Yes, sir." And with that John stepped through the gate.

"Oh, this is not good." John said looking around the control room. The large room was empty of any personnel. Bright light was shining in through the windows and John estimated that the temperature had risen at least thirty five degree Fahrenheit since he had been on the base that morning. "Hello?" He asked, looking around. "If this is a surprise party, it's not my birthday."

The room was quiet except for his footsteps. John couldn't even hear the waves outside. He reached up to tap his radio. "This is Sheppard. Anyone read?" He grew nervous when he didn't get an answer. "I repeat, this is Sheppard. Anyone on this channel?" Still no answer.

John made his way to the outside balcony and pushed the doors opened after they refused to move. He looked out to what used to be an ocean, finding instead only miles and miles of sand. _Atlantis?_ John could hear a faint buzzing as what was left of the city tried to respond. He turned around heading back into the control room. He ran to the consoles on the second level, waving his hand over them after he arrived. In his mind he could feel Atlantis trying to help him, but no power entered the consoles.

"All right." He said to no one. "This isn't good. The most elaborate practical joke of all time or I'm in serious trouble here."

Just as he was starting to freak out more he heard a crackle in his radio. "This is Sheppard. Anyone on this frequency?"

"Sheppard? Is that really you?" He heard on the radio, identifying Rodney's voice.

"McKay." John sighed in relief. The relief was short lived when Rodney explained the situation after John activated his holographic form. "You're telling me that because of a solar flare that intersected with my wormhole I traveled forty-eight thousand years into the future in ten seconds?"

"I know… it is kind of cool when you think about it, isn't it?" McKay asked wryly.

"Surfing a thirty foot wave in Waimei is cool, dating a supermodel is cool, this is not cool!" He yelled angrily. John paused. "Wait a second, if I'm in the future that means you're, uh…"

"Dead." Rodney finished. "Dead and buried and turned to dust a long, long time ago, along with everyone you ever knew. There's no way of knowing what the state of human civilization is, whether it even still exists. I mean, we've obviously abandoned the city. You might possibly be the last human being alive."

John gaped at the thought. _Dead. Everyone's dead. Connor''s… dead. Oh, God_. John felt his heart tighten as his throat constricted.

"Sheppard! You're heart rate is increasing, what's happening?"

"I…" He choked. "You're all… dead." He gasped.

"I'm sorry." McKay said, sounding apologetic.

"Connor…"

Holographic Rodney was silent for a moment. "How about I explain the plan to get you back?"

John felt like he was dying as he agreed. "What's the plan?"

Twenty minutes later Rodney had explained his plan. John would go into stasis for another seven hundred to a thousand years, waiting for the right solar flare to come along again, powered by some Mark Twelve naqahdah generators that were in the city. When it was time, the city would unfreeze John and send him back through the wormhole to his own time.

John sighed as they reached the stasis chambers. "This is a pretty crazy plan, McKay."

"I know, but you really are the last hope."

"The last hope?" John asked.

"After you disappeared… many things happened. We discovered that Michael _was_ stealing people and turning them into human-Wraith hybrids, creating his own little army."

"An army?" John gaped.

"Yeah. He used them to track down Wraith and destroy them, along with other human worlds. He destroyed anything and everything."

"What about the Replicators?"

"Carter and I found that the they were, indeed killing off planets of people so we had to re-program them. Only it took a lot longer than we thought. In the end we lost a lot of people in the battle against them, Carter included. Eventually we were recalled back to Earth. The IOA was tired of fighting a war that wasn't theirs. I spent the next twenty-five years working on a way to get you back."

"I don't understand how me being there will change anything."

"You'll know about Michael." Rodney told him. "We didn't learn about him until five months after you disappeared, and by then it was too late. I have a data chip for you with all the intel we had on him and the Replicators."

"So what happened to everyone else?"

"And by everyone else you mean a certain linguist?"

"Rodney!"

"Fine, fine. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Yes."

"I don't know his whole story." Rodney began. "I can only tell you what I know. He was… withdrawn when you were lost. Teyla and Ronon basically started following him around, making sure he would be alright. When we were recalled to Earth, neither of them wanted to go back with us, without you everything started to fall apart. Connor elected to stay in Pegasus with Ronon and Teyla. That was the last I saw of him. I tried to find him when I came back to Atlantis to set this up, but I couldn't get a hold of any of them."

John absorbed his words. "What happened to you?"

"I took a low paying job teaching physics at a local community college so I could work on this." He said holding his arms wide, indicating his program.

"What happened with Katie?"

"I… we… after Atlantis she didn't understand my need to work on this."

"I'm sorry." John apologized.

"It's fine, left me more time for my work."

John paused. "Tell me what really happened with Connor."

"I already told you, Sheppard." Rodney said, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Please." He begged.

The hologram sighed. "After a few days, when it became apparent that you weren't coming back, he sorta broke down. Lorne was there for him, and Teyla and Ronon and some Marines I didn't really know. Soon enough he was back to how he was… before he met you. Quiet, shy, hiding in his lab, he didn't talk much anymore, but he kept going. I never really knew why. We stayed on Atlantis for almost a year before the IOA recalled us. He didn't move on, didn't come to movie night, he never dated anyone else that I saw. Teyla would keep me updated. She was worried for him, but proud when he kept going. I think… I think he did it for you."

John closed his eyes and tried to imagine Connor's pain. On top of his own it was almost unbearable. "But we can change that, right? None of these things will happen?"

"That's the idea."

"Alright, then. Let's do this." With that he stepped back into the stasis unit.

"I'm putting the data chip in here." Rodney said, indicating a small compartment in the chamber.

"Got it." John said.

"Good luck." Rodney said.

"What happens if this doesn't work?" John asked suddenly.

Rodney looked at him, his eyes sad. "It will be like drifting off to sleep and you never wake up."

John swallowed. "Okay. Could be worse. Guess I'll see you around, McKay."

"Yeah." With that John felt tired and then nothing more.

Seven hundred, thirty-six years later he was awoken out of his stasis. He shook his head, looking around. He suddenly remembered the plan and grabbed the data chip making his was quickly back to the stargate. When he got there it was inactive. A few minutes later it burst to life and John glanced behind him but didn't see the holographic McKay. He took a deep breath and walked through the gate.

He exhaled as he exited the other side, landing back on the original planet he gated from. John hit the symbols for Atlantis and the gate burst to life again. He sent through his IDC, hoping they would still let him in. He received an affirmative beep in response and stepped through the stargate. He was met by four armed Marines and a concerned and confused Colonel Carter.

"John?" She asked.

"Yeah." He affirmed.

"Where have you been?"

"How long have I been gone?"

"Two weeks. Lorne said you went through the gate, but you never arrived here. You vanished. We've had people looking for you."

"A solar flare intercepted my wormhole."

"A solar flare?" She looked skeptical and John didn't know why. It had happened to her.

McKay came running into the gate room with Teyla and Ronon close behind him. "Sheppard!" He greeted. John walked over and McKay offered him a pat on the back. "Good to have you back."

Ronon gave him a huge hug, lifting him up off the ground. "What he said."

Teyla lowered her head and John met her forehead with his. He was shocked when she pulled back and pulled him into a hug. "You have been sorely missed." She whispered into his ear.

"Colonel Sheppard? I'm sorry, we need-"

"-Keller to tell you that I am who I say I am." He finished.

"Yeah."

"Alright, let's get it over with." He followed a Marine escort and his team to the infirmary. Ten minutes later he was free to go. He handed the data chip to McKay. "Get this to Carter, it has info on Michael. I'll meet up with you later." He said over his shoulder as he left the room. He ran to the nearest transporter. _Where is he?_ Atlantis showed a picture of Connor sleeping on the couch in his lab. _Thanks_. He hit the right level and a few seconds later was deposited into the hallway that led to his sleeping boyfriend.

John ran down the hallway, bursting into the room. He turned and found Connor sitting up quickly on the couch looking around. John moved rapidly to his side, kneeling.

"No…" Connor moaned. He reached up to tap his headset. "Davids to Lor-" John reached out and grabbed his hand.

"I'm right here, Connor."

"You're not real." The linguist said shaking his head.

"I promise I am."

"You're missing."

"I'm found now."

Connor reached a hesitant hand out to his face, his fingers dancing across John's features. "John?" He whispered, clearly in shock.

"Yes." John said, reaching a hand out to tuck some hair behind Connor's ear. "I'm right here, I promise, I'm right here." He grabbed Connor's other hand and pushed it into his jacket, pressing it over his heart. The younger man launched himself off of the couch into his arms and John caught him tightly as they fell back to the floor. John closed his eyes and marveled in the feel of Connor's body against his, breathing in his scent. "I love you." He breathed. He felt Connor's breath hitch. "I love you, Connor. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Connor pressed his face in closer to John's neck and John thought the younger man might be crying, but he didn't feel any tears on his skin. "John." He heard quietly. "I missed you."

John laughed slightly as he felt emotion bubble up in his chest. He was afraid that _he_ might start crying. To him, Connor really had been dead, not just missing. "I missed you too, Con." He said. "I missed you too."

The doors to Connor's lab opened but John wasn't willing to let go of the scientist for anything. He glanced up and saw his second in command towering over them.

"Good to have you back, sir." He said with a smile.

"You tired of the paperwork?" John teased, but kept holding the man in his arms tightly.

"Oh, definitely." Lorne replied. "Is everything alright? I heard Connor call…" He drifted off.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"It's fine. So everything's alright?" He asked again. John didn't really think an answer from him would suffice so he moved his head towards Connor's ear.

"He's waiting for you to answer." He whispered.

Connor moved his head to look up at Evan. "It's fine, I'm sorry."

The Air Force Major moved over to John's other side, by Connor's head and squatted down. John watched as Lorne reached out and placed a soft hand on Connor's back. "You're sure?" He asked gently.

"Yeah."

"Alright." He pulled his hand back and stood. "I'll see you later, Doc."

"Bye, Evan."

John heard the doors swish open again before closing. _Lock?_ He asked the city and he heard a click. "Let's move to the couch." John suggested softly. Connor stood up and held a hand down for John. The older man accepted it and allowed himself to be pulled up before he moved to lay on the couch tugging the scientist down on top of him. Connor folded over John like a blanket and John found his fingers carding through the linguist's hair.

"Where did you go?" Connor mumbled onto his chest.

"A solar flare intercepted my wormhole back to Atlantis. I was sent forty-eight thousand years into the future. McKay had figured out what went wrong and built a program that helped me get back. I spent another seven hundred or so years in stasis, waiting for another solar flare that could take me back to close to the right time." John explained softly.

"Was there anyone alive?"

"Not on Atlantis." He answered. "The water had also been dried up from the planet because the sun began to turn into a red giant."

"There was no water?"

"Nope." He affirmed. "And… to me you were… dead." He added softly. "Everyone I knew and cared about was long gone."

A hand touched the side of his face and John looked into Connor's eyes. "Oh, John." Soft, warm lips were pressed to his and John returned the kiss, drinking up the flavor of the younger man. "I didn't think I'd be able to do that again." Connor said when they pulled apart.

"I wasn't sure I would be able to either." The older man admitted, holding Connor tighter. "I was so worried about you."

"Not half as much as I worried about you." Connor countered. John thought that was probably true. It had been one day for him, two weeks for Connor.

"Well neither of us has to worry now." John tried to comfort him. "So what's been happening while I've been gone?"

"Most of the Marines have been out looking for you, the scientists trying to figure out what happened."

"No one found the solar flare?"

Connor shook his head. "I don't think so. I think, um, Carter suggested it but McKay said there's something in place to prevent it or something."

"What about… oh, damn, I missed your birthday." John said sorrowfully.

On top of him Connor let a small laugh escape. "I don't care."

"We'll have a belated birthday celebration." John decided.

"Really, John, having you back is enough."

"So you don't want a private celebration?" John asked, whispering into Connor's ear.

The younger man shivered. "Well… when you put it that way…"

"What else has been happening?"

"I've been off-world a couple more times."

"Oh, yeah?" John asked a little shocked. "With Lorne?"

"With Ben's team."

"Ben?"

"Sorry, Lt. Ramsey."

"Oh. Wow, okay." John wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Do you, um, have to go brief Colonel Carter?"

"Yeah, eventually." John groaned. "I needed to spend some time with you first."

"How do you feel about lunch?"

"You? Suggesting lunch?"

"I doubt there was food waiting for you forty-eight thousand years into the future."

John grinned. "There definitely wasn't."

"So, lunch." Connor said again.

"Alright." Connor began to move off of John but the older man wasn't ready to let go yet. "How about in a few minutes?" The younger man didn't answer, just laid his head back down on to John's shoulder.

* * *

Later that night when John had finally finished his debriefing with Carter he went to Connor's room only to find the linguist missing from it. John frowned and tapped his radio. "Sheppard to Davids."

After a few long seconds of silence he had his response. "John, hi. Sorry, are you finished?"

"Yeah. Where are you?"

"Working out. Where should I meet you?"

"Don't worry about it, I'll come to you." John replied.

"Okay." Connor answered before lowering his voice. "Eric is here too."

John started to wonder when his shy boyfriend had become a social butterfly. "Copy that. Sheppard out."

He made his way out of Connor's room to the linguist's private gym. John stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame and watched his boyfriend and Corporal Johns move slowly through some katas. Connor's face had a small sheen of sweat on it. He critically observed the younger man, noticing how his clothes hung more loosely on his already thin frame. Their motions ended with them standing still and a few seconds later Connor turned to face him, a smile trying to escape his features.

"Colonel Sheppard." Johns said with a salute. John lazily returned it.

"Corporal."

"It's nice to have you back, sir."

"It's nice to be back." John agreed. He stepped into the room and tossed Connor a towel, opening a bottle of water for him. The linguist walked over, drying his face and accepted the open bottle from John.

"Connor." Johns said and the Irish man turned to face him. "Thanks for the workout. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Connor shook his head. "Day after." He said.

"Alright." He turned to face John again. "Colonel Sheppard." He said respectfully before exiting the room, leaving them alone.

John wrapped his arms around his slightly sweaty boyfriend, an embrace Connor returned, still holding the water bottle in one hand. The older man leaned in and licked a small drop of sweat from Connor's forehead.

"Ew, John. Gross. I need a shower."

John smiled. "Take one with me." He suggested in a low voice. Connor swallowed but nodded. "Really?"

"Yeah. I want to."

"If you're not ready-"

"-I am." Connor stated with certainty. "I need…" He drifted off.

"I know." John said in a hoarse voice. "Me too."

Connor pulled away and finished his water, setting the empty bottle back down onto the table. John ran a hand through the linguist's sweaty hair.

"So how long have you been working out with Johns?" The older man asked curiously as they walked to the transporter.

"About a week. Does it bother you?"

John shook his head and reached an arm out to hold the doors open as Connor stepped in; John followed. "No. I like that you're making new friends." He answered honestly. The transporter started without any direction from the two men. John raised an eyebrow.

"Atlantis has been… clingy… since you were, um, gone." The younger man said softly, reaching a hand out to loop a finger into one of John's belt loops. John smiled at the touch. He stepped out of the lift, the younger man trailing behind, following John into his quarters.

The second the doors closed and locked behind them John whirled around and pulled Connor into his arms, pressing their lips together. The younger man held on returning the kiss just as desperately. Their tongues met and John coaxed Connor's into his mouth, sucking lightly. His hands slipped down into the back of Connor's pants, gently squeezing the flesh there. Connor moaned into his mouth and John felt hands unbuttoning his pants, pushing them down. They were caught on John's boots and the older man maneuvered them over to Connor's chair, regretfully pulling his hands out of his boyfriend's pants. Connor straddled him on the chair as John worked his boots and pants off, leaving him half naked. Their foreheads rested against each other, each man panting. Connor fingers were shakily working at John's over shirt, fumbling with the buttons. John moved his hands to rest on top of the linguist's, pulling them down and moving to unbutton his shirt for the younger man.

When he finished, Connor pushed the shirt off of John's shoulders and reached down to tug his black undershirt off. John mimicked his motions, leaving Connor's bare-chested. John felt a twang in his heart when he saw how much weight his boyfriend had lost in two weeks. He ran a gently hand over Connor's ribs, able to count too many. John reached behind the smaller man to pull off the scientist's shoes and socks, when they were off he reached around between them to undo Connor's pants, moving his arms behind the linguist to shove the last piece of clothing, caressing Connor at the same time. He stood and pulled the smaller man up with him and Connor moved a little as the pants fell the rest of the way down.

John tugged on one of Connor's hands, pulling him towards the shower. It was already running when they reached the bathroom and John stepped in, Connor close behind. He kissed the younger man under the stream of water that soaked them both. Connor's arms went around him tightly pulling them together. John moved his hands up and down Connor's back in a reassuring gesture. He gasped and leaned his head back as Connor began to trail kisses down his jaw and to his neck. A tongue gently lapped at the water there and John felt himself grow hard.

This time when Connor looked up at John, the older man could barely make out tears streaming down the younger man's face. They mixed with the water and washed away down the drain. John reached a hand out to gently stroke Connor's cheek. The other man leaned into his hand, pressing it harder against his face. John felt his own eyes well up and a small tear leaked out. He leaned forward to press a kiss to Connor's mouth. The younger man's lips were trembling a little as he accepted and John pulled the bottom one into his mouth, gently sucking it.

Connor pulled back with a sob and John pulled him into a tight hug. " _Tá grá agam duit_." The other man choked out. " _Tá grá agam duit_." He repeated, his voice hitching.

John softly cooed into his ear. "Shh, Connor. I'm right here. It's okay. I'm sorry." He repeated. "I love you."

" _Tá grá agam duit_." He said again, holding a hand against John's heart. He looked up at John, his eyes begging him to understand. The water served to plaster Connor's hair to his head and at that moment he looked incredibly young to John. His eyes were red from crying and his cheeks flushed from the warm water. Water cascaded off of his nose and down his lips, dripping from his chin. " _Tá grá agam duit_." He begged softly again and John strained to hear him over the sound of the water.

John tried to not let the confusion show on his face. "Okay. Taw graw agum ditch. I've got it." He answered.

Connor smiled up at him and John would feign knowledge any day to produce that look on his face. The younger man pulled away and bent down to pick up some shampoo. He reached his hands up and gently lathered John's hair, his fingertips caressing the top of John's head. John sighed in pleasure and obediently allowed Connor to rinse the shampoo out when the other man tugged his head further into the stream of water.

Connor reached down for some more shampoo and began to lather his head as John rinsed off. John moved his hands out to cover Connor's, moving through the wet locks. They traded places as Connor rinsed. John turned around to grab the soap and a washcloth, he had them in his hand and was standing back up when a slick body pressed it's self against his back. He could feel Connor's erection pressed up against his butt and the scientist's arms went around him, each hand gently pinched a nipple before working it's way down. John moaned as Connor's fingers trailed down his stomach. A soapy hand gently wrapped around John's erection and began to move up and down. John panted, leaning back against the hard body behind his. Connor's other hand was rubbing circles on John's stomach.

John wasn't sure where his shy boyfriend went and where the more aggressive man behind him had come from but at that second he wasn't complaining. Connor flicked a thumb over his tip and John was quickly losing feeling in his lower body. He bent forward and leaned both hands on the shower wall in front of him after dropping the washcloth and soap, breathing heavily as Connor continued his ministrations.

John cried Connor's name loudly as he exploded, stars dancing in front of his eyes. The man behind him pumped him for a few more seconds before slowly loosening his grip. John was panting hard as he leaned against the shower. Connor maneuvered around him and into the space between John's body and the shower wall. John leaned down and pressed a hungry kiss to Connor's mouth, devouring his boyfriend's mouth.

"Where did that come from?" John breathed as he pulled back.

John watched as Connor blushed a deep, dark red. "I'm, uh… it's… I… um…" He stuttered and John laughed, lowering his arms from the wall and pulling the younger man to him.

"God, I love you." John said with a huge grin. Connor returned the smile shyly. John bent down to whisper into his ear. "Can I return the favor?" Without waiting for an answer he bent to retrieve some of the fallen soap before standing up and working a hand between them his hand gently moving up and down Connor's body.

The other man gasped and leaned forward onto John, resting his head on John's shoulder. It didn't take long before Connor was crying his name, holding on to John tightly as his body shuttered. "Don't let go." He whispered into John's ear.

"Never." John swore. "I'm never letting you go."

* * *

Connor closed his eyes and smiled up at the sun that was beating down on him. There was a cool breeze that caressed his body, keeping him from becoming too hot.

"So, Doc, how's life?" Smith asked from his left.

Connor was once again off planet with SGA-4, this time a follow up mission to something that Evan's team had found. John had been back for a week and had spent most of that week planning with Carter and Evan on what to do with Michael with McKay's occasional input. The nights had been their own though, both men turning down plenty of invitations from others to spend time with each other. Two nights ago, John had come through on his promise of a private celebration and Connor smiled at the memory.

"Ooo, I know that smile!" Ramsey put in. "Who's the lucky girl, Doc?" He grinned.

Connor shook himself out of his memories. "Um, sorry, what?"

"The girl who put that smile on your face."

Connor bit his lip. "Um, no one." He mumbled. Ramsey gave him an odd look but didn't press the issue.

"So, how's life?" Smith repeated.

"Um, good."

"That's it? Just 'good'? No exciting breakthroughs or anything like that?" Smith persisted.

"Nope. Been, uh, translating some medical stuff."

"That's pretty cool." Johns said from his right. "And useful."

"Yeah. Dr. Keller has been really grateful."

"I'm sure." The corporal agreed. Smith wandered off ahead to talk to Lt. Ramsey about something, leaving Connor and Cpl. Johns a few feet behind them. "It's nice to see you looking better." The younger man said quietly. Connor turned to look at him warily. "And it's nice having Colonel Sheppard back." He said cautiously.

Connor bit his lip again nervously. "Um, yeah."

"You know you can talk to me about anything, Connor." Eric Johns said gravely to him in a low voice.

"…yeah."

"I consider us friends." He continued. "I hope you do too."

"Yes." Connor offered softly.

"I was worried about you for a while there." Eric admitted.

"I'm sorry."

The corporal's brow furrowed. "What do you have to be sorry about?"

"Worrying you." Connor answered honestly.

Eric offered him a small smile. "Nothing to be sorry for. I'm here if you ever want to talk, okay? About anything."

Connor nodded.

The team, plus Connor, stopped at the edge of a forest briefly before continuing in. Connor kept a weary eye out for animals and readjusted his tac vest. The day before he had disappeared, the military commander had made them mandatory for everyone going off world. Connor rolled his eyes at his over protective boyfriend as he followed SGA-4 through the forest.

Four hours later they were trekking back to the gate after finding nothing useful. A small set of ruins that Connor didn't find the least bit interesting. The linguist was laughing at a joke that Smith had just told when a large animal jumped out of a tree, landing on Johns. Connor's gun was in his hand before he had time to think. He took aim and fired, the creature falling off of the young Corporal. It got back up slowly and started making it way towards Connor who fired another shot, this one landing between the eyes. The animal fell where it stood, the whole thing lasted about thirty seconds.

He re-holstered his gun and turned to make sure Eric was alright and found three sets of wide eyes looking at him.

"Holy shit, Doc." Ramsey broke out.

"I, um…" He ran a hand through his hair nervously, as he had seen John do. "Was I, uh, not supposed to kill it?"

All three men shook their heads, but Ramsey answered. "No. That was good. Good shot."

"Thanks." Connor answered with a smile. "Are you alright, Eric?"

The other man shook himself out of his stupor. "Yeah. Didn't even really have time to react. Thanks for that, by the way." He said gesturing towards the fallen animal.

"Um, you're welcome." Connor returned with a blush.

Smith shook his head. "That was awesome, Doc."

"Um…"

The Sergeant laughed turning to Johns. "Man, you were almost taken out by a… tiger wolf thing." He said commenting on the animal's appearance.

"Well I wasn't expecting it to jump out of a tree." Johns bit back.

"Luckily someone was." Ramsey put in. "Thanks again, Doc."

"No problem." Connor said softly.

"Alright ladies and doctor." Ramsey said in his normal address. "Let's keep going."

John found him cleaning his gun in his lab twenty minutes after they had gated back. "Hey, welcome back." He greeted with a quick kiss to his cheek. He frowned at the weapon in front of Connor. "You discharged your gun?"

"Yeah, some animal thing." Connor answered.

"Are you alright?" His boyfriend asked with a worried voice.

"Yeah, it landed on Eric. I got it before it could, um, do anything though."

John smiled at him and ruffled his hair. "Good. Want to get some dinner with the team?" John asked, referring to his team.

"Sure." Connor expertly finished cleaning his gun quickly, snapping it all back together, putting the gun into his desk drawer.

When they arrived in the mess hall, Connor found that 'team' had begun to include Keller who was sitting next to Ronon. Teyla and McKay were already there and the linguist followed his boyfriend through the line, collecting two cups of butterscotch pudding before trailing after the older man to the table. He sat next to Teyla and John sat across from him, next to Ronon with McKay on Teyla's other side.

"Irish." Ronon greeted.

"Hey, Ronon."

"Connor." Teyla smiled. "It is good to see you so well."

"Has he been sick?" He heard Keller whisper to Ronon. The other man offered her a quiet answer and whatever it was seemed to satisfy her.

Connor pulled one of the puddings close and started in on the delicious dessert. He looked across to John who was pointedly looking anywhere but at Connor. The linguist licked his spoon and lowered it to the pudding, gathering more.

"So, Irish." Ronon started. Connor turned to face him. "Heard you shot an animal today. Right between the eyes."

Connor froze with the spoon halfway to his mouth. "Um, yeah. Where did you hear that?"

"Marines talk." Ronon answered with a glint in his eyes.

"Really?" John asked. "Right between the eyes?" He glanced over at Connor who was busy licking the pudding off the spoon again.

"Yeah." He answered. Teyla passed him a napkin and Connor gave her a grateful smile, running it over his mouth.

"Heard you were quick on the draw." Ronon continued.

Connor gave John a pleading look to change the subject and his boyfriend took pity on him.

"So, McKay. How's that Replicator code coming?" Connor shot him a grateful smile.

"Well you came back with the adjustments we have to make, so it's all done. We're working on a way to upload it to the Replicator base programming."

Connor sighed happily around his spoon before pulling it out between closed lips. He dug in for more, flicking his tongue out to capture the top of the glob on his spoon. John shifted in his seat across from him so Connor stuck the spoon in his mouth before dropping the utensil back into the pudding and setting it aside. He bit into his sandwich, munching quietly and John offered a small smile.

Later that night Connor was carrying his pudding back with him to his quarters. He had left a few minutes before John to deter Keller from putting two and two together. He set the pudding down and went about getting ready for bed, stripping down to his boxers and pulling one of John's t-shirts on as it was still cold. He was brushing his teeth when he heard John come in. Arms wrapped around him and he could feel that John was slightly hard, pressed against his back. He bent to spit into the sink and John groaned, pulling away. He reached around Connor for his own toothbrush.

Connor let John finish brushing his teeth before making his way back to his pudding. He sat down heavily on the couch before digging in. John came out a minute later and Connor turned to head to catch his boyfriend pulling off clothes. John, clad only in his boxers, made his way to the couch and sat down, pulling Connor into his arms. John's hands traced Connor's stomach and he gently ran his fingers over Connor's still too-protruding ribs.

* * *

"You should eat more pudding." He mumbled into Connor's ear as the linguist feasted on his dessert. "It'll fatten you up."

Connor turned to face him, a frown playing at his face and John saw a hurt look flash through his eyes before it left. "I… okay." He agreed softly.

John instantly regretted his words. "Connor, I love you the way you are." He said gently. "To me… you're the most beautiful person in two galaxies. I just… feel like it's my fault that you've lost weight." John admitted.

"What? John? It's mine. I've never been good at remembering to eat… and when I'm nervous… it's just…"

"Harder?" John guessed.

"Yeah."

"I worry about you… being too thin. You go running with Ronon and you work out in that gym of yours all the time, and now you're going off-world."

Connor dipped his spoon into the pudding and held it close to his mouth as he thought about John's words. While he was thinking his boyfriend moved his head to the side a little and wrapped his mouth around Connor's spoon, licking it clean. "How am I supposed to get fatter if you steal my pudding?" He asked in a teasing tone.

"I'll think of something." John whispered into his ear. "Finish your dessert and we can go to bed."

Connor obediently stuck his spoon back in the pudding coming back with more. He moaned at the taste and John hardened more underneath him. "This really, um, turns you on?"

"You have no idea." John groaned.

"Why?" Connor asked, taking another like of the butterscotch sweet.

"You make similar noises in bed." John said in a husky voice. "And I imagine what you can do with that tongue." John watched as Connor blushed deeply and he laughed. "I love that you still blush." He pressed a kiss to the side of the linguist's neck.

Connor held a spoon full of pudding in front of his face and John took another bite. Connor turned and John gave him a butterscotch kiss and the younger man moaned happily, plunging his tongue into John's mouth.

"Are you finished?" John asked. Connor nodded even though there were a couple spoonfuls left in the cup. "Go ahead." John gestured and the younger man quickly scooped up the remainder, swallowing quickly.

John pulled the cup out of his hands and set it aside. "Let me show you how much I love your body." He whispered before flipping them over. He lowered his mouth to Connor's skin and the other man moaned pleasantly.

* * *

"Doc! Wait up!" Ramsey was running after him in the hallway. Connor bit his lip. He was already ten minutes late meeting Evan for lunch, and while he knew his best friend would wait for him a little while longer before going to find him, Connor still felt late. He slowed anyways and the lieutenant caught up with him. "Doc, hey. We're going off-world tomorrow. Up for another outing?"

Connor frowned. This would be his fifth trip with the team in less than a month. "Um, sure, if Colonel Carter okays it."

Ben smiled at him. "Already has, Doc. We gate out tomorrow at 0900. Mission briefing at 0820."

"I'll be there." Connor promised.

The other man clapped his shoulder. "Great, see you then!"

"Bye." Connor waved as he walked away. The linguist sped back up towards his destination. Entering the mess hall he looked around for his friend and found Evan sitting at a table by himself, no tray in front of him. Connor walked over.

"Evan." He breathed. "Sorry I'm late."

"Not a problem, Doc. Let's get some food." He said, standing. Connor followed him through the food line and they re-took the table that Evan had been sitting at. "So what's up? I've hardly seen you at all since Colonel Sheppard returned."

Connor blushed lightly. "Yes, sorry, we've been, um… busy." He cut up his chicken into small pieces.

Evan grinned at him. "Is that what they're calling it these days?" He teased, twisting the lid off of his bottle of water before taking a drink.

Connor's blush deepened. "Um, yes, anyways," He said changing the subject. "I wanted to, um, thank you. For being there for me."

Evan held up a hand to stop him. "Colonel Sheppard already has."

"John has? Really?"

"Yup."

"Well, anyways, I wanted to say it too. Thank you, Evan." He said, looking into the other man's eyes.

Evan held his gaze for a moment before dropping his eyes to his tray. "You're welcome, Connor." He replied softly. "Listen, Doc." He said looking back up. "I… you're my best friend." Connor nodded. "And Colonel Sheppard is a great man." Connor frowned, wondering where this was going. "But," Evan swallowed. "He's the military commander of this base. I can't even count on one hand alone how close he's been to death since coming to Atlantis. My mom was a military wife, I told you that right?" Connor nodded. "Growing up, I watched as she would wait. Wait for news of my father. How with every missed call or returned letter a part of her died. She was a strong woman, Connor. She loved my father deeply and she was never happier than when he retired. But until then I watched as she suffered, I listened as she cried at night waiting for news. Every time someone knocked on the door she would hold her breath to answer it, praying that it wasn't the Air Force and an American flag. I… care about you, Doc, and it hurts to see you suffer every time Colonel Sheppard goes missing or is injured or any other number of things that can happen here." Evan paused to really look Connor in the eye and the linguist swallowed thickly. "I guess I just want to make sure that you know what you're getting into before it's too late. That you know there's the chance he might leave and never come back. That this, for you, is worth it."

Connor closed his eyes briefly before opening them and locking them on Evan's. "It's already too late for me, Evan." He said softly but left no room for misunderstanding. "I know," He took a deep breath and exhaled. "I know that John might not come back. Every time he walks through the gate, I know he might not come back. I wish I was as strong as your mom. Instead, John is stuck with someone who can't even remember to feed himself. Someone he worries constantly about when he's off world. I'm not sure what he sees in me, but," He paused again. "But, I love him, Evan. And I can't stop, ever. It's too late for me. It's been too late for me since the day I met him."

The Major reached out and gently squeezed Connor's hand. "Alright, Doc, alright." He said softly. "And he sees in you what we all see. A great person, kind, gentle, shy and stronger than he thinks."

"No, Evan-"

"Yes, Connor." Evan countered. "Face it. You're awesome, and everyone sees it but you."

Connor pulled his hand away and Evan didn't try to stop him. "I'm not." He mumbled.

Evan ignored him. "Does Colonel Sheppard know how you feel?"

Connor shook his head. "I don't think so… I… every time I try to tell him it only comes out in Irish."

Evan grinned. "Well, that's a start. We'll work on it, okay?"

The linguist looked up at him and offered him a soft smile. "Okay." He agreed.

They both turned back to their food. "So, did I tell you Parrish started dating one of the biologists?…"

* * *

Evan made his way back to Colonel Sheppard's office after dropping his friend off at the linguist's lab. His thoughts were stuck on his earlier conversation with Connor. _It's already too late for me, Evan… it's been too late for me since the day I met him_. He automatically opened the doors and sat down, not fully aware of his surroundings. _I love him, Evan… and I can't stop… ever_. In the two weeks that Sheppard had been gone, Evan's friend had disappeared. Physically he was still here, but talking to him would garner no response. The linguist had gone through the motions, badly. Whenever Evan wasn't off world looking for Sheppard, he was trying to coax Connor into eating. _Ever_. Evan shivered.

"Cold, Major?"

Evan jumped in his seat, his heart beating rapidly. Colonel Sheppard sat in the seat across from him with a smirk on his face. "No, sir."

"Okay." The older man drawled.

Evan swallowed. "Sir, I-" He was cut off as the door opened admitting Lt. Ramsey.

The lieutenant saluted Colonel Sheppard and Evan can't remember the last time he did that. Sheppard smirked as he returned the salute. "Colonel Sheppard, Major Lorne." The other man greeted.

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant?" Evan asked after it became clear that Sheppard wasn't. The older man was strangely observing Ramsey from his seat.

"Sir, I have a request to make."

"Alright."

Ramsey hesitated with a nervous glance towards Colonel Sheppard. "As you know, sir, my team has been looking for a fourth member for a few months." Evan nodded. "We've talked it over and would like permission to ask Dr. Davids to join us." Silence reigned around the three men. "Dr. Davids is a ling-"

"I know who he is." Evan cut him off. "Besides being a linguist, he happens to be my best friend." He said sharply. "Why do you want to add him to your team?"

"Sir, we've been out with him four times, five after tomorrow and he has been helpful on each mission and each of my guys, myself included, has found a great camaraderie with him."

Evan glanced at Sheppard and found the other man with an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes were cold. "Let us think this over, Lieutenant. Please do not mention this to Dr. Davids before you receive word from us."

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

The lieutenant offered them both a salute that Evan returned when Sheppard didn't and Ramsey hesitantly left them both alone again.

"I knew Ramsey was up to something." Sheppard said, breaking the silence.

"Sir?"

"He and his men have been hanging out with Connor as often as they could."

"Sir, if I may, Dr. Davids likes SGA-4."

"Yes," Sheppard agreed. "But the last doctor on their team died." Sheppard said harshly.

"Sir, we both know that Dr. Davids-"

"-you can call him Connor." Sheppard said.

"Connor, then, can more than take care of himself."

"He can hardly take care of himself." Sheppard disagreed.

"In some ways, yes." Evan conceded. "But in other ways he could kick my butt from here to Mars, sir."

Sheppard looked at him sharply. "You really want your best friend out there, fighting Wraith? Living our life?"

Evan paused. "No." He admitted. "But shouldn't that be up to him?"

He watched as Colonel Sheppard closed his eyes lightly before opening them. After a long moment of silence the older man answered. "Tell Ramsey he can ask."

With that Sheppard left the room, the doors closing tight behind him.

 _It's been too late for me since the day I met him… I can't stop, ever._

 _  
_


	24. Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 24 : Waiting**

Author's Notes :  
\- Tiny spoiler for _Search and Rescue_  
\- _Tá grá agam duit_ : I love you

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

Connor looked up from his laptop as the chime to his room rang. He frowned looking at the time. It was 2200 and John was off world for the night with his team and Evan didn't usually call so late. The linguist stood, walking over to answer the door. Surprise flickered across his face when he recognized Lt. Ben Ramsey.

"Hey, Doc, sorry to bother you so late, I was wondering… can we talk?" He seemed slightly nervous to Connor as he nodded and let the Marine into his quarters the doors closing behind him.

Connor did a cursory glance around the room. No one who didn't know John at least as well as Evan would guess that he lived here.

"So… Doc, I've already run this past Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne; they've given me permission to talk to you about this. You know that a few months back we, um, we lost a man."

Connor nodded. "Dr. Kliggs."

"Jace, right. Well, we've been looking for a fourth person for our team, another scientist." Connor nodded again, "I've talked it over with the guys and, well, we'd like you to join SGA-4, become part of the team."

Connor's mind began overloading with thoughts. _Join a gate team? John knew about this? Evan knew? What would I do? This is so dangerous. They really want_ me _? What would John do? Well that was dumb, Connor, you know what John would do_ … The thoughts circled around his head and he took a deep breath to steady himself.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Ben nodded. "We like you, Doc. You fit right in and your dead helpful in a fight _and_ with tech stuff."

"Can I, um, think about this?" Connor asked softly.

"Take all the time you need. We haven't asked anyone else, and we're hoping you'll say 'yes'. But we also understand why you would say 'no', and if you did we wouldn't hold it against you and you'd still be allowed to go out with us on missions."

Connor bit his lip. "Alright. Um, thanks for asking, I just need, uh, some time to think it over."

"Not a problem, Doc." He was silent for a moment, maybe waiting for Connor to say something. When the linguist remained silent he continued, "Well, goodnight. I'm sure I'll see you soon."

"Yeah." Connor answered quietly. "Goodnight, Ben." He walked the lieutenant to the door and with a glance the other man was gone.

The Irish man walked to his couch, sitting heavily. John had seemed distracted this morning before gating off and Connor was now wondering if his distraction had anything to do with Ramsey's proposal. John had known but hadn't said anything, probably waiting for Ramsey himself to ask.

An image of his parents floated into his mind. He had no doubt that whatever path he chose, they would be proud of him. The linguist stayed up the rest of the night, looking at the stars and figuring out what he wanted to do.

* * *

Two days later Connor was jogging with Ronon. The rain was beginning to lighten up and at the present moment there wasn't a cloud in the sky, so the two men were enjoying a circuit outside along the pier. Connor was nervous as the Satedan kept glancing at him every minute or so.

Connor breathed easily as they reached the end of the pier and turned around, Ronon once again glancing at him.

"Ronon." He said finally turning to look at the taller man as they ran. "Do you, um, need something?"

The Satedan looked at him. "Yeah." He answered but didn't elaborate.

"…okay."

"Jennifer mentioned something called…Value Mines Day?"

"Valentine's Day?"

"Yeah."

"…and?"

"Sheppard's mentioned it a couple times before but I'm not sure what it is."

"Well," Connor began. "It's a day to, um, celebrate St. Valentine, who was a martyr."

"A martyr?"

"Died for his faith." The linguist re-worded. "Although there may have, uh, been as many as three saints."

"What's that have to do with candy and flowers?"

"Huh?"

"Sheppard said candy and flowers."

"Oh, well, um, traditionally Valentine's Day is a day of… um, romance. For lovers."

"Oh."

"Yeah there's cards and um, candy, flowers, balloons… things like that."

"What's a balloon?"

"A, uh, piece of rubber that you inflate with helium and it rises up and sort of, um, floats."

"Oh." Ronon paused. "So are you and Sheppard doing something?"

"Um… I guess so, we haven't really talked about it. I've, um, never really done anything for it before."

"Why not?"

"Never dated anyone before." Connor answered. "And it's, uh, not as big a production in Ireland as it is in the States."

"So Jennifer will want…"

"Probably dinner and, uh, dessert. Flowers would probably be nice, I think. John would, um, probably know more, or Rodney."

"How many more ridiculous Earth holidays are there?" Ronon asked gruffly as they re-entered Atlantis from the pier.

"A lot." Connor sighed.

"Oh. Thanks." Ronon offered.

"Sure." The linguist replied easily. "Any time."

Forty-five minutes later he was showered and heading back to his room from John's. When he entered his boyfriend was still sleeping so Connor shucked off his shoes and shirt to slip back into bed with the older man. John automatically rolled over to pull the scientist into his arms. Connor sighed and slowly fell back asleep.

He awoke with a kiss on his lips and John leaning over him.

"Hey." John greeted, tracing lazy circles on Connor's stomach

"Hi." He replied, voice raspy from sleep.

"How was the run?" His boyfriend leaned down to press soft kisses to Connor's chest. The Irish man gently rubbed a hand through John's hair.

"Um, good. Ronon wanted to know about Valentine's Day."

"Oh yeah? And what'd you tell him?" John asked, voice muffled from his position.

"That it was to celebrate the death of martyrs with flowers and candy."

John looked up at him. "Really?"

"Um… yes?" The older man laughed before bending back down to continue mapping out Connor's chest with his mouth. "John?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you, um, maybe want to have dinner or something for it?"

John lifted his head to look at the younger man. "Sure." He grinned. "Just don't expect either flowers or candy."

"I won't if you don't."

"I don't." John promised. He waited a minute in silence for Connor to say something else, but when the linguist offered up no words John gestured back to his stomach. "Should I…?"

"Oh. Yeah." Connor breathed.

John smiled at him before lowering his mouth again.

Thirty minutes later they were both freshly showered and the scientist was lounging comfortably on John, drinking tea. The older man had his arms around Connor and one hand was tucked into the linguist's pants resting over his hip.

"Have you thought more about Ramsey's offer?" John inquired.

"Yeah." Connor finished his tea, setting it down and leaned his head against John's shoulder.

"Do you know if you'll accept it or not?"

Connor bit his lip. "Not yet."

"Can I help at all?"

The smaller man nodded. "Tell me what to do." He pleaded.

John turned his head to give Connor a kiss. Not the response the linguist was expecting but he accepted it anyways. When they finally broke apart John looked at him. "You have to make this decision on your own, Con." He said regretfully. "Why don't you talk it through with me?" He offered.

Connor closed his eyes as he rested his head. "I'm not a solider and I don't want to die as one." John inhaled sharply underneath him. "But I can help in the field, with more than just translations, which is all I do here other than jumper time." John nodded. "I like getting off world, seeing the galaxy is fun and since Ben's team isn't a first contact team, it's safer than the others. On the other hand the last scientist on their team… died."

John was silent for a moment. "Is that all?"

Connor bit the inside of his cheek. "I, um…" He drifted off hiding his face in John's neck.

"Alright, you don't have to tell me, but I know there's something else. Have you talked to Lorne about this?"

The linguist shook his head. "He was off world yesterday but I'm meeting him today for dinner."

"Okay." John's other hand moved up his shirt to rub his back. "Just make sure it's what _you_ want."

"I know." He whispered.

"I'll stand by whatever you decide." John offered softly but firmly.

"You will?"

"Yes."

Connor exhaled heavily onto John's neck before kissing it and trying to burrow deeper into the other man; he smiled when John let him try.

* * *

Teyla was walking with a tray over loaded with food to Connor's lab. She gracefully balanced it in one hand as she hit the chime. A minute later Connor was at the door. He smiled when he saw her and then glanced around before ushering her in. Teyla frowned at his odd actions but then tried to hide a smile when she saw the cause of them sitting disheveled on the linguist's couch.

She inclined her head. "John." She greeted as she sat the tray on the linguist's desk.

"Teyla." He answered, running a hand through his hair.

"Give me, um, one minute please, Teyla." Connor asked softly as he passed her.

"Of course."

The scientist walked back over to John, who stood up in greeting. Teyla tried her best to look away, but was curious at the interaction between the two men; she rarely, if ever, saw them together in private. John had his arms wrapped around the younger man, the tips of his fingers tucked into Connor's pants. The linguist had his arms wrapped tightly around John. Their heads were bent together and she couldn't hear what they were saying, but a glimpse of John's face showed a bright smile. He moved a hand up to the back of Connor's neck and as he leaned in for a kiss, Teyla looked away.

Seconds later John was out the door and Connor was standing with a blush across his face, next to her. "Um, sorry about that."

She smiled at him. "It is no problem. I am sorry to have intruded."

"Oh, um, no, John was just… passing through." Connor tried to explain. "He has meetings and stuff."

"I see. Well, then, shall we?" She asked, gesturing to the food.

"Yes, of course." Connor answered. He pulled over the spare chair, offering her his, which she gracefully accepted and she began to separate the food, offering the linguist half, taking the other half for herself.

She was halfway through her sandwich when the linguist began speaking. "Um, Teyla, I was wondering what you think of Evan."

"Major Lorne?" Connor nodded. "I must admit that despite working with him for three years, my knowledge of him is limited. He seems proficient at his job as well as being a good friend to you."

"Oh."

"Was there something else you wished to know about him?" She asked, confused.

"I… can I ask a, um, personal question?" She raised an eyebrow but offered permission. "John mentioned a while back that you had, um, been dating an Athosian, but aren't any longer." She nodded in confirmation. "I was wondering if you were, um, interested in anyone else."

"I have not been looking for another… boyfriend, as you would say." She answered slowly. "Is there any reason you wish to know?"

"Um, John thinks I probably shouldn't, uh, meddle, but I don't think there's too much harm in… asking. Um, you and Evan are both really good friends to me Teyla and I want you to be as, um, happy as I am… with John." He added. "I think that maybe you two would, um, go well together." He finished, blushing.

Teyla took a moment to think about it. She had thought that this was where the linguist might be going with his line of questioning, but she found herself surprised at how his suggestion was not immediately repulsive. John had mentioned, more than once, Evan Lorne and his friendship with the young scientist. Teyla thought that someone as close to Connor as he was, couldn't be just anyone. She had wondered more than once about the two friends, they seemed opposites in her mind and John hadn't had anything to offer as she knew the friendship tended to puzzle him as well.

She looked at the linguist in front of her. Connor was nervously playing with his tea bag, glancing at her from second to second as she ruminated. _Evan Lorne_ , she had never thought of him before in a personal capacity and wondered what it was about him that the man before her thought would attract her.

"What are your thoughts on why we would do well together?" She asked finally.

Connor looked up at her surprised. "Um, you're both great people; nice, friendly, protective. Evan has a great sense of humor and I know that you, um, appreciate a good joke. He's a great guy and you're really awesome, too. I just… I'm not very good at explaining things, I guess."

"Alright." Teyla decided. It would do no harm to have dinner with the Major, and she would do it for Connor either way. But now she was intrigued. What would make Connor think they would work well together?

"Alright? You're saying yes?" Connor asked shocked.

"Yes. I would find dinner with Major Lorne acceptable." She offered.

"Oh… wow. Okay, I'll tell him and have him, um, call you. Thanks, Teyla."

She inclined her head. "Perhaps it is I who should be thanking you."

"I, um, guess we'll see." He said happily.

"Yes." She agreed. "We'll see."

* * *

"Wait, you what?" Evan asked as he choked on his water. He coughed a few times.

"I, um, asked Teyla to go out on a date with you and she, uh, said 'yes'."

"She said 'yes'?" Evan asked shocked. "To a date? With me?"

"Um, yeah." Connor replied. "I don't know why she wouldn't." He took a bite of his dinner.

"You talked to her about me?"

"I said I would."

"Yeah, but I didn't really think you'd go through with it."

"Why not?"

"Because!" He sputtered. "Because you're you and you can't even talk about your own love life without blushing, much less someone else's!"

"Oh, well, um, yeah. John probably didn't think I'd do it either. I wasn't going to but I, um, changed my mind."

"Apparently." Evan said. He took another swig of water.

"So?"

"'So' what?"

"Are you going to call her?" Connor asked impatiently.

"I feel like I'm back in high school." Evan muttered. "Yeah, I'll call her."

"Ask her to dinner." The linguist advised.

"When did you become Dr. Love?" Evan asked skeptically.

Connor furrowed his brows. "Who's that?"

"Someone who gives dating advice."

"Oh. Um, I… it's not… I'm not…"

Evan laughed. "It's okay, Doc. I'll call her, ask her to dinner."

Connor smiled brightly at him. "Good, you'll have a grand time." He promised.

"A grand time, eh?" Evan asked. Even if he didn't he probably wouldn't report that back to his friend who looked so hopeful right now. "I'm sure I will."

"And I, um, have something else I wanted to talk to you about."

Evan speared a piece of broccoli with his fork. "Will I choke on this if I'm eating it while you ask?"

"I don't think so." He popped the piece into his mouth, waving Connor on with his fork. "It's about Ben's offer." Evan nodded, chewing. "I'm not sure what to do."

He swallowed. "Okay. Talk it through, why do you want to accept and why do you want to decline?"

"I like going off-world and doing more things than just translating and jumper rescue, and Ben's team isn't first contact, so it's less risky and more safe."

Evan nodded. "That's certainly true."

"On the other hand, Dr. Kliggs died, so it can't be that safe. Like you said, there's no guarantee when you step through the gate. I'm a scientist, Evan, not a soldier."

"Dr. Kliggs didn't have all the training you do."

"That's just it, though. I don't have training. I have a black belt and a gun certification. Not training for hostile situations."

"You'll get that before you join." Evan countered. "We have a, um, off-world for scientists training."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Colonel Sheppard started it."

"Okay."

"Is that it?"

Evan watched as his friend's face took on a look of deep thought. Connor swallowed. "No. I…"

"Whatever it is, you can tell me, Connor. I promise not to judge you."

The linguist looked up at him, bright blue eyes shining. "I know what it's like to worry every time you or John or Teyla or Ronon goes through the gate. John… has enough to worry about without worrying about me off world. He said to do what I want, but I _want_ to factor him in. He's important to this base, his job is important. He already wastes enough time, um, worrying about me when I'm mostly safe on Atlantis. I don't want him to become… distracted even more."

Evan thought about this. He refused to lie to his best friend, especially on something that mattered so much. He couldn't tell Connor that Sheppard wouldn't worry more, or that even he, himself, wouldn't worry more. He couldn't tell him that Sheppard would be fine with him going off world when Evan knew he wasn't, hell, Evan wasn't. He couldn't offer any reassurance that everything would be okay; this was the Pegasus Galaxy, nothing was predictable.

"Connor," He paused, unsure of what to say. "Even if you don't join a gate team, you can still go through the gate, still go on missions. My team is always happy to have you, I'm sure Ramsey's team would be as well. Colonel Sheppard's team is more dangerous and front line, or else I'm sure he'd be glad for you to accompany them too. If you're not ready now, there will be other opportunities down the road. I can't lie to you and tell you that Colonel Sheppard probably won't worry more; he will. I know _I_ will. But this is your life and he's a part of it, so decide what will sit right with you at the end of the day."

Connor looked thoughtful, taking in his words and nodded. "Alright. Thanks, Evan."

"Not a problem, Doc. That's what I'm here for."

Connor smiled.

* * *

"Hey."

Jennifer startled. "Oh, Ronon, hi. I didn't see you standing there." She said, moving a hand over her rapidly beating heart.

"Sorry."

"Not a problem. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you would like to, uh, have dinner with me… tomorrow night?"

"Sure." She smiled easily. It would be the first Valentine's Day in a long time that she would be celebrating.

Ronon smiled. "We can celebrate martyrs together." He said before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her cheek. She watched his retreating form and moved a hand up to her cheek. _Martyrs?_

* * *

Rodney nervously shifted weight from foot to foot as he stood outside of Sheppard's quarters. He held a six pack in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. He rang swallowed and lifted the hand with the bottle to press the chime. After a minute of no one answering he frowned. He knew Sheppard wasn't working tonight.

Rodney walked solemnly back to his quarters, passing Dr. Davids' on the way. He stopped and nervously rung the bell. A few seconds later the door opened and Davids was standing there.

"Dr. McKay!" He sounded surprised. "Um, hi, how can I help you?"

"Is Sheppard here?" Rodney asked, trying to peer around the linguist.

"Um, just a second. He's in the bathroom." He stepped back and let Rodney into the room, the door closing behind them. Now that he was standing inside, Rodney could hear the shower running. Davids offered him a tight smile before leaving him in the main room and stepping into the bathroom. The astrophysicist could make out muffled voices but no words. He looked around.

It was clear that his best friend was living here. His jacket and shoes were resting by the couch. John's sudoku book and DVDs were there as well as a skateboard that Rodney thought might have been in his quarters. He turned when the bathroom door opened and the linguist stepped back out.

"He'll, um, be right out. You can have a, uh, seat… if you want." He gestured to a comfortable looking chair and Rodney accepted the offer, sitting heavily, holding the booze on his lap. "Would you like some, uh, tea?"

Rodney shook his head and tapped his foot impatiently. He had begun to look around again when the linguist's door chimed.

Davids moved to the door, opening it. "Evan, hey." Rodney heard.

"Hey, Doc. Can't stay long, just wanted to let you know that she said 'yes' to dinner tomorrow."

"I told you she would."

"Yeah, but I didn't really believe you." Lorne said with a laugh. Rodney heard a light slapping sound and turned to see Lorne rubbing his shoulder. "I will in the future though, I promise."

"So you're taking her out for Valentine's Day?"

"Is that tomorrow?" Lorne asked sounding surprised.

"Um, yeah." Rodney heard the shower stop and faced the bathroom again.

"Oh, well, I guess I am then."

"Tell me how it goes."

"You know I will. I'll see you later, Doc."

"Bye, Evan."

The doors closed and Davids made his way back over to hover nervously near Rodney. The bathroom door opened and Sheppard stepped out wearing a towel. John took a look at Rodney, then at the beer in his lap before pulling some clothes out of the dressed and making his way back towards the bathroom to change. Five minutes later he came out dressed and running a towel through his wet hair. Sheppard stopped by Davids to whisper something in his ear. Rodney watched the younger man nod, taking John's towel from him.

"Hey, McKay." Sheppard said, turning to face him. "What's up?"

"Just, ah, wondered if you had some time to hang out." He said standing and gesturing with the six pack.

"Sure." Sheppard grabbed a sweatshirt from the dresser and Rodney wasn't at all sure it was his. Rodney made his way to the door and tried not to watch as Sheppard gave his boyfriend a quick kiss.

They made their way out to the pier and Rodney was working on his first beer before Sheppard could even sit down next to him. John reached over to grab one, opening it and taking a drink.

"We broke up." Rodney blurted out.

John raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him. "You and Katie?"

"No, me and Zelenka! Yes, me and Katie, who else?"

"I don't know."

"Don't be an idiot, Sheppard."

"So who broke up with who?"

"I broke up with her and… she didn't try and stop me. I think she was relieved."

"Well now you can get back in the game, buddy." John said encouragingly.

"I was just in the game." Rodney complained, finishing off his first beer and starting on his second. "I'm tired of the game."

"Okay, so take some time off. It's not like the people are changing."

Rodney sighed heavily. "I know. It's just… I'm not good with people, and Katie got that about me."

"And someone else will get that about you too. There's other… fish… in the sea."

He glared at John. "This is the worst cheering up talk ever, Sheppard."

John grinned at him. "Sorry, Rodney, I'll try to do better in the future."

"Do better now."

His friend mock saluted him with his beer. John was still only halfway through his first one while Rodney had already knocked back one and was a couple sips away from his second. "So the Genii contacted us again."

"This is your way of cheering me up? I hate the Genii."

"There seems to be a lot of that going around." John commented.

Rodney swallowed the rest of his beer, opening a third bottle. "How can you of all people not hate the Genii? And who else hates them?"

"Connor hates them." John informed him. "And I really only hate Kolya. Anyways, they want to meet us again."

"After they didn't show up the first time?"

"Yeah, apparently they went to the wrong planet or something."

Rodney snorted. "How a race of people that dumb could survive so long…"

"They said they have better information on Michael this time. Some intel on his base or something like that."

"This is really still not cheering me up, Sheppard."

"Well here's some fun news then: Teyla's going on a date with Lorne."

"For reals?"

"Yup."

"Wow." Rodney said mystified. "Didn't see that coming."

"Yeah. Connor has some great romance plan for them or something. I think they're probably both just doing it for him."

"Would they do that?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Hm. Maybe I should get on his good side and Dr. Love can set me up." Rodney said, his words beginning to slur a little as he worked through his third beer.

"I thought you were tired of the game."

"Um, yes… but not tired of sex." Rodney said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, gross, McKay. Warn a guy." John said with a disgusted look on his face.

The astrophysicist finished off the rest of his beer reaching for the bottle of whiskey. He twisted off the cap and took a long swig. "So have you and the boy toy done it yet?"

"Still not having this conversation, Rodney."

"I brought more booze." He said, gesturing to the alcohol between them.

"Why yes, you did, but it's still private."

* * *

Forty minutes later Rodney was beyond drunk. He had finished two-thirds of the bottle of whiskey and was still working on the rest. John, on the other hand, had finished his one bottle of beer a while back and hadn't taken another one.

"Look at all the stars." Rodney slurred. "So pretty at night. I like the… the… twinkly things."

John laughed. "How could you forget the word 'stars' in two sec-"

"-Stars! That's it! Twinkly stars!"

Rodney was on his back looking up at the constellations while John was still sitting, his hands braced behind him for support. John wasn't so sure he should be drinking laying down, but he had failed to convince McKay of this.

"Maybe I should get a guy." Rodney suggested.

John coughed. "A what?"

"You know… a guy… like you did…"

"A guy for…?"

"Lovin'. To love, love, love." He rambled before taking another drink.

"You don't like guys, Rodney." John said patiently.

"Well how do I know? You didn't either." John really couldn't argue with that. "Who do you think will take me?"

"How about your bed? Cause you need sleep."

"Oh! Sleep! I can do that here." Rodney decided.

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"It's cold and it might rain."

"So? My bed will be cold, cold, cold now that I'm all alone again."

"C'mon buddy. Enough drinking for tonight."

"You're just saying that because you don't want to hang out with me anymore. No one does. Not Katie…"

"You broke up with her, McKay." After a few moments of silence John looked back at his friend. His eyes were closed and his fingers loosened from around the whiskey. "McKay!" Silence. "McKay! Wake up!" He poked the sleeping man in the ribs and didn't get a single twitch in response. "Well, shit." John thought for a moment. "Sheppard to Davids."

"Davids here."

"Hey, can you get Ronon and come help me out on the East Pier."

"Um, sure. Davids out." One thing John liked about his boyfriend was he didn't ask a lot of questions.

Ten minutes later he could make out two figures walking towards him. He waved and received a small wave back from the shorter figure.

"Hey." He greeted as they neared.

"Sheppard." Ronon offered.

Connor just gave him a smile.

"So McKay passed out and I need a little help getting him back to his quarters." John said, piling the empty beer bottles back into the six pack holder. He twisted the lid back on the whiskey and grabbed that as well. He stood up to find Ronon looking at him skeptically and Connor looking at him doubtfully. "I figure Ronon can take his feet and Connor and I can take an arm." Ronon grunted and bent down, picking McKay up and swinging him over his shoulder, fireman style. "Or Ronon can carry him all by himself." John said with a smile. "Cool, less work for me." The Satedan gave him a glare but followed John and Connor back to the closest transporter.

"Is everything alright with Dr. McKay?

"Yeah. Broke up with Katie." John explained quietly to his boyfriend, even though he knew the ex-Runner could hear everything they said.

"Oh. That's too bad."

"It's been coming for a while."

"Doesn't make it less horrible." The linguist said softly, working a hand into John's.

"Nope, it doesn't." He agreed, giving the hand a gentle squeeze.

They followed Ronon to Rodney's quarters, depositing the scientist on his bed. "Thanks, Ronon." John offered. The Satedan gave a curt nod before leaving. John turned the scientist on his side and Connor pulled off Rodney's shoes. The older man worked off Rodney's jacket and extracted his radio, leaving it on the side table. He left the rest of Rodney's booze with the radio before grabbing Connor and pulling him out of McKay's quarters and back to the linguist's.

"Sorry to drag you out so late." He offered once they were in bed.

"It's alright. I was waiting up for you anyways."

"I figured you were." John said, carding a hand through Connor's hair. "So you finally got Teyla and Lorne together."

"We'll see." Connor sighed. "I hope so."

"It's only dinner, Con. You can't expect miracles."

"I know, I don't. I just think they would be happy together."

John smiled. "Okay. Did you talk to Lorne about joining a team."

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I need a few more days to think it over."

"Alright." John tried not to let the disappointment show in his voice.

"Sorry." Connor mumbled. So John figured he wasn't as successful as he hoped.

"Take all the time you need." John reminded him.

"John?" Connor mumbled sleepily. The older man could tell that Connor was about thirty seconds from sleep. "What do you want me to do?" And without waiting for an answer he was soon sleeping, John could feel his breathing even out.

"I want you to stay safe." John whispered, even though the younger man couldn't hear him.

* * *

Corporal Eric Johns tried not to roll his eyes as he passed another red and pink streamer in the hallway. This happened every Valentine's Day. For some reason the people of Atlantis loved the trite holiday even though only about fifteen percent of them had someone to celebrate it. Eric thought the holiday was ridiculous on Earth and thought it even more ridiculous in the Pegasus Galaxy.

He took the transporter up to Connor's level and sighed with relief when there wasn't a red or pink thing in sight. He made his way down the hallway and rang the chime. He stood to attention when Major Lorne answered the door, grinning.

"Corporal."

"Sir." He saluted. Lorne returned the salute and Eric lowered his arm.

"How can I help you today?" Lorne asked easily.

"I'm looking for Dr. Davids, sir."

Lorne turned around in the doorway. "Doc, you gotta visitor." He turned to the side and admitted Eric who hesitantly entered the lab. Connor wasn't at his desk or his couch, but he knew the older man had to be in the room somewhere. He looked around and finally spotted who he thought was the linguist on a stool being held by Ronon as he did something in the ceiling.

Connor looked away from what he was doing to glance at the new comer. Lorne moved around him and went back to stand underneath Connor with a couple tools in his hand.

"Eric. Hi. How can I help you?"

"Just wondered if you wanted to get some lunch." He said distractedly, trying to figure out what the other man was doing.

"Oh, um, sorry. I've already eaten." The linguist looked apologetic but Eric waved it away.

"It's fine. I know I'm asking a little bit late."

"Another time?" The doctor offered instead.

"Sure." Eric smiled. "I'll call you."

"Bye." The scientist offered him a small wave, and waivered a bit on the stool. Ronon reached up to wrap sturdy arms around his lower legs.

"Major." He saluted again, and Lorne returned it.

He made his way back to the transporter and ran into Colonel Sheppard on the way in. "Sir." He said, offering another salute. Sheppard returned it with his usual laze.

"Corporal." He greeted making his way out of the transporter and around Eric heading down the hall way without further comment. Eric shrugged and stepped into the transporter pressing the button for the food hub.

He groaned when he arrived, seeing red and pink hearts everywhere.

* * *

"Hey!" John said loudly as he entered. "You feeling up my man, Ronon?" He grinned.

Ronon shot him a 'you're retarded' look before snorting. "As if, Sheppard."

"John! Hi." Connor greeted and dropped the tool he was holding. "Whoops."

Lorne bent to pick it up and John came to stand next to Ronon. "So whatcha doin'?"

"Um, I'm trying to get this ceiling panel off."

"Should I ask why?"

"I think there's something up there."

John frowned. "Something like what?"

"I'm not sure. I heard noises." He explained.

"So you hear noises and decide it would be a good idea to check it out on your own?"

"Um, well, Evan and Ronon are here."

"But they didn't start here did they?" John said, knowingly.

Lorne grinned at him. "Caught me, sir. I came to talk."

"I came for a lesson." Ronon put in.

"And we both found him standing on this stool and it was moving a bit precariously underneath him." Lorne finished.

John groaned and rubbed a hand over his forehead. "You know, a dumb idea shared by one person is still a dumb idea if shared by two more."

"Don't blame them." Connor put in. "They tried to talk me out of it."

"And you decided to become stubborn all of a sudden?"

"Um…"

"I'll take that as a yes." John said with a laugh. Just then small noises came from the ceiling above them. "Is something crawling around up there?"

"I think so and um, so does Atlantis."

Connor finally got half the ceiling plate off but the momentum pushed him and even with Ronon's arms around him he started to fall. John reached out and caught him swiftly as Lorne dropped whatever he was holding to do the same. John looked down at the man in his arms. "There has got to be a better way to do this." He gently pulled Connor down off the stool and the linguist stood up.

"Well, Ronon offered to give me a boost." John looked over at the Satedan who just shrugged.

"I meant a ladder."

"Oh yeah." Connor said softly. "Um, oops?"

"Oops is right." John said with a glare at Connor and his second in command. Lorne returned him a sheepish smile. "Sheppard to Daly."

"Daly here, sir."

"Can you please have someone bring a ladder to Dr. Davids' lab?"

"Right away, sir."

"Sheppard out."

He turned to face the other three men. "Well it's easier for you 'cause you're, um, the leader." Connor said with a smile.

"The leader, huh?" Just then the ceiling made another loud noise. "Do you think we'll need a hazmat team for this?"

"Well, Atlantis doesn't seem to think there's anything contagious, sir." Lorne put in.

Five minutes later a young Marine rushed in with a ladder. "Colonel Sheppard, Major Lorne." He saluted. John and Lorne saluted him back. "I have the ladder, sirs."

"Thank you, Corporal." Lorne said. "Dismissed."

"Yes, sir." He said towards Lorne. "Sir." He said to John, saluting again. John returned the salute and wondered if he had the power to outlaw the things on Atlantis.

Lorne set up the ladder as John pulled away the stool. Connor was up the ladder before John could suggest himself or Lorne. He watched as his second in command handed another tool to the linguist and Ronon held on to the ladder. John moved to stand behind him, wrapping his arms around Connor's upper legs. Minutes later he worked the other half off and gently pushed up on the ceiling panel.

"Can you hand me a flashlight, Evan?"

The Major began to hand one up and John stopped him. "I'm not sure this is a good idea, what if you irritate whatever it is?" John asked.

Connor bit his lip at that. "Um, hmm." John wondered when his normally smart boyfriend seemed to lose all common sense. John tugged at his pants. "Come down from there, Con." The younger man hesitated but followed John's orders. John walked over to Connor's desk and pulled out a Power Bar, opening it up and pulling a small piece off. He set the rest back on the desk and walked back over to the other three men. He climbed the ladder and put the piece of the energy bar on the edge of the open ceiling piece and positioned the flashlight on the ladder to point towards it. Sure enough, a few minutes later something scurried over to eat the piece of food.

All four men craned their heads up to look at it. It was a small, brown, furry animal, about the size of a squirrel. It had a short tail, like a rabbit and ears like a cat. John looked at Ronon. "What is it?"

"Looks like a drampit." The Satedan answered. "Harmless." He climbed up the ladder a couple steps and slowly reached out to grab it. He tucked it against one arm, climbing back down the ladder. He held the small creature out to the other three.

"Well, where'd it come from?" John asked, examining it.

"Maybe it stole away on a jumper." Lorne suggested.

"Swam from the mainland?" Connor put in.

"That's a long swim."

"Yeah." Connor said softly. He reached a hand out to gently scratch at the drampit's head. It made a weird noise that John equated to a cat's purr. The linguist alternated between petting it's body and scratching it's head.

"Connor, maybe you shouldn't do that. It might have a disease or something."

"Ronon's holding it."

"Yes, but Ronon has also had most of the Pegasus Galaxy diseases. You, on the other hand, have not." John said, pulling the younger man's arm back.

"Alright. Let's take it to Dr. Keller." He said with excitement.

"You can't keep it, Con." John said softly. "It has to go back."

"Back where?"

"The mainland, the Alpha site, New Athos…wherever."

"But what if Dr. Keller says it's safe?"

"It's harmless." Ronon cut in. "Sometimes people keep them as pets."

"Not helping, Ronon." John said tersely.

"Well what if I get permission from Colonel Carter?"

John sighed. "Let's get it checked out by Keller and then we can plan its future, alright?"

"Okay." Connor said softly.

John mentally groaned. It looked like they were adopting a pet.

* * *

Evan nervously checked his clothes over again. He was wearing a dark blue long sleeve shirt with a pair of well-fitted jeans. He ran a hand through his hair, still looking over his reflection.

"You'll be great, Evan." Connor encouraged from where he was sitting on Evan's bed. "You look good."

Evan flushed. "Are you sure? Maybe I should change my shirt?"

"Why are you so, um, nervous?"

"I haven't been on a date in… a really long time."

"Neither has Teyla."

"I thought she was dating that Athosian for a while."

"She was. But that was months ago."

Evan groaned. "It's been _years_ , Doc."

"Oh. Years? Really? Um, well, I'm sure you'll still do great."

Evan groaned again. "Why did I agree to this?"

"Stop worrying." Connor said.

Evan shot him a look of disbelief. "This from the guy who's probably more nervous about this than I am."

"I just want it to go well for you." His watch beeped. "It's time!" He said excitedly and Evan wasn't sure he'd ever heard his friend be so loud before.

Connor stood up and pulled him away from the mirror, pushing him out the door. "Just be yourself." He advised.

"Those are your words of wisdom?"

"Um, it, uh, worked for me." Connor smiled.

Evan hit the transporter button. "Alright, Doc. I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"Um, possibly more like afternoon." Connor said with a blush.

Lorne laughed. "Come find me whenever you wake up."

"Deal." He grinned. "Good luck."

 _I'm gonna need it._

 _  
_

* * *

Connor's step bounced a little as he headed to his quarters to pick up John. He was wearing a black long-sleeve shirt with blue jeans and some old Chuck Taylors. John was waiting for him outside the door and Connor grinned when he saw John in an almost matching outfit. Blue jeans, black three quarters length shirt and his normal boots. With a quick glance around John leaned down to give him a short kiss.

"You look amazing." He whispered into Connor's ear.

"You look, um, quite good yourself." He offered, blushing.

"Thanks." There was an unusually shy smile on his face. "Dinner?"

"Yep."

They walked to the transporter and it stopped at the food hub. "I'll get something from the mess hall, you can get something here and we'll meet up at the balcony room?"

Connor nodded. "I'll meet you there."

Atlantis held the doors shut as John gave the younger man a small kiss. Connor laughed as John pushed him out of the transporter offering him a wink before the doors shut.

Connor ordered some fish and potatoes along with some butterscotch pudding for himself and some apple pie for John. He added a pint of beer for John and grabbed a mug of hot water and a tea bag. A couple in the corner caught his eyes but he quickly looked away. Connor made his way back out of the food hub and back up to the room he and John had had their Christmas date in.

He set his tray down taking his plate and the beverages off of it and placing them on the table. He set the tray with the desserts aside and moved to stand on the balcony facing out towards the water.

A few minutes later the doors opened and Connor turned around to see John entering, a smile wide on his face. His older boyfriend set the tray down on the table before coming to stand in front of him. John leaned both hands on the railing behind Connor, an arm on each side.

"Happy Valentine's Day." He whispered against Connor's mouth before claiming it in a kiss.

Connor moaned as he opened his mouth allowing John entrance. Their bodies leaned against each other and Connor worked his hands into John's back pockets. The linguist shivered as a cold breeze hit them, he pulled away from John's mouth huddling into his body for warmth. He felt John laugh and move his arms around him, tugging him inside.

They sat at the table and John offered his thanks for the beer before taking a gulp and setting it down. "Guess what I saw in the mess hall?" John asked with a grin.

Connor paused from cutting up his fish. "Um, cake?"

John looked at him peculiarly. "Cake?"

"Um, not cake?"

"Not cake." John confirmed.

"Carrots?"

"Carrots?"

"I'm not very good at this."

John gave a small laugh and a reassuring smile. "I saw Teyla and Lorne."

"Really? How did they look? Evan was, um, being a girl about his clothes."

John laughed again. "They looked fine. She was laughing at something he said."

"Laughing is good. Right?"

"Depends on what they're laughing at, but I'd say yeah."

"I saw Ronon and Dr. Keller in the food hub."

Now it was John's turn to be surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah." Connor answered, swallowing some fish.

"I guess love is in the air."

"Except for Dr. McKay." Connor put in.

John speared some chicken onto his fork. "Hmm. Yeah." He popped the meat into his mouth.

"Is he going to be alright?"

"Who? Rodney?" Connor nodded. "Yeah. Just drank a little too much yesterday."

"Did you see him today?"

"Yeah, I was in his lab for a while playing light switch." John frowned. "How do you get out of that?"

"Um. Well, sometimes they ask me to. I sorta just… don't show up."

John laughed. "I'll have to remember that. Of course Rodney would blow a gasket if I tried to pull that."

Connor smiled. "So did Colonel Carter say if we could keep the drampit?"

His boyfriend shook his head. "Keller's still doing her thing with it. Don't get your hopes up, Con." John advised softly.

"I won't." Connor looked down at his potatoes, cutting them up.

"Hey," John said, reaching a hand out to gently touch Connor's arm. "If it were up to me, I'd let you keep it, but you know there are protocols for these sort of things and we can't just go around making exceptions."

The younger man nodded. "I know." He mumbled.

John gave him a hard look but pulled his hand back and continued eating his meal. "And the next time you three hooligans go planning some stunt, invite me."

Connor blinked and looked up at John. "We will."

"Good. 'Cause you almost gave me a heart attack when you fell off that stool." John admonished softly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I know." And when John smiled at Connor the linguist knew his boyfriend wasn't mad.

"So Lorne was really worried about his clothes…?"

* * *

An hour later they were back in the linguist's quarters and as much as John loved Connor in jeans, he loved the scientist out of them even more. John's arms went around the linguist from behind and gently worked off his belt before undoing the button on his jeans. He kissed the side of Connor's neck as his fingers slowly unzipped his pants. The older man rested a hand against the linguist's stomach, trailing it down, dipping the fingers into Connor's boxers. The scientist gasped as John's hand continued its trek downwards his other hand moving up under his shirt to gently pinch a nipple.

Connor had a hand up and behind John's head, holding it in place against his neck. John slowly walked them backwards and removed his hand from Connor's pants and flicked open the bottle of lotion, squeezing some out onto his palm. He dropped the bottle and slowly worked his hand back down the front of Connor's boxers, the linguist's pants pooling around his ankles. John continued pressing kisses to the side of Connor's neck as his hand worked his boyfriend's hardening member. Connor shivered and John wasn't sure if it was from the cold or their actions.

John felt himself grow hard from the noises his boyfriend was making as Connor continued to moan lightly and gasp his name. He gently thrust against the linguist's backside and Connor pulled his hand away from John's head and worked them in between his bodies, his fingers fumbled with John's belt, eventually getting it loose. His hand brushed over John's erection and it was the older man's turn to moan. Connor's fingers figured out how to undo John's pants from their weird position and soon the pants joined Connor's on the floor around his ankle. John moved his lips across the back of Connor's shoulders, pressing feather light kisses.

The younger man shivered again and John regretfully began to pull away from his body. "Let's get in the bed." He whispered into Connor's ear, still moving his hand slowly up and down.

"Now?" Connor asked breathlessly.

"You're cold." John pointed out and began to pull his hand out of the younger man's boxer, feeling Connor's body begin to relax against him.

Connor shivered again and goose bumps lines his arms. "Sorry."

John kissed his neck. "Don't be. We'll pull the sheets up."

John watched as the younger man worked his shoes off with his feet, kicking them away before stepping out of his pants and settling down on the bed. John moved sideways to sit on the bed while undoing his boots. A shirt flew from behind him to the hamper and after he had worked his shoes and socks off, leaving his pants on the ground, John pulled his own shirt off. Connor tugged him backwards onto the bed and the older man reached down, pulling the sheets up over their bodies.

John hovered over Connor's body. "I want you." He breathed.

"You have me." Connor promised. John lowered his head to the linguist's mouth and kissed him deeply, tasting tea and butterscotch pudding. When he pulled back they were both panting.

"Forever?" John asked looking into the younger man's eyes.

"Longer." Connor countered.

John smiled and Connor pulled him back down for a kiss.

* * *

Connor could hear Major Evan Lorne talking as he neared the military training room. It was already half twelve but the Irish man had only just awakened. He and John had been up until the wee hours of the morning making out, talking and just spending time together, and while John still had to get up at 0700, Connor took a lie in and skipped running with Ronon, the result being he didn't wake up until lunch time.

The linguist slipped into the training room silently and followed the wall around to the back. Evan noticed him right away and offered him a grin while explaining something to the latest batch of men who arrived on the Daedalus a little while back.

"-Alright, you're all dismissed. Have a good day." Evan ended, ten minutes after Connor had arrived. A few men stopped to ask him questions on the way out and Connor patiently made his way to the front, waiting a few feet away from his friend.

Finally Evan turned to him. "Just wake up, Doc?" He grinned. Connor nodded with a yawn. "Oh what a hard life you lead." Evan teased. "Waking up at noon…"

Connor ignored him. "So tell me everything!" He demanded excitedly.

"Only if we can do it over lunch. I'm starving." Evan declared.

Connor groaned. "Fine, lunch."

The major laughed. "It's only a few more minutes, Doc. I'm sure you can wait."

"No, I can't." Connor bemoaned as they walked out of the room and to a transporter. They waited a few seconds for the lift to come before getting on it. It started without a floor selection by either men.

"When did you become so impatient?" Evan chuckled. Connor blushed. "Or maybe I don't wanna know." He decided with a knowing grin, wiggling his eyebrows.

Connor whacked his arm as they stepped out. "Don't be crude, Evan."

"Sorry, Doc." Evan replied, but he didn't look sorry at all.

Ten minutes later they were seated with food and Connor was holding his steeping tea between his hands. He gave an expectant look towards his best friend.

"Alright." Evan said at last. "But we're keeping this on the dl."

"The dl?" Connor asked confused.

"The down low."

"The down low?"

"Hush-hush, quiet, between us." Evan re-defined.

"Oh. Got it. Wait… why?"

"Well, we talked about it-"

"It? There's an it?"

He continued as if Connor hadn't interrupted him. "-and we don't want it getting out quite yet, plus there's the fact that most of the base thinks Teyla's dating you."

"I'm not really sure, um, why people think that." He took a sip of his hot tea.

Evan shrugged. "You're a guy… she's a gal… you hang out all the time…"

"That's ridiculous." Connor protested, but moved on. "So tell me about it!"

His friend smiled as he remembered the events. "Well, I picked her up at her place, we had dinner in the mess hall, then since it was nice out last night we went for a walk on the pier and looked at some constellations before-"

"Wait. You looked at constellations?"

Evan frowned. "Yeah, why?"

Connor remembered Teyla's words from the first time he went to New Athos. _Star-gazing is a popular thing to do amongst bond formers._ The linguist smiled at his friend. "She likes you."

He watched amazed as a blush fell over his friend's features. "I really like her, Doc."

"You do?"

"Yeah. She's… amazing. We're, um, having dinner again tonight."

Connor felt his insides warm. "I'm so happy for you, Evan. That's awesome."

"Yeah," The other man agreed softly. "It is."

"So what did you talk about?" Connor asked. He took a large bite of his sandwich.

"Well we started off talking about you." Evan replied, biting into his own food.

"Me?"

The other man swallowed and nodded. "Well, we both had you in common."

"You live in the city of the Ancients and I'm the only thing you had in common?"

Evan gave him a sheepish look. "You were the first thing that came to either of our minds, since you set us up and everything." He popped a chip into his mouth.

"Hm." Connor wasn't sure what to make of that. "But then you moved on..."

"Yeah. Talked about movies, life, things like that."

"Cool." Connor grinned.

"Awesome. Cool." Evan mimicked. "I think you're picking up some of Colonel Sheppard's speaking habits."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Sometimes I even forget you're Irish."

"Forget I'm Irish?" He asked, putting the accent on thick. "Why me country's the best o' th' land."

Evan laughed. "I'll take your word for it."

"Never been there?" Connor asked, falling back into his American accent.

"Nope. Not a lot of need for an American Air Force pilot over there."

Connor nodded. "You're probably right about that."

They ate in silence for a few more minutes before Connor heard Evan inhale as if to say something, he looked up at his best friend. "What?" He asked.

"Have you decided what you wanna do about Ramsey?" Evan questioned with a weird look on his face.

The linguist shook his head. "Not yet, why?"

"Just wondering, I suppose. You'll tell me when you decide?"

"Yeah. I think John is, um, going to develop stress ulcers waiting for me to make up my mind."

"Is he pressuring you?" Evan asked, furrowing his brow.

"No, no. Nothing like that." Connor assured him. "He told me to take as much time as I, uh, need. But I can tell the wait is killing him."

"He's not the only one." He heard Evan mumble.

Connor frowned. "What do _you_ want me to do?" He asked softly.

Evan looked up from his food and studied Connor's face. The scientist felt a little exposed and squirmed a little in his seat. His friend sighed. "The truth?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to join the team." Evan admitted. "Colonel Sheppard's not the only one who worries about you, Doc. And going off world is dangerous, we lose people almost monthly. It's not that I think you can't take care of yourself, I think you can, but you're right, this is a soldier's mission. We've signed up to give out lives for the cause, you haven't and I don't think you should be expected to either. I know you like going off world, but a gate team isn't the only way to do it."

Connor thought about his friend's words and bit his lip. He swallowed. "Thanks for being honest with me, Evan." He said softly.

"Anytime." He promised.

* * *

Colonel Samantha Carter looked up as Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard knocked on the window outside of her office. She raised a hand to invite him in. He entered quietly and sat as she waved him down.

"John, hi. Thanks for coming." She smiled at him.

"No problem, Colonel. So, what's up?"

"It's about the…" Sam looked at her notes, "…drampit that Dr. Davids found in his lab yesterday. Dr. Keller has finished examining it and couldn't find anything wrong with it, no diseases or anything. We're still not sure how it got in Atlantis, but I understand that Dr. Davids wants to keep it?"

She watched as John shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Yeah. Ronon told him that some people keep them as pets, put the idea in his head, ya know?"

Sam nodded. "Unfortunately I can't let him keep it. I'm sorry, John."

Sheppard's face was tinged with a mixture of disappointment and relief. "Alright, I'll let him know."

"If there were any other way…" Sam trailed off.

John ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know. There are… regulations and stuff."

"Yeah. And the IOA is already on my every move…"

"I get it. I'll tell him." He said softly.

"I'm sorry." She repeated. "I can tell him if you want." She offered.

John shook his head. "That's alright, I'll do it. Thanks for trying."

He started to rise from his chair but Sam held a hand out and he sat down again. "I was wondering if you know what Dr. Davids has decided about joining Lt. Ramsey's team."

"He's still thinking about it."

Sam nodded. "Alright. Well that's it." She smiled. "Dismissed."

John stood up again. "Colonel." He nodded to her.

She watched him leave and for a moment pondered her second in command. General O'Neill had liked him, and Sam could see why. The lieutenant colonel was almost exactly like Jack, personality wise with his casual slouches and they way they both faked dumbness. While she had no confirmation, she knew that John Sheppard was in a relationship with Dr. Davids. They never flaunted it and she rarely, if ever, saw the two men together alone, but Sam didn't get all the way to Colonel without being able to pick up things most people didn't. She wasn't going to call him on it and personally had no problem with the two men, even if others might. She was glad he had found someone out here.

Sam sighed. "Back to work." She mumbled to herself, turning back to her laptop.

* * *

John was baffled and moving towards frustration. He was looking for his errant boyfriend. The linguist wasn't answering his radio, which wasn't unusual if he was concentrating or working out, but he wasn't in his lab, his room, or his gym. John had also checked the mess hall, his office, Ronon and Teyla's room and was not beginning to get nervous. Atlantis, for some reason, wasn't helping him with his search. He was walking along the corridors of the younger man's running route, hoping to spot him and to check out the balcony room they had their dates in.

"Sheppard to Davids." He tried for the fourteenth time. No answer. "We are seriously going to have a talk when I find you." John muttered.

He poked his head into the date room only to find it unsurprisingly empty. He sighed. "Connor?" He asked out loud, not really expecting an answer. John left the room and kept walking along the younger man's running routes. "Sheppard to Lorne."

"Yes, sir?" Came the prompt reply. _At least someone can hear me_.

"Have you seen Dr. Davids?"

"He's not in his lab, sir?"

"He's nowhere I can find." John replied frustrated.

"I just saw him an hour ago for lunch, sir."

"Okay, thanks. Sheppar-"

"-One second, sir. I just found a report on my desk. He's gated out with SGA-4."

"Without telling anyone?"

"I've been in a meeting until about five minutes ago, sir. And I believe he knew you were meeting with Colonel Carter."

 _And Connor wouldn't interrupt a meeting. Damn it, he must have gated out while I was looking for him._ "Okay, thanks, Major."

"No problem, sir.

"Sheppard out." John left his search, now knowing it was in vain, he set out for his office instead to read the pre-mission report from Lt. Ramsey.

When he got there Lorne was sitting at his desk, working on something. His second in command started to stand but John waved him down. He collapsed into the seat across from him. The major studied his face before pushing over a tablet. John picked it up and found the report on it. Skimming it he found that SGA-4 had gated out to a previously visited planet to, once again, look at ruins.

"Do they ever do anything else?"

Lorne chuckled. "It certainly doesn't seem so does it."

John pushed the tablet back. "Carter's not going to let him keep the… squirrel thing."

"The drampit, sir?"

"Yeah, that."

"Good luck telling him, sir."

"I know." John sighed. "I told him not to get attached, but I think it was too late before he even saw the thing."

Lorne smiled at him. "I would have to agree, sir."

"He used to have a cat." John offered. "Back in Ireland."

"Really? I never would have pictured him as a cat guy."

John smiled wryly. "He isn't, not really. His mom loved them though."

"Ah." Lorne said as if it explained everything, which, if you knew Connor, it probably did.

"So…" John began. "What's this I hear about you and Teyla?"

"Sir?"

"Off the record." John said, rolling his eyes. For God's sake, Lorne was his boyfriend's best friend but it was always sir this and sir that.

"Um…" Lorne shifted uncomfortably.

"Connor will tell me either way." John teased.

Lorne offered him a nervous smile. "We have another date tonight."

John studied him. "You hurt her and Ronon and I will make sure they don't find your body."

The other man swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"And I'd hate to loose such a good second in command." John added seriously but was smirking on the inside, especially when the younger man squirmed in his seat.

"Yes, sir."

John really wondered if Lorne was programmed to just keep saying 'yes, sir'. Not for the hundredth time he wondered what drew Connor to the Air Force major.

"We're good then."

"Yes, si-"

"Medical team to the gate room!" Came loudly over John's radio and he saw Lorne flinch across from him.

Before the other man could say anything, John was up and out of his seat, not stopping to check if Lorne was following, but from the loud footsteps, John would guess he was. He ran to the gate room in time to see the stargate shutting down and four gurneys with a bustle of people around each of them. John couldn't get a good look at who was on any of them until one flew past him with Corporal Johns on it.

John felt his throat tighten and his heart squeeze. He inhaled sharply and looked determinedly around for his boyfriend and could only breathe again when he heard his voice.

"I'm fine. Get, Eric." He heard. John quickly walked towards the source.

"Cpl. Johns has been taken to the infirmary already, Dr. Davids. We need you to lie still so we can get you there as well."

"How's Ben? And Jim?" The gurney with Connor on it started moving away from the gate, behind another one but before the last gurney. John followed all three in a quick jog to keep up, Lorne close behind him.

"I'm not sure. I'm only concerned with you right now." Dr. Harrison said, walking quickly along with the gurney. "I need you to tell me where you're injured."

"I'm fine." Connor repeated, but John could tell it was laced with pain.

"This would go quicker if you were honest with me." Harrison said.

"My leg." The linguist admitted. "And my arm… and back."

"Anywhere else?"

"Stomach."

"Is it a sharp or dull pain?"

"Gah! Don't press there." Connor asked, his brogue bleeding through. John really wished he could see what was happening.

"We need to prep him for surgery. He's got some internal bleeding."

They finally reached the infirmary and people were everywhere, swarming the four men. John waited for a space next to Connor's bed before approaching. A nurse working on an IV gave him a glance but didn't say anything.

"John." Connor breathed. He reached up and weakly grabbed the dog tags around his neck, pulling until they came free. His hand was bloody and red smeared across the metal tags. He handed them to John who discreetly tucked them away in a pocket.

"You're going to be okay." John said, more to himself than the linguist.

Connor's eyes flickered to John's left. "Evan, hi."

"Hey, Doc. Stay strong, alright?"

Another nurse was quickly stripping Connor of his clothes and all John could see was blood everywhere. Connor nodded weakly towards Lorne.

John quickly reached out and squeezed Connor's hand before letting go. "I'll be here when you get out." John promised.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." He said weakly to John.

The older man nodded. "Taw graw agum ditch." He returned softly. Connor smiled before grimacing in pain as the nurses began prepping him for surgery.

The nurse turned towards him. "Colonel Sheppard, I'm going to need you and Major Lorne to wait outside." She asked.

"Sure." With one last look at Connor, John left the Irish man in the infirmary, following Lorne out the door. Once outside he exhaled forcefully and leaned against the wall. He pulled Connor's dog tags out of his pocket and held them tightly. He looked up at his second in command and fear covered his face along with worry.

"Sheppard to Teyla."

"Yes, John?"

"Is Ronon with you?"

"Yes. Is something wrong?"

"Dr. Davids just went in to surgery."

A pause. "We will be right there, Teyla out."

True to her word, four minutes later John's teammates were heading towards him.

"What has happened?" Teyla asked.

"I'm not sure." John admitted, running a hand through his hair. "All the members of SGA-4 are in there as well and by the looks of it none of them are in any shape to de-brief. I'm going to head to Colonel Carter and see if they radioed ahead and what she knows." He hesitated.

"We will stay and wait for any news." Teyla decided for both her and Ronon.

"Thanks." John said softly. He turned to the man next to him. "You can come or stay, Major."

"I'll come with you, sir." Lorne decided.

John nodded. He turned to Teyla, "Call me if there are any updates, on any of them."

"I will." Teyla confirmed. Ronon nodded at her statement.

John left them in the hallway and headed for Carter's office.

* * *

"Dr. Davids? We need you to stay awake for a few more minutes."

Connor blinked and tried to focus on their words, but his vision was blurring and his eyelids becoming heavier by the second. A hand shook him.

"Dr. Davids. Dr. Davids. You said your stomach hurt, can you tell us where?"

Connor tried to lift his arm but found it too heavy. "Low. Right." He gasped, his vision fading out. Suddenly nothing hurt anymore.

"Stay with us, Dr. Davids. Let's move it people!" A voice yelled by his head.

He felt a mask fit over his mouth. "Dr. Davids, can you count backwards from ten?"

 _Ten?_ " _A deich_ …"

Then everything went black.

* * *

Dr. Jennifer Keller pulled her gloves off, tossing them in the nearest garbage as she made he way out to the waiting room of people. She picked up the charts for her patients before heading out to where Colonels Carter and Sheppard were with Major Lorne, Teyla and Ronon. She lowered her mask as she stepped into the room.

Jennifer took a deep breath, turning to face expectant and concerned looks. "They are all out of immediate danger." Everyone in the room seemed to relax a small amount. She skimmed the first chart. "Corporal Johns had the most severe injuries, we believe he was closest to the blast-"

"I'm sorry, Doctor," Carter interrupted. "Did you say blast?"

Jennifer nodded. "We think they were hit with some kind of bomb, or grenade. They all had a significant amount of shrapnel in their wounds. Anyways, he has a fractured collar bone, a broken arm, six broken ribs, severe internal bleeding that we patched up and numerous lacerations. In addition, he also has some first degree burn marks along his chest and right leg." Jennifer looked up before changing charts. "Okay, Lt. Ramsey also has first degree burns on his left leg, two broken ribs, a broken meta-carpal, internal damage and a badly sprained ankle. He also hit his head and we're waiting for him to wake up to access his mental health. Any questions so far?"

"How did they make it to the gate?"

Jennifer licked her lips nervously. "I'm not entirely sure. In my professional opinion Dr. Davids and Sgt. Smith, the only two conscious members to come back through the gate, must have carried them, even though they were in no shape to do so."

"We gated back to the planet. The… explosion happened over four clicks from the gate." Lorne put in.

Jennifer shrugged. "We're expecting Sgt. Smith to wake up soon." She offered. "And speaking of Sgt. Smith," She switched charts again. "He fractured four vertebra, broke two ribs, has a grade two concussion, a broken wrist, first degree burns on his legs and quite the head wound. He passed out shortly after arrival." She explained. "And last but not least, Dr. Davids." Jennifer examined her notes. "He had some internal bleeding that required surgery, he broke his left arm, three ribs and sprained an ankle. He has some second degree burns on his back. His right leg was also…" Jennifer grimaced, "Cut up pretty badly by shrapnel. We've managed to extract it all."

She looked around at dismayed faces. "Ready for some good news?" Five heads nodded. "Dr. Davids, as you might know, has been translating a bunch of medical research lately. Because of that we're made a lot of advances and have even switched over to a lot of Ancient technology. We can use the burn machine we've recently figured out to heal their burns. It'll still be tender, but definitely not as bad, as well as cut out any chance of infection. We also have a… bone knitter, for use of a Star Trek term." She smiled. "We're using it on them as I speak. It can't help with sprains, at least that we've seen, so those will need to heal naturally. We're keeping them all over night, at the least."

A nurse entered the room and Jennifer turned to her. "Doctor, Sgt. Smith is awake."

"Thanks, Mira." The small nurse left.

"Let me look over him and then you're free to ask your questions."

"Thanks, Jennifer." Carter said.

Jennifer nodded leaving them alone.

* * *

John didn't think anything had ever been more beautiful to him than the sight of Connor's bright blue eyes as they blinked open. It was the middle of the night and he had sent Ronon and Teyla to bed a couple hours before.

"John?" Connor rasped.

The older man grabbed the glass of water on the table next to him, positioning the straw in front of Connor's mouth. The scientist offered him a grateful look, taking several long drinks.

"Hey," John said quietly, reaching a hand up to move some hair out of Connor's face. "How are you feeling?" Connor opened his mouth. "And don't say fine."

The other man blushed. "My leg hurts." He said finally.

"Keller said they were digging shrapnel out of it for a couple hours."

"Shrapnel?" Connor asked with a frown before a look of urgency came over his face. "Eric! Ben and Jim! How are they?" He asked desperately.

"Calm down." John commanded softly. He ran his hand through Connor's hair again. "Ramsey and Smith have both woken up. Ramsey has a sprained ankle and a huge headache and some internal bleeding that they've patched up, Smith has a concussion, Johns had some internal bleeding as well-"

"What about burns?" Connor interrupted softly. John poured him more water and this time the linguist held it in his own hands.

"Keller said you translated some stuff on a burn machine?"

He pulled away from the straw to answer, "Oh. Yeah, a couple weeks ago."

"We'll they put the info to good use and fixed the burns you all have. Anyways, everyone's going to be fine. There were some broken bones amongst you but Keller's team also figured out some sort of bone fixer thing." John took the water glass from his boyfriend. "So what happened?"

Connor frowned. "Haven't Ben and Jim told you?"

"One has a concussion and his memory is a little… sketchy and the other has a pretty bad headache that knocked him back out within minutes of waking up."

"Oh. Well, I'm not even sure I know. We were walking, almost to the ruins when I guess Eric must have triggered some kind of mine that exploded. It set off a few others around us too. I must have passed out, because the next thing I know I'm laying in the grass and the other guys are around me. I don't think the mine was extremely powerful considering we all still have all our limbs." John squeezed Connor's hand. "It's probably left over from whoever lived there." The scientist speculated.

"What happened after you woke up?"

"I tried to wake the others." Connor said closing his eyes lightly as he recounted the mission. "No one would wake up."

"But Smith walked through the gate with you?"

"He didn't wake up at first." Connor bit his lip and opened his eyes. "Anyways, when he finally did we made our way back to the gate. Eric and Ben woke up at a couple different points, at different times, but not for long. I dialed Atlantis and here we are."

John frowned. The story sounded suspiciously easily and he was sure the younger man was leaving parts out. "I'm glad you're alright." He said quietly, instead of pressing for more details.

Connor's thumb gently stroked the back of his hand. The linguist glanced around the almost deserted infirmary before reaching up and tugging on John's shirt, pulling him down into a light kiss. The older man gladly leaned down and pressed their lips together before sitting back up.

John reached a hand out and gently touched the side of Connor's face. The linguist's free hand came up to gently rest on top of the hand on his face, leaning into it. "Your hand is warm." He said softly. "It's nice." He turned his head to kiss John's palm.

John wanted to say so many things right then. _I love you. Don't go off world ever again. Say no to Ramsey's offer. Let's leave and live somewhere else, just the two of us. There was so much blood. Don't leave me. I love you, God, I love you_. Instead his breath hitched and what came out was, "Taw graw agum ditch." John didn't know what it meant but he knew it meant something to Connor. The younger man inhaled sharply and his eyes watered a little. "Taw graw agum ditch." He repeated.

"Do you even know what that means?" Connor asked with a happy laugh.

John shook his head. "Does it matter?"

"From you? No and always." Came the confusing answer.

John accepted the answer though, putting it aside in his mind. "I love you." He said quietly.

"I know." Connor smiled. John felt his heart warm at the words. It was one to tell someone you love them, but another for them to believe it.

"Go back to sleep." John said softly.

"Don't wanna talk to me anymore?" Connor asked with a yawn.

John's lips quirked into a smile. "Sleep now and I'll bring you some pudding tomorrow."

"Butterscotch?" The linguist asked, already closing his eyes.

"Of course." He promised.

"G'night, John."

"Goodnight, Connor."

* * *

Connor balanced on his crutches outside of Ben's quarters. He raised a hesitant hand and rang the chime. A few moments later the door opened with Ben, in a matching set of crutches, on the other side.

"Doc!" He greeted with a smile. "What can I do for you?" He hobbled backwards and Connor made his way inside, the door closing tightly behind him.

"Um, Ben, hi. I-I stopped by to tell you that I can't join your team." He said in a rush, exhaling at the end.

Ramsey studied his face. "Is this because of the mine?"

Connor shook his head. "Not really. I mean a little bit but… no." He bit his lip nervously.

"Is there anything I can say to change your mind?" The other man asked sadly. "We really like you, Doc. You're a great guy and dead helpful to the team."

"I, um, really like you guys too." Connor offered. "It's not about that."

"Then can you tell me what it is about?"

Connor chewed his lip before answering. "There's… someone… in my life that I can't not come back to."

Ramsey nodded. "I can understand that." He said compassionately. "You'll still come out with us from time to time though, right?"

"Definitely." Connor affirmed. "If you, uh, still want me." He said in a small voice.

"Don't worry about that, Doc." He smiled. "And if you ever change your mind… the offer stands… even if we find another guy."

Connor looked at him surprised. "Th-thanks." He stuttered.

"You're one of us now, Doc." He grinned. "I even have it on good authority that Smith's mom sent along some cookies for you."

"She, um, what?" He asked surprised.

"They're good too." Ramsey continued. "You'll like them."

Connor returned his smile. "Thanks for being so understanding, Ben."

"It's no problem. And tell your… someone… that I'll do my best to always bring you home."

"I will." Connor agreed softly. "Well, I'd better go. I'll see you later?"

"Yep. Movie night two nights from now, you better be there."

Connor made a mental note. "Okay."

Ramsey followed him to the door. "Thanks for dropping by. Oh, and Doc?"

Connor turned his head to face the other man. "Yeah?"

"Thanks… for saving my life." He gestured to his wounds a little.

Connor blushed. "I didn't-"

"You did." Ramsey countered. "And I won't forget it."

"I… you're welcome." Connor said finally. "Well, um, bye." Ben raised a hand in response. The doors shut behind the linguist as he slowly made his way back to the transporter that would take him to his someone.

* * *

John looked up as Connor entered their quarters. His boyfriend leaned his crutches against the wall by the door and John walked over from his spot at the linguist's desk to wrap an arm around his waist. Connor gave him a grateful smile as John helped him hop over to the bed. The scientist sat down and began pulling off his clothes. John knelt in front of him and gently slipped off his shoe and reached up, using his fingers to deftly unbutton the linguist's pants. Connor laid back tiredly and John worked the clothing down off his body, leaving him naked. The older man grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed and gently wrapped it around Connor's body, sitting down next to him.

"Thanks."

"Do you want some sleep pants?" John asked, carding a hand through red-brown hair. The linguist curled up into John and nodded against his leg. John slowly pulled his hand away and stood then walked over to grab the pants from the dresser. He handed them to Connor who sat back up and delicately slipped his feet into the holes, pulling them up slowly over his legs. He leaned back and John reached down to help him pull them up to his waist. "Brush your teeth?" He asked, already moving to help the linguist stand. Connor was a stickler for brushing his teeth.

Connor hobbled, while John supported him, to the bathroom. John wrapped his arms around the linguist from behind, holding him up as he brushed his teeth. Connor leaned against him heavily, tired from using the crutches all day. "Bed." He mumbled, turning into John's chest.

The older man helped him back to their bed, pulling down the sheets and blankets so Connor could climb in and then he slipped in beside him. Connor gently turned on his side to face John and slowly moved his injured leg to rest on top of his boyfriend's. John tried to keep still as the younger man settled against him. "Did you finish whatever you had to do?" He asked.

Connor nodded against his chest, a hand playing with John's dog tags, Connor's own set had returned back around his neck from the moment he had been released from the infirmary. "I was talking to Ben."

"Oh?" John questioned nonchalantly.

"I turned him down."

"On joining the team?" John held his breath waiting for an answer.

"Yeah."

John moved a hand through Connor's hair and exhaled softly. "Any reason why?"

Connor was silent for a second and John thought that perhaps the younger man wouldn't share his reasons. "I told him that I had someone that I couldn't not come back to."

John's heart skipped a beat. "Thank you." He whispered, voice rough with emotion.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." Connor said softly. And John thought he finally knew what that meant.

"I love you, too."


	25. Listening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 25 : Listening**

Author's Notes :  
\- Spoilers for _Search and Rescue._  
\- _Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit_ : Happy St. Patrick's Day  
\- _Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig ort_ : St. Patrick's Day blessing, sorta a traditional greeting.  
\- St. Patrick's Day toast is Irish and not written by me.  
\- People seemed to be okay with the Evan/Teyla pairing, so I moved ahead with that.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

"Take a shower with me." John whispered into his boyfriend's ear. Connor had burrowed under the blankets, so John had burrowed underneath with him.

"Already took one." Connor mumbled and curled into John.

"By yourself." He ran a hand down the linguist's chest, drifting down over sensitive areas. "I'll make it worth your while." He promised. "Please?"

"Jo-ohn." Connor whined softly. "Why are you torturing me?"

"Please." John repeated before rolling out of bed. He went into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush. He heard the blankets rustle behind him and a few moments later warm arms wrapped themselves around his waist. John brushed his teeth and Connor laid his head against John's back. The older man bent to spit and added an extra wiggle to his hips, causing his boyfriend to groan. John pushed down his boxers, noting Connor's already naked body behind him. Atlantis started the shower and John gently pulled Connor into the stream of water.

The younger man leaned into John, resting his head against John's shoulder. "You're not falling asleep are you?" John asked, amused. Connor shook his head. "Good." A few minutes later the linguist was much more alert and his hands were traveling down John's back to rest on his butt, gently squeezing. John moaned and leaned down, capturing the younger man's lips in a kiss. Connor obediently opened his mouth for John's tongue. John's arms wound tightly around Connor and pressed their bodies together. John gasped at the sensation and slowly pulled his tongue out to lick at the linguist's lips before sucking in Connor's lower lip.

When they broke apart they were both panting hard and Connor leaned forward again to rest his head against John's shoulder. John felt as the younger man took one hand off of him to reach for something. The scientist came back with a hand full of soap and gently pushed it in between their bodies. His hand reached for John's erection when John shot out a hand of his own to catch his boyfriend by the wrist. "I want to watch you for a while." He said, directing the younger man to his own body.

Connor blushed a deep crimson and looked up at John, but began to do as John asked, his hand slowly moving up and down his shaft. Occasionally the back of his fingers would graze John's body. John felt Connor's breathing increase as the seconds ticked by and minutes later when Connor reached for John, abandoning his own body, the older man didn't stop him. Instead John reached behind him to soap up his hand and worked it between their bodies and settled it on Connor's erection and began to match the speed the younger man had going.

John pulled Connor in for a heated kiss, plunging his tongue in and out of his boyfriend's mouth, slowly, then sucking on Connor's proffered tongue, loving the taste of the younger man. The left hand resting on his butt slowly moved towards the middle and the linguist dipped a finger shallowly into the space between each cheek, rubbing lightly. A second later, John was coming hard, stars dancing in his vision. He pulled away from Connor's mouth as his body shook, gazing into the younger man's eyes. Connor's eyes were turning a deep blue and John knew the younger man was close as well. He sped up his hand and soon enough the linguist was shaking against him and warm liquid hit his hand only to be quickly washed away by the shower stream.

Connor collapsed against him for a second and John held him tight. Then John was being pushed under the water stream and Connor had stepped behind him. "Close your eyes." The younger man whispered into his ear. John obeyed and hands landed in his hair, gently massaging the shampoo in. The older man felt soap run down his face and he squeezed his eyes closed a little tighter. The hands pulled away and water washed the shampoo away. Seconds later a washcloth was moving up and down his body with a hand following in it's wake.

John kept his eyes closed as his boyfriend washed him. He would probably never admit it to anyone, but he loved showering with Connor. It gave him a sense of intimacy that John had never felt with anyone else. John thought that Connor probably understood even without hearing the words.

"All done." Connor whispered and almost immediately the shower shut off. John pulled down two towels from the top of the shower door and handed one to Connor who accepted with a grateful smile. They toweled off quickly and John wrapped his towel around his waist, and glanced back to see Connor doing the same. "How's your leg?" He asked, worried. It had been almost two weeks since the incident with the mine and the linguist's leg had been very slowly healing.

"Fine." Connor offered softly. John thought his boyfriend would probably say he was fine even if he was on fire.

"Tea?" He offered, not pressing the issue.

"With milk?" Connor asked, beginning to sound sleepy again.

"If you want." The younger man nodded and John led them out the bathroom and deposited the younger man in his chair. He went about setting the water to boil and moved back to stand by Connor's seat as he waited. "I'm gating out in a couple hours to the planet that future McKay said Michael's lab is on." He offered, carding a hand through Connor's wet locks.

"Just your team?"

"No." John shook his head. "Lorne's coming with, and a couple Marines."

"Just Evan?"

"Yeah. Carter wanted to switch it up or something, I wasn't really paying attention." He admitted.

"I…" The younger man started, then hesitated. "Never mind, it's nothing."

John frowned lightly. "What is it?"

"It's dumb." Connor said with a shake of his head.

"It's not dumb." John countered.

The linguist gave a quiet laugh. "You don't even know what it is."

"It's you, and unless it involves standing on a stool to go poking around the ceiling looking for an animal… it's not dumb."

"I just… I have a really bad feeling about today."

"About the mission?"

"Yeah."

John paused. "I promise to be extra careful." He said quietly.

Connor reached out and gently laid a hand on John's leg, playing with his towel. "I know." He mumbled. "I just… worry about you. It's my job."

"It's your job to worry?"

"Yep." The kettle went off and John disentangled them to fix the tea. He grabbed some milk from their mini refrigerator and poured some into a mug, putting the rest back. He slowly added water to the milk as well as another mug, dropping tea bags in each. He walked back to the waiting linguist and reached over Connor to set the mugs down on the table. John pulled up a lazy Connor who held on tight to the front of his towel, before settling back down on John's lap. He curled sideways into John, resting his head on John's shoulder. The older man handed him a mug and Connor blew across the top to cool it.

"So is it my job to make you worry?" John asked, continuing their conversation.

"It's your job that makes me worry." Connor countered.

John frowned lightly. "I worry about you worrying."

Connor pressed a kiss to his neck. "I know. And I worry about you worrying about me worrying."

John gave a smile at that. "It's a never ending cycle I guess."

Connor was silent for a moment. "But you promise?"

John moved his empty hand to rest on Connor's thigh, gently rubbing it up and down. "I promise."

"Thank you." Connor said quietly.

"So what are your plans for the day…?"

* * *

"Evan!" Connor yelled up to the other man. "Wait up!" His best friend turned around and paused in his walking, a smile on his face.

"Hey, Doc." He greeted. "Isn't it a little early for you?" He teased.

"I can be up if I need to." The linguist defended, nearing him.

"So why do you need to?" Evan asked curiously. Connor reached his side and they kept walking.

Connor shrugged and saw Evan watching him closely. "I wanted to catch you before you go off world."

"Well, you've caught me." Evan said with a grin. "How can I help you?"

"I, um… do you have to go today?"

Evan frowned. "Colonel Carter assigned me to the mission, and in the military we don't really have an opt out clause."

"What if you were suddenly sick? Could you stay behind then?"

Evan paused in his walking and Connor followed suit. The major turned to look at his friend. "What's wrong?" Evan asked gently.

Connor shrugged and bit his lip before answering. "I have a bad feeling about today." He said quietly.

Evan looked around the busy hallway before reaching out for Connor's hand and tugging him into an empty room. "A bad feeling about the mission?"

"Yeah." Connor agreed. "I've had it since this morning and it's only getting worse."

"Did you ask Colonel Sheppard to stay behind?"

The linguist shook his head. "You know I can't."

"So you're asking me instead?" He asked confused.

"Um, I've actually already talked to Teyla and Ronon… and those other two Marines scheduled for today." Connor admitted.

"You've already-wait, what?"

"I've asked them to, uh, stay behind."

"Did any agree?"

"No." Connor said remorsefully. "But they all promised to be extra careful."

"You know, Doc, where I come from this might be considered mutiny."

Connor quirked a half smile at him. "Yes, well, John never has good things to say about Indiana." He joked.

Evan mock pouted. "I'll have you know it's the best state in the country!"

"John says it's California… or Hawaii. They have the best surf."

"Does Colonel Sheppard know you're trying to convince people to stay?" Evan asked, going back to the topic at hand.

"Yeah." The linguist nodded.

"And he let you do it anyways?"

Connor glared at Evan. "John doesn't _let_ me do anything. I do what I want."

The other man held his hands up complacently. "Sorry, I'm sorry." He offered. "I didn't mean it like that. I just wondered if he knew what you were doing and didn't mind."

"He laughed and told me to go for it." Connor admitted.

Evan shook his head. "Well, I promise to be extra careful." He said seriously.

Connor swallowed thickly and nodded. "Thanks." He responded softly.

"Are you going to talk to Dr. McKay?"

"He, um, he doesn't like me." Just then Atlantis sent him an image of John asking for Evan. "Oh, you've got to go, I've kept you, I'm sorry." Connor apologized.

Evan frowned. "I'm not late for anything, Doc."

"Oh, um, John is looki-" The door to the room opened, cutting Connor off. John stood in the doorway with a brow arched.

"You coming out of the closet, Major?" He asked with a smirk. Connor looked around and sure enough the small room was a closet, complete with cleaning supplies in the corner.

Evan coughed nervously. "No, sir. And, um, I thought you weren't supposed to ask, sir."

John grinned. "Well, let's pretend I didn't. I need you to go get Daly and Johnson and review the mission with them."

"Yes, sir."

"And make sure they're ready to gate out in half an hour." John added.

"Yes, sir." Evan turned to him. "See you later, Doc."

"Remember you promised." Connor reminded him as he headed for the door.

He turned around and offered Connor a reassuring smile. "I know." With that he was gone.

"Should I be worried?" John asked with a smirk, stepping into the room so the doors would close behind him. Connor mentally locked them.

"Definitely." Connor teased. "Evan and I are planning on running away together."

"Is that so?" John asked, moving closer and wrapping his arms around Connor's waist, pulling their hips together.

"Yup. It's too bad you caught us."

"Well I guess I'll just have to fight for you."

The linguist lifted a brow. "You think you could take Evan and me?"

John gave him a serious look. "If it's for you, the only option is winning." He bent his head down and captured Connor's lips, gently teasing them with his tongue. Connor let his mouth open slowly and softly pushed his tongue into John's mouth and the other man greedily sucked it.

Connor was panting when they parted and he happily leaned his forehead against John's. He wanted to say so many things to the other man. _Don't go. Stay with me, please John, just stay. You don't have to go on this one._ But he couldn't say anything of those things. Instead he swallowed and looked the other man in the eye, his hand coming up to rest on John's heart. "Come back to me." He begged.

John closed his eyes briefly before opening them back up to stare into Connor's. "I'll do my best." He vowed. But Connor didn't want his best, he wanted surety and for John to stay safe. "I'm sorry, Con. I wish I could offer you more." The older man pulled him into a tight hug and Connor buried his head in John's neck. "I love you." He whispered into Connor's ear. "God, I love you so much." Connor just squeezed him tighter. When they finally broke apart, Connor's hand was gently playing with John's jacket. "Come help me put on my vest."

The scientist nodded. "Okay."

Together they left the closet, with Connor trailing after his boyfriend.

* * *

"Lorne you got anything?" John asked his second in command over the radio.

"No, sir." He replied. "It looks like someone's been here, but isn't now. I wouldn't say it's abandoned yet."

"That's what I'm thinking, too." John agreed. "Alright, let's re-group in the main hall." Five minutes later everyone had trickled in to stand around him in the room. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. McKay found some Wraith tech stuff that he wants to get a close look at, while he's doing that I want Teyla and Ronon to keep searching the grounds for any more clues on what this place is for. Daly, Johnson, one of you head back to the gate, radio Atlantis and tell them that no one's here, but we're going to have a look around; the other one of you will patrol the perimeter, stay about a click out so you can watch the sky for any ships. Lorne is with me and McKay. Everyone got it?"

"Yes, sir." Daly, Johnson and Lorne chorused. Teyla and Ronon just nodded, already walking away and Rodney had already headed back to the computer he had found. John chased after his teammates and he heard Lorne following behind him.

"What'd you find McKay?" John asked, leaning over the shoulder of the other man.

"Huh, it seems…" He drifted off, tapping on his tablet rapidly.

John waited for him to finish but it quickly became clear that he wasn't going to. "It seems what, McKay?"

"It seems…"

"McKay!"

"What? Sheppard! Ow! Do you have to yell in my ear?"

"What did you find?" John asked again.

"It seems to be Michael's research. It looks like he's making a Human/Wraith hybrid army."

"A Human/Wraith what?"

"An arm-" The machine began blinking Wraith symbols and Rodney turned to look at him eyes wide. "It's a self-destruct, we've got to get out of here!"

John had already tugged his sleeve and was following Lorne out the door. He raised his other hand to his radio. "Teyla, Ronon, the place is going to blow you need to get out now!"

"Understood, John." Teyla responded quickly.

John felt the ground around him shake and he heard several large explosions and the ceiling began to crumble around them a large beam fell in front of Lorne and John skidded to a halt before something landed on his head and blackness overcame him.

* * *

Evan groaned lightly as he slowly rose to consciousness. He hit his tongue to keep from crying out at the pain emanating from his leg. He looked down to see a mound of concrete bricks covering his left leg and waist. He pulled his arms out from the mess and coughed a little at all the dust floating around. He pushed the rocks he could reach off of him and looked around.

"Colonel Sheppard? Dr. McKay?" He coughed again. "Can you hear me?" He spotted Colonel Sheppard a few feet away with McKay lying next to him. "Colonel Sheppard?" He tried again. "Dr. McKay?" Evan hit his radio. "Teyla, Ronon, come in." Silence. "Teyla, Ronon, do you read?" Sill silence. "Daly, Johnson, do you read?" Static came back and Evan breathed a sigh of relief. The two men outside would gate back to Atlantis and bring back help. "Colonel Sheppard?"

McKay began twitching and Evan threw a small rock towards him. "Ow!" Came the grumbled response. "What happ-" McKay took in their surroundings. "Oh this is not good." He said. He sat up and Evan saw a trickle of blood move down his forehead. "My computer!" He began to scramble around the debris looking for his tablet.

"Doc!" Evan yelled at him.

The scientist turned to face him. "What?"

"The computer can wait, check on Colonel Sheppard first."

"Sheppard?" He turned to his right and saw the other man lying under a pile of debris. McKay's hands worked diligently to remove the rocks from the fallen man. "Sheppard!" He said loudly. "Wake up!" He kept digging. "John! John, can you hear me?"

Evan saw the colonel shift a little, moving an arm. "Mmm, McKay what?"

"You need to wake up, right now!" Evan watched him push the last large brick off of Sheppard's stomach.

"'M tired." He said in a daze.

"Oh no you don't! You wake up, right now! I don't want that karate chopping linguist of yours coming after me." Evan laughed and McKay's eyes shifted nervously to him. "You knew about that right?"

"The karate chopping?" Evan joked weakly from the pain. McKay glared at him. "Yes, I knew. And Colonel Sheppard is falling asleep again." He pointed out, gesturing towards the older man.

"John! Wake up and stay awake." McKay ordered.

"McKay?" Sheppard asked, sounding a little more alert. "What happened?"

"Michael fucking booby-trapped his computers, that's what happened." McKay groused, once again searching for his tablet.

Sheppard sat up and wrapped an arm around his stomach, blood oozing down his head. He lifted a lazy hand to wipe some away. "Lorne?"

"Here, sir."

"Teyla, Ronon?"

Evan was studiously trying not to think about what could have happened to either of them. "Their radios must be damaged."

Sheppard nodded and slowly stood, stumbling over to Evan's side, collapsing hard onto his knees. The military commander began to slowly dig Evan's leg out. "Is it broken?"

"I'm pretty sure it is, sir."

"Found it!" McKay declared and when Evan looked over he was already tapping away on it.

Evan felt the pressure on his leg slowly decrease as his commanding officer dug him out. A thought occurred to him and he gave a dry laugh. Sheppard looked up at him. "What?"

"Dr. Davids, sir. He had a bad feeling about today and got everyone but Dr. McKay to promise to be extra careful and it was Dr. McKay that set off the trap."

Sheppard laughed. "Well maybe this will give him incentive to stop avoiding Rodney." He frowned. "And did someone say something about a karate chopping linguist?"

* * *

Connor paced outside the waiting room. He was waiting anxiously. Evan had a broken leg that they were setting, John had a concussion as well as some internal bleeding that Keller was in the midst of operating on. McKay had mostly bruising and was already awake but Connor wasn't about to visit him. Teyla had broken an arm and Ronon had a dislocated shoulder that Connor had heard Keller yelling to him about popping back in himself. All in all, it could have been a lot worse, but until John was out of the infirmary, Connor would be waiting anxiously.

A nurse poked her head out. "Dr. Davids?" Connor stopped pacing and looked up at her. "We've finished with Major Lorne and Teyla if you want to see them."

"Yes, thank you." Connor offered before shuffling into the room. Evan and Teyla were both sitting up in beds next to each other with McKay on Teyla's other side typing away on his laptop. His two friends were talking quietly but both turned to look at him as he entered the room.

Teyla offered him a smile. "Connor, it is good to see you."

"Hey, Doc." Evan greeted.

"Hey Evan, Teyla. How's the, uh, arm… and leg?" He asked towards the correct recipients moving to stand in between their beds.

Evan gestured for Teyla to go first. "I truly cannot feel a thing." She offered. "They are releasing me in an hour, though."

"That's good." Connor smiled nervously. His hand went up to gently touch the dog tags hidden under his shirt.

"I'm here overnight, then I get a cool set of crutches." Evan informed him, gesturing at his leg, hidden within a cast.

"Can I, um, get you anything?"

"I'm good for now, Doc."

"I am as well." Teyla added.

Ronon chose that moment to walk in, his arm in a sling. Connor didn't think the sling would last long. "Irish." He greeted. He walked over and stole a brownie off of McKay's tray.

"Ronon! That was mine!"

"You weren't eating it." The Satedan argued, shoving the whole brownie into his mouth with a grin.

"I was saving it! I don't want to get brownie all over my laptop." McKay informed him.

"What are you doing anyways?" Ronon asked, peering down at the computer.

"Going over-" He slapped Ronon's hand away from the keyboard. "Would you stop that? I'm going over the data we got from Michael's lab."

"Anything useful?" Evan asked.

"Mostly medical research." McKay answered offhandedly.

"So has Jennifer released you, Ronon?" Teyla asked.

"No." He answered with a grin. "Released myself." Teyla frowned at him. "I'm waiting for Sheppard." The large man informed them. He pulled up a chair and sank heavily into it. Connor looked closely at his running partner. Ronon looked exhausted and tiny cuts and bruises were scattered about his skin. He suddenly looked his age to Connor, that is very young and the linguist fought the impulse to give him a hug.

As if on cue, Dr. Keller took that moment to step in. She looked around at the occupants before offering them a smile. "Colonel Sheppard will be just fine. They're finishing up on his as we speak. He'll have to take it easy for a few days, as I expect all of you to." She said, leveling her gaze with each of them, minus Connor. "We're going to keep him overnight, see how he does and probably release him in the morning before he can start badgering my nurses."

She left them and a few minutes later, John was rolled in. He was still unconscious from the surgery. Dirt was everywhere still, his hair was a mess and just like Ronon small cuts and bruises littered his skin. He was the most beautiful thing that Connor had ever seen. The linguist left his place between Evan and Teyla and walked over to John's bed, sparing a small glance for the nurse that was fixing John's IV. He started to reach a hand out but pulled it back, remembering where he was.

"He should be awake in a few minutes." The nurse offered him with a smile.

"Thanks." Connor returned and she moved out of the room. This time Connor didn't hesitate to run a hand through John's hair, shaking out some debris. He looked up at the others and Teyla and Evan had gone back to their conversation, McKay to his computer. Only Ronon was watching him and offered him a significant look towards the door before looking back at Connor. The linguist took that to mean that the Satedan would stand guard for them. Connor smiled his thanks before looking back down at his boyfriend.

He traced a hand down John's face and frowned at the dirt. He gave John's hand a squeeze and moved away and out of the room. He located a small basin, pouring some water in it from the sink. He picked up a towel on his way back into the room and set them down on the table by John's bed. He pulled a chair in close, taking a seat. Connor dipped the towel into the water and ran it gently across John's face, washing it.

When he finished with that he reached across his boyfriend and picked up one of John's hands, gently washing that as well. When that was clean he gently set it on the bed and reached for the hand nearest his. He was about halfway through cleaning it when John moved it a little. "John?" He asked softly. "Can you hear me?"

"Con…nor?" John slurred.

"Can you open your eyes for me?" He asked, reaching a hand out to brush it across the top of John's hair.

John seemed to struggle with the request, but eventually his eyes fluttered open and his head turned to look at Connor. The linguist set aside his washcloth and picked up the water glass on the bed, holding it out for John to take a sip. The older man gratefully drank the water, pulling away when he was finished. Connor set the glass back on the table.

"Ronon, Teyla?" John asked, starting to sit up.

Connor pushed a gently hand across his chest, leading him back down. "They're fine." He gestured Ronon over and the Satedan walked to the other side of John's bed.

"Hey buddy." John greeted.

"Sheppard." Ronon acknowledged.

"It is good to see you awake, John." Teyla offered.

Connor pushed a button on his bed to tilt it up so John could see his team. "Is everyone alright?"

"Evan has a broken leg, Teyla a broken arm, Ronon dislocated his shoulder." The Satedan glared at him. "And Dr. McKay was bruised, and cut his head." Connor offered softly. John's hand found his and entwined their fingers. A thumb rubbed the back of his hand gently and Connor gave John a small smile. "You had some internal bleeding that they've fixed, along with a concussion, which means you have to, um, stay overnight."

John faced him and smiled. "Lorne thinks this whole thing will get you to get over your dislike of Rodney." He said in a low voice so they wouldn't be overheard. Connor offered him a bemused look. "Well, you got everyone else to promise to be extra careful, and it's McKay's fault the building blew up."

Connor poked him in the shoulder. "You were supposed to be watching him."

"I was." John said, abashed. "I watched him…" He defended. Connor stared at him "…trip the booby-trap." John finished.

The linguist gave him a glare that neither man took seriously. "I'm glad you're alright." He said quietly.

"Really?" John asked, with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Prove it." Connor blushed and looked around. Everyone seemed to be studiously avoiding looking at them so he rose from his seat a little and planted a small kiss on John's lips. He sat back down and John pouted. "I survive a building falling on me, and that's all I get?"

"There are people here." Connor whispered.

"So?"

Connor blushed an even deeper red. "Later."

John winked at him. "I'm holding you to that." The older man tugged an arm around Connor's neck and pulled his head down to rest on his chest. The linguist tried to protest because John was injured but his boyfriend was having none of it. Connor gently reached an arm across John and fingers worked their way through his hair.

Eventually Ronon would cough and Connor would sit up from his position as a nurse walked in, but for now, the linguist was content to rest atop his boyfriend.

* * *

John was watching Rodney out of the corner of his eye. He had been released from the infirmary earlier that week and now his team, plus Connor, Lorne and Keller were settling down to watch a movie. John was happy for Ronon but wished that the doctor had been unavailable. Her presence had changed their seating arrangement. Lorne was sitting on the far end of the couch with Teyla next to him and John next to the Athosian. Connor was sitting on the ground in front of the couch between Teyla and John's legs. Ronon, McKay and Keller were all on another couch with Keller in the middle.

Rodney had seemed a little sad when it became clear he was the only one there without a date. John could tell him best friend was trying not to let it show, instead watching intently as Ronon popped the DVD in. A movie that someone had left in the rec. room about a dancing penguin.

The lights lowered around them automatically as the Satedan re-took his place on the couch, an arm settling along the back of it, around Keller's shoulders. A discreet look to the right showed that Lorne and Teyla were holding hands between them. John sighed and Connor turned his head up to look at him a question in his eyes. John shook his head at the other man and the linguist frowned but turned back to the movie. He felt a warm body lean against his leg and a small smile came to his face. John let a hand fall lightly against Teyla's knee to rest his fingertips in Connor's hair.

A couple hours later the movie was over and John saw Keller sleeping against Ronon with Rodney pressed up against the arm of the couch as far from the couple as possible. Teyla's head was resting on Lorne's shoulder but John could tell she was still awake. Connor had shifted so his head was leaning against Teyla's leg and John couldn't tell if his boyfriend was awake or asleep. Teyla untangled herself from John's second in command and reached a hand down to land gently on Connor's head. She bent down to peer at him and smiled back up at John.

"I do believe he has fallen asleep." She announced softly.

With a glance at the still sleeping Keller, John bent over to gently rub one of Connor's arms. "Connor." He whispered loudly.

An arm batted at his hand. "Mmm, John, why do you never let me sleep?" Connor asked sleepily, giving no signs of waking.

He heard Lorne snicker and John leveled him with a glare before turning back to his partner. "Time to wake up."

"No it's not." Connor mumbled.

"Well, I think Teyla would like her leg back." John offered with a grin at the Athosian woman.

"Teyla?" John could see his boyfriend beginning to wake up.

"Yes, Teyla. You're sleeping on her leg."

Connor sat up quickly with a blush. He looked up at the woman he had been leaning against. "Sorry, Teyla."

"It is not a problem, Connor." She offered with a sparkle in her eyes.

John stood and reached a hand down for the younger man who took it gratefully. He pulled the scientist up and Connor stumbled into John's chest, the older man's hands going out automatically to catch him. "Careful." He whispered into Connor's ear. The linguist shivered and stepped away from John.

The military commander frowned when he noticed that Rodney was no longer in the room.

"He left shortly after the movie ended." Teyla offered, answering his unspoken question.

"We need to find him a new girl." John decided.

"Who a new girl?" Keller mumbled as Ronon shook her awake.

"McKay."

"What happened with Katie?" She asked sitting up.

"They broke up before Valentine's Day." John answered her. "Anyways," He said looking around at the room full of people. "Does anyone have any suggestions?" Silence reigned around them. "None?" Everyone shook their heads. "Well let's try and think of someone before movie night, next week."

"Are you certain we should be interfering in Rodney's relationships?" Teyla asked.

John nodded. "Definitely. He needs to get back in the dating game."

Connor poked his arm. "Isn't that for him to decide?"

"Nope." He responded, shaking his head. "I let him decide before and he hasn't done anything about it. It's time for a little intervention." He grinned. John clapped his hands lightly. "Dismissed everybody! Remember your homework." Ronon snorted as he passed them, following Keller out of the room. Lorne offered a wave to Connor and him before leading Teyla out, leaving him and the linguist alone together. John turned to the younger man. "Ready?" Connor nodded.

John noticed him limping a little as they neared the scientist's quarters. He waited until they were inside to say anything. Connor collapsed onto the bed, laying back. "Leg hurt?" John asked, sitting down next to him.

"A little." Connor admitted. John knew that mean it probably hurt a lot if Connor was willing to say something about it.

The older man reached down to pull off Connor's shoes before quickly unbuckling his pants. John pushed the trouser's off of his boyfriend's body and examined the long gash on his lower leg. His fingers gently dance around the edges. "It's bleeding a little." John noticed with a frown. The wound was red and angry and a few bruises were still scattered around it. "Let me get some bandages." He stood and retrieved his first aid kit, coming back to settle at Connor's side. "Do you want to go to the infirmary? Someone can probably give you something for the pain?"

"No, I'd rather just stay here." Connor mumbled. He hissed as John wiped an antiseptic pad over the cut.

"Sorry." John offered. He placed a piece of gauze over the bleeding wound and cut some medical tape with his teeth, securing it to the leg.

"You couldn't have used plasters?" Connor complained. John knew the younger man preferred band-aids that adhered better to his skin.

"It was too big." John explained, patting Connor's stomach lightly before cleaning up the mess. He stood up to put the first aid kit away. John grabbed some sleep pants and stripped out of his uniform, pulling them on. John glanced worriedly at his boyfriend while he brushed his teeth; Connor hadn't moved from his initial position on the bed. The older man rinsed out and the bathroom light turned off. "You gonna brush your teeth?" He asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Did before the movie." Came his reply.

"What did Keller say about your leg?" John asked, rubbing the thigh carefully.

"To take it easy. Use the crutches if it starts hurting a lot."

John tugged on the bottom of Connor's shirt, pulling it off over the younger man's head. He leaned down to give him a kiss. He sat back up to help shift the linguist around on the bed. The older man laid down next to Connor and their hands met. The linguist hadn't been able to sleep in his usual position, with half of him resting on John, with his leg the way it was and both men were feeling the loss.

"I'm sorry I've been a bit short." Connor said quietly, after a long pause of silence.

"It's alright." John tried to assure him. "It's just… frustrating knowing that you're in pain and there's nothing I can do."

The linguist moved sideways a little to rest more against the other man. "John?"

"Hm?"

"Are you really going to try and set Dr. McKay up?"

John thought for a second. "He's just been so down since the whole Katie thing, it's hard watching him like this."

"John?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks for taking care of me."

"Comes with the territory, but you're welcome."

"John?"

"Hm?"

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Con."

* * *

Corporal Eric Johns, the youngest member of SGA-4, was pacing outside of Dr. Connor Davids' office, waiting for the older man to arrive. He looked anxiously at his watch again. 1042. He had been waiting for almost an hour. His shift started at noon and he was hoping he would have time to talk to the linguist before he had to go on. He stopped pacing as he heard footsteps near him.

Connor was limping towards him with Colonel Sheppard by his side, holding an arm for support. "Do you even know where the crutches are?"

"That's a -ah! dumb question, John." The other man gasped out, clearly in pain. Eric's eyes bugged out a little at the sound of an Irish accent coming from his normally American sounding friend.

"So where are they?"

"I don't need them." Connor protested he looked up and spotted Eric. He subtly tried to push the colonel away but the older man held on.

"Yes you do. And you also need to sit down and stay off that leg."

"And I will… just as soon as I get to my lab."

At the pace they were going, Eric thought that might take all day. "Now why don't I believe that?"

When they finally reached him, Colonel Sheppard offered him a nod as Eric saluted him and a lazy salute in return. The doors swished open without any code from Connor and Eric frowned. He knew the doors had previously been locked. Connor gestured him in as Colonel Sheppard led the scientist to his couch, gently depositing him on the cushions. "Which books do you need?" The older man asked, gathering up Connor's laptop.

"The two that are open and the blue one sitting next to them." The books were piled onto the laptop along with a notebook and a couple pens and handed over to the linguist.

"Lorne's getting you lunch, right?"

"It's Tuesday." Connor replied. Eric didn't know what that meant but it seemed to satisfy his commanding officer.

"Call someone if you need help."

"I will."

"I mean it, Connor." And for some reason hearing his CO call his friend by his first name shocked Eric a little. "Teyla and Ronon have both volunteered to help."

"I said 'I will'." He repeated in an amused tone.

"Yes, but I know you."

"Go." Connor said with a wave of his hand. "Do Colonel-ly things. Save planets, kill Wraith, shoot bugs."

Sheppard glared at him. "For the last time, it was a huge bug and it was going to attack us."

The linguist laughed softly. "Uh-huh. Bye, John." He waved.

The colonel rolled his eyes. "Later, Doc." And with that the other man was gone leaving Eric alone with the linguist.

Connor stood up and limped over to a water kettle, filling it up. "Tea?" He asked, shifting back into his American accent.

"Um, sure. Should you be standing?"

The linguist shrugged. "I'm fine." He put the water on to boil, bringing out two mugs and laying two tea bags next to them.

"Colonel Sheppard didn't seem to think so." Eric protested.

"John just, um, worries too much." Connor smiled. "So how can I help you today, Eric?"

"I was just wondering if you had some time to talk, Doc." He replied. The older man pointed him towards the couch and Eric took a seat. Connor rested on the arm as he waited for his water to boil.

"About anything in particular?"

Eric shifted nervously. "You won't repeat anything I tell you, right?"

Connor frowned. "Of course not. Unless you tell me something like… you've planted bombs throughout the base."

The younger man gave a nervous laugh. "No, it's nothing like that."

"Alright then, what can I, uh, help you with?"

"I like someone." Eric blurted out.

"So what's the problem?"

"This person barely knows I exist. In fact, I'm not sure that they even do."

"So a scientist." Connor guessed. He stood as the water began to boil. Eric watched his pour water into two mugs, adding the tea bags. Connor handed one to him and slowly limped back to sit on the couch, careful not to spill his tea.

"How'd you guess?"

"Evan and John say we, um, tend to live in our own little worlds." He smiled. "So how do you, uh, know you like this person if they don't know you?"

"I've spoken to them a couple times. Mostly like 'Excuse me' or 'Sorry', but they always seem to be around."

"Can you tell me who it is?" Eric chewed on his lip and shook his head. "Alright then, let's call this person… Alex."

Eric swallowed. "Okay."

"So what is it you, uh, like about… Alex?"

"Alex is funny… and smart. Really smart. Um, maybe not the nicest person though."

Connor raised a brow at that. "How so?" He asked, taking a sip of his hot tea.

"Alex yells a lot and thinks _everyone_ is dumb."

The linguist looked at him and his eyes softened and suddenly Eric felt very, very naked; like his friend could see right through him. "I'm not sure he's gay, Eric." He said softly.

Eric swallowed and looked at Connor with wide eyes. "G-gay?" He stuttered. "Why… uh, why would you say that?" He asked nervously.

The older man smiled kindly at him. "Your avoidance of pronouns, your overall nervousness since I've arrived… the fact that you came to talk to me."

The younger man swallowed. Connor was all but confirming that he was gay, something Eric had only suspected. "Are you sure?"

"About Dr. McKay? No." Connor shook his head. "But until recently he had been dating a woman for a few years. I could probably find out…"

The younger man fidgeted nervously and shook his head. "It's a dumb crush. I just need to focus on something else."

Connor took a sip of his tea. "Can I ask a personal question?"

"Sure."

"How long have you, um, known you were gay?"

"Since I was about fifteen." Eric admitted.

"And you still joined the Marines?" The linguist asked, astonished.

"I've wanted to serve my country for longer." He replied quietly. "For me it was never a choice."

"So you've…"

"Never acted on it? No. I did what I had to so I could get where I am today." Eric said taking a sip of his tea.

"And you've never regretted it?"

"I have. Once. And I do right now. But my job means so much more to me."

"I used to, um, sorta be like that. Consumed by the job. But then I fell in love and nothing else mattered as much as it did before." Connor looked him in the eyes. "I didn't think I could be this happy." Eric looked away from his eyes. "I think you should think about this. You must like him a lot to come talk to me."

"I do." Eric confirmed softly. "I don't know why, but I do."

* * *

Connor moaned as John's hand moved up and down his erection. Water was pelting them both from the shower and his boyfriend stood behind him, and arm wrapped around his waist, taking some of the pressure off his leg. John's own hardness was pressing firmly against Connor's lower back. The linguist tilted his head back to rest on John's shoulder. He came with a cry and John's hand squeezed him a few more times before going around his waist, to help him stand.

"Good morning." John whispered into his ear, pressing a kiss to his neck.

Connor felt John's hand leave his waist and move around to Connor's back. He felt the rhythm John's hand made as it jerked the older man off between their bodies. A few minutes later John was coming, and both arms wrapped around him again. John's head leaned forward to rest on Connor's shoulder.

"Is Dr. McKay straight?" Connor asked.

"What?" John asked, bemused.

"Dr. McKay. Is he straight?" Connor repeated.

"You're asking me now?"

The linguist frowned. "Um, yes?"

"So much for the afterglow." John groused. "Just be glad you're cute. As far as I know he's only dated women."

"Oh."

"Why? Are you running off with him now too?" John asked in reference to Connor's comment a week ago.

"In a dashing ménage a trois." Connor teased.

"Seriously. Why?" John asked. He had grabbed a washcloth and was moving it over Connor's body.

"Just wondering."

John thought for a second. "That night he got really drunk he said he should look for a man like I did since it worked for me."

"Do you think he was serious?"

"I think he was drunk." John answered. "And lonely."

"Oh."

"Now you are going to tell me what's with the twenty questions." The older man stated.

"I am?"

"Yep."

Connor hesitated. "I might know someone who likes Dr. McKay."

"A male someone?"

"Yeah."

"Hm, well, I'm not sure what to tell you, Con. I can try and see if Rodney was kidding." He offered.

"Discreetly?"

"I am nothing if not stealth." The younger man turned in his arms to look up at him skeptically. "Well, I can be stealth." John re-phrased.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." Connor said out of nowhere to him.

John tightened the arm around his stomach. "I love you, too."

* * *

"Good morning." Evan whispered in a voice husky from sleep.

"Good morning." Came his sleepy reply. Slowly eyes blinked open at him and a smile graced Teyla's face. "What time is it?" She asked.

Evan glance at his watch. "0616."

"It is early yet."

"For me." He grinned. "You're usually up by now."

"I am also usually in bed by 2200 hours." She pointed out.

"That's true." Evan rolled on top of her, his arms resting on either side to support his weight. "But neither of us has any place to be until 0800."

She wrapped a leg around the back of his. "I suppose I can skip my morning mediations." She offered with a smile.

"Really? Well in that case…" He bent down to capture her lips in a kiss, a hand moving up her naked body as her hands ran down his bare back.

They were both seven minutes late for their morning meetings.

* * *

"Sheppard! Stop touching everything!" Rodney yelled at him as something else he was holding lit up. "We don't know what all of those do! It could explode for all we know!"

John set the Ancient artifact back on the table. "Sorry, Rodney." He said with a smirk.

"Uh-huh. Sure, Sheppard. Here," He said thrusting a metal square into his hands. "Touch this." The square lit up and Atlantis sent a warning feeling to him. John immediately dropped the object and it shattered as it hit the ground. "Ack! What did you do that for?"

"Something was wrong with it."

"What do you mean wrong with it?" McKay asked, bending to pick up the pieces.

"It was bad."

"Bad? You're not making any sense Sheppard." He stood back up and dropped the shards into a box.

"Look, Rodney. Something was wrong with it, I felt it."

"Felt what?" He asked exasperated.

"I don't know. Just something wrong." John tried to explain.

Rodney threw up his hands. "Whatever, Sheppard. Keep your explanations to yourself. Touch this." He pushed something else into John's hands.

John concentrated on the artifact. "It's a flashlight."

"Ha! Eat that Zelenka!" Rodney yelled across the lab. The Czech doctor shot a string of foreign words at McKay.

"And this?" He pushed something else into John's hands.

He concentrated. "Um, kid's toy?"

Rodney looked interested at that. "Really?"

"I think so." He handed it back.

"Look, McKay, I didn't actually come here to play light-switch."

"Touch this." Something else was handed to him.

"Personal heater. Listen, I was wondering if you've ever…" John paused, unsure of how to ask the question.

"If I ever what?"

"So have you only dated women?"

Rodney dropped what he was holding. "What?"

"I was just wondering." John defended.

"Why? Not content with your boy toy?" He gathered up the artifact handing it to John.

"What? No! And notebook! Will you stop shoving things into my hands?"

McKay took the artifact back. "Then why are you asking?"

"You mentioned something when you were drunk the other night."

"Whatever I said you can't hold against me." Rodney immediately defended. "Unless I solved the mysteries of the universe."

"No mystery solving. So no interest at all?"

"Why this sudden need to knew all my interests?"

"Not all, just some." John defended.

Rodney looked around nervously. "Well, maybe the thought has passed through my head once or twice."

"Just a thought?"

"Yes. We don't all turn gay for the first man we see." He jabbed.

"So you have no interest?" John clarified.

"Well, I didn't say that. And you still haven't told me why you care."

"Just want to see you happy, buddy. It worked for me." John grinned.

"Yes, well, even bugs are attracted to you."

"Why is it _always_ the bugs with everyone?" Rodney just looked at him. "Well, whatever. Are you interested or not?"

"Interested in _what_?"

"A date."

"A date with who?"

"Someone who has expressed interest."

"Someone who?"

John tried to look reassuring. "A male someone."

"Yes, Sheppard, I got that part."

"Look, Rodney, I'm not exactly sure, it's not like anyone on the base will be coming to _me_ to confess they like a man."

"So how do you know someone even likes me?" The scientist asked with a skeptical look on his face.

"I have sources."

Rodney snorted. "Uh huh."

"So what do you say?"

"Fine, Sheppard. It can't possibly be any worse than I am now." He sighed.

"Awesome." John grinned.

Rodney shoved something else into his hands. "Now, touch this."

* * *

"So I got Rodney to agree to a date." John said later that night.

"You what?" Connor propped himself up on an elbow in bed to look down at his boyfriend.

"I asked him and he admitted to a small interest in men."

Connor looked nervous. "Um, well, I'm not sure my friend is ready for a date."

John pushed himself up level with Connor. "Not ready?"

"Well, he's never been on a date."

The older man laughed. "What, is he twelve?" A hurt look flashed across Connor's face but the linguist quickly hid it. "Shit, Con. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Connor sank back down into the mattress and he faced the ceiling. "It's fine." He said in a small voice.

"It's not. I shouldn't have said that."

"I'm fine, John." He said stiffly. "Anyways, I'll talk to my friend."

The older man peered down at his boyfriend. "I'm sorry." He repeated. He reached a hand out to gently cup Connor's face, turning his head to face John. "I'm sorry." He said again. "I love that I'm the only person you've dated. I wish you were the only person I've dated." He told the other man, voice full of regret.

"So tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day." Connor stated, changing the subject.

"Okay." John said hesitantly. Connor reached up to grab the hand on his face, clasping it tightly within his smaller hand.

"And, um, there's another Irish person on base."

"Your people are taking over." John said lightly.

Connor hit him in the arm. "Anyways, it's my boss and he's invited me over for a drink tomorrow night."

"A drink?"

"The thing we Irish are famous for?"

"Okay." John drawled.

"Um, so I'm telling you because I might come back pissed."

"Angry?"

"Drunk."

"Ah. How drunk?"

"Um, if I'm not back by one you might need to come find me."

"Find you?"

"Why are you repeating everything in question form?"

"I don't know. What do you mean, find you?"

"When drunk I tend to, um… wander."

"Wander?"

Connor hit him again. "Stop it."

"Ow! Alright, I'll come get you." John agreed. "This is partner abuse." He said rubbing his arm with his free hand.

Connor stared at him wide eyed. "Partner?"

John swallowed. "I… I meant boyfriend."

"Oh." Connor said in a quiet voice. "Okay."

They laid there in silence, holding hands while John's mind raced. "I lied." He said finally. "I meant partner." Connor didn't say anything, but John was sure he was still awake. "You've got to know by now that you're it for me, Connor. The person I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Promise?" The younger man whispered.

"I promise."

"I promise, too." And something inside of John clicked into place and he felt complete.

* * *

"Hey, Doc. You wanted to see me?" Connor looked up as Corporal Eric Johns stuck his head into his lab. Connor gestured him in. The corporal walked over to lean against his desk. "So, what's up?"

Connor mentally locked the door. "So I, um, did some fishing around. I know you told me not to bother…"

"With Dr. McKay?" The younger man asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"Oh. So what'd you find?"

"There's interest."

"In me?" Eric asked shocked.

Connor shook his head. "He doesn't, uh, know it's specifically you. There's interest in a date with a man."

Eric looked nervous all of a sudden. "I don't know, Doc. So many things could go wrong…"

"And something could go right." Connor countered. "Look, I don't know him very well, but I think he'd be discreet."

"Discreet?" Eric laughed softly. "Have you ever even met the man?"

Connor laughed with him. "I know. He's normally _so_ loud, but I know he can be quiet."

"Can I think about this?"

"Absolutely."

He pushed himself off of the desk. "Thanks, Doc. For everything."

"You're welcome." Connor smiled.

"I'll be in touch."

"Okay."

The door chimed. Connor mentally unlocked it and John walked in with a food tray.

"Sir." Corporal Johns saluted.

John shifted his tray to return the salute and Connor could see the annoyance in his eyes. "Corporal."

"I'll see you later, Doc."

"Bye, Eric." He gave a small wave and the younger man was gone.

John walked over to him and set the tray down next to the linguist's laptop. "You need to make more non-military friends. I can't take everyone saluting me."

Connor laughed at his boyfriend. "I'll get right on that. What's all this?" He asked, gesturing to the tray.

"Lunch."

"Lunch? Already?"

"It's 1500, Connor." John said.

"Oh. Really?"

"Yes, really." John pushed some of the food over to Connor's side. "Eat." He commanded.

Connor grinned and saluted him. John gave him a mock glare and the younger man laughed as he picked up the sandwich. "Thanks." He offered before taking a large bite of the sandwich on his plate.

John heaved himself up to sit on the desk next to the tray and grabbed a French fry, sticking it in his mouth. "So whatcha working on?"

"More medical stuff." He took a sip of the water on the tray.

"Still?" John asked, stealing another fry.

Connor nodded as he chewed. "Yeah."

"Don't you ever get tired of doing the same thing over and over?

Connor frowned. "But it's not the same thing."

"It's still translating."

"But translating different things." He said confused.

John shook his head. "Never mind."

"Um, okay." Connor said lightly, taking another bite of his sandwich. "I talked to my friend. He's going to think it over."

"Think it over?"

"Yeah. Just needs a little time." John pushed some food towards him and Connor took another bite.

"Okay. So…" John took a sip of Connor's water. "What would you think about a trip to Earth?"

Connor looked up at him, still chewing and frowned. "Earth?" He asked swallowing.

"Yeah, Teyla and maybe Ronon too. Thought we could show them around. And I believe I promised you a trip in a helicopter and a Ferris wheel ride in Santa Monica?" He asked for confirmation.

Connor nodded. "I didn't think you'd remember that."

"Well," John grinned. "You're not the only one with an amazing memory."

The scientist blushed. "When?"

John stole another fry. "I'm thinking in a couple months maybe for a week or two." He popped the stolen food into his mouth.

"You put in the request?"

"Yeah, a few months back."

"Oh. Wow. You've been thinking about this."

John nodded. "I'm sorry that it can't be just the two of us."

Connor waved his concern away. "Ronon and Teyla are okay with coming?"

"Well, I haven't passed it by Chewie yet, but Teyla seemed excited at the prospect."

The younger man smiled at him. "Sure. I'd love to get some more tea."

"So you want to go to Earth to get more tea?"

"And ride in a helicopter." Connor teased.

"Just you wait, it'll be awesome." John proclaimed.

"I'm sure." He smiled and John leaned down to give him a kiss, one the linguist readily accepted.

"I've got to get back to work. Happy St. Patrick's Day." He offered.

" _Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit_." Connor replied.

"I'll see you tonight." John said with a smile over his shoulder as he left.

"I hope so." Connor mumbled.

* * *

"Ah! Dr. Davids, m'boy, come on it!" Dr. O'Suileabhain gestured him into his quarters. " _Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig ort!_ "

" _Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig ort_." Connor offered back. "I brought some whiskey." He said, holding up a full bottle.

"Excellent! Excellent." Connor was sure his boss had a head start on the drinking. "Let me get you a glass." Connor took a seat on the couch, noting the array of alcohols on the table before him. There was beer, wine, whiskey, rum and vodka. "Here's you go!" A small glass was thrust into his hands. Connor set his whiskey on the table next to the other whiskeys. "Help yourself." The older man gestured, pouring more rum into his own glass.

Connor selected some vodka, pouring a shot into a small glass. " _Sláinte_." He said, gesturing with the glass towards his boss. The older man returned the cheer and Connor knocked back a shot. He poured another.

Two hours later Connor couldn't remember how much he had had to drink and most of the bottles on the table were empty. His face was flushed and he was laughing at something his boss had said.

"Connor, m'boy, it's time for us to remember our country!" Connor was pretty sure they had been doing that all night. "St. Patrick was a gentleman!" He began and Connor smiled.

The linguist joined in. "Who through strategy and stealth, drove all the snakes from Ireland, here's a toasting to his health!" They clinked glasses and took a long drink before continuing. "But not too many toastings," Connor shook his head, grinning. "Lest you lose yourself and then, forget the good St. Patrick, and see all those snakes again!"

They laughed together and Connor downed the rest of his drink.

* * *

John was a little nervous. It was 0044 and Connor still hadn't come back. The military commander was still in his uniform, prepared to go find his partner when he watch chimed 0100. He had only seen Connor drunk once and he was fairly sure that would be nothing compared to how drunk the younger man would be when he finished. A while back John had asked about St. Patrick's Day and Connor had excitedly told him all about it in his home country. A week long celebration, almost three days of straight drinking, parades, dancing, singing and more. John couldn't really imagine his shy boyfriend doing any of those things, and hoped one day in the future that he could travel with Connor back to the linguist's home country and experience it.

At 0058 the door slid open and John stood up. Connor stumbled into the room and looked up at John with a flushed face and relaxed eyes. John walked over to help the younger man into the room, locking the door behind him. Connor held on to his boyfriend as John led him to the bathroom.

"Have fun?" John asked.

Connor nodded enthusiastically. "I t'ink we drank ta whole base." He said, accent slurred and heavy.

John pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Well you certainly smell like you did." He said with a grin. The shower turned on and John reached out to stop the scientist from climbing in fully dressed. "Clothes, Con." He said.

"Oh yeah!" The linguist turned to look at him. "You are so smart, John. T'smartest of t'em all!" He giggled.

John gave him another kiss, this time on the lips. He reached for Connor's clothes and started undressing the younger man. Connor rested his hands on John's shoulder as the older man worked. The older man prodded him to lift his legs, and the other man stepped out of his pants and shoes. John reached for his shirt, pulling it up over his head. He gave the linguist a gentle push towards the shower and perched himself on the counter.

"You're not coming?" Connor pouted, turning around.

"In the morning, if you're up." John countered. "Remember the 'no sex when drunk' rule?"

"Ohhhh yeah. Am I drunk?"

"Definitely." John grinned. "Now take a shower."

"Alright." Connor agreed happily. John watched as his partner stepped into the shower, closing the door behind him. He laughed quietly to himself when he heard Connor start singing lightly. Most of it was in another language, interspersed with English words. John didn't think it was Irish and thought maybe he heard some French words coming from the younger man.

Ten minutes after it started the shower turned off. John hopped down and grabbed a towel. Connor opened the door and stood there dripping wet, no more sober than when he started. John opened the towel and the linguist stepped forward for John to dry his off. The older man gave him another kiss. "Ready for bed?"

"Mmm-hmm." He stumbled as he stepped forward and John reached out to catch him. John wrapped an arm around Connor's waist and patiently waited as the linguist brushed his teeth before leading him to bed.

"Stay." John ordered.

"Aye, aye, Colonel!" Connor grinned and mock saluted him.

John rolled his eyes before turning away to change strip out of his clothes, leaving him in his boxers. He rooted through the drawers to grab another pair of boxers for Connor. He threw them at the Irish man who held them up and studied them.

"They're for wearing, Connor." John smiled as he sank into the bed next to the younger man. Connor shot him a large smile as he tugged the boxers on. John saw a wince as they moved over his leg. His boyfriend curled up into him, resting his head on John's chest. "Con, you probably shouldn't sleep like this, your leg will hurt in the morning." He said softly, carding a hand through the linguist's wet hair.

"I don't care."

"I do."

"I miss hearing your heart." Connor said softly.

"It will still be here when your leg is better."

"It might not." The younger man countered quietly.

John felt a pain in his chest at that. "You're right." He swallowed. "It might not."

Connor didn't move and John, although his brain said he should, didn't push the younger man into a more comfortable position. The younger man was quickly falling asleep, but John wasn't ready to stop watching him. Connor's breathing began to even out.

"John?" Connor mumbled and John thought that perhaps he was already sleeping.

"Hm?"

There was silence for a while and the older man began to fall asleep himself. "Marry me." He heard mumbled into his chest.

Johns eyes shot open and he sat up a little to look at the man in his arms. "What? Connor?"

There was no reply and Connor remained soundly asleep.

* * *

The next day found John off world, exploring with his team. The planet appeared to be deserted, but Teyla was assuring them that the people liked it that way. John thought that the planet had been culled, and his other team members probably did as well from the doubtful looks he was receiving; but no one wanted to say that out loud.

"So," Rodney said, sidling up to him. "Whatever happened with this interested date?" He asked between bites of a Power Bar.

"He's thinking about it." John said distractedly. He couldn't get last night out of his mind. John kept hearing Connor's voice asking him to marry him.

"Hello?" Rodney asked, waving a hand in front of his face. "Atlantis to Sheppard? Anyone there?"

John slapped the hand away. "What, McKay?"

"I said, thinking about what?"

John turned to look at him. "He's military I think."

"So?"

"US military."

Rodney's face fell a little. "Oh."

John understood perfectly. "Yeah, 'oh'."

"So what's eating you, Sheppard?" Rodney asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been extra quiet today."

"What the fuck, McKay? Is there a word limit I need to meet?" John asked annoyed, he wanted to go back thinking about last night.

A hurt looked flashed across his best friend's face before the other man hid it. "Fine, be quiet. I don't care." He walked away from John to catch up with Teyla.

"He's right." John heard from his left. He looked to see Ronon in step with him.

"Right about what?"

"You've been quiet. What's up, Sheppard?"

"What? I'm not allowed to be quiet?"

"Not anymore." Ronon said mysteriously and John decided not to try and figure that out.

"I just have a lot on my mind."

"The Daedalus?" The Satedan asked.

"What? Oh, no." John denied. The ship was coming next week and John had a lot of stuff to do in preparation.

"So?"

"So… what?" John asked.

"What's on your mind?"

"It's private."

Ronon snorted. "Please, Sheppard." He said as if there were nothing private between them. John thought he might actually have a point.

He shook his head. "It's nothing, Ronon, really." The larger man looked doubtful but walked off as well.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about, John?" Teyla asked ten minutes later as she walked beside him. John turned and wondered how long she had been next to him for. He also wondered when his team had turned into a group of therapists.

"No." He said annoyed. "Why does everyone think I have something to talk about."

"We are just concerned."

"Well there's no reason to be." John defended.

Teyla reached out to touch his arm gently and John stopped walking to look at her. Her eyes searched his face. "I sense you are troubled about something. Does it concern young Connor?" She asked intuitively.

John sighed and looked away. His eyes tracked Ronon and McKay about ten yards away, both had stopped and were looking at something on the ground. "Last night he came home really drunk." John started.

"And you believe something is wrong with him?" She furrowed a brow.

"No, no, nothing like that." He said with a shake of his head. "Connor warned me in advance he'd be drunk. Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, an Irish holiday, big where Connor's from. So he and his boss, another Irish man were up all night drinking." He paused. "But that's not what's important. When he finally came back we were lying in bed and I'm positive he was sleeping but he," John swallowed. "He said my name and asked me to marry him." He finished softly.

Teyla's frown disappeared. "And what did you say?"

"He was sleeping, Teyla. And I couldn't talk to him this morning about it because he was still sleeping when I left."

"Would you have said yes?" She asked.

John didn't hesitate. "Yes."

She smiled at him. "It is good to know that you have found someone, John. For many years I worried about you."

"Really?"

"Yes. You always seemed quite… alone. Connor has changed that."

John smiled. "Yeah, he really has."

"So you will discuss this with him tonight?"

"I don't know. I'll ask him if he remembers saying it."

"Have you had a chance to talk to him about perhaps bonding in the ways of my people?"

John shook his head. "I didn't want to move to fast. We've only been together six months, Teyla."

"Time, I have found, holds no meaning where the heart is concerned." She offered wisely.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." John admitted. "I'm just scared."

"You should not be." She advised. They began walking again towards the other half of their team. "And you will apologize for being short with Rodney."

"Do I have to?"

Teyla shot him a stern glare. "Yes."

John pouted. "Fine."


	26. Stopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 26 : Stopping**

Author's Notes :  
\- I have no idea what's on page 46.  
\- _Star Wars_ and _Good Will Hunting_ are not mine.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

Corporal Eric Johns had never had a panic attack before but he was pretty sure this was the start of one. His heart was racing, the beats were echoing in his head. Eric's hands were sweaty as he wiped them nervously on his jeans. His breathing was shallow and spots were dancing in front of his eyes.

"Eric?" He heard distantly before a concerned face danced in front of his. Connor Davids was standing in front of him pressing a glass of water into his hands. "Can you hear me?" Eric tried to nod but wasn't sure if he was successful. "I need you to breathe with me. Can you do that?" Connor asked quietly. This time Eric was sure he nodded. "In… out… in… out…"

It took about five minutes for his heart to slow and his breathing to deepen out. He looked up from his water glass into the concerned gaze of his friend. "Are you alright?" Connor asked.

Eric swallowed. "Yeah."

The linguist bit his lips. "Eric, you don't, um, have to do this if you're not ready."

Eric gave the older man a funny look. "I don't think I'll get another chance, Doc."

The scientist pondered the statement before nodding in agreement. "Probably not."

"I want to do this." Eric proclaimed with conviction. "I just have no idea how." He added, in a small voice.

"Just be yourself."

Eric took a drink of the cold liquid in his hands. "I'm not sure I even know who that is."

"Well," His friend drawled. "The Eric Johns I know is slightly serious, but with a wicked sense of humor and a kind heart. Be that guy."

"What do I do, though? Do I pull out his chair? Hold open doors?" Eric panicked when Connor started laughing softly. "What?" The linguist laughed a little more. "Doc, what?"

"I'm sorry." Connor offered. "It's just, you remind me of me."

"You were nervous?"

"Of course." The older man assured him. "I was even, um, older than you when I had my first date, and I had no idea I was, uh, gay, so you're one up on me."

"Oh. Wow. You really had no idea?"

"Nope. Neither did my partner." Connor offered and Eric wondered if one day he would be as lucky as the linguist. "We're sorta… still learning together."

"What should we talk about?"

"Whatever you want."

"What if I don't want to talk about anything and just want to jump his bones?" Eric asked in a serious voice, hiding a smile.

Connor frowned. "Is that what you want?"

The corporal grinned. "No. But I want him to like me."

"Just be yourself." The linguist repeated. "If that's not enough, than he's not right for you."

Eric fumbled nervously with the buttons on his shirt. "I don't know if I can do this." He moaned and sank onto the linguist's bed. They were in Connor's room since Eric's was in the middle of the military quarters.

The scientist crouched down in front of him. "You can do this, okay? Stay positive."

"Okay."

* * *

"Sheppard, I'm not so sure this was a good idea." Rodney said as he broke a button on his shirt.

"It'll be fine, Rodney. He's a nice guy, interested in you…" Sheppard said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Connor said he's just as nervous."

"And there's that too." Rodney said, taking off the shirt and walking to his dresser to find another one.

"There's what?" Sheppard picked up the shirt and folded it.

"You never said that your boy toy was the mysterious hook up source."

"Don't call him that McKay." Sheppard said with a glare. "And Connor set up Lorne and Teyla and they're happy."

Rodney thought that over as he pulled out another shirt. "So is dating a guy different from dating a girl?"

"Well, you can both use the same bathroom." Sheppard joked back.

"John!"

Sheppard laughed. "Some things are different, yeah. But not everything. You'll figure it out."

The astrophysicist slipped on the new shirt, carefully doing up the buttons. "And he knows I'm me, right? That I'm not good with people and I'm… me?" He repeated.

"Yes, McKay. Wonder of all wonders, he knows you're you and still manages to like you." John rolled his eyes.

"Hey! You could have a little more sympathy. We're not all Mr. Cool."

Sheppard reached out to straighten his collar with a grin and Rodney slapped his hands away. John laughed, " Whatever, you'll be fine, McKay. He's just as nervous as you are."

Rodney lifted his chin in defiance. "I'm not nervous, Sheppard. Please."

His friend gave him a look but didn't say anything. "Well, go get him, McKay. He's in Connor's room."

"What, really?"

Sheppard frowned. "Yes, really. Where did you think he would be?"

"I don't know."

"Well he can't be in his room, now can he?"

Rodney thought about it for a second. "I guess not."

John led him to the door. "Come tell me about it when it's over, alright?"

Rodney looked up at him. "You want me to?" Sheppard had never wanted to hear about Katie.

"Yeah."

"Um, okay, sure."

His friend pushed him out the door. "I'll lock up. Have fun." John said with a grin. "Be home by ten."

Rodney shot him a 'you're so dumb' look and left his quarters. He walked down the hall to the linguist's quarters and swallowed hard before ringing the chime. A few beats later the door opened and a young Marine that Rodney almost recognized stood on the other side looking incredibly nervous _and_ , Rodney thought, _incredibly hot_. He searched his brain for a name and came up blank.

"Corporal Eric Johns." The younger man said quietly, as if reading his mind.

"Oh, um, Dr. Rodney McKay." Rodney offered back. _That was stupid, he know who you are even if you didn't know who he is_.

"I know." Eric offered with a shy smile. He turned for a second to someone behind him. "Thanks." Rodney heard before the corporal was stepping out of the borrowed quarters and into the hallway. "Dinner?"

Rodney swallowed and tried to seem more confident than he felt. "Yes, yes. Of course dinner."

"Um, Connor suggested one of us goes to the mess hall while the other goes to the food hub and he mentioned a balcony room…?"

"Yeah, Sheppard said the same thing." Rodney agreed as they walked to the transporter. "I'll take the food hub."

"Okay." He smiled again and Rodney thought he looked even hotter when he smiled. "So I'll meet you there?"

Rodney nodded as the transport stopped. "Yeah."

"Okay." He repeated and the doors closed. Rodney went off in search of food.

* * *

John entered Connor's quarters to find the linguist sitting with a mug of tea in his hand and a mug on the table next to him. John pulled him up to take his place before pulling him down again, on top of him. He took a sip of the hot tea. "Mmm, you got more Athosian stuff?"

"Yeah, Teyla dropped it off." Connor explained, resting his head against John's shoulder.

"How was he?"

"Nervous. I think he had a, um, panic attack."

"Really?" John frowned. "His file has no mention of them."

"First one." Connor poked his arm. "And what are you doing going through his file?"

"Hey!" John defended innocently. "I'm in charge here, I can look through anyone's file."

"Uh-huh." John thought the younger man was probably on to him. "You just want to make sure Dr. McKay will be fine." Oh yeah, definitely on to him.

"Is that a crime?"

"No." Connor admitted. "Just very nice."

John smiled. "Well I'm told I can be nice on occasion." He bent down to give the linguist a kiss. Even though he intended a short one he wasn't protesting when Connor gently pushed his tongue into John's mouth.

"Mmm." Connor sighed as they pulled away. "That was nice too." He finished his tea and set it down on the table before shifting his body on John. He gently worked his knees to either side of John's body, facing the older man and leaned forward. John set down his tea and slipped his arms around Connor and into the back of his pants.

"How's the leg?" John asked.

"Great." Connor mumbled against his neck. "Keller even gave me the all clear to start running again."

"That's good."

They sat there in silence for a while. "Connor?" John asked, breaking the quiet.

"Hm?"

"Do you, um," John swallowed. "Ever think about page forty-six?" He asked referring to the book his second in command had given to the younger man. Page forty-six began the section on oral sex.

He felt Connor frown against his neck. "Do you?"

"Yes." John admitted hesitantly.

Connor was quiet before responding. "I don't know." He said at last.

"Would you be willing to try?" John held his breath as he waited for an answer.

"I-I-I'm not sure." Connor mumbled.

"Hey." John said softly. He moved a hand up to rub Connor's back under his shirt. "There's no rush."

"I'm sorry." Connor whispered.

"No reason to be sorry." John soothed. "You're ready when you're ready."

"I'm sorry." He said again, looking incredibly sad to John.

"I'm not." John said firmly. "I'd rather we keep doing what we're doing now, for the rest of our lives, than push you into something you're not ready for."

Connor burrowed further into John's neck. "I feel like I'm holding you back." He whispered.

John frowned. "Where did that come from?"

Connor shrugged against him. "It's been there."

"You're not holding me back." John stated. "I may seem more comfortable with some things but I'm usually not."

"Really?"

"Yeah." John nodded. "Like what we were just talking about, I might be ready to try but I'm still nervous about it, and the fact that it's with you makes me more nervous because I want everything to be perfect. I won't lie to you, Con, sometimes I'm still a bit freaked out that I've fallen in love with a guy, but when I look at you I don't care, all I see is you."

Connor gently kissed his neck. "Sometimes it still bothers me, too. The thought that I won't be married in the Church or have kids." John's heart ached for the man in his arms. "When we first started dating it took me a while to look past the Bible. But I'm glad I did. I love you, John and none of that really matters if you're here with me."

A burst of happiness exploded inside of him at hearing Connor say he loved him. He knew the younger man had said it many times before in Irish, but never in English. "How about we work on this together?" John suggested gently. "Talk to me whenever you're having doubts, and I'll talk to you. We're in this together, for the long run."

"Alright." Connor whispered against his neck.

"Alright." John agreed, pressing a kiss to the side of his partner's head. "Alright."

* * *

"So are you even old enough to date?" Rodney blurted out. They were in the suggested balcony room. Eric was eating some chicken and vegetables while Rodney dined on a steak and potatoes. Both were drinking water.

Eric looked up at him. "I'm twenty-two."

"Not an officer?"

"No, enlisted. I'm working on my degree though." Eric offered. "I have four months left before I get my bachelors."

"Then what happens?"

"Officer training." Eric said, swallowing the food he was chewing. "Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne both do classes here."

"What! Sheppard does?"

"Yeah." Eric smiled.

"What's this degree in? And where are you taking it?"

Eric took a drink of water. "Engineering with an emphasis in nanobiotechnology from Harvard."

"Harvard? Really?"

"Yeah. I'm a year behind since we had no access to Earth our first year."

"So you were accepted to Harvard but joined the military instead?" Rodney asked baffled.

"And I'm a member of MENSA." Eric said with a twinkle in his eyes. "I love the military. I've wanted to be a Marine for as long as I could remember, and so I did everything I could to make sure that would happen."

"So you've been here since the beginning?"

"Yep." Eric smiled again.

"You know I'm older than you." Rodney pointed out. "Significantly."

Eric shrugged. "So?"

"You don't have a problem with that?" The older man asked.

"Nope." Eric offered. _Please don't have a problem with it either_ , he begged silently.

"Okay." Rodney said eventually. "That's probably the least of our worries anyways." Eric agreed.

Eric pushed away his plate. It held a bit of food left but he was too nervous still to eat any more. Rodney looked at his plate but didn't say anything. Silence seemed to break over them and Eric tried not to squirm in his seat.

"Why do you want to do this?" Rodney asked softly, looking sad to the younger man. Eric thought that Connor was right, the astrophysicist had his quiet moments.

"I like you." Eric said simply.

"And why do you like me? No one else does."

"Maybe they just don't know what they're missing."

"How do you even know what they're missing? You don't even know me."

"That's what dating is for, I think." Eric offered.

"You think?"

Eric tried not to wince. "Um, yeah."

"So you've never been on a date before?"

Eric bit his lip. "No."

"Oh, God." Rodney moaned. "I really am robbing the cradle."

"Look, Dr. McKay-"

"-at least call me Rodney." The older man put in.

"-Rodney," Eric continued. "I love my job. All I've wanted is to serve my country. I told you I did whatever it took to make that happen. I knew when I was ten that I wanted to serve, I didn't know I was gay until I was fifteen. I figured out early on that I had to choose, and I did."

"Fucking Americans." Rodney mumbled under his breath and Eric gave a soft laugh. "I'm not really gay, you know. More like curious."

Eric swallowed. "I could probably live with that."

"I mean, there was this one time in college… but doesn't everyone have a one time in college?"

"Most probably do, yeah."

"Oh. Yes, well, obviously you don't. Unless you count this… and fuck! It just hit me that you're still in college."

"Um, sorry?" Eric asked softly.

Rodney waved it away. "No, no. Whatever. We've all been there."

"Most have." Eric agreed.

Rodney pushed aside his empty plate and stood up, walking over to the balcony. He turned around to give the still seated Eric a look that said 'well, aren't you coming?'. Eric stood and walked over to stand next to him. Rodney took a seat, his legs hanging over the side and the younger man sat down next to him.

"So how would this work?" Rodney asked, turning to look at him.

Eric faced him. "I'm not sure. Probably similar to Connor's relationship."

Rodney fixed him with a stare and Eric tried not to blink. "What do you know about that?"

"What has he told me? Or what have I figured out?"

"Either. Both."

"He's told me that he didn't know he was gay until he met his partner, who also didn't know he was gay."

"And?"

"And I'm pretty sure it's with someone in the military, otherwise there would be no need to hide it. I've, um, narrowed it down to Colonel Sheppard or Major Lorne."

"Narrowed it down?"

"I don't think he's dating someone younger than him, which only leaves a few people left. And there was a coffee mug in his room with the Air Force logo on it."

"Hm. Maybe you're not as dumb as I thought."

Eric laughed and took that as a compliment. "Thanks."

"So…" Rodney fixed him with an odd look. "How long would we have to wait to get to the sex part?"

Eric coughed. "What?"

"I just mean… you're hot, and I'm, well… in the words of my sister… no John Sheppard. I figure you'll lose interest eventually."

"I, um…"

"You don't have any religious hang-ups or moral quandaries or anything ridiculous like that, right?"

Eric frowned. "No religion, really. I guess I've never really thought about it before."

"You're sure you're a guy?" Rodney asked, suspicious.

"Well, it's not like I could just pick someone up. I've been training." Eric defended.

"Please don't tell that you're-"

"A virgin?" Eric finished. "Um, possibly, yes. Is that going to be a problem?"

Rodney snorted. "Not for me. But still, wow. I was a geek in school and I still managed to lose it by fourteen."

Eric blushed. "I… how long do people wait to have sex?"

"Katie and I waited a few weeks."

"Weeks?" Eric tried to keep his voice from croaking. "Okay, um, wow, sure."

"Sure?"

Eric shrugged. "If a few weeks is how long people wait, than sure."

Rodney snorted again. "Sheppard's been waiting months." He fixed a look on Eric's face. "That doesn't leave this balcony."

"Got it." _Well, that confirms that_ , Eric thought. He frowned as he tried to picture his shy friend with someone like Colonel Sheppard.

"Picturing them together?" Rodney asked knowingly.

"Yeah." Eric admitted.

"I try not to anymore. I've seen them together a couple times and I still can't believe it."

"It's just… wow."

"Yeah. So anyways-"

"-Are you dating me just to have sex?" Eric cut in.

"I don't know. Would that bother you if I was?" Rodney asked.

Eric thought about it. He still really liked Rodney McKay, even if he wasn't quite sure why. The man was loud, arrogant, demeaning to others and a lot older than he was, but Eric still liked him. The thought that the other man might be using him for sex, hurt a little. "I'm not sure. I like you, Dr. McKay."

"It's Rodney. And no one likes me."

"I like you. Colonel Sheppard seems to like you, you're team too." He reminded.

"You listed four people on a base of hundreds." Rodney said informatively.

"What if we gave this a try and if it doesn't work out, I'll still sleep with you." Eric offered.

Rodney frowned. "What?"

"I'll probably still like you." He said. "If you decide you don't like me, than you should probably get something out of this."

"What? I'd basically be using you for your body."

"I'm letting you." Eric protested.

"And what about you? What would you get out of this?"

"I'd get to spend some time with someone I liked."

"That's it?"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Yes! You're a kid who's whole life has been the fucking military, for some reason you decided I'm worth it enough to ask on a date and then at the end of a month if I don't like you, you'll let me sleep with you so _I_ get something out of it?"

"Yes?" Eric asked uncertainly.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Rodney exploded.

Eric backed away a bit at the loud question. "I… what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know! But you can't let people use you like this."

"I don't."

"You're letting me."

"I like you."

"You like me enough to let me use your body like a hooker?"

Eric swallowed. "I guess. It's just sex."

"Sex that you've never had before." Rodney sighed loudly and turned away.

"So you don't want to sleep with me?" Eric asked, confused.

Rodney looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Of course I do, if you haven't noticed, you're pretty hot. I'm surprised no one else has told you that before."

Eric thought for a second. "A few girls have."

"I'm sure. Look, kid-"

"-Eric." He put in.

"Eric." Rodney corrected. "I feel I should give you the standard disclaimer that all the exs have thrown back at me. I'm an arrogant jerk. I spend most of my time working, and therefore have little free time to do other things. I don't understand emotions and I tend to think everyone is stupid because they're not as smart as I am. I'm not careful with feelings and will probably say mean things a lot." He said frankly.

"Well, I'm quiet." Eric said. "Most people say I'm too serious. I'm ambitious and invested in my job, I have three friends on base and they're the only friends I've ever really had. I probably suck at relationships because I don't really have anything to offer. My favorite movie is _Good Will Hunting_ and I've never seen _Star Wars_."

Rodney turned to look at him. "And you want this."

"And I want this." Eric added. "I won't lie. I'm nervous. The second I leave here you could go straight to Colonel Carter or Sheppard or Major Lorne and my career would be finished. I'm not sure why I even came. The Doc, though, said you were a good guy, that you could be trusted, and I trust him with my life."

"Sheppard's ninja said that?"

"If you mean Dr. Davids, then yes."

"Oh, wow. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me." Rodney said. "Well, I'm not going to tell anyone, kid."

"And stop calling me, kid."

"I'm almost twenty years older than you, I can call you 'kid'."

"It's weird though, if you're going to sleep with me. And you're only sixteen years older than I am."

"I'm old enough to have a child your age."

"Well you can have me in a few weeks." Eric said with a grin.

"Was that… did you just make a joke?"

"I can make jokes."

"You haven't yet." Rodney denied.

"It takes me a while."

"So any qualms about kissing on the first date?"

"Not yet." He smiled.

Rodney eyed him. "You have kissed before… right?"

"Um, I kissed a girl once."

"A girl?"

"At a party in high school. We played Spin the Bottle."

"And since then?"

"Not so much." Eric admitted.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, come here." Eric scooted closer until their sides were touching. A shock ran up his arm where it touched the older mans. Eric reached out to grab his hand, holding it tightly in his. Rodney didn't pull away, instead lifting his other hand to the back of Eric's neck. Eric swallowed nervously as their heads moved closer together.

"Close your eyes." Rodney whispered. Eric did and the next thing he knew, lips were gently touching his.

* * *

"You set me up with a fucking kid, Sheppard! And a virgin!" Rodney said loudly an hour later.

"He's a virgin?" John asked bemused. "And he's twenty-two, McKay, hardly a kid."

"I'm thirty-eight. I could have a kid his age, thus, he's a kid."

"Only if you were pro-creating when you were sixteen. He's a consenting adult."

Rodney whirled from his pacing to face him. "Consenting! He doesn't even know what he's consenting to! He offered to sleep with me after a few weeks if I decided that this was going nowhere."

"He did what?" John's eye brows rose quickly. "When did he say this?"

"I asked if he was opposed to sex and he wanted to know how long people usually waited, so I told him that Katie and I waited a few weeks, so he said a few weeks would be fine."

"Fine?" John asked confused.

"Then he said that if, after a few weeks, I didn't really want to keep dating, he would sleep with me anyways! He said that I should get something since he gets something."

"And what's he getting?"

Rodney continued pacing. "That's the crazy part, Sheppard! He gets to and I quote 'spend time with someone he liked'."

* * *

A few rooms over, a similar conversation was happening.

"I don't think Dr. McKay is going to go out with me again." Eric bemoaned to Connor. He was seated on the bed with the scientist on his left. Connor had a soothing hand moving in circles on his back.

"He seemed pleasant enough when he dropped you off."

"We spent the last forty-five minutes making-out."

"Wow." The linguist said, surprised. "Well then how can you think it went badly?"

"He kept calling me 'kid'."

"You're just a wee bit younger than him." Connor tried to re-assure.

"I'm sixteen years younger than him."

"I thought you knew that."

"I did! He, apparently, didn't." Eric said, putting his face into his hands.

* * *

"And!" Rodney added. "He's never seen _Star Wars_! Even Ronon and Teyla have seen it and they're from another _galaxy_!"

"He's working on his degree, McKay. Between that and work I doubt he has a lot of free time."

"I thought most teams have movie nights."

John winced. "They do. He's just not there too often because he's busy."

"And he's so serious! He made like two jokes the whole time."

"What did you want him to do, McKay? Start telling knock-knock jokes in the middle of dinner?" John asked, exasperated.

* * *

"I'm not even sure he's not using me for sex." Eric mumbled.

"He's not _what_?"

* * *

"So you're not going to go out with him again?"

"Are you crazy, Sheppard? All I have to do is have dinner with him a few more times and we can get to the sex part."

"You can't use him like that, Rodney." John said sternly. "He likes you. God knows why."

* * *

"So you offered to sleep with him if he decides he doesn't want to keep dating?" Connor clarified.

"Yeah."

"And you don't care that the only one who will get hurt in this scenario is you?"

* * *

"He's young." Rodney said with a sigh, collapsing onto his bed next to John. "And serious, and quiet and in the fucking Marines."

"Well, if he's a virgin, I doubt he's been _in_ them."

"This isn't a joke, Sheppard!"

* * *

"He said he wouldn't tell anyone that I'm gay."

"That's a good start."

* * *

"I'm not sure I've seen you this worked up over something before." John observed.

Rodney leveled him with a glare. "I'm worked up over something every hour, Sheppard."

"Well, over a person then." John corrected. "I think you like him."

Rodney didn't deny it.

* * *

John licked the hollow spot near Connor's collarbone, eliciting a gasp from the younger man. John rested his chin on Connor's chest and looked up. The younger man was looking at him with a mix of pleasure and love. His hands were gently working through John's hair as the older man went back to mapping out the linguist's body with his tongue. He teased a nipple and the hands in his hair tightened lightly and John grinned against his partner's skin before moving on to the other side.

He slowly moved down Connor's chest, kissing and licking the younger man's stomach. He studiously avoided his partner's erection as he moved even lower, caressing thighs, knees and ankle. John urged the linguist to roll over and Connor complied. He slowly licked his way back up the younger man's body, gently nipping each cheek on his way to Connor's back. John sat on Connor's upper thighs and grabbed some lotion from the bedside table. He squirted some onto Connor's back and the linguist gasped at the cold sensation.

John leaned forward. "Sorry." He whispered into Connor's ear.

"It's okay." His boyfriend said, voice husky.

John sat back up and slowly rubbed the lotion into Connor's back, massaging his shoulders and back, working out tension and knots. "You need to not hunch over when you sit." John declared.

"I'll work on it." Connor mumbled.

John pressed a row of kisses to his back and rolled him back over, still straddling his thighs. He bent over to kiss the man underneath him deeply. Connor wrapped his arms around John's body, pulling on the older man to move up a little. Their erections met and John groaned happily. John coaxed his boyfriend's tongue into his mouth and sucked it gently, tasting the linguist. Connor's hands moved down to gently rest on John's cheeks, a mound in each hand.

John reached out to pour more lotion onto his hand, dropping the bottle off the side of the bed he reached the slicked hand in between their bodies and grabbed him and Connor, pressing them together. His hand slowly pumped them, moving up and down. John tried not to imagine using his mouth instead of his hand, but the picture flashed across his mind and he came with a cry.

Connor looked at him a little surprised but John didn't say anything, he panted as he moved his hand up and down Connor's shaft. Seven minutes later the linguist was coming all over John's hand. The older man reached up and licked some of the hot liquid off. Connor's gaze was questioning but not disgusted or disturbed. John wiped the rest off with a tissue and cleaned their bodies as well.

He rolled off of the younger man to lie next to him on the bed. Connor turned and curled up into him in his normal position. John wasn't sure if he should say anything, instead he moved a hand to rest on Connor's head, fingers tangled in the red-brown locks.

"I want to try, _a chuisle_." Connor said softly.

John shook his head. "Connor, no."

"It means a lot to you."

"You mean a lot to me."

"I'm not afraid to." The linguist said.

"I didn't think you were. It's a big step though."

"A lot of people do it on the first date." Connor countered.

"We're not a lot of people."

"You've… um, I mean… with girls?" Hr blushed a little.

John moved the hand in Connor's hair gently. "Yes."

"And you liked it?"

John hesitated. "Yes."

"Well, okay then." Connor said and pulled out from John's arm, moving down.

John reached out to halt his progress. "Hold on, there. First of all, I'm flattered that you think I could get it up again so soon, but I can't. Secondly, I thought I would go first, on you. And finally, you're still not ready."

Connor flopped back onto John as the older man yanked him down. "I'm tired of not being ready."

"It won't always be this way." John soothed.

"You don't have to go first."

"I think I probably should."

"I'm sorry."

"We've been over this."

"I-I want to make you happy."

"And you do." John said seriously. "Giving me a blow-job is not what is going to make me happy. Just being with you makes me happy."

"But this can make you happier." Connor protested.

"No." John denied. "You being you makes me happier. And while we're on the subject, I, um, wanted to talk about something else."

"Something else sexual?"

"Yeah."

John felt Connor swallow nervously. "Okay."

The older man moved his hand back into Connor's hair and reached his other hand out to clasp Connor's. "We've never really talked about sex. And I know it's a bit early to be talking about it now, but I want to be clear. I'll wait forever, Connor. If it never happens, it never happens, and I'm okay with that."

"You're okay with that?" The linguist asked confused.

"Yes." John said firmly.

"I think I mean… eventually, yes." Connor said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I want us to be closer, John." The older man gently pushed Connor off his chest and up so his head was lying on the pillow next to John's. John turned to face him, their bodies tangling together.

"We are close. Sex only makes us closer in some ways."

"I want to be closer in all ways."

"Alright." John conceded. "I'm not ready yet either." He offered. "I just thought we should talk about it, in case it was ever on your mind or something."

"I've thought about it a couple times." Connor admitted. "I read the book but it just sounds…" He blushed.

"Uncomfortable? Painful? Weird?" John offered. Connor nodded against the pillow. "I'm not gonna lie, Con, from what I've heard, it's all of those things. But it can't be that bad if gay people have been doing it for thousands of years."

"Yeah."

"Whenever we're finally ready, we'll take it slow and use a lot of lube." John promised.

Connor blushed deeper. "Okay."

"Was there anything else you want to talk about?"

Connor was silent for a moment. "When we finally, um, make love, I… who do you think will…"

"I will." John said firmly. "I'll bottom first, Connor."

"But-" He started to protest.

"No." John said again. "Neither of us have done it before, we don't know how much it will hurt or what to do. I'll go first."

"But according to the book I-"

"Fuck the book, Connor." John said seriously. "I don't want you to bottom first. Please." He added.

"What if I hurt you?" Connor asked in a small voice.

"Than we add more lube or change positions." John decided. "I know the book would indicate that you would be more… submissive than me, but I don't want it to be like that. We'll figure it out for ourselves. Please Connor, don't fight me on this."

Connor swallowed. "Alright."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, if it means that much to you, John."

"It does." The older man affirmed. "Thank you." He pressed a kiss to Connor's lips. "Thank you." He repeated.

" _Tá grá agam duit_."

"I love you, too."

* * *

John's eyes shot open when he rolled over and found an empty bed. A glance at his watch said 0537. He reminded himself that his missing boyfriend had been cleared to run with Ronon. He settled back into the bed and tried to fall back asleep but a nagging feeling hit his mind, as if something were wrong. John reached out to grab his radio.

"Sheppard to Davids." He had made Connor start wearing a radio when he and Ronon went running. The younger man said he worried too much but took it with him anyways.

"Davids…here." He heard in response.

"Is everything alright?" John asked.

"I… um…" His voice started fading. "Ronon! Hey, give that back!" John heard softly. "Sheppard?" John heard Ronon ask.

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"We're on our way back."

"Is everything okay?" John was already pulling the blankets off and rooting around for clothes. "Ronon?"

"Irish isn't feeling well."

"Not feeling well how?" John asked.

"Ronon!" John heard in the background. "He's sleeping."

"No I'm not." John said as Ronon said, "No, he's not."

"He should be." Connor countered. The voice got closer and John figured that his boyfriend had taken the radio back. "John?"

"Connor?" John question, worried.

"I'm fine."

"He fainted, Sheppard." Ronon said in the background.

John frowned. "You fainted?"

"No! No. I was just a little… dizzy."

"Was out for a couple minutes." Ronon offered loudly.

"And no one thought to call me?"

"It wasn't any minutes. Stop listening to him. I'm fine."

"Connor, what's really going on?"

"Nothing. Ronon is worrying for no reason." John heard the Satedan say something but couldn't make it out. "No, Ronon, stop, I'm fine." Connor responded to the taller man. "Sorry, John."

"Where are you?"

"About to get on a transporter."

John rushed out of the quarters and down the hall, arriving a few seconds before Connor and Ronon stepped out of the transporter. John clicked off his radio as he examined his partner. Connor was flushed, but otherwise seemed pale. John reached a hand out to his forehead and the scientist knocked it off.

"I'm fine." He said and left John and Ronon in the hallway.

John watched him go before turning to his teammate. "What happened?"

"We were running." Ronon explained. "Reached the quarter point, stopped for a drink. I turned around and Irish was on the ground. I counted two minutes before he woke up. He says he's fine."

"He always says he's fine." John frowned. "Thanks, Ronon."

"No, problem."

John left the Satedan and found the shower in Connor's quarters running. He stepped into the bathroom and perched on the counter. "Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you talk to me?" His normally amicable boyfriend seemed agitated and John wasn't going to push him.

The shower turned off and John handed a towel to the dripping linguist. "Thanks." Connor mumbled, drying off. "There's nothing to talk about." He offered, turning to head out the door.

John sighed and followed the younger man out of the room. "Would you like some tea?"

Connor shook his head. "I'm going back to bed. I'm sorry you had to get up."

"I didn't _have_ to." John corrected. "I _wanted_ to."

The scientist pulled on some boxer shorts and one of John's shirts. He walked over and crawled into bed, pulling the covers high over his head. John filled a glass with water and carried it over, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Drink this." He said, holding the glass out.

"Not thirsty." Connor replied.

"For me?" John asked.

Connor paused but pushed down the blankets and sat up, taking the glass from John. He downed the water and handed the empty container back before once again burrowing under the blankets.

"Thank you." John said, setting the glass down. He laid down and pulled some of the blankets over him. He felt Connor move and a few seconds later his boyfriend's head was resting on John's stomach, an arm thrown around his waist. John snuck a hand under the blankets and gently settled it on Connor's forehead. This time the linguist didn't push him off, allowing the intrusion. John couldn't be positive but Connor felt hot to him, feverish. After a few seconds Connor pulled his hand down and held it against his chest.

John eventually felt Connor's breathing even out, but even though he tried, the older man couldn't fall back asleep. He watched the sun come up over his city. When his watch beeped, John slowly extracted himself from the body on top of him. He pushed the covers down off of Connor's head, leaving the younger man room to breathe.

"John?" The scientist mumbled sleepily a hand reaching blindly for him.

"Shh." John said softly. "I have to go to work. How are you feeling?"

Silence. Then, "Not so good."

"Do you want me to get Keller?"

"No. It's just a bug."

"A bug from a different galaxy." John tried to reason.

"I caught it from Jim."

"Jim?"

"Jim Smith."

"My sergeant?"

"Yeah. His mom sent cookies from Earth, Keller said it came from those."

John silently breathed a sigh of relief. "So he's had it?"

"Yeah. Ben, too."

"Only two?"

"If it took me this long to get it, it might have taken Eric this long too."

"Rodney's Eric?"

"Mm-hm." Connor confirmed.

"I'm sorry to leave you like this." John said regretfully, climbing out of bed. He pressed a kiss to Connor's warm forehead before making his way to the shower. Fifteen minutes later he was freshly showered, brushed and dressed, perched on the edge of Connor's bed. "You gonna be okay today?" He asked, feeling Connor's head again.

"Mm-hm."

"Alright. If you need anything, call someone. I have meetings and stuff today and Lorne has a lot of that too but I think Ronon or Teyla will be available. If you can't find someone, call me." John said, running a hand through the linguist's hair.

"Mm-hm."

"I'm serious, Connor." John said firmly.

"I know. I'm sorry I was… rude this morning." Connor said quietly.

"I forgive you. I just wish you would let me help you." John offered with a sigh.

"I know." Connor looked up at him, blue eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I don't handle being sick well. It…holds me down."

John smiled. "And you're a free spirit."

Connor poked his leg. "Leave me to be miserable in peace. Go pick on some Marines."

The older man laughed. "Alright. I'll see you tonight."

"Lunch?" Connor asked quietly.

John shook his head. "I have to work through it. I can ask Teyla or Ronon…" He left the offer hanging.

The scientist shook his head. "I'll be fine."

"I'm sure you will." John pressed another kiss to his boyfriend's head and stood. "Feel better."

"Thanks." Connor murmured and John could already sense him falling asleep. He shook his head and went to fill a glass with water, placing it on the bedside table when he finished. With one last look at his partner, John went to start his day.

* * *

"Ronon." Jennifer whispered loudly.

"Hm?" The large man pinning her down grunted.

"I need to get up." She said, poking a bicep.

"No, you don't." Ronon denied. He pulled her closer to him. Jennifer could feel his heart beating as their chests pressed together.

"I really do. I'm going to be late to a meeting _I_ called." She wiggled to try and move out from under him.

"So be late."

"That wouldn't be setting a good example."

"You have two hours."

"I need to review my notes." She protested, squirming a bit out of his grasp. In response her boyfriend held on tighter.

"I know something else you can review."

"Oh yeah?" She asked, falling limp. "What's that?"

"Last night." Ronon grinned, and sat up to look down at her.

"I really need to go-" The Satedan cut her off with a kiss, his knee slipping between her legs. Jennifer smiled against his lips. She would be late. Again.

* * *

"Alright that's it." Carter announced, beginning to gather her things. John looked up excited. They had been in a meeting for over two hours and he was past hungry. But before he could stand the Air Force colonel spoke up, "Wait, I'm sorry. One more thing. Dr. Keller informs me that there's a bit of a flu outbreak going around the base. Right now we only have a few cases, but be aware that your departments may be short some people for a couple weeks." She looked at everyone. "Got it?"

"Yeah." "Yes, ma'am." "Uh-huh." Came her responses.

"Good. Dismissed." She grinned. "For real this time."

John was out of his seat and on the way to the mess hall before she could change her mind. He arrived quickly and grabbed a couple sandwiches and a bottle of water. A glance at his watch said he had ten minutes until his next meeting. He opened the plastic wrap of one of his sandwiches and bounced indecisively before heading for a transporter. Twenty-two seconds later he stepped out onto Connor's level and breezed through the linguist's door.

The room was bright as the balcony doors were opened, letting a cool breeze into the room. There was a large lump under a bunch of blankets on the bed and two empty pudding cups on the bedside table along with an empty glass. John shook his head as he chewed a large bite of his sandwich. He grabbed the empty glass and filled it up.

"Teyla?" A quiet voice called.

"It's me." John answered, walking back over to the bed and setting the filled glass on the table. He sat down on the edge and reached a hand out to Connor's forehead.

"John?" A head poked its self out of the blankets. "I thought you had meetings."

"I do. I'm eating." He gestured with a sandwich. "I have a couple minutes; just wanted to see how you were. So Teyla was here?"

"Yeah. Brought pudding."

"I see that. You feel hotter." John observed. "How's the rest of you?"

"Ugh." Connor answered. He reached up to grab the hand on his forehead and hold it against him.

"Is there anything I can help with?" The linguist shook his head. John finished one sandwich and opened the second. He looked down at his boyfriend. Connor's eyes were closed but John knew the scientist was still awake. "Is Teyla coming back?"

Connor nodded without opening his eyes. "Later."

"Okay. I'm sorry I can't stay." John said, apologetically. "I wish I could."

"I know." Connor whispered. "I'll be fine." He let go of John's hand and the older man stood up. He pulled the blanket back up over Connor's head.

"I'll see you later." John said quietly.

"Bye." He heard from under the covers. John left the younger man there and went on to his next meeting.

* * *

Connor groaned as his door chime rang for the third time. He waved a hand in acquiescence and Atlantis opened the doors.

"Doc?" Connor heard his best friend ask. "Are you in here?" He sounded worried so Connor pushed the blankets down to face him.

"Yeah." He answered softly.

"Hey, I've been looking every… you don't look so great." Evan observed, walking over to the bed.

"Twenty-four hour bug." Connor informed him.

"Oh… Oh! That's not good."

"Tell me about it."

Evan grinned sheepishly. "Well for you either, but I needed you to fly a jumper today."

"Rescue?" Connor asked.

Evan shook his head. "Re-con on a planet."

"How about tomorrow?" Connor offered.

His friend looked skeptical. "You sure you'll be up to it?"

Connor yawned. "Hm-hm. Ben and Jim were only sick for a day."

"Alright." Evan agreed. "I'll put you down on the schedule. Can I, um, get you anything?" He offered.

"Nope." Connor replied, burrowing back under the covers.

"Alright. Sorry to bother you."

"It's fine."

"See you later, Doc."

"Bye, Evan."

Connor heard the doors open and close as he snuggled back into his blankets.

* * *

Rodney McKay didn't bother to look up as the doors to his lab opened. It was 0130 and the only person who ever bothered him this late was Sheppard.

"I'm busy, Sheppard, go play with your boy toy." He said distractedly.

"You know, one day it's not going to be Colonel Sheppard, or me, and he's going to get in a lot of trouble from you saying that." He heard.

Rodney looked up from his computer and saw Corporal Eric Johns approaching with a half grin on his face. "Oh, it's you. Isn't it past your bed time?"

Eric frowned. "I don't have a bedtime." The younger man stated as he came to stand behind Rodney. He looked over the astrophysicist's shoulder to peer at the computer screen. "Wraith?"

"Yeah, stuff from Michael's lab."

"The one you blew up?" Eric asked curiously. He reached a hand out to trace a word on the screen and Rodney slapped it away.

"I did not blow it up." He huffed. "It was rigged to explode."

"Okay." The younger man accepted easily.

"So what are you doing here, besides bothering me?"

"Am I?" Eric asked with a frown. "I'm sorry."

Rodney waved the words away. "So?"

"I just thought I'd come visit."

"At one in the morning?"

Eric moved to his side and shrugged. "Well there aren't really a lot of times we can see each other."

Rodney thought for a moment. "I guess not." The doors to his lab clicked as they locked. Rodney looked over at them. "Did you do that?"

"No gene." Eric replied with a glance at the doors.

"Really?"

He shrugged again. "Didn't take."

"Hm, well, we can't all be genetically superior." Rodney boasted.

The corporal gave him a wry smile. "So what are you doing?" He asked, taking a seat on a nearby stool.

"Working through the database for anything useful." The older man answered, turning back to his task.

"Don't you sleep?"

"Later."

"It is later." Eric protested.

"Look," Rodney said, turning to face him. "During the working hours I have a million things I need to do, people to yell at, machines to stop from exploding, I don't have time to do extra stuff then, so I do it at night."

"It's morning."

Rodney glared at him. "Technicality."

"Should I leave?"

The astrophysicist gave him a look over with his eyes. "Give me ten minutes."

Eric gave him a rare smile and nodded. "Okay."

Rodney waved a hand. "Go, be somewhere else in the lab. Don't touch anything that says 'don't touch'." He turned back to the computer and heard the younger man stand and walk around.

Twenty minutes later Rodney was saving his work and turned to see Eric, marker in hand, filling in bits of an equation on a white board. "What are you doing!" He yelled, walking briskly over to the corporal's side.

Eric turned to look at him nervously. "I, um, just…"

"Just messing with stuff! This is important work that's taken Zelenka and me a long time to…" Rodney trailed off as he read through the equation. "What did you do?"

"I…"

Rodney kept reading. "That's not an answer." He said distractedly.

"I just noticed a few things were wrong and so I fixed them for you. I'm sorry, I can put them back." He offered.

Rodney reached the end and turned to glare at Eric. "You!" He said, pointing a finger at the younger man. "It's not fair." He declared, looking at the white board once more.

"I'm sorry?" Eric said confused.

"You're hot _and_ smart. So not fair." Rodney bemoaned.

"I think you're pretty hot."

Rodney turned to look at him again, a sincere look was on the younger man's face. "Yes, well we've already established that you're young, too young to know better."

Eric frowned at him. "But I-"

Rodney put a finger on his lips. "Let's go, kid." He offered. He walked back over to his desk and grabbed his favorite laptop before heading for the door. They unlocked with a click and opened. Rodney walked out, heading for the transporter when he realized he was alone. He turned back to his lab and saw Eric standing in the same place he had left him. "Well? Are you coming?"

"Coming for what?" Eric asked confused, but started walking towards him anyways.

Rodney gave him a look that read 'you really can't be that dumb'. But the younger man continued to look confused even as he climbed into the transporter with Rodney. Half a minute later they were at the level for Rodney's quarters and he stepped off, heading down the hall. When he didn't hear anyone following he sighed, annoyed, and turned around again, putting a hand on his hip. "Let's go."

"Let's go where?" But the younger man kept following. Rodney decided then that having a… make out partner in the military wouldn't be so bad. He definitely could follow orders. Rodney grabbed his sleeve and pulled him into his quarters with him. He set his laptop on his desk and waved the younger man towards his bed.

"Make yourself at home." He offered, reaching down to pull off his shoes.

"Um, Dr. McKay?"

"Rodney." He corrected, again.

"Rodney, what are we doing?" Rodney turned to look at the younger man who had wide eyes and was shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

"Will you calm down? I didn't bring you here to steal your virginity." Eric reddened. "Are you opposed to making out?" The younger man shook his head no. "Good."

Rodney walked over to the younger man, hooking his arms around his waist. Eric hesitantly wrapped his arms around Rodney and soon their lips were meeting, tongue dueling while Rodney studiously tried to avoid thinking about Eric's age.

* * *

Connor woke up to wet lips on his neck, teeth gently biting the skin there. A heavy body was on top of his while one of John's hands was in his hair, the other was in between their bodies.

"Jo-oohn." Connor gasped.

The older man pulled away from his neck. "Finally." He grinned. "Took you long enough to wake up." He bent back down to continue sucking Connor's skin.

The linguist didn't answer as he wrapped his arms around John's body, hands trailing down to cup two soft globes of flesh. He kneaded the cheeks in his hands and John moaned against his neck. John had one leg resting between Connor's and one on the outside of the linguist's left leg so that Connor's leg was between John's. The older man gently thrust against his partner's leg and Connor groaned.

John pulled back, breathing heavily. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Much better." Connor offered and John leaned down to capture his mouth. The younger man didn't protest that he needed to brush his teeth, John had waived him off in the past; he didn't care.

A tongue invaded his mouth and a finger flicked over the top of Connor's erection before a hand wrapped around it tightly, squeezing it. The hand was dry so John didn't move it very much, instead he brought the hand up to his mouth and, pulling away from Connor's mouth, licked the palm so it was wet and moved it back down to wrap around the younger man. John looked him in the eye as his hand began to slowly jerk Connor off.

The linguist's hips bucked upwards and John thrust against his leg, slowly humping the younger man. Lips met his again and Connor greedily accepted the tongue thrust into his mouth. Connor carefully let a finger drop into the space between John's butt cheeks, letting it rest there as they continued to move. John moved the hand in his hair out to grab the lotion bottle and sat up on Connor's legs. His other hand stopped and moved to accommodate his body and John used the hand to pull Connor up as well. They sat up together and John drizzled lotion down over their erections, watching them jump a little at the cold liquid.

John pulled them together and Connor's hand snuck between their bodies to grab John's hardness, slowly working his hand up and down the shaft. John reached for Connor's and began to do the same thing. Their mouths met and John thrust his tongue into the younger man's mouth in rhythm with his hand. Connor's other hand snaked around his back and his fingers splayed against John's lower back, holding him tightly.

Connor broke the kiss, gasping for air and John held them tightly together, as he repeated Connor's name softly into the linguist's ear. Connor rested his head on John's shoulder and John's hand moved up to cradle the back of his neck, holding him there gently.

"Connor." John gasped. "I'm close." He whispered. Connor kissed John's neck and increased the speed of his hand. Sure enough, a minute later John came in small spurts. The body under his head shuddered for a second, but John's hand never stopped moving. The hand on Connor's neck slowly moved down. "I want to watch you." John whispered.

Connor pulled his head back to look at John. His boyfriend's eyes were alight with emotion and there were beads of sweat on his forehead. John began to pump faster and Connor could feel his body responding. John's eyes met his and Connor came with a cry. The hand on him kept moving until Connor collapsed against John, the older man catching him and cradling him against his chest.

The younger man could hear his partner's rapid heartbeat and feel his body breathing fast as it slowly began to recover from their activities. John leaned backwards and pulled Connor down on top of him, the linguist was too tired to move as he pressed into John's chest, their dog tags tangling between them. John pressed a kiss to the top of his head and Connor tried to return the motion with a kiss to his chest, but found himself too exhausted to move.

"You wore me out." Connor mumbled while poking John.

The other man laughed. "You're younger." He countered. "You should have more energy." Connor thought that was probably true but he poked his partner again anyways. "I love you." John said suddenly, passionately and heartfelt.

Connor's heart skipped a beat and his breathing hitched. "I love you." He offered back.

Johns arms were wrapped around him and his hands moved in soothing patterns across his back. "And I love watching you come." John said and Connor could hear the grin in his voice. The linguist blushed and John laughed again. "Are you going back to sleep?"

The younger man shook his head. "Evan's putting me to work today." Connor offered.

"Oh he is, is he?"

"Yeah, in a jumper."

"A mission?"

"No, some re-con."

"Hmm." John commented as his hands traveled down to gently squeeze Connor's butt. "How long will you be gone?"

"I'm not sure." One of Connor's hands came up to pull John's dog tags out from between them, tangling them with his fingers.

"Do you know who's going with you?"

Connor shook his head. "I assumed SGA-4, but I have no idea."

"So you don't know when you're going, who you're going with and… do you even know where you're going?"

"Nope." Connor answered cheekily. He could almost feel John roll his eyes.

"You are not very helpful." John chastised.

"Well… if you really want to know I'm sure I got an e-mail about it." Connor offered, beginning to sit up. John held on tighter.

"I'd rather stay like this." He said softly.

"Me too." Connor agreed, resting his head on John.

* * *

"Shit! I'm late!" Rodney bolted up from his bed. "Why didn't you wake me?" He shot over his shoulder as he quickly stripped out of his clothes and stumbled into the bathroom. A few seconds later he was in the shower. "Make some coffee!" He shouted out the door.

He didn't hear a reply but soon enough he smelt the familiar aroma of his favorite beverage wafting in from the outer room. He quickly finished washing and dried off, wrapping a towel around his waist. He stopped to quickly brush his teeth before heading back out for clothes. Rooting through his dresser, Rodney found some clean clothes and dropped his towel, pulling them on. He turned around and Eric was standing there with his eyes closed holding out a mug of steaming coffee.

Rodney took a long sip before speaking. "Oh, please. You're in the Marines, you haven't seen other men naked?"

"None that I liked." Eric replied.

Rodney drowned the rest of the cup and poured some more coffee in. "What you don't drink coffee?"

Eric frowned. "Not really."

"More for me." The older man declared as he downed his second cup. Rodney refilled it again.

"How much of that do you drink?"

"A lot." Rodney offered before drinking some more. He walked over to his computer and sat at his desk. He began to answer the e-mail that had accumulated while he slept.

"Weren't you late?" A hesitant voice asked behind him.

"Yes, but Sheppard won't mind. I'm always late." As if on cue, Rodney's headset started beeping. Eric grabbed it and handed it over to Rodney. "What?… Really?… Yes… No… Sheppard, stop bugging me… What?… I'm busy… How do you know I'm not at my lab?… Go find your boy toy… Oh, I'm the runner up?… Well, I'm busy… No! Don't touch that… Sheppard!… I'll be there in half an hour, try not to blow up the lab… Oh, ha-ha, John…" Rodney clicked off his radio. He turned to look at Eric. "You blow up one solar system and no one ever lets you live it down." He said and then took another long swig of coffee.

"Um… should I go?" Eric asked.

"What you don't eat breakfast?"

"I do." He frowned. "Do you?"

"Yes, you idiot. I'm asking if you want to get breakfast with me."

Eric's face lit up. "Yes."

Rodney snorted into his coffee. "You're easy to please. How was the couch?" He asked. The younger man had spent the night on Rodney's couch, despite protests from the older man that he could share a bed just fine without raping him in his sleep.

"Nice."

"Nice?" Rodney had slept on that couch before, it was anything but nice.

"Yeah."

The older man gave him a strange look. "Whatever works for you, kid." He gathered up his laptop and grabbed his jacket, heading for the door. Eric followed him out the door and to the mess hall. Rodney piled his plate up with food and took notice of the small amount that the younger man behind him took. "Is that all you eat?" Eric nodded. "Well you should-"

"Rodney!" Someone said loudly from across the room. He looked up and Teyla was offering him a wave and a gesture towards a chair across from her. Rodney noticed Lorne was there too. He subtly motioned to Eric and Teyla frowned for a second before brightening and motioning to the seat across from Lorne.

"Do you mind if we sit with them?" Rodney asked, gesturing to Teyla and Lorne.

Eric swallowed but shook his head. "If you want to."

Rodney laughed. "I don't really want to, but Teyla gets mean. And she can kick your ass."

"Oh." Eric followed him across the room and obligingly took the seat next to Rodney and across from his superior officer.

Rodney bit into some bread as he gestured, "You two know each other, right?" He asked, taking another bite.

"Major Lorne." Eric greeted.

"Corporal Johns."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Dr. McKay." He put in.

Lorne grinned at him. "Nice to see you, Doc." He offered.

Teyla offered him a smile. "Good morning, Rodney."

"Morning." He offered, downing more coffee. Beside him Eric had barely begun to cut up his pancakes.

"I was hoping to be able to discuss John's birthday."

"Sheppard's?" Rodney asked. "That's not until April."

Teyla smiled at him. "April is next week." She offered gently. "And John's birthday is the week after."

"So… surprise party?" Rodney guessed.

The Athosian shook her head. "I have spoken to…" She glanced at Eric and fixed Rodney with a look before continuing, "A close friend of his and they believe a surprise party would be unwise."

A light went off in Rodney's head. "He already knows." The scientist offered, gesturing sideways with his fork at the corporal sitting next to him.

"Know what?" Eric asked.

"About Sheppard and the kung-fu linguist."

"Rodney!" Teyla said sharply.

Rodney looked up and saw Lorne fix Eric with a look that said they would be talking later. "What? He's friends with Sheppard's boy-toy. And like it's not completely obvious."

"It's not." Eric put in.

"I, too, do not believe either of them to be obvious in their affections."

"Either way, McKay, you can't go around telling people, much less inferior officers and members of the US military." Lorne added. "What are you two doing together anyways?"

"I was asking Dr. McKay if he wouldn't mind looking over my thesis work." Eric put in.

"Huh, what?" Rodney asked, turning to look at him. Eric gave him a firm look. "Oh, yeah. Nanobiotechnology. Sure." Rodney agreed.

"So Connor has said that a surprise party would perhaps not be the best way to go."

"What?" Rodney asked, food hanging out of his mouth. "We always do a surprise party."

Teyla passed him a napkin and a glare. "So perhaps this time we shall try something new."

"Like?"

"Such as a small intimate gathering of friends."

"And by small you mean…"

"Yes, those people limited to the knowledge of his relationship with Connor."

Rodney thought for a second. "Ronon's not going to like that."

Teyla sighed as she sipped her tea. "I have spoken to Ronon on the issue already. He has agreed that it would be best if Dr. Keller were to not attend."

"He agreed?" Rodney asked blankly.

"Yes. Connor has also recommended a few places to hold the party, as well as offered to make the cake."

"Why is he in charge of everything?"

Lorne coughed as Teyla answered. "He is closest to John and thus-"

"-Hold on. What? I'm his best friend. I think I know Sheppard better than some trigger happy linguist."

Teyla shook her head and ignored him. "Anyways, we are planning the party on his actual birthday, so please do not plan anything else for that night." She turned to look at Eric. "Of course, you are also welcome to attend, Corporal." She offered.

"It's Eric, ma'am, and thank you for the invitation."

"Eric, then." She bowed her head lightly. "Any questions?" Nobody said anything. She smiled and faced Eric. "So what is this… thesis? You are working on?"

"It's required for me to graduate from…"

* * *

"John?" Connor asked with a soft laugh. "What are we doing up here?" He looked down from the top of one of Atlantis's spires.

"It's our anniversary." John replied, coming up behind the linguist. There was a bit of wind that night, and the man in front of him shivered. John eased out of his coat and wrapped it around the younger man.

"Won't you be cold?"

John shook his head. He wrapped his arms around Connor from behind and the younger man clasped his hands over John. They looked out over the city as the moon lit the metal walls.

"We've been together for eight wonderful months." John murmured in his ear. Connor leaned back into him and John smiled at the feeling. "Connor?" He asked hesitantly.

"Hm?"

"Do you remember the night you came home drunk? St. Patrick's Day?"

"Um, not much. Why?"

John squeezed him tighter. "You said something that night, something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

Connor turned around in his arms. "John? Was it something bad?" He asked concerned.

"No, no." John assured him. "Nothing like that." He leaned down so their foreheads touched. "Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you've struggled a lot with your religion and our relationship." John stated, searching his partner's eyes for confirmation. The younger man nodded. "Where have you landed with that?"

Connor bit his lip nervously and frowned. "I still believe in God, if that's what you're asking."

John shook his head. "No, I'm talking about other things. Like two men being together, living together." The younger man turned back around and leaned forward against the railing. John took a small step to close the gap that had opened up between them and wrapped his arms around his partner, pulling him back. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that." John whispered.

"No, it's just… it's just hard. I've never really landed anywhere with it. I'd…I'd like to think that I'm a good person, John. That God still loves me."

John's heart ached for the younger man. "I'm sure he does, Connor. How could he not?"

"I don't know." Connor whispered softly. John turned him back around in his arms and gathered him close. "I don't know." Connor repeated, holding on tightly to John. "So many things say this is wrong, but I know," He said quietly, "I know this is right. That being with you is right." He pressed his face into John's shoulder.

"I love you." John said roughly. "I love you, Connor." He felt Connor's body shake a little as the younger man held tightly to him.

After a few minutes Connor pulled back. "I'm sorry." He said, wiping away a few loose tears.

John leaned forward to gently kiss the drops on his face. "I love you." He repeated.

"John?" Connor asked softly, looking up at him with bright blue eyes. "Did I say something about God to you?"

The older man shook his head. "No. It wasn't about that."

"Then what was it?"

"I…I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Connor." John said gently.

Connor frowned slightly at the change in direction. "Okay." He accepted lightly.

"I want to wake up each morning with you next to me, and go to bed knowing you'll be there when I wake up." John continued and the younger man looked up at him baffled. "I want to know everything about you and I want you to know everything about me. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy and I know that if I can do that then I can spend the rest of _my_ life happy."

"John what are-"

"Shh." John said, pressing a finger to Connor's lips before removing it and taking Connor's hands in his. "My world was so empty before I met you, I don't think you even know how much you've changed my life. When you say you love me, I believe you and I remember each and every time you say it." John slowly took a step away from Connor, still holding on to his hands. "Connor," He said, slowly kneeling onto one knee. Connor's eyes were wide and he looked impossibly small at that moment in John's jacket. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Connor Aodh Davids, will you marry me?"

" _No." Connor said softly. "I won't."_


	27. Fluctuations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 27 : Fluctuations**

Author's Notes :  
\- Begins immediately after chapter twenty-six.  
\- _Semper fi_ : Always faithful; motto of the Marine Corps

Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10

* * *

John sat up breathing heavily, words from his dream echoing in his head. _No, I won't_. He looked to his right and saw Connor sleeping soundly. Before he could stop himself John reached out a shaky hand to wake his partner.

"Connor?" He said softly.

"Hm? John?" The younger man asked sleepily, blinking awake. "What's wrong?"

John shook his head. "Nothing. I… just a bad dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Connor asked concerned. "Low lights please." The lights turned on and dimly lit the room. John turned to look at the linguist who was now propped up on his elbows.

The older man didn't say anything, just laid back down and turned to face Connor, hesitantly curling into the younger man. A hand landed on his head, gently moving through his short hair. John's heart was still beating rapidly as he compared it to the calming rhythm of Connor's. _No, I won't_. John squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to block out the memory.

"Talk to me?" John requested.

"When we go to Earth in a couple months I want to take you to Ireland." Connor began, as he held on tightly to John. "It rains there all the time. A sunshine boy like you would be miserable." He laughed softly. "But when it's not raining, Eire is so beautiful. The grass is an amazing shade of green, the water is so clear you can see through it from hundreds of feet above it. We have marvelous cliffs in Ireland, we can go cliff diving, you would probably like that. When you travel through the countryside all you can see is grass and hills, rocks and sheep, lots of sheep…"

John let his partner's words wash over him as he slowly forgot about his dream and instead began to picture the lovely greens of Ireland.

* * *

"So in your dream you asked him to marry you and he said 'no'?" Rodney asked at lunch.

John nodded as he took a bite. "Basically."

"Did he say why?"

"No, that's when I woke up." John admitted.

"And now you think that if you ask him to marry you he'll say no."

John swallowed. "Yeah."

"Are you sure you want to marry this guy? What if someone else comes along… someone who can form complete sentences without stutterin-" He closed his mouth as John leveled him with a glare.

"First of all, McKay, I don't care if someone else comes along, he's it for me. Secondly, he doesn't stutter. Thirdly, I'm positive I want to marry him."

"What? How can you even say that, Sheppard? All the man does is stutter. I say 'hello', he says 'um…. hi… um… uh…'."

"That is in no way accurate, Rodney." John argued. "And he gets nervous around other people, so what?"

"So what? Shouldn't he be over that by now?"

John glared at his friend over the table. "Look, McKay, I don't ride you for dating a _corporal_ , so leave Connor alone."

"Psh. Whatever, Sheppard, and you set us up! So you can't even say anything." He grumbled. "And we're not dating, really."

"Didn't you say he spent the night?"

"On the couch." Rodney groused.

"Oh." John popped a fry into his mouth. "I think I freaked him out this morning."

"You told him the dream?"

"No. I woke him up in the middle of the night. I just needed to know he was still there."

Rodney snorted. "Please, Sheppard. The guy is totally in love with you, like he's going to just leave."

John sighed. "I've got to go, McKay." He said suddenly, standing abruptly and grabbing his tray. "I'll see you later."

"Where are you going?" Rodney called after him. John didn't turn around, just dropped his tray off and kept walking. He quickly found the transporter and seconds later he was out and running towards Connor's lab. He had a strong urge to see his boyfriend. He needed the younger man with an immediacy that would have frightened him, had John let himself think about it.

"John?" Connor asked, turning to face him as he burst through the doors. The younger man stood with a concerned look on his face. "Is everything alright?"

John crossed the space between them quickly and pulled Connor into a desperate kiss before pulling away and hugging the younger man to him tightly. Connor steadfastly returned the hug. John buried his face in his partner's hair, closing his eyes and inhaling his scent. "I missed you." He breathed.

"John?" Connor asked worriedly. "You just saw me a few hours ago."

"I know." John said, pulling back. "I'm sorry."

The younger man frowned. "Don't be. You're always welcome. Is something wrong?"

John sighed heavily and led the younger man to his couch, pulling him down next to him. Connor threw his legs over John's. sitting sideways and the older man played with a loose thread on Connor's pants. "Just… my dream last night. I can't shake it."

Connor was quiet for a moment. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Just be here." John responded softly. "Don't leave me."

"I won't. I promise."

"Thank you."

* * *

"So what do your parents do?" Rodney asked from under an Ancient console. "Hand me that, will you?" He pointed towards something. It was almost 0200 hours and Eric had dropped by to spend time with the astrophysicist.

Eric passed the tool over to him. "Nothing."

"They're retired?"

"Not really."

"Rich?"

"No."

Rodney poked his head out. "Dead?"

Eric shook his head. "Not that I know of."

The older man frowned. "So they do nothing but they're not rich, dead or retired?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Any siblings?"

"No."

"You're certainly chatty tonight." Rodney griped, moving back under the console.

"I'm sorry. I don't have any family left on Earth." Eric explained.

"I thought you said your parents weren't dead."

"They aren't." Eric crouched down to see what Rodney was doing. "My dad's in jail and I haven't seen my mother since I was four."

"Divorced?" Rodney asked, looking over at the younger man.

"No. Just decided one day that she didn't want to be married or have a kid so she left."

"Oh." Rodney pushed a crystal into place and the console lit up. He smiled gleefully and Eric stood, offering a hand down. Rodney accepted and was pulled up. "Is it rude to ask what your dad did?"

Eric was silent for a moment and fixed Rodney with a strange look. "You won't tell anyone?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I won't tell a soul." He mimicked zipping his lips shut.

"I…" He hesitated.

"C'mon." Rodney urged. "It can't be that bad. What are we talking here? Theft? Fraud? Tax evasion?"

"Child abuse." Eric said quietly and looked away.

"What?" Rodney whispered in disbelief. He reached out and touched Eric's arm gently. "How long?"

"Too long." Eric sighed. "Twelve years."

"Days." Rodney countered, not wanting to believe his words.

"Years."

"Months." He tried again, haplessly.

"Years."

"Twelve _years_? And no one noticed?"

"Only in the way that everyone does. No one wanted to interfere."

"I'm sorry." Rodney said quietly. "We don't have to talk about family. Sheppard says I'm horrible at small talk."

"It's alright." Eric turned back to face him. "Tell me about yours."

"Well the only one I still talk to is my sister Jeannie. She's married to some vegan or whatnot and they have a daughter, Madison. My parents, last I heard, were still alive somewhere. Jeannie would probably know."

"Jeannie was the one here last year?" Eric asked for confirmation.

"Yeah, that was her."

"You two look a lot alike."

"Well that's what happens when you share DNA." Rodney snapped, then frowned. "Sorry."

Eric shrugged. "What else do you have to work on tonight?"

"Just some reports and stuff for Carter." He informed the younger man, walking over to his desk. Eric trailed behind him. "What did you do at night before you started stalking me?"

"Sleep."

"When do you sleep now?"

"When I can." Rodney snorted and gestured him towards the couch against the far wall. "That wasn't there before." Eric commented.

"I'll wake you up when I'm finished." Rodney said, already typing away on his computer.

"Thanks, Rodney." Eric said softly. Rodney was sure that no one had ever said his name as reverently as Eric did and it sent a small shiver down his back.

"Whatever." He grumbled in response and smiled when he heard a soft laugh.

* * *

"The Daedalus is coming in two days." John whispered to the man curled up on top of him. John was running a hand up and down Connor's arm that reached across him.

"I know."

"They're only staying for a week."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know." Connor repeated, but this time it seemed warmer to John.

"I'm thinking every third night, I'll stay here."

Connor was silent. "Okay." He whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I love your job. _You_ love your job. And part of that means having to deal with Caldwell."

"Who also loves my job." John put in with a grin.

Connor laughed. "Yeah."

 _No, I won't_. The words hit John again and he shivered.

"Are you cold?" Connor asked, already reaching down to pull up a blanket.

"No." He reached an arm down to stop the younger man's progress. "It's fine." Connor let the blanket fall. "Con?"

"Hm?"

John shook his head. "Nothing." He said.

"Alright." Connor said sleepily and John could sense him drifting off to sleep.

John waited until his partner was soundly asleep and committed the scene to memory. How Connor's body would rise and fall gently with each breath. The warmth of his skin on John's skin. The feeling of his hair tickling John's chin.

"I love you." John whispered to the sleeping man. "Please don't say no."

* * *

When Connor returned from his morning run, and showering in John's quarters he sat down to check his e-mail, expecting one from Lt. Ramsey, the leader of SGA-4. When he found what he was looking for he clicked it open.

 _Doc,_

 _We're gating out at 0800 today. Glad to have you with us. There's a pre-briefing at 0715._

 _Lt. Benjamin Ramsey_

 _US Marine Corps_

Connor glanced at the clock on the bottom of the screen. It was 0645. He left his laptop and walked over to perch next to John on the bed.

"John?" He said quietly.

"Hm? Connor?" The other man was awake almost instantly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I have a meeting at 0715 and its 0645 now. I need to get some breakfast." Connor explained.

"I'll come with you." John offered, already sitting up.

"You don't have to."

"I know." John called from the bathroom as he began to brush his teeth. "I want to, though." Connor moved to the dresser and pulled out some clean clothes for the older man, laying them out on the table. "Thanks." John said, with a kiss to Connor's cheek as he pulled on the clothes. Together they left the linguist's quarters and headed for the food hub. John hit the transporter button and Connor yawned. "You heading out with Ramsey's team?"

"Yeah."

"What's on the agenda?" John asked as the transporter stopped. They got off and continued down the hallway.

"Tracking down another one of Michael's labs that Dr. McKay found mention of."

John paused in his walking and grabbed Connor's arm. "What do you mean you're tracking down one of Michael's labs? The last one imploded on us!"

"Carter assigned this to us." Connor shrugged.

John loosened his grip on the younger man. "Sorry. I… just be careful."

Connor offered him a cheeky grin as they kept walking. "Like you were careful?"

"I was careful… Rodney wasn't."

"Uh-huh."

They reached the food hub and spent the next twenty minutes eating, with the occasional person walking in and out. "And you'll take a P-90 this time."

"I have my M-11."

"Which is a good sidearm." John agreed. "But the P-90 is good at keeping your partner's peace of mind."

"Peace of mind, huh?" Connor grinned. "And what will you give me if I do?"

They stood up and bussed their trays walking back to the transporter. John leaned over to whisper in his ear, "Whatever you want."

Connor blushed and the older man laughed as they stepped into the lift. When it stopped Connor asked Atlantis to keep the doors closed for a second and the city happily responded. He wrapped his arms around John and leaned up for a kiss, which John obligingly gave. When they broke apart John rested his forehead on Connor's.

"Be safe." He whispered.

"Same to you."

John gave him a half smile. "I'm not leaving the base."

"Never stopped you before." Connor reminded him.

"That's true, but it's not like I invite trouble." John protested. "Trouble just… finds me."

"Uh-huh." Said the linguist skeptically. "In that case, pretend you're hard to find."

"If you take a P-90, I'll pretend to be whoever you want." John said suggestively.

Connor blushed again. "Just you." He said softly.

"I think I could be me." He kissed Connor again deeply, slowly pulling away. "More of that tonight if you come back safely."

"I'll keep that in mind." Connor promised.

John reached out to smooth Connor's hair and clothes, straightening them up. "I'll see you later." He said as the doors opened.

"Bye, John. _Tá grá agam duit_." He offered.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." John offered back as a Marine walked by.

"Very impressive." Connor informed him.

"I try." John winked and the doors closed between them. Connor sighed and headed out to the meeting room.

"Doc!" He heard behind him as he walked. He turned to see Sgt. Jim Smith heading towards him. "You coming with us on this one?" He asked with a grin as he caught up.

"Um, yeah."

"Awesome." Jim said excitedly. "We've love having you come with us. Are you sure you don't wanna join the team?"

Connor rolled his eyes at the other man. "When will you stop asking?"

"When you join." He grinned.

"I'm not joining."

"Then I'm still asking." Smith said. "You're an honorary member anyways."

Connor smiled. "Not gonna work."

"Damn." Jim said with a smile. "I'll get you one of these days."

"You wish." Connor said playfully.

"You know it, Doc. You know it."

"Good morning, gentlemen." Lt. Ben Ramsey greeted as they entered the room.

"Morning, sir."

"Good Morning, Ben." Connor offered softly.

"We're just waiting for… ah! Here he comes. Late night, Johns?"

The corporal blushed lightly. "No, sir. Early morning."

Ben laughed. "That it is. It's a four hour puddle jumper ride to the planet from the Stargate, so it's about to become a long morning." Connor made a mental note to grab his laptop. "Alright ladies and doctor, here's the plan for today…"

Half an hour later Connor was suiting up. His tac vest was clipped on and Eric was checking it behind him. Connor turned around when he finished to check the younger man's. "Thanks, Eric. I'll, uh, see you in the jumper bay."

"Where you going, Doc?" Eric asked curiously.

"I want to get my laptop to, um, do some work on the way." The linguist explained.

"Mind if I tag along?"

Connor smiled and shook his head. "Nope." They walked in silence to the lift. "So how has everything been going?" Connor asked, when the doors shut.

"Well, I think." Eric replied.

"So you still like him?"

"Yeah." Eric answered softly.

"You don't find him too loud?"

"You were right when you said he could be quiet." The younger man offered as they stepped out. He followed Connor into his quarters.

"Well, that's good." Connor said with a smile. He picked up the laptop and packed it into a case before slinging it over his shoulders. "All set."

"What do you think I should do next?" Eric asked as they stepped back into the lift.

"With Dr. McKay?"

"Yeah."

"Um, I'm not sure. I can ask John. He's, uh, dated other people."

Eric frowned lightly. "I think that would be weird."

"What?"

"Getting dating advice from my CO."

"Well, he'd, um, give it to me and I'd give it to you."

"And that makes it less weird?"

"Yeah." Connor smiled. The lift stopped and they got out, walking towards the jumper bay.

"You flying today, Doc?" Ben asked across the room.

"If you, um, want me to." Connor answered, walking towards him.

"Better you than Smith." Ben winked.

"I heard that!" Jim Smith shouted from across the room. "And yeah," He added sheepishly. "The Doc better drive."

"I see." Connor said lightly. "You guys only want me for my gene."

Jim grinned at him. "You know it, Doc."

Four hours and ten minutes later their cloaked puddle jumper was landing near an abandoned building. "Everyone geared up?" Ben asked. Connor and the others nodded. "Well, let's get this show on the road." They quietly made their way out of the jumper, cloaking it behind them. "Smith, take our six. I've got point." He said, leaving Connor and Eric alone in the middle.

No one said anything as they slowly made their way into the building. The inside was dark, and the only light came from the doorway and their P-90's. Connor was suddenly very glad that John had insisted he take one. Ben held up his arm in the army sign for stop and everyone halted. He gestured for Connor and himself to go right while Smith and Eric went left, so each group would have an ATA gene and a life sense detector. He motioned two clicks to talk. They all silently went down their assigned routes, Connor holding the small Ancient life reader. Nothing blinked on it but their team so far.

Ben stopped to look into an empty room while Connor watched from the corridor, still on the look out. SGA-4's leader shook his head as he exited the room, indicating there was nothing there and they kept walking.

They spent the next three hours searching the base and found nothing. Which, Connor supposed, was better than finding a booby-trap and having a building fall on them. Ben clicked his radio twice. "Let's pack it up, people. There's nothing here."

"Copy that, sir." Connor heard Jim say over the radio.

"Well, Doc." He said, turning to look at Connor as they headed for the exit. "Sorry to drag you out for nothing."

Connor smiled. "That's alright. It's, uh, nice to get off base sometimes."

"So, still have that special someone?" Ben asked curiously.

"Yeah."

"How long have you two been together?"

Connor bit his lip. "Um, about eight months."

"Eight months. Wow." He whistled under his breath. "Are they 'the one'?"

"I think so, yes." The linguist answered.

"You two ever gonna make it official? Eight months is a long time."

The scientist frowned lightly. "Is it?"

"Hell, Doc, I've never dated a girl for more than seven months, and I didn't think any of them were the one." Ben grinned.

"Oh. Well, I, uh, I don't think we're ready yet."

"You nervous about proposing?" The other man asked.

"P-p-pro-prosing?" Connor stuttered.

"Well, yeah. Isn't that how it's done? The guy proposes, the chick says yes… you get to have newly engaged sex…"

The linguist blushed. "I-I think that's a, um, while off."

"If you say so. If you want my advice though," He paused to look at Connor who nodded. "If she's the one, don't wait for anything. Being in the military has told me that life is short. Unexpected things can happen to you at any time, and regret never really leaves us."

Connor pondered his words. Did he want to marry John? He didn't know. He did know that he couldn't, in John's country or in his. "I think I want to eventually," Connor said finally. "But we can't."

"Can't? What, is she married?"

"No, not married." Connor shook his head as they reached the doorway, waiting for the other two members.

"Engaged to someone else?"

"No."

"Than what other reason is there?"

"Um, well, you can't repeat this." Connor said softly, trusting his friend to keep the truth.

Ben looked at him and frowned lightly. "Of course not Doc, my word as a Marine. _Semper fi_."

"Well, uh, she's a he." The linguist said hesitantly.

Ben's eyebrows shot up. "Well, I'll be damned, Doc. I never would have seen that one coming."

"Neither did I." Connor said wryly.

"Well, I can see where that would be a problem." Ben said. "I mean, not a problem that you're uh," He gestured slightly, "But why you can't get married."

The scientist nodded. "Yeah."

"That sucks." Ben said sympathetically. "And you're sure he's the one?"

"Positive."

"I love my country, but sometimes…" He drifted off.

"Me too and my country is even slower than yours."

"Your country?"

"Ireland?"

"You're Irish?" Ben said with a confused look. "You don't sound Irish."

"How about now?" Connor asked, adding his brogue.

"Well, fuck me twice." Ben said with a laugh. "So you are. How could I never have noticed that?"

"I don't wear my patch offwor-"

"That was rhetorical, Doc." He laughed. "So, Irish, huh? That's cool."

"I like it." Connor said, his speech American again.

"Wow." Ben said, still in awe. "You just sound so… normal."

Connor laughed. "And by normal you mean American?"

"Well, yeah." The other man said sheepishly. He looked up as the other members approached. "About time, ladies. I was getting ready to send out a search party."

"Sorry, sir." Eric offered.

"Hey, did you guys know the Doc here is Irish?" Ben asked as they started the trek back to the puddle jumper.

"Irish? Like the whiskey?" Jim asked.

"I knew." Eric put in. Connor could see a small smirk dancing on his face. "It's all in the way he dresses."

Connor rolled his eyes and smiled. It may not be official, but he loved his team.

* * *

"So did you find anything today?" Evan asked as he speared a lettuce leaf with his fork. He and Connor were having a late dinner together in the almost deserted mess hall.

"No. Just an, uh, abandoned building." The linguist answered, taking a bite of his fish.

"Well, at least it's one more thing we can mark off the list. You know between the Wraith, the Replicators and Michael, our list is getting very long."

"Well, make friends next time, instead of enemies." Connor grinned.

Evan threw a small tomato at him. "I wasn't here in the beginning. So it's not my fault."

"Hm. I knew you would try to weasel out of it." The linguist teased. He popped the tomato into his mouth. "So how are things with Teyla." A goofy look fell over his friend's face. "Or maybe I don't, uh, wanna know."

"Things are good." Evan said. "Really good. You sure know how to pick 'em, Doc."

"I know." The other man said pompously.

"You are certainly in a good mood tonight." Evan observed.

"Yep." Connor agreed. "I'm not sure why." He wondered aloud.

"And when you become sure, don't ever tell me."

Connor laughed softly. "I won't." He took a sip of his tea.

"So how else have you been?"

"Um, not too bad." He looked around. The two people who had been there when they entered were now gone, leaving them alone. "John's been weird lately." Connor said quietly.

Evan frowned. "Weird how?"

"Uh, clingy? Maybe? I think it has something to do with a dream he had, but he won't tell me what it was about. I don't know if it was something I did." Connor said worriedly.

"Well if he's clingy, then it probably wasn't something you did." His friend advised. "Sounds like something just spooked him in the dream."

"He's been a bit off since St. Patrick's Day even." Connor remembered. "I came home drunk and I don't remember most of what I say when I'm drunk, but since then… I must have said something."

"Define off."

Connor sipped his tea. "I'm not sure. More… there. More um," He blushed. "loving. He'll say the words more often now."

"Is that a bad thing?"

The linguist shook his head. "No, no. It's just new, I guess. It, uh, takes some getting used to. I've never had someone around to say them like he does."

"Have you talked to him about it?" Evan asked with a frown.

"No. Every time I ask he seems hesitant to answer, like he's hiding something. I don't think he's, uh, ready to tell me. I don't want to push him."

His friend shrugged. "I guess he'll tell you when he's ready. I wish I could help more."

"It's okay. I'm just impatient."

Evan eyed him. "Doc, you're anything but impatient."

"Not lately." Connor muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Evan?"

"Hmm?" The other man pushed away the rest of his salad and started in on some meat.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"For you, Doc, I am an open book." He smiled.

"Have you and, um, Teyla… you know…?"

Evan gave him a weird look but answered. "Yeah."

"How long did you, um, wait?" Connor asked softly.

"A few weeks." Evan offered.

Connor's eyes bulged a little. "A few weeks?"

"Um, yeah." His friend said nervously. "Why?"

"I… wow… that just seems like… a few weeks." Connor said dumbly and took a sip of his tea.

"Why? How long did you wait?" He asked before taking a bite. Connor choked briefly on the tea he was swallowing. "Are you alright, Doc?" Evan asked worriedly.

Connor nodded as his eyes watered. "Fine." He choked out. "Wrong pipe."

"Okay." The other man said slowly.

Connor blushed deeply as he answered. "I… we… haven't, um… yet."

Evan's eyes widened and his eyebrows raised. "Really?"

"Yeah. Is that weird?" Connor asked quietly.

"Um, you know, I don't even know. For me, I never really waited that long. But I've never been where you are."

"Where I am… with a man?"

"Yeah. I never had a sexuality freak out."

"Oh. But normally you don't, uh, wait that long?"

"Nope." He exhaled sharply. "God, you guys have been together for… seven months?"

"Eight."

"Wow. I've never had a relationship that long." He took a bite of his food. "Much less gone that long without sex."

Connor blushed again. "I… oh." He frowned. "Do you think John…?" He let the question hang.

Evan swallowed. "No idea. You'd have to ask him." He frowned lightly. "He's not pressuring you, is he?"

"It might be the other way around."

Evan arched a brow. "Really?"

"I don't know anymore." Connor admitted. "I like where we are and I don't think I'm, uh, ready for more, but I feel like I slow us down."

"It's not a race." Evan soothed. "You go at your own pace. What works for you."

"John's said the same thing. I just… ah!" Connor said softly, frustrated.

Evan gave him an understanding smile. "It'll work out, Connor. Don't push yourself too hard, or do anything you're not ready for, you'll regret it."

"I know." Connor sighed.

"Cheer up, Doc." His friend said lightly. "He's not going anywhere."

* * *

"So what do you and Lorne talk about?" John asked Connor in bed a few hours later.

"This and that." Connor mumbled into his chest.

"This and that what?"

"Clothing, hair styles…"

"Ha-ha." John said with a roll of his eyes. "I'm just curious."

Connor rolled his dog tags around his fingers. "We talk about missions, life, you, me, him, Teyla, this and that."

"Like what specifically?" John ran his fingers through Connor's hair.

"Like… how long he waited to have sex with Teyla." The younger man said bluntly with an eye roll.

"What?"

"I was curious."

"Don't tell me." John pleaded.

"I won't."

"Why did you want to know?"

"Curious." He repeated.

John's voice softened. "This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that they're having sex even though they've only been together a month and we haven't gotten that far yet?"

"Maybe a little." The linguist mumbled. "Did you have a lot of sex before me?"

"No." John answered honestly. "My last time was before I even came to Atlantis."

"Oh."

"Why?"

Connor shrugged. "Something Evan said." There was silence for a few minutes before Connor started talking again. "John?"

"Hm?"

"What did I say on St. Patrick's Day?" Connor asked softly, biting his lip as he waited for an answer.

His boyfriend exhaled. "What makes you thi-"

"Please." Connor pleaded.

"You were sleeping." John said quietly. "And you…" He paused. "Please don't make me tell you." He pleaded gently. "I can't. Not yet."

Connor felt blood seep out of his lip and he licked it up. "Was it something bad?"

"No. Nothing bad. I just… need a little time."

"Alright. I'm sorry." The younger man offered.

John's arms around him tightened. "Don't be. I love you." He said softly.

"I love you, too."

* * *

 _Click. Click. Click._

Rodney glanced over out of the corner of his eye then turned back to his computer.

 _Click. Click._

He glanced to his right again.

 _Click. Click. Click. Click._

"Do you have to type so loud?" Rodney asked, annoyed.

Eric looked up from his computer, reading glasses perched on his nose. "How do you type quieter?"

"I don't know, type slower or something."

 _Click. Click. Click. Click._

"That's good."

"Dr. McKay I can't typ-"

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Rodney?"

"Rodney, I can't type that slow. I have to get this done."

Rodney turned away from his desk to face the couch. "What are you working on anyways?"

"Homework."

Rodney snorted. "Homework? So you fight Wraith by day and do homework by night?"

Eric shrugged. "Has to get done somehow."

"How much do you have left?"

"A few pages." Eric replied, going back to his work.

"A few pages of what?" Rodney stood and walked over, collapsing down on to the couch next to the younger man.

"Lab report."

"Huh?"

"A lab report." Eric repeated.

Rodney rolled his eyes as he leaned over to look at the screen. "I got that much."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"How can you be writing a lab report?"

"…with my hands?"

"Don't be a smart ass."

Eric offered him a half grin. "Dr. Zelenka oversees my lab research."

"What?" Rodney's eyebrows shot up. "Zelenka does? He never told me."

The corporal nodded as he typed. "He has since our first year here."

"How come you didn't ask me?"

Eric turned to stare at him. "You wouldn't have said yes."

"What? Yes I would… okay, no I wouldn't of." Rodney admitted. "But really, Zelenka?"

"Dr. Zelenka has been nice to me."

"Zelenka's nice to a mouse." Rodney scoffed.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"How much longer do you have?" Rodney asked, ignoring the question.

Eric sighed and turned back to his paper. "One page less than when you last asked me."

"You know," Rodney said, leaning into Eric's space. "You look pretty hot in your glasses." The younger man gave him a side glance but didn't stop what he was doing. "Are you ignoring me?"

Eric nodded. "Yes."

"So you bring _your_ computer and _your_ homework down to _my_ lab to sit near _me_ and then you ignore me?" He sat back up.

"Pretty much."

"Hrumph." Rodney crossed his arms over his chest. "See if you get lucky tonight, mister."

"I'll take my chances." The other man said and Rodney could almost see a smile on his face. "Just give me ten minutes." He asked softly.

Rodney huffed. "Fine. But the glasses stay."

Eric looked up. "Sure." He looked back down and continued working.

Rodney stood up and meandered back to his computer with occasional glances behind him, once he sat down, to the young man on his laptop. Eric looked deep in concentration bent over his computer, typing away.

He was quiet. Not now, when he was typing on his computer, but in general, Rodney thought Eric was quiet. His admission from yesterday had sent chills down Rodney's back. He had never known anyone who was abused. At least, no one had ever admitted it to him. He felt uncertain now, unsure of how to handle the younger man. He had hacked into the psychologist's computer last night to look up information on child abuse; none of it had been hopeful. Glancing back at Eric again, Rodney felt as if he never would have guessed that the younger man had such a dark past. Eric looked up at that second and their eyes met. A spark of happiness danced in the corporal's eyes and for a moment Rodney felt humbled to have put it there. Eric offered him a smile, something Rodney had noticed he didn't do much and much to his consternation, Rodney found himself returning the smile and Eric's grew wider.

"Work." Rodney said, gesturing with his hand.

The younger man bobbed his head and went back to his homework, smile still stretching across his face. Suddenly a feeling hit Rodney, he wanted to keep making Eric smile. He wasn't sure how to do that, since he mostly only made people angry, but with Eric he wanted to try.

"I'm finished." Eric finally announced, breaking Rodney free of his musings.

" _Finally_. I thought you were writing a sequel to _The Odyssey_ over there."

The younger man eyed him. "I didn't take that long." He defended, packing up his laptop.

"You took long enough." Rodney stood. "Ready?"

Eric grabbed his laptop case and followed Rodney out the doors and to the transporter. They rode in silence to the older man's room. "I have to leave early in the morning, I have second shift." Eric said as the doors to Rodney's roomed closed behind them.

"As long as you're quiet."

"I will be." He promised.

"Good." Rodney answered before pulling the laptop from Eric and yanking the younger man against him. "No more talking now." He said and capture Eric's lips in a kiss. The corporal melted against him and in the morning, Rodney never heard him leave.

* * *

John had a subtle hand pressed against Connor's back as they walked over, tray in hand, to sit with John's team for lunch. It was 1448, so it was a late lunch, but lunch nonetheless. John figured it was more like breakfast for his boyfriend from the pile of food on his tray. Connor shot him a sheepish grin as he took the seat across from Ronon. Teyla sat next to him and John watched her offer the younger man a smile. John took his own place between Connor and Ronon at the end of the table.

"I'm here!" Rodney shouted from across the room. John rolled his eyes. "You didn't start without me, did you?" He called from the lunch line. The astrophysicist was piling anything within reach on his plate.

"McKay!" John yelled. "Save some for everyone else." Ronon grinned at him.

"Haha, Sheppard. I slept through breakfast, give me a break." He said, as he neared and plopped down into the seat across from Teyla, next to Ronon.

An apple was passed over to John from Connor, who hitched a thumb in Teyla's direction. John nodded his thanks and bit into the ripe fruit.

"How has your morning been, Connor?" Teyla asked serenely, holding a mug of tea in her hands.

The linguist finished swallowing the food in his mouth. "Long. I've been, um, working on a translation for Colonel Carter."

"Are you finished with Dr. Keller's stuff?" She asked curiously.

The linguist thought for a moment. "Probably not, but I'm going in order of the database, and it's, um, moved on to other stuff, although right now I'm working on ruins."

"More ruins?" John asked blandly.

Connor flicked some of his mashed potatoes at his partner with a small grin. John gave him smirk while Teyla gave him a frown. "Can't all shoot Wraith all day, John." He smiled.

"I'll have you know that I shoot other things too."

"Like bugs." Ronon added, shoving more food into his mouth.

"I told you! They were really big!" He defended. Beside him, Connor was rapidly eating the food on his plate, already finished with his sandwich and half his mashed potatoes. John had barely started on his own lunch. "Breakfast, Connor." He said softly, so no one else would hear. "It's the meal of champions."

Connor blushed. "I got… distracted." He said between bites.

"Uh-huh."

"Rodney." Teyla began serenely. The man in question looked up with wide eyes from his food. "It is very nice of you to help that Marine with his… work?" Even John could hear the skepticism in her voice.

"His thesis." Rodney corrected. He took a huge bite of food.

"His thesis." She repeated. "How is it you help him?"

McKay swallowed hard. "Oh you know, this and that. Read through it and whatnot."

"It is quite generous of you to give up your time like that."

"I can be generous." Beside him Ronon snorted. "What? I can."

"What Marine?" Ronon asked.

"Evan referred to him as Corporal Johns. I believe Connor knows him." She replied, turning to face the linguist a little. Connor nodded as he chewed and John saw him trying to chew faster to answer and laughed.

"He's in SGA-4." John explained for his partner, who shot him a grateful look.

"Irish's team." Ronon stated.

"Not his team." John defended. "Just _a_ team he goes out with."

"Whatever." Ronon said flatly.

"How long have you been assisting him, Rodney?" Teyla asked warmly.

"Oh, not long." McKay answered.

Next to him, Connor gave a contented sigh as he started in on his pudding. John gave him a sideways glance that Connor returned innocently.

"A couple months?" She asked.

Rodney looked increasingly nervous as the questioning went on. "More like a week."

"So you have only recently begun helping him?"

"Yeah." A bead of sweat appeared on his forehead. "Why?"

"No reason." She answered, sipping her tea. She stared at Rodney, calmly.

"Alright!" The astrophysicist admitted. "We're dating. There. Is that what you want to hear, Teyla?" John choked on the coffee he was drinking and Connor shot him a concerned look that John waved off.

The Athosian nodded. "Why did you feel you had to keep this from us?"

"It's new. And how did you know anyways?"

Teyla smiled mysteriously. "I have simply observed the two of you together."

"You can't tell anyone." Rodney said quietly.

She reached a hand across the table to gently squeeze his. "We will not. We all just want to see you happy." She offered and pulled her hand back. "So tell us a little bit about him."

"Um, his name is Eric…"

* * *

John looked up from his laptop as Connor entered the room. "You're home early." He observed.

The younger man shrugged off his computer case and walked over to stand behind John, who was sitting at the desk. "Yeah."

John looked at his watch and frowned. "Really early. It's only 1700."

"Um, I can, uh, leave if you want."

The older man smiled. "Definitely not." He said and tugged the scientist down onto his lap, arms going around his stomach to anchor him. A hand slipped under Connor's shirt to gently rub small circles on the younger man's stomach. "Any reason you're home so early?" John asked softly.

"Caldwell's coming tomorrow." Connor answered.

John sighed. "I know."

"So I, um, wanted to spend more time with you."

"Is something wrong?" John asked, suddenly. Connor's words were nervous and uncertain in a way they hadn't been for a time while they were alone.

Connor shook his head but then nodded. "I'm worried that you'll, uh, be overworked."

"Is that it?" The younger man didn't answer. "Connor?"

"I'm, um… it's just that you… I don't… this is…" The younger man exhaled loudly in frustration.

"Take a deep breath." John coached, hand still moving soothingly. "Tell me when you're ready."

Connor breathed in and out a few times. "I've noticed that you've been more… clingy since St. Patrick's Day." The linguist admitted softly.

"I have?" John reached to turn Connor a bit more towards him so he could see his partner's face. This was news to him.

"Um, yeah." The younger man answered hesitantly.

"I'm sorry." John said with a slight frown.

His boyfriend quickly shook his head. "No, no. Don't be, I don't mind. I'm just worried about you."

John quirked a half smile. "Not half as worried as I am about you. At least I remember to eat and sleep."

"I'll sleep." Connor promised. John looked at him skeptically. "Every third night." Connor eventually added sheepishly.

"And eat?"

"Evan will remind me. Or Teyla, or Ronon. Or even Eric. I'll eat, John. I promise."

"You better. You've only just gained back the other weight that you lost."

"And you like me fat." Connor grinned.

"I like you healthy." John countered. "But I'd probably take you any way that I could get you."

Connor wiggled on his lap and John groaned. "Want to get me in the shower?" The younger man asked suggestively before blushing deeply.

John laughed. "Definitely."

The linguist stood and pulled John up with him, they stripped on the way to the bathroom and were soon closing the shower door behind them. John smiled as water cascaded down the younger man's face, plastering hair to his head. John gently worked the hair out of his eyes and leaned in for a wet kiss, water dripping down them. John's arms worked around his boyfriend's, pulling them together as he sucked Connor's tongue into his mouth. The linguist moaned and his hands slid down to cup John's bottom, pulling them even closer. John reached out to grab some shampoo, sliding his hand in between them, slicking their bodies up. The older man held onto Connor as he walked them backwards until Connor's back softly hit the wall behind them. John rested his hands on either side of Connor's head as they kissed. He gently thrust his hips down and up, eliciting several moans from his partner.

John trailed his mouth down Connor's jaw and neck to suck at the junction between his neck and shoulder, he sucked hard enough to leave a mark. The scientist's hands ran up through the other man's hair, holding his head there as John continued to kiss his neck.

"I love you." John whispered as he pulled away. He didn't give Connor any chance to respond before leaning down and lightly sucking one of Connor's lips into his mouth. He lowered a hand between their bodies and flicked a thumb over the tip of Connor's erection, eliciting a pleasurable hiss from the younger man. He grabbed both of their members, squeezing them lightly together before he started working his hand up and down them. Connor hands moved to hold on to John's shoulders for support.

Suddenly John looked up into Connor's blue eyes. "Can we finish this in bed?" He asked softly.

Connor didn't say a word, but turned them towards the water to wash off all the soap before turning the water off. John grabbed a towel off of the shower door and dried off quickly before turning and gently drying his partner off. He held Connor's hand and pulled him out of the bathroom to the bed. John maneuvered Connor into a short kiss before gently pushing the younger man down onto the mattress. Connor fell backwards and John tumbled on top of him, earning a grin from the linguist. John crawled up his body and gently kissed every bit of skin he could find, moving downwards, only avoiding a small portion of Connor's body.

He began to work his way back up his partner's body, Connor's eyes following his movements. _He's not ready yet, not ready yet, nor ready yet_ , he chanted to himself, studiously avoiding Connor's erection as he moved back up. He slowed and stopped to rest his chin on Connor's chest, looking at the younger man. Connor's hand found John and their fingers entwined, the older man squeezed his hand back hard. "I love you." He said again.

Connor's eyes softened and his other hand went to move some wet hair off of John's forehead. "I love you."

A thought entered John's mind suddenly, a horrible thought that he couldn't shake. _What if love means something different to him?_ "Tell me." John begged, pulling himself up. He collapsed down next to Connor on the bed and turned to face him. "Tell me why you love me." He asked, ignoring their straining erections.

A smile passed over Connor's face and his eyes seemed to shine even brighter as he turned to mimic John's position. He didn't seem bothered that John had stopped in the middle of getting him off to ask why he loved him. Connor reached a soft hand out to rest on John's cheek. The older man brought a hand up to rest on top of the linguist's.

"I love you." He began, and John thought the accent seemed heavier than usual; his voice a little rough from their recent activities. "When I'm with you I feel… whole, complete. I didn't realize how lonely I was until I met you, John." He smiled and John's heard ached at the thought of Connor feeling lonely. "You're beautiful." The linguist continued. "Inside and out. You're caring and brave and _so_ strong. You are true to your person and true to those around you. I love how you don't care that I'm a brainless scientist who forgets to eat and sleep and have fun without you there to remind me. And you're patient, John, so patient with me. You make me feel like it's okay to need time to think about things and it's okay to be so hesitant."

"It is okay." John cut in, staring into Connor's eyes.

Connor smiled. "I know." He said softly. "I'm sorry, I don't think I'm explaining this right. I love you, John. I can't put how much into words. Everything I say sounds trite, cheesy; but I know that I want to be right here, with you, for as long as I can be."

"If you mean it, it's not trite or cheesy." John said, smiling. "Thank you…for telling me."

"Anytime." Connor promised. "Even if it's in the middle of…" He gestured between them with his free hand and blushed.

John gave a small laugh and then rolled onto his back, pulling Connor on top of him. "Now back to our previously scheduled programming." He grinned.

Connor rolled his eyes as he leaned down to kiss his partner while inside John felt the vestiges of his dream crumble and die.

* * *

Eric plopped down heavily onto the couch in Connor's lab. "How's it going, Doc?"

Connor turned in his seat to face him. "Slow." He answered. "How about you?"

Eric tilted his hand back and forth. "So-so. There's so much to do while Colonel Caldwell is here. I've been running around all day. Major Lorne told me to take a break."

The linguist smiled. "So here you are."

"So here I am." Eric agreed. "Can I ask a personal question?"

"Sure."

"How do you survive Colonel Caldwell being here."

"You mean with, uh, John and I together?" Eric nodded. "He, um, stays in his quarters almost the whole time. Before he would, uh, stay there the whole time, but I don't… sleep well, uh, without him anymore. So every few days we're, um, really careful and he stays with me. It helps that, um, Atlantis likes us. She helps hide him."

"The city?" Eric asked confused.

"Yeah… she might be, um, more sentient than most are led to believe."

"What about meals and stuff?"

"John and I don't, uh, usually eat together, just the two of us. We eat with his team a lot. Oh! Teyla got it out of, um, Dr. McKay that the two of you are dating."

Eric's eyes went wide. "She did? We're dating?"

Connor laughed. "She's ruthless. Her and Ronon won't tell though. And he, uh, did use the term dating."

"Wow. Dating." A smile spread across his face. "Wow." He repeated.

"Are you ever going to tell Ben and Jim?" Connor asked softly.

A pained look crossed Eric's face. "I want to. They're family, you know?" Connor nodded. "But I can't. They're also military."

"Ben knows I'm gay." The linguist offered to the younger man.

Eric's eyebrows went up. "He does?"

"Yeah. I told him I couldn't join your team-"

"Our team." The corporal corrected.

"…your team," Connor held. "Because I have someone I can't not come back to."

"Colonel Sheppard."

Connor nodded. "Yes. So the other day he, um, asked me if I still had my someone special. I told him I was gay, although he doesn't, um, know about John."

"How did he take it?"

The linguist laughed softly. "He said he never would have guessed."

"Yeah, you pass really well, Doc."

"Pass?" Connor asked, confused.

"For straight." Eric clarified.

"Oh. Is that bad?"

The younger man laughed. "No, not at all. I probably wouldn't have suspected if I wasn't gay."

"Hm. Well I spent almost, um, thirty-three years straight. Then I met John."

"So you really didn't know you were gay?" Eric asked curiously.

"Nope. Even now it's just John."

"Rodney was telling me that as a scientist he is able to look pass the exterior and examine the mind within." He quirked a small smile. "Maybe you do the same thing."

Connor offered him a smile. "Maybe." He suddenly held up a hand to Eric and tapped his radio with the other. "Davids here… Oh, okay… yeah… okay… bye… Davids out." Connor lowered his hand. "Sorry."

"Not a problem, Doc. I should get going anyways, grab a cup of coffee." He stood and made his way to the door. "Hey," He said, turning around. "We're gating out again in a few days, are you coming with us?"

Connor shook his head. "Not this time."

"Alright. We'll miss you." Eric said. "See ya later."

"Bye, Eric."

The younger man left the lab and headed for the mess hall. Upon arrival he poured out a cup of tea and sat at a table drinking it. A glance at his watch told him he had fifteen more minutes until he had to be back at work. Finishing the beverage he stood and poured out a mug of coffee, carefully holding it as he made his way to the transporter. He hit the level for Rodney's lab, careful not to spill the coffee as arrived.

"Dr. McKay?" The lab was busy with people, busier than Eric had ever seen it.

"No! Not there! What are you, five? You can't even follow simple directions! I said put it on the corner table. And you! Yes, you! What are you doing? Go do something else!" The younger man followed the sound of the voice.

"Dr. McKay?" He asked again, coming up behind the astrophysicist.

"What now? I don't have time…" The other man drifted off as he turned around to face Eric. "Ooo… coffee!" He took the mug out of Eric's hand, drinking the hot liquid down quickly. He handed the empty mug back. "That was for me, right? No! Hey, stop! Yes, you, the imbecile with the water! That's a no drinking zone! This equipment is sensitive. Grow a brain and then come back." He shouted and then turned his attention back to Eric.

"Yeah, the coffee was for you."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Of course it was, so are you… Ack! What are you doing! No, no! Get away from there!" Rodney sighed. "That's it! Everybody out!" Eric watched as everyone stopped what they were doing to look at them. "Yes, out! Out, out, out! Now!" Eric began to leave when a hand reached out to gently grab his arms. "Where are you going?" Rodney asked, tugging him back towards his desk.

Eric gestured towards the door. "You told everybody to get out."

"Yes, I meant the idiots fucking up my lab. Not you." He explained, exasperated.

"Oh."

The lab doors closed behind the last person leaving them alone. "Aren't you here a little early?" Rodney asked, referring to the younger man's midnight visits.

Eric chewed his lip. "I'm not sure I should come this week while Colonel Caldwell's here. There's a bunch of Daedalus personnel around and it just might be harder."

"Okay."

Eric blinked. "Okay?"

"Yes, why? Are you disappearing with them when they leave?"

"No."

"Then I think I can survive a week without you." Rodney said sarcastically.

Eric tried not to let the hurt show on his face. "Alright. I'll see you later." He turned to leave when a hand touched his shoulder.

"Wait." Rodney said. "I didn't mean that you have no impact on my life, because you do." He rambled. "I just meant that I understand and it's fine."

"Oh, okay." Eric said.

"So how much time do you have?"

Eric consulted his watch. "Eight minutes."

"Wanna make out?"

Eric nodded and the lab doors locked behind them.

* * *

Connor rubbed his head again. The Daedalus had been here for three days, tonight would be the first time he saw his partner since Caldwell arrived. _Only eleven hours to go_ , he told himself, rubbing pressure points on his skull. His head was killing him. The headache had started late last night and was slowly but surely blossoming into a full blown migraine. Connor was laying on the couch in his office with his blanket tossed over his head. Even though Atlantis had turned all the lights off in the room, his computer blinked and come consoles blinked, and the small amount of light was too much for him. He had the lab doors locked and his radio out as he tried to slowly control his breathing in an effort to stave off the pain. He had been lying there since last night, avoiding his empty bed.

His door beeped and Connor groaned but didn't move to answer it. It beeped again and Atlantis showed him an image of Ronon on the other side.

"Irish?" He heard softly through the walls.

Connor felt bad about not answering, but he wasn't in any shape to help Ronon with anything. Eventually the door stopped beeping and Connor assumed Ronon had left. Sometime later his headset began to beep. Connor had no idea how much time had passed, but his headache had grown worse. Then the door beeped again. And again. And again.

"Doc, you in there?" He heard Evan ask. "What the…"

Connor opened the door and no light poured in from the pitch black hallway. The linguist knew then that Atlantis really loved him.

"Doc?" He heard along with a few pair of footsteps. "Why is it so dark in here? And what happened to the lights in the hallway just now?"

"Evan?" Connor asked weakly.

"Doc?"

"Shut up." Connor said quietly, his head pounding even harder with every word his best friend said.

The footsteps made their way over to the couch. "Connor?" He heard whispered.

He felt a body kneel next to him and a hand wormed under the blankets to rest on his forehead. Connor immediately recognized John's hand and he weakly reached up to grab it. "John?"

"Yeah. How long?"

"Since last night."

"Ronon." He heard softly. Suddenly two arms were underneath him and were gently lifting him up, blanket and all.

"Ahhh." Connor moaned as the Satedan carried him down out of his lab and down the hall.

A hand reached to soothe his hair. "I know, I'm sorry. Ronon's going to take you to the infirmary, okay?"

"Nooo." The linguist mumbled. "Tonight."

"I know, but you're more important. Ronon just spent the last two hours looking for you, we were worried." Connor felt the transporter move slower than normal.

"I'm sorry." Connor gasped as the pain hit harder.

"Don't be." Evan offered softly from somewhere next to him.

They left the transporter and soon enough Connor heard Ronon say Dr. Keller's name. "Jennifer." As he set him onto a bed.

"Ronon." She greeted. "Oh, my, who is that?" Connor felt a hand reach for the blanket. "Whoa, what happened with the lights."

"Connor." He heard John say quietly.

"It wasn't me."

There was a pause. "It was for you."

 _She needs the light_ , Connor told Atlantis. The blanket covering him was slowly removed and the lights in the infirmary were very dim but Connor kept his eyes close tight anyways.

"Dr. Davids? Can you hear me?"

"Yes." He breathed.

Someone grabbed his arm and began wiping it with a small, wet cloth. "I'm going to give you some pain meds, they might make you drowsy."

He grabbed her arm. "No. I don't want anything."

"Connor." John said firmly. "Please." He added softly.

"Yeah, Doc." Evan put in. "They'll help."

"I don't-"

"Irish." Ronon added. "Warriors know when to accept help."

Connor sighed. "I hate you all." He moaned softly. He heard a small laugh escape each of the three men and then a sharp sting as Keller injected the medicine into him. He opened his eyes a little bit to find John's face. "M'sorry." He said again before the pain caught up to him and he passed out.

* * *

 _Ten minutes earlier…_

John was in yet another boring meeting with some head of departments when Ronon appeared, hovering at the door. He gave John a look but didn't say anything and John tuned back into his meeting.

"…so that's why people should start taking colder showers." One man finished saying.

"We wouldn't need to take colder showers if your department would do it's job." Another argued.

John rubbed his forehead. "Awesome." He concluded. "I'll pass all of that on. Good work, guys. See you next time."

"But Colonel Sheppard, we aren't finished." One said, baffled.

"Just e-mail me a memo." John said standing. He met Ronon at the door and they walked together. "What's up, Chewie."

The bigger man hesitated. "We can't find Irish."

John stopped walking. "Connor?" Ronon nodded. "Who's we?" He changed his pace, walking quickly towards the nearest transporter.

"Me and Lorne."

"Where have you looked?" He hit the level for Connor's quarters.

"Everywhere. His lab was locked though, we couldn't get in. Same with his room."

John hit his radio. "Sheppard to Davids." There was no answer as he burst out into the hallway, the door to Connor's quarters opening immediately. John scanned the room. "Connor?" No answer. He turned back to Ronon. "He's not here. _Where is he?_ Atlantis shot him a picture of Connor on a couch. "His lab." John stated. "He's in his lab. Sheppard to Lorne."

"Yes, sir."

"He's in his lab." John stated, his body already in the lift.

"Copy that, sir. I'll meet you there."

Five minutes later John and Ronon arrived at the linguist's lab, Lorne, true to his word, was already there. "Doc, you in there?" Major Lorne asked. Suddenly the lights in the hallway went out. "What the…" The door opened and the three men entered, John was already heading for the couch, the other two on his heels. "Doc? Why is it so dark in here? And why happened to the lights in the hallway just now?"

"Evan?" John heard his partner ask quietly.

"Doc?"

"Shut up." Connor said weakly, and that was when John knew that his boyfriend was in some serious pain.

"Connor?" John said as quietly as possible. He kneeled next to the younger man and reached and found a blanket covering his partner. He pushed a hand underneath to feel his forehead. It was a little warm, but nothing to suggest his cold from last week had come back, so John moved onto the migraine assumption he already held.

"John?" A hand moved up to grab his.

"Yeah. How long?" _How long have you been laying here, in pain?_ John wanted to yell.

"Since last night."

"Ronon." John called quietly and his teammate bent to lift Connor up into his arms.

"Ahhh." The younger man moaned as the Satedan carried him down out of his lab and down the hall.

John reached out to gently card a hand through his fingers. "I know, I'm sorry. Ronon's going to take you to the infirmary, okay?"

"Nooo." The linguist mumbled. "Tonight." John felt his heart ache for the other man.

"I know, but you're more important." He soothed. "Ronon just spent the last two hours looking for you, we were worried."

"I'm sorry." Connor gasped as the pain hit harder.

"Don't be." Lorne offered softly from next to John.

John followed Ronon out of the lift to the infirmary. The blonde doctor turned around. "Jennifer." Ronon greeted setting Connor down on a bed.

"Ronon." She responded. "Oh, my, who is that?" She began to lift the blanket.. "Whoa, what happened with the lights."

"Connor." John said quietly.

"It wasn't me." His boyfriend protested.

John felt for his connection to Atlantis. "It was for you."

The lights came back up dimly and John watched as Keller removed the blanket. Connor had his eyes squeezed tightly.

"Dr. Davids? Can you hear me?" She asked.

"Yes." He breathed.

Keller began to wipe Connor's arm down, cleaning it for an injection. "I'm going to give you some pain meds, they might make you drowsy."

The scientist reached out and grabbed her arm. "No. I don't want anything."

"Connor." John said firmly. "Please." He added softly. _For me_ , but he didn't say that.

"Yeah, Doc." Lorne put in from beside John. "They'll help."

"I don't-" He started to protest.

"Irish." Ronon added. "Warriors know when to accept help."

Connor sighed. "I hate you all." He moaned softly. John laughed softly at his boyfriend.

Blue eyes opened and locked onto John's hazel eyes. "M'sorry." He offered quietly, voice pain-filled. Soon his eyes fluttered shut, leaving John standing over him as unconsciousness grabbed hold of him.

"Nothing to be sorry for." John whispered too softly for anyone to hear.

Keller looked up at them. "He'll be out for a while. I don't know why he doesn't just come to me when they first start."

"Irish doesn't like the medicine." Ronon offered.

"Yeah." Lorne added. "Says it messes with his head and stuff."

"So he'd rather ride it out?" Keller asked sarcastically, gathering up her medical supplies. John nodded and noticed Ronon and Lorne nodding as well. The doctor scoffed. "Men." She muttered and left them alone in the room.

John moved closer to Connor's bed and grabbed a hand, holding it lightly. Behind him Lorne coughed uncomfortably. "Well, I'd better get going, sir."

John spared him a lazy wave. Ronon came up to stand next to John. "Think he'll be okay?"

"Yeah." John said. "Always is."

"I don't understand what's wrong with him." The Satedan admitted.

John looked up from Connor's face to face his teammate. "He gets really bad headaches-migraines they're called-for no reason. They just happen. He said he's had them since he was about six or seven."

"And it makes light and sound hurt?"

"Yeah. Sorta intensifies his senses."

"And your people can't fix him?"

"With surgery or something?" John clarified. Ronon nodded. "It doesn't really work like that. And we're still pretty far behind in the way the brain works."

"Oh."

"This never happens to anyone on Sateda?" John asked, turning back to his partner.

"No."

"Hm. I wonder if it's happened to Teyla's people."

"No idea."

John released the linguist's hand. "I have to go back to work, can you…?" He let the question hang.

"Yeah, sure."

"Thanks."

Ronon grunted and didn't say anything. John spared one more glance towards his boyfriend before leaving him in the infirmary. Sometimes he hated his job.

* * *

"Evan?" Teyla asked as the man stepped into her quarters later that night. "Good evening." She greeted. "I was not expecting you."

He grinned. "I like to keep you on your toes." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a loose kiss. She complied easily. "How was your day?" He asked, pulling away.

"I spent the majority of it on New Athos. I… do not care for Colonel Caldwell."

Her boyfriend chuckled. "I don't think anyone does. How are the Athosians?"

She led him to sit on her bed as she fixed them some tea. "They are all doing well. The new children are growing quite fast." She added with a smile, waiting by the bed for the tea to brew.

"I'll have to make time to visit them." He caught her around the waist and pulled her down onto the bed. "Did Ronon tell you that the Doc is in the infirmary?"

She shook her head. "John did. I stopped by but he was still asleep. I do not understand how your people can be so advanced in some things but so… primitive in others."

He grabbed her hand. "Me neither. I hate seeing him suffer. He was in his lab all night and most of the morning until we found him."

"Normally one of us would have been by to see him already. John, especially, would never have left him there."

"It's still weird for me to picture them together." Evan admitted.

Teyla was quiet for a moment. "I must admit that when speaking with them individually they seem quite… different. But I've never seen John so happy and Connor, too, has grown since they've been together."

"Yeah." Evan agreed. He stood slowly and she watched as he walked over to the small radio in her room. He turned on a cd that Rodney had given her, a singer called Frank Sinatra, and music filled the room. A smile lit his face as he walked back to her, extending his hand down as he stood by the bed. "May I have this dance?" He asked smoothly.

Teyla graced him with a smile of her own and allowed him to pull her up and into his arms. Evan gently led her around her small quarters carefully, holding her close. Behind them her tea began to boil, but neither looked away from the other's eyes to retrieve it.

* * *

Rodney bolted up from where he was resting on his arms at his desk. His computer was beeping loudly and a giant red 'WARNING' sign was flashing across the screen. "Oh no." Rodney said, typing quickly to find out the source of the problem. "Oh no, no, no, no, no." A virus was working it's way through Atlantis' mainframe, systems were crashing rapidly. An alarm began to sound overhead with lights flashing through Rodney's lab. "Shit!" He yelled. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

"Zelenka to McKay."

"I'm a little busy at the moment, Radek." Rodney answered, typing furiously.

"What is happening? Lights are going out all over the city?"

"Someone's uploaded a virus into the mainframe. It's crashing." He typed faster as his lab doors began to open and close, lights flickering overhead.

"I am on my way." For once Rodney would be glad for his presence.

"Shit." He repeated. "I'm never letting the Daedalus people connect ever again." He said to himself, sure it was one of their computers.

"McKay!" He heard from the doors. He spared a glance to see John dive between the moving doors to get to him. "What the hell is happening, Rodney?"

"The city's going crazy." He answered, distracted by his screen. "Someone's uploaded a virus, it's crashing Atlantis' computers." As he said that the lights went out.

"Control room, this is Sheppard, I need my guys up and stationed throughout the city with lights, assisting the scientists. Code green."

Rodney turned at that to give him a look of disbelief. "You have a code for this?"

John shrugged. "Always prepared."

The astrophysicist snorted as he went back to the computer. "Please, Sheppard, like you were ever a boy scout." He typed furiously. "Look, I need you to go sit in the chair." He said at last.

"What?"

"Do your thing, talk to the city. Tell it that no one's attacking us."

"There's no power, Rodney, or did you miss the lights going out and the doors going berzerk?"

Rodney waved him off. "Just go, Sheppard." John huffed a little but did as he told. "Oh I'm going to kill whoever did this." Rodney swore lightly.

"Rodney?" He heard in an accented voice. "I am here." Zelenka called.

"Good. Get on a computer, see what you can do."

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Connor sat up breathing heavily. Atlantis had woken him up, an anxious feeling coursing throughout his body. _What's wrong?_ He was sent images of computer coding, flashing into his mind. _Stop, stop. Slow down. I have a headache, I can't go that fast. What can I do?_ An image of a lab that had been cleared for use but remained empty flashed into his head. Connor swung his legs over the side of the bed and jumped down, holding onto the bedside table as dizziness swept through him. It was dark and it took his eyes a few seconds to adjust. He could hear nurses running around the infirmary and saw glimpses of flashlights. He grabbed his radio off the table and slowly made his way to the door.

Lanterns had been placed along the floor of the hallway and Connor grabbed one, holding it up. His other hand rested against the wall, half supporting him as he ventured towards the stairs. He felt Atlantis apologize that her transporters weren't working, but Connor waved the feeling off. He needed to go down seventeen floors and then walk thirty meters to the lab. He slowly begun his descent. At eight floors to go he stripped off his jacket. Environmental controls weren't working as sweat poured down his body. He wrapped the piece of clothing around his waist and kept going.

Eventually he arrived at the abandoned lab. He used what strength he had left to pry open the doors. _Now what?_ A console lit up and Connor shuffled over to it, leaning hard on it. Instructions seemed to float into his head and he found his hands moving without any real thought, hitting buttons and selecting items. Ten minutes after he started the lab got cooler and air whooshed in. After another ten minutes the lights came back on and soon Atlantis had isolated the virus and her computer was quickly destroying it, returning the city's subroutines to normal. _Is that it?_ Connor asked. In response the console powered down. The linguist turned around and sunk to the floor, leaning against the console, breathing hard, head pounding. He looked around and realized he had no idea where he was.

The linguist reached a hand up to tap his radio. "Davids to Sheppard."

"Sheppard here." Came his answer, John sounded busy, distracted.

"John?" He asked weakly.

"Connor? Is everything alright? How's the infirmary? Is everything back to normal?"

"I'm not in the infirmary."

"What? Where are you?"

"I'm not sure." Connor admitted. "One of the labs. My memory is a little foggy."

"Okay. Hold on, I'm coming to get you, alright? Just hold on."

"You don't have to come, you can send someone." Connor's words slurred as a wave of exhaustion hit him.

"I'm coming." John said firmly. "Atlantis told me where you are. You need to stay awake until I get there, do you hear me?"

Connor nodded before realizing that John couldn't see him. "Stay awake." He said slowly.

"Yes, stay awake."

Connor's eyes drifted shut and he fought to open them again and he found himself starting to tip over when a strong hand caught his shoulder.

"Connor? Can you hear me?" John asked. The younger man nodded, eyes still closed. "What are you doing down here?"

"'lantis was broke." Connor mumbled. "Had to fix."

"You fixed the city just now?"

"Was broke." He repeated. "Fixed."

Two hands went up his armpits and pulled him up. Connor collapsed against John's body. "Let's get you back to the infirmary."

"No." Connor said stubbornly. "My room."

"Alright." John acquiesced. "Your room." He held his boyfriend firmly against his side, all but carrying the younger man to the transporter. When they stepped out onto Connor's level John carefully guided the linguist to his room, depositing him in bed. He pulled the blankets up over Connor's body and left a glass of water on his bedside.

"Sleep well, Con." John said softly.

"I love you." Connor mumbled.

"Love you, too." John answered him, stepping back out into the hall, doors closing behind him.

* * *

"So your ninja said he fixed it?" Rodney asked, staring at his computer screen.

"For the thousandth time, McKay. All Connor said was that the city was broken and that he fixed it." John answered from his place perched on the edge of Rodney's desk.

"And he did it from Lab 116A."

"That's where I found him." John agreed.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "That lab hasn't been used in months. It's useless."

"Well apparently it's not if he could fix the city from there."

"Well? Where is he? I need to talk to him."

John glared at his friend. "Resting. He has a migraine, Rodney. I doubt he'd be much help anyways, he didn't seem to know where he was, much less what he did."

"Ugh, I can't believe this, Sheppard. Your boy-toy fixes the city and doesn't remember anything. This sounds a little far fetched."

"How else would you explain it then?"

Rodney glared at him. "I don't know. But when I get my hands on whoever did this…"

"No harm done, McKay. It was an accident."

"Yeah." Rodney snorted. "Some accident. What if the Wraith had chosen that moment to attack? Or the Replicators? Or Michael?"

"Well the good thing is… they didn't." John tried to soothe.

"Sheppard! Why aren't you as mad about this as I am?" Rodney turned to face his friend.

John shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well you should be worried, _they_ should be worried. When I get my hands on them…"


	28. Tasting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 28 : Tasting**

Author's Notes :  
\- I read in a fic somewhere about the beds expanding, but I have no idea what fic it was, where I read it or who it was by. If it's yours I apologize for any infringement and will take it down if you like. So disclaimer : bed thing, not my original idea.  
\- I have no idea what time it is in China  
\- Irish pancakes = crepes  
\- I'm not sure what is required to gain a second degree black belt, so I made something up for the purpose of this fic.  
\- Edited content is on my listed homepage.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/31/10

* * *

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your favourite colour?"

Pause. "Blue."

"Oh." Pause. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your favourite food?"

"Steak. Medium-rare."

Pause. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your favourite season?"

"Spring. Best for flying choppers in."

"Hmm." Pause. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your favourite animal?"

"Horses."

Pause. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your favourite board game?"

"Chess."

"Oh." Pause. "John?"

"Connor, I love you, and I will answer your questions all day, but why are you asking things you already know the answer to?"

"I want to make sure nothing has changed."

"And has it?"

"Your favourite colour has."

"What did I say it was before?"

"Grey."

"Oh." Pause. "That was during jumper lessons, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then."

Pause. "What's your favourite movie?"

Two hours later. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Day off."

"I know."

"So… I thought I'd probably spend it in your lab, bugging you."

"Let's go exploring."

"Exploring?"

"The city. A lot of it is still unexplored."

"For good reason."

"Please?"

"I don't know…"

"Ronon and Teyla have already said yes."

"You asked my team behind my back?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Hm."

"You don't have to come."

"Like hell, I don't."

"We're meeting up at ten."

"Why so late?"

"Because there are other things I'd like to do on your day off as well."

"Other things, huh?"

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

John reached out to check Connor's tack vest, making sure everything was in place. The younger man was checking over Teyla's as Ronon checked John's. When the lieutenant colonel finished he reached out and grabbed two P-90's handing on to the linguist. Connor opened his mouth to protest but John silenced him with a glare.

"Peace of mind, remember?" John reminded him.

"Fine." Connor agreed softly.

"Thank you." He replied. John turned to face Teyla and Ronon. "All set?"

"I am ready." Teyla declared.

Ronon didn't answer, just headed for the door. Everyone else followed him out. John turned to Connor. "You've got the map, right?"

The linguist held up his computer tablet. "Yeah."

"Good. And, Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"If anything so much as moves, you get behind one of us."

"But I-"

"No."

"I can-"

"No."

"I have-"

John stopped walking for a second to face his partner. "If anything happens to you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Please, Connor."

The linguist swallowed. "Alright. I promise."

"Thank you." John ushered the younger man into the transporter where Ronon and Teyla were waiting. Connor hit their level and the lift began to move. The level they stepped out on to was dark, power wasn't supplied to unused portions of Atlantis in order to conserve energy. Connor reached out and placed a hand on the wall and suddenly the hallway lit up.

"I did not believe that this level was used." Teyla remarked as they slowly walked down the hallway.

"It's not." John confirmed. "Atlantis just likes Connor."

The linguist blushed. "I asked for, um, a little light."

"Handful." Ronon commented.

"Handy." John corrected.

"Whatever."

The two Pegasus natives walked ahead of Connor and John towards the stairs at the end of the hall that would take them closer to the unexplored areas of Atlantis. Connor reached out for John's hand and the older man clasped it without question. "So how come you didn't ask McKay to join us?"

"I, um, sent him an e-mail."

"Oh. And he read it?"

"Even replied."

"Uh-oh." John said softly. "What did he say?"

"That he, uh, had so many better things to do with his time than go traipsing around the unknown bowels of Atlantis."

"Sounds like Rodney. So what are you hoping to find down here?"

"More weapons." Connor grinned.

John shook his head. "Of course."

"But, um, you know, just looking. I wouldn't say no to anything else we find." And that was the first inkling John had that his boyfriend knew something he didn't. He spared a side glance towards the younger man who had an innocent expression schooled on his face.

"Alright." They reached the stairs and began descending, following Teyla and Ronon.

"We go down five flights and then down another hallway, up two flights, take the transporter there down another level." Connor informed them.

"And that's the quickest way?" John asked.

"Um, yeah."

"Alright." John leaned in closer to his boyfriend. "So what are we really looking for?" Connor turned to look at him, eyes wide, an innocent look spreading across them. "Not falling for it."

"Um… weapons?"

"You said that." John rubbed his thumb over the back of Connor's hand.

"What makes you think there's something else?"

John leaned in and gave Connor's cheek a quick kiss as they started down another stairwell. "I know you, and you're excited."

Connor chewed his lip. "It's not what you think."

"And what do I think?" John asked with an eyebrow raised.

Connor blushed. "Um… well, I'm not sure but I know it's not that."

John grinned. "Alright." He laughed. "Is it exciting?"

"Do you remember when Caldwell was here last week? When we had that virus?"

"Yeah, and you said you fixed Atlantis. Which, by the way, Rodney is still peeved about."

"Well that night," He said, ignoring John's last comment. "I had a… weird dream."

"Was I in it?" John asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Connor laughed. "Not that kind of weird dream."

"Ooo, but you do have that kind of weird dream. Interesting. Am I in them?"

Connor poked his boyfriend. "Anyways, I've had this feeling ever since that there's something I need to find. Eric came down here with me a few days ago but we didn't find anything."

"And I'm runner up?" John teased.

The linguist poked him again. "You were busy with meetings."

"I see how it is." John said, dramatically. "First you were running away with Lorne, and now you're affections have moved to Johns and you needed some alone time."

"I think Dr. McKay scares me too much for that."

John rolled his eyes. "Rodney is anything but scary. He's all bark and no bite."

"There's some bite." Connor argued. They reached the end of the five floors and began trekking down the hallway to get to the other stairwell.

"Yes but whatever you think he can do you have a strong, handsome Air Force Colonel-"

"And Major." Connor put in.

"You think Lorne is handsome?"

"I must agree with Connor." Teyla put in from ahead of them as their voices echoed down the hall.

"Ugh, Teyla, that's too much information, too much." She turned to give him an enigmatic smile. "Anyways, a strong, handsome Air Force _Colonel_ to protect you. And I'm sure Atlantis wouldn't say no either." He added.

"I could hold him upside down for you." Ronon offered from ahead of them.

Connor reddened. "Um, thanks."

"Just saying." The Satedan remarked.

"You really think Lorne is handsome?" John asked again, quieter as the two in front of them began their ascent.

"I've never really looked." Connor said softly. "But I think _you're_ quite handsome."

"Really?"

"Definitely." The scientist affirmed. He pulled on John's hand and the older man stopped walking. Connor reached out and held John's face in his hands. "Quite handsome." He breathed. John leaned down to give the younger man a soft kiss, which Connor readily accepted.

"They're getting away from us." John said breathless as he pulled away, motioning to the stairwell.

"They'll wait." Connor leaned in and captured his lips again.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Rodney asked with a hint of exasperation as Eric maneuvered himself onto Rodney's desk, sitting on the edge.

"It's your day off." The younger man explained.

"It is?"

Eric scrunched his face. "You said it was."

"I did?"

"Yesterday."

"Yesterday? Oh."

"So you don't have any plans?"

"Well, Sheppard usually-"

"Colonel Sheppard and the rest of your team went exploring."

"On their day off?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Rodney looked pensive. "Oh yeah, I think I got some e-mail about that. So what are you doing here? Don't you ever work?"

"Sometimes."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I think I need to talk to Sheppard about you. Or Lorne. Who do you report to?"

"Both of them."

"Sheppard, then. Lorne is an idiot… not that Sheppard's not an idiot, too."

"So why are you in your lab?"

"Didn't we just have this conversation?" Rodney asked.

Eric nodded. "But you never answered."

"Possibly because I forgot it was my day off, and it's not like I have anything better to do instead."

"We could… hang out." Eric suggested cautiously.

Rodney looked surprised at that. "You want to hang out?"

"I always want to hang out."

"Well, that's certainly true." Rodney scoffed. "But it's usually during the night. I was beginning to think you were a vampire or something."

"I'm not scheduled to work today, either."

"Sheppard is so dead."

"Is that a no?"

"That's a 'give me twenty minutes'."

A smile blossomed across Eric's face. "Alright. I'll just wait…" He gestured to the couch and Rodney nodded.

Half and hour later found them standing in Rodney's rooms, arms around each other, lips connected. The astrophysicist's hands moved down Eric's back and slid around to his front, unbuckling the younger man's belt buckle. Eric's hands went to the hem of Rodney's shirt and began to lift it up. They both pulled back briefly to allow the piece of clothing to come off. Rodney let go of the belt to tug Eric's shirt up at the same time.

Eric's hands flew to land on top of his and a nervous expression came across his face as he stopped Rodney from lifting his shirt off. The scientist snorted. "Look, kid, if anyone should be nervous about being shirt-less it's me."

"I'm not a kid." Eric protested softly. "And I… just… can't we leave it on?"

Rodney frowned. "Well it's hard to move to second base with clothes still on."

"Second base?"

"I thought I'd be nice and blow you." Rodney said with an eye roll. "So will you take off the shirt?"

"How about I… blow you… instead." Eric offered.

Rodney glared at him. "It's doubtful you even know what that is."

"I know what a blow job is."

"Then it's doubtful you've ever given one, and I'm not looking to have my dick bitten off today."

"I'll be really careful."

"What's rea-" Rodney cut himself off as he studied Eric's face. Terrified was a better word to describe the look than nervous. His eyes were wide and his palms were sweaty as they covered Rodney's. His breathing was labored but the older man couldn't tell if that was from their recent activities or panic. "What's wrong?" Rodney asked gently, removing a hand from under Eric's and using it to cup Eric's face.

The corporal turned his head away. "Nothing." He answered.

"Eric." Rodney said more sternly. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want you to see me like this." The younger man mumbled.

"Like what?" Rodney turned Eric's head so it faced him again. "Like what?" He repeated, staring into the younger man's eyes.

"Please, Rodney." He begged.

Rodney lowered his hand back to Eric's shirt and this time the younger man didn't fight him. He closed his eyes as Rodney lifted the black shirt up and over his head. Scars littered his torso, some big, some small, some deep, some shallow. There were a few shiny patches that Rodney's brain identified as burn marks. He reached a hand out to touch one of the bigger ones running across Eric's chest. The younger man's breathing hitched as Rodney ran his fingers along it. "Your father?" He asked softly.

Eric barely nodded. "Yes."

"Chicks dig scars." Rodney said, looking at Eric's closed eyes.

"I don't dig chicks."

"Well then it's good that I dig scars too." Rodney said seriously.

The corporal's eyes flew open and locked onto Rodney's. "You're not disgusted?"

"Nope. You're still pretty hot to me. Possibly hotter."

"I…"

"So can I blow you now, or what?" He asked with false nonchalance.

Eric nodded and Rodney pretended he didn't see the lone tear fall down the younger man's eye. As they stumbled backwards onto the bed, Rodney also pretended that Eric didn't see the tear fall from his own eye.

* * *

"So does your team know?" Rodney asked an hour later as he traced a scar.

"No. I spent a year or so in Afghanistan, they think…"

"Oh. Is this why you haven't," He made a small gesture. "You know… before?"

"No. That really is because I love my job."

"Oh. Does Sheppard's boy-toy know?"

Eric paused. "I don't think so. I've never told him, but he's… intuitive."

"So you think he knows."

"I think he knows something but isn't sure."

Rodney traced a new scar. "Are you going to tell him?"

"If he asks me."

"Are you coming to Sheppard's party on Thursday?"

Eric looked at him. "I didn't think I was really invited."

"Please." Rodney snorted. "It will be pathetic enough if it's limited to who knows about Sheppard and his linguist, we need all the people we can get."

"When is it?"

"1900. In lab B3-29."

"I'm working until eight."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Then come at eight."

"Will it be awkward? I don't really know Colonel Sheppard."

"You know me. You know his wife. Lorne will be there too."

"I don't really know Major Lorne, either. And Connor's not a wife. Why don't you like him?"

"What? I like him."

"Rodney, you never even use his name, and you just called him a wife."

"So?"

"Those are both indicators that you don't like him." Eric argued.

"If I blow you again can we stop talking about Sheppard's linguist?"

Eric paused. "Not until you tell me why you don't like him."

"Why does it even matter to you?"

"He's family."

"You barely know him!"

"I trust him with my life." Eric countered.

"What?" Rodney paused. "Really?"

Eric nodded. "Yes." He turned to face the other man on the bed. "I want you to like him."

"I like him." Rodney said weakly. Eric gave him a skeptical look. "I do!" The younger man kept staring. "Alright already! Fine, I don't like him. Is that a crime now? Sheppard doesn't care, why do you?"

"I'm sure Colonel Sheppard _does_ care." Eric countered. "And I care because you're… special to me and Connor's like an older brother."

"Has anybody ever told you that you talk too much in bed?"

"No." Eric said flatly.

"I'll say 'hi' next time I see him, okay?"

"And you'll be nice?"

"Nice enough." He rolled on top of Eric. "Anything else you want to talk about?"

"Will you try and like him?"

Rodney sighed and rested his forehead on Eric's chest briefly before looking back up. "Fine, fine. Whatever."

The younger man reached a hand down and gently moved his fingers through Rodney's hair. "Thank you."

Rodney didn't answer, instead he slid down Eric's body slowly.

* * *

"It smells." Ronon said gruffly.

In response Connor touched a wall and several of the windows along the top of the walls opened up, lighting the hallways and rooms around them, as well as providing a nice breeze. "This area was damaged by the flood." Connor explained softly.

"You seem to be very in touch with Atlantis these days." John murmured into his ear from behind him.

"She still loves you, too." Connor assured, turning around.

"It's not me I'm worried about." He whispered and gave the Irish man a quick kiss. "So what are we looking for?"

"Um, a large-ish room."

"They're all large-ish." John said, pulling away.

"I'm sorry." Connor apologized. "I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. I guess I'll know it when I see it."

"What did these rooms use to be?" Teyla inquired from their right as she poked her head and P-90 into a room.

"Um, living quarters, I think." Connor said looking to John for confirmation.

"Yep." The older man agreed.

"Think there are any bigger beds?" Connor whispered.

"Tired of sleeping so close?"

Connor blushed. "No. I just thought that… um, you know…"

John grinned. "We can certainly look. I don't know how we'd get it back, though."

"Oh. There's a transporter down the hall that will take me back to our level."

John groaned. "Then why didn't we take that here?"

"No power. I was going to… borrow some power to get us back."

"Okay. But if we get in trouble you get to explain to McKay what you did."

"Deal." Connor smiled.

"Hey!" John shouted down the hall to a wandering Ronon and an inquisitive Teyla. "If there are any bigger beds that look useable, let me know, will ya?" He asked.

"Certainly." Teyla offered back.

"Yeah." Ronon agreed gruffly.

"John!" Connor admonished quietly, blushing hard.

"Yeah?" He turned to look at his partner as they continued down the hall.

"Now they think that… you know…"

John laughed. "I'm pretty sure they already think… you know."

"What?"

"We've been together for over eight months, Con, people are bound to think… you know." He said with a grin. "Hell, McKay keeps asking me what it's like to sleep with a guy."

"He what?" Connor didn't think he could blush any harder.

John frowned slowly. "Does that bother you? I can talk to them for you, tell them we're not…"

"No!" Connor said, eyes wide. "I just… I mean, I didn't think… they don't all really think we're sleeping together?"

"We _are_ sleeping together." John grinned.

Connor poked him. "You know what I mean."

John nodded. "Yeah, they probably all do."

"I… oh. Evan thought we were, I told him we weren't."

"I didn't think this would bother you so much. Are you sure you don't want me to talk to them?"

"No!" Connor said in a hushed whisper when Teyla and Ronon began to throw looks their way. "It's private, you know?" He asked softly. "Between you and me. I just don't like that everyone thinks we're… you know."

"Hey." John said gently, reaching out to touch the side of Connor's arm. "I'm sure they don't sit around thinking about it, it's just an assumption they make." John pulled Connor into a room off of the hallway. "Are you going to be okay about this?"

Connor swallowed and nodded. "I'm sorry. I just… I'm sorry." He repeated.

John pulled the younger man against him into a hug as much as he could with their vests in the way. "There's nothing to be sorry about. We know the truth, Connor, and that's all that matters."

 _Us and God_ , the younger man thought, but didn't say out loud. "Yeah, okay. Sorry."

They pulled apart. "Let's go find us a mattress, alright?"

Connor offered him a weak smile. "Alright." He followed John out of the room as they wandered down the hall after John's teammates.

* * *

Five hours later they were ready to call it quits for the day. The other three were standing out side of the lift as Connor pulled apart the crystals inside and began to siphon some power from the ZPM to power up the transport. John was leaning against two mattresses, one for him and Connor, the other for Ronon, whose feet had been hanging off of the bed worse than John's hung off his.

"Can you get it?" John asked for the twentieth time. He figured it was only fair since the younger man had spent hours yesterday asking him question after question.

"Yes." Connor answered patiently.

"Then what's taking so long?"

"Got a hot date, Sheppard?" Ronon asked with a grin.

John groaned. "McKay is teaching you all the wrong Earth phrases."

Teyla smiled. "I believe Ronon picked that one up from a movie."

"Ugh." John rolled his eyes. "Either way, it would be hard to have a hot date with you two around."

"I don't mind." Connor chimed in.

"Just fix the damn thing." John said with a mock glare.

Suddenly the lift whirred to life and Connor smiled. "All fixed."

John and Ronon pushed the mattresses into the transporter while Connor pulled from the other end, and Teyla guided them. "Finally." John sighed. The transport began to move once they were all in and soon arrived at their level. John felt it stop and started to step forward when the doors refused to open. "Connor?" He asked.

The linguist had his eyes closed. "There's someone on the other side. Atlantis is waiting for them to leave."

"Is moving mattresses not allowed?" Teyla asked, puzzled.

"No, just taking the tags off." John joked. Connor laughed as the Pegasus natives looked confused. "Never mind. It's not _not_ allowed. It just might look suspicious for Connor to do it."

"Why?" Ronon asked.

"Someone would probably assume he's upgrading because someone else is moving in with him."

"Oh."

"They're gone." Connor said and the doors opened. Teyla helped Ronon push his mattress while Connor and John pushed theirs.

"What are we going to do with the old one?" John asked as they pushed the new one into their room.

Connor frowned as he thought. Suddenly a smile came over his face. "I know what to do with it. We'll set it against the wall for now, and move it later."

John grunted as he held up the larger mattress while Connor moved to displace the old one. John watched as Connor pressed a hidden button on the frame and it expanded to fit the mattress. The younger man walked back over and helped John replace the mattress on to the newly expanded frame.

"Did you know it could do that?"

Connor shrugged. "I had a feeling."

"You seem to have a lot of feelings lately."

"I can't help it." Connor grinned.

"Let's go put the vests back and stuff." John said, pushing the linguist out the door. "Want to get dinner?"

"What happened to lunch?"

"The Power Bar _was_ lunch." John supplied.

"Oh. Um, yes, dinner, sure."

They ran into Ronon and Teyla at the transporter. "Dinner?" John asked them.

"Sure." Teyla smiled as they stepped into the lift.

"I'll get Jennifer and meet you there." Ronon said, hitting a separate level for the infirmary. He stepped out first and the doors closed behind him. A few seconds later they opened again and the three of them stepped out and walked to the tac vest room.

"Do you want to invite Evan?" Connor asked Teyla as he un-strapped his P-90, handing it off to John.

"You would not mind?" She responded. John figured she was asking him more than his partner.

"Nope, bring Lorne if you want to."

"Thank you, I believe I will go ask him." She smiled as she resettled her vest on it's hook. "I shall meet you there." With that she left the room.

Connor fumbled with his vest and John, already vest-less, sighed before knocking the scientist's fingers away and replacing them with his own. "These vests are fool proof, you know?" He asked.

Connor poked him on the shoulder. "I must be a fool then." He sighed dramatically.

John pushed the vest off of he shoulders and guided it down his arms. He carried it over to the last empty hook and placed it on there. "Well, let's go, fool." John grinned. "Time for dinner."

Connor came up next to him. "Will you still love me if I'm a fool?" He asked softly, teasing.

"I'd still love you if you thought one plus one equaled thirty-seven." John replied seriously.

"So you don't want me for my brains?"

"Just your looks." John smirked.

Connor mentally locked the door. "What about when I'm old and grey?"

John's heart tightened at the thought of them growing old together. "I think I'll still love you then, too." He said softly as he wrapped his arms around his partner. "What about you? Will you still love me when I'm old and grey?"

"I think there's a good chance of that." Connor answered. "I love you." He murmured.

"I love you." John replied before leaning down, pressing his lips to Connor's.

* * *

" _No! Don't touch him!" Connor screamed. He strained against his restraints. "John! John! Can you hear me?" The other man was placed onto a chair and it was clear to Connor that he was unconscious. Blood streamed down John's face and was pooling on the floor. "John!"_

 _Someone punched him hard in the face. "Shut up!"_

 _Connor spit out the blood forming in his mouth. "John! Wake up!"_

 _A hand roughly grabbed his hair and forced his head backwards, a knife resting at his neck. "I said, shut up!" He pulled the knife a little and blood trickled down Connor's neck. "You don't want your pretty boy awake for this." He released Connor's head and stepped back._

 _Connor spit again. "John! John, you need to wake up!" A foot landed in his stomach, throwing him to the ground and continued kicking him. Connor was sure there was internal bleeding. He looked up to see a massive blur plunge a knife into John's stomach. "Noooo! John!"_

 _The other man jolted awake with the impact of the blade. His eyes were filled with pain as they focused on Connor. "Connor?" The linguist saw him mouth, although no sound came out._

" _John! John! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." Connor sobbed._

" _I said, shut up!" Someone kicked him in the back._

" _Connor!" This time the scientist could hear his partner. "Stop that!" John cried. "Who are you, what do you want?"_

" _What, you don't recognize me, John Sheppard?" A voice asked from above Connor._

" _No, should I?" A hand grabbed John by the hair and ran the tip of a blade down John's face, producing a long red streak of blood._

" _Yes, you should." He plunged the blade into John's thigh._

" _John!" Connor screamed but his partner didn't make a sound. "Stop it, please, stop it!"_

" _You need to learn your place." Someone grabbed one of Connor's hands and bent the finger backwards._

" _Ah! John!"_

" _Leave him alone!" John said loudly._

" _Sorry, we can't do that." They bent another finger._

" _John!" Connor sobbed. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."_

" _Don't be, Connor, don't be. I love you."_

" _I love you." Connor sobbed as another finger was broken._

"Connor? Can you hear me? Connor, I need you to wake up, please. Can you hear me?"

" _John?"_

"I'm right here, just wake up."

" _I am awake."_

"No, you're not. Please, wake up."

" _John?" Connor said reaching out to his partner as the edges of his vision grew black. "John! NO! Leave him alone!"_

Connor shot up in bed, sobbing and two arms wrapped themselves strongly around him. "Shhh." He heard John whisper into his ear. A hand moved up and down his back to soothe him.

"John?"

"I'm right here, Connor." He said gently. "I'm right here."

"John?" Connor asked frantically. "John?" His hands pulled at John's shirt and tugged at his boxers, his fingers ghosted over placed that John should have wounds. There was nothing there. His hands moved up to John's face, feeling over his features, he stared at them as they came away bloodless. "John?" He sobbed and collapsed against the older man.

"I've got you." John promised. "You're safe, I'm safe, I'm right here." John held him tighter. "I'm right here, Connor, I'm right here." He repeated his mantra over and over as the younger man continued to cry.

Eventually the younger man's tears subsided and he was left with shaky breaths and Connor mumbling his name over and over. John sat up from where they had fallen against the bed. "Where are you going?" Connor asked quietly, holding John tightly.

"To make some tea."

"Please stay." Connor begged. "Please, John."

"Okay." He laid back down. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Connor shook his head furiously. "No, no, no, no, no."

"Alright," John soothed. "You don't have to. You just… scared me, Con. You were screaming my name and you wouldn't snap out of it."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for." John said gently. "I'm just worried."

"It's already fading." Connor admitted.

"The dream?"

"The nightmare."

"Okay." He paused. "Are you… can you… are you going to be able to go back to sleep?"

Connor shook his head. "I don't think so. What time is it?"

"It's three in the morning." John supplied. Connor sat up. "Now where are _you_ going?"

"The couch."

"What? Why?"

Connor looked at him like the answer was obvious. "So you can go back to sleep."

John frowned. "Don't be ridiculous, Connor."

Hurt flashed through he younger man as he struggled to hide it. "I'm sorry for waking you up." He slid further down the bed but two hands held him back.

"Connor, stop." John said softly. The linguist froze in his actions and turned back to look at John. "We can do something else. How about we move the mattress to wherever you wanted to put it?" He suggested.

"You're going off-world in the morning, you should get some sleep, John."

"I've gone off-world with a lot less sleep, and you matter more."

"Can we just lay here for a while?" Connor asked hesitantly.

"We can do anything you want." John promised. He gathered the younger man back into his arms and held him close; Connor's head on John's chest, a hand in his dog tags.

"It was really a dream?"

"It really was."

"It felt so real." Connor said quietly.

"It wasn't." John assured him.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." He whispered.

John kissed the top of his head. "I love you, too."

* * *

"Do you hear that?" Eric asked blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

"Hear what?" Rodney asked, slightly annoyed. "It's so early, not even the birds are awake." He yawned.

"It sounds like someone's yelling."

"Probably Keller and Ronon. They are right across the hall."

"Ew, Rodney."

"What? It's true."

Eric ignored him. "It doesn't sound like that kind of yelling, it sounds like…" He paused to listen. "…like someone's in trouble."

Rodney was quiet for a second. "I don't hear anything."

"It stopped."

"So the imaginary voices just stopped?"

"I'm not imagining them." Eric protested. "I heard someone yelling."

"Well maybe Sheppard and his… Davids… finally got it on."

"I told you it didn't sound like that." Eric sighed. "I'll be right back." He sat up and was already pulling on pants.

"Wait, what? You're going out there?"

"Yes." He slipped on his shirt.

"What if someone sees you?"

"I have stealth training." Eric said. "I'll be fine." He gave Rodney a quick kiss on the lips and slipped out of the older man's apartment. He walked towards the quiet voices and paused outside of Connor's quarters.

"Shhh, you're safe, I'm right here." He heard his CO say.

"John?"

"I'm right here, Connor, you're safe." He heard. "Shh, I've got you."

He heard someone crying and knew it was his friend. Eric bit his lip and forced himself not to ring the door chime, leaving the two men alone. He walked quietly back to Rodney's room and froze when a door opened. Ronon was standing in his doorway and his eyes met Eric's.

"Is Irish okay?"

"You heard?" Eric asked surprised.

"Yeah."

"Oh. I don't know if he's okay. I didn't want to disturb them. Does this happen often?"

Ronon looked at him and Eric felt like the bigger man could see right through him. "He's not usually so loud."

The corporal read between the lines of Ronon's answer; yes, this did happen often. "Oh."

Ronon didn't say anything else, just gave him a hard look and stepped back inside his quarters. Eric continued to Rodney's room, stepping inside, the doors closing behind him.

"So? Any monsters out there?"

He slipped back under the covers. "No, none you can see." Eric was sure any monsters that existed were inside his friend's mind.

"What does that mean?" Rodney asked sleepily, with a yawn.

"Nothing." Eric said. "It doesn't mean anything." He lied.

"Okay."

And soon enough Eric heard him breathing evenly, signifying that the other man had fallen back asleep. But Eric couldn't get Connor's voice out of his head. _John?_ He had sounded so desperate and lost. _I'm right here, Connor, you're safe_. Even now it was odd to picture the two men together, but tonight had shown him a different side of each of them. Connor had always been like an older brother to Eric, even though his speech came across as nervous, he was smart, strong, patient and wise; helping Eric and offering advice. Tonight, though, he had been terrified. He had needed someone else's strength.

Eric had been on Atlantis since day one, and knew all the things that Colonel Sheppard had done: single handedly killing a strike team of Genii, destroying Wraith, risking himself to save Atlantis over and over. His CO was almost legendary in his mind and Eric had nothing but respect for him, respect with a tiny bit of fear. Tonight Colonel Sheppard had seemed _softer_ to Eric, more human and less of a legend, more real.

He was worried about Connor, about the nightmare it sounded like he was having, about the nightmares it seemed he had often, if Ronon was to be believed. Eric rarely had nightmares, he told his subconscious that he had lived through one so it owed him some happy times. But Connor, as far as he knew, had no trauma in his past, nothing to elicit such strong dreams. The corporal decided he would visit the linguist tomorrow; if not to make sure he was really alright, then to settle his own piece of mind and perhaps see if there was anything he could do to help.

He settled against the pillows, intent on catching a few more hours of sleep. Eric rolled to the side and a warm body pressed up behind him, an arm slung around his waist, pulling him tightly against Rodney's chest.

"Sleep." Rodney murmured.

Eric smiled softly and did just that.

* * *

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" John asked again, for about the twentieth time that morning.

Connor threw his pillow at the older man. "I'll be fine, John. You're going to be late."

"Cause I can ask Colonel Carter if I can-"

"John!" Connor said exasperatedly. "I'm fine." His partner paused in his movements with a shirt halfway over his head and gave him a stare. "Okay, I'm not fine." Connor relented. "I will be."

John tugged his shirt the rest of the way down. "I just worry." He said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Connor came up behind him and wrapped his arms around John's neck. John placed his hands on top of Connor's.

"I know." Connor kissed his neck lightly. "I'm sorry."

John turned his head. "Don't be." He said softly and gave the linguist a short kiss. John stood back up. "Are you going to try and sleep?"

Connor shuddered at the thought. "No."

John reached a hand down and ruffled his hair. "Well, we should be back by dinner, if all goes well. If we're not back by seven, don't wait for me, okay?"

"Sure." Connor nodded. "Be careful."

"You know me." John smirked.

The scientist rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, that's what worries me."

"Hey!" John said with a mock hurt expression on his face. "McKay got us into trouble last time."

"According to Teyla you guys take turns."

"I can't believe my own team members are talking bad about me behind my back."

Connor stood and walked John to the door, grabbing his jacket on the way. "It's just because they love you." He pressed the jacket into John's arms.

"Uh huh." John said, unconvinced. "I'll see you tonight." He leaned down and gave Connor a deep kiss. "Lorne will be here, and that corporal you like; don't spend the day alone, okay?"

"Yeah." Connor said softly.

"Promise me." John asked.

"I promise."

"Good." He gave Connor another kiss.

"You're going to be late." The younger man said again.

"Well, it's not like they're going to leave without me."

Connor smiled softly. "Maybe they're going to teach you a lesson today."

"Teach me a lesson huh?' John smiled against Connor's mouth as he leaned in for another kiss. "How about you teach me a lesson tonight?" He whispered as he pulled away.

Connor blushed. "We'll see." He answered. "If you come back in one piece."

John gave him a smile. "I'll do my best."

Connor looked at his watch. "Now you really _are_ late."

"I love you." John said seriously.

"One piece." Connor reminded him.

John laughed as he left the room, doors closing behind him. Connor sighed as he looked around his quarters that suddenly felt a lot larger and a ton emptier. He collapsed back down on to the bed, utterly exhausted but afraid to sleep without John there to wake him up.

His door chimed then and Connor waved a hand towards it while Atlantis slid it open. "Connor?" A male voice asked.

"Yeah?"

His visitor stepped into the room allowing the doors to close behind him. The scientist heard footsteps approach the bed and a figure loomed over him. He squinted his eyes and made out the shape of Corporal Eric Johns.

"Is everything alright?" Eric asked, a concerned look on his face as he stared down at Connor.

"Yeah." Connor lied.

Eric sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through Connor's hair. "I don't mean to pry but I… last night I stayed over at Rodney's place."

"On the couch again?" Connor asked.

Eric shook his head. "No, but that's not what I'm talking about. I heard someone yelling last night and when I went out to investigate…" The linguist blushed in embarrassment and Eric ran his fingers through Connor's hair again. "I'm just worried."

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"I'm a light sleeper." Connor added that bit of information to the mental list of things he knew about his friend. "I… do you want to talk about it?"

"My nightmare?"

"Yeah."

Connor paused to think about it and before he knew it every detail of his dream was spilling out of his mouth. About how he and John had been captured and tortured. Connor looked at his unbroken fingers as he retold his tale. A hand wrapped softly around his and compassion shown in Eric's eyes.

"That sounds horrible."

"Yeah." Connor agreed. "And I kept John up for the rest of the night. I, uh, tried to get him to go back to sleep but he…" The linguist drifted off.

"I heard him talking to you last night." His friend confessed.

"Oh?" Connor wondered which part of the conversation his friend had heard.

"I think it was pretty soon after you had woken up." Connor frowned, most of that was a bit of a blur. "I'm sorry for intruding." Eric apologized. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"It's alright." Connor assured him. "It's, um, nice to know that my friends care." A yawn escaped even though he tried to hold it in.

"I should let you go back to sleep." Eric said softly.

"I'm not tired." The linguist contradicted.

The younger man gave him a skeptical look and snorted. "You have bags under your eyes so dark you could be mistaken for a raccoon." He commented.

"I… oh. I'm not tired." Connor held. "I'll probably head out to my, uh, lab soon." He sat back up on the bed and swung his legs over the side.

"Doc," Eric began. "You really look like you could use the sleep."

Connor bit his lip. "I'm fine. I've worked with less."

"But you don't have to." Eric countered. He gave his friend a gentle push backwards onto the bed. "Go back to sleep, I'll get out of your hair."

"I'm fine."

"Connor."

"Eric." They stared at each other for a few seconds before Connor looked away. He exhaled and blew at some of the hair that had fallen into his face. "It's hard for me to sleep without John." He admitted.

"Because you're used to it?"

"Yeah." The linguist agreed. "And because if I have another… nightmare, he'd wake me up. I don't think I could deal with another one, um, right now."

Eric frowned. "I don't go on shift until noon." Connor looked at him confused. "I could stay here with you." He offered quietly.

The older man gaped at him. "What?"

"I could stay here, with you." He repeated. "That is if you want me to. I could wake you up if you sound like you're having another nightmare."

"I… Eric, no, I'm fine." Connor said finally. "I'm just going to work."

"How about breakfast then?" Eric persisted.

Connor nodded. "Alright."

"Are you sure you don't want to try to sleep?" Eric asked again.

Connor gave him a light glare. "I can take care of myself, you know."

Eric held his hands up in a sign of surrender. "I know, I just worry about you." He admitted, unconsciously echoing John's earlier words.

The linguist frowned. "Everyone worries about me." He observed softly. "A lot. I'm not sure why. I survived thirty-two years on my own before even meeting you all. I can take care of myself."

Eric chewed his lip nervously and reached a hand out to land on Connor's arm. "I know you can." He agreed. "Colonel Sheppard knows you can. We love you, though, and it's our job to worry, even though I'm sure you could kick both of our asses."

"We?"

The younger man frowned. "Yes, we. You're… family, Connor. I thought you knew."

"I… oh." Connor smiled softly and then looked up into Eric's face. "I can still, um, take care of myself."

Eric offered him a smile. "I know. But I'm still going to worry about you."

"That doesn't make any sense." The Irish man said, getting up from the bed. He gathered up a hoodie, forgoing his assigned jacket. He tugged it on over his head and smiled to himself as John's scent surrounded him.

Eric stood and shrugged. "That's just how it is, Doc."

"I'm older than you." Connor commented as they headed out the door.

"So?"

"So shouldn't I be the one worried about _you_?" The transporter door opened as they arrived.

Eric looked at the lift curiously but stepped in. "You're a civilian." Connor turned and glared at him. "Who could kick my ass." Eric amended.

Connor poked him. "And don't forget it."

They stepped out on the food hub level and began walking towards their destination. "Are you sure you don't want to go back to sleep?"

"Eric."

"Yes?"

"Shut up." Connor said lightly.

"Shutting up." The corporal said with a small laugh.

"Doc, are you ordering my men about again?" Evan asked from behind them. He jogged a little to catch up and walked on the other side of Connor.

"Yep." The linguist grinned. He saw Eric salute Evan out of the corner of his eye and his best friend returned the salute.

"Well, okay then." He frowned. "Did you get any sleep?"

Connor groaned and Eric laughed. "Told you."

"A bunch of worriers, that's what I have."

Evan looked between the two men. "Did I miss something?"

Connor sighed. "Only Eric trying to get me to go back to sleep for the last," He looked at his watch. "Half hour."

"Ah. Well you can take me off the worrier list." Evan said with an easy smile. "One night is nothing in the grand scheme of the Doc's missed sleeping."

"The grand scheme?" Connor questioned as they entered the food hub. The three men grabbed a tray and made their way to different replicators.

"Yeah, you know, like the time you went a week or something without sleep." Evan explained loudly from across the room.

Connor ordered some Irish pancakes and scrambled eggs. He grabbed some tea and made his way over to the table that Eric had taken up residence at. The younger man had French toast on his plate. Evan came and sat down to Connor's left, he had a cheeseburger on his plate. Connor raised his eyes at the food.

"What?" Evan defended. "It's lunch time in… China."

"No, it's not." Connor denied. "It's 1700 in China right now."

Eric gaped at him. "How do you know what time it is in China?"

"I know what time it is here, how that compares to the SGC and how the SGC compares to China."

Evan laughed. "Didn't think I'd be able to slip that one past you, Doc."

Eric looked at his commanding officer. "You knew he knew what time it was in China?"

Evan shrugged. "He's really too smart for his own good."

"I'm sitting right here." Connor said, cutting up his pancakes.

"Yep." Evan agreed biting into his cheeseburger.

Connor rolled his eyes and dipped a piece of pancake into his butter and sugar combination. "Yum." He sighed as he bit the piece off his fork.

"So, Doc," Evan said swallowing. "My guys are having a get together tomorrow night, you in?"

Connor nodded as he chewed. "I'm going to New Athos but I'll be back shortly after dinner."

"Perfect. Reed has been anxious to play you again."

"Play?" Eric asked.

Connor swallowed. "Scrabble."

"Oh." The corporal blinked. "Scrabble. I see."

"Yeah, Jake wants to-"

"Jake?" Eric interrupted.

"Oh, um, that's Reed's first name." Connor explained. "Anyways, he's been trying to beat me since John ordered the game."

"He thinks it would be cool to beat a linguist." Evan put in.

"And he hasn't yet?" The younger man asked.

Connor shook his head as he dipped another piece of pancake. "Nope. But he keeps trying."

"Oh. Persistent." Eric observed.

"Do you know him?" Connor asked, although he didn't think he friend did since he wasn't aware of Reed's first name.

"In passing." Eric answered. "I think we've done a couple of gate room shifts together."

"Probably." Evan commented. "So Thursday… are we supposed to bring presents?" He asked, referring to John's party.

"Nope." Connor answered. "No presents." He turned to face Eric. "Are you coming?"

"Um…"

"Teyla told me she invited you." Connor explained.

Eric swallowed his bite of French toast. "Yeah. I'll be late though since I don't get off shift until eight."

Connor smiled. "Good. That makes everyone."

"Everyone?" Eric asked.

"Everyone that knows about… you know… coming." Connor bit his lip. "I told John he didn't have to keep it small, but he can be very… persuasive." Evan choked on his food next to Connor and the linguist turned to look at him worried while lightly slapping his back. "Are you alright?"

"Fine." Evan choked out. "I'm fine." Connor didn't think he was fine from the way his face was turning red. He pushed Evan's juice into his hand. The major took a sip and sighed.

"So how many people is that?" Eric asked curiously.

"Um, five." Connor mumbled.

"Five?"

"Yeah. Teyla, Ronon, Dr. McKay, Evan and you."

"Dr. Keller doesn't know? I thought she was dating Ronon." The younger man asked.

"She is."

"Oh."

Connor thought for a second. "Oh wait, Colonel Carter knows too."

Evan coughed again. "Carter knows?"

"Well she never said it exactly but she's made… hints."

"Hints." Evan repeated flatly. "Does Colonel Sheppard know she knows?"

Connor nodded. "Yeah. She's fine with it."

"Hmm."

"And that's it?" Eric asked again.

"Yeah."

"Oh, wow." He frowned. "I thought it would have been more."

"We, um, don't really go around telling people." Connor said, taking a bite of his eggs.

"He didn't tell me." Evan put in. "I figured it out."

"So did Ronon." Connor added. "And Eric mostly figured it out." He told his best friend. "I think John told Teyla and Dr. McKay. Although Teyla probably already knew."

"She did." Evan added.

"So really the only person we've told is Dr. McKay."

"Who probably wouldn't have figured it out on his own." Eric concluded with an eye roll. "So smart but so…"

Connor laughed. "That's what John says."

"So what are you plans for today, Doc?" Evan asked as he sipped his juice.

"Finish breakfast?"

"Ha-ha."

Connor smiled. "I'm going to work for a while and the, um, probably head down to the range for an hour or so."

"You're shooting today?"

Part of his nightmare flashed before his eyes. _John!_ Connor shook his head. "Yeah. Then I'll, uh, see if Ben is free."

"Ben?" Evan asked.

"Lt. Ramsey. I need to talk to him about something."

"Alright. You free for lunch?"

The scientist nodded. "Yeah."

"I'll come pick you up then."

"Call first." Connor advised. "I might still be at the range."

"No problem."

Five hours later Connor had once again finished dining with Evan, this time sans Eric, and was making his way through the halls of Atlantis to track down Lt. Ben Ramsey. He found the other man flipping a Marine over his shoulder onto the hard mat of the gym floor. Ben sank down onto the ground to hold the other soldier there while someone else counted.

"Time!" Someone yelled and Ben stood, reaching a hand down to the Marine on the floor. The Marine took the hand graciously and allowed himself help up. Someone tossed Ben a towel and he used it to wipe the sweat off his face. Connor grabbed a water bottle, twisting the lid off and held it out for the other man.

Ben walked towards him and grabbed it, gulping down half. When he finished he looked up at Connor. "What can I do for ya, Doc?" He asked congenially.

"Um, I was wondering if you had any free time today?"

"For you?" Connor nodded. Ben smiled. "Hell, for you, Doc, I have all the time in the world."

Connor blushed. "It's not about joining the team." He warned.

Ben shook his head and some droplets of sweat hit Connor's arm. "Doesn't matter. Give me ten minutes to finish with these guys, will ya? Or is it urgent."

"Not urgent." Connor denied. "I'll just, um," He gestured to a near by table. "…wait over here."

"Sure thing." He smiled and finished up his water, tossing the empty bottle towards a large bin. Connor was struck with the sudden question of whether they recycled on Atlantis. He laughed softly to himself and he perched on the table at the thought of Caldwell surrounded by bags of recycled material on his way back to Earth.

He watched as Ben led the men through a couple more defensive moves against an enemy, always helping them up at the end. John had mentioned one morning during tea that Ben was almost ready for a promotion. Watching him now, Connor could see that; Ben was a good leader- helpful, strong, courageous. Something in Connor wanted to be a little bit more like him. No one ever worried about Ben, at least Connor didn't and he didn't think the rest of SGA-4 did either. If anyone could take care of himself it was their leader.

"All set, Doc." Someone said from in front of him. Connor snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to see Ben grinning down at him. The room had emptied and they were alone, a fact that Connor was grateful for. Ben leaned back against the table next to him, surveying the gym. "So how can I help you today?"

Connor bit his lip nervously. "Um, Ben, can this stay between us?"

The other man frowned lightly. "Of course."

"I was wondering if you could help me learn how to get out of restraints."

Ben's eyebrows shot up. "Restraints? Is this some kind of kink thing…?"

Connor blushed furiously. "No!" He quickly denied. "Nothing, uh, like that, I just, uh, I mean… I had… it… I wanted…" Connor stopped for a second. He could hear John in his head telling him to take a deep breath and so he did just that. He exhaled slowly. "I had a horrible dream that someone had tied me up and was torturing my…" He looked up at Ben's worried face. "…my partner." He finished. "And I know how to fight, but I've never done anything like get out of restraints and so I was hoping… I mean… you don't have to…"

Ben eyed him. "How many were there?"

"Huh?"

"In your dream." The other man clarified. "How many people were there?"

Connor shivered as he remembered. "There was one next to me and one next to Jo-my partner." He corrected quickly. "And then there were about four along the edge of the room."

Ben frowned. "How many people have you fought at once?"

"Ever?"

Ben nodded. "Ever."

"To get my second degree I had-"

"-Second degree black belt?"

"Um, yeah."

"Wow, Doc, you're really holding out on us." He grinned.

Connor blushed again. "Um, I had to fight fifteen different people."

"And did you win?"

"I'm a third degree black belt." Connor said as if it explained everything. Ben nodded so he assumed it did.

"Well, with those odds I can definitely help you. The thing with most people is, once you get out of the restraints the odds are you will be outnumbered and if I were the enemy, as soon as you were out of them I would kill you. At that point you become a liability, your strength is too strong, you're unknown." He explained. "They don't know what else you can get out of. So once you're out of them you need to be prepared to fight, and fight to the death."

Connor swallowed. "I am."

Ben looked up and into Connor's eyes, searching them for something the linguist didn't know what. "Okay then." He pushed off of the table. "What kind of restraints were they?"

"In the dream I was tied to a chair. It was rope. But, um, I was hoping to learn more than one type."

Ben smiled. "Then more than one it is, Doc." He pulled a chair out of a closet. "Have a seat and we'll get started."

Connor walked over to the chair and sat down as Ben rooted about for different restraints. "Ben?" He called softly.

The other man stopped what he was doing. "Yeah?"

"Thank you." Connor said.

"No problem, Doc." He went back to rooting through the closet. Connor felt a little bit of his insides unwind and some tension leave his body.

"Ready?" Ben asked from behind him.

 _No! Don't touch him! John! John! Can you hear me?_ "Ready."

* * *

"So our leave for next month is all set." John said to Teyla and Ronon as they flew back to the gate. They had tracked down a group of Replicators and Rodney had uploaded some changes to their base code that he, Carter and Zelenka had come up with.

"What leave?" Rodney asked.

"The leave that we're taking."

"Who's we? And why wasn't I invited?"

John glared at him. "You were invited, McKay, you turned me down. And 'we' is me, Teyla, Ronon and Connor."

"What? Your zippy linguist is going?"

"Yes, _Connor_." He said, emphasizing his partner's name, "…is going."

"And Ronon and Teyla?"

"Yes."

"Well what am I supposed to do?"

"When I asked you said you had a multitude of better things to do."

"Oh." Rodney paused. "Really?"

John rolled his eyes. "So are you excited?" He asked, turning his attention back to his other team mates.

"I, for one, am very excited to see your planet." Teyla remarked with a smile.

"I could go for more of the buffoons." Ronon added.

"Buffets." John corrected him. "A buffoon is an animal."

"Whatever."

"Was there anything in particular you guys wanted to do? I've talked with Sam and she got me hooked up with a chopper, so I'm gonna take you guys for a ride."

"Is that safe?" Rodney put in. "You haven't flown one in years."

"I flew some when we got kicked out by the Replicators." John corrected him.

"What? You did?"

"Yes. And it's like riding a bike, McKay."

"Whatever."

Teyla smiled at their banter. "I will look forward to a ride in your… chopper."

"Cool." John grinned. "I promised Connor a ride on a Ferris wheel too, so there will be that."

"Maybe we can go to the… Hawaii that you are always talking about?" Teyla suggested.

"We can try. I hope you guys don't mind a pit stop in Ireland, either."

"Where Irish is from?" Ronon asked.

"That's the place."

"Is it far from where you live?"

John coughed. "Well the last place I lived before the SGC was Antarctica. Remember when I showed you guys that globe? That big white glob on the bottom?" They both nodded. "Well, that was Antarctica. Ireland is pretty far from there. It's pretty far from Colorado, too. Almost half way around the planet."

"And we will take an airplane there?" Teyla questioned.

John thought about it for a second. "Yeah, either that or the Daedalus can beam us there."

"It would be nice to see where Connor is from." Teyla said.

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it." John agreed. He hit a couple buttons on the jumper control panel as they approached the space gate. Rodney dialed the gate and it swooshed open. John watched him send his IDC through and after receiving confirmation that the shield was down he aimed the jumper at the stargate and a few seconds later they were in the control room. John led the jumper up into the jumper bay and touched it down lightly.

His team grabbed their gear and made their way down the ramp as John turned the ship off . "Debriefing tomorrow at 0900!" He yelled after them.

The jumper slowly shut down and John leaned back against his seat and sighed, closing his eyes. Two arms slid down the front of his chest and John jumped as someone laughed behind him. He looked up to see Connor move over to sit on the seat next to him. "How was the mission?" His younger boyfriend asked.

John smiled at the sight of him. "A success… I think. I guess we'll see. How was your day?"

Connor offered him a smile and John was relieved to note that his boyfriend looked better than he did this morning. The linguist was still exhausted, but John sensed he was calmer, less scared than before. "Not bad."

John reached out and tugged Connor over onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. "Did you work all day?"

"I had breakfast with Eric and Evan. Then wor-"

"Lorne _and_ Johns? Hm, interesting."

"What is?"

"They've been on the same base for almost four years and I doubt they've said anything to each other outside of work."

"Well they didn't really talk to each other at breakfast." The younger man admitted.

"Ah." John remarked. "Sorry, continue."

"Then some work. I spent about an hour on the shooting range."

"How'd you do?" John asked.

"Pretty well." John guessed that that meant he hit every mark. "Then I had lunch with Evan."

"Hm. Maybe I shouldn't go off world, it looks like Lorne is moving in on my man."

Connor poked him. "Then I, uh, met up with Ben for a while and now I'm here." He finished, ignoring John.

"Ben? Ben Ramsey?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do with him?"

Connor bit his lip. "I just asked for some tips."

"Tips?" John asked skeptically.

"Yup."

"Connor." John groaned.

"Yes?"

The older man pouted. "Why won't you tell me?" He whined.

Connor turned his head and gave John a kiss. "It was just some fighting tactics. Now, let's get dinner, I'm starving."

John laughed as he stood up and dumped Connor off of his lap, catching him before he could fall. "Starving, huh? What Lorne didn't let you eat?"

"He's a chip stealer." Connor agreed, pulling John by the hand down the jumper ramp. The door closed up behind them as they headed for the exit.

A second before the doors opened Connor dropped John's hand and the older man immediately missed it. His hand felt suddenly cold and empty. Connor turned and gave John a huge smile that he couldn't help but return. "So what kind of tactics did you and Ramsey talk about?"

"Joooohn."

"What? I'm just asking. Were they ambush tactics?"

"Nope."

"Stealth tactics?"

"Nope."

"Retrieval tactics?"

"Nope."

"Are any of those close?"

"Nope."

"Are you really not going to tell me?" He asked as they stepped into a transporter.

"Why do you want to know?" Connor asked, leaning his head onto John's shoulder for the four seconds it took to arrive at the mess hall. He straightened up as they stepped out.

"I want to know everything about you." John said quietly in his ear as they entered the mess hall. It was empty which John thought was odd before he remembered that Simmons was having a birthday celebration in the food hub. He grabbed two trays, handing one to Connor.

Connor grabbed a salad and two puddings as John grabbed some mystery meat and potatoes. He handed a tea mug to Connor, pouring hot water into it and gently dropping in a tea bag. For himself he grabbed a soda and they made their way over to a table in the far corner. Connor stirred some sugar into his tea and John cut up his meat.

"It was tactics for getting out of restraints." Connor told him softly.

John looked up from his food into his boyfriend's eyes. "Oh, Con. Does this have to do with your dream?"

The younger man swallowed and nodded. "I was tied up while they tortured you."

"Why didn't you ask me for help?" John asked, a little bit hurt but trying not to show it.

Connor allowed his hand to settle on John's momentarily before retracting it. "You were off-world and Ben has some special training in this area."

"I know." John admitted. "But just because I'm a fly boy and not a jarhead-"

"John!" Connor admonished at the almost, but not quite derogatory term.

"Sorry, Marine… doesn't mean I can't help. You know I've had training too." He said, referring to his time doing black ops and special forces; something that only Connor and Carter knew about.

"I know. But I also know you try to forget about that." Connor said quietly.

John had to admit he was right. "I don't care, if it's something you need."

"What if I promise to remember that for the future?"

"Deal." John said with a small smile. "So did he help you?"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad."

"He, um," Connor blushed. "…He asked if it was a kink thing to begin with."

John choked on the food he was eating. "What?"

"Well he knows I'm with someone."

"And he asked you if it was a kink?" John asked surprised. He knew Connor spent a lot of time with them, but didn't think they were close enough for Ramsey to joke with the linguist in that way. He knew that Ramsey would have no problem joking with a fellow Marine that way, but most people who came across Connor quickly tapped into their protective side.

"Yeah. I think he might have been a little worried. But I told him about the dream."

"You did?" At that John felt a pang of hurt. Connor wouldn't discuss it with him before.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it this morning, John." Connor looked at him with wide eyes. "I… it was too fresh."

"Will you tell me about it now?"

And Connor did.

John cringed a little bit with every detail and quickly realized that he should have asked his partner to retell his tale in private as John had to force himself to stop from reaching across the table and holding Connor close. The linguist told him about the conversation with Johns afterwards as well.

"He volunteered to watch over you while you slept?" John's level of respect just went up a notch for the younger man that had wormed his way into Connor's heart.

"He said I looked tired." John agreed with the assessment. "Kept trying to get me to go back to sleep." Connor took a sip of his tea. "He, um, said he loved me, too."

John choked on his soda. "He what?"

"Not like outright." Connor said in a rush. "He said 'We love you, though, and it's our job to worry'."

John sighed in relief. "Good, I thought I was going to have to kick some corporal ass."

Connor blushed. "He said I was family."

John's eyebrows rose. "I hadn't realized you were so close."

"He sorta seems like a younger brother." Connor admitted. "A more experienced younger brother, but still a younger brother."

John laughed. "From what Rodney says, he's not that much more experienced. I think you guys are on pretty even playing grounds."

Connor blushed again and John loved how he still did that. "Oh."

Half an hour later they were back in Connor's room. "What are we going to do with this mattress?" John asked loudly to Connor who was in the bathroom.

"There's a room on the top of a tower with a glass ceiling, I thought we could put it there to lay on and look at the stars." He heard in reply.

"There is?" He pulled his shirt off and aimed it in the direction of Connor's hamper.

"Yeah." Connor said, sounding clearer as he opened the bathroom door. He gave John a quick kiss as he passed. "Your turn."

John quickly brushed his teeth and emptied his bladder. "Where is it?" He asked as he washed his face.

"Um, not sure exactly."

"You're not sure?" He dried his face off and left the bathroom, the light turning off after him.

Connor pulled his shirt off too. "I just know it's there."

"More secret Atlantis stuff?" John asked, coming up behind the younger man and nuzzling his neck.

"Yeah." Connor leaned his head back onto John's shoulder and John kiss the exposed skin, his hands sliding down Connor's chest into the top of his pants. He reached down and gently squeezed Connor's member before pulling his hands up and deftly undoing the buttons on his pants.

Connor breathing sped up and John pushed off the rest of his boyfriend's clothes. He gently nibbled at Connor's neck as his hands roamed over Connor's body, making him moan. John slowly walked them forward to the bed and reluctantly let go of Connor to push his own pants down. He gently urged the younger man onto the bed and followed him down, supporting his weight with his hands as he hovered over Connor's body.

John's mouth found the younger man's and their tongues gently caressed each other. One of the scientist's hands moved over John's back while one cupped his neck. The older man pulled back breathing hard as he gently pressed kisses across Connor's face and down his neck, sucking at the skin there hard enough to leave a mark. Connor moaned his name and John felt himself harden between them, Connor's own erection pressing against his.

John moved down his body, lapping at skin with his tongue. The hand on his neck moved to his hair and was gently running through it. "John." Connor gasped as he gently bit at a nipple. John grinned and moved to the other one. When he finished there he kept moving further down. "John." Connor said again, but it sounded different this time. John looked up to find his partner staring down at him. "I'm ready." He said.

It took the older man a moment to connect the words to thoughts. He didn't ask if Connor was sure, knowing that the linguist had been thinking about it for a while. "Just say stop and I will." John promised.

"I know." Connor said, trust and love burned in his eyes and John felt incredibly nervous all of a sudden as he moved down.

[Edited Content]

He crawled back up his boyfriend and collapsed onto the bed next to him. Connor reached down for him and looked back up in surprise as he came into contact with John's softening member. "I came." John explained softly. "Before you did."

Connor blushed. "Oh. That was perfect." He commented softly.

John reached a hand out to Connor's sweaty hair and moved some locks aside. "That was amazing." He agreed. "Thank you." Connor leaned in for a kiss and John pulled back. "Um, I should probably rinse my mouth out or someth-"

Connor cut him off as his lips landed on John's. A cautious tongue entered his mouth and the older man didn't stop it as Connor explored and tasted himself on John's tongue. John was sure that if he was physically able to get hard again, he would have, as it was he felt himself twitch. He gasped for air as they separated and Connor's cheeks grew red quickly.

John laughed as he combed his hand through the linguist's hair again. "Thank you." He repeated.

"I love you." Connor said, voice rough and quiet.

"I love you more than I ever thought I could." John responded softly. "And I thank whoever will listen that you love me back."

John scooted closed to Connor and their bodies entwined together. John was sure he had never felt better than he did then, their sweaty bodies entangled, Connor wrapped into him, the scent of sex in the air and a look of love in Connor's eyes.

Atlantis dimmed the lights around them.

* * *

Connor blinked. John had tucked him into his body and a heavy arm was thrown over his waist. John's breathing indicated he was asleep, but the younger man wasn't able to follow him. Their earlier actions weighed heavily on his mind. Thoughts had been rolling around in his head for hours. Connor was pretty certain that Ronon would be coming soon to get him for their morning run. He was exhausted, having little sleep the night before and none now.

Connor gently lifted the arm on his stomach and rolled out from under John. "Connor?" His boyfriend asked softly.

"Shh. I just have to go to the toilet."

"'Kay. "John said and fell back asleep.

Connor climbed out of bed and tried not to disturb John as he pulled on some boxers and stepped into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him as the lights came up dimly. The linguist leaned his arms against the sink and studied his reflection in the mirror. He looked horrible. Connor turned away from the mirror and sunk down to the floor with the door to his back. He rested his arms on his knees and his head in his hands.

He realized he was crying when drops of wetness fell from his hands onto his knees. He bit his lip as it trembled, tasting blood as a quiet sob emerged.

"Connor?" He heard quietly at the door.

Connor swallowed and tried to still his breathing. "Yeah?"

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes." He lied.

"You've been in there for a while." John countered.

"I…" The door slid open behind him and Connor felt backwards slightly but John's legs stopped him from falling.

"Connor?" A worried look covered John's face as he bent down and turned Connor to face him. "You're crying." He said quietly. A pained look crossed his face. "We moved too fast." John said, swearing lightly. "I knew it."

"No." Connor said with a small sob. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh." John murmured as he pulled Connor against him, rocking them both. "I'm the one who's sorry."

Connor didn't say anything but the tears began to flow, wetting John's bare shoulder. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"I-I-I don't know why I'm cry-crying." He said, voice trembling.

"Oh, Connor." John said sadly but he didn't say anything else, just kept rocking them.

Finally the linguist felt his tears subside. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

John shook his head. "No, I'm the one who's sorry, Con. I put this idea into your head and we moved too fast and-"

Connor placed a finger over his lips. "It's not about that."

"You said you didn't know why you were crying." John protested.

"I know that one of the best moments of my life wouldn't make me cry." Connor countered softly.

John appeared to think about that as he stood up, stretching a hand down to Connor who accepted it. John put an arm around Connor's waist and led him back to the bed. The younger man collapsed on top of John on the bed, his head over John's heart and a hand in his dog tags, thumb tracing his name.

"John?'

"Hm?"

"Do you… do you think I'm going to Hell?" Connor asked quietly.

"What the fuck?" John asked surprised. "Connor, what?"

"I don't know what to do." Connor said softly. "I don't know what to believe. I… how can this be _so wrong_? I love you, gosh, I love you, John. I just… I-I don't know." He felt tears leak out of his eyes and they slid down his face, landing on John's chest.

The arms around him tightened. "Listen to me, you're not going to Hell. I don't know much about God or the Bible but from what people say, he loves everyone. He loves you, Connor."

"I wish I could believe that." Connor hated the way his voice sounded so small. "I'd-I'd like to think that I'm a good person, John. That God still loves me."

Jon stiffened underneath him. "What did you say?"

"I'd like to think that I'm a good person." Connor repeated. He listened as John's heart sped up. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just déjà vu." John said dismissively. "I'm sure he loves you, Connor. How could he not?"

"I don't know. So many people say this is wrong." John's breath hitched. "But I know this is right, that being with you is right."

John sat up taking Connor with him. "I…"

Connor frowned. "Is everything alright, John?"

"Pinch me."

"What?"

"Pinch me, please."

Connor gently pinched his partner's arm and John winced. "Are you okay?"

"Am I dreaming?" John asked.

"Um, I don't think so. Do people usually ask if they're dreaming, if they're dreaming?"

John shook his head and laid back down, pulling Connor with him. "I guess not. Sorry." He ran a hand through Connor's hair. "You're not going to Hell, Connor." He said gently.

"I think this would be worth it if I was." Connor said softly.

"Connor." John said seriously. "You're the best person I know. You're so strong and beautiful and smart. You look out for others and try to help everyone. How can someone like that go to Hell?"

Connor chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I don't know what to think, John." A few more tears fell.

"I wish I could help you." John inhaled. "I wish I could help you so badly."

"You help me by being here."

"Did I rush it, Connor? Were you ready?"

Connor thought about it for a second. "I was." He decided. "I was ready. I promise, John."

His boyfriend exhaled loudly. "Next time talk to me, okay? Don't cry alone in the bathroom, Con. I'm here for you whenever you need me."

"I know, I just… I needed some time to think."

"Take all the time you need."

"I'm sorry I'm freaking out on you like this. I should be past this already."

John sighed. "Don't put time limits on yourself, Connor. These things take time. You spent over thirty years living your life one way, it's not going to change overnight."

"It's been almost nine months."

"A drop in the bucket." John likened. "A very important drop." He added and Connor laughed slightly. "But a drop nonetheless."

"I'm sorry for waking you up again."

"You know, some day I really will break you free of the need to apologize for everything."

"I'm sor-" Connor cut himself off and blushed.

John laughed. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Are you going to be able to sleep?"

Connor thought about it and his eyelids grew heavy and he was having a hard time keeping them open. "Yeah."

"Good." John pulled the blanket up over them. "Sleep, then."

"M'sorry." Connor muttered again before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

Now it was John's turn to lie awake. Connor's words had freaked him out. Not the going to Hell part, although that definitely bore some thought. No, it was the lines that Connor said that were exactly the same as in his dream. The dream he proposed in and Connor said no.

John wondered if it wasn't his subconscious telling him not that Connor didn't want to marry him, but instead that the linguist had a problem and he needed to work it out before they could get married, before he could propose. He knew that his boyfriend had been wrestling with this since day one but John had nothing in his life similar to Connor's problem. Sure he had his job, but that didn't exactly require the paradigm shift that Connor's had.

He ran a hand up and down his partner's arm as he thought about what he could do to help. John sighed in frustration as he came up with nothing, maybe he would talk to Teyla about this.

And John wasn't at all comfortable with the notion that Connor A) believed he was going to Hell and B) was willing to go to be in a relationship with John. The linguist believed in Heaven and Hell and John didn't know if it was selfish of him to keep loving Connor if it meant dooming him to Hell. _It's not my beliefs_ , he rationalized, _but they are Connor's_ , another part of him finished.

In truth he wanted to wake Connor up and keep talking about the subject that had been floating around the younger man's brain for months. But Connor needed sleep and John needed to- _Bzzz!_ …answer the door. He slowly untangled himself from Connor, who didn't wake up, and he padded across the floor to the door. It slid open and Ronon was leaning against the other side.

"Sheppard." He greeted. "Is Irish ready?"

John shook his head and stepped out into the hall to minimize noise. "He's not going to make it this morning."

"He didn't make it yesterday, either." Ronon observed.

"He's… fine." John said, although he knew his boyfriend was pretty far from fine at the moment. "He's catching up on some sleep."

Ronon studied his face briefly before nodding. "Okay."

"I'll see you at the de-briefing." He said, backing up into the door, waiting for it to slide open.

"Yeah." With that the Satedan turned and left.

John re-entered the quarters and slowly slid back into bed with Connor, draping the younger man over him. He ran a hand through red-brown hair.

"Oh, Connor." He sighed sadly. "I love you." He kissed the top of his boyfriend's hair and followed him back to sleep.

* * *

Jennifer looked up as Ronon re-entered her quarters. "Hey, I thought you were going running." She said tiredly as the Satedan slipped his shoes off and pulled his shirt off over his head.

"Irish is sleeping." Ronon offered and slid back into bed with her.

"Oh. Same as yesterday?"

Ronon shook his head and his dreadlocks moved. "No."

"Oh." Jennifer was curious about Dr. Davids, but Ronon was tight lipped on the subject whenever it was brought up. Whatever her boyfriend knew about the linguist, he wasn't sharing.

"So I get you for another hour?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah." His chest rumbled when he talked and Jennifer found the sound soothing. She traced mindless patterns onto his chest.

"What are your plans for today?"

Ronon ran a hand through her hair. "De-briefing in the morning and then I'm going with Teyla to visit her people. Irish is coming also."

That surprised Jennifer. "He is?"

"Yeah. The Athosians like him." Jennifer figured that was Ronon-speak for they're ecstatic every time he visits.

"Wow. I guess I just never pictured him as a very outdoors kind of person."

"Irish likes to hike." Which was more information than Ronon had ever given on the man.

"I see." Even though she didn't. "So what do you do there all day?"

"I'm going to help with the harvest. Teyla is needed for… something. Irish helps with the harvest too."

Jennifer tried to picture the timid Irish man helping with Ronon and almost laughed at the picture. "Does he help a lot?"

"Yeah."

"When are you guys leaving?"

"Ten." Ronon answered. "We won't be back until after dinner."

"So don't wait up?" She surmised.

"Yeah."

"Got it." She mumbled, already falling back asleep. "Wake me up in an hour?" She asked, knowing Ronon wouldn't be going back to sleep.

"Sure."

"Thanks." She offered as a hand carded through her hair, sending her back to her dreams.

* * *

"Are you sure you have everything you need?" John asked.

Connor threw his shirt at the other man. He finished buttoning up his jeans and slipped on some hiking boots. "Yes."

"Are you taking your sidearm?"

"Yes." Connor replied, rolling his eyes. He held out his hand for his shirt back and John walked it over, handing it to him.

"I love you in jeans." He said, wrapping his arms around Connor from the back, resting his hands on the younger man's stomach. His hands dipped down into the top of his pants.

Connor slapped at his fingers. "You are going to be late. Again."

"I have fifteen minutes." John countered.

"In which you need to get some breakfast." Connor mumbled as he pulled his shirt on. The front fell over John's hands and the back stuck to the top of John's chest. The linguist pushed him backwards a little bit so the shirt would fall down.

"I'll get some after. You're eating, right?"

"Yeah. I'm meeting Jim and Eric."

"Jim Smith? Of SGA-4?"

Connor nodded. "That's the one." He did up the belt that he had previously looped through his jeans. Then he turned around in John's arms and the older man held him close.

"Are you bringing back some more tea?"

"Probably."

John leaned down to rest his forehead against Connor's. "Be safe, alright?"

"I thought today I'd be reckless." Connor said with a grin.

"Oh you did, did you?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well I just might have to keep you here instead." John decided.

"With your supreme power?" Connor asked.

"Yep." With that John leaned down to kiss him, relishing in the taste of tea, toothpaste and all that is Connor. He pulled back, breathing hard. "You'll be back after dinner?"

"Yeah."

"I guess I'll see you then." John said softly.

"Yeah. _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_." The younger man said, placing a hand over John's heart.

"I haven't heard that one in a while." John commented.

"Well how about this one? _Tá grá agam duit_."

"That one I know and love." He smiled. "How do you say goodbye?"

"The easiest way is… _slán_."

"What's the not so easy way?"

"Well, if I was staying and you were leaving you would say _slán leat_ , I would then respond with _slán agat_."

"So you have different ways of saying goodbye depending on who's saying it?"

"Yeah."

John rolled his eyes. "Your language is complicated."

"Hey! My language has been around for thousands of years. _Your_ language is complicated."

John laughed and grabbed Connor's jacket as he ushered the younger man out the door.


	29. Surety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 29 : Surety**

Author's Notes :  
\- To Annie : _Sláinte agus saol agat_. Congratulations.  
\- _Monopoly_ belongs to Parker Bros.  
\- Spoilers for _Ghost In The Machine_. I took liberties and changed the episode around a little bit. I skipped _The Seed_ , _Broken Ties_ and _The Daedalus Variations_ for now.  
\- No Woolsey, for now.  
\- There's a line here from _Winnie the Pooh_. _Winnie the Pooh_ belongs to A. A. Milne and the Disney Company.  
\- _Transformers_ belongs to DreamWorks, Paramount and United International Pictures.  
\- Edited content is available on my listed homepage.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/31/10

* * *

"Rodney." Someone said loudly near his head. The scientist jerked up from his nap.

"Huh? What?"

Teyla smiled at him. "It is almost seven."

"What? Already?"

She nodded. "Ronon and I are on our way to the gathering for John's naming day, you asked us to come get you?"

"Oh, uh yeah." He stood up from the chair at his desk. He noticed Ronon lurking by the door. Rodney grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and slipped it on. "Alright, let's go."

"Is Corporal Johns joining us?" Teyla asked as they made their way out of his lab and to the nearby lift.

"He's working until eight."

The doors opened and they stepped in. "So he will be joining us later?" She hit the button for the level John's party was on.

"Yeah. You know, free cake and all."

She laughed lightly. "Connor has made a wonderful cake." She declared as they stepped out and turned down a hallway.

"It's not lemon is it? Trust Sheppard's fuzzy linguist to make a lemon cake, he knows I'm aller-"

"It is not lemon." Teyla said. "And _Connor_ has a name."

"Whatever."

"Ack! John! Stop! People are coming." Rodney heard as they neared the unused lab. He heard Sheppard say something in reply but couldn't make out what it was. "No, they're already here… well almost here… they're here now." Rodney wondered if he was psychic and then quickly dismissed such a stupid thought.

The doors opened to the lab and Rodney surveyed the scene in front of him. There was a table with a medium sized cake on it with a couple board games to the left of it and some drinks to the right. His friend and the linguist were situated on a couch near the far wall. There were two other couches in the room. Teyla and Ronon entered the room before him and Rodney scoffed at the light decorations found in the room. A couple streamers and a homemade banner proclaiming ' _Breithlá Sona Duit, Seán!_ ' was hung up on the wall.

John stood and pulled Davids up with him as they neared where they sat on the couch. "Hey."

"Happy birthday, John." Teyla said, offering the birthday boy a hug. Rodney blinked. For as long as he had known her the Athosian had avoided the word birthday.

"What she said." Ronon added.

"The cake isn't lemon is it?" Rodney asked.

* * *

John laughed. "Nice to see you too, Rodney." He answered.

John held Connor's hand tightly in his own and instinctively knew that his boyfriend was blushing, even as he hid slightly behind John. The older man had hoped that in the months they had been together, his boyfriend and best friend would get along; as it was now, Rodney was scowling at Connor and Connor was a bit scared of Rodney.

"And who made the poster? It's got the wrong name on it." Rodney added. "And it's in some funny language. What is that? Czech?"

John laughed again and poked Connor. "Told you someone would notice." Connor blushed a deeper read. "It's Irish, Rodney." John offered. "And that's my name in Irish."

"What they don't have Johns in Ireland?"

"They do." Connor said softly.

"Then why did you-"

"I like it Rodney." John cut in. "It's more natural."

"Please, Sheppard like you even speak Irish."

"I can learn." John defended. "I know the important phrases."

"What, like 'we come in peace'?"

Connor laughed softly from behind him. His partner let go of his hand and in an unexpected public display, wrapped his arms around John's waist from behind.

"Like… who wants to play Monopoly?" John asked, segueing into a new subject.

"I'm the dog." Ronon proclaimed.

"You're always the dog." Rodney snapped. "And you've never even seen one."

John rolled his eyes as Teyla walked over to retrieve the board game. John turned his head towards Connor's. "I thought Lorne was coming." He said softly, so he wouldn't be overheard.

"He is." His partner responded. "I sent him on a hunt for candles."

John laughed. "I doubt there's enough on the base." He wrapped Connor's arms and gestured him back down onto the couch as he and Ronon began to move the couches around a small table. Rodney sat next to Ronon and Teyla sat in another couch. John plopped down next to Connor. He threw an arm onto the back of the couch, behind Connor.

Connor and John worked to set up the game, handing out the pieces and placing the cards in their spots.

"Doc! I'm here!" Lorne said as he rushed through the doors. He had a large box in his arms.

John grinned. "Nice to see you, Major."

"Um, yes, sir." John could make out a slightly red tint to his face.

"Did you get them?" Connor asked from beside him.

Lorne motioned his boyfriend over and Connor went to find out what was in the box. John watched curiously as they talked softly. His partner laughed softly at something Lorne said and a smile lit up his face as he looked inside the box. John pushed away any feelings of jealousy, knowing they were ridiculous and went back to handing out money. A body sat back down next to him and Connor gave him a quick smile as he accepted the money John handed him, their hands touching for a longer than normal amount of time as he stared into Connor's blue eyes.

"Are you going to be like this all night?" Rodney asked, breaking their reverie.

John pulled his hand back and glared at Rodney. "It's my birthday. I can be however I want."

Lorne took the seat next to Teyla and John spotted his box over by the cake. He finished handing out the money and they began to roll to see who would go first.

As they played John was acutely aware of how close he was sitting to Connor. All he really wanted at this point was to pull the younger man onto his lap and hold him tightly. But neither he nor Connor were huge fans of public displays, not that Connor had had much of a chance before. John knew his boyfriend, though, and Connor had been blushing all night long.

The younger man leaned over to whisper into John's ear. "I'm going to get something to drink." John nodded. "Do you want anything?"

"A beer?" He asked.

The Irish man nodded. "Sure."

"Thanks."

Connor stood and John followed him with his eyes over to the table. He watched as Connor pondered his choices before choosing an orange soda, something John had never seen him drink before. He opened the can and started pouring it out into a cup.

John frowned as Connor seemed to freeze. His blue eyes caught John's and the cup fell from Connor's hand, splashing orange liquid all over the ground. Connor stared at it for a second before grabbing some napkins and bending stiffly to mop up the spill. He was so intent on watching his partner that he missed the entrance of Corporal Johns who had made his way over to the linguist and was now bent down helping Connor clean up the soda.

Connor said something to Eric that made the other man frown and John couldn't tell what he said in reply. Connor looked up and met John's eyes again as he wiped the floor, his gaze seemed somewhat pained but before John could think about it further, Connor looked away. They finished with the floor and both stood. Connor retrieved another can and didn't bother with a cup as he carried it and John's beer back with him. Johns trailed behind and took a seat on the couch next to Rodney.

"Everything alright?" John asked quietly, turning his head into Connor's ear.

"Yeah." He opened his can and John noticed that his replacement drink was beer. Connor took a couple gulps and that seemed to calm whatever nerves he had. John reached out and landed his hand on Connor's knee, squeezing lightly before taking his hand back. Connor looked up at Eric and handed him his money and properties. "Eric, take my place, I'm the top hat."

The other man looked hesitant. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I just want to watch."

"He can be on my team." John put in. Eric took the offered money and properties, sorting through them.

Connor leaned sideways against John and John wrapped an arm around his body. "Is everything alright?" He asked again.

"Yeah." Connor leaned up slightly and kissed his chin. " _A chuisle_." He said quietly and John could feel everyone's eyes on them.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." John replied in perfect Irish. When he finally looked away from Connor he could sense everyone was trying to put off an air of nonchalance, but knew most were interested in their relationship.

"You're turn, Sheppard." Ronon put in, pushing the dice over to him. John grabbed them with the hand not around Connor and tossed them. He moved his horse around the board, sighing in relief as he landed on _Go_.

They kept playing but John's worry over Connor didn't decrease. His boyfriend laughed and joked with the rest of them, but what they couldn't see was the hand Connor had that was resting on John's lower back, tips of his fingers in the top of John's pants. A hand that kept moving slightly, seeking reassurance. They couldn't feel Connor's light trembles as he remained pressed up against John.

As the game ended, with Teyla winning, _as usual_ , John thought. John stood and pulled Connor up with him, allowing the others to clean up the game.

"We'll be right back." John offered and gently pulled Connor out of the room with him and down into a small unused lab, locking the door behind them. He turned to face Connor and pulled him close, slipping a hand under the back of his shirt to rub soothing circles on his skin. "Now, what's wrong?"

"I don't know." Connor said softly and leaned forward to rest his head on John's shoulder.

"I want to help you, Con, but I need you to help me out a little with it."

"I really don't know, John." Connor mumbled into his shirt. "Atlantis doesn't… feel good."

"And it's trickling down to you?"

"Yeah."

"And you don't know what's wrong with her?"

Connor shook his head against John. "Did a team just return?"

John paused for a second to think. "Yeah. We had a team investigating a world that we could use as an off-world base, only reachable through a space gate. They should have been back," He glanced at his watch. "…about two hours ago… oh. Did they do something?" John asked, putting the pieces together. Two hours was when Connor began acting nervously.

"I don't know." Just then the lights flickered.

John sighed. "I would say they did." He reluctantly pulled away from Connor and paused when Connor stopped to touch a wall as they exited the room.

"There's something here." He said. "Something that shouldn't…" He drifted off and a few seconds later his body was sinking to the floor.

"Connor!" John yelled as he reached out to catch him before he could hit the floor. "Connor, can you hear me?" He asked, checking for a pulse and breathed a sigh of relief as he found one.

"Sheppard?" Ronon asked from down the hallway.

"I'm here." John called. "Tell McKay that something's wrong with the city."

"What do you mean wrong?" He heard Rodney ask.

"I don't know. Connor said something was here that shouldn't be and he went to ask what it was but something… I don't know!"

Ronon crouched down next to him. "Let's get him to Jennifer." He maneuvered the linguist into his arms. "I'll take him, Sheppard, you need to go with McKay."

"I… Ronon." John said haplessly, wanting nothing more than to stay with Connor.

"I'll take care of him, John." The Satedan said seriously.

"I know you will." John said. "Okay. Call me as soon as you know something."

"I will." Ronon promised and made his way down the hall to the nearest lift.

John turned to face the rest of the group. The lights flickered again before going out. "We need to get to the control room."

"McKay to Zelenka! What the hell are you doing to my city, Radek?… You're doing something, there are no lights!… What do you mean the lights are working fine, I'm standing in the dark!… Well fix something!… Meet me in the control room… Yeah, yeah… McKay out." John heard a click. "Zelenka says the lights are fine where he is. Your ling-oof!-"

"You promised, Rodney." John heard whispered quietly.

"Fine, fine. _Davids_ must have done something."

"Connor barely had time to do anything." John defended.

They all made their way to a transporter but the lights remained dark and the doors didn't open as they stepped up to them. John gently touched a wall. _A little help?_ He felt Atlantis struggle but eventually the doors slid open and they piled inside, heading for the control room.

They all stepped out into a well lit room where no one there was worried that part of the base had lost power. John and company made their way up the steps as Rodney immediately began running a diagnostic on the city. "Colonel Sheppard?" Carter asked as she stepped out of her office to greet them. "Is something wrong?"

"We were playing a game in the lower level when the lights went out." John explained. "There's something wrong with Atlantis. Where's the gate team that just returned?"

"Off-duty." Carter answered.

"Did they report anything unusual happening?"

Carter frowned. "I haven't read through their report yet… let me get it." She went back in to her office and came out with a computer notebook. "Yeah, they said they had some problems with the jumper. It lost power on their way back to the gate."

"Lost power?" Rodney asked. "Lost power, how?" He left the console and walked over to read the report. "Lights flickered, no steering, drive pods wouldn't retract… they hit the gate? They lost their DHD, communications, and life support? And no one felt that this was important enough to mention! I need them here, right now." He said annoyed.

Carter nodded. "Chuck, can you get SGA-3 here?"

"Yes, ma'am." He answered quickly.

The control room lights chose that moment to flicker. "Colonel!" Someone yelled and John and Carter both looked over. "I'm getting reports of electrical bolts in the hallways."

"What, like lightening?" John asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Give me city-wide." Carter said.

"You have city-wide, Colonel." Came her response.

She signaled for her radio to be cut off. "Atlantis personnel, this is Colonel Carter. We are experiencing some technical difficulties right now and we need you to stay out of the hallways if possible. I'm asking that all off-duty personnel return to their quarters immediately. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Ma'am! Power to the stargate just cut off."

"What?" Rodney exclaimed. "This is not good, not good." He began typing furiously on a computer and John stood their watching as darkness descended his city.

* * *

"Ronon?" He heard softly. The Satedan looked down to the man lying on the bed he was standing next to.

"Irish."

"Where's John? What happened?"

"Sheppard's in the control room. You passed out." Ronon explained.

"Atlantis!" The scientist shot up. "There's something wrong with Atlantis." He swung his legs over the side of the gurney. "I need to… whoa… dizzy." He grabbed his head and Ronon gently pushed him back onto the bed. "No, Ronon I need to-"

"Jennifer said you need to rest." Ronon cut in.

"No, I need to help John! There's something wrong with Atlantis."

Their lights flickered overhead. "McKay is on it." Ronon offered.

His running partner sat back up. "No." He closed his eyes for a moment and then slowly stood up. "I need to help."

"Irish," He hesitated. "I'm not sure this is-"

"Please Ronon." The linguist begged. "I can help."

"Sheppard is not going to like this."

"He doesn't have to know." Ronon watched as the smaller man slipped on his jacket and began to head for the door. "Are you coming?" He asked pausing slightly.

Ronon thought for a second. Sheppard would have his hide if he let anything happen to Irish. "Where are we going?"

"Chair room." Came the simple reply.

"Can you fix this?" Ronon asked as they walked down the hallway.

"Maybe." Connor answered. "Shite!" He yelled as lightening flashed in front of them in the corridor.

Ronon had his gun out and in his hand. "What was that?" He asked.

"Electrical current. If one hits you, you're probably dead." He raced down the hallway and Ronon followed him into a lift. "Chair room." Irish said, to no one. Ronon looked at his oddly. "Chair room." He said again, more firmly and the transporter started moving.

Ronon followed quickly after Irish as they made their way down the corridor to the chair room. The lights kept flickering as they went. The linguist didn't hesitate to sit in the chair. The moment he touched it, it lit up and leaned backwards. Ronon stood watch as Irish closed his eyes.

Ronon's headset beeped and he heard Colonel Carter begin talking. "Atlantis personnel, this is Colonel Carter. We are experiencing some technical difficulties right now and we need you to stay out of the hallways if possible. I'm asking that all off-duty personnel return to their quarters immediately. Thank you for your cooperation."

He looked towards the other man in the chair, he hadn't moved at the announcement and Ronon wondered if Irish had even heard.

* * *

Connor had never been in the chair before. The moment he sat down he felt like he was in another place. Images swirled before his mind, the city became clearer and he suddenly knew things that he didn't before. He knew where every person on base was, he knew which systems were running, which needed maintenance, how to fix broken systems and so on. He delved into the information seeking to find what was wrong with Atlantis. That's when he felt it: a ghost. That's what it felt like to him. Something whispering in Atlantis, something that shouldn't be there.

Connor began turning off systems that weren't essential. He was shutting down parts of Atlantis' mainframe, keeping them from the ghost. He was going to corner the ghost into one part of the city's mainframe, isolating it before finding out what it was. He lost all sense of time and body as he became one with his city. His mind was moving a mile a minute as he went from piece to piece, examining it for any hints of intrusion.

He wasn't sure how long it was before he found what he was looking for. The coding stood out to his eyes, bright red against a sea of black. It was moving and Connor did his best to anticipate it's moves. He startled as Atlantis recognized the coding. _Replicator?_ This was not good. Atlantis grew mad. She grabbed a hold of Connor's consciousness and carried him through her systems while her processors whirred to find a solution.

Connor relaxed into Atlantis' hold until he was nothing but ones and zeros, binary coding. Atlantis asked him to communicate with the intruder and Connor did so.

 _Hello?_ He asked.

 _Hello._

 _Who are you?_

 _I am Elizabeth Weir._ Atlantis' leader until a little over a year ago.

 _She's dead._ Connor argued. _Who are you?_

 _I never died. I was added into the Replicator consciousness._

 _What are you doing here?_

 _We've searched for ways to ascend, and in doing so lost our physical bodies. We are looking for a way to regain physical form._

 _What do you want from us?_ Connor asked.

 _We know you have the technology to make us bodies._

 _Us?_

 _The others are coming._

Connor panicked. _What others?_

 _There is a small group like me, who have tried to ascend and failed._

 _How did you get here?_

 _The puddle jumper._

 _What are you doing to our systems?_

 _Nothing._

 _There's lightening in the corridors! Our lights aren't working. You're doing something._

 _Will you help us?_

 _I can't._

 _Who are you?_

 _My name is Connor._ He supplied.

 _I don't remember a Connor._

 _I came after you… died._

 _Oh._

 _You had to have known we couldn't give you bodies. John won't allow that and neither will Colonel Carter._

 _John? Sheppard?_

… _Yes._

 _You know him?_

 _Yes._

 _I need to talk to him._

 _He's in the control room_. Connor felt her presence begin to float away. _Wait! Please! You're destroying my system._

 _Your system?_

 _Atlantis. Please. If I show you a place to go and bring you to John will you go?_

 _You want me to trust you?_

 _Yes._

 _You promise?_

 _Yes._

Connor sensed her hesitation _. Alright._

 _Thank you. Now you need to follow this sub-routine…_ He slowly maneuvered her into a small computer notebook in his office.

Connor felt Atlantis' thanks as she began repairing her systems and he floated further out of her and back into his body.

"Connor!" He heard someone shouting his name from far away. "Goddamn it, Connor! You need to snap out of it! C'mon, Con, please!" _John?_ "C'mon, Connor, follow my voice." _John!_ He went towards John's voice as fast as he could. "Connor, if you can hear me, follow my voice, c'mon Connor." He tried to call out, tell John that he was alright and he was coming back but no sound came out of his mouth.

He was slowly pouring back into his body. He became aware of a hand on his, a tight sensation in his upper arm and he felt hot. "J'hn." He slurred.

"Connor? Connor, can you hear me?"

"Jo…n…" He tried again.

"That's it."

He felt Atlantis let him go and suddenly he was back in his own body. Instead of hot he was now freezing, his arms came up from the chair to wrap around his stomach in an effort to warm up. He opened his eyes and his face met John's concerned gaze. Terror was stricken across the older man's face. "Connor?"

"John?"

"Oh, God." John said heavily. "You're okay."

Connor glanced around. Dr. Keller was to his right, reading the blood pressure cuff around his arm. Ronon was leaning against the wall with an unreadable expression on his face. Teyla and Evan were hovering behind John with anxious looks on their face. Eric and Rodney were in another corner watching them. John hadn't moved from his spot and all Connor wanted to do now was curl up on his bed with John wrapped around him.

But he couldn't do that.

"How are you feeling, Dr. Davids?" Keller asked from his side.

"C-c-cold." Connor shivered. A warm jacket was immediately placed on his body by John and Evan offered his as well, which the older man placed on top of his. "Th-thanks."

"What happened?" John asked gently. "You've been sitting there for almost two hours."

"I-I'm s-s-sorry." He stuttered.

"It's okay, just tell us what happened."

"In my l-lab, there's a n-n-notebook with Dr. Weir." Connor put out, his eyes drooping, black was forming around the edges of his vision.

"Elizabeth?" John asked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"C-c-computer notebook. Dr… Dr… Weir." He got out before the darkness claimed him.

"Connor!"

* * *

"Well that was cryptic." Rodney said, breaking the silence. A few seconds ago Keller had rushed Connor out on a gurney, leaving everyone else, including John, behind.

John turned to face them all. "He did say Elizabeth, right?"

"Well he said '-"

"Rodney!"

"Yes, yes. On a tablet in his lab." Rodney said with an eye roll. "Whatever that means."

"Perhaps we should retrieve it and find out?" Teyla suggested.

John could only nod. "Yeah." The crowd of them filtered out of the chair room and made the trek to Connor's lab. John studiously avoided thinking about his boyfriend, knowing that Connor would be angry if he knew that John was thinking of him while he should be working. He pushed his worry to the back of his mind and focused on their current problem.

John picked up Connor's notebook, once they arrived, and saved his work before detaching it from the Atlantis mainframe. He handed it to Rodney. "Try not to lose his data."

Rodney gave him a glare. "Whatever, Sheppard." He hit a few buttons. "There's nothing on here."

"Connor seemed pretty certain there was." John countered.

"The guy was delirious. Did you even see him? He probably didn't even know what day it was."

John turned to Ronon. "You're sure he didn't say anything?"

"No. Went silent." The Satedan offered.

"Check again, Rodney."

"I'm telling you, Sheppard, there's nothing… wait… there's some weird cod-holy shit, there's Replicator code on here."

"Replicator?" John asked surprised. "Like 'stick their hand in your forehead' Replicator?"

"Well it's certainly not telling me how to create a pizza." Rodney sniped. "What was he doing with this?" He turned to glare at John.

"Hey!" John said holding his hands up. "He didn't tell me he was working on Replicator stuff."

"Could that coding be… Elizabeth?" Teyla asked.

Rodney seemed to think about that. "It's possible. She was mostly Replicator when we lost her. I don't know what to do with it though."

"Keller to Sheppard."

John held a hand up to his team. "Sheppard here."

"Dr. Davids is awake again and he's asking for you and Dr. McKay."

"We'll be right there. Sheppard out." He looked at everyone. "Connor's awake and asking for me and McKay. Lorne take Johns with you and co-ordinate with Carter."

"Yes, sir."

"Teyla, Ronon…" He drifted off as they looked at him, silently telling John they were coming with him. "Never mind."

They split up and John and his team headed for the infirmary, they met Keller at the door. "Colonel Sheppard. His blood pressure is high and he's running a slight fever, other than that I can't find anything wrong with him, nothing to explain why he would pass out."

"Can we talk to him?"

"Yeah. He's awake and more coherent and asking for you."

"Thanks, Doc." John offered and moved past her to Connor's bed. The linguist was sitting up and drinking some water out of a straw. "Hey." John offered softly.

"Hey, um, sorry about, uh, passing out."

"Not a problem."

"What is this?" Rodney asked loudly, shoving the tablet into Connor's face.

The linguist reached up and grabbed it. "That's what I was trying to tell you, that's Dr. Weir."

"How is that Dr. Weir?" John asked softly.

"She, um, lost her Replicator form when she tried to ascend. It didn't work and she snuck onto the puddle jumper's systems and-"

"I knew it!" Rodney said loudly.

"Rodney." John said sternly. "Let him finish."

"And they need new bodies and, uh, think we can help them."

"Wait a minute, back up." John said with a hand gesture. "Who's 'we'?"

"Her and some other Replicators who tried to ascend."

"We can't give her a body, Connor." John said quietly.

"I know. But she wants to talk to you, I promised to bring her to you if she would stop floating around our systems."

"So how do we talk to her?" Rodney asked.

Connor shrugged. "I don't know."

"How did you talk to her?"

"Atlantis sort of… hooked me up." Connor said with a blush.

Rodney threw his hands up. "Great, Sheppard! He really is delusional."

"Rodney! Let me talk to him for a second, okay?" Rodney glared. "In private."

"Ugh, fine." He walked away to stand with Ronon and Teyla.

John pulled the curtain closed around Connor's bed and moved closer. He immediately found Connor's hand with his and breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad you're alright."

"Sorry." Connor said in a quiet voice.

"It's okay. Now, tell me what happened."

"I went to the chair room with Ronon-"

"Which we will talk about at a later date. Keller said you guys just disappeared." John said sternly.

"Um, yeah, sorry."

John shook his head. "Continue."

"I sat down and it was amazing, John. Suddenly I was part of Atlantis. I could sense everything and I felt it all. I knew where everyone in the city was, what systems were running, what was broken and damaged and-" John put his finger on Connor's lips.

"Tell me later."

"Yeah, sorry. Um, then Atlantis started searching for what was wrong and when we found it, we found Dr. Weir, or someone saying they're Dr. Weir. She wants to talk to you."

"And you don't know how to do that?"

"No. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have just…"

"Lost yourself inside of a ten thousand year old city?" John asked with a smile.

"Um, yeah."

"We'll talk about it later, okay?"

"Okay."

"And you're sure she's on that tablet?"

"Positive."

John pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay."

"What are you going to do with her?"

"I don't know." John admitted softly. "I don't even know if it really is her. We can't just give her back a body. But if it is Elizabeth… God, I don't know." He said.

Connor's hand reached up to cup his face. "I'm sorry." He repeated and John wasn't sure why.

John leaned forward to give Connor a hug and breathed in his scent. "Okay." He said pulling back. "I need to go deal with this. No more leaving the infirmary." He said sternly.

"I won't."

John pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm not sure Keller is going to let you leave tonight."

"Okay." Connor said softly.

"I'll see you when I can." John said. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you more." Connor whispered back and John smiled.

"I doubt that."

"How about we call it even, then?"

"Even it is." He straightened back up and drew in a couple deeps breaths. "Okay. Slawn… lat?"

Connor smiled. "We'll make an Irish man out of you yet. _Slán agat._ "

John re-opened the curtain and stepped away from the bed over to where the rest of his team was waiting. "Okay, so Connor said he was connected to Atlantis through the chair, the city found the coding, showed it to him, realized it was Replicator, and they talked."

"The computers talked?" Rodney asked.

"Connor talked to the Replicator."

"How did he do that, Sheppard?"

"He's not sure. Colonel Carter wants us to meet up with her and we can talk about it there."

"Alright." Rodney left the infirmary and Teyla followed him.

John paused to look at Ronon. "Are you coming?"

"I'm going to stay with Irish."

"No more escapades around base." John warned. Ronon snorted. "Thanks." He added seriously.

"No problem, Sheppard."

John glanced back at Connor who had his eyes closed now before following after Teyla and McKay. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

When John finally collapsed into bed he found Connor already in it. He was hesitant to wake the younger man, especially after Connor rolled over and onto him. John put a hand to the younger man's forehead, it still felt a little hot but not as hot as it was when John had kissed it.

"Mmm, John?"

"Yeah?"

"You're back?"

"Yeah."

"How'd it go?"

"Gave them bodies and sent them through to a space gate."

"Oh. I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"Me too, Con." John said, wrapping his arms around his partner. "Me too."

"What time is it?"

"Almost four in the morning."

"What day?"

John frowned. "You don't know what day it is?"

"No."

"Did Keller release you?"

"Yeah."

"It's two days after my birthday."

"Oh… okay." He was silent and John assumed he was falling back asleep. "Wait!" The linguist sat up. "Your birthday!"

"The cake is in the refrigerator and I don't think anyone is going to eat it since my name is on it."

"No, I got you something." Connor said and pulled away from John and then literally rolled out of the bed and landed on the floor.

"Connor!" John cried, concerned. "Are you alright?" He asked, leaning over the bed.

"Ouch." Came his reply. "I thought there was more… you."

John laughed. "There will be after I eat your cake." He reached a hand down to help the other man up. "You didn't have to get me anything, you know."

Connor stood up and rubbed his back. "I know." He darted away from the bed and the lights came up a little bit. John's eyes refocused and he saw his boyfriend digging through his drawer. He came back to the bed with a small package. "It's not much."

"I'm sure it's great." John said softly, accepting the small gift. He unwrapped it to find a small picture frame with a picture of he and Connor together. He had his arms around Connor's waist and the linguist was leaning back into him, they both appeared to be sleeping. John touched the picture. "Where did you get this?" He asked in awe.

"Teyla." Connor answered slipping back under the covers. "She took it at a movie night, e-mailed it to me a week ago."

"It's…" John looked at the picture. "It's perfect. Thank you." He set the picture on the nightstand tilted towards the bed. "I didn't think we had any pictures of us together."

"We should change that." Connor suggested.

"Yeah." Connor hopped off the bed again. "What? Now?" John asked as his partner walked across the room to grab a small digital camera.

"What's wrong with now?" He asked, making his way back.

"Now is for sleeping." John said, taking the camera and placing it next to the picture. "Some of us didn't get to sleep all day."

"Oh, yeah. Oops."

John laughed. "Come back to bed."

"What do I get if I do?" Connor asked, already falling onto the mattress next to John.

John pulled the covers up over him. "I'll blow you in the morning." He whispered into Connor's ear. He practically felt his boyfriend blush from head to toe. He pulled Connor back on top of him and ran a hand up the back of his shirt. "Deal?"

"I… um… you… yes." Connor said quietly, hiding his face in John's chest.

The older man laughed. "Goodnight, Connor."

"Night, John."

John fell asleep to dreams of an Irish linguist.

And woke up to an empty bed. "Connor?" He asked, looking around the room as the lights came up. Nothing. The room was quiet. John glanced at his watch. 1600. Carter had given him the next couple days off and John had intended to spend most of it with his partner. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his radio, a smile forming on his face when his eyes caught the picture Connor had given him last night. John frowned as his eyes caught a piece of paper tucked under it with his name on it.

 _John,_

 _It's nine thirty, Evan called and needs me to fly a rescue jumper. I'm dressing as I'm writing this and praying I don't wake you. I should be back soon._

 _Connor_

Judging by the time, Connor was not back as soon as he had hoped and John felt a knot begin to grow in his stomach. "Sheppard to Lorne." No answer. "Sheppard to Davids." No answer. "Sheppard to Carter."

"Carter here. What can I do for you, John?"

"Are Major Lorne and Dr. Davids still out?"

"Yeah. SGA-7 missed their check in, but they went through to a space gate that takes about three hours to reach by jumper from the planet. We've heard back from them and they're on their way."

"What happened?"

"The planets gravity was higher than we expected and their jumper crashed. Major Lorne has reported back that all four of them are okay, but they were stranded for a while. Dr. Zelenka went with them to try and repair the jumper, they're… towing it back to Atlantis."

"Okay, thanks, Colonel."

"No problem. Enjoy your day off."

"I will. Sheppard out."

John looked around the empty room and sighed. Connor had been gone for seven hours, John was pretty surprised he hadn't woken up during any of that time. With any luck the younger man would be home soon. John decided to take a shower and if Connor still wasn't back, he was heading back to bed.

Half an hour later, still slightly wet from his shower, he did just that. The lights went down and he pulled the blanket up.

* * *

"Evan, can I ask you a weird question?"

"Remember, open book for you, Doc." His best friend smiled and gave him a wink.

They were sitting in the pilot's seat and the co-pilot's seat on the jumper Evan had flown. SGA-2 was in the back and the team they rescued was flying Connor's jumper.

"Do you and Teyla fight often?" Connor asked softly. Even though Evan's team knew that he and Teyla were dating, Connor didn't want to call attention to them.

Evan thought for a second and shrugged. "Hm. I guess we fight the normal amount. I wouldn't say often, but there are definitely times we disagree. Why?"

"I don't know if… you know… and I fight enough." He avoided John's name in case someone on Evan's team overheard them.

Evan laughed. "You're worried you don't fight enough? Not fighting sounds great."

"But in relationships people fight."

"In some relationships they do." Evan relented. "But not all. I've never seen my parents fight and they've been married for almost forty years."

"Maybe they fight when you're not there."

Evan leaned back in his chair. "I guess that's possible, but I don't think so. They're just too much in love."

"Is that bad?"

"I don't think so."

"Go with it, Doc." Coughlin called loudly from the back. "No fighting means more sex… although it does mean less make-up sex." Connor blushed a deep red.

"Will you cut it out?" Evan called back, but Connor could see a smile on his face.

"Sorry, Doc."

"He's right." Reed put in. "Less fighting is best."

"But, um, what if that means that we're acceding to each other."

"Is there something wrong with that?" Jake pointed out. "Do you want to?" Connor nodded. "Then I don't think there's anything to be worried about."

"Don't listen to these idiots." Parrish put in. "Everyone needs a good fight once in a while, if only to get out everything you're not saying."

Connor frowned. "But what if I'm saying everything?"

"Are you?" Parrish asked.

Connor thought for a second and nodded. "I think so." Four faces looked back at him in amazement. "What?"

"Nothing, Doc." Evan said.

"It's just unusual to see someone so honest in a relationship." Reed added.

That made Connor pause, what if John wasn't being honest about everything? What if something he did really annoyed the older man? What if John was holding back on him? What if-

"Doc!" He snapped his head up to look at Evan. "I'm sure the honesty goes both ways."

"But what if it doesn't?" Connor asked worriedly. "How do I know they really like me?"

Coughlin slapped Reed on the back of his head. "Now you've done it. Look what you did to him!"

"I'm sure they really like you." Evan soothed. "You've been together for nine months, that's a pretty long time to stay with someone you don't really like."

"And if he doesn't, then we'll kick his…" Reed trailed off at the looks of everyone in the jumper. "Oops?"

Connor put his head into his hands. "You know it's a guy?" He asked, even though his voice was muffled. Warm hands pried his face away from his fingers. He looked up into Evan's concerned gaze before meeting the other three in the back. No one had a surprised look on their face, Reed had a contrite one though. "How long have you known?"

"Um, a few months?" Reed guessed.

"Somewhere around there." Parrish agreed.

"Sorry." Coughlin added. "We were sorta waiting for you to tell us and you never did…"

Connor blushed. "And you don't care?"

"Nope." Reed agreed. "As long as he treats you right."

"He does." Connor said softly.

"Then we don't care. But he should know that if he hurts you… he has to deal with me." Reed added.

"And me." Coughlin put in.

"And me." Parrish added.

Connor thought the situation would have been funny if they weren't all serious. They were threatening the military commander on base and didn't even know it.

"And me." Evan added from his side. "But you already knew that."

"Yeah." Connor said quietly. "Thanks, guys."

"Hey, we're family." Coughlin offered. "It's how we do." He said, impersonating a Mafia accent.

Connor laughed. "Still, thanks."

When they finally reached Atlantis, Connor hurried to hang up his tac vest and shuffled out of the room with a wave to the other guys. John had probably read his note by now and would be wondering where he was.

At 1703 he reached his quarters and let himself in. The lights were off and he could make out a lump in bed. Connor smiled as he began to pull his clothes off. He hopped into the shower for a quick rinse, slipped some clean boxers on and slid in behind John on the bed. He wrapped an arm around John's waist as he snuggled up to him from behind.

Connor bit his lip as he moved a hand up to gently run a thumb over John's right nipple until it hardened. He moved his hand up a bit to do the same to the left one. He thought John was still asleep until a hand reached up to grab his. Connor pulled his hand back from John's chest when the hand on his pushed it back.

"Don't stop." John said softly, voice rough from sleep.

So Connor didn't. He ran the hand over John's chest, caressing the skin he found and slowly began his trek down John's body to his member. Connor was a bit shocked at how hard John already was as he squeezed the sensitive flesh. John let out an appreciative moan. The older man moved forward a bit before rolling onto his back, turning his head to face Connor.

"How was the… ah!… rescue mission?"

"Good." Connor answered quietly. "I think Radek can fix the jumper."

"Radek?"

"Dr. Zelenka?"

"I… ah, right there… know who he is… I didn't know you were… ah!… on a first name basis with him."

"Oh. He, um, told me to call him-"

"You know what? I don't care." John said. "Why are we talking about him… oh!… now?"

"Um, you asked about the mission?" He ran his thumb over the tip of John's erection.

"Oh, yeah. Ah… next time don't… guh… answer."

"Okay."

"You're wearing boxers." John said, confused.

Connor laughed at him lightly. "Yeah."

"Wh-hy?"

"I feel weird walking around my room naked."

"You're not walking now." John pointed out.

"That's true. But I'd need my hand back to take them off."

"Allow me." John said and he rolled over on top of Connor, dislodging the younger man's hand, and slowly kissed him. As the linguist was distracted by John's tongue, the older man slowly worked the offending article of clothing down and off of Connor's body, tossing them somewhere. "I believe I owe you something." John whispered in his ear.

"You don't have to." Connor said with a blush.

"I want to." John countered gently. He began to move down Connor's body but a thought was nagging at Connor's brain.

"John?"

"Hmm?" Came his response. He could feel the vibrations from John's voice throughout his body.

"Is there something you don't like about me?"

John paused as his head was by Connor's stomach. "What?"

"It's just… we don't fight a lot and David thinks that everyone needs a good fight sometim-"

"Wait a second… David? Parrish? Lorne's guy?"

"Um, yeah."

"You talked to him about us?"

"Uh, well, not us, exactly and not him exactly. I was talking to Evan on the way back and they overheard."

"They?"

"Evan's team."

"Okay, so what does Parrish think?"

"He thinks that people need to fight sometimes to get things out that they don't normally say."

John groaned. "Do we have to talk about this now?" His erection strained against Connor's leg.

"Um, no?"

"Okay." He kept moving down.

"I just want to make sure there's nothing you're not saying." Connor continued.

John groaned again. "Connor, love, sweetheart, baby cakes, stud muffin, all that I hold near and dear in this world… could we possibly talk about this later?"

[Edited Content]

When Connor became aware of his surroundings again, he found John wiping them both off before rolling on his back and settling Connor on top of him in his usual position.

"You are really good at that."

John laughed. "Thanks."

"Like really good."

He laughed again. "Well, I tried to be bad but it just didn't happen I guess."

"Like really, really good."

John looked down at him. "Are you okay?"

"I think you scrambled my brains." Connor admitted.

His partner laughed again. "Well maybe that will put us on even footing now."

"Really, really, really good." Connor praised breathlessly.

"So what's this about Parrish again?"

"Uh… did I mention the scrambled brains?"

"You may have said something like that."

"I think I need time to re-boot."

John kissed the top of his head. "Take all the time you need."

Connor blinked. "…Did you call me stud muffin?"

He felt John laugh again.

* * *

"It seems easy."

John's hand paused in Connor's hair before moving again. The linguist had been silent for the past thirty minutes and John had begun to wonder if he was falling asleep. "Hmm?"

"This." Connor explained and gestured a hand towards himself and John.

"Lying here?"

"This relationship."

"Ah."

"It's not easy for you?"

John thought about it for a second. His mind flashing to his two pervious girlfriends. "It's not the easiest I've ever had."

"Oh."

"Connor," He paused. "When's it's you and me, it's easy. When we're here, like this, nothing is more easy. But when I wake up everyday and have to hide you away, that's not easy. Having most of the base think you and Teyla are going out, isn't easy. Knowing that you're struggling with your beliefs and there's nothing I can do… that's not easy. Trying not to fuck this relationship up… it's not easy. I haven't had much luck in the past, even now I'm not the most… talk about your feelings kind of guy, but I try because I know that's what I need to do to be with you.

"The first time I walked through the stargate was the moment I gave up on finding anyone to spend my life with. It was a one way trip to another galaxy that I never wanted, you know that." He felt Connor nod against his chest. "I've spent most of my life alone and once I got out here I figured I would spend the rest of it alone. I actually felt lucky that I had Teyla, Rodney, Ford, Elizabeth and then Ronon later on. I hadn't had a lot of friends like them and until I met you I was content to be alone.

"But then you walked into my life and suddenly everything looked brighter and my life seemed a little sadder because I didn't know what I was missing before." John paused again. "I'm glad we don't fight. The one time we did I was so scared that I had screwed it all up again, that I was too controlling or smothering or something. Sure there are little things about you that are… less desirable, such as your penchant to apologize, or the way you obsessively love to brush your teeth before I can pounce on you in the morning, but they're what make you, you. And I love that. And I wouldn't want you to stop. If you ever want to know something, you only have to ask. I promise to always be honest with you."

"I think you're pretty good at the sharing feelings thing." Connor finally said.

John smiled. "I try."

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"Even though you didn't want to come, I'm glad you did."

"Me too." John said softly. "Did you think you would spend your life alone?"

Connor was quiet for a few moments. "I thought I would get married." He said cautiously. "I didn't really think I would for love."

John frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah. My parents wanted grandchildren, and I make… a lot of money. I figured someone would be willing to have kids and raise them with me in exchange for…" Hr drifted off.

"Oh." John's heart hurt at the thought of Connor in that life. "I thought you wanted kids."

"Maybe part of me does. Little people to mold… but I've always been too busy with my work to raise children right. I knew that. My parents did so much for me and asked for so little." He sighed. "I'm not sure they would have approved of my plan though. They wanted me to be happy."

"Wow… Con…"

"I know." Connor said quietly. "I was never lonely until I met you, John, and I didn't know why."

"Why did you come to Atlantis?"

"I told you that my parents died…" John nodded. "I had nothing left on Earth, really. General Landry had offered me a spot on the expedition since day one, but I couldn't leave them behind. Once they died, I had no reason to say no."

"Other than life sucking aliens attacking the city every other week, Replicators that hate our guts and Genii that seem to live to make my life miserable." John said sarcastically.

"Yeah, other than that."

"How come I never saw you at the SGC? I was there for a month or so before we shipped out and there when we were kicked out of Atlantis." Connor was suspiciously silent. "Connor?"

"I saw you before you left." He admitted quietly. "We usually ate dinner at the same time."

John frowned as he tried to remember eating in the cafeteria there. "Really?"

"Yeah. And, um, when you were on base the second time I stuck to my lab a lot. I saw you a few times in the hallway and, uh, at dinner." John searched his memory for any sign of the younger linguist. "It's okay if you don't remember, it was a long time ago." Connor added.

"You really saw me all those times?"

"Yeah." Connor breathed softly onto his chest.

"Well I'm glad I got another chance to get to know you."

"Me too."

They were silent for a few minutes. "So Lorne's team knows?"

"That I'm… gay, yeah. Not about you."

"You told them?"

"They guessed, a few months back. They were, uh, waiting for me to tell them."

"Oh."

Connor traced patterns on John's chest. "Do I seem gay?"

John coughed. "What?"

"I was just wondering."

"Well you definitely didn't seem gay when I first met you." John offered, recovering. "Part of my freak out was that I had no idea if you liked me too or were even into guys."

"Oh."

"And even now, I mean, I don't think you seem especially gay. If I didn't know better I probably wouldn't be able to tell."

"Eric says I pass really well."

John smiled lightly. "That probably has to do with spending the first thirty-two years of your life straight."

"Ben says he wouldn't have guessed it either." He paused for a moment. "John?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you classify yourself as gay?"

The older man didn't answer right away and thought about the question. "Maybe more like… bisexual."

"Have you ever been attracted to any other men?"

"Nope." John answered truthfully. "Just you."

"Me too… maybe that makes me John-Sheppard-sexual."

"I could go for that." John said with a grin. "Oh! While we're talking… what do you think you were doing just sitting in the chair? I got an hour lecture from McKay because of you!"

"Um… sorry?" Connor asked, confused at the change in topic.

"Uh-huh." John said, not believing the younger man. "Sorry are you?"

"Very, very sorry?"

"And then you let Atlantis just do what she wants to you?"

"I trust her."

"She's a city, Connor."

"She's more than a city and you know that." The younger man argued.

John relented. "Alright, she is, but you can't just get lost in her systems. You were sitting in that chair for two hours!"

"Very, very, very sorry?"

John rolled his eyes. "Try not to do it again, or next time you have to listen to Rodney rant."

"I'll try my best."

"Now, why don't I believe that?" John asked.

"Um, I don't know."

"Uh-huh."

"Super, duper sorry?"

"Well it turned out in your favor this time." John said. "So you're off the hook."

They were silent for a while after that. John carding his fingers through Connor's hair and Connor alternating playing with John's dog tags and tracing random patterns on John's chest. The older man could feel his partner's body as it rose and fell with each breath.

"John?" Connor asked, breaking their silence.

"Yeah, Connor?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to be sure of you."

John held Connor tighter against him and pressed a kiss to his head. "I'm right here."

* * *

"Let's go swimming!"

Evan almost choked on the food he was chewing. "What?"

Connor grinned at him. "You know… swimming!"

Evan swallowed. "Where?"

"In the water." Connor answered with an eye roll.

"What water?"

"We're surrounded by water!"

This time Evan did choke. "You want to go swimming in the ocean? It's freezing out there! And still raining." He added. "It's hard to believe it's April."

"That's because this planet has longer rotations around the sun so the seasons are longer." Connor informed him. "And it's not that cold."

"Says you. It's always like this in Ireland."

"How would you know?" Connor demanded.

"You told me."

"Oh, yeah… anyways, let's go swimming!"

"Sorry, Doc. There's a reason I joined the Air Force and not the Navy."

"To fly fast planes?"

"Okay, two reasons. I don't really like the water."

Connor's eyes almost popped out of his head. "We basically live on an island!"

"Hazard of the job."

"So you won't go swimming with me?"

"Not unless the water heats up the moment I get in."

Connor pouted. "Fine."

"Why are you in such a good mood this morning?"

The linguist shrugged. "I don't know."

"It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with spending all of yesterday with a certain someone, now would it?"

Connor grinned. "You caught me."

Evan groaned. "Don't ever tell me what you did."

Connor smiled mysteriously. "I won't."

An hour later Connor was on a hunt. "Eric!" He yelled loudly down the hallway when he spotted his target. He quickly blushed as everyone turned to look at him. The younger man stopped walking and waited for Connor to catch up.

"What's up, Doc?"

"Let's go swimming!"

Eric frowned. "Where?"

"In the water!" Connor was beginning to feel a sense of déjà vu.

"What water?"

Connor sighed, exasperated. "We're surrounded by water."

"Sorry, Connor, I'm working." Eric said. "And I'm not going swimming in an ocean that's like thirty degrees and full of man eating fish."

"I'm assuming you mean Fahrenheit and there aren't any man eating fish… that we've found yet."

"I'd still rather not take my chances."

Connor pouted. "You really won't go swimming with me?"

Eric shook his head. "Sorry, Connor. I'm not much of a swimmer."

The older man sighed. "Okay. Thanks anyways." He turned to leave.

"Hey! I'll see you at the movie tonight, right?"

Connor nodded. "Yeah." With that he wandered off, heading for the gym.

"Ronon!" He greeted loudly as the bigger man flipped a Marine onto his back. _Ouch_ , Connor thought to himself. Ronon looked up at him and Connor took that as his cue to talk. "Let's go swimming."

"When?" _Finally a different answer_.

"Tomorrow."

"Sure."

"Really?" Connor asked surprised.

Ronon looked at him. "Yes."

"Cool!" He grinned. "I'll come find you."

Ronon grunted and blocked a punch from the Marine. Connor took that time to excuse himself. He was practically dancing as he made his way to John's office.

"I found someone!" He declared happily, stepping in.

John looked up from his computer. "Oh, really?"

Connor sank down into the chair across from him. "Ronon said he'll go."

"Does he know the water is freezing?"

"He didn't ask."

"Uh-huh. And who else did?"

"Um… Evan… and Eric."

John laughed. "What is with this sudden want to go swimming? It's the middle of winter still."

"It's something different to do."

"And something to help you catch a cold."

"My immune system is fine. Besides… the water's heated."

John raised an eyebrow. "Oh it is, is it? And you didn't seem fit to tell anyone?"

"I wanted to see who would come with me." Connor said with a blush.

"Why?"

 _To confirm suspicions about Eric_ , Connor thought, but didn't say that out loud. "I don't know."

John seemed to accept that. "When are you going?"

"Tomorrow. So are you going to come?"

John rolled his eyes. "I'll see what I can do."

"Do you think Teyla would want to come?"

"I doubt she would be ecstatic about the prospect of swimming in freezing water either."

"I'll tell her I found a pool."

"Are you going to tell the others you found a pool, too? And why am I suddenly having visions of my team, along with my XO swimming as the Wraith attack?"

Evan took that moment to walk into John's office. He startled for a moment at the sight of Connor in there as the linguist rarely ventured down into John's office. "Hey, Doc, Colonel Sheppard." He greeted. He took the seat next to Connor. "Is he trying to convince you to go swimming in the freezing water too, sir?" Evan asked.

John laughed. "No. He already tried that."

Connor blushed. "It's not the ocean, Evan. I, uh, found a pool."

"A pool?" He looked confused. "On Atlantis."

"Yeah, translated it yesterday. It was, um, included in some of the desalinization information."

"And you couldn't share this earlier…"

Connor shrugged and John laughed. "He was playing with you, Major. He's apt to do that sometimes."

"I'll remember that for the future, sir."

John smirked. "See that you do."

"So when are you going?" Evan asked, addressing Connor.

"Well Ronon said he'd go with me… I was thinking tomorrow night."

"I'm off at seven." Evan supplied.

"Cool." Connor grinned. "Meet me at my lab when you get off. Do you think Teyla will want to come?"

Evan frowned. "You know, I'm not even sure she knows how to swim."

"There was a lake on Athos." John supplied. "I'm sure she does."

Evan shrugged. "Then your guess is as good as mine, Doc."

"I'll ask her at lunch."

"Is it Tuesday already?" John asked.

"Yep."

"Ugh." John groaned.

"Should I, um, invite Dr. McKay?"

"I'll do it." John offered.

Connor sighed in relief. "Thanks."

"Are you going to re-invite your corporal?"

Connor was quiet for a second. "I'm not sure." He stood. "I'll see you later." And without another word to either men he slipped out of John's office.

"Connor!" He heard John yell after him before the doors closed. He held a hand out and slipped his head back in the door and met John's concerned gaze.

"I'm fine. There's something I have to do."

"Okay."

He slipped his head back out and went to track down Eric again. He found the younger man in Dr. McKay's lab. Connor slipped in hesitantly it was empty from what he could see.

"Let me at least look at it, Rodney!" He heard Eric say in an exasperated tone.

"And what are you going to do that a room full of doctorates couldn't?"

"Well it's not like I can do any worse." Eric argued.

"…Fine. But if you mess it up more…"

"I know, death to all I hold dear." Eric repeated faithfully.

"You better believe it."

"Hm. You've got these two mixed up."

"What? I have nothing mixed up. This must have been Zelenka's part."

"It's your hand writing."

"Let me see that!"

Connor poked his head out from around a corner and saw his friend and his friend's boyfriend arguing in front of a white board with equations scrawled all over it.

"See! You forgot to carry-"

"I know! I know! You know, you're annoying sometimes."

Eric grinned. "I know."

Connor pulled back a little and blushed as they kissed. He was torn between slipping out and making his presence known. He slipped back out of the lab and stood at the doors. This time he chimed the bell.

"What!" He heard from inside.

Connor slipped inside and made his way around to the two men who were now standing far apart. "Um, I'm, uh, looking for… Eric." He said softly with a small gesture towards the younger man.

"Why you'd come looking for him here…" Rodney grumbled. "Take him and leave!"

Eric offered the astrophysicist a small smile. "See ya later, Rodney." He walked back over to Connor. "What's up, Doc?" He asked for the second time that day.

"Are you working now?" Connor asked as they left the lab.

"I'm on break." Eric supplied. Connor directed him down the hallway and towards some unused rooms. "Where are we going?"

Connor waited until the door was closed and locked behind him before addressing the younger man. "I'm not going swimming in the ocean."

Eric froze slightly. "Okay."

"I found a pool mentioned in my translations and I'm going to check it out."

"Okay."

"So it's heated and without man eating sea creatures."

Eric paused. "Okay."

Connor bit his lip. "I wanted to know if you still wanted to come."

"I'm still working."

"Not tomorrow night, you're not."

"I'm busy."

"You told me last week you had nothing to do."

"I'm meeting up with the guys."

"No, you're not."

Eric sighed and turned away from Connor. "What do you want from me?"

"The truth." Connor said softly.

"I think you know it." Eric said. "Or we wouldn't be locked in this room."

"I'm sorry." Connor said gently, touching his elbow.

"You're far too observant." Eric said, looking out the window.

"You could come watch." Connor offered. "Put your feet in."

"People would wonder."

Connor wrapped his arms around Eric from behind and the younger man placed his hands lightly over Connor's. Connor leaned against him and Eric leaned backwards into him. "If you ever want to talk about it…" Connor let the statement hang.

"I talk about it with Rodney, sometimes."

"Okay."

"But there are some things I can't tell him." Eric sighed.

"You can tell me anything." Connor said quietly.

"I know."

"I know we haven't known each other very long-"

"It's not even that." Eric interrupted. "It's just that I've gone so long without talking about it. I feel closer to you than most people I've met, Connor. I'm not sure why."

Connor squeezed lightly. "I know what you mean." He was silent for a moment. "Come swimming with us. No one will wonder and everyone will respect your privacy."

Eric hesitated. "I don't know… I'm assuming Colonel Sheppard will be there… and Major Lorne?"

Connor nodded against his back. "Yes."

"They're my commanding officers… I don't know if I'm ready for them to know."

Connor paused. "I think John knows."

Eric stiffened in his arms. "What?"

"There's probably at least something about it in your file and John has read the file of everyone under his command here."

The other man sighed. "You're probably right."

"He won't judge you for it."

Eric traced Connor's fingers where they rested on his stomach. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I'll come. I can't guarantee I'll get in the water." He warned.

"You don't have to." Connor said quickly. "Just come hang out with us."

"Alright." They were quiet as they watched the sun dance around the clouds. "I don't know how I let you talk me into these things."

"I'm irresistible." Connor teased.

"You're something." Eric teased back.

They stood there together watching the waves until Eric had to go back to work.

* * *

"So what did Teyla say?" John asked his boyfriend that night.

Connor paused in brushing his teeth to spit some toothpaste out. "Yes."

"She said yes?" John asked coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around the younger man. Connor nodded in his arms. "Well there go all my thoughts of swimming in the buff."

Connor choked on his toothpaste. "What?"

John laughed. "Well if it was just going to be us guys… I didn't see the need for a suit."

Connor blushed a deep red as he spit out again. "Naked?" He squeaked.

John chuckled. "Yeah."

Connor rinsed out his mouth. "In front of everyone?"

"We're all guys, Con."

"Yes, but we're not all from the military and comfortable with being naked in front of other men!"

John laughed. "Don't worry. If Teyla's coming, I doubt we'll be going in the nude."

"I was never going in the nude." John smiled as Connor turned around in his arms. The younger man reached up to hook his arms around John's neck. "And you aren't either."

John raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm not, am I?"

"Nope." Connor said with a shake of his head. "You're mine."

John grinned. "I think I like this possessive streak you have."

Connor blushed. "Then no sharing the goods with everyone else."

"The goods, huh?" John said teasing. He leaned his head down closer to Connor's. "I promise no one sees the goods but you." With that he claimed the younger man's lips, dipping his fingers into Connor's waistband. "Mmm." John said pulling back. "Minty fresh." Connor rolled his eyes. "So how was the movie?"

"Good. We watched _Transformers_. Have you seen that?" He trailed behind John out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, I saw it a while back. I thought it was okay, but McKay sat there the whole time trying to figure out how they transform into cars, Ronon thought the Transformers were Replicators and Teyla kept asking which Transformers were the good guys when they were fighting. We haven't watched it since." He added dryly.

John led them to the couch and Connor gently laid down on top of his boyfriend, head on John's chest turned towards the window as he watched the waves. John had one hand on Connor's head, gently running his fingers through his hair, the other hand had slipped under Connor's shirt and was resting there.

"I need a hair cut." Connor mumbled. "It's getting long."

"I like it." John offered.

"You like playing with it." The younger man countered

"Yep."

"It's still too long."

"Leave it." John requested softly. "Please."

"For a while longer." Connor agreed.

"Thank you." He paused. "So who all is going tomorrow?"

"You, Teyla, Ronon, Eric, Evan… did you ask Dr. McKay?"

"Yeah, he's coming."

"So the usual people I guess."

"Ronon should invite Keller."

"I'll mention it to him tomorrow. We have a computer lesson."

"Are you still teaching him Ancient?"

"Yeah. He picks it up really well. He's taught me Satedan, too."

"As if you need to learn another language."

"Mmm-hm."

"Are you falling asleep on me?"

"No." Connor said sleepily.

"Uh-huh." John replied, skeptically.

"You're just comfy."

"I think I should be offended." John said with a mock-pout.

"I love your heartbeat." Connor said softly, ignoring John's statement.

"I'm pretty fond of it, too."

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever jumped out of an airplane?"

John raised an eyebrow. "That's a pretty random question, but yeah, I have."

"What's it like?"

"Exhilarating, a huge rush of adrenaline."

"Oh."

"Why?"

Connor shrugged from his place on top of the other man. "Just wondering."

"Connor?"

"Hmm?"

"What's with the sudden need to go swimming?"

"I just translated it-"

"Yesterday, I know." John finished. "But you forget how well I know you."

"I really do just want to go swimming…"

"And?"

"…And I wanted to figure something out."

"That something would be…?"

"I can't tell you." Connor said regretfully. "I would if I could, John, but it's not my story to tell."

"You're being safe, right? Sometimes things are better left alone, Connor." John warned.

"I know. I just want to help."

"He's a big boy, he can ask for help if he needs it." By now John had figured out exactly who Connor was talking about.

"He's not really an ask for help kind of guy."

"Then maybe you should respect his choices." John countered.

Connor sighed. "Everyone needs help, John."

"Just don't push too hard."

"I won't."

John gently traced Connor's neck. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"He's my friend." Connor said as if it settled the matter, and John thought for the younger man it probably did.

"I love you." John murmured.

"I know." Connor whispered. "I love you, too."

And with those six words, John felt like the luckiest man alive as he drifted off to sleep.

A loud buzz woke John up. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes. The man on top of him hadn't moved and John didn't want to wake him up. Atlantis slid his door open and light streamed in from the hallway. John couldn't see above the back of the couch, so he gently untangled his arm from Connor's and raised it up, signaling to whomever it was that John was on the couch..

He heard soft footsteps make their way over to him and looked up in surprise at… "Rodney?" He whispered. "What are you doing here? It's two in the morning."

"I know, I know." His friend said. "I just… I needed someone to talk to, Sheppard."

"And you picked now to do it?"

"Well we're usually busy the rest of the time." He hissed back.

"John?" Connor asked sleepily.

John ran a hand through his hair. "Shh, it's alright, go back to sleep. I need to talk to Rodney."

"'kay." The younger man mumbled. "Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine." He whispered. "Go back to sleep." He repeated.

John shifted them both so he could slide out from under Connor and slipped a blanket over his sleeping form. John stood slowly and glared lightly at Rodney as he grabbed his jacket before pushing him out of Connor's quarters.

"Now what is so important that you need to talk about it at two in the morning?" John asked, crossing his arms.

Rodney looked sheepish as he held up a six pack. "I brought beer."

John rolled his eyes and sighed. "Lead the way, McKay." He followed Rodney out of the tower and down to a deck that was covered. They sat on the edge and John's legs hung over the side. Rodney matched his position. "So?"

"So… I need you to stop being coy with me, Sheppard."

John looked at him confused as he sipped his beer. "Coy about what?"

"You know!" The astrophysicist accused him.

"Rodney, I don't know." John denied. "I wish I did though, because I was having a nice dream…"

"Whatever, Sheppard." He said with a gesture of dismissal. "I need to know all you know about sex."

John choked on his beer. "What?" He asked in a strangled voice.

"You heard me. Sex."

"Rodney, I already told you that-"

"Oh drop the act, Sheppard! I know you," He gestured, "You know."

John coughed. "Well, Rodney. When a guy and a girl really love each other th-"

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it!"

John took a long swallow. "So let me get this right. You woke me up, at two in the morning, from where I was having a nice dream about my partner, while said partner was sleeping on me to talk about gay sex?"

"Oh stop looking so disgruntled, Sheppard. Now let me have it."

"Isn't it a bit soon?"

"It's later than his three weeks idea." Rodney protested.

"I really don't understand what the problem is, McKay. Insert tab A into slot A."

"That has got to be the worst way I've ever heard it described."

John took another long swallow. "I thought you experimented in college."

"Sure, a few blow jobs, hand jobs, whatever." He waved his hands in dismissal. "I was never drunk enough for the full monty."

"And I'm definitely not drunk enough for you to call it that." John added, finishing his beer. He threw the can off the pier.

"You just littered!" Rodney accused him.

"Well I don't think the environmental protection agency is going to find me." John said sarcastically. "And seriously, Rodney, Connor and I haven't done it."

"I refuse to believe that." Rodney said. "It's been like a year or something."

"It's been nine months."

"You could have had a baby in that time! At least tell me you get regular blow jobs." He pleaded. John smiled and looked away. "What does that mean?"

"It means nothing." John denied, looking back at his friend. "Isn't Johns gay? He should know how it works."

"I'm sure he does." Rodney agreed. "But I don't want to be the only one floundering."

"Well he's never done it, so even if he knows how it works, you won't be the only one floundering."

"Thanks, John. That's very comforting." He said sarcastically.

John shrugged. "What I'm here for, buddy."

"So you have no advice? None at all?"

"Use lots of lube." John offered.

"Thanks, Sheppard. I actually figured that one out on my own."

John laughed. "Well, good." He opened another can of beer. "Was that all?" Rodney was silent for a moment and John looked over his friend. "Rodney?"

"Yes, yes, I'm thinking, Sheppard."

"I didn't think it was that hard of a question."

"I need to phrase in a way that your puny brain will comprehend." He shot back, but somehow John didn't think that was the case. John watched as Rodney opened up a can and downed it in one go. "How do you deal with it?" He asked, swaying a little.

"Deal with what?"

Rodney opened another can and took a long sip. "Delicacy."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, McKay. Are we still talking about sex?"

"What? No! Keep up, Sheppard, we've moved on."

"Yeah," John muttered. "Except I don't know where we moved on to." He sighed. "You need to help me out a little, buddy. And maybe you should slow down with the beer."

Rodney glared at him. "Eric," He sighed. "He's so… delicate."

John was not at all sure he wanted to be having this conversation. "Okay…"

"How do you deal with it?"

"I'm not dating Corporal Johns." John said confused.

"Yeah but your jumpy linguist is… delicate."

John sighed. "No, he's not."

"Yes, he is." Rodney finished off his second can of beer.

"No, he's not."

"And I don't think any one of my men is either. I have no idea what you're talking about Rodney."

His best friend turned to look at him; blue eyes shining brightly. "I don't want to break him."

"You're not going to break him, he's taller than you." John assured him. "And I've seen him fight, he's pretty decent."

Rodney looked away and up at what stars he could make out through the clouds. "You don't understand."

John closed his eyes for a second. _I just want to help_ , Connor had said. _He's not really an ask for help kind of guy_. John wondered why he was having two conversations in one night about a guy he barely knew. "I do understand." John said softly, opening his eyes.

Rodney turned to look at him again and studied his face. "Did that boy toy of yours tell yo-"

"Connor didn't say anything. I've read his file, Rodney. I really don't think you should be so worried. You seem to be doing fine. He's clearly enamored with you, God knows why."

"But what if I say something, or do something, or… I don't know."

"He's a big boy, Rodney, he can take care of himself. Besides, Connor seems determined to help him whether he wants it or not."

Rodney looked shocked at that. "What? Your ninja? Really?"

"Yes. If you really want my advice, it's this-be patient."

"Be patient? That's it?"

"Yes." John sipped his beer.

"You know I suck at that, Sheppard."

John shrugged. "It's your choice. How much do you like him?"

Rodney was silent for a moment before answering. "I think a lot."

"Then have patience." John offered. "It's worth it." John wondered if he should really be giving advice on relationships, especially since the one he had with Connor was the only successful one thus far, not that he thought there would be more. "You should talk to Teyla."

Rodney snorted. "Yeah, okay. I'll get right on that."

"I'm just not sure you should be asking me for relationship advice." John admitted.

"You should have told me that before I asked for help with Katie."

"Yeah, well, hindsight." He finished his second beer and threw the can off the pier.

"Nothing says 'John Sheppard was here' like a beer can floating in the ocean." Rodney commented.

John glared at him. "Are we finished with sitting out here in the cold and drinking beer at two in the morning?"

"It's three now."

"Rodney." John said sternly.

"Yes, yes, all finished. You can go back to your precious-"

"His name is Connor." John said cutting him off. "You can call him that, you know." John stood up and then reached a hand down for Rodney. The other man accepted it and had the rest of the six pack in his other hand.

Rodney snorted. "I'll take that under consideration."

"See that you do."

Twenty minutes later found him back in Connor's quarters. The linguist had moved to the bed in John's absence and John was only too happy to shed his jacket and shoes and slip in behind him.

"Everything alright?" Connor mumbled.

"Yeah." John assured him. "Everything's fine."

"Good. 'Night, John."

"Goodnight." He curled up close to Connor's back and wrapped an arm around his waist and quickly fell back asleep."

* * *

" _Connor? Connor? Where are you?"_

 _Connor turned around at the sound of his mother's voice. "I'm over here, máthair!" He called back._ This isn't right _, he thought. His mother had been dead for over a year,_ what is she doing here?

 _She ran up to him. "Connor! There you are, I've been looking all over for you. You're father should be along at any moment."_

" _Athair?"_

" _Why, of course, dear. Where else do you think he would be?"_

" _I… I don't know." Connor admitted. He turned as he remembered John was standing with him. "This is John, mamaí." He said introducing his boyfriend._

" _Pleased to meet you, ma'am." John said, holding a hand out. She didn't take it._

" _Who is this, Connor?"_

" _John, mamaí."_

" _Who is he to you?"_

 _Connor swallowed nervously and John gave him an encouraging smile. "He's my partner. We've been together for nine months."_

" _Connor?" His father asked, stepping up next to his wife. "Who is this?"_

 _Connor's mother began to cry as Connor explained. "Dadaí, this is John, my partner."_

" _Partner in what, Connor?"_

" _In life, dadaí."_

" _Hello, sir." John greeted._

" _Connor what have you done? Have we taught you nothing? What about God, Connor? Are you turning your back on him?"_

" _No! I haven't, athair, I swear!"_

" _Are you turning your back on a family, Connor? What can he give you?"_

" _Hey!" John put in. "Just because I can't have children-"_

" _John, please." Connor begged quietly to his boyfriend._

" _Connor." His mother sobbed. "What about the Church, Connor? Your father is right, what about God?"_

" _I love him, mamaí, can't you see that?" Connor asked, tears streaming down his cheeks._

" _Oh, Connor." She sobbed, placing a hand on his cheek. "This is not love, not what we would have for you."_

" _Mo chuisle mo chroí, mamaí. I love him."_

" _Connor, no, please, listen to us." She begged. "Listen to God."_

"Connor! Wake up, now!" He heard John say forcefully and as quickly as they came his dreams left him and his eyes shot open. He looked up into John's concerned face, hovering over his. "Connor? Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Connor said softly. "I'm fine, why?"

John reached a hand out to his face and ran a thumb gently under his eye. "You're crying."

"I am?" The linguist reached up to touch his cheek. "Oh."

"Do you want to talk about it?" John asked, pulling Connor against his chest.

The scientist pulled back away and shook his head. "I'm going to, um, splash water on my face." He rolled out of bed and quickly made his way to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and looked in wonder at the glistening wetness on both cheeks. He turned the faucet on and used his hands to form a cup before leaning down and splashing water onto his face.

He dried his face off and his hands shook a little. But this time, instead of sitting on the floor, Connor opened the door and collapsed into John's waiting arms on the other side. He wasn't crying anymore, but John continued to murmur soft assurances anyways.

The older man led him to Connor's giant chair and sat down, pulling Connor down on top of him. He positioned the linguist sideways on his body and Connor hid his face in John's neck. John had his arms wrapped around Connor, his hands under the scientist's shirt, warm and reassuring.

"Were you dreaming about your parents?" John asked gently.

Connor nodded. "How'd you know?"

"You said… dah-dee? And mah-mee."

"It's what I called my parents as a child, I never really grew out of it." Connor explained softly.

"And… ah-her?"

"Father."

"Mah-her is… mother?"

"Yeah."

"What were you dreaming about?" He asked, his voice soothing.

Connor inhaled softly, John's scent filling his nose. "You were meeting them."

"And they were… less than receptive?"

"Yeah." Connor agreed quietly. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Remember what I said about your penchant to apologize? It's not necessary. I'd rather be woken up so I could wake you up, then to let you suffer in silence." He paused. "Do you really think your parents wouldn't approve?"

Connor shook his head. "No. Disappointed, maybe, but I think they'd… be happy that I was happy."

John swallowed. "And are you happy?" He asked seriously.

Connor lifted a hand to John's chest, landing it over his heart. "Yes, I'm incredibly happy, _a chuisle_. I didn't think I could be this happy. My dream was just a dream, John. Perhaps upsetting, but just a dream."

John was silent for a moment. "Rodney thinks you're delicate."

"I know." Connor replied softly.

"And that corporal of yours, he thinks he's delicate, too."

"Eric?"

"Yeah. I told him he was full of shit. That you're not delicate and neither is anyone under my command."

Connor laughed lightly. "My hero." He kissed John's chin.

"You better believe it." John said firmly.

"Is that what he wanted to talk to you about last night?"

"Nah. He was freaking out about sex. He keeps asking me for advice."

Connor blushed. "What did you tell him?"

"Use lots of lube." John said with a laugh. "He's still convinced we're doing it."

"Are he and Eric…"

John shook his head. "Not yet, probably soon, though." He looked at his watch. "Ronon will be here in ten minutes."

"Ugh."

John laughed. "Not excited about running?"

"Not excited about it before the sun is up." Connor corrected him.

John shook his head. "You've been running together for months, and you're still not used to it." He laughed.

Connor poked him. "You are mean." He declared.

"Mean or not, he's coming in…" He looked at his watch again. "Nine minutes." He finished.

"Ugh." Connor stood slowly and made his way across the room. He shed his clothes and pulled on his work out pants and shirt. He looked back at John, who was watching him, before making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Connor! He's here." John said loudly from the main room.

Connor spit out his tooth paste and rinsed his mouth, swirling water about before spitting that out too. He dried his face off and left the bathroom. "Hey, Ronon." He greeted. "Just let me get my shoes on."

The Satedan nodded. "So what time are we swimming at?"

"Oh! I meant to ask you if you wanted to invite Dr. Keller." Connor said as he tied his right shoe on.

"You okay with that?" Ronon asked and Connor looked up and saw that he was directing the question towards John.

The older man shrugged. "It's Connor's thing."

"Irish?" Ronon asked him.

"If you want to invite her Ronon… the, um, the more the merrier." Connor told him, as he tied his left shoe.

"Cool." The bigger man grinned.

Connor rolled his eyes. "You've been hanging out with John too much."

"Hey!" John protested and Connor sidled up to him.

"Yeah?" The younger man challenged.

John gave him a sheepish grin. "Well, okay, yeah."

"Thought so."

Ronon laughed. "You're whipped, Sheppard."

John grinned. "I guess I am." He leaned down and gave Connor a quick kiss and the linguist blinked in surprise before accepting it. They had never kissed in front of anyone before. "Have a good run." John offered, pulling back.

"Thanks." Connor replied with a blush. With a wave to John he followed Ronon out of the room. "Let's run outside today."

"It's raining." Ronon returned.

"So?" The bigger man gave him a curious look and shrugged. Connor grinned. "Brilliant."


	30. Alterations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 30 : Alterations**

Author's Notes :  
\- This is the result of watching too much _House_.

Re-post and re-edit : 4/19/10

* * *

"John!" Connor said loudly, hitting the other man's fingers. "Stop that!"

"I'm bored." He whined.

Connor turned back to his work. "Well, no one told you to come sit on my desk and bug me while I'm working." He offered back.

"Co-on-or." John said, drawing out his name. "Come play with me."

"I told you, I have to finish this, since I'm leaving early tonight to go swimming." Connor replied without looking up from his work.

"And I told you that seven is not that early."

"And I told you that I spent my lunch hour making sure the pool was ready to go."

"So?"

Connor finally looked up at him and pulled John's arm in front of his face to look at his watch. "Fine, it's 1710, give me until 1800 and I'll come play with you." He said with a roll of his eyes.

"1730."

"1800."

"Okay, 1720."

"1800."

"1710."

"It is 1710."

"Then I win!" John announced.

"Nope." Connor shook his head. "Go annoy Rodney."

"I don't want to annoy Rodney."

Connor sighed softly and look up into John's eyes. "No you want to stay and hover to make sure I'm alright."

John had the decency to look contrite over his actions, but not apologetic. "I care about you."

"And I care about you." Connor answered easily. "I _also_ care about your safety."

"Huh?"

"Because you're not going to be safe if you keep messing with my books." Connor added with the lift of a brow. John pulled his hands back from where they had been opening and closing a hard bound book. "Exactly." He turned back to his work.

"C'mon." John whined again. Suddenly Connor felt him near his ear. "I'll blow you." He whispered.

Connor blushed. "No."

"No?"

"No." Connor repeated firmly. "I really need to get this done."

"Who turns down a blow job for work?" John asked amazed.

"The more sensible one of us." The younger man replied. "Shouldn't you be setting an example for the rest of the base?"

"I do!" John protested. "Just… not when it comes to my brilliant and beautiful partner."

Connor blushed again, feeling his resolve cracking. "I need to do this, John."

The older man sighed. "What are you working on that's so much cooler than me?"

"Some stuff for Colonel Carter."

"What stuff for Colonel Carter?"

"Just stuff." Connor sighed and looked up at John. "Okay, give me twenty more minutes and I'm all yours."

John's smile lit the room up. "Awesome."

The linguist rolled his eyes. "Now go away and come back in twenty minutes."

"Yes, sir." John said, hopping off his desk with a mock salute and left the room.

Precisely twenty minutes later John was back in Connor's lab and the younger man closing up his computer and books. He turned to look at John with an expectant stare. "Now, what?" He asked.

John grinned. "Let's make-out." Connor blushed and John led him over to the couch in the room. John collapsed onto the couch and pulled Connor down on top of him. John had one leg bent and pressed against the back of the couch while the other leg was also bent with his knee hanging off the couch. Connor's legs settled into the gap John has created and John wrapped his arms around his partner. One hand under Connor's shirt and the other down the back of his pants. Connor mentally locked the door as John pulled him down.

* * *

When Evan got to Connor's lab he found the door unusually locked. He knocked. "Doc? You in there?" He grew a little nervous when he heard a thump. "Doc?"

"Just a minute, Evan!" He heard yelled at him.

"Is everything alright? I thought I heard something."

"It's fine. I just… ah… need a minute… if you would."

Evan frowned. "Of course."

"Hey." Evan turned and saw Ronon, Keller and Teyla behind him.

"Hey." Evan responded. "The Doc needs a minute." He explained.

"Okay." Ronon responded, seemingly uncurious. He turned to talk quietly to Keller and Evan moved closer to Teyla.

"Hey." He said, brushing her lips lightly. "How was your day?"

She reached out to take his hand while offering him a smile. "Quite nice."

Evan returned her smile. "I'm glad."

"That's not going to help." Evan heard as the door slid open. Connor was on the other side, Colonel Sheppard behind him. The younger man's appearance was a bit… frazzled. His clothing was slightly rumpled, his hair sticking up oddly even as the linguist tried to flatten it down with his hands. But what stood out most to Evan and cause him to grin was his best friend's swollen lips and a similar appearance on Colonel Sheppard. "Hey." Colonel Sheppard greeted everyone. "Connor… that's not going to help." He said softly towards the younger man. Connor turned and said something in reply but it was too low to catch. "Sorry." Sheppard offered. "So, we're just waiting for Rodney." He said, addressing them again. "Who should be along any…"

"Would you stop telling me I'm wrong? We'll talk when you get a degree of some sort!" Evan heard Dr. McKay say loudly as he stepped out of the transporter, Corporal Johns next to him.

"All I'm saying is that if you-"

"Degree!" Rodney repeated.

"I'm getting one soon enough." Johns defended as they stopped in front of everyone.

"Well come back then." Rodney looked at them. "So? Swimming?"

Sheppard gestured for Connor to lead the way and the linguist blushed slightly as he led them towards the transporter. After they all piled in the map of the city came up, Connor hit a few different buttons and the map changed. He hit a spot on the new map and the transporter started.

"What was that?" Corporal Johns asked the linguist.

Connor shrugged. "That's where the pool is."

* * *

John smiled as he followed Connor off of the lift and down a hallway. "You have towels, right?" He asked Connor quietly.

The younger man nodded. "Yeah, I left them at the pool this afternoon."

"Good." John smirked. "I think Lorne was impressed with your new appearance."

Connor slapped him lightly on the arm. "You just had to go for the hair!" He hissed.

John glanced back at the people following them, only Keller seemed mildly interested but Ronon kept turning her attention to him. "I like your hair." He said softly.

Connor turned and gave him a smile. "I know. You're lucky I like you."

"Only like, huh?" John teased.

"Yup." Connor nodded.

"We'll see about that." He smiled.

They turned a corner and in front of there were two large doors. They slid open as Connor approached and the lights came up. In front of John was a huge pool, bigger than any he had ever seen before. There was a stack of towels on a nearby table but other than that the room remained empty. John followed Connor in and the group behind them trailed after them.

Connor moved down the edge and began shucking his shoes.

"This is huge, Doc." Evan announced.

"Yep. Twice the size of an Olympic pool… roughly." He added.

"And it's heated?" Rodney asked, pulling his shirt off of his head.

"Yep." Connor answered him. He unzipped his jacket and folded it. John moved over next to him and began taking off his boots. He unclipped his gun setting it on the table with the towels. Lorne's went next to his, and Ronon next to his. Connor pulled his shirt off and John hid a smile as he saw a fresh hickey on his boyfriend's neck. Connor frowned suddenly and flashed a look at Dr. Keller. John followed his gaze. The blonde doctor was busy undressing, revealing a modest blue swimsuit underneath. He turned back to Connor who had a hand wrapped around the dog tags he wore.

Connor swallowed and began to lift them off when John reached out a hand to stop him. "I'm sure she's not going to get that close of a look, Con." He said quietly, knowing his boyfriend hated to have them off.

"I… okay." He said, leaving them on. John had pulled his own shirt off and was working on his pants when water splashed him. He turned to see Ronon floating up to the top, a huge grin was on his face when he emerged.

"Water's great." He offered before diving back down.

"How deep does it go?" John asked.

"Um, it varies." Connor said. He pointed towards the other end of the pool. "That side starts at two feet, this side goes down to twenty feet."

"Sweet." John grinned. He checked the drawstring on his swim shorts offering Connor a warm pat on the side of his shoulder before moving away and taking a running jump into the pool in the form of a cannonball. "Wow," He said as he floated back up. "The water really is great." He said, treading. He felt someone pull his foot and before John could respond Ronon had yanked him under the water and launched himself off of John's body and up into the air. John sputtered as he came back up. "Oh, you'll pay for that!" He threatened.

Ronon laughed. "Come get me, Sheppard." He dared, swimming away.

John felt the water move and turned to see that Teyla, Keller and Lorne had all jumped in. He looked for Rodney and found his in his swim trunks talking to Corporal Johns. He looked away from them, trying to spot Connor. He found his boyfriend with his shirt put back on and swim trunks secure walking over to Johns. Water splashing onto his face broke him out of his reverie. He turned to see Teyla dunking Ronon as Lorne laughed and Keller swimming over to help Teyla.

John laughed, but looked back for Connor. The younger man was now talking to Johns, his expression serious. He finally nodded and Corporal Johns sat on the edge of the pool, his legs in the water. Rodney sat down next to him and Connor pulled his shirt back off. He turned and scanned the pool and smiled when he spotted John. John watched as his boyfriend executed a perfect dive into the pool and quickly swam over to his spot.

"Having fun?" Connor asked, water cascading off of him.

"Definitely." John returned. An arm pulled his leg again and he flailed for a second before drawing a breath and dunking under water to fight with Ronon.

Forty-five minutes and two games of Marco Polo later John was slowly growing tired. He was on the deep end of the pool, arms along the edge on the floor holding him up, far from Corporal Johns who was watching the antics of the others with a smile on his face. Connor popped up next to him and offered John a smile. John turned to make sure Keller wasn't looking before offering the younger man a small kiss.

"What was that for?" Connor asked, treading water.

"Just because."

"Just because, huh?"

"Yep." Connor moved over next to him and took up a similar position. John looked over at him. "So, I didn't realize you were such a swimming pro." John mentioned as they watched the others. Teyla was latched onto Lorne's back and he was jumping around in the shallow end. Ronon and Keller were floating on their backs; something that Keller had recently taught the large Satedan. Rodney was swimming away from them towards the corporal.

"I am nothing if not talented." Connor said haughtily before laughing.

John laughed as well. "That you certainly are." He agreed. "Is Johns having fun?"

Connor glanced over at the other man. "Yeah."

"He doesn't like to swim?"

Connor nodded. "Something like that."

John turned more to face him. "You know this has been a pretty successful outing."

The younger man smiled. "Definitely a lot of fun." He agreed

On the other side of the pool Jennifer was chatting quietly with Ronon.

"So…" She began hesitantly.

Ronon turned to look at her. "Yeah?"

Jennifer took a deep breath. "I know it's none of my business, and it's not that I mind or anything…"

"Yeah?"

She licked her lips nervously. "Are Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Davids friends?"

Ronon laughed. "Yeah."

"Are they… more than friends?"

He turned and pierced her with his gaze. "Why do you ask?"

"I… they just seem like weird friends, is all." She defended. "I mean… Colonel Sheppard is… you know, _Colonel Sheppard_ , and Dr. Davids… well half the time I even forget he's there, he's so quiet."

"Irish says what he needs to say." Ronon defended.

"No, Ronon, I get that. I'm just wondering."

"If you want to know, you should ask them."

Jennifer glanced over at them. The two men were laughing and near each other, but not near enough that it seemed at all like they were more than friends. But sometimes she would get hints that he were. Like their disheveled appearances earlier or the way that Colonel Sheppard called the linguist by his first name or even the way they paired off all the time and no one said anything. "Never mind, it's nothing." Jennifer concluded.

"Okay."

John watched Keller watch them. "She's watching us."

"Ronon's there."

John looked sideways at Connor. "She's going to figure it out. She's pretty smart you know."

Connor sighed. "We can tell her if you want."

John glanced around. "What do you think?"

The younger man chewed his lip nervously. "I don't know." He sighed. "I mean, I want Ronon to be able to invite her to things but I like my private life… private."

John nodded in understanding. "We don't have to decide now. We can talk it over with Ronon, see how he feels."

"Sure."

John observed as Rodney lifted himself out of the pool. Corporal Johns had retrieved him a towel and Rodney was wrapping it around himself. The younger man then sat back down on the edge of the pool as Rodney made his goodbyes, waving towards John as he left.

"So Keller doesn't suspect." Connor whispered.

"Oh."

Keller and Ronon were the next to leave, both expressing their gratitude towards Connor for inviting them and finding the place. John laughed as his boyfriend blushed and stammered out a 'thank you'. About ten minutes after they left, Lorne and Teyla were out of the pool as well. John knew that both of them had to work early the next morning.

"See you around, Doc." Lorne offered over his shoulder.

"Bye, Evan!" His partner gave a small wave.

"How much longer do you want to stay?" John asked Connor quietly.

Connor looked at him nervously. "I want to see if I can get Eric in the water."

John nodded. "So should I meet you back at your place?"

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to kick you out."

The older man laughed. "I don't mind, Con. Besides, I'm turning prune-y anyways." He held up his hands. "Good luck." John whispered, leaning in close to Connor. He slowly bent down and gently kissed his partner, sucking lightly on Connor's bottom lip before pulling back. "Next time, let's make it the two of us." John said suggestively.

Connor blushed. "I'd like that."

John brushed a wet hair out of Connor's face. "Good." With that he pushed himself out of the pool and walked over to where the towels were. He dried off and grabbed his clothes, intent on the next room over, so he could change out of his wet boxers and into his dry pants and shirt. As he reached the door he heard a giant splash and turned slightly to see Corporal Johns soaking wet and laughing, as Connor surfaced. John shook his head at the antics and left the two men alone.

* * *

When Connor slipped into his quarters an hour later, John was propped up against the bed reading one of Connor's books. He glanced at the title. One of his linguistics texts. Connor smiled to himself as he stripped on the way to the bathroom, dropping his clothes on the floor in a trail to the smaller room. Atlantis turned the shower on for him and he stepped in, relishing the feel of the warm water. He quickly showered, groomed and brushed his teeth before making his way back out to John. He was pulling a shirt on over his head when a pair of arms came from behind him and stopped him.

"I like you better this way." John offered quietly into his ear. He tugged lightly at the towel around Connor's waist, careful not to let it fall, and the linguist blushed. The arms retreated as John asked, "Did you guys have fun?"

Connor finished pulling on his shirt and turned around. "Yeah. Enjoy your reading?" He asked curiously.

John grinned. "Not really. Every sentence made me think of you and now…" He gestured downwards. Connor glance down only to see his boyfriend completely hard. He quickly looked back up. John had schooled an innocent expression onto his face.

"I… ah… okay… yeah." Connor stuttered, swallowing hard.

John's arms went back around the younger man's waist, his fingers teasing the top of his towel. "Come to bed." He whispered.

Connor nodded. "Let me just grab some…"

John tugged on his towel, cutting him off, leading Connor to the bed. "I'll cover you." He said softly.

Connor looked at him, eyes trusting. "Okay."

And John did, all night long.

Connor woke up with his boyfriend draped over his body. He gently pushed John off to get up and dressed for his run with Ronon. Just as he finished tying his shoes his door chimed. Connor pressed a kiss to John's cheek before exiting the room.

"Hey, Ronon." He offered, doing a few stretches in the hallway.

"Irish."

"How was your night?"

Ronon grinned at him. "Not bad. You?"

Connor thought back to his night spent with John. "Pretty great."

"Done yet?"

Connor bent down to stretch his hamstrings than stood back up. "All finished."

"Good."

They made their way to one of the longer circuits that they ran in the city. As usual, the run was silent between the two men, light breathing was the only thing heard. Connor's thoughts floated to his conversation with John yesterday.

"Ronon?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you, uh, wish that Dr. Keller knew about, um, me and John?" He asked hesitantly.

The Satedan gave him a sideways glance. "Do you?"

"I, ah… John and I were talking about it yesterday at the, um, pool. He thinks she's, uh, too smart to not catch on."

"She asked yesterday, if you and Sheppard were more than friends."

"She did?"

"Yeah. But changed her mind."

"So do you, um, think we should tell her?"

"It's yours to tell."

"I know, but we want your opinion." Connor explained.

"Why?"

Connor shrugged as he ran. "John and I, uh, feel bad that everyone else can hang out with their… significant other and you, um, can't."

"I don't mind."

"You don't mind?"

"No."

"Okay." Connor said hesitantly and the rest of their run was silent as usual.

When Connor returned to his room, freshly showered, John was already up and tea was brewing. Connor changed out of his running clothes and into his work clothes before coming up behind John, who was brushing his teeth, and wrapping his arms around him. "Mmm." He sighed happily.

John leaned forward to spit and briefly rinsed his mouth out before turning around in Connor's arms. "How was the run?"

"Same as usual." The younger man offered.

John smiled. "Good." John backed them out of the bathroom and separated from Connor in order to dress. The linguist took that time to pour out the tea into two mugs, taking careful sips of the hot liquid.

As was their morning custom, once dressed John sat down on the large chair in the room and pulled Connor down on top of him sideways, careful not to spill any of his partner's tea. John accepted his own mug, setting it aside for it to cool.

"I talked to Ronon about telling Keller." Connor said softly, leaning his head on John's shoulder.

"And?" John asked curiously.

"He says he doesn't mind her not knowing and that it's our secret to tell."

"He doesn't mind?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm, okay."

They were silent for a moment as Connor sipped his steaming tea. "John?"

"Hmm?"

"What are your plans for the day?"

"A team reported back yesterday that they think they found Michael's lab. My team and Lorne's team is going to investigate more thoroughly."

Connor read 'more thoroughly' as, go deep inside the lair of a sadistic part-Wraith, part-Human and try not to get killed while sorting through his research. "Be careful." He said quietly.

"I'll do my best." John promised. He ran a hand loosely through Connor's hair. "What are you up to today?"

"Working on that stuff for Colonel Carter."

"The mysterious 'stuff'." John reminisced. He took a sip of his tea.

"It's not mysterious." Connor mumbled. "It's actually not all hers, I'm working with Dr. Jackson on some stuff."

"Jackson? From SG-1?" John asked, shocked.

Connor nodded. "Yeah."

"How long have you been working with him?"

"I've worked with him before, when I was stationed at the SGC, we've e-mailed back and forth about work. This latest project we've been working on for about a week."

"What is it?"

"He's been going through some of the Ancient's personnel records in his spare time, he consults on things and asks me to check to database for other."

"Anything interesting?"

Connor shook his head. "Some lab he thinks might be here."

"How well do you know him?"

"Um, not too well. We work together, that's it." Connor offered with a frown. "Why?"

"I'm just wondering. I've never heard you mention him before." John explained.

"Oh." Connor reached under John's shirts to hold on to hid dog tags, rubbing the name. "You know," John said after a few beats of silence. "If you keep doing that my name will rub off and these will be useless." He teased.

"I like your name." Connor said, ignoring John's remark. "John Sheppard. It's simple."

"What and Connor Davids isn't?"

"Yeah I suppose your right." Connor answered. "Connor Davids and John Sheppard." He repeated, in his mind though he was working them out in another way. Connor Davids-Sheppard and John Davids-Sheppard. Or maybe Connor Sheppard-Davids and John Sheppard-Davids. Both sounded better to him.

Connor watched as John finished his tea, setting the empty mug aside. Connor sipped his last sip and handed his cup to John, relaxing against his partner's body. "When are you gating out?"

"A couple hours." John answered. "Why?"

"Just want to know how much longer I get you for." Connor answered, shifting a little to rest his face near the junction of John's neck and shoulder. John had slid a hand down his back and was resting it under his shirt.

The older man turned to press a kiss to Connor's forehead. "You get me forever."

Connor smiled against his neck. "I guess I can't complain too much then, about losing you for the day."

"You can complain all you want." John offered. "I'd rather be here too."

"But then who would save the world?" Connor asked cheekily.

"I'll let Lorne take a stab at it this week, how's that sound?"

Connor nodded approvingly. "Evan's been waiting for you to step aside so he could show everyone what he can do. Now he won't have to poison your food." He grinned.

"I suppose it's good that I choose now, then. Poison's a bitch." John offered, smirking back.

"I'm sure it is." Connor said softly as he reached up with his hands to turn John's face towards him.

"I love you." John said suddenly, as Connor gazed into his partner's hazel eyes.

"I know." He tilted his head up to receive the lips that John pressed against his. A soft tongue slowly made it's way into Connor's mouth and was gently mapping out the inside. The linguist sucked on it lightly and John moaned in pleasure. He slowly retracted his tongue, but didn't separate their bodies, instead pulling Connor's tongue into his own mouth, sending waves of pleasure through the younger man. When Connor pulled back his tongue, John pulled his boyfriend's lower lip into his mouth instead, gently sucking that.

Connor eventually ran out of air and pulled away, breathing heavily. John's mouth trailed down his jaw and Connor knew his boyfriend wished that there wasn't a shirt in the way so he could make a new mark.

"Do we have time?" Connor asked, breathless.

"Yeah." John answered, hands already moving to the bottom of Connor's shirt to tug it off. The older man flung the article of clothing somewhere else in the room and then put his hands on Connor's hips, maneuvering the linguist on his lap to face him, Connor's knees on either side of John's hips, his legs sinking into the chair. John lowered his head to Connor's shoulder and gently began sucking.

Connor had one hand in John's hair, gently holding the older man there. His other hand was making it way down the front of John's shirt and towards his zipper. He knew his boyfriend was already hard, Connor himself wasn't really in better shape. One of John's hands followed Connor's downwards and unzipped Connor's pants as the linguist unzipped John's. Connor reached in and carefully pulled out John's erection, feeling that the older man had done the same for him.

"Bed." Connor mumbled. "Lotion."

"I want you." John said, pulling his head back and Connor knew he had a new hickey to go with the ones from yesterday.

"You can have me." The younger man whispered.

[Edited Content]

When they finished, John was breathing heavily above him, his body moving up and down rapidly and Connor reached a hand up and tugged him down on his lap, in a reversal of their usual positions.

John moved so his forehead leaned against Connor's, still breathing heavily. Blue eyes met hazel-green eyes and Connor opened his mouth. "I'm, uh, sorr-" John cut him off as he firmly kissed Connor. The linguist could taste himself on John and wondered if the other man could taste a little of himself, even if Connor hadn't swallowed. One of John's hands was cupping the back of Connor's head, keeping their lips pressed together.

They were both breathing heavily when they finally pulled away and Connor briefly wondered if John was getting enough oxygen. "Can you breathe?" He asked in slight wonder, lifting a hand to John's face.

The other man chuckled softly. "Yeah." He raised a hand to cover Connor's leaning his face into it, nuzzling the palm. "Thank you." He said quietly.

Connor thought that if he had an 'apologizing complex', John had a 'thanking him complex'; the older man seemed to do it after every new experience in their relationship. "I'm sorry I didn't-"

John put a finger to his lips. "It was perfect." He countered.

"But I-"

"Wasn't ready for everything." John finished softly. "And I don't mind. You were still perfect."

Connor blushed. "I'm, uh, sorry if it wasn't that good." He mumbled.

John laughed as he shook his head. "Really, Connor. It was perfect."

Connor blinked, not quite believing him. "Okay." It was at this time that he became aware of his legs beginning to fall asleep as John's weight bored down on him. He wondered if John's legs fell asleep every morning from him sitting on the older man. Connor tried to rearrange the weight distribution without letting John know, but the second he moved the older man was standing up.

"Sorry." John apologized, pulling Connor up too. The linguist's legs were tingly and overall felt like jelly. John grabbed a few tissues from a nearby box and gently wiped him and Connor down, tucking himself back into his pants. He lovingly did the same for Connor, carefully zipping the linguist's trousers. John sat back down and pulled Connor down on top of him. This time though, Connor faced the same way as John, his back against his partner's stomach, his head leaning back against John's shoulder, John's arms securely around his waist.

"How was it?" John as softly into his ear, a hand already playing with the hem of Connor's shirt. The linguist knew it wasn't long before his boyfriend's hand moved up onto the warm skin of his stomach.

"A wee bit different than I was expecting." Connor admitted honestly.

"Did you like it?" His hand drifted up, moving in circles on Connor's skin.

Connor was silent for a moment as he thought about it. He wasn't sure he liked it so much as he liked how much John had liked it; the reaction he'd received. "I'm not sure." He finally said. "Do you like it?"

"Giving or receiving?" John asked, absent-mindedly as Connor played with the older man's watch.

"Giving."

John shrugged behind him. "I don't think I could do it with someone I didn't love." He offered. "I think I probably liked it more than you did."

Connor frowned. "Did I do it wrong?" Could John tell he was a little bit uncomfortable?

"No, nothing like that." His boyfriend was quick to assure him. "You were perfect." He repeated with a kiss to the side of Connor's head. "I know it's not for everyone, and that's okay."

"But I'm… gay now." Connor said, swallowing. "Isn't this half of what gay people do?"

John's arms tightened around him. "No." He said firmly. "It doesn't matter if you're gay or straight or whatever, you do what you like, what you're comfortable with." He pulled back so Connor could see his face, a serious expression was on it. "I don't ever want you to do something you're not comfortable with, Con." He reached the hand that Connor had been playing with up to the linguist's face, moving hair aside. "I could live without blow jobs." John said. "I couldn't live with myself if you were in any way forcing yourself to do something you didn't want to or didn't like." A brief look of anguish crossed across his face. "Promise me, Connor." He said softly, but firmly. "Promise me you won't push yourself too hard."

"I promise." Connor said meekly.

John closed his eyes briefly and then opened them. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you."

"I'm fine." The younger man said.

John gave him a small smile. "I know you are." He whispered softly. "That's my Connor. Always fine." He pulled back and Connor laid back against him again, this time his face was turned into John's neck. "It's okay if you aren't." John whispered to him.

Connor nodded against John's neck. "I know." John's hand was warm on his stomach, and his circles were soothing. Connor felt his eyelids become heavy and kept trying to blink them open.

"Go to sleep." John whispered. Connor fought the suggestion though, wanting to stay awake with John. "I have to leave in a few minutes anyways, Con."

"Okay." He breathed.

As he drifted off, John's hand never stopped moving, his breathing was lulling Connor to sleep. "I don't think you do know." John whispered quietly and Connor tried to get the energy to wake up more to answer him. "I love you." John said and Connor felt lips press to his head.

"Love you… too." He sighed before succumbing to sleep.

* * *

"What's up?" Connor asked, looking up from his work as Eric entered his lab. The linguist had woken up an hour previous and John's team had already gated out. His boyfriend had been nice enough to carry him to the bed before leaving and Connor wished he were still asleep, if only to calm his nerves about John's mission.

"Not much." The younger man responded, pulling himself onto the top of Connor's desk. He swung his legs a little and Connor couldn't tell if it was in nervousness or boredom. "Ben and Jim are doing some training thing right now that I did a couple weeks ago."

"So I'm next on the list?" Connor asked with a mock-hurt look.

Eric's eyes widened. "There's no list!" He quickly assured Connor. "And if there was, you're on top, Connor."

The linguist patted Eric's knee and grinned. "I'm messing with you. No one ever seems to expect that. John says people think I'm too serious."

Eric rolled his eyes. "That must be it."

Connor smiled. "So what can I do for you?"

Eric glanced towards the closed door. "Have you and Colonel Sheppard… uh… you know?"

Connor wrinkled his brow. "What's do I know?" He asked confused.

The younger man studied him. "You don't know?"

"Um, maybe?"

"Maybe?"

Connor bit his lip. "I have no idea what you're asking, Eric."

"Oh… oh! Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Have you guys… done it?"

"Like, uh, sex?" Connor asked, blushing deeply.

Eric nodded. "Yeah."

"Um, no." He said, looking away. "Not, uh, yet. Why?"

A hand touched his shoulder. "Sorry to embarrass you, Connor. I shouldn't have asked."

Connor swallowed and looked back up. "No, it's fine. You can, uh, ask me anything."

"Still," Eric protested. "I know it's uncomfortable for you to talk about."

"I'm fine." Connor said, and John's words echoed in his head, he shook them away. "Anyways, why do you want to know?"

Eric blushed lightly. "I think Rodney and I…" He left the sentence hanging.

"Oh." Connor said. "Um, yeah sorry, uh, no tips." He blushed. "I, uh, do have a book… that you're welcome to."

The other man nodded. "A book would be great, actually. I think Rodney's, um, nervous."

"So how soon is soon?" The linguist asked curiously.

Eric thought about it for a second. "I'd say pretty soon. Within the next couple of weeks."

"Oh, wow, that is soon." Connor definitely didn't think that he and John would be moving further anytime soon. "Are you… I mean, um, do you…"

Eric gave him a small smile. "I think I'm ready. It doesn't seem like such a big deal."

Connor looked up at him. "I… this is really personal, and you don't have to answer it, Eric, but, um, I was wondering who would be… on top."

The younger man appeared to think about it for a second. "Rodney, I guess. I mean, I think I'd like to try, but I don't think I really have a preference. If he has one than that's fine."

"Oh. Hm." Before he could say anything more his lab door rang. "One sec." He offered towards Eric and stood up to open the door. "Dr. Grey!" He said, surprised. "Hi. What, um, can I do for you?" He asked quietly, stepping to the side so she could come in.

She smiled at him. "It's Becky." She offered up a folder to Connor who took it and glanced inside. "I was rooting around through the database for some stuff and I found this. I'm not very proficient in Ancient… I know a few words here and there, but I was hoping you could take a look at it for me? I'm hoping it's some information on the chair we have here."

Connor browsed through the writing. "Why are you, uh, looking for that?"

"Dr. McKay has asked my department to look into what it can do. It seems your little trip on it the other day inspired him." She offered with a grin.

Connor looked up at her nervously. "Really? Have you found, uh, anything?"

"The research is slow going, no one's gene works quite as well as yours or Colonel Sheppard and since there seem to be reports of you signed up for light switch duty and never showing up… we have to wait on Colonel Sheppard who is… we'll just say, not enthusiastic about spending his time in the chair."

Connor blushed. "Um, yes, well, okay, let me look this over and I can, uh, e-mail you the translation."

She stepped closer to him. "Great, thank you. I really appreciate this."

"Um, no problem." Connor offered, taking a step back. "Is there, uh, anything else?"

She looked at him shrewdly. "I was wondering if you were free for dinner?"

Connor swallowed nervously. "Um, Dr. Grey-"

"Becky." She corrected with a smile.

"Becky," Connor replaced. "I, uh, I'm busy for dinner." He said softly.

"Maybe another time then?"

"Maybe." Connor agreed.

She smiled again and Connor thought he could see why most of the guys on base wanted her. "Well, thank you for your time, Doctor, I'm sure I'll see you again."

"Um, yes, sure." Connor babbled, leading her back to the door. "Bye."

"Bye." She gave a grin and a tiny wave before leaving, the doors closing shut behind her.

"What was that?" Eric asked. Connor jumped a little at the sudden question.

"That was Dr. Rebecca Grey. She asked me out in… January." He answered, walking back over to his desk and sitting back down.

"Does Colonel Sheppard know?"

Connor sighed. "John knows and approves. He says she's hot and thinks it's funny that the girl everyone wants is attracted to the one guy on base most likely to say no."

"I would say no."

"Well at the time, John had no idea you were gay."

Eric grinned. "It _is_ funny."

Connor threw his pen at the younger man. "Ugh, I thought I had gotten rid of her."

"It could be worse."

Connor put his head in his hands. "Yeah, she could psychotic."

Eric gave a small laugh. "Exactly, look on the bright side."

The linguist looked up at him. "Why are you here again?"

"To bug you." The younger man answered cheekily.

"That's what I thought."

* * *

"Connor would love this planet." John said quietly to Teyla. He was flying the jumper towards where Michael's base supposedly was. Lorne's team was in back with Ronon and McKay.

"Would he?" She asked.

John nodded. "Yeah, it looks a lot like he described Ireland. Right down to the rain." It had been pouring since they had flown in through the gate. "Very green, lots of grass, lots of rocks, there's even yellow flowers."

"Does he miss his country?"

John shrugged. "I think he does. He's never really said if he does or not."

"I cannot imagine living in a place with so much rain."

He gave a quiet laugh. "Connor says it's likely to rain there 360 days out of 365. I think he misses the rain the most. He loves to watch it and listen to it at night."

"I would have thought he would be tired of the rain." Teyla commented.

John turned to look at her. "Me too. I'm pretty sure he talks Ronon into running in the rain sometimes. Not that he would ever tell me." He added with a small smile. "Alright." He said loudly, tone shifting. "We're coming up on the base. Does everyone remember the plan?"

His question was met with a chorus of "Yes, sir!" and Rodney's "Do we look like idiots, Sheppard?" John chose not to answer that one.

He gently maneuvered the puddle jumper to land a few clicks away and scanned for life forms. "Okay there are three guards at this gate here." He pointed to a spot on this HUD. "And four guards circling the perimeter. They will all need to be incapacitated as quietly as possible. Ronon and Lorne, you get the circling guards, Teyla and I will get the door guards, everyone else is on look out. It looks like we found our spot, people."

They filed out of the cloaked jumper and John locked it before leading them towards the compound. As they approached he silently motioned everyone to their jobs. He felt Teyla behind him as he came up behind the first guard at the door, while she took care of the second. John held his hand over the guard's mouth until he passed out, letting him drop to the ground before doing the same with the remaining. Teyla was already binding their hands so John got out some tape and bound their wrists together. They dragged the unconscious men away from the door, Reed helping with the third, and they dropped them behind some trees where they wouldn't be seen. A few minutes later Ronon and Lorne showed up, Lorne gave John a thumbs up on the job and John sighed in relief. Phase one of Operation Murphy's Law was complete. They rendezvoused before heading for the door.

* * *

A few hours after he was supposed to eat lunch, Connor finally took a break from his work to make a cup of tea. He set the water to boil and went hunting for some milk. When he couldn't find any, he glanced at the boiling water and decided he had time to get a cup from the food hub. He left his lab quickly heading for his destination.

Four minutes later he was back in his lab. The water was boiling and he poured some milk into his mug before adding the water and a bag of tea, placing the rest of the milk in his fridge. He sunk down onto the couch holding his mug in his hands as he waited for the beverage to steep. Not for the first time he wished there were windows in his lab.

As he sipped his tea, Connor felt unusually sleepy, he had barely set down the empty mug before succumbing to the sleep that called to his body.

* * *

"Anything?" John asked over the radio.

"Yes, sir." Lorne replied. "We've got various bogies moving about. I counted seven on this level alone."

"Damn, I have nine on this one."

"I have counted four on my level." Teyla put in.

"There were six." Ronon added.

"And we had ten." McKay finished.

"This is definitely the place." John concluded. "Has anyone seen Michael?"

"Negative, Colonel."

"I have not seen him, John."

"No."

"If I had I would have told you, Sheppard."

"Okay, stay sharp. Let's look around for ten more minutes, then rendezvous at the main door."

"Is that ten minutes and then meet you? Or ten minutes including the time we need to get to the door?"

"It's ten minutes, McKay." John drawled. "Make it work."

"Shepp-"

"Sheppard out." He grinned to Reed who was behind him. "Alright, let's do one last sweep."

"Yes, sir."

Ten minutes later they were almost to the rendezvous point when they heard gun fire. "That's P-90 fire!" John yelled to Reed. "Let's go."

"Yes, sir!"

They turned the corner and John found Teyla and Coughlin positioned behind another corner, with their guns taking aim. John ran quickly to them.

"What happened?" He asked Teyla loudly.

"I'm not sure how they found us. We were not followed." She answered, between rounds.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Damn, then they know we're here, and were leading us on."

"That was my thought as well."

John fired around the corner and a body hit the floor, he reached up quickly to click his radio. "Ronon, Lorne, McKay, we've been made, we need to get out of here."

"Copy that, sir."

"And we're taking some fire near the entrance."

"Got it."

A minute later the bright red light of energy that Ronon's gun produced was whizzing by John's head hitting it's intended target. "A little close!" He yelled back to the Satedan who gave him a grin and fired his gun off again. Eventually more P-90's joined them and soon all that was left was a hallway of bodies. John took a look at the closest one. "Let's bring it back for Keller." He motioned towards Ronon. "Let's get your girlfriend a present." He said with a smile. Ronon glared at him, but obediently bent to pick one up. "Back to the jumper, it's been a long day." He turned to Rodney. "Did you get what you needed?"

The other man nodded. "Yeah. It's good stuff too."

"I'm glad to hear that, McKay."

"I need some food, some water and some sleep." _Preferably with a certain linguist_ , he added in his mind.

* * *

"Dr. Davids! How can I help you today?" Dr. Jennifer Keller asked with a smile as the mysterious Irish man walked into her infirmary.

"I was, um, wondering if you could give me something for my headache." He answered quietly. Jennifer noticed that he always talked quietly, at least when she was around. She wondered sometimes how Ronon could stand it for so long.

"Hop on up." She said, patting a gurney, already pulling her stethoscope from around her neck and settling the two ends into her ear. The linguist obediently lifted his shirt part way and she pressed the round end against his chest listening to his heart. She looked at her watch as she listened, counting the beats. "Hm, a little slow." She commented. "Any trouble breathing? Light-headedness?"

He nodded. "A little bit."

"How long has this been going on?" She pulled the stethoscope off and pulled out a small pen-light, shining it in his eyes. The other man flinched immediately and pulled back.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"That's okay, I know it's bright." She soothed. "I just need a quick look." She watched as he forced himself to stay still as she checked his pupil reaction. "Pupils are a bit sluggish. How long did you say you've been feeling unwell?"

"Um, a few hours?" He guessed. "I'm not sure, I think I, uh… I think I was out for a little bit."

Jennifer frowned. "Would you mind if I did a brain scan?"

Dr. Davids looked up at her, eyes wide. "Is that necessary?"

Jennifer shook her head. "I'd prefer to do one, just in case."

He bit his lip for a second. "Okay."

"Great. It's that machine over there." She said pointing. "You don't need to change or anything, just go lay down and try to be still. Give me a couple minutes to set up everything first, though." He walked over to the machine without a word and laid down, waiting for her word. Jennifer brought up the machine's computer interface and set it up. "All right. This will take about a minute. So try to stay as still as possible." She reiterated.

"Alright." He agreed quietly.

"Starting… now." She clicked on the start button and the machine move slowly down his head, starting at the top and working it's way to his chin. As the machine went, a picture began to form on her screen. Jennifer sat on her stool as she studied the picture. A frown spread across her face. "Dr. Davids?" She called when the scan finished.

"Yeah?"

"Did you hit your head recently?" She asked, tracing part of the image with her finger.

"Yeah, a few hours ago, I stood up too fast and, uh, fell."

"Julie!" Jennifer yelled to a nurse. "Get the OR set up immediately! And get Lackley down here." She turned to face the pale doctor. "Dr. Davids?"

"Yeah?" He asked nervously.

"We're going to need to do surgery immediately. You have an intracranial hemorrhage…you're bleeding into your head." She explained at his confused look. "I need to get you prepped immediately. We're going to drain the blood out." She turned to the nurse entering. "Get Dr. Davids prepped for surgery, I'm going to wash up."

* * *

"Davids to Johns."

"Johns here, can this wait, Doc?" Eric asked hurriedly.

"Um, I…yeah."

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm just stuck in the middle of something, I'll call you back in ten minutes."

"It's okay. It's nothing." His friend said softly. "Davids out." Eric went back to his current lab project.

"How is everything?" Dr. Zelenka asked from over his shoulder.

"I'm almost finished with this one."

"Good, good. You are making great progress, Eric."

"Thanks, Dr. Z." He said with a smile.

Twelve minutes later he finished his testing for the day and automatically headed for Rodney's lab before remembering that he was still off world. _Hm, maybe I could grab Connor for dinne…Connor!_

"Johns to Davids." Nothing. He tried again. "Johns to Davids." He frowned. "Johns to Control Room."

"Control Room here."

"Hi, can you locate Dr. Davids for me?"

"One sec."

"Thanks." His radio crackled for a few seconds.

"Corporal Johns?"

"Here."

"Dr. Davids is in the infirmary."

"Is he okay?" Evan's feet were already moving him towards a transporter.

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't know."

"Okay, thanks. Johns out." He hit the infirmary level and the lift began to move. When it stopped he rushed out of it and hurried down the hall to the infirmary. "Connor?" He asked, entering. The infirmary was empty. Eric looked around. He found Connor's clothes folded on the end of a bed and the dog tags he wore were hanging out of a pocket. The young man grabbed them for safe keeping before walking through the infirmary. "Connor?"

A nurse rushed by him and Eric grabbed her arm lightly. "Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Davids."

"He's in surgery." She informed him. "Someone will tell you when he's done." She pulled her arm free, grabbed something and went back into the room she had just come out of.

"Surgery?" Eric gasped softly. He collapsed into a near-by chair. _Was this what he was trying to tell me earlier?_ He rested his elbows on his knees and he head in his hands as he waited for news of his friend.

An hour later he was pacing back and forth, with frantic glances to his watch every few minutes. Both of his team members had been by several times and Eric promised to call if anything changed. He was still waiting for Rodney to get back, he had asked the gate supervisor to let him know when Colonel Sheppard's team returned.

So he paced. No one had come in the whole time Eric had been there, the infirmary was quiet. Occasionally he would hear someone pass in the hallway, their boots echoing; and still he paced.

"Kiler to Johns."

Eric reached up to tap his radio. "Johns here."

"Corporal, you wanted to be notified when Colonel Sheppard's team returned. They have just gated through."

"Thanks. Johns out."

Eric glanced at the doors to the room his friend was behind and then lifted his hand to his radio again. "Johns to Sheppard."

"Sheppard here."

"Colonel Sheppard, I think you should come down to the infirmary."

"On my way." He heard tersely.

"Johns out." Eric paced as he waited. But he didn't wait long. Probably less than two minutes after he placed his call Colonel Sheppard came running through the door with the rest of his team and Major Lorne's team close behind.

"What happened?" Sheppard asked in a rush.

Eric looked up nervously. "Dr. Davids has been in surgery for over an hour, sir."

Sheppard's face looked a mixture of terror and confusion. "Surgery? For what?"

"They haven't told me yet, sir. I've been waiting for them to finish." Eric looked around the room. Eight bodies had filled up the infirmary fast. They all looked tired and like they had been through a huge fight. Clothes were singed, dirt was everywhere and Eric saw the start of more than a couple bruises forming amongst the two teams.

What he really wanted right now was Rodney, a little strength from his boyfriend as he waited for his almost brother. He watched as Teyla wrapped an arm around Colonel Sheppard's shoulder while Colonel Sheppard wrapped an arm around her waist; he forced himself to look away, to give them both some privacy. After a few moments they broke apart.

"Okay." Colonel Sheppard said softly. "We need to change. I highly doubt Keller appreciates the redecorating we've done." He motioned to the now dirty floor. "And food. Everyone needs to go get some dinner. It's been a long day, come back when you're finished."

Eric watched as Major Lorne's team filtered out with Colonel Sheppard's team behind them. Colonel Sheppard lingered for a second and motioned Eric to come over.

"Thanks for waiting." He said. "Go with Rodney."

"Sir, what if-"

"If they finish I doubt we'll be allowed to see him right away. Go with Rodney."

Eric looked at him. For a second Colonel Sheppard wasn't the hero that Eric made him out to be, for a second he was the terrified partner of his friend, a weary and tired one at that. "Yes, sir." Eric hesitated again. "Sir?"

"Yeah?"

Eric pulled Connor's dog tags out from his pocket. "These were with his clothes, sir. I didn't think he would want them laying around." He hand them to Sheppard.

"Thank you Corporal." Sheppard said with a pat to his shoulder, then took off at a run to the nearest transporter, leaving him behind to catch up.

* * *

Surgery. Surgery. Surgery. That was the only thing John could hear. He couldn't think, he was finding it hard to breathe. He showered and dressed faster than he ever had before, grabbing a Power Bar from Connor's stash as he raced out the door to get back to the infirmary.

When he arrived back, no one else was there and so John was left waiting. He unknowingly took up Corporal Johns' old habit and paced back and forth, his hands were shaking lightly.

Surgery. Surgery. Surgery.

"Colonel Sheppard?" John whirled around to find Keller behind him, taking the surgical mask off of her face.

"Yes, Dr. Keller! What happened?"

"Let me start with he should be fine." John breathed a sigh of relief. "As for what happened…Dr. Davids came to me asking for something for his headache. I listened to his heart and checked his pupils, both were sluggish. I had him stay for a brain scan when I found a bleed in his skull, leaking into his brain. When I asked him he said he fell down and was probably unconscious. We immediately prepped him for surgery and just finished. Everything went as planned. It'll take a week or two, but he'll be back on his feet in no time."

"He had… brain surgery?" John gasped.

Keller smiled. "It's not as horrible as it sounds, Colonel."

"But… brain surgery?" That sounded pretty horrible to John.

"We're moving him into post-op. We'll get him to stay the night, and then he can go back to his quarters in the morning. He'll be off duty for a week or so. I imagine your team will be looking in on him?" She led him towards another room.

John nodded. "Yeah. Mine and Lorne's." He paused then added, "And Ramsey's too."

"Okay. There are a few things that you'll need to look out for: any dizziness, headaches, loss of consciousness, trouble breathing, anything like that, I will need to be informed immediately."

"I'll tell them."

Keller pushed open the door. "Alright, we'll they're finished with him, so you can go in. The anesthesia should wear off in a few minutes, he'll be groggy and probably want to go back to sleep." The two nurses in Connor's room brushed past John as they left. "I'll give you some privacy. Should I direct the others in as they arrive?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Doc."

"No problem, Colonel."

John slipped into the room, the door shutting behind him. He had Atlantis tint the windows so they darkened and no one could see in. He walked over to the side of Connor's bed and stared down at his partner. There was a small bandage on his head and John imagined a small piece of hair was shaved off, but it was so long that he didn't think anyone would be able to tell once it was brushed down.

He reached a hand out and grasped Connor's hand in his, careful not to disturb any of the IVs. John inhaled a shaky breath and forced himself not to cry at how pale Connor was and how small he looked on the white sheets.

"John?" A voice said very quietly.

"It's me, Con. I'm right here."

Connor turned his head and opened his eyes. The younger man frowned and lifted the hand that John wasn't holding to trace a light bruise forming on John's cheek. "What happened?"

John let out a small laugh that could have been a sob. "You're asking about me? You've just had brain surgery!"

"I'm alright." Connor said quietly. "I promise. I'm sorry for worrying you."

"Oh, Connor." John said softly. He held a hand over the one on his cheek and pressed his face into it, turning his head to kiss his palm. "I'm just glad you're okay. How do you feel?"

"Kinda stupid." The younger man admitted.

John offered a small smile. "Yes, next time you pass out-Keller first."

"I promise."

"You better." John leaned down to give Connor a deep kiss. "Before the others get here." He murmured and their lips met. John gently sucked Connor's bottom lip into his mouth as he sought to reassure himself that the younger man was really okay. John thought his heart probably stopped as soon as he heard the word 'surgery'. John reluctantly pulled back. "I love you." He said gently, running a hand down Connor's face.

"I love you." Connor replied softly.

They heard the door knob twist and John pulled his hands back and Connor did the same as they turned towards the door. Ronon walked through and closed the door behind him. John felt for Connor's hand again, holding it tightly within his.

"Irish." Ronon greeted.

"Hey Ronon." His partner greeted with a small wave.

"Jennifer said you had too much blood in your head."

"Yeah." Connor nodded. "But it's better now."

"But no running for a couple weeks, Ronon." John warned.

"We'll see." The Satedan said, flashing his teeth as he grinned.

"Ronon." John warned.

"I'm just playing, Sheppard." The taller man said gruffly. "Irish got it."

John looked at his boyfriend and found him trying to hide a smirk. "Oh you think it's funny, huh?"

"Um, no, not at all." Connor denied with a grin.

"We'll see."

They jumped apart again as the door opened and Ramsey and Smith filtered in, both with worried expressions on their faces.

"Doc! It's good to see you." Ramsey said, looking around. "Where's Johns? I expected to find him here."

"I sent him to get something to eat." John offered the other man.

"Colonel Sheppard." Ramsey said with a small salute that Smith followed. John sloppily returned it.

"How ya doin', Doc?" Smith asked, moving to the other side of the bed.

"Not bad." Connor answered.

"So you're out of commission for a while?"

"Um, a couple weeks, at the most." Connor replied quietly.

"That's good. Well, we won't keep you, just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Thanks." The linguist offered with a yawn.

"We'll drop by tomorrow." Ramsey said, moving back towards the door.

"Bye." Connor said softly with a wave. The two men returned the wave and left them alone again. He turned to face John. "Was Eric really here?"

John frowned. "Of course he was. He was in the waiting room the whole time. I sent him off to grab a couple minutes with Rodney, he looked…frazzled."

"Oh, um, yes, of course." He yawned again. "John?" He asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"I think… I think someone put something in my tea."

John's eyes widened as he straightened. "What?" Ronon took a step closer to the bed with a murderous look on his face.

"I was fine earlier today, no headache. Then I made some tea, and I had no milk so I went to get some, when I came back I had my tea as usual but I was barely awake by the time I finished. The next thing I know it's a few hours later and when I stood up, everything went blurry and I felt really lightheaded and that's when I fell."

"Did you tell Keller?"

"No. I wasn't sure and everything just happened so fast." He mumbled.

John closed his eyes for a moment and then refocused them on his partner. "Is your mug still in your lab? I can get McKay to check it."

Connor yawned as he nodded. "It should be on the floor by the couch."

"I'm going to have Keller take some blood, to make sure you're okay." _Jesus_ , John thought, _I leave for one day and my partner gets drugged and has brain surgery_.

"I'll get her." Ronon offered and was out the door before John could stop him.

He pulled his hand away from Connor. "Did anyone visit you today?"

"Eric and Dr. Grey."

"Becky Grey?"

"Yeah." He answered sleepily.

"Go to sleep, Con." John said softly and ran a hand through his hair.

"Okay." He sighed and was quickly asleep.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Keller asked as she entered. "Ronon said that Dr. Davids thinks something was in his drink?" John told her what Connor had told him and she frowned, grabbing a syringe to draw some blood. "He didn't mention that to me at all."

"He gets… nervous." John explained. "And he said everything just happened so fast."

"Well I'll test his blood for anything that shouldn't be there."

"Thanks, Doc."

"Not a problem, Colonel Sheppard." She slipped out and Teyla and Lorne slipped in.

"How is he?" Lorne asked.

"He was awake earlier, seemed fine." John told him. "Connor said he stood too fast and fell, hitting his head. It caused him to, uh… bleed into his head and they had to fix the bleed."

"Well, shit." Lorne said, walking over to the other side of the bed. He gently touched Connor's arm, as if reassuring himself that the younger man was okay. John knew how he felt.

Ronon gave John a look and the older man sighed. "Look, this needs to stay between us, but Connor thinks someone slipped him something."

Teyla frowned. "He thinks someone has poisoned him?"

John nodded. "Maybe not poisoned, but drugged, yeah. He was boiling water, went to get milk, came back, drank his tea and was out almost before he could finish it. He said when he woke up a few hours had passed and when he stood he was dizzy and that's why he fell."

Lorne opened his mouth to say something but the door opened admitting Reed, Parrish, McKay and Johns. The latter immediately moved to Connor's side.

"What happened?"

John re-told the story again. "…and that's why he fell. And when Coughlin gets here, someone else gets to tell him." He finished.

"Who would want to hurt him?" Johns asked.

"It might not be him." John said, but the words sounded hollow even to himself. "Connor has a high security clearance, he's been working on stuff for Carter for a while, it could be anything he was working on."

"We should check it out." Reed put in.

John held up a hand. "We'll wait until Keller finishes with the blood and see if there really is anything going on." He stopped to look at each one of them. "If there is something there… then we try and keep this quiet. I'll tell Carter, and you," He said pointing to Corporal Johns, "Can tell your team, but other than that, no one knows. We don't want whomever it is to think we're onto them."

"Yes, sir." He heard from Lorne, Reed and Johns. McKay and Parrish nodded.

"We will find whomever is responsible for this." Teyla added.

Coughlin took that moment to arrive. "What'd I miss?" He asked, looking around.

John sighed.

* * *

Colonel Samantha Carter rubbed the bridge of her nose and looked up at the two other occupants of the room. "Are you sure about this?"

Dr. Jennifer Keller nodded. "I checked his blood twice. Someone dosed Dr. Davids' tea with… the Pegasus version of a roofie."

Sam looked up at her second in command. John had an expressionless look schooled on to his face. "Do you know anyone who would want to hurt Dr. Davids?" She asked.

John sighed. "No, and Connor has no idea either. He doesn't talk to that many people."

"How's he doing?" Sam queried gently.

"I released him this morning. Teyla's with him now." Jennifer offered. "Most of his friends are taking shifts. He's doing well, all things considered."

"How could we have missed something like this?" Sam wondered aloud. "All of our people are thoroughly screened before they even make it this far."

"We've had personnel problems before." John put in. "A Goa'uld made it all the way to the city."

Sam nodded. "You're right. I just… okay, so what are we going to do about it?"

"I've asked the guys to keep this under wraps, so that the person responsible doesn't know."

"You think they'll try again?" Sam asked.

John looked pensive for a moment. "I'm not sure. We aren't even sure what they were after. I think they might have even been after his research, Connor hasn't been back to his lab yet to look and see if anything was taken. I stopped by but it looked okay to me."

A light went off in Sam's head. "You think they were after his research?"

"Yeah." John drawled impatiently. "Why?"

"He's been working on something for me for a while." She began.

"The stuff for Dr. Jackson?" John interrupted.

Sam shook her head. "No, something else, on and off for a couple months in his spare time. I think someone might have been after that. I'm not positive but I think my office has been searched a couple times. There's been a few days when I noticed something a little off."

"What was he working on?" Keller asked curiously.

"Just a side project, some profiling." Sam answered evasively.

"Did he know that there might be someone on base who wants that information?"

Sam nodded. "We talked about it. Dr. Davids seemed certain that no one would be able to hack into his computer for the files."

"So we wait for them to try again?" Keller asked doubtfully.

"It's our only option right now. If we start interviewing people or tracking movements more closely whomever it is might get scared off or stop for a while."

John shook his head slightly. "They drugged his tea. They're getting desperate."

"But still patient enough to avoid detection." Sam pointed out.

"Who do you think is behind this?"

The Atlantis base commander sighed. "Right now only a few people come to mind, but I hesitate to say anything until we get more answers." She looked up at the two in front of her. "I'm going to stop by and talk to Dr. Davids after I get off tonight, John and I will come up with a plan. That's it for now, dismissed."

Jennifer gave her a tight nod before exiting, John hadn't moved at all. Sam looked up at him and for a moment she saw behind his mask. He was tired, angry, frightened and worried. Sam reckoned that if a person had drugged someone she loved than she would probably be all those things and more, and probably more aggressive about finding out who was responsible.

"Are you thinking IOA?" John asked tersely.

Sam nodded. "They're number one on my list."

"What was Connor working on?"

She sighed. "Linguistics is more than languages…it's probably closer in field to anthropology and to some extent psychology. With that in mind, I started to suspect we had an IOA mole here a few months back, although I had a bit of an inkling before that. I started checking out personnel files but I didn't really have time to devote as much attention to them as I would have liked. I asked Dr. Davids to take over because his department is so small and he's fairly isolated on base, add to the fact that you trust him with your life…" She paused as John nodded. "And I was fairly confident he wasn't the mole. So I approached him about doing some subtle re-con as well as reviewing personnel records. He has the clearance, and when I talked to him about it he was… amenable. He's been working on it on and off since."

"So you think someone on base is reporting back to the IOA? To what extent?" John asked her.

"I have no idea. They read our mission reports submitted to the SGC, sit in on meetings, are briefed on our movements and have their hand in every part of our orders. And that's what worries me, I don't know what more they could possibly want. The thing is, John, they might have gotten away with whatever they're looking for if Dr. Davids hadn't fallen and hit his head."

"Connor still would have known his tea was drugged." He protested.

Sam shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. He might have rationalized it away." She leaned forward towards her second in command. "Look, John, I don't want him in danger any more than you do, but if something is going on in my base I need to know about it."

John's look hardened. "I understand, thanks for your time, Colonel." He turned towards the door.

"I'm sorry, John." Sam said sincerely to his back.

He turned to face her. "Me too." He returned quietly. "Me, too."

* * *

She watched as Colonel Sheppard left Colonel Carter's office. She had hacked into the main security feeds to keep eyes on the key players in the city. She didn't know what Dr. Keller and Colonel Sheppard had told the expedition leader, but it didn't look promising. She would have to be more careful in the future.

If Dr. Davids had slept for another hour, he would have woken up with no ill effects of the drug. Instead he stood too fast and, if rumor had it right, hit his head so hard it started to bleed. She would have to be more careful in the future. She had already spent hours trying to break into the linguist's lab when he wasn't there, but the doors refused to budge no matter what she tried and her patience had begun to wear thin.

Davids had left them unlocked when she saw that he went to get something from the food hub. Her window of opportunity had been small, so she had dosed his drink and hid in his lab, waiting for him to pass out before carefully searching through his notes. What she wanted hadn't been there and she hadn't been able to crack the encryption on his computer before her time was up.

She wanted that information, she needed to know what they knew, and right now, Dr. Davids was the way to get it.

* * *

"John?"

"Hm? Does your head hurt? Do you need some water? Are you hungry? Cold? Hot? Do you nee-"

"John!"

"Oh, sorry, yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I know."


	31. Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 31 : Perspective**

Author's Notes :

\- I'm trying something a little different for this chapter, but the next one should be back to normal.  
\- Taisha first appeared in Ch. 18.  
\- This is really more of an interlude than anything, so it's a bit shorter than recent chapters.

* * *

Eric knocked hesitantly on Connor's door, not wanting to interrupt anything the linguist might be doing. The door swished open and he found Colonel Sheppard standing on the other side. His hair was sticking up more than usual, he wore boxer shorts and nothing else. Eric found himself blushing and looking away from his CO.

"How can I help you, Corporal?" Sheppard asked without greeting.

"Um, sir, I'm looking for Dr. Davids." Eric stated, eyes somewhere behind Colonel Sheppard.

"He's sleeping."

"I see, sir. Um, when should I come back?" Eric asked.

"He doesn't usually wake up until ten. You can try back then."

"Yes, sir."

There was a moment of silence and Eric glanced at Colonel Sheppard's face. "Anything else?" The older man asked.

"No, sir." Eric answered.

"Then why are you still here?"

 _Good question_. "Right. Good morning, sir."

The door shut in his face and Eric blinked twice. Not for the hundredth time did Eric wonder what his friend could see in the other man. He turned around and headed for the transporter, back to his quarters. They were on the other side of the tower from Connor's and Rodney's, and a few levels higher. He passed no one on his walk there and sighed as he entered his quarters. His shift started in forty minutes and he had hoped to spend a few minutes with Connor.

Eric sunk down onto his small bed and looked around his room. It was fairly empty; a bed, bookcase, a small table and one chair. His laptop was set up on the table. Eric had a Marines recruitment poster on the wall and a small binder with cds and dvds in it. A clock sat on his nightstand. He had several school books on his bookcase. On his bed was a colorful quilt that Connor had brought back for him from New Athos. There were two pictures in the room. An old team photo with Jace in it and next to it was a new team photo with Connor, despite the fact that he wasn't officially on the team. Eric knew that neither him nor Ben nor Jim were looking for another scientist, they had found one, whether Connor acknowledged it or not.

His door chimed and Eric stood up to answer it. Ben was on the other side. "Hey." He greeted, stepping to the side so his team leader could come in.

"Morning, Eric." The older man greeted. "How'd you sleep?" Ben asked, taking a seat at Eric's only chair. "You really need to get a second chair." He added as Eric sat back down on his bed.

Eric shrugged. "It's on the list. Slept okay."

Ben stared at him, eyes more knowing than Eric would have liked. "Okay." He accepted. "You know, I'm sure the Doc could hook you up with another chair. He seems to have connections."

Eric snorted. "Connor steals furniture from unused parts of the city."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. Sometimes he gets Colonel Sheppard or Ronon to help him. I think he also talked some Marines into helping him move a couch in return for some lessons on the range."

The other man smiled. "He definitely is creative." His smile turned into a frown. "How's he doing?"

"Seemed okay last night. He's already bugging anyone that will listen that he's okay and needs to go back to work."

"That sounds like him." Ben smiled fondly. "Brain surgery three days ago and already hammering about work."

"Yeah." Eric agreed. "He's definitely tougher than he seems."

Ben nodded in agreement. "You know, the first time he was assigned to my team I wondered what the hell Colonel Carter was doing. I knew the Doc had some skills with a gun…but black belt…degree in computers and math, he's certainly versatile. And now, I can't imagine anyone better for the job."

"I know what you mean. Every time I turn around he has another skill I've never discovered. I went swimming with him the other night, I'm pretty sure he could out-swim anyone I know."

"You went swimming? In this weather?" Ben asked astonished.

"Oh, he found an inside pool and was giving it a test run. I think he submitted a report to Colonel Carter on it."

Ben grinned. "Cool, a pool. That's awesome."

"And it's heated."

"Doubly awesome. So…how goes the schooling?"

"I think I'm almost there. Another few months and I'm finished with my class work, and Dr. Z said that I'm almost finished with my lab work."

"So I get you more often now?" The older man asked with a glint in his eyes.

Eric gave a small laugh. "For a while. I'm waiting to hear back from a few colleges on doctoral work."

"Are you going to have time?" Ben asked, worried. "I know you're about to start the officer's training too."

"I should have time. There's not really a limit on how long you need to complete your doctorate and Dr. Z has already offered to help. I've, um, actually talked to Dr. McKay about it too, and he said he'd be willing to oversee a bit of my work."

"You're willingly working with Rodney McKay?" Ben asked with an eyebrow raised.

"His name will help me." Eric said with a shrug. "It's well known in the research circle."

Ben sighed. "I hope it's worth it."

"I'm sure it will be."

"I bet the Doc would be willing to help a little too. I know his field is different than yours…"

"Yeah, Connor offered to co-write a couple pages with me. Turns out he's pretty well known on the publishing circuit as well."

Ben smiled. "He's like a modern day renaissance man."

"He's pretty great." Eric said with a small smile.

"Ready for the mission today?"

Eric nodded. "Definitely."

"I was hoping to drag the Doc out on this one…but I'll guess it'll just be the three of us."

"He'll be back with us, soon enough." Eric said gently.

"I know." Ben swallowed and looked away from Eric. "I just get so mad thinking that one of our people hurt him. He's supposed to be safe here!" The older man stood and starting pacing back and forth in Eric's small room. "When we find who did this…they have to answer to me."

"I think Colonel Sheppard and his team have first dibs. And Major Lorne."

Ben stopped to look at him. "Well, then they'll have to deal with me, Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne." He shook his head lightly. "Gosh, the Doc sure has friends in high places."

 _You have no idea_. "Yeah."

"Aren't you mad?"

"Furious." Eric admitted.

"You don't seem mad." Ben observed.

"I've learned how to keep my temper. I don't think Connor would appreciate everyone coming to defend his honor when he's perfectly fine at defending it himself."

Ben laughed. "Doesn't matter. We're family, he needs to get used to other people being mad for him."

"I'm sure he _is_ used to it. Major Lorne and Colonel Sheppard…and Teyla and Ronon, for that matter, are pretty overprotective."

"He needs it." Ben insisted. "The kid barely remembers to eat."

Eric snorted. "The kid is older than you, Ben."

"Sometimes," He said, running a hand through his hair. "It doesn't seem like it."

Eric knew what he meant. "Yeah."

Ben shook his head. "Anyways, I'm meeting Jim for breakfast, you up for some?"

Eric nodded and stood. "Let me grab my jacket." Eric grabbed the piece of clothing from his closet and headed towards the door.

"I'm thinking pancakes." Ben declared.

"Eggs." Eric commented as they left his room. "And bacon."

"And lots of coffee." They chorused together.

* * *

Teyla looked away from Connor to see John enter the mess hall. He looked around and spotted them, a question on his face.

"Would it be alright if John were to join us?" Teyla asked the linguist across from her.

A smile lit his face. "Definitely."

Teyla looked back at John and nodded. He grinned and she followed his movements through line and he came over to the table and sat next to Teyla.

"Hello, everyone, how's it going?"

Teyla figured that was a thinly veiled question towards Connor's health, the other man must have figured that out as well since he threw a carrot at John's chest.

"I am well." Teyla answered.

"I'm fine." Connor said quietly and resumed poking at his salad. She had yet to really see him eat any of it. Connor took a sip of his diet cola and put it back down. Teyla wondered if the switch from tea had to do with his recent drugging.

John slid some butterscotch pudding across to the younger man, receiving a large smile in return. The linguist immediately dove into the sugary desert. Teyla turned to frown at John but couldn't find it in herself, it was the happiest she had seen the scientist for a few days.

"So what were you talking about?" John asked as he began to cut up his chicken.

"Teyla's going to New Athos tomorrow." Connor supplied.

"I know."

"And I want to go with her." The linguist finished.

John's reaction was immediate. "Definitely not, no way, no how."

Teyla watched as Connor's gaze hardened. "You're not the boss of me, John." He said quietly but firmly.

"You just had surgery! What if something happens? No offense to the Athosians, but Atlantis has a better medical staff."

"I'm not going to be doing anything physical."

"No."

"And I'm just going to visit with some people I know."

"No."

"Possibly help with the cooking." Connor said, a thoughtful look on his face. He turned to face Teyla, "Do you think I can help cook again?"

Teyla smiled. "I think that would be most welcome."

"Connor." John ground out.

"John." Connor offered back in the same tone.

Teyla looked back and forth between both men, sensing a conversation that she couldn't hear. "I will keep a close eye on Connor, John. There is no need to worry."

John broke off his gaze from the linguist and looked at her. "The settlement is so far from the gate, if anything were to happen…"

"Someone could run to the gate and radio Atlantis immediately." She finished.

"I'm not an invalid, John." Connor argued.

"What does Keller think of this?" The older man asked.

"I haven't talked to her yet." Connor mumbled. "But I don't need her permission either."

"She's your doctor, Connor, of course you need her permission." John snapped back.

Teyla watched as Connor pushed away his pudding and collected his tray. "Thanks for lunch, Teyla." He offered before standing with his tray and leaving the table.

John sighed next to her and briefly ran his hand across his face. "I pissed him off, didn't I?" John asked.

Teyla nodded. "I do believe so. I think Connor is feeling…trapped, lately. He is unable to work and feels guilty that his friends need to watch over him. I believe a trip to New Athos would help him feel better."

John faced her and Teyla could make out a haunted look on his face. "If something happened to him…I don't know what I would do, Teyla." He said quietly.

She pondered that for a second. She knew what John would do, and the thought wasn't pleasant. He had gone so long without love in his life that Teyla was no longer sure he could live without it. "Ronon is coming. He was supposed to help with the harvest, I will see if he can keep a close watch on Connor instead." She offered softly.

"I…yeah, that would be great." John said lifelessly as he poked at his mashed potatoes. "I should…I should go talk to him." John started to rise from his seat and Teyla settled a warm hand onto his forearm.

"Give him a little time." She advised. "Finish your lunch and then seek him out if you must."

John fidgeted. "Yeah, okay."

For the rest of their lunch he was distracted and barely ate. Teyla would eye him every once in a while and spur him into motion, but she could tell his mind was still with Connor.

"Go." She said softly.

Before she could say anything else, John was out of his seat, tray in hand. She watched as he paused to grab another butterscotch pudding on his way out. She shook her head lightly and gave a small laugh. Connor and John were perfect for each other and she didn't think either of them would go to bed angry tonight.

* * *

"So how was your day?" Jennifer asked him. Ronon grunted in the positive. "That's good. We were pretty bored today as well. Had a couple headaches, some bruises…you're too hard on the Marines."

"They're big boys." Ronon said, citing something John had earlier told him. "They can take care of themselves."

Jennifer sighed. "Or I can take care of them."

"Yeah." Ronon pulled off his vest and searched through his laundry for a clean pajama shirt. He found a black t-shirt and pulled it over his head. John had given him a box of black t-shirts, because apparently there was a mistake with the order and they had too many XLs, so he had shoved some off on Ronon, and now the Satedan wore them to bed. He unfastened his pants with ease and slid them down, stepping out of them. He grabbed his sweatpants, sliding those on.

Behind him Jennifer was changing as well. Ronon hoped it was into the weird pink thing she had brought from Earth. It definitely looked the best on her. He grinned when he turned around and found her in the piece of clothing he had imagined. She blushed, but offered a smile in return. She got into bed and Ronon walked over to slide in next to her.

Jennifer grabbed some glasses, placing them on her face as she reached for a new book she started a few days ago. Ronon laid there as she turned to rest her head on his chest, holding the book down on his stomach so she could read it. Ronon ran a hand through her blonde hair and pulled very gently when he felt a bit of resistance. He had learned early on that women were a bit sensitive to men yanking a hand through their hair.

He didn't ask what she was reading, he had once and never again after that. Irish was teaching him a bit about what Jennifer did, last week Ronon learnt the bones of the body. Irish taught him a lot of things. He never looked at Ronon like he was stupid and never acted like he couldn't believe what Ronon didn't know.

Ronon had been trained as a soldier since he was young, higher education wasn't necessary to shoot a gun, and it wasn't really encouraged since the Wraith were so rampant. But now that he had a chance, and not that he would admit it to anyone, but sometimes Ronon felt a bit…dumb on Atlantis, surrounded by all the smart people from Earth. So one day he asked Irish a question about something he had overheard McKay talking about and the linguist hadn't asked him why he wanted to know or acted like Ronon should have known it already; instead he just began explaining to Ronon, and he used small terms at first, explaining what they meant, but once he did, he never repeated it unless Ronon asked and by the end of the explanation his words would all be large and Ronon would understand them.

As he stroked Jennifer's hair, Ronon's mind drifted to the conversation he had with Irish a few days ago. He had been confused when the scientist had asked him if he would prefer that Jennifer know about him and Sheppard. Ronon didn't think it was his choice, even though it was nice of Irish to offer him one. He looked down at Jennifer and wondered how she would take the news of Sheppard and Irish. He thought she was pretty open minded, as most people on Atlantis were, but he also knew that Sheppard could get into trouble, and Ronon wasn't about to do anything that would hurt Sheppard.

His thoughts of Irish led him to anger and his hand momentarily tightened in Jennifer's hair, enough for her to look up at him with a question on her face.

"Ronon?" She asked lightly. "Is everything okay."

He loosened his grip. "Yes, sorry, everything's fine."

"Are you sure?" She persisted.

"I'm thinking about Irish." He admitted.

"Are you worried about him?" She took her glasses off and closed her book, setting them aside.

Ronon thought about it for a second. He wasn't worried about Irish, he knew the linguist could take care of himself. Sheppard, on the other hand, seemed to slowly be going crazy trying to make sure Irish was safe, didn't need anything and was busy trying to find the culprit. "Not really." Is what he said.

"You're not?" She asked in surprise.

"Irish can take care of himself."

"You think?"

Ronon's seen him take down five Marines at once, outshoot everyone on the range and bend into unimaginable positions. "Yeah."

"He always seems so…awkward. Sometimes I want to follow him around and make sure he eats. He's so skinny."

Ronon had to agree with that. Irish was skinnier than Ronon thought he was when he saw him a the pool. And he'd seen Teyla and Sheppard push food at him more than once. "We make sure he eats."

"Mm, okay." She sounded tired to Ronon and when he glanced down he could see her eyes closed. He reached over to turn the light off. "Goodnight." Jennifer offered.

"Night." He returned, even though he knew he wouldn't be asleep for another hour. Ronon liked to stay up and memorize the feeling of Jennifer in his arms. He knew it had more to do with his time as a Runner than anything to do with her, but she didn't seem to mind and she accepted Ronon and all his quirks. He smiled as she began to softly snore.

* * *

Evan knew he wasn't as tuned into Atlantis as Connor was, or even as much as Colonel Sheppard was, so when he felt something in his mind at one in the morning telling him to go to the chair room, he was hesitant and a little more than curious.

He slipped quietly out of bed and gather some clothes, changing in the dark. He cursed softly as his shin hit the edge of the bed.

"Evan?" Teyla called softly from the bed.

"I'm fine." He assured her.

"What are you doing?"

"I, uh, need to go somewhere." Evan could practically feel her frown.

"Go where?" The lights came up part way and he saw Teyla sit up in bed.

"The chair room?" He offered weakly.

"At such an early time?"

"I think Atlantis needs me."

"But John or Connor…"

"Are probably sleeping." He finished. "Yeah, I don't know why she chose me either."

"I shall come with you." She offered rising. She was already getting dressed before Evan could stop her.

He smiled. "Alright."

They walked quietly together down to the chair room and Evan hesitantly sat in it, searching for his connection with the city. In the early morning it seemed easier to find than normal, although Evan couldn't tell if that was because he was tired or Atlantis was helping him. As soon as he connected, images began to flash in front of his head. A flash of blonde as a woman stood at a console. Evan's mind zoomed in on the room and he recognized it as part of the environmental controls. She tapped a few commands into the console and the screen began to blink. Evan could tell that Atlantis was fighting the commands, but that she was losing.

 _Is this happening now?_

He received an affirmative feeling. _I've got to stop her._ But Atlantis wouldn't let him go. It seemed the commands were already issued. Evan watched as a small amount of vapors began to seep into a darkened room. As the seconds ticked by he began to recognize the couch in front of the window, the giant chair, and the larger than normal bed. _That's Connor's room! Let me go!_

Finally the city released him and Evan grabbed Teyla's arm, pulling her down the corridors with him.

"Lorne to Sheppard." He tried on the radio as he ran. "Lorne to Davids." Nothing.

He ran as fast as he could, Teyla keeping up, to the nearest transporter and frantically hit Connor's level, praying for the lift to move faster. He flew down the hallway and used his security override on the door.

Gas seeped out of the room and Evan ran to the bed, Teyla on his heels. "Colonel Sheppard." He said shaking the sleeping man. "Colonel Sheppard!"

"Connor!" Teyla said loudly. "Wake up."

"Mm, John, leave me alone."

"Connor, it's Teyla, I need you wake up."

"Jo…Teyla?" Evan sighed in relief as his friend seemed to wake up. "What are you doing here?"

"Connor?" Colonel Sheppard slurred. "Who are you talking to?"

"Colonel Sheppard?" Evan offered hesitantly.

"Lorne?"

"Evan?"

"Um, yes, sir."

"What the hell are you doing in here?" The older man asked, sitting up. The blankets fell down, revealing a bare chest. "It's barely one."

"Um, yes, about that, sir, someone was pumping some sort of gas into your quarters." Evan tried not to sound as nervous and worried as he really was.

"What?" He turned quickly to look at Connor who had the blankets pulled tight around him. "Are you okay?" He asked in a gentle voice. It was weird to hear his CO sound so…human.

"I'm fine." Connor mumbled and Evan didn't understand the looked that Colonel Sheppard gave his best friend, but it didn't look promising for the younger man.

"Atlantis woke me up." Evan explained. "And I sat in the chair room and I saw someone, she was blonde, and she was messing with the environmental controls."

"A blonde female? Scientist or military?" He asked, sounding more awake now.

"Scientist."

"That certainly narrows it down."

"Yes, sir."

Evan jumped slightly as Connor's window slid open part ways. "Sorry." The Irishman mumbled.

"Wow, I wish mine did that." Evan commented.

"To, uh, help air it out."

"Got it." Evan was now distinctly aware that he and his girlfriend were in a room with his CO and his boyfriend and both of whom were probably naked under the blanket that Connor was clutching so hard. "Uh, we'll just be going now…" Evan stood up from where he was kneeling beside the bed, with Teyla following his lead. "Do you feel okay, sir? Doc?"

"I'm fine." Connor offered again.

"A little nauseous." Sheppard said. "But nothing that won't pass. We'll get Keller to check us over in the morning."

"Yes, sir."

"Well, I'd walk you out, but I'm pretty naked and I've already promised Connor not to share the goods…" Colonel Sheppard said with a smirk and Evan watched as Connor turned a deep red.

"I can see myself out, Colonel."

"Awesome. Well, thanks for stopping by…wait!" Evan turned to look at his CO. "Did you pass anyone on the way here?"

Evan shook his head. "I don't think so."

"I do not believe so either." Teyla put in.

"Than whomever did this might still be on their way here, thinking we're out." He paused. "Lorne, toss me those pants."

Evan looked around and spotted two pairs of folded pants on the chair. "Both of them?"

"I think Connor would prefer that." Sheppard grinned.

"John!" Connor hissed.

Sheppard turned to whisper something into Connor's ear, making the linguist blush again but Evan could see him nod slightly. He picked up the pants and handed them over to his CO. Sheppard took them and Evan turned to face away from them, with Teyla doing the same. He quickly heard rustling and soon Sheppard announced they were finished. Connor brushed past him to grab a sweatshirt that proudly read 'USMC' on the front.

"Connor, I thought I taught you better than that." Sheppard complained, grabbing his own shirt and tugging it on.

The linguist shrugged. "It's warm."

Evan watched as Colonel Sheppard wrapped his arms around the smaller man from behind. "So's the Air Force one I got you." He said quietly.

"But this one's blue." Connor said, matter of factly. "It matches my eyes better."

Evan held in a snigger as Teyla smiled at their antics.

"But the Air Force one is black. Black is cooler."

"I thought your favourite color was blue." Connor shot back.

"…It is."

"And we all can't dress like Johnny Cash."

"…But it's the Marines!"

Connor smiled and Evan saw a look of pure love cross his face. "I know. The Air Force one is in the laundry. I was, uh, doing something and it got dirty." He explained softly.

"Oh…well that's okay then." Sheppard said. "So…" He drawled, looking back at everyone else, Evan could see his friend's cheeks tinted red. "Connor and I are going back to bed. Lorne, you and Teyla can hide out on the sofa, and we'll see if we can catch them."

"Yes, sir."

Before anyone could move, though, the doors slid open. Evan turned to face them in surprise.

"See, I told you everyone was okay!" Rodney McKay said loudly to the guy standing next to him. Corporal Johns, Evan's brain filled in.

"McKay!" Sheppard stressed. "Get in here and shut the door."

"What? I'm going back to bed."

"Now, Rodney." Evan watched as the astrophysicist and his boyfriend stepped into the room. "Now, why does everyone think this room is Grand Central at one in the morning?"

"He," McKay said with a jerk of this thumb, "Heard something and thought you were in trouble. He dragged me along to open the door."

"Delegated to locksmith?" Evan joked.

"What? No! And what are you even doing here anyways…and Teyla! Is this a secret meeting. I think I should be involved too." McKay proclaimed.

"Hey, Connor." Johns greeted. "Nice sweatshirt."

"Thanks, Eric."

"It is _not_ a nice sweatshirt." Sheppard said with a glare. "And they are here because someone tried to either kill us or knock us out with some sort of gas. Short story : Atlantis told Lorne, Lorne found us and now we're waiting for the person to come looking for whatever it is they want."

"So it's a stakeout?" McKay asked, rubbing his hands together.

"It was a stakeout. Now it's a train stat-"

"Ronon! Wait!" Evan heard and looked over as Ronon stalked through the doors, barefoot and with his gun out. Dr. Keller was behind him wearing what looked like hastily put on clothes over something pink. Evan decided he didn't want to know. The Satedan stopped short when he saw everyone standing around. "Um, hi!" Keller offered from behind her tall boyfriend. "Sorry about this. Ronon thought you were in trouble or something."

Sheppard sighed and subtly moved away from Connor. "He was in trouble, he's not now, but we're waiting to see who put us in trouble." He said motioning to Connor.

"Stakeout." Ronon said. "Cool." He walked over to the chair in Connor's room and sunk down into it.

"You know, if I were whomever this is, I probably would have been watching Connor's door." Sheppard said. "And they'd realize that they've been compromised, especially now that we have enough people for a shindig. So, no, it's not a stakeout. Now it's a…let's go back to sleep because we all work in the morning…out."

Evan watched as McKay and Johns left. Keller and Ronon were turning to go when Sheppard called them back. "Can you look Connor over please, Doc?" He asked.

"Sure, let me get my medical bag. What happened?"

"Some sort of gas was pumped into o- his quarters." Sheppard covered.

"No problem, give me a second." She left Connor's room.

"What about you, John?" Connor asked softly.

"If everything checks out with you, then I'm probably fine as well. If not, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay?" He said gently.

Connor nodded. "Okay."

Sheppard looked back up. "And Chewie, what the hell took you so long? Even McKay got here before you."

Ronon grinned. "Jennifer had to get dressed."

"Oh I see. So I'm second string to your girlfriend now?" Sheppard joked.

"She puts out more."

Sheppard groaned and Evan watched as Connor whacked him. "Stop teaching him crude Earth phrases." The younger man said sternly.

"That one wasn't me!" He protested.

"Was McKay." Ronon put in.

The doors slid back open and Keller came back with a medical case. "Take a seat on the bed." Connor did as she asked, but not without a small glare towards Colonel Sheppard who just grinned in response. "How's the head?" Keller asked as she flashed a light into Connor's eyes.

"Fine."

Evan snorted. His friend would be fine if a building collapsed on him. From the look on Colonel Sheppard's face he believed the same thing, even Teyla made a sound of disbelief next to him.

"Your pupils are fine. Let me get a listen to your heart." Connor obediently lifted up his sweatshirt and breathed in deeply a couple times. "Heart sounds good." She moved the stethoscope to the back. "Breathe in….Lungs sound good." She put the equipment back into her case. "Well, whatever it was, seems to have no lasting effects. I can't be sure, but they probably meant to just ensure you wouldn't wake up for a couple hours, and then awake like normal."

Sheppard nodded. "That's what I've been thinking."

Evan thought he probably would have come to the same conclusion if he had been awake for more than twenty minutes with more than three hours of sleep.

"Thanks for checking him over, Doc." Sheppard said.

"No problem." Keller said, closing up her pack. Ronon took it from her and with a wave they left.

"So no stakeout?" Connor asked from his place on the bed.

Sheppard smiled fondly at the younger man. "Not today, Con." Evan blinked at the nickname.

"Dang."

"Next time." The older man promised. "Thanks for your help, Major, Teyla."

"You are very welcome, John. I am glad you are both alright."

"What she said." Evan offered, jerking a thumb at his girlfriend. "Goodnight, sir."

"Goodnight." Sheppard escorted them to the door and all but pushed them out.

"Well that was eventful." Evan commented to Teyla as they made their way to the lift.

"It certainly was." She said, with only a small amount of worry.

* * *

"See I told you nothing was wrong." Rodney grumbled as they climbed back into bed.

"Rodney, aren't you the least bit worried that someone just tried to off your best friend?" Eric asked as he climbed into the other side.

"No. Where did Sheppard get that bigger bed? I think we need to invest."

"Really?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, you're here more often than not, and I don't like feeling like I'm going to fall off."

"I won't let you fall off." Eric promised.

"I wonder what Davids was working on that someone wants so badly."

Rodney felt Eric shiver next to him. "I don't know, but whomever it is seems to be getting more and more desperate."

Rodney turned over to face Eric, reaching out to him. "Hey, Sheppard won't let anything happen to him…the guy has friends in high places."

Eric sighed and moved closer to Rodney, resting his head on Rodney's chest. "I know, but they've come so close already, twice now."

"Eric…has anyone ever told you that you worry too much."

"Ben." He paused. "And Jim…and Jace."

"Well they were right." Rodney concluded. "Now, sleep. Some of us actually work in the morning."

"I work!" Eric protested.

"Uh-huh. Sleep." He repeated.

Rodney stared at the ceiling as Eric fell asleep on top of him. Truthfully he was worried about Sheppard and Sheppard's linguist and even Eric. Somehow the Irish linguist had wormed his way into the hearts of everyone he seemed to care about. Rodney may not act like it, but he knew how much Sheppard loved the younger man and he knew that his best friend was freaking out. Rodney wasn't sure what would happen to Sheppard if something happened to Davids.

He sighed and smiled fondly as Eric mumbled his name in his sleep. He slowly drifted off to sleep after the younger man.

Rodney wasn't sure what had woken him up before his alarm. Eric was still, light was beginning to peek in through his window, and Rodney estimated he had another twenty minutes of sleep left before he had to wake up.

And that's when he heard it. Soft cries. Not the kind of cry that Rodney was hoping to get out of Eric soon, but cries of pain.

"You hear that don't you?" Eric said softly and Rodney felt his heart jump.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I wouldn't be a very good soldier if I slept through everything around me." Eric answered.

"What is it?"

"It's Connor."

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know." Eric offered. "He has nightmares."

Rodney wondered how Sheppard could be with someone so high maintenance. John seemed like a pretty laid back guy but Connor seemed pretty needy.

"I knew that much. Why does he have nightmares?"

Eric shrugged. "He's never told me, I've never really asked."

Rodney strained his ears and he could suddenly hear John's voice in the mix, low and soft. "He doesn't seem messed up enough to have nightmares." Rodney wondered. "Well except that he's crazy enough to be with Sheppard, never talks, stutters and has no friends."

"He has friends, he doesn't stutter, he talks if you talk to him and Colonel Sheppard is pretty hot." Eric defended.

"What? You think Sheppard is hot?"

"You don't?" The younger man challenged.

Rodney sighed. "I've never really looked."

"Oh?" And Rodney could hear the doubt in his voice.

"Fine, whatever, John is hot. Can we move on?"

"Connor has a lot of friends."

"To something other than Sheppard's deranged linguist?"

"Connor is pretty hot, too." Eric mused aloud.

Rodney blinked. "What? Now that is definitely not true."

"And the accent…" His boyfriend mused and Rodney felt Eric's hand move.

"Are you about to jerk off to thoughts of your best friend?"

"I can look." Eric protested. "And it's more like thoughts of my best friend and his lover."

Rodney snorted. "Lover. As if they've gotten that far."

Eric's hand drifted to Rodney's member, gently squeezing it in his hand. "How about I jerk _you_ off to thoughts of my best friend and his lover." He brought his hand up to lick it and moved it back down, slowly beginning to get Rodney off.

"I…uh…have to work with Sheppard after this…"

"So? He'll never know." Eric promised. "Can you just picture them? Connor's shorter so he's probably on top more…"

Rodney tried not to think about how kinky this was and he was definitely trying not to think of Sheppard and Davids doing it. "Um…"

"Connor's hair is pretty long." Eric said in a deep voice. "Colonel Sheppard probably likes to hold on to that."

Rodney glared at his body as he felt himself harden. _Traitor_. "I…ah…"

Eric slid down Rodney's body. "I think the Colonel probably blows him the most, from what Connor's said. Just imagine, your fingers in that spiky hair of his." Eric placed Rodney's hands on his hair and Rodney jumped slightly as Eric lowered his head.

[Edited Content]

After they finished Eric leaned up and offering Rodney a kiss. The older man accepted it and Rodney felt something inside of him burst and he saved the feeling for later. "Are you getting up now?" Eric asked when they parted.

"I was going to. When do you have to get up?"

Eric glanced at the alarm clock. "An hour."

"I can wait an hour." Rodney said.

Eric smiled. "Really?"

"Yes." He assured the younger man.

"Thank you."

Rodney didn't say anything, just held him closer.

* * *

Captain Melissa Thrope looked up as the doors to the mess hall opened. It was early but she had always been a morning person, so she was sitting in the empty mess hall alone, nursing a cappuccino. She wasn't that surprised to see Colonel Sheppard enter, he had been a frequent morning visitor since the beginning of the expedition, although about…six months ago Melissa had noticed that he stopped coming as often in the mornings. She sort of assumed he had found a girlfriend.

No, what surprised her was the shorter man who trailed in behind him. Melissa almost recognized him, not enough to place a face, but enough to identify him as a scientist despite the 'USMC' sweatshirt he was wearing. Both men looked tired and they headed straight for the coffee pot that was sitting out. She watched curiously as Colonel Sheppard poured a cup for his friend and then a cup for himself, absentmindedly handing some sugar to the other man. The Colonel looked around and gave Melissa a small smile, which she returned, before walking to a table as far away from Melissa as possible.

They sat in a darkened portion of the mess hall and Melissa couldn't see them very well from where she was sitting, and she wasn't about to move so she could spy on her CO. They started talking softly and although Melissa couldn't hear the words very well, the tone suggested comfort.

She frowned as she tried to place the man with Colonel Sheppard. She thought she might have seen him on the weapon range. But that didn't seem right if he was a scientist; few of them stepped into the range and ever fewer took a turn at shooting.

"Connor!" She heard loudly and she fought the urge to snap her head in Colonel Sheppard's direction.

So his name was Connor. Melissa certainly didn't think she knew any Connors. She wondered how long the scientist had been on Atlantis.

Melissa looked up as the doors opened again. This was more people than she'd seen in weeks. Teyla and Ronon both came in. Teyla headed straight for Colonel Sheppard and his friend while Ronon stopped to grab some coffee and three muffins. Melissa noticed that Teyla was dressed differently than normal, more like the natives of the Pegasus galaxy, more like her people.

They stayed for a few minutes to talk to Colonel Sheppard, she assumed, before leaving. As she watched them out of the corner of her eye, Melissa felt like an intruder. She wasn't sure what it was but the two friends seemed close and every few seconds Colonel Sheppard would glance her way.

Melissa downed the rest of her cappuccino and with a nod towards Colonel Sheppard she stood and left the two men alone.

* * *

"A blonde female scientist?" Sam asked the two men sitting in front of her.

Major Evan Lorne and Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard both nodded. "Yes, ma'am." Lorne said aloud.

"Well that certainly narrows it down."

"Yes, ma'am. We made a list." Lorne handed her a data pad with seven different scientists on it.

Sam set it on her desk and leaned forward on her arms. "So how do you want to handle this, John?"

John seemed surprised that she would ask him, but it was quickly replaced with a shrewd look. "Connor is off-world today, I want to try and get her before he gets back."

"So you don't want to wait for her to try again?"

He shook his head. "No, it's too dangerous."

" I agree." Sam said. "After this last one…who knows what could have happened. Alright, let's bring them all in for questioning."

"Yes, ma'am." They both stood up. "Major Lorne, can you start with the first name on the list?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Dismissed." Sam said and the Major left.

"Ma'am?" John asked.

"Yes, John, there's something I want to talk to you about. I know you're anxious to catch whomever's responsible for all of this, but I'm going to need you to take a back seat this time."

"What?" He looked confused.

"In case anything should come to light at a later date…" She hinted, "Then we need this investigation to be impartial."

Realization crossed his face. "Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just…"

"Hard." Sam finished and he looked at her. "I know. If this had happened to one of my friends or teammates, it would be hard for me to let someone else take the lead. I'm just trying to help you, though."

"I understand." John sighed. "I'm just…frustrated." He said, sinking back down into his chair.

"We all are, but hopefully this will all be over today, and then you have a couple more weeks until vacation." She smiled. John looked hopeful at that. "Are you excited?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Ronon and Teyla are really excited. Thanks, by the way, for getting the chopper set up, they've been hearing me talk about them for years now, so it's cool that they finally get to ride in one."

"I'm glad I could help. What else do you have planned?"

"Ferris Wheel in Santa Monica." He said easily. "And I think I might take them to Disneyland, since it's in the area. After that we're spending a few days in Ireland, Connor's gonna show us around. Have you ever been?"

Sam shook her head. "Not a lot of need for the Air Force over there."

John smiled. "Yeah, that's what I said. And then I'm not sure after that, I thought maybe New York for a couple days, but I'm not sure how well Teyla and Ronon would like the city."

"Yeah, it does get a bit busy. No family visits?"

"Nope." John said shortly and Sam didn't push. "If we had time I'd love to go to Hawaii, get some good surf."

"I love Hawaii." Sam offered. "Lots of sun and the water is so clear."

"Oh, yeah. Some good hiking too." John agreed.

Lorne chose that moment to stick his head back into her office. "Ma'am, sir? I have the first person for interview."

"Thanks, Major, we'll be right there." She offered him and he pulled his head back out. "Well, time to find a caper." She said standing. "Why don't you come watch."

John clenched a fist and slowly unclenched it. "Sure."

* * *

"Good morrow, Connor." Taisha greeted. She was waiting at the gate for him, Teyla and Ronon to come through.

"Hey, Taisha." The linguist offered back.

Taisha smiled just a little. Even though she knew that Connor was all but bonded to Colonel Sheppard, she couldn't help but have a tiny crush on the man. He was a semi-frequent visitor to New Athos, the children loved him, he helped with the harvest and the cooking; Connor was loved by the Athosians.

"Good morrow, Teyla, Ronon." She greeted his companions.

"Good morrow, Taisha." Teyla replied with a slight incline of her head. Ronon just offered her a grunt.

"How are you, uh, doing today, Taisha?" Connor asked, stepping up to walk beside her as they made their way back to the settlement. Ronon and Teyla followed behind them.

"I am well. Jarob and Naroi are eager for your arrival." She told him, naming two children that held a great affinity for the Irish man.

"I am excited to, uh, see them as well." He offered her a small smile.

"How is your Colonel Sheppard?" She asked after his bond mate.

"John? He's, um, pretty good. He loved that, uh, new tea you gave me."

Taisha smiled. "I am glad. We shall have to get you some more."

"Have you, um, found someone to stargaze with yet?" Connor asked her.

She shook her head. "Not yet. There is someone that I…would like to with, but he doesn't know."

"You should tell him." The linguist urged.

"Is that how you did it with your John?"

"Um, not really…sort of…um, I'm not really sure." He admitted. "We were friends first and it sorta grew from there."

"I am friends with Danos." Taisha said after a moment of contemplation. "But I think he wishes to be with someone else."

Connor shrugged. "Then maybe it, ah, wasn't meant to be. There are a lot of, um, men out there, Taisha."

She inclined her head towards him. "That is true."

He smiled. "Any guy would be, um, lucky to have you." He said with a blush.

"Than I shall keep waiting." Taisha said with a smile.

There was a light breeze in the air and the sun was only beginning to rise on New Athos. Taisha loved the smell of the woods and the flowers on their new home planet. She missed Athos sometimes, but her people were here and they were rebuilding their lives.

"So will you be helping with the harvest?" She asked Connor.

The linguist looked resigned as he sighed. "Um, Ronon and I are going to help around the camp today."

Taisha frowned. "You do not wish to help with the harvest?"

"I do…but, um…"

"Connor has recently had surgery." Teyla cut in from behind them.

"Surgery?" Taisha asked confused.

"He hurt his head quite badly and is still recovering. Ronon will be watching him."

Connor sent Taisha an apologetic look. "John's requisite for, uh, coming here."

"Are you okay?" Taisha asked. "Your head seems fine."

Connor lifted some hair up and she could see a bandage over a shaved part of his head. "I, um, had a hole drilled in."

"Someone made a hole in your head?" Taisha asked, taken aback.

"It's not as bad as it, uh, sounds." Connor reassured her.

"Almost died." Ronon put in. Taisha was surprised and worried.

"Ronon!" Connor hissed at the Satedan. "She doesn't need to know that."

"You almost died?"

The linguist sighed. "Um, yeah, I guess. It wasn't as close as, uh, Ronon makes it sound."

"Still close." Ronon inserted.

"So Connor cannot help with the harvest this time, but he wanted to come and visit anyways." Teyla offered, smoothing over the situation.

"Well, you're always welcome, Connor." Taisha said happily. "And you will be in time for our morning tea."

He smiled slightly at her. "I look forward to it. I, um, didn't have any this morning."

Taisha could detect that he was saying something else with that statement, but couldn't decipher it. She slid her arm underneath his, linking it with hers, she gave his arm a hug and pulled him along to the settlement, determined to make him have a good time while he was visiting with her people.

* * *

Dr. Rebecca Grey, Becky to her friends, tried not to appear nervous as Major Lorne and Colonels Carter and Sheppard stared at her. She twisted her hands in her lap and tried to wipe the small amount of sweat that was accumulating.

"Where were you this morning at 0104?" Major Lorne asked.

Colonel Sheppard was pacing behind him and would shoot a glance at her every few seconds. Colonel Carter was standing in a corner watching.

Becky frowned. "Asleep."

"Is there anyone who could verify that?" He asked.

"No." She swallowed. "I sleep alone, Major."

"What is your interest in Dr. Davids."

"Dr. Davids?" The question made her pause. "Connor?"

"Yes."

"I've asked him out a couple of times, that's it. He's always said no." Was it her imagination or did Colonel Sheppard just tense.

"Corporal Johns said you were in his lab approximately…four days ago?" He asked, scanning through his tablet.

"Yes. I was asking for clarification on some translations from the database. He'd helped me out before."

"Before…in January?"

Becky thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think so."

"What were your translations on?"

Becky tried not to tap her foot nervously. "Dr. McKay is having us research the chair since Dr. Davids was able to use it in a much different way than Colonel Sheppard. I found some mention of the chair in the database, and since my Ancient is rusty, I thought I would ask a linguist for help." She said defensively.

Major Lorne eyed her. "And where did you go after leaving his lab."

"Lunch? I don't know, it was a few days ago."

"Try to remember." Major Lorne said in a deep voice.

Becky closed her eyes as she pictured the scene. "I went to his lab, dropped off the stuff, asked him to dinner, he said no, I left and then I went to lunch with a couple people then back to work."

"Who did you go to lunch with?"

"Dr. Nevar and Dr. Kensworth."

"I see." He said, and Becky felt his eyes boring into her as if trying to find some deeper truth. "Well you're free to go, Dr. Grey. We might call you in for a few more questions. Thanks for your cooperation."

"You're welcome." She returned standing. She tried not to rush out of the room and as soon as she was clear she took a deep breath, feeling the air hit her system.

They knew something. They knew something that she didn't and that worried her. Becky hurried away from the room and headed for her quarters. Once there she poured herself a healthy amount of scotch and downed it in one gulp, refilling the empty glass, she repeated her actions.

"Damn."

* * *

"Hey, you're back early." Jennifer greeted her boyfriend as he walked into the infirmary.

"Yeah. Irish wasn't feeling too well." He offered as he moved to lean up against her desk.

Jennifer frowned. "What was wrong?"

Ronon shrugged. "Just said he wasn't feeling well."

"And you didn't think he should come here?" Jennifer asked, standing.

Ronon gently pushed her back down. "He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

"He's recently had surgery, Ronon, something could be wrong!"

"Teyla's with him. I think…he was mostly just tired."

Jennifer paused. "Oh…maybe I should look him over anyways." She said, standing back up.

"Or…maybe you could ditch work early." Ronon said with a glint in his eyes.

"I'm still sorting through the notes that Rodney brought back from Michael's lab…I can't afford to skip early." She apologized.

Ronon moved from the desk to stand next to her. "How about dinner?"

Jennifer smiled. "I can do dinner." She grabbed her coat and followed Ronon to the food hub. She was a little surprised to see Teyla and Dr. Davids there, but was more surprised to see Colonel Sheppard with them. "Do you want to join them?" She asked her boyfriend quietly.

Ronon looked up and at the trio. "No."

Jennifer accepted that and they gathered their dinner, moving to a table that was pretty isolated. Her seat gave her a view of Ronon's friends. She was facing Colonel Sheppard and Teyla, while Dr. Davids sat across from the Athosian woman. Colonel Sheppard was talking and Teyla was frowning at whatever he was saying. She watched curiously as Colonel Sheppard seemed to push something across the table to Dr. Davids, who accepted it. And did their fingers touch?

"How was your day?" Ronon's question broke her out of her musings.

She turned back to face her boyfriend, face flushing with embarrassment at being caught. "Good. Michael's research indicates that he's building an army of clones…so it matches up with Colonel Sheppard's report of the future." Jennifer took a bite of her salad and tried not to look at Colonel Sheppard.

"Oh."

She smiled. For as verbose as she was, Ronon was equally as quiet. Oh he talked a lot when he wanted to and was especially fond of all the Earth slang, but mostly it was a few words interspersed with grunts. She wished she were going with him to visit Earth in a couple weeks, just to see how he liked it. "So we've started trying to find a way to reverse engineer the mutations."

"DNA stuff?" Ronon asked between large bites.

Jennifer looked at him with surprise. "Yeah, DNA stuff."

She must have had a bit of a question in her voice, because Ronon answered her. "Irish has been teaching me."

"Dr. Davids?" She asked, her head instinctively turning towards the mysterious scientist. "He sure is resourceful."

"Never forgets." Ronon offered as he chewed and Jennifer turned back to face him. "So he remembers biology and anatomy."

It was a little strange to hear such scientific terms come out of Ronon's mouth, but Jennifer couldn't ignore the flush of pleasure it brought her that the Satedan was willing to learn her science. "Are you liking it?"

Ronon nodded. "It's interesting. Helps me learn how to hit someone more…efficiently." He said with a grin.

Jennifer sighed and rolled her eyes. "Of course. So what about you? Did you have fun on New Athos?"

Ronon grinned. "Yeah."

"Do I even want to know?" Jennifer asked, stabbing a piece of lettuce.

"Irish and I were playing with the kids. He's definitely stronger than he looks."

"…Ronon."

"We were tossing a couple back and forth." He said happily.

"Oh, I'm sure their parents loved that. And Dr. Davids shouldn't have been doing that."

"He's fine. And their parents watched."

"The Athosians must love you." She said sarcastically.

"Oh yeah. And Irish." He added. "Sent him home with lots of tea."

"Athosian tea?" Jennifer had tried the stuff and found it too strong for her tastes.

"Yeah. He loves it." He explained. "Loves the Athosian food. They always feed him."

Jennifer really couldn't imagine the shy, quiet linguist in the midst of Athosian chaos. Ronon had told her before that he went pretty often, but she just couldn't picture him cutting firewood or cooking with them. She glanced over his way and saw Colonel Sheppard and Teyla laughing, presumably at something Davids had said. "That's nice of them." Is all she said.

"Yeah."

"Ronon?"

"Hm?"

"Does Dr. Davids not like me?" Jennifer asked. She knew she sounded like a high school girl, worrying about whether someone liked them or not, but she couldn't help getting the feeling that Dr. Davids…and sometimes even Colonel Sheppard didn't want her around.

"Irish likes you." He assured her, taking another bite.

"It's just…he seems quieter when I'm around. I mean look at him…" She pointed subtly. "He's laughing right now with Colonel Sheppard and Teyla, he's relaxed. I'm not sure when I last saw him laugh."

"He laughed at the pool."

Jennifer searched his memory. "Did he?" He did, she realized. When he was with Colonel Sheppard. "Are they close friends?" Jennifer asked.

"Who?" Ronon looked over at them finally.

"Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Davids."

"Didn't you already ask me that?" He asked, turning back to her. His gaze pierced her face.

"Yeah. I just…don't get it, though."

"What's it matter?" He asked seriously, looking at her.

Jennifer frowned. "I don't know." And she didn't. She didn't know why Dr. Davids fascinated her so, why she felt the need to know more about him, why Ronon's team mates seemed enamored with him, but she just wanted to know. "I'm sorry. We can talk about something else."

Ronon stopped eating for a moment and Jennifer met his gaze. "Irish is cool." He said quietly. "He doesn't judge me; thinks I'm more than just a soldier. He's quiet, but says what he needs to. Sheppard has…McKay calls it a hero complex." Jennifer nodded. "And Irish…is young."

"I thought he was in his thirties." Jennifer said bemused.

"Not that kind of young." She glanced over at them for a second before returning her gaze to Ronon. "He's never had friends, not before coming to the city of the Ancestors. Sheppard and Teyla look out for him because he needs someone to. He's nervous around a lot of people, especially people he doesn't know." He said pointedly towards Jennifer. "If you want to get to know him, then you should talk to him."

"What would we talk about?"

Ronon shrugged and picked up his fork again. "He's smart, you're smart. I'm sure there's something."

"Maybe." She replied. Jennifer looked back down at her food. "Ronon!" The Satedan grinned as he popped the last of her cherry tomatoes into his mouth. Jennifer hadn't gotten to eat any. She rolled her eyes at his antics. "You're lucky I like you."

He grinned and Jennifer forgot about Dr. Davids, instead focusing on the man across from her.


	32. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 32 : Silence**

Author's Notes :  
\- If anyone is interested in learning more of the Cork slang that Connor uses, here is a good dictionary of some: www [dot] corkslang [dot] com.  
\- Cork is known as The Rebel County, for the reason Connor states, if you're interested in learning more history of Cork here is a good website : www [dot] rebel county [dot] com.  
\- Flahed out : tired, exhausted.  
\- No edited content for this chapter.

* * *

"Dr. Elizabeth Masen?" Connor asked astonished as he and John got ready for bed that night.

John nodded. "We interviewed all seven today, then compared notes. She was the only one who seemed too nervous."

"Too nervous?" Connor paused as he pulled off his shirt. "How is someone too nervous?"

"Body language." John answered with a shrug. He moved to wrap his arms around Connor from behind, his hands gently roaming the linguist's chest.

"Wow, I've, uh, talked to her a couple times. She seems so…nice." He mumbled, leaning back into John.

"I'm sure she is." John whispered into his ear. "When she's not working for the IOA." His hands trailed down and began undoing Connor's pants.

"But why?"

John nibbled at Connor's neck, barely pausing to answer. "We don't know yet. She didn't give us anything to go on, but we called her back in for questioning and put a camera outside her door and she'll have someone watching her from now on."

"Oh." Connor leaned his head back, it landed on John's shoulder.

John pushed down Connor's pants and the linguist stepped out of them. John let his fingers dip into Connor's waistband. "Don't worry." He said softly. "We'll get her."

"I'm-I'm not worried." Connor denied.

Behind him John's arms tightened and he knew that his boyfriend saw through his lie. Truthfully, Connor was worried and more than a little bit scared. Someone had already gotten to him twice, but more importantly to Connor- they'd gotten to John. Connor couldn't live with himself if he was the reason something happened to the older man.

"John?"

"Hm?" John slowly walked them towards the bed.

"Maybe…" Connor swallowed. "Maybe you should sleep in your quarters tonight."

The body behind his froze, but the arms stayed where they were and John made no move to pull back. "Why?" He asked and Connor could hear the strain in his voice.

"I, um, I just need…" _C'mon, Connor what would make him go to his own room?_ He asked himself. "…I just need some space."

At that the arms pulled back and John's body separated from his. "Oh, um, sure." He said easily, but Connor could hear the pain in his words. He was hurt and it was Connor who hurt him. He turned around to see John already pulling his clothes back on, in less than a minute he was fully dressed again and heading for the door.

"John, wait. Don't be mad." Connor begged him.

His partner turned to look at him with understanding written on his face, but Connor saw traces of hurt in his eyes. "I'm not mad." He said softly, moving towards Connor. "I told you if you ever needed time alone than that's fine, and it is." He reached a hand out to trace the side of Connor's face. "I'll be here waiting for when you're done being alone." He leaned forward and gave Connor a soft kiss.

Connor wanted to take back his words, plead with John to stay, but the risk of him staying was too high and even though John was hurt by Connor asking him to leave, Connor would rather have him hurt and alive than happy and dead.

"I'll see you tomorrow." John said quietly.

"Yeah, tomorrow."

"Connor?"

"Hm?"

"I love you." John offered softly and before Connor could respond he was out the door.

Connor wrapped his arms around his bare chest, feeling inexplicably cold. He walked over to his dresser and rooted through his drawers until he found one of John's sweatshirts. He pulled it on and pulled on some sweatpants, trying to warm up. He brushed his teeth and with a glance at the clock, slipped under the sheets.

* * *

John tried not to feel hurt at his boyfriend's sudden need for space. He knew that Connor might be feeling a little stifled because someone was always watching him, but really, John knew it was for his own protection. Someone was after Connor, and she had already gotten to him twice. John really tried not to worry as he made his way back to his own quarters. The only person who used them now was Connor and that was to take a shower in the morning after running with Ronon. John smiled at the thought. Connor thought that if he took a shower he would wake up John; what he didn't know was that the second the younger man was out of his arms, John could no longer sleep. He would lie awake and stare at the ceiling, counting the seconds before Connor returned and slipped back into bed with John.

As he entered his quarters, he tried not to think about how cold and empty they felt; how dust had accumulated on his shelves and how small his bed was. John laid down on his bed without bothering to remove his clothes. His hands went behind his head, and his legs were crossed at the ankle and all he could think of was how Connor was doing.

If he was scared or really lonely and he tried not to wonder if Connor wasn't lonely at all; because John surely was.

* * *

 _Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

It was so quiet that Connor could hear each tick of his watch as the hands moved. He had been staring at the ceiling for three hours, uselessly trying to get some sleep. He knew he couldn't sleep without John, but now it was too late to call his partner and beg him to come back, and only a part of him wanted to do that, the other part insisted on keeping John safe.

Connor sat up with a sigh, deciding to do something productive. He slipped his shoes on and headed out into the dimly lit hallway towards the lift. He went down to the technical supply storage room and filched two cameras, signing them out under his name. He grabbed the handful of cables that went with them and trudged his way up to his lab. Connor pulled out his tools and grabbed a chair to stand on as he began to install the camera facing the doorway of his lab. He carefully routed the cables up and through the ceiling, moving them into his lab. He connected them to the laptop that John had left there. He knew his partner never used it for anything other than watching movies and he knew that John would agree that this was more important than watching movies. He finished setting up the surveillance, digitally recording and storing the live feed.

It was almost three am when he finished, Connor grabbed his tools and the second camera and cables and headed back to his room. Once inside he stood on his table, placing the camera in the corner or his room that could catch the whole room plus anyone entering. He set up the live feed and hooked it up to his laptop. He knew he would have to get a loaner laptop in the morning, but for now, this would work.

He was just setting up the storing when his door chimed. He thought the door open and Ronon stepped in, the door closing behind him.

"I, um, need a few minutes." Connor said without turning around. He typed faster as he set up his computer.

"Where's Sheppard?"

"His room." Connor answered quietly.

"You fight?"

"No." Connor silently begged Ronon to let it drop.

"You kick him out?" _No such luck_ , he sighed.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Ronon, I really, um, need to finish this, please." He tried to focus on the camera and a few seconds later the feed registered and Connor checked to make sure it was being stored.

"Why?" The Satedan repeated a few seconds later.

"I just needed some space." Connor offered him the same words he offered John.

Ronon snorted. "And Sheppard bought that."

"Yes."

"Than he's dumber than I thought he was."

Connor turned around with a glare. "John is not dumb."

"And you're being stupid." He continued. "He left you unprotected."

"I am my own protection." Connor mumbled, turning back to his screen. Once satisfied with it he turned to face the other man. "Keller hasn't cleared me to run."

"I know." He said, taking a seat on Connor's bed.

"Okay."

"Why?" Ronon asked.

"Why what?"

"Why did you kick him out?"

"Ronon." Connor said frustrated. "I really don't want to talk about it."

The Satedan shrugged and. "Why?"

"I told you. I need space."

"Don't believe you."

"Well than try having your own live in Air Force Colonel!" Ronon gave him a hard look. "What?"

"Irish." He said. "Why?"

Connor looked at his feet avoiding Ronon's gaze. "I just…" He looked up at Ronon and tried to stop the tears from coming to his eyes. "I just don't want him to get hurt because of me." He said softly.

"Sheppard's a warrior." Ronon said standing and walking towards him. "He can handle it."

"But I can't." Ronon looked confused. "If he was hurt because of me…I couldn't handle it. So I sent him away."

Ronon looked at him and the look in his eyes was indecipherable to Connor. But before he could even blink Ronon picked him up and had him in a huge bear hug and Connor swore his feet were dangling off the ground. "We'll get them." The Satedan said gruffly in his ear. "Then they answer to me."

Connor blushed as Ronon's arms burned around him, after a minute or so Ronon gently set him on the ground. "Thanks." He mumbled.

"Go to Sheppard."

"It's like four in the morning."

"He's awake."

"John wakes up at six." Connor argued.

"He's awake." Ronon repeated.

"How do you know?"

"Because you didn't sleep."

"I, um, never sleep well without John." Connor said, looking away.

"He's awake." Ronon said again.

"Ronon."

"Irish."

"Ronon."

"Irish."

Connor sighed. "Fine. But if he's not asleep, I'm kicking your arse."

Ronon grinned and his teeth glinted in the light. "Deal."

The Satedan left him then and Connor slipped some shoes on, not bothering to change and slowly made his way down to John's room. When he was finally there, he glanced around nervously and took a deep breath before ringing the chime. A few seconds later the door opened with John on the other side.

He looked horrible to Connor, like he hadn't slept at all. _Ronon was right_. John didn't say anything, but his eyes lit up and he let Connor in, the door closing behind him.

"Connor?" John asked softly, reaching up to move a piece of the linguist's hair. "Is everything alright?"

"Ronon said I was being stupid." Connor answered, looking up at John's face. It was alight with concern and worry.

John frowned. "You went running with Ronon?"

"No, we just talked." He said with a shake of his head.

"And he said you were being stupid?"

"And he also said you were dumb."

John looked confused. "So he decided to insult us because…"

Connor looked away and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling cold again. "Um, because I asked you to leave…and you did."

"You…you didn't want me to leave?"

Connor bit his lip. "I…I did."

The hurt look was back on John's face. "Oh."

"John?"

"Yeah, Con?"

Connor looked up into his partner's eyes. "I'm scared." He whispered.

"Oh, Connor." John said gently and moved forward to gather him into his arms. To Connor it was like coming home. He was finally warm again and all his problems seemed a little less problematic. John's arms held him tight and Connor breathed in his scent, letting it fill his lungs.

"I'm sorry." Connor whispered. "I just…I just wanted to keep you safe." John's hand was petting the back of his hair.

"Me safe? Connor they're after your stuff." John said quietly.

"I know. But they've already gotten to you." He mumbled into John's shirt. His chest was warm under Connor's face and he felt his lack of sleep catch up to him.

John pulled back. "Is that why you asked me to leave? You're trying to protect me?" Connor nodded and looked away. "Connor…that's…" He trailed off and lifted a hand to cup Connor's face. "No one's ever tried to protect me before." He said softly, swallowing.

"I'm sorry." Connor said miserably, jerking his head out of John's hand. "I know you don't need it and you're so strong and just so…I know you can take care of yourself. But I didn't want you to get hurt for me."

"Wait, Connor, listen to me. I'm not mad. I'm…flattered that you would want to protect me, but I'm the one who's supposed to be protecting you. God, Connor, if anything happened to you…I don't know what I would do."

"But John-"

John put a finger to his lips. "No 'buts'. I love you, and I will do whatever it takes to make you safe, but I need you to not push me away." He said softly.

"I…"

"Promise me." John said. "Promise me that you won't push me away, that you'll let me help you."

"What if-"

"No." John said firmly. "Promise me, Connor."

Connor searched John's eyes and he found worry, fear, concern, sadness, confusion and anger, but overall he found love. He found so much love. "I promise." He said quietly. "I promise, John."

His partner let out a huge gush of air and pulled Connor to him, sealing their promise with a kiss. "Let's get some sleep." John said, pulling back.

Connor stopped John with a tug on his arm. "Let's go back to our room." He whispered.

John offered him a huge smile. "Okay. Our room it is."

They paused to make sure that no one was in the corridors before making their way back to Connor's room. John's hand held Connor's tight and didn't let go the whole way back. Connor was asleep the second he and John landed on the bed, his head on John's chest and a warm hand in his hair.

* * *

"Hey, Teyla." John greeted his team mate tiredly when he came up behind her in the mess hall live.

"John." She said with a smile. "Good morning."

John thought it probably would have been a better morning if he could have stayed in bed with his partner catching up on the sleep that they both missed last night. He poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed a pastry before following Teyla to an empty table.

"How was your night?" She asked brightly, although John had a feeling she already knew. His team mates had a tendency to gossip before the sun was finished rising.

"The end wasn't too bad." He said, taking a long drag of his coffee.

"So you and Connor have worked things out then?"

John silently cursed Ronon and his ability to gossip like a high school girl. "Yeah, everything's fine." He finished off his coffee and looked sadly into the bottom. He thought he probably should have gotten two.

As if someone were reading his mind another cup appeared in front of him and John looked up to thank the bringer of the coffee. He frowned as Connor flashed him a small smile and sat down, a mug of coffee in his hands. "Hey, Teyla." The linguist greeted. He blew on the surface of the coffee before taking a sip.

"I don't get a hello anymore?" John asked.

"Hello, Colonel Sheppard." Connor said pointedly.

"I thought you would still be asleep." John murmured to his partner. He glanced across the table to Teyla who was suddenly interested in her fruit cup.

"I couldn't sleep anymore." Connor said lightly with a shrug.

John raised an eyebrow. "Anymore? You got two hours of sleep, not even enough for a REM cycle." He finished downing his second cup of coffee and Connor pushed his over to John and shrugged again. "Are you going to eat breakfast?"

"Not hungry." The scientist said quietly. John watched as Connor folded his arms on the table and rested his head on them, looking at John.

"Let me get you something." John said without room for argument. He stood and went back over to the food line, collecting some eggs and a muffin for Connor along with another cup of coffee. Connor hadn't had tea since someone had drugged him. John knew he should probably talk to the younger man about that, but was waiting until after they caught the responsible party. "Here." He said, placing the tray in front of Connor. "Please eat."

Connor obligingly sat up and reached for the muffin, pulling the paper off of the sides. He pulled little pieces off the muffin, placing them in his mouth and chewing. Satisfied, John turned back to Teyla.

"What are your plans for today?"

"I have a meeting with Colonel Carter to discuss some of our allies. You are more than welcome to join, if you would like." She offered.

John would rather eat his own shoe than attend another meeting on allies. "Um, I think I'll pass on this one." He pulled his own muffin towards him and bit into the top.

Her eyes twinkled. "Are you sure? Colonel Carter would not mind…"

"Definitely sure." John assured her. He watched as Connor finished his muffin and a couple bites of his eggs before resting his head in his arms again.

John talked to Teyla for almost ten more minutes as she finished her breakfast. She then excused herself to get to her meeting and with a pat to Connor's sleeping head she left.

John poked his boyfriend. "Connor, wake up."

Connor sat up sleepily. "Is it morning yet?"

John hid a smile. "Yep and it's time to go to work, c'mon, I'll walk you." John offered.

Connor gave him a huge smile and John grabbed the linguist's tray, piling his empty coffee cups onto it he pulled Connor along behind him as he deposited the tray in the dishes pile and then dragged him along to his lab.

John looked around the lab, something felt out of place to him but he couldn't figure out what. "I'll come get you for dinner." He said quietly.

"Okay."

John leaned down and gave Connor a soft kiss and was rewarded with a shy smile. " _Tá grá agam duit_." John said softly.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." Connor repeated.

John gave him one last kiss and then the lab one last look before leaving Connor behind.

* * *

She was waiting for the perfect moment. After four months, she was finally able to get Dr. Davids' door open. Now she was waiting for the linguist to come in, she had already searched his lab and found nothing and was hoping that he would lead her to what she needed. She had a perfect vantage point of his desk.

Five minutes after eight he and Colonel Sheppard stepped into his lab, she couldn't see them very well until they moved closer to Davids' desk and she wondered what was taking so long. Finally, the doors opened and closed and Dr. Davids sat down at his desk. She watched as he pulled up the database and started to work.

Four hours later, she had decided that Dr. Davids had the most boring job on Atlantis. The guy had been translating for hours and that's all he did. He hadn't stopped, hadn't taken a break, and while he had made it through several pages of Ancient text, she wondered how he didn't go crazy.

When he finally stood he glanced around the lab for a moment and made his way over to his bookshelf. He pulled out a couple books and sat back down. She resisted the urge to sigh.

"Davids to Carter." She heard and her ears perked up. "I think I have something for you…sure I can bring it to you…now?…half an hour…sure…okay…Davids out."

She bit her lip nervously. Davids had something; he knew something. She needed to know what he knew before he went to Colonel Carter.

Dr. Rebecca Grey fingered the gun in her pocket, stolen from the armory as she stood up and silently made her way across the lab.

"Oh, shit." She heard Davids say about something on his computer. "Davids to Sheppard." He must not have gotten a reply because he moved on. "Davids to Lorne…Evan…I need you right away…yes…thank…" He drifted off as he turned slightly and found a gun in his face.

"I'll need those papers, Dr. Davids." She said, gesturing to his work.

"Dr. Grey…you-you…really don't want to-to do this." He stuttered. But stood up.

Becky motioned with the gun. "The papers." He turned around to gather them up.

"Why?" He asked.

"You can't say no to the IOA, Dr. Davids."

"Doc?" Becky turned as Major Lorne raced through the doors, panting hard. He pulled his gun out and was pointing it her. "Drop the gun." He said.

Becky took a step towards Dr. Davids and put the gun to the base of his neck. "Can you shoot me before I shoot him?" She asked and moved so that Connor was in front of her, she had an arm wrapped around his waist.

"How do you see this ending?" Lorne asked. "We know who you are now, Dr. Grey."

"Please." Dr. Davids asked her quietly. "Becky, we can help you."

"No one can help me." She denied. Before anyone could say anything more Becky aimed the gun at Major Lorne and pulled the trigger.

* * *

 _Bang!_

"Evan!" Connor yelled as he pulled free of Dr. Grey's grip. He ran over and collapsed down next to his best friend. Blood was seeping out of Evan's chest and Connor struggled to put pressure on the wound.

"The papers, Dr. Davids." Dr. Grey repeated, the gun in his face.

Connor eyed Evan's gun a few feet from him and looked up into Dr. Grey's face. She was nervous, but her eyes had a hard glint to them. In that second Connor imagined what John would do and he imagined what John would do if anything happened to him. He kicked his foot out and she stumbled. Connor grabbed for the gun and aimed it at her, his first instructor's voice flashed through his head.

" _Always aim for the kill shot, Davids. If you're in a position where you have to shoot someone, you need them to stay down."_

Connor blinked and pulled the trigger.

 _Bang!_

 _Bang!_

His brain was momentarily confused when it heard two shots and he moved too slow as a bullet caught him in the arm. He grabbed at the wound and looked up to find Dr. Grey with a bullet in the middle of her forehead. _I killed someone_. Was his first thought. _I'm shot_. Was his second. _Evan!_ Was his third. And his final thought before moving into action was, _John is going to kill me!_

Connor hit his radio and was calling in an emergency without anymore thoughts, he moved back to Evan and kept pressure on the wound while trying not to pass out. Blood was running down his arm at a frightening rate. John had been shot in the arm, he knew, and he thought if John could handle it, so could he.

"Dr. Davids? We have it. We need you to move." Someone was telling him. Connor looked up into the worried faces of Keller's team. "Dr. Davids? Can you hear me?" Connor thought he nodded but probably wasn't convincing as someone grabbed him and pulled him up. He found himself sitting on a gurney as the medical team swarmed around his best friend.

"Is…is Evan going to be okay?" He asked as someone pushed him back into a lying position.

"We're doing everything we can." Someone assured him. He watched as Evan was lifted up on to a gurney and rushed out of the room.

"I-I-I killed her." Connor said.

"He's going into shock, people, let's move it!"

The ceiling above him moved as his gurney was pushed down the hall. He passed John on the way and tried to reach out for him but found he couldn't move his arm. "John." He mumbled.

"Dr. Davids? Can you hear me? We need you to stay with us." Someone pleaded above him.

"I'm-I'm sorry." Connor said and closed his eyes.

* * *

"Colonel Sheppard!"

John turned to look at who called his name. His radio had broken earlier that day, just fizzed out in his ear and he was on his way to get a new one. "Yes…" John looked at the Marine's insignia, "Corporal?"

"Colonel Sheppard, there have been shots fired in Dr. Davids lab. Colonel Carter had me find you since you aren't answering your radio."

"It's broken." John said as his mind caught up. "Shots?"

"Yes, sir!"

John didn't wait for clarification, he was already running for the nearest transporter. He hit the level for Connor's lab and as the doors opened he quickly moved out of the way as his second in command was ushered in on a gurney. John looked on in horror as he followed the blood drops down the hall. Suddenly a second gurney was pushed past him. It took John's brain a moment to recognize his partner lying on it.

"Dr. Davids? Can you hear me? We need you to stay with us." A nurse asked.

"I'm-I'm sorry." John heard the younger man mumble.

"He's unconscious, let's move it!" She yelled and John felt his heart stop. He wanted to go with Connor but his duties as military commander required him to stay here. He watched as his partner disappeared into the transporter. A few seconds later Teyla, Ronon, Carter and McKay stepped out.

"Oh, gross." McKay said loudly, sidestepping the trail of blood. "Sheppard? What happened?"

John could see his lips moving, and hear sounds, but he couldn't make out any words.

"John?" Teyla's face was in front of his, her words kind and caring. She reached out to his arm.

Suddenly a third gurney passed by John, but this one had the sheet up over whoever was underneath it. John stopped them as he reached out and pulled the sheet down.

Cold blue eyes stared back at him and a dark black dot was in the middle of her forehead. John immediately knew that Connor had been the one to kill her, Lorne would have aimed for the center mass. John tried not to sway as he struggled to pull himself together. He replaced the sheet and looked up at his team.

"Dr. Rebecca Grey." He said lifelessly. "I guess we have our answer." He turned away from the gurney and walked down the hall to Connor's lab trying not to wonder how much of the blood on the ground was Connor's. John suddenly remembered and turned to face Teyla. "What are you doing here?" He asked. "Lorne's been shot." By the look on her face she hadn't known that but still seemed hesitant to leave them. "Go." John said firmly. "Ronon." He said looking up.

"I'll take her." The Satedan answered. He gently grabbed Teyla's arm and led her to the transporter.

John continued the rest of the way with McKay and Carter. He took in the scene before him. There were three pools of blood, one much larger than the rest and John figured that was where Lorne had been laying. There was blood splatter everywhere and John absentmindedly thought that Connor would be upset if any of his books were ruined.

Carter went to Connor's computer. "John." She said. "Look at this." She clicked a button and a video feed started on the laptop. John watched as Dr. Grey entered and hid in Connor's lab. "He's got it all on tape. I'll look over this."

"I should watch too."

Carter, in a moment of unexpected compassion, laid a hand on John's arm. "It's okay. I can handle this without you. McKay will take you to the infirmary."

"We need…we need to clean this up."

"I'll get some Marines to do it, John. Go." She pushed him towards the door.

"John?" Rodney asked softly as they left the lab. "It'll be okay."

But John didn't think it would be okay again.

* * *

Connor woke up nine hours, twenty-seven minutes and three seconds after he passed out. His first thought was that the infirmary was bright, and the lights immediately dimmed. His next thought was that he was thirsty but his arm hurt too much to move.

He looked to his right and found John sitting there staring at him. Connor stared back. John blinked a few times and his whole body suddenly relaxed and a small smile came to his face.

"Lorne's going to be okay." He said.

And everything hit Connor at once. Tears began to well up in his eyes and he looked up at John through his eyelashes. "I killed her." He said quietly.

"You didn't have a choice." John said.

"I killed her." Connor repeated.

"We watched the video footage you had. She shot at you and if you hadn't moved…" John inhaled sharply and looked away. "Two inches." John said and Connor could tell he was crying. John turned to face him with tears streaming down his face. "Two inches, Connor and you would have died."

Connor lifted his right arm, the un-injured one, to gently cup John's face, using his thumb to wipe away the tears. "Shh." He said and moved his hand to pull John's head down onto Connor's chest. "Shh, John, it's okay. I'm right here." He pushed aside the blanket and pulled down his scrub top so John's head could rest on his chest, hearing his heart beat.

John shuddered and his hand grabbed Connor's entwining their fingers, squeezing hard but Connor refused to wince. After a few minutes John sat back up and wiped his face with his free hand. He took a deep breath and let it out and looked at Connor. "Sorry." He said softly.

"Don't be." Connor said gently. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I, um, I tried to call you…when I was in the lab."

John winced. "I know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. My radio was broken and I was getting another one when someone told me shots had been fired in your lab. God, Connor, I swear my heart stopped. And when I got there and saw Lorne…and then you…I-I freaked out." He took a deep breath. "I love you." He said tenderly, voice full of emotion.

"I love you." Connor said back. "I'm okay. Lorne's okay." Dr. Grey wasn't okay and never would be again, but Connor couldn't think of that right now. "When can I get out of here?"

"Keller said she would look you over once you woke up and if you checked out okay she would release you." John offered. "Do you want me to go get her?"

"Yeah."

He started to stand but Connor pulled on their joint hands. "John?"

His boyfriend looked at him worriedly. "Yeah?"

"Um," Connor blushed. "Before you go, could you maybe give me some water?"

"Oh! Yes, sorry, I should have asked." John reached over to grab the water cup and Connor sucked on the straw, feeling cold liquid fill his mouth.

When he finished he pulled back and John set the glass down. "Okay?" Connor nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back." John's eyes met his again and his boyfriend seemed to be memorizing his face before he detached their hands and left Connor's bedside.

He came back a few seconds later with Keller trailing behind him. "Dr. Davids." She smiled. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

Connor wondered what kind of answer she was looking for. His arm had been shot with a hot bullet, and it hurt. He hoped that all her years of medical school would have told her that already. "Fine." Is what he settled for though.

John gave him a small smile and Connor offered one back as Keller poked and prodded his wound, shined a light into his eye and did whatever else she did. Connor's focus was on his partner, who at that moment, looked like he needed a lot of sleep.

"…s fine. You're all set to go." Keller pronounced and Connor snapped out of his daze. "Try to keep the wound dry for forty-eight hours. I'm sending you home with some pain meds, the good stuff." She said with a wink and pressed a bottle into his hands. Connor looked at them and noticed the dried blood that was still on them from when he'd applied pressure to Evan's wounds. He tried not to puke.

John helped him sit up as Keller began to disconnect the wires and IVs attached to him. His right hand went up to his neck and Connor began to panic when he realized that his dog tags weren't there anymore.

"I've got them." John murmured into his ear.

Connor breathed a sigh of relief and John helped him put his shoes on. He left the infirmary in scrubs and wondered why it didn't occur to him to ask about anybody else until now. "Where's everyone?"

"I sent them to bed." John said as he held the transporter doors open for Connor. "It's two in the morning."

"Oh." Seconds later they stepped out at his level and John's arm was around his waist guiding him into his room. "Shower." Connor said.

"You have to keep your arm dry."

John sat him down on the bed and began to pull of his shoes. Connor dug around with one hand in John's shirt pockets until he came up with his dog tags. He slipped them back on over his head, feeling better as soon as he did.

"Shower." Connor pleaded again.

John looked up at him. "Okay." He said. He left Connor on the bed and scrounged around Connor's room coming back with a plastic bag and some tape. He taped the bag over Connor's bandage, securing it from the water. John helped him take off the rest of his scrubs and Connor couldn't stop the blush that came over his face from standing naked in his living room. Next to him, John was stripping out of his own clothes and glanced up at Connor's face. Connor didn't know what John saw but the other man's expression turned peaceful and a smile broke out across it.

John straighten up and rested a hand on Connor's cheek. "I was afraid you'd lose your blush." John said quietly. "I'm glad you didn't."

He reached his hand out and guided Connor into the shower where John proceeded to gently wash him and Connor let him. He knew John needed this as much as he did, maybe even more. Connor closed his eyes and relaxed to his boyfriend's touch.

His mind flitted across the events of the past twenty-four hours and when he finished sorting through it all, Connor realized that John was right. If there was ever a killing that was in self-defense, Connor qualified for it. No, Connor thought the worst things that had happened in the past twenty-four hours was Evan getting shot in his defense and Connor sending John away to his own quarters last night. He never wanted to sleep alone again.

"John?"

The other man looked up at him from where he was rinsing the soap off of Connor's legs. "Hm?"

"I never want us to spend the night apart again." Connor told him. "Uh, except when the Daedalus comes."

"Okay." John accepted.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm okay." Connor said. "I mean, I killed someone, but I think…maybe God will forgive me this time."

John gave a laugh that might have been a sob. "Oh, Connor." He said, pulling Connor into his arms, water dripping between them. "I know He would."

"I'm really okay." Connor said into John's ear. "I promise."

John pulled back and stared into his eyes searching for the truth. "Okay."

They finished showering and they brushed their teeth before John helped Connor dry off before helping him into some clean boxers. John, he noticed, was naked when he slipped in next to Connor, and as he laid in bed, Connor wanted to feel as much as John as possible. He kicked off his boxers and threw them across the room, he turned and did his best to crawl inside of John, just to hide there for a while. John's body covered his and Connor listened to the music of John's heart and lungs and a focused on feeling only the slow moving hand on his back.

"The first person I killed was an Afghani soldier." John said quietly. "Just like you, it was self defense. He had just finished killing three of the men with me and suddenly I had the shot and I took it." He paused. "But he took his too. That's where the scar on my side is from." Connor traced it with his fingers. "It grazed me and I wondered how something so small could change my life so much. Sometimes, in my nightmares, I still see his face. At first my mind wouldn't let it go. I wondered if he had a family, why he was in the army, if he ever regretted killing anyone, how many people he had killed, who he could have been…but eventually I realized that none of that mattered. He was dead and I wasn't and I would have to live with that knowledge. I'm not proud of anyone I've killed, Connor." John said softly, playing with the scientist's hair. "But I would do it all over again if it meant getting to where I am now, and if it means keeping others alive. We went through her room." John said and Connor froze just a little bit. "She was…she was in a bad way, Con. She left a journal…she had no family, no loved ones, few friends…I'm not sure I should tell you this, but she wanted to die, Connor. She didn't want to work for the IOA, she just wanted to be left alone with her research. She was probably a little bit crazy. We found enough alcohol in her room to light half the city on fire with."

"What will happen to her body?" Connor asked softly.

"Officially, she's a traitor." John said gently. "But Carter said something about burying her on the mainland. She seemed to really like Atlantis."

"I don't understand how no one caught this." Connor said quietly.

"Me neither. We'll work harder to help people from now on. Carter is thinking of doing mandatory psych appraisals every four months."

Connor swallowed. "I want…I want to go to her funeral."

"Okay."

"She was so nice, John."

"She was troubled, Connor." His partner said gently. "I'm sorry it was you."

Connor's breath hitched and the tears that had been threatening to spill all night, finally did. And he cried with John holding him close and their skin touching intimately. Connor cried for killing her, for the loss of a life, for someone so depressed that no one found. He cried for himself and for John, what they had both lost in their lives. He cried and John didn't say it would be okay and Connor cried because he somehow knew it would be.

* * *

It was three am and Eric was pacing in Rodney's lab as the older man worked on another equation. Eric had found him down here after Colonel Sheppard politely but firmly told him to get some sleep. Eric had tried but he couldn't. Not with his best friend unconscious after being shot, after killing someone.

"Rodney." Eric said in a strained voice.

"What?" The older man turned around to look at him and a soft expression appeared on his face. "Come here." He said, holding his arms open. Eric didn't hesitate to move into them. Warms arms closed around his body and Eric inhaled Rodney's scent, taking comfort in it. "How's Davids?" Rodney asked into his ear without pulling away.

Eric shrugged. "Still unconscious when I left."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I should have been there." Eric said pulling back. He left the comfort of Rodney's arms and resumed his pacing. "Connor's a fucking scientist! We knew someone was after him, we should never have left him alone. What was he doing, working, anyways! He just had brain surgery! What was Colonel Sheppard thinking?"

"He was thinking that Davids can take care of himself, which he did." Rodney pointed out. "And Keller cleared him to work, as far as I know. You can't watch over him every second of the day."

"Yes I can! Me, Colonel Sheppard, Major Lorne, Ben, Jim, Ronon, hell even Teyla! One of us could have been there. One of us _should_ have been there. Instead we let Connor do our job for us." Eric stopped pacing at looked at Rodney. "He killed someone, Rodney. That changes you, there's no going back. And Connor's so…" His voice broke and he looked away as his eyes misted up. "Connor's so innocent." He finished quietly. Eric sunk down on to the floor, his knees hitting the ground hard.

"Hey." Rodney said, crouching down in front of him. "He's going to be alright. He seems like a pretty strong guy."

Eric laughed at that. "You think he's a wimp, Rodney."

"Okay, fine, Sheppard thinks he's a pretty strong guy."

"Even strong guys break." Eric said helplessly.

Rodney grabbed Eric by the shoulders. "Than we have to make sure he doesn't."

Eric looked up in to Rodney's eyes and saw that his boyfriend was serious. "You really mean that?"

"Yes. Now can we stand up? Some of us aren't sixteen anymore."

Eric rolled his eyes and stood up with Rodney. "I'm not sixteen anymore."

"Could have fooled me." Rodney grumbled. "Let's go to bed, okay?"

"Rodney I-"

"To sleep." The older man interrupted. "I doubt I could get it up tonight either."

Eric sighed at his boyfriend's crudeness but followed him out of the lab and to bed.

* * *

When Ronon rung the next morning, John answered instead. He pressed a kiss to a sleeping Connor's forehead and followed Ronon out of their quarters and down to the gym.

Ronon didn't say anything as they turned to face each other, instead he let John throw punch after punch at him, ducking some, blocking others and some he let through. Ronon seemed to understand John's silent pain and didn't protest as John would kick and twist and tackle, getting up each time and going after Ronon again. The Satedan never stopped him, if anything, Ronon was silently encouraging him, letting him work his frustrations out.

Finally John stopped. His knuckles were raw, his whole body sore and all his energy seemed to leave him at once. He sagged to the floor and would have fallen had Ronon not caught him first. "I've got you, Sheppard." The larger man said, crushing John's body to his own.

It was weird to hug Ronon, John thought. The only man he ever really hugged was Connor, and Connor was so much smaller than Ronon, in height and weight. But Ronon didn't seem bothered by hugging another man, he held John tight against him and John tried not to cry again. Finally Ronon let him go and John could stand on his own feet.

"Connor says he's okay." John said breaking the quiet. The two men settled down onto the gym floor mat, sitting side by side.

"Than he is."

"He killed someone, Ronon. He's not okay."

Ronon turned to face him. "If Irish says he's okay, than he's okay."

"Just like that?" John questioned.

"Yeah."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"You will."

There was a moment of silence before John started talking again. "I'm not sure I'm okay."

"You will be."

"It's my job to protect him. I let him down."

"Did he say that?"

"No."

"Than you didn't."

John gave a small laugh. "He was trying to protect me. The other night."

"I know."

"I'm not used to people trying to protect me."

"I know."

"Especially people I'm supposed to protect."

"Irish is pretty strong, John. He doesn't need to be protected all the time."

"I wish I could have protected him from this."

A pause and then, "Me too."

And John didn't know if that meant that Ronon wished that John had protected him or if Ronon wished he had protected Connor. John supposed it didn't really matter. "Two inches." John whispered.

"I know."

"Two fucking inches and he would have died."

"He didn't."

"He loves me." John said suddenly. "I don't know why."

"I do." Ronon offered quietly. But that's all he said.

"I'm going to ask him to marry me."

"Okay."

"Sometimes I want to quit, I want to grab Connor and run as far as we can go and never look back."

"Then do it."

"Connor would hate it." John said fondly. "He loves his job."

"And you love yours."

"And I love mine." John agreed. "But I love him more."

"I'm sure he loves you more than his job too, Sheppard."

"Especially on days like yesterday."

"Yeah."

"How's Teyla doing?"

"Better."

"How are you doing?"

"Angry."

"Yeah," John sighed. "Me too."

"Did Carter give you the day off?"

"Yeah. Gave me two, actually."

"You gonna take 'em?"

John nodded. "Yeah. Connor needs extra help right now."

"If you need me…"

"I'll call." John finished.

"Okay."

"I didn't expect it to go down like this."

"No one did."

"She was crazy, Ronon, and depressed…suicidal."

"You tell Irish?"

"Yeah."

"How'd he take it?"

"He wants to go to her funeral."

"She gonna have one?"

"I guess she is now." John looked at his watch. "I should get back."

Ronon didn't answer, just stood back up and reached a hand down for John, pulling him up. "Sheppard." He said, stopping John at the door.

John turned to face him. "Yeah?"

"This wasn't your fault, you couldn't have stopped it. He's alive, you're alive, at the end of the day…that's what matters."

John nodded. "Yeah."

When he got back to his shares quarters John undressed and slipped under the blankets and Connor's body immediately sought his out, curling around it. John ran a hand through his hair.

Connor stirred and John looked down at him, watching his eyes open. "Hey."

"Hey." Connor kissed his chest and John felt his lower body twitch and steadfastly ignored it.

"How's the arm?"

"Not bad."

John sighed. "Connor."

"It's really not." His boyfriend argued.

"Okay." John could accept that; except he's been shot and knows it's usually worse the next day. "Carter gave me a couple days off."

Connor looked up at him, his blue eyes wide. "Really?"

"Yup, I'm all yours." John promised.

Connor smiled. "I'm glad you are."

John ran his fingers through Connor's reddish-brown locks and the linguist snuggled even closer into him. "How's the head?" John asked and hoped some day soon he wouldn't have to take roll call on his boyfriend's injuries.

"It's fine." Connor mumbled into John's chest.

John tried not to sigh. "So what's there to do in Ireland?"

Connor ran a finger through John's chest hair. "There's a place on the west I think you'd like…the Cliffs of Moher. I've been there a couple times with my parents, it's out near Galway."

"Is that close to where you lived?"

Connor was silent for a second. "You would call it close, in Ireland we wouldn't."

"Huh?"

"If you compare Ireland to the States than we're small, Ireland is about the size of…Indiana. It takes three hours to cross it lengthwise and height wise. But in Ireland, we would say that Galway, which is west, and Cork, which is south, aren't close, even though you could drive to one and back in a day."

"Indiana?" Wow. John had definitely thought it was bigger than that.

"Yeah."

"So you're from Cork?"

"Well, me mum's from Wexford, da's from Killarney. The met at uni in Cork and we lived there for most of the time. I think you would like Cork."

"We should visit." John suggested.

"If you want."

"I want to see where you lived." John said pressing a kiss to the top of Connor's head.

"Cork is at the bottom. It's probably best known for the Blarney Stone. But, uh, we like to figure ourselves as the Rebels and we believe that Cork is the real capital of Ireland."

John raised an eyebrow. "Rebels, eh? And as opposed to…Dublin?"

"Yeah, as opposed to Dublin. Our rebellion dates back to when we supported the English pretender Perkin Warbeck in 1491."

John whistled lightly. "That's been a while."

"Yeah."

"Tell me some more weird Irish phrases."

Connor laughed. "They're only weird to you."

"I don't know, if someone said they were 'flahed out' I think most people would think it's weird."

"Okay. Hm. Well if someone is… a trickster we would call him a knacker."

"A knacker? What like… he's such a knacker?"

"Yeah; don't trust him, he's a knacker, type of thing."

"Hm."

"And a pretty girl would be a lash."

"Like… give me ten lashes?"

"More like… she's a lash or even she's a lasher."

"Any weird phrases for sex?" John asked coyly. He could practically feel Connor blush.

"On the box." He mumbled.

"On the box?"

"Yeah… I was on the box last night."

"I like that." John mused. "How come you don't use more Irish phrases?"

Connor shrugged from his position on him. "No one would understand them."

"That's probably true." John decided.

"And they would probably laugh."

"Laugh?"

"Evan still laughs every time I say 'wee'."

John smiled. "It's a funny word."

Connor poked his chest. "It's not that funny."

"Well as a kid I used to say wee-wee, so it is pretty funny."

"You're such a guy." The linguist sighed.

"Thanks." John said brightly.

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Oh." Silence reigned for a few minutes. "How's the arm now?"

"Still okay."

"…"

"Okay…it's starting to hurt a bit."

John moved to try and reach Connor's pills on the bedside. "Hey, what happened to my picture?" He asked, noting its absence.

"I moved it before Keller got here a few days ago and haven't put it back yet, just in case."

His explanation made John inordinately sad and he had the sudden urge to find the picture and put it back in its place. "Where is it?"

"I put it in the dresser, second drawer."

John gently moved Connor off of him and padded across the room in his boxers to retrieve the photo. Once in hand, he moved back to the bed, setting it in its place. Then he went to pour Connor a glass of water and brought it back. He handed it to his partner and shook a pill out of the bottle, handing him that as well. Connor obediently swallowed the pill and the water, handing the empty glass back John who set it on the bedside.

John slipped back into the bed and pulled Connor back into his arms. "Thanks."

"Hm?"

"For taking the meds. I know you don't like them."

"Makes me fuzzy." Connor mumbled.

"I know." John said compassionately. "Are you going back to sleep?"

"Are you staying?"

"As long as you want me to." John promised.

"So forever?" The younger man asked, and his voice sounded small and uncertain and John wanted nothing more than for Connor to never have to ask again.

"Forever, Connor." John said firmly. "Forever."

"Then I guess I can go…back…..to…."

John looked down and smiled at his sleeping boyfriend. "Forever." He repeated again, quietly.

* * *

" _Connor?" Connor watched as John came racing through the doors, panting lightly. John had pulled his gun out and was aiming at Dr. Grey faster than Connor's eyes could catch._

 _Dr. Grey took a step towards Connor and he could feel the cold metal of the gun at the base of his neck. "Can you shoot me before I shoot him?" She asked and moved so that Connor was in front of her, she had an arm wrapped around his waist and it felt so wrong to have anyone's arm there but John's._

" _How do you see this ending?" John asked. "We know who you are now, Dr. Grey."_

" _Please." Connor begged. "Becky, we can help you."_

" _No one can help me." She denied. Before anyone could say anything more Dr. Grey aimed the gun at John and pulled the trigger._

Bang!

" _John!" Connor yelled as he pulled free of Dr. Grey's grip. He ran over and collapsed down next to his partner. Blood was seeping out of Evan's chest and Connor struggled to put pressure on the wound._

" _The papers, Dr. Davids." Dr. Grey repeated, the gun in his face._

 _Connor eyed John's gun a few feet away from him and looked up into Dr. Grey's face. He kicked his foot out and she stumbled. Connor grabbed for the gun and aimed it at her. Connor inhaled and pulled the trigger._

Bang!

 _She was down and Connor turned back to John. The hole in his chest was leaking blood and John's eyes were open and looking at Connor._

" _I…l-love you." John gasped._

" _No, John, don't do this. You promised to stay with me forever." Connor sobbed as blood covered his hands. "You promised."_

" _Sorry." John said. He reached a hand up to Connor's face, cupping his cheek. "Don't…cry."_

" _You're gonna be okay." He sobbed. "Keller will be here and you'll be fine."_

" _Promise me." John rasped. "Promise you'll…keep…going."_

" _John." He sobbed._

" _Promise me, Connor."_

" _I pro-promise, John. I promise. I-I love you."_

 _John's hand fell back to the floor and his body stilled, eyes losing focus as they rolled up to the ceiling._

" _John!" Connor screamed. "John!"_

" _Dr. Davids? We need you to move away form Colonel Sheppard." Connor clutched John's hand to his. "Dr. Davids?"_

" _You promised." Connor sobbed. "You promised."_

"Connor?" He heard in a worried voice next to him. Connor gasped and sat upright, wincing as he pulled his arm up. "Are you okay?" John asked.

Connor nodded and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, bad dream." He admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" John rested a warm hand on his back and Connor couldn't help the flinch that followed. John's hand didn't move though.

Connor didn't answer, he left the bed and headed for his laptop. He sat down at the small desk and brought up a file. Scanning it over he began deleting and entering words as fast as he could with one hand, his injured arm was cradled to his side.

"Connor?" John asked and his voice seemed closer.

"I need to do this." Connor said determinedly.

"Okay." John paused. "What is this?" Connor kept typing and he felt John peer over his shoulder. "Is that… is that a will?"

"Yes."

"Connor, what are you doing?" John asked and Connor could hear the nervousness in his voice.

"I'm updating it."

"Why?" Connor kept typing. Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed his. "Why?" John asked.

Connor turned to face John. "Because if something happens to me I need to know that you get control."

John looked at him and Connor couldn't read the look in his eyes but he let go of Connor's hand and the linguist resumed typing.

"So what are you putting me in there for?"

"Medical decisions, burial rights, stuff like that."

"What no line about me getting to keep your stuff?" The older man joked lightly.

Connor looked up at him. "Do you want my stuff?"

John sobered up. "I just want you."

"I'll put you down for my books." Connor told him and went back to his computer.

"I-" John started to say and then cut himself off. Connor heard him take a deep breath. "You know I can't do the same for you."

"I know." Wills were too publicly known in the military.

"But I would." John said roughly. "If I could."

"I know."

John rested a hand on his shoulder as Connor typed and the younger man waited for his dream to fade.

 _You promised_.

* * *

"So what exactly is involved in this… bonding thing?" John asked Teyla.

She paused in her motions to light the candles around her room. "So you have asked him then?" She inquired.

"Uh, no, not yet."

"I see." She said and John thought it was pretty apparent that she didn't.

"I'm going to ask him."

"Soon?" She went back to lighting the candles.

John tossed around one of her pillows from his place on the edge of her bed. "Maybe."

She didn't say anything as she finished lighting up the room, she moved back to sit next to John on the bed. "You do not know?"

John sighed as he squeezed the pillow. "I know I want to ask him. I'm still not sure he's ready."

"Should you not let him decide that?"

John leaned backwards until his back hit the bed. "Yes." He answered immediately. Then, "No." John threw the pillow up into the air. "I don't know."

"The bonding would take place on New Athos." Teyla began. "And it is traditionally held when the sun is at its highest or when the moon is at its highest."

"So…noon or midnight?"

"Yes. There are usually several witnesses and any village leader or elder may do the ceremony."

"Can you?"

Teyla paused. "Much of my leadership position has been given over to Halling, but I can still perform the ceremony if you wish."

"We probably would."

"Alright. Then there are ritual words we repeat."

"Like marriage vows."

"Yes. After that a cup of wine is passed around and everyone present must drink and recant a tale of the two bond mates."

"I can already see Rodney making me out as some kind of idiot." John said rolling his eyes.

Teyla smiled. "After the wine is gone the bond mates must share their knowledge of each other with the witnesses."

"Like a biography?" John asked confused.

"More like…a test. A series of questions is administered to each bond mate before the ceremony of themselves that they must answer, then during the bonding the same question is asked of each of the pair about their bond mate and the answers compared."

"So what happens if you get a question wrong?"

"The ceremony is over." Teyla answered kindly.

"What? That's it?"

"If you should answer wrong, our tradition states you must wait one lunar cycles before attempting to bond again."

John groaned. "Great." He put the pillow over his face.

"It is the way of my people."

"I know." He answered, words muffled.

"Most do not get the answers wrong."

John lifted the pillow. "Really?"

"If you truly know your bond mate than you have nothing to fear."

John thought about that. "Hm."

"The questions are to prove to the witnesses that when bonded the pair will be equally bonded."

"With knowledge?"

"Yes, with knowledge."

John tossed the pillow up and caught it. "So say we get the questions right, then what?"

"Then a blessing is asked of the Ancestors."

"I don't think they like me." John remarked.

Teyla hit his leg. "After the blessing the pair are considered bonded."

"We don't get to say anything?"

"Did you want to?"

John shrugged. "Maybe something sappy like…my life is nothing without you."

"I believe it would be alright to modify the end of the ceremony to fit your customs better."

"And maybe rings." John mused aloud.

"Rings?"

"Wedding rings?"

"I had believe those were only in the movies."

"What?" John asked.

"I have not seen any Atlantis personnel with them."

John paused, unsure of how to explain. "Well…that's probably because no one here is married."

"No one?" Teyla asked.

"Not that I'm aware of…anyone from the first wave knew this might be a one way trip; no one wanted to leave behind a spouse. And most people after that…well, military people don't really mix well with marriage, especially if one is in another galaxy half the time. As for the scientists, let's just say, Connor was married to his work before we met, and he's pretty much the standard amongst scientists."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it's kinda weird to think about." John agreed.

"But you want this…to be bonded, married."

"Yeah." John sighed happily. "If we could get married on Earth I would want that too."

"Well I am sure you will be allowed to exchange rings, if that is your desire."

"You know, he put me in his will." John offered softly.

Teyla was silent for a moment. John knew she knew what a will was, as she was John's medical proxy. He had asked her in his second year on Atlantis and she had agreed. "Is that good?"

John shrugged again. "It means something to me." He admitted. "It means a lot to me."

She smiled down at him. "Than I am happy for you both."

John smiled back. "Me too." He sat back up. "Are you coming to the funeral tomorrow?"

"I did not know her very well, I was unsure if I should."

"I think Connor would appreciate if you were there."

"Then I shall be there." She confirmed.

John replaced the pillow on Teyla's bed. "Thanks for the talk." He said getting up.

"It is no problem." She smiled.

"Night."

"Goodnight, John."

John left quickly and went to seek out his boyfriend. Forty minutes after he left Teyla's, John found Connor in the observatory he'd found, laying on his old mattress.

"Room for one more?" John asked as he walked into the dark room, lit only by the moon.

Connor looked up at him. "Hm, I don't know, the mattress is kinda small."

"I'm sure I can fit, I'm not too big." John grinned, walking over.

"I don't know, I think you're pretty big."

It took John a moment to realize that his innocent partner was making a lewd joke. John sank down on to the mattress next to Connor and the younger man lifted up part of the blanket he was under for John to cover himself with. He turned to face Connor, "Pretty big, huh?"

"Yup." He said with a blush. John reached an arm out to pull Connor towards him.

"Hm, lucky you." John offered back, suggestively.

"Yup." Connor repeated. A warm hand snaked up John's shirt to grab onto his dog tags, holding them in his hand. He felt Connor running his thumb over the name again.

John watched a couple stars shoot across the sky and Connor sighed in contentment. "Connor?"

"Hm?"

"What was the worst day of your life?"

"Why?" His partner asked in a small voice.

"I don't know." John answered honestly. "I just want to know more about you."

Connor was quiet for a moment and John briefly worried that his boyfriend wouldn't answer. "The day my mother died." He said quietly. "I thought…I thought I was really alone and I realized that I had nobody. My mother had friends at her funeral, and as I stood there, watching them lower her casket into the ground, I realized that no one would come to my funeral because I had no one that cared. I had no friends, I'd never even been on a date, I lived at a secret military compound, underground. I-I was depressed for a while, before coming here. I got over it soon enough, immersed myself into my work, but for a while, I…" He drifted off and John felt his heart begin to ache.

Connor, he realized in that second, had almost never met him. His boyfriend didn't say it, but John knew, Connor had been much closer to death than the bleed in his brain or a high fever.

John swallowed. "But you… you didn't do anything?"

Connor shook his head. "I knew that God would never forgive me." He answered softly. "Suicide," John felt something stab into his heart, "is a mortal sin." Connor finished.

"I'm glad you didn't." John said, voice rough with emotion.

"Me, too. Because the best day of my life was the day I met you."

"It's mine too." John told him.

"What was the worst day of your life?"

John thought about it. He didn't really have any anymore since they all led to him meeting Connor. Before he might have said being turned into a giant bug, disobeying orders in Afghanistan or even finding out about the Stargate program, but now nothing would qualify since everyday he knew Connor counted as a good one. "I don't have one."

Connor poked him. "I told you mine."

"Really, Con, I don't have one." John protested. "Every day before you was one that led me to you and every day after has been the best day of my life."

"John." Connor said softly.

"Yeah?"

"You're…"

"Cheesy? Stupid? Ridiculous?" John guessed.

"Perfect." Connor finished. He leaned towards John and their lips met in a soft kiss. "I love you." Connor offered freely.

"I love you, too." John said back.

He captured Connor's lips again and deepened the kiss, tasting butterscotch and tea and the delicious flavor that was Connor Davids. When they finally pulled back, panting, John looked at Connor, noting how the moonlight danced off of his skin.

"You're so beautiful." John heard but he didn't think he'd said it out loud. It hit him with a start that Connor had said it to him and John blushed.

"I-"

"You are." Connor said, cutting him off. "So, so beautiful."

John smiled shyly. "So are you."

Connor settled his head back onto John's shoulder to watch the stars, but John was only watching Connor. His face lit up every time a shooting star went by over head, and a pout would form when the younger man tried to count the stars but claimed they kept moving, excitement would form as he recognized a constellation, and love, love would shine in his eyes every time he glanced at John watching him.

* * *

"We gather here today to bury Dr. Rebecca Grey." Colonel Carter stated to the small crowd around her.

Connor looked at the faces present and knew that most were only there because he was. John was standing close to his side, too far to casually touch, but close enough for his presence to be known. Teyla was on his other side and Connor had her hand clenched tight in his own. Ronon was behind her and Evan was on her other side in a wheelchair. There were a few scientists scattered about that Connor hadn't met, but that was it.

"She was a brilliant scientist." Colonel Carter continued. "Her presence was well known on the base, and she will be missed."

Connor thought that the Colonel had done a nice job piecing together a eulogy for a woman she didn't know. In fact, the only thing she probably did know about her was that she was a traitor; something everyone there was keenly aware of.

"If anyone would like to say something, now is the time."

A scientist stepped forward to say something, but Connor didn't pay any attention. His focus, instead, was on the metal coffin in front of him, they were going to bury her body on the mainland, but instead decided to set her body adrift on the sea. John said she mentioned liking the ocean in her journal.

"Thank you, Dr. Lucan." Colonel Carter said. "Anyone else?" No one said anything so she continued. "We'll have a few moments of silence, and then a placing of the flowers, for anyone who would like to before sending the body off."

Silence reigned over the small group and all Connor could hear were the waves and John's steady breathing next to him. He squeezed Teyla's hand reassuringly and she gave him a squeeze back. After a few moments, Colonel Carter stepped forward to place a rose on the casket. The few scientists followed.

Connor gave Teyla's hand one more squeeze before letting go and walking over to pick up a rose. He held it tightly, letting a thorn prick him, before setting it down on the casket. Connor rested his right hand on the metal and murmured soft prayers to God; one for Becky's soul, one for forgiveness and one for mercy. When he finished he lifted his hand and made his way back to Teyla a John, noting that none of his friends had placed a rose behind him.

Teyla reached for his hand again but Connor evaded it, he could feel blood beginning to seep into his palm from the thorn prick.

"Thank you all for coming." Carter said, breaking the silence. "Her casket will be released from puddle jumper into the ocean tonight at dusk."

The crowd slowly left until Connor was standing there alone with John.

"She was alone." Connor said quietly and John moved a little bit closer to him.

"Yeah, she was."

Connor closed his eyes. "That could have been me."

"No, it couldn't of." His boyfriend denied. "You're not alone, Con, not anymore." He placed a hand on Connor's shoulder.

"Before I met you, it could have been me."

"I think more people cared about you than you know."

Connor opened his eyes and turned to face John. "What do you mean?"

"Colonel Carter said she knew you when she worked there."

"We worked together a couple times."

"And Dr. Jackson."

"Just colleagues, John."

"And General Landry."

"My boss."

"If this was you," John said swallowing hard. "They would have been here."

"Oh." Connor turned back to the metal coffin. "John?"

"Hm?"

"I think my hand is bleeding."

John grabbed the arm not in a sling and picked up the hand. "It is."

"Oh, okay."

"Connor?" John asked worried.

"I…can you give me a minute? Alone?"

John looked at him and then nodded. He pulled a bandage out of one of his shirt pockets and unwrapped it, placing it over the wound. "I'll be right over there." He said with a nod to a spot a couple yards away.

Connor nodded and John dropped his hand, walking away. Connor slowly walked towards the metal casket.

"Hey, Becky. It's me, Connor…Davids." He swallowed his tears. "I'm sorry it had to end like this. I liked you, Becky, you were nice. I…I wonder if I had gone on a date with you if you would have been better…not so alone, but it would have been a lie. I'm in love with John, and I guess I can tell you, now that you're d-dead. You were beautiful, Becky, and maybe guys told you that a lot to, um, sleep with you, but I didn't want to sleep with you and I still thought you were beautiful. I hope you have better luck in the next life." A tear slid down his face. "Anyways, I just wanted to say I'm sorry it had to end like this and I hope you can forgive me." Connor wiped the tear off of his face. "Bye, Becky." He added softly and then turned and walked away.

He reached John's side and his boyfriend didn't say anything, just drew him into a long hug and held him tight as the waves crashed around them.


	33. Adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 33 : Adventure**

Author's Notes :

\- 24° C ~ 75° F  
\- For Author/Chapter status updates check my listed homepage.

* * *

Connor's back hit the walls with a soft thud, his legs were wrapped tightly around John's waist and the older man was roughly thrusting his hips up and down, his erection sliding against Connor's and contained between their stomachs. Connor's arms rested on John's shoulder, with a hand hanging loosely over John's back and the other tangled in hair. John's hands were under Connor's bottom, holding him close.

Sweat poured down Connor's face as his gaze locked with John's, eyes smoldering. Drops of liquid fell off the tips of the older man's hair as his hips moved in a fast tempo. John tilted his head forward and Connor leaned his head against the wall so John could lower his mouth to the linguist's neck; sucking the skin there deeply. Connor moaned a little with each thrust and grunts were escaping John's mouth.

The older man's mouth slowly traveled up Connor's neck to his jaw before claiming the scientist's lips in a fiery kiss. John sucks Connor's lips into his mouth, tasting each one before letting it go and pulling in Connor's tongue, swirling it around with his own.

Connor was breathing heavily when they parted and another drop of sweat traveled down his face; John's tongue collected it before it reached his jaw and the older man nibbled lightly on Connor's chin.

"Should-" Connor gasped. "Should we be quiet-ter?"

"No." John offered briefly before returning his attention to his partner's body.

"Ah! John!" Connor moaned. "So." Thrust. "Good." Thrust.

John's tongue trailed up to Connor's ear and his boyfriend briefly sucked a lobe into his mouth. "Are you ready?" he whispered seductively.

[EDITED CONTENT]

When finished, John tugged Connor up and crushed their mouths together and Connor could taste both of them in the kiss.

When Connor couldn't breathe anymore he broke the kiss and leaned forward to rest his head on John's shoulder, panting hard. John's arms went around him to offer support and he moved Connor backwards until the linguist could sit on the desk again, he opened his legs and John stood between them.

Connor could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears and his breaths sounded incredibly loud as he struggled to find a breathing rhythm.

"I'm not sure that's what Keller meant by taking it easy." John said with a grin.

Connor poked him in the shoulder. "You pounced first."

"Hey! I do not pounce." He protested.

"Uh-huh."

"I… saltate." He said with a large smile.

"Which is a synonym for pounce… although not a very good one." Connor finished.

John sighed dramatically. "My partner everyone, the vocab-nazi."

Connor blushed at John's use of 'partner'; while the other man had said that Connor was his partner a while back, he had rarely used it to describe him since.

John laughed. "I love your blush."

"You always say that."

"Well, it's always true." John stepped back a bit to look him over. "How's the arm?" Connor's sling had been removed today after wearing it for almost two weeks.

"It's fine."

"And the head?" Even though his hair had already grown back, John still asked about it.

"Also fine."

"And everything else?"

Connor took a brief mental stock to humor John. "Fi-um, actually, could I get some water?"

John's gaze scrutinized him for a second before the older man nodded and walked away from Connor to get him a glass of water. Connor tried not to blush at John's naked form just walking around their room. He moved his hands to his lap to try and cover up a little.

John laughed a little and threw Connor some boxers before bringing the glass of water over. The linguist slipped on the under pants and John patiently held onto his water with a soft smile on his face. When Connor finished he sat back on his desk with John moving between his legs again as he drank his water.

"Thanks." Connor said when he finished and set the empty glass down behind him.

"All better?"

Connor was still pretty thirsty, but didn't want to make John get him another glass of water. "Yeah."

Connor leaned forward against John's chest, his arms around the older man's waist, just loving the feeling of his partner in his arms.

"I'm all sweaty." John said fondly as he returned the hug, letting his hands play with Connor's hair.

"I don't care." Because even though John was sweaty, he was also warm and soft in the right places and he felt like home to Connor.

The past couple of weeks had been trying, to both men. Connor had been frustrated that he only had one arm to work with; and work he did, despite pleas from John to take time off. John had been worried about Connor nonstop, often visiting during the day, making sure he ate, slept and took his pain meds on time. There had been minor disputes about Connor working too much, too long and too soon.

" _Connor, please." John begged. "You don't have to go back to work so soon. No one is expecting it, you're injured."_

 _It was six days after he'd been shot and Connor was tired of sitting around. "John, I'm fine. I can type with one hand, I can write with one hand and if I need anything I can call someone."_

" _Connor." John said softly, wrapping his arms around the linguist from behind. "No one expects everything to be back to normal within a few days. Take some more time off."_

 _Connor turned around in his arms and traced the worry lines on John's face. "I can't. I need to work." He explained, his eyes pleading with John to understand. "I can't stay home anymore. The more I sit here, the more I think about it all…" He drifted off, pain evident in his voice._

" _Connor." John said gently. "I've been where you've been. Burying yourself in work doesn't help."_

 _Connor swallowed. "Then what does, John? I've talked to you, I've talked to Evan, I've talked to the base shrink!" He turned away from John's face. "I can't talk about it anymore, it's over and finished. There was nothing I could do, but now there is." He finished with a whisper._

 _John leaned forward and nuzzled his neck. "I just want you to be okay."_

" _I am okay." Connor denied._

" _Connor." John chided softly. "I sleep next to you each night, I know you're not okay."_

 _Connor tried to pull out of John's arms but the older man refused to let him go. "I_ am _okay, it's my subconscious that's not."_

" _And that's part of you."_

" _John." Connor said, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "I don't know what to do." He whispered. "My brain knows it's okay, that I did the right thing, but the rest of me still…hurts." He whispered._

 _John hugged him tighter. "It always does." He said quietly. "But I promise it won't always."_

 _Connor nodded against John's neck. "Okay." And one traitorous tear slid down his face, landing on John's skin._

 _There was silence for a few seconds, before John broke it. "Would it be alright if Ronon was there?"_

" _Where?"_

" _With you." He answered softly. "When you're working."_

" _Yes." He said, voice barely above a whisper. While Connor wanted to go back to work, he was nervous about re-entering his lab. His doors had been hacked, his privacy stripped. John told him that everything had been cleaned up and that Rodney had fixed his doors, making them as close to un-hackable as anything could be. That had surprised Connor, because despite his relationships with John and Eric, Rodney still didn't like him. He wondered what Eric had said to convince the astrophysicist to give up some time like that._

 _John had offered him another lab space but Connor had decline. He wanted this one._

" _I'll ask him." John said. And Connor knew that Ronon would be his shadow for a while. The Satedan never said no to John, and had yet to say no to Connor.  
_

" _Thank you." Connor mumbled. "I'm sorry I'm such a bother."_

" _You aren't." John said firmly. "You never are. Never."_

Shaking his thoughts back to the present, Connor allowed himself to be swallowed up into John's arms, head resting on his chest. Connor stuck his tongue out and licked the part of John's skin that he could reach. The older man laughed lightly and Connor did it again, loving the taste of John.

"Are you still thirsty?" John asked, amused. "Because I'm sure water is probably better for you that whatever you're licking off of me."

"A little." Connor admitted.

"You're a giant kid, Connor." John said affectionately. He mussed the top of Connor's hair before separating his body from the linguist's and grabbing the empty water glass to refill it. Connor wrapped his arms around himself as John's warmth disappeared from his body and waited impatiently for his boyfriend to return.

A few moments later John was back with more water and took his place between Connor's legs again as the scientist swallowed his water quickly.

"Want more?" John asked.

"I can get it." Connor told him, moving forward so he could hop off the desk; John's body blocked him.

"I'll get it, Con."

"I can do things for myself." He called after John's retreating form.

"Then what's the point of having a boyfriend?" John asked over his shoulder as he filled up the glass again.

Connor shivered. "To keep me warm."

John laughed as he walked back over. "I certainly hope that's not all I'm good for." John joked as Connor downed his third glass of water. The older man wrapped his arms around Connor again and heat began to spread around his body.

 _Can you turn the heat up?_ He asked Atlantis. Connor wasn't sure but he thought Atlantis was insulted by his request, of course she could turn the heat up. Immediately the room began warming up.

"Not too hot." John murmured into his ear.

"Okay." The younger man agreed.

When the room reached 24° C, Connor had Atlantis stop heating it. By then, John had already begun to sweat more, but the older man didn't complain as Connor's shivers had continued until the room had been heated for about ten minutes.

"How are you so cold?" John asked quietly.

Connor shrugged and blushed. "I'm, uh, not sure."

"You're not coming down with anything are you?" He pulled back to place a hand on Connor's forehead.

Connor pulled his head back. "No. And where would I have gotten anything? I've only been here and my lab."

John's hand moved with Connor's head and he didn't release it until he was satisfied that the younger man wasn't running a fever. "You could get something anywhere." He said with a frown. "You don't feel hot."

"Because I'm not." Connor answered. "I'm fine, John, really, just cold."

"And thirsty."

"And thirsty." Connor acknowledged.

John pulled back again to get Connor yet another glass of water, but instead of bringing it back this time he set it down on the nightstand, walking back over to Connor. He grabbed his partner's hand and pulled him off the desk and back to the bed with him. John moved a pillow against the head of the bed and sat up against it, legs stretched out in front of him. He gently maneuvered Connor down on top of his legs, the linguist's butt on his thighs with Connor facing him. Connor's legs wrapped around John's back and he leaned forward against his boyfriend's chest.

John reached for the water glass and offered it to Connor, who downed it again before handing it back. Once finished, Connor rested his head against John's shoulder and the older man put his arms around Connor, his hands dipping into the boxers his boyfriend wore.

Connor knew it was still early but he found himself falling asleep, lulled by the sounds of John's heart and lungs, and by the heat in the room and the comfort of John's arms.

"I'll wake you for dinner." John promised.

"Shower." Connor mumbled.

"In time for a shower." John agreed.

"Thanks, John."

Lips pressed against his forehead for a minute before John pulled back. "No problem." John whispered.

* * *

Eric bounced hesitantly on the balls of his feet outside of Connor's door. He wanted to see if his friend was free for dinner. In the two weeks since Connor was shot, Eric had been busy. Colonel Sheppard had been running all of the military through exercise after exercise; Eric's theory was that he was taking his frustration of Connor's situation out on his men. He had run more miles in the past two weeks than he usually did in a month and his body was covered in bruises from training.

Eric swallowed and rang the door.

"Yeah?" Colonel Sheppard called from inside.

"Um, sir, is Connor there?"

"Corporal Johns?"

"Yes, sir."

The door slid open and Sheppard was on the other side, wearing only sweat pants. "Come in." He said, stepping aside.

Eric stepped into his friend's room and tried not to look as nervous as he felt. "Good evening, sir." He greeted. Eric could hear water running in the background.

"Connor's in the shower." Sheppard said shortly, answering his unasked question. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"I was just wondering if he's free for dinner."

Sheppard stared at him and Eric felt a little bit naked as his commanding officer looked him over. "We were just about to get some, you're welcome to join us." The water in the background turned off.

"Uh…" Eric wondered how stupid he looked.

Sheppard didn't wait for an answer, he grabbed some clothes and stepped into the bathroom without a word to Eric and shut the door behind him. Eric glanced around wondering if he was supposed to wait or not. He heard muffled voices talking in the bathroom but couldn't make anything out.

Finally the door opened again and Colonel Sheppard stumbled out and Eric could see that Connor had pushed him out.

"Hi, Eric!" Connor waved from behind Sheppard. The Colonel gave Eric a glare as if it was his fault that Connor had pushed him. "I'll be a few minutes."

Eric watched as Colonel Sheppard pulled a shirt out of a dresser and slipped it on. His pants had changed, too, the young man noticed, probably in the bathroom.

Connor was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, something Eric hadn't seen him in that often, but thought he looked good in; he looked young, more his age than his science uniform allowed. Colonel Sheppard was still in uniform and holding a sweatshirt that Eric assumed was for Connor. When his friend stepped out of the bathroom, Eric watched as Sheppard held the sweatshirt up for Connor to slip into. The contrast between the two had never been more distinct in Eric's eyes and not for the hundredth time he wondered how their relationship worked.

"Are you coming with us to dinner?" Connor asked, pushing Sheppard to the door.

Eric looked nervously between his friend and his commanding officer, not sure if he was welcome. Sheppard gave him a slight nod, though, so Eric answered, "Sure."

The three of them made their way to the food hub. Eric couldn't be sure, but he thought he was the only one who felt as awkward as the situation demanded. The worst part was, he wasn't sure why it was awkward. Connor was like an older brother to him and Eric was dating Connor's boyfriend's best friend. Forget six degrees of separation, this was as close as it would get. But Colonel Sheppard seemed tight lipped around him and although he tried, there seemed to be nothing that Connor could do to ease the tension. Eric really wished he knew why Colonel Sheppard didn't like him, maybe he could ask Rodney.

"How was your day, Eric?" Connor asked as they sat down at a table, dinner in hand.

Eric noticed that his friend was once again drinking water, he hadn't seen Connor drink anything but since his tea had been spiked. "Long." Eric answered, but a glance towards Colonel Sheppard curbed his explanation. "You?"

Connor smiled at him. "Not bad, got a lot done today."

"That's good." Eric took a bite of his salad and began to wonder if he shouldn't have said no to the dinner invitation.

They ate in silence and Eric thought that it couldn't have been more awkward if they tried. That is until Rodney sat down with a tray full of food next to him as they were halfway through their meal.

"Mind if I join?" He asked, after sitting. He began to rapidly eat his food and as always Eric was astounded by the speed in which Rodney masticated.

"Go right ahead, McKay." Sheppard said with a smirk and Eric saw Connor roll his eyes. "Try not to choke as you inhale your food."

"Just because I'm hungry, Sheppard…" He took another bite.

"You ate five hours ago… I would know, I was there, Rodney." Sheppard said, but Eric could hear the teasing.

"And since then my body has digested the food." The astrophysicist declared. "Are you going to eat that?" He asked Eric, gesturing towards a dinner roll.

Eric shook his head and pushed the roll towards Rodney. "It's all yours."

"Thanks." He proceeded to devour the roll in three bites, swallowing hard. "So, what was everyone talking about?" Eric shrugged, Connor looked at his food and Eric felt Colonel Sheppard kick Rodney under the table. "What?"

"We were just eating, McKay, is that a crime now?"

"Geez, Sheppard, who pissed in your tea? I was just asking." Rodney defended.

Eric watched as Connor pushed away his tray, leaving almost half of his food on it. When he finished he looked expectantly at Colonel Sheppard who gave a pointed look towards the linguist's abandoned food before sighing and pushing over a bowl of butterscotch pudding. Connor beamed and dug into the dessert.

"You should eat more." Rodney said, looking at Connor, and Eric secretly agreed. The linguist had been looking a bit too skinny that time they were swimming and Eric was sure he hadn't gained anything since then. "You'd blow over if I exhaled too hard."

Sheppard kicked him again and Rodney accepted the other man's glare in stride. "Leave him alone, McKay."

But Eric could see the damage was already gone. Connor wasn't smiling any more and he had frozen in his seat. Colonel Sheppard noticed too and glared at Rodney as he leaned over to whisper something to Connor. The linguist looked at Sheppard and nodded, going back to his pudding without saying a word. Eric wondered if Colonel Sheppard thought Connor was too skinny too.

Rodney had the grace to look somewhat abashed for his comment and a little bit apologetic towards Colonel Sheppard and maybe Connor, but didn't say anything as he kept eating.

"So… How about them Dodgers?" Sheppard said, breaking the silence.

Oh, yeah. He probably should have declined dinner.

* * *

The second he and Connor stepped back into their room John couldn't hold it in anymore. "I'm sorry about Rodney." He offered gently. "He has no brain to mouth filter. You're not too skinny."

Connor turned to look at him, eyes sad. "Eric thinks it too."

John frowned. "He said something to you?"

"I could see it in his eyes." Connor answered.

"Hm." John said, coming up behind Connor and wrapping his arms around the younger man tightly. "It doesn't matter. I think you're perfect."

Connor leaned back. "You think I'm too skinny, too." He countered.

John wasn't in the habit of lying to his boyfriend and didn't think he should start now. "I think…that maybe you could use a little more weight, but that either way, you're gorgeous."

"I'm sorry I forget to eat." Connor mumbled.

John smiled and kissed the side of his head. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't. And now, you've got all these people here to remind you."

"Ronon has developed a special grunt just for me." Connor complained.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. He makes this noise and it says 'It's time for you to stop working and eat before Sheppard kills me'."

"Wow." John said. "His grunts have really gone far."

Connor poked one of John's arms. "He still follows me around everywhere."

John was quiet for a moment. "Does it bother you?"

The linguist sighed. "A little bit. I mean…a year ago, I barely knew you or Ronon. It was just me and no one was there reminding me to eat or sleep or take a break, and now…now it seems like I'm never alone."

"Do you want to be?"

Connor shrugged in his arms. "I don't know." He answered honestly. "It just takes some getting used to."

John swallowed. He had offered Connor time alone before, and when the linguist had finally taken him up on it, it had hurt more than he had thought it would. "I can ask Ronon to stop." Is what he offered.

The younger man shook his head. "It's okay. He's actually pretty fun."

"Fun?" John raised an eyebrow. "Ronon? Big guy? About yea high?" John said, holding his hand over his head.

Connor laughed. "Yeah. And smart."

Fun and smart were two words he didn't always associate with Ronon. Sure the Satedan could be fun…sometimes, but…"Smart?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Connor turned and looked up at him giving John a shy smile. "I love you, _a chuisle_." He said quietly, taking John's breath away.

"I love you." John answered and leaned down to give him a small kiss full of love. "Mmm." He said breaking away. "Bed?"

"Yeah." Connor moved out of his arms and went to the dresser.

John pulled off his clothes, tossing them in the hamper and ducked a little as Connor's flew past his head into the hamper as well. He looked up to see Connor pulling on a shirt to go with his boxers and John smiled at his boyfriend. The older man walked over to the bed and held the sheet up for Connor to slide in, before sliding in behind him.

Connor took up his usual position on John, head on chest and a hand in the dog tags as John's hand found its way into the linguist's messy hair.

"John?"

"Hm?"

"Do you not like Eric?"

Well this was definitely a conversation John was hoping never to have, but more realistically hoped to have after he did like the younger man. "I like him."

"No, you don't." Connor denied

"Then why'd you ask if I do?" John pointed out.

"To see what you would say." His boyfriend replied cheekily.

"There's nothing wrong with him, Connor." _Except that he takes up too much of your spare time, seemed to gain your affection without even trying, is under my command and frequently causes you to worry about his mental health_ , John mentally sighed.

"John?"

"Hm?"

"When did you start lying to me?"

 _Busted_. "Um, about half a minute ago."

"I can…I mean…if you don't like him, I won't invite him to hang out with us any more." Connor offered quietly.

 _Well shit_ , John thought. "No, that's fine, Con, he's your friend. I mean, Rodney hangs out with us and you don't like him."

" _He_ doesn't like _me_." Connor corrected. "I like him."

John really needed to date dumber people. "I'm just…a little…jealous." He said eventually.

"Of Eric?" Connor asked confused.

"Yes."

"I…I don't understand." He mumbled into John's chest. "I'm sorry."

He also needed to date people who would tell him he's being an asshole instead of apologizing. "He just…gets parts of you that I don't."

"What?"

"We danced around each other for months but Johns…he got you from the beginning."

"You think Eric gets more time?"

John shook his head. "Not more…just…time."

Connor's thumb paused in its movements over John's name on his dog tags and Connor's hand reached up to gently tilt John's head down so he could see it. "You're jealous because he takes up some of my time?"

John reddened, embarrassed and moved his head out of Connor's grip. "It's stupid, I know." He admitted quietly. "But everyone knows you're unofficially part of SGA-4, so when you have lunch with him or he hangs out at your lab it's not weird."

"It's not weird when you do it." The younger man commented softly.

"It is." John countered. "I feel like every time Keller sees us together she asks Ronon if we're friends. Rodney still thinks we're like the weirdest couple ever…even Lorne sometimes gets questions from the guys about being friends with you. There aren't a lot of scientist and military friendships here, Connor, so we get odd looks anyways. But it's not weird for Rodney to hang out with his team or Parrish to hang out with his…I guess I'm just jealous that he can give you a hug and no one would think twice."

"You can give me a hug." Connor said gently, lowering his hand again to John's dog tags.

"People are always watching." John answered, with only a little bit of bitterness in his voice.

"I'll kick anyone's ass who says anything." Connor said firmly and John pretty much believed that he would.

"And it's just a little weird hanging out with someone under my command." John added.

"You hang out with Evan."

"Not really." John told him. "And when we do, that's a little weird, too, but I have you as a buffer."

"Oh."

"There's also a difference between hanging out with a Major and hanging out with a Corporal."

"Oh." Connor said thoughtfully.

"It's hard to explain if you're not in the military." John said gently.

"I know. I'm sorry." Connor said, somewhat miserably. "All of my friends are under your command."

"Connor, hey, no." John soothed. "I don't mind. I love that you have friends and that I can know that they're good people."

"I can talk to some scientists." The linguist offered meekly.

John laughed softly. "You don't like scientists."

"That's not true." Connor denied. "I like…Colonel Carter and Dr. Jackson."

"Two people that are more military than scientist."

"I'm sure Dr. Jackson would take offense to that."

"I've seen him shoot, he's more military than scientist." John held.

"I like scientists." Connor said stubbornly.

"Oh?"

"I do."

"Well you don't need to talk to them on my account." The older man told him with a smirk.

Connor poked his chest. "I like scientists."

"You really don't." John argued. "You think most of them are boring, stupid and weird."

"I…" Connor said.

"Exactly." John said with a laugh. "I like Johns… or I will… eventually. Don't worry about it, I'm sorry things are awkward between us. It's weird enough knowing that Lorne knows about us… but for a Corporal too as well… and to top it off I know he's gay and with Rodney and Rodney tells me way to much about what they do."

"Are you going to say something?"

"Hm?"

"Like to Stargate command or something."

John held a hand up. "Hey, officially, I didn't ask and he didn't tell."

"That's a stupid rule." Connor mumbled.

"It works."

"No, it doesn't."

"Well it works…sometimes." John acquiesced.

"No, it doesn't." Connor repeated.

John sighed. "I didn't make the rules, Connor, but I'm not about to start outing people as long as they do their job."

"Eric likes you." His partner said after a moment of silence.

"Really?" John drawled. "I get the impression that I make him nervous."

"That's only because you never talk to him." Connor explained. "And you're abrupt."

"I'm old enough to be his dad." John pointed out. "What is there to talk about?"

"Um…non-Euclidean structures?"

John laughed. "I'll bring that up next time, then."

"Really? You'll talk to him?" And Connor sounded so happy that John could only nod and say yes. "Thank you."

The older man sighed. "It's a good thing you're hot."

Connor laughed quietly. "It's a good thing you think I'm hot." He corrected.

"It's a good thing you're all mine." John said possessively, but Connor didn't seem to mind.

"Yep." He didn't seem to mind at all.

* * *

"So are you excited about Earth?" Connor asked the next day. He was sitting on Teyla's bed as the Athosian woman packed her suitcase, Ronon was standing near the door watching.

"I am very excited to see more of your planet."

"It's going to be lots of fun." Connor said softly. "I think."

Teyla turned from her dresser to smile at him. "Yes, John has mentioned rides on a helicopter and a Ferris wheel. I am quite intrigued to do both."

"I've never been on a helicopter either." Connor admitted. "I hope he remembers how to, uh, fly one."

Ronon laughed as Teyla responded. "I am sure he has not forgotten."

"So, uh, are you bringing a lot of clothes? Because really, we could get you some on Earth…"

"I am bringing very few pieces of clothing. John has said I would…stick out like a sore thumb." She said, imitating John's phrases.

"And you?" Connor asked Ronon.

"Same."

"Oh. Hm. I think you would like Earth clothes."

"Too confining." Ronon offered.

Connor looked up and down Ronon's leather pants and wondered what could be more confining than those. "Um, okay."

Teyla shot him a knowing look. "So we are gating out tomorrow morning." She said. "Are you all ready?"

Connor nodded, even as she turned her head away. "Yeah. John packed for me. He's really good at it, probably from his time in the Air Force." Connor mused. "Anyways, I, uh, still have my room at the SGC, so I'm going to get some of my clothes from there."

"You lived at Stargate command?" Teyla asked as she placed the last of her clothes in her bag.

"Um, yeah. It was easier than commuting and finding a place to let since I'm still an Irish citizen."

"I see."

"General Landry told me to keep the room when I came to Atlantis, so I did that instead of putting stuff in storage. I think John has a few things in storage, but we're going to take them out and just put them in my room while we're there to, uh, save some money…not that either of us use it."

"I am interested in seeing where you lived." Teyla told him.

Connor thought of his room at the SGC. It was pretty bare, any pictures he had, he had taken with him to Atlantis. There were no posters on the wall or any real sign of life; maybe some books but that's it. "It's nothing special, Teyla." He told her. "Just a room."

She looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "Well, I am all packed."

"So am I." Ronon put in.

"Dinner?"

"I must decline." Teyla said gently. "Evan and I are having dinner privately."

"Same." Ronon echoed, although Connor assumed his was with Keller rather than Evan.

"Okay." Connor slid off the bed. "I think I'll go find John." He planned aloud.

"I'll walk you." The Satedan offered, although it was really less of an offer and more of a statement.

"Okay. Bye, Teyla, see you in the morning."

"Good night, Connor." She offered and tilted her head. Connor tilted his to touch her forehead gently before pulling away.

Connor made his way out the door with Ronon trailing behind him. He softly trailed a hand along the corridor wall as Atlantis led him to a Marine practice room.

"See ya, Ronon."

"Bye." The taller man said gruffly, leaving Connor outside the door.

The door slid open and John was inside talking to a group of about fifteen Marines. His partner glanced at his as he entered the room and Connor thought he saw his eyes brighten for a second before he turned back to the Marines. None of them glanced his way as he entered, but Connor knew at least eight of them, if not more. He moved to a table at the back and sat on one, scooting backwards so his legs dangled off the end.

Connor observed the Marines as John talked to them. None of them seemed bored or indignant and their body language suggested respect. Inwardly Connor glowed with pride at John, an Air Force officer that had commanded the attention of Marines.

"Hey, Doc." Someone said. Connor looked up to see a few of the men spent time with on the range giving him a wave.

He shyly gave one back as they left. Soon everyone had filtered out except John and…Evan, whom Connor hadn't even seen standing there. They were talking quietly and John was doing something on his computer tablet with Evan looking over his shoulder and nodding. With a few more taps to the flat computer, Evan gave him a wave and left, promising to see him tomorrow morning before he left for Earth. John looked up from his place at the front and gave Connor a giant smile, grabbing his tablet and walking over to the linguist.

Connor gave him a smile and John gave him a quick kiss, too aware of the fact that anyone could come back in at any second.

"You look good." Connor told him softly, playing with a button on John's shirt.

"Good, huh?" John smirked.

"I never really see you with your guys."

"I think the Marines would take a little offense at being called 'my guys'."

Connor shook his head. "I don't think they would." He said honestly.

John inhaled sharply and locked his eyes with Connor's. "Really?" He asked quietly and Connor could hear a trace of uncertainty in his voice. John had told him before that sometimes he felt out of place amongst all the Marines and that he felt like he was playing at being the leader of Atlantis and the Marines only humored him.

"Really." Connor promised firmly. "They love you, John. I've heard more than a few of them say they would follow you into hell and back."

His partner smiled shyly and insecurity flashed briefly across his eyes before they softened and Connor could tell that John believed him.

John cleared his throat quietly. "So is Teyla all packed?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, Ronon too." Connor nodded. "They're pretty excited."

"They know that we're spending the first day like…debriefing."

Connor shrugged. "They're still excited."

"Are you?" John asked, tugging Connor off of the desk.

"Yeah." The linguist answered, allowing himself to be led out of the room.

"We have to stop by my office." John told him as they headed for the nearest transporter.

"Okay."

Connor followed John through Atlantis to his office, where the older man dropped off his computer, shuffled some paper around "for Lorne" as John explained before making their way to get food. Connor headed to the mess hall while John hit the food hall. Connor grabbed some meatloaf and mashed potatoes along with a Diet Coke before making his way back to his quarters.

John was already there when he arrived; steak, baked potato and vegetables on his tray along with a bowl of butterscotch pudding for Connor. John gestured him over to the couch and Connor plopped down on one end with John on the other. The linguist pulled his feet up underneath him, and John scooted close so their sides touched.

They ate in silence as they watched the waves crash against the city. Every so often John's elbow would graze Connor's arm and the scientist would blush just a little bit. And John didn't complain when Connor finished his dinner and started in on his, scooping some of the vegetables into his mouth and spearing some steak onto his fork. If anything, Connor thought pride or amusement was spilt across his boyfriend's face; but Connor couldn't help it, he was hungry.

"Save room for dessert." John said lightly as Connor stole another piece of broccoli.

"I will." The younger man answered before popping the green vegetable into his mouth. John pushed his plate over on his tray closer to Connor and watched with a smile as the linguist finished the rest of John's dinner.

"Ronon didn't grunt today?" He asked curiously, but a serious undertone was in his voice.

Connor schooled an innocent look onto his face and looked away from John when he answered. "Um, he might have."

"But you didn't hear him."

"I might have." Connor told him.

"And you ignored him." John finished.

"Um," Connor cringed a little at the anger in John's voice. "I was really busy today."

"Carter's really busy and she manages to find time for meals, McKay is really busy and he has time for several meals, Lorne is busy and he has time for meals…being busy is not an excuse, Connor." John said firmly.

"I know." The younger man said, hanging his head slightly. "I'm sorry, there was just-"

"-something that you needed to do that was very important." John finished. "Your work will always be important, but you're more important, please try to remember that."

"I had a PowerBar." Connor offered meekly.

"When?" John asked in a knowing voice.

"Around nine."

"In the morning?"

"Possibly."

"Connor."

"Yes?" He asked innocently popping the last piece of steak into his mouth.

John shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Feed me?" He answered, chewing.

"Always." John promised, voice full of love.

Connor swallowed and looked up at John, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before going back to the rest of his partner's potato.

"Is that all I get?" John complained. "I just promised to feed you forever."

"After I brush my teeth." Connor told him and he saw John roll his eyes, even in the dim lighting of his room.

"Brush before you eat the pudding." John said. "I'll brush, too, and we can share."

"Share?" Connor asked warily and looked at the pudding. There definitely only seemed to be enough for one.

John caught his look and grinned. "I like mine with a side of linguist." He said suggestively.

Connor blushed and took another bite. "I'll hurry."

John threw an arm around the back of the couch, behind Connor. "No rush."

* * *

"Dr. Davids!" Someone shouted from behind him. Connor stopped walking and turned, trying not to drop all the notebooks in his arms. He couldn't see anyone and started walking again. "Dr. Davids! Connor!" Connor stopped again and turned, Dr. Daniel Jackson was jogging after him and gave him a smile when he realized that Connor had seen him. "Dr. Davids, it's good to see you again." The SG1 member said with a pat to Connor's shoulder. "Can I help you?" He asked, motioning towards the books overflowing in Connor's arms.

"Dr. Jackson! Um…" Connor answered nervously.

"I'll take that as a yes, and how many times do I have to tell you to call me Daniel?" Daniel reached out and grabbed a few precariously balanced notebooks off the top of Connor's pile. "Where are you headed?" He asked as Connor started walking again.

"I, uh…my room." He blushed.

Daniel smiled. "Okay."

The walk to Connor's room was silent and the linguist couldn't help but wonder what the anthropologist wanted. Daniel followed Connor into his room, which was a bit of a mess as his, John's, Ronon's and Teyla's stuff were all stashed there. John was in meetings all day with the IOA (Connor mentally sneered), his bosses at the SGC and whomever else wanted a piece of him. Ronon and Teyla were wandering around base, they had been with Connor for a while, but after realizing that Connor would just be working they left him to it.

"You can, um, just set them on the, uh, desk." Connor said as he plopped his own books onto the desk. Daniel followed suit.

"When I heard you were coming to the SGC for a day I was hoping you would have time to look at some of the stuff I'm working on? And maybe we could go over a few of the things that we've been emailing about?" Danieal asked, speaking quickly in only the way that he could.

"Um," Connor looked at his watch. John would be in meetings for another few hours at the least. "Sure."

"Great." Daniel smiled again and Connor offered a small one back, following the taller man out of his room and through the winding hallways of the SGC, up a few levels and to Daniel's lab.

It was as messy as Connor remembered it being, papers everywhere, pens sticking out of books, books stacked high, and a few empty plates littered about. Daniel headed straight for his desk and took a seat, motioning for Connor to sit in the chair next to his. The linguist sat down softly and leaned in towards Daniel to look at the papers he was showing him.

"Now I thought that…" Daniel began, gesturing towards some words.

"No, that, um, that doesn't mean…it means…"

"Oh, yeah, I get it now."

"Yeah, and…"

Soon Connor was engrossed in Daniel's work, talking back and forth with the older man as they leaned over his small desk. And that's how they still were when his phone beeped five hours later with a text from John.

 **Running late, sorry. I won't be able to make dinner, but you better eat. - JS**

Connor looked up at Daniel who was busy working and then looked back down at his phone to type a response.

 **Are you sure? I can wait.**

A few seconds later it beeped with an answer.

 **It's already 1930, and you skipped lunch**. John had written, knowingly. Connor blushed. **Go eat.**

 **Okay.** He typed back.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Daniel asked, startling Connor.

"Um, yeah."

"Dinner?"

Connor shook his head. "Um, he won't be able to make it."

Daniel gave him a smile. "Jack used to remind me to eat, too."

Looking at him now, Connor found that hard to believe. Daniel Jackson had some serious muscle. "So, um, where's the mess?"

Daniel put down his pen. "Have time for an actual meal?"

"I, uh, yeah." Connor answered.

"There's a great place a few minutes off base with some amazing steak and lots of beer on tap, you shouldn't be stuck eating at the mess your first night back."

Connor smiled. "Sounds great."

Connor liked Daniel, if not only for the fact that he was one person who could keep up when he worked, Daniel was also just a great guy and was frequently on the range with him when he worked at the SGC. He had never considered the other man a friend, but now he was thinking that maybe John was right. Even though he didn't consider the anthropologist a friend doesn't mean that Daniel didn't consider him one.

They both bent back down to their work and Connor scribbled a few more remaining thoughts, before re-organizing the papers they were working with. Connor stood and stretched and a second later, Daniel was standing as well.

"I, uh, need to stop by my, um, quarters." Connor said softly.

"No problem." The other man said, grabbing his jacket. "Lead the way."

Connor led them out of the lab and back to the lift to get to his room. Once there he grabbed his jacket and his wallet and followed Daniel out of the room and they made their way out of the SGC.

"Oh, I should have asked, did you want to invite your other teammates?"

"Ronon and Teyla?" Connor asked, furrowing his brow.

"Yeah."

Connor glanced at his watch. "They've eaten." He said with certainty.

"Oh, okay. So my car is over here."

Daniel, it turned out, drove a small car that was just as messy as his office. The anthropologist gave him an apologetic shrug and Connor waved it off as he slid into the passenger seat.

"So any great plans for you vacation?" Daniel asked as he maneuvered out of the Colorado Springs parking lot.

"Um, Jo- Colonel Sheppard is, um, taking us on a helicopter ride and then we're heading down to, uh, southern California to take Ronon and Teyla to Disneyland." Connor didn't mention the Ferris wheel. "Then, uh, General Landry has given us permission to have the Apollo, um, beam us to Ireland and we'll spend a week or so there."

"Ireland?" Daniel glanced at him as he turned on his headlights. "I always forget you're Irish, Davids."

"Um, yeah. Ronon and Teyla were curious about different countries so I, uh, offered to show them around mine."

"That's cool. I need a vacation." Daniel sighed. "Between the Ori and everything else…my life has been pretty nonstop, and with Jack in DC and Sam in Atlantis and Teal'c wherever he is these days…it's just me, Mitchell and Vala…not the most inspiring group." He said, but Connor could detect the fondness in his voice. "So anything else new in Atlantis? I'm trying to talk Jack into letting me visit soon." He said eagerly.

"You, uh, read about the IOA plot?" Connor asked quietly.

Daniel shot him a concerned look. "No, I'm a bit behind on the Atlantis briefs, what IOA plot?"

So Connor found himself detailing the latest information about the goings on of Atlantis. By the time he had finished they arrived at Ruby's Steakhouse and were sitting in the parking lot.

"You were shot?" Daniel asked in disbelief.

"Um, more like a graze." Connor answered with a light blush.

"I think this calls for a beer or two." The older man replied, looking concerned. "Wow, I can't believe you went to Atlantis, only to have all of this happen to you. Has anything good happened?" He asked as they got out of the car.

Connor shut his door. "Um, yeah."

Daniel looked at him surprised. "Really? Care to share?" He opened the door to the restaurant and held it open for Connor to step through.

"I, um, might have found someone…" He trailed off as the host looked at them.

"Two?" He asked, grabbing two menus. Daniel and Connor both nodded and followed him to a small booth. It was a bit late for the dinner rush, so the place was somewhat quiet. "And your waiter will be with you shortly."

"Thanks." Daniel said, taking a seat.

Connor sat across from him and browsed the menu, settling on salmon and mashed potatoes along with a pint of Stella Artois.

He lowered his menu and found Daniel looking at him, his menu similarly abandoned to the side of the table. "So you found someone?" He asked.

"Um, yeah." Connor was really hoping their waiter came soon.

"Anyone I know?" Which Connor thought was a dumb question, because Daniel was so damn friendly that he knew everyone at the SGC and had worked for months with the original expedition people so he would know almost anyone that Connor named.

"Um…"

"And how are you guys doing tonight? My name is Mark and I'll be your server." A man asked from above them. Connor looked up to spy their waiter smiling at them. "Can I get you something to drink? Start you off with any appetizers?"

"I'll have a Molson's." Daniel told him. "You've got that on tap, right?"

"We sure do." Mark smiled. "And for you?" He shifted his attention to Connor.

"Stella Artois, please."

"Got it. Anything to start your dinner with?" Connor looked at Daniel who offered the server a shake of his head. "Alright, let me go get those drinks for you, and I'll be back in a few minutes to take your order."

"So…" Daniel said, somewhat slowly for him. "Anyone I know?"

"Yes." Connor answered honestly. "But no one I can tell you about."

Daniel looked puzzled for a moment before Connor saw the light go on in his head. "Military?"

"American military." Connor added.

"Got it." Daniel said, and Connor thought perhaps he did. "I didn't know you swung that way." The older man observed.

"Um… neither did I."

The waiter came back with their beers. "Are you all set to order?"

Daniel nodded. "I'll have the ribeye steak, medium well, with a baked potato."

Mark smiled and turned to Connor. "And for you, sir?"

"The salmon, please, with mashed potatoes."

"Excellent." Mark grabbed their menus. "I'll go put your order in right now." And then he left.

"So, really? You didn't know?"

Connor shrugged and took a lock sip of his beer. Oh, how he had missed beer on tap. "Um, yeah. Neither did he."

Daniel blinked. "Oh, wow." He took a sip of his beer before setting it back down.

"What about you?"

Dainel shook his head ruefully. "Nope, nothing on that front."

"Not… Vala?" Connor asked.

"Nah, I'm too busy anyways."

"You should, uh, put yourself back out there." The linguist urged.

Daniel smiled a at him. "You look happy." He said. "Happier than I think I've ever seen you. I was worried for a while, Connor."

The younger man blinked. "Worried?"

Daniel took a long drink of his beer and nodded. "There were a few months when you were…too quiet. I barely saw you and when I did you looked exhausted. I had more than one person ask about you."

Connor blinked again. "What?"

The other man laughed. "Is it so hard to believe that people were concerned about you? Even if you don't consider me a friend, which I hope you do, I have always considered you one." Well that answered that question. "There was one time when I saw you working out in the gym and you were so… skinny. I talked to Landry and the next day I noticed that more pudding began showing up in the mess."

"What?" He gaped. "General Landry… pudding… for me?" Connor asked quietly.

"I don't know what you did to get on his good side, but that man would move mountains for you, Connor." Daniel said. He picked up his beer and drank more.

"I… wow."

Daniel laughed. "Now I definitely know that you've been hanging out with an American… you never said 'wow' before."

Connor blushed. And opened his mouth to say something when his phone buzzed.

 **Where are you? Are you okay? Ronon and Teyla said they can't find you.**

Connor bit his lip as he typed out a reply.

 **I went out to dinner with Dr. Jackson, off base. I'm sorry.**

John's reply was quick.

 **Don't be. Have fun. =) TGAD.**

Connor's mind took a second to decipher that.

 _Tá grá agam duit._

He put his phone back down and looked up at Daniel who was watching him. "Colonel Sheppard again?" He asked with interest.

"Um, yeah. He tends to… worry."

Daniel laughed. "So tell me what else you've been working on. Did you get any farther on that lab that we talked about a couple weeks ago?"

"I've been looking…"

They continued talking about work throughout the meal. After his first beer, Connor switched to water and offered to drive back to base if Daniel wanted to keep drinking. The anthropologist took him up on that and Connor watched, amazed and a little concerned, as Daniel drank five beers in the course of their one hour dinner.

By the end of the night, Daniel rambled on a bit drunkenly and Connor took his credit card out to pay when the waiter came by with the check. When they had finished, he helped Daniel out of the booth and back out to his car, an arm wrapped firmly around the older man's waist.

Connor sat him in the passenger seat and reached into Daniel's jacket for his keys. He shut the passenger door and slid into the driver's seat, taking a moment to familiarize himself with the new vehicle before starting it up. He was technically breaking the law, as he wasn't licensed to drive in the States or in Ireland, he didn't like driving and had never wanted to learn, but his dad had insisted Connor at least know the basics in case of an emergency. He doubted this was what his father had had in mind.

"Connor?" Daniel asked sounding surprisingly sober for a man who just spent the last fifteen minutes trying to convince Connor that Coke was better than Pepsi.

"Yeah?" He asked, without taking his eyes off the road.

"Are you happy with Colonel Sheppard?" Daniel asked.

Connor inhaled sharply and gave him a glance out of the corner of his eye. Daniel's head was back against the seat with his eyes closed. "Um…"

"I mean you have to hide it and no one can know and you can't do normal date things…"

"I am really happy with him." Connor finally offered. "I didn't think I could be this happy."

"You look so so so so so happy." Daniel said with what might have been a sob. "Not as skinny, more… confident."

"Um, thanks?"

"I wanted to be happy, but he left me."

"You were dating someone?" Connor turned into the military compound.

"No." Daniel slurred. "Never dating, only wanted to."

"Was it Colonel O'Neill?" Connor asked softly, parking and then turning off the car.

"Jack, Jack, Jack." Daniel mumbled. And Connor could hear the sadness in his voice, it seeped through heavily now. He wanted to comfort his friend but wasn't sure how. "Connor?" He asked, eyes open and leaning towards the linguist.

"Yeah?" Connor swallowed uncomfortably.

Daniel didn't say anything else, just leaned over more and although Connor leaned backwards, he wasn't fast enough. The anthropologist's lips landed on his. For a moment all Connor thought was that they were softer than John's and felt entirely different to him. When Daniel's tongue started moving out Connor snapped out of his and jerked his head away. "Don't." He begged.

Daniel looked up at his eyes, wide. "Shit, I'm sorry." He said, leaning back as far from Connor as he could get. "I'm so sorry." He said completely apologetic.

"I… um… let me help you inside." Connor said, opening the door. He went around to Daniel's side of the car, taking deep breaths of the cold night air. He reached inside to help Daniel stand up. The older man staggered a bit as he stood, but Connor held on tight, despite not wanting to touch anyone right now other than John. He helped Daniel back into Cheyenne Mountain and swiped Daniel's card key to take the lift down to the older man's room.

He used Daniel's key to open his room and gently deposited the older man onto his bed. Daniel laid down and put an arm over his face, to shield from the light. Connor pulled off the anthropologist's shoes and had his hand on the door when Daniel called his name. Connor turned to face him.

"I'm really sorry." He said, eyes piercing Connor's.

"Get some sleep, Daniel." Connor said softly. He didn't say it was okay, because it wasn't, not really and he knew that Daniel knew that. He turned the knob, locking it behind him, hit the lights off and left the room.

Connor leaned against the door as it closed and took several deep breaths. He pulled out his cell phone.

 **Where are you?**

 **Your room.** Came the immediate response.

Connor ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit he must have picked up from John and made his way down to his room. When he got there John was sitting at his desk going through some papers. He looked up and smiled at Connor as the linguist shut the door behind him. His smile died when he took in Connor's appearance.

"Con?" He asked worriedly, standing.

Connor slowly made his way to his partner and threw his arms around John, holding him tight. John didn't ask again, instead he rubbed a soothing hand up and down Connor's back and mumbled soft words of love into his ear. John pressed a soft kiss to Connor's neck and a small sob spilt out of the younger man.

This time John did ask again. "Connor?"

"I'm okay."

"You're crying." John said, wiping a tear from the younger man's cheek. "You really need to tell me what happened before I start assuming the worst." John said seriously.

"I…" He leaned forward again and John let him, but Connor could hear his partner's heart racing. "I'm okay." He said again.

"Connor." John warned but Connor could hear the worry pouring out of him.

"I…" He took a deep breath and pulled back to look at John's face. "I went out to dinner with Daniel and he got a little… drunk."

"What did he do?" John asked angrily. Connor bit his lip nervously. "Connor, what did he do?" He asked again, his voice softer, but the smaller man could still hear the underlying tension.

"He kissed me." Connor said in a small voice.

Anger passed across John's face but was quickly replaced with concern. "Oh, Connor."

"I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I didn't want him to. I-I pushed him away. I'm sorry, John." He said miserably.

"Hey, it wasn't your fault." John said gently.

"I must have done something…or…"

John took his face in his hands. "No, Connor, you can't think like that. You didn't do anything wrong. Come here." He said, pulling Connor against him again and holding on so tight that Connor thought he couldn't breathe, but it was hard to tell.

"I'm sorry." Connor mumbled again.

John's hands began tugging at Connor's shirt, pulling it off of the younger man before moving to Connor's jeans, unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning them and unzipping. His jeans pooled at his feet and Connor forced his shoes off before stepping out of his pants, hands working frantically on John's shirt, needing to feel skin.

"Shh." John murmured. "Slow down, Connor."

"I need you." The linguist said brokenly. "Please, John, please." If his boyfriend said no right then, Connor wasn't sure what he would do. He needed John like he hadn't before.

John gently cupped his face, even as Connor worked at his pants. "You can have me, you never need to ask."

"Please." Connor repeated and John stepped out of his pants and they were both naked and Connor pressed his body against John's, his hands running over John's naked back, feeling the warm skin under his hands. He looked up under his bangs to John's face, pleading with his eyes.

John leaned down and gently and so softly pressed his lips against Connor's and the linguist finally, _finally_ started feeling right again. These lips were familiar, these lips he knew and when John hesitantly opened his mouth a little wider Connor didn't think about Daniel's tongue and his soft lips, instead he let John map out the inside of his mouth, a mouth that John must know better than his own at that point.

John gently moved them over to Connor's bed and lowered Connor slowly as though he would break, and Connor thought maybe he would. He was tired. He'd spent the last two weeks battling nightmares, being followed around by Ronon, assuring John that he was okay and visiting Evan, who was still only on light duty. He wanted to go away with John and just stay there. He wanted to forget the feeling of Daniel's lips and so, it seemed, did John.

John pulled away from Connor's mouth and his body hovered over Connor's as his hazel eyes searched Connor's blue ones. Connor didn't know what he was looking for, but the linguist didn't think he found it as he rolled off of Connor, careful not to fall off the small bed and pulled Connor on top of him.

John ran a hand through Connor's brown locks, teasing them out of his face. "After we go to Disneyland, before we go to Ireland, how would you feel if you and I went somewhere together for a few days?" He asked softly.

Connor nodded and leaned his forehead down on John's chest. He closed his eyes, inhaling his boyfriend's scent. "Yes." He breathed.

"I've talked to Teyla and Ronon about it and they said they'll be fine for a few days. We'll keep them close by, but otherwise, it's just us." He promised. John ran a comforting hand down Connor's back.

"Are we going to…?" Connor mumbled.

"Not tonight." His partner answered. Connor looked up at John's face. "You're not even hard, Connor."

"But you…" The linguist could feel his boyfriend's half hard erection pressing into his thigh.

"Will live." John said mirthlessly.

"I…"

"I know." John said a pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead, gently pushing him back down to lay on his chest. "Sleep, Con." He said softly.

And the younger man did.

* * *

John had never been possessive of his lovers in the past. He hadn't been overly protective or constantly worried or the kind of guy who glared at any other guy who looked at them wrong. That is until he met Connor Davids.

John didn't know what it was about the younger man that brought out instincts that he didn't even know he had. So that's why John found himself stalking the hallways of the SGC at eight the next morning looking for one Dr. Daniel Jackson.

He found him predictably in his lab looking like he was in need of a really good sleep. Jackson's greeting died on his face when he saw who it was.

"Colonel Sheppard." He said evenly but didn't bother pretending that he didn't know why John was there. "Is he okay?" He asked softly.

"No." John answered succinctly.

"I'm sorry." Daniel said and looked away. "I didn't mean to do anything."

John stared at him for a moment. "You like him."

Daniel sighed. "Yes." He answered truthfully and John had to give him props for that. "But I'm not going to do anything about it." John stared. "Anything that I haven't already done." He corrected.

"He doesn't understand things like this."

Daniel nodded remorsefully. "I know. Look, I was tired, drunk and lonely… it's not an excuse but it's the reason behind it."

"I know." John said evenly. "And he knows." He paused. "We're leaving in an hour." John told him.

"Okay. Should I…?"

John shook his head. "No."

"I'm sorry, John, please tell Connor that, too."

The lieutenant colonel nodded. "I will. He likes you, Jackson, he'll be back."

"I… Have fun on vacation."

"Oh, we will." John said and turned and left the anthropologist's office.

John poked his head into Connor's room on the way to the mess. "Breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry." His boyfriend answered, digging through some boxes that John knew had been stacked in the corner.

John stepped in and shut the door behind him. "C'mon, Con. You need to eat."

"I need to find something, John."

"I'm sure whatever it is can wait."

"It can't."

John walked over an crouched next to Connor. The younger man looking furiously through a box. "Did you forget where you put something?" Connor gave him a glare and John held up his hands. "Didn't forget, got it. So what are you looking for?"

"Something of my dad's."

"Can I help?" John asked, resting a hand on Connor's back.

"No I…" The linguist pulled out a small box. John squinted. Was that a jewelry box?

"What is it?"

"Um… just something I need."

"Can I see?" John reached for the box.

Connor instantly pulled it away. "No!"

"Oh, um, okay." The older man answered and tried not to look as hurt as he felt.

Connor set down the box and cupped the side of John's face and the older man looked away. "Sorry, it's just… personal, I need a little time."

"Sure." John said softly. "So now that you have it… breakfast?"

Connor nodded and pulled his hand back to repack the box. John stood and tried not to wince as his knees popped. He helped Connor move the boxes back into the corner and watched as Connor placed the small box into his suitcase. "I'm still not hungry." Connor said, following John out of his room.

"Humor me." John said, leaving no room for argument.

Connor sighed but didn't argue as John led him to the mess hall. Ronon and Teyla were already there, Ronon was plowing through a mound of food and Teyla appeared to be waiting for them. Connor went and sat down, pretending he didn't hear John grumble behind him.

John went and grabbed two trays, one for himself and one for his boyfriend, piling one plate high and the other plate with a few things in hopes that he would tempt Connor. He glanced back at his boyfriend, chatting with Teyla and placed a bowl of butterscotch pudding on his tray as well. John slid Connor's tray in front of him, keeping the pudding on his own tray in hopes that Connor would be enticed without the dessert.

After fifteen minutes, it became clear that his boyfriend really wasn't going to eat despite the encouraging from Teyla, the grunts from Ronon and the foot nudges from John. So John ignored the look Teyla gave him as he pushed the bowl of pudding towards his partner. John held his breath as Connor glanced at the dessert and inwardly sighed in relief when Connor accepted it and raised the spoon to his lips.

"So Landry roped us an Apache and the Apollo is going to beam us to it." He told them almost apologetic.

Ronon reached for Connor's uneaten breakfast and Teyla slapped his arm, but Connor just pushed his tray towards the Satedan who took it with a grin towards Teyla.

"You should eat something, Connor." She encouraged again.

In response John's boyfriend held up a spoonful of pudding and stuck it in his mouth almost defiantly. John laughed and took a bite of his bacon.

An hour later found John doing the pre-flight on his chopper. Connor was in the front next to him with Ronon and Teyla behind them. John wasn't sure but thought they might be at Camp Pendleton, a Marine base near San Diego, California. A quick question to flight control confirmed his suspicions.

"So we're going over water?" Connor asked, observing John.

"If you want." He answered into his headset, he turned his head slightly and saw Connor nod out of the corner of his eyes. "Then, yeah."

Connor turned to face the non-Earthlings of the group. "We're in San Diego." He told them. "On the coast of California in the United States."

"Surfing." Ronon said, in recognition of the word 'California'.

John saw Connor nod. "Yeah, the place with some good surf." He agreed.

John finished his pre-flight and spoke into his headset. "Flight, this is Sheppard, we're ready to take off."

"Understood, Colonel. Have a good time."

"Thank you flight, we plan to." John said and cut the connection. He slowly began to lift the helicopter off the ground.

Connor gasped slightly next to him and John reached a hand over to grab his partner's, holding tightly as he maneuvered the chopper up. He occasionally let go when he needed both hands but Connor's was always there waiting for him when he finished.

John took them along the coast, drifting inland a little bit, over the desert, and then back over the sea.

"So?" He asked, excited. John hadn't realized how much he had missed flying something without internal dampeners until now. "Like it?"

"It's pretty cool, Sheppard." Ronon agreed.

"I, too, must admit that I now see why you love this so much, John. This is wonderful." Teyla offered.

Connor just squeezed his hand and John decided to grill his partner about the experience later.

Almost five hours after taking off, John was landing.

"Welcome back, Colonel." Flight greeted.

"Thanks." John said as he shut down the chopped. He took his helmet off and went around to help Teyla out; help she gracefully accepted. "Lunch?" He asked the group. Ronon and Teyla nodded. "Connor?"

"Yeah, sure." His partner responded quietly.

John reached into his jacket for his radio. "Sheppard to the Apollo."

"Kinsey here, sir. How can I help you?"

"Can we get a lift?"

"Yes, sir. Where to, sir?"

John directed her to a secure place near their hotel in Orange county and asked for her to get their luggage from Colorado Springs at the same time. John and Connor had both put up money for them and Ronon and Teyla to stay at the Disneyland Hotel, pretty much in the park itself.

Finances had come as a bit of a shock to John. Connor, it seemed, had been holding out on him.

" _Holy shit." John said as he leaned over Connor's shoulder to look at the laptop the younger man was using. "Please tell me that's not…"_

" _Um…" Connor said nervously as he typed. "The government pays well."_

 _John laughed. "It doesn't pay_ me _that well."_

" _I, uh, also have a couple things patented and a few things published."_

" _Published?"_

" _Yeah." Connor answered, without extrapolating._

" _Patents?"_

" _Computer stuff." The linguist dismissed with a wave of his hand._

" _So I could retire and you could be my sugar daddy?"_

 _Connor laughed. "I've seen your own accounts."_

" _You have?"_

" _Um, yeah."_

" _When?" John asked puzzled._

"… _When you left it on your laptop, once, when I went to use it ." Connor admitted. "But if you want to retire, I promise to keep you in Prada."_

" _Maybe in a few years." John grinned._

" _Whenever you want." The younger man promised._

" _Deal." John agreed._

John shook his head as he remembered that conversation. Connor could never work another day in his life and still live frivolously. He felt the pull of the Asgard beam and a few seconds later, them and their stuff landed in the empty bathroom of the Disneyland Hotel. John saw him, Ronon and Connor and assumed that Teyla had been beamed to the women's bathroom.

He glanced in the mirror before leading everyone out and Teyla was there waiting for them. "I'll check us in." John said.

"Irish." John heard as he walked towards the check-in counter. "What's that?" John rolled his eyes, it was sure to be a long two weeks of 'what's that'.

* * *

Ronon followed Sheppard and Irish up to the room, Sheppard said it was some sort of sweet. Ronon thought that was just candy, but Irish explained that it had four beds and two rooms, so Ronon had shrugged and followed them. He towered over everyone he passed and saw a lot of people that didn't look alike. He recognized ones with small eyes as Asian like the small lady from McKay's lab and some of the dark skinned ones as African like some of the Marines.

Sheppard put a small plastic card into a door slot, which Ronon definitely thought was weird, but the door made a noise and opened. The room was large, airy and smelt kinda funny to Ronon. Sheppard had moved towards one of the bedrooms with his suitcase and Irish followed him. Ronon glanced towards Teyla and followed her into the other room. There were two beds, as promised, both large enough to fit Ronon and his teammates, with a bathroom on the side with a bath tub. Ronon shrugged, it was big and nice. Ronon dropped his bag on the bed and sat down on the squishy mattress. Teyla was walking around the room examining everything and Ronon remembered that this was really her first time on Earth outside of the SGC.

"Are you going to change?" She asked in a soft voice.

Ronon looked down at his jeans. "Why?"

"John said shorts would be much more comfortable. It is a bit hot outside." She explained, rooting through her bag.

"Shorts are weird. Can't hide as many knives."

"John has also said that they would probably check for weapons." She frowned at him.

"They can check." _But they'll never find_ , went unspoken.

Teyla pulled a small shirt out of her bag and some shorts. "I shall change then." And she left him to change in the bathroom. Ronon snorted, it wasn't as if he and his team hadn't already seen it. There weren't really any secrets left between the four of them and many long nights off world had led to the sharing of many words.

Ronon wandered back out of the bedroom to the main room. If he strained he could hear Sheppard and Irish talking, but he couldn't really make out any words. Their door opened and they both came out, Sheppard and Irish were both wearing jeans now; Sheppard had had his uniform on earlier. He watched, amused, as Sheppard tried to rub white stuff like McKay's on Irish's arm.

"John! Stop it." Irish said with a small laugh. "I can do it."

"You're going to burn."

"I'm Irish." He said with a roll of his eyes. "Of course I'm going to burn." He paused. "And freckle."

Ronon wasn't sure what that meant but Sheppard seemed interested in that last bit. "Really?" The older man drawled.

"Yep." Irish rubbed the white stuff into his arms and his face as Sheppard rubbed some into his neck. "Do you want any?"

John shrugged and put a couple dabs on his arms and face. "Ronon?" He asked.

Ronon just glared at him. "No."

"Okay then…where's Teyla."

"Changing."

"Okay. So…" Sheppard walked over and picked up a book. "There's a couple restaurants here, or we could walk somewhere. I think I remember there being like an I-Hop or something across the street…or…oh! Downtown Disney is here now also, there's a…"

"House of Blues, Jazz Kitchen, Tortilla Joe's, Rainforest Café, …" Irish listed off.

Ronon and Sheppard turned to look at him. "Okay." John drawled. "So those are your choices."

Ronon wasn't sure how Sheppard expected him to pick. He didn't know what a crab was, a house of blues sounded too colorful, and one had a rainforest in it? "Whatever." He said.

"Connor?"

Irish shrugged. "I don't care."

"You're both a lot of help." Sheppard sighed. "Teyla," He called, raising his voice. "What do you want to eat?"

"A hamburger." She yelled back.

Sheppard grinned. "House of Blues it is."

Sheppard set the book back down and came up behind Irish, wrapping his arms around the younger man from behind. Ronon blinked but left his face emotionless. He knew that they had to hide their relationship on Atlantis, but on vacation, Ronon hoped they knew they didn't have to hide from him or Teyla.

The Athosian woman chose that moment to exit their shared room. Ronon grinned, Teyla was hot. He had Jennifer now, but it definitely didn't mean he couldn't look, and from the look on Sheppard's and Irish's faces they didn't seem to find anything wrong with looking either.

"Am I wearing it wrong?" Teyla asked, tugging at one of the straps of her…Ronon hesitated to call it a shirt. It showed more skin that Teyla's clothing usually did.

"No." Sheppard said, voice strained. He coughed once. "I mean, no. You look great, Teyla."

Irish nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Teyla, you're beautiful." He said with a blush.

She smiled widely. "Thank you."

"Food?" Ronon rumbled.

"Let's go." Sheppard said, detaching himself from Irish before grabbing the younger man's hand and tugging him out the door behind him. "Adventure awaits."


	34. Pulchritude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 34 : Pulchritude**

Author's Notes :  
\- Definitely departed from canon in this chapter.  
\- Nyades is made up.

* * *

John pursed his lips and tried not to let any of the depression he was currently feel show on his face. Teyla, Ronon and himself had been back on Atlantis for three days. Connor had stayed behind, at the request of General Landry, to work on something and his boyfriend had been helpless to say no.

"Sheppard? Are you even listening to me?" John blinked and instinctively backed away from the fork that Rodney was waving in front of his face. "John?" He repeated worriedly and John wondered how long the other man had been trying to get his attention.

"Yes, sorry, Rodney. What were you saying?"

Rodney shot him a look that told John he wasn't fooling anyone. "I was trying to tell you about something Zelenka found while you were gone."

"Oh, uh, yeah, sounds good." John said lifelessly as he poked at his dinner.

"It's the Ancient equivalent of a basketball, Sheppard." Rodney said dryly. "What part sounds good?"

"I like basketball."

By the look on Rodney's face he didn't believe a word John said. "Look, Sheppard," He started, "He'll be back when he's back, there's no use moping around like a teenage girl."

"I'm not moping around."

The astrophysicist snorted. "You haven't even touched your food."

John looked down and sure enough his steak hadn't even been cut and his mashed potatoes had gravy leaking out of the small crater on top. "I'm not hungry."

"Ugh, don't start turning into that kung-fu wordist of yours." Rodney said disgusted. "It's only been three days."

Three long days. Probably the longest three days of his life. He wondered if this was what it was like for Connor all the time; knowing that John was away but not knowing when he would come back. John shoveled some potatoes into his mouth. "Happy?" He asked.

"Ecstatic." Rodney said sarcastically. "So what else did you do on Earth?"

"Haven't Ronon and Teyla told you everything by now?"

"You would think so."

"Did Teyla tell you about her first time on a roller coaster?"

"No." Rodney said, shoving a piece of chicken into his mouth.

"Well…"

" _Space Mountain is a bit brutal for a first time roller coaster." John said worriedly. "Maybe we should start with something slower."_

" _Why?" Ronon asked bluntly._

" _There's nothing in the Pegasus Galaxy that can relate to this."_

" _I do believe Ronon and I can handle it, John." Teyla put in._

 _John looked at Connor and the younger man shrugged. "If they want to…"_

 _So they waited in line for half an hour, walking through the maze of Space Mountain to get to the coaster._

" _How many?" The guy working asked them._

" _Four." John told him._

" _Lanes 2 and 3."_

" _Thanks." Connor mumbled as they walked past. "John?"_

" _Hm?"_

" _Maybe, uh, for their first time one of us should ride with one of them."_

 _John's face fell a bit at the suggestion but he appeared to think it through. "Okay."_

" _So," Connor said, turning towards his partner's teammates. "It'll start out dark and go from there with lights and stuff. It kinda will jerk you around a, uh, lot." The next empty car pulled up and Ronon sat next to Connor while John sat next to Teyla. The Satedan followed Connor's lead in pulling down the harness. "It also goes upside down." He said._

" _Cool." Ronon grinned._

 _A few seconds later the car shot forward and Connor forced himself not to let out a small scream. They flew through the ride, sideways, upside down, forward, and looping, all at incredible speeds. When it finished and they came back out into the lit area, waiting to empty their ride care Connor glanced at Ronon._

 _The Satedan had the biggest grin on his face that Connor had ever seen._

" _Did you like it?" He asked quietly._

" _Let's go again." Ronon agreed._

" _We have to wait in line again." Connor told him as they moved forward, stopped and their harnesses unlocked. "C'mon, a couple more times and then, uh, lunch." They got out of the car and headed for the tunneled exit. John came up beside him and took his hand again. "Did Teyla like it?" He asked quietly._

" _She looked vaguely like she would puke, but I think she's okay. Definitely wasn't expecting that."_

 _Connor glanced behind him at the Athosian woman. She did look a little green. "No one does the first time." He said. The next thing they know, Teyla is sprinting past them towards a rubbish bin with 'The Happiest Place On Earth' scrawled on the side, losing what's left of her breakfast._

"Teyla ralphed? No way!" Rodney exclaimed.

John nodded. "And then refused to go on any more roller coasters."

Rodney chewed on his food thoughtfully. "That sucks."

"Yeah. Especially since Ronon loved them and all he wanted to do was go on them. Eventually we split up, Ronon and me, Teyla and Connor."

At his boyfriend's name, a stab of melancholy hit John. He wondered what the other man was doing now. If he was thinking of John, like John was him. If he could sleep at night or was eating enough. He definitely tried to steer clear of how much time Connor might be spending with Jackson.

"You're doing it again." Rodney said, annoyed. "I'm still here you know. If you're going to moon over that boy toy of yours, at least do it after I've finished my dinner."

"Sorry." John mumbled.

"That's it!" Rodney said loudly. "What has happened to you, Sheppard? That linguist has brain-washed you!"

John looked around at the few people in the mess hall. "Gee, Rodney, could you announce that any louder?"

McKay scoffed. "Whatever." He dismissed. "The point is, you used to have a life, used to do things, but now you're just like…bleh. Teyla says she hasn't seen you in two days and Ronon said you stopped running with him."

"I've been busy, McKay." John argued. "I just got back from a two week vacation. As much as you and everyone else likes to think that Lorne can do my job, he can't."

"I think you're moping." Rodney said.

"Jesus Christ, McKay. I just saw him three days ago. We've gone much longer than that without seeing each other. I'm not some wife pining away at home." John said angrily.

An hour later, John was staring at the ceiling in his old quarters. He had spent the first night in his and Connor's shared quarters but they had suddenly seemed too empty, the bed too large. John didn't want to admit it, but Rodney was right. He was pining away.

He sighed and wondered what Connor was doing. Again.

* * *

"General Landry?" Connor asked with a knock to his open door.

"Ah, Dr. Davids, how can I help you?" He asked with a smile.

Connor took that as his cue to step into the room. "I've, um, finished the work you wanted."

"Already?" Landry asked in surprised, reaching for the papers that Connor was offering him. "I thought it would take a couple weeks." _It probably would have_ , Connor admitted silently, _if I hadn't worked through the night_. "I always forget how efficient you are." The older man smiled. "We need more people like you around here."

"Um, thank you, sir." Connor said with a blush.

The general sighed. "I suppose you want to head back to Atlantis today?"

"If I could." Connor answered.

"The dial out is at noon."

"Thank you, sir." He turned and walked back towards the door.

The general made a quiet noise and Connor turned at it. "If I may, Dr. Davids…are you alright?"

"Yes, sir." Connor said softly.

Landry frowned. "Alright. I'll see you at noon."

"Yes, sir." With that Connor left, heading back to his quarters to pack up what little he had used. He hadn't seen John in a week and it was starting to show. He couldn't sleep at night, the bed felt cold without John to warm it and while Daniel had done a pretty good job of corralling Connor to the mess hall for food, the younger man had only eaten a few bites at every meal.

"Hey."

Connor looked up and saw Daniel in his doorway. "Hey."

The other man took that as permission to enter and shut the door behind him. "So you're all finished?"

"Yeah." Connor mumbled, packing the shirt of John's that he had stolen before the older man had left for Atlantis.

"Excited to be heading back?" Connor turned to face Daniel and could see a small amount of sadness in his gaze. When he had first gotten back to the SGC, they had talked and Daniel had apologized, profusely, and from there on they went about life like nothing had changed. Connor had gotten a new friend, even if Daniel had always considered him one. The linguist knew his friend wanted to go to Atlantis, but for some reason O'Neill wouldn't sign off on it.

"Yeah."

Daniel took a seat on his bed as Connor zipped up his suitcase. He had come with one and was leaving with two. One was full of gifts for his friends back on Atlantis.

"Connor?"

The linguist turned to face his friend. "Hm?"

"You love him?"

"Yeah." Connor admitted softly. "I really do. He's my life, Daniel."

The archeologist closed his eyes and looked away. "I want that. I want what you have."

"You'll get it."

Daniel shook his head and looked back at Connor. "No, I won't. I'm too…old now, to be chasing dreams. I was married once, you know?"

"No." Connor said softly.

"Her name was Sha're and she was so beautiful." He said wistfully.

"What happened?"

"Apophis kidnapped her and made her a host. She's dead now." Daniel said quietly.

"I'm sorry."

The archeologist shook his head. "It was a long time ago."

"Still…" Connor couldn't imagine losing John and leading any sort of life afterwards.

"Thanks." Daniel said softly. "But now, after everything…the Goa'uld, the Ori and everything in between…sometimes all I want is to settle down. I've been chasing knowledge for so long that I forgot how to live."

"Come to Atlantis." Connor told him. "Retire and come to Atlantis."

"I've got responsibilities…Mitchell is here, Vala…Landry…" _Jack_ was the name he didn't say.

"Come to Atlantis." The linguist repeated. "We have ruins and translations and Colonel Carter is there…I think she's lonely sometimes." Connor admitted. "She needs a friend."

"I can't just leave, Connor." Daniel said, but the younger man could see he was considering it.

"Yes, you can. Stop asking General O'Neill for permission. Ask General Landry. He would say yes."

"I…"

"And John said that McKay is looking for a way to repair Midway and we connect to Earth once a week, so anything that would, um, need you, you can be there for. If you wanted to go on missions, my team needs a scientist when I'm not there, we can share. There's Ancient tech and, according to John, hot natives." Daniel snorted at that. "Come to Atlantis."

"I'm not sure Colonel Sheppard would approve."

"I'll ask him really, really nicely." Connor said. "C'mon." He grabbed Daniel's hand, tugging him off his bed and pulled him along behind him until they reached General Landry's office. Connor released Daniel's arm and knocked.

"Come in." He heard.

Connor pushed the door open and Daniel followed. "General Landry?"

"Dr. Davids, Dr. Jackson," He said with a smile and a bit of surprise. "What can I do for you?"

Connor gave Daniel a small push forward. "Sir?"

"Yes, Dr. Jackson?"

"I would like your permission to go to Atlantis." Daniel said bravely.

Landry looked at him. "Jack isn't going to like this."

"With all due respect, sir, Jack is in Washington and you're in charge here."

"Well, so I am." Landry said. "You have four hours until the dial-out, Dr. Jackson, I suggest you use them wisely."

"Thank you, sir." Daniel said and Connor led them back out of his office. "Wow. I'm going to Atlantis." He said with a look of wonder and amazement on his face.

"We, uh, better pack then." Connor suggested. "Do you have a flat here?"

"A flat?" Daniel asked, bemused as they made their way to archeologist's office. "Um, no, I did, but now I live on base."

"I'll get some boxes." Connor said as Daniel headed into his cluttered room. "Start packing."

"Connor." Daniel said, stopping the linguist in his tracks.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"No problem."

* * *

"And Colonel Carter?" John heard over the radio.

"Yes, sir?" She asked General Landry.

"I think we have something that belongs to you." The general said.

A few seconds later Connor walked through the stargate pushing a dolly of boxes and dragging two suitcases behind him. John raised an eyebrow at the sight but before he could move to help the younger man a second dolly appeared through the gate with Jackson behind it. A couple marines walked through, also pulling some stuff.

"I take it they arrived safely."

"Yes, sir." Carter said, and John wondered if she was as surprised to see Jackson as he was. Below Connor was searching the faces for John's and when he found it a smile stretched across his feet.

"Good. Landry out." The stargate whooshed and disappeared and John left Carter's side to go help with the boxes.

"Daniel!" Carter said happily from behind John. She strode past him and enveloped the other man in a huge hug that Jackson returned. They said something to each other that John couldn't make out, but he didn't care. Connor let go of the dolly and John took a suitcase from him, pulling it behind. They abandoned the scene in the gate room, heading for their quarters instead.

The walk there was silent but the second the door closed behind them Connor was in his arms. John held on to him tightly, just breathing in the scent of the younger man and running his hands up and down the linguist's back to reassure himself that the younger man was there. Connor's arms hugged him tightly and a suitcase fell over behind them but John didn't care. His world was in his arms and there was nothing that would move him.

John slipped a hand under Connor's jacket and shirt, up the smooth skin of his back and sighed softly when he felt the outline of Connor's ribs. And that was all it took before Connor was frantically trying to pull off John's shirt as the older man pulled off Connor's. Hands were on belts and pants were on the floor, shoes and socks were being kicked off in every direction and they tumbled to the bed.

"Missed you." And John wasn't sure who said that, but figured it didn't matter, the sentiment would be true for either of them.

"I love you."

"I love you."

"I missed you so much."

"I love you."

John's tongue traced the contours of Connor's body, starting at his chin and working his way down. He spent extra time leaving slightly red marks on Connor's necks that would show up brightly tomorrow. A hand tweaked his nipples and John moaned as he licked Connor's chest. Another hand slowly ran through his hair, massaging his head. John hummed gratefully as his hands moved all over the younger man's body. Connor's, it seemed, couldn't stay still either and then ran up and down John's arms and his neck.

The younger man tugged him back up and Connor claimed his lips, their tongues dueling briefly before Connor smiled into their kiss and John was allowed admittance. His partner tasted better than John ever remembered and he cursed his need to breathe, holding out as long as he could before finally pulling away and panting. Connor's hands kneaded into John's butt cheeks as they kissed again and never before had John felt remorse at waiting for more.

He wanted Connor and he wanted him badly. Connor must have sensed something because the younger man broke the kiss and their foreheads rested together as John's hazel green eyes met Connor's blue ones and his partner searched them. John let him, he had nothing to hide, Connor knew he wanted him and John wasn't ashamed of it.

John's breathing had returned to normal and Connor still hadn't let their gazes separate. When he did John let his head fall to the pillow by Connor's neck and gently sucked at the skin there.

"I'm sorry." Connor said softly, so softly that if John hadn't been laying on top of him and _felt_ his words he wouldn't have known the linguist had said anything at all.

John pulled his mouth away. "What?"

"I'm sorry." Connor repeated, louder this time.

"Fuck." John muttered and lowered his head to the pillow. He rolled off of Connor and turned his head to face the younger man. "You have nothing, _nothing_ to be sorry for."

Connor turned on his side to face him and John looked a leg over Connor's hips, anchoring them together. John took in Connor's face and reached a hand out to try and smooth away the embarrassment and pain there. "I… you want more, John."

"So?" He didn't even try to deny it.

"I…" And John could see thought after thought running through Connor's mind.

"Tell me what you're thinking." He pleaded.

Connor was quiet. "That I don't deserve you." He breathed. "That you should be able to… fulfill your needs even if it's not with me… that we shouldn't wait until I'm ready because I don't know when that will be, that we-" John cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"Connor, what the fuck?" John said angrily. The younger man flinched at his voice. "What the fuck are you talking about?" John looked away from his boyfriend and slowly inhaled. John exhaled and calmed himself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." Connor bit his lip. "If… if one of us doesn't deserve the other, it's me. How could you think you don't deserve me? You're so much better than I am, Con, so much more innocent." He said, tracing Connor's lips. "And I can't believe you even thought for a second that I would go somewhere else for sex. We've never talked about monogamy because I didn't think we had to. Well, we have to now. As long as we're together, it's just you and me." John said firmly. "No one else." Connor nodded. "And as for waiting… fuck, Connor, you just suggested I rape you." John said, closing his eyes.

John felt a feather-like touch on his face. "I'm sorry."

"You can't say things like that, Con." John said gently, opening his eyes to look at his younger boyfriend. He grabbed the hand that was touching his face and held it close. "I told you once that I would wait forever, and I will. I don't care. Yes, I want you, yes I want to make love to you, to feel you that much closer to me, but never before you're ready, _never_." John promised passionately. "Jesus, Connor. I _love you_ , I love _you_. I can't believe you would even think I would force you before you were ready."

"Not force." Connor denied quietly.

"If you're not ready, that's what it is." John countered.

Connor moved closer and threw himself on John, who cradled him against his body. "I want to be ready." He breathed into John's neck. "I want you, so badly, John. You're so patient and wonderful and all I ever do is make us wait. I'm so tired of waiting. I want to feel you." He said with a small sob.

John gently rubbed the base of Connor's head and his neck. "Shh, it'll happen, Con. It'll happen. It just takes time."

"What's wrong with me, John?" Connor asked in a small voice. "No guy turns down sex. There must be something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you." John soothed. "Not all guys are like that."

"I just want to be ready."

They were quiet for a moment, Connor breathing against John's neck and John rubbing soothing circles on his back. "Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"You told me once that you never imagined having sex before marriage. How long did you think like that?" John asked softly.

"Since I was nine."

"So twenty-four, twenty-five years?"

"Yeah." Connor agreed quietly.

"I think you might still be thinking like that." John suggested gently.

"But we can't get married."

John took a deep breath. "Teyla has offered us the chance to bond in the way of her people."

Connor was quiet and John wasn't sure if he'd made a mistake or not. "Are you asking me so we can have sex?" Connor asked quietly pulling back to look John in the eye.

"No." John said emphatically. "Absolutely not." John paused so Connor could hear the truth in his voice. "I'm asking you because I want to spend the rest of my life reminding you to eat and sleep and take a break. I'm asking you because you're the most beautiful person I know and I need you in my life, because I can't imagine my life without you and I don't want to. I'm asking you because we've said forever, but I'm incredibly insecure in that and need something to help me remember forever. I'm asking you because I've known since the moment I met you that you would change my life and for the past _six months_ I've been thinking about asking you, but I wasn't sure you were ready. Bur mostly, I'm asking you because _I love you_." John grabbed Connor's hand and thread their fingers together. "If we bond or marry or whatever and you still never feel ready to do anymore than we do now or even want to do less, I would still be the luckiest man in two galaxies because you love me and you love me forever. Bond with me, Connor." John pleaded softly.

Connor looked at him, eyes wide and slowly started to nod. "Really?"

"Yes."

"John?"

"Yes?"

"Marry me, too."

"God, yes."

* * *

"So how'd you end up on Atlantis?" Sam asked him as Daniel pulled as much of his stuff behind him as he could. Sam was pushing Connor's abandoned dolly and the other Marines were following him to an office that Sam said was empty.

"Connor." Daniel explained. "And Landry." He added.

"Dr. Davids?" Sam asked, frowning.

"Yeah. This morning he decided I should come to Atlantis. And man, Sam, I've never seen Landry cave to something so quickly. He must really like the kid."

They reached a non-descript door and Sam waved her hand over the crystals sticking out of the wall and the door slid open. The office was somewhat small, but large enough for Daniel. He and Sam abandoned their dollies and the Marines did the same before being excused leaving Daniel with his teammate.

"How've you been, Daniel?" Sam asked, leaning against the wall, watching him unpack. Daniel's suitcases were abandoned by the door.

Daniel looked up at her. "To be honest, I've been better, Sam. And, uh, as a warning, I'm not sure Colonel Sheppard and I should be… put together for a while."

Sam raised an eyebrow at that. "Why?"

"Um, nothing." Daniel said, burying himself in a box.

"Daniel."

"I may have kissed Connor while I was drunk." Daniel admitted.

"May have?"

"Or did."

Sam laughed. "Man, Daniel, I've missed you."

Daniel looked up at her and smiled. "I've missed you, too."

"C'mon." Sam said, grabbing a suitcase. "Leave your office for later, let's drop your luggage off and I'll give you a tour of the city."

"Sounds great." He said excited. He grabbed the other suitcase and followed her out. "So no one really knows about Sheppard and Connor?" He asked quietly.

"Technically I don't even know." Sam offered.

"But I mean, just now in the gate room…"

She laughed again. "You would think, but actually, Daniel, they're hardly ever together in public, or at least it's hardly ever just the two of them. Most of the people here think Davids is dating Teyla."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah."

"I don't see it." Daniel said, trying to picture the two together.

"Me neither." She said with a laugh. "Me neither."

* * *

"So how's it going to work?" John mumbled into Connor's hair that night. Both men were naked beneath the sheet that Connor had pulled up over them. The younger man had his head on John's chest, hand in his dog tags and a leg thrown over John's. John had a warm hand resting on Connor's hip and his other hand was lightly caressing Connor's forearm, where it rested on his chest, moving his hand up and down gently.

"Hm?"

"Getting married."

"Hmm." Connor sighed happily.

"That's not an answer, Con." John said, amused and no less happy than his partner.

"I thought we could, uh, bond and then in the future get married on Earth. It's election year in the States, John. The new candidate that's taking over for Hayes, the liberal one, is campaigning on repealing DADT and promoting a federal approval of gay marriage."

John was definitely shocked to hear that. "He's what?"

"He's all for gay rights."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Some of us like to keep appraised of the goings on in your country."

"Oh." John paused. "Wow."

"I mean, if he's elected, it's not like I would drag you back to Earth the day after, but just, you know, as a, uh, possibility."

John gently started moving the thumb on Connor's hip back and forth. "I would love that."

"Really?" Connor asked nervously.

"Really." John promised. "So how are we going to pull off the Athosian bonding. I assume you want Lorne there…and that Corporal of yours. I'm not sure Carter will just let me and Lorne have the same time off."

"Just for a day." Connor pleaded. "Well more like, for a night."

"You're thinking midnight for the ceremony?"

"Yeah, if, uh, you don't mind."

"I preferred midnight as well."

Connor kissed his chest. "Grand. So, um, Lorne, Eric, Teyla, Ronon and Dr. McKay…if he wants."

"I'm sure he'll want to, Connor." John assured the younger man. "Not Jackson?"

"No. I know you don't like him, John, and we're not that close or anything." He was quiet for a moment. "John?"

"Hm?"

"What if I get a question wrong?" He asked, referring to part of the ceremony.

John smiled fondly. "I think I'm more worried about me getting a question wrong. You remember everything."

"But what if it's something you haven't told me yet."

"Then we'll wait a month and try again." John said simply.

"It's that easy?"

"Yep."

"So how do we tell everyone?" Connor asked softly.

"I'm having breakfast with the team, and I know it's early but you could go back to sleep afterwards." John suggested.

"Alright."

"I thought you could tell Lorne and Johns, unless you want me to tell them with you."

Connor shook his head. "I can tell them."

"I'm going off-world tomorrow." John informed him. "But it's to a planet with a lot of walking, so I can ask Teyla more, if you want."

"Sure." Connor agreed quietly.

"You falling asleep on me?" John asked fondly.

"Time difference." He mumbled.

"Ah."

"John?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Con."

"'Night."

"Goodnight."

* * *

"What?" Connor asked Ronon for the third time as they ran the next morning.

"Nothing." The Satedan replied, again.

"Ronon." He ground out. They raced down a pier towards the end.

The Satedan hesitated. "You look happy."

"I am."

"More happy."

"I am."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

Connor sped up and Ronon grinned and followed his lead.

"How was your run?" John asked an hour later as Connor climbed into the shower behind him.

"Good." Connor leaned forward and rested his head against John's back, sleepily.

"You run outside today?"

"Yeah, t'was nice."

"Sunny?"

"For the most part."

"As much as I love you, Con, I can't take a shower with you there." John said gently and pried his partner off his back. "Did you shower?"

"Yeah."

"Good, then you can help me."

Connor smiled and reached for the shampoo. John ducked a little as the linguist's hands went up to gently massage the soapy liquid into John's hair. John closed his eyes Connor carefully spread the shampoo about. After a minute or so, he pushed his boyfriend back under the spray and white suds fell down his face. John squeezed his eyes further shut as Connor gently wiped it all away. The smaller man pulled him forward and his hands were soon back in his hair working conditioner into it. Connor let the conditioner set and reached for a washrag, lathering soap onto it and then gently moving the wash cloth up and down John's body. He blushed when he felt John harden against his leg and Connor started moving slower over John's body, eliciting a groan from the older man.

"Connor."

"Yes?" He asked innocently.

"We don't have time… mmm."

Connor ran the wash cloth over John's hardening length. "What was that?"

"I said… we don't…" Connor squeeze gently. "Ah!… have… time."

"We'll eat fast." He whispered into John's ear, squeezing again. He pushed John back under the shower spray and rinsed the conditioner out. John's eyes opened again and need reflected out of them. Connor finished with John's hair and dropped the wash cloth, grabbing the soap and pouring a small amount into his hands. He ran them up and down John's back, loving how they glided along the skin.

John gasped when he hands moved further south and Connor ran an adventurous finger along the middle of John's butt cheeks, pressing between them lightly, but not enough to hit anything they weren't ready for. "You're killing me." The older man bit out.

He moved his hand around to the front and grabbed John's stiff member in his hand, slowly moving up and down it. John groaned and leaned forward, latching his lips onto Connor's neck. There were already a few bright red hickeys there from yesterday and Connor were sure there would be more today. John's hand started stroking Connor and the linguist had half a thought to wonder when John had slicked it up, because his hand slid easily up and down.

"I want to taste you." John whispered in his ear. Connor immediately felt himself harden more and John chuckled. The older man let the water run between them for a second, washing the soap off of Connor's erection before sliding out of the younger man's grasp and landing gently on his knees.

[Edited Content]

Any other day Connor would have let him finish, but today, this morning, their first morning engaged he wanted them to come together. So he tugged lightly on John's hair and the older man looked up at him and Connor smiled. John seemed to get the message and Connor reached a hand down and help John off the shower floor.

John wasted no time in plastering their wet bodies together and letting Connor taste himself. The younger man didn't think he'd ever like the taste as much as John did, but John got incredibly turned on by Connor kissing him after anything oral and Connor got turned on by John getting incredibly turned on. As if on cue, John's erection pressed harder against Connor's body and the younger man grabbed more soap, lathering his hand he reached for John without breaking their kiss.

Connor stepped back a little to insert his hand between them and John moaned at the loss of contact and then moaned at the touch of Connor's hand. He knew, by now, that they were going to be really late for breakfast so Connor regretfully began to speed up the movements of his hand and after a few minutes he moved a little closer to John, until their erections touched as much as they could despite their height differences. He wrapped his hand around both of them and John groaned quietly into his ear, resting his head on Connor's shoulder, his hands wrapped securely around the linguist's waist.

"Connor." John gasped.

"Close?" The linguist murmured.

"Oh, yeah." John agreed breathlessly. "You?"

"Yeah."

A few moments later, just like their first time, the two lovers came together, both with a gasp, Connor's name on John's lips and John's name on Connor's. They held each other up as soft trembles shook their bodies. Connor could feel his heart beating rapidly and felt John's breath on his neck. The younger man moved his arms so they were both around John and they held each other close.

"I love you." John breathed.

"I know."

* * *

"Finally!" Rodney yelled as John and Connor entered the mess hall. There were a few people scattered about, but not too many. It was 0720, a little early for the majority of Atlantis, otherwise known as the scientists.

John just grinned as he remembered why they were late and from the blush on Connor's face the scientist knew what he was thinking about. John shoved his hands into his pocket as he followed Connor to the food line. His hands were begging to touch the scientist in any way, a hand on his back, finger on his arm, arms around his waist. But there were too many people around to do any of that so John forced them to stay still.

Connor laid out two trays and began selecting food. He shot John a small glare, offset by his smile, when John added a bowl of yogurt to Connor's tray. The linguist had lost too much weight this past week and John knew he would spend the next month putting it back on.

"I ate." Connor mumbled quietly so that no one would hear him but John.

"Yes, but how much?"

"Everyday."

"Not how often." John said with a smile. He couldn't stop smiling today and it must have been contagious because a smile had yet to leave Connor's face either.

"I-" He closed his mouth. "Alright."

"Thank you." John said and grabbed a bowl of butterscotch pudding. "If you're good."

"I'm always good." Connor countered.

John leaned in close. "We'll see." He whispered.

He followed Connor over his team's table. Ronon had pulled up an extra chair for Connor to sit in when he noticed the scientist with John. So John sat across from Ronon and next to Connor. Teyla was to his left and Rodney across from her.

"Finally, Sheppard. What took so long? You're twenty minutes late!" Rodney accused before shoveling part of an omelet into his mouth.

"Had a better offer than breakfast, McKay." John offered happily. Next to him Connor flushed a deep red and Rodney choked on his eggs.

"Jesus, Sheppard, warn a guy." Ronon gave him a couple heavy hits on the back and Rodney just glared at the Satedan.

"Good morning, Connor." Teyla offered serenely. "It is quite the surprise to see you up so early."

Connor took a sip of his orange juice and John made a mental note to talk to Connor about all the tea that was piling up in their quarters. Teyla brought some back every time she went to New Athos and many of John's Marines have taken to paying Connor in tea for fixing their computers but the last time his partner had drunk any was when Dr. Grey slipped something into it. Connor swallowed, "Good morning, Teyla." He greeted back quietly.

John looked around, noting that his team had chosen a table off to the side and that no one else was within earshot of their conversation. John cleared his throat and everyone looked up at him. He moved a leg to rest against Connor's under the table. "Um, about that…" His team held expectant looks on their faces.

"Well?" Rodney asked impatiently.

John took a deep breath, looked at Connor and smiled even bigger. His partner returned the smile and John moved the edge of his right hand to gently touch the edge of Connor's. "We haven't told anyone else yet," John began. "So you guys are the first to know… I… we're…"

"We're engaged." Connor finished softly.

The reaction was immediate. Teyla smiled brightly at them both while Ronon was grinning and McKay looked flabbergasted.

"You're getting married?" Rodney exclaimed.

John looked around and noticed a few heads had turned their way. "Rodney." He hissed and the astrophysicist jumped as Teyla kicked him. "Could you try and be a little quieter?"

"Congratulations." Teyla said warmly.

"Thank you." Connor said quietly.

"What he said." John jerked a thumb at his boyfriend. "Teyla, I was hoping to talk to you more about the… bonding."

She tilted her head. "That would not be a problem, John."

"Thanks."

"You're getting married?" Rodney repeated.

"We're bonding like the Athosians do and then yes, we hope to get married on Earth."

"In what country!"

"In any country that will have us." John said brightly.

"Are you crazy, Sheppard?"

John caught a flash of hurt as it cross Connor's face before the younger man wiped it away. "No, Rodney." He said a little tensely. "I'm in love."

Rodney blinked. "Love?" He asked, bemused.

"Yes, _love_ , McKay. The reason people get married." John shot Connor a look, silently telling the younger man that he loved him before looking back at his teammates.

"I, for one, am very happy for you, John." Teyla said. "And for you as well, Connor."

"Thank you." Connor said softly with a smile.

John subtly motioned Connor towards his food and the younger man sighed but kept eating and John followed his actions. Inwardly he was stinging a little from Rodney's reaction. He had known it would be something like this, but had hoped that his friend could put aside his reactions to be supportive. Connor's foot gently tapped his and John knew his boyfriend knew what John was thinking about.

Ten minutes later they were finishing breakfast and John left his team to walk Connor back to their quarters. He only had a couple minutes, since they were gating out at 0800, but John wanted a few more minutes with his… fiancé. And wow if that word didn't make him smile more.

"What?" Connor asked.

"I just realized you're my fiancé." John told him proudly.

Connor blinked. "Oh wow. I guess I am." He smiled widely. "Wow. Fiancé." He whispered as they reached their door. It slid open and John ushered them in.

Connor shucked his shoes off, already yawning. John pulled his partner's jacket off and reached for his belt as Connor's body seemed to fall asleep instantaneously. John chuckled and led the younger man to the bed. He pulled the blanket down so Connor could slide in before pulling it up over him. John kissed his forehead and Connor sighed happily. He stood for a second admiring the younger man.

"John?" Connor asked quietly, reaching a hand up from under the blanket.

John grabbed it. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about Dr. McKay."

John exhaled. "Me too, Con."

"I love you." The younger man mumbled.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." John offered back in perfect Irish.

" _A chuisle_." He breathed before his eyes closed and his breaths evened out. John released his hand and it fell limply on top of the blanket. John smiled at his night owl boyfriend before kissing him once more on the forehead and reluctantly leaving him.

Half an hour later John was stepping through the gate alongside his team to visit a planet that they had made contact with a year ago, one they considered allies. Rodney didn't even wait for the gate to shut down before he began talking.

"You're really going to marry _him_?" Disgust and disbelief colored Rodney's words and John's chest ached because even after all these months, his best friend didn't like his boyfriend. John never knew what went wrong, before Rodney had met Connor he had been impressed with his work, but now…now Connor could barely stand being in the same room as the other man. _And who could blame him?_ John thought _. Rodney all but ignores him, won't call him by his name and when he does speak to him it's all insults._

"Yes," John answered softly and without any of the anger he really felt. "I told you, Rodney, I _love him_." Teyla was looking nervously between the two friends and John thought Ronon was ready to come to Connor's defense at any second. "Look, I don't know what your problem with Connor is, McKay, but if you can't get over it than you don't have to come."

"Come?"

"To the bonding ceremony." John said as they walked down the steps of the platform the stargate was on and began their trek to the village. The planet was full of green, grass was all around them and large trees. John knew there was a river that ran past the gate towards the village.

"Are you sure about this, Sheppard? I mean you've only been dating for a couple months-"

"Almost a year." John inserted.

"-and he-wait what? A year? Really?"

"Yes, McKay. Really. I've known him for over a year and in about a month it'll be a year since we started dating."

"But is a year really enough?"

"It is for me." John told him. "More than enough."

"But-"

"Look, Rodney," John said, a bit harshly. "If you want me to tell you all the reasons I'm going to marry him, then I will, but if all you're going to do is try and refute them or talk me out of this, then save your breath, I'm marrying him, whether you approve or not."

Rodney was quiet and John shot a look at his friend and could see that he was thinking. "Are you sure about this, John?" Is what he eventually asked.

"Yes." John answered quietly but firmly. "I am."

"Okay."

John blinked. "Really?"

"Yes, Sheppard." Rodney said exasperated.

"Good. So, uh, Teyla," He said, turning to face the Athosian. "Connor and I were wondering when you thought…"

* * *

Evan Lorne whistled merrily as he strode towards his best friend's lab. It was Thursday, their regular lunch day and Evan was in a good mood. He wasn't sure what it was but today Atlantis seemed… brighter and he could swear waves of happiness were rolling off the city itself. The doors to Connor's lab swished opened as he approached and he found his friend hunched over his desk, scribbling away in his notebook, Ancient writing scrolling on the screen in front of him.

"Hey, Doc." Evan offered with a smile.

The smile that Connor gave back was both unexpected and decidedly large. "Hey, Evan. Is it lunch time already."

"Yep."

"Um, before we go, there's something I have to tell you."

Evan frowned. That didn't sound good. "Okay." He sat in the chair by Connor's desk and turned to look at the linguist.

"Last night, John and I… uh, that is… John… asked me to bond with him, like the Athosians do, and I asked him to marry me."

He grinned. "So you're engaged?"

"Yeah."

Evan stood and pulled Connor up into a huge hug. "That's awesome news, Connor, I'm so happy for you." He told the other man as he hugged him tight.

"Thanks, Evan." Connor said brightly as they pulled away.

Evan blinked again, still processing the information. "Wow, that's just… so great, Doc."

The linguist blushed. "Yeah, I'm really happy."

"I imagine you would be." Evan grinned. "So what do you say to lunch? It's on me."

Connor laughed and grabbed his jacket. "It's free."

"Well, if I could buy you lunch, I would." He told his friend.

"Thanks." Connor said and Evan caught a flash of… sadness? cross his friends face before he blinked it away. "Lunch!" He declared happily. "Pudding."

Evan laughed. "And whatever else you want."

Now he knew why Atlantis was in such a good mood.

* * *

Atlantis told Connor that Eric was alone in his room so the young linguist made his way there and Eric opened the door for him. Connor stepped in with a smile, door shutting behind him. "I'm getting married."

A smile blossomed across Eric's face, a smile bigger than Connor had ever seen on his young friend. "No way!" He said playfully. "Connor! That's awesome!" The younger man grabbed him in a huge hug, much like Evan had done a few hours previous. Eric tugged him further into the room. "Tell me everything!" He begged, pushing Connor down on to the bed and then sitting down next to him.

Connor crossed his legs in a mock of his traditional yoga pose and Eric did the same, facing him. "It happened last night." Connor began. "John and I were… um…" He blushed deeply.

"Got it." Eric said with a laugh. "Continue."

"And at first the conversation started kinda badly. I knew that John wanted more and I, uh, apologized for not being ready."

"You shouldn't apologize for that, Connor." Eric lightly admonished.

"I know, I know. Anyways, from there we started talking about sex and John suggested that because, for so long, I'd never even thought about having sex before marriage I-"

"Really?" Eric asked, wide eyed.

Connor nodded. "Yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah." The scientist agreed. "And then he asked me to bond with him, like the Athosians do."

Eric frowned. "So you would have sex with him?"

"No!" Connor said emphatically. "I asked him that, he said he's been waiting months to ask me, and ah, Eric, it was so perfect. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life reminding me to eat and sleep and take a break and…and he said I was beautiful and he needed me in his life." Connor smiled at the memory.

"You are beautiful, Connor." Eric told him.

The linguist blushed again. "Thanks."

"Then what?" Eric asked eagerly.

"Then he told me… that even though we'd said forever he was incredibly insecure about it and wanted something to remember forever by."

"Oh, wow."

Connor nodded. "Yeah. And finally he said he was asking because he loved me and that if I was never ready to… you know…" Eric nodded. "…then he would still be the luckiest man in two galaxies because I loved him." Connor finished. "Then he asked me to bond with him."

"And you said 'yes'."

"And I said 'yes' and then I asked him to marry me."

"And…"

"And he said 'yes'… well, actually he said, 'God, yes'."

Eric squealed. Like, honest to God squealed, a sound that Connor hadn't believed his friend was capable of making. "This is so exciting!"

Connor laughed because he was so happy. "I know. We told John's team this morning at breakfast."

"You… breakfast?" Eric asked in playful disbelief.

Connor laughed again. "Yeah, I went back to bed afterwards."

"So how did everyone take it?"

Connor lost some of his smile and he frowned a little. "Teyla and Ronon were happy for us."

"And Rodney?" Eric asked, sensing there was more.

"Dr. McKay still doesn't approve of me." Connor told him.

Eric reached out a hand and lightly rested it on Connor's shoulder. "Oh, Connor. He'll come around."

Connor swallowed. "I don't mind for me, so much, I mean there have always been people who haven't liked me, but to John, Rodney's family and every time Rodney says something about me, I know it hurts him."

"I'll talk to him." Eric promised.

"I don't want you fighting because of me." Connor told him.

"We won't. But you're my friend, Connor, my brother, my family, and Rodney's hurting you and that's not okay." He said softly.

Connor blinked at the words. _Brother._ _Family._ "I've always wanted a little brother." He said finally.

"Well now you've got one." Eric said honestly.

"Thanks, Eric." Connor said, leaning forward to hug the younger man.

"No problem." He assured him. "Now," He said, pulling back from the hug, "Tell me about this Athosian bonding thing."

* * *

"Rodney?" Eric called softly. The older man looked up from his computer and Eric caught his gaze. He walked over from the doorway, door closing behind him, to stand next to Rodney. "It's three in the morning. Are you gonna come to bed?"

"I don't need a keeper." Rodney said shortly and turned back to his laptop.

Eric reached a hand out and gently, soothingly ran it up and down Rodney's back. The older man stiffened under his touch and then slowly relaxed as the minutes passed. "It's late."

"It's early."

"Early, then." Eric corrected. "You've been off-world all day, aren't you tired?"

"No." Rodney reached for his coffee mug and gulped some of the hot liquid down.

"Rodney." Eric said softly. "Don't do this. Be happy for them."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do."

"Look, I don't need advice from some kid who's not even old enough to shave-"

"I've been shaving since I was fifteen."

"-and I don't need to be told when to go to bed."

"Rodney, please."

The older man sighed and turned in his seat to face him. "Eric, look, I don't…" He drifted off.

"Come to bed, Rodney."

"I'm busy."

"With nothing that can't wait."

"I'm not tired."

"So those bags under your eyes are from all the energy you have?"

"Eric."

"Rodney," He said gently. "It's over."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Rodney repeated, turning back to his computer screen.

Eric swallowed. "Colonel Sheppard is getting married to Connor, Rodney, and nothing you say or do is going to stop it."

"Who said anything about stopping it?"

"And," Eric continued, as if Rodney hadn't spoken, "If you keep this up, you'll lose his friendship."

"Please," Rodney snorted. "Nothing ever changes."

"This will." Eric said with certainty. Rodney turned his head to look at him. "He'll fight you about Connor, Rodney. He'll fight you and he won't forgive you, not for hurting him, you've told me you've done that before, but for hurting Connor. He won't forgive you for that."

"How do you know?" Rodney asked and he sounded small to Eric, smaller than he ever had.

"Do you know why their getting bonded?" Eric asked.

"No, Sheppard was busy talking about other stuff."

"Connor told me that Colonel Sheppard said he was too insecure not to have a ceremony."

"Davids was?"

"No," Eric said gently. "Colonel Sheppard was too insecure, that he needed a way to remember that Connor promised him forever."

"Sheppard? No way."

"He's scared of losing him. I don't know Colonel Sheppard as well as you do, but I know that Connor is his life. Don't push him away, Rodney, because he'll choose, you know he will."

"So?"

"So he won't choose you." Eric said as gently as possible.

Rodney's eyes searched his and Eric could see the pain in them. "I know." The astrophysicist admitted.

Eric reached up and traced Rodney's face with his fingers. "You're his best friend, but Connor is his lover."

"I know." Eric saw a haunting sadness in Rodney's eyes. "Why?" He whispered.

"Why what?"

"Why did you never tell Colonel Sheppard how you felt?"

Rodney looked away, but Eric didn't let go of his face. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said for the third time that night.

"Yes, you do."

"How did you know?"

"You're easy to read." Eric said lightly.

"I'm not in love with him." Rodney said finally.

"Not anymore." The younger man agreed. "But you were and that's why you hate Connor."

"I just don't understand. Sheppard never gave any sign that he could like a guy, much less a geeky scientist."

"We can't help who we're attracted too."

"I know."

"Rodney." Eric turned the older man's face back towards his own. "If you want to keep your friendship with him, you need to accept this, accept them."

"I know."

"Rodney." Eric paused. " _I_ love you."

"I know."

* * *

Connor's fingers mapped the plains of John's bare back. The older man lay on his stomach, head on a pillow facing Connor while the younger man sat off to the side, sheet pulled over him as he traced the contours of John's body, memorizing each inch of skin. John had a hand resting high on Connor's thigh, his thumb gently moving back and forth, lazily.

Finger's danced slowly across John's shoulders tracing a scar on John's left shoulder blade. "Afghanistan." John murmured. Connor locked that piece of information away before his fingers trailed on to the next patch of skin. At each scar John would provide a location, and sometimes an explanation.

"Tennessee, when I was eleven. I fell off a fence I was climbing."

"Washington, when I was fourteen, fought a bear… no, really."

"Antarctica, went hiking, the snow froze over and I tripped."

"Basic training, ducked when I should have dodged."

Each scar told a story, added another chapter to John's life and Connor wanted to know it all and John indulged him. His fingers mapped out John's life, warm skin on warm skin, and with every new scar, every new story, Connor felt himself fall deeper and deeper in love with the man in front of him. The man whose secrets only Connor knew, the man who knew all of Connor's secrets.

"You're beautiful." Connor breathed as the few candles he had lit provided the light that danced across John's back. The lighting was incredibly low and shadows danced across their wall. The linguist thought perhaps John looked ethereal. His boyfriend was gorgeous, something he never believed guys could be before meeting John. Next to him, Connor often felt plain and more than a little undesirable, but John took every occasion to prove him wrong. But Connor could never believe the older man when he said Connor was more beautiful than he was. Connor knew the truth, John was pulchritudinous, Connor's favorite synonym for beautiful. "So beautiful."

For once John accepted the compliment without returning it and Connor smiled, perhaps the older man was finally beginning to believe him. It had taken months, but John had finally opened up to Connor about the physical shyness he seemed to have when they were alone.

" _You're beautiful." Connor murmured, tracing a shapeless pattern in John's chest hair. "Why don't you believe it?"_

" _I believe it when you say it." John said quietly. Connor waited, hoping that John would say more. Minutes later, John did. "When I was younger, I had these… really ridiculous notions of love, Con. My parents were never the affectionate type, I'm not sure I ever saw them kiss. I don't remember being hugged, although I saw a picture of me once, I must have been about four or five, where my mother was hugging me. The only nice things I remember her saying to me was how beautiful I was or how handsome I was becoming. And suddenly, every time she would say that, I felt loved, beauty and love became equated in my mind. But when I grew up, I quickly realized they weren't. Girls would hang over me and tell me how hot I was or how handsome. My first girlfriend, Charlotte, waited a couple weeks before telling me and that's when I slept with her, I thought it was love. The next day I heard her telling her friends how she slept with the hottest guy in school. That's all I was to her, the hottest guy. A couple days later she dumped me and that's when I started hating everything my mom had told me."_

" _That's… that's pretty awful, John." Connor whispered._

" _Yeah. People would tell me how attractive I was all the time, wanting my body or my time or whatever. I started hating the way I looked by the time I was seventeen and from then on I didn't believe anyone who said I was beautiful." He paused. "Until you. You make me feel beautiful."_

" _You are beautiful, John, inside and out."_

As Connor's fingers approached John's lower back the older man shivered. "Are you cold?" He asked, looking down at John's hazel-green eyes.

"No." The older man said with a small shake of his head.

Connor fingers trailed down over the soft mounds of flesh below John's lower back, running a finger over a tiny scar there.

"Afghanistan, a bomb exploded near us, I landed on my ass."

"But you lived."

"But I lived." John agreed.

And so Connor kept going, ghosting the tips of his fingers over the back of John's thighs. John shivered again. "Still not cold?"

"No." John said, voice husky.

The was a small sliver of shiny skin on John's left calf.

"Encinitas, California." John said fondly. "Surfing mishap."

Most of the scars on John's legs had come from surfing, skating or skiing. His boyfriend was way more physically active than Connor had ever been. Connor's fingers reached the bottom of John's feet and he smiled as he reached the last inch of his boyfriend's skin.

* * *

"My turn?" John asked, already turning over. Connor blushed at the sight of him, half hard. "What?" John asked, unashamed, with a grin. "Your hands were all over me."

Connor kept blushing and John gently pushed him back against the pillow, face up and peeled the sheet off his body. John sat up, much like Connor had and started at the top of Connor's head. His fingers traced a small scar between Connor's eyebrows.

"Fell out of me pushchair."

"Pushchair?"

"Um, I don't know what you would call it."

"Describe it."

"You put a baby in it, it has wheels…"

"A stroller."

"Fell out of me stroller, then."

"Your parents stop suddenly?"

Connor laughed as John's fingers moved on. "No, I tried to climb out."

"Adventurous." John grinned as he traced Connor's cheek and jaw bone. His fingers hitched on a small scar hidden there.

"Sparring accident."

"Sparring?"

"Going for my blue belt."

"Forgot to duck?"

"Something like that." Connor admitted with a laugh.

John's fingers continued down over Connor's neck, feeling the smooth, soft skin there, so delicate. He could feel Connor's heartbeat as his fingertips passed over Connor's pulse point. His hand drifted down over his boyfriend's hard collar bone. His moved his hand down Connor's right arms, feeling a small scar near the top.

"Small pox vaccine."

John nodded, he had a matching one on his arm. Moving downwards he encountered a tiny dent on the inside of Connor's elbow.

"Gave blood once."

"Once?"

"Fainted." Connor admitted. "Never tried again."

"Fainted?" John ran his thumb over the small scar. "Yes, let's not try again." He said softly.

He continued his trek down Connor's arm to his hand, turning it over, seeing numerous tiny scars on the linguist's fingers.

"Hazard of the job." Connor told him.

"Translating?"

Connor laughed. "Computer engineering. The small chips and tools like to poke."

"Ah." John gently place the arm back on the bed and picked up the other arm. The scar from the bullet that almost took Connor's life was the most prominent one. It was red and white, shiny in the middle, dull on the edges. It was still a bit tender to the touch, John knew, so he only ghosted lightly over it. Connor didn't offer John an explanation for that one and the older man didn't ask. He kept moving downwards, Connor's left hand was just as pampered with tiny scars as the other one. On the back of his hand was an unusually placed scar.

"Ice."

"Ice?"

"I was reaching into the ice box to pull something out, mum hadn't defrosted in a while so there was a layer of ice on the top of it, I pulled my hand out and the ice scraped the top, blood everywhere, hurt for bloody days."

John kissed the scar and gently settled the hand back on the blanket. His hands settled on top of Connor's chest and his fingers slowly began to make their way down the smooth chest. There wasn't a lot of hair, like John had, a couple wisps here and there. John gently traced the outline of Connor's ribs, all too apparent from his position on the bed.

"Eat more." John said quietly, sadly.

Connor didn't say anything but John knew he would try, he couldn't promise he would because his boyfriend had a tendency to get wrapped up in his work, but John knew that for him, Connor would try. There was a faded scar on the lower right side of Connor's stomach that John had seen before but never asked about.

"Appendix removed." Connor offered. "When I was twenty-two."

John traced the scar delicately before moving on. His finger cautiously made their way down Connor's hips, feeling the bone there and once again reinforcing his promise to himself to get Connor to eat more. His fingertips ghosted over Connor's softened member before moving further south over the linguist's thighs, John gently pushed them apart.

The skin was smooth and Connor trembled a little at John's touch and John fought his instincts to pull the blankets up over the younger man, knowing he wasn't cold. His fingers deftly flitted over the warm, soft skin. Connor's knees both had a few scars and John traced them all, memorizing them.

"I got most of them when I was eight or nine." Connor explained softly.

The ages struck a chord in John, like he should know why that meant something. He racked his memory for anything that would help.

" _You've never asked me why I learnt tae kwan do." Connor stated quietly._

" _I…I guess I haven't." John admitted. He moved a hand up Connor's back, under his shirt, to rub small circles on his skin._

" _I was…smart when I was younger, ahead of my age group."_

" _You still are."_

" _In some ways." Connor agreed. "My teachers kept moving me up levels and kids can be…cruel. They didn't like that I was younger than them but, um, smarter."_

" _Oh, Connor." John sighed sadly._

" _At first they would just, um, tease me, mean words and stuff. But the older we got the worse it got. When I was ten I my father enrolled me in martial arts, he wanted to help me. And it worked. A year or so after I started I could fight back and when they figured that out they started leaving me alone more and more."_

 _When I was ten…_ Understanding hit John along with a wave of sadness. "From other kids?"

Connor nodded against the pillow. "Yeah."

John caressed both knees lightly before moving on. The scar from Connor's run in with an old grenade off-world was there and John smoothed it with his thumb, remembering the pain it had caused the younger man. Floating downwards, he reached Connor's feet. On the top of the right one were small scars that John knew were from some kind of surgery.

"Broke my foot when I was, um, sixteen, running track."

"Ouch." John said as he rubbed it.

"Yeah."

"It doesn't bother you any more?"

"No, healed up right."

"That's good."

An hour later John had finished with Connor's backside as well. There had been a few surprises and a few answers to many unasked questions.

"Knife training." Connor had mumbled in response to a faded scar on his back. "When I was twenty-three."

"Automobile accident." A thin scar on his left shoulder. "I was twelve, my window broke and some of the glass jarred me."

"Backed into a candle." A small burn mark on his lower back. "When I was…seven. Scared my mother shiteless."

"Missed a hurdle." Little mark on the back of his shin. "I was nine; in practice though. I didn't miss it in competition."

"Skated into the curb." Thick but short scar on the backside of his ankle. That was the first time John had ever heard his younger boyfriend mention skating, even though both of their skateboards were propped up in the corner. "When I was twenty."

By the end, John was convinced that his boyfriend was more than a little accident prone, especially when he was younger. But he was also convinced that Connor was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. The linguist had blushed for most of John's examination, almost embarrassed at John's scrutiny of his person, but John couldn't keep his eyes off the younger man. His skin glowed in the candlelight, casting a warm look across his pale skin. Connor had often wished aloud for more tan skin like John had, instead of the snow white appearance he was cursed with, but John loved it. His boyfriend looked…delicate and in so many ways he was. The scars on his body served as stark reminders that he wasn't. That he had been through several weapons trainings, earned a black belt, survived childhood bullies…and had lived a life before John even met him.

John hugged Connor tighter to his chest, the younger man laid in his normal position and John felt awash with love for him. A few hours ago Connor had hesitantly asked if he could look at John. At first, the older man had been confused, Connor looked at him all the time, but there was a nervousness in Connor's eyes that John had never like seeing, he had no secrets from Connor and there was nothing he wouldn't do if the younger man asked. John had nodded slowly and Connor smiled shyly, pushing John back against the sheets and that's when he started trailing fingers across John's skin, mapping it out, studying him like he was the most important thing in the world. No one had ever looked at John like that, not his parents, not his girlfriends, not his friends, but Connor did.

And Connor told him he was beautiful. Not hot or sexy or any other the other thousand words he had heard, but beautiful. He said it in a way that John couldn't not believe him, and John knew Connor wouldn't lie to him, not when his voice was full of honesty and wonder and so much love.

"Thank you." John whispered, pressing a kiss to his partner's head.

"For what?"

"For making me feel beautiful." John told him quietly.

Connor kissed his chest but didn't say anything else, and John guessed that he didn't need to. It had all been said.


	35. Delicate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 35 : Delicate**

Author's Notes :  
\- Spoilers for season 5 episode _The Shrine_ and season 2 episode _Duet_ which both belong to MGM.  
\- All dialogue lines from _The Shrine_ belong to MGM and were transcribed at www [dot] gate world [dot] com by Callie Sullivan.  
\- Galway Hooker really is a beer (4.4% alc.) and, to the best of my knowledge, (sadly) only available in Ireland. My friends and I like to joke that we bought a seven Euro hooker.  
\- Anything mentioned about Ireland is true to my knowledge and experience.  
\- Thanks to Flowerfairy30 for letting me bounce some ideas. =)

* * *

" _It's sunny!" John said with a happy laugh._

 _Connor poked him. "We do have sun."_

" _From the way you tell it, it's always raining."_

" _Almost." Connor agreed._

" _So what town is this again?"_

" _Galway."_

 _John looked around. Connor looked right at home in the Irish city, even John thought he might be able to pass, but Ronon and Teyla stuck out like a sore thumb. One of the first things John had noticed was how pale everyone was; Ronon was as far from pale as you could get and Teyla couldn't be pale if she tried. "So what's here?"_

 _Connor had been reluctant to hold John's hand once they'd stepped foot in his country, but John wasn't about to waste any amount of time that they had not pretending to avoid each other. "Um, remember when I was telling you about the Cliffs of Moher?"_

" _Yeah, really high." John said squinting in remembrance._

 _Connor offered him a smile. "That's them. Well, to get to them we'd have to hire a car or take a tour. I, um, don't drive, so we need to catch a tour."_

" _You don't drive?" John asked astonished. "How did I not know this about you?"_

" _Well I don't get a lot of opportunity to drive in Atlantis." His boyfriend grinned. "And we need some mystery, to keep the relationship alive."_

 _John hugged Connor sideways. "Mystery, huh? You seemed pretty alive last night." He whispered suggestively into Connor's ear._

" _John!" He blushed and whacked John's arms. Next to him Ronon laughed and Teyla smiled at them and John caught a flash of amusement in both of their eyes._

" _So where do we catch this tour?"_

" _We have to walk to the end of this block and then over a couple streets, there's a small office there next to a café."_

" _Is that your subtle way of telling me to feed you?" John asked, unwrapping his arms from Connor's waist, grabbing his hand instead as they started to walk._

" _Um, maybe?"_

 _John laughed. "Then feed you I shall."_

 _  
_

* * *

"One more bite." John pleaded, holding up a spoonful of pudding to Connor's lips. The linguist sighed but allowed his partner to feed him. John refilled the spoon. "One more." He repeated.

"John!" Connor said with a laugh. "I really can't eat anymore, I'm going to explode." He pushed away John's hand. "Really."

John looked at Connor's half eaten dinner and sighed. His boyfriend still couldn't eat anywhere near the amount of food someone of his height should be eating. Not for lack of John's trying. They'd been engaged for less than a week and John was making good on his promise to himself to feed Connor more. If he couldn't eat with Connor then he made sure someone else was. Even Rodney had volunteered to have lunch with the linguist, surprising John.

Connor hadn't been too fond of the idea, but John had bribed him with a blow-job, something he definitely wasn't above doing. Even then, though, the linguist hadn't been too keen to give in. Rodney, for his part had seemed to be trying to make amends. He'd apologized to John the day after he'd announced his engagement and promised to speak to Connor about it, although he hadn't yet.

"Just one more bite."

"I can't." Connor moaned. "You stuffed me at breakfast, Evan stuffed me at lunch. I can't eat anymore!"

John smiled, satisfied and set the pudding on their bedside table. John climbed on top of his boyfriend and bent down to get a taste of the pudding the younger man was just eating. Connor gently opened his mouth against John's and John plunged his tongue into Connor's hot mouth.

"Mmm, I love butterscotch." John said with a sigh as he pulled back.

Connor laughed. "Me too."

"I know."

John was exceedingly happy these days. A couple days ago, they'd gone off world, ran into angry villagers and John still hadn't stopped smiling through the whole thing. Rodney had been giving him funny looks since he announced his engagement and now Teyla and Ronon were too, but John couldn't help it. He was so damn happy. Yesterday he, Connor and Teyla had gone to New Athos to speak with Halling who had been happy for them and granted permission for them to bond. The date was set for a little over a month away, July 20th, a date of no consequence to anyone but him and Connor; it was their one year anniversary.

Of course Connor was still worried about answering questions wrong, so at all hours of the day John would be bombarded with a new question that Connor thought up and if John were working the questions would be waiting in his inbox. He thought eventually he would get annoyed, but so far every question had left him with a bigger smile than he had before and a little reassurance that even if Connor was nervous, he was ready.

"Did you ever have any pets?" Connor asked, breaking John out of his musings.

John laughed. "I wondered when you're next question would be, I think it's been a whole twenty minutes." He teased. Connor blushed and John grinned. "Nope, no pets. Just one linguist that I need to keep fed and watered."

"You make me sound like a plant." Connor groused.

"But a cute plant." John said grinning.

"If you say so."

"I definitely do."

Connor kissed him again briefly and then rolled out from under him. John caught the back of his shirt and Connor stopped to look at him. "I got to go back to work."

John groaned. "I thought you were kidding."

"Really?"

John thought about it. "Okay, no. I'd hoped you were kidding." He rephrased.

"I'm really close, John." Connor said, grabbing his USAF sweatshirt and pulling it on over his uniform shirt.

"On what?"

"Hm?"

"Close on what?"

"Daniel and I have been translating some writings from a temple that Ben's team found."

John inwardly groaned again. "How long will you be gone?"

"Probably all night."

John was reminded of how when they first started dating Connor would come home at two or three in the morning. The older man knew that if they weren't dating now, Connor would still be coming home then, he came home earlier now for John.

John sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "Can I come and watch a movie?"

Connor smiled. "Sure."

The linguist grabbed his and John's laptops and piled a few books into John's arms and John followed him out of their room.

Once there, John gave Connor a quick kiss before setting the books on the scientist's desk and grabbing his laptop. Sitting on the couch he browsed through the movies on Atlantis' server before choosing one at random. He started it up, keeping the volume low, as Connor returned to work.

John probably spent more time watching his boyfriend than he did the movie as Connor would go back and forth between his computer, a notebook and several books that were spread out.

"Hey, John?"

He dragged his eyes up from his movie. "Hm?"

"Did you always want to be a pilot?" Connor asked, turning in his seat to look at him.

"Yep."

"Always always?"

"Yep."

"Even when you went to college for math?"

"Yep."

"Okay." He smiled and turned back to his work.

John went back to his movie, but a thought nagged at him. "Connor?"

"Hm?" The younger man asked without looking up.

"I used to always want to be a pilot." John said quietly.

"Used to?" His head turned to look at John.

"Yeah, not so much anymore."

Connor frowned. "Really? But you love flying."

John shrugged. "I found something I loved more."

Connor appeared to think for a second. "Atlantis?"

"No," John said gently. "Maybe I should have said, _someone_ I love more."

"But…but you can still be a pilot." Connor said quietly, confused.

"Not if Uncle Sam makes me choose."

" _I_ wouldn't make you choose."

"I know." John smiled, a bit sadly this time. "But I might have to."

"I don't want you to have to."

"I know."

Connor nodded. "Okay." And he turned back to his work, typing quietly.

"John?"

John sat up and his hand went to his gun holster. Connor stood in front of him, trying to hide a laugh. "Connor?" John rubbed his eyes. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

"Two-thirty."

"In the morning?"

"Yeah. C'mon," Connor said, pulling John up. "Bed."

"Why, Mr. Davids, I'm just not that kind of guy." John teased.

Connor shot him a look. "Uh-huh." Because they both knew that when it came to Connor, John definitely was that kind of a guy.

* * *

 _As John had promised, they had taken a few days for themselves. Teyla and Ronon were in the hotel somewhere, but Connor hadn't heard from either of them in two days, although he knew that John had. They were somewhere in California, but Connor hadn't asked where and John hadn't offered. All he knew was that when he and John walked down the street, John's arm around his waist, no one had so much as blinked and when John had kissed him quickly but softly while they had waited for food, no one stared._

 _They had spent two days just walking around the ocean-side city. Connor had never been so happy in his life, laughing with John and being the couple they couldn't on Atlantis. He had John had walked around downtown, stopping in at the small boutique stores there. John had modeled a few pieces of clothes for Connor; some more outrageous than the last. Although the linguist had to admit…John had looked pretty sexy in a cowboy outfit he had put together. That, Connor had made him buy._

 _His nightmares had dwindled and every night he went to bed tangled in John's arms, feeling the familiar weight and heat on his skin. Connor couldn't be sure, but he thought he might have put on a pound or two also. From the way that Teyla and John had let up on him eating, he thought he was probably right._

 _But now it was midnight on the third day. They'd had a wonderful day, finding a small county fair, complete with a Ferris wheel for John. His partner's face lit up and Connor found himself wishing that he could bring one back to Atlantis just so he could see that look on John's face everyday._

 _They had gone to bed at eleven and while John had drifted off, Connor hadn't been able to sleep. Instead of staring at the ceiling he had gone to look out the window at the ocean. There was a lighthouse a little ways up and Connor could see waves illuminated by the light. John came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him, warming him and providing some comfort. Connor's arms settled over John's and he leaned back slightly._

" _Anything I can do?" John murmured into his ear._

" _No." Connor whispered. "I just…"_

" _I know." And Connor was glad that someone did, because he certainly didn't._

" _How are Ronon and Teyla?"_

" _They're good." John answered him. "They've been seeing the sights too."_

" _I…" Connor paused and licked his lips. "Do you ever think about this?"_

 _John didn't bother asking what he was talking about. "Sometimes all I want to do is take you and leave Atlantis. Go somewhere where we don't have to hide, where we can just be you and me, Connor and John, not Dr. Davids and Colonel Sheppard."_

 _Connor raised a hand and settled it on the side of John's face. "You would be miserable."_

" _I would have you." John countered._

" _I would never ask you to do that."_

" _I know." John said quietly. And they both knew it was because John would._

" _These past few days…" Connor started._

" _Yeah." The older man agreed. "A blessing and a punishment."_

" _John?"_

" _Yeah?"_

 _Connor opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Go away with me, he wanted to say, let's just do this forever, hold hands on the street, kiss in cafés, ride Ferric wheels as the sun sets. And John? He wanted to ask. Marry me. But all that came out was, "Thanks."_

 _John kissed his temple. "No problem. Are you going to come back to bed?"_

" _In a few minutes." Connor said sadly, dismayed at his lack of courage to say what he wanted to say._

 _John tightened his arms. "I'm here for you, Con, whatever you need."_

" _I know."_

* * *

"Hey." Connor looked up to see Dr. McKay standing in his doorway the next morning.

He swallowed nervously, "Um, hi."

"Can I come in?" The other man didn't wait for an answer before inviting himself in.

"Sure." Connor said anyways.

John's best friend walked over to where Connor was sitting at his desk, working. "Look, I promised Sheppard we would talk." He said, shifting from one foot to another.

Connor frowned. "Okay. Um, about what?"

"Whatever is between us." He said, motioning with his hand.

 _Air?_ Connor was tempted to ask but didn't. He would do this for John. "Okay."

"So…" Connor looked around nervously. "This is so ridiculous!" McKay exploded. "You're dating my best friend, I'm dating yours-"

"Evan's my best friend."

"-you go running with my teammate and the Athosians have taken you in like a second son!" He continued without acknowledging what Connor had said. "We have everything in common, we even wear the same clothes!" Connor didn't really think that could count since they were assigned the uniform.

"Um…"

"Is that all you ever say? Sheppard went and got himself the only linguist who can't talk."

Connor felt a sting of hurt. "I can-"

"And what did you do to him anyways? Sheppard used to be normal! Now he's…defective…different."

Connor flinched at the words. "I-"

"This is never going to work! Look," McKay leveled his gaze with Connor's. "Just tell Sheppard we had our merry talk and everything will be fine, okay?"

Connor opened his mouth and closed it. He nodded.

"Great." Without another word the older man turned and left.

Connor rubbed his chest, it ached a little from McKay's words. Dr. McKay didn't even give him a chance to speak, so then why did Connor feel like he let John down?

* * *

"Hey, John." Carter greeted him as he poked his head into her office.

"Colonel." He nodded.

"Dr. Nichols' team is an hour overdue for his check-in and he isn't answering our calls."

'I'll get my team together." John finished

"Thanks."

"Sure."

He backed out already hitting his radio and walking towards the nearest transporter. "Sheppard to McKay."

"What?"

"Gear up, Rodney, we're leaving in ten minutes."

"We didn't have a mission planned for today."

"We do now." John hit the button for Connor's level. "Sheppard out…Sheppard to Teyla."

"Yes, John?"

"Sorry, I hate to drag you away from…" John realized he had no idea what she was doing, "…um, anyways Carter needs us to go check something out."

"Alright."

"Ten minutes."

"Ten minutes." She agreed.

"Sheppard out." He left the transporter and headed down the hallway to his partner's lab. "Sheppard to Ronon." Connor looked up as John entered. He held up a hand.

"Yeah?"

"We're gating out in ten."

"Got it."

"Sheppard out." John clicked off his radio. "Hey."

"Hey." Connor smiled, but the smile, for the first time in almost a week, didn't reach his eyes.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah. So you're gating out?"

"Yeah. Nichols missed his check in, isn't answering radio calls."

Connor hugged him around the waist, his head against John's stomach. "Be careful."

"I will." John ran a hand through Connor's red-brown hair. "Make sure you eat some lunch."

"I promise."

"Good." He kissed the top of Connor's hair. "I love you."

"Love you, too." Connor whispered and kissed his stomach through his shirt. He stuck something in John's back pocket and the older man couldn't tell what it was, he'd check it later. He gave Connor one last short kiss and then regretfully pulled away.

"I'll see you tonight."

"Okay."

John ran a hand down Connor's face and then pulled it back. "Bye."

"Bye." He drank in his boyfriend once more before turning and heading back down the corridor.

When he got to the tac room, his team was already there. Teyla was checking McKay's pack and John quickly pulled his on. Ronon checked his over as John reached into his back pocket. He grinned when he pulled out a cookies and cream PowerBar, his favorite, and his grin only grew larger when he saw that on the top, in Sharpie over the wrapper Connor had written 'Tá grá agam duit. - Connor'. He tucked it into a vest pocket and grabbed a P-90 from the rack.

"Ready?" He asked his teammates.

They nodded and John led them out of the room. Colonel Carter was waiting at the bottom of the steps for them. "Thanks for doing this, John."

"No problem, Colonel."

"Please remind Dr. Nicols that he's over-due for a check-in."

"Right. Want me to smack him around or anything?"

She smiled softly. "No, just the reminder will do."

John turned towards the gate and his team followed.

"Shouldn't we be concerned for Doctor Nichols' team?" Teyla asked.

"Nah, the settlement's a half hour from the gate and he's supposed to check in every six hours. I'm sure Nichols is just tired of taking the round trip."

"Still," Rodney said from his left. "It wouldn't hurt to bust his chops a bit. That Nichols, he's so arrogant."

John rolled his eyes as he and his team stepped through the stargate.

 _Shit_. Was his immediate thought before he let go of the P-90 and started swimming towards the surface. He glanced left and right to make sure that his team was okay. John surfaced after Ronon did and the Satedan started climbing the stargate, the top of it was the only part not underwater. John followed him and helped Teyla up as Ronon helped McKay up.

"Well," John said easily. "I guess we should let Atlantis know what happened."

"Go-good idea." McKay said shivering. "Have them send a jumper."

"Me?" John looked down, yep, the DHD was underwater. "Fine. Anything else?"

"Some food."

John rolled his eyes again and slipped off the stargate. He took a deep breath before going down and dialing Atlantis. He swam back up to the surface before hitting his radio. "Atlantis this is Sheppard. Do not lower the shield. The entire tower will be flooded."

"What's your status, John?" Carter asked over the radio.

"It's cold and wet. The stargate's under water. The entire valley's flooded."

"And it's _freezing_." McKay added, shivering next to John.

"And you need to send a Jumper through so we can stay warm and dry until the water recedes." John finished.

"Will do, Colonel. Hold on." Carter said.

"Holdin' on. Sheppard out."

Minutes later the stargate was still active. "What's goin on?"

"It's the water. The constant pressure's forcing the wormhole to stay active, which means we're gonna have to wait the maximum amount of time a stargate can stay open - thirty-eight minutes." Rodney explained.

"Well, we're already up to thirty-two - and before you say 'I told you so,' we had no choice."

"Ugh, I can't stop shivering." Rodney said miserably.

"You're letting all the hot air out of your mouth." Ronon told him.

"All right, everybody." John broke in. "We'll be warm soon enough."

"I don't know." Rodney denied. "I think I got wetter than you."

"I don't know." John drawled. "I think I got a little damp dialing the DHD."

Teyla turned to look at John. "The research camp was further up this valley. I'm a little concerned for Dr Nichols' team."

"Right." John reached up to tap his radio. "Anyone at the research camp, this is Colonel Sheppard. Please respond." Some static came over the radio. "I repeat, this is Colonel Sheppard. Please respond."

"I'm pretty sure they're all dead." Rodney said morosely.

 _Great_ , John thought. _Just great_.

* * *

" _Let's go swimming!" Connor said happily, tugging on John's hand. They were still at the Disneyland hotel and the pool there was nice and large._

 _John laughed. "Aren't you tired from walking around all day?"_

" _Teyla and I had…" Connor leaned in to John's ear to whisper, "Espressos."_

 _John looked sideways at the Athosian woman who, now that he thought about it, did seem to have an extra bounce to her step. "Did you ask Ronon and Teyla?"_

" _Yeah, they said 'yes'. Please, John." He begged. "Let's go swimming."_

 _John laughed at the look Connor had on his face. "Sure."_

 _Connor planted a sloppy, wet kiss on John's cheek. "Thanks!"_

" _Do you have your swim suit?"_

" _Yup…I think…did you pack it?"_

 _John thought for a moment. "I think so."_

 _Connor laughed. "Let's go." He dragged John through the lobby where Ronon and Teyla were waiting at the elevator. Ronon loved to press the button, so he would always try to get there first. One time Ronon pressed all the buttons and by the time they reached the fifth floor, in a hotel of twenty-six, John and Teyla had gotten up to wait for the next one. Connor, though, had ridden with Ronon all the way and had been quite exuberant when he'd gotten off._

 _Connor bounced all the way up to their floor and John kept a warm hand on the younger man's lower back. John loved this side of his partner. He seemed younger, more open and carefree. He still had nightmares and more than one sleepless night, but here, in The Happiest Place on Earth, Connor could act less like his age and pretend that the things on Atlantis that weighed him down didn't exist. John thought it must be tiring to remember everything, there would be no relief for Connor from the image of Dr. Grey lying dead or Lorne bleeding out, but here at least John could distract him with roller coasters and cotton candy. And Connor could plant as many wet kisses as he wanted on John._

 _The younger man turned then, to face John, his blue eyes shining and happy. He smiled and wrapped his arms around John, who returned the sideways hug. "I love you, John." He said._

" _I love you, too, Con." John said, pressing his lips to Connor's forehead. His teammates might be family, but John wasn't about to start making out in front of them._

" _Let's go swimming!"_

* * *

Connor waited nervously for John on the other side of the stargate. Evan had radioed him to tell him that John was on his way back. The jumper had flown through almost nine hours ago for SGA-1 to wait out the water. It was annoying that they'd had to wait for the water to recede before they could come back.

The first thing Connor saw was Ronon as he ran through, Dr. McKay cradled in his arms followed by John and Teyla. Keller, who had been waiting off to the side, rushed forward with a gurney that Ronon placed McKay on. "How long has he been unresponsive?" She asked, already a flurry of motion.

"Since he fell asleep in the Jumper - about nine hours." Teyla answered her.

"OK, let's get him to the Infirmary. I want him under a scanner. I wanna have a look at you guys too." Connor heard her say. John looked up and Connor briefly met his eyes.

"We're good." Ronon rumbled.

"By that, I mean now." Keller said firmly. They wheeled McKay away and John followed them with an apologetic look towards Connor. The linguist shrugged and offered John a small smile that the older man accepted happily.

"Connor!" Connor looked up to see Daniel leaning over the railing looking down at him. "Have a minute?" He yelled down. Connor nodded and Daniel hurried down the steps to his side. "Was that Colonel Sheppard's team?"

"Yeah. They were stuck off world for a while."

"Do you have some time to look at some stuff I've been working on?"

"Yeah. I, uh, finished that stuff we were working on, I emailed it to you…"

Daniel nodded as they began to walk towards his office. "Yeah, I got it. Thanks, it's a huge help."

"Are you, uh, settling in?" Despite the fact that he'd been on Atlantis for a year, Connor still wasn't good at small talk. When he'd told John that he'd spent all night before one of their jumper sessions thinking of small talk topics, the older man had laughed sadly and told Connor that he thought he'd done a good job and not to worry because everyone has different strengths.

"Yeah. Atlantis is amazing, I can't believe it took me so long to get here. There's so much history. I've been going through all the stuff you've been translating." Daniel said, looking at him. "I forget how fast you are…and how accurate."

Connor blushed. "Um, thanks."

"And the people here have been pretty welcoming. I was on the range the other day and a bunch of the guys remembered me."

"You're pretty hard to forget." Connor said softly.

Daniel grinned. "That's what Jack always said."

They reached Daniel's office and the older man quickly launched into an explanation of what he was hoping Connor could do. He talked so fast that the Irish man wasn't sure he caught it all.

"…okay?" Daniel asked, looking at Connor expectantly.

"Um," The linguist blinked. "Yeah, sure." He said hesitantly, not really positive about what he just agreed to.

The archeologist smiled. "Great." He patted Connor on the shoulder and the next thing Connor knew he was holding a huge stack of books and papers.

"Um, Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you email me everything you just said?"

"Sure." He grinned.

"Thanks."

Connor staggered out of the other man's office, and started down the hallway to the nearest transporter.

"Need some help with that, Doc?" Someone asked. Connor turned and saw Sgt. Jim Smith of SGA-4 walking towards him, arms reaching out. Just as Connor was about to refuse help the top three books slid off the pile and Jim gracefully caught them. "I'll take that as a yes." He grinned.

"Um, yes, thanks, Jim."

"No problem, Doc. These goin' to your office?"

"Yeah."

"Whatcha gonna do with them?" He asked as they waited for the next lift.

Connor looked at him helplessly. "I'm not entirely sure. Daniel was talking too fast and I agreed just to get out of the room."

Jim laughed. "Got it, Doc." He looked over at Connor as they stepped into the transporter, Atlantis already moving it. "We're gating out in a couple days, has Ben told you?"

Connor nodded. "I'll be there."

"Awesome." They stepped out onto Connor's level. "It's just not the same without you, Doc."

Connor blushed. "I, uh…"

Jim laughed, following him down the hallway. "So when you gonna join, make it official?"

"Sorry, Jim."

"Man, Doc, thought I had you there for a second." He said, referring to his ongoing quest to get Connor to join the team.

"Nope."

"I'll get you someday."

Connor smiled. "Maybe."

Jim looked at him. "What, really?" Connor shook his head. "Don't play with me like that, Doc." He said dramatically.

"Sorry." The linguist offered, not sorry at all. His door swished open as he entered, Jim close behind.

"You gonna have breakfast with us before we gate out? 0700?"

Connor groaned at the early hour. "Probably not."

"But you are going to eat, right?"

John, it seemed, had talked to everyone who had any chance of coming into contact with Connor about making him eat. "I'll eat."

"Good, good." Jim plopped the books down on to Connor's desk. He gave Connor a gentle slap on the back. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Doc."

"Bye, Jim." He said with a wave.

Connor heard his lab doors swish open and shut. He looked down at the books Daniel had given him and sighed. He set the off to the side of his desk, opening his laptop and biting his lip. A glance at his watch told him that John would probably still be down in the infirmary and Connor didn't want to hover.

"Hey, Doc?" Connor looked up to see a Marine hovering by his door.

"Sgt. Reynolds, um, hi. Can I, uh, do something for you?"

The other man flushed, embarrassed, then held out his laptop. "I think I might have broke it."

Connor smiled. That he could fix. "Let me see it." He reached out and the Marine walked towards him, offering the piece of equipment to him. "What's, uh, what's wrong with it?"

"I might have stepped on it." The other man said hesitantly.

Connor winced. "Might have?"

"Um, okay, definitely. I definitely stepped on it."

"And now it won't start?"

"It starts, but all I get is the blue screen of death."

"Hm. I can, uh, take a look at it, but you might need to get a new one."

"There are some really important files on there, Doc." Reynolds pleaded. "Pictures of my sister's kids and stuff like that."

"I might be able to, um, salvage your data, let me look at it for a couple days."

The Marine sighed in relief. "Thank you so much, Doc."

"Not a problem."

"No, really, you're a life saver."

Connor blushed. "Um, I just, ah, help where I can."

"It's more than that." Reynolds insisted. "You don't have to do this, help us, but you do."

The linguist blinked." You're welcome."

* * *

" _I wanna kiss the Blarney Stone!" John proclaimed loudly as Connor locked the door to their hotel. It was almost two in the morning, him, John and Ronon had been out at a pub with only the latter two really drinking. Connor nursed his pint of Carlsburg all night long. They were still in Galway, so John and Ronon had tried to local draught, Hooker, and had about five pints each of it before Connor cut them off._

" _Really?" He asked, turning around._

" _I want the gift of…what gift do I get?" John asked, looking incredibly young to Connor. It had started raining by the time they escaped the pub and all three men had shown up back at their rooms soaking wet._

 _Connor rolled his eyes and stepped into the bathroom to get some towels. "Take your clothes off." He called to John. "And it's the gift of eloquence."_

" _Why, Dr. Davids," John drawled from the doorway, naked as the day he was born, "If you want to see me naked all you have to do is ask."_

" _Oh, gosh." Connor sighed. He threw a towel at John's head. "Dry off." Connor pulled the wet t-shirt plastered to his skin off and hung it on the shower curtain rod, followed by his pants and his boxers. "Where did you leave your clothes, John?"_

 _John gestured to the main room. "Out there." He rubbed his towel up and down his body._

" _You know locals piss on it."_

" _On what?" John asked, shaking the water from his hair._

 _Connor smiled and reached his own towel up to encompass John's head, scrubbing the water out. "The Blarney Stone." He answered._

 _John's voice was muffled when he answered, "Really?"_

" _That's the story anyway." Connor said lightly._

 _John shook the towel off his head and look at Connor, hair sticking up everywhere. "Really?"_

 _Connor laughed. "That's what we tell the tourists, anyways. We'll have to catch a bus in the morning, then. It's a bit of a trip down."_

" _You can sleep on my shoulder." John offered and pulled Connor out of the bathroom. He leant in and kissed Connor then, tasking like the peanut-y Hooker beer he had been drinking._

" _I need sleep." Connor protested, pulling back from John._

" _Are you seriously passing up the chance at a blow-job for sleep?"_

" _That tour was really long today, John." The younger man said softly. "Lots of people."_

" _Ah." John wrapped an arm around Connor and pulled him down on to the bed. "How do you feel about sex at the bus station?"_

 _Connor blushed. "Um, it's probably really gross."_

" _Tomorrow night then." John whispered into his ear, holding him tight. "I get you all night long."_

" _Alright."_

 _But by the time the next night came around, both Connor and John were exhausted. They had taken Bus Éireann from Galway at nine am, arriving in Cork at half one. From there they had taken a bus up to Blarney Castle where they walked around the gardens and grounds of the castle before making the trip up to the Blarney Stone._

" _What do you mean it's at the top?" John had asked, looking up at the stone building._

" _You have to climb up some stairs to get there."_

" _Stairs?"_

" _Um, yeah. And they're a bit tricky." Connor offered._

" _Tricky." John parroted, squinting in the sunlight._

" _They're probably trip steps."_

" _Trip steps?" Ronon asked._

" _Most castles have them." The linguist explained to them. "They're steps that aren't the same height or width so that invaders couldn't just, uh, run up them."_

" _And we are to climb those?" Teyla questioned._

 _Connor shrugged. "If you want to kiss the Blarney Stone."_

 _So the foursome climbed the steep steps in the narrow, winding staircase._

" _How much longer?" John groused._

" _A few more levels."_

" _For reals?"_

" _Um, yeah."_

" _Alright."_

 _After about ten minutes of climbing they reached the top and Connor loved the view. The grounds were so green, as much of Ireland was, and trees were scattered across them. He could see part of the city in the distance and imagined that if he really squinted he could see the ocean. John came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Connor's stomach and letting a hand drift under the younger man's shirt._

" _It's beautiful." John breathed._

" _Yeah?"_

" _Yeah." John had loved his country from the very start and it only made the only man that much more endearing to Connor._

" _Well, let's go get your gift of eloquence."_

 _John kissed his cheek. "Alright. Where is it?"_

 _Connor pointed to where a man was standing watching a woman lay down and bend over. "There."_

" _Oka-wait, what? What are they doing?"_

" _You have to bend backwards to get to the stone." Connor said dragging John who tugged on Teyla's sleeve as they passed._

" _I have to what?"_

 _Connor laughed. "Oh, hey, look they even wash it for you now. When I did it, no one did that." He offered, watching the worker wipe the stone after the woman kissed it. "And they take your picture."_

" _Picture?"_

" _Please, John?"_

 _John sighed. "I don't know how I let you talk me into these things. Pictures." He grumbled._

 _Connor blushed. "Um…you're welcome?"_

" _Uh-huh."_

* * *

Connor's lab was quiet when John finally made it there. No sounds of pages turning, pens scribbling on paper, the whir of computer fans. It was all eerily quiet. And dark.

"Connor?" John called softly. Atlantis didn't raise the lights for him and John assumed his boyfriend was sleeping somewhere in the room, either at his desk of on the couch. John headed for the desk first. He moved his hands around and hit nothing but air and, _ouch_ , the back of Connor's chair. "Connor?" He called again, walking carefully to the other side of the room. His hands identified the small table with mugs and water bottles on it. John trailed over them to the left until he touched the back of the couch and his feet hit the bottom of it. He crouched down and reached out touching the soft, warm, lump under the blanket. He moved his hands up the body and felt Connor's head sticking out of the top, blanket pulled up to his eyes. "Connor?" He said, louder this time while giving his partner a small shake.

"Mmm, John?"

"Yeah." John said, gently combing his hands through the linguist's hair.

"Time 's it?" He asked, voice sleepy.

"Not that late…about eleven."

"At night?"

John chuckled lightly. "Yeah." He brushed his palm against Connor's forehead. "You tired?"

"Mmm." Connor sighed. Suddenly the younger man sat up and the lights came on. Connor blinked furiously, "Is Dr. McKay alright?"

John nodded. "He's fine. Keller's released him, couldn't find anything wrong."

"And you're alright?" The scientist asked, pressing a warm hand to John's chest.

"Yep. We're all fine."

"What about Dr. Nichols?"

"Him and his team are, surprisingly, fine as well."

"Really?"

"Really." John promised. "I just got out of the infirmary. What do you say to some dinner?"

"I ate."

"Really?" John asked skeptically.

"Yep."

"Then come have dessert." John enticed him with.

"Mmm, pudding?"

John groaned at the thought. "How about some ice cream tonight?"

"Okay." John stood up and offered his hand down to the younger man, who took it. He pulled Connor up softly, catching him as he found his balance. "How was your day?" John asked as they made their way to the food hub.

"Quiet."

"That's good." He smiled. "Do you ever miss the quiet?" He asked curiously.

"Yes." Connor answered without hesitation.

"Oh." And wow did that hurt more than John thought it would.

"I…John, it's just that…sometimes I need…"

"Space?" John suggested.

"Yeah. I'm not," He paused. "I'm not good with people."

"You're good with me." John promised.

Connor offered him a small smile. "Really?"

"Yes." The older man assured him.

John wasn't surprised to find Ronon and Teyla eating in the food hub, really the only place with food so late at night, but he was a bit surprised to see Keller and Lorne with them. John wanted to back out of the large room with his boyfriend and try to find leftovers in the kitchen. Unfortunately he was spotted first.

"John! Connor!" Teyla cried gently. She motioned them towards the table next to them. Lorne had already stood up and begun pulling it closer.

John nodded and he and Connor went to get their food. As they sat down, John next to Teyla and Connor next to Lorne, he glanced at his boyfriend's tray, finding a bowl full of a light pink ice cream.

"Strawberry?" John asked.

Connor shook his head. "Raspberry."

John really wanted to try some, as he's never had raspberry ice cream before, but Keller was already shooting them furious glances. "Ah. So, Lorne."

"Yes, sir?" His second in command looked up from his carrots.

"Next time, you get to go for a swim."

"Yes, sir." Lorne answered with a grin.

"I mean it." John warned. "I'm too old for this shit."

"Yes, sir," and that damned grin was still there.

"Our next planet better have good booze." John caught Connor grinning out of the corner of his eyes.

"Yes, sir."

"And hot natives."

"I'll see what I can do, sir." Lorne promised.

"You better." John said, poking his fork at the younger man. "And no flying monkeys."

"Yes, sir."

"And stop saying 'yes, sir'!"

"Yes, sir." Lorne repeated.

Connor let out a laugh and John gave him a wink. "So what did I miss today?"

Conversation started back up and John tucked in to his dinner. He had spaghetti and meat balls tonight with a side of snow peas and some sourdough bread. He slurped up his pasta as Keller went on about some sort of advancement she made, and John was pretty sure that only Connor and…he looked around…wait, Ronon? were paying attention. True enough, the Satedan seemed to be absorbing her words and every so often Keller would say something, Ronon would shoot Connor a look and the linguist would say something back in a different language. John was really starting to think he entered the twilight zone.

When Keller finished her story Ronon started in on how they kept entertained in the jumper while simultaneously worrying about Rodney. As soon as Rodney's name was mentioned, John saw his boyfriend tense up a little. He turned away from the conversation and focused on his ice cream. John nudged him with his foot a little and when Connor looked up he offered him a questioning gaze. Connor frowned and shook his head, implying nothing was wrong.

His eyes then drifted down to John's meal and the older man pushed his tray forward. Connor reached out and snagged a snow pea, munching quietly on it. John split a meatball in half before twirling pasta around his fork and stabbing the meat.

"So what was that thing you were doing with Ronon?" John asked as they walked back to their quarters.

"What thing?" The linguist replied softly.

"When Keller was talking…"

"Oh. I'm, uh, helping Ronon learn some of the medical stuff that Dr. Keller does and um, sometimes he doesn't understand the English words so I roughly translate them into Satedan."

"You speak Satedan?"

Connor shrugged uncomfortably. 'I picked it up along the way."

John shook his head and smiled. "You're too fucking smart for your own good." John said. "I've known Ronon for years and I didn't even know that he spoke another language."

"Teyla and Ronon speak…the trade language, but both of their cultures have their own language."

"Really?" John asked puzzled. "Wow, learn something everyday."

"Well, some of us do." Connor said with a grin.

"I learn things!" John protested. Connor looked at him. "I do!"

"Uh-huh."

"What happened to respect 'til death do us part?"

"We haven't taken any vows yet." Connor offered.

"Well I think that should be one of them."

"Sure, John."

"Are you humoring me?"

Connor gave a look of mock surprise. "Would I do that to you?"

They reached Connor's quarters, stepping inside, doors closing behind them.

"Yes." John answered, unbuckling his belt.

Connor grinned. "I think all relationships need respect."

John pulled his shirt over his head. "Mm hmm." He glanced over at Connor, the linguist was kicking off his shoes. John walked over and wrapped his arms around the younger man from the back. He tucked his head next to Connor's neck, inhaling the scent of the warm skin.

"How do I smell?" Connor teased lightly.

"Wonderful." John answered.

Connor leaned his had back on John's shoulder. "I'm going off world in a couple days with Ben's team."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Will you have some breakfast with me then?"

"Yeah." John sighed happily. He poked his tongue out and licked the side of Connor's neck.

"John!" The linguist laughed. "Stop that! I need to shower."

"Mine." John said, possessively and bit his neck lightly.

"So you're a vampire now?"

"Mm hmm." The older man hummed. "Can I shower with you?" He whispered into Connor's ear.

"Um…yes." Connor breathed. "Yes, please."

* * *

" _Are you going to join Ramsey's team?" John asked quietly as Connor traced pictures on his chest._

" _No."_

 _They were in bed somewhere in Ireland, John had forgotten the name of the town. "You go out with them a lot."_

" _I go out with them on about 14 percent of their missions."_

" _Is that it?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Oh. Seems like more."_

 _Connor laughed softly. "Jim keeps asking. I think he thinks that one day I'll cave."_

" _Won't you?"_

" _Not as long as you're still around."_

" _Connor." John said quietly._

" _Hm?"_

" _If this is what you want, then I think you should join."_

" _It's not what I want." The younger man assured him._

" _Maybe you don't know that you want it."_

" _And maybe I know that I don't." The linguist countered. "I've weighed the pros and cons, John. You worry about me enough as it is, you don't need the added stress of me going off world all the time."_

" _I don't want to stop you from doing things, Con."_

" _I know."_

 _John ran a hand through Connor's locks, damp from their recent shower. "Ramsey's team is safer than mine." John finally said._

" _I know."_

" _Less front line stuff."_

" _I know."_

" _So there's less to worry about."_

" _In theory." Connor agreed._

" _But you're still not going to join?"_

" _Nope."_

" _Ever?"_

" _Not as long as you're around." He repeated._

 _John tightened his hold on the younger man. "Okay." He said. "I can live with that."_

" _Good." Connor trailed a hand down John's chest to more sensitive areas. He scooted down out of John's reach, his face hovering to the side of John's hip. "John?"_

" _Hm?" Connor gestured towards John's lap. "Um," John drawled breathless, "Yes. Yes, please."_

 _Connor bent his head closer._

* * *

Connor's mission to M3X-119 went the way that he wished all missions would go. They went, found ruins, explored, found information, and came home. Safely. Although Jim did throw a rock at Eric which resulted in a rock fight that Connor excused himself from. Both of them were sure to have a couple bruises from that.

"You're back."

Connor frowned at the voice and looked up. Dr. McKay was hovering above him. "Uh, yeah." He answered quietly.

"Look… _Connor_ ," McKay said, shifting back and forth. "I just wanted to say sorry for being so mean to you all the time. But since we're dating each others best friends-"

"Evan's my best friend." Connor cut in.

Just like before McKay kept going. " I think we should put the past behind us and be friends too." He offered his hand out for Connor to shake. "What do you say?"

"Are you feeling alright, Dr. McKay?"

"What? Oh, um, yes, perfectly fine. Nothing wrong." He quick to assure. He jiggle his outstretched hand at Connor a little. "Friends?"

"Um, sure." Connor slowly took the proffered hand and gave it a quick shake before letting go.

"Good, good." McKay said. He stood there staring at Connor.

"Uh, anything else you need?"

"What? No. Sorry, just, ah, lost in thought, you know how it goes." Connor stared at him. "So cool, we're all good now." He smiled. "Well, see you later, _friend_." He said with a quick wink and left Connor's lab.

Two hours later, tucked into bed with John, Connor was still thinking about the odd conversation. "John?"

"Hm?"

"Did you notice anything different about Dr. McKay today?"

"Rodney?" John paused. "No, why?"

"He came to my lab earlier and apol-apologized."

"He said he was going to." John reminded him.

"We already talked before that."

"He apologized twice?"

Connor winced in the dark. "He didn't exactly apologize the first time."

"So the first time you just…talked?"

 _Something like that._ "Yeah."

"Oh. Hm. I don't know. He seemed fine to me."

"I think something's wrong with him." Connor said softly. "Maybe you should have Keller check him out."

"She did yesterday and he didn't go anywhere he could have picked up something today."

Connor bit his lip. "Alright."

Lips pressed against his head. "Go to sleep."

"John?" Connor persisted.

"Yeah?"

"What kind of car do you drive?"

"You mean, did I drive? Not the car I wanted, that's for sure. I drove a little Rabbit in high school, fixed it up myself."

"And since then?"

"Whatever cars they had on base to lend out." John told him. "How come you don't drive?"

"I had my board and a bike in Ireland and then I moved to the States when I was twenty-one and we lived really close to my old uni, so I rode my bike there too and then when I got to Colorado I just lived on base and caught a ride with someone if I needed to go out for something."

"And?" John asked intuitively.

"And after the car accident when I was twelve," He felt John's hand move to his shoulder to trace the scar there, "I was a bit, um, scared of driving or riding in cars."

"Was it bad?"

"Ruined the car." Connor told him quietly. "Me mum got a concussion, da broke his arm."

"What happened?"

"Usual case in Ireland, drink driving."

"Don't you mean drunk driving?"

Connor frowned. "No, drink driving."

"Another weird Irish phrase."

"Better than you lot." Connor teased. "Pop a cap in your ass?"

John moaned. "It just sounds so wrong with your accent."

"What if I said…pop a cap in your arse?"

"That's even worse." The older man groaned.

Connor laughed. "I guess I shall refrain from saying it then."

"Please do."

"So," John said, after a moment of silence. "Any more random questions?"

Connor blushed in the dark. "Not tonight."

"Good. Sleep." John ordered.

* * *

" _Connor! Connor!" John said urgently. "Wake up, please." He pleaded. "Connor." He shook the linguist's body._

" _John! No!" Connor mumbled, tears were leaking out of his eyes already._

" _Connor, wake up." He ordered. "Wake up, now."_

" _Stop it! Don't touch him!"_

" _Connor, I'm fine. I'm right here, you just need to wake up." John pulled Connor's body up and the older man leaned back against the headboard of their bed with Connor cradled in his arms. "Connor, wake up."_

" _John!"_

" _Connor!"_

" _John?" Connor asked weakly and John sighed in relief as he saw two blue eyes open and find his._

" _I'm right here." John said, hugging the younger man tighter in his arms, rocking them back and forth. "I'm right here." He murmured. Connor cried silently into John's neck and John gently maneuvered him into a more comfortable position where Connor faced John, sitting on his thighs, knees by John's hips and ankles by John's knees. Connor leaned forward and John could feel moisture on his skin as he gently soothed his boyfriend. They had one day left of their vacation and Connor hadn't had a nightmare in days. "Wanna talk about it?" John asked softly._

" _N-not real-ly." Connor answered, fisting the front of John's shirt in his hand._

" _Okay." John ran a soothing hand up and down his partner's back while the other cupped his bottom, keeping him in place. "You don't have to."_

" _I'm sor-ry." Connor choked out._

" _Why are you sorry?" He asked gently._

" _I always…I always wake you up."_

 _John sighed. No matter how many times he told the younger man he didn't mind, Connor still had problems with it. He began to wonder if his parents did. "I don't mind, Con. Not for you."_

 _Connor drew in a shaky breath and John felt him struggling to control his breathing. "I'm still sorry."_

" _I accept your apology." John said softly in his ear. "Let's just have tomorrow for the two of us, okay?" They were back in Colorado Springs, but not at Cheyenne Mountain, John had gotten them a hotel room about thirty minutes from the base._

" _Really?"_

" _Yes, really. I want you all to myself. Ronon and Teyla will have to live with it."_

" _Al-alright."_

" _Good." John said, still rocking him gently. "Do you want to go back to sleep." Connor tensed in his arms. "Or not." John soothed. "We can stay awake."_

" _Tell me a story." Connor pleaded softly._

 _John thought for a second. "Did I ever tell you about when Cadman and McKay got stuck in McKay's body?"_

" _No."_

" _Well, it all started on this planet with nice yellow flowers…"_

* * *

"Rodney?" Eric asked, gently pushing the other man. "Rodney."

"What? I'm trying to sleep, Eric."

"It's almost noon, Rodney." He said gently.

"What?" The astrophysicist asked, sitting up. "Noon?"

"Yeah." Rodney moved his legs over the side of the bed and stood up quickly. He grabbed the nearest clothes, pulling them on. "Rodney?"

"What?"

"Those are, uh, my pants."

Eric watched as Rodney looked down at the black pants around his ankle. "Oh." He pulled them back off and threw them across the room. "Thanks."

Eric frowned. "Don't mention it." He said, handing the older man his pants. "Is everything alright, Rodney?"

"What? Yes, I'm fine."

"You're usually up for hours by now."

"Well, Sheppard's usually bothering me about something." Rodney explained, heading for the bathroom, the door shut and a minutes later Eric heard the whoosh of the Ancient toilets and the sink began to run.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Eric asked when Rodney exited the small room a couple minutes later.

"I'm sure." Rodney said. He reached out an pulled Eric in for a soft kiss. "Thanks for waking me up." He pulled away and grabbed his jacket. "Have dinner with me?"

"Sure." Eric said confused.

"Thanks, see you then!" Rodney called over his shoulder, dashing out of the room leaving Eric standing in his empty quarters.

 _That was weird_ , Eric thought, _really weird_. He thought for a second and, mind made up, he left his room and made for the nearest lift. A few minutes later he arrived at Colonel Sheppard's office. He ring the chime.

"Come in."

"Sir." Eric said, entering with a salute. Major Lorne was at Sheppard's desk and the Colonel was sitting across from him. They both returned his salute.

"What can I do for you, Corporal?" Lorne asked.

"Um, sir I was hoping to talk to Colonel Sheppard." He said, turning to face the other man.

Sheppard gave Lorne a smirk and turned towards Eric. "Yeah?"

"Is everything alright with Dr. McKay?"

Sheppard frowned. "You know you're the second person to ask me that in the past twelve hours." Eric wasn't sure what to say to that, but Sheppard went on. "He's fine."

"With all due respect, sir, he's acting a little weird. I think something might be wrong with him."

Sheppard looked at him, studying his face. "And why might that be?"

"He seemed…nicer."

The Colonel snorted. "And that's a problem?"

Eric sighed inwardly. "I guess not, sir." Except that he liked Rodney as he was.

"I'll look into it, Corporal."

That was a dismissal if Eric ever heard one. "Thank you, sir." He offered a salute that Sheppard barely returned befoe exiting.

* * *

John turned to Lorne. "You know Connor asked the same thing last night."

"Really, sir?" Lorne asked with a frown.

"Indicated that Rodney was being nice or something."

"Do you think something is wrong with him?"

"From the planet?"

"Yes, sir."

John thought for a moment. "I don't know, but maybe I should get Keller to run another scan."

"Couldn't hurt, sir." Lorne replied.

"Okay."

John stood and Lorne didn't bother to salute him as he left. _I knew I liked him_. John hurriedly made his way to McKay's lab. When he got there it was quiet, Rodney wasn't yelling or throwing things or any of the other actions he was prone to. In fact, when the doors opened, Rodney was smiling and whomever he was talking to was nodding happily.

"Rodney." John said as he got closer.

"Oh hey, John. What's up?"

 _John?_ Rodney had called him that before, but never so casually. _Maybe Connor and Johns are right_. "Can you take a break?"

"I'm working on something." He said, sounding more like the old McKay.

"It's important."

Rodney sighed and saved something on his computer, shooing away whomever he was talking to. "Fine." John grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the lab. "Gee, Sheppard, you don't have to man handle me. I can walk by myself you know."

"I know you can, buddy." John said, waving his hand in front of the transporter doors. He ushered Rodney inside and hit the level for Keller's lab.

"Where are we going?" Rodney asked, pulling his arm away from John's grip.

"Somewhere." John pushed Rodney gently out of the lift and maneuvered him down the hall.

"Something up with Keller?"

"Yeah, she just needs to ask you something."

"You could have said that." He said.

"Sure."

They entered the bright room and a nurse was bustling around but other than that the room was deserted. "Dr. Keller?"

A few seconds later a blonde head, followed by her body, popped out of her lab. "Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay." She smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"Can you give Rodney another body scan?"

"What? Sheppard! No way." Rodney said, pulling away.

"C'mon, Rodney, it'll take two minutes."

Keller looked between them. "Sure."

"Rodney?" John asked.

The other man sighed. "Fine, whatever, just be quick about it."

Keller hit a few keys on the computer and Rodney laid down on the scanner bed. John hovered next to Keller. "So what are we looking for, Colonel?"

"Uh, brain, I think." John said quietly, running a hand through his hair.

Keller looked at him shocked as she started the machine. "You think there's something wrong with his brain?" She whispered.

"What are you saying about me?" Rodney asked, annoyed.

"Nothing." John assured him. "Yes." Is what he said quietly to Keller.

"I don't know how something would have missed the sca-oh my, God." She said softly.

"What's that?" John asked, pointing to a small mass in Rodney's brain.

"Something that's definitely not supposed to be there." She studied the scan more. "It looks operable if we move now…" She turned away from John. "Lennings?" She yelled over her shoulder. A male nurse came bustling out of the office.

"Yes, Dr. Keller?"

"Set up the OR immediately."

"Yes, Dr. Keller." He said, already moving.

"What's wrong?" Rodney asked sitting up. "Sheppard? Keller?"

"There's a small…growth on the right side of your brain."

"A growth?" John looked at Rodney and he looked like he was starting to panic. He quickly closed the distance between him and his best friend and reached out a comforting hand to his shoulder.

"It's gonna be fine, Rodney, Keller will take care of it."

"John?" Rodney asked quietly and John could barely hear him. The previously empty infirmary had sprung a growth of people moving everywhere. There was a nurse behind Rodney already tugging at his clothes. Rodney's blue eyes pleaded to John and suddenly he knew what his friend wanted.

"I'll get him, Rodney." He said gently as Rodney's shirt was tugged off over his head.

"Hurry." Rodney urged as a surgical gown was thrust at him and the curtains closed around his bed.

"I will." John promised, moving out of the curtain so Rodney could get dressed. "Sheppard to Johns." He waited a second and called again when he heard no reply. "Sheppard to Johns."

"Colonel Sheppard? This is Lt. Ramsey, Eric's in the middle of something-"

"I need him in the infirmary now." John said cutting Ramsey off.

"Of course, sir." Ramsey said immediately. John heard him calling at Johns to get to the infirmary. "Is everything alright, Colonel?"

"It's fine. I need him for something. Sheppard out." John thought the best thing about being top dog was not having to explain your self to anyone.

Two minutes later Johns ran into the infirmary. At this point, Rodney was already being scrubbed down for surgery and Keller had changed, along with the rest of the staff. Johns was shirtless as he ran in, sweat everywhere. "Colonel Sheppard?"

John approached him and stood close so he could talk quietly. "There's a growth on Rodney's brain, they're going to do surgery to remove it. He wants to see you."

Johns face held a mixture of fear and worry. "Of course, sir."

John led him over to Rodney's bed where the nurses had abandoned him just a second before to finish setting up. John pulled the curtain around them and watched as Eric automatically grabbed Rodney's hand, curling his fingers around it.

"Hey." Rodney said, looking at him.

"Hey." Johns answered. John suddenly felt like a spectator and ducked out of the curtain, keeping watch when something else occurred to him.

"Sheppard to Teyla."

"Yes, John?"

"Rodney's about to go into surgery, so if you want to see him-"

"On my way." She said, cutting him off. "Ronon is with me as well." He could hear her running as she said that.

"Got it. Sheppard out."

"It'll be okay, Rodney." He heard softly. "You'll be fine. Keller will fix you up."

"What if…"

"Shh. You'll be fine, right as rain, okay? No negative thoughts."

"Have you met me?" Rodney asked and John snorted.

"I'll think positive thoughts for the both of us."

"Okay."

Ronon and Teyla chose that moment to burst into the infirmary. They walked quickly towards John who held a finger to their lips, telling them to be quiet for a second.

"I love you." John heard quietly.

"Eric, I-"

"Shh, tell me later."

"But what if-?"

"Positive thoughts, Rodney." Johns said in a firm voice.

"McKay?" John called. "Teyla and Ronon are here."

"Really? Oh, yeah, sure."

John opened the curtain up and the two men were separated again and Ronon and Teyla quickly moved to Rodney's side.

"What did you do this time, McKay?" Ronon asked, giving the astrophysicist a bump on the shoulder.

"Hey! This wasn't my fault." Rodney protested.

"Uh-huh."

"Ronon." Teyla chastised. "We will be waiting for you when you come out, Rodney." She said warmly.

"Really?"

"Of course." Teyla assured him. "There is no place we would rather be."

"Dr. McKay?" A nurse asked from behind them. "Are you ready?"

John watched as Rodney shot one last look at Corporal Johns before nodding to the nurse. His bed was wheeled away from them and they were left standing there.

Then suddenly it hit John hard. His best friend was about to have _brain_ surgery, and as comforting as Keller had been, there was still always the risk of death. He had never wanted Connor next to him more in his life.

"John?" A voice asked with uncertainty behind him.

John whirled around and standing there, looking uncomfortable and awkward was his somehow mind-reading partner, tugging on the sleeves of his jacket. "Connor." He sighed happily. John took the three steps that separated them and pulled the younger man into a hug. Connor returned it gently. "How did you know?" John whispered in the linguist's ear.

Connor shrugged under his arms. "Atlantis."

"Of course." John breathed in Connor's scent, burying his face in the smaller man's hair. "He's in surgery. There's some kind of…growth on his brain." Connor squeezed him tighter. "I should have listened to you."

"You got to him in time." Connor whispered soothingly and John wondered exactly how Atlantis was filling in the blanks for his partner and if he should be worried. "He'll be fine."

"How did you know?" John asked pulling back, his arms loosely around Connor's waist.

The linguist look at something over John's shoulder as an unknown emotion flashed through his eyes. "He called me 'Connor'."

"Oh, Con." John said sadly. "I'm sorry."

Connor re-focused on John's face. "It's alright. It helped you, right?"

"Yeah, you and that Corporal of yours." John said softly.

"How long will this take?" Ronon asked, breaking through their conversation.

John quickly remembered that they were in the infirmary where anyone could walk in. With one last tiny caress he pulled his arms away from Connor. He took a deep breath, putting his emotions aside for later before turning around his normal smile. "A couple hours, I think, Chewie." He looked at Connor. "How long was yours?"

The linguist shrugged. "Eric?"

John glanced over at the corporal in the corner. "About two and a half hours." Johns said softly. "But his is different from yours."

"Yeah." Connor agreed quietly. He closed his eyes softly before opening them. "They've already started." He said softly. "Keller's already, ah, drilling."

"We're gonna talk about this little love affair Atlantis seems to be having with you, later." John told the younger man quietly.

Connor nodded. "I…is it alright if I go stand with Eric for a little while?"

John wanted to say 'Hell, no, it's not alright. I need you here, with me, stay, stay, stay', instead he just nodded stiffly and Connor brushed gently past him to walk over to the corporal. His partner said something to the younger man who nodded and Connor pulled him into a tight hug. John found himself fighting down jealousy at Connor's arms wrapped around a shirtless corporal. John glanced around the room and spotted a scrub top folded on a chair. He walked over and grabbed it throwing it towards the two men. Connor shot him an annoyed look but John shrugged innocently as Johns pulled on the shirt.

"Thank you, sir."

"So…we wait?" Ronon asked, taking a seat.

"We wait." John agreed.

* * *

" _Well, let's go!"_

" _Chewie!" John yelled after him as the Satedan raced past the line to Splash Mountain. "Ronon!"_

 _The bigger man stopped. "What?"_

" _There's a line." John said, indicating the people Ronon had just passed._

" _What's a line?" Ronon asked, walking back towards him, Connor and Teyla._

" _Like in the mess hall…where you have to wait for food, you have to wait to get on the ride."_

" _I'm not waiting."_

" _Yes, you are." John said sternly._

" _It's gonna take forever." Ronon whined, sounding more his age than John had ever heard him._

" _It'll take fifteen minutes."_

" _So what do we do in line?"_

" _We wait." John told him._

" _That's it?"_

" _Yes, that's it."_

* * *

"So Rodney's fine?"

"Rodney's fine."

"And you?"

"I'm almost fine."

"Can I help?"

"You already are."

"Oh."

"So tell me about Atlantis."

"You know about Atlantis."

"Not like you do."

"When I first came it felt like home."

"And now?"

"Now, you feel like home."

"Does she talk to you?"

"Yeah."

"And you let her?"

"She doesn't force it on me."

"I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. She'll keep me safe."

"It's her I'm worried about."

"Atlantis…likes me, John."

"I know."

"She likes you, too."

"I know."

"…"

"So how do you feel about wearing rings?"

"Can we? John?"

"Well, we have these nifty ring holders around our neck."

"They even match."

"Yes, they do."

"…I have rings."

"…"

"I picked them up when we were on Earth. I have my father's and my, um, mother's father's."

"Your grandfather's."

"Yeah. I thought you could, um, wear that one."

"I…"

"I mean you don't have to. I'm sure Teyla knows a place wher-"

"I would love to."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I…we can wear them in here, right, in our room?"

" _Yes_. God, yes."

"John?"

"Hm?"

" _Tá grá agam duit, a chuisle._ "

"I love you, too, Connor, always remember that."

"I will, I promise."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, John."


	36. Singular

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ****

****

Becoming Connor Davids

Chapter 36 : Singular (A Day in the Life)

Author's Notes :

\- Did something a little different with this chapter, but next chapter will be back to normal. Promise. ;)  
\- Tesco is an Irish grocery store, equivalent to maybe the size of a quarter of a Target in the States.  
\- Jelly Belly belongs to the Jelly Belly Candy Co.  
\- Minesweeper is not mine.  
\- _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_. : My heart is within you.  
\- Edited content is on my homepage.

* * *

John lazily hit the alarm on his watch to make it stop beeping. Just like most days he woke alone, Connor was off running with Ronon, so he stretched a little and hopped out of bed naked, tripping on hastily removed clothes from the night before. John grinned as he remembered the events that took place and he bent down to pick them up. Both John and Connor were clean people, something that John appreciated, and they both tried to keep their room as tidy as possible.

John stumbled over to the dresser, pulling out black uniform pants to go with his black uniform undershirt and black uniform over-shirt. Then he pulled out some boxers, pausing briefly to make sure they were his, before piling them on top of the rest of his clothes. He grabbed a bundle of socks and trekked into the bathroom. John set the clothes on the counter and proceed to relieve his bladder, sighing in relief. Atlantis started the shower for him and John stepped into the warm stream of water. He rolled his shoulders as water cascaded over them, allowing his muscles to relax. He briefly wished Connor were here with him, and on the days John woke late or Connor finished early, sometimes he was.

The Air Force pilot reached for his shampoo and lathered the clear liquid into his hair before rinsing it out. He added some conditioner when the water ran clear of soap bubbles and washed himself off as it sat for a moment. John closed his eyes as he stepped back under the stream, letting the water wash away the slick liquid. He grabbed a towel and dried off before stepping out of the shower.

John briefly glanced at his appearance in the mirror before reaching for his toothbrush. Exactly three minutes after he started, he was spitting the foamy substance out and rinsing his mouth. Connor had some obsession with brushing his teeth, and while it didn't extend to John brushing his teeth, the older man still found himself being more aware of his own pearly whites.

He reached for his clothes, tugging on his boxers and socks followed by his shirt and his pants. He pulled the over-shirt on but left it unbuttoned. John stopped to put some coffee on to boil and made yet another mental note to talk to Connor about the outrageous amount of tea piled in the corner. Somehow the linguist kept worming out of the conversation every time John brought it up. He made a second mental note to some day be as evasive as his partner was, because really, it was awe inspiring.

John found his boots by the door and tugged them on, tucking the bottoms of his pants into them before double knotting the shoe laces. He slipped his ever present wristband on followed by his watch and as the coffee began to percolate, Connor entered the room, freshly showered, with some running clothes in his hand.

John pulled the younger man to him and greeted him with a kiss, one that Connor returned fervently. "Good morning." He greeted as he pulled away. Connor just blushed and ducked his head a little. He threw his clothes into their shared hamper, but John didn't let him go. "You could have showered with me." He said, inhaling the smell of the soap on Connor's skin, feeling his boyfriend's wet hair press against him.

"Next time." He promised and John was certainly going to hold him to it.

"You're late this morning."

"Yeah, sorry." No explanation, but then again, John didn't really ask for one.

John tugged the younger man around to their large chair and he sat, pulling Connor down on to his lap. They'd been living together for months and their routine was still the same. John liked the routine, it gave them time together each morning and they briefed each other on the day's coming events.

"You're off-world today?" John asked.

Connor's head was tucked in against John's neck and the older man had a tight grip around his waist. "Yeah."

"I'm making some coffee and then we can get breakfast." Because John needed to wake up enough to walk in a straight line to the transporter.

"Sure."

"Con." John started and slipped his hand into the back of his partner's pants. "We need to talk about this aversion to tea that you've picked up."

"Not really." Connor said. "It's nothing."

"No, it's something and we need to talk about it. No weaseling out this time." John warned. "Because your pile of tea is becoming precariously high and even if we started now I don't think we could drink it all by this time next year."

Connor sighed and his warm breath tickled John's skin. "John."

"No, Connor, talk to me, please." John pleaded. "Or maybe Johansen." Heightmeyer's replacement.

"I don't need a shrink, John."

"You need to talk about this."

"No, I don't." Connor began to shift his weight, but John held on to him firmly.

"What will it take for you to start drinking it again?" John asked gently.

Connor closed his eyes and leaned back against John, clutching his shirt. "I don't know."

"We can take it slow, Con. Start here, in our mornings and then maybe you'd feel safe drinking it in your lab again or at dinner or lunch."

"Please, John." Connor whispered. "Don't make me do this."

John felt his heart break just a little. "I…" He paused and licked his lips. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to, Connor." He said finally. "But I think you should think about it."

"I…I can't. Not yet."

"It's been over a month, Con." The older man said gently.

"Not yet, John, _please_."

"Okay." John said softly. "Okay. Just know, that I'm here whenever you're ready."

"I know."

Eventually the coffee became ready and John gently dumped Connor onto the seat as he stood. "Want a cup?"

Connor shook his head. "No."

"Alright." John made himself a large cup of coffee, wincing as he downed it quickly before pouring another and moving back to his boyfriend. "Scoot over." Connor complied and John wedged himself onto the chair resulting in Connor half on John, half on the chair, but the younger man didn't seem to mind. "So where are you going today?"

"M3X-283."

John took another sip of coffee. "So where are you going today?"

Connor laughed softly. "A planet that's supposed to be uninhabited. We think there was an Ancient outpost there."

"And?"

The linguist shrugged. "That's it. It's low priority, been in the database for a while."

"How long will you be gone?"

"Dunno." Connor mumbled, leaning into John. "We have to check in every four hours."

"You taking a jumper?"

Connor shrugged. "Dunno."

"Pack lunch." The older man advised.

John could practically feel his partner roll his eyes. "MREs. Yum."

"Hey, Rodney swears by them."

"Dr. McKay would eat dirt if it looked like chocolate."

John couldn't argue that. "Eat." Is all he said. John savored the last few sips of his coffee before setting down the empty mug. "What time are you gating out?"

"Eight-thirty. Pre-briefing at seven forty-five."

"So we have," John looked at his watch. "An hour-ish?"

"Yeah."

"How fast can you eat?" Connor didn't answer. John looked down to find the younger man sleeping. "Connor." He gently shook him.

"Hm?"

"Wake-y, wake-y." John said in a sing song voice.

"Nuh-uh."

"You're really ruining my plans for a pre-mission blow job." John whispered in his ears.

"Mmm, sleep."

John shook his head. "Where did I go wrong with you?"

Connor laughed and kissed his chin. "You haven't."

"You'd rather sleep than experience my sexual prowess."

"Huh?"

John poked him. "Uh-huh."

"Prowess, huh?"

"Oh, yeah." John said haughtily. "Total prowess."

"Hm, I think you'll have to prove this prowess." Connor said with a smile.

John's hands were already reaching for his boyfriend's pants. "Prove, huh?" They came unbuttoned and John pulled the zipper down. "And how would I do that?" His fingers dived into the hole in Connor's boxers, stroking the flesh they found there.

"I, uh…can…ah, think of some ways." Connor said, his breathing increasing.

John leaned over and bent his head to Connor's neck. "Really?" He asked, licking at the skin there.

"Uh…" Connor stopped talking after that as John's hand teased him. John opened his mouth wider and lightly sucked on Connor's neck. "John." Connor whispered. He nipped at the skin with his teeth, sucking long enough to leave a mark.

Connor was slowly hardening in John's hand and he pulled his partner's erection out of the front of his pants. John detached from Connor's neck and gently let the younger man slide the rest of the way off his lap as he sunk onto the floor in front of him.

[Edited Content]

After coming, Connor pulled him up into a wet, hot kiss and John felt himself harden even more. It was an incredible turn on to him to kiss Connor after doing that and he suspected the linguist knew it. Connor tongue swirled around John's mouth and John sucked on it lightly before releasing it back into Connor's mouth. John's mouth met Connor's in a series of hard kisses.

When John finally pulled away, breathless, he took in his fiancé's form. Connor looked ravished. His cheeks were burning red, he was breathing hard, his pants were open and his dick was hanging out the opening of his boxers. He was completely beautiful in John's eyes. When his gaze finally drifted back up to Connor's face he found his partner blushing deeper as he reached for a tissue. John watched him wipe himself clean before tucking himself back in. John reached his hands down to carefully zip his pants back up and button them.

John reached a hand out to stroke Connor's cheek. "Beautiful." He sighed.

Doubt flared briefly in Connor's eyes and John wondered if that would ever go away. "I…um…should I return the favor?" He asked softly, already reaching a hand down. John stopped the younger man from sliding off the chair and Connor shot him a confused look. The older man knew that sometime in the future they would probably have to talk about this again. About the fact that Connor didn't like to give blow jobs as much as John did, but did it anyways. As much as John liked receiving them, he knew he couldn't live with the cost to Connor.

"Not today." John whispered.

"But-" John put a finger on his lips.

"Shh." He grabbed Connor's hand and slowly unzipped his pants. With his free hand, John pulled himself free of his pants. He raised Connor's hand to his lips and licked his palm until it glistened with saliva. Connor got the message and his hand went down between them and began working John. His hand slid smoothly up and down John's erection, his thumb occasionally flicking over the top. John leaned forward and rested his head on Connor's shoulder while the younger man began to move him over the edge.

In the end he came pretty quickly which would have been embarrassing if John hadn't already gotten over the fact that his body pretty much loved anything Connor would do to it. He came all over Connor's hand and the linguist brought his palm up to his mouth and licked the liquid away and John thought that if he could be hard again so soon, that sight would have done it. When Connor finished licking his hand, John leaned in for a kiss. And before Connor he never would have thought it was hot to taste himself on someone else, but now, John couldn't get enough as his tongue assaulted Connor's mouth, licking at every corner.

While John was busy plundering Connor's mouth for hidden treasure, the younger man was wiping him clean and with as much care as John had used, was deftly tucking him back into his pants and zipping them up.

"Well," Connor said when they broke apart. "I definitely believe in your prowess now."

John grinned stupidly. "That's good." He stood up slowly, legs still a little shaky and Connor stood up with him. John pulled him into a tight hug for a moment before letting the younger man go. "Breakfast?"

"You mean that wasn't it?" Connor teased softly, heading for the bathroom.

"While high in protein…it wasn't very high in anything else." John teased back, following him and Connor blushed deliciously.

They washed their hands before John ushered his boyfriend out the door with a warm hand on the back. He led them to the transporter and then from there to the mess hall where various foods were already laid out. Not too many choices, as most people weren't up yet, but enough that Connor seemed to stare at the food for five minutes before John fixed him a plate of fruit and a plate of pancakes. He poured the younger man some orange juice and pushed him off in the direction of a table before fixing his own plate. John piled on some eggs, bacon and a couple pancakes before pouring another cup of coffee for himself. He had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

Food collected, John walked to the table that Connor had picked out, poked his already falling back asleep boyfriend, looked pointedly at his breakfast and then started in on his eggs.

John watched as Connor nibbled on a piece of cantaloupe. "Nervous?" He asked.

Connor looked up at him, wide eyed. "No." He denied. But John knew the younger man better than that.

"So why are you nervous?" John asked, tracing the top of his coffee cup with his finger.

"Did you know that topologically speaking a coffee cup and a donut are the same shape?" Connor asked softly.

John nodded. "I did."

"Right." Connor said. "Math…you."

John gently touched his foot to the other man's. "Connor?"

"I just…it's a slightly bad feeling." He admitted quietly.

"Like the bad feeling you had when that building imploded on us?"

"Maybe?"

John could feel a headache coming on. He hadn't listened to Connor's warning then and he and his team had paid the price, and now it was tempting to…"Should I cancel the mission?"

"Can you do that?"

John shrugged. "In theory."

Connor appeared to think about it as he pushed the rest of his fruit back and forth across his plate. "No," He said finally. "I'd be taking advantage of your position."

"It's not really taking advantage of if you don't try and persuade me and I offer. You only have to ask, Connor." John said softly.

"I know, but it just wouldn't be right."

"Alright, but if you get there and it gets worse, I want you to come back."

"John-"

"Really, Connor, come back." He pleaded.

The linguist nodded slowly. "Okay."

"And eat." John said, pushing a plate of pancakes towards the younger man.

"I'm full." Connor moaned.

"Just one."

"Really, John, I've put on four pounds in the past two weeks."

"You have?"

"Yes."

John thought that was probably the best news he'd heard all day. "That's…really good."

"So can you please stop shoving food down my throat every day?"

John put on a show of thinking about it. "Nope."

"But-"

"Connor," He said gently, meeting the younger man's gaze. "When I can hold you and not feel your ribs under my hands, that's when I'll stop."

The linguist blinked for a second and looked down at his fruit. "I…fine." He blushed a little and bit the tip off a strawberry.

"Pancakes too." John urged.

"Ugh, after my strawberries."

John smiled and drank his coffee. He watched as his boyfriend struggled through three more strawberries before tackling the pancakes. It was a stack of three and John was mildly impressed that Connor made his way through half of them before pushing it away and declaring he was finished. John ate the last of his bacon and piled their plates on top of each other.

"Seven forty, perfect timing." He said as he gathered their dishes. Connor took a swig of what was left of John's coffee before pushing the mug into John's hands, letting him finish it. He stood with the dishes and Connor followed him. He paused briefly to drop them off in an empty bin before escorting his boyfriend out of the mess hall and to the mission briefing room off of the control tower.

"Are you staying?" Connor asked, referring to the briefing.

John paused. "No, I'll come find you before you leave though."

"Okay." Connor said softly with a light blush.

John really loved how much he blushed. He fought the urge to brush a kiss against Connor's lips and settled for a light pat on the shoulder before turning and heading away. Hm, now he had about half an hour to kill. John's feet made the decision for him and he found himself in front of Teyla's quarters. He hesitated briefly before ringing the chime, he knew she would be up, but he didn't know if she would be alone.

 _Wow_ , he thought, just a year ago his whole team had been single, and now they all had someone to share their nights with and wasn't that a good thought? The door in front of him slid open and Teyla was on the other side. She had a smile on her face and her room smelt lightly of the Athosian tea that he and Connor liked.

"Hey, Teyla," he greeted. "Are you busy?"

She shook her head. "I am free." She stepped back and gestured John into her quarters.

John wasn't sure what he was expecting. Maybe some sign that Lorne was now taking up most of her time. He thought if you looked at his and Connor's quarters it would be pretty obvious that they both lived there, but beyond a black t-shirt thrown over the back of her desk chair, there was nothing different. Everything was the same.

"Connor's going off-world." John blurted.

Teyla tilted her head. "I see. And you are worried about him?"

She gestured to the two pillows on the floor and John sunk down heavily onto one. Teyla followed in a much more graceful fashion. "Terrified." John admitted. "Anything could happen. And he has a bad feeling about today."

"Similar to the one he experienced when we investigated Michael's lab?"

"Yeah."

"Hm." She frowned in thought. "And you are worried what this might mean. Do any of your people show a talent for prescience?"

John shook his head. "Maybe a thousand years ago. I mean, today there are psychics and stuff, but nothing anyone believes in. Connor certainly hasn't mentioned anything like it."

"And he would have informed you of this?"

"Yes." John said with certainty.

"Hm. Perhaps Atlantis is speaking to him."

"I think she sends actual words."

Teyla raised an eyebrow at that. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm worried about that, too."

She reached a hand out and it landed softly on John's knee. "Does he worry you a lot?"

"It's not really him." John said slowly, trying to put his thoughts into words. "It's more like…everything around him worries me. I know that Connor can take care of himself, it's everything else I'm worried about." He admitted. Teyla's soft laugh surprised him a second later. "What?"

She gave him a large smile. "You are truly in love, John. I know you had said you were before, but this was perhaps the first time I've heard you…express it differently."

Oh, wow. John felt the tips of his ears redden as he ducked his head. "I…you…really?"

She laughed. "Yes. You truly sound in love. I am so happy for you." She said warmly and her hand gently squeezed John's knee.

"What about you?" John asked.

Her smile softened. "I have great affection for Evan, but I do not know yet if it is love." She admitted.

"Well, it's only been about five months." John offered. He had known at five months that Connor was the one, but he wasn't naïve enough to think that that was the case for everyone.

"I know."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before John's knees began to protest at the position. "Up for a visit to McKay?"

"Do you believe he will be awake this early?" She asked, but was already standing.

John stood as well. "Yeah, knowing McKay he's already bitching about a laptop."

Teyla laughed. "You're probably right."

John followed her out of her quarters and to the infirmary. He laughed as they approached the medical room.

" _Coffee!_ I need coffee. You know, that brown stuff that makes the world go round? Not this cat piss."

"Dr. McKay this is what Dr. Keller has said-"

"I need coffee! And breakfast. Real food! Not just some of that oatmeal mush I know you have laying around."

"Dr. McKay…you've just had surgery, you need a few days to recover." A female voice persisted.

"I'm recovered. I need coffee. Oh, and my laptop."

John grinned as he turned the corner into the infirmary. "Bitching at the help already, Rodney?"

"Sheppard!" The other man said in relief. "Finally, someone with half a brain. Tell them I need coffee. And my computer…before Zelenka blows up the city."

John waggled his finger back and forth as he approached the bed. "Now, now, McKay, that's not what the good doctor ordered."

"Screw the good doctor." He whined. "I need coffee."

"I don't think Ronon would appreciate that." John said with a grin. "Now be a good boy and eat your mush."

Rodney glared at him. "Oh you're so funny, Sheppard. I'm not eating this."

"Dr. McKay, please." The nurse tried again.

John grabbed the spoon, filling it and held it in front of Rodney's mouth. "Let's go, McKay. This first, coffee later."

"I can feed myself." Rodney said, grabbing the spoon. "Ugh." He moaned, but obediently ate it.

"How are you feeling today, Rodney?" Teyla asked from beside him.

"Same as I felt yesterday." Rodney offered. He turned to John, his blue eyes piercing, "How did you know, anyways?"

"Huh?" John decided playing dumb was probably the best way to go. "I don't know what you're talking about, McKay."

"How did you know something was wrong with me?"

"A hunch." John shrugged.

Rodney snorted as he swallowed another bite. "Please, Sheppard."

"I had a couple people tell me you were acting…unusual." John admitted.

"People? What people?"

"Eat your mush, Rodney." John could definitely feel that headache starting up again.

"Not until you tell me who." He persisted. "Was it Zelenka?"

John frowned. "What did you do to Radek?"

Rodney waved the question away. "Who was it?"

"McKay."

"Sheppard."

"Just random people, Rodney." John sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Not that random if you decided that they might be right." Rodney said triumphantly.

"Just eat, McKay."

John glanced at his watch. He still had ten minutes. John decided he would just walk really slowly to the control room. "Hey," he said, turning to Teyla. "I'm gonna go catch Connor before he leaves, do you mind staying with Rodney?"

She shook her head. "Go ahead, John."

"Thanks. I'll be back later, Rodney."

"With coffee."

"We'll see." John left his two teammates there and went to find the nearest transporter.

He hit the button for the control level and the lift moved him, ending a few seconds later. He arrived in time to see SGA-4 plus Connor exit the briefing room. John waited until Connor passed him to join them.

"Hey." John offered.

"Hey." His boyfriend returned.

"How was the meeting?"

"We're taking a jumper." Connor told him.

"That's good." John was already thinking of the MREs and medical supplies that were more readily available on the jumpers than what they could carry in their packs. The jumper also meant that if an accident happened they could get back to Atlantis quicker. "You driving?"

"Yep." And that John thought was pretty funny considering his boyfriend wasn't licensed to drive a motor vehicle on the planet they were from but he was trusted to pilot an alien spaceship in another galaxy.

"Good." John walked with him to the tac room.

"Help me with my vest?" Connor questioned softly.

"You never had to ask." John whispered in reply. SGA-4 was already there and gearing up. Connor pulled his designated vest, something he had received after his tenth away mission, off his rack and pulled it on. John began checking the back over for him as the younger man did up the front. John frowned. "Where's your sidearm?"

"Eric has it." John didn't know why but sure enough a second later the corporal was offering Connor the M11 that John had given him for Christmas. He clipped the gun belt around his waist and bent to fix it around his thigh as John turned him around and started checking the front of his vest. Satisfied, John gave it a small tug, before letting go.

"Good?" Connor asked.

"Yep." John walked him over to get a P-90 off the rack. He watched with pride as Connor checked the weapon over before clipping it to the front of his vest. John glanced around the room, and if any of Connor's unofficial team had been staring at him, they weren't when John looked at them. "C'mon, I'll walk you to the jumper."

"'kay." Connor agreed quietly.

John followed his partner out of the room and up to the jumper bay. Connor chose jumper seven, his personal favorite. John like jumper one the best. John glanced around quickly, noting that none of the team had followed him. He tugged on Connor's vest, bringing the younger man closer to him and gave him a quick, hard kiss. "You better come back."

Connor swallowed. "I will."

"Okay." John ran a hand nervously through his hair and let go of Connor's vest. "I love you."

"I love you, John." Connor said in response, quietly but passionately.

"Then come back."

Connor nodded once and hit the button on the back of the jumper to lower the ramp. John watched as his other half walked up the ramp and began the pre-flight. A knot of worry began to settle in his stomach and John took one last look before walking away from the ship and out of the jumper bay. He passed Smith and Ramsey on the way, returning their salutes.

He grimaced as he looked at his watch. The next hour of his life belonged to the scientists who wanted him to turn on yet more Ancient stuff. Seriously, shouldn't they have run out of stuff by now? He made his way to Zelenka's lab and a few people milled about.

"Radek?" He asked, looking for the crazy haired, Czech guy.

"Colonel!" Radek called and waved an arm. John spotted him over in the corner, doing what, John wasn't sure and remembering the last time he asked, John wasn't about to ask again. "We have some good stuff for you to touch today."

John thought he'd probably already touched all the good stuff he was going to touch today and a grin spread across his face. "What do you have for me Radek?"

Radek pulled John across the room towards a big table with several items spread out across it. The scientist pulled out a chair for John and reached for the first item. "If you would, Colonel."

It buzzed lightly when John touched it, but other than that John had no idea what it did. "Nothing, sorry."

Radek looked momentarily sad, "Ah, well it's fine. This one please." He said pushing another artifact into John's hands. While he was certainly more polite that McKay, he was still just as pushy.

After an hour and ten minutes of what John sometimes liked to call 'Guess what flavor Jelly Belly this is' because really, it seemed just as useless and boring with just as much guessing involved, he finally made his escape…to his office. Because paperwork piled up faster than John could explain and Lorne would only do so much of it before remembering that it wasn't his job and John was left with the rest.

He briefly checked his e-mail and smiled to himself when he saw one from Connor time stamped 0547 that morning.

 _John,  
I promise to be safe, eat, and come back. And to take a P-90 (because I really don't want an out of his mind with worry partner). Ronon said that you and he are training with some Marines today on the mainland, try not to break too many because Keller is still putting Dr. McKay back together. I asked Ronon to be careful and he offered me a ruthless grin that helps me remember to never piss him off._

Tá grá agam duit.

 _\- Connor  
_  
p.s. Remember to eat all your vegetables.

John couldn't help but laugh at his boyfriend's e-mail even as a small piece of him loved hearing Connor say 'partner'. He saved the e-mail and went on to checking/ignoring/forwarding the rest.

An hour and a half into the piles of forms and reports on his desk, Lorne came in looking like he ate the canary and John so didn't ever want to know why.

"Good morning, sir." He said, taking the seat on the other side of John's desk.

"Morning, Major." And hm, wasn't Connor bugging him about promoting Lorne? And wasn't it time that John's second in command got his own office? "Want your own office?"

Lorne looked up from his computer where he was probably answering all the e-mails that John had just forwarded to him so he didn't have to deal with them himself. "Sorry, sir?"

"I just realized that you should probably have your own office."

Lorne squirmed a little. "I do, sir."

That was certainly news to John. "Really?"

"Yes, sir. It's a couple levels up."

"Um…" _That's it John, baffle him with your intelligence._

"Why don't I use it, sir?"

"Yeah, totally what I was about to ask."

"I did, sir, but no one could find it and when it became apparent that no one could find you unless you wanted them to…" John filled in the blank as 'and you don't want them to', "…so I sorta moved into yours so people could find me instead, sir."

John thought that was a really good plan. "Oh, well, carry on then, Major."

Lorne grinned. "Yes, sir."

"And tell Perelli's team to stop submitting things in triplicate." John said with a groan. "Paper only grows on trees in the Milky Way galaxy. Get them to start submitting digitally, it's been four and a half years."

"Yes, sir." Lorne answered promptly.

After another forty-five minutes of sorting through the stack, John shoved the rest at Lorne and took a short break playing Minesweeper, one of his favorite games, especially since P vs. NP had always been one of John's favorite Millennium problems. While he was playing, John discreetly looked up Lorne's record. Air Force for…John glanced over at Lorne, was he really that old? Air Force for sixteen years and was actually three years older than Connor. He entered when he was twenty-one and John was mildly impressed at how young he had been when he'd made Major. But Connor was right, in four months Lorne would have seventeen years under his belt which was on the low side of time for lieutenant colonel, but not unheard of, and really, John thought Lorne probably deserved it what with fighting the life sucking aliens and everything. He made a mental note to talk to Carter about it and anyone else floating around on base that should be promoted.

"Colonel?"

John looked up to see Lorne staring at him. "Yeah?"

"I haven't been able to offer you my congratulations yet, sir." He said with a friendly smile.

"Congratulations?"

"On your, um, engagement, sir."

 _Oh_. John felt a goofy grin take over his face and he couldn't help it, not that he tried hard. "Thank you, Major."

"Do you know when it will be?"

John nodded. "July twentieth, I hope your schedule's clear."

"It will be, sir."

"Good. I know Connor wants you there. It's at midnight."

"Midnight, sir?"

John shrugged. "Athosian tradition, either midnight or noon and Connor and I both liked midnight better."

"Sounds good, sir."

"And, uh, I'm not sure if he's mentioned it to you…about the ceremony?"

Lorne shook his head. "Not yet, sir."

John sighed and rolled his eyes. "You don't have to tack on sir at the end of every sentence."

"Of course, sir."

"Whatever. So everyone there is expected to share a story about the couple…Teyla could probably tell you more."

"I'll think of a good one, sir."

"Make sure you do."

"Um…"

"Yeah?"

"What else is there to the ceremony if you don't mind me asking, sir."

John rubbed his forehead as he tried to remember everything Teyla had said. "Everyone drinks something out of the same cup…vows…we're adding rings…and the thing Connor is most worried about, apparently there's some kind of test to make sure you know each other well enough. He's been asking me questions for days."

"What kind of test, sir?"

"Well I don't think we'll be fighting to the death." John told him sarcastically. "Teyla says hardly anyone fails, but that doesn't stop him from worrying about it. I'm more worried for myself because he remembers everything."

"Except when to eat, sir." Lorne said with a smile.

And didn't John know that was the truth. "We're working on that, Major."

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, listen, most of the guys in my unit called me Shep, McKay and Ronon call me Sheppard, Teyla and Connor call me John, just call me something other than sir." John said with a glare.

"Yes, Colonel."

John sighed. "Sir was better."

"Yes, sir."

"Now you're just being obstinate."

"Would I do that, sir?"

"Yes."

"Oh. I suppose you're right then, sir."

John was really starting to wonder what Connor saw in Lorne. "Hm." John went back to his Minesweeper, grinning as he won his twelfth game in a row.

 _"Ugh." John groaned._

 _"What?"_

 _"Lost again."_

 _"Solitaire?"_

 _"Minesweeper."_

 _"You know there's sorta a tactic to playing that."_

 _"Really?"_   
_  
"Yeah." Connor came up behind him and leaned over his shoulder, his right hand landing on the mouse. He started a new game, playing one through, winning as John watched._

 _"Wow. Show me."_

 _"First you just click anything, that's random…as much as random is…then you…"  
_  
John smiled. After Connor had shown him how to do it, John rarely lost a game and while some might thought that took the fun out of it, John was all for winning, he really was. But as the minutes ticked closer and closer to SGA-4's first check in time, the small knot in John's stomach slowly grew. He wondered if Connor's bad feeling was contagious.

His radio beeped. "Colonel Sheppard?"

"Here."

"We've received an unscheduled dial in from M3X-283."

M3X-283. M3X-283. Fuck that was Connor's planet. John was out of his seat before he even thought about standing, already jogging to the gate room. "What's their status?"

"They haven't transmitted an IDC yet, Colonel and what we believe to be weapons fire has hit the shield."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. John ran faster he burst into the control room and clicked off his radio. He winced as another shot hit the shield. A few seconds later Lorne came running in after him and Carter was down out of her office. Now all they could do was wait. John looked at his watch, if no one came through they had thirty-six more minutes.

Minutes ticked by and weapons fire hit the shield every few seconds. Until an IDC came through, the weapons fire was the most reassuring thing, it meant someone was alive to still be fighting back. By the seventeenth minute, Teyla and Ronon had arrived, decked out and ready to go, each carrying a tac vest with them. John slid into the one Ronon offered as Lorne slid into the one Teyla held out. Two more teams of Marines were behind them, all waiting

"How is the gate still up?" John wondered aloud.

It was Carter that answered him. "A signal is coming through the gate to keep it open but not an IDC."

"But it's something of ours?"

"We're not sure."

Nineteen. Twenty. John counted the minutes.

At thirty-seven minutes Chuck had his hands poised over the DHD.

At thirty-eight minutes the gate shut down and at thirty-eight and two seconds Chuck dialed out.

At thirty-eight minutes and twelve seconds John was walking through the gate, P-90 held tightly in front of him.

At thirty-eight minutes and fifteen seconds John was firing his P-90 like there was no tomorrow.

What they found on the other side of the gate was chaos. There were dead Wraith littered on the ground, P-90 shells scattered about, dust was in the air, grass was trampled and there was so much noise. P-90 fire hit John's ears from the right as Wraith blasts were heard from the left. Every few seconds John could hear people shouting in English. He and his team, including the Marines were already firing back at the Wraith while making their way to the boulders that sheltered SGA-4.

John clicked his radio with his left hand while firing with his right. "Sheppard to Ramsey, come in."

"This is Ramsey." He heard spill over the radio.

"What's your position?"

"About twenty yards from you, sir, on your left."

John turned his head and saw the glint of a gun reflecting in the sun. "I've got you. What's the situation?"

There was a brief round of gun fire before Ramsey responded. "We found the outpost, sir, but the Doc says that the power drew the Wraith from orbit. We tried…" John heard more weapons fire and Ramsey yelled something out to someone near by. "…tried to fly out, but they hit our ship and we went down hard. After that we started making our way to the gate on foot when they interrupted us. We had dialed out with the jumper but weren't close enough to do anything about it, but before the gate shut down the Wraith jammed it. We've been here since."

"How's your team?"

There was a longer pause there and John began to worry even as he shot another Wraith. "We're…holding out, sir."

"How many Wraith do you see left?"

"I've got two in my scope…my guys say a total of twelve."

John clicked his radio again to open the channel to everyone. "Alright, I need the second squad of Marines to circle around and get the Wraith from behind. Team one will approach from the right, my team, including Lorne, and Ramsey's team will stay where we are. Let's get this done, people."

He heard a chorus of 'yes, sir's as the men around him moved into position. A red shot burst past him and a second later another Wraith went down. Ronon grinned at John. "Nice shot." John offered.

And eleven minutes after he stepped through the gate, all the Wraith dots on John's life-sense detector disappeared leaving only Atlantis personnel. John wasted no time in tapping his radio. "Connor where are you?" John really began to worry when there was no answer, he started jogging towards Ramsey's location. "Connor?"

"This is Sgt. Smith, sir. Dr. Davids' radio was…broken during the fight."

"But he's with you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Everyone make your way to the gate."

A minute later John's Marines had appeared along with Ronon and Teyla. John waited anxiously for SGA-4. Ramsey came limping out from the boulders a second later with an arm wrapped around Corporal Johns for support. Connor and Smith appeared next. Smith had an arm wrapped around Connor's waist and the linguist was walking gingerly. John scanned his body for any obvious injuries, seeing none he deducted any injuries were probably internal.

"Dial it up." John ordered whoever was closest to the gate. He rushed over to Connor's side and wrapped an arm around his waist, relieving Smith. "Hey." He greeted softly.

Connor's arm circled John's waist and his hand was clenched around the top of John's pants, right under his vest. "Hey." He replied weakly.

"Where are you hurt?" John asked as the gate whooshed open. He heard Teyla call ahead for a med team.

"I…" He trailed off.

"Connor." John said sternly. "Tell me."

"I think I might have bruised a couple ribs in the crash." Connor admitted. "And my head is killing me."

"Did you hit it?"

"I don't know."

"Anywhere else?"

"I…I'm not sure, it's hard to tell."

John definitely didn't like the sound of that. They neared the event horizon and John tightened his grip on Connor as they walked through. "Let me call you a gurney." John said quietly.

"No, John, I can walk, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

So John waved off the gurney and followed the med team back to the infirmary. "Tell me what happened on the planet."

Connor winced but started talking. "We got there and found the outpost. It's so cool, John, it's the lab where puddle jumpers were created or manufactured or something like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and all the equipment seems to be working." Connor offered with a grin. "I think it works similar to the food hub replicators. So, uh, anyways, we're checking the stuff out when we get a warning that the Wraith are flying overhead. I checked the HUD on the puddle jumper…and really it seemed like we just hit some bad luck. The planet was uninhabited but the Wraith seemed to be stopped above it for repairs. So we, uh, tried to make it back to the gate in the jumper but we were shot down." They had reached the infirmary and John helped Connor onto a bed. He subtly pulled off Connor's dog tags, placing them carefully into his pocket. "We were a mile or so from the gate and had already dialed Atlantis. We hadn't sent our IDC through yet so we knew the shield wasn't down but the Wraith didn't and they tried to send people through, eventually giving up but jamming a signal through so the wormhole couldn't close. They were waiting to go through if we ever sent our IDC. They started firing on us as we neared the gate, and that's it. Really, I'd consider the mission a success."

"Oh yeah?" John carefully helped Connor out of his vest, taking his weapons and then pulling the linguist's shirt gently over his head. "Ouch." John said, looking at the deep purple bruises already forming on Connor's chest.

"It's not as bad as it looks." Connor said shyly, wrapping his arms around his torso in an attempt to cover up.

A nurse came over and began examine Connor. John reluctantly stepped back as she listened to his lungs and heart and shined a light in the younger man's eyes that Connor clearly did not appreciate.

"I'll wrap up those ribs for you, Dr. Davids and I can give you a few painkillers if you'd like."

Connor opened his mouth to decline but John beat him to the punch. "He'll take them." John said with a lopsided grin, ignoring the glare Connor shot his way.

A few minutes later Connor was cleared, as was John, his ribs wrapped an a bottle of pills in John's pocket. The older man watched as his boyfriend went around to the various members of SGA-4 making sure they were okay before meeting John by the door. "Lunch?" Connor asked.

John smiled. "Sure." He turned to the other members of his team there. "Teyla, Ronon, Lorne? Care to join us?"

Ronon nodded as Lorne and Teyla verbally offered their acceptance.

Connor frowned and faced John. "Do you have to report to Colonel Carter or something?"

"She'll let me eat first, but in about an hour I will, yeah, otherwise she comes after you with a whip." He said, whispering the last part in Connor's ear.

The other man blushed and they made their way out of the infirmary and back towards the tac room to drop off their gear. "The lab was really cool, John." Connor said softly. "Like everything you ever wanted to know about puddle jumpers."

"I know Zelenka will be happy, Rodney too."

"And you?"

"And me." John assured his partner. "Maybe we can fix one up a bit, add on some stuff."

"Like what?" Connor asked as they turned into the tac room. John placed Connor's vest back on it's rack, handing the weapons off to the younger man. Connor took his and John's P-90 and placed it back where it went. He re-strapped his M11 to his thigh.

John un-clipped his vest. "Like…more guns."

"Hm." Connor said and John thought he actually was pondering the notion of adding more guns to a puddle jumper. "It would take a lot of calculations, even just to install the hardware…"

"Need to off set the weight." Ronon chimed in from behind John.

"Yeah." Connor beamed. "You read the book!"

"Yup." The larger man offered.

Now John was baffled. What book? He could read a book, why hadn't Connor shared the book with him? He shot his boyfriend a wounded look and Connor gently patted his arm. "You wouldn't be interested." He whispered lightly.

"You got Ronon to read a book?" Teyla asked interested.

"Ronon reads lots of books." Connor defended and John hung his vest up. Connor's eyes drifted over John's body and the older man knew he was checking for injuries. He turned away from his team and Lorne to allow Connor to lift his shirt, checking for bruising or injury. When the linguist was satisfied he dropped the hem of John's shirt, allowing it to fall back into place.

"Satisfied?" John asked lightly.

"For now." Connor mumbled. "Everyone's watching us." He moaned, embarrassed.

"I think it's cute, Doc." Lorne put in from behind them. John shot him a glare over his shoulder. The other man simply returned it with a grin. But John got the last laugh when Teyla gave his second in command a whack on the head.

"Lunch." John said firmly and led them out of the tac room and to the nearest transporter. A few seconds later they were in the food hub and they each made their way to a different machine, except for Connor who stayed with John. "What are you getting?" John asked.

"Stew."

John looked at him skeptically. "Stew?"

"Irish stew." Connor said with a nod, grabbing a tray. "It's good, you should try some." He said with a smile. John caught a twinkle in the younger man's eyes and knew that Connor was teasing him. When they had first gotten together John had insisted on trying a lot of the Irish food that Connor grew up with, until, that is, he quickly realized that most of the food was…bland by American standards and pretty high in carbs. And since John was on the far, far side of thirty he watched what he ate a little better.

"Maybe another time." John grinned as he ordered a turkey sandwich and a salad.

Connor placed his replicated bowl of soup on his tray and stuck his tongue out briefly at John. John laughed and grabbed some silverware for him and Connor before following the younger man to the table that Ronon was sitting at. Connor sat down his tray and turned to John. "Want something to drink?"

"Water." John requested.

Connor nodded and left, presumably to get them some beverages. John sat down across from Ronon and smiled at the Satedan who was busy using two forks to shovel mashed potatoes into his mouth. Teyla and Lorne came next and Teyla sat down gracefully next to Ronon while Lorne sat next to her. Connor would end up across from Teyla.

A glass of water appeared in front of John and he smiled his thanks at his fiancé as Connor took the seat next to him. He had some sort of soda in a glass and John leaned over and took a sip earning a poke from Connor. "Root beer?"

Connor shrugged. "We don't have it in Ireland and I grew to like it in the States…"

"Just wondering, I've never seen you drink it before."

"John." Connor said softly, but his voice had a bit of warning to it.

John nodded his apology. "Sorry."

John figured the hand on his upper thigh was acceptance of his apology and if it wasn't, the foot that was currently wrapped around his ankle probably was. But John knew how Connor felt. He wanted nothing more than to disappear with the younger man for a few hours to reassure himself that he was alright.

"Was this your first run in with the Wraith?" Teyla asked, breaking John out of his reverie.

Connor shook his head and then nodded. "Um, sorta. I've flown rescue on a couple Wraith missions but I've never fought one in person before."

"You did well." Ronon offered with a proud look on his face.

Connor blushed. "Thanks."

"Pretty ugly, huh, Doc?" Lorne asked.

Connor nodded. "I, uh, wouldn't put them on Miss America."

John choked on his food as he laughed. "I would hope not. Since most of them are guys."

Connor frowned and gestured to his hair with his left hand. "But their hair…"

John shrugged. "Men."

"Hm."

"Your hair is getting quite long as well, Connor." Teyla added.

Connor swallowed some of his soup and flushed red. "Um…" John smirked. "Yeah."

"I like it." Ronon chimed in, mouth full of food.

Teyla frowned at the Satedan as she passed him a napkin. "Manners, Ronon."

Ronon shrugged but accepted the napkin and grinned at John. John took a bite of his turkey sandwich. How Rodney had reprogrammed the replicators to create human food was still somewhat of a mystery to John, but he definitely wasn't complaining. Next to him, Connor seemed to be enjoying his food. John shot him a sideway glance, silently begging him to eat faster. Connor nodded almost imperceptibly and John shoved the last bit of half of his sandwich into his mouth.

Ten minutes later he and Connor were making their excuses…except not really because from the grins on Lorne and Ronon's faces and the smile on Teyla's, they all knew what John and Connor were going off to do…for the most part. They only had half an hour before John needed to report to Carter, and as much as John would love to do any number of the hundreds of things running through his head, they had time for very few of them and John wasn't really the kind of guy who liked to have sex and then leave a few minutes later. He was definitely an afterglow person, more so than Connor was, for sure.

Once they reached Connor's lab and the door had slid shut, locking behind them, John didn't hesitate to wrap his arms firmly around Connor in a tight hug. The linguist was shaking lightly as he returned the hug and John ran his hands up and down Connor's trembling back. "Shhh." He murmured. "I've got you…shh…Connor, it's alright…shh." It took a few minutes for the trembles to stop but they did eventually. John pulled back slightly and rested his forehead on Connor's. "Tell me."

Connor took a slightly shaky breath and his hand wormed into John's pocket, pulling out his dog tags. John took them from the younger man and slipped them around Connor's neck. "John…I…I was so scared." He whispered.

"Oh, Con." John murmured. He pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead and pulled back, gently leading the linguist to the couch where he pulled Connor down on top of him. John was sitting up and Connor landed on his lap, facing him, his legs straddling John's waist, a knee on either side. John had his hands wrapped around Connor's lower back, fingers dipping into the linguist's pants. Connor leaned forward against John and buried his face in the older man's neck, his arms around the back of John's neck.

"We-we were stuck there fighting and couldn't get to the stargate and the jumper crashed and we were running out of ammo and Ben was injured and my head was killing me, is killing me and-"

"Shh." John whispered. "You're okay." He said gently. Although truthfully all of those things were running through his mind as well. They were lucky that no one had been taken by the Wraith and that all four men came back alive and relatively uninjured. John stuck a hand in between him and Connor, pulling out the bottle of pills. He shook a couple into Connor's hand and the linguist dry swallowed them. "Okay?"

Connor nodded and burrowed further into John's body. "I…" He paused and took a deep breath. "I don't think I want to go off world anymore, John."

Inwardly John loved hearing those words. But outwardly he wasn't sure what to do at this point. He couldn't lie to Connor and tell his partner that he wanted him back in the field, nor would he give him false platitudes. "Why don't you think about it a little longer, okay?" Connor nodded against his neck. "I know today wasn't very good, Con, and I won't lie, situations like this are scary, but you need to know that I will always come for you."

"I knew you would." Connor admitted in a small voice. "I was scared you would get hurt, too."

"I'm stronger than I look." John joked lightly. "But I wouldn't leave you there, ever. And neither would Ronon, Teyla or Lorne. Besides, your Marines know my rules."

"My Marines?"

"Your team."

"Your rules?"

"I only have three." John said softly into Connor's ears. "Rule one: protect the geek, rule two: come home alive, rule three: never leave a man behind."

"I've never heard these rules."

"Lorne started spreading them around a couple years ago. He thinks I don't know it was him. Although, I think there's a fourth rule now."

"Yeah?"

"Rule four: never come back with out the Doc."

"M-me?"

"Yes, you. He made that one right after you started going off world."

"For you?"

"For himself." John said seriously. "And for me." They sat there in quiet for a while with just the sound of their breathing and the beat of their hearts.

"John?"

"Hm?"

"Weren't you supposed to train on the mainland today?"

John glanced at his watch. "Yeah, we were supposed to leave about twenty minutes ago."

Connor gave him a weak push. "Than you should go."

"It's probably too late. I have to brief Carter and Ramsey on your mission."

"That'll only take half an hour."

"So by then we're already an hour behind."

"You still have time." Connor mumbled.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Connor looked up at him, eyes wide as he shook his head. "No! I just…know that you have other duties."

John gave a short laugh. "I'll talk to Carter about it and see what she wants to do."

"Oh. Okay." He pressed a warm kiss to John's neck. "John?"

"Hm?"

"Do you like grape juice?"

"I hardly think they're going to ask us if the other likes grape juice, Con." Connor was silent so John sighed. "Not really."

"White and red?"

John frowned lightly. "I think I've only had the purple."

"Oh. Okay."

"I'm not the biggest fan of wine, either."

"I like it." Connor offered softly, his hand worming between them to clutch at John's dog tags. "I mean, it's not my favourite way to get smashed, but it's fine."

John smiled. "I'll remember that."

"Okay."

The feeling of Connor's body was comforting. It was a warm weight settled on top of him. He could feel Connor's chest expanding as he breathed, reassuring John of his presence. His breath was warm against John's neck where his lips occasionally latched on for a moment or two. Connor's hand was solid against John's chest where it was tightly gripping John's dog tags. It didn't pull them down, but instead rested on his chest as it would if they were laying down. His knees were hard against John's hips and John really hoped that the safety on his gun held as it was pressed into the side of Connor's leg. John thought it must be uncomfortable but Connor didn't seem the least bit bothered by it. But Connor wasn't really in the habit of complaining unless John was waking him up.

So John moved a hand from Connor's back and reached between them to shift his gun around until it wasn't poking his boyfriend quite so much. And yes, John realized all of the jokes that could come from that.

"Thanks." Connor mumbled.

John shook his head lightly. "You can tell me when my gun is boring holes into your skin."

"It wasn't that bad."

John let it slide. For now. A glance at his watch told him that he had about five minutes before he had to meet Carter. He moved his hand back to Connor's back, sliding it up the back of his shirt, caressing warm, smooth skin, feeling the rough edges of the wrappings around his ribs. John could still feel the outline of Connor's ribs from underneath them.

"You need to eat more."

"I'm trying."

John sighed. "I know. I'm sorry I bug you so much about this, Con." But it was scary. None of the girls John had ever slept with were this skinny. He hadn't been able to count ribs with his fingers and they had all been smaller than Connor, more petite.

"It's okay."

"I love you." John said quietly. "And I want you to stay healthy."

"I know." He mumbled and lips ghosted John's neck again.

John wondered how he had gotten so lucky in life. He and Connor had been dating for almost a year. A day spent without the younger man was torture and John wondered how he had lasted thirty-eight years of his life without him. Connor had been on the base for months when John had randomly found his lab and offered him jumper lessons on the spot. The spark had been there from the beginning, just a little nudge and a little feeling of something extra.

It had freaked him out at first, dating a man, and such an inexperienced one at that. But Connor had blossomed in the year he'd been with John. He still got nervous around too many people and John didn't think that'd ever change; his boyfriend was definitely an introvert. John would also reluctantly admit that Rodney was right that Connor stuttered a little, mostly around people he didn't know and sometimes when he said something he thought John would be mad about. But John didn't really care about any of that, the way Connor talked had never really bothered John. Sure he was quiet, shy and when he spoke it was generally so soft that John had to strain to hear him, but that was how he was. John knew that Connor hadn't spoken in the past as much as he did now. His boyfriend was a wallflower.

John knew that people wondered about them, how two men so supposedly different worked so well together, and he never knew what he would tell them if they asked. John was solitary; before Connor, he had Ronon, Teyla, Rodney and Elizabeth, but even before Atlantis, before he met his team, he'd led a singular life, maybe even more so than Connor. He hadn't been as isolated from the world, sure, but he hadn't been as open to the world as Connor had been.

"What are you thinking about?" Connor mumbled into John's neck.

"You." He answered honestly.

Pause. "Something bad?"

"No, just the differences between us, how far we've come, that sort of thing."

"Have we come far?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

John smiled. "Well you call me John now, that might be the only change." He teased.

"I can go back to calling you Colonel if you want."

"Maybe tonight." John said with a grin.

Connor poked him in the chest. "We'll see."

John laughed and then breathed in Connor's scent one last time. "I've got to go meet with Carter."

Connor reluctantly pulled himself away from John and rolled to the side, landing softly on the couch. "Ow."

"Ribs?"

"Yeah."

"How's the headache?"

"Fading."

"That's good." John said, standing. He stretched a little and then bent down and pressed a soft kiss to Connor's forehead. "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

"Don't work too hard."

"I won't."

"And if I'm not back by dinner, eat."

"I will."

"And if your head hurts, take another pill." John said, placing the bottle next to Connor.

"I will."

"And if you get dizzy or feel worse, call someone."

"I will."

John was pretty sure that Connor was humoring him by now. "I love you."

"I know." Connor smiled shyly up at him. " _Tá grá agam duit._ "

John left the room and his boyfriend, who he was pretty sure was about to take a nap, wondering when he had turned into such a mother hen. It was probably only with Connor…John imagined trying to get Ronon to eat when he didn't want to…okay, it was definitely only with Connor. He hit the transporter button, running into Corporal Johns who was leaving as John entered.

"Sir." He saluted.

"Corporal." John offered, sloppily returning the salute. "You better be quick, I think he's about to fall asleep."

"Yes, sir."

Without waiting for more, John stepped into the transporter, letting it whisk him away to the control room. All was quiet when he got there. A few personnel were mulling about, but other than that it was pretty silent considering about an hour ago I was filled with John's team and Marines waiting to enter a hostile environment. He climbed the stairs up to Carter's office and knocked gently on the glass.

"Colonel?"

"John, hey, come in. We're waiting on Lt. Ramsey and Major Lorne. How is everyone?"

And by everyone, John could only assume she meant Connor since he was the only one John really knew about. He had made sure the rest of Connor's team was fine, before feeding his boyfriend, but didn't hear the specifics on any of their injuries. "They're fine as far as I know, Connor has a couple bruised ribs and Ramsey sprained his ankle or something like that."

A few minutes after John sat down, Lorne came in, offering a salute to each that they returned. Carter gestured him into the chair next to John's. "Good afternoon, Major." Carter offered.

"Good afternoon, ma'am, sir." He nodded towards John and Carter.

John nodded back before turning back to Carter. "Are we still going to make a run to the mainland today?"

She frowned in thought. "I don't see why not, there's still plenty of time."

"Sounds good." John replied, even though it really didn't.

They waited in silence for another minute before Ramsey showed up, slight limp but no crutches. He saluted everyone and John sighed as he lifted his hand to his forehead. Really, when Elizabeth had been here, people hadn't saluted him half as much…although granted there had been a much smaller military presence and the expedition leader had been a civilian. Ramsey took the last seat in Carter's office, on the other side of Lorne.

"Well, let's begin." Carter said. "What can you tell us, Lieutenant?"

"We arrived on the planet, and found it uninhabited. The outpost was about ten clicks from the gate and Dr. Davids set the jumper down near it. The outpost lit up when the Doc got near it and…came to life. When we got inside it quickly became clear that we were looking at a jumper outpost. The Doc started pouring through the archives and believes that jumpers were created and manufactured there. The info we had on it is still in our jumper. The cloak still worked, so the Wraith shouldn't be able to find it. But, uh, anyways, so we spent a couple hours there before some warning system started going off, signaling that Wraith were in the area. I ordered my men back to the jumper and we tried to make a run for the gate as we were outnumbered. There was a hive ship in orbit, randomly according to the Doc, and Connor said it was attracted to the amount of power that the outpost put off. A few darts entered the atmosphere, but we ignored them, until they started firing blindly. They hit us and we went down about a click from the gate. We abandoned the jumper and began to make our way on foot. That's when the problems started. We had dialed Atlantis on approach but after we went down we knew we wouldn't make it before the Wraith, something they knew too as they started sending some sort of jamming signal through it. When we finally made it to the gate there were several Wraith on the ground waiting for us. I ordered my men to stay low as we were outnumbered and outgunned, but they began firing on the woods. We fought back as we waited for a rescue team." He finished.

"Do you think the Wraith have gained access to the outpost?"

"No, ma'am. The doors refused to open for anyone but the Doc, including Smith who has the gene."

Carter looked pensive at this before turning to John and Lorne. "We'll need to send people through to see if the Wraith have cleared out or not and once they have I'm sure McKay and Zelenka would love to get their hands on the information there."

"We should probably wait a couple days." John said. "Make 'em think we lost interest."

"Agreed. Lt. Ramsey? Your team is okay?" Carter asked.

"The Doc bruised his ribs in the crash, but other than that, they're okay."

"Okay. Well, you're dismissed, I still expect submitted reports from all of you."

"Yes, ma'am." Lorne and Ramsey chorused. A few seconds later they were out the door.

"Is there something else, John?" Carter asked warmly.

"Hm? No, sorry." John said standing. "I'll go get Ronon and start putting everyone together."

"Alright. Have fun." She smiled.

"Thanks." He turned to leave passing Jackson as the anthropologist stumbled into Sam's office with a pile of books in his arms. John nodded to him, receiving a smile in return before he headed down the steps to track down Ronon. Ronon, it turned out, was not a difficult man to find. John found him in the first place he looked…the gym. "Hey!" He shouted towards the bigger man.

"Sheppard."

"We're still heading out to the mainland." John informed him.

Ronon grinned and John totally saw what Connor meant when he said it reminded him to never piss the Satedan off. "Cool."

"I'll get everyone gathered up, meet me in the jumper bay in ten minutes."

Ronon nodded and John went off to gather his Marines. Ten minutes later John was flying the first of three jumpers headed to the mainland. He had 'borrowed' Lorne for the afternoon as well as Samuels to fly the two other jumpers. Together there were almost fifty Marines that they were taking out. John set the jumper on auto-pilot and turned to face Ronon. The divider between the front of the ship and the back was closed, giving them a little privacy.

"So…anything new with you and Keller?"

Ronon shrugged. "Should there be?"

Good point. "I don't know."

"We're good."

"That's good."

"You and Irish?"

John felt a goofy grin take over his features. Eventually he was going to stop doing that anytime he thought of his partner, but for now John really didn't care. "Great. I think I'm crazy in love with him." John added.

Ronon laughed. "I can tell, Sheppard."

"He's just…perfect."

Ronon laughed again. "Sure, Sheppard."

"So what book did he have you read?" John asked curiously.

"Book on physics."

"Physics?" John asked shocked. "As in…gravity, force…that sort of stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Physics."

"He's been teaching me a lot."

"Really?"

"Yeah. At first it was a lot of medical stuff, but now it's other stuff."

Wow. "Cool."

"You found a good partner, Sheppard."

John smiled. "I know."

Seven hours later John was staring up at the sky, lying on his back on the pier under a blanket with Connor. Connor's hand was in his and their heads shared a pillow. It was a clear night, no clouds in sight just thousands of stars and a few bright, slivers of moons.

Connor was pointing out another constellation for John but John kept glancing away from the stars and at something even more beautiful. Connor looked amazing in the moonlight. His hair shimmered lightly and the blue of his eyes was reflected in the white light shining down.

"John." He said with a quite laugh. "The stars are that way." He gestured upwards.

"I'd rather look at you."

And the blush that fell over Connor's features only served to make him look more delicate than John knew he was. "And, um, that one's called Cassius." He continued, even though John wasn't looking anymore. "And next to it is Lexin, it's sorta shaped like a sea otter."

"A sea otter?" John asked without looking.

"Yeah."

Connor turned his head then to look at John, their noses touching. John reached his free hand up to trace Connor's features, gently floating over his cheek, down his jaw and then tracing his lips.

"I want to stay like this forever." John whispered. "Just you, me, Atlantis, the sky, the ocean…"

"It might get a little cold." Connor breathed.

"I'll keep you warm."

Connor moved closer to John, their sides flush against each other's as the linguist settled his head on John's shoulder. John rested his head on top of Connor's. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can stay like this forever." He said, squeezing John's hand. "Forget everyone else, forget the world."

John smiled, somewhat sadly. He knew that at best they had another eight hours or so out there. After that the world got them. John had duties to perform, people to help, lives to command. Connor had a job to do, words to translate, lives to improve.

"Connor." John said suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"If you…" John swallowed. "If you ever want out of this, if you ever," John closed his eyes. "Ever stop loving me, promise me you'll tell me."

"John?" Connor asked softly.

"Promise me." John suddenly need to know that Connor would always be happy, even if it was without him.

"I won't stop loving you." Connor said fiercely. "I can't breathe without you, John. If you ever start thinking that I want out of this, don't let me go. I wouldn't let you go. This is our life now. We're tied together. I spent so long alone, John, you spent so long alone, and I don't want that life back, for me or you. I love you as more than just someone to sleep with at night or share all my secrets with. I love you as someone that fills me, someone who makes me who I am. So don't you make me promise something that will never happen. If one day you wake up and don't love me anymore, I'll fight for you, John. I'll fight until I can't anymore and then I'll fight some more. You don't get to just walk away from me. And you'd better fight for me, too."

John blinked tears out of eyes. When he'd broken up with Sarah she had cried a little and accepted it, just walked away. When Charlotte had broken up with him, John had nodded and left her money to cover both of their dinners. He hadn't fought for either and they hadn't fought for him. When he'd told his father he was joining the Air Force, his dad didn't protest that it was too dangerous, that John could die serving his country. He had nodded and driven John down to the recruitment center.

This was something different. This was…permanence in a way that John had never experienced. This was no way out. This was home.

"I'll fight for you." John said roughly. "If that's what you want, I'll fight for you."

"It's what I want." Connor answered.

"Thank you." John whispered.

" _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat_." Connor said softly. "If you left, how could I live?"

"I love you." And John knew at that moment he was so stupidly in love with Connor that it was ridiculous.

"I love you as well, _a chuisle_." Connor pressed a soft kiss to John's chin. "So much."

The wind blew and Connor shivered, pressing tighter against John and that, was love.


	37. Discrepancies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 37 : Discrepancies (Interlude)**

Author's Notes :

\- A little Eric/Rodney interlude.  
\- I do not in any way advocate unsafe sex.  
\- Edited content is on my listed homepage.

* * *

It was 0242. The perfect time for Rodney to keep working on some calculations that Sheppard's boy love had forwarded to him upon translating them a month or so ago. Rodney hadn't had time to do anything with them other than feel guilty that they had been pushed back again and again. But now he finally, _finally_ , had time. He'd been released from the hospital a week ago and was busy trying to catch up on everything he'd missed while he'd been laid up for three days.

He found the nearest clean white board and began transcribing some of the original equations. Davids had taken it upon himself to finish some of the equation and Rodney would be remiss if he didn't recognize Sheppard's scribble on the scanned in papers. He snorted and wondered how accurate either man would be, although somewhere deep down (even if he'd never admit it) Rodney would grudgingly say that Sheppard had a bit of talent where math was concerned. His best friend was certainly smart enough, even if he hid it. But not joining Mensa? Sheppard was certifiable.

"That's Connor's handwriting."

Rodney jumped about a foot before whirling around to face the interloper. He glared at his much younger boyfriend who was looking at Rodney's computer monitor. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Eric shrugged and perched on a nearby desk to watch Rodney work. "Nope."

"You have finals in a week." Rodney said, turning back to his white board, copying more numbers.

"Colonel Carter's given me a few days off."

"Carter? Really?"

"Colonel Sheppard might have suggested it."

"Sheppard? Really?" Rodney repeated.

"And Connor might have mentioned something to him."

Rodney laughed. "It pays to have friends in high places."

"I guess."

Rodney finished with the first equation and began scanning it through. While he may have limited faith in Sheppard's math, he certainly didn't have any for Sheppard's boy toy.

"Connor has a master's degree in applied mathematics." Eric informed him.

Rodney scowled. "Did I ask?"

"You didn't have to." A second later warm arms wrapped around his waist from behind and Eric rested his chin on Rodney's shoulder. "Looks good to me…what is it?"

"Energy calculations."

"For?"

Rodney shrugged. "It looks like regeneration of a battery. Davids thinks it might be for some sort of solar panels that Atlantis has."

"That would be useful." Eric mumbled.

"Yeah."

Eric gently slipped a hand under Rodney's shirt and rested it on the warm skin there. Rodney shivered at his touch and leaned a little bit further back into his minutely taller boyfriend. His eyes finished scanning the equation and he admitted that it looked fine. For now.

"A master's? Really?"

"Yeah. And his bachelor's is in computer engineering."

"He's certainly diverse."

"Yeah," Eric agreed softly. "When are you coming to bed?"

Rodney waved a hand dismissively. "Couple hours."

Eric pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "Any meetings tomorrow morning? Going off world?"

"No and no."

"Play hooky with me." His boyfriend whispered.

"Play hooky? I have a million and one things I need to do-"

"Hyperbole aside," And Rodney could practically feel Eric role his eyes, "I want you to, Rodney, please? It's not like we're going off to Jamaica; we'll still be on base."

"It's not an exaggeration." Rodney huffed. "Do you realize how many things I have to do on a daily basis?"

"Yes, and I'm sure you do it all barefoot, uphill in the snow." Eric said sarcastically.

"Eric-"

"Rodney, please." He asked quietly.

Rodney thought about it. Eric rarely asked him for anything. In fact, Rodney couldn't really remember the last time the younger man _had_ asked him for something. He sighed. "Alright."

"Really?"

Rodney turned around to face Eric and loved the way his warm, brown eyes lit up. Eric was ridiculously hot. Probably hotter than anyone Rodney had been with in the past. His hair was short, not quite a Marine buzz cut, but he wasn't pushing the limits like Sheppard was either. It was a light blonde from all the time he spent outside, Rodney knew from personal…research that his hair was more a dark blonde, but still blonde. He thought Eric would probably fit in well with the surfer crowd that Sheppard liked to rave about. Only a couple times since they'd started dating had Rodney seen Eric in civilian clothes. Jeans that fit well, a shirt that was a little too tight but probably not tight enough to rank him on the immediate gaydar of everyone on base, skate shoes and what Rodney loved most was the leather wrist cuff that Eric favored. He looked close to his age in street clothes, like a senior in college. All he needed to complete that outfit was a messenger bag and Eric was your all American youth.

Except he wasn't. Not at all. Rodney had seen beneath his shirt, tiny scars, large scars, deep ones, red ones, white ones everywhere. And on the inside he was just as scarred, _but healing_ , Rodney hoped. Eric didn't talk about his past a lot with Rodney, most of his stories came from the here and now or revolved around his team. But he didn't have to talk about it, Rodney could see the hurt in his eyes, the weariness and mistrust. Eric was too young to be as quiet as he was, to frown as much as he did. Even now, every smile that Rodney got he treasured.

He was falling for the younger man, there was no question about that. Eric was smart, gorgeous and for some reason didn't care when Rodney was snippy or impatient or angry or loud or the thousand other traits that drove most people away. He shared that ability with Sheppard.

"Rodney?" A concerned voice broke through his musings. "Is everything alright?"

"Huh? Yeah, yeah, fine. Tomorrow off, got it."

A smile stretched across Eric's face. "Thank you." He said softly. And Rodney couldn't really rag on Sheppard's linguist for being quiet when Eric was so damn soft-spoken. At least he didn't stutter.

"Yes, well, you're welcome. Now leave so I can finish this."

"Then you'll come to bed?"

"Yeah. A few hours."

"Okay." Eric answered and leaned down a little. Rodney tilted his head and accepted the brief kiss that the younger man offered. Eric pulled back slowly. "See you soon."

"Yeah."

Eric left him alone then, with his marker, his whiteboard and his thoughts. Another check in the plus column. Eric knew when to leave and didn't seem put out by it.

* * *

It was three in the morning and Eric desperately needed to talk to someone. And since the only person who knew about him and Rodney that he could talk to was Connor…that someone was the linguist by default. He hovered around Connor's door, hesitant to wake the older man at such an early hour, but knew he wouldn't get this chance again for a while and he really needed to talk to Connor _now_.

Eric summoned all the courage being in the Marines had given him and he rung the door. After a minute he rung the door again, only to have it slide open with an annoyed Colonel behind it, dressed only in boxers. Eric swallowed as he noticed Colonel Sheppard was holding his gun, safety off.

"Sorry to wake you, sir. I was hoping to talk to Connor."

Sheppard looked at him for a moment before nodding his head. He stepped back into Connor's quarters and gestured Eric in. Eric stepped in and the door closed tight behind him. He watched as Colonel Sheppard made his way back to the bed, sinking down onto the side of it while setting his gun on the bedside table. The older man slid a hand up Connor's shirt and whispered something in the linguist's ear that Eric couldn't make out, but a second later his friend was blinking away the sleep and sitting up. He glanced over Colonel Sheppard's shoulder and Eric offered a small wave. Connor gave him a smile before turning back to Sheppard. He reached a hand out and traced the Colonel's face as Sheppard pulled his hand out of Connor's shirt. He moved back to allow the scientist a way off of the bed. Connor slid off, in a seemingly better mood that Sheppard was, and made his way over to the dresser.

Colonel Sheppard stood and came up behind him, leaning sleepily against his back. Connor was slipping on some sweat pants and a blue USAF sweatshirt, catching Sheppard's arms underneath it. Connor leaned back briefly and mumbled something else that Eric couldn't catch. Sheppard nodded and released the younger man, shooting a glare in Eric's direction.

Connor gave his boyfriend a push back towards the bed and met up with Eric at the door. He didn't say anything as he gently led Eric out of his room, door shutting behind him.

"So, your place or Dr. McKay's?"

Eric didn't even have to think about that one. Rodney _might_ be trying to mend roads with Connor, but in no way would he appreciate having the younger man in his room. "My place."

They walked in silence until they reached Eric's quarters. He gestured Connor in and the linguist took a seat on Eric's bed, Eric sat across from him, his legs underneath him. Connor still didn't say anything, instead, waiting for Eric to speak.

"I persuaded Rodney to take tomorrow off."

Connor looked at him in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah. I think…" Eric took a deep breath. "I think tomorrow's the day."

"The day?"

"For it."

"For it?"

Sometimes Eric forgot how young Connor really was. "Sex."

The linguist blushed a deep red. "Oh."

"I read through that book you loaned me." Connor nodded. "And it's been months since we started dating."

"It has." Not a question.

"And I know Rodney's ready."

"So what's the, uh, problem?"

"I might be really bad at it."

Connor frowned as though the thought hadn't occurred to him, and for all Eric knew, maybe it hadn't. "I don't think that will happen."

"You don't." Not a question either. Sorta.

"John says that," And Eric wasn't sure he wanted to know Colonel Sheppard's views on gay sex. "…if it's love it can't possibly be bad."

"It's not."

Connor frowned again. "Not what?"

"Not love." Eric said, as if it were obvious. "Well, for me it is, but I don't think it is for Rodney."

"Then why would you sleep with him?" His friend asked puzzled.

"I don't need Rodney to love me for me to love him." Eric said, a bit defensively.

"I…I don't think you d-do." Connor stuttered. "Maybe you should-you should wait a little while, Eric."

"Not everyone is as patient as Colonel Sheppard."

Confusion spread across Connor's face. "What does that mean?"

Eric sighed. "It means that I don't know how long Rodney's willing to wait, and really, Connor, I want to."

His friend swallowed and Eric could practically see thoughts racing through his head. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes." Connor said quietly. "If you're ready."

"I am."

"Then I-I don't see why anything should st-stop you."

If Connor's speech wasn't already a dead give away, the way his hand was fidgeting with his clothes or the way he wouldn't look Eric in the eye was. His friend was uncomfortable, nervous and holding something back. "Connor," He began softly, reaching for the older man. "I-"

"No, Eric," Connor pulled away from his grasp. "It's your life and your body, I, uh, know most people don't share my beliefs, I-I can't even n-name one person who, um, shares my beliefs. If you're ready than you're ready."

Eric blinked. Connor really didn't want him to do this, of that much he was certain. Eric sighed again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have woken you up."

"You needed to talk."

"Yes, but I shouldn't have asked you." A flash of hurt crossed Connor's face and lingered in his eyes. "Wait, Connor, I didn't mean it like that."

"Okay." His friend said in a small voice.

"I just meant that…" _You're too young to understand, too naïve, too trusting and you have the perfect, understanding man._ But he couldn't say any of those things

"It's okay. I know how you meant it." Connor said, biting his lip.

"I still shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry."

"You can talk to me about anything."

"I know." Eric did know, he just wasn't sure about this.

An awkward silence fell over them, the first one that Eric could ever remember happening in their friendship. Connor played with Eric's blanket, tracing words or pictures onto it.

"I don't think you'll be bad at it, you shouldn't worry about it." Connor said finally. "If you love him and he doesn't love you than will probably make him seem bad at it to you."

"Or it could just mean it's perfect for me and horrible for him."

Connor shook his head. "He's losing out if he doesn't realize how wonderful you are."

"Thanks, Connor." Eric said softly. It meant a lot that Connor thought that of him.

Connor blushed and couldn't meet his eyes when he asked his next question. "Do you, uh, have everything you'll, um, need?"

"Hm?"

"Condoms and, um, you know…"

Eric swallowed. "I have stuff, I'm not sure we're going to, uh, use condoms. No chance of getting knocked up and we've both been tested a thousand times for STDs."

"Oh." Eric could see the older man struggling with that. "Um, okay."

"Do you and Colonel Sheppard…?" He let the question hang.

Connor shook his head. "No…I guess I never really thought about it for that, John doesn't seem concerned. You're right, we're both tested all the time. I just…all those lectures and stuff."

"Yeah. My dad used to ride me about using condoms. He would have killed me if I brought a girl home pregnant." Eric told him. "Not that I would have…with a girl. Ew."

Connor laughed. "There's nothing wrong with girls."

That was news to Eric. "You're bi?"

"Um…maybe?" Connor honestly seemed as if he had no idea, a puzzling thought to Eric.

"Maybe?"

"I've never been attracted to anyone other than John."

And that, Eric thought, was just too fucking weird. "Really?"

"Really." Connor confirmed. "John would classify himself as bi."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"Dr. McKay's bi." The scientist pointed out.

"And It kinda grosses me out to think about that." Eric said with a fake shiver.

The linguist shrugged. "I know that John loves me. If he wants to look at girls…or guys, that's fine."

Eric blinked. "Wow, you would be the coolest boyfriend ever."

Connor laughed. "Because I know that at the end of the day John comes home to me?"

"Because you don't seem to have an ounce of jealousy in you."

"I…my problem," Connor said quietly. "Is that I can't believe John would choose me. I-I could see why he would choose someone else."

Eric frowned. "No way, Doc, the Colonel is way in love with you."

Connor shrugged. "I know."

Eric left the subject alone, sensing that Connor didn't want to talk about it. "Does he get jealous?"

"Oh yeah. Once, when I was translating some stuff for the biologists, they gave me some biscuits and tea and stuff and John was really…moody. I didn't know what was wrong with him."

"But you eventually figured it out."

"He eventually told me." Connor said with a grin.

"I would love for Rodney to get jealous over something, just once, but he just doesn't really notice most stuff."

"You want him to be jealous?"

"Yeah." Eric answered. "Just a little."

"Hm, I wonder if I should be…" Connor mused.

Eric laughed. "You've been together for a year, Connor, it's probably a little too late."

"Yeah, you're right." The linguist said dismissively. "So do you have any plans?"

"Plans?"

Connor blushed. "Like a romantic dinner or, um, something."

Eric shook his head. "I hadn't really thought about it."

"Candles then." Connor insisted. "Or some music."

Eric wanted to laugh and say that they were both men, but Connor seemed pretty serious about this stuff. "Um, I could maybe play some music, I guess." Yeah, he just totally lied to his faux brother.

"There are some larger beds a few levels away."

"Rodney has a big bed. I'm not sure how he got it shipped out here, it's supposed to help his back or something."

"Oh, okay. So you're all set."

"Yeah."

"Wow." Connor said lightly.

"Yeah. Wow." Eric agreed.

* * *

"Rodney?" Eric mumbled as a body slid into bed behind his.

"I would hope so." Came his sarcastic reply.

Eric had vague memories of dropping Connor back off at his quarters and slipping into Rodney's to wait for the older man. "Time is it?"

"Almost five."

"You finish?"

"Yes, yes." Rodney said, pulling Eric back against him. "More sleep, less talking."

"Okay." Eric agreed as he drifted back off to sleep.

When he woke up for the second time it was to the soft clicks of a keyboard. Rodney was propped up on the bed next to him, rapidly typing away at something. Eric wiped the sleep out of his eyes as he sat up. He glanced down at Rodney's screen and saw several IMs and an e-mail screen open.

Shaking his head softly Eric got up to empty his bladder and brush his teeth. When he finished he poured himself a cup of Rodney's coffee and went back to sit next to his boyfriend on the bed.

"Ha! Take that Radek!" Rodney muttered to himself.

"What is Dr. Zelenka taking?"

Rodney looked up at him, as if just realizing he was awake. "He was totally wrong in his theory about…" He drifted off and he kept typing.

"His theory about…?" Eric prompted.

"Oh, about…" He trailed off again.

Eric gave up. "How long have you been up?"

"Since nine."

"You slept for four hours?"

"It's a full REM cycle if you believe all that voodoo nonsense." Rodney defended.

"And humans need two."

Rodney snorted as he took a sip of his coffee. "Like my genius can wait for two." He then proceeded to surprise Eric and shut the laptop, setting it aside. He cradled his coffee mug in his hands, inhaling sips.

Now that Eric had Rodney to himself, he wasn't actually sure what to do. He knew what he wanted to end up doing, but he had no idea how to get there. Maybe Connor had the right idea with a romantic dinner…

Suddenly two hands grabbed his coffee, setting it aside and the next thing he knew, Eric was pinned to the bed, Rodney leaning over him, his face hovering inches above Eric. Before Eric could stop himself his arms pushed up and he rolled off the bed, hands up and ready for a fight, heart beating rapidly as his breathing labored.

"Eric?" A voice cut through to him softly.

Eric blinked and looked up at Rodney who was looking unusually concerned. "Rodney, sorry. You startled me."

"I can see that."

Eric slowed his breathing as he walked back to the bed. "Sorry."

Rodney waved the apology away. "I should have asked…wanna make out?"

"Yes." He answered as he sat back down.

His boyfriend leaned over and lips met his. Eric didn't hesitate to return the kiss. Rodney tasted like coffee and chocolate. A hand drifted to the bottom of Eric's shirt and they parted briefly for both of their shirts to be pulled off and tossed aside. Hands roamed over his body, not hesitating over a single scar, scars that Rodney had memorized weeks ago much to Eric's chagrin.

"Will you relax? Geez." Rodney huffed against Eric's neck.

"Sorry." Eric said and slowly let his body relax.

"What has you so tense?"

"I'm ready, Rodney."

The body above him froze to look at him. "Ready? You are?"

"Yeah."

"Really? You don't, uh, need more time or something?"

"No."

"Oh, wow. Okay then. Is that what today was all about?"

Eric flushed. "Um, yeah."

"Okay. Should we, uh, talk about it or something?"

Eric grimaced. "Talk?"

"Yeah, you're right, bad idea. So, okay, yeah. You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay, good. Okay." Rodney seemed to be in a bit of shock, still processing the idea. Then a second later it all seemed to click and his smile softened and there was a look in his eyes that Eric didn't understand. "Do we, uh, need…stuff?"

"Bedside table."

"Got it."

And when Rodney bent down to kiss him again, the kiss was so gentle that Eric found himself falling a little bit more for the older man. Rodney's tongue snaked out to find Eric's; it was warm and reassuring and tasted just like Rodney. He reached his arms up to pull Rodney closer to him, letting the other man's skin warm his body.

Eric soon lost himself in his boyfriend's body. Rodney wasn't much of a talker in bed, despite his loquaciousness the rest of the time. But today, there were soft whispers of encouragement, gasps of pleasure and mumbles full of want and need. Eric held on to each word given to him, because he didn't know if he'd ever get them again.

"Please, Rodney." He begged softly.

He felt a hand move away from where it was gently stroking him to grab something. A few seconds later he heard the tell-tale click of a bottle closing and Rodney's blue eyes met his own.

"You're sure?" The older man breathed. "Because I'm pretty sure that once I start I won't be able to stop."

"I'm sure." Eric promised.

Rodney bent his head down and captured Eric's lips in a wet kiss. He nudged a knew between Eric's leg and the younger man let them fall open.

"So fucking hot." Rodney swore, pulling back, a hand drifting down between them.

[Edited Content]

Fully sated, Rodney collapsed on top of Eric, rolling off of Eric onto his back. As Eric stared at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath, he wondered briefly what it meant that Rodney hadn't used a condom. He shook his thoughts away, he shouldn't read anything more into it than it was; Eric wasn't going to get knocked up and both of them were clean. He also decided then that Connor's opinion, while valid, was not the right one for him. If everyone waited for love or marriage there would certainly be less sex in the world and from what Eric could tell, sex was really, really good. Colonel Sheppard must be a saint.

"So…" Rodney said from next to him.

"Was it okay?" Eric asked shyly.

"It was great." Rodney assured him. He then proceeded to reach over and grab some tissues, gently wiping down Eric's stomach before reaching between the younger man's legs to wipe up down there as well. When he finished Eric rolled to the side and rest his head on Rodney's shoulder throwing a leg over the older man's thighs. "Really," Rodney insisted. "We should do it more often."

Eric laughed softly. "Sure, Rodney."

"Like everyday." Rodney continued.

That really depended on how well Eric could walk after this. His job came first. "We'll see."

"Are you sure that was your first time?"

"Very."

Rodney paused. "Oh. Well. Good job."

Eric smiled at the praise, Connor had been right; he had nothing to worry about. "Rodney?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." He said quietly.

Rodney turned his head and pressed his lips to Eric's forehead. "Love you, too, kid." He grumbled.

"'m not a kid." Eric mumbled into Rodney's chest, although inside his heart had started beating rapidly again and something inside his chest was doing flip-flops.

"Fine." Rodney huffed. "I love you, too, _Eric_."

"Really?"

"What? Yes, really. Geez, you make it seem like I go around telling everyone I love them." Rodney squawked.

Eric smiled. "I know you don't. Just making sure."

"Yeah, well, don't expect me to say it all the time like I'm sure Sheppard does. Some of us still have our balls attatched." He said with a touch of annoyance; whether at Sheppard or something else, Eric wasn't sure.

"I won't."

"Well, good."

Eric just kept smiling.


	38. Reassurances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 38 : Reassurances**

Author's Notes :

\- _The Matrix_ belongs to Warner Bros.  
\- _My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding_ belongs to Gold Circle Films.  
\- _Alien vs. Predator_ belongs to Twentieth Century Fox.  
\- _Nollaig Shona Dhuit_ : Merry Christmas; _Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit_ : Happy St. Patrick's Day; _Tá tú go h-álainn_ : You're beautiful.

* * *

"So what did Johns want at three in the morning?" John asked.

Connor was perched on his lap, holding a steaming mug of coffee. It was John's but he was stealing sips. "To talk." He passed the mug back to John.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just wanted to sort through some stuff."

"Must have been important."

"To him it was," Connor answered, leaning forward. John held the mug up to his lips and tilted it slightly so Connor could have some.

"I'm off world tomorrow and Friday."

"You're spending the night?"

"Yeah. The people there see it as an insult if you don't."

"What are you doing there?"

John took a sip of his coffee. "The people have some sort of grain thing that is good for trading and in return we help them with medical supplies and stuff like that."

"How advanced are they?"

"Meh," John tilted his hand back and forth. "About the average Pegasus galaxy settlement, similar to the Athosians."

"And you've been there before?"

"Plenty of times," John assured his boyfriend. "They're friendly, fun and make great booze."

"Okay," Connor said sleepily, leaning back against John. John tightened the arm he had around Connor's waist.

"Tired?"

"Yeah," Connor tucked his head into John's neck. "You smell good."

John laughed. "I ran out of soap and had to use some of that Athosian stuff you like so much."

"Mmm, smells good," He said, inhaling deeply.

"So what are we going to wear?" John asked. "I have my dress blues…but I'm not sure I should be wearing them while getting married to a…guy."

"Maybe some clothes native to the Pegasus galaxy," Connor mumbled.

"Hm. We don't even have to dress up, we can just wear some street clothes."

"I like you in that black shirt."

John laughed. "All my shirts are black."

"And they all look really good on you," Connor insisted. "But I meant that one with the sleeves to your elbows…buttons up the front."

John thought for a moment. "Oh, I know which one you mean. Okay, yeah, I can wear that…if you wear that blue one you have."

"The one I wore at the Christmas party?"

"Yeah, matches your eyes," John offered Connor another sip of coffee, but the linguist shook his head so John downed the rest, setting the mug aside.

Connor blushed. "Yeah, sure."

"And pants?"

"Trousers."

John rolled his eyes. "Trousers is just weird to say. They're pants."

"Pants are what you wear under trousers."

"No, those would be underwear."

"Knickers," Connor insisted.

John laughed. "Trousers then."

"Jeans?"

"I do love you in jeans."

"I, um, have dress slacks as well."

John thought about it. "What would you prefer."

Connor shrugged. "Jeans, I guess."

"Then jeans it is," John decided. "Should we tell people to wear their civilian clothes?"

"Sure."

"Want to send out an e-mail?"

"Now?"

"It's in three weeks, we should give some sort of fair warning other than the stuff we've remembered to tell anyone."

"Alright," Connor shifted and stood, walking over to grab his laptop before making his way back to John's lap. He sat down, leaning back against John's chest. John snagged his arms around Connor's waist as the linguist brought up his e-mail.

"What should our subject be?"

"How secure is this?"

"I can encrypt it."

"We'll just write in code," John grinned and reached out to type.

Connor rolled his eyes and knocked John's hands away, continuing the typing on his own.

"That's really formal."

"It's like a wedding invite."

John shrugged. "Okay."

Connor typed for a few more minutes, with John looking over his shoulder. "Anything else you want to add?"

"Should we have some sort of reception the next day?"

"Oh, yeah, that would be nice."

"Say six? After people get off work?"

"Where do you want to have it?"

"Your lab?"

"Okay," He typed out the rest. "What do you think?"

"What's that at the bottom?"

"Irish saying."

"And at the top?"

"Another saying."

"I meant…what do they say?"

"The one at the top reads 'love, loyalty, friendship' and the two at the bottom read 'there is no strength without unity' and 'the only cure for love is marriage'. I, uh, what do you think?"

"I love it. How do you say those?"

"The first one is _gra, dilseacht, cairdeas_ ," Connor said slowly

"Graw, deel-shockt, core-djass?"

"Yeah," Connor offered with a kiss to John's chin. "Then _ni ceart go cur le cheile_."

"Knee keart guh kurr leh kail-eh?"

"Yeah."

"That's…really long."

Connor smiled. "And the last one, _níl aon leigheas ar an ngrá ach pósadh_."

"Neel ain laygus air on grah ock pus-idd."

"Yep. I think you're getting better with the Irish."

John grinned. "I try…should we have people RSVP?"

"Hm. I think we can, uh, safely say that everyone will come….anything else?"

"Nope, it's perfect," He said with a kiss to Connor's cheek.

"Are there any Irish wedding customs you wanted to include?"

Connor appeared to think about the question for a moment. "The customs I know of don't…relate to, um, a gay wedding and, uh, usually have to do with…fertility."

John frowned lightly. "Oh. So nothing, then?"

"I have some…honey mead, Bunratty, that I brought back from Earth. I thought we could have it at the reception."

"I don't think I've ever had that before."

"It's a traditional Irish drink."

John smiled. "Alright, honey mead it is."

"Thank you," Connor whispered with a kiss to John's jaw.

 _To : Lorne, Evan; Emmagan, Teyla; Johns, Eric; McKay, Rodney; Dex, Ronon_

 _CC : Davids, Connor; Sheppard, John_

 _Subject : Trip to New Athos on July 20th_

 _Gra, Dilseacht, Cairdeas_

 _We request your presence to witness the bonding of_

 _John Sheppard_

 _And_

 _Connor Aodh Davids_

 _Sunday, the twentieth of July_

 _Two thousand, eight_

 _At half eleven in the evening_

 _With the ceremony to begin at midnight in_

 _New Athos, Athosian settlement_

 _Semi-casual attire is requested_

 _Reception to follow the next day_

 _At six o'clock in the evening_

 _Refreshments provided_

 _Ni ceart go cur le cheile_

 _Níl aon leigheas ar an ngrá ach pósadh_

* * *

"Hey, Doc."

Connor looked up to see Evan making his way towards him. "Evan, hi." He answered, setting his pen down atop his notebook.

"Movie night tonight." The older man told him. "You free?" Evan leaned against Connor's desk, putting his arms behind him for support.

Connor paused. "Yeah, what movie?"

Evan shrugged. "It's Reed's night to pick. Probably _The Matrix_ or some other action movie, you know Reed."

The linguist smiled fondly. "Yeah."

"Got your invite," Evan said with a smile. "Very formal."

"John said that too," Connor acknowledged.

"Well you can put me down as there. I've already changed the schedules." He said with a wink. "Don't tell anyone."

Connor frowned. "Will you get in trouble?"

Evan laughed. "Nah. I make the schedules, no one will notice."

"Okay," He smiled brightly. "John is going to talk to Carter about our trip."

"Oh to be a fly on that wall," Evan sighed merrily. "So, what does semi-casual mean?"

"Um, John and I are wearing…dress shirts and jeans."

"Jeans? Really?"

"John looks good in jeans."

"I imagine that you think the Colonel looks good in anything," Evan said with a knowing grin.

Connor blushed. "Possibly better in nothing."

His friend laughed. "Something I definitely don't need to hear about."

"What don't you need to hear about?" A voice asked from the door.

Connor turned and smiled as John walked in. "Nothing."

"Uh-huh," John said. He glanced at Evan before swooping down to place a quick kiss on Connor's cheek.

"John!" Connor admonished softly, pushing him away. He glanced sideways at Evan, who had politely looked away.

John laughed. "He's gonna see it sooner or later, and it was just a peck on the cheek. Hasn't he seen us kiss before?"

"Still," Connor insisted.

"Alright," John agreed reluctantly, but settled his hand on Connor's neck as he did so. "What's the haps?"

"The haps?" Connor asked blankly.

"What's happening?" His partner clarified.

"We were, um, just discussing…"

"What to wear for the ceremony," Evan finished for him.

"Evan is dismayed at our choice in trousers."

"Is he now?" John asked with a smirk.

"Not dismayed, sir," Evan cut in. "Surprised, maybe."

"Despite the formal announcement," John said with a light tug to Connor's hair. "It's pretty informal. The reception, even more so."

"So Hawaiian shirts all around." Evan grinned. Connor couldn't imagine his friend in an Hawaiian shirt and squinted a little as he tried to do so. He couldn't really picture John in one either; his partner owned flannel and looked good in it.

"That's more Rodney's style," John cut in. Dr. McKay, Connor could see wearing one, although it didn't look too good on him either. "And speaking of Rodney," John said with a glance down to Connor and a questioning gaze towards Evan. "Has anyone seen him today?"

Evan shook his head and Connor hesitated to say anything. "I think he's, uh, taking the day off."

"Really?" John drawled.

"Maybe?"

"Connor," John said sternly.

"Eric might have mentioned they were doing something today…"

"Hm," His partner said lightly. "I thought we were gonna…never mind. Well, okay, back to work I guess." He said, with a look at Evan.

"Yes, sir," Evan replied stiffly. "Seven o'clock," He said to Connor and with a vague salute left them alone.

John leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to Connor's mouth. "What's at seven?" He mumbled against the linguist's lips.

"Movie night." Connor answered, reaching up to pull John back down for another kiss. The older man obligingly leaned forward and Connor tasted coffee. Ever since he had stopped drinking tea, John had as well, although Connor wasn't sure why. He knew his fear was irrational, the chances of someone else on Atlantis poisoning him were slim but he couldn't seem to get past it.

"Are you thinking about something else while kissing me?" John complained lightly, pulling back.

Connor blushed. "Sorry," He mumbled, gently pushing some of the hair on John's neck up.

"What's on your mind?"

"Just, um, wondering why you don't drink tea anymore."

John shrugged. "Because you don't."

"You still can," Connor argued.

"So can you," His boyfriend said with a pointed look.

Connor ducked his head. "Yeah," He agreed softly.

John bent down again to press another soft kiss to Connor's lips. "Well, I really do have to get back to work." He said regretfully.

Connor let his hand slide off of John's neck and down his arm, giving his boyfriend's hand a light squeeze before letting go. "Have fun."

"And you," He said with a gesture towards Connor's work. "Don't work too hard."

"I won't," The younger man promised.

"And eat lunch."

Connor rolled his eyes as he picked up his pen again. "I will."

A hand hovered for a moment over his head before resting there. A second later John, and the hand, were gone and Connor was left alone, acutely feeling the loss.

He turned back to his notes and the books but the words swam in front of his eyes. He shut them with a sigh and buried his face in his hands resting his elbows on his desk. He was getting _married_. _Bonded_ , he corrected in his head. Bonded to John Sheppard. John Sheppard. John. Connor couldn't believe how fast a year had gone. A year ago he had barely known John, and now his partner was the most important thing in his life.

Despite the time they had been together, Connor still hadn't come to grips with his religion and dating John. He ignored it, pushing it to the back of his mind. It would be harder to ignore if he was still on Earth and attending church, but out here in the Pegasus Galaxy the closest thing there was to church were the informal bible studies that one of the biologists led on Sunday mornings. Connor hadn't been to one since the first time he and John had fallen asleep together. Before that he made the effort to go, bringing along his brown leather skinned Bible with a Celtic cross around his neck; a present from his parents upon his Confirmation. The first time he'd held John's hand he'd put the necklace away and hadn't taken it out since. His Bible was in a foot locker underneath his bed. He hadn't wanted John to see it, and its words were seared into Connor's memory anyway.

John would occasionally ask about Connor's faith but the younger man would just shrug and change the subject or try to tell John something that would distract his partner from how much the issue really affected him, although he suspected John knew. Whenever he thought about it guilt and anger and a multitude of other unpleasant feelings would eat away at him. Then he would think of John and a warmth would spread through his chest and Connor would be left back at the starting line.

Connor sighed deeply. There was no answer. So he pushed away the thoughts and opened his books again. For now his Bible would stay under his bed and his necklace tucked away and John would stay in his arms.

* * *

"I'm worried about Irish."

Teyla looked up at Ronon. They were eating lunch in the mess hall, Teyla was slowly working her way through a salad as Ronon plowed through two plates of meat and mashed potatoes. "What worries you?"

The Satedan shrugged. "He's quiet."

"He has always been quiet, Ronon." She pointed out.

"More quiet." The bigger man insisted.

"I had not realized that you'd spent much time with him as of late." She speared a tomato, biting into it cleanly.

"We run every day," Ronon offered chewing on a piece of meat.

"And you talk often on these runs?"

"Nope."

Teyla closed her eyes briefly and prayed for patience. "So what makes you believe that something is wrong?" She asked evenly.

Ronon scooped some potatoes into his mouth, swallowing quickly. "Something is."

"You truly believe so?"

"Yes," He said firmly, catching her eye. There was a serious look on his face that was seldom present. Ronon's surety worried her a bit, especially for him to bring something like this up to her. She knew that he wanted her to talk to Connor rather than he approach the linguist himself.

"Have you talked to John about this?"

Ronon shook his head. "It might," He hesitated. "Be about Sheppard."

Teyla frowned. "You believe John is doing something to Connor?"

Ronon caught her gaze sharply. "No."

"I received their invitation this morning," Teyla said, moving the subject away from troubled topics.

"Lots of Irish," Ronon commented, shoving more food in his mouth.

"Was that the language?" Teyla had seen the curious phrases and had thought that perhaps it was Irish but was not sure. It was interesting that Ronon had recognized the language.

"Yep." The Satedan grunted.

"And there is to be a reception the next day." She commented, stabbing a few pieces of lettuce.

Ronon looked at her oddly. "Are we supposed to bring something."

Teyla frowned, "I'm not sure. I supposed I can ask Evan."

"There were lots of presents in that fat wedding movie."

"Maybe that is because they were Greek." She suggested.

"Hm."

"I shall ask." She pushed a couple of napkins towards him when he went to wipe his mouth on his arm.

"And you'll talk to Irish?"

Teyla raised a brow. "You can also talk to him, Ronon." He grunted but didn't say anything.

Ronon pushed his finished lunch plates away and eyed Teyla. "Have you ever bonded?" He asked finally.

She shook her head. "I have never been so."

"Melena was…perhaps what Sheppard would call a wife." He admitted.

Teyla reached across the table to gently rest her hand on Ronon's. "How long were you with her?" She asked.

"Six years."

Teyla thought that was a long time for Ronon, considering how young he truly was in years. "And she was a…nurse?"

"Yeah."

It was somehow fitting that with Ronon's predilection for finding trouble and garnering injuries, he would be attracted to those in the medical profession. Teyla wondered just how similar Melena was to Jennifer Keller. She squeezed Ronon's hand tightly before releasing it and pulling her arm back across the table. "Do you miss her?"

"Yeah." He eyed her cookie and Teyla pushed it towards him.

"I will talk to Connor," Teyla offered quietly.

"Thanks." He said, swallowing her cookie.

Twenty minutes later Teyla left Ronon with John, both of them grinning a bit too maliciously as they faced a room full of new Marines. "Connor?" She asked, poking her head into the linguist's lab. "Are you in here?"

She stepped in and looked around. She found a half empty plate on his desk. She turned around and saw him sleeping on his couch, a blanket tucked around him. Teyla hesitated, not sure if she should wake him or not. She moved to leave when Connor started mumbling. She turned and his hands were twisting up in the blanket and he looked quite agitated. She moved closer to him until she stood right next to the couch. "Connor," She said gently, reaching a hand out to his shoulder.

"John," He mumbled.

"Connor? Can you hear me?" She shook his shoulder a little.

"No, wait," Connor pleaded in his sleep.

"Connor," She said more forcefully. A second later his eyes snapped open and a hand encircled her wrist tightly. His eyes focused on her face and he flushed a deep red, quickly dropping her arm.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"Is everything alright?"

Connor sat up and the blanket slid down his body pooling in his lap. "Yeah."

"Your dream seemed quite disturbing." She said, taking a seat next to Connor on the couch. She tried not to take offense when he leaned away from her.

"It's nothing." He said quietly, running a hand over his face. He turned to look at her, seeming more awake. "What can I, uh, do for you?" He fidgeted nervously with his blanket.

"Should I call John?" She asked concerned.

"No!" Connor shook his head rapidly. "No, don't."

Teyla was starting to think that Ronon was right, something was wrong. "Connor," She started and reached a hand out to his shoulder nearest her. "If something's wrong, he'd want to know."

The linguist shrugged off her hand and stood up, dropping the blanket on the ground and stepping over it. He began to pace slowly in front of her. "There's nothing wrong, and John doesn't need to know. I just saw him, Teyla, he brought me lunch." He gestured towards his desk. "I'm fine, it was just a dream."

"Then I would ask what else is bothering you." She persisted.

Connor paused in his pacing to turn and look at her. "Nothing's wrong, Teyla." He offered with a small shrug and an unconvincing smile. "Did you, um, come here for something?"

Teyla tilted her head. "Ronon has asked me to speak with you."

"About?" He asked with a frown.

"I must admit, I'm not sure. He seemed concerned about your quietness as of late."

This time Connor's smile was more real. "I've been drinking…less tea." He admitted. "The lack of caffeine has slowed me down somewhat."

That certainly would explain his recent reticence. "And that is it?"

Connor nodded. "I'm sorry to have concerned you, Teyla, and Ronon."

Teyla stood gracefully with a smile at her friend. "Well, than I shall leave you to your work." She stepped forward to offer him a hug, one Connor accepted freely.

"Thanks."

"If you do ever need to talk," Teyla said, pulling back. "I am always here for you, and John."

"I know." He said with a smile and as Teyla looked into his eyes she realized that Ronon was right. Something was bothering the linguist beyond a lack of tea. She also realized that this was the first time she could ever remember Connor lying to her.

She forced a smile to her lips and left him in his lab, concerned and worried.

* * *

Connor slipped into the training room that John, Evan and Ronon were all in. A new shipment of Marines had arrive a couple of days ago and were now getting the 'Welcome to the Pegasus Galaxy' talk as well as the 'How to deal with scientists' talk and 'Don't touch anything, ever' talk. There were more talks, but John wasn't usually there for those. It was the end of the day and while before John, Connor would have worked until he passed out, now he had a reason to go to bed at a normal time. Although today he was waiting for Evan to head to his best friend's team's movie night.

He slipped onto a table at the back and Ronon offered him a giant grin, Evan gave him a wink and John just a quick glance as he continued addressing the men. There were about fifteen new soldiers and Connor was a little surprised to find Dr. Jackson also amongst the crowd. Daniel turned and offered him a small wave that Connor returned. He could feel a few of the new soldiers glance his way, but ignored them as he watched John talk to him men. A wave of pride flew through him for John. The other man had told him about his past and how he'd never expected to make it past Captain much less to Lt. Colonel and was basically in charge of his own base now.

John stopped speaking and stepped back to lean against the table as Evan stepped up and took up explaining how things worked out here. Connor caught John's gaze and offered a shy smile. John pushed up off the table and walked to the side of the chairs before walking towards the back and to Connor.

"Hey," He greeted quietly. "What's up?" He hoisted himself up onto the desk next to Connor.

"Just needed a change of pace," Connor told him softly with a shrug. "How are the recruits?"

"Young," John grimaced. "Jesus, I feel like I'm sending kindergartners out to their deaths."

Connor looked around. They certainly did look young, he thought even Eric, in all his 22 years might be older than most of them. "You were this young once."

"Yeah, but there aren't a lot of life sucking vampires in the Middle East."

Connor laughed softly. "With the way we're going, there aren't a lot here either."

John turned and gave him a grin. "Yeah."

"…And I'm sure you're wondering who snuck in the back just now," Evan's voice cut in. He grinned back at Connor and John as everyone turned to look at them. "That's Dr. Davids, wave 'hi', Doc." Connor did so with a blush. "You'll probably see him on the range a lot or perhaps rescuing you. He's one of the best damn pilots on the base. He's also my best friend." Evan said sternly. "If he ever goes out on a mission with you, he better come back." Connor could swear he heard everyone in the room gulp.

"In one piece." John added.

"Alive." Ronon growled from the front.

Evan smiled. "He has lots of friends very high on the Atlantis food chain. You don't want to piss them off. And now that your curiosity has been settled, Ronon's gonna brief you a bit on Wraith tactics and such." He stepped back to offer the Satedan up to the group. He made his way along the side of the room and back towards Connor as John had done, sliding back to sit on the desk on Connor's other side. "What's up, Doc? Is it seven already?" He smiled easily.

Connor glanced at his watch. "Six-thirty. Just got bored."

"And you came to watch me? I'm touched," Evan said brightly.

"He came to see me," John insisted from his other side.

"Yes, sir." Evan said with a smile.

"Well, maybe I came to see Ronon," Connor cut in. Both men turned to look at him. "Or Dr. Jackson," He said gesturing to the archeologist sitting towards the front. They both gave him looks of disbelief and Connor laughed softly. "I came to see you both." He conceded.

"It was me," John declared.

"Yes, sir." Evan said with a nudge to Connor's shoulder before he whispered loudly. "But we both know it was me right, Doc?"

Connor looked at John before offering his partner a wink. "Of course." He mock whispered back. They listened to Ronon talk for a few more minutes before the Satedan went silent.

"Questions?" John asked. "Complaints, concerns, observations?"

"Well, not those last three." Evan put in with a grin. "Questions?" He repeated.

John pointed lazily towards a hand that had been raised. "Name?"

"Corporal Casey, sir."

John nodded. "Question?"

"Sir, I was on a gate team back at the SGC, will we be placed on gate teams here?"

It was Evan who answered. "What we usually do is give you guys about a month to adjust to life here, during that month you're stationed on base while Colonels Carter, Sheppard and myself evaluate you and determine where you would best be put. If at that point we feel you're ready for a gate team, we'll assign you temporarily to another gate team for a couple months while you get your Pegasus Galaxy feet wet. After that we look into forming new teams based on your experience there."

"That said," John added. "After a month only about half of you get chosen for gate teams immediately, while the other half wait another month. It has to do with logistics more than it has to do with any skill you may or may not have. We already know you're good since you made it to Atlantis."

John pointed at another raised hand. "Private Moran, sir, if we have the gene will that affect our placement?"

"Only to the point that the scientists claim a bit of your month for light switch duty." John offered. "And you have mandatory jumper training that needs to be accommodated. We do try to have a gene carrier on every gate team, although currently SGA-7 and SGA-12 both do not have gene carriers." Connor certainly hadn't been aware of that. John waved his hand towards another raised arm.

"Lieutenant Douglas, sir. I was wondering," He hesitated. "What science is Dr. Davids with?"

John raised and eyebrow turning to Connor. "You want to answer?"

Connor shrugged with a blush. "Linguistics. I, um, translate the Ancient database."

John pointed to another hand. "Lance Corporal Eddison, sir. Uh, since Dr. Davids is here, I was wondering if I could ask him a question."

John gestured towards Connor with a grin. "By all means."

"Dr. Davids, I heard that you often fix computers for the men on base, is that true?"

John laughed as Connor answered. "I, um, yeah." He frowned. "Is your computer broken?"

"Yes, sir." Eddison answered sheepishly. "Just died on me."

"Bring it to my lab, I'll, um, see what I can do."

"Thank you, sir." He said with a sigh of relief.

"Next," John said pointing to someone else.

"Ranger Duncan, sir." A young man answered in an highly accented voice.

Connor stiffened a little and John gave him a weird glance before turning back to the young man. "Irish?"

Duncan hesitated, "Northern Irish, sir." He replied as Connor mumbled, "Northern Irish, John."

John glanced at Connor again. "Sorry. So what's your question?"

"I was wondering…"

And for ten more minutes John and Evan answered questions from the latest arrivals. Connor kicked his legs up and down as he waited for them to patiently finish. At about ten minutes to seven, the new recruits filed out leaving John, Evan and Ronon alone with him. Ronon offered them all a now and left John and Evan to clean up the few papers they had.

"Connor!" John called from across the room as he gathered up his stuff.

The younger man slid off the desk and walked over to his partner. "Hm?"

"I was wondering if you would be willing to do some jumper training." John asked as he busily shut down his laptop, juggling papers. "We got six gene carriers in this last batch, Stargate Command must be growing them in the back yard or something, but anyways an extra hand would be welcome."

"Um, I guess I could…" He offered hesitantly.

"Only if you want to," His boyfriend insisted. Connor closed the laptop for him and set it in John's arms. "Have fun at movie night. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"So…that leaves everything?" The Irishman asked cheekily, next to him Evan grinned.

"Something like that," John agreed. He took a step closer to Connor. " _Tá grá agam duit_." He offered softly.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." Connor murmured and his eyes followed his partner out the door.

"What's that mean?" Evan asked curiously, gathering the rest of the stuff up.

Connor blushed. "Just a phrase of…affection."

"Top secret." Evan said with a wink. "Got it. How about we go see what Reed has in store for us?"

Connor nodded and followed him out of the room.

* * *

John looked up from the files he was reading as his partner walked in. "How was the movie?" He asked. John had the personnel files of the new recruits spread out around him on the bed and he began to gather them up.

Connor shucked his shoes off and pulled his belt out as he answered, "I didn't really like it."

"What'd you watch?"

Connor pulled his shirt off. " _Alien vs. Predator_."

"Ah." John commented as he stacked up the files and stood with them, padding barefoot over to the desk.

"It was Jake's night to pick."

"And he's into the action type stuff?" John set the files down and came up behind Connor, wrapping his arms around the linguist's warm waist. John's hands dipped into the top of Connor's uniform pants and his boyfriend leaned back into him.

"Yeah." He sighed happily as John caressed his skin.

John leaned his head to the side, softly kissing Connor's neck as his fingers worked to undo the button and zipper on Connor's pants. Connor turned his head and met John's lips with his own as John's hands pushed his pants down, along with his boxers. The younger man stepped out of both and turned without breaking the kiss so he was facing John. Connor tugged on John's boxers, the only clothing that he was wearing, until they slid to the ground.

One of John's hands settled on Connor's butt, gently kneading the flesh there as the other came up under his hair to cup the linguist's neck as they kissed. Connor's hands settled on John's waist as they pressed tightly together. John broke the kiss and trailed his lips down Connor's jaw, back to his neck. He teased some of the flesh into his mouth, sucking on the skin hard enough to leave a mark. Connor moaned and John walked them backwards until his boyfriend gently hit the wall behind him. John wedged a knee between Connor's legs and his hand trailed down to match the other one, cupped against his boyfriend's bottom.

"Lift up." John ordered. Connor obediently placed his hands on John's shoulders using them to pull himself up as John picked him up. Connor's legs wrapped around John's waist and John tightened his grip on the younger man, making sure he wouldn't slide down. Despite Connor's assurances, his weight gain felt hardly noticeable to John and for the first time he worried that he might hurt the younger man. "This okay?" He asked breathlessly, locking gazes with Connor.

"You're asking me? You're the one holding me up." Connor said breathlessly.

"Still," John said worriedly.

His partner frowned at him. "I'm not made of glass, John," And as used to John's worrying as he was, Connor seemed pretty offended at John's question.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." John offered with a sigh.

Connor unlocked his legs and they slid down John's sides until he was standing on his own again. "How did you mean it?"

The problem now was that it was exactly how meant it and he'd just lied to Connor about that. "I…" John ran a hand through his hair nervously. "You're right, I meant it like that." He admitted.

Connor dropped his arms from John's body. "I'm going to take a shower." He said stiffly and maneuvered out from between John and the wall, picking up his dropped clothes along the way.

"Connor, wait please," John pleaded. "Don't go mad."

His boyfriend looked at him and John could see hurt radiating from his body and John's chest ached at the thought that he put it there. "I just…" He took a deep breath. "I just need to shower, John." He said softly without meeting John's eyes.

John swallowed thickly. "Alright."

The bathroom door clicked shut as Connor disappeared from his sight.

* * *

Connor leaned heavily on the sink, trying not to cry. He had let John down _again_. He tried so hard to eat more and it helped that everyone he knew on base suddenly seemed interested in bringing him food at all times of the day, but it just didn't seem enough. And now John was worried about hurting him when they…

Connor didn't know what to do. He had always been self conscious about his body and dating John certainly wasn't doing anything to boost his self esteem. John had assured him over and over that he found Connor attractive, but sometimes when he let himself think about things he shouldn't he would imagine John meeting a beautiful woman, leaving him all alone again. Connor tried not to think about the possibility of John meeting a hotter guy.

The shower turned on and Connor stepped into it letting the water wash over him. He was starting to feel ashamed about how he left John. He should have at least waited until they had finished before escaping into the bathroom. Connor cursed how weak he was. He turned the shower off with his mind as he absent mindedly toweled off. He wondered how mad John was for just walking out on him. Connor brushed his teeth as more and more worry crept up on him. When he finished he wrapped his towel around his waist and took a deep breath. The bathroom door slid open and his eyes adjusted to the dark of the room even as the bathroom lights went dark.

"John?" He called softly.

"Yeah?" Well, John didn't sound mad.

"Where are you?"

"On the couch."

Connor dropped his towel, blushing even as he did so, though no one could see him. The moon shined in through their window and by now his eyes had adjusted and Connor could make out John's silhouette on the couch staring out into the waves. He walked slowly over to the couch and paused, hesitating on where to sit. John looked up at him, the whites of his eyes glinting in the moonlight and Connor bit his lip, hard, and a few seconds later the bitter tang of blood filled his mouth. John reached up slowly and grabbed Connor's hand, threading their fingers. He pulled Connor down next to him and the younger man fell heavily onto the couch.

Connor pulled John's hand on to his thigh. It was warm and reassuring. He probably knew John's hand better than he knew his own. Connor let his fingers trace over the back of John's hand, feeling small scars and muscle. He sucked his lip into his mouth, tasting even more blood as he hadn't given the wound a chance to begin an initial healing.

He felt a tear slide down his face but carefully kept his breathing under control. John already thought he was weak, Connor didn't want to add to that. "John?" A head turned to look at him, but Connor kept his face on the waves. "I'm sorry." He said miserably. "I try to eat more, I swear I do, it just doesn't help but I promise I'll eat more in the future. I…" _Want you to like the way I look_. "I'll get better at it."

"Oh, Connor," John said softly. And this time Connor turned to look at him. He inhaled in surprise at the small streaks illuminated by the moonlight. John was crying.

"I'm sorry," Connor said hurriedly. "I know that I don't look so great right now, but I can eat more, John. I'll…I'll set alarms and have seconds and-" A finger pressed to his lips. More tears fell down Connor's face. "I can make this better." Connor mumbled against the finger.

John closed his eyes and looked away. "Fuck, Con." He swore roughly. Suddenly the eyes were back on him and a hand had grabbed his chin. "You never need to change yourself for me. I…" He exhaled and released Connor's chin. "I love you." He said thickly. "It doesn't matter to me what you look like, but you're so goddamned beautiful and you don't even know it and that _kills_ me. It hurts a little bit every time I tell you you're beautiful and you don't believe me. I'm biased, I know I am, but I need you to believe me. I…" He ran a hand through his hair. "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you need to know what you mean to me, Connor. Some nights I don't sleep. I can't because I _need_ to watch you; I can't take my eyes off you. I'm so scared sometimes that if I do, you'll disappear and this will all have been a fucking _dream_. You're so beautiful that every time you look at me and smile a part of me still can't believe you're mine. I…I worry about you." He said, his voice getting softer. "I worry so much about everything. From you opening those dusty tomes you read and getting some sort of ancient plague to someone misfiring and hitting you on the range to you trying new food from this galaxy because you might be allergic to any of it. I can't help it and I'm _so fucking sorry_ about that. I know you don't like it, I know you can take care of yourself, it's just that, that you don't, not as well as you should and honestly, sometimes I wonder how you made it so far. I love you, Connor, all of you- including your eating habits."

"I'm sorry," Connor whispered.

"For what?" John asked gently, teasing Connor's swollen lip out of his mouth.

"I don't," His breath hitched. "I don't know. Everything."

John gave a quiet laugh. "I've never wanted to marry you more than I do right now."

Connor blinked in surprise. "Wh-what?"

"I'm sorry I've made you feel like you're not good enough, Con." John said softly, avoiding his previous statement. "I don't know how to help you with that." He admitted. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Be uglier," Connor murmured instantly before blushing. "I-wait that didn't come out right."

John laughed again. "How about I give it a try? I can grow a mustache."

Connor wrinkled his nose. "Please don't."

"Not a fan of facial hair?"

"Not really."

John smiled. "But, really, Connor, is there anything I can do?" Connor sucked his lip back into his mouth and shook his head. "Alright, but if you think of something…" He trailed off. "I'm sorry that I implied that I think you're weak. I don't think you're weak, you're one of the strongest people I know. I just sometimes forget and worry too much about you. I," He hesitated. "I can't promise I'll stop, but I can try and keep it to myself more." He tugged Connor's lip out of his mouth again. "And don't do that." John sighed. "C'mere." He pulled Connor against him and leaned to the side until John was lying on his back and Connor laying on top of him.

Connor turned his head so he could still see out while he grabbed a hold of the dog tags around John's neck, squeezing them in his hand. John had a hand resting on top of Connor's head, gently playing with his hair.

"While we're airing out some stuff…" John began and Connor wasn't sure he could take much more tonight but nodded against John's chest anyways. "I'm not sure how to say this." His partner admitted.

"Honestly." Connor advised.

John nodded. "Yeah. We need to talk about sex."

Connor blinked. That was definitely not what he expected John to say and different insecurities swam through his body. "I…"

"You're not comfortable with everything we do." John began gently. "We need to talk about it."

Connor wondered when John had become Mr. Talks A Lot, because he was certainly more chatty than he had been when they first met. In fact, Connor was beginning to long for some of those awkward silences. "We don't need to talk about it." Connor mumbled into John's chest. "It's my body, I'll do what I want, John."

"No, Connor..."

"Yes," Connor said firmly.

"Connor," John pleaded softly. "Please talk to me."

Connor closed his eyes and swallowed. "I need some whiskey."

"What?" John asked, and Connor detected a bit of alarm in his tone.

"I'm tired, John, and you're going off world tomorrow, can't we talk about this later?"

"Will you talk about this later?"

"No," Connor answered honestly.

"Will you talk about it now?"

"No."

Connor felt John's chest sink as he exhaled slowly. "Alright." He heard the implied _for now_. "Are you really tired?"

"Why?"

"There's something else I want to talk about." John said hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"The wedding night," John said bluntly. "I'm sorry to bring all this up with no warning," John explained softly. "But we've both been busy lately."

"I know," Connor assured him. "What about the wedding night?"

"What are you expecting?"

Connor swallowed hard. Truthfully he was expecting whatever John was expecting. "I don't know."

"I know it's been bothering you," John said as a hand rubbed soothing circles on Connor's back. "I want to talk about it now, so it won't anymore." Connor didn't think there was a chance of that happening. "When we get back from New Athos, provided we're not smashed or extremely tired, I'd probably really like to blow you. I can't imagine not wanting to since I almost always want to, but I thought I should warn you."

Connor felt his body twitch at the though. "Um…"

"And…" He hesitated a little.

"Yeah?" Connor urged.

"I'd like to try something new," John said finally. "But only if you want to."

"Like?"

"Fingers," John blurted. Connor blushed a deep red at the thought. "I mean, only if you want to."

"I, um, who…?"

"I was thinking yours in me," John admitted quietly, "But if you want…"

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course. If you're not ready, that's completely fine, Connor. I'm not expecting us to go all the way any time soon." John said gently.

"I'm sorry," Connor mumbled.

"Don't be. Not about this," John said fiercely. "I mean it, Con. Don't be sorry about this. If you're not ready, if you're never ready, I don't care, I'll take what you're willing to give."

John had said that many times before but Connor still felt like he was letting John down. "John?"

"Hm?"

"Will you tell me about sex? What's it like?"

John paused. "I've only had it with girls, Con, you know that."

"Yeah."

His partner hesitated. "My first time I was too young to really appreciate it," John admitted. "I pretty much came the second I was in her. It was actually a little embarrassing." He ran a hand through Connor's hair. "I'm expecting something similar to happen with you," Connor blushed. "Let's see, after that, I…I'm not sure what to say. It's nice, I guess. I was never really in love with anyone I've had sex with. I probably came closest with Charlotte, but nothing I felt for her feels like what I have with you. I've had a couple one night stands, when I was on leave and they were really just a way to get off that didn't involve my hand. Sex with girls is…they're soft and sometimes felt really breakable, but for the most it feels really good. Sarah used to be…really into it, made a lot of noise and stuff."

"Should I…?"

John laughed. "I like you just the way you are. When I was younger it was a real turn on, but you've probably noticed that pretty much everything you do turns me on."

"Pudding," Connor mumbled with a blush.

"Yeah, like you eating pudding," John agreed.

"John?"

"Hm?"

"While we're sharing…"

"Now you want to talk?"

"I'm thinking of getting another doctorate," Connor admitted.

"Where did that come from?"

Connor shrugged as much as he could while laying on John. "I've always liked learning."

"Did you ever write back to that professor of yours?"

Connor frowned. "The one who e-mailed me for help on something?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah. I sent him back some stuff, it's, uh, probably gonna be published in a couple months."

"Published?" John asked surprised. "That's awesome."

"Sure," Connor didn't really care about it. He'd had several things published in the past, especially before arriving at the SGC.

"So another doctorate…in what?"

"Aeronautics."

John whistled. "Wow. So, where?"

"Cal-Tech."

"Where are your other degrees from?"

"Um, computer engineering from University College Cork, in Ireland, applied mathematics from Cal-Tech and linguistics from UCLA. Where's yours from?"

"MIT." John admitted.

"Both?"

John twirled a piece of Connor's hair around his finger. "You knew I had two?"

"You mentioned it once."

"Ah. Well then, to answer your question, yeah, both."

"Did you ever consider going further?"

John shrugged underneath him and it felt funny to Connor. "Sure. I started my doctorate but never got a chance to finish before I was shipped off to Afghanistan. I worked on it a bit in Antarctica but didn't finish before coming here."

"What's stopping you now?"

"Busy," John mumbled but Connor could tell that he was thinking about it.

"John?"

"Hm?"

"I'm really sorry I left you earlier while we were…you know," Connor said with a blush.

John waved it away. "I would rather you do that then keep going when you don't want to, Con."

Connor was silent for a while. "You're perfect, you know that, John?"

"Hardly." His boyfriend scoffed.

"No, you are," Connor insisted.

John laughed. "I'm glad you think so, then, because I feel completely useless around you, Connor."

"Really?"

"Really." John confirmed. "I can't help you with anything you struggle with. And the one thing I could help you with, I was too late." Connor assumed he was referring to Dr. Grey.

"You help me a lot, John."

John patted his back softly. "Okay, then."

"Are you humoring me?"

"Would I do that?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, then yeah, I am," John offered and Connor could hear the grin in his voice.

"As long as you know." Connor sighed.

"I believe that you believe."

"Deal."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Lorne is right, you do talk more like me."

"I don't think you talk more like me though."

"Top o' tha mornin' to ya," John said seriously.

Connor burst out laughing. "That was…the worst…Irish accent I've ever heard. And I've never said top o' tha mornin' to ya." He got out between laughs.

"We've been together a year, you would think that I'd be able to muster some kind of sentence," John said with a pout.

"You muster the important ones." Connor argued.

"I do?"

"You do."

" _Nollaig Shona Dhuit_ ," John said cheekily.

"A wee bit early on that one."

" _Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit_."

"Wee bit late."

" _Tá tú go h-álainn_ ," John said softly.

"I didn't teach you that one," Connor said with a blush.

"Nope." John agreed.

"Well, I think you're beautiful too."

John rubbed his back. "C'mon, bed."

"I'm comfy here."

"You're freezing," John commented, his hand warming Connor's skin.

"I don't care."

"I do," John argued. "It's five feet away." He sat up slowly, giving Connor time to slide off of him and up into a sitting position. John stood and pulled his boyfriend up with him. "Time for all the good linguists to be in bed." He slung an arm around Connor's shoulders and led him to bed, gently depositing his boyfriend on the bed. John scooted in behind him and Connor turned around to snuggle up to John's side, reclaiming his dog tags.

"I love you, John."

"I love you, Connor," John whispered back.

* * *

John stepped clear of the platform as the stargate deactivated behind him. Teyla was to his right, Ronon to his left and Rodney was trailing behind them.

"Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, Dr. McKay." A guide greeted them. "Welcome back to Gamuna."

"Thank you…" John said, waiting for her name.

"Shira."

"Thank you, Shira." He said with a smile.

"Quit flirting, Sheppard, you're taken." Rodney said from behind him.

John turned to face his friend. "I'm just saying hi, McKay."

"Well say hi a little faster."

John rolled his eyes and turned back to Shira. "Shall we?" He asked, gesturing towards the village with his P-90.

"Of course, Colonel Sheppard." She said with a light blush. "This way."

John followed behind her with Ronon falling back to walk with Rodney and to keep an eye out for unfriendlies.

"So, how has everything been?" John asked with a bright smile.

He peered through his aviators at the world he was on. It was bright and sunny, but not hot enough for Rodney to be complaining. The grass was green, a soft breeze blew, colorful flowers were scattered about and a bright blue lake glistened next to the village. All in all, John loved coming to Gamuna because it was so beautiful.

"Quite well, Colonel Sheppard." Shira answered. "Our harvest has been plentiful this year and we've experienced very few Wraith attacks."

Another thing about Gamuna was that their village was situated near a set of caves that interfered with Wraith scanners, saving most of their villagers. Their cullings were few and far between here, probably because the Wraith knew that they would get few people.

"How have your people been?" Teyla asked serenely.

"We've had three new babies born this year." Shira said with excitement. "Our people have truly been blessed."

"And that other planet you were fighting with?" John asked curiously.

Shira shrugged. "They have not attacked for many moons. Some of my people still want to pursue them for the death of three men, others would let them go lest we risk further attack."

"And how's Flora?" John asked, referring to their guide from their last visit.

"She is one of the new mothers." Shira said with a smile. "She will be most pleased that you have asked about her."

John smiled. "What'd she have?"

"A boy named Dramen."

"Cool name."

"It means 'herder' amongst my people."

"He was named after John?" Teyla asked startled.

"Wait, what?" John asked.

Shira nodded. "She has always remembered that you saved her life, Colonel Sheppard. She and her mate have chosen to honor you in this way."

John blinked. "Herder…" He mumbled. "Shepherd…got it. Wow. Wait until Connor hears about this." He muttered to Teyla.

"You must feel very honored, John." She said.

"Definitely."

Rodney snorted behind them. "I can't believe someone would name their kid after you, Sheppard, hopefully it doesn't grow up to have stupid hair and suicidal tendencies."

"Hey! I'm not suicidal," John argued.

"Uh-huh."

"I'm not!"

"You flew a jumper with a nuclear bomb into a Wraith hive ship."

"And lived," John added.

"Whatever. You didn't think you would."

"And besides, I have…more to live for now," John smiled thinking of Connor.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, that zippy linguist of yours."

"You have found love, Colonel Sheppard?" Shira asked curiously.

"Yeah," John admitted.

"Then I am glad to hear of that. Dimera feared that you would be perhaps live life alone."

John grimaced at the name. Dimera was a Gamunan who wouldn't take no for an answer. She'd been after John since day one. He had turned her down repeatedly, but she was persistent. "How's she doing?"

"She continues to search for a mate," Shira said with a twinkle in her eyes. "She was most pleased to hear that you were arriving today, but I fear she will be disappointed to hear that you have been taken by another."

"Hm."

They reached the village and found people mulling around as usual. There were buildings on both sides of the main road that centered around a plaza used for gatherings of the villagers.

"John!" Someone yelled. He turned to see a small child, about six, running towards him. John unclipped his P-90, handing it to Teyla, and dropped to his knee opening his arms to catch the little girl who flung herself at him.

"Laera," He greeted warmly as he hugged her. "How have you been?"

She began to babble in his ear about her days since he had last seen her. Laera's parents came up behind her and John stood with her in his arms. He balanced her on his hip as he held out a hand to greet her mother and father.

"It is good to see you again, John." Kila said, offering her hand.

"Hey, Kila, Jago." He said, greeting the father.

"John." The other man said, shaking his hand. "Laera has talked about nothing but you for the past few days." He grinned. John knew he didn't hold it against him.

"Well, I'm pretty happy to see her too." He reached into his vest for a chocolate bar and held it out to the small girl in his arms. "For you, m'lady." He said.

She took it, her eyes lighting up. "Thanks, John."

"Anything for my favorite girl." He said with a smile. An idea struck him and he turned to Ronon. "Hey Chewie, do you have a camera with you?" Ronon pulled one out from somewhere and held it up. Cameras had been his latest technological obsession. "Smile, Laera." The girl obeyed and Ronon took a picture of the two of them together.

"What was that, John?" She asked curiously.

"It's a camera, it takes pictures…like paintings, but instant."

"Instant paintings?"

"I'll bring you a copy when we come back next," John promised.

"Okay."

"Colonel Sheppard!" Someone else called out. John turned to see the leader of the village greeting them. "It is good to see you again."

John offered his hand. "Taylen, good to see you."

"And you as well, Dr. McKay." He reached out to shake Rodney's hands. "And Teyla and Ronon." He smiled. "Come, we've prepared lunch for you."

John gently slid Laera down to the ground. "How about if I come visit you later?" He asked her.

"Promise?"

"Promise." John said.

"Okay!"

John nodded to Kila and Jago before following Taylen to the main banquet hall. Laid out on the tables were a variety of foods. Rodney and Ronon wasted no time in filling their plates up while John and Teyla selected a more acceptable amount, following their teammates to the main table.

"So how has life been on Atlantis?"

"Well…"

* * *

"It was amazing," Eric said with stars in his eyes.

"Really?"

He looked at his older friend, Connor appeared curious but that was it. "Yeah, totally. I've never felt anything like it before. I think I can die a happy man, Connor." He said, leaning back in his chair.

They were in the mess hall, eating a late, late lunch as it was almost three in the afternoon but Connor was supposed to have had lunch with Lorne and Eric couldn't quite remember why his friend hadn't, and Eric had been distracted with studying. "So you were…"

"On the bottom," Eric said with a shrug. They were sitting in a corner far from anyone else, talking quietly about the day before. "And it was amazing."

"Do you think you'll…" Connor blushed.

Eric shrugged. "I don't know. Depends on Rodney. If he wants to." He popped an orange slice into his mouth.

Connor ate another spoonful of his second bowl of pudding, preceded by a large lunch that Eric couldn't believe he finished. He was waiting for Connor to get sick, actually, as he had never seen his friend eat so much. "Did it hurt?"

Eric nodded. "Yeah. Kinda a lot at first, but then you get used to it and it feels really good."

"Did you…prepare?"

"Yeah, three fingers," Eric offered. He thought he should probably be more embarrassed about talking about this, but he'd talked to Connor about some of the things his dad had done and after that he didn't think there was anything he wouldn't share with the older man.

"And it still hurt?"

"Yeah, but the book says it hurts the most the first time."

"So it all went alright?"

"Better," Eric told him. "It was awesome." Connor grimaced as he sipped his water. Eric watched as he forced himself to eat more pudding. "Are you okay, Connor?"

"Huh? Yeah."

"I've never seen you eat so much," Eric told him, worried.

Connor shrugged. "I'm trying to put on some weight."

"You're gonna be sick from eating all that," He said with a gesture towards the empty plates.

"I feel a bit sick," Connor admitted, he swayed in his chair a little.

"Maybe you should lay down," Eric advised.

Connor looked like he was about to protest but changed his mind in the middle. "Yeah, okay."

"Let me walk you back," Eric said, standing and moving to Connor's side. The linguist stood up and Eric wrapped an arm around his waist, helping him out of the mess hall and towards a transporter. "I got your invitation, count me in." He said with a smile.

"And, um, Rodney?" Connor asked softly as Eric hit the button for his friend's level.

"You'd have to ask him."

"John really wants him to come, but I know he doesn't approve of me."

Eric looked at his friend. "It's not that he doesn't approve, Connor, it's just that…" He bit his lip, he wasn't sure if it was his place to say anything or not.

"It's just that he's loved John for so much longer." The linguist finished. The transporter doors opened and Connor started to walk out leaving Eric to hurry to catch up to his friend.

"You know?" He asked, mouth agape.

"Know what?" Connor asked tiredly as the doors to his quarters slid open.

"That Rodney…" Eric gestured with his free hand.

"Yes. I've known for a while. John doesn't though," He said, leveling Eric with a look. Eric helped Connor sit down on the bed and the linguist kicked off his shoes, leaning back on the pillows.

"You're just too damn smart for your own good, Connor," Eric offered. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine," Connor told him, the lights already lowering.

"Well, if you do, I know that Colonel Sheppard is off world until tomorrow, so call me if you need something."

"Sure. Do the same," Connor said sleepily.

"I will," Eric answered softly, he quietly left his friend to sleep as he pondered his latest discovery. Connor knew…and never said anything. Eric had been correct, Connor was too observant.

* * *

Connor moaned miserably. Eric was right, he had definitely eaten too much. He felt sick and Connor was certain that at some point in the near future his body was going to reject all the food he had stuffed into it…and that point was looking extremely close right now.

Connor bolted from the bed and moaned at the feeling he all but ran for the bathroom, collapsing onto his knees and losing his lunch. He held onto the toilet, heaving heavily as lunch…and probably breakfast as well made its way out of his body. His stomach was churning and his throat burned and for as smart as he was, Connor felt he should have realized not to eat so much at once. But he was tired of being skinny, tired of John worrying about breaking him, tired of having food shoved at him from everywhere. He heaved again, his stomach muscles tightening as he did so. The toilet did the Ancient version of a flush right before Connor lost more food.

It took about ten minutes, but after a few minutes of nothing, Connor thought he was probably finished. He flushed the toilet again and stood shakily onto his feet. He stumbled to the sink, rinsing his mouth out well before reaching for his toothbrush and lathering it with toothpaste. He brushed for the standard three minutes before spitting and rinsing again. That done, he didn't feel any better than when he started, in fact, he was beginning to feel worse. He poured a cold glass of water and took small sips to help ease his stomach and throat, but it didn't help and he stopped a few sips later when his stomach felt like it would revolt again.

 _Great_ , he thought, _John was right. I caught the Ancient version of the plague_. Connor stumbled out of the bathroom and towards his bed, setting the water on the nightstand and collapsing onto the mattress.

"Attention Atlantis Personnel," Came over his radio. "Dr. Keller has advised me that there have been some severe reactions to some of the food that has been served in the mess hall today. We are asking that everyone use the food hub until further notice. If you are experiencing any food related symptoms, please do not hesitate to seek medical assistance. Thank you."

Connor groaned. "Great." Connor had no plans of moving for the foreseeable future, instead he drifted off to sleep.

" _We are here tonight to celebrate the union of John and Connor," Teyla said serenely. Connor looked across at John, who held Connor's hands in his. Next to them were their friends all with large smiles on their faces. "By the will of the Ancestors and the love these two men have for each other they will unite in a bond unbreakable by men. John and Connor have told me that they both would like to say something to each other. Connor, if you would." She gestured._

 _Connor smiled. "John, I love you. You've made my life so much better just by being in it, I don't know how I ever lived without you. You have a beautiful soul, inside and out and even though not everyone gets to see it, I feel constantly blessed that you've chosen me to share your life with. I pledge to walk with you from this day forward as your bonded, your husband and your best friend, someone you can rely on when you need extra strength."_

 _John smiled but there was a glint of something in his eyes other than love. "Connor, boy I sure fooled you. Did you really think I would be willing to risk my career to marry you? Sure you're an okay guy, but you can't even remember to feed yourself. I don't need to be saddled with someone so clueless and who needs constant supervision. God, you don't even put out, I need someone who can fulfill all of my needs. You cry more than any of the girls I've dated in the past, would you grow up already?" John dropped his hands. "I don't ever want to see you again."_

" _Jo-John?" Connor stuttered, tears streaming down his face. "You can't mean that."_

" _Can't I?" John asked cruelly. "Go look in the mirror, Connor. You could never be what I want or need. Ugh, will someone get him a tissue?" With that the older man turned around and walked away, leaving Connor standing there._

" _John, wait!"_

 _But John kept walking away._

"Doc!" Connor startled awake, sitting up, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on Evan's who, for some reason, was leaning over him. "Is everything alright, Connor?" His best friend looked worried.

"I…" His throat was dry and he reached for the glass of water on the night stand. Evan handed it to him and Connor took small gulps to wet his throat. "Just…just a dream." He mumbled.

"Are you feeling alright, Doc? You look kinda bad," Evan peered at him.

"I'm-I'm fine."

"I came to get you for some dinner," Evan said. "But maybe I should let you sleep."

"No!" Connor definitely didn't want to fall back asleep. He pulled out the dog tags around his neck, clenching them tightly in his fist. "Din-dinner sounds good."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Connor start to slip his shoes back on.

"That was some dream you were having," Evan said, sitting next to his friend.

"I dreamt that John left me at the altar," Connor told him quietly.

"Colonel Sheppard would never do that," Evan argued gently. "He loves you, Connor. If he did that I would chase him down for you, and I'm sure Ronon would too."

"Really?"

"Of course. We would beat some sense into him," Evan offered a small smile.

"He said he didn't want me and that I was worse than the girls he had dated, and at least they put out."

Evan placed a comforting hand on Connor's back. "You shouldn't compare yourself to them, Doc. You're so much better than they are and if the Colonel isn't willing to wait until you're ready than he doesn't deserve you."

"He is," Connor insisted. "I just feel like I'll never be ready." He said miserably.

"Connor," Evan said seriously, prompting the linguist to turn and look at him. "A year ago, you'd never even kissed a man, and I know that you do more than that now with Colonel Sheppard. You've come a long way than when you started. You've only told me a little bit of what you're going through, with your faith and all, and I know it's a struggle, even if you don't like to talk about it, Sheppard knows it's a struggle, and no one would begrudge you any time you need to come to terms with it."

"Did you say begrudge?" Connor asked, tongue in cheek.

"I can use big words."

"Uh-huh."

"The point is, take all the time you need and don't pressure yourself, it'll happen when it happens. You've got yourself a guy who is willing to wait _forever_ , Connor. I have no idea what that must be like."

"It's pretty awesome," Connor agreed softly. "Evan," He started but then looked away.

"Tell me." His friend urged, rubbing his back.

"I…I've never had sex." Evan nodded that that piece of information. "And John has." Again his friend nodded. "What if I don't measure up? What if I do it wrong or something?"

'Don't compare yourself," Evan repeated. "I don't know how the Colonel will feel when you do it, but I can tell you that when I'm with Teyla, she's the only one I'm thinking of. I don't sit around and think of my past girlfriends, I've never compared her in any way to any of them. That wouldn't be good for me and it wouldn't be good for her. If you're nervous about being bad at it…I'm pretty sure all you have to do is breathe and Sheppard finds that sexy. At the very least, the man hasn't had sex in over a year, he'll probably come so wildly fast that you'll wonder what happened."

Connor pondered his words. John had said the same thing last night, and it was one thing for his boyfriend to say but another for his best friend. "Thanks, Evan."

"No prob, Doc, and if we're finished talking about my CO's sex life…"

"For now," Connor said with a smile.

"You either need food or a doctor."

"Maybe some ginger ale and crackers."

"I knew something was wrong," Evan said, standing and reaching an arm down for Connor.

"I ate at the mess hall this morning." Connor explained, standing up.

"Ouch. I have half my men down with some kind of stomach flu thing."

"That sounds about right." The linguist agreed.

"So ginger ale and crackers it is."

Evan led them out of Connor's quarters in search of some food.

* * *

John's watch beeped and he looked at the time. "Sorry, folks, I've got to check in with Atlantis before we settle in for the night."

"Can I come, John?" Laera asked, tugging on his arm.

"If your mom and dad say it's okay." He said, with a smile towards her parents.

Her father nodded. "You stay close to Colonel Sheppard, Laera, alright?"

"Yes, papa." She said with a smile. She reached her arms up and John picked her up, careful not to squish his P-90 between them.

"We'll be back in ten minutes," John offered as he headed out the door of Laera's family's house. "You are getting big." He said to the little girl in his arm.

"In four moons I'll be seven!"

"Seven!" John said with mock surprise. "You'll be so ooooold then."

Laera giggled. "Don't be silly, John, you're a lot older than me."

"A lot huh?" He started down the path out of the village and to the stargate. "How much is a lot?"

"A million years!"

"A million? Why, I'm as old as a dinosaur."

"What's a dinosaur?" She asked.

"A giant lizard."

"Your planet has giant lizards?" Her eyes went wide at the thought.

"It used to, not any more."

"Oh." She ran a hand through John's spiky hair. "Mama tells me you've found a mate. What's she like?"

John paused, not sure how to handle the topic. While he had seen some same sex couples in this galaxy there were no where near as many as on Earth. " _His_ name is Connor." He told her.

"What's _he_ like then?" She repeated, just as curious.

John smiled. "Well, he works with languages, studying them. And he talks funny because he's from a different part of my world that I am."

"Talks funny how?"

"Well he says things like 'It's a wee bit chilly'." John said in his best imitation of his fiancé.

Laera giggled. "That is funny. Is he old like you?"

"Yep. But not as old as I am."

"Can I meet him?"

"Maybe. He doesn't go off world with me much."

"Because you're together? Mama says if she had to work with papa she would go cra-zay."

"Nah, because his jobs keeps him at Atlantis."

"Would he like me?"

John thought about it. While Connor had wanted children it was much more that his parents wanted grand-children than any need for offspring that his boyfriend might have. "I'm sure he'd love you."

Laera giggled again. "Is he nice?"

"You think I would date someone mean?" John asked, reaching up to tickle her knee.

"No!" She giggled. "Do you have any instant paintings of him?"

John reached into his breast pocket, underneath his vest and into a hidden section he had sewn in case he was ever captured so they wouldn't find it, and pulled out a small photo of him and Connor from their vacation. John had his arms wrapped around Connor from behind and was looking down at him with a smile on his face, while Connor faced the camera grinning. "This is us." He handed to photo off to Laera.

"He's pretty." She said, touching the picture.

"I think so too."

"You seem very happy, John." She said with more intuition than someone her age should have. John figured it came from living in a galaxy with the threat of the Wraith.

"I am. He makes me very happy." She handed the photo back and John re-stowed it as they approached the gate. John set her down on the ground and she ran for the DHD, with John following her.

John was six symbols into Atlantis' address when a wormhole engaged. John immediately grabbed Laera, picking her up under his arm, and headed for the nearest cover, a group of trees ten meters away. He set her down with a sign to be quiet as he held up his P-90 with one hand and hit the radio with the other.

"Ronon, Teyla, McKay, come in."

"Aren't you supposed to be checking in, Sheppard?" Rodney asked.

"I am here John, as is Ronon." Teyla offered.

"The gate just activated and…shit," John cursed as he watched several heavily armed men step through it before the stargate disengaged. "I count thirty men, heavily armed. They're probably from that planet the Gamunans have been fighting with. Twenty-five have headed for the village, five stayed behind to guard the gate."

"Shall I warn the governor?"

"Yes, and quickly. McKay."

"What?"

"I have Laera with me, I need you to go tell her parents that there might be a little delay in us coming back."

"Parents?"

"Yes, Rodney, parents."

"Fine."

"I'll rendezvous with you guys back in the village as soon as I can. Be careful."

"You as well, John."

"Sheppard out."

He turned to Laera, who was holding on tightly to a piece of John's jacket on his arm. "Hey, it'll be okay, alright? I'll get you back to your parents." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Those people are coming to attack our village."

"Yes, but I just warned your village, they should be able to fight back in time. I need you to be brave right now, Laera, can you do that?"

"Yes, John." She said in a small voice.

"Okay. We're going to make our way back to town. Can you show me another way back?"

"Yes."

"Okay." John unclipped his P-90 from his vest and then unclipped his vest, settling it onto Laera. He buckled it back up, tightening it as small as it would go. "We're gonna need to be really quiet, think you can do that?"

"Yes, John."

"And," He said crouching down to meet her eye. "I need you to do as I say, so if I say run, I need you to run as fast as you can back to your house, okay?"

A tear slid down her face. "Yes, John."

He wiped it away with his thumb and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I won't let anything happen to you, Laera, I promise, alright?"

Just as they were about to leave the stargate activated again. John turned to see several more soldiers make their way through the gate, heading in the direction of town. He hit his radio, "Ronon, Teyla, McKay, looks like we have more company."

"How many, Sheppard?"

"About thirty from what I can tell."

"Got it."

"Sheppard out," John grabbed Laera's hand. "Okay, let's go."

She nodded and began pulling him in the opposite direction they had come in. They circled out of the small band of trees before meeting a forest that John was pretty sure was on the other side of the lake that bordered Gamuna. She led him through the forest, quietly with John following. About fifteen minutes later they reached the end of the lake and John could see their small town on the other side. Laera gestured towards a small boat that was tied up. And John lifted her into it before pushing it off and hopping in. He stayed close to the shoreline, so he would be a less visible target. He could hear the sounds of battle and pulled Laera against him to try and calm her down.

They reached the Gamunan dock and John tied the boat up, helping Laera out. She tugged on him again pulling him through back alleys until they would up at the back of her parents house. She pushed open the door and they were greeted with her mother holding up a large pot. Kila breathed a sigh of relief when she saw them and set down the pot. Laera rushed into her arms for a hug.

"I was so worried!" Kila exclaimed. She looked up at John. "Jago has gone to fight with the men."

John nodded. Laera shrugged out of his vest and held it up with a sniffle. John put the vest back on, securing it and his P-90 to it. He hesitated before reaching in and pulling out his picture of him and Connor and handing it to her. "Keep this safe for me, okay?"

"I will, John, I promise." She said, eyes wide as she held the picture tight against her chest.

John patted her head and then snuck out the back. "Teyla, what's your position?"

"We are on the main path into the village."

"How's it looking?"

"I am glad you warned us, John. We were able to gather about a hundred men."

John quickly ran down the street towards his team. "Are you on the left or right."

"Myself and Rodney are on the left if you are facing away from the village, Ronon is on the right."

"I'll join Ronon."

John saw the familiar flash of red from Ronon's gun and quickly headed in that direction. It seemed that the Gamunans were putting up one heck of a fight as about fifteen of the intruders were now dead.

"Hey." He said, coming up behind Ronon.

The Satedan spared him a glance before firing his gun off again. "Bout time you showed up, Sheppard."

John pulled out his sidearm, hitting an intruder in the shoulder. He didn't want to kill anyone, as this wasn't their fight, but the Gamunans were their allies and that man would be down for the count. "Took the scenic route," John told him.

Ronon grunted and fired again. "We were almost ready to eat dinner."

John took another shot, this time hitting someone in the leg. "And I know how much you hate to have a late dinner."

Ronon fired off two shots and two more bodies sunk to the ground. "Yeah."

By about twenty minutes into the defense of Gamuna, John was ready for a nap and some food. He wondered where the hell Lorne was, because it had certainly been more than ten minutes since they were supposed to check in.

"Lorne to Sheppard." _Speak of the devil…_

"Sheppard here."

"What's your position, sir?"

"We're at the main road into the village, there's about…twenty or so guys left."

"We've neutralized the ones at the gate, so we will come up behind them."

"Let me get word to the governor, maybe we can get the rest to surrender."

"Understood, Lorne out."

John sighed. It was gonna be a long night.

* * *

Evan Lorne walked slowly to Connor's lab. He had left his friend in the food hub to finish his dinner alone because he'd been called away to figure out what happened to Colonel Sheppard's team. His friend had watched him as he went, blue eyes wide, pleading with Evan to bring his fiancé back safely…and Evan did, sort of.

"Connor?" He called softly into the lab.

His friend was hunched over his desk scribbling away into his notebook. He turned around when he heard Evan's voice. "Oh, no." He said immediately, his face crumpling. "What happened to John?"

"He's in the infirmary, I came to get you."

Connor stood immediately and all but ran to Evan's side. "Let's go." He led them out of his lab and to the transporter. "What happened? Is he okay? What about Teyla and Ronon? And Dr. McKay?"

They stepped into the lift and it automatically began heading to the infirmary. "He took a blow to his head and hasn't woken up yet, I left to get you before I knew more. Ronon and Teyla are both fine, McKay sprained an ankle or something."

"Hit his head?" Connor repeated, worriedly.

Connor raced past him down the hallway to the infirmary and Evan jogged to catch up. When he got there he found Teyla talking quietly to Connor as the linguist stood by Sheppard's bed, Ronon stood close behind him. Connor reached hesitantly for Sheppard's hand and Evan could see him stroking the back of it. Evan moved closer to stand behind Teyla, looping an arm around her waist. "How is he?" He mumbled into her ear.

"He still has not woken up. Dr. Keller believes he will be fine, the blow was superficial and he should awaken soon."

Sheppard had a small white bandage on his forehead, but other than that looked fine to Evan. "Let's give them a little privacy for a few minutes." Evan suggested, gesturing to Connor.

Teyla nodded and she and Ronon backed up as Evan pulled the curtain around his CO and best friend. He could hear Connor speaking softly, presumably to Sheppard.

"How are you feeling?" Evan asked his girlfriend.

"A bit hungry." She admitted. "We did not get a chance to begin dinner before the fighting broke out."

"How about we get you some food and come back?" He didn't even try to talk her out of staying.

She nodded. "Let me tell Connor where we will be." She turned to Ronon. "Are you joining us?" Evan could see the decision weighing on his mind, to stay with Sheppard and Connor or get some food. "Connor will call us if John awakens."

Ronon nodded. "Food then."

Teyla left to go tell Connor where they would be before coming back, Evan offered his hand and she clasped it in her own. "Shall we go to the mess hall?"

Evan shook his head. "Food hub. There's some sort of food contamination in the mess hall, it's been cleaned, but we're waiting twenty-four hours. Half the base was out sick today, including Connor."

"He seemed alright just now," Teyla said with a frown.

"Irish always seems alright," Ronon cut in.

"Yeah," Evan agreed. "I'm pretty sure he spent his afternoon throwing up though."

Teyla hesitated. "Perhaps one of us should sit with John."

"So Connor can go back to bed?" Evan snorted. "Good luck with that."

She frowned. "You're right." She sighed.

"Come on," He said gently, pulling her along. "Food and then you can go smother Connor with your womanly love."

She whacked him on the arm. "Womanly love?"

"With your…female charm?" She whacked him again. "Beautiful smile?"

"Hm." She said serenely. "We'll see."

It was somewhere between Teyla's third cup of tea and Ronon's fourth helping of mashed potatoes that Evan got the call.

"Davids to Lorne."

"Lorne here. Is he awake Doc?"

There was a long pause. "…Yes."

"How's he doing?" Evan motioned to Teyla and Ronon. Ronon shoved one last forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth and they all stood.

"Um," He could hear Connor swallow. "He's…he's alright. Is Teyla there? Can she come back?" Connor sounded impossibly small over the radio.

"She's coming, Connor. What's wrong?" He asked as they stepped into the lift.

"I just really need Teyla," Connor said quietly.

"Okay. We're on our way, okay?" He silently begged the transporter to go faster.

"Okay. Davids out."

Evan turned to Teyla as they stepped out. "He seems really anxious for you to get there. I think there's something wrong."

"With John?"

"He said the Colonel's alright…I don't know." Evan sighed.

They rushed around the corner to the infirmary and found Connor sitting on the ground in front of the door staring in. "Doc?" Evan asked, crouching down next to his best friend. "What's wrong?"

"Where's Teyla?" He asked, looking up.

"I'm here, Connor," She said gently.

"John is asking for you," He said brokenly.

She frowned and gave them a look but headed into the infirmary. Evan reached a hand out to Connor's shoulder. "What happened?"

Connor didn't say anything, instead he swallowed and wiped a hand across his face. He ran his hands through his hair and straightened his clothes before standing up. He tugged nervously on his pants and bit his lip before walking to the infirmary door. Evan stood and walked over behind him as Ronon moved past them into the room. Connor turned to Evan, his blue eyes glistening with unspilt tears. "He doesn't remember." Connor whispered.

"Remember what?"

Teyla's voice came into focus then. "John? This is Ronon."

"The past four years," Connor said softly as he watched the scene in front of them.


	39. Your Own Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 39 : Your Own Disaster**

Author's Notes :

\- Spoilers for the 3rd and 4th season episodes _The First Strike_ and _Adrift_.  
\- Edited content is at my listed homepage.  
\- _Your Own Disaster_ belongs to Taking Back Sunday. That would be the song I listened to on repeat while writing this chapter. Seriously, itunes says I've listened to it 147 times.

I've joined the train and gotten a Beta reader...so hopefully that means less mistakes. Anyways, thanks to JackD for Beta-ing.

BETA : JackD

* * *

"Sheppard! Don't touch that!" Rodney yelled from across the room. "I told you not to touch anything!" He hurried towards his best friend. "How did I get stuck Sheppard sitting again?"

"You're just lucky, Rodney." John said with a grin.

"Uh-huh, luck, that's it." He waved a hand at the door. "Go entertain your zippy lingui-" He cut himself off abruptly. "Never mind, just don't touch anything."

"But I'm _bored_."

"Did you just whine?" Rodney fixed him with a glare.

"Um, no?"

Rodney sighed. "I can't believe how much you've changed."

John ran a hand through his hair. "Everyone keeps saying that."

"Well, it's true."

John frowned. "Let's get a beer."

"It's 1300."

"So?"

Rodney shook his head. "Why not? It's not like I can do anything with you lighting up half the lab." He walked over to his fridge and grabbed a six pack then gestured John towards the door. "After you."

Ten minutes later they were sitting on a balcony, shade cast over them. "So what have I missed?"

"Keller specifically said not to tell you anything." Rodney said, taking a swig of his beer.

"C'mon Rodney, it's only been a day and I'm going crazy. Everything feels weird."

"Of course everything feels weird. You're missing four years of your life!"

"I mean more than that. My quarters feel weird, my bed…my toothbrush!" John grimaced and took a sip. "It doesn't even feel like it used to."

"Ah, yes, well," Rodney hesitated. "Fine, whatever, I'll just tell you. You're totally gay now and in a big happy gay relationship and you never sleep in your own quarters anymore."

John blinked and then started laughing. "What are you on about, McKay?"

"I told you! You're getting married in a few weeks…or you were, I guess that's off until you're you again." He gestured.

The grin fell off of John's face as he spit out his beer. "Married? What the fuck? I don't think so."

"It's true. I have the invite in my inbox. Oh and I'm gay now too."

"Was there something in the water?"

Rodney snorted. "Not as far as I can tell." He paused. "Also, Teyla's dating Lorne and Ronon's dating Keller."

"About Keller…what happened to Beckett?"

Rodney took a long swig of his beer. "Died. Exploding tumor thing about…a year and a half ago now."

"Died?" John gaped.

"Yeah, drink your beer."

John obligingly took a long drink. "So who am I gay with?"

Rodney squinted. "Remember that guy that was there when you woke up? A little shorter than me, brown hair that's ridiculously long? Spoke with an Irish accent?"

John nodded. "Yeah."

"That would be him."

"You're really serious about this gay thing." John stated.

"Oh yeah."

"And you're gay now too."

"Well, I think we're both closer to bi than that linguist of yours or Eric…but yeah."

"Eric?"

"That would be _my_ big gay love partner."

"Eric…Johns? Corporal?"

"Yeah."

"He's like…eighteen!" John sputtered.

"Hey! He's twenty-two now and has a birthday coming up. A consenting adult and everything."

John eyed him. "Uh-huh."

"Hey if you want to blame someone blame that boy toy of yours. He set us up."

"What's his name?"

"Whose?"

John rolled his eyes. "That boy toy of mine."

"Oh. Davids….Connor."

"His name is Davids Connor?"

"Don't be an idiot, Sheppard. His name is Connor Davids."

"And he's a linguist."

"Yes."

Rodney finished his beer setting the empty bottle in the six pack holder, but refrained from taking another. "This is so fucked up, McKay."

"Tell me about it." Rodney sighed. "That linguist of yours has sucked everybody in. I didn't get laid this morning because Eric was too busy making sure Davids didn't die overnight."

John frowned. "Die?"

"Whatever," He dismissed with a wave. "And so somehow I got stuck with you."

"You got stuck with me because it sounds like you don't like Davids." John paused. "Connor."

"Ugh, great, now your past self can be smug about it too." Rodney groaned.

"Wait, what? You really don't like him?"

"He's fine."

"Oh that was convincing, McKay."

"Are you finished?" Rodney asked, gesturing to John's beer. John swallowed the last few sips and handed it back. "Good, let's go visit your boy toy."

Rodney stood and John followed. It wasn't until they were in the transporter that John stopped him. "Wait, can I, uh, see the invitation?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Whatever." They got off at the level for Rodney's lab and John trailed behind him to his computer. Rodney searched around for the e-mail, opening it for John. "There you go."

Rodney wanted to say it was funny to see Sheppard squinting at the computer screen in disbelief, but actually, the scene was sad. John reached out to reverently touch the monitor, as if he could feel the words and Rodney swore his breath hitched. "Okay." John said. "I'm ready."

Rodney grabbed him away from the computer and steered him back towards the lift. "So maybe there are some things I should warn you about."

"Warn me? What is he like CIA?"

"Knows enough kung-fu." Rodney muttered. "No. Warn you like he cries a lot." John frowned. "And is really skinny, it's kinda gross and he stutters."

"Maybe I should ask someone else about him." John said as they exited the lift, Rodney led him down the hallway.

"Well now you can ask him." The lab doors slid open and Rodney pushed John inside. "Your turn to baby-sit. Some of us have real work to do." He said to Davids and Lorne. "Have fun, Sheppard."

* * *

"Colonel Sheppard." Lorne greeted him, and John thought that was probably the best part. He was a freakin' Colonel now. Well, a Lt. Colonel, but one just the same.

"Hi, Joh-Colonel Sheppard."A voice said softly. John turned towards Davids and looked him over. Rodney was right, the guy was super skinny and his hair was on the long side of being short. He looked nervous and was fidgeting with whatever was on his necklace. He stood up and offered his hand. "Um, Connor Davids." He introduced himself.

John took his hand and gave it a quick shake before dropping it. "You weren't in the first wave." John observed.

"Um, no I, uh, came last year."

A _year_. If Davids had only been here a year, then they must have been dating for most of that time. Dating. John still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he was dating a guy. "Rodney said you're a linguist." John looked around the lab. There were certainly enough books to back that up.

"Yeah. I mostly translate the Ancient database."

"Oh."

Lorne reached up to touch his radio. "Lorne here…I'll be right there, Lorne out." He turned to face Connor. "Will you be alright here, Doc?" And his gaze flickered to John and back to Davids. John realized with a shock that Lorne was scared that John would do something to the other man.

"I'll be fine, Evan."

Despite his reassurances the Major hesitated but eventually duty wore out and he gave one last glance to both of them before leaving them alone. John felt distinctly uneasy now that they were alone, but also felt…safe?

Davids looked at him with giant blue eyes and he looked so nervous and so young that John wanted to reassure him that everything would be alright. "Are you…are you thirsty? I have some, um, water and tea."

'Water' was on the tip of his tongue but what came out was, "I'd love some tea." Davids smiled hesitantly and moved across the room to put some water on to boil. He was standing next to a rather inviting couch and John gestured towards it, "May I?"

"Sure, yes, of course." Davids grabbed a laptop that was sitting there and John took a seat. The linguist handed him the computer. "This is yours. I, uh, brought it in case you wanted to use it."

John took it and looked it over. It wasn't the same one he had been using, but Davids had no reason to lie. He opened the top up and typed in his user name and password. John couldn't stop the wave of bitterness that rushed through him when it didn't work. "I, uh, don't suppose you know the password?"

Davids blushed and nodded. "It's, ah, walktheline, all one word, after your favorite…"

"…Johnny Cash song." John finished quietly.

"Yeah." He sounded so sad that John had to look up and he barely caught a glimpse of Davids' face before the younger man looked away. The water began to boil and Davids poured some into a USAF mug, dropping some tea into it. He handed the mug to John and sat down on the other end of the couch, as far away as possible. John set the mug on the ground as the tea steeped and turned to look at the other man.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you." John told him honestly.

Davids blinked a couple of times before forcing a smile to his face. "It's not your fault. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

John nodded. "Yeah I guess." He typed in his password and staring back at him was more proof than even the wedding invitation had been. The background on his computer was a picture of him and Davids. John couldn't place where they were but they looked so insanely happy that John felt a little bit of jealously stir in him. John was facing the camera while Davids' body was facing John, with his head turned to the side so his profile was to the camera. John was leaning down and their lips were barely touching, but you could easy make out the smiles on both of their faces. John's eyes moved down the photograph and he could see his hands were dipped into the top of Davids' pants, holding them close together. They were in love, that much was obvious. "Where," John swallowed. "Where is this picture from?" He turned the computer towards Davids.

The younger man looked away as he answered. "Santa Monica. We, um, we went on vacation about a month ago, to Earth with Ronon and Teyla."

"Are there more pictures?"

"Yeah." Davids answered softly. "Go to your main folder…there's a folder labeled Earth, click on that and then another folder labeled…"

"I see it." John said, clicking on the folder labeled 'best days of my life'.

"You were…possibly a bit drunk when you named that folder." Davids offered.

"Is it true though?"

"For me." Came his response.

John slowly browsed through the files. "We went to Disneyland?"

"Yeah."

"It looks like it was a lot of fun."

"It was."

John reached down for his tea, blowing across the top before taking a sip of the steaming beverage. "Wow, this is good."

Davids offered him a small smile. "It's Athosian."

"Teyla's people made this?"

"Yeah."

"They've been holding out on me." John said, taking another sip.

"You must not have asked as nicely as I did." Davids said with a teasing lilt.

John smiled as he faced him. "I guess not."

As he scrolled through more pictures John began to feel increasingly uncomfortable. The pictures spoke of a casualness between the two of them. John didn't know who had taken the pictures but there were some where John was simply watching the younger man and some with Davids giving him a knowing smile, like he knew what John was thinking. It was like looking at someone else's life. Inside John felt empty, hollow. He didn't have anything to smile about like the John in the pictures did. He was alone and aching.

John froze as he came upon a picture of him and Davids in nothing but swim trunks. John was laying on a reclined chair and Davids was lounging on top of him and both of John's hands were slipped far down into the younger man's shorts. John shifted uncomfortably as he realized that the linguist had probably seen him naked, probably knew more about John's body than John did right now and he couldn't help but feel a little weird thinking that they'd probably had sex.

John was still getting over the part where he had a _boy_ friend. As far as he remembered, he'd never liked anything but girls. John glanced over at Davids and saw him looking at the picture a blush spread wide across his face. "Um, Ronon took that one when we weren't looking. He really likes to take pictures."

"Ronon's the one who replaced Ford, right?" John asked, trying to remember what Teyla had told him. "The really big one?"

Connor nodded. "Yeah."

"Did we ever find him?"

"Lt. Ford?" John nodded. "You…sort of found him, but then you lost him again, twice." Connor said with a wince. "The first time you got Ronon out of it…the second time there wasn't really anything good."

They sat there in silence for a while, John sipping his tea and Connor fidgeting with his pants. When he'd finished going through the pictures, John set the laptop aside.

"So…" John said, swirling the last of his tea around. "How'd we meet?"

"You, uh, gave me jumper lessons."

"You have the gene?" John asked.

"Yeah." The linguist confirmed.

John sighed. "Look, I'm just gonna say it, this is really weird. I'm a little freaked out to find that sometime in the future I become gay and I'm about to get married, something I never really thought I'd do. And then Rodney goes and tells me he's gay and Beckett's gone and Teyla's dating someone whose first name I don't even know and no one will tell me what happened to Elizabeth…everything is just really messed up right now, and I feel bad for you, because you've clearly gotten the short end of the stick here. From what I can tell only a few people even knew we were," He gestured. "You know…to begin with and so you can't even be sad, really. What I mean to say is…this sucks."

Davids was silent for a moment. "Dr. Weir was injured when the Asurans attacked us. Then, um, Dr. McKay reactivated some nanites she had from a previous encounter with the Replicators, which you and she were against. The Asurans left an energy beam that was destroying the city and we needed more power so your team and Dr. Weir went to the Replicator home world to steal a ZPM. Dr. Weir used her connection with the Replicators to stall them while your team escaped, but she was, um, left behind. You tried to get her back but you couldn't. A while back we discovered her…consciousness had found its way to Atlantis after trying to ascend and losing its Replicator body. So she's still out there, somewhere, sorta. And, um, Lorne's first name is Evan. Major Evan Lorne, he's your XO."

John took all of that in. "Replicators?"

"Um, yeah."

"We have a ZPM?"

"We actually have a few, but some went to Earth."

"And I have an XO?"

"Yeah, you got him when you were promoted."

"Less paperwork." John mused.

"You would think so, but not really." Davids offered lightly.

John studied the younger man before asking, "Will you tell me about yourself? I feel like you know a lot about me, but I don't know anything about you."

Davids blushed and ducked his head but nodded. "Um, sure. What do you want to know?"

"Anything." John decided.

"I'm, ah, Irish." John nodded, that he could tell. "I'm thirty-four…um, I have a doctorate in linguistics, a master's in applied mathematics and a bachelor's in computer engineering. I don't have any family left on Earth, I go running with Ronon in the morning…I remember everything," He added in a mumble.

"Everything?"

"Yeah. A bit of a curse, really."

"I would imagine so."

"Um, I have a 3rd degree black-belt." John stared at him. He could not picture the Irishman doing martial arts. He was wiry, skinny, tiny… _frail_. "I like Star Wars and butterscotch pudding and classical music."

John swallowed his courage to ask, "Past boyfriends?"

Davids shot him an odd look. "Only one, I guess."

"Girlfriends?"

"Nope."

"So you're gay?"

Davids frowned. "Um, maybe?"

John wondered how someone could maybe be gay. "What was he like?"

"Who?"

"The past boyfriend."

"Why?" Davids asked.

John shrugged. "I don't know. Do you know about mine?"

"Um, Sarah and Charlotte."

John blinked. "Yeah."

Davids swallowed. "Okay then. He's tall, strong, handsome, courageous. He knew me better than I knew myself and he never…" He blinked and looked away. "…saw what everyone else always sees. He told me I was beautiful and sometimes I almost believed him. He was perfect." He finished in a whisper.

"What happened to him?" John asked softly.

Davids turned to look back at him. "He left."

"Than he was stupid." John decided. "If he didn't know what he had."

"He didn't have a choice." Davids argued.

"You always have a choice," John countered.

"Not always," Davids whispered. He stood up. "I need to get back to work, did you want to stay?"

John nodded. "I'll read through past mission reports, try to get caught up."

Davids nodded. "I haven't read them all, but you've told me about most of them. I'll help if I can."

John caught his hand before he could walk away. "Thanks."

The smaller man looked at their hands and then pulled his back with a nod and walked back over to his desk. John pulled his laptop back onto his lap and started bringing up old reports.

* * *

Connor wasn't curled up on the shower floor crying. He wasn't. Really. His legs were tired from his workout so he was sitting down to rest them. Those weren't tears on his face, just hot drops of water. And he wasn't, wasn't, wasn't clutching John's dog tags in his hand.

Except that he was. And he never wanted to get up again. Once he'd started crying, he hadn't been able to stop. Atlantis was nice enough to keep his water hot, but Connor figured that sooner or later it would run cold. But it didn't matter, nothing mattered because he was still alone.

He hadn't slept last night. Instead, he'd wrapped himself up in John's sweatshirt and watched the waves crash against the side of the city. He didn't expect to sleep tonight either.

John had sat with him for the rest of the day, pouring over old mission reports as Connor worked. But it hadn't been the same. There were no lewd remarks about making out in the closet, no persistent offers of food, no soft touches and warm kisses. There was nothing but awkward silence. Connor didn't even know if they could start over. John wasn't the same person he was when they had started dating and he seemed more freaked out about the gay thing than Connor ever remembered him being even if he hadn't said so much in words. John might have forgotten him, but Connor could still read him like a book.

Connor pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them as he sobbed. Keller didn't seem certain if John would get him memory back or not and for all the Ancient technology they had at their disposal, nothing seemed to help. Connor had spent all day combing the database for anything that might help with brain injuries; he'd come up with nothing.

He'd told John once that he would fight for him, but what if John wasn't there for him to fight for? He had…pod John. A John who was almost the same age as Connor was. A John not yet fully hardened by the Pegasus galaxy. A John who didn't love him, and wow Connor didn't think that would hurt so much.

"Doc? Are you in there?" A voice called.

"Ev-Evan?" Connor choked out.

"Yeah." He paused. "I'm going to open the door, okay? I'm going to turn the shower off."

"Not yet." Because if he did Connor would have to face his tears as tears and not as water droplets.

"Connor, you've been in there for over an hour." Evan said and a second later the shower door opened and a hand reached in turning the water off manually, something Connor hadn't done since he'd arrived on Atlantis. Evan crouched down next to him holding out a towel that he leaned forward to wrap around Connor. "Are you ready to come out?" Connor shook his head. "For me?"

Connor met his best friend's gaze. Worry was seeped into Evan's eyes and sadness. "Okay." He breathed.

"I set some clothes for you on the counter, I'll leave you to get dressed." Evan stood and a second later the bathroom door clicked shut.

Connor took a few deep breaths, trying to will his tears to stop coming. It didn't work, and Connor didn't care. He let them fall as he stood up, roughly drying himself and his hair. He didn't bother brushing his teeth this time as he pulled on the sweatpants and t-shirt that Evan had left for him. As he caught his reflection a memory came to him unprompted.

" _You're beautiful." John said honestly, voice a little rough as he stood behind Connor looking into the mirror._

" _I'm not." Connor argued._

 _John moved their hands down from the mirror and settled them on Connor's bare stomach. "I love your eyes." John said quietly. "They tell me everything I need to know about how you're feeling. And when you come, they turn a dark shade of blue."_

Connor closed his eyes against the memory, but it kept playing.

" _And I love your blush. How no matter what we do together, you always blush. I love the way your cheeks become a rosy red, like it's snowing, even though I know it's not." John released Connor's hand and moved to trace the linguist's face. "I love your nose."_

" _It's too small." Connor protested._

" _It's perfect." John countered._

"Connor?"

Connor swallowed. "I'm, I'm coming." He called back.

" _I love your neck, how you let me leave small hickeys." His fingers outlined a small bruise on Connor's neck by his shoulders. "And how you wear my dog tags around it."_

Connor reached up to his neck, there were still small red marks there from yesterday, perfectly John sized.

" _Why did you think I would leave you?" John asked softly._

" _I was…worried." Connor answered honestly. "I just left you here and I…I thought maybe you would decide that I wasn't worth all of this."_

 _John's hand stilled for a second, before moving through his hair again. "How can I convince you that you are?"_

" _I don't know."_

 _John was silent for a second. "You are."_

A fresh batch of tears slid down Connor's face.

" _I promise I'm staying, Connor." John said softly. "I'll say it as much as I need to."_

The bathroom door opened behind him and Evan stepped in, his face reflected next to Connor's. He didn't say anything as he gently steered Connor out of the bathroom. Connor swiped a hand at his face as he slowly inhaled to control his breathing. Evan directed him to sit on the bed while his best friend sat next to him. Evan reached a warm hand out to Connor's back. It felt heavy against his skin.

"Connor?"

He looked up at Evan. "Yeah?"

"How did you sleep last night?"

Connor shrugged, not knowing where he was going with this. "Fine." He lied.

"Connor," He chided gently. "I'm gonna stay with you tonight."

"St-stay?" Connor stuttered, and that's when he noticed that Evan was wearing similar clothes to Connor. "He-here?"

"Yes."

"On..on the couch?"

"Yes. I'm worried about you, Connor."

"I'm fine."

"You just spent an hour crying in the shower! That's not fine!" His friend exploded. "Your fiancé forgot you existed! What if he doesn't come back, Connor?" He asked in a softer voice. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know!" Connor yelled, standing up and turning to face them. "I don't know what I'm going to do. A part of me has _died_ , Evan. _Died_. I hurt in ways I didn't know I could hurt. I'm so in love with a man who doesn't even exist anymore. It hurts, Evan." He cried, falling to the ground. "It hurts so bad."

"Shh, Connor." He felt a body mold itself to him. Evan's arms were around him and he was being rocked back and forth.

"Make it stop," Connor pleaded. "Please, Evan, _make it stop_. I can't take it."

"Connor," Evan said gently. He didn't offer false platitudes though, no false words of hope.

Connor sobbed into Evan's shoulder. "He's gone."

"I know."

"He promised he wouldn't leave me."

"I know."

"I don't know what to do."

"I know." Evan said quietly. "Will you let me stay?"

"I can't." Connor said brokenly. "I…" He shook his head, pulling away from his friend. "No, I can't. I don't need a sitter." Connor fought him.

"You need a friend, though." He corrected.

"I just need to be alone, Evan."

"That's the last thing you need, Doc." Evan argued.

"I need-I need to be alone." Connor repeated firmly. "Please go."

Before anyone could say any more Connor's door rang. He thought it open and found Eric bouncing slightly on the other side. His much younger friend took in the scene in front of him, his mouth forming an 'oh'. "Um, I guess I'll go?" He asked, but he was talking to Evan and not Connor.

Connor pushed up off the ground with Evan following his lead. He gave him a hug. "Thanks for coming," He mumbled into his best friend's ears. Then he gave him a polite but firm push towards the door and towards Eric.

"Connor, I really think-"

"I'm fine, I just need some time to myself to think about things." Both of his friends gave him dubious looks, but Connor forced a smile to his face. "Really," He insisted. "I'll meet you all for breakfast."

The door slid shut between them and Connor had Atlantis lock the door. When he was sure they were gone, Connor sunk back onto his knees at the side of the bed. He rested his elbows on the mattress and clasped his hands together, bowing his head.

"Dear Lord, I know You're punishing me for the sins I've committed, but please don't take it out on John…he's a really great guy. If You need to punish someone, punish me. I've read Your words and know Your laws, John doesn't know, he wasn't raised like I was. I-I really love him, but I really love You also and I thought I could have you both, but maybe I can't. I don't know what to do. My mother told me never to bargain with You, so I won't. But please, have mercy and punish me instead…"

* * *

Eric felt the mattress dip behind him as Rodney slid into bed. His boyfriend may not ever admit out loud that he was worried about Colonel Sheppard, but Eric could tell that he was. Eric was beyond worried about Connor.

He turned to face the older man and Rodney's eyes met his in the dark. Eric pushed his boyfriend onto his back and rolled on top of him. He pressed a few hasty kisses to Rodney's mouth, rubbing their hips together.

"I want you in me," He breathed to Rodney.

Rodney looked up at him. "Yes, yes, okay." He said, his hands tugging down Eric's boxers, leaving him naked on top of Rodney.

Eric pushed Rodney's boxers down between them and kicked them off with his feet, snaking a hand down Rodney's chest to stroke the other man into hardness. Their mouths met again and Eric plunged his tongue into Rodney's mouth, savoring the taste of coffee and everything that is Rodney. Warm hands kneaded his butt, pressing him down more, squishing Eric's hand between them. Eric felt Rodney begin to harden under his touch and he gently thrust his own hardened member into his hand to meet with Rodney. Fingers drifted and Eric moaned in pleasure.

[Edited Content]

They both lay there, breathing heavily from their recent activities. Eric reached out with his right hand to grab Rodney's left, squeezing tightly.

"We need a shower," Rodney said eventually.

"Yeah," Eric definitely agreed. He just needed a few more hours to find the energy to make it there.

Rodney sat up and tugged on Eric's arm. "Come on. The faster we wash, the faster we can pass out."

Eric thought there was some good logic in that statement and allowed himself to be dragged out of bed and into the shower. The water turned on and Eric stepped in next to Rodney, wrapping his arms around the older man's waist and leaning heavily into him. Rodney snorted but gently washed Eric for him, trailing a towel across Eric's back and down between his cheeks to wash out the lube. Rodney pressed a hand between them to wash them both but didn't make Eric separate from his body to do so and Eric found himself falling just a little bit more in love with the older man.

"I love you." He mumbled into Rodney's ear.

"Yeah, yeah, of course you do." Rodney replied like it was obvious.

"Mm-hm."

"Are you always going to be sleepy after sex."

"Dunno."

"Hm."

The water turned off and Rodney dried himself before drying Eric. The older man paused as he ran the towel over Eric's hair. He looked down and Eric glanced down to see himself half hard against Rodney's leg. "Oops?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "It's flattering, really."

"Mm-hm." Eric said, starting to rub against Rodney's leg.

"I'm not a post and you're not a dog." His boyfriend cut in.

"Feels good." Eric mumbled.

"Of course it does." Rodney agreed. "And if I were your age I'd be roaring to go again, too. But I'm not, so cut it out." Eric pouted, giving Rodney his saddest look possible. The older man caved quickly. "Fine!" He said tossing the towel aside. "But at least wait till we make it to the bed."

"We'll just need another shower." Eric said, thrusting.

"Oh to be young again," Rodney sighed. "You're lucky I like you."

"Yup, very lucky." Eric agreed.

"Here." Rodney shoved a handful of lotion onto Eric's hardened erection allowing it to slide easier against his body.

"Mm. Thanks."

[Edited Content]

"Another shower then." Rodney said as he pushed Eric towards the stall following him in. This shower was much quicker and soon they were back in bed. Eric was on his side facing the wall and Rodney was curled up behind him, chest to back with an arm thrown over Eric's waist.

"Rodney?"

"Hm?"

"What happens if Colonel Sheppard doesn't get his memory back?"

Rodney was silent for a moment. "I don't know." He admitted. "Carter seems fine with leaving him in charge and he's been catching up on mission reports."

"That's not really what I meant."

"I know."

Eric paused. "I think I'm going to lose Connor."

"Yeah, probably."

Eric whacked the hand on his stomach. "You were supposed to be supportive there."

"Oh." Pause. "No, you won't."

Eric sighed and moved further back into Rodney's embrace. "You've already lost Colonel Sheppard."

"Not in the way you'll probably lose your friend." Rodney murmured, uncommonly insightful.

"Will I lose you too?"

Pause. "Not unless you get really ugly when you grow older."

"I'll try not to," Eric promised.

"Good. Now, sleep."

"You're so bossy." Eric mumbled as he drifted off.

"And you love it."

"Love _you_."

Rodney sighed. "I love you too."

* * *

John wandered around his life. It had been nine days since Gamuna and he wasn't any closer to getting his memory back than he was when he first woke up. Rodney and Teyla were trying, he knew they were, but the closeness they had gained in four years was hard to lose and they would often do or say something that John had no idea how to respond to. Ronon was probably the easiest person to interact with. He just grunted a lot when John talked and was always willing to eat. Ronon, Rodney had told him, hadn't changed at all. John had pretty much liked him from the beginning and that wasn't any different now.

Colonel Carter took a little getting used to, but John fell into rhythm easily enough with her. She was certainly open to more input from him than Elizabeth had ever been. John felt guilty at the thought. He missed Elizabeth and some days he still found himself looking for her. Keller was new enough that John didn't seem to have had much of a rapport with her but that didn't really stop him from wishing Carson were still here.

Lorne was a godsend. He'd taken over some of the duties that John had had simply because John had no idea how to do them or what to do for them. He was slowly learning, but it would be another few weeks before he was caught up militarily. The downside to Lorne doing John's work was that he was always around, sitting across from John at his desk, typing away. And every day John would notice the bags under his eyes growing, the tension in his smile, the frequent radio calls to check up on Connor Davids.

John hadn't seen the linguist in six days. He used to come to meals with Ronon and Teyla but after three days had stopped. He didn't miss the worried looks everyone around him shot at each other or the pleading look in Teyla's eyes to do something, what, John didn't know. He felt bad, but he didn't know the guy and honestly whenever John was near him he felt awkward and uncomfortable at someone knowing so much about him while he knew so little. He also stood as a stark reminder that sometime in the future John had apparently given up his love for women to become gay.

John grabbed a tray in the mess hall and filled it up with food before sitting down at a table by himself. His drink of choice was tea. It was always tea and John wasn't sure why he drank so much tea now, he certainly hadn't before.

"Mind if I join you?" A light, accented voice asked from above him.

John struggled to put a name to the face. He gestured to the seat across from him. "Sure."

A petite woman sat down, curves in all the right places and a small smile on her face. She had big brown eyes and wavy brown hair. Her shoulder patch proclaimed her English and her jacket colors labeled her a scientist. "Mary Deveraux." She said, introducing herself.

"Zoologist, right?"

She smiled and her face lit up. "Yep. I'm impressed, Colonel Sheppard. I thought you'd forgotten everything."

"I've been doing some catch-up," John admitted with a wink. "So did I know you before?" He asked with a frown.

"No." She said, her voice melodious and her accent refreshing. "I just arrived a few weeks ago."

"Ah." John cut up his chicken. "How are you liking Atlantis?"

"It's beautiful." She sighed. "Absolutely brilliant. There's so much to learn here. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm in another galaxy."

John smiled. "I know just what you mean, and the moons take a bit of getting used to."

"Quite." She agreed with a smile.

They chatted as they continued their dinner and the more John talked to her the more his insides twisted up. Part of him liked her, she was beautiful, smart, funny and seemed to genuinely like him, on the other hand something inside of him was rebelling, John felt like he could hardly breathe by the end and his heart felt like it was dying.

"Well, thank you for dinner." She said softly.

"Thank you for your company." John offered in return. He paused. "Would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?"

A smile blossomed on her face. "Certainly."

"I'll pick you up, say…1230?"

"1230 sounds wonderful. I'll see you then, Colonel Sheppard."

"John." He insisted.

"John, then." She smiled and was gone.

John smiled. He had a date and the world didn't end. He felt a twang of guilt for Dr. Davids but pushed it away, he wasn't that person anymore and he needed to move on.

* * *

Connor froze on the spot. John was laughing at something the woman sitting across from him had said. She smiled and John smiled back and _Oh. My. God_ , Connor thought. _He's flirting with her_. He blinked, but when he opened his eyes again John was still talking to her, gesturing with his hands and she was still leaning in towards him obviously interested in whatever he was saying. Connor felt another piece of his soul die as he swallowed hard. He turned around and left the mess hall, no longer hungry.

It was now two weeks since Gamuna. John wasn't showing any signs of getting his memory back, in fact he seemed to be moving on with his life. Yesterday he had gone out on his first mission since the accident. While he was gone, Connor had packed up all his stuff that was still in Connor's room and had deposited it back into John's. The other man hadn't said anything about it and Connor didn't think he would. He hadn't talked to John in days. In fact his now ex-boyfriend seemed to be ignoring him. After the first two movie nights that John didn't show, Connor stopped going with Ronon and Teyla. He'd heard from Ronon after the third one that John had shown up and fuck if that didn't hurt.

Connor hadn't cried since the night Evan had found him in the shower. He couldn't, anymore. After about a week he had finally crashed and gotten a few hours of sleep. He managed three a night. That didn't stop Ronon from waking him up before dawn to go running or Eric from dragging him out to breakfast with the team or Teyla from meditating with him. Evan was probably the worst of all. He'd taken to stopping by every night to make sure Connor was going to sleep and during the days he would constantly radio to ask if he needed anything and his best friend dragged him out of his lab for meals and movie nights with his team. Even Daniel had joined in asking a million questions a day to keep him busy.

Connor turned the corridor and headed to Ben's quarters. SGA-4's team leader had the day off and Connor needed to talk to him. He rang the bell when he arrived and a disheveled Ben answered the door.

"Doc." He said with a smile, ushering Connor in. "What can I do for you?"

Connor paused. "I'd like to take you up on your offer to join SGA-4."

Ben blinked. "What?"

"I'd like to join the team." Connor repeated.

Ben broke out into a large grin and wrapped Connor up in a huge bear hug. "That's great! What made you change your mind?"

Connor shrugged. "My partner and I…broke up." He admitted and it was the first time he'd ever said that out loud and it felt like a knife was twisting in his gut. "And he was what kept me on Atlantis."

Ben frowned, holding Connor out at arm's length to look him over. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "Positive."

"Maybe you should take some more time to think about it…"

"We…we broke up two weeks ago." Connor said quietly. "I've had time."

"I'm really sorry, Doc." Ben said honestly. "I know you thought he was the one."

"He was." Connor whispered.

Ben put a gentle finger under Connor's chin. "There'll be others."

Connor shook his head. "Not for me, Ben."

"Hey, come here." Ben said, wrapping him in another hug. "I know you feel like that now, but give it some more time. Anyone would be lucky to have you, Doc."

"It hurts too much." Connor admitted. "I can't do it again."

"Want me to beat him up for you?"

Connor laughed as he pulled away. "No. I still love him, very much."

Ben frowned again. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Ben sighed. "Alright. So before you can be officially assigned, you have to go through the scientist gate training."

Connor wrinkled his nose. "Really?"

"Colonel Sheppard's orders."

Connor nodded, he knew that. "Where do I sign up for that?"

"With Major Lorne or Colonel Sheppard. I'm not sure who teaches it, they seem to rotate teaching schedules."

"Alright."

"Now," Ben said, pulling him further into the room. "Now we drink."

Connor laughed but accepted the bottle of rum held out to him. He twisted off the top. "Cheers." He said, somewhat sadly.

Ben clinked his bottle of whisky with Connor's bottle of rum. "Cheers."

Connor took a long swig.

* * *

"Ugh." John said, leaning his forehead against his desk.

"Long night, sir?" Lorne asked.

John nodded as much as he could. "And two bottles of wine."

"Drinking alone, sir?" Lorne asked and John could hear the frown in his voice.

"No. With Mary."

"Mary, sir?"

"Lorne, have I ever told you how annoying it is that you end every sentence with 'sir'?"

"Many times, sir."

John sat back up. "And I put up with it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ugh," John groaned again and leaned his head back.

"So…Mary, sir?" Lorne prompted.

"A zoologist I'm seeing." John offered reluctantly.

"Seeing, sir?" This time there was no mistaking the disapproval in his XO's voice.

"Yes." John sighed.

There was no reply from Lorne this time and John squinted an eye at him. If John had to guess the emotion on the other man's face he would say Lorne was angry, but was holding back because of John's rank.

"Look, Major, I know you're his best friend, but I'm not that guy." John defended. "I wish everyone would stop looking at me like I just killed ten babies."

"Sorry, sir." Lorne said stoically.

John sighed. "I can't just sit around hoping that my memories will come back."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too, sir."

The chime to John's office rang and he let Lorne invite whomever it was in.

"Doc!" His XO said with surprise. "What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to be added to the scientist gate training class."

John leaned his head up. What had happened to Davids' accent?

"Are you sure?" Lorne asked softly.

"Positive."

"I thought you weren't going to go off world anymore." John stated.

Two heads turned to look at him. "I didn't tell you that." Davids said with a frown.

"Yes, you did." John argued.

"I did." Davids admitted and before John could gloat he added, "About a month ago."

"What?" Lorne asked at the same time as John did. "What?"

Davids turned to Lorne. "Remember when we got stuck off world? When we found the jumper outpost? That night I told John that I didn't want to go off world anymore."

John's eyes widened. "Does that mean I'm remembering?"

"Do you remember anything else, sir?"

John frowned. "I didn't even know I was remembering that."

Lorne paused. "Do you still want to join the team, Doc?"

Davids looked right at John, hurt reflecting in his eyes and a sadness encompassed his whole frame as he nodded. "Yes."

"Then I'll add your name." Lorne said, resigned. "A new session starts on Monday at 0900."

Davids finally looked away. "I'll be there." He nodded to both of them and was gone.

"What happened to his accent?" John asked.

Lorne looked up at him. "He hides it, sir."

"He used it before when I talked to him."

Lorne hesitated. "From what I understand, sir, you asked him not to hide it around you."

"Oh."

That disturbed John because he had just been thinking that he found the Irish accent much more pleasing.

* * *

On July twentieth, three weeks after John's memory had gone missing, the day that their bonding was supposed to take place and the day that would have been his and John's one year anniversary, Connor holed himself up in an observation room with as much alcohol as he could find.

By noon he was so far beyond drunk that the part of his brain still functioning was worried that he might die of alcohol poisoning. The drunk part of him didn't care at all as he raised the bottle of whiskey in his hands to his lips again.

By 1500 he had passed out four times only to wake up and keep drinking.

By 1700 he was puking his guts out in the closest toilet.

By 1730 he was drinking again.

Connor thought that all the drinking he'd ever done in his life was preparing him for this day. Even though he was so drunk he could barely remember his name, John's face kept swimming about in his mind.

This was it, Connor decided. John as he knew him wasn't coming back. He was dating someone from zoology and seemed really happy. Connor couldn't even be angry at him for it and he loved John too much to begrudge him any happiness he could find even if it was without Connor.

Connor slipped the dog tags off from around his neck and opened up a small box he'd brought with him. Inside two rings were nestled and Connor caressed the top of them lightly before dropping the dog tags into the box and closing it tight. He asked Atlantis for a small compartment and a tiny drawer opened a few feet away. Connor opened the drawer and dropped the box in and asked Atlantis to keep it safe for him. The city sent a promise to him and as Connor looked out over Atlantis he watched as all the lights dimmed. The city was mourning with him.

By 2200 Connor had almost run out of alcohol. He'd purposely left the honey mead that John and he were going to drink tomorrow in his quarters so in his drunkenness he wouldn't be tempted to drink it.

At 2330 Connor decided he had the best friends in the world. Evan, Teyla, Ronon, Eric and even Rodney were all sitting next to him looking out over the city and at the moons, shining brightly in the sky.

They were passing a bottle back and forth between them, studiously avoiding handing it to Connor, whose bottle of whiskey had been replaced with several bottles of water by Evan.

At 2400 Connor felt like dying and the tight grip that Evan's arm had around his shoulders wasn't helping and neither did Eric's hand which was holding his.

Connor raised his bottle of water. "To John." He said quietly. "May he find happiness in his new life."

"To John." His friends chorused, taking a sip from the communal bottle.

"And to Connor." Evan said softly next to him. "For being the strongest person I know."

"To Irish." Ronon followed. "For not running."

"To Connor." Eric said. "For being the best person I know."

"To Connor." Teyla chorused. "For surviving."

"To Connor." Rodney said finally. "For staying."

They stayed with him for another hour until all the booze was gone. Connor definitely wasn't sober when Ronon picked him up gently and carried him back to his bed.

His last thought before finally passing out was that he should move his smaller mattress back in. This one was much too big.

* * *

A month after what Connor was now calling The Accident, he had finished the scientist gate training and was now officially a part of SGA-4. He'd been off-world with them three times in the past week and had sent in his application to Cal-Tech. He spent loads of time with Daniel pouring over the database and once a week he trained a new gene carrier in the puddle jumpers.

But he couldn't smile, he couldn't move on, he felt stuck. He'd moved his mattress out, replacing it with his old, smaller one and he shivered at night because no matter how hot Atlantis now kept his room, Connor couldn't seem to get warm.

He'd seen John with his new girlfriend nine times. Each time felt like a knife to his heart. He'd started eating at weird times to avoid any chance that he might seem them together.

Sometimes Connor thought the worst part was going from having someone who knew everything about you, who you could say anything to and who cared about how your day went, to having nobody

Sometimes he thought the worst part had been the sex, or whatever you wanted to call it that he and John did. Now Connor had nothing and it was harder to live without than it had been before he knew about it.

Sometimes the worst part was how everything around him reminded him of John.

He'd started going back to the Bible studies on Sunday. But Connor could feel his faith dwindling by the day. He'd prayed and prayed for John to be better and nothing had happened. He'd begged and begged for God to forgive him and to stop punishing John, but nothing changed. He'd been told that God never gave you anything you couldn't handle, but Connor couldn't handle this, he died a little more each day.

The most ironic thing, however, was probably that Connor had put on ten pounds. Everyone had been so concerned that he was eating that Connor had taken to eating more and he was working out more now, closer to what he used to do before he had met John.

All in all, Connor thought he was doing pretty well. He'd just taken to ignoring the horrible ache in his chest and he'd adapted to sleeping four hours a night. No one mentioned John to him anymore and he didn't ask. He'd also given the rest of his alcohol to Evan, except for the honey mead, to avoid temptation.

This was his life now, but Connor didn't think he was really living.

* * *

John tossed in his bed. After a month it still didn't feel right and even though his life was finally starting to click into place again some things still didn't feel right.

John couldn't find his second pair of dog tags. He had a blanket on his bed that he wasn't sure where it had come from. Old math proofs that he had been using for his doctorate were in a pile on his desk. And sitting in a box were pieces of his life that Connor Davids had apparently delivered while John was off world. His gun cleaning kit was in there along with books, DVDs, coffee mugs, tea, clothing and a 'Kiss me I'm Irish' shirt.

John had already gotten a new gun cleaning kit when he couldn't find his. He'd assumed that his books had been added to the public library that Atlantis had and his DVDs to the movie room. Coffee mugs come and go, the clothing could have been in the laundry room, and he never really drank tea to miss it.

His ipod was something else that bothered him. There were over a hundred classical music songs and a few bands that sounded distinctly Irish. He couldn't bring himself to delete any of them, so he'd adjusted to running with Johnny Cash mixed in with Bach and Mozart. Just like he'd adjusted to running on his own. Ronon had mentioned they used to run in the afternoons, but John was still busy playing catch up, instead he ran in the mornings. The first time he'd done it, he'd passed Ronon and Davids. An hour later, Ronon had cornered him, explaining his exact running routes and _requesting_ that John find a new one.

Sometimes John felt like his friends had abandoned him. Even when they were with him they were worried about someone else and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who that someone else is.

There had been a day, a week ago where he hadn't seen any of them at all and the next morning they'd all shown up hung over. It was then that John remembered that his wedding date had come and past while he'd spent the evening with Mary, walking along the pier.

In the month since his accident, John had recovered about five percent of his memories. In addition to what had happened in Lorne's office, John remembered random missions from the years, nothing with Davids in them though. When he'd mentioned it to Rodney his friend hadn't seemed concerned.

" _Of course not, Sheppard. You lost four years. Three fourths of those years were without your zippy linguist. That's seventy five percent! Most of your memories don't have him in them."_

" _Um, how's he doing, Rodney?"_

" _You could ask him for yourself."_

 _John shrugged. "I don't see him around much."_

 _Rodney snorted. "Possibly because you're busy parading your new girlfriend in front of everybody."_

" _I'm not parading her!"_

" _Whatever, Sheppard."_

" _So you won't tell me how he's doing?"_

" _He goes out on missions, translates the database, fixes the computers of your grunts and shoots lots of things on the range."_

" _So he's doing well?"_

 _Rodney turned and stared at him. "Are you serious, Sheppard? He's on suicide watch. Someone's always with him. Eric is about to die of worry because he can't remember the last time your ex boy toy smiled."_

" _Suicide watch?" John asked in surprise._

" _Well, that's not what it is officially, and he hasn't given any signs that he would stoop to such a thing, but Teyla, Lorne and Eric are convinced he's a step away from eating the gun_ you _gave him for Christmas."_

" _I gave him a gun?"_

" _An M11. He's probably a better shot than you are."_

 _John shook his head. "I gave a civilian a gun?"_

" _Please, Sheppard. He gives your guys pointers, not the other way around."_

" _When did you join his fan club?" John asked in confusion._

" _About the time that Eric started having nightmares again." Rodney admitted. "Your ex was dying in a lot of them."_

" _Should I talk to him?"_

" _No." Rodney said firmly. "Stay away from him."_

 _John recoiled in shock. "Are you actually telling me I can't talk to someone?"_

" _Yes." John blinked away the hurt he felt. "Look, John," Rodney said in a softer voice. "He's still in love with you. You can't expect that to go away over night."_

" _It's been almost a month."_

" _So? He would have died for you, Sheppard."_

" _And me?" John asked. "Would I have died for him?"_

" _No," His friend denied with a roll of his eyes. "You would have lived for him."_

John closed his eyes and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

* * *

"I found it." Connor muttered to himself. "I found it!"

He saved the data to a flash drive and took off out of his lab. He ran into the transporter, bouncing as he waited to be deposited on his level. He ran out and knocked on Rodney McKay's door. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for someone to answer the door. He knocked again.

The door slid open and Rodney answered naked with a pillow covering his private areas. "You better be dying." He got out.

Connor blushed a deep red. "I, uh, go…" He said pointing over his shoulder. "I'm going to go."

Rodney eyed him and Eric came up behind Rodney, completely naked. Connor squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn't see anything. "Hey, Connor." Eric said warmly. "Did you need something?"

"I, uh…you…yes…found…naked," He squeaked. "You're naked."

"That happens when you're interrupted." Rodney grumbled.

Connor heard flesh hit flesh and assumed that Eric had just hit the older man. "So what did you find?"

"A machine that might help John remember more." Connor said quickly, eyes still squeezed tight.

"You found something in the database?"

"Yeah."

"Great! Let's go see it."

"In twenty minutes." Rodney added.

"Rodney." Eric growled.

"What!"

"Don't be a grouch."

"Hey you'd be a grouch too if your blow job got interrupted."

Connor blushed more. "I can wait, sorry, sorry." He said, backing away from their door. He asked Atlantis to shut the door and he opened his eyes in relief. He retreated into his quarters to wait for them, trying desperately not to think about what they were doing.

Twenty five minutes later they were at his door, freshly showered, along with Daniel, Ronon, Teyla and Evan. Connor sighed, everything was a group thing lately, he was grateful they still left him alone to pee. He appreciated them, he really did, but sometimes he needed to be left alone.

Connor grabbed a tablet uploading the data on it from his flash drive and then handed it to Daniel as they all caught a transporter tac. room. The machine was in an unexplored portion of the city and vests were required as well as weapons. Evan left a note with whoever was on gate duty for the night and they trooped out to the far end of the city.

"This looks promising." Daniel said as they stepped out of the transporter. Immediately flashlights turned on. It was dark and smelt bad. "The translations are good."

"Thanks." Connor placed a hand on one of the walls. _Can you give us some light?_ He felt the city struggle with his request before Atlantis pulled him into her systems. Quickly enough Connor was helping her re-route power and temporarily allocate it to the section they were in. A hand on his shoulder brought him out of the trance and he found the hallways lit up.

"What did you just do?" Rodney demanded.

"Um," Connor shrank back a little at the harsh tone. "I asked for some light."

"Asked who?"

"The city."

"It's a city." Rodney argued. "It can't talk."

"It can hear."

Rodney turned to Eric. "I thought you said he was smart."

Connor held in a laugh and followed Ronon down the hallway. "He is," he heard Eric defend. "Atlantis likes him."

"Atlantis is a city. It doesn't like anyone."

"Uh-huh." Eric moved up towards Connor.

"We will be talking about how much you know and why you didn't tell me!" Rodney yelled after Eric and Connor.

There was a small amount of water on the ground and Connor assumed this section of the city had been flooded. With the power it was getting, Atlantis was sucking the water out to help them.

"What's down here?" Eric asked.

"Labs, mostly." Connor answered. "They're on the list for exploration but are considered low priority."

"You know when we find this miracle machine it will probably be broken?"

Connor nodded. "That's why I asked Dr. McKay to come."

"This area does appear to be rather damaged." Teyla remarked.

Teyla was right but Connor didn't want to acknowledge that. The chance to help John was down here somewhere and he needed it to work. "The lab should be right up there."

Ronon grunted an acknowledgement and he and Evan went in first to check the room out. "Clear!" Evan called.

Connor filed in and all the equipment burst to life. He went around reading the lettering on the top of all of them to find the right machine. Daniel went the opposite direction as him so they would meet in the middle.

"I think I've found it." The archeologist called out.

Connor hurried over to Daniel's position and ran his fingers over the words. _Cognizance_ …memory. "This is it."

Rodney pushed through. "Let me look at it."

The screen in front of them started scrolling Ancient words and Connor struggled to keep up. "They're instructions." He explained. "And there's a lot of them." He studied the words. "Apparently the Wraith used to create amnesia in their victims in order to brainwash them and use them to spy on villages."

"Wraith eyes." Ronon said.

Next to him Teyla nodded. "I have heard of this occurrence as well."

Connor nodded. "Okay. So the Ancients came up with a way to…I don't understand all the medical phrases," He admitted. "John has amnesia due to a traumatic brain injury, which is a little different than what the Wraith used to do. But it looks like the Ancient device stimulates the hippocampus and the cerebral cortex, repairing any damage done to the area."

Ten minutes later Rodney finally looked up from the station. "Okay, it can be fixed, but it's gonna take some time."

"How long?" Connor asked anxiously.

Rodney held up his hands. "Hold it, sparky. When I say some time I mean _some time_. Two weeks, a month tops."

"A month?"

"Tops." Rodney insisted.

Teyla wrapped an arm around Connor's waist. "But at least it can be fixed." She said warmly.

Connor turned to face her. "Teyla?"

"Yes?"

"What if he doesn't want his memory back?" Connor asked.

"Why would he not?" She asked with a smile. "It is frustrating for him to re-learn all that has happened in the past four years, I am sure he would like his life back."

"But this is his life now." Connor said haplessly.

"I would not worry about this, Connor." She said gently. "I will talk to John about it, alright?"

Connor nodded. "Okay."

* * *

"Hey," John said quietly.

Davids looked up from his desk, surprise written in his eyes. "Joh-Colonel Sheppard." He said, standing. "What can I do for you?"

"You could call me, John." John offered with a small smile. "I'm not your commanding officer."

"Call me Connor then." Davi- _Connor_ said with a slow nod of his head.

"You cut your hair." John observed, motioning to the linguist's shortened locks. He looked much more like his personnel picture now.

Connor nodded. "It was getting long."

John stepped further into the lab and walked over to the shelves of books, gently running a hand over the titles. He could feel Connor's eyes following his movements. "McKay told me about the Ancient device. Said he's been working on it for a few weeks."

"I know."

"He told me you found it." John said, turning his head to look at Connor.

"I did." The younger man agreed.

John walked closer to Connor until their bodies almost touched. He could feel the heat resonating from the smaller man. "What do you think I should do?"

Connor met his eyes. "Are you happy, John? Truly happy?"

John paused. Connor's eyes were a deep blue and John could swear he could see into the younger man's soul. The person in front of him wasn't happy. Not at all. John wasn't a poet, but even he would say that Connor was crying on the inside, _dying_ on the inside. John didn't know if it was his responsibility to fix it but he did know he was the only one who could. He thought about his relationship with Mary, how if what everyone said was true and if he was head over heels for Connor, where would that leave her? He thought about the John that had experienced all the things he'd read about in mission reports: tortured by a Wraith, turned into a bug, had a building implode on him. Did he want to be that John again? Was it cowardly to not want to be that John again?

"Yes." John answered.

Connor looked at him then, really looked and John felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny. The linguist reached out with a finger and softly tapped John's chest over his heart. "Liar." He said softly before dropping his hand again.

John frowned. "I think I know when I'm happy."

Connor sighed and stepped away from him. "You don't like to think so, but I know you, John. I know that when you were eleven you fell off a fence in Tennessee leaving a scar on your arm. I know that you've never had white grape juice or any pets while you were younger. I know you like Willie Nelson and Lou Reed. But more than that I know you love flying helicopters because they feel like freedom. I know the first person you killed was an Afghani soldier and you still see his face in your nightmares. I know you're constantly scared that you're going to mess up big time and they're going to take Atlantis away from you. I know that you don't know any Christmas songs because your family didn't celebrate Christmas but you had lights once because you wanted to and your parents never said anything."

John stared in shock at the man before him. Everything Connor had said was true and beyond that it was things that not even his team knew about him. "How…"

"You told me." Connor answered softly.

"I wouldn't-"

"Tell anyone those things?" Connor finished softly. "I asked."

"And I told you?"

"Yes." Connor paused. "So I can say, with some certainty, that you lied. You aren't happy, John. Maybe you think you are, but I've seen you happy, you…you don't know what you're missing." Connor swallowed.

"So you think I should do it?" John asked again.

Connor shook his head. "I'm the last person you should ask."

"You're the only person I should ask." John countered.

Connor's blue eyes bored into him. "Then, yes. I think you should. I think you're scared because it's so much safer this way, it's easier. You only have to live with second hand knowledge of the past four years, while the other you had to live it."

John blinked. Connor was beginning to scare him with how much he knew about John. "Alright." John said.

"Alright?" Connor asked in disbelief. "You'll do it?"

John nodded. "Yes."

Connor launched forward and wrapped his arms around John in a hug. Before John had a chance to return it he let go and backed up. "Sorry." He mumbled with a blush.

John laughed. "I don't mind."

"Thank you." Connor whispered sincerely.

"You're welcome. Rodney says the machine will be ready to go by tomorrow."

A small frown flitted across Connor's face before disappearing. "That's grand."

"Is it?" John asked.

"Yes. It's just," He hesitated. "My team is off world tomorrow, probably all day."

John paused. "I can wait another day."

"No! You…you shouldn't wait."

"It's really not a problem, Connor."

"I just…I just don't want you to talk yourself out of it."

"I won't. I promise." John said sincerely.

"You'd really wait for me?"

"Yes."

Connor blushed again. "Okay."

John smiled. "So I'll tell him Wednesday then."

"Thanks, John." Connor said softly.

John started to walk away and turned around briefly. "I hope you get him back."

Connor offered him a broken smile. "He's still here."

John nodded and left the linguist alone with his thoughts.

* * *

John paced. It was Wednesday, but Connor was still off-world. The details had been vague, but when Smith had checked in he'd seemed optimistic.

"Well?" Rodney asked.

John shrugged. "He wanted to be here."

"Yes, and as nice as it is for me to write my schedule around your dopey linguist…I have better things to do."

John hesitated, "Okay."

"We will stay with you, John." Teyla said softly. Next to her Ronon nodded.

"And you're sure you know how this works, McKay? It won't spontaneously ascend me or something?"

"Zelenka tested it on mice." Rodney said with a roll of his eyes. "And they're all still here."

"Can mice ascend?"

"Just lay down in the scanner, Sheppard." Rodney said pushing him towards the machine.

John carefully approached the scanner and laid back. The sides came up and met in the middle over his body. "So will this hurt?" He called out.

"The mice didn't seem like they were in pain."

"Stop telling me about the mice!"

"You should be fine. Stop moving, I'm going to start it."

John stilled and a second later a bright light hit his head and he closed his eyes against it.

The next thing he knew Rodney was hovering over him. "Did it work?"

* * *

"Who are they?" Sam demanded watching the soundless video replay.

"They called themselves the Cardians, ma'am." Lorne answered her.

"What do they want?" She flinched as one of the soldiers in the video struck Lt. Ramsey, who barely appeared to be conscious while strapped to a chair.

"They haven't made any demands yet, Colonel."

Sam winced again as Corporal Johns was kicked in the stomach. Sgt. Smith appeared to be unconscious and Dr. Davids was shirtless with several streaks of blood running down his chest. "When did this arrive?"

"Three minutes ago. It was filmed with one of our MALPs."

"So they take our people, beat them up and for what?"

"They said they would contact us again in an hour."

Sam inhaled sharply as Ramsey was punched in the chest. "I want all teams currently off world recalled."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And Major, suit up. Get as many Marines as you can. We're going to get our people back."

"Yes, ma'am."

Ramsey looked up and his eyes met the camera, Sam could barely make out what he mouthed before the camera shut off. "It's a trap."


	40. Galileo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 40 : Galileo**

Author's Notes :

\- _Birds of a Feather_ is by Declan O'Rourke. You can hear the song here: www [dot] last [dot] fm/music/Declan+O%27Rourke/_/Birds+Of+A+Feather

BETA : JackD

* * *

" _So what are your plans for the evening, Doc?" Lt. Ben Ramsey asked as they headed back to the gate._

 _Connor smiled softly, hopefully they included a boyfriend and pudding. "Nothing much."_

" _I see that smile!" Ben teased. "Got a new guy lined up?"_

 _Connor wrinkled his nose. "Nope."_

" _Hm."_

" _What happened to the old guy?" Sgt. Jim Smith asked. He'd been let in on Connor's apparent gayness, after Connor had officially joined the team._

" _Broke the Doc's heart." Ben told him. "Makes me wanna-"_

" _Ben!" Connor blushed._

" _Yeah, yeah, you still love him and all that." Ben sighed. "How you can is beyond me, Doc."_

" _Connor has a big heart." Eric put in. He slung an arm around Connor's shoulder. "It's a good thing." He assured the linguist._

 _Suddenly Ben stopped and held a fist up, stopping everyone in their place. They were all silent as Ben looked around the area. "Someone's here." Connor strained his ears and he blinked in surprise when he heard footsteps nearby. A lot of footsteps. "Shit. Smith, you're on our six," Ben said. Connor looked around there was a tree line about a click from their position…in the opposite direction of the stargate. "Let's head for the gate." Ben decided._

 _Connor gripped his P-90, tightly and gently tapped his sidearm, reassuring himself of its presence. The gate was a few hundred yards away, too far for Connor to make out all the symbols, but close enough that there might be enough time to reach it. They had been exploring a world that had been decimated by the Wraith. Teyla had believed there to be a shrine of the Ancestors there, and there had been, but it lacked power and even Connor couldn't make it turn on. They had checked in with Atlantis, but the trek from the gate to the shrine was several hours and Atlantis had okayed a skip in check in procedures._

 _They began to make a run for the gate and Eric had two of the symbols dialed before a giant wave of white over took them and Connor found himself falling to the ground, unable to move._

That had been hours ago. Connor wasn't sure how many. He vaguely remembered being filmed but almost nothing after that. He was now in a small, dark, stone room with little light and a small hole in the door. Eric, Ben and Jim were all in there with him, but none had yet to regain consciousness.

Connor searched his person. He'd been stripped of all weapons along with his vest, shirt and his shoes. His teammates weren't in much better shape. Eric's arm was lying in an unnatural position, broken in the middle. Jim's shoulder had been dislocated and Connor had taken it upon himself to push it back in before the other man woke up.

Connor reached up to wipe at his brow. It was hot and the air was stale. His hand came back streaked with red and Connor sighed. Something had hit him in the head and his head was pounding. He had nothing to staunch the flow of blood with and it trickled down his forehead.

"Ugh." He heard someone moan. Connor looked around to see Ben moving.

Connor slowly made his way over to his team leader. He was pretty sure one or more of his toes were broken and walking was difficult. "Ben?"

"Doc?"

"Yeah."

"I can't see."

"It's dark in here, give it a minute." There was a small sliver of light coming through the hole in the door from candles that lit the outside passage.

"What bus hit us?"

Connor reached out to help Ben sit up and the older man groaned. "Slowly, Ben. I think you have a few broken ribs." Connor didn't mention the internal bleeding he suspected.

"Feels like more than a few." Ben ground out.

Connor decided then that when they made it back to Atlantis he was going to ask Dr. Keller to give him some field medic training. He was careful to always think 'when' and not 'if'. John would come for him, no matter what he remembered, John didn't leave people behind. Evan would come, too, and Connor could picture Rodney blowing up everything in sight to get to Eric. He didn't want to imagine what Ronon and Teyla would do. His friends were fierce.

"What happened?" Ben asked with a hiss, a hand cradled against his ribs.

"We've been kidnapped." Connor said dryly.

"I got that much."

"And tortured."

"Got that much as well."

"I remember seeing a bright light at the gate and I vaguely remember a MALP? Video taping us? But beyond that… I don't know why we were tortured." Connor said quietly. "I'm not sure if I talked."

Ben patted his arm. "Don't worry about it, Doc. I remember much less." He paused. "And in the end, everyone talks."

That information was not reassuring to Connor. He heard another moan and turned to see Eric twisting. Ben waved him off and Connor hobbled over to his friend. "Eric?"

"Connor?"

"Yeah."

"I can't see."

Ben snorted and Connor helped Eric sit up, much like he had with Ben. "It's dark in here, give it a minute." He repeated.

"Where's Ben? Jim?"

"They're here."

"Is everyone okay?"

Connor bit his lip. "Depends on what you count as okay."

"Alive." Eric restated. "Is everyone alive?"

"Yeah."

"Just waiting on Smith to wake up." Ben called over.

"Huh?" Jim moaned, sitting up. "Did someone say my name?"

"'Bout time, Sleeping Beauty." Ben offered.

"Fuck, my shoulder hurts."

Connor bit his lip harder. "Sorry, that's my fault."

"Your fault? And I can't see anything."

"It's dark." Eric and Ben said together.

"I noticed your shoulder was dislocated and thought it might be better to fix it while you couldn't feel it."

"Oh." Jim blinked. "In that case, thanks."

"You're handy to have around, Doc." Ben said.

Connor exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. "Not handy enough."

Eric rubbed a hand over Connor's arm soothingly. "Hey, no one saw this coming." He offered.

"Yeah, I know, I just hate having to wait."

"They'll come, you know they will." Eric assured him.

"I know." Connor could feel blood seeping out of his wounds and he could feel Eric bleeding through his shirt. "I just hope it's soon."

* * *

John sat up at looked at Keller.

"Well, Colonel," She said brightly. "It seems everything's back to normal. Are you feeling any side effects? Dizziness? Double vision? Headache?"

"Nope, thanks." John paused to say before meeting Ronon at the door. "What's the situation?"

Ronon looked at him. "Maybe you should wait this one out, Sheppard."

"No way." John ground out. "No fucking way, Ronon. Connor's out there with some mad fuck doing who knows what to him! I'm going. Now, you can brief me or I can get Lorne to do it." John strode quickly towards a transporter, barely waiting for Ronon to step inside with him before hitting the control room level.

The Satedan nodded. "We're preparing a strike force to the planet we were dialed in from. McKay thinks whoever's behind this isn't very advanced and the MALP reported back that there are several life forms there even though it's listed as uninhabited."

They exited the lift and John headed to the tac room. "Colonel!" Carter called from behind him. "Glad to have you back." She offered a tense smile.

"Glad to be back, ma'am." John offered, but didn't slow his pace.

Teyla, Lorne, Rodney and about fifty of the biggest Marines that John had under his command were checking vests, weapons, C-4 and more. John pulled on a vest, snapping it up as Ronon checked it over. Lorne handed him a P-90 and John grabbed extra ammo. "Jumpers." John told the other man.

"Already on it, sir. We have jumpers 1,2,3,5 and 7 being prepped."

John turned to face his men who were watching him, waiting for his orders. "This is an extraction." He said firmly. " _After_ we get SGA-4 back, then you have permission to blow those bastards to hell. The team comes first. I don't know who they are or what they want and they aren't talking to us, so we're not going to talk to them. This will go exactly as we've planned. I will lead a team; Lorne, Ronon, Samuels and Troby will lead the other four. You know where you're going, you know what you're going to do. These bastards took four of ours; they won't get away with it. Is that clear?"

Fifty voices rang in perfect unison. "Yes, sir."

"To your jumpers, and good luck."

The room because a flurry of action and Marine after Marine filed out of the room to their assigned jumpers. John turned to Teyla and McKay. "You can come with me or go with Ronon."

"I will go with Ronon, John."

"I'm with you, Sheppard." Rodney said and John could see a haunted look in his eyes.

John clasped Rodney on the shoulder. "We'll get him back, we'll get them both back."

Rodney didn't say anything, just searched his eyes before nodding. John swiftly made his way to the jumper with Rodney close behind him. There were ten Marines waiting in Jumper 1 for him. John gave them a nod before opening up the com. "Requesting permission to embark."

"Permission granted, John." Carter's voice replied. "Bring our guys home."

The wormhole swooshed open and John lowered his jumper down before directing it through the gate.

"I'm reading four subcutaneous transmitters." Rodney declared.

"Four?" John asked as he changed course.

"We were hoping for four."

John frowned. "I didn't know Connor had one."

"Requirement for joining a team…you do know he joined a team?"

"Things from the past couple months are a little hazy." John admitted.

"Oh boy. You do know you had some zoologist floozy right?"

"What?"

* * *

The door to their cell was opened and two large men in uniforms entered carrying one of their handguns. "Where did you get these?" He demanded. No one said anything and Connor held his breath. "Tell me where you got these." He demanded again.

"No." Ben said.

Their captor pointed the gun at Jim. "Tell me."

"No." Jim said.

A second later the gun was fired and blood was seeping out of a wound on Jim's chest. "Tell me."

"The Genii." Eric spat.

"I have never seen them with weapons such as this. You're lying." He said, leveling the gun at Connor and Eric.

"They're new." Ben cut in.

The man fired again, grazing Connor's leg. Connor forced himself not to scream. "We'll see." Their captor said before turning around and leaving, the door closing tightly behind them.

"Connor!" Eric cried, checking him over.

"Jim!" Ben crawled over to Jim's side. Blood was beginning to trickle out of Jim's mouth and Connor suspected a lung had been punctured. "Where are you hit?"

"Side." Jim gasped. Connor watched Ben push down on the wound.

"You're gonna be okay," Jim said, his voice shaking a little. "You just need to hold on."

Connor wasn't thinking about the twenty-four minutes that Jim statistically had left to live before he bled out or stopped breathing. He wasn't thinking about the burning pain in his shin where the bullet had grazed him. Eric was applying pressure with the only arm he could move and Connor wasn't thinking about which of their weapons their captors would figure out next.

* * *

"That building." Rodney said, pointing to a large plain building on the ground.

John landed his jumper nearby and saw the other jumpers following his lead. They piled out and John stood in the front facing his men. "Let's do this."

They broke up into five teams and with different hand gestures, one team set up perimeter, one went around back while two went to the side. John's team was going in the front. John gestured to Cadman and two sticks of C-4 were stuck to the door. His team moved back.

"Fire in the hole."

A second later the door blew off the hinges. John wasn't going for stealth. He intended for them to know he was there and that they had something that belonged to him. He gestured down the corridor with his arm and they began moving. Over the radio he could hear reports from the other team. Two had already encountered men.

John turned a corner and suddenly their own weapons were being used against them. He backed up, staying behind the turn. He pushed his gun around the corner and fired blindly. He waited a few seconds and more bullets rained down on their position. He fired again along with three Marines.

Behind him Rodney held a life signs detector that was rigged to find trackers. John looked for confirmation that they needed to go down that hallway and Rodney nodded. John pushed out from his place to face the attackers and with complete accuracy fired. They fell and John didn't wait for them to get back up before gesturing his men onwards.

"How much further, McKay?" John growled.

"They're not on this level. There's a stairwell at the end of this hallway, we need to go down five flights."

"Did you get that, Lorne, Ronon?"

"Yes, sir, we're heading for your position now."

"Got it, Sheppard."

True to his word, Lorne met him at the stairwell. His XO gestured down. "Ronon's team has already descended."

"Then let's go." John said, taking each step quickly. "Then where, McKay?"

"End of the hallway then down another three flights."

"Jesus Christ," John swore. "And I thought the Genii had underground bunker problems." He rushed down the first well, sharply turning to rush down the second. He could hear footsteps as his men followed him down.

Rodney snorted. "The Genii are starting to look good right about now."

When they reached the bottom of the fifth stairwell they ran into Ronon's team firing on several enemy soldiers. John counted around twenty. His men lined up and the first line sunk to their knees. John fired his P-90 far and wide, barely stopping to re-load. It took longer than John would have wanted, but eventually they were stepping over bodies to reach the far end of the hallway.

He met up with Ronon and they flew down the steps together with Teyla and Rodney on their heels followed by twenty Marines. John grinned. Not one of their guys had been hit yet. "Now what, McKay?"

"They're here, but I can't get any further readings, there's some kind of interference."

"Great." John muttered.

When they finished descending the stairs John noted that the hallway extended out in front of him and to both sides. Cells lined the walls and the hallways seemed to go on for miles. John directed Marines to the left and right while he went straight. They began checking cells and what they found was not hopeful. There were skeletons in each of them; some had bodies that John put at only a few months old.

After what felt like the hundredth cell, John had had enough. He stopped where he was. "Connor!" He yelled as loud as he could. "Connor!"

"John!" He barely heard. John strained his ears and broke out into a run.

"Connor! Where are you!"

"John!" He heard again. John ran faster with McKay keeping up behind him. He skidded to a stop as they came to another crossroads. He gestured half his men down one and half down another as he and Rodney kept going forward.

"Connor, where the fuck are you?"

"Colonel Sheppard!" He heard. John threw open doors as he passed them, finding nothing but bodies and bones.

"John!"

On the fifty-second door he found them. It was the one that wouldn't open. "Is anyone near the door?" He asked and heard Rodney behind him calling the other teams on his radio.

"No!"

"Good." John muttered and his fired his sidearm at the lock. It broke open and John wasted no time in knocking it to the ground and pushing open the door. He rushed in and fuck if Connor wasn't the best thing he'd seen in weeks. John collapsed on the ground next to his… hopefully, still boyfriend. "Can any of you walk?"

Corporal Johns shook his head. "Broken toes all around, sir."

John was going to make someone pay for this. Rodney swooped in behind him and collapsed down next to Johns. John looked over at the other two team members. "Jim needs immediate medical attention." Connor coughed out.

"You all need immediate medical attention." John said grimly. Suddenly more men rushed into the room. "Who has the field gurneys?"

Five men produced them and four were built faster than John could order them to do so. Connor's hand wormed into his and John squeezed it tightly. "I've got you." He said quietly.

"I know." Connor smiled weakly. "I think I'm going to pass out now." He swayed.

John nodded. "Okay."

A second later Connor did just that. He was limp in John's arms and Corporal Johns warned him to keep pressure on Connor's leg. SGA-4 was rushed out on stretchers along with ten of the Marines in case they ran into more trouble.

John looked at the remaining soldiers. "Cadman." He called.

"Yes, sir!" She said, straightening up.

"How much C-4 do you have on you?"

"A lot, sir!"

"I want to see fireworks, Lieutenant. I want this building so far gone that anyone would doubt there was a building here." John ordered harshly.

"Yes, sir!"

John pointed, "I want you fifteen assisting her. I want you," He pointed to the left, "twenty to find me someone. I want to know who they were and what they wanted."

"Yes, sir." Samuels said.

"When you get them, they go to the Alpha site. Carter wants to speak to them. I'm going back to Atlantis. "

"Yes, sir."

John turned to Ronon and Lorne. "Are you staying."

Lorne hesitated. "I will, sir."

"Ronon?"

The Satedan was itching for a fight and John knew how he felt. "Yes."

"Teyla?"

"I will accompany you back to Atlantis."

John didn't bother asking Rodney as he turned back to the rest of his men. "Remember, fireworks." Cadman grinned. John grabbed Rodney's arm and tugged him out of them room. "C'mon."

"John…he was…" Rodney trailed off as he stumbled after him.

"I know." John said. "But he'll be fine." They walked quickly and were soon at the stairwells.

"But what if he's not?"

"He will be, McKay." John said firmly.

"But there was so much blood."

"Rodney!" John said, pulling them to a halt, Teyla stood guard behind them in the empty corridor. "You need to stop thinking like that."

"Well I'm sorry if my concern for my boyfriend is bringing you down, Sheppard!" Rodney said caustically. "Some of us aren't trained to see the people we love bleeding out of every orifice and be fine with it!"

"You think I'm fine with it?" John asked harshly. "I want to find everyone of these motherfuckers and cut them up into tiny bits! I want them to hurt as much as they hurt Connor! I want their blood on my hands, not Connor's." He said, holding up his red tinged hands. "But freaking out about it isn't helping, got it?"

Rodney nodded and Teyla prodded them along. They reached the surface in time to see a jumper flying away towards the stargate. A few men were waiting on the ground to get a ride back with John and they piled in after him. John wasn't going to lose sight of that jumper, not when his whole life was on it.

And fuck, John had so much work to do to make up for the last couple of months. A part of him was still in shock. Memories from the past two months were slowly returning and all he kept seeing were Connor's blue eyes full of hurt and pain.

" _Teyla, Lorne and Eric are convinced he's a step away from eating the gun_ you _gave him for Christmas."_

John's body sat up in shock. How could he have forgotten that Rodney said that?

" _He's on suicide watch. Someone's always with him. Eric is about to die of worry because he can't remember the last time your ex boy toy smiled."_

" _Suicide watch?"_

John felt something inside of him tear; it hurt and he had to keep reminding himself that Connor was alive.

" _I'd like to be added to the scientist gate training class."_

" _Are you sure?" Lorne asked softly._

" _Positive."_

He was alive, but didn't have a reason to come back anymore. John's fingers moved by rote across the jumper's control and he followed Jumper 5 through the stargate. By the time he landed the jumper bay was a flurry of medical personnel and John caught a small glimpse of Connor before he was wheeled off. John turned to face Carter who was standing off to the side.

"They're all alive." He told her.

Carter shook her head softly. "Apparently Sgt. Smith coded twice on the way here. Keller didn't seem optimistic."

"Shit."

"Did you leave anyone left alive?"

John shook his head. "Not that I saw. I ordered Lorne and Samuels to try and find someone. It looked like whoever they were, they enjoyed torture. There were… hundreds of skeletons there."

Sam looked at him with shock written across her face. "Hundreds?"

"There was probably close to a thousand cells. We didn't look in all of them, but the ones we did look in all had skeletons."

"Some could not have been more than a few months old." Teyla added. "I do not know who would do such a thing. The people of this galaxy have long lived in fear of the Wraith, how people could so mindlessly kill others…" She looked green at the thought.

"Is everything back in order with you, John?" Carter asked.

"Not quite. I'm a little fuzzy on the last couple of months still, but it's coming back."

"Good. We've missed you." She offered a strained smile. "I'll wait till the other teams come back and then I want a full debriefing tomorrow morning."

"Yes, ma'am."

She reached out and gently touched his shoulder. "I hope he's all rright, John." She said quietly. With that she turned and left them.

"Come, John," Teyla beckoned. "Let us change out of these vests and then head to the infirmary."

John nodded and followed her and Rodney out of the jumper bay.

* * *

Connor woke to a steady beep. He blinked his eyes open, slowly adjusting to the dim light, it must have been nighttime. The curtains were closed around his bed and something was itching his arm. He looked down to see John's head pillowed on Connor's bed, his hair lightly touching Connor's wrist. He allowed a small smile to come to his lips as he picked his hand up to gently run his fingers through John's hair. It was something he hadn't been allowed to do in months and right now, nothing had ever felt better.

Before his fingers could make a third pass a hand caught his, turning it over. John held his hand in front of his mouth and a small kiss was pressed onto his palm. For a moment the older man nuzzled his hand before sitting up and locking their fingers together. John looked at him like he was starving and Connor was food.

Then slowly, so slowly, a hand reached out and tenderly brushed away the hair that had fallen into Connor's face. "Hi." John said, his voice low and rough.

"Hi." Connor whispered back.

"I've missed you."

Connor tried not to cry at that. "Not as much as I've missed you."

A soft smile found it's way to John's face. "I'll let you have that one." He raised Connor's hand to his face again, pressing another warm kiss to his palm. "I'm so sorry, Connor." John said quietly, meeting his eyes. He leaned his cheek against Connor's hand.

Connor swallowed thickly. "I know." He didn't offer words of forgiveness because there was nothing to forgive. Events outside of John's control had occurred and the older man had tried to adapt to them.

"I understand if things can't go back to the way they were." John began softly. "I'm willing to start over if that's what it takes."

Connor shook his head lightly. "We don't have to start over." But John was right, things couldn't go back to the way they were, not yet.

"But things aren't the same." John finished quietly. "I hurt you." Connor started to interrupt but John raised a hand. "I might not have meant to, but I did."

"Yes," Connor breathed. "You did." A pained look crossed John's face and it hurt even more that Connor had put it there. "John," He said quietly. "I still love you. I still want to marry you. I still want you." He hesitated. "Are you…? Do you…?"

"Connor, I couldn't love you even more if I tried." John said honestly. "There's nothing more I want than to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you." A lone tear slid down his face but he made no move to wipe it away. "I love you."

Connor couldn't admit the relief he felt when John said he loved him. It had been weeks since Connor had allowed himself to think that John would ever say those words to him again. "Say it again." He pleaded softly.

"I love you." John said instantly but with so much emotion.

"One more time?"

"I'll say it every second for the rest of our lives if that's what it takes, Con. I love you."

Connor's breath hitched and he sat up slowly, grimacing at the pain. John immediately let go of his hand to help him sit up. Connor swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Connor, what are you…?" John asked, still supporting him with his hands.

"I need this." Connor told him quietly.

John nodded even though Connor knew that he had no idea what Connor was talking about. Connor slowly slid forward off the bed, his legs buckling underneath him. John stood immediately to catch him. "Where to?"

"Right here." Connor said, tugging on John to sit back down. John did, but left his hands on Connor's hips to hold him up. Connor took a shaky step forward until he was standing in front of John with his legs on either side. John's hands moved around to Connor's lower back and Connor slowly sat down onto John's knees until he was facing the other man. John pulled him forward and Connor leaned against his chest, resting his head on John's shoulder, breathing in the scent of his boyfriend and loving the feel of his arms around him. "Say it again." He begged.

"I love you." One of John's hands slowly worked its way up the back of the scrub that Connor was wearing. "Is this okay?" John asked quietly.

Connor nodded against his neck. "Yes." Connor wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but eventually his injuries began to scream at him, and he didn't think the position could be that comfortable for John. "Am I too heavy?"

John gave a half laugh, half sob. "You could never be too heavy."

"I've put on ten pounds." Connor murmured softly.

"Really?" John sounded pretty happy about that. "That's awesome, Con." He paused. "But I didn't mean literally."

"Oh." It took Connor a second to realize that John's body had begun to softly shake. "John?"

"Yeah?" His voice was hitched, broken.

Connor pulled back and looked at John, placing both his hands on the sides of John's head. There were tears streaming down his boyfriend's face and Connor felt his heart breaking all over again. "John." He murmured. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears off of John's cheeks. His boyfriend looked up at him, green eyes with wet lashes. "Please don't cry."

John took a couple of deep breaths but it didn't stop the tears from coming. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Connor leaned forward and gently kissed John's cheeks tasting salty tears on his lips. John's body shook even more and Connor sat up and gently pulled John's head against his chest, cradling it. John's arms tightened as if scared that Connor would disappear at any moment. Connor rested his head on top of John's.

"I'm so sorry," John sobbed. "I'm so sorry."

"I know, love, I know." Connor murmured softly. "I know."

After several long minutes John's breathing slowed back down and his hands weren't clutching Connor's shirt quite as hard. Connor hesitantly pulled back too look at John's face. His eyes were red and swollen and his cheeks were pink with dried tear tracks. "You're so beautiful." Connor said softly, tracing John's cheeks with his fingers.

The older man gave a soft laugh. "I'm a mess."

"Maybe," Connor allowed. "But you're _my_ mess."

"Your mess." John agreed. "I think I could live with that." Connor shifted a little on John's lap and was a bit too late to hide the wince that came out. "Let's get you back into bed." John said quietly. He helped Connor off of his lap and gently lifted him back onto his bed.

"John?" Connor asked, reaching a hand out to fiddle with John's shirt.

"Hm?"

"How are the others?"

John blew out a deep breath. "Johns and Ramsey are in pretty much the same shape as you…you'll all be here for another couple days, Smith is a little worse off. You've been asleep for almost a day and a half, Keller wasn't sure he would make it that first night and since he has she's a little more confident that he'll pull through."

"And, um, what happened to… to the people that…?" Connor yawned.

"How about you sleep and I'll tell you when you wake up again?" John bargained.

"Tell me, please." Connor demanded softly.

Connor watched as John ran a nervous hand through his hair. "At least lay back down." John said gently. Connor obeyed and John pulled a blanket back up over him. "We pretty much killed everyone on sight when we came after you. Then I ordered Lorne and Samuels to find me someone to question. We have three of them at the Alpha site, Carter is still talking to them. Then I had Cadman make fireworks of the building." John admitted.

"What did they want with us?" Connor tried to feel bad about all those people dying, and in some abstract way he thought maybe he was, but really all he felt was relief.

An angry look crossed John's face. "Far as we can tell, nothing with you specifically. They were…messed up people, Connor, seriously screwed up. They liked to hurt their victims and then gloat about it. They wanted us to come rescue you so they could try and have more hostages."

Connor blinked. "Oh. I… I don't understand. Why would they do that?"

"I don't know and I'm not really sorry that they're not around anymore."

"And you're okay?" Connor asked softly. "You didn't get hurt or anything? No side effects of the Ancient device?"

John's eyes flickered to the side before looking back at him. "A lot of what happened over the last couple of months is a bit fuzzy," He admitted. "Rodney has taken great joy in filling me in on what an ass I've been." He paused. "That is, when he's not moping over Johns."

Connor smiled a little. "I think I'd rather you not know."

"I think I'd rather _you_ not know," John countered. He hesitated for a moment. "I talked to Mary." And wow, hearing the name still hurt a lot. "She was very understanding, wants to be friends. I told her that's probably not the best idea."

Connor felt his heart clench even as he said, "If you want to, John."

John shook his head. "No. I'd rather be with you."

"Really," Connor insisted. "If you want to be friends with her you should."

"No, Connor. I can't be friends with her." John said quietly. "Even now, you're shaking at the thought." John picked up one of Connor's hands for him to see it and sure enough it was slightly trembling. "You're more important to me than she is, okay? Don't fight me on this, please."

Connor nodded slowly. "Alright." He yawned again.

John smiled. "Go to sleep, I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Promise?" Connor asked, hating how small his voice sounded.

"Promise." John said, squeezing Connor's hand. He stood up and pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead. "I won't go anywhere."

"I love you." Connor mumbled.

"I love you, too." Was the last thing he heard before drifting back off to sleep.

* * *

John sighed heavily and rested his head in his hands. He didn't know how to make this better. He didn't know what to do. He did know that if Connor decided after all that it wasn't worth it to fix their relationship…John sighed. It had been strange to realize in a moment that two months of your life had passed while you remembered very little of it. Two freakin' months. In the grand scheme of things it didn't seem like such a long time, but since one of the months had held what was supposed to be the most important day of his life…John was beyond angry that he'd missed it and incredibly sad as well.

Rodney had filled him in on Connor's attempt to drink his weight in alcohol on the day of their anniversary…his weight and apparently everyone else's on Atlantis as well. John had been a bit surprised to find that Rodney had finally come around on Connor but was happy that his best friend did.

John scrubbed his hands over his face. He couldn't believe he'd just broken down in front of Connor. It had nothing to do with pride and everything to do with the fact that Connor should be the one comforted not the one comforting. After all, John hadn't been practically left at the alter, he hadn't been the one who had to see Connor around base with someone else hanging off his arm, he hadn't been the one whose friends were so worried that none of them would leave him alone.

John wasn't sure what their lives would be like now. He'd returned briefly to Connor's quarters only to find all of his stuff missing and the bed big enough for only one. Feeling dejected he had walked back to his quarters; the room looked more lived in than it had in the months previous to the accident. John had taken a quick shower before pulling clean clothes on and walking back to sit with Connor.

Connor had bruises all across his body. Keller had been able to fix everyone's broken bones with Ancient tech, but all of them had internal bleeding that had required surgery that would take days to recover from. His boyfriend also had several rows of stitches on his chest where someone had decided that a knife would be a great tool to redecorate it with. Keller seemed optimistic about minimal scaring.

"I think everything will work out, sir." A voice said quietly. John sat up and dropped his hands, turning in his chair. He pulled back the curtain and found Corporal Eric Johns staring back at him.

Normally John wasn't a fan of his subordinates knowing what went on in his private life, but he knew Johns was a close friend of Connor's. John hesitated, "Yeah?"

"Yes, sir. You're perfect for each other. If you and Connor can't make it, who can, sir?"

John laughed softly. "I don't think our relationship has ever been described as perfect."

"It is, sir." Johns insisted. "I think Rodney's actually a bit jealous."

John shook his head. "I doubt that. Last I checked, Rodney was still hoping that Connor and I would break it off before the wedding."

"Check again, sir." Johns argued softly. "He's changed."

John sobered up. "I know." He sighed. "All of my friends changed, my partner changed and where was I? Off doing who knows what with who knows who?"

"Rodney probably knows, sir." Johns offered with a small grin.

"Yeah." John agreed. "He probably does."

"Don't give up, sir. He needs you."

John glanced towards the wall before looking back at the younger man. "I think if the past two months proved anything, they proved that he doesn't need me."

Johns was quiet for a second. "Did you know, sir, that before Rodney I'd never dated anyone?"

John nodded. "Connor told me."

"I never used to think that I needed someone. I've been on my own practically my whole life, sir. My mom walked out when I was four and my dad…spent more days drunk than the President spends in the White House. Then I met Rodney. Now, I don't think I can live without him. I _need_ him to be there when I wake up, I _need_ him to tell me all the horrible ways we could die before I've finished my first cup of coffee, I _need_ him to love me. Maybe I could survive without him, go back to the way I was before, but was that living, sir? Or just being alive? Connor needs you. You weren't there when he tried to crawl inside of a bottle. You didn't experience your best friend dying a little bit more everyday. No one blames you, sir. Not Connor, not me, not Teyla or Ronon. Just you."

"I don't know how to help him." John said quietly. "I don't know how to make this better."

"Did you know how to help him before?" The Corporal asked gently.

John shook his head. "No. But it's worse now."

"It's not worse, sir, just different. Connor told me that you've helped him more than anyone else. He told me that his nightmares have decreased significantly since meeting you, that his people skills have never been better, that you've helped him learn how to live a little."

John paused. "He said that?"

"All that and more, sir." Johns confirmed. "Major Lorne and I… we tried to be there for him. We camped out on his floor until he shoved us out and locked the door until even Rodney couldn't open it. Teyla and Ronon tried to be there more, hell, sir, even Rodney bugged him so often that Connor asked Atlantis to stop making coffee until he stopped."

"He did?"

Johns smiled. "Yes, sir. The peasants almost revolted, sir."

"You can call me John, at least while we're alone."

Johns paused. "Then call me Eric please."

John blinked, he was certainly easier to convince than Lorne was. "Sure."

"Anyways, we couldn't help him with anything that you did for him. Connor's strong, John, we all know that but needing you doesn't make him any less strong."

* * *

Ronon stalked through the hallways of Atlantis. He was heading for the punching bag that Sheppard's people had brought from Earth. It wasn't as satisfying as hearing bones crack and men groan, but he could hit it over and over without needing to find a new partner to fight in the middle.

Ronon had seen a lot of horrible things in his time: villages wiped out, people eaten by the Wraith, people killing each other for food…but none had been this personal in a long time. A heavy weight was settling over him; a weight he hadn't felt since Sheppard's capture and torture by the Genii.

Irish had been bleeding and broken when they'd arrived. His eyes were haunted in a way that they hadn't been before he'd been captured. Ronon paused then shook his head, no in a way they hadn't been since before Sheppard was Sheppard.

Ronon stalked into the gym and with one glare it cleared out of all the Marines in there. He locked the door the way that Irish had showed him and he moved over to his target. It hung from the ceiling, swaying lightly since one of the Marines had just used it.

Ronon pulled his fist back before pushing it forward with as much force as he could muster. The bag jerked heavily and swung backwards. Ronon grinned as he hit the bag again and again and again. He ignored the small amount of pain building up in his knuckles. Jennifer could fix them later, now he had some anger to work through.

Sweat poured down his face and Ronon wasn't sure how long he'd been hitting the bag. It didn't really matter to him, but he knew that Jennifer wanted to get dinner. He grumbled and for once wished he'd taken Sheppard up on his offer of a watch. Ronon grabbed a towel from a nearby table, roughly rubbing it against his face to get rid of the sweat. He tossed it aside and then turned back towards the door. He paused when he saw a figure sitting on the table.

Ronon hesitated. "How long have you been here?"

"A couple hours."

The Satedan tried not to wince. He'd let his guard down and hadn't even realized he was being watched. "Sorry. Is it dinner time?"

Jennifer Keller looked at her watch. "If you want it to be." She answered softly. "Come here." Ronon's feet were moving towards her before he could even think about it. He stopped in front of her and she grabbed his left hand. "You know, some people like to use tape."

Ronon snorted and looked away. "So?"

She grabbed for the other hand, dropping the left. "Want me to fix this before dinner?" Ronon shook his head. He wanted the burn to last as long as possible. He'd failed Irish. He'd failed Sheppard. He could live with this. "Okay." She said simply. Jennifer slid off the table, falling between Ronon and the table. She raised a hand to his cheek. "I'm here if you want to talk, Ronon."

He bore his eyes into hers and wondered how he'd been so lucky to find her. "Later." He decided.

"Alright." She dropped her hand from his cheek and slid it down into his hand. "So, dinner?" She asked in a light voice.

"Yeah."

* * *

"Finally." Rodney grumbled as he pulled his shirt off. "I thought Keller was going to keep you there forever and subject you to more voodoo."

Eric offered his boyfriend a half smile while toeing off his shoes. "I like Dr. Keller."

Rodney snorted. "Blonde, perky…what's not to like?"

"Her vagina." Eric said, scrunching his nose up.

Rodney laughed at that. "I guess that would be a turn off for some." He stepped out of his pants. "So you don't mind the boobs?"

Eric kept his face scrunched up. "Yeah, those are pretty gross too. Too soft and squishy."

Rodney, now naked, came up behind his almost naked boyfriend and reached a hand down Eric's front, lighting grabbing his member. "Nothing soft here." He mumbled into the younger man's ear.

Eric shivered in his arms and Rodney let him go briefly so Eric could take his shirt off. "Mmm. I've missed you." Eric sighed.

"Are you complaining that I didn't visit enough?" Rodney asked as he rubbed his hips against Eric's butt.

"Are you kidding?" Eric asked with a soft moan, leaning backwards into Rodney. "Ben and Jim still haven't stopped asking questions about why you were there."

"Just tell them."

Eric sighed. "Not everyone is as willing to look the other way as Major Lorne's team is."

"Lorne's team knows?" Rodney asked curiously.

"Just that Connor's gay."

"Oh." Rodney thought about that for a moment. So Davids was willing to admit to others that he was gay, even if Eric claimed his friend wasn't really gay just mostly.

"Stop thinking about Connor." Eric ordered. "It's creeping me out when you have your hand on my dick."

Rodney laughed. "Sorry."

"How sorry are you?" Eric asked, reaching behind him and letting his hand rest on Rodney's butt.

Rodney paused. He wondered what Eric was really asking. It sounded like maybe Eric wanted to switch up positions, and fuck, Rodney felt his cock twitch at the thought. "Very, very sorry." He breathed.

Eric turned around in his arms to meet his eyes, surprise written on his face. "Really?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Yes, really. Bed." He commanded. "Before I change my mind."

Eric smiled shyly and pulled out of Rodney's arms, leading the older man to the bed. Rodney paused one more time. "Are you sure you're okay to do this?" He asked, eyeing his boyfriend's bruised and battered body.

Eric gave him a look that said he'd had worse. "Yes."

"Tell me if I'm hurting you." Rodney said quietly.

"I will." Eric promised. "Now come here."

Later, when they'd finished and Rodney was feeling just a little bit sore, he watched as Eric slept. He tried not to wonder if this is what Eric looked like when he was younger: bruises covering his body, small healing cuts on his torso. The younger man also had the sheets gripped tightly in his hand, clenching them in his fist. Rodney hesitated before reaching a hand out and ghosting it over some of the darker bruises. Eric's eyes snapped open and his gaze held an expression of terror for a moment before his eyes settled on Rodney.

"What're you doing?" He asked gently.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Rodney." Eric mumbled, already half asleep.

"I won't let anyone else hurt you."

Eric chuckled lightly, his eyes closing. "I'm in the Marines…it's my job to get hurt."

"That's not what I meant." Rodney said softly.

"I know."

* * *

The door to Teyla's quarters slid open and she smiled as Evan stepped in, the doors closing behind him. Evan had been off-world at the Alpha site for most of the past forty-eight hours. Teyla had only seen him briefly when he'd stopped in to visit Connor a couple of times.

"How's the Doc?" Evan asked, moving towards her.

"John says he is to be released within the hour." Teyla offered as she reached a hand out towards him. He pulled her into a tight hug, one she returned.

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

Teyla paused. "I believe he will, with time."

"And Colonel Sheppard?" Evan mumbled into her hair.

"I… John I am much less sure about." She admitted.

"We'll keep an eye on both of them."

Teyla smiled and pulled back out of the hug. "I fear we will not see either of them for several days."

Evan raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Colonel Carter has given them both time off to…recuperate." Teyla said lightly.

"Hm. I knew that, but I wasn't aware that they'd taken her up on her offer."

"Mm, yes, neither John nor Connor fought the idea." She stepped away from Evan and went back to undressing. When she heard his gun hit her bedside table she assumed her boyfriend was now doing the same thing. "Will you be going back to the Alpha site?"

"No. We're finished with them." Evan said and Teyla could detect anger and exhaustion in his voice. She heard the mattress make a small noise of protest as he sat down. "Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, Teyla. I…" He trailed off.

Teyla turned around, halfway finished with untying her Athosian shirt. Evan had his head in his hands and his shoulders were hunched over as he sat on the edge of the bed. She walked over and sat down next to him placing a warm hand on his back. "You what?"

"I couldn't even keep my best friend safe. Connor was with those… people for hours! He's a scientist, he shouldn't be out there fighting our fights."

"Do you truly believe that?" She asked quietly. "That the fights belong only to your military?"

Evan sighed. "I don't know. I-" His voice cracked. "I love him, Teyla. He's closer to me than my own family is. I just… I just want to put him in a goddamned box and keep him there."

"And you believe Connor would allow that to happen?" Her tone was gentle.

Evan offered a broken laugh. "No." He turned to face her. "He would hate that."

"Yes, he would." She agreed. "Connor is a scientist, he searches for the truths of the world. How can he find those truths if he remains in his lab all day? For a time his life may have been satisfactory, but I believe that John has changed him in this way. Do you remember how Connor was when you first met him?" She could see him searching his memory and he nodded. "Tell me of him."

"He was trying to qualify to use our shooting range. A lot of my guys had known him back at the SGC, but I never did. I guess our paths just didn't cross." Evan said softly. "He was shy, modest… he still is." He shook his head. "After that I found him at the range a few times and eventually we started having lunch together. I would tell him about my missions and he seemed so interested in them, seemed so happy that someone was talking to him."

"You were his first friend." Teyla observed softly.

Evan nodded. "And I could never get that. He's smart and funny… and with that memory of his he can keep up with Reed when he starts quoting movies."

"Was there ever a time that you considered him weak?" She asked.

"Weak?" Evan paused. "I'm not sure. I've always thought him young, but when he talks about his childhood, how all the kids used to pick on him and how he grew up without friends… How could he be weak to have made it this far?"

"And yet now that he has made it this far he is weaker than before?"

Evan half laughed, half sobbed. "No. But that doesn't make me want to protect him any less."

"Let John protect him." Teyla said gently.

"But who protects him from Colonel Sheppard?" He asked reaching for her hand.

Teyla grabbed his hand and held it tightly in her own. "Maybe we should let Connor learn how to protect himself from John."

"He won't." Evan said with a shake of his head.

"Perhaps you're right." She offered softly. "But should he not be able to try on his own first?"

* * *

"Come with me." John asked him with an unreadable expression on his face. He held his hand down to Connor who was situated on his bed in his quarters after finally being released from the infirmary.

"Where are we going?" Connor asked, even as he took John's hand.

"Do you trust me?" His partner asked lightly but there was a more serious undertone to his question.

"Yes." Connor answered without hesitation. John smiled gently and it lit up his face. For a moment Connor felt his chest tighten at the image.

"Close your eyes." The older man commanded gently. John tugged him out of the door of their quarters stepping up behind him and placing a warm hand over Connor's eyes, blocking his sight. John led him down the hallway with a gentle hand on Connor's hip. The linguist heard the almost silent opening of the transporter doors and John ushered them in. A few moments later they were stepping out again and the warm hand on his hip directed him to the right.

Connor could feel a slight breeze and smell the ocean as well as…something burning? They turned right again and the breeze grew stronger, but it was warm instead of cold and soft instead of harsh. "Okay." John whispered in his ear, dropping his hand down to rest on Connor's stomach.

Connor slowly opened his eyes and took everything in. There were candles everywhere, if Connor had to guess he would say probably close to a hundred. The room was big, probably as big as the mess with one exception: a wall was missing. In its place was a balcony, with a wide railing, overlooking the edge of the city. There was a long overhang over the balcony to protect its users from the elements. In the corner was a pile of blankets and pillows.

Connor turned around to look at John, his face aglow in the candlelight. "You did this for me?"

John smiled softly. "Yes." Then he took a step back and held out his hand. Connor looked at it questionably but placed his own hand within. "Can I have this dance?" John asked quietly.

Connor blinked. "I-I can't dance."

John's smile never faltered. "Please."

"Okay." Connor said softly.

John pulled him closer and reached down to gently move Connor's arms up and around his neck. John's own hands settled around Connor's waist. They stood close enough for their shirts to touch and John gently began to take small steps, moving them in a circle. There was no music, at least none that Connor could hear. John seemed to be moving to a song only he heard, that is, until he slid his head next to Connor's and his warm breath tickled the linguist's ear.

" _Just the other day, we were in love_." John began softly, his voice a little bit shaky. " _Still joined as one, like two wings on a dove_." He paused for a breath. _"Just you and me, sure of ourselves."_

"John-" Connor began to protest. He knew this song. He knew every word. John was singing it slower than Connor had ever heard it, and perhaps a bit off-key.

"Shh." John quieted him softly. _"Sure of anything, as much as anyone else."_ Connor tightened his arms around John's neck as his breath hitched. _"But we're just two lost lonely people now. We're just two lost lonely people now."_ John placed a soft kiss on Connor's cheek. _"Without a goodbye, the little bird in our hands. Shot into the night, took off with our plans."_

John pulled his head back to look at Connor before leaning forward and resting their foreheads against each other's. Connor's blue eyes met his hazel-green ones. _"But something good won't go too far and if we try to be true, it may come back to our hearts."_ Connor blushed as John gazed intently at him. _"But we're just two lost lonely people now. We're just two lost lonely people now."_ John's nose gently touched his. _"Ever since we tethered it's been you and me together and that's just how we got by."_ John pulled back and Connor could see his whole face, including the unshed tear glistening in his eyes. _"'Cos birds of a feather, they always stick together, so let's brave the weather and fly."_

Connor cut in. " _Sit with me for a while, come into the light. Our love is strong, we can win this fight."_ He slid a hand down from John's neck to wipe away the tear that had just fallen, leaving his hand on John's cheek. _"'Cos something so good won't go too far and if we try to be true, it may come back to our hearts. It may come back to our hearts."_

John's eyes held a question in them and Connor slowly nodded in response. Their feet stopped moving and John slowly, so slowly, leaned his head down and Connor titled his up to meet John's. Their lips touched so hesitantly that Connor almost felt like it was their first kiss all over again. John didn't push for more, didn't try to deepen the kiss, instead their lips rested against each other's in a gentle caress. After a few moments Connor pulled back and John didn't attempt to stop him.

"John." He whispered. He stared into his boyfriend's eyes. John's soulful green-hazel eyes were filled with pain and doubt; they were filled with uncertainty and despair. John was _hurting_. His strong, confident, beautiful partner was hurting. "I love you. I wish I could make this better."

"Me too." John whispered. "I'm… my heart hurts, Connor. I want to wake up and have all of this be a bad dream."

"I know what you mean."

"I don't even know where to start to fix this." John admitted quietly.

"You've already started." Connor told him.

John nodded once and reached up to grab Connor's hand. He threaded their fingers together and pulled Connor over towards the pile of blankets and pillows. They both bent down to arrange the pile without letting go of each other. Soon John was leaning against the wall and Connor was sitting between his legs, his back to John's chest. Their joined hands rested high on Connor's thigh. Connor moved John's other hand underneath his shirt to rest on his stomach as the older man seemed hesitant to touch him. "Will you tell me about the past two months?" John beseeched quietly.

Connor took a deep breath. "I was there when you woke up. You didn't know who I was and so I asked you if you wanted to see Teyla, Ronon or Rodney. You seemed to latch on to Teyla's name and I called her for you. After that they arranged a schedule for you, so you wouldn't be by yourself until you had your bearings again. You went through-"

"Tell me about you." John interrupted softly. "Rodney's told me about me."

Connor swallowed. "I spent most of my free time combing the Ancient database for anything that could help you. Daniel started helping me after a few weeks. Someone was usually with me, I think Evan thought he was being sneaky." Connor said with an eye roll. "But I know when I'm being watched. After a month I joined Ben's team, by then you'd still remembered almost nothing and I needed something more to…to keep me going."

"How'd you sleep?" John gently questioned.

"Few hours a night." Connor answered honestly.

"Eric said they camped out on your floor."

Connor smiled. "Yeah. But I couldn't take it after a while. I just needed time to myself. You're the only one who ever got that about me."

John kissed his temple. "I'll give you as much time as you need."

"Thank you." Connor said softly. "One night was really bad."

"Our anniversary?"

Connor shook his head. "That night was bad too, but this was before then. I think I really scared Evan. All I kept hearing was your voice in my head. I made him leave, Eric too. I… I tried to pray for you, John. It-it didn't work."

John rubbed his hand in a small circle on Connor's stomach. "Didn't it? I'm right here. Doesn't God work in his own time?"

"Yeah." Connor laughed sadly. "He does. After that is when I joined Ben's team. By then a few weeks had passed."

"And you tried to climb into a bottle?"

" _Did_ , I did climb into a bottle." Connor corrected. "I wanted to be so drunk that I could forget you."

"Did it work?" John asked quietly.

"No." Connor said with a shake of his head. "I forgot everything but you. If someone had asked me my name I wouldn't have been able to tell them it, but if someone had asked anything about you…" He drifted off. "Anyways, around… I have no idea around when, I was pretty far gone by then, but everyone showed up, Teyla, Ronon, Eric, Evan, even Rodney. Evan gave me lots of water to drink while they finished off what was left."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it wasn't your fault."

John paused. "So what about the next month?"

"I sent in my application to Cal-Tech, but I haven't heard back from them yet."

"I'm sure you'll get in just fine." John murmured into his ear.

"Thanks." Connor said with a blush. "After that I went on missions, I translated Ancient and in my spare time I kept looking for ways to help you. I researched everything that Dr. Keller had on amnesia. Eventually I found mention of the Ancient machine and Rodney fixed it up and here we are." He paused for a second. "You came to me, you know?"

"When?"

"When we found the machine. You wanted to know if I thought you should use it."

"I remember you saying something about… me not knowing any Christmas songs."

"Yeah. I wanted to know if you were happy because if you were happy then I wasn't going to tell you to use it. But you lied to me, you said you were happy and I knew you weren't."

"You were going to tell me not to use it? You wanted me to stay like that?"

Connor bit his lip. "No. I never wanted you to stay like that, but if you were happier like that than you were before… I wasn't going to take that away."

"You thought I could be happy without you?" John asked, astonished.

"Yeah."

"I can't be." John told him firmly. "I remember walking around Atlantis with Mary and fuck, Connor, being with her didn't make me half as happy as I was when I spent time with you in jumper lessons, and we weren't even together then! In some ways I'm glad you didn't know me when we first got here, I wasn't… I wasn't in the best place. I'd just spent three years in Antarctica and before that I'd spent four years in Afghanistan… I was messed up, Con. Mary would have been a distraction from all of that but it wouldn't have really meant anything, not like you do."

"I've missed that." Connor said quietly.

"Missed what?"

"'Con', no one else calls me it. I like it when you say it."

"I like to say it." John mumbled into his ear, "and I like that no one calls you that but me."

"John." Connor said, turning his head to the side so he could face John's profile. His boyfriend leaned away from him a little so he could turn his own head to face Connor's.

"Hm?"

Connor reached a hand out and traced John's jawbone down his face, ghosting fingers over his chin and up the other side. He gently caressed John's cheek before lightly running his fingers over John's eyebrows and across his forehead. John closed his eyes at the touch and Connor took that as permission to gently move his fingers over John's eyelids and then down his nose. He paused for a second before tracing John's lips. Connor was recommitting his boyfriend's face to memory. He hadn't been allowed to touch John for months and despite his boyfriend's recent reluctance to touch Connor, Connor wasn't going to stand for any of it. "You're still so beautiful." Connor whispered.

"Connor." John's voice hitched. "God, when you look at me like that…"

"Like what?" Connor breathed.

John hesitated. "I don't know."

"Like you're the most important person in the world? In my world?" John shook his head in denial but Connor pressed on. "Like I would die if you disappeared?"

"Did… did you ever consider it?" John asked quietly, hesitantly, like he didn't want to know the answer.

Connor bit his lip and looked away. "What would you do if I said yes?"

John inhaled sharply but answered him. "I honestly don't know."

Connor was silent for a second. "I never really considered it. I told you once that I did…" John nodded. "And I still can't for the same reason, I'm not sure God could forgive that. I-I also never really gave up hope that you would remember."

"So what do we do now?"

The younger man pondered their options. "Now… now we take the time off that Colonel Carter offered us and we spend some time together."

"I could live with that." John murmured.

"Anything you want to do?" Connor asked softly.

John was quiet for a long while and Connor started to think that he wouldn't answer the question. "I want to sit here with you until you know I won't disappear." He said quietly.

"I-I think I can do that."

John pressed a hesitant kiss to his temple and then leaned his head back against the wall and tugged Connor's head back against his shoulder. "Good."


	41. Lifeboats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 41 : Lifeboats**

Author's Notes :  
\- _Yahtzee_ belongs to Hasbro.  
\- Definition of linguistics is taken from the Merriam-Webster dictionary.  
\- _Tickle Me Elmo_ belongs to Tyco.  
\- Title is from _Lifeboats_ by Snow Patrol.  
\- Edited content is at my listed homepage.  
\- This was a really hard chapter to write for some reason, so bear with me. This is all the result of the worst writer's block in the world.  
\- P.S. Did anyone catch Universe? They canceled Atlantis for _that_?

* Special thanks to Flowerfairy30, DarkAtlas1990, and JackD for letting me bounce some ideas.

BETA : JackD

* * *

They danced, they cried and they talked. Connor wasn't sure if he had ever talked this much in his life. In fact, he was starting to think that if you took everything he'd ever said in his life and put it in a box, the box of words from this past week would be larger. And John… John had talked more than Connor was sure he'd ever talked also. They talked until they were hoarse and then they talked some more. But sometimes, sometimes there were long periods of silence. Long periods where Connor couldn't stop glancing at John to make sure he was still there. Long periods where John's eyes were haunted and broken. Long periods that felt awkward in a way their relationship had never felt before.

They'd spent the first two days of their time off in the room John had led him to. Just the two of them, seven MREs, and water for both. Despite the two months apart, they'd still fit together perfectly; Connor's head pillowed on John's chest and a hand fiercely gripping John's dog tags. Connor would be receiving his own since he joined SGA-4 and was waiting for them to arrive. He wasn't sure whether or not John realized that Connor was no longer wearing the ones he had given him.

With every second of every passing day, Connor fell back in love. He'd never really been out of love, but maybe now he better understood what his father meant when he said you could love someone without being in love with them. John was different then before, just a little. His movements slightly jerky as if he were never sure what to do, his words a little more careful, his glances a little bit longer and his heart a tiny bit broken.

Connor thought that if you asked all of their friends as to who would have the most problem sliding back into their relationship, it would have been Connor. Except that it wasn't. Connor had always known about his boyfriend's capacity for guilt, but never really experienced it first hand, until now. Everything in John's body language was apologetic and sorry. Nothing Connor could say or do would convince John that it wasn't his fault.

"I love you." Connor mumbled into John's chest.

* * *

"I love you too, Con." John whispered back, placing a gentle kiss on the top of Connor's head. Four days ago, after coming back to the linguist's quarters, John had found their larger mattress back in place. When asked, Connor mumbled something about Lorne and Ronon before pulling John on to it and crashing on top of him for the night, exhausted after two days of talking.

John gently ran his fingers up and down Connor's arm lying on his chest. They both had shirts on as well as pajama bottoms, something neither had worn in months. If John er honest it wasn't Connor that really had the problem, it was him. Somewhere around lunchtime yesterday all of his memories had returned and John found himself remembering everything he had done, including his time spent with Mary, in more detail than he would have liked. It felt like a betrayal of Connor.

John had never slept with her or come anywhere close but he still felt as though his body was a traitor for wanting to sleep with her, for touching her, for being turned on. Connor had been so understanding that John had only felt worse.

"What are you thinking about?" A soft voice asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"Mary." John answered honestly. They had one rule for talking: honesty. They had to be honest with each other and with themselves or else talking wouldn't work. If they didn't want to answer a question, then they had to say they didn't want to answer a question; lying wasn't allowed.

"What about?"

"I hate that my body was turned on by her." John told him.

Connor was silent for a moment. "She's pretty and from what you've told me she was smart and funny. What's there not to like?"

 _Other than the fact that she wasn't you?_ "I feel betrayed by my body." John murmured. And wasn't that the heart of the matter? John's body had forgotten Connor, had created the two worst months of his life.

"I know." Connor whispered.

John sighed. They had gone through so many different emotions the past week: anger, sadness, betrayal, hurt, fear, love, remorse, apprehension, acceptance, grief, loathing, annoyance, longing, resentment, shame, guilt, loneliness and more. John thought they'd probably gone through the whole damn color wheel of emotions. He was tired of them. John was more than ready to go back to a constant state of happiness, worry and love. But even though they'd worked through their emotions, it didn't mean they were gone, it just meant they didn't sting as badly as they did before.

"Connor?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I kiss you?" Another thing John hadn't been able to convince himself to stop doing was asking before he touched his partner.

In response Connor shifted on the bed and leaned his head up toward John's pressing their lips together. As a result of John's newer reticence, Connor had become a little bit more take-charge in his actions. It was a role that John wasn't sure his boyfriend was particularly comfortable with, but it was a role he'd nonetheless picked up until John was ready to carry it again.

The kiss was sweet and when they broke apart it left John wanting more. Connor seemed to be of the same thought as he leaned in again. John met him halfway and Connor rolled on top of him, never separating their lips. John's hands landed softly on Connor's back, he was hesitant to settle their weight onto the younger man. "I won't break." Connor mumbled as he pulled back from John's now swollen lips.

"I-I know."

Connor gently slid his hands, palm down, up John's chest under his shirt, the cloth catching on his wrists and being dragged up with his hands. He kept going until he reached John's shoulders. Then his hands slid up John's arms, carefully easing the older man's shirt off and over his head. Once John's shirt was thrown aside, Connor reached for his own, tugging it off and tossing it in the direction John's had gone. Connor gently eased down on top of John, pressing their bare chests together and turning his head to the side, settling his ear over John's heart. " _A chuisle_." He sighed.

John shivered at the endearment and moved a hand up Connor's back to rest in the linguist's hair. "You cut it." He murmured.

"It really was getting long." Connor mumbled. He kissed John's chest softly and John didn't stop him as his kisses trailed south. Hesitant fingers dipped into the top of his pants. "May I?" Connor asked.

"Your injuries…" John protested softly.

"They're fine."

"But if they start hurting…"

"I'll tell you." Connor said, finishing his thought.

John licked his lips and nodded before lifting his hips up to help Connor slide his pajama bottoms off. The linguist tossed them somewhere over the side of the bed and John could feel the younger man's breath on his skin. Connor dipped his head down while John settled his fingers in the Irishman's soft locks, gasping in pleasure.

It was only later that John realized something was missing from Connor's person. "Connor?"

"Yeah?" Came his breathless reply.

John hesitated, "Where…" _are the dog tags I gave you?_ Except now John wasn't sure he wanted to know. And as he looked over at his boyfriend, not seeing them around Connor's neck hurt more than John thought it would. He'd given them to Connor because the younger man had been so obsessed with John's own. John wasn't sure when they had become so important to him. He reached out and gently tapped Connor's collarbone.

Connor turned his head to look John. "I took them off on our anniversary." He informed John quietly. "I haven't been able to retrieve them since we got back from that planet."

"But… but you want to?" John asked.

Connor's hand slipped into John's and the younger man squeezed it hard. "Yes."

John paused again. "Shouldn't you have your own? For joining Ramsey's team?" Every person who joined a team got their own set and wasn't that a morbid thought?

"Yeah, they haven't come in from Earth yet. I guess I'll just have to do my best not to die before then." He finished lightly.

"Or ever." John added.

"Or ever." Connor agreed.

And that breached another topic that they hadn't yet covered. Whether or not Connor was staying with SGA-4 now that he and John were back together. John wasn't sure he was ready to know the answer. In some ways he was proud of Connor; for moving on, making the most of his life, getting involved. In other ways he was all the more terrified.

Connor had told him about deciding to join the team and about missions he'd been on while John was… not himself. But he hadn't said anything about quitting the team and John wasn't sure he was going to and he wasn't sure he wanted Connor to.

"I love you." John said softly as he turned on his side to face Connor.

The younger man smiled at him. "I love you, too." Connor rolled onto his side facing John and snuggled under the arm John raised up, letting it fall heavily across Connor's back. The younger man tucked his head into the notch between John's shoulder and head. Their legs tangled up and John felt happy and warm; more content than he'd felt in a long time as he drifted off to sleep with Connor in his arms.

John jerked awake, unaware of what had woken him up. He reached out in the darkness for Connor and frowned to himself when his hand met only cold sheets and blankets. "Connor?" John got out of bed, pulled some boxers from the floor back on, and slowly padded barefoot across the cold floor. He knocked lightly on the outside of the bathroom door. "Connor?" He called again softly.

"Yeah?" Came his quiet response.

"Are you okay?"

There was a long pause. "I'm-" Then John heard the distinct sound of his boyfriend retching.

"I'm coming in." John declared and the door slid open. The bathroom was dark, if possible darker than the rest of the quarters, and John could barely make out Connor huddled on the floor over the toilet. He sunk to his knees behind Connor and gently rested a warm hand on the younger man's shoulder as Connor continued to heave. John gently rubbed his hand over Connor's back, attempting to soothe his partner. "Is there anything I can do?" John asked softly. Connor shook his head lightly in response to John's question. "Okay." Finally, _finally_ , Connor stopped. His body sagged heavily and John caught him before his head could hit the ground. John slowly lowered Connor down and the linguist took advantage of the coldness of the floor by pressing his head against it. John lightly ran his fingers through Connor's hair while Connor gripped the bottom of John's boxer shorts tightly. "One to ten?" John asked as quietly as he could.

A finger poked him weakly seven times. John hated this. He hated that there was something in Connor's life that caused him so much pain. He'd talked to Keller about migraines, the information she provided hadn't seemed promising. There wasn't really one known cause for migraines and short of drugging the patient or knocking them out there was little to be done to ease the pain. John knew that Connor hated the way the drugs made him feel, but what was worse was the inability to wake up that they created. Connor suffered from nightmares and the drugs would keep him in one, unable to escape into consciousness.

"Do you want to go back to bed? I can get Ronon." Connor was quiet for a long time and John feared that he might have passed out on his own from the pain but then a finger drew three letters into his thigh: y-e-s. "Okay. I'm going to shut the bathroom door so the light from the hallway doesn't bother you." Connor's hand gently rubbed John's knee and he took that as permission.

John stood slowly, careful not to jar the younger man in any way. He stepped out of the bathroom and Atlantis shut the door behind him. John didn't even bother to look at the time as he padded out of his room and across the hallway in his boxers. He rang Ronon's door and a few seconds later the Satedan answered, dressed similarly to John. "Sheppard." He greeted as though it was normal for John to show up in his underwear at some unknown time in the middle of the night.

"Ronon, hey, I need your help." Ronon nodded and stepped out of his room and John could only just make Keller out on his teammate's bed before the door shut. "Connor has another migraine." John explained. "He's on the bathroom floor, I need some help getting him back into bed."

"Is Irish okay?" Ronon asked as the door to Connor's quarters slid open for them.

"He should be fine in a few hours." The door slid shut and the bathroom door slid open. "Connor?" John called softly. "Ronon's here."

John watched as the bigger man approached his partner carefully and then with more gentleness than he'd have thought possible, Ronon bent down and slowly lifted Connor into his hands, cradling the scientist close. He took light steps keeping his body even so as not to jar Connor any further. Despite the care he showed, Connor let out a couple painful moans and John felt his chest tighten. Ronon set Connor down gently onto their bed. He turned to John. "Call if you need anything else."

John nodded. "Thanks, Ronon." He pulled a blanket up over Connor's head as the Satedan left and light from the hallway briefly entered. When the door shut again he tugged the quilt back down. A hand wormed out to find John's, squeezing it tightly. John hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed and Connor shuffled around a little until his head landed on John's upper thigh, half on his boxers and half off. John tugged the bottom of the shorts up so the hem wouldn't be pressing into Connor's face. The position was intimate outside of sex and Connor's warm breath on his skin was a soothing balm to his soul, giving him hope that with a little more time things could be as they were before.

Connor's breathing slowly began to even out and soon enough John's boyfriend was sleeping. John rested his hand on Connor's head, letting the scientist's warm presence wash over him.

When John woke for a second time he sighed as his hand found cold sheets again. He looked up and found his missing boyfriend at his desk typing away at his computer, the bright screen illuminating the room. "Connor? What are you doing?" John asked, voice raspy from sleep.

"Checking my e-mail."

"How are you feeling?" John asked, getting out of the bed. He walked over to stand behind Connor. John bent forward and hugged Connor from behind while leaning over his shoulder.

"Better."

"Headache gone?"

"Mostly." Connor admitted.

"Come back to bed." John beseeched.

"In a minute." Connor promised. "Ben said he'd e-mail me when Jim was released."

"Sgt. Smith?"

"Yeah. Keller held him longer than us since his injuries were more severe."

John ran a thumb back and forth over the skin it was resting on. "Hmm, you have," He squinted at the screen. "Forty-two new e-mails? Since yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, I never realized how many people e-mailed you."

Connor gave a soft laugh. "Most of them are from your guys." He said, reaching up to poke John's hand.

"My guys? My guys know how to e-mail?"

"With correct spelling and everything." Connor added.

"I'll have to talk to Lorne about this." John joked. "What do they want?"

"Mostly computer questions." Connor clicked one open and pointed to it. "In this one Lt. Raifa is asking about adding some more disk space to her laptop."

"Aren't there geeks for all of this?" John asked, reading through the e-mail. "I mean, I knew you were helping them, but I didn't realize that so many of them were asking for help."

Connor shrugged. "Most of the scientists don't really like your guys."

"No kidding." John said under his breath but knew Connor could hear him anyways. "Have I ever told you how awesome I think it is that you do this?"

Connor turned his head and looked up at John. "Really?"

"Totally." John confirmed. "Before you came Lorne and I used to have to deal with a lot of this. I got a ton of grumbling from Rodney about my Marines breaking computers with their bare hands. Before you it got to the point that most of my guys weren't even using their computers because they had so many problems with them." John smiled and kissed Connor's cheek. "You've been amazing."

Connor blushed. "I'm, ah, sure others would help if they knew."

John laughed. "If you want to think that." He kissed Connor's cheek again. "So you'll come back to bed after answering those?" He asked with a loose gesture towards the screen.

"Yeah."

"How long will you be?"

"Twenty minutes?" Connor guessed. "The beginner's book on linguistics came a few weeks ago." Connor said quietly. "I put it in the dresser if you want to look at it."

"Definitely." John told him. "Which drawer?"

"Second to the top on the left." John pressed another kiss to Connor's temple before extracting himself from the younger man and heading over to the dresser to retrieve the book. It was right where Connor promised and John pulled it out, shutting the drawer. He ran his finger over the title and remembered when Connor had ordered it.

" _So it's not boring? Translating all day?" John asked, running his fingers through Connor's hair._

" _I do more than that." Connor insisted._

 _The linguist had his head pillowed on John's chest. "Tell me." John said softly._

" _About?"_

" _What you do all day, what linguistics is, why you like it… that kind of stuff."_

" _What do you want to know about linguistics?"_

" _Everything." John said simply._

 _Connor laughed. "What if I tell you a little now and buy you a really good book on it."_

" _It'd better not be one of those thousand-page books you're always reading." John warned._

" _It won't be. You'll like this one."_

 _John smiled. "Deal." He ran his fingers through Connor's hair again. "So tell me about it."_

" _Well simply put it's the study of languages… less simply put it's the study of human speech, including the units, nature, structure, and modification of language."_

" _Huh?"_

 _Connor smiled and twirled a finger in his dog tags. "I look at languages and see how they've changed over the years."_

" _Has English changed a lot?"_

 _Connor chuckled. "Oh yeah."_

"Cool." John said softly to himself, flipping through the book. He walked back over to the bed and sat down, his back up against the wall, legs stretched out in front of him. John opened the book to the first page and began to read.

Connor was right. He did like this book. It was easy to understand and the author didn't assume his reader was a kindergartener; he was even funny at times. John was on page thirty-seven when the door rang. Connor tilted his head and John figured he was doing that thing he does with Atlantis. After a second Connor stood up to answer the door.

"Ahem." John broke in.

Connor looked at him wide-eyed. "Yes?" He asked confused.

John gestured with a hand to Connor's body. "You're in your knickers." He said, using Connor's word.

Connor rolled his eyes. "It's just Eric."

"So? If no one sees my goods but you… I think it should go the other way."

Connor looked at him skeptically. "There are no goods on display." He argued. "And Eric saw me in my swim trunks, this is practically the same."

"Except for the gaping hole in the front."

Connor just stared at him. John sighed. "Fine. But if everyone we know starts seeing you in your underwear, I won't be responsible for any actions on my part."

Connor smiled. "Deal." He opened the door.

* * *

Eric was breathing hard as he rolled, naked, onto his back landing next to Rodney on the bed. "Jesus Christ, Rodney." He panted. "You've been holding out on me."

Rodney laughed. "Glad to be of service."

"Shit." Eric swore. "That should be illegal."

"I'm sure it is in many parts of your inferior country." Rodney offered in reply. "Now Canada, on the other hand…"

Eric reached out to grab Rodney's hand and the older man didn't say anything, just allowing him to hold on tightly. "Is the better country." Eric finished. "I got it the twelfth time you mentioned it."

"Yes, well, it can never be said too often."

"I'm sure." Eric agreed. It was silent for a few moments and all Eric heard was his and Rodney's breathing, still slowing down. "So, how do you think Connor is?"

Rodney snorted. "Probably better off than Sheppard."

"You think so?" Eric asked curiously.

"You don't know Sheppard like I do. His propensity for guilt is enormous. I bet he's still whining about how sorry he is that he left Davids."

"But he didn't leave Connor."

"In his mind he did."

"Well Connor will tell him it wasn't his fault."

"Like he'll listen. _Please_. Sheppard has more issues than that linguist of his."

"Connor."

"Yes, Connor, whatever." Eric could practically feel his boyfriend's eyes roll.

"So do you think they'll work it out?"

Rodney paused. "Sure."

Eric turned his head to look at the older man. "Are you lying again? Didn't we talk about this?"

"You always think I'm lying! When have I ever lied?"

"When I asked you if you liked Green Day and you said yes."

"I thought that was some sort of day dedicated to preserving the planet!"

"Uh huh." Eric agreed skeptically. "Or what about that time when I asked if you knew how to play _Yahtzee_ and you said you did?"

"It's a family game!" Rodney said haughtily. "How hard could it be?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask the dice you lost?" Eric answered sarcastically.

"How can you even blame that on me?"

"You tried to juggle them and lost three!"

"So?"

"So you need five to play!"

"Well that's just two examp-"

"Or that time when you said you could help me with my homework?" Eric cut in.

"Well, when I was in school they didn't require us to take _psychology_!"

"Uh huh."

"They didn't." Rodney insisted. "And none of that was really lying."

"Not really lying?"

"Yeah, it was just…"

"Not admitting when you don't know something?"

"Yes! That… hey! Wait a minute." Rodney frowned

"Yes, Rodney?"

"You tricked me." His boyfriend accused.

"How did I do that?"

"I don't know! But you did."

"So were you lying about them working out?" Eric asked, going back to his original question.

"Why would I lie! Sheppard says I need to ease off telling the truth because I make too many people cry. But you always seem to think I'm lying."

"Well maybe John is not as… adept at catching your lies."

"Or maybe John just knows I'm not lying! And since when do you call him John?"

"Since he asked me to." Eric paused. "So you really think they'll work out?"

Rodney paused again. "Sure."

"Urgh."

"What?"

Eric sighed. "Nothing."

"Why won't you just tell me?"

"Do you think it's weird that we haven't heard from them?"

"They're probably fucking like bunnies." Rodney mumbled.

Eric whacked him on the stomach. "Gross, Rodney, and yeah right. It's been six days; I'm worried."

"When aren't you worried?" Eric whacked him again. "Would you stop that? Geez." Rodney said, rubbing his stomach. "You and the whole base worry about that kid. It's a wonder he's allowed to wipe himself."

Eric made a face. "Again, gross."

Rodney snorted. "Whatever. If you're so worried, why don't you just go talk to him."

"And bother him while he's trying to fix things with John? Are you crazy?"

Rodney groaned. "Can we go back to more sex?"

"Don't deflect."

"There's that psycho babble again." Rodney sighed. "I'm sure it would be fine if you stopped by for a couple minutes to see how he was doing."

"You think?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Eric agreed, letting go of Rodney's hand. He pulled away.

"Wait, you're going now?"

"Yes." Eric answered as he sat up. He swung his legs over his side of the bed, standing up. Eric walked around searching for his pants and shirt, once located he put them on. He headed for the door when Rodney's voice stopped him.

"You're not putting on shoes?"

"It's two doors down, Rodney."

"But the floor's cold."

"I'll survive."

"Whatever." Rodney said with a wave of his hand. "Go, satisfy your curiosity and then come back and blow me."

Eric rolled his eyes. "You really put the 'man' in romance, Rodney."

"I'll light a candle."

Eric shook his head but didn't answer as he left the older man's quarters. He walked quietly down the hallway to Connor's room. It was late… or early depending on how you looked at it. Eric wasn't even sure that Connor would be awake, but he had a burning need to talk to the younger man. When he reached his destination he raised his hand and rang Connor's door.

He was about to ring again when, for once, Connor answered the door instead of John and Eric desperately tried not to check his best friend out. Connor was only wearing boxers and the ten pounds he had put on had helped him fill out a bit more. He was hot. Eric blushed and looked back up at Connor's face. His friend was looking at him in confusion. "Um, Connor, hi." Eric stammered.

"Hey, Eric."

"Do you always answer the door in your underwear?"

Connor shrugged. "I knew it was you." He stepped back. "Come in."

Eric stepped in and couldn't help but glance around. Colonel Sheppard was lounging on the bed, his back against the wall, reading a book. Eric's brain took in the sight but was having a hard time processing it. That and the fact that Sheppard was also only wearing boxers.

"Did I interrupt?" Eric asked quietly.

Connor smiled. "Nope. I was catching up on my e-mail." He gestured towards the laptop at his desk. "And John was… is doing some reading. What can I, uh, do for you?"

Eric looked at Connor again, his eyes catching on two distinct bruises on the linguist's neck that couldn't be anything but hickeys. "I just wanted to see how you're doing." Eric said, his eyes drifting over to Sheppard again before drifting back up to Connor's face.

Connor smiled softly. "We're doing okay, I think." He said quietly. "It's been hard but, uh, we're working it out."

"If you ever need to talk to someone… I'm here." Eric said just as quietly, reaching to gently touch Connor's shoulder before dropping his hand.

"I know."

"Jim's being released tomorrow." Eric said, changing the subject.

Connor nodded. "Ben told me."

"Okay. Well, I guess I'll be going." Eric leaned in for a hug but before his arms could wrap around Connor a loud cough stopped him.

"The shoulder thing was fine." Sheppard called from the bed. "But don't think I'm going to let you grope my half naked partner who insists on answering the door in his boxers."

Connor blushed and Eric let a smile drift across his face. He held a hand out for Connor to shake instead. The linguist rolled his eyes and leaned forward, enveloping Eric in a hug. "Connor!" Eric heard in the background. He could feel Connor laughing before he pulled back.

"Thanks for stopping by, Eric." His friend said softly.

"Not a problem." He said, walking Eric to the door. "Say 'Hi' to Rodney for us."

Eric nodded. "Sure." And as the door closed behind him, Eric let a smile spread across his face. Connor had said _'for us'_. Maybe Rodney was right and they would work it out. They certainly seemed normal enough to Eric. He knew he'd have to get Connor by himself to pry more out of the linguist, but for now Eric was satisfied. He stepped into Rodney's room and the door slid shut behind him. "They say 'Hi'." He told his boyfriend.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Good, now get to it." He said with a gesture at his lower body.

Eric laughed. "I love you, Rodney." He said as he settled onto the bed between Rodney's legs.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you tell that to all the guys."

And Eric could have answered but his mouth was too full to.

* * *

"He was totally checking you out." John informed him as Connor took his place back at his desk, scanning through his few remaining e-mails.

"Eric?"

"And me." John added with a grin. "He checked us both out."

"Really?" Connor asked, bemused. He shut the laptop down and made his way back to the bed and sat next to John.

"Oh yeah."

"Oh." Connor said, scrunching his forehead. "Really?" He repeated.

"What did you expect?" John asked, setting his book aside. "We're hot."

"Um." Connor blushed. "I…you…we…uh…"

John laughed. "He probably pictured us having hot, gay, man love sex."

"Just now?" Connor asked.

"Well, maybe not just now, but I bet it's passed through his mind. You did say he was gay right? Like a hundred percent?"

"Yeah…"

"Then yeah, he's totally pictured it."

And now Connor was picturing it. "Oh." He felt his boxers begin to tent and blushed as he looked down.

John grinned. "Good picture, huh? Can I?" He reached out and pulled Connor towards him as the younger man nodded his permission. John's lips met his own in a hot, wet kiss. When Connor pulled back he was flushed, completely hard and panting. John didn't seem to be in much better condition. "Come here." John whispered, eyes dark with desire. He tugged Connor between his legs until Connor's back rested against John's chest and John's legs were on the outside of Connor's own. John hooked a thumb into the top of Connor's boxers. "Off." He breathed into Connor's ear. The younger man pulled them off with shaky hands and felt John's own erection pressing into his lower back through his boxers.

John's hands drifted down between Connor's legs to gently caress his thighs. "Can you picture us together?" He asked.

Connor moaned as he leaned his head back against John's shoulder. "Yeah."

"Who's on top?"

"Y-you." Connor stuttered as John's hands drifted across his skin.

"Really?" John sounded surprised at this but Connor was definitely ready to relinquish the controls of their physical relationship back to John. As much as he knew that John needed Connor to take over, Connor knew that the longer their positions were reversed the longer it would take for John to begin to feel secure again.

"Yeah." Connor sighed as he closed his eyes, surrendering himself to John's fingers.

"What am I doing?" John whispered in his ear.

A picture of him and John flashed across his mind. He had rarely thought about them doing this, but right now the images seemed seared into his brain. John was on top of him, his elbows rested on the sheets by Connor's side and his arms were underneath Connor's arms, his hands curled onto Connor's shoulders from underneath. They were both sweaty and hot and Connor could feel their skin gliding along each other's. "Your on top and your arms are curled under mine, keep-keeping me close." Connor gasped as John's fingers teased him more by traveling further down his inner thighs.

"Close for what?" John breathed.

Connor squeezed his eyes closed even tighter as the pictures assaulted his mind. "So my legs can stay around your hips."

John's fingers drifted down, down, down. "Why are they around my hips?" He asked breathlessly, nipping the end of Connor's ear.

"We're-we're fuc-fucking." Connor stuttered as he imagined John pushing into him.

"No." John said softly. "We're making love."

Connor swallowed thickly and nodded. "Yes." He breathed. "You're sliding in and out of me."

John used a hand to spread Connor's legs even further apart, pulling at them so they bent at the knee. "And what are you doing?" John asked in a strangled voice. Connor could feel his boyfriend's hard erection pushing against him from behind.

"I… I'm holding on."

"To me?" John asked. His fingers drifted lightly across unexplored places but Connor didn't want him to stop, if anything he wanted more.

"Yeah. My arms are around your back. _John_." Connor pleaded. " _Please_."

"Please what?" John whispered into his ear.

"Touch me." Connor begged.

John's hands drifted across Connor's thighs again. "I am."

"Not there." The younger man breathed.

"Are you sure, Con?" John asked. "It's-it's a big step. Especially considering everything."

Connor opened his eyes and turned his head to look up at John's face. "I'm sure if you are. If you're not ready then that's okay, John."

He waited for John to decide if he was ready or not.

* * *

John looked down at Connor's blue eyes, darkened with desire and need. Honesty shined in them as well. Connor wasn't going to push him, not that John had ever thought his partner would, especially not with something like this. John knew what his lower body was telling him, what it was screaming at him to do. But he had to listen to his mind and his heart as well. It was weird. John had been ready for this, before the accident had happened he wouldn't have hesitated to accept what Connor was offering.

Connor lifted a hand to rest on the side of John's cheek. He had been doing that a lot lately and John wasn't sure why and honestly he didn't really care. He nuzzled Connor's warm palm as he mulled over the proposition. He knew that doing this wasn't a fix to their relationship, it wouldn't make things magically go back to how they were. But maybe it would be a step forward.

John swallowed as he reached a hand out to the bedside table. In the small drawer was a bottle of lube that he and Connor had brought back from Earth. The hand on his cheek dropped and reached out to land on top of his. "Are you sure, John?" Connor asked softly.

John gripped the bottle tightly. "I'm sure." He said in a low voice.

"We can stop whenever you want." Connor said seriously.

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that?" John asked as he pulled their hands back.

"Not this time." Connor told him.

John nodded. "Okay. Same for you."

"I know." The younger man said.

John's hands fumbled with the bottle lid and fuck, the thought of what he was about to do was so incredibly hot that John was sure if it were possible he would be even harder right now. "Should we, ah, change positions?" John asked softly.

"Do you want to?"

"I want to see your face." John murmured into the linguist's ear.

"Okay." Connor breathed in agreement. "How…?"

"On your back?" John asked, unsure.

"Okay." The smaller man repeated. He scooted forward a bit so that John could maneuver out from behind him, shucking his boxers off in the process. John moved over to the side and Connor fell backwards. John took a second to look at the younger man. Connor's face and chest were flushed red with arousal and his cock stood up, hard and leaking. His legs were still bent and spread open and John bit his lip hard to keep himself from coming.

"Fuck, you're beautiful." John whispered harshly.

"And all yours." Connor promised, reaching out with a hand to gently stroke John's erection.

"Mine." John said in wonder while a wave of pleasure washed through his body at Connor's touch. "I'm really not going to last long if you keep doing that, Con."

The younger man smiled but pulled back his hand. "Sorry."

John shook his head. "Don't be." John slowly moved so that he was in between Connor's legs. He reached for the right one, slowly pulling it up until Connor's heel rested on his shoulder. "God you're fucking bendy." He murmured, pouring out some lube.

[Edited Content]

When they finished John rolled off of Connor's body, still mindful of the almost healed wounds on the younger man's chest. He grabbed a couple tissues off of the bedside table and wiped them both off then dropped the tissues to the floor. He reached an arm out to tug Connor against his body and the linguist happily rolled onto his side, pillowing his head on John's chest, tangling a hand in John's dog tags.

"That was… amazing." John said softly, playing with Connor's hair.

"I miss you already." Connor whispered into John's skin.

"I'm right here." John cooed. He lowered his other hand down Connor's back to cup his boyfriend's bottom.

"I know." The younger man sighed. "Thank you." Connor said, pressing a kiss into John's chest.

"Thank _you_." John returned. "God, I love you." He said swiftly.

" _Tá grá agam duit_." Connor offered softly in reply.

John almost cried. Connor hadn't said it in Irish since before everything had happened. He didn't know why, but he knew that he missed hearing his boyfriend speak his country's native tongue. John kissed the top of Connor's head. "I've missed hearing you say that."

"I'll say it as often as you want if you do the same."

"Deal." John paused. "Con?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that next time…" He drifted off.

"Next time…?"

"Next time maybe we could switch?"

Connor kissed John's chest again. "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Connor confirmed.

John smiled. It hadn't fixed their problems, but this was definitely a step forward.

* * *

Connor collapsed backwards onto Evan's bed. His legs were bent at the knee and they hung down the side of the mattress while the rest of him lay on Evan's very neatly made bed.

"How's it goin', Doc?" A voice asked kindly from above him. Connor had an arm thrown over his eyes blocking out the light. He lifted his free hand and tilted it back and forth. "That good, huh?" Connor felt the bed dip near him as Evan sat down. A warm hand rested on his knee, rubbing it in a comforting manner. "How are things with you and Colonel Sheppard?" Connor offered the so-so gesture again. "Is that good or bad?" The linguist shrugged. "This is going to be the shortest conversation ever if I'm the only one talking." Evan said lightly.

Connor groaned. "I have no words left in me." He sighed dramatically.

"So I take it you and the Colonel have been talking?"

"And talking and talking…"

Evan laughed. "But you're working things out?"

"Yeah."

"C'mon." Evan said with pat to Connor's knee. "Talk to me."

Connor sighed. "I don't know what to do now. We've talked about _everything_ but there's still this gaping hole." Connor patted his chest. "Things still hurt _a lot_ and I'm starting panic when I'm away from him for too long."

"It's only been a week." Evan soothed. "It'll get better."

"There are times when everything feels so awkward." Connor admitted. "We've never had that before; we've always fit."

Evan laughed softly. "If that's what you're worried about, Connor, then I think you're okay. You guys are just catching up to everyone else who's in a relationship. Relationships are full of awkward moments, especially at the beginning. You two were just lucky to have missed them."

Connor dropped the arm over his eyes to the bed and leaned up on his elbows to look at Evan. "Really?"

"Really." Evan confirmed. "You think me and Teyla didn't have our moments of awkwardness?"

Connor scrunched his forehead. "Um, yes?'

Evan laughed again. "Definitely not, Doc. In fact, we still have moments of awkwardness, granted a lot of those things are cultural differences, but they happen."

Connor fell back onto the bed. "I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"You know that can't happen, Connor." Evan said quietly.

"Yeah." Connor sighed. "Sometimes things are really good and other times… It feels like we'll never get through this."

Evan was silent for a moment. "Tell me what you guys have been doing."

"Huh?"

"The past week… you wake up, drink coffee, braid hair, then what?"

Connor laughed. "Well, after we braid hair and John knits while I crochet…" Evan squeezed his knee and Connor laughed again. "I don't know. We get breakfast in the food hub before other people are awake, walk around the city, John watches while I do some katas and a bit of tai chi, sometimes I can get him to join in. Then," Connor sighed. "I don't know, we get a late lunch, lounge about our room, get some dinner to have on the pier and sometimes we stargaze for a while. Then we go back to our room and, uh…" Connor trailed off with a blush, remembering last night's activities.

"Wow." Evan said.

"What?"

"You guys have the perfect life." Connor laughed. "No, really." Evan insisted. "Moonlight dinners, walks along the sea, sex every night."

Connor coughed. "Sex?" He squeaked.

Evan waved his hand dismissively. "Or whatever it is you guys do. And you talk your problems out, you rarely fight, you're so in love that you probably know where he is right now."

Connor closed his eyes and a picture of John joking with Rodney popped into his head and he smiled. "He's with Rodney."

Evan laughed out his nose. "See? You're perfect for each other. Seriously, before you the base was starting to take bets on how long Colonel Sheppard would be single. Despite Dr. McKay's protests of his Kirk-ness, he'd turned down all of the offers made by scientists, and we knew he'd never date anyone under his command. By the time you came along, most were convinced he'd be single for the rest of the expedition. Then one day he shows up to an 8 am meeting and he's smiling; s _miling_ and annoyingly happy. The next day I have lunch with you and you're panicked because you think you have a date. I didn't put two and two together then, honestly it didn't cross my mind until the Colonel said something about missing a movie night with you and even then I didn't really put two and two together, but you've been perfect together from the start. I know it seems hard now, Connor, like it will always be a struggle but it won't be. Soon enough you'll be better than before and things won't hurt as much."

"You really think so?" Connor asked quietly.

Evan squeezed his knee reassuringly. "I know so. You're both fighters, you'll make it."

"I hope so." The linguist sighed.

"You will." Evan promised. "Now, what do you think Teyla and I should do for our seven month anniversary?"

* * *

"So he finally let you out to play." Rodney observed.

John fiddled with some Ancient toy that Rodney had left on his desk. "He didn't let me out."

"Oh yeah?" The other man turned in his chair to look at John.

"He needed some time with Lorne." Even as John said it he was missing Connor.

"You're so pathetic, Sheppard." Rodney said as he pulled the toy out of John's hands. "And how many times have I told you not to touch anything!"

"It's just a toy, Rodney." John said, but relinquished the shiny metal object.

"Really?" The astrophysicist actually looked interested.

"Yeah. Their version of a Tickle Me Elmo doll." It felt like a giant mental hug and John really wanted it back.

"Ugh, more useless Ancient crap." Rodney complained, tossing it into a bin on his desk.

"Can I have it?"

"You want to keep it?" Rodney turned to stare at him. "It's the Ancient equivalent of a kid's stuffed animal, Sheppard."

At this point John definitely didn't want to seem any less manly. "Okay." He said, turning away.

Rodney huffed and shoved the small toy back into John's hands. "Fine, but if it turns out to be some sort of people killing robot from hell I don't want to hear about it."

John smiled. "Thanks, Rodney."

Rodney fidgeted with a pen as he looked at John. "So am I supposed to ask how you're doing or something like that?"

John shrugged and shifted his weight. "You don't have to."

"Oh, good." Rodney sighed and then eyed John. "But you are doing okay, right? And you and Connor are staying together?"

"Yes, Jesus." John swore. "You thought we were breaking up?"

The other man shrugged. "For all I knew, he tossed you overboard sometime this past week. No one's seen you, Sheppard."

"We've been out." John protested. "We eat in the food hub and the mess hall."

"When there are people?" Rodney asked skeptically.

John had to give him that. "Not really."

"God, you're becoming as reclusive as my aunt who had six fingers on one hand."

"Like Anne Boleyn?"

Rodney snorted. "Please, Sheppard. No one actually thinks she had six fingers."

That was news to John. "Really?"

His friend looked at him like he was stupid, a common occurrence with Rodney. "Yes, really."

"Oh."

"Anyways, so everything is good? Eric's about to have some sort of stroke. That kid worries too much." Rodney rolled his eyes. "He'll make a great mother some day."

John laughed. "He stopped by yesterday. That didn't satisfy him?"

"Are you kidding? He's been waiting for days to pounce on that linguist of yours. Everyday it's 'Rodney, do you think they're okay?', 'Rodney, how do you think Connor's doing?', 'Rodney, maybe we should go see how they're doing'." Rodney said, imitating Eric's voice.

"I'll tell Connor to stop by and talk to him." John promised.

"You better." Rodney huffed. "It's such a mood killer when he starts blathering on about your marital problems."

"Not married yet, Rodney." John said lightly.

"Whatever, Sheppard, you've been married for months."

John was quiet for a few seconds. "I still want to marry him officially."

"Then marry him." Rodney said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

John gave a sad laugh. "Are you kidding, Rodney? We're not ready for that now."

"Oh please, Sheppard. You're the most married person I know." He paused. "Although Ronon's pretty whipped too."

"I am not whipped!"

Rodney looked at him. "Uh-huh."

John squeezed the Ancient toy in his hand. "When we first talked," John ran a hand through his hair. "Connor said he still wanted to get married."

"So what's stopping you?"

John frowned. "I don't know."

* * *

"Irish."

Connor startled as he turned to face Ronon who had come up behind him. "Ronon, hey."

The taller man fell into step with him and they kept walking. "We going running tomorrow?"

Connor turned to face him. "Dr. Keller hasn't really released me back to full duty yet and she, uh, specifically said no running with you."

"When can you run again?"

The linguist shrugged. "Another week?"

"How's Sheppard doing?"

"John's… doing okay, I think." Connor said hesitantly. "It's been hard."

"Don't think about it too much." The Satedan advised. "It'll make you crazy."

"Too late for that." Connor sighed.

"Teyla and I are going to New Athos tomorrow, you wanna come?"

Connor both did and he didn't. He hadn't been to New Athos since before this whole thing had started but Teyla had conveyed the condolences of many of his friends on New Athos for the postponement of his bonding ceremony. He wanted to spend some time with Teyla's people yet he wasn't sure he was ready to be apart from John for so long. As it was, the two hours he had just spent talking to Evan had seemed far longer then they were and Connor was ready to be back with his boyfriend but there was something he had to do first. "Let me think about it."

"Sure." Ronon followed him into a transporter and Connor gave him a sideways glance but didn't say anything. Atlantis read his mind and a few seconds later they were stepping out of the lift.

Connor walked down the hallway towards the observation room he had holed himself up in during his and John's anniversary. Ronon gave him a speculative glance but otherwise said nothing as he followed Connor into the large room. Connor walked over to a section of wall that hid the small compartment Atlantis had provided for him. With a soft caress to the metal, the drawer slid open and Connor reached in to grab the small box inside. Once it was in his hand he gave the drawer a small push and it shut, blending in seamlessly with the wall.

"What's that?" Ronon asked.

Connor opened the box and held it out for the Satedan to see. Connor gently lifted John's dog tags out of the box and slipped them over his head, tucking them under his shirt. Ronon reached in and took out one of the rings. "That was my grandfather's."

"It's nice."

"Thanks. The other one was my father's."

Ronon placed the first one back and reached for the second. "What's this design?"

"It's Irish." Connor told him. "They're both Irish, actually; Celtic."

"Celtic." Ronon repeated.

Connor really wasn't sure how to explain the history of the Celts to Ronon. "Really old Irish stuff… sorta."

Ronon nodded. "Cool." He placed the ring back into the box and Connor shut the lid. He gripped the box tightly in his hand and they left the room. "Irish." Ronon said reaching out with a hand to stop Connor from walking any further.

"Yeah?"

"You'll wear them." Ronon said roughly.

Connor nodded. "Of course."

"You will." Ronon repeated. He reached out and pulled Connor into a tight hug. The linguist was stiff at first but slowly relaxed into his friend's grip.

"Thanks, Ronon." Connor whispered.

* * *

Rodney groaned as the door chimed again. Underneath him Eric moved in a silent command for Rodney to ignore the door and keep going. And he did… until it chimed again. Rodney gave a shout of frustration as he pulled out. He rolled off the bed and marched, naked, to the door, opening it. "What?"

Connor's eyes widened, his face flushing red and his jaw dropped. "I…um…you…uh…sorry." He squeaked before turning and walking away quickly.

Rodney felt a body come up behind him. "You answered the door naked?" Eric asked half amused as he wrapped his arms around Rodney's waist.

"Well he should have gotten the message! We were busy!" Rodney said with a huff, allowing the door to slide shut again.

Eric sighed and pulled Rodney back to the bed. "It would have taken two seconds to put some pants on." He admonished. "You didn't have to scare him, Rodney."

"Well how should I have known who it was?" The older man asked, falling on top of Eric.

"You have no shame, do you?" Eric asked.

Rodney groaned. "Shut up."

* * *

Connor blushed deeply as the door slid shut behind him.

"Everything alright?" John asked from the bed.

Connor took a deep breath and walked further into the room. "Um, yeah, just I… uh, yeah."

John gave him an odd look. "Are you sure?" He set his book aside to turn his full attention on to Connor.

"Yeah, Eric was, um, busy." Connor said with another blush.

"Busy?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Um, yeah."

"Ok-ay." John drawled, clearly not buying Connor's excuse. "So you'll go back later?"

Connor shrugged off his jacket and toed off his shoes. "It's late. I'll go tomorrow."

"Are you going off world with Ronon and Teyla?"

Connor bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah. Is that alright?"

"You don't need my permission." John said lightly.

"I know." Connor answered. "I just…" He hesitated.

John left the bed and came to stand in front of him, sliding his arms around Connor's waist holding the linguist close. "I'll miss you." John breathed as he nuzzled Connor's forehead.

"I-I'm coming back at lunch." The younger man told him, sliding his hands into John's back pockets. "Ronon and Teyla are going to stay longer, but we only have a couple days off left. I want to spend the rest with you."

John pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead. "I'd like that as well."

Connor kissed John's chin. "Shower?" He murmured.

The older man smiled. "Sounds perfect." He followed Connor into the bathroom, shedding clothes along the way.

Later that night as they lay in bed, their normal positions reversed with Connor on his back and John's head pillowed on the linguist's chest with a hand holding on tightly to Connor's set of his dog tags, Connor pondered how far they had come in a week. He wasn't naïve enough to believe that everything was okay again, that the pain of the last two months was gone. It was still there, still lurking under the surface, but he no longer felt like he was suffocating, like he was drowning without John. He was still in the water, but it was easier to tread now and he could sense a lifeboat coming for him in the distance.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"It doesn't hurt as badly now." Connor said quietly.

He felt John release a shaky breath that momentarily heated Connor's skin. "Does it still hurt a lot?"

Connor hesitated. "Yes."

"Me too." The older man admitted softly.

Connor ran a hand through John's unruly hair. "I love your hair."

John gave a soft laugh. "It has a mind of its own." He didn't seem to mind Connor's non sequitur.

"It's spiky." Connor observed. "I wish mine were spiky."

"I'm sure Lorne has hair gel you can borrow."

"Evan? Out of everyone you pick _Evan_ to have hair gel?"

"He has the most hair out of all the guys we know who aren't Ronon."

Connor thought about that for a second. Eric had an almost buzz cut, Jim and Ben did have buzz cuts, Rodney had… thinning hair, Tim and Jake had short Marine cuts as well and David just let his hair loose. "I'm not sure my hair would spike."

"With enough stuff all hair can spike."

Connor really didn't like the idea of 'enough stuff' in his hair. "Do you think if I cut it shorter like yours it would be spiky?"

"You'd probably need to cut it shorter than mine." John admitted.

"Was yours shorter before Atlantis?"

"A little bit. It was a lot shorter before Antarctica."

"Hmm. How do you think I would look with spiky hair?" Connor asked, petting the tips of John's hair.

"Well," John drawled. "What if we spiked you up for Halloween? That's next month. Then you can experience all the spiky hair you want."

Connor laughed. "No one dresses up for Halloween."

"Ha! You forget who you're sleeping with."

"I do?"

"Who has the power to make the people dress up?"

"Colonel Carter? Rodney?"

John poked Connor in the side. "Me."

"You do?"

"Well I have the power over forty percent of Atlantis."

"You'd make your own guys dress up so that I could know what I would look like with spiky hair?"

"Yep."

Connor laughed. "I really, really love you, John."

"Thank you!"

"So what are you going to dress up as?"

"The only man worthy of my time."

"Let me guess-Johnny Cash."

John turned his head to look up at him. "How'd you know?"

Connor laughed again. "Now who's forgetting who they're sleeping with?"

"Ha-ha." John said. "So are you going to be my June Carter?"

"Did she have spikes?"

"Hm. Good point. Want to be my June Carter with spikes?"

"Would I look good in a dress?" John didn't answer and when Connor looked down he saw a large grin on his boyfriend's face. Connor poked John's shoulder. Hard. "Stop that."

"Stop what?" John asked innocently.

"I'm not going to wear a dress!"

John laughed. "I think you'd look hot in a dress."

Connor blushed. "Uh huh."

"I think you'd look hot in anything." John sighed happily. "Or nothing."

Connor poked him again. "Stop that." He repeated blushing a deeper red.

"What? I'm not allowed to think of you naked?" John protested. "I'd probably have to stop thinking."

"I… you…?"

"Yeah?"

"You think about me naked?"

"All the time."

Connor definitely didn't think about John naked all the time. He really didn't think about John naked at all. Except when he did. "Am I supposed to think about you naked?"

John laughed. "If you want to."

"Should I want to?"

"Not if you ever want to get anything done." John said with a grin.

Now Connor was curious. "So you just sit there and imagine me naked? What am I doing? Just standing there?"

"Um…" John drifted off.

"What?"

"This is sorta embarrassing, Con."

"Oh." Connor tried not to sound disappointed.

There was an awkward silence before John sighed. "Okay, fine. Most of the time you're definitely not just standing there and, uh, some of the time you're not alone."

Connor frowned. "Who am I with?" John pictured him with someone else?

"That would be me." John told him.

"So we're doing… um…"

John let go of Connor's dog tags to flick a thumb over Connor's nipples. "Guess." He breathed before settling his hand back into the necklace.

"Oh." Connor squirmed a little.

"Oh." John agreed.

"So you picture us, um, making love?"

"Yep."

"How is it?" Connor asked curiously.

"Amazing." John sighed happily.

"Awesome." Connor declared, followed closely by a yawn.

"Connor?"

"Hmm?" The linguist asked, already closing his eyes. The lights in his room lowered.

"Are you going to wake me up in the morning before you go?"

"Yeah." Connor told him softly. "And we'll have tea."

John paused. "You sure?"

"Positive."

"God, I love you." John said and Connor felt him tip his head up.

The younger man leaned his own head down and met John's lips lightly. " _Tá grá agam duit_." He mumbled against them.

* * *

John was carefully not noticing how much Connor's body was trembling. It had started when John went about making some Athosian tea. He made sure not to let his body come between Connor and what John was doing. His partner had watched with rapt attention as John made the tea. Connor hadn't come near the stuff since Dr. Grey had drugged him.

"You know you don't have to do this." John said softly as he held out the tea mug to the linguist. Connor was perched on his lap in their usual morning position. John's own mug sat on a nearby table.

Connor's hands shook slightly as he reached for the mug. He hesitated when his fingers touched the edge. His blue eyes shot up to look at John. He bit his lip nervously. "I know."

"Do you want me to drink some first?" John asked gently. Connor looked at John and then looked at the tea before looking back at John. His face flushed red as he nodded almost imperceptibly. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about." He said firmly. John reached a hand out to hold onto one of Connor's. He lifted the mug to his lips and took a long sip, swallowing as he lowered the mug. He held it out to Connor.

His partner reached for the mug with his free hand and John thought it was probably a good thing that he took the first sip because Connor's hand was shaking so much that the tea would have sloshed over the edge. He glanced at John again and John offered him a supportive nod as Connor raised the mug to his lips. The hand holding John's tightened its grip as Connor swallowed a small amount of tea. He quickly handed the mug back to John and closed his eyes.

John set the mug down next to his own and pulled Connor against him. "I've got you." He murmured. Connor looked pale and for a few seconds John thought he actually might throw up; as it was, he wasn't entirely convinced that the younger man wouldn't. He rubbed a hand up and down Connor's back. "I'm so proud of you." John whispered into Connor's ear. "So proud of you."

Connor's breath hitched but John could tell that the younger man wasn't crying. "I didn't want to be afraid anymore." Connor said quietly into John's neck. "The worst thing that could happen to me has already happened. Being scared that someone has drugged my tea seemed so small in comparison."

"You almost died." John argued. "That's not so small."

Connor half laughed, half sobbed. "John." He breathed. "You think almost dying is worse than living without you?"

"I think," John said slowly. "That either way, you're the bravest person I know."

Connor didn't say anything he just sat up and reached out, grabbing the tea mug. His hand was still shaking and his breathing erratic but nonetheless he took another sip of the tea and then another and another.

* * *

It was bright and sunny on New Athos when Connor arrived. Teyla was ahead of him as Ronon trailed behind. Daniel was walking next to him, having asked to come that morning and being granted permission to do so. The archeologist had only been to New Athos once before and seemed interested in their way of life, Connor thought he probably liked to get off world once in a while.

Connor slipped on a pair of well-worn sunglasses to cover his eyes from the bright sun. The world turned a few shades darker but he was still able to see easily enough. The glasses slid down a little bit and Connor blushed as he pushed them back up. They weren't his and anyone who had ever gone off world with John probably knew that.

" _Here." John said, pushing something into Connor's hands. "You'll need these."_

 _Connor looked down at the aviator sunglasses John had given him. "I-"_

" _You don't have any and it can be pretty bright on New Athos." John told him. Connor had had sunglasses, but they had been lost when he and the rest of SGA-4 had been kidnapped and tortured. He had ordered new ones two days ago and they would come on the next Daedalus run._

" _Are you sure?" Connor asked, fingering the glasses._

" _Just try and bring 'em back in one piece." John joked. Connor stared at him. "I'm sure." His partner added more seriously._

" _I… thank you." Connor said softly. While he and John shared a lot of things, it somehow seemed more intimate to share the sunglasses than it was to share a mug of tea. Maybe because the sunglasses were so recognizable that it almost felt as though John were staking his claim._

" _You're welcome." John answered. He pressed a chaste kiss to Connor's forehead. "Have fun, okay?"_

" _I will."_

" _And see if you can bring back some of that smoked meat stuff that they make."_

" _No promises." Connor said with a grin._

That had been this morning and Connor smiled at the memory. John had told him that he was probably going to bug Rodney until Connor came back while doing his best to avoid Lorne and the looming stack of paperwork growing in his office.

"So how is everything with you?" Daniel asked from his side.

"Good." Connor answered quietly. "We're, um, doing pretty well. How about you?"

Daniel smiled. "I'm doing great. I love Atlantis. There is just so much stuff that the Ancients left behind. Once a week I talk Sam into letting me steal a couple Marines to go exploring. The city is huge, I feel like I could study it forever." He answered enthusiastically.

"Yeah, it's pretty great." Connor agreed. "I've only gone exploring a couple times, but, um, if you want more company in the future…"

"I'll give you a call next time. The more the merrier." Daniel smiled. "Sam mentioned that it was you who found the food replicators?"

"Yeah. There was a small mention of them in the, uh, database so I, um, dragged Evan out with me and we found the hub."

"Very cool." He grinned. "So do you come to New Athos a lot?"

Connor shrugged. "Maybe once a month or so. The Athosians are very welcoming."

"They certainly are. It's nice when we find friendly people. I've had my share of bad first encounters."

A voice cut off whatever Connor was about to say next. "Connor!" Taisha greeted as she ran to him for a hug. Apparently she had asked Teyla what an Earth custom for greeting people was and Teyla had told her hugging. Connor much preferred a hand shake.

"Hey, Taisha." Connor greeted back more subdued but still happy to see his friend. "How've you been?"

"Better than you from what I have heard." She said pulling back and holding him at arm's length to look him over.

Connor ducked his head and blushed. "I'm better now, Taisha. John is, um, back to normal."

She looked at him skeptically. "Back to normal maybe." She allowed. "But all is not right with you, Connor." She tugged on his arm pulling him away from Daniel, Teyla and Ronon. "Come, let us talk."

Connor waved slightly to his friends as he allowed himself to be pulled along by the younger Satedan woman.

* * *

"John." John turned to see Colonel Carter approaching him. He was in Rodney's lab, evading Lorne and bugging his best friend at the same time. Life was good. Of course it would be better if Connor were there too; if wishes were horses…

"Colonel." He greeted. "What can I do for you?"

"I know you still have a few more days off, John, but the Gamunans have been dialing twice a week to see how you are. I was hoping I could talk you into a visit?" She asked.

John thought about it. "When?"

"Whenever you want." She said quickly.

"Well, Ronon and Teyla are off world right now…" _And so is Connor_ , he mentally added. "How about tomorrow?"

"Perfect." She gave him a smile and then turned around and quickly left as if afraid he might change his mind.

"Did you just volunteer me for something during my time off?" Rodney asked.

" _Your_ time off?"

"Well time off from missions." The astrophysicist amended.

John smiled widely. "C'mon, Rodney. It'll be fun."

"The last time we went to Gamuna we ended up in the middle of some Ewok tribe war hunt!"

"That's a complete exaggeration." John denied.

"Some of them were in trees! With arrows!"

"But they weren't fuzzy little bears."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Only you, Sheppard."

"Davids to Sheppard."

"Sheppard here." John smiled. "Is it lunch already?"

"Oh gross." Rodney said looking at him. "Are you talking to your boy toy? Is that some kind of code? It sounds like code. Go do your pillow talk somewhere else." He said with a wave of his hand. John slid off of Rodney's desk and headed for the door.

"It's almost two, John." Connor answered.

"Meet you in the mess hall?" John asked leaving the lab behind.

"I need to drop something off at my room first."

"I'll save you a table." John promised. "Sheppard out."

* * *

"Connor?" John asked later that night while they were in bed.

"Hmm?"

"Marry me?"

Connor was quiet for a moment. "Only if you understand that this time I'll have Ronon, Evan, Eric and _all_ of your Marines drag you to the proverbial altar if you leave me standing there by myself again, John."

John felt a smile slowly stretch across his face. "Deal."

Connor nodded. "Okay then."

"Thank you." John whispered, touching Connor's face lightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, John." Connor answered softly.

* * *

Concerning the edited content : No John and Connor did _not_ go all the way.


	42. Differences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 42 : Differences**

Author's Notes :

\- This chapter is the answer to everything. Or not. *geek moment*  
\- _Craic_ is pronounced crack. It's really hard to explain the meaning of it… maybe closest would be fun? Socially? If you're at a pub meeting your friends it wouldn't be weird to say "What's the _craic_?". Or listening to a good band play… "That's the _craic_."  
\- The TED Conference is a real thing. Ted [dot] com has videos of past presentations/speeches. They're very informative, beautiful and sometimes funny. I encourage anybody interested to go take a look. Connor's talk/paper refers to 'shadow cities' aka shanty towns. For more information on those just search for Robert Neuwirth on Ted [dot] com.  
\- There is some debate on whether Daniel has the gene, according to my friend's… expert he does not, so my story shall reflect that.  
\- Torch is the British word for flashlight.  
\- The universe does taste like raspberries. Just search Google for "universe tastes like raspberries" for a more scientific explanation.  
\- There's some harsh, offensive language at the end of the chapter, please be warned.

**If anyone has ideas for Halloween costumes, I would love to hear them.

BETA : JackD

* * *

"I love the rain." Connor sighed.

"Yeah? You haven't had enough of it?" John asked.

They were lying on their old mattress in the 'solarium' for lack of better words. The room where John and Connor had danced. It seemed the summer season was over on New Lantia, their newfound planet, and the rain had returned-in force.

"Can never have enough of it." Connor said with a smile. He shifted a little to move closer to John. He loved the rain but it was a bit chilly and he had a convenient personal heater.

John raised his arm so Connor could be closer before settling it heavily back on the younger man's back. "But you moved to southern California."

"Da took a job out there." Connor shrugged.

"Hmm. What do you like about the rain?" John asked, running his fingers through Connor's hair.

"The sound." Connor said, closing his eyes as he listened to the rain fall down outside. "The smell." He breathed in deeply. "I like how everything is affected by it. When it's finished raining, you go out and the world is all covered in grey and water and it's all clean."

"I like surfing in the rain." John offered and his chest rumbled as he talked. The vibrations were soothing to Connor, as soothing as the familiar staccato of the rain.

"Sounds dangerous."

"Yeah." John admitted. "It is. But the danger just adds something to it, ya know?"

Connor poked him. "You're taken now, no more unnecessary adrenaline stunts."

John laughed. "I promise."

"Mmm-hmm." Connor agreed skeptically.

"I do."

"Mmm-hmm." He repeated.

"I'm hurt that you don't believe me." John said but Connor could hear the amusement in his voice.

"I've read your missions reports."

John winced a little. "All of them?"

"Most." Connor admitted.

"At the time most of that seemed like a good idea…"

Connor smiled against John's shirt. "It was." He felt John breathe a sigh of relief. "So…" Connor began tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering how you feel about October twenty-fifth."

John was quiet for a second, twirling a piece of Connor's hair around his finger. "Sounds good to me." He said after a moment. "Any particular reason?"

Connor settled a cold hand under the bottom of John's shirt, trying to warm it. "It was, uh, my parents wedding day." He said quietly. "Is that alright with you?"

John kissed the top of his head. "It's perfect."

* * *

"John." Connor murmured, later that night in their quarters.

"Hmm?" John asked against Connor's neck.

"Someone's at the door."

"I didn't hear anything." John said briefly before reattaching his lips to Connor's skin.

"It's Eric." Connor said, resting his hands on John's shoulders.

John slid a hand down Connor's chest to rest low between them. "He didn't even ring."

"He's nervous."

"He'll go away."

"He's upset." Connor added, breathless. "I need to talk to him." He gasped as John's hand moved a little.

"Connor." John groaned as he pulled away from Connor's neck and leaned his forehead down on to the bed next to the other man's. "Can't this wait another… twenty minutes?"

Connor laughed lightly as he pushed John up. "It's never been twenty minutes."

John groaned again and rolled off of Connor. "I demand pants this time then." Connor stood up and picked some underwear up off the floor, tossing them at John. "…I meant for you," John said, but slid the boxers on anyways, "And I meant _trousers_." Connor grinned and pulled on his own boxers, followed by some jeans. John coughed. "Shirt." The younger man rolled his eyes but complied as he finished doing up his pants.

John coughed again and Connor turned to face him. John's eyes met Connor's before moving down his body and back up to his face again. "What?"

"How about I let him in while you take a quick shower?" Connor blushed deeply as he realized what John was referring to. John laughed, "Or maybe I can invite him in and we'll both take a quick shower." Connor eyes shot to John's lap and the other man grinned.

"How about we both take a quick shower and I get Atlantis to open the door while we're in there."

John stood up and walked over to Connor, wrapping his arms loosely around the other man. "You have the best ideas." He whispered into Connor's ear. Finally the door rang and John sighed, "Took him long enough."

Connor pulled on John's hand, leading him into the bathroom. The shower started and they both stripped off the clothes they had just put on. Atlantis opened the door to their quarters as the bathroom door shut behind them and Connor got a quick glimpse of Eric sticking his head in.

John tugged Connor under the cold water and Connor shivered. John pressed up behind him and whispered, "This is considerably less fun than I was hoping we would have."

Connor nodded and leaned back. Soon enough they were both ready to step out and John handed him a towel. "Thanks."

They both dried quickly and were soon dressed again. John stopped Connor before he could open the door. "Hey, do you want me to go?" He asked quietly. Connor hesitated, he didn't want to kick John out of his own room, technicalities about that aside, but he knew that Eric definitely wouldn't open up with John there. John seemed to sense his hesitance as he added, "I don't mind. I need to talk to Teyla anyways about setting up the ceremony again."

Connor nodded. "Only if you're sure you don't mind."

"I am." John promised. He bent down to give Connor a gentle kiss. "Radio me when you're finished?"

"Of course." Connor promised. He turned back to the door and it slid open. Eric was hovering near the window, visibly shaken. "Hey, Eric." Connor greeted, John just offered the other man a nod before leaving them alone. "What's up?" Connor asked softly, walking over to him.

"We got into a huge fight." Eric told him quietly. Connor tugged the younger man down onto the couch.

"About what?" He turned sideways to face Connor and Connor turned to face Eric.

Eric laughed humorlessly. "I don't even know. One second everything was fine and the next he's kicking me out."

Connor frowned. "Can you think of anything recently that might have… um, set him off?"

The younger man shook his head. "No. He was fine this morning."

"I…" Connor paused. "Tell me more about the fight, what did he say?"

"I-I don't know." Eric said with a shake of his head. "He came in and he started yelling at me."

"Yelling about what?" Connor asked calmly, reaching a hand out to grab one of Eric's.

"Saying things like he can take care of himself, he's still a guy. He-he said he doesn't need someone to be his mother." Eric looked up at Connor, tears in his eyes. "I'm not his mother, Connor. I don't even know what that would be like…I-I don't know what I did."

Connor bit his lip. "Tell me what happened during the rest of the day."

Eric took a deep breath. "I went to work out in the morning with Ben and then stopped in to see Jim. After that I had gate room duty for four hours and then lunch. I ate with a few of the Marines and then I meetings about future missions. When those were done I went to work with Radek for a couple hours in the lab. That's it."

"What did you talk about with Ben?"

Eric ran a hand over his buzzed hair. "I don't remember." He stood up and pulled away from Connor, pacing in front of the window. "I don't remember." He moaned. "Fuck."

"What about with the Marines?"

Eric sighed. "Marty was talking about babysitting the scientists as they explored the city and Jay stepped in saying that that was our job, that basically we were here to keep the scientists from killing themselves."

"And what did you say?"

Eric shook his head as he walked. "I didn't say anything. These guys have no idea about anything, Connor. They just talk shit. I don't really know them, we just hang sometimes."

Connor nodded. "Okay, moving on. Did you say anything to Radek?"

"I don't know. We talked like we normally did. About new discoveries, latest science journals… nothing different."

Connor thought about it as Eric continued to pace. "He specifically said that he's 'still a guy'?"

Eric stopped walking and turned to look at him. "Yes, why?"

Connor chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I think someone might have said something to him about being gay."

Eric gaped. "But no one knows."

"Are you sure?"

"We're really careful." Eric sat back down on the couch. "This is not good, not good. Fuck." He swore.

Connor reached out and gently rubbed Eric's back in a soothing motion. "We don't know anything for sure. Why don't you go talk to him?"

"He was really mad."

"If I'm right, he probably wasn't mad so much as worried."

Eric looked up and met Connor's eyes. "He yelled at me, Connor. Like really yelled. He was mad. I-" His voice broke. "He… I thought he might..." Eric didn't say it but Connor could fill in the blanks. Eric thought that Rodney would hit him. It was irrational and not based on anything in reality but from the time Eric had been a little kid he had had to judge situations, read body language and then determine what could happen next. He sounded so young right now to Connor. It was easy, most of the time, to think that Eric had survived his childhood unscathed. But Connor knew better. He'd seen the scars and heard some of the stories. Eric was an abuse survivor and still fought childhood demons.

"He wouldn't do that." Connor said gently. "You know he wouldn't."

Eric took a deep breath, holding it in for a minute before slowly exhaling. "Yes, you're right. Rodney," Eric half laughed, half sobbed. "He found some spider in his backpack the other day and called me to kill it. He couldn't even hurt some dumb spider."

Connor pulled Eric against him, wrapping his arm around the younger man. Eric turned his head and buried it in Connor's shoulder. "It's okay."

"It's not." Eric said, voice muffled. "I don't know how I could have thought that Rodney would hurt me."

"You were scared." Connor said softly. "It's understandable."

"I love him, though. I'm not supposed to think that about him." Eric said, turning his head so that his temple rested on Connor's shoulder and they both looked out towards the water.

"There's no 'supposed to' in love." Connor argued gently. "There's just-" He cut himself off as Atlantis showed him a picture of Rodney at his door. "He's here."

Eric sat up straight. "What?"

"He's at the door." Connor told him. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

Eric scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "I can do it."

"Are you sure? I can tell him to come back."

"Just give me a minute." Eric said, leaning forward and resting his hands on the back of his neck.

The door rang and Connor hugged Eric's shoulder once before letting go. "I'll go talk to him until you're ready. Take all the time you need, okay?"

"Thanks, Connor." Eric said, reaching out and squeezing Connor's hand as he moved away, quickly releasing it.

"No problem." The linguist offered as he went to answer the door.

The door slid open as he approached and Rodney was on the other side looking distinctly worried, bouncing from foot to foot. "Is he here?"

Connor pointed towards the couch and Rodney made a move to enter. Connor reached a hand out to gently stop him. "Let's, um, talk outside." Rodney opened his mouth to protest so Connor quickly grabbed his sleeve and pulled him outside, having told the door to shut behind them.

Once outside Rodney eyed him. "Do you mind?" He asked, annoyed.

"He needs a minute, Rodney." Connor said quietly. "Please." Rodney huffed but agreed and so Connor was left there to stand in the hallway with his partner's best friend.

"Did he say anything to you?" Rodney asked, sounding more concerned than Connor had ever heard him sound.

"Yes." Connor answered honestly.

Rodney crossed his arms as he stared at Connor. "Anything I should know about?"

"Eric will tell you if he wants you to know."

An expression crossed Rodney's face that Connor read as 'how stupid can you get?'. Rodney snorted, "Yeah, sure."

Connor bit his lip. "He said you yelled at him."

"I yell at everyone." Rodney defended.

"He said you _really_ yelled at him."

"I was mad at someone else and I-I took it out on him." The other man admitted.

Connor turned to face Rodney completely. "You can't do that with him." Connor said quietly but firmly. "Not ever, Rodney. If you're mad and you need to scream it out you come to me, or to John. Eric is… you just can't, with him."

Rodney had the courtesy to look abashed. "I know."

"Good." Connor said. He waited a minute and then reached up to tap his radio. "Davids to Sheppard."

"Sheppard here. You finished?"

"Yeah."

"Copy that, Sheppard out."

He heard the radio briefly sizzle and then fade out.

* * *

"So." Ronon said while they were running the next morning.

Connor looked at him as he ran alongside the Satedan. Dr. Keller had put him back on full duty a few days ago and the very next morning he and John had been rudely awakened by Ronon to go running. It sucked when your running partner was sleeping with your doctor. "Yeah?"

"This hallow weed. What's that?"

"Halloween." Connor absent mindedly corrected as they turned a corner on their way back to their quarters. He mulled over how to explain the holiday without sounding ridiculous. "One night a year children dress up in costumes and people give them candy." Oh yeah, that was the way to do it. Not.

"If it's for children, why are we doing it?"

"Well, you don't have to but, um, I guess they thought it would be good for morale." Connor definitely wasn't going to mention his part in the upcoming festivities.

"So if I dress up people will give me candy?"

"Um, I'm not sure we're, ah, trick-or-treating."

"Trick or treating?"

Connor sighed. He wondered how it was that he was always left to explain Earth holidays to Ronon. "Kids dress up and then go from house to house saying 'trick-or-treat'. They have a bag or something with them that they hold out and the owners of the houses give out candy."

"How is that a trick?"

"Well, I think in years past sometimes people gave things other than candy." They slowed their running down to a brisk jog as they neared the end.

"Like what?"

"Eggs? I'm not really sure. Um…" Connor tried to think of who could explain the holiday better to Ronon but Rodney had probably skipped it when he was younger, John had pretty much no childhood to speak of, Keller was practically in college during her teen years and Connor wasn't about to ask Eric to relive anything from his younger days. "Evan can tell you more."

Ronon hesitated. "I don't really know him."

"Oh, uh, well I guess all you really need to know is that there's a party, there's probably going to be pumpkins-"

"Pumpkins?"

"Orange squash."

"Food."

"Yeah, but the ones that might be there aren't really for eating. They're just decorations." Connor told him.

"You decorate with food?"

"Yeah."

"Seems dumb." They came to a stop near the transporter and Connor tossed Ronon a bottle of water from a table they had set up while slowly drinking some of his own.

"Yeah." Connor agreed. "So pumpkins and um, bats? Maybe? Or witches stuff and maybe zombies."

"I like zombies." Ronon grinned. "That was a good movie." He downed the rest of his water and tossed the empty bottle into a rubbish bin that Connor had stolen from the mess hall.

"Um, yeah, so stuff like that. It's mostly a bunch of stuff related to death and superstition."

There was a long pause before Ronon asked, "So your people just decided to start giving candy to kids?"

"Well, not exactly. I'm a Catholic." Connor looked at Ronon to see him nod. He'd explained many of Earth's religions to the other man before. "And what we celebrate is All Saint's Day, the day after Halloween, where we celebrate unknown saints. Um, remember when I was telling you about the wedding rings? That they were Celtic?" Ronon nodded again and Connor threw his empty bottle the way of Ronon's. "Well…" And Connor quickly realized that this was going to get really complicated really fast. "So that holiday kinda merged with the Celtic Samhain."

"So-when?"

Connor grimaced at his attempt of Irish. "Close enough." He winced. "So Samhain is an old Irish festival at the end of harvest season that's sort of like a festival of the dead. And…it's just really complicated, Ronon." Connor finally admitted. "I'm not sure I can really explain it very well."

"Okay." The Satedan said simply.

"I'm sorry. If you really want to know, give me a day or so to think about it and ask me tomorrow."

"Okay." He repeated. "So I have to wear a costume?"

"Yeah."

"What are you wearing?"

"I'm not exactly sure, yet." Connor rubbed a towel over his face before tossing it aside. "What about you?"

Ronon shrugged. "Jennifer mentioned something. I'm not sure what it was."

"Well you still have a few weeks."

"Yeah."

By silent agreement they moved into the transporter and were deposited at their level a few moments later. Connor offered a wave to Ronon before slipping into his quarters. Before the accident he used to shower at John's, but now… now he didn't mind waking John up so much to shower with him. John was also very appreciative of the new arrangement.

Connor had already stripped off his running shirt and was moving onto his pants when a warm pair of arms wound themselves around his waist.

"Mmm." John said, nuzzling his neck from behind.

"John." Connor wrinkled his nose. "I'm all sweaty." But he made no move to push John away, instead he leaned further back into the taller man's arms.

John licked his neck. "I don't care." He used his hands to push down Connor's sweatpants and boxers. Once they pooled at his feet, Connor stepped out of them, naked. He could feel that John was only wearing boxers as they awkwardly walked towards the bathroom. "Do you really want a shower?"

His hand gently brushed over Connor's lower region and the younger man shivered. "Eventually."

John halted their progress towards the bathroom, instead turning them around. "Bed?" He asked.

"Okay." Connor breathed. Eventually the back of his legs hit the bed and John slowly lowered them onto the sheets, falling on top of him, sliding his boxers off in the process.

Between their physical relationship moving to the next step and their recovery from _the accident_ , everything seemed more intense to Connor. Every time he came, with John wrapped around him, he felt like crying because the feelings were just so incredible. There were times when he couldn't get enough of John. He had to be near him, had to touch him, had to be surrounded by him. But there were also times when he needed some distance. Times when he just needed to sit across the room and gaze at his partner to convince himself that John was still here. Times when he needed to be alone with his thoughts.

He wasn't the only one though. Sometimes John held him so tightly that Connor thought he might break something. Once in a while, though, John would get a far away look on his face, a pained look, a look of devastation.

Evan had been right when he had said that things would get better. Things did get better. But things were also different. Connor had discovered that more than a half a day away from John would lead to a little bit of internal panicking on his part.

He wasn't sure when he had become so dependent upon John, but he had and it pretty much seemed to go the other way as well. John would poke his head into Connor's lab every couple of hours, offer a reassuring smile and a look that made Connor feel like the other man was memorizing him. Last night John had spent hours relearning Connor's body.

"Whatcha thinking about?" John breathed into his ear as his hand worked pleasure into Connor's lower body.

"Last night." The linguist answered.

John grinned. "That was a good night."

"Yeah."

"What time did I say my meeting was at?"

"Nine." Connor answered, breathless.

"Plenty of time then." John decided, pressing his lips to Connor's neck.

"Time for what?"

"A repeat." John mumbled against his skin.

"Ah. I think a repeat would look a wee bit more like this." Connor said, holding onto John's shoulders as he rolled them over, landing on top of his boyfriend.

"Yes." John nodded. "I definitely think you're right."

Connor laughed a little as he reached for the lube. "I love you." He said.

John's eyes softened as his hand cupped the back of Connor's neck. "I love you too, Con."

* * *

Connor blinked as he read through his latest batch of e-mail from Earth. He'd been invited to attend the TED 2009 Conference. Not only invited to attend, but invited to speak about a paper he'd published last year on the ramifications of shanty towns on the prevailing language of a society. His breath caught for a second as he sat there in awe. The TED Conference was huge, everyone who was anyone was there. The conference wasn't until February so that gave him a little over four months to arrange leave back to Earth.

The e-mail said that they'd been trying to contact him for almost seven months. Connor winced lightly. It wasn't the easiest thing to get a hold of someone in another galaxy. Apparently they had finally tracked down someone back at UCLA who had his current e-mail address and decided to try again.

Connor shot off a letter of acceptance even though he knew it wouldn't get to them before their weekly Earth dial-in next week. It was about five minutes before the shock wore off and Connor started to worry that maybe he should have asked John first. Not that he needed the other man's opinion, or that he thought John could come with him, although the e-mail did allow for a plus one, he just thought maybe he should have ran it past his partner first.

 _Hmm_. Connor looked at his watch- 1032. John was probably still in his meetings. So instead of going to find him, Connor filled out a request for time off and travel back to Earth and slowly counted down the seconds until lunchtime.

While he waited he answered the rest of his e-mail, fixed four computers, translated three pages of the database and scanned through some text that General Landry had passed on to him and Daniel. He was in the middle of his fifth computer, absently wondering what in the world John's Marines were doing to them, when two warm hands covered his eyes.

"Guess who." A voice demanded from behind him.

Connor smiled. "Ronon! What if John catches us?"

The person behind him coughed and the hands fell away. "You better not have been expecting Ronon." John said sternly, but Connor could see the twinkle in his eyes.

"Does anyone ever really expect Ronon?" He asked, turning around in his chair.

John thought about it. "Good point. What's the _craic_?" He asked, leaning over Connor to examine the computer on the desk, currently in pieces.

Connor spun back around to face the mess. "One of your guys killed his hard drive and you didn't really use it right."

"It looks pretty bad." John said, poking one of the pieces. "And damn, I thought I had it this time."

Connor laughed. "Close, but not really. So, I was, uh, thinking," He turned to look up at John. "That maybe we could hold like a computer 101 class? Or something?"

"For my Marines?" John asked.

"Yeah. If they, uh, want to… it's just a suggestion."

John lowered his head next to Connor's. "It sounds like a great idea." He said into Connor's ear, before pressing a kiss to the younger man's cheek. "I'll talk to Lorne about it."

"But only if you want to." Connor said softly.

"I do." John reassured him. "Now, lunch? I have it on good authority that there's butterscotch pudding."

"Sure." Connor pushed the computer pieces aside and locked his computer. He left his jacket hanging off his chair as he followed John out of his lab.

"So I really didn't get it right?" John asked.

Connor bit his lip. "Well, you got it right, just not really the right context."

"Ugh." John groaned as they stepped into the transporter. "Irish is so confusing."

The linguist laughed. "You're not doing half bad, John. Don't give up."

"I won't." John sighed. "I just wish it were easier."

Together they stepped out of the transporter and made their way to the mess hall. After selecting their food they sat down at table in the corner of the room. There were plenty of people eating at this time of day, so they tried to position themselves out of earshot of most of them.

"So Teyla said she will talk to Halling for us." Johns said quietly. Connor stirred some milk into John's tea and waited for his boyfriend to drink it before pouring some milk into his own cup. He was working on the tea thing, but John still had to drink it first. John didn't seem to mind but Connor did. Connor sighed as he swapped mugs with John. The tips of John's fingers touched his as he did so. "Hey," John said quietly. "It doesn't matter, Connor."

"It does." The younger man argued.

John's foot reached out to nudge his. "It doesn't." He said, meeting Connor's eyes. Connor saw honestly and love in John's eyes and for a moment he really believed that it didn't matter.

"Okay." Connor said, ducking his head.

John sighed but moved on. "So what did Johns want?"

"He and Rodney fought." Connor informed him as he twirled some spaghetti around his fork.

"Really?" John asked with a frown, stabbing a piece of chicken. "Rodney looked fine this morning."

"I think they, uh, they talked it out."

"Got it." John said before he popped the chicken into his mouth. He didn't ask anymore though which Connor was grateful for as Eric had come to him in private.

Connor couldn't wait any longer. "John." He said quietly.

The older man looked up from his lunch at him. "What's up, Con?"

Connor smiled softly at the nickname. "I, um, got an e-mail today." His eyes met John. "I've been invited to speak at a conference about a paper I published last year."

"You published a paper?" John asked a tiny bit confused. "Did I miss that?"

"It was a little before we got together." Connor offered in explanation.

"What was it on?" John asked curiously.

"Um, the effects of shanty towns on the presiding language of a society." Connor said with a blush.

"Well," John said wryly. "I won't pretend to understand that, but why didn't you tell me?"

Connor shrugged. "It didn't seem that important."

"Have you published papers before?"

"Many." Connor answered. "It's publish or perish, John."

John blinked. "Oh yeah, wow. I forget sometimes that I've only known you for a year; that you had a whole life before me."

The younger man smiled sadly. "It wasn't much of a life before you, John."

His partner had a knowing look in his eyes. "For me either." They just looked at each other for a moment and Connor felt of rush of love for the older man. "So…" John began softly. "This conference, you're going right?"

Connor bit his lip. "Yeah. I already put a request in for some leave back to Earth."

"When is it?" John asked, taking a bite of his chicken.

"February."

"And it's a linguistics conference?"

Connor pushed some spaghetti around on his plate. "Not really. It's the TED Conference." He watched John for any sign of recognition but his partner didn't seem to be familiar with it. "Um, it's a conference for 'ideas worth spreading'." He quoted. "A lot of really famous people have spoken there: Bill Gates, Jane Goodall, Billy Graham, Larry Page, Gordon Brown…"

"Wow. This is really awesome, Con." John said brightly. "I'm so proud of you." And Connor loved him just a little bit more. John didn't really understand the significance of being invited to speak or the significance of the TED Conference in general but that didn't stop him from being proud of Connor.

"Thank you." Connor accepted softly. "I can, uh, I can bring someone."

John looked at him, but the proud looked shifted to something a little bit more sad. "I would love to go with you…" John drifted off.

"I know." Connor said, swallowing thickly. "I was thinking maybe I would ask Evan." More people knew that Evan and Connor were best friends than knew that John and Connor were even friends at all.

"He-he sounds like a good idea." John said hoarsely. "I'm sorry it's like this, Connor."

"Me too."

* * *

Evan sat alone on an unused balcony of Atlantis. It was far enough away that no one would walk by, disturbing him. He had a sketchpad in his hand and a selection of charcoals and pencils laid out next to him. His fingers were already smudged with black as he moved his chamois around the paper, smearing in some color. He was sketching one of Atlantis' many towers. The sun was high in the afternoon sky, providing the perfect light. That, combined with just a small breeze, made it the perfect day for some art.

He had been in meetings all morning and had taken the rest of the day off. Teyla had said something about going to New Athos today, but Evan had declined the invitation, instead wishing his girlfriend well and hoping that she would bring back some of the cookies the Athosians made to go with their tea.

A door slid open behind him and Evan turned to look at his interloper. Connor hesitantly walked into view and Evan gave his friend a large smile. If anyone was going to interrupt him, Connor was probably his first choice to do so.

"Hey, Evan." He greeted quietly. "Am I intruding?"

Evan shook his head. "Not at all, Doc." He patted the bench next to him, "Have a seat." Connor gingerly sat down, careful to avoid knocking into Evan's stuff. "So what's up?"

"Um," Connor looked out over the sea and the warm light hit his hair making it look more red than brown. After a brief moment he turned to look at Evan and Evan fought the urge to start sketching his friend. Connor would make a wonderful model; he had great features and such an innocent look on his face.

"You know you can tell me anything, Doc." Evan said gently, setting aside his sketchbook.

"It's nothing bad." Connor promised immediately. "I've, uh, I've been asked to speak at a conference in February."

Evan smiled. "That's great, congratulations."

"Thanks." Connor said with a blush. "I've, um, put my request in for leave back to Earth and I was wondering if maybe… if maybe you would want to come with me?"

Evan frowned. "You don't want Colonel Sheppard to?"

"I do." Connor assured him softly. "But we can't. We just… we can't."

Evan hated how defeated his friend sounded. Connor had been waiting his whole life for someone like Colonel Sheppard, whether he knew it or not. Evan really wished things were different. "You said February, right?"

"Yeah."

"I think I can swing that." Evan said with a smile. "E-mail me the information-days, location, things like that."

"I will. Thank you." Connor said, standing back up.

"No problem." Evan responded easily. "I'm honored you would ask me."

"You're my best friend." He said as it that explained everything and Evan supposed that maybe it did. Connor quietly left him there and Evan picked up his drawing pad again, flipping to a clean page and he started to outline his friend's face.

* * *

"Look, I said I was sorry." Rodney huffed.

Eric didn't turn around or even stop typing. "I know."

"So will you come to bed?"

"I have to finish this." Eric told him.

"Finish what?"

"Some homework."

Rodney groaned. "Can't you skip it for one night?"

Eric turned around and gave Rodney an icy stare. "No." He turned back to his work.

"Well, what if I help?"

Eric bristled. "I don't need your help."

"Eric," Rodney said in a quieter voice. "I'm sorry alright? I shouldn't have yelled at you, I had a bad day-"

"That you won't talk about." Eric inserted quietly.

Rodney was unnaturally quiet behind him. "Is that what this is about?"

"If all I'm good for is to help you get your rocks off, then tell me and I'll learn to live with that." Eric whispered.

"I-Where did you get that idea?"

"What idea am I supposed to have, Rodney?" Eric asked, turning around in his seat again. "You won't talk to me about _anything_. Then last night you come home and start yelling at me and I don't even know what I did. You said you were sorry, well okay, I can accept that, but I need to know what I did wrong so I don't do it again. I-" He cut himself off.

Rodney stood there with unreadable expression on his face. "Eric, I-"

And suddenly Rodney didn't know what to say. He didn't have any experience with someone as sensitive as Eric. Katie had laughed off his gruff comments and before that his previous girlfriend had been more laid-back than Sheppard about anything Rodney said or did. But Eric… for a Marine he had low self-esteem and tended to actually listen to the things that Rodney said. And he liked Rodney _a lot_ … More than liked, he loved Rodney _a lot_. He was willing to put up with all the shit that Rodney did just to stay with him.

Sheppard had said that was probably because Eric didn't know that there were people out there who weren't as psychotic as Rodney. Rodney had tossed an empty beer can at Sheppard and moved on, but now he couldn't help but remember his friend's words.

He didn't know how to deal with this or what to say to make it better. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

"I love you." Rodney said suddenly. "And I know you really don't have anything to compare that too, but I do. You should also know that part of loving someone is telling them when they're being an ass and since you won't say it, I will. I've been a complete ass, Eric and I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. Look, yesterday I overheard some people in the mess hall making fun of gay people and I-I freaked out. I'm sorry I took it out on you. It's just… one day I'm jacking off to Pamela Anderson and the next I'm-," Rodney made a crude motion with his hands and Eric scrunched his nose at it. "We've been together for seven months and I guess I'm just a little overdue for a freak out."

The expression on Eric's face turned into one of understanding. Eric stood up and stood in front of Rodney. He slid his arms around the older man's waist and looked him in the eye. "I'm sorry you had to hear that."

And wow, that really wasn't what Rodney was expecting him to say. "It's nothing I haven't heard before elsewhere. I don't know why it was so different this time." Rodney admitted.

Eric shrugged. "The mind works in mysterious ways." He said lightly. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Puh-lease. I had worse from Ronon when I hacked into his computer."

"You hacked into Ronon's computer?"

"I wasn't buying the whole no porn story."

"So did you find any?" Eric asked.

"No." Rodney answered sourly. "I think Davids taught him some computer tricks."

Eric laughed. "Probably."

"I'm not just with you for sex." Rodney said suddenly, because he realized that he hadn't yet said it and it was something that Eric probably needed to hear. He could hear his inner Teyla talking about needs and catering to them and being understanding and patient. Rodney wondered if it was normal to have the voices of your teammates in your head. He figured it probably wasn't. "Although, that's a plus." He added.

"You're not just saying that?"

Rodney scoffed. "Please, do you really see me going through all this effort to get laid? Who wouldn't want me?"

"No one that I can think of." His boyfriend answered, dead-pan.

Rodney pulled Eric tighter against him. "Do you really have homework or can we get on to the make-up sex?"

Eric sighed dramatically. "Well, I suppose I can put it off until tomorrow."

"Great." Rodney declared, already tugging him towards the bed.

"Wait." Eric said suddenly. "Is everything okay now?"

"Huh?" Rodney had really already moved on to the fun, naked part of the night.

"With your big, gay freak-out."

Didn't he say that to Sheppard once? "Definitely."

"Really?" Eric looked at him closely.

"Yes, really. I just consider myself a true scientist-open to all the possibilities of the world." He said with an air of superiority.

Eric rolled his eyes. "Rodney, you're not open to anything."

"What? Of course I am."

"Uh-huh." Eric said, but continued letting Rodney drag him to bed.

* * *

John poked Connor in the arm. "Wake up." His boyfriend made a sound of protest and then pulled the blankets over his head while snuggling closer to John. "Up." John repeated.

"It's Sunday." Connor groaned from under the covers. "Sleep in day."

John laughed. "You've already been up to run with Ronon."

"I sleep in after." Connor argued.

"Well next time don't go to bed at three in the morning."

"Had work."

John reached a hand under the blankets to poke at Connor again. "C'mon, up."

"Whyyyyy?"

"I wanna take you somewhere."

"I'm pretty sure wherever it is isn't going to leave. It'll be there in five hours."

John laughed again and then rolled out of the bed onto his feet. "I'm taking a shower."

"Jo-ohn. Now it's cold." He pouted.

"It's warm in the shower." John enticed.

Connor pushed the blanket off of his head. "Where are we going?" He reached out a hand and John tugged him out of bed.

"I'll tell you when we get there."

"Oh, that's just grand." Connor said sarcastically as he stumbled along side John towards the bathroom, his eyes barely open. "What time is it?"

"Seven."

John couldn't help but laugh when Connor attempted to glare at him with his eyes closed. "Why did you wake me up so bloody early?"

John loved when Connor was still half asleep. He definitely sounded more Irish and oftentimes words would slip out in other languages. John's vocabulary had certainly grown since he started living with Connor. "I told you. I wanna take you somewhere." He reminded Connor gently.

He ushered his partner into the shower and Connor turned to face him, resting his head on John's shoulder as the warm water washed away traces of yesterday. John had an arm wrapped tightly around the younger man to keep him from falling over but didn't stop Connor from trying to get some more sleep.

John carefully shampooed both of their hair and gently rubbed a washcloth over Connor's skin. It was a bit tricky, especially since Connor refused to let go, but John had been in tighter situations with less to work with.

When the water turned off John guided his partner out of the shower and patted him dry with a towel. Connor was glaring at him through the mirror with one eye open as he brushed his teeth. John laughed and dried himself off before reaching around Connor to grab his own toothbrush.

After they finished in the bathroom John tossed some clothes towards Connor, clean non-uniform clothes. Connor stared at the jeans and button-up shirt in his hand before his gaze turned to John, watching him pull on his own pair of jeans. "Where are we going?" He asked again.

"Somewhere that requires clothes." John told him.

Connor glared at him with both eyes this time but dressed in the clothes John had provided. John could see a lot of blowjobs in his future to make up for waking his partner so early. Connor definitely enjoyed his sleep.

John walked over, fully dressed, and wrapped his arms around Connor, pulling the younger man into a tight hug. Connor buried his face in John's neck. "I love you." John murmured, sliding his hands down into Connor's back pockets.

"Mmm. Je t'aime." Connor mumbled against John's skin.

John stood there for a few moments, reveling in his boyfriend's warmth and love before reluctantly separating. Well, he tried to separate. Connor was still firmly attached to his body and John wanted nothing more than to stand there all day with him but there was something he had to do. Something that had been bothering him since before the accident.

" _Colonel Sheppard!" John paused in his walking to turn towards the sound of his name. A scientist was heading towards him rapidly and John decided that now was probably not a good time to test his fight or flight reflexes. "Colonel Sheppard." He greeted again._

" _Dr. ….Hillson?" He asked._

" _Michael Hillson." He said with a nod, reaching a hand out. "But please, call me Mike."_

 _John shook his hand. "What can I do for you, Mike?"_

" _Um, you're friends with Connor, right? He's mentioned you a couple times, usually when he talked about jumper lessons."_

 _John blinked at the moniker not many people called his partner 'Connor' as 'Doc' was much more popular amongst the personnel. "You could say that." John drawled._

" _He hasn't been returning any of our e-mails and we can never seem to find him."_

 _The one down side to Atlantis' infatuation with Connor was that it was more than willing to hide the linguist if asked to do so. John couldn't help but wonder why Connor had asked it to do so this time and had a hard time picturing his incredibly polite boyfriend ignoring e-mails. "Who's 'we'?"_

" _The Atlantis Bible-study group."_

 _Whatever John was expecting, it certainly wasn't that. "The what?"_

 _Mike smiled kindly. "We started meeting somewhere in the first year when we thought we'd probably die out here."_

" _How does this religion thing work with the Ancients and all?" A question John had always wanted to ask Connor but hadn't._

" _The same way it works with all the other beliefs on Earth." The scientist answered easily. "And we don't deny the existence of the Ancients, but think about it, Colonel, who created the Ancients?"_

 _Huh. "Good point. So what was it you wanted?"_

" _I was wondering if you were going to see Connor anytime soon."_

" _I'm having lunch with him today."_

" _Perfect." Mike smiled. "If you could pass along a message?"_

" _What's the message?" John asked first._

" _That we miss him and would love it if he came back to the group. He has some great insight, Colonel."_

 _For some reason John hadn't put it together until that moment that Connor had been attending Bible studies. John frowned, they'd been together almost ten months, he was pretty sure he would know if Connor went missing for an hour every week. Something was wrong, John could feel it. "How long has it been since he's attended one of these… sessions?"_

 _Mike thought about it. "A little under a year, give or take. Somewhere around ten months, I think."_

 _Fuck. "I'll see what I can do." John said._

" _Thank you, Colonel." Mike said gratefully. "And you're more than welcome to come too. We meet Sunday mornings at eight in Lab D-194."_

"Time to go." John murmured. "Or we'll be late."

"Late?"

"Late." John said, pressing a quick kiss to Connor's mouth. He ran a hand down Connor's arm and locked his fingers with the other man's. John squeezed lightly before leading Connor out of their room.

The transporter doors had barely closed when Connor froze. "What are you doing, John?" He asked, sounding incredibly wide awake and a little bit angry. The transporter lights flickered and even though they'd arrived the door didn't open.

John didn't even pretend that Connor didn't know where they were going. "Mike invited me to his Bible study and I thought I'd check it out."

Connor turned to face him. "Why are you doing this?" He whispered.

John reached out and cupped Connor's cheek. "Because I love you."

"I-I can't go back there."

"Connor." John breathed quietly. "This is part of who you are."

"Not anymore." He said with a shake of his head. "Please, John." He begged. Connor backed away from John until his back hit the side of the transporter. He wrapped his arms around himself and flinched away when John reached for him.

"I won't make you go, I would never do that." John said softly. "But I think you need to."

"I went." Connor said shakily. "When you were…" He gestured. "I thought it would help."

"Did it?"

"No." Connor answered quietly.

"I think it did." John responded. "That God answered your prayers, Con."

"You don't believe in God, John." Connor said softly.

"You do."

"I… I can't go." He whispered. "I-If you want to," He gestured at the door and it slid open.

John used his own connection with Atlantis to shut it again. "I want to go, with you."

Connor shook his head again. "I c-can't."

The transporter whirred back to life and a moment later they were deposited back on the level with their quarters. They walked back to their room, a good distance between their bodies. When the door closed Connor hesitantly took a step towards John and John sighed in relief as he pulled Connor against him. "Can you think about going back? For me?"

"Yes." Connor whispered.

"Thank you." John said pressing a kiss to Connor's forehead. "How about some tea?"

"Sleep." The younger man countered with a yawn.

John smiled. "Sleep then."

* * *

"So, word on base is that you have some kind of super gene, like Colonel Sheppard."

It was late Monday morning and Daniel had called with an offer of exploration the previous night and Connor had accepted. His team was on stand-down until Jim was off of medical leave and Connor found himself missing the opportunity to do more than translate.

Connor blushed lightly. "I, um, wouldn't say super gene."

Daniel grinned. "Sam also said that you pretty much refuse to share your super gene."

"I share!" Connor protested. "Sometimes."

The other man laughed. "Well it's definitely convenient having you along. I used to have to drag one of the Marines with the gene out here and uh, let's just say it was artificial."

Connor frowned lightly. "Theoretically there isn't a difference between an artificial gene and a natural one."

"Theoretically." Daniel agreed. "But we both know there is."

Connor silently agreed. Atlantis appreciated everything Rodney did for her but he wasn't quite as loved as Connor and John or even Evan was.

"So, um, are we looking for anything in particular?" Connor asked as they headed down another dark hallway, the torches on their P-90's lighting the way.

"Nope." Daniel said cheerily. "Just wandering around, hoping that we'll stumble upon something cool. Mark bet Emery that all we would find was dust." He said, gesturing to the Marines in front of them, Corporal Mark Sague on the right and Lt. Emery Jacobson on the left.

Connor knew both of them. Emery was friends with Ben and Mark had some of the worst luck with computers that Connor had ever seen. "What did you bet him?" Connor asked Mark.

"Candy bar." Mark answered with a shrug. Even though Rodney had gotten the food replicators to replicate most Earth food, it still didn't do well with specifics.

"I think that with you along today, Doc, we'll find something." Emery said.

"Don't mind him, Doc. He's an eternal optimist." Mark said cheekily.

"An optimist in the Pegasus Galaxy?" Daniel asked wryly. "You must be new."

"I came in the first wave." Emery said with an easy smile. "I just like to believe the best of things."

"See," Mark said with a roll of his eyes. "Eternal optimist."

Connor caught a glimpse of something else in Mark's eyes and filed it away for further thought. "How much of Atlantis have you explored so far?" He asked Daniel.

"Only about two percent of the city." Daniel admitted. "I go when I can."

"Or when he remembers." Emery added.

"I was only late a few times."

"Try nine times, Dr. Jackson." Mark said with a smile.

"It's Daniel," The anthropologist corrected absent-mindedly. "And nine times? Really?"

Mark grinned. "Really."

There was a door at the end of the hallway and Emery held up an arm, signaling for Daniel and Connor to stop. They waited as Emery and Mark slid the door open before slowly entering. A few minutes later they heard "Clear!" from inside.

Connor spared half a glance towards Daniel before walking through the door. He entered the largest room he'd ever seen in his life. They were on the bottom level of the center tower and looking around the room that couldn't be anything but the central marketplace. The scientists had theorized that Atlantis had one since it functioned as a city and they thought it was somewhere in the central tower, but it had never been a priority to find.

"Wow." Daniel gasped lightly.

Mark and Emery were about twenty yards ahead of them, shining their torches about the room. There were no lights because there was no power to the room, which also meant that it was cold. Connor could see his breath in the small stream of light from his gun. He shivered and wished he had thought to bring something thicker than his uniform jacket.

"So what do you think this place is?" Emery asked.

"Marketplace." Connor and Daniel said at the same time.

Several small rooms lined the walls of the room; shops Connor noted as he walked further into the large space. There were dust covers spread over everything, just as the original expedition had found when they initially explored Atlantis. Connor shivered again and wished they could get power to the room. Suddenly a dark blur was thrown in his direction and Connor let go of his gun with one hand to catch it. He looked up to see Emery pointing his torch towards Connor's feet. "You look cold, Doc."

Connor looked down at the jacket in his hand, still warm. "Th-thank you."

"No problem." Emery hoisted his vest back on and kept exploring.

Connor unclipped his own tack vest letting it slide down onto the floor with the P-90. He slid the borrowed jacket on over his own before putting his vest back on. It was tempting to leave it there and pick it up on his way out but John's voice in his head, repeating something about the sanity of his partner, kept him from doing so.

The linguist wandered into one of the small rooms, carefully removing the dust covers from items. There wasn't much in there- shelves, a counter, a small back room with a few metal crates. As he left the room he wondered what it could have been used for.

Connor noted that Daniel had seemingly gone into one of the small rooms as well while Mark and Emery were attempting to make it to the other side.

By 1500 Connor started to get hungry. He had opted to sleep through breakfast and was busy exploring during lunch. John had slipped a PowerBar into Connor's vest with a knowing look before sending Connor off to meet with Daniel. And now Connor was searching his vest for the energy bar but scrunched his nose at the thought of eating it. They definitely weren't his favorite things to consume.

"Sague to Davids."

Connor abandoned his search and tapped his radio. "Davids here."

"Doc, Colonel Sheppard just recalled us."

Connor groaned. He was hungry, but they had still only managed to explore a fraction of the room. "Copy that."

"We'll rendezvous back at the entrance to the room ASAP. Sague out."

The scientist left the small shop he was currently exploring and headed back for the entrance. It took fifteen minutes at a pretty brisk pace. Emery was already there waiting. "Sague went to get Jackson."

Connor nodded. "What was down at the other end?"

Emery shrugged. "More shops. There were some consoles and stuff but I have no idea what they could be used for."

"Was there any writing on them?"

"Yeah, all over the stuff."

"Are you sure we don't have time to look at it…"

Emery laughed. "Colonel Sheppard was very specific."

Connor was only a little bit tempted to try and radio John with a bribe in exchange for more time. He shook his head; he'd made a promise with himself to never take advantage of his relationship with John. "We'll have to come back." He sighed. "I think Mark owes you a candy bar."

"I think you're right, Doc." Emery agreed. "I'll wrestle it out of him later."

"…All I need is a few more minutes to-"

"No."

"Just to look-"

"Sorry, Daniel."

Connor looked up and saw Mark herding Daniel towards them. The anthropologist was attempting to bargain for more time. "A few more minutes, that's all I need."

"Colonel Sheppard's orders, sir." Mark sighed and it sounded like it wasn't the first time he had said that.

"Did he say what he wants?"

"Nope, just to haul ass back to Control."

All four of them quickly made their way back to the control tower and were met by Colonel Carter, John and Rodney; the latter of which did not look happy.

"What were you doing?" The astrophysicist demanded.

Connor frowned as Daniel answered. "Exploring, Rodney. You would know if you'd paid attention to the e-mails I sent you."

"I was reading power spikes all over the city."

"Power spikes?" Connor asked quietly. "The room we were in had no power."

"It started hours ago. At first I thought Zelenka had done something and I spent most of the day so far running diagnostics. Then Sheppard comes in and mentions that you're off gallivanting through the city…"

"It was dark, Dr. McKay." Mark inserted. "And cold. There was no power."

John met Connor's eyes and a strange emotion flashed through his boyfriend's eyes but Connor didn't have time to decipher it before it was gone. "And you're sure? None of you touched anything? Connor?"

"I swear, John, we didn't touch anything. The room was dead."

"Well, it's off limits until we can find what happened." Carter said, stepping in.

Daniel protested. "Sam-"

Carter held a hand up. "Daniel, I know what you're going to say and I'm sorry, but Rodney's right. We've had strange power spikes all morning and until we know what caused them the section you were in is off limits. Understood?"

Connor nodded and tried not to seem as disappointed at that decree as he was.

"Dismissed." John said. Daniel followed Carter back to her office as Mark and Emery left the control room heading for the tac room to unload their vests, leaving Connor standing there with John and Rodney. He shifted uncomfortably under both of their gazes. Connor's stomach took that moment to make itself known again and John rolled his eyes. "Didn't I send you off with a snack?" He asked, gently leading Connor back down the steps. They quickly dropped off Connor's vest and gun and were on their way again.

"I started to look for it but, uh…"

"Got distracted?" John guessed. Connor nodded. "And I suppose you slept through breakfast."

"Um…"

"What am I going to do with you?" John asked fondly.

"Feed me?"

John laughed. "Mess hall or food hub?"

"Food hub." Connor decided. "I want some pizza."

"Pizza it is."

They stepped into the transporter and a moment later were at their destination. They walked down the hall in silence and neither one of them said anything until they had sat down with their food. Connor was halfway through his pizza before he realized that John hadn't touched his burger.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

John hesitated. "Whose jacket is that?"

Connor looked down at the borrowed jacket he still worse and blushed. "It's, um, Emery's."

John was silent for a moment. "Lt. Jacobson's?"

"Yeah. It was really cold and he, uh, lent it to me." Connor told him softly. The same look that John had given him in the control room flashed across his face and this time Connor knew what it was: insecurity. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, shrugging out of the jacket. "I-I didn't think you would mind."

"I don't." John said in a small voice. "It just… threw me a little."

"Next time I'll take a warmer jacket." Connor promised.

"Next time you'll take me and _I'll_ lend you a jacket." His partner corrected.

Connor met John's hazel-green eyes and smiled. "Deal."

* * *

John sighed and checked his watch again: 0246. He rolled out of his bed and onto his feet. John pulled on the previous day's clothes, shoved his feet into his boots and ran a hand through his hair before making his way to Connor's lab.

When he got there he wasn't surprised to find his errant partner still bent over his desk, scribbling away. "Connor." He said quietly, coming up behind the younger man.

"One second." Connor said, briefly holding a hand up.

So John waited. And waited. And waited. He waited seventeen minutes. "Connor."

"Hm?" His boyfriend asked, distracted.

"Are you going to come to bed?"

"In a little while." Connor absently answered.

John moved over so he was in his boyfriend's field of vision. "Connor." He repeated, reaching out and gently turning the linguist's head to face him. He saw the moment Connor realized that someone was talking to him.

"John." Connor rubbed a hand over his face. "Hi. Is it dinner time?"

John shook his head and smiled softly. "Not exactly. Are you hungry?"

Connor scrunched his forehead "I don't think so." He answered finally.

"How about some tea?"

"Some tea would be grand." Connor said tiredly.

John reached down to gently squeeze Connor's shoulders. "Okay." He let go and walked over to make Connor some tea. He poured some water out of a bottle into the linguist's water kettle. As that heated he searched through Connor's enormous selection of tea, digging to the bottom to procure some raspberry. He sifted through Connor's small fridge and came out with a tiny carton of milk. John gave it an experimental sniff before putting it to his mouth and tipping back his head, drinking some. He swirled some around in his mouth and decided it tasted okay.

The water began to boil and John grabbed the largest mug there. He poured the scalding water in, leaving room for milk and the tea. He dropped in the small teabag followed by as much milk as the mug would hold. He glanced back at Connor while he waited for the tea to steep. The younger man had gone back to work but seemed more exhausted than when John had first found him.

John found a spoon and stirred the tea before pulling out the teabag, pressing it against the spoon to wring it out. He tossed the tea bag into the small garbage there and carefully carried the full mug over to his partner. This time Connor turned his head when John approached and offered a grateful smile. John took a small sip of the tea before passing it on to his boyfriend.

"Thanks." Connor murmured before taking a long sip of the hot liquid. He winced as it burned his tongue but took another drink anyways.

"How much longer do you have?" John asked, reaching out and running a hand through Connor's hair.

The linguist shrugged. "Not sure." He set his tea on his desk.

"Do you have anywhere to be in the morning?"

"Not until 1600, I have a department meeting."

"I'll make sure you're up by then." John told him.

"Thanks." John moved to walk away but Connor grabbed a hand and held it against his face for a second, closing his eyes. "I love you." Connor breathed and pressed a kiss to John's palm.

"I love you, too." John said, lowering his hand as he leaned down to press his lips against Connor's. The younger man tasted like raspberries, _like the universe_ , John thought. Connor had been so exited to learn that scientists on Earth had found ethyl formate in a dust cloud in the Milky Way Galaxy.

" _It's what gives raspberries their flavor, John! Can you believe it? God made the cosmos to taste like raspberries! My favorite fruit." He sighed happily. "He does some amazing things, huh?"_

John pulled back reluctantly. "I'll let you get back to work." He mumbled against Connor's lips.

" _A chuisle_." Connor mumbled back.

The older man smiled and then left Connor to his work. The walk back to their quarters was short. Their bed was just as cold, when John fell back into it, and his arms just as empty. He sighed.

John stared at the ceiling. He turned on his side and lay there for a moment before turning on to his other side. He exhaled as he rolled onto his back. John checked his watch: 0321.

He stood, sliding his feet back into his shoes, having not bothered with getting undressed again. He left their quarters and quietly slipped back into Connor's lab. His boyfriend was still bent over his work, writing with one hand as he sipped his tea with the other.

John silently laid down on Connor's couch, tugged a blanket over his legs and watched his partner work, eventually drifting off.

* * *

Connor yawned as he propped his head up with a hand. He pushed his fork through his mashed potatoes with the other.

"Am I keeping you awake?" Eric asked with a laugh in his voice.

"Just a wee bit." Connor admitted.

"It's 1800, Connor." Eric stated.

"I know."

Eric sighed but let it go. "So what did you want to ask me?"

Connor blinked. "Oh, uh, how did it go with Rodney?"

"I think it went okay. He apologized and we talked about it."

"What was wrong with him?" Connor abandoned the rest of his dinner despite Eric's disapproving glare and instead dragged his pudding cup in front of him, reaching for the spoon sticking out of it.

Eric glanced around the mess hall before leaning in a little. When he spoke his voice was low. "He overheard some people saying disrespectful things about gays. It kinda just hit him that he was sorta gay now. Talk about delayed reaction, right?" He asked rhetorically as he sat back in his seat again.

Connor plopped a spoonful of pudding into his mouth as he pondered Eric's words. He swallowed before asking, "Did he say who it was?"

"No, just said 'some people'."

The linguist frowned. "I don't understand how people like that make it all the way to the Pegasus Galaxy."

Eric sighed. "People like that make it all the way to commander in chief, Connor."

Connor sighed but let it go. "So everything is okay with you two now?"

"Yeah." Eric grinned suddenly, a strange look on his usually serious friend. "Let me tell you, Doc, make-up sex really _is_ the best sex."

"Ew. Eric! That was too much information."

Eric laughed. "Just thought you should know for future purposes."

"Noted." Connor said. "And still, ew."

* * *

"Davids to Sague."

Mark reached up to tap his radio on. "Sague here."

"I, um, have your computer, Mark, if you want to come pick it up."

Mark glanced at his watch. If he hurried he would be able to pick up his laptop and drop it off before his shift started. "I'll be right there, Doc. Sague out."

Mark looked around the mess hall cautiously before standing up with his tray. He dumped his half eaten breakfast into he garbage, piling his dishes in the box before quickly making his way out of the mess hall. He kept his head down as he made his way to the nearest transporter. He was just about to step in when an arm grabbed him.

"Going somewhere, faggot?" A voice asked roughly from behind him.

"Yes, now let go of me." Mark said sharply.

"I don't think so."

Mark was dragged into a dark room and the door closed tightly as three bodies came at him. "What have we told you about eating with the normal people, bitch?" A fist reached out to punch him in the stomach.

"I have a right to eat there." Mark gasped, unable to see his attackers in the dark.

"You do, do you?" A different voice asked from his left. "Did you hear that boys? The fag thinks he has rights."

A hand reached out and pulled his head up by his collar, choking him while another fist found its way to his chest. "Stop." mark coughed out. "I'll tell Colonel Sheppard."

"You think we're scared of that cock-sucker?"

"Don't you call him that." Mark hissed.

"Or what?" The hand on his collar tugged harder. "You'll make us regret it?"

"I can't… breathe." Mark gasped.

"That's the point, bitch." A third voice said.

Mark felt his face get warm as white dots swam in his vision. He collapsed as someone kneed him in the groin, held up only by his collar.

"Remember this for next time, faggot. Stay the fuck out of the mess hall."

The last thing Mark heard before he passed out was Connor's worried voice in his ear.

"Davids to Sague…. Davids to Sague… Mark are you there? Mark?"


	43. Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 43 : Preparations**

Author's Notes :

\- Takes place immediately following ch. 42.  
\- _Tá brón orm_ : I'm sorry. Pro: Tah brone ur-um.  
\- _Go raibh maith agat_ : Thank you. Pro: Go rehv mah ah-gut.  
\- _Ta failte romhat_ : You're welcome. Pro: Taw fawl-cheh row-at.  
\- _A chuisle mo chroí_ : My pulse, my heart.  
\- _Star Wars_ belongs to George Lucas.  
\- I feel I must pre-empt any complaints of Connor's ability being unrealistic by pointing out that Daniel Jackson did the exact same thing many times in SG1. And Connor is made of way more win than Jackson is.

*I have written a one-shot in the BCD world, it's on my profile and the non-edited version can be found at my listed homepage.

READ THIS BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER : Connor will be speaking in another language that's not Irish. It will be a made up language and instead of trying to convince my readers that I am clever and can create a new language, the words will be in English but implied to be in another language through the use [ ]. For example : "[I sing the body electric.]"

BETA : JackD

* * *

"Mark?"

Mark groaned. "Doc?"

Connor nodded even though the other man still had his eyes closed. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Mark slowly opened his eyes, blinking. "Sorry, Doc. I… I must have fallen or something."

"What are you doing in a supply closet?"

The corporal blinked. "I was making a list of what we have for Major Lorne."

For the first time Connor knew what it felt like to be blatantly lied to. Atlantis had shot off a feeling of warning and then led Connor to find Mark, passed out on the floor of a dark room. "Do you need me to, um, get Dr. Keller?"

"No, no." Mark insisted, sitting up. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, Doc. I'm sorry to worry you and make you come all the way down here."

Connor frowned. "It's okay. I, uh, I have your laptop."

"Thanks for bringing it."

"Sure. Are you, uh, sure you're okay."

"Positive, Doc." Mark said as he stood up slowly. Connor followed, clutching the laptop to his side. Once they were both standing he handed the computer over to the younger man.

"Here you go. I fixed the problem for you."

"What was it?"

Connor smiled. "Do you really want to know?"

Mark was quiet for a second as he appeared to think about it. "No, I guess you're right. It would all go over my head anyways. Thanks again, Doc."

"No problem." Connor said quietly.

"Well, I have to get back to work." Mark said, gesturing at the door.

"Of course."

With a smile and a wave Mark left the room, leaving Connor to stand there by himself.

* * *

"If there's a problem with some of the Marines, who deals with that?"

John raised both eyebrows at the quiet question. " _Is there_ a problem with some of the Marines?" he countered, setting aside his book.

Connor turned to look at him on the bed, his laptop resting on his stretched out legs. "It's just a hypothetical, John."

John let that slide, he knew it was more than that. "Well, since Carter is here now she would deal with some of it. Lorne and I would deal with the rest."

"Deal how?"

"It depends on the problem. If it were something like they showed up late to duty for a week straight, we'd have to reprimand them and Lorne would talk to them about it and we'd figure out some kind of punishment. If it was something more along the lines of not following orders, insubordination, things like that Carter would probably deal with it." He paused. "What's going on, Con?" Connor opened his mouth to answer and John held up a hand. "And don't even think about lying to me."

"It's nothing, John, really." He answered softly.

John frowned. "If you're not going to tell the truth, please don't lie, Connor."

The other man winced and looked away. "Sorry."

John reached out and squeezed his partner's hand gently. "What's wrong?"

"I need some time to think about it." Connor answered, glancing up at John's face.

"Fair enough." John allowed.

Connor went back to his laptop, typing with one hand as John refused to let go of the other, but John didn't go back to his reading. Connor's question bothered him. His partner obviously thought that there was some kind of problem with the Marines, even if he hadn't shared his suspicions with John. John had thought that between he and Lorne they knew all of their men pretty well, but now John wasn't so sure. He made a mental note to set up a meeting with his XO in the morning to review all of the men under their command. Even if there wasn't a problem it was almost time for a review anyways, they would just be a little bit early this year.

* * *

"Rodney?" Connor asked softly, standing behind the other man at his desk.

Rodney jumped slightly. "Jesus!" He said, turning around. "God, you and Sheppard are like the stealth couple or something."

Connor frowned. "Sorry."

Rodney waved it away. "Whatever." He gave Connor an expectant look while crossing his arms.

"I was, uh, wondering if it would be alright if I used the chair."

The astrophysicist gave him a speculative look. "What do you need it for?"

Connor bit his lip. "There are several references in the section of the database I'm translating to a scientific journal that one of the researchers kept and the chair would be, um, helpful to locate the journal."

"I think I got bored just listening to you." Rodney said. He waved his hand, "Okay it with Zelenka."

"Thanks, Rodney."

"Next time make some noise."

"I'll try." Connor left Rodney's lab in search of Radek. He found the Czech in the jumper bay, elbows deep in wires. "Radek?" He called softly.

The other man blinked and turned to look at him. "Connor, hi, what can I do for you?"

"Rodney said to okay it with you that I use the chair."

"Is no problem." Radek offered in somewhat broken English. Connor made a mental note to learn some Czech. "How long do you think you will be?"

"Um, a couple hours? I'm, uh, not really sure."

The Czech made a slight motion with a hand. "If you need help you call."

"Thanks, Radek."

Radek nodded and went back to his work. Connor felt a little bad about lying to Radek and Rodney. He technically told them the truth; he did find references to journals and the chair would help him find them faster-but he'd already found them a few days ago and was going to be using the chair for something else.

It didn't take long to get to the chair room. It was thankfully empty today and Connor sat down. It lit up immediately and leaned backwards. John, he knew, liked how the chair would spin in use; Connor didn't. So he gently but firmly requested that it stay put and Atlantis cheerfully agreed.

* * *

"Did you have lunch with him?"

Evan blinked at the question as he entered Colonel Sheppard's office. He knew that the only 'he' most likely referred to Connor. Evan shook his head, "No, sir. He canceled today."

"Canceled?" Sheppard looked puzzled. "When?"

"This morning." Evan took the seat in front of the desk and swiped a finger across the mouse pad to wake his laptop up.

"Did he say why?"

"No, sir. He rescheduled for dinner though."

"Hm." Sheppard didn't appear to be happy with his answer but didn't press further. "Major."

"Sir." Evan said, looking up from his computer.

"We're going to do our evaluations early."

"Early, sir?" Evan thought he had gotten pretty good at guessing Sheppard's plans but this seemed to take him by surprise not to mention it was unexpected; the colonel hated evaluations.

"Early, Major."

"Yes, sir." Evan paused. "When would you like to start, sir?"

"Today."

Evan craned his neck to look at his CO. "Any particular reason, sir?"

"I have a hunch," is all the colonel said looking mildly annoyed.

"Yes, sir." Evan reached for his data pad to begin setting up for evaluations.

"And, Lorne?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I want surprise inspections of every one of our men's rooms."

Evan blinked, this time in surprise. "Yes, sir."

"I want us to be thorough."

"Yes, sir."

"And, Lorne?"

"Yes, sir."

"Stop with the 'sir'."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Connor shook his head as the chair sat up. He blinked a few times to adjust his eyes to the lights in the room.

"Hi."

Connor jumped a little and turned towards the voice. John was sitting in a chair nearby with his arms crossed over his chest, his right ankle resting on his left knee. And he looked pissed.

"Hi."

"Do you know what time it is?" The younger man shook his head and pulled his wrist towards him to look at his watch but John was faster. "It's almost 0200."

 _Uh-oh._ "Is Rodney mad?"

"No."

"Radek?"

"No."

Connor winced. "You?"

"What the fuck were you thinking, Connor?" John exploded, standing up and walking over to Connor's side. "When Lorne came back from dinner saying you never showed up, a million different things ran through my head! And none of them were good! I had men out looking for you before Atlantis kindly let us in on the fact that you were traipsing around through her systems." He paused and ran a hand through his hair. John took a deep breath before continuing, "What were you doing? And the truth this time please. Not the story you told McKay and Zelenka, because I know for a fact that you already found those journals."

Connor pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I was talking with Atlantis."

"About?"

"I was asking about the Lantean military system as well as civilian social codes."

John frowned lightly. "Why?"

"I was curious." Connor said with a shrug. John just kept looking at him. "I was."

"And what else were you doing?" John asked expectantly, but he reached out with a hand and lightly rested it on one of Connor's knees.

Connor bit his lip. "I just wanted to explore a little."

John raised an eyebrow. "Through a computer?"

"I wanted to know about the power spikes that Rodney saw while Daniel and I were exploring."

"Did you find anything?" John's hand was warm though Connor's uniform. It contrasted with his still frosty demeanor.

"They weren't really power spikes so much as failed attempts to power the room. Some of the circuits are broken and Atlantis couldn't get the power through them that she wanted to. She showed me how to fix them though, but I have to talk to Rodney about it first."

"And Carter." John reminded him.

Connor bobbed his head. "And Colonel Carter."

John sighed and pinched his nose. "You can't just disappear."

Connor chewed on his bottom lip. "I'm sorry. I didn't think I was going to be that long."

"I don't care how long you take as long as you let _me_ know. I seriously almost had a heart attack when Lorne said you were missing. You weren't in your lab, your room, your gym, the mess hall, infirmary… anywhere."

"I'm really sorry, John." Connor said honestly.

John looked shaken as he reached his other hand out to cup the back of Connor's neck. "You better be." He murmured as he shifted closer to Connor. He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against the younger man's. "Let's go to bed." He mumbled against Connor's lips.

"Okay." Connor agreed softly. "I…" He drifted off and bit his lip.

"Hmm?" John asked as he ran a hand through Connor's hair.

"There's something I want to show you."

"Show me?"

"With the chair." Connor said, standing up. He gestured for John to sit down. His partner did, but managed to snag an arm around Connor's waist pulling him down on top of John. Connor blushed and squirmed a little as John tightened the arm around him.

"No moving." John said in a deep voice.

Connor stopped. "Sorry." He reached down and placed his hands on top of John's, pushing his fingers through his boyfriend's and into the gel pads. The chair leaned back and Connor fell back against John's chest and he head leaned back next to John's against the chair. "Am I…?"

John laughed. "You're fine as you are, Con."

"Oh."

"So how are we going to do this?"

Connor frowned. "Um," He thought about what he wanted to do and a second later the information popped up in his mind. "Can you see it?"

"It's in Ancient." John said. A second later all the lettering turned into English. "That's better. So what am I looking at?"

"Well, I know you always wanted a gun like Ronon's…" A second later a map formed in their heads and a light began to move down some of the corridors before finally landing in a large room on the far side of the city that was marked for exploration in three-months time. "While I was asking about the military, Atlantis showed me this room. It has some machines that produce energy weapons like Ronon's. She told me that this was part of the artillery and defense systems that Atlantis has."

"Rodney said that they'd found the weapons rooms and that they were empty."

Connor shook his head. "Rodney found some… weapons storage rooms, almost like our tac rooms."

"And you think you can get the machines working again?"

Connor nodded. "They weren't damaged, they're just lacking power. We would have found them in a few months anyway, but I know how much you want a gun like Ronon's."

"I do. I really, really do." John said, pressing a kiss to the side of Connor's neck. "I'll talk to Carter about it." The chair sat up and Connor's body fell forward away from John's. John moved an arm back around Connor's waist to stop him from tumbling forward. "Careful." He whispered in Connor's ear.

"Thanks."

"Let's swing by the mess and get you some food and then bed. Don't you have that department meeting in the morning?"

Connor groaned. "Yeah." He pushed up off of John to stand up.

"What? Don't like the meetings?" John asked jokingly as he stood up behind Connor.

"What's not to like about twenty people asking when I'm going to translate something that's of use to them?" Connor mumbled.

"Is that what happens?" John grabbed Connor's hand to pull him out of the room and they made their way to the mess hall.

"Yeah."

"Well," John paused. "That sucks."

"Yeah." Connor agreed. "What are your meetings like?"

"With the military or with Carter and the department heads?"

"Either. Both."

"Well, I usually let Lorne deal with the jarheads." Connor elbowed him in the stomach. John coughed, "I mean Marines. I just supervise." Connor knew his boyfriend did more than that but he let John underplay it. "With the department heads it's usually one or more of them begging for more time _somewhere_ and then Rodney calling them all stupid while holding that _his_ department is the most important. Names are called, punches are thrown and I usually do some sudoku."

Connor laughed lightly. "I was wondering how you finished that last book so quickly."

John squeezed his hand. "Well, now you know my secret."

They reached the mess hall and John grabbed him one of the pre-made sandwiches from the refrigerator along with a bottle of juice. Connor had a sheepish look on his face as he accepted them. "Cheers." He offered quietly.

"No problem."

"John." Connor said quietly as they walked back to the transporter that would take them up to their quarters.

"Yeah?"

"I was looking for more than information on the Lantean military."

"I know."

"And for more than what caused the power spikes."

"I know."

"Okay."

John stopped walking and Connor stopped next to him. "I trust you, Connor." John said quietly, looking the shorter man in the eye. "I trust you with my life and I want to say one thing about whatever it is you're doing.. I need you to be safe. Whatever you're doing, please, think about yourself. If you ever need me or Lorne or even Rodney, you call us, okay? No matter what. Promise me, Con, promise me you'll stay safe."

Connor nodded slowly. "I promise, John."

"That's all I ask."

* * *

"Carter to Davids."

Connor looked up from where he was taking notes in his meeting and tapped his radio with an apologetic glance to the rest of the table. "Davids here."

"Dr. Davids, I'm sorry to do this to you, but we've got a bit of a situation and could use your help. I need you to meet me in the Control room as soon as possible."

"I'll be there momentarily." Connor answered quietly. "Davids out."

"Dr. O'Suileabhain, _tá brón orm_ , I must go." Connor offered his apologies while rising.

"That's quite alright, Connor my boy. I'll fill you in on the rest." He said with a large smile and a wink.

" _Go raibh maith agat_." Connor murmured as he collected his notebook and pen.

" _Ta failte romhat_." He said, waving Connor off.

Connor quickly hurried to his room to drop off his laptop and grab his sidearm. He scribbled off a note to John as his partner was off-world at the moment and then took off for the Control room.

When he got there Colonel Carter was waiting for him along with the rest of his team, minus Jim who was still on inactive duty. "Dr. Davids, sorry to pull you out of your meeting."

"It's not a problem, Colonel." Connor answered quietly.

She looked at SGA-4. "Here's the situation: Colonel Sheppard's team is currently off-world, but they've run into a bit of a language problem. Normally I would have asked Daniel if he would do this but he's off-world and unreachable at the moment. The natives either don't know the trade language or refuse to use it if they do. Colonel Sheppard dialed in saying that he needed a translator as soon as possible, it seems McKay has gotten himself… arrested, for lack of a better word. John said the language sounded a bit like Latin or Ancient, but he wasn't sure. Anyways, I know this is a bit outside of your normal duties, Dr. Davids, but I was hoping you could give it a shot."

Connor nodded. "Of course, Colonel."

"Okay. Go suit up and then head to the jumper bay. The village is four miles from the gate, John will be waiting at the gate for you to pick him up and take him back with you. John also said to tell you that it's pretty cold there, so dress warmly and bring along a few more jackets for SGA-1. Dismissed."

Connor followed the rest of his team to the tac room and quickly donned his vest. He checked Eric's while the younger man checked Ben's. When Connor finished with Eric's he turned around for Eric to check his. Connor pulled on a thick winter coat before grabbing a P-90 and then heading up to the jumper bay. He ran quickly through the pre-flight and once his team was onboard he shut the door, descending down into the gate room. The wormhole was active and waiting for them and Connor urged the jumper forward and through the event horizon.

* * *

John's day was going downhill fast. It had started out great: he'd gotten a blowjob from Connor when the younger man came back from running with Ronon, followed by a shower with his partner and then two cups of tea. But the second he stepped off-world, everything started to go wrong. It was cold on M78-425, cold enough for Rodney to bitch the entire four miles from the gate to where the town was nestled and cold enough for John to privately admit that maybe they should have gone back for warmer jackets.

After they'd arrived at the village, they'd found two things: 1. The native people did not speak the trade language of the Pegasus Galaxy, nor did they like outsiders and 2. The energy spike that Rodney was so fascinated with came from a giant Ancient looking obelisk that you're not allowed to touch.

So now Rodney was being held by the people of 425 and John was waiting for Jackson to arrive and save all their asses. He didn't like Jackson, was still a little sour towards the other man because of what happened the last time he was on Earth, but if the archeologist could get McKay out of jail, than that was a definite point in his favor.

John was waiting a few yards from the gate for his people to pick him up. The wormhole opened and he watched as a few seconds later a jumper flew through. It neatly settled onto the ground next to him and the ramp opened. His day seemed to brighten a little bit when he saw his boyfriend in the pilot's chair. Connor turned his head and smiled at him and John returned it. He gestured a little to his chair, an unasked question-did John want to 'drive'?-John shook his head and took the empty co-pilot's seat.

"Lt. Ramsey, I'm a bit surprised to see your team here." John remarked as Connor closed the door and took off again.

"Dr. Jackson is off-world, sir, so Colonel Carter drafted the Doc here into service."

"Really?" John drawled, turning to face his partner. Connor blushed and nodded, not taking his eyes off of the HUD. "Well, okay then." He smiled. "Ronon and Teyla are still at the camp watching over McKay."

Connor pointed to something on the HUD and John followed his finger and the words on the screen went from Ancient to English, indicating a spot where a large amount of energy was gathered. "Is that what Dr. McKay was looking at?"

John frowned lightly. "Did Carter mention that to you?"

Connor shrugged. "I guessed."

John laughed. "I'll have to tell Rodney's he's getting a little predictable."

"Do you know what it is?" Connor asked quietly.

"Nope, McKay was just interested in the power signatures."

Connor didn't reply and the HUD switched back to Ancient. John felt the jumper cloak, a good call on Connor's part-if the natives didn't respond well to outsiders, they probably wouldn't respond well to a flying spaceship-, and the jumper slowly touched down a few hundred yards from the village.

Ramsey and Johns filed down the ramp with Ronon, Rodney and Teyla's coats while John waited for Connor to finish with the post-flight stuff. While waiting he shrugged into one of the jackets SGA-4 had brought with them. It felt weird to wear over his vest, it was bulky and movement restricting.

"All set." Connor declared.

John tilted his head and gestured for Connor to walk ahead of him. "Are you nervous?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"We'll be with you the entire time." John promised and then paused. "Is this the first time our teams have been off-world together?"

Connor nodded. "Yeah. Well, unless you count…"

The planet where John's team had rescued Connor's. "I don't."

"Then yes." They stepped out of the jumper together and the door shut behind them. "John, Colonel Carter said you told her that it sounded like Latin or Ancient?"

John nodded as he led them towards the village. "Yeah, well, actually that was Rodney's guess, but he couldn't really make it out so decided against it being Ancient. Mine was a little bit more towards… Spanish?"

"Okay." John could practically see the thoughts flying through Connor's head.

"Hey," John said softly, stopping for a moment. "If worse comes to worse, we'll just fight our way out. I know we're asking a lot of you, but don't look at it as though Rodney's life hangs in the balance if you get it wrong." Connor paled and John regretted saying anything because if his boyfriend hadn't been thinking that before, he was now. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, here we go."

* * *

The second they entered the village, all Connor could hear were voices. His brain whirred to life processing each sound and each word that he heard. It was overwhelming, confusing and very scattered. John stepped up behind him, their shoulders almost touching. Teyla and Ronon walked over to join them, slipping into the jackets handed to them, while Ben and Eric held the perimeter. Teyla placed a calming hand on Connor's arm and he jumped a little earning a worried glance from John.

He closed his eyes as he started deconstructing words. His mind offered a thousand different possibilities for each. But he needed more so he opened his eyes again. Connor stepped in closer to one of the villagers who appeared to be talking to them.

Connor pointed to the ground and made a universal gesture for 'what is this?'. He received a few different words in reply. Connor then pointed at a tree, at John, at a hut, at water… all to try and get a baseline for their language. With each word he received his brain cataloged it and compared it to all Earth languages he knew. Connor was only fluent in seven current languages on Earth but he knew four more dead ones as well as the basics of several more and had extensively studied most of Daniel's research on off-world languages.

Finally Connor's brain came up with a composite language that was a blend of Latin, Russian, Ancient, what little Satedan he knew from Ronon and some languages that Daniel had partially deconstructed.

"[Hello.]" He tried. Everyone in the village seemed to stop talking and turned to look at him. Connor took a small step closer to John.

One villager, Connor had pegged him as an elder, walked over until he was a few feet from Connor before responding, "[You speak Dyrshuk.]"

"[A little.]"

The man began talking rapidly and Connor's head started to hurt as he attempted to follow. There were many words he didn't know, he understood possibly a third of what the elder was saying. Connor assumed those were either cultural colloquialisms or there was no word for them in any of the languages that Connor understood. Talking with these people would be stilted at best and certainly not easy. He reached a hand up to rub his temple as he turned to translate for John. "He says that Rodney committed a… crime against the gods, if I'm understanding correctly."

"By touching the obelisk?" John asked, gesturing towards it.

Connor turned back towards the elder and gestured to the statue. "[No touch?]"

"[No touch…belong…gods…sacrifice…sacred…he…ritual…gift…]"

Connor groaned. "Rodney broke a rule. The obelisk is sacred and belongs to the gods. They mentioned a ritual and a gift. I'm sorry, I couldn't get more than that."

"Can you ask about the ritual/gift thing?"

Connor nodded. "[What is the ritual and gift?]"

The leader offered back a reply and Connor flushed a deep red. "Um, John? I, uh, need to talk to you in private."

John met Teyla's gaze then Ronon's and finally Ben and Eric's before leading Connor off to a small secluded nook of trees, out of sight from anyone else. John sighed, "What wild sex act does Rodney have to do to make this better?"

"You knew?" Connor stammered.

"It was pretty obvious from your reaction." John admitted, pulling his arms up to rest on the butt of his P-90.

"It seems that the obelisk is a shrine to a god of fertility because of its… shape." Connor said quietly.

John laughed. "Because it looks like a giant penis?"

"Something like that." Connor agreed. "From what I understood, they, um, pay homage to the god through sex."

"Of course."

"So Rodney needs to, um," Connor gestured. "You know… as an homage before they will let him go."

John groaned. "McKay is writing the report on this one. There's only so many time you can say 'sensitive cultural requirement' before someone starts asking questions."

Connor frowned. "You've done this before?" He asked, surprise written on his face along with a touch of hurt.

"Had sex on an alien planet?" John shook his head. "No."

"But…?"

"But it's been close, several times and, um… can we talk about this when we get back?" John pleaded softly. "I promise to answer any questions you might have."

Connor nodded but hurt still floated through him. "Sure."

John must have seen it as he stepped closer to Connor. "Nothing happened, I promise, Con."

Connor swallowed thickly and nodded. "We should get back to the others."

"Yeah, okay." John paused. "Can you go get Johns for me? And be discreet, I don't think his team knows, but if Rodney needs to give a gift, might as well do it with his… whatever."

The younger man smiled and nodded. "Sure."

"Then come back and see if we can talk them out of it anyways."

Connor nodded. "Of course."

* * *

"I think my brain has died." Connor moaned as he collapsed onto the bed he and John shared after brushing his teeth. He flung an arm over his face to ward off the light.

John busied himself with taking his clothes off. "I think your brain deserves some time off. It did good today." A groan was his only response. John threw his shirt towards the hamper and pushed his pants off. "And Rodney didn't even have to give a… gift."

"I think the worst part is that even after we talked them out of it, Rodney still wanted to examine the obelisk. I just wanted to get off that planet."

John laughed as he toed his socks off before walking over to his boyfriend. His hands went to Connor's belt and began unbuckling it. "That's Rodney for you." He unbuttoned Connor's pants and the linguist lifted his hips off of the bed so that John could slide them down, taking his boxers with them.

"It's cold." Connor mumbled.

"I'll warm you up." John promised.

"I think I'm too tired."

John laughed again as he pried Connor's arm from his face to work off his partner's shirt. "Is that a polite way of saying I'm not getting any tonight?"

Connor reached an arm out blindly towards John's naked body. "I'll do whatever you want as long as I can do it while asleep."

"Hmm." John mused as he slid in next to Connor. "That could be kinky."

The younger man rolled over and snuggled into John. "This is me, sleeping. You have permission to ravish my body whilst I lay unconscious if you so desire." He mumbled against John's chest.

John ran a hand through Connor's red-brown hair. "I much prefer a willing participant."

"I'm willing."

"I don't think it counts if you're asleep, Con." John explained.

"In the morning." Connor mumbled.

"I'll hold you to that." When Connor didn't say anything in reply, John looked down to see his boyfriend already asleep on top of him. "Goodnight." John whispered, pressing a kiss to Connor's forehead.

* * *

[Edited Content]

Later, after a shower, some groping and a make-out session, Eric lay facing the wall with Rodney wrapped around him from behind. "Rodney?"

"What?"

"Do people always talk as much as we talk during sex?"

Rodney seemed to ponder the question. "I once had a girlfriend who was completely silent during sex. I thought she had some kind of brain trauma or something, because outside of sex she wouldn't shut up. It was 'my shoes' this or 'look at that' or 'woe is me'."

"She was silent so you thought she had brain trauma?" Eric traced a finger up and down the arm that Rodney had secured over his chest.

"No." Rodney scoffed. "She was stupid so I thought she had brain trauma."

"You think everyone's stupid."

"She was even dumber than most people. I swear if she didn't have ten fingers she wouldn't have been able to count to ten."

"Why did you date her then?" Eric really couldn't seem Rodney with someone so stupid.

"Um…" Rodney sighed. "Okay, I may have been young and pretty much desperate for any sex I could get and she was crazy enough to follow me around campus begging me to tutor her in advanced physics, which I found out later was a big, fat lie. She was an English major, yuck."

Eric laughed. "What about your other girlfriends? Did they talk a lot?"

Rodney was quiet for a moment. "In my experience girls don't really talk that much. I slept with a screamer once, and that was interesting, but not something I would ever do again. I think my ear drums are still recovering."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll ask Connor."

Rodney coughed behind him. "You're going to ask Davids if he talks a lot while he and Sheppard _don't_ have sex?"

 _Hmm._ Eric thought Rodney probably had a good point. "Maybe not." He paused. "So do we abnormally talk a lot during sex?"

"We abnormally talk a lot while I'm trying to sleep." Rodney grumbled.

"Rod-ney." Eric said, exasperated.

"I don't know. Maybe? Does it matter?"

"I guess not."

"Well tomorrow morning you can blow me and see if you can manage to hold a conversation at the same time."

Eric scrunched his nose. "You just want me to blow you."

Rodney sighed dramatically. "All in the name of research of course."

Eric rolled his eyes. "Of course."

"Any more questions?"

"Why am I the one giving the blowjob?"

* * *

Over the next few weeks John saw less of Connor than he ever had before, which was weird considering both of them were still on a clingy kick from their time spent apart. His partner, when he wasn't translating, was spending a lot of time in the chair room and other places that John hadn't figured out yet. Connor's team had also been cleared for full duty a few days ago. John, for his part, had his hands full pestering Rodney about the energy weapon room and with evaluations. They were both also busy with minor preparations for the bonding ceremony, meeting with Teyla and various Athosians. He seemed to really only see Connor at night and in the morning for tea. While lately John wished he saw more of Connor, he knew that despite their time spent apart, every day with the younger man left him more in love than the day before.

John sighed as he leaned back in his office chair. He kicked his feet up onto the desk, putting his hands behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. Something had shown up in the evaluations and John wasn't sure how to proceed.

"Sheppard to Lorne." He said, tapping his radio on.

"Lorne here, sir."

"Meet me in my office, ASAP."

There was a slight hesitation before, "On my way, sir. Lorne out."

 _Curious_ , John thought. He wondered what Lorne had been working on. When Lorne walked in about four minutes after John had called him, he was wearing all black. John raised an eyebrow at the attire. His uniform was similar to the one John was wearing, one Lorne didn't usually wear.

"Going Johnny Cash today, Major?"

Lorne smiled. "Yes, sir."

John gestured to the chair across from him and Lorne sat down. "We have a problem." John said gravely.

Lorne's expression changed to one of seriousness. "Yes, sir."

"Well, really we have more than one problem but they're all connected to each other."

"Yes, sir." Lorne paused. "Sir, I assume you're referring to Corporal Casey, Lt. Jacobson, Airman Fischer, Lance Corporal Eddison, Corporal Sague and Ranger Duncan."

"Among others." John confirmed. "I'm hoping you have a suggestion on what to do." John sat up and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Logistically this is a nightmare. Half of these guys aren't US soldiers, and the ones who are… haven't _told_ me anything."

"Me neither, sir."

"I can't protect my guys, Evan." John said quietly. "I can't do anything to help them while they're here on Atlantis and I know if given the choice, they would choose to stay and continue to be… harassed."

"I agree, sir."

"How have we missed this before?"

Lorne shrugged. "We weren't looking for it. You've said it yourself, our people are thoroughly screened before being allowed to come to Atlantis."

John sighed. "I think Connor knows."

This, Lorne looked surprised at. "He said something to you?"

"A few weeks ago," John admitted, running a hand through his hair. "He asked me who deals with problems with the Marines. Almost as soon as I said you and I would deal with it he clammed up. I've tried asking again but he won't say anything."

"Would you like me to talk to him, sir?" Lorne asked but John had the distinct impression he might already know something.

"If you think he'd talk to you. My theory is that he knows a lot of these Marines and doesn't want to be responsible for getting them booted out of Atlantis. He's probably trying to help them in other ways."

"That sounds like him, sir."

"I don't know what to do in the meantime." John told him. "We're hated by enough people out here, we don't need to be dealing with hate from within as well."

"I agree, Colonel."

"I have a list of names." John paused. "I need a legitimate reason to ship them back to Earth."

"I have a list as well, sir."

"Where is it?"

"My quarters, sir."

"Well," John said standing. "Let's go get it and compare."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Connor was exhausted. All he wanted _right now_ was a good cup of tea and John. But John was off-world and he wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning at the earliest. Connor resolved in the future to spend more time with his fiancé. They'd both been busy for the past few weeks and it left Connor feeling a little bit raw and a little bit lonely; he couldn't help but wonder what John was feeling.

The linguist was curled up on the couch in his room, watching the waves crash against Atlantis as it sprinkled outside. A blanket covered his legs to keep him warm, but Connor wished that John were there to do that instead.

"Johns to Davids."

Connor tapped his radio. "Davids here."

"You busy, Connor?"

Connor figured that was a subtle way of asking if he wanted company. "A wee bit, why?"

"Ben's having some kind of impromptu movie night. Apparently he thinks we're all awake enough to sit through all six of the _Star Wars_ films."

"Where is he having it?"

"One of the smaller rec rooms, G-328."

"He's starting it now?"

"In about ten minutes, yeah. Oh… he just gave a thumbs up that Jim is coming."

Connor sighed inwardly. He wanted company, he wanted John's company, but, he supposed, if he couldn't have that his team was the second best thing. "I'll be there." Connor answered.

"Great. I'll see you soon. Johns out."

Connor abandoned the couch, grabbing the blanket to carry with him to the small rec room. When he arrived everyone else was already there and Eric waved him into a spot next to him on the couch. Ben and Jim were sitting on a different one to the right of Eric.

"Glad you could make it, Doc." Ben said with a smile.

Connor sat down and the movie, which had been cued up before he arrived, was un-paused and began to play. Somewhere between Anakin rescuing his mother and Anakin marrying Padme, Connor began to drift off. Warm hands gently maneuvered him down into a sleeping position and Connor was pretty sure his head was on Eric's lap but he didn't really care as he sank into dreams of him and John.

" _Whatcha thinkin' about?" John asked._

" _Absolutely nothing." Connor answered happily._

" _I didn't think that was possible." John responded with a wink._

 _John's hand was warm in his as they lay on a blanket spread out on a grassy hill during a nice, sunny Spring day. Overhead various pilots practiced maneuvers for the upcoming air show. There was the occasional noise of an engine when an aircraft flew too close and the sounds of birds chirping in nearby trees, but other than that they were alone and it was blissfully quiet._

" _Do you miss flying?" Connor asked, turning his head to face John._

" _Not as much as I thought I would. I miss the Gs a little bit." John smiled at him. "But I get lots of time in a jumper."_

" _Ah." Connor scooted closer to John who let go of his hand to wrap an arm around Connor's shoulders, under his head. The younger man turned on his side to face John letting his own hand trail up John's bare chest to trace the name on his dog tags._

" _It's nice out today." John murmured._

" _Yeah, perfect for some rugby."_

" _Rugby?" John wrinkled his nose. "Football is the only way to go."_

" _American football?" Connor asked with a laugh. "That is such a joke, John; a pansy game. If you want a real man's game you look at rugby or even Irish football. That's a real game."_

" _Irish football?" He asked in disbelief. "There's Irish football?"_

" _Aye." Connor answered. "And it's much less sophisticated than your American game, people die. It's all quite grand."_

" _You never played, right?" John asked._

" _Nope. Not me sport. I much preferred running, as you know. That doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy myself a game or two."_

" _Your accent sounds heavier." John commented._

 _Connor shrugged. "Just be glad I'm speaking in English."_

 _John laughed. "Oh I am, trust me."_

" _I wish we could spend every day like this."_

" _Hmm, I don't know. It's a little too out in the open for me."_

" _Out in the open?"_

" _Well," John said slyly. "As I recall there are certain rules against certain activities in public." His hand snuck down the back of Connor's pants._

" _John!" Connor said with a laugh. "There are most definitely rules."_

" _On the other hand," John mumbled into Connor's hair. "There's no one around…"_

" _There's… there's… pilots!" Connor countered with a half grin._

" _They can't see anything." John said, pulling his hand out and rolling them over until he was on top of Connor._

" _Are you s-sure?"_

" _Positive. We're like micro-bacteria to them." His hand moved up Connor's chest._

" _What if someone comes?"_

 _John leaned down to gently suck on Connor's neck. "No one will."_

" _I… John…" Connor sighed._

"Connor?" A hand gently shook his shoulder. "Connor?"

"Mmm, Jo-" The hand moved from his shoulder to his mouth in an instant.

"Wake up." A voice said softly but firmly.

Connor blinked awake… and suddenly wished he were sleeping again. He was met with Eric leaning over him and he sat up quickly. "Sorry, I'm sorry, Eric." He apologized for falling asleep on the younger man.

"It's alright." Eric offered quietly. "It's just, you were starting to talk a little in your sleep."

Connor looked around but Ben and Jim seemed engrossed in watching Luke fight Darth Vader. "Sorry." He repeated.

Eric nodded. "I thought you probably wouldn't want some things to be overheard."

"Thank you."

"It's not a problem." Eric said quietly. Connor gathered his blanket up, folding it nicely. "Are you leaving?"

Connor nodded. "Yeah. I'm tired."

Eric leaned over and gave him a hug. "Thanks for hanging out with us." He whispered into Connor's ear. "I know you didn't really want to."

Connor opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it and just nodded. "Goodnight, Eric." He said quietly.

"'Night."

"Goodnight Ben, Jim." Connor called to them.

"You leavin', Doc?" Ben asked. "There's only one movie to go."

"I'm going to go to bed."

"Well, okay. I'll see ya later." Connor offered his team leader a small wave.

"Night, Doc." Jim offered with a wave of his own.

"Goodnight."

* * *

John was cold and wet and in desperate need of a shower. He trudged back to his quarters, after the obligatory stop at the infirmary, to clean up and catch a nap. And maybe try and persuade his sexy boyfriend to take that nap with him.

He waved his hand over the door crystals and stepped. He shucked his boots off by the door and carefully made his way towards the balcony. His pants were leaving a trail of water drops along the way that John made a mental note to clean up. He stepped out onto the balcony and proceeded to strip down to his boxers, leaving his wet clothes outside. When John turned to go back in he ran into an extended hand holding out a towel. Connor offered a shy smile as John took it to dry off. "Thanks."

"Sure." The linguist stepped back to perch on the arm of the couch as John ran the towel over his body.

"Any chance I could talk you into a shower with me?" John asked.

Connor grinned. "There might be."

When he was sure he wasn't going to drip anymore John stepped back into the apartment dropping the towel on the floor to mop up some of the water. "I'll make it worth your while." He bargained, slipping an arm around Connor's waist.

"Hmm." His boyfriend pondered. "Well, when you say it like that…"

John smiled and leaned in for a short, sweet kiss. "Hi." He said, pulling back, resting his forehead on Connor's.

"Hi." Connor blushed.

"How was your morning?"

"Long." The younger man answered, scrunching up his face.

"I'm sorry." John said before kissing Connor's nose. "How was your yesterday?"

"I missed you." Connor sighed, reaching for one of John's hands.

"I missed you, too." John replied softly. "These past few weeks kinda sucked, let's not manage to do that again, okay?"

Connor nodded against John's head. "Deal."

"So, shower?"

"Shower." Connor agreed. He gave John another quick kiss before standing back up. "What are we going to do with your clothes?"

John shrugged. "Leave them out to dry?"

Connor pointed towards the window. "It's raining again, John."

"Huh." John said, following his partner's finger to where it was steadily precipitating outside. "So it is." He leaned forward and grabbed Connor around the waist, lifting him up off the ground to spin him around before setting him back down.

Connor laughed. "Jo-ohn!" His face flushed red. "What was that for?"

"I love you." John said with a large smile.

"I know." He smiled, grabbing one of John's hands. "Now, let's get you clean."

"Let's get me dirty and then get me clean." John countered, allowing Connor to tug him along to the bathroom.

Connor blushed but nodded. John stripped off his damp boxers and brushed his teeth while Connor undressed. John turned around, toothbrush in mouth, to watch his boyfriend. Connor was folding his clothes before setting them on a chair. When he turned around, John frowned. He closed his mouth and went back to the sink to spit out his toothpaste.

"Where did those bruises come from?"

"Which bruises?" Connor asked, coming up behind him and leaning against his back.

John quickly rinsed his mouth and dropped his toothbrush back in its holder. "The ones on your knees." John said, turning in his partner's arms. Connor's knees were a mixture of blue and purple with a few scattered bruises along his shins.

Connor glanced down quickly before looking back up at John. "I was crawling on the floor."

"Why were you crawling on the floor?"

"Um, Evan and I were looking for something."

"Yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Not really." Connor shivered. "Let's get in, it's cold."

As soon as he said that, the shower turned on and John could see steam rising from the hot water. He stepped in with Connor who tensed from the heat before slowly relaxing into John's arms. John had his arms around Connor's waist and was facing the younger man as the water poured over them.

"Connor." John said, into the linguist's ear.

"Hmm?"

"Look at me." Connor looked up into John's eyes, water streaming down his face. His eyes were incredibly blue and the bags underneath them told John that his boyfriend had gotten little sleep recently. "Whatever you think you can't tell me, you can tell me. In here, in this room, in this relationship, I'm just John. I'm not the military commander of Atlantis, I'm not a lieutenant colonel in the Air Force, just John; partner to Connor Davids in any way, shape or form. Please," John said quietly. "Tell me what is going on with you."

Connor blinked and John felt the younger man's breath catch. He leaned forward and rested his head sideways against John's chest. He inhaled deeply before slowly exhaling. "Some of your Marines are beating up gay members of the military, US or otherwise." He said quietly. "When I was in the chair a while back, I was trying to set up covert surveillance of several locations where I think there might be problems. Evan and I were crawling around because I was looking for a better place to put one of the cameras. The victims can't come to you, John, because they don't want to get you in trouble." He looked back up into John's eyes, eyes watery and John wasn't sure if that was from the shower or not. "They know you'll have to report them and worse, they think that if they get reported an outsider will come to Atlantis and start asking questions. I've been trying to identify _all_ of the gay people here on Atlantis because I think some of the scientists are getting hassled as well."

"Connor," John said, closing his eyes. "Fuck, do you know how dangerous this is? The wrong person could find out and seriously hurt you." He tightened his arms around the younger man. He opened his eyes and hugged Connor close. "Jesus, Connor."

"I can't stop, John. Please, don't ask me to stop." Connor pleaded quietly.

"If I did, would you?" John asked seriously.

Connor nodded and took a shaky breath. "Yes."

"Lorne knows about this?"

"He… found out by accident."

"Who else knows?"

"About the surveillance or about the beatings?"

"Either, both."

"No one knows about the surveillance. Just you and Evan. I don't know how many know about the beatings. My best guess is close to thirty."

John took a deep breath. "Thirty?"

"Yes."

John pulled back and moved his hands to Connor's face, tilting it up towards his own. "I want to know everything. As soon as we get out of the shower you tell me everything you know."

"I-John-"

"This isn't up for discussion, Connor. You're playing with fire here. A lot of things can go wrong and I need to be able to protect you when something does."

Connor swallowed. "Okay."

"Thank you." John said. He held Connor's head in place and then leaned down and pressed a hard, wet kiss to the linguist's lips. It was an angry sort of kiss. He was pretty angry at Connor for putting himself in so much danger. He was angry that Connor felt like he had to hide this from John. And most of all he was angry that Connor had to do this at all.

When John pulled back Connor was gasping for air, his face was red and he was taking in large gulps of oxygen, along with plenty of water. His hands gripped John's body tightly as he swayed a little. "Fuck, Con, I'm sorry."

Connor shook his head as he slowly steadied his breathing. "I love you." Is what he said. He pulled John back in for another kiss despite the fact that he hadn't yet recovered from the first one. Connor's mouth opened but when nothing else happened, John took that as an invitation to slowly slide his tongue into Connor's mouth, tasting Athosian tea and butterscotch pudding.

Connor's hands were grabbing desperately at John's body, leaving red marks on his skin. They'd never done anything as forceful as they were doing now and John wasn't sure how he felt about how hard it was making him. Even Connor wasn't unaffected, his erection pressing into John's thigh.

John finally broke the kiss because he needed to know. "Connor, are you sure about this? Maybe we should slow down-"

"Yes." Connor said firmly, his eyes begging for more.

"We've never done anything this rough and what if I-"

"Please, John? Can we just try it?" Connor asked, cutting him off. "Nothing too bad, just a little more… um…"

John nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Thank you." Connor murmured before leaning back in for another kiss. John's hands slowly gripped Connor's waist harder, so hard that he wasn't sure his boyfriend wouldn't have bruises come morning. He walked them he few steps backwards until Connor's back hit the wall with a thud. John bit Connor's bottom lip and the younger man moaned a little.

John wedged a knee up between Connor's legs, pressing them apart almost forcefully. Connor's hands slid down John's wet back and squeezed John's butt, fingers digging into skin. John hesitated before sliding a hand down Connor's body and reaching for his partner's cock. He squeezed it gently before adding a little more pressure with his hand. Connor moaned into John's mouth and John squeezed it harder.

It took a while for John's brain to catch up to what they were doing and when it did a hundred possibilities floated through his mind. Was Connor doing this as some kind of self-punishment for keeping everything from John? Was John doing it to punish Connor for putting himself in danger? Was it about punishment _at all_? Was Connor suddenly into pain? Was John?

"Hey." Connor said softly, pressing his palm against John's cheek. "We don't have to do this, John."

"But you want this." John said quietly. It was almost a question.

Connor bit his lip, the same lip that John had just been biting, and nodded. "I… yes. But maybe we should talk about it first."

John swallowed. "I'd like that." He admitted.

"Then we'll wait." His partner said gently.

John smiled and pressed a softer, gentler kiss to Connor's mouth that the linguist eagerly received. The resumed their previous activities in a more natural way. John bent an arm around Connor's neck, gently holding his head in place. One of Connor's hands was slowly massaging John's lower back and bottom. His other hand had found John's and their fingers were interlocked together.

"I love you." John whispered against Connor's lips.

"Prove it." Connor responded with a grin.

[Edited Content]

John came with a choked cry and Connor's name on his lips, his body shaking momentarily. He hugged Connor close to him, just reveling in the feel of the younger man's body pressed against his. Connor didn't seem to mind at all as his arms wormed around John's waist, returning the hug. " _Tá grá agam duit_." John whispered.

" _Tá grá agam duit_ , John."

Later, in bed, John held Connor tight as he listened to his partner explain everything he'd done in the past month. Connor told him names of people he suspected of being harassed, along with names of people doing the harassing. Many of his names lined up with ones that John had come up with and he offered that information to Connor. The linguist seemed appreciative of the information and John watched him file it away.

He also told John about his surveillance project, as well as explaining why fourteen of his Marines had been without hot water for the past two weeks. John was a little relieved when he heard that. Rodney had been looking for a reason why the showers in so many different rooms had started malfunctioning, it had frustrated the astrophysicist to no end. Now John could tell him to stop trying to fix a problem that didn't exist.

After Connor finished talking, silence stretched between them, almost awkwardly. Connor was playing with John's dog tags, pushing them back and forth across John's chest with his finger. John was running a hand through Connor's hair; it was still slightly damp but drying quickly.

"I'm sorry." Connor said finally.

"About what?" John asked softly, although he already had a pretty good feeling about what his boyfriend was apologizing for.

"The shower." Connor mumbled into John's chest.

John paused. "I'm not sure when I became someone that has to talk everything out, maybe I'm spoiled by your honesty, but I need to talk about this first if we're going to do it." He said quietly. "And you have nothing to apologize for. If anything I should be the one saying sorry. I agreed to try it and couldn't follow through."

Connor gasped lightly and sat up. "You don't ever have to be sorry about that, John." He had a look of distress and disbelief on his face. "And you did try! Trying doesn't mean you're going to be able to do something." He looked troubled as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm mucking this all up."

"No you're not." John said as he pulled Connor back down on top of him, resuming their earlier position. "Let's just move past the shower and onto the bigger issue."

"Okay." Connor agreed in a small voice. And when he buried his face into John's neck, John knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation for either of them.

"If I ask questions," John said with a pause. "Will you answer them?"

"Yes." Connor whispered.

John took a deep breath. "Would this be some form of self-punishment for you?"

"No." His partner said quietly.

John felt a lot of the worry and tension leave his body at Connor's answer. "Are you… Is this… Do you like pain?" He finally asked. John thought that would be been something he'd have noticed by now and was pretty sure the answer was…

"No."

John breathed another sigh of relief. "Is this something you would want regularly?"

"As in everyday?" Connor asked.

"Yes."

"No." His partner answered softly.

"But it is something you would want sometimes."

Connor paused. "I'm not sure."

"How long have you been thinking about it?"

This time the pause was a long one. "I'm not sure." Connor said finally. "It wasn't a conscious thought. I just… when you kissed me like you did…"

"I'm not sure I should have done that, Con." John admitted. "I was angry. I'm sorry."

"Okay." Connor said in a small voice and John could practically feel his boyfriend start to close up, full of embarrassment and shame. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." He whispered.

"Connor." John said quietly. "If you want-"

"I don't." Connor answered quickly. "Please, John," He begged. "Just leave it."

"Are you sure?" John asked slowly.

"Yes. Positive." He answered without hesitation.

John frowned. "Connor-"

" _Please_."

And Connor sounded so desperate and so sad that all John could say was, "Okay."

* * *

When Ronon rang the next morning for Irish to go running with him, he was a little surprised to find Sheppard waiting for him instead. But Ronon was nothing if not adaptable and so with a nod he followed Sheppard to their running start point.

It wasn't until they started their second mile that Ronon asked, "Is Irish okay?"

Sheppard nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay." And they kept running.

By the fifth mile, on their way back, Ronon had figured out that Sheppard wanted to talk to him about something. He would get glances every few minutes and the other man would start to say something and then stop himself. So Ronon led them on a longer path back that took them down to a level that nobody used. He steadily reduced his speed and ignored Sheppard's questioning looks when he slowed to a stop.

"What's up?" Ronon asked without any preamble.

He watched as Sheppard ran a hand through his hair, a sure sign that he was nervous or unsure. "Connor…" He visibly hesitated and turned away from Ronon.

"You said everything was fine with Irish." Ronon said, frowning.

"It is." Sheppard said quickly. "He's fine. I left him to sleep."

"Nightmare?" Ronon rumbled.

John shook his head. "No."

"John."

The other man sighed. "You can't say anything about this to anyone." Ronon just looked at him. "Especially not Connor." Ronon remained silent. Sheppard knew he wouldn't say anything. "Last night we were…" Sheppard colored a little and glanced away. "And, uh, he wanted to make things a little more forceful, not like full out hardcore stuff but just a little rougher than, um, anything we've done before."

Ronon thought about that for a second. "And you didn't want to?"

"I… I don't know what I want. He asked if we could try it and I…" He ran a hand through his hair again. "And I agreed, but I just couldn't do it. It wasn't like he was asking me to hit him or anything." Sheppard shuddered at the thought. "He just wanted… a little pain? I-we tried to talk about it later but I think he felt ashamed. He asked me to leave it alone." John paused. "I don't think he'll bring it up again."

"So what's the problem."

"This is something he wants, or at least wants to try."

"If you don't want to do it than I don't think Irish will." Ronon told him.

John sighed. "I know, and it's not that I don't want to do it, I'm just not sure. I-I dated a girl once, for a couple weeks, who was sorta into pain. She used to leave these scratches on me, bite… things like that. I'd never been so grateful to be shipped out again."

Ronon leveled him with a stare. "And you think Irish is going to do that?"

"I don't know! I didn't ever think he would want to do things a little bit rougher."

"Maybe it's not about pain, Sheppard." Ronon offered.

"Then what's it about?"

"Control."

John frowned. "Control?"

"Control." Ronon confirmed. "Irish is looking for some. Maybe there's something that's bothering him that he can't do anything about. No one likes to feel helpless, Sheppard."

"But how would him wanting me to… control… him stop him from feeling helpless?"

Ronon shrugged. "Having someone else take responsibility can be freeing." Sheppard shot him a questioning look. "Some of the men in my unit would submit."

"So this is normal?"

"I think, Sheppard, that maybe you should try and fix whatever's bothering him instead of… treating the symptoms."

Sheppard nodded. "Yeah." He paused. "And you've been spending way too much time with Keller."

Ronon just grinned.

* * *

"You're quiet today." Evan said softly.

Connor looked up from his lunch. "Sorry."

Evan waved away the concern. "It's fine, I was just wondering if everything is alright."

"Yeah." Connor answered, although he was pretty unconvincing. "I-I think I did something that upset John last night."

Evan frowned. "He found out about… you know…?"

Connor nodded. "Yeah, he asked about it again so I told him. I just couldn't keep lying… but that wasn't what I think I upset him with." The younger man sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Evan."

"What do you mean 'what's wrong with you'?" His friend's eyes narrowed.

"I feel like I'm lying to everyone I know." Connor admitted quietly.

"Are you?"

Connor shook his head. "No." He paused. "At least I don't think I am."

"I don't think you are either, Doc." Evan said gently.

Connor sighed heavily and set down his fork. "I-this isn't me, Evan."

"What isn't you?"

"This whole… breaking the rules, sneaking around, hiding things from John… that's not me. I want to help these people, I do, but I don't know what ever made me think that I could do something like this."

"You have a big heart, Doc." Evan offered. "Helping people is what you do."

Connor frowned. "Eric said something similar."

"And you didn't believe him?" Evan thought Connor probably didn't.

"I-I don't know. I-people don't usually say that about me."

"People don't usually know you well enough _to say_ that about you." Evan told him gently. "Those who do know you, know that you care about a lot of things."

Connor blushed. "I-I just try to do the right thing."

"And that's what matters."

Connor picked his fork back up and used it to push around some vegetables on his plate. "I still don't know what to do about John."

"I doubt he'll stay upset for long, Connor. He seemed all right this morning."

"It wasn't an angry-upset, it was more like a… disturbed-upset." The other man admitted quietly.

Evan silently wondered what his shy friend could possibly say to disturb someone like Colonel Sheppard, who had probably seen or heard everything under the sun. "You'll work it out." Evan smiled. "You always do."

* * *

"Connor's starting some kind of underground gay movement." John said that night, taking a long swig of his beer.

Rodney looked at him. "Well duh, Sheppard." They were sitting in one of the smaller observation rooms, as it was raining outside.

"What?" John asked, choking on the alcohol in his mouth. "How do you know?"

"Gay boyfriend, Sheppard, remember?" He asked.

"Wait, so Connor talked to you about this?" John asked in disbelief.

"No, Eric dragged me to a meeting." He said with a dismissive wave.

"There's meetings?" John was beginning to think that Connor might have left out some stuff.

Rodney gulped down some beer before answering. "Yeah."

"What happens at these meetings? And Johns went? Wasn't he scared that someone might," John gestured with his hands. "You know?"

"Out him?" Rodney asked, flicking a bottle lid into the ocean. "That linguist of yours can be very persuasive."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What happens at the meetings!"

"Drink some more beer, Sheppard." Rodney said as he rolled his eyes. "Just some giant gay bonding time."

"And Connor leads the meetings?"

"Don't be stupid, Sheppard, of course not. How could you even think that? His stammering and blushing his way through some kind of speech would be so annoying, and Eric says he wouldn't really make a good gay spokesperson since he's not really gay."

"Not really gay?"

"I think he's just fallen to the irresistible charms of The Kirk of the Pegasus Galaxy."

John hit Rodney on the back of his head. "Be nice, McKay. So who was in charge?"

"Do you have to hit so hard?" He said, rubbing his head.

"Rodney!" John said, exasperated.

"Geez, fine, fine. Davids was in charge and seemed to know everyone, but it was led by some grunt."

"Which grunt?"

"I don't know. Ask your fuzzy linguist."

John groaned. "I barely got any words out of him this morning. I think I used up all of his talking last night."

"Ew." Rodney said with a grimace. "I really don't want to hear about your weird sex life."

"Don't be gross, McKay."

"You're the one who said it, Colonel."

"I did not." John defended. Although now he was sort of thinking about it but really couldn't picture Connor doing anything of the sort, but his partner did seem full of surprises lately…

"Yeah, sure." Rodney answered with a snort.

John finished off his beer but didn't reach for another one. "Three more days." He said quietly, sitting back with his hands behind him for support as he looked out through the window. There were too many clouds to see any stars, but moonlight was peeking through a little bit.

"What's three more days?"

"'Til I can quit and become a kept man, McKay." John answered. Rodney stared at him blankly. "Until I'm married." John clarified with an eye roll.

"Oh. Well, it's not really marriage, just the Athosian hoop-la version of it, which is probably some antiquated ritual of jumping over a broom and chanting to the gods while naked."

John thought Rodney must really have been fun as a kid. "There's no jumping over a broom and no chanting naked to the gods."

"Oh, good. No one wants to see your bony ass anyways."

"Hey," John pouted. "Connor likes my ass."

Rodney grimaced as he swallowed some more beer. "That would be too much information, Sheppard. Ugh." He shook his head. "I think I may be scarred for life."

John laughed. "Whatever, Rodney." He said fondly. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you ever going to make an honest man out of Eric?"

Rodney choked on the drink he was taking. "What?" He croaked.

"Marriage, bonding, whatever." John said.

"Are you kidding? What kind of question is that, Sheppard? Jesus. If you want another marriage, go after Teyla. She's been seeing that Lorne guy for long enough."

"Not the marrying type, Rodney?" John asked, arching a brow.

"There are just so many things wrong with that question." Rodney paused. "Have another beer."

John laughed softly but shook his head. "I wanna get back to Connor."

"And you can't do that with more beer in you?"

"Nope."

"Whatever."

Half an hour later, John had dropped a slightly tipsy Rodney off at his room. The astrophysicist had drunk his and John's share of the beer. When he was sure that Rodney wasn't going to do anything stupid, like hack into the Atlantis network and leave scathing messages for everyone to see, he went in search of his errant boyfriend.

John found Connor, predictably, still working. He frowned as he noticed that Connor had one hand rubbing his temples in a way that John knew meant he had a headache. "How long's the head been hurting?"

Connor didn't even turn around at the question. "A few hours." He admitted, writing something else down in his notebook.

"Do you want me to get you something from Keller?"

Connor shook his head. "She'll probably make me come in so she can look me over."

John couldn't argue with that. "Probably." He paused. "How much longer will you be tonight and is there anything I can do to persuade you to come to bed now?"

At that Connor turned around and offered John a small smile. "Give me five minutes." He said.

John nodded and gestured that he was going to wait on the couch. Connor turned back to his work and then, true to his word, he was closing his books and shutting down his laptop four minutes after his statement to John. John smiled and stood back up, meeting Connor at the door. "Tired?" He asked.

"A little." The younger man admitted.

"Well," John said with a glance at his watch. "It's past time for all the good little linguists to be in bed."

Connor laughed. "It's not even midnight yet, John."

"Then it's time for all the good lieutenant colonels to be in bed and this lieutenant colonel wants his partner to join him." John rephrased, wrapping an arm around Connor's waist. "So what's this I hear about meetings?"

"Um… oops?" Connor said lightly as they stepped into the transporter.

"Oops is right." John said with a laugh. "And how come Rodney's been to one and I haven't."

"Because you're the military commander of the base? And Rodney's Canadian."

The doors opened and they stepped out onto their level. "Hmm. I don't know how I feel about that."

"About Rodney being Canadian?" Connor asked with a grin.

"Yeah. We all know which country is best."

"The Republic of Ireland?"

"Yes." John agreed sagely. "A country where it rains 360 out of 365 days a year, whose cops don't even carry guns and where everyone is drunk all day-that's my idea of the best country.

"It is." Connor nodded. "It really is."

John followed Connor into their room and the door slid shut behind them. "But really? I can't come to your meetings?"

"It's for your own protection, John." Connor said, sliding his arms out of his jacket.

"Hm." John bent down to unlace his boots, shucking them off of his feet. He unbuttoned his black uniform shirt and it hit Connor's in the air as they both landed in the laundry basket. John walked over to stand behind Connor, leaning into him and wrapping his arms around the younger man's waist. "Mmm." He said, inhaling. "You smell good." Connor let John hang on to him as he pushed his pants down, leaving his boxers on. John hooked his fingers into the elastic waistband, skimming the skin underneath. "I love being able to touch you." John murmured.

Connor turned and looped his arms up and around John's neck. "You do, hmm?" He asked with a blush.

"Most definitely." John confirmed. His fingers ghosted up and down Connor's bare back.

The linguist shivered and John pulled him closer. "Cold?"

"Just a bit." But Connor made no move to pull away from John.

John leaned down and gave him a soft kiss. His tongue traced Connor's lips, begging for entrance and the younger man slowly granted it. John took his time exploring his partner's mouth. Tasting everything he could reach, teasing Connor with his tongue. "God, I love you." John panted as they broke apart. "I love you so freakin' much it's scary."

Connor offered a shy smile and ducked his head. "I love you, too." He whispered.

"Well," John said eventually. "Let's get you into bed." He slowly dropped his arms from Connor's body and the scientist did the same. He allowed John to give him a small push towards the bathroom.

While Connor brushed his teeth, John finished undressing and took the time to think about what Connor said earlier. As much as John hated to admit it, his boyfriend was right; John couldn't go to a meeting. Another reason, one Connor was probably too polite to cite, was that John being there would probably scare away the members of the military that Connor had persuaded to go. They were on a slippery-slope and Connor's plan was shaky and difficult at best. It depended on too many people whom John didn't know for it to succeed and that left him feeling uneasy.

John heard the water run as Connor rinsed his mouth out and it shook him out of his thoughts. He hunted around their quarters for the small bottle full of pills that they had received from Keller over time but hadn't used. John found it on their dresser and shook out two. As Connor stepped out of the bathroom, John stopped him and placed the pills in his hand.

"Thank you." Connor said softly before downing them dry.

John winced. "You really should do that with water." He let go of the younger man and went to pour him a glass. Connor accepted it and John left him to drink as he moved into the bathroom to brush his own teeth.

Connor was already in bed when John finished, the lights going off behind him. John slid in next to his partner and turned sideways to hook an arm around Connor's waist, pressing his chest against the younger man's back. One of Connor's hands traced slow patterns on John's palm.

"Should we spend the night apart?"

It took a second for John's brain to decipher the statement. "Before the bonding?"

"Yeah."

"I-If you want to."

"I do." Connor confirmed quietly.

"Okay." John said simply.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"I… um… we-are…dance?"

That took a little bit longer for John to interpret. "If you want to, Con." He repeated.

"I-I think I do."

"Then sure."

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you just going to agree to whatever I want?" Connor asked softly.

"Pretty much." John admitted.

"Oh." Pause. "John?"

"Hmm?"

"I also want us to do the ceremony while wearing nothing but grass skirts."

"It might be a little cold, but I think we can make it work." John agreed.

The hand holding his poked his palm. "You're allowed to say 'no', you know."

"Sure." John allowed. "But why would I? If it's something you want that I don't care one way or another about, why not do it? And you have to know by now, Connor, that I will always at least try to give you what you want."

"I know." Connor answered quietly. "You spoil me." He added in a whisper.

"I try."

Connor moved John's hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to his palm. "Why?" He whispered into John's skin.

"I want to." John told him honestly. "And you just give me so much, I want to give something back."

"I don't give half as much as you do, John." Connor countered softly.

"You give more."

"Nope." Connor argued, his words blowing softly across John's hand.

"Yes."

"Not even close."

"You're right. You give way more."

"Jo-ohn." Connor groaned.

"Con-nor." John answered in kind.

Connor paused. "Are we really arguing about who gives more? Because unless we trade places, I'm not sure we'll ever really know."

John laughed. "We'll call this a draw, then."

"Or you can just agree with me."

"I don't think so." John said, smiling to himself.

"Hmm." Connor said pensively. "Should I spoil you more?"

"I think you indulge me enough." John said softly. Thinking of all the things they did that Connor wasn't _quite_ comfortable with but did anyways. Most of it was sex related.

"But I could do more." Connor protested.

"Like?" John asked curiously.

"Um… my mom used to iron my dad's shirts. I thought that was nice."

"You want to iron my uniform?" John wasn't entirely sure that Connor was being facetious.

"Isn't your uniform supposed to be ironed?"

John winced lightly. "An iron wasn't really a priority when we first came through the gate and we haven't found any Ancient ones."

"And since then?"

"Since then I make Lorne conveniently forget to requisition some."

"Oh." Connor actually sounded sad that he couldn't iron John's uniform. "I can… clean your gun."

"I like cleaning my own gun."

"I know." Connor sighed. "I'm not very good at this."

John laughed and pressed a kiss to Connor's shoulder. "Seriously, Con, you do more than enough."

"Eric says he likes to make Rodney coffee in the morning." Connor said more brightly.

"We drink tea and I _like_ making it for you."

John could hear his boyfriend thinking. "Um, Evan says… Teyla helps him meditate."

"I hate meditating." Just the word 'meditating' gave John flashbacks to being stuck in the time dilation field. He shivered, that wasn't a lot of fun.

"Ronon…" Now John was actually interested in what Ronon did for Keller. "…um… Ronon… brings Dr. Keller back pictures of off-world hospital huts and stuff."

John tried to contain his snigger. "That sounds great, Con."

His boyfriend sighed. "I don't really go off-world to populated planets."

"I was being sarcastic."

"Oh." He paused. "So there's not anything I can do?"

"Love me." John whispered into his ear. "And that'll be enough."

"What if I loved you _and_ shined your boots?"

John groaned. It was going to be a long night.


	44. Til Kingdom Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 44 : 'Til Kingdom Come**

Author's Notes :  
\- _'Til Kingdom Come_ belongs to Coldplay.  
\- There is a line from _Marry Me_ by Train in here that belongs to Train.  
\- A lot of John's vows were inspired by _The Day Before You_ by Matthew West.  
\- _I'm Yours_ belongs to The Script.  
\- iPod belongs to Apple.  
\- There is a line in here that's from LotR.  
\- Irish translations are in text. Pronunciation is at the end.  
\- _Universe_ by Savage Garden turns out to be the perfect song to listen to when writing a sex scene.  
\- Pictures of Connor and John's wedding rings can be found at my homepage with the tag 'rings'.  
\- Thank you to everyone who voted on a song.  
\- Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. It is much appreciated.  
\- It's finally frickin' here. It only took 433,000 words, 8 months of writing, 669 plays of _Never Think_ by Robert Pattinson, and 89 pages of notebook paper, purchased in Spain, for when I didn't have a computer. It is _still_ not the end, so don't panic. =)

BETA : JackD

**Special thanks to my beta for his advice and support during this chapter. I'd also like to thank DarkAtlas1990 for listening to me whine about picking a song and thanks to Astrophysicist on Wraithbait for going through his itunes with me and to Mezzer 5.2 for offering great advice on my potential song choices and finally, to Lily G for combing BCD for a reference to something I'd forgotten if I'd written. =)

* * *

"Are you nervous?" Evan asked from behind him.

Connor did up the last button on his shirt. As was tradition, John and Connor had spent the previous night apart. Connor spent most of his night staring at the ceiling with a huge grin spread across his face.

"Nope." Connor ran a brush through his hair once, knowing that no matter what, John's hair would be even worse. Not that he minded. Connor set the brush back down on the sink and examined his reflection. He could hardly recognize himself. The smile from last night was still on his face, his cheeks were still a rosy red and his hair still fell into his eyes. John had been trying to hide how pleased he was that Connor's hair was growing back out. Connor let his boyfriend think that he didn't know.

More than that, though, something was different about him.

"You look happy, Doc." Evan said quietly, stepping up behind him until his face was reflected next to Connor's. "Really happy."

"I am." Connor whispered.

Evan reached up to gently squeeze his shoulder. "Time to go."

"You've got the rings?"

Evan patted his jeans pocket. "I've got 'em." Evan's eyes met his in the mirror. "All set?"

Connor nodded. "Yes. Yes, I am."

* * *

"Are you nervous?" Rodney asked from the bed.

"Not really. Connor says that if I run he'll get all of my Marines to drag me back to the altar."

"There is no altar."

"Well, he said proverbial altar, but I didn't think people really said 'proverbial' anymore."

"Well, it's better than saying 'altar' when there is no altar."

John rolled his eyes as he finished buttoning up his black shirt. " Should I wear cologne?" He asked Rodney.

"You own cologne?" His friend asked blankly.

John dismissed the question before deciding to dismiss the cologne as well. Connor liked the way he smelled _au natural_. He patted his pockets making sure he had his vows. He and Connor had decided to add to the Athosian ceremony and write their own. John had never been as nervous about something he'd written as he was now; not even when he'd written his answer to the generic 'why do you want to join the Air Force' essay.

"Okay." John said, running a hand through his hair.

"Finally." Rodney huffed. "I thought you might have turned into a girl." He stood up and waited for John to reach the door.

"I didn't take that long, Rodney." John said fondly. The door swished open and they unceremoniously left to meet Connor, Lorne, Johns, Teyla and Ronon in the gateroom.

If Carter had wondered why all of them were going off world at 2330, she had kept all questions to herself. She had just smiled as she signed off on the request just as she smiled and surreptitiously handed a beautifully wrapped package to John. He'd hidden the package in Connor's room under some laundry.

The gateroom was mostly empty at this time of night. There was someone stationed in control and three Marines were standing guard, but that was it. When John and Rodney arrived everyone was already there waiting for them. John couldn't help but stare at Connor. Connor who looked amazing in dark blue jeans and a blue button-up shirt that perfectly matched his eyes. Connor who was about to commit the rest of his life to John. Connor who looked so happy that John would do anything he asked just to keep that look on his partner's face.

John cleared his throat. "Is everyone ready?" He looked around and almost laughed. Every single person there had a sidearm strapped to their thigh. He received several nods and he watched Lorne pat his pocket before nodding as well. "Dial it up." He called out to the gate room technician on duty.

The lights on the stargate began to spin as one, two, three chevrons locked. John held his breath until the seventh locked and the stargate whooshed establishing a wormhole to New Athos.

John met Connor's eyes and he stepped up next to his boyfriend. "Ready?"

"Yes."

John felt his friends close ranks behind them and he reached out to grab Connor's hand. Together they walked through the event horizon.

* * *

The walk to the Athosian bonding site took ten minutes. On the way Ronon had determined that it had recently rained on New Athos. The ground was damp, leaves held drops of water and the dirt had turned into mud. He looked up and noted the clear sky. With luck it wouldn't rain during the ceremony. Ronon thought Irish would probably like the rain, Sheppard not so much.

The bonding site was a large open space. There was a burning fire pit in the middle and a table on the opposite side of the entrance. On either side of the table were tall, lit torches and on top sat a large chalice with a bottle next to it. There were trees on all sides of the site, keeping it closed off from anyone who might wander by. Smaller torched lined the edges of the site, illuminating the dark night. There was a small, covered path that John, Connor and Teyla had disappeared down.

Teyla had pulled Sheppard and Irish aside almost as soon as they had arrived leaving the rest of them to stand around. They had gradually moved towards the fire pit in the center.

"So were we supposed to get them something?" McKay asked, looking around. Rodney's personal Marine was standing next to him. Earlier he had wormed McKay's hand out of his pocket and into his. It was an odd sight to Ronon but McKay seemed used to it and hadn't said anything when the Marine had done it.

The Marine hit McKay lightly with his free hand. "Of course we were, Rodney. Geez, they're getting married."

"Bonded." McKay corrected. "And it'll be null as soon as we leave this planet, regulations and all of that."

"I got them something." Lorne offered.

"Me too." Ronon added.

"Hm." McKay said before turning to the Marine. "What did you get them?"

"Don't worry, Rodney, I put your name on it too." He offered. Rodney's Marine was quiet and serious. Something Ronon hadn't expected from anyone who shared blankets with McKay.

"Really?"

"Yes." The Marine answered.

"So where did Sheppard go off to?" McKay asked.

"It's part of the ceremony." Lorne cut in. "Him and the Doc have to answer some questions about themselves."

"A test? John has to take a test?" The Marine asked before glancing at Lorne. "Sorry, sir. Colonel Sheppard." He corrected.

Lorne waved it around. "I've taken the night off, Johns."

"Got it, sir."

"The Doc did liken it to a test." Lorne admitted. "That's the part of the ceremony that he's most nervous about."

The Marine snorted. "As if Connor's ever failed a test in his life."

Ronon tapped the hilt of his gun as he waited for Sheppard and Irish to return. He hoped it was before McKay started talking about something else.

* * *

Teyla led John and Connor back to the main part of the bonding site. Both were radiating happiness and love and Teyla couldn't be more happy for both of them. Perhaps some day soon that would be her and Evan…

She directed John and Connor to stand in front of the table facing each other as she lined up their friends behind them to face the couple. She could feel the heat of the fire against her skin as she took her place at the head of the group, between John, Connor and the table.

"Greetings." She offered warmly. "We are here today to witness the bonding of Connor Davids and John Sheppard. I will begin with a prayer to the Ancestors." Teyla closed her eyes. "Ancestors, I ask that you guide this ceremony and aid these two men as they travel through life together. May their journey be filled with happiness and prosperity. Keep them safe as they walk the paths of this world and many others." She paused before opening her eyes. After a moment everyone else's eyes opened as they decided she had finished. Teyla smiled at John and Connor as Connor reached across to grab John's hands. John locked eyes with the linguist and Teyla was sure that at that moment they barely remembered that she existed.

* * *

John's green-hazel eyes reflected the fire from the torches that surrounded them. His hands were warm in Connor's, it was comforting and familiar. Connor took a deep breath and turned to face Teyla again. She looked beautiful in the firelight, dressed in a long green dress crafted by the Athosians.

"When I gesture you are to repeat after me." She said quietly for only them to hear.

Connor nodded and saw John do the same. This was it.

"A bonding between two people in love is a beautiful event to witness. Bonding commits two souls to share one life until one should part from this world. Even then my people believe that a bonded loved one is never far." Connor could certainly go for that. Although he wasn't at all sure how that worked with Heaven and John not believing. "Bonding is not something that should be entered into lightly. It entangles two lives making each bonded reliant upon the other. John and Connor have chosen to combine their lives and they do so tonight in front of friends and family." She made a small gesture with her hands. "I vow to uphold this bond, through strife and toils, until I reach my grave."

They had talked about this ahead of time and they had decided that John would go first. Connor held his breath until John opened his mouth. "I vow to uphold this bond, through strife and toils, until I reach my grave." He said quietly but firmly.

Connor licked his lips. "I vow to uphold this bond, through strife and toils, until I reach my grave."

Teyla started again. "I vow to hold this bond in the highest regard and to hold my bonded first among others."

John locked eyes with Connor as he repeated the sentence and Connor didn't look away as he did the same.

"I vow to keep the truth and sanctity of the bond as long as I am able."

"I vow to cherish my bonded for evermore."

Connor felt something inside of him explode with love with every word John said and from the look on his boyfriend's face, John was feeling the same thing. John's hand squeezed Connor's gently and he returned the squeeze.

"Now," Teyla said with a smile. "We will all drink and share words about a time in John and Connor's life that we have experienced. It is alright if someone were to share the same experience as someone else as we all see things in our own way. You may share a time with both of them or just one if the other is included in some way." She turned around and poured some liquid out of the bottle into the large chalice on the table. She moved to face the group again with the chalice cradled into her hands. "John and Connor will drink first, but will tell no stories."

She handed the chalice to John and Connor watched carefully as he took a small sip. His partner didn't seem to like the taste but his grimace was small. He handed the drink to Connor and as the liquid slid past his tongue he tried his best not to cough. Teyla had told them it was wine, but Connor was sure he'd never had wine with as much alcohol as had to be in the chalice. He swallowed and quickly passed it back to Teyla.

She gave a knowing smile and accepted it. Teyla walked between them over to the row of friends behind them. She stopped at one end and handed the drink to Ronon. He took a long swig before beginning his story.

" _Irish?"_

" _Ronon?" Irish turned around in his seat to face the Satedan. "Hey, um, what's up?"_

 _Ronon held out his camera. "I took pictures, like you said." He had his laptop under his other arm and cords dangling from his fingers._

 _The linguist motioned Ronon towards a chair. "Have a, uh, seat."_

 _Ronon did and he gently set down the laptop and the camera. He woke up the computer as Irish pressed some buttons on the camera and a second later the other man was pushing one end of the cord into the laptop. A small window popped up and Irish leaned over, resting a hand on the mouse._

" _So when this pops up you, uh, want to click 'view files in a folder'." He said softly. He double clicked on the choice and Ronon made a mental note. He made a lot of those around Irish. "Then your pictures will, um, pop up as small icons. To get them off of the camera and onto the computer you can copy and paste or cut and paste."_

" _Copying will keep the pictures on the camera." Ronon remembered._

" _Exactly." Irish offered him a small smile._

 _Ronon cut the photos and pasted them in a new folder. They watched in silence as the files copied over. When they were finished Ronon asked, "Want to see them?" Irish nodded and Ronon clicked on the first one, it opened into a bigger window. He slowly clicked through the ones he had taken of M47-P69._

" _These are quite grand, Ronon." Irish said softly. "Absolutely lovely."_

 _Ronon grinned as he clicked through more. "Thanks."_

 _The scenery pictures slowly morphed into picture of his team taken when they weren't looking. Teyla was talking to Rodney with a patient look on his face. Sheppard had his weapon pointed at a bug. Rodney tripped over a rock. There were a few of all four of them as Irish had showed him how to set the self timer. He moved through several more when Irish suddenly asked him to stop._

 _The linguist reached out a hand and lightly touched Ronon's laptop screen with his fingers. "Can you send me this one?"_

 _Ronon nodded. "Sure."_

 _Irish seemed enraptured with the photo and Ronon looked at it closer to try and see what Irish was seeing. Sheppard had a smile on his face, one that Ronon recognized as a real smile, not just a 'I want to charm you' smile or a 'You really piss me off' smile, but a real 'I am content' smile. He was standing in a field, green grass and flowers spread out under him. The sun was high in the sky bearing down on him, reflecting off of his P-90. His sunglasses were in his hand and Ronon remembered that he had been wiping them off. He looked like Sheppard always looked and Ronon didn't see anything different about this photo from the ones before it._

" _John looks so happy." Irish murmured._

 _Ronon tossed his mind back to that day. "It was the day after you had breakfast with us," he said. Irish nodded and Ronon thought Irish heard what he had meant to say,_ It was the day after you and Sheppard told us you're getting married _. Ronon hesitated before speaking again, "Teyla and I thought Sheppard would be alone forever."_

" _Really?" Irish asked, turning away from the picture to study Ronon instead._

" _He's quiet." Ronon explained._

 _Irish nodded. "Yeah."_

" _Then one day he wasn't."_

" _Yeah."_

* * *

Teyla smiled. "That was lovely, thank you, Ronon."

He nodded and passed the chalice to his right. Lorne grabbed it and took a short drink.

* * *

 _Evan whistled softly as he walked through the empty corridors of Atlantis. Most of its occupants were in bed and those who weren't were engrossed in their work, well except for Evan. He and his team had arrived late back from his latest mission and he was still wired. There was a bounce in his step as he headed for his best friend's lab. Connor was sure to still be awake, being the night owl that he was, and Evan figured he could talk the Doc into getting some midnight ice cream with him at the food hub._

 _The door to Connor's lab swished open and Evan found his friend predictably bent over his computer, Ancient text scrolling down the screen in front of him._

 _Evan coughed softly. "Doc."_

 _The other man jumped in his seat and turned to face Evan, face reddening. "Evan! You, uh, startled me. Did you, um, need something?"_

" _I came to drag my best friend out to have ice cream with me." He said cocking a smile._

 _Connor looked surprised but smiled. "Um, sure." He stood up and grabbed his jacket, walking over to where Evan was waiting by the door. "How was your mission?"_

" _Good. Parrish got stuck in a giant ball of wool. I swear that stuff was worse than quicksand."_

" _A giant ball of wool?" They got into the transporter and it started moving on its own. Evan was pretty used to that by now when he was riding with Connor._

" _We got stuck with Giant Sheep Planet."_

" _Ah. I, uh, like sheep. We used to have a couple." They stepped out of the lift and headed towards the food hub._

 _Evan stared at his friend. "You had sheep?"_

 _Connor blushed. "Lots of people in, uh, Ireland do."_

" _Oh."_

" _We had chickens too. And, um, a cow… for milk."_

 _Evan grew up in Indiana but he'd never touched a cow much less milked one. And he didn't ever want to. "Well, anyways, these sheep were psycho. Three of them charged Reed."_

 _Connor laughed quietly. "He does seem to have bad luck with the, um, animals."_

" _That's Reed for you." Evan agreed._

 _The food hub was empty when they arrived and the second Connor stepped in all the lights came on. The linguist walked over to a replicator and soon there was a bowl of raspberry ice cream for Connor and a bowl of butter pecan for Evan. Evan smiled, there were definitely bonuses to having a best friend with a great memory._

" _Thanks." He said, accepting the bowl. They picked the closest table and sat down. Connor immediately dug into his ice cream while Evan followed at a more sedate pace. "Skip dinner again, Doc?" He asked between spoonfuls._

 _Connor shook his head and swallowed. "John, uh, brought me something."_

" _That was nice of Colonel Sheppard." Evan offered._

" _Yeah." A weird look fell over Connor's face and he stopped eating his dessert._

" _What?" Evan asked._

 _The linguist looked up, looking incredibly young at that moment. "I think I love him, Evan."_

" _I think you do too, Doc." Evan agreed quietly._

" _I don't know how to say the words." The younger man admitted._

" _You'll learn."_

" _Yes," Connor smiled shyly. "I think I will."_

* * *

Evan passed the chalice onto Corporal Johns. The younger man took a swig before grimacing. He licked his lips clean of the liquid before beginning his tale.

* * *

 _Eric didn't see it. He couldn't equate Colonel Sheppard-_ The _Colonel Sheppard, legend among the Atlantis Marines-with the man of Connor's stories. Eric had seen the colonel shoot down Wraith, kick Marine butt in the gym, go toe to toe with a scientist and win, and save the city numerous times over. He was fierce and even though he was Air Force, Eric knew that every single one of the Marines considered him theirs._

 _But Connor… Connor told stories of a different Colonel Sheppard. His eyes would light up as he talked to Eric about baking a cake for Christmas or of candlelit dinners and nights spent star gazing. Eric had choked on his coffee when Connor briefly mentioned Colonel Sheppard's and his morning tea time._

 _He just couldn't equate the soldier that he knew Colonel Sheppard was with the lover that Connor spoke of._

 _He turned down a hallway, intent on the gym. He'd been slacking off on the weights lately, bogged down with homework and meetings and now he was paying the price for it, so he was determined to get back into better shape._

 _Eric had almost made it to his destination when he saw them. Colonel Sheppard was facing Connor and they were both huddled together in a small nook off to the side of the main hallway. He honestly wouldn't have seen them at all if he hadn't caught a small flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye. As public places went, they were pretty well hidden. Eric chewed his lip as he debated with himself what to do._

 _One part of him was curious to see them together as he rarely got the chance to. But the other part wanted to give Connor and Colonel Sheppard their privacy. In the end he just walked a little slower. Or maybe a lot slower._

"Tá grá agam duit _." Eric heard softly. He didn't recognize the language but assumed that it was probably Connor speaking, the voices were too low to really make out._

" _I love you too, John." Or not._

" _Be safe."_

" _I will,_ a chuisle _. You worry too much."_

 _Eric heard a soft laugh. "With you, Con, there is no such thing as too much worry."_

" _I've been off-world with Evan's team before." The linguist protested._

" _I know. But Lorne's team is cursed, I'm sure of it."_

 _Connor laughed. "It's not cursed."_

" _Last time they went off world they all came back purple, the time before that Coughlin was humped by an elephant. I can't even begin to picture that."_

" _Be nice." A voice warned softly. "Tim was in the wrong place at the wrong time."_

" _They're always in the wrong place at the wrong time."_

" _Hmm."_

" _And please, please, for the sake of your boyfriend's sanity… take a P-90."_

" _I'll think about it." Connor teased._

" _You better, now come here." There was a moment of silence and then, "You better come back, Connor Davids."_

" _I will."_

" _You better."_

" _I will, I promise. John, I…"_

 _Eric walked out of earshot. Colonel Sheppard had sounded like Colonel Sheppard and Connor had sounded like Connor, but together they sounded like… a couple. Like two people in love. And they are, Eric supposed. That's exactly what they are._

 _  
_

* * *

Eric looked up after he finished telling his story to see Connor blushing and Colonel Sheppard standing behind the younger man with his arms firmly around Connor's waist, a smile on his face.

Eric flushed and passed the chalice to Rodney. Rodney took a sip without complaint and loudly launched into his own story.

* * *

" _Sheppard!" John turned to look at him. "Let's race." Rodney suggested, holding up both cars._

 _John hesitated but agreed. "Not for long today, Rodney."_

" _A couple races then." Rodney settled. "And what? You have actual work now?"_

" _I've always had work."_

" _Sitting at your desk playing Solitaire while Lorne does your paperwork is not work."_

" _I play Hearts too!"_

" _Of course, cause that's what matters."_

 _John took his car from Rodney. "I have to go talk to the mess staff."_

" _As in the people who make the food?"_

" _That would be them." John confirmed._

 _They walked into the transporter and after a second Rodney reached out to tap their destination on the screen. Sheppard never seemed to remember to tap the screen anymore. Rodney blamed that linguist he was always with. Atlantis did strange things for the Irishman._

" _What's wrong with the food? Other than the obvious… I mean how many different food items can you put lemon in? Your stupid grunts put lemon in the gravy for crying out loud. I think you should talk to them about that."_

" _I already did, Rodney." John said patiently. The doors slid open and they stepped out onto an unused level in the east pier._

" _Well it doesn't seem to have helped."_

" _I'll talk to them again." He promised._

" _Make sure that you do."_

 _John rolled his eyes as he set his car on the ground. Rodney bent to place his next to John. "One… two…" And as usual they were off before John finished saying 'three'. John's car skimmed the side of Rodney's as it zoomed down the corridor._

" _So what's in the mess hall?"_

" _Nothing's in the mess hall, McKay."_

" _So what are you doing there?" Their cars circled a barrel at the end of the hall and headed back towards them._

" _I need to secure the room for a while."_

" _Ew." Rodney said, making a face. "Are you and that zippy linguist of yours going to do it on one of the tables? While I'm sure that's less disturbing than the other things you do… people eat there."_

" _Gross, Rodney." John grimaced. "And we're not doing it at all, much less on the mess hall tables."_

" _Good, cause that doesn't seem at all good for your back." Their cars raced past them and John and Rodney followed them to the corner and directed the vehicles down another hallway._

" _No, I… Connor mentioned some Christmas tradition his family had and I thought I'd, uh, see if I could make it happen for him this year." John said quietly._

 _Rodney took his eyes off of his car to glance at his friend. Sheppard's face was predictably blank like it usually was when the man talked about anything other than flying or sports. But his eyes held a hint of… dare Rodney call it vulnerability? It was weird to see on his friend and Rodney wasn't quite sure what to make of it._

" _Well," Rodney said finally, moving his eyes back to his car. "It can't be any worse than the tradition Jeannie and I had of shoving coal down each other's clothes."_

 _John laughed softly. "It's definitely not worse than that." The cars hit each other and they both bent a little sideways as they turned their car around, as if by them physically bending the cars could move better._

" _Why are you doing this, Sheppard?" Rodney asked as the cars shot back past them and they turned around to follow them._

" _Because you whined until I said 'yes'?"_

" _I don't mean cars. This," He said, gesturing with one hand briefly. "This whole Christmas tradition thing for some guy you barely know."_

" _I don't barely know him." John argued. He was quiet for a moment. "I think he's the one, Rodney."_

" _The one? The one what?"_

"The one _, the one." John stressed._

"' _The one, the one' what? The one ring to rule the world?" Rodney asked sarcastically._

"The one _. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to grow old and die with. You know,_ the one _."_

" _There's no such thing as 'the one', Sheppard." Rodney dismissed. "It's a lie they feed you."_

" _There is, Rodney, and I've found him." John said quietly. His face didn't give away anything but his tone was serious._

" _If he leaves in the middle of the night with your stupid Johnny Cash poster and you never see it again, don't come crying to me."_

" _He's not going to leave in the middle of the night and he's not going to steal my poster." John defended._

" _How do you know? He could be psycho."_

" _I love him, Rodney." John said quietly. "If he leaves in the middle of the night, my poster won't be the only thing he takes."_

" _Yeah, he could take your stupid wristband, too." Rodney added. But somewhere deep inside, Rodney knew that everything would be different now. Someone had the power to break his best friend, to succeed where the Wraith and Kolya and the Replicators had all failed._

" _Yeah," John agreed quietly. "He might take my stupid wristband, too."_

 _But they both knew that wasn't what he meant._

* * *

When Rodney finished Sheppard had a strange look on his face and Davids had a pensive look. Rodney watched as Sheppard whispered something in the linguist's ear. The younger man flushed and nodded to whatever Sheppard said and Rodney quickly passed the chalice to Teyla.

She accepted it with a smile and took a drink before beginning her own tale. "I must apologize that my story is unknown to Connor and John but I feel it best conveys the moment I knew that John had fallen in love…"

* * *

 _Teyla paused outside the door to Connor's lab. It had opened for her, but she could hear voices already inside. It took only a moment for her to recognize John's voice along with Connor's true voice. She loved hearing Connor's speak as he truly did; too often the linguist would hide it. She had been privy to it so few times, all of them with John there._

"… _I'm sorry, John." Connor was saying softly._

 _She could hear hitched breathing and a soft sob. "It's not your fault." John answered in a shaky voice and Teyla was all but sure that the other man was… crying?_

" _It's alright to cry, John."_

" _I shouldn't…"_

" _What? Cry? Take some time to mourn? You don't have to be so strong in front of me."_

" _It's just we haven't…" He drifted off. "This is so new."_

" _And there's a requisite time that you have to wait before crying in front of your boyfriend?" Connor chided gently. "I've cried in front of you, John."_

" _I know but that's-"_

" _Different?" The younger man finished._

" _I didn't mean it like that, Connor." John said quietly._

 _Teyla felt frozen in place. She knew she should leave, this was a private moment between John and Connor._

 _Connor sighed. "I know. I want to help you, John."_

" _It's hard."_

" _Your friend died." The linguist said as gently as possible. "It's more than acceptable to mourn."_

 _Teyla didn't hear a reply but clothes rustled and she heard more shaky breaths. She wondered who John knew that had died. The military commander hadn't mentioned anyone and no one had recently died on Atlantis. She knew there had been a dial-in from Earth earlier and wondered if the bad news had been delivered then._

" _I… I haven't seen him in years." John said finally, voice rough. "I probably shouldn't be this upset."_

" _There's not a time limit." Connor said quietly. "He was your friend, and someone knew that well enough to inform you that he passed away."_

" _Yeah." John agreed mournfully._

" _And you have mentioned his name to me twice."_

" _I have?"_

" _During jumper lessons; you mentioned how the two of you would wake up before the sun to drive out to the best surfing areas."_

" _We did." John said softly. "We lived a couple hours from the ocean and we'd wake up at three in the morning. It would be freezing and we'd be driving in his Jeep with surfboards tied to the top, wind blowing everywhere, just to catch some good waves."_

" _How long did you know him?"_

" _Not long." John answered. "A few years. We kept in touch though."_

" _You were close." It was more of a statement than a question._

" _Yeah. I met him at a skate park when I was… fourteen? He was doing some stupid stunt and I was so impressed when he landed it… He was the only one who wrote to me in Antarctica."_

" _Have you talked to him since Atlantis?"_

" _A few e-mails, here and there."_

 _There was a long pause and Teyla turned to go, but then, "How about I let you hide out in here for another hour and then tonight we can get horribly drunk in his memory?"_

" _I have some work to do…" But he didn't sound very convincing to Teyla._

" _Evan can do it for a while." Connor said. "Keep me company, John."_

 _Teyla heard some more noise, maybe John sitting down? "Just for a little bit."_

" _Thank you."_

 _Teyla slowly backed away and the doors quietly slid shut. Almost as if Atlantis wanted to help her stop them from realizing she had been there._

 _John had found someone. Someone he could trust, someone who would help him. Connor was good for him, Teyla thought. The younger man had brought a smile to John's face and love to his heart. And now he was someone that John could and would turn to when he needed some comfort, something Teyla had often tried to do for him but had often failed at._

 _With a small smile on her face she left the two men together and went to find Rodney for lunch instead. John was in love and she wasn't sure that he knew it, but it didn't matter. John was in love, she was sure of it._

* * *

Teyla nodded to John and Connor and set the chalice back down on the table. "Next," She began. "John and Connor will share their knowledge of each other. Before we started they each answered questions about themselves and the answers have been recorded." She gestured and John and Connor both pulled out pieces of parchment from their pockets and handed them to her. "Should they answer a question incorrectly the ceremony will then be over and they must wait a full lunar cycle before they will be allowed the chance to bond again." John and Connor separated from each other and moved to stand on either side of Teyla. "Rodney," She said, inclining her head towards the man, "And Evan." She nodded again. "John and Connor have chosen you to judge their answers. Please step up and stand beside them."

Evan moved from the line he was in to stand next to Connor while Rodney moved to stand next to John. Connor handed his paper to Evan and John did the same with Rodney.

"Shall we begin?" Teyla asked. All four men nodded. "As John is eldest, tradition states that he will supply his answer first and Connor shall follow. If John or Connor answers correctly, you must respond with 'correct'."

* * *

John was nervous. The questions had been incredibly personal and with a couple of them John wasn't sure he would be able to answer correctly about Connor. They had started off easy enough…

Teyla smiled. "After whom is your bonded named?"

John swallowed. "Connor was named after his grandmother's brother, so his… great uncle?"

Lorne looked up from the paper with a smile. "Correct."

Connor bit his lip nervously before answering. "John was named after President John F. Kennedy."

Rodney looked up in surprise. "Correct. I didn't know that about you, Sheppard."

"You'll probably learn a lot of things about me tonight, Rodney." John answered quietly. He reached out and Connor's hands met his halfway. John squeezed lightly and smiled when Connor offered a squeeze in return.

Teyla smiled kindly. "Next, who does your bonded admire the most?"

John took a breath and said, "His dad."

Connor smiled as Lorne said, "Correct."

"John admires Colonel O'Neill." Connor said quietly.

The tips of John's ears flared red with embarrassment as Rodney answered. "Correct."

"If he must decide, will your bonded choose you or his people?"

John hesitated slightly, "Me."

Connor gave an almost imperceptible nod as Lorne announced, "Correct." John sighed in relief.

"John," Connor said softly, "will choose his people."

"Correct." Rodney agreed.

"What does your bonded fear the most?"

John felt like his answer was a bit self-centered but said, "Losing me and being alone for the rest of his life."

Lorne said, "Correct," softly.

"John fears failure."

Rodney was quiet for a moment and John squeezed Connor's hand reassuringly before the astrophysicist said, "Correct."

Teyla looked at both men, "Would your bonded die for you?"

"Yes," John answered without hesitation.

Connor didn't wait for Lorne to respond before saying, "Yes."

Lorne and Rodney answered, "Correct," at the same time.

Teyla smiled slightly before moving on. "What is your bonded's deepest desire?"

"Connor… Connor wants to reconcile his relationship with me and his relationship with God." John said quietly.

"Correct." Lorne said softly.

Connor bit his lip nervously and John rubbed the top of the linguist's hand with his thumb. "John wants to be open about our relationship."

There was a long pause before Rodney said, "What is this word, Sheppard?" He was squinting at the parchment.

John laughed softly and didn't bother looking as he said, "Correct."

Teyla nodded but held her hand out to Rodney, "If I may, Rodney?" He handed over the parchment and Teyla scanned its contents before handing it back. "Correct." She agreed. "What was the best day of your bonded's life?"

"The day we met." John said with surety.

Connor blushed as Lorne said, "Correct."

"The day we met." Connor repeated softly.

Rodney rolled his eyes as he said, "Cheesy, but correct."

"And finally," John braced himself for a mostly embarrassing question, but one that probably did serve as proof of their knowledge of each other in all aspects of life. "With how many people has your bonded shared blankets?"

John swallowed as he answered, "None."

"Correct."

Connor chewed on hip lip nervously and John felt just as nervous because he wasn't at all sure they had ever talked about exactly how many people John had slept with before Connor. "Seven."

A smile broke out across John's face as Rodney replied, "Correct." And John knew his best friend would be asking about that number later. Connor smiled and ducked his head lightly with a faint blush.

"John and Connor have successfully proven their knowledge of each other. They enter their bonded life together as equals." Teyla pronounced. "They wish to now express their love for each other through chosen words."

Evan and Rodney returned to stand next to Ronon and Eric. John reached into his pocket and pulled out his vows. He took a step closer to Connor, still holding onto the linguist's hands with his free one. He glanced at the paper before meeting Connor's bright blue eyes, alight with emotion.

"Connor," John began softly. "Before I met you I had pretty much given up on ever finding someone. I'd accepted that I would probably spend the rest of my life alone, but that was okay, I'd already spent most of my life alone and Atlantis wasn't really the ideal place to meet people and settle down anyways. But then I met you. I met you and felt so much sadder than I ever had before and I couldn't figure out why. I soon realized that my life before you had been so empty, so meaningless and I only now knew what it meant to feel happy, life just meant so much more. It took us a while, we had a lot of hurdles to cross, but somehow we made it here, and I can't wait to wake up tomorrow, married to you. Before I met you my life hadn't been easy, but now I thank whoever will listen that it turned out how it did because it all led me to you. I love you more than I ever knew I could love someone.

"When I wake up in the morning next to you I can't help but think that I'm the luckiest guy alive. To know that you love me and have you know that I love you is the most amazing feeling in the world. I promise to be there for you everyday for the rest of our lives. I promise to let you hide under the blankets and to let you interrupt whatever plans I have so you can brush your teeth. I promise to always do my best to come home to you. I promise to keep your secrets, just as you keep mine. But above all, I promise to love you, Connor Aodh Davids, as you deserve to be loved and to do my best to make sure that you know that I love you. Connor, _tugaim mo chroí duit go deo_. _Tá grá agam duit_." (Connor, I give my heart to you forever. I love you.)

Connor was blushing lightly when John finished, his hand squeezing John's. There was a look of amazement and happiness spread across his face and John knew there was probably some sort of stupid grin stretched across his own, but he couldn't help it; he'd never been happier than he was right then.

Connor licked his lips before starting. "John, meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me. Since I met you, the world has been a different place… and not just because I moved to another galaxy." John grinned as Connor said that and the linguist ducked his head a little before meeting John's eyes again. "You opened me up to a world of love and friendship and for that I can never thank you enough. I never knew that I could feel like this, and to wake up everyday with you is… beyond grand. You've been so patient and understanding but above all, so supportive and loving. I love you, John and I promise to love you for the rest of our days together. I promise to give you my love, loyalty and friendship from this day forth. _Is leatsa mo chroí. Is leatsa mo shaol. Mo ghrá go léir agus gach a bhfuil ionam tugaim duit go brách na breithe. Tá mo chroí istigh ionat agus is tú mo ghrá_. I love you, John. (My heart is yours, my life is yours, all of my love and all that I am, I give to you forever. My heart is within you and you are my love.)

John leaned forward to give Connor a kiss when a quiet cough stopped him. Lorne stepped up from the line and held out the rings. "I think you need these first, sir." He offered. John hadn't yet seen the rings and so didn't know whose was whose. Connor solved the problem by accepting both rings and handing one to John.

John turned to Teyla, "Is it alright if we…" He gestured with the ring in his hand.

She nodded. "Now would be the perfect time to exchange rings." She said with a smile.

John inhaled before saying the words that he and Connor had memorized for this occasion. "Connor, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you." He gently pushed the ring onto Connor's left ring finger, letting his hand linger for a moment. It looked perfect, like it was always supposed to be there.

"John, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you." Connor said softly and reached for John's own hand, pushing his ring onto his ring finger. John treasured the moment and took a deep breath in an attempt to remember it forever. He would rarely get to wear his ring, because of his job, so he wanted to savor every opportunity that he had to wear it.

Connor leaned in and then blushed, pulling away. John shot a grin towards Lorne, "Now?" He asked.

"Yes, sir." Lorne answered with a grin.

John leaned in and met Connor halfway as their lips met is a soft, sweet kiss. It was perfect and John reached up to touch Connor's cheek before pulling away.

"The Athosians also have their version of Earth wedding rings," Teyla said quietly. "I had not mentioned it before as I was not sure if John and Connor would receive consent to wear them." She produced two leather bands, about half an inch wide of hard braided leather. "But I have talked it over with my people, and they are all in agreement that I should present them to you." She reached for their right hands and carefully tied the leather bracelet around John's wrist and then around Connor's. When she finished, John captured Connor's hands once more. "Now, we ask the blessing of the Ancestors, once more, before the bonding is complete." John bowed his head as she began to speak. "Ancestors, you have brought these two men here today to be bonded under your eye. We ask that you protect them in their journey together and keep their love from ever ending. Bless this newly bonded pair as they embark upon a new life together. Help them to remember the words said here today and to always remember the support of friends and family who have come to witness this bonding." She paused and John raised his head. "Friends and family," She said smiling, "I thank you for witnessing the bonding of Connor Davids and John Sheppard. They have chosen to merge their family names and the Athosians now recognize Connor and John Sheppard-Davids."

John couldn't help it, he pulled Connor into his arms, a hand resting on his partner's lower back and the other cupping the back of Connor's neck. He felt Connor's arms sliding around his waist as their lips met, this time in a deeper kiss. In the back of his mind he could hear clapping, a "gross!" from Rodney, a whistle from Eric and a flash going off around them. All he was really aware of, though, was Connor: the feel of his body pressed against John's, the weight of the ring around his finger and the leather around his wrist, his lips against John's.

When they pulled away John hugged Connor tightly, keeping him close and the younger man returned the hug, his face turned into John's neck. "I love you." John whispered. "So much."

"I know." Connor whispered back. "I love you too, John."

* * *

Connor couldn't really tell you how they got back to Atlantis from New Athos. He only barely remembered Taisha pressing a giant quilt into his hands and Halling offering a large bottle of wine to him and John right before they stepped through the gate. Both gifts had come with blessings and Connor had received a giant hug from Taisha, or at least he was pretty sure he had.

He wasn't really sure when they'd said goodbye to their friends, but somehow he and John had ended up back in their room alone, shoes abandoned by the door. Connor gently set down the new quilt on his desk while John put the wine somewhere. Connor looked down at his hand and traced the top of his ring.

Two arms surrounded him from behind. "I like it." John mumbled into his neck. "What is it?"

Connor laughed softly. "It's a claddagh ring."

"Clah-dah?"

"C-l-a-d-d-a-g-h." Connor spelt for him.

"Are those…" John lifted Connor's hand up until his ring finger hovered in front of his face. "Hands?"

"Yeah. The hands represent friendship, the heart represents love and the crown represents loyalty."

"It was your dad's right?" John asked, running a thumb over the design.

"Yeah."

"I like it." John held his own hand out in front of them. "I like mine, too." John murmured, pressing a kiss to Connor's neck. "How did you know it would fit?"

Connor shrugged slightly. "I had it re-sized."

"And you knew my size?"

"I measured with a string while you were sleeping." Connor admitted with a blush.

John laughed. "I can't believe I slept through that."

"I can be stealthy, too." Connor told him. He traced John's ring. "Yours symbolizes eternal love." His finger traced the design around the ring. "See the way the ropes never end? And the knots interlock?"

"Mmm-hmm." John mumbled. "It's beautiful."

"You don't mind that they're different?" Connor asked softly.

"Not at all." John said honestly. Connor turned around and looped his arms around John's neck. The older man slid his hands down into the back pocket of Connor's jeans. "Have I told you how amazing you look tonight?"

Connor blushed. "Not yet."

John grinned and pressed their foreheads together. "You look… _amazing_."

"You don't look too bad yourself." Connor replied with a smile of his own.

John laughed softly. "Thank you." He said quietly, seriously.

"For telling the truth? Because I usually think you look quite grand."

"For bonding with me." John murmured. "Marrying me, for all intents and purposes. You don't know how happy you've made me, Con."

"We just made it official." Connor said softly. "It's always been forever with you, John."

"Yeah," His partner agreed. "It has, hasn't it?"

"Most certainly." Connor leaned his head against John's shoulder. It was close to two in the morning and John, at least, had to work in the morning, but Connor knew that neither of them would get much sleep tonight.

He leaned up and captured John's lips in his. He was nervous, that was true, about so many different things at once, but John's hands on his body were doing a lot to ease the tension and ultimately, Connor knew, whatever happened tonight was up to him. John might be a little disappointed if nothing happened but he'd drilled it into Connor's head enough that he wouldn't be upset or angry.

Connor closed his eyes as he continued to kiss John. He felt a little guilty that his body was keeping John busy so his brain could make a final decision. He'd told John a few days ago that he was ready, but they both knew that there was a difference between saying you were and _really_ being ready.

All the pros and cons he'd privately listed began to drain away until he was left with 'I love John' and 'John wants this'. So Connor took a small step closer to John, closing the gap between their two bodies. He slid his tongue smoothly into John's mouth, in an almost possessive manner. John seemed to get the hint right away and opened his mouth a little bit wider.

They were panting when they pulled away.

* * *

John looked at Connor, "Are you sure about this?"

Connor bit his lip. "I-I don't want to hurt you, John."

"We talked about this, Connor." John said softly, reaching for his boyfriend's hand and lacing their fingers together. "It's going to hurt, no matter what."

"I know." Connor ducked his head and looked away. "I just… I mean… are you…?"

"Connor," John said softly.

" _Connor," John murmured._

" _Hmm?" The younger man asked sleepily. His head was perched on John's chest and John was pretty sure his boyfriend was only minutes away from sleep._

" _We need to talk about something." John said quietly._

" _I eat enough."_

 _John laughed. "Not that."_

" _I sleep enough."_

" _No, you don't." John said. "But it's not about that either."_

" _Is this about me borrowing your iPod? I forgot to charge mine and-"_

 _John pressed a finger against his boyfriend's lips. "It's not about that." He smiled. "And you're welcome to my ipod, any time, you know that."_

" _Oh." Connor snuggled closer into John's body. "Thanks."_

 _John nudged the younger man slightly. "Don't go to sleep."_

" _Mmm-hmm." Connor sighed._

" _We need to talk about sex." John said gently._

 _Connor immediately seemed more alert at that. His body froze and John could feel his breathing pick up. "What about it?" He asked in a small voice._

" _I know we've talked about it a few times, but it's been a while. I just need to know where you stand on the issue." John said, trying to be as gentle with his words as possible. "I'll go with whatever decision you make on it."_

 _Connor pressed his face into John's chest, hiding. "I don't know." He mumbled._

 _John ran a hand through Connor's hair. "Well, let's talk it through." He suggested. "It might help."_

" _I-I don't know, John." He said, sounding incredibly sad._

" _Hey," John whispered. "C'mere." He pulled Connor on top of him, Connor's knees falling to the sides of John's legs. John slid the blankets up their bodies. Connor pushed his head into John's neck and John wrapped his arms securely around the younger man, moving a hand lightly up and down his boyfriend's back. "We'll take as much time as you need." John whispered, reassuringly._

 _After what seemed like forever, but was probably only minutes, Connor nodded against John's skin. "Okay." He whispered._

 _John paused, "What scares you about sex, Connor?"_

" _I-I could do it wrong." His boyfriend said immediately. "And it's going to hurt you," he moaned. "It's really going to hurt you, John."_

" _Shh," John cooed. "The book said that the first time is always the most painful, Con, there's no way around that."_

" _I won't know what I'm doing." Connor whispered against John's skin. "Are you sure that you… I mean, you've done it before and…"_

" _I'm not sure how much my knowledge of sex with a woman is going to help here, Con." John said gently. "It might be more of a hindrance."_

 _Connor was quiet for a moment before asking, "What if I don't fit?"_

 _John almost laughed, but he knew how sensitive the younger man was and instead said, "You'll fit."_

" _Are you sure?"_

" _Positive." Connor didn't say anything else and John rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his back. "Talk to me, Con."_

" _I just… John." He said helplessly._

 _John knew what Connor wasn't saying, wasn't talking about. "God loves you, Connor." John said quietly. "He's a God of love, you_ know _that."_

" _But…"_

" _Why would He put me in your life, Con, if He wasn't going to let you keep me?"_

" _A test." Connor murmured._

" _One that you passed." John whispered. "I think He would rather you find love, Connor, than spend the rest of your life alone."_

" _You're not alone with Him."_

" _But you were." John countered softly._

" _Yes." Connor breathed. "And I shouldn't have been."_

" _Connor," John murmured. "I love you so much, how can that be so wrong? How can God say that's so wrong?"_

" _I don't know." Connor said miserably. "I don't know, John. I don't know."_

 _John paused for a moment. "Connor," He began. "If this is something you're going to hate yourself for, something that's going to hurt you for the rest of our lives together, than maybe we need to rethink this." He said quietly. Something inside of him balked at the words and his chest began to ache._

 _Connor was quiet for a long time, so long that John thought he might have fallen back asleep. So long that John had already calculated pi to the one hundred twelfth decimal. "You're right." Connor said at last._

" _I'm right about what, Con?" John asked desperately._

" _I-I just need to get over this." Connor answered._

" _That's not what I meant."_

" _I know." The younger man paused. "But you're right. Even if we aren't actually having sex, we're-we're doing other things. And even if we weren't doing those other things, even if I never saw you again, I would still-I would still love you, John."_

" _I'm sorry I can't help you through this, Connor." John said regretfully._

" _You help me all the time, John."_

 _John swallowed. "Okay. Are you alright to keep talking?"_

" _Yes." Connor whispered._

" _Condoms." John blurted and then mentally smacked himself for being so blunt. "Should we, ah, wear them?"_

" _What do you want to do?"_

" _I think that since we're both clean and we're monogamous we can do without them, but I'll do whatever you want, Con."_

 _Connor was quiet for a second. "Have you ever, uh, you know… without one?"_

" _No." John answered honestly. "Never."_

" _Okay." His boyfriend whispered._

" _Okay, what?"_

" _Let's go without them."_

" _Okay." John rubbed Connor shoulders. John paused, "I think I might have skipped ahead a bit." Connor didn't say anything so John continued, "Do you want to have sex?"_

 _John had known from the beginning that this would be a conversation full of long silences, stuttered words and uncomfortable questions, but waiting, he found, was harder than anticipated. "Yes." Connor finally whispered._

 _Those words were magic to John's ears. He exhaled, "Okay." He smiled. "Okay."_

" _John?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _You want to… afterwards, right?"_

" _After the bonding?" John clarified._

" _Yes."_

" _Yeah," John told him honestly. "I want to, but only if you do; only if you're ready."_

" _I want to-to try." Connor said quietly._

" _We can do that." John said as Connor attempted to burrow further into John. "Connor?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _If you're this uncomfortable talking about it… maybe you're no-"_

" _I'm not uncomfortable." Connor interjected._

" _You're trying to burrow your way into me, Con." John said with a small smile. "You're hiding."_

" _I'm not uncomfortable talking about the things we do together, John." Connor said in a surprisingly strong voice. "I'm just not as confident as you are."_

" _You're confident where it counts." John said, turning his head to press a kiss into Connor's hair. "You're just incredibly shy."_

" _I'm sorry. I can-I can move off of you."_

" _You don't need to. I was just remembering something they told us in sex ed."_

" _About being shy?"_

" _About not being ready if you can't even talk about it."_

" _Oh." Connor paused. "I think I'm ready to have sex with you, John." He said firmly. John couldn't help it, his dick twitched at the thought and Connor laughed. "And I think you're ready too,_ a chuisle _."_

" _Probably a little more than ready." John admitted. "But only if you are." He added hastily._

" _And you're sure you want to be on the bottom?"_

 _John twitched again. "Definitely sure."_

" _Okay." Connor breathed. "Is that all?"_

" _Yes." John nodded. "You can go back to sleep now." He teased._

" _Actually," Connor mumbled, detaching from his neck and beginning to slide down John's bare body. "I had something else in mind." His tongue flicked out and John moaned, hands tightening in Connor's hair._

"Connor." John repeated softly. "If you're not ready to go all the way tonight, that's fine."

"No, let's do it." Connor said quietly.

"We can stop at any time." John promised.

"I know."

And with that John leaned up to cover Connor's mouth again. His hands moved up out of Connor's pockets to slide up underneath his partner's shirt and along his skin, dragging Connor's shirt with them. He pulled away briefly to tug Connor's shirt up and over his head. His partner blushed and his hands moved to pull John's shirt off. He flung it in the same direction that John had flung Connor's a few seconds earlier.

John walked them backwards until his legs hit the bed. He sat down and pulled Connor down with him. The linguist fell on top of him with a laugh and didn't seem to mind at all when John stuck his hands down the back of Connor's pants, groping his butt.

Despite the grin on his face, John knew that Connor was nervous. Hell, John was nervous. Before Connor this hadn't been something he'd thought about doing. Even now it wasn't appealing with anyone other than Connor and John wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He knew that he wanted it though, he wanted Connor more than he'd ever wanted anyone else and just knowing that Connor was a virgin made John feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Lucky that Connor felt John was worthy enough to do this with, worthy enough to be with him in such an intimate way.

"Hey," Connor murmured. "The thinking portion of the evening is over."

John laughed a little. "Yes, sir." He quipped.

Connor chewed on his bottom lip nervously. "You want this, right, John?"

"Yes." John answered honestly. "I do."

"Okay." Connor said before taking a deep breath. He gently pushed John backwards until he was lying on the bed. John didn't say anything as Connor unbuttoned John's jeans, hands shaking lightly. John ran a reassuring hand down Connor's bare back and the linguist shivered. John lifted his hips up as Connor slid John's pants and boxers off of him. John was already hard when Connor finished undressing him. His erection was standing proudly and John tried not to look away as Connor's eyes roamed his naked body. It wasn't anything the younger man hadn't seen before but tonight a look of awe was on his face.

John reached forward and began unbuttoning Connor's jeans but before he could get the zipper down, two hands stopped him. John looked up to see Connor blushing a deep red. "Um, Evan, uh, gave me some… I mean… I…" He cut himself off, flustered. He pulled away from John, nervous.

"Connor?" John asked in confusion. "Lorne gave you something that has to go with taking off your pants?"

"I told him that I shouldn't wear them, but he insisted, saying it was traditional and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by refusing."

"Wear what?" John questioned.

"Um…" Connor reached down with shaky hands and unzipped his jeans. White boxers slid into view as the linguist's pants started to fall down. "He insisted I wear something white." Connor said, sounding just a little bit mortified.

John smiled at him. "There's nothing wrong with wearing white."

"I'm-I'm not a girl." Connor muttered.

"I noticed." John said with a grin. "I think they're pretty nice." He tugged Connor's pants down the rest of the way, leaving the white boxers on.

"John." Connor groaned. "They're _not_ nice."

"And it's nice that you would humor your friend like that." John said, ignoring Connor's last comment.

Connor ducked his head. "He said he special ordered them from Earth."

"Well, I'll just have to thank him for that." John said, pulling Connor down on top of him, the linguist's knees falling on either side of John's hips. Their erections met through the thin fabric of Connor's underpants and John moaned a little, thrusting his hips up. Truthfully, John actually thought the white boxers were pretty hot, whether it was because it was Connor wearing them or their implied meaning, John wasn't sure.

Connor's head fell to the side of John's neck and John felt soft lips press against his skin. John had every intention on going as slow as they could, to try and ease Connor into it, help him relax, but it was a little hard to go as slow as he wanted when his body knew the end result. John really hoped he could make it that long.

His fingers walked up and down Connor's warm back, stopping to massage the younger man every few minutes. Connor was slowly relaxing but John knew he still had a long way to go. John slipped his hands inside of Connor's boxers and gently squeezed the mounds of flesh there. "I love your butt." John murmured, squeezing again.

Connor licked at John's neck in response. "I love the way you taste." He mumbled against John's skin.

"I guess it's good that I didn't wear cologne then." John said with a laugh. "'Cause cologne probably doesn't taste that great."

"I like you better without it."

"I knew you would."

* * *

Connor was nervous and the worst part of being nervous was that trying to be less nervous only made him more nervous. John's hand was warm and comfortable on his skin and his partner was doing his best to distract Connor enough so he would stop feeling nervous about the upcoming events. Connor didn't often envy John, he was satisfied with his life as it was, but in this, being comfortable with sex, Connor wished he had just a little bit of John's confidence.

"Shh." John whispered into his ear. "Stop thinking, Connor."

"I can't."

"This is just like every other time… we're just going a little bit further." John soothed.

Connor took a deep breath. "I know."

John pulled his hands out of Connor's boxers and gently rolled them over so that he landed on top. John squeezed Connor's erection through his boxers before, sliding his fingers into the top of it and pushing it down. Connor moved his legs a little to help John and the underpants were tossed aside. John looked down at him, desire, need, and love filling his eyes. "You're so beautiful." Connor blushed and felt it spread down his neck to his chest. John laughed softly, "I love how after all this time you still blush." He leaned down and licked at Connor's lips, "I hope you never stop." He murmured before kissing him.

John's tongue teased at Connor's entrance and Connor slipped his tongue out to gently touch John's before pulling it, and John's, back into his mouth. Right when Connor thought he might have to push John off to get some air, his partner pulled away, breathing heavily. His eyes were dark with lust and he lowered his mouth to Connor's face, this time pressing a small kiss to Connor's chin, swiping his tongue across it. He moved up the smaller man's jaw line, not missing an inch of skin.

His lips trailed down Connor's neck, sucking and licking. Connor knew that there would be marks in the morning but really couldn't find it in himself to care. John's teeth scraped his shoulder and Connor gasped, arching up and off of the bed, inadvertently pushing their erections together. John moved his hips a little, producing friction between their bodies. The older man slowly made his way down Connor's body, leaving a shiny trail of kisses wherever he went.

When he got to Connor's nipples, John didn't hesitate to close his mouth on top of the one hard bud. He teased it with his teeth, lightly biting while swirling his tongue around the tip. Connor gasped and arched again into John, his hands going to John's hair. "John." He sighed loudly as John moved to his other nipple. John's hand came up gently rub at the part of Connor's chest he'd just abandoned, as if his hand was apologizing for the damage his teeth had just wrought.

John's teeth were scraping against sensitive skin and Connor was overcome with sensations. John's other hand was lightly stroking Connor's shoulder in a repetitive, soothing motion. When he finally abandoned Connor's nipples and moved on, Connor was feeling beyond ready to go faster. John's plan of relaxation had worked and Connor just wanted more, more…

"More." He mumbled, carding a hand through John's sweaty locks.

John looked up at him, resting his chin on Connor's stomach. "Not yet, okay?" He asked quietly.

Connor swallowed as he nodded. The hand on his arm squeezed lightly before trailing down to his elbow, moving down as John moved down. He pressed light kisses across Connor's abdomen, licking at each scar and freckle he found.

 **[Edited Content begins here, but sections of the edited portions have remained]**

And for the first time, since they started, Connor was nervous about not lasting long enough to even get to try going all the way. "John." He moaned softly. "I won't make it if you keep going."

John looked up and his eyes met Connor's. John's lips were red and slightly swollen and his hair was messier than usual, courtesy of Connor. He crawled back up Connor's body and leaned over the younger man, resting his forehead on Connor's. "Are you sure about this, Con?" He asked.

Connor swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."

John pressed a soft kiss to Connor's lips. "We'll take it as slow as you need to, okay? And if you ever want to stop you need to say something because I'm not sure how well I'll be thinking."

"I will."

"Promise." John said. "Promise me you'll say stop if you want to stop. I don't care what we're doing or how far we've gone, if you need to stop _I_ need you to say it."

"I promise, John." Connor said quietly. He knew that John wasn't going to say 'stop', so he didn't make the offer back, but he also knew, as John did, that if John ever said stop Connor would. Unlike John though, Connor probably wouldn't be as willing to try it again if John did say stop.

John studied his eyes and then lifted up. "Okay." He slowly rolled them back over so that Connor landed on top again. Connor could feel his heart racing as he reached a shaky hand for the lube.

Their bodies moved together and John made beautiful, beautiful sounds; music to Connor's ears. Connor for his part hardly managed more than John's name. He was overwhelmed with pleasure and feelings and emotions coursing through him like they hadn't before.

"Connor." John cried softly. "I'm close."

So was Connor. A few moments later John was crying his name. Connor leaned down and buried his face in John's neck as he came. His body trembled and Connor saw stars. When he came back down he felt one of John's hands gently stroking his back and the other was combing through his hair, damp with sweat.

"Hey." John said with a soft smile.

"Hey." Connor answered.

John angled Connor's head towards him and covered him mouth in a short, sweet kiss. Connor collapsed back on top of John, breathing in the scent of his partner.

 **[End of edited content]**

John's hands rubbed up and down Connor's body. "We should take a shower." John whispered into Connor's ear. "And change the sheets."

Connor nodded against John's body. "How do you feel?"

"A little bit sore." John admitted. Which Connor read as: it hurt a lot but I'm not going to tell you because you'll never do it again.

"I, um…" Connor blushed. "I have something that will help a little bit, I got it from one of the nurses. I can, uh, apply it for you."

John blinked in surprise. "You talked to a nurse about this?"

"I didn't tell them it was for you!" Connor said quickly.

John laughed. "I didn't think you had. I'm just surprised you managed to talk to _anyone_ about this."

"I knew it was going to hurt and I wanted to help." Connor said quietly, biting his lip nervously.

"I appreciate that," John said. "How about we use it after the shower, okay?"

Connor nodded. He took a deep breath and hugged John close for a second before saying, "If I'm gay now does this mean I'm still a virgin or does this count?"

John laughed again. "Which do you want it to be?"

Connor thought about it. "I think this counts."

"Then it counts." John said with a smile.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

* * *

Later, after their shower, and after a… unique application of the cream that Connor had gotten from the infirmary, they laid together on newly changed sheets. Connor's head was pillowed on John's chest, as usual, a hand tangled in John's dog tags. It was a little bit past four in the morning and John could tell that the younger man was losing energy, fast.

"John?"

"Yeah?" Connor didn't answer and John ran a hand up the younger man's arm. "Con?"

"Does this mean you're my husband now?" Connor asked in a small, quiet voice.

"Yes." John affirmed. "Definitely."

"We're really married." Connor said with awe in his voice.

"In all the ways that matter." John told him.

"And I get to keep you forever?"

"Forever can never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you, Con. You can keep me for forever and then some."

John felt Connor smile against his chest. "I love you, John."

" _Tá grá agam duit,_ Connor." John said, pressing a kiss to his husband's head. "Thank you." He whispered. "For loving me."

"I'll always love you, John." Connor told him, sleepily.

And that, John thought, was the best feeling in the world., being loved by Connor Sheppard-Davids.

* * *

Ronon didn't knock the next morning, which was good because Connor wouldn't have answered. Not that that had ever worked on the Satedan before, but Connor had a feeling he could have talked John into answering the door with his gun not-so-subtly on his person.

John left for work about an hour after he usually did, for Connor it was somewhere between 'it's too early' and 'it's early'. His husband had talked him into enjoying a cup of tea with him and Connor was pretty sure he had seemed awake, but for the life of him he couldn't remember anything that they had talked about. He only hoped he hadn't said something stupid.

Connor was just pulling on his shoes when his door chimed. A glance at his watch told him it was almost 1400. Oops. He reluctantly took his wedding ring off and clipped it onto the necklace with John's dog tags. He would get his set in the next dial in from Earth, scheduled in four days. "Come in!" He called.

Evan stepped in with a huge grin on his face. "Hey, Doc."

Connor couldn't help but return the grin. "Hey, Evan."

"I came to grab you for some late lunch."

"How'd you know I'd still be here?" Connor asked, standing up. He looked around for his jacket and Evan pointed a finger towards his desk chair.

Evan shot him a look of disbelief as Connor collected his jacket. "We didn't even get back 'til two." He grinned mysteriously, "And Colonel Sheppard was looking pretty happy today if I do say so myself." Connor blushed a deep red and refused to meet Evan's eyes as he walked past his best friend out of his room. Evan followed behind him and laughed as they stepped into the transporter. "So?"

"So what?" Connor asked

When the doors opened again Connor made to step out but Evan reached out to gently grab his arm. The doors slid shut again and Connor turned to look at his friend. "How was it?" Evan asked anxiously. "I don't want any details but you did… you know… right?"

"I… um… we…" Connor stammered. He bit his lip before swallowing. "Yeah."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And how was it? At least say more than 'yeah', Doc!"

"It was…" _wonderful, marvelous, amazing, the best night of my life_ , "…really good." He finished.

Evan bounced a little nervously as he regarded Connor and the linguist guessed that he had something else he wanted to ask. "Just say it, Evan."

"Did it hurt?" His best friend blurted out.

Connor frowned in confusion before he realized what Evan meant. "Oh, um, I… that is… Johnwasonthebottom." He said quickly.

Evan's eyes widened. "What?"

Connor quickly tried to clarify the situation, "He wanted to go first because neither of us had done it before and he was really worried that it would hurt a lot and he didn't want me to have to do it without him knowing how much it hurt and I tried to argue with him about it saying that the book said according to our personalities we would have the opposite roles but John didn't want to take any chances and-" Evan held up his hand to halt him and Connor came to an abrupt stop.

"Jesus, Doc, I don't think I've ever heard you talk so fast. Towards the end there you kinda went off in that accent of yours and I couldn't understand a thing." Evan said, grinning. "But, uh, wow. I didn't actually think… wow." He repeated.

"You can't tell anyone, Evan." Connor said swiftly. "Promise me you won't tell."

"I promise." His best friend agreed. "But… wow."

"Is this going to make you think less of John?" Connor asked, worried. "I shouldn't have told you, I mean he's your commanding officer and you have to work with him and I-"

"I don't think less of him." Evan said, cutting him off. "If anything, I probably think more of him. And seriously, Connor, I'm not sure I've heard you talk this much… ever."

Connor grinned. "I'm just excited or something."

"I'd go with 'or something'." Evan said with a smirk. The transporter doors opened and they found someone waiting on the other side.

"That's weird." The waiting scientist said. "Is everything alright, Major Lorne?"

"Yeah, why?"

"The doors wouldn't open. I was about to call Dr. Zelenka."

Connor blushed, "Uh, sorry." He stammered as he grabbed Evan's arm, pulling him out of the transporter. They left the bemused scientist to the transporter and went in search of food.

There were sandwiches left out in the mess hall and Connor grabbed two along with an apple, two pudding cups and a can of root beer. He followed Evan to a table and his friend raised an eyebrow about the amount of food on Connor's plate, but didn't say anything as he unwrapped his own sandwich.

"So how does it feel?" Evan asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

Connor looked up from where he was unwrapping his own sandwich. "How does what feel?"

Evan swallowed. "Being married."

Connor smiled. "It's the best feeling in the world."

"So no regrets?"

Connor shook his head. "No regrets."

"Did you finally pick a song?" Evan asked, taking another bite.

The linguist nodded. "Yeah."

"Took you long enough." Evan said with a grin.

Connor picked the soggy lettuce off of his sandwich as he replied. "It was only three days."

"Seemed like forever." Evan sighed dramatically. "Evan listen to this, isn't it grand? What about this one… or this one…" He said, imitating Connor's voice and accent.

The Irishman laughed. "I do not sound like that!"

"Well maybe not the accent." Evan conceded. "But the rest of it… I swear, Doc, I must have listened to a thousand songs in the past few days."

"Uh, sorry." Connor mumbled softly.

Evan grinned. "Not a problem. So which one did you end up with?"

"It was the fourteenth one I played for you." Connor offered, spooning some pudding into his mouth.

Evan rolled his eyes. "That doesn't help."

"Well you stopped asking about band and song names."

"After the first few, it wasn't like I could keep them all straight."

Connor paused as he thought about it. "It had the guitar… the Irish band?"

"I think you played me a song from every Irish band there ever was." Evan teased.

"There were quite a lot." Connor agreed before sighing lightly. "I hope John likes it."

"I'm sure he'll love whatever you chose, Doc." Evan paused before asking, "Does it bother you that Johns and Teyla both shared stories about when they… essentially spied on you?"

Connor shook his head. "I knew they were both there."

"You did?"

Connor ducked his head shyly. "Atlantis likes me."

"So you let them stay anyways?" Evan asked curiously.

"At those moments, John was more important. I don't think he will be as… accepting as I am, he likes his privacy."

"Yeah, you both do." Evan agreed.

"Yeah." Connor nodded in agreement and went back to his pudding, abandoning his sandwich for now.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Evan said, "Hey, Connor?"

"Yeah?" The linguist asked, looking up at his best friend.

"I'm really happy for you." Evan said quietly. "You look so… alive and happy, you're practically glowing, Doc, and you deserve it. You're a great guy, and so is Colonel Sheppard, I'm glad you found each other."

Connor smiled and ducked his head a little. "Thanks, Evan, that really means a lot."

"You're welcome, Doc. Nothing but truth."

"Still," Connor insisted. "Thank you."

Evan smiled. "Sure."

* * *

John leaned down behind Connor and looked at his husband's computer screen. He squinted and leaned in further, "What is that?"

"A monkey?" Connor guessed. "Jake sent me some photos from their last mission."

"And they found… monkeys?" John asked skeptically.

"I'm not actually sure it _is_ a monkey." The younger man admitted. "Look." He clicked back a few pictures and the 'monkey' had a bright green underbelly with a tail like a bird. It was probably one of the weirdest looking animals that John had ever seen.

"I don't understand how there can be so many different creatures between two galaxies. I mean, the people mostly turned out the same…"

"Daniel has a theory about that." Connor said. "He thinks that many of the-" John cut him off by pressing his lips to the younger man's. He tasted butterscotch and root beer.

"Hi." John said when they broke apart.

Connor blushed and smiled. "Hi."

John moved over to lean against Connor's desk. "How's your day been?"

"I've only been awake for about an hour." Connor confessed. "Evan came to get me for lunch at around 1400."

"So you ate?" Something that John already knew, from the butterscotch and the root beer, but he was hoping for confirmation of more than sweets.

"Two sandwiches and an apple." Connor supplied.

"And how much pudding?"

"Uh… just a wee bit." Connor told him.

"Mmm-hmm." John took that to mean two or more cups. He reached out and pulled Connor's hand into his, tracing his partner's palm.

"How is your, um…?" Connor asked, drifting off.

"Not as bad as I thought it would be." John answered honestly. "There's a little bit of pain, but not too much."

Connor was visibly relieved. "Good."

John looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "You asked me that this morning, too."

"Oh…uh, I just wanted to see if it was still the same."

"Uh-huh."

After a moment Connor sighed. "There a tiny chance that I might have been asleep during our conversation this morning."

John smirked. "A tiny chance, huh?"

"A very tiny chance." Connor held his forefinger and his thumb about a needle's width apart. "About this big."

"That big?"

"Yep." Connor agreed, nodding.

"So this morning when you said you wanted us to get five goats from Earth to raise as our own and that you really wanted to start a butterfly garden…"

"I didn't say that!" Connor protested and then seemed to think about it. "Did I?"

John laughed. "Nah, I'm just messin' with you. You didn't say much and I knew you weren't really awake."

"Sorry." Connor offered.

"I know better than to get between you and your sleep." John said with a grin.

"No you don't."

John thought about it. "Hmm, you're probably right about that."

"I'm most definitely right." Connor decided with a nod.

"Definitely right, hm?" John asked, pulling Connor up and out of his seat. He heard the lab door lock as Connor moved into John's arms, leaning against him as he hugged the older man.

John ran his hands up and down Connor's back over his shirt while Connor just kept his arms wrapped tightly around John's body. "Mmm-hmm." The linguist mumbled into John's chest. "I'm always right."

"Always, huh?"

"Yup."

"Well, I think I could learn to live with that." John said with a smile into Connor's hair.

"You'll have a long time." Connor promised.

"I better." John nuzzled Connor's hair. "What time is this thing tonight?"

"1730."

John groaned. "Let's cancel and spend the time in bed."

"I thought I was the anti-social one in the relationship." Connor answered, turning his head so his words were clearer.

"If wanting to spend time with my husband in bed makes me anti-social, then I'm all for that too."

Connor laughed. "We have to go."

John slid his hands down Connor's back to rest lightly on the linguist's bottom. "No we don't."

The younger man poked John in the shoulder. "Evan got something for us and he's only been telling me how awesome it is for the past month."

John blinked. "He got something for us?"

"Yeah."

"Hm." John mused. "And you don't know what it is?"

"Not beyond it being awesome."

John sighed dramatically. "I guess we can go then."

"Thank you." Connor said simply, leaning up to brush his lips briefly across John's. He moved to pull back but John moved a hand up to the back of his neck, keeping the younger man there. Their kiss deepened and John swiped his tongue through Connor's mouth.

"Mmm." He said, pulling away. "I love butterscotch."

Connor blushed and buried his face in John's chest again. "I love you."

" _Tá grá agam duit_." John replied softly.

Connor leaned back a little to look up at him. "Have I mentioned how impressive your Irish was last night?"

John quirked a smile. "Not yet."

"It was very impressive." Connor told him. "Your pronunciation was perfect."

"I've been listening to that audio book you bought me." John admitted.

Connor kissed John's chin briefly. "We'll make an Irishman out of you yet."

John laughed. "I'm sure the Air Force would love that."

"Everyone loves an Irishman." Connor said, eyes shining with laughter.

"Well, I know I do." John agreed. He leaned down for one more kiss which Connor happily gave him. John released Connor's lips with a wry grin. "We should do more of that."

"Kiss?"

"Yeah."

"I think we kiss enough." Connor countered.

"Hm. We'll work on it tonight." John promised with a twinkle in his eyes.

"After the party." His boyfriend conceded.

John rolled his eyes. " _After_ the party." He conceded. Connor liked his privacy, and really, so did John. "But I demand one at the party."

Connor gave him a lopsided grin full of love. "You can have two."

* * *

Eric waved at one of the Marines he had just come off duty with and rushed to Rodney's lab. It was 1715, he had fifteen minutes to get Rodney away from his work, dressed in civvies and to the party. Eric had to change as well, but that would probably take less than a minute. The hardest part would be separating Rodney from his computer.

"…No, Radek! How stupid can you get? There is clearly not enough power to even think about trying to-"

"Rodney, there is plenty of power. The city can handle-"

"Oh, of course it can! Let's just make a ten thousand year old city light up like a Vegas hotel and-"

"It will only be for a few minutes!"

"The city can't even do it for a few seconds!"

"I've done my calculations-"

"What? On the back of a candy wrapper? I already told you, you forgot to-"

"Account for the power fluctuations in the-"

"Yes! See!"

"And I told you, I did!"

"No, you didn't!"

"I think I remember what I did better than you do, Rodney."

"Oh that's funny, Radek, what are you going to tell me next? Huh? That you remember being in the womb, too? You don't remember anything!"

Eric shook with laughter as he stepped into the room. Rodney's back was to him, but Eric had a great shot of Radek. He waved a little and the small Czech scientist flashed him a quick smile before returning to Rodney.

"Rodney, my point is, my calculations are correct. Dr. Simpson-"

"Simpson is an idiot." Rodney cut in.

"And Miko-"

"Miko doesn't know up from down most days!"

"Now, Rodney-"

"You're going to blow up the city! Some of us actually like Atlantis, you know! Carter won't-"

"Actually, Colonel Carter has-"

"Carter sits behind a desk all day! She wouldn't remember how to do real math if it bit her in the-"

"Colonel Carter was quite helpf-"

"And next you're going to tell me that you had Sheppard in here too!"

"Well, as a matter of-"

"You asked _Sheppard_? Are you crazy?"

"He does have a Maste-"

"He shoots things for a living! His idea of fun is dyeing hotel swimming pools purple!"

"Have you actually seen him do th-"

"Of course I haven't seen him do that, but I don't doubt he has. This is Sheppard we're talking about!" Rodney paused. "Why are we talking about Sheppard?"

"Because I want to run tests on the-"

"Oh yeah. No."

"Colonel Carter-"

"Still 'no', Radek."

The Czech threw his arms up and with a roll of his eyes left Eric alone with Rodney. "Rodney." Eric said, coming up behind him.

"I'm not changing my mind, Radek."

Eric let out a quiet laugh. "As flattering as it is to be mistaken for Dr. Z…"

Rodney turned around to look at him. "Oh, sorry."

Eric waved the apology away. "It's time to go."

"Their thing's not till five thirty."

"It's 1722." Eric answered.

"What? Really?" Rodney asked, looking at his watch. "Oh. Just let me save something." He turned back to his computer and began typing.

Four minutes later Eric was still waiting. "We're gonna be late."

"It takes like ten seconds to get there."

"It's a five minute walk from the closest transporter, and we still have to change."

"Why's it so far away?"

Eric rolled his eyes. "Gee, I can't think of any reasons off the top of my head." He said sarcastically.

"Kids these days… so touchy, eh." Rodney grumbled as he closed the lid of his laptop, picking it up and holding it under his arm. "Well?"

Eric sighed and followed his boyfriend to the transporter. "You're going to be nice tonight, Rodney, right?"

"Aren't I always nice?"

"You don't really expect me to answer that, do you?"

Ten minutes later he and Rodney were changed and heading down the hallway that would lead them to the room where Connor and John were having their reception. Eric had their present tucked under his arm with both his and Rodney's name on it, as promised.

Eric waved his hand over the door sensors and after a few seconds the door opened. He and Rodney stepped in with the door closing tightly behind them. Eric took the opportunity to look around the room as he waved to Connor a John, receiving a wave back from the linguist.

There was a small table with a few presents on it and he headed over there to drop off his and Rodney's. Next to it was another longer table with pizza on it along with some cans of soda, a case of beer, and various liquors. Next to that was another table with a small cake on it and ten cups of pudding.

Rodney made a bee-line for the pizza and Eric stopped to set his package down before following his boyfriend. There were three couches in a mock-circle nearby with a small table in the middle of them. John and Connor were seated on one. Ronon, Teyla and Major Lorne sat on another. Eric assumed that the last one was for them.

He selected two pieces of pizza and a bottle of beer before subtly steering Rodney away from the cake and towards the couches.

"There's no lemon in this right?" Rodney asked, plopping down on the couch. Eric sat down next to him in a much more graceful fashion.

"It's pizza, McKay." John drawled. "Just eat it." He held a beer bottle in one hand; his other hand was resting high on Connor's thigh. The linguist was busy chewing on a piece of pizza, a can of root beer on the table in front of him, and didn't seem to mind that John's hand was so intimately placed. Although, Eric supposed, they were married now, things were probably going to be a little bit different.

"If I keel over and die, Sheppard, it's your fault."

"I'll eat it." Ronon offered.

Rodney pulled his plate closer to him. "I don't think so, Conan. You have… you have eight pieces! That's a whole pizza!"

"Was hungry." The Satedan said with a shrug. Eric glanced at Ronon's plate to see it piled high with slices of pizza.

"Hungry?" Rodney exclaimed. "If you pass out on the next mission, I'm not dragging your fat carcass back to the gate."

Lorne choked on his soda while John warned, "Be nice, McKay."

"I'm always nice, Sheppard."

"Sure you are, Rodney." John said with a smirk, raising his beer to his mouth. He tipped it back and swallowed some of the amber liquid inside.

* * *

"Hey," John murmured into Connor's ear. "I'm gonna get another beer, you want anything?"

"If there's any Jameson I'll take that." Connor told him quietly.

"Sure." John gave Connor's leg a squeeze before standing up. He set his empty beer bottle on the table and maneuvered through the couches towards the beverages. He grabbed a bottle of Sierra Nevada for himself and searched through the bottles of liquor that Lorne had brought with him. John knew some of them were Connor's, given to Lorne for safe keeping. He supposed they could probably take them back to their quarters with them.

John spied the familiar green Jameson bottle and poured a healthy amount into a USAF coffee mug. John screwed the lid back on and replaced the bottle. He picked up his beer and Connor's whiskey, carrying them back to where his husband was waiting.

He handed the mug down to Connor before retaking his seat. John worked the cap off with his teeth and placed it on the table. He turned towards Connor and held his bottle out. " _Sláinte_."

Connor clicked his drink against John's. " _Sláinte_." He offered in return, smiling. They both took a drink at the same time.

John was pretty sure that their friends were talking to each other, but honestly all he could hear was Connor; his partner's reassuring breathing, his soft puffs of laughter at something Lorne said, his mumbled thanks at whatever Teyla said. John could see mouths moving out of the corner of his eye, but he stayed focused on Connor. He was dimly aware that Connor was talking to Teyla and Johns about the ceremony, he heard Connor mention something to Ronon about his story and even Rodney chimed in. John wondered when he had been so content to just sit and watch his husband with their friends. He thought, perhaps, he had always been content to do so, but rarely presented with the opportunity.

Connor hadn't even blinked when John resettled his hand on the younger man's thigh, reminding John of how far they'd come. John's body itched to be closer to Connor. Their sides were already pressed so close together that were they to move any closer, Connor would practically be in John's lap. Not that John would mind, but his partner might.

John felt a foot gently nudge his but when he looked at Connor the younger man was busy talking to Ronon about something, a hand waving to emphasize a point. Connor's foot nudged him again and he inwardly sighed, getting the message 'pay attention'. John grinned, swallowed some more beer and tuned back to the conversations, wondering when his partner had become so much more social than he was.

"…can put them on a flash drive for you." Ronon said.

John blinked. Ronon knew what a flash drive was? "That would be grand." Connor said with a smile.

Ronon nodded and went back to his stack of pizza. He'd pretty much eaten a whole box by himself. John leaned in close to Connor, "What is he putting on a flash drive?" John whispered.

Connor turned his head until he was facing John, their faces almost touching. "Some pictures he took last night."

"Ronon took pictures?"

"Yeah."

"Was I there?" John mused aloud.

Connor laughed. "You most definitely were." He leaned in and gave John a quick peck on the lips before settling back against the sofa.

"He's getting pretty stealthy with that camera of his." John remarked.

Ronon flashed John a toothy grin and Lorne unsuccessfully tried to hide a smile. John watched as his XO drained whatever he was drinking from a mug before standing up, presumably to get another drink. "Anyone want anything?" Lorne asked.

John shook his head as did everyone else. "No more pizza?" He mumbled to Connor.

"I'm full." The younger man said, gesturing to where half a slice lay uneaten on his plate.

"Too full for cake and pudding?"

"I'm not that full." Connor grinned. "And where I come from, some people would call cake pudding."

John shook his head. "Sometimes I think I'll never get it." He said referring to the difference between their two cultures.

"That makes two of us." The linguist agreed.

"You seem to do pretty well with American colloquialisms, Connor." Eric put in.

"I know some." Connor said modestly.

"And what he doesn't know," John added. "He asks about."

Connor blushed. "Sometimes the Marines say things…"

" _No one_ understands Marines." Evan grinned, re-taking his seat. John peered into his XO's mug, it was full of some kind of alcohol.

"Hey!" Eric protested.

"I second that." Rodney said, mouth full of food.

"I'm feeling very unloved." Eric said with a mock-pout.

"I'll love you tonight." Rodney said, gesturing the pizza slice in his hand.

John laughed as Eric shot the other man a look that promised trouble. "We'll see."

Connor shifted his mug to the arm closest to John, resting it along his leg so it covered John's hand. John tipped his beer back into his mouth again, taking a long swig.

"So how does it feel, John, Connor? To be bonded?" Teyla asked.

"Amazing."

"Brilliant."

They answered at the same time and John couldn't stop the smile already on his face from growing wider. Their friends laughed and Eric asked, "Any plans for a honeymoon?"

John quirked an eyebrow and looked at Connor, "Any plans for a honeymoon?" He repeated to the younger man.

"Well… there are some ruins that I want to look at on 946." Connor said with a grin.

John groaned. 'You're the only one I know who would work during his honeymoon." He paused and looked at the people around him. "Never mind."

Connor laughed softly before answering, "No plans that I know of."

"Me neither." John confirmed. "I guess we'll have to wing it."

His husband smiled and turned to press a sloppy kiss to the side of John's jaw. "Sounds like a plan."

"You are welcome with my people anytime." Teyla put in. "And I am sure Taisha would enjoy seeing you again, Connor."

"Was she the chick that hit on you?" John asked.

"Um, possibly?" Connor answered, ducking his head.

"Hm." John mused.

"After a bonding ceremony, my people would light huge fires and drink until morning." Ronon offered.

"And then spend the next day hungover?" John asked skeptically.

"Those who actually stopped drinking." Ronon grinned.

Connor laughed. "Sounds like my kind of people."

John thought about it. "They do, don't they? I don't know about the fires though."

"I imagine there would be too much rain for a fire to last long." Teyla commented. "It rained quite a bit while we were there."

"We get some fires." Connor said thoughtfully. "But, yeah, not too many." He leaned his head against John's shoulder and took a sip of his drink.

"Did you enjoy the ceremony?" Teyla asked.

John nodded. "It was great." He turned to Connor. "We should send Halling a thank-you card or something."

Connor nodded to him before looking back at Teyla. "It was wonderful, Teyla, thank you for performing it."

The Athosian tilted her head in acknowledgment. "It was my pleasure." She paused, "If I may ask… how did you find the questions?"

"Are they the same for everyone?" John asked.

Teyla shook her head. "There is a large selection and from that eight questions are chosen at random."

"Why eight?" Connor asked.

Teyla smiled kindly. "Back on Athos, our seasons were much shorter than they are on Earth. We had eight… months as you would call them. It was decided long ago that there would be one question to represent each month."

"Makes sense." Connor mused. "The questions were a little harder than I was expecting."

"I didn't think you'd get the last one." John admitted to the younger man. "I didn't think we'd ever talked about it, or at least all of it."

"We didn't." His husband confirmed. "I sorta… guessed."

"You guessed the number of people Sheppard slept with?" Rodney asked, disbelief colored his tone.

John was surprised as well. It was a hell of a guess. "How could you possibly come up with that number?"

Connor blushed and looked down at his drink. "Well, I knew how many people you had told me about… and then I calculated how many times you had leave and sorta factored in your personality…"

John gaped. "You seriously guessed?"

"I… extrapolated an answer from available data."

"The odds of you guessing right have to be…" John trailed off. "Well," he said, looking at his partner. "I'm glad you _extrapolated_ correctly." His partner really was too smart for his own good.

"You seriously believe that, Sheppard?" Rodney asked. "There's no way he could have-oomph!"

John looked over to see Eric withdrawing his elbow from Rodney's stomach. "What he meant was… that's really awesome, Connor."

"That's not what I-oomph-will you stop that?" Rodney said with a glare.

Eric offered up a fake smile. "Sure, Rodney."

Rodney huffed but didn't say anything else. John had to give the kid credit; he certainly could keep Rodney in line… for however much that was worth. But John could tell that Rodney didn't really mind, especially not if the hand he was letting Eric play with was any indication.

"When do we eat cake?" Ronon asked.

John raised an eyebrow at Ronon's now empty plate before answering, "Whenever you want, big guy."

"After toasts." Lorne cut in.

John inwardly groaned as Connor asked quietly, "Toasts?"

"Don't think you can get out of it, Doc." Lorne said with a grin.

"I didn't think I was getting into it." Connor mumbled but John was pretty sure he was the only one who heard his partner.

He laughed and gave Connor's knee a light squeeze as he leaned over to whisper, "I love you." Connor blushed and nodded and John gave him a soft kiss on the lips before pulling away… to see all of their friends, minus Rodney, looking at them with a strange smile on their faces. John raised an eyebrow at them.

Unsurprisingly, it was Teyla who answered. "It is good to see you so happy, John."

"It wasn't like I _un_ happy before." John protested.

Teyla made a soft noise of disagreement as Lorne said, "The difference is there, sir. You might not have been unhappy, but you definitely weren't happy."

John wondered when Lorne had become such an expert on him. He figured it was probably around the time his XO had moved into his office and never left or maybe around the time he started shacking up with Teyla. Either way, it was something John hadn't noticed until now. John turned to Connor, "You've turned me into some kind of happy idiot." He remarked.

Connor grinned. "You were _always_ a happy idiot to me."

"Hey, you're the one who fell in love with this happy idiot." John said with a twinkle in his eyes.

Connor laughed. "What can I say? Idiocy is contagious."

"I think if you use words like 'idiocy' you don't qualify, Con."

"Then I guess I should be glad that I'm smart enough to know how great you are, _a chuisle_."

John felt his insides warm at the words and tried not to blush. " _Go raibh maith agat_." (Thank you.)

" _Tá sé fíor_." Connor insisted. (It's true.)

"Some of us don't speak Klingon." Rodney huffed.

John laughed. He supposed that Irish did sound a bit harsh to those not used to hearing it. John loved it though. When Connor spoke Irish, and sometimes late at night John could get him to recite poems or essays in the language, it sounded so beautiful, so pure, so Connor. "You're just jealous, Rodney. Everyone can speak Canadian by emphasizing their o's and adding 'eh' to the end. Not to mention the whole zed thing."

"When have I ever said 'eh'?" Rodney demanded.

Next to him Eric coughed. "You said it not an hour ago, Rodney."

"I did not!"

"I seem to remember something about kids these days being so touchy, _eh_." Eric recited.

John laughed along with the rest of his friends as Rodney sputtered. "That was not a Canadian 'eh'!"

"Suuure." Eric allowed.

John decided right then that Eric was allowed to stay. He'd liked the younger man before, but anyone who could rile Rodney up _and_ get away with it was more than alright in his book. Next to him Connor laughed before swallowing the rest of his Jameson. He set the empty mug down on the table in front of him and leaned back against John. He sighed happily and John rubbed Connor's thigh a little bit. Connor shot him a look that said 'I know what you're doing and it won't work'. John schooled an innocent expression onto his face and Connor just raised an eyebrow.

It wasn't like John was actually trying to _do_ something. He knew Connor definitely would not appreciate it if John did anything more than he was doing now _or_ if his hand moved any higher. John was pretty lucky to have gotten it as high as it was. Connor rolled his eyes at John and flashed an amused smile towards him.

John felt himself fall in love all over again.

Lorne took that moment to shoot Connor an odd look, one the linguist seemed to recognize as he stood up off the couch, John's hand falling to the side. Connor followed Lorne to the food table and John kept one eye on his partner as Teyla began to talk about a follow up ceremony that many bonded Athosians chose to have a year and a day after their bonding. John nodded along, making a note to talk to Connor about it. Another glance at his partner showed that Lorne was pouring something into seven clear plastic cups and Connor was dropping ice cubes in after him. John caught a glimpse of the bottle as Lorne set it down, it read _Bunratty Mead_.

John remembered Connor mentioning the drink before. Other than the rings, it was probably the only bit of Irish culture that Connor had let seep into their bonding. Most of it, John knew, was religious and/or geared towards fertility. The former of which John remained quiet about-and Connor had refused to add it to any part of the ceremony-and the latter of which didn't apply to them.

John finished the rest of his beer and set the bottle down on the table. He glanced at Connor again and when he looked away Teyla's eyes met his and she gave him a warm smile with a nod towards Connor. John looked around and nodded, "Excuse me." He said standing up. John walked over to where Connor and Lorne were and wrapped his arms around his husband from behind. He rested his chin on Connor's shoulder as the younger man dropped the last of his ice cubes into the glasses. He handed one up to John who took it and gave it an experimental sniff. "What exactly is it?" John asked.

"It's wine mixed with honey and some herbs." Connor told him.

"Wine?" John repeated, taking another sniff.

"White." Connor offered. "Usually we would drink this last, to send us off on our honeymoon, but since we're not really going on one… Evan asked if he could use it for the toasts."

Lorne made a gesture towards the couches and soon everyone was around them holding a glass of mead. Ronon had a camera in one hand, snapping shots, while holding his glass in the other. The Satedan had been about to drink but a glare from Teyla stopped him. John had repositioned himself to Connor's side with an arm wrapped around his partner's waist, hand resting under his shirt, against warm, smooth skin.

Lorne raised his glass up and the others followed suit. "As Connor's self-appointed best man, I feel it is my duty to embarrass him with a toast of some kind." John glanced sideways and sure enough Connor was already blushing. John grinned as Lorne continued in a more somber tone. "I doubt Connor's ever told anyone this, but I once sorta tried to talk him out of dating Colonel Sheppard. It was right after Colonel Sheppard's wormhole intercepted the solar flare and he went missing. I had just spent two of the worst weeks of my life searching for my CO as well as watching my best friend fall apart right in front of my eyes. We were eating lunch and I wanted to make sure that he knew what he was getting into. It's hard to love someone in the military, knowing that at any given moment they may have to give their life for their country." John tightened the arm around Connor's waist and the younger man leaned just a tiny bit further into John. "Anyways, I'll never forget what he said to me. He said, 'I love him, Evan. And I can't stop, ever. It's too late for me. It's been too late for me since the day I met him.' Well, Doc," Evan said, raising his glass towards Connor, "Now it's really too late and I'm pretty sure your new husband would kick my ass if I tried to talk you into leaving him… not to mention Teyla." He added under his breath, but everyone heard him anyways and laughed. "So to you and your new husband," He nodded to John. "May you have a long life together full of happiness and laughter."

Everyone's glasses met in the middle and they all took a small sip of the Irish beverage. The honey mead slid smoothly down John's throat and it wasn't as bad as he had anticipated and nowhere near as sweet.

"I'd like to say something." Ronon said. Lorne nodded as did John and the Satedan began to speak. "On Sateda when two warriors bonded, they were well respected. Only a warrior could fully understand another. Their lives were shared on and off the battlefield. Sheppard and Irish are two of the best warriors I know and tonight we drink to them." He raised his glass and everyone held theirs up together before tipping them back again. As toasts went it was short and sweet, an almost ironic thing, coming from Ronon.

"To John and Connor, may they grow old and fat together." Eric said with a grin. John laughed but took a drink.

"To Sheppard and his zippy linguist… may they continue to drink tea, leaving more coffee for the rest of us." Eric elbowed him and Rodney grunted. "Ugh… fine, fine… and long life, happy marriage, sappy love and all that." John laughed again and felt Connor do the same as they took another drink.

"May your bonded life together be filled with many blessings and much love." Teyla said with a lift of her glass. John clinked his against hers and Connor's drinking again.

Connor nudged him and John rolled his eyes. "On behalf of my new husband and myself," He said with a grin. "Thank you all for coming tonight and for standing around yesterday while we proclaimed our undying love for each other." Connor nudged him again, more forcefully this time. John coughed, "But, seriously, thanks."

"You are quite welcome, John, Connor", "Welcome", "No problem, Colonel, Doc", "Sure, whatever, Sheppard", "It's cool" were the varied responses.

John raised his glass to them one last time before tipping the rest of the mead down his throat. He set his empty cup down and moved back behind Connor, wrapping both of his arms around his partner's waist. Connor leaned back into him as he finished his own drink. "Want some cake now?" John said quietly into the linguist's ear.

"And pudding?"

"And pudding." John agreed. Connor finished his drink and dropped his empty glass into John's. Connor reached for the knife on the table and they walked backwards a bit to where the cake and pudding were. Lorne handed over a small stack of plates while Eric pushed some forks towards them. "What kind of cake is it?"

"White chocolate raspberry." Connor answered before turning slightly in John's arms to look up at him. "Is that okay?"

"Sounds great." John said truthfully.

Connor smiled up at him and then turned back to the cake. John could hear Ronon taking pictures. Rodney bitched constantly about the fake shutter sound that the digital camera made, and John was pretty sure that was one of the reasons that Ronon kept the noise turned on. John slid his hand up from Connor's stomach and down the linguist's arm, wrapping his hand around Connor's which was around the knife. Together they cut into the cake, slicing it up for their friends.

The cake was delicious and John couldn't help but steal a couple of sugary sweet kisses from Connor, who had abandoned his cake after eating half, instead diving into a cup of pudding. Connor had the spoon hanging out of his mouth as he pushed the rest of his cake towards Ronon who accepted it with a grin. John saw Eric subtly dump half of his cake onto Rodney's plate. Those two really were well matched, he had to give Connor credit for that.

John finished his cake and stacked his plate on top of Teyla's. He nuzzled Connor's neck as the younger man finished his dessert. "Let's dance." John whispered. Connor shot him a sad, forlorn expression while holding up his pudding cup and John laughed. "After you finish your pudding."

Connor beamed at John before finishing his pudding. He eyed another one but decided against it as he pulled John out to an open space in the room. The position they fell into felt familiar, reminding John of the days they spent together tucked away from the rest of the Atlantis personnel.

Connor's arms settled around John's neck and John's hands automatically sought out Connor's waist, wrapping loosely around them, their bodies pressed together. Connor turned his head and it rested against John's shoulder, ear to John's chest. "There's no music." John whispered.

A second later music started playing in the room. One of these days John was going to stop envying Connor's relationship with Atlantis and accept that the Ancient city liked his husband better. As long as she always loved John second best, he supposed he could learn to live with it.

Quiet notes from a guitar floated through the air and John slowly rocked them back and forth. Connor, true to his statement, really couldn't dance, something John found ironic considering how graceful his partner was in other aspects of his life.

"Good choice." John murmured into Connor's ear.

"Thanks." Connor whispered back.

" _You touch these tired eyes of mine, and map my face out line by line, and somehow growing old feels fine. I listen close for I'm not smart, you wrap your thoughts in works of art, and they're hanging on the walls of my heart_." They gently swayed back and forth together. Out of the corner of his eye, John watched as Lorne and Teyla joined them on the makeshift dance floor.

" _I may not have the softest touch, I may not say the words as such, and though I may not look like much… I'm yours._

 _And though my edges may be rough, and never feel I'm quite enough, it may not seem like very much… but I'm yours._ "

Connor moved back a little to look up at John. John leaned his forehead down against the younger man's and their eyes met, sparking more happiness within him. "You're more than enough." John said quietly.

Connor offered up a shy smile. "And I'm yours."

"You promised forever." John reminded him.

"I promised more."

" _You healed these scars over time, embraced my soul, you loved my mind; you're the only angel in my life. The day news came my best friend died, my knees went week and you saw me cry, say I'm still the soldier in your eyes_.

 _I may not have the softest touch, I may not say the words as such, and though I may not look like much… I'm yours._

 _And though my edges may be rough, and never feel I'm quite enough, it may not seem like very much… but I'm yours."_

John moved his hands down Connor's back and slid them into the back pockets of Connor's jeans and squeezed lightly. Connor responded by loosening his arms around John's neck and using a hand to gently push John's head down until their lips met.

" _I may not have the softest touch, I may not say the words as such, I know I don't fit in that much… but I'm yours."_

"I love you."

It didn't matter who said it, it was true either way. As John held Connor in his arms he remembered the first time he saw the younger man. John had been out running with Ronon when Connor had passed them heading out to the pier.

"What are you thinking about?" Connor asked.

"The first time I saw you." John answered and the music shifted to another slow song.

"On the dock?"

"Yeah." Connor smiled slightly and ducked his head. "What?" John asked.

"Nothing."

"I wanna know." John insisted.

"That day I made a mental note to avoid you."

John raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"If you had asked me then it was probably because I thought I'd get in trouble for running around Atlantis."

"No rule against that." John said.

"I know."

There was a light pause before John asked, "And if I were to ask you now?"

"I think…" Connor licked his lips. "I think subconsciously I knew there was something there. Something about you that would change my life."

"And was there?" John asked, leaning in.

"Yeah." His husband answered softly, meeting John's eyes. "There was."

* * *

"Where are we going to hang this?"

Connor rolled his eyes as John repeated the same question he'd been asking for the past ten minutes. "On the wall by the bed." Connor responded patiently.

"It's huge." John had been staring at the painting Evan had given them since they had brought it back from the reception. It held a picture of John and Connor together, one the linguist absently noted as an image taken during their Earth-side vacation, in front of Atlantis. I was beautifully painted and Connor could tell his friend had spent a lot of time on it. John looked great in it, which was mostly what mattered to Connor. Teyla had worked with the Athosians to help make a beautiful wood frame for it.

"I like it."

"I didn't say I didn't like it… just that… it's huge."

Connor rolled his eyes. "How are we going to hang it?"

"How did Ronon hang his?"

"I'm not sure."

"We'll ask him in the morning." Pause. "What if someone comes in and sees it?" Connor had to admit that the painting was rather large. Probably about the same height as John's torso and maybe twice as long.

"So where do _you_ want to hang it?"

"Hm." John said, wrapping his arms around Connor from behind. He perched his chin on Connor's shoulder and stared down at the painting which was currently resting on the ground, leaning against the wall. "I have no idea."

"And Eric's present?"

"It can go with the rest of your alcohol that Lorne returned." John mumbled into Connor's neck. Eric (and Rodney, although Connor was pretty sure it was all Eric, the younger man had just signed Rodney's name to the tag) had gotten them a bottle of Wild Turkey and a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream. "I got you something, also." John said quietly.

Connor turned around to face his husband. "You did?"

"Yeah." John detached himself from Connor and the linguist watched as John made his way over to his jacket and fished around in the pockets before coming out with a small box. He walked back over to Connor and presented the item. "Since you got the rings…"

Connor accepted the present and carefully lifted the top off. Inside was a dog tag and Connor frowned in confusion before picking it up. He held it out in front of him, the light hitting the metal. It read:

Sheppard-Davids

Connor A.

1732009E

B+

Irish Catholic

"You know my PPS number?" Connor asked, tracing the numbers on the small piece of metal.

"You're not the only one who's good with computers."

Connor looked up. "So you got Rodney to find it?"

"Guilty." John admitted. "Do you like it?"

"It's quite grand." Connor said with a smile. And it was. His new dog tags wouldn't have his unofficial married name, in fact, nothing would, but John had realized that and had gotten Connor something tangible, something he could hold as proof. He slid his copy of John's dog tags out and unbuckled them. His ring was currently on his finger, and would stay there until tomorrow morning when it would go back on to the tags. Connor slid one of John's extras off and replaced it with his new one. "If someone ever finds these, I imagine they'll be quite confused." Connor commented absently, snapping the necklace back together.

He heard John inhale sharply. "No one will find them but me."

Connor swallowed and looked up at his husband. "Yes, of course. Sorry, I didn't mean…"

"I'm glad you like it." John said quietly.

"Thank you." Connor murmured before setting aside the box and John's extra tag. He gathered his partner into a hug, which John returned fervently.

"Bed." The older man mumbled, walking them backwards.

Connor felt his legs hit the bed and a second later they were falling backwards, John landing on top of him. His partner was already working at the buttons on his shirt. Connor laughed, "I love you, John."

John paused and looked down at Connor with a goofy grin on his face. "I love you, Connor."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah."

 _  
_

* * *

**Pronunciation key** \- All are approximations and I would like to impress that there are various forms of Irish, so not all Irish sounds the same, it depends on which dialect you speak. If you would like to hear any of these, in Ulster Irish (as opposed to Munster Irish or Connaught Irish) you can visit this site, copy and paste the words in and it will "synthesize" the phrases for you. http:/www[dot]abair[dot]tcd[dot]ie[slash]?page=synthesis〈=eng

 _Tugaim mo chroí duit go deo_ : toh-gum muh khree ditch go dh-joe

 _Tá grá agam duit:_ tah graw agum ditch

 _Is leatsa mo chroí:_ Iss lat-suh muh khree

 _Is leatsa mo shaol:_ iss lat-suh muh heel

 _Mo ghrá go léir agus gach a bhfuil ionam tugaim duit go brách na breithe:_ Muh guhrah go leer eggus gah a will ahim togum ditch go bray-ah na brei-tt-hia

 _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat agus is tú mo ghrá:_ Taw muh khree ish-tee in-yut eggus ish to muh guh-rah

 _Sláinte_ (Cheers) _:_ slawn-cha

 _Go raibh maith agat:_ guh rev mah ahgut

 _Tá sé fíor_ : tah shay feer.


	45. Masquerade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Ch 45/Interlude : Masquerade**

Author's Notes:

\- Just so that it looks better, this will count as chapter 45, but it's really more of an interlude. The next chapter will be chapter 46.  
\- I hope everyone had a great holiday, thank you to all of those who sent holiday greetings my way. =)  
\- So very briefly this story almost overlapped with real time. Now it's about two months behind. Heh.  
\- Don't own _The Matrix, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Johnny Cash, Star Trek, Batman._  
\- The link to Rodney's costume can be found at my homepage with the tag 'costume'.  
\- Okay so this idea came from a couple months back, I think, and now I'm not sure who I was talking to when the idea stemmed. It could have been Astrophysicist over at Wraithbait or Mezzer 5.2 on ff [dot] net. Or possibly both… or just someone else entirely. When you're as old as I am, the memory starts going. *grin*  
\- And thanks to Mezzer 5.2 who reminded me.  
\- Edited content is on my listed homepage.  
\- Happy New Year's!

Beta: JackD

* * *

"Hey, wait." John said, grabbing the bottom of Connor's shirt.

"Yeah?" The linguist stopped heading for the door and turned back to look at John.

"Where are you going?"

"To Evan's."

"You're not going to the party?"

Connor frowned. "I'm going."

"Oh." John paused. "I thought we'd go together… well, us and Ronon and Keller."

"Evan has my costume." The younger man explained. "I can come back after I get it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." John was pretty sure there was a stupid smile across his face. It was okay though, Connor had one too. John let go of the younger man's shirt to grab an arm instead, pulling his husband down for a quick kiss. "Love you."

"I love you, John." Connor said, holding John's face in his hands. He pressed another soft kiss to John's lips before separating from him and leaving John alone.

John sighed and went about assembling his own costume. It really wasn't all that different from what he wore everyday, but he added a pair of black cowboy boots-recently arrived from Earth-and he was considering adding his guitar strapped to his back. Connor had teased him about his lack of a cowboy hat to complete the outfit, but John was feeling pretty good about it regardless.

Every few seconds, though, John found himself glancing at the door and no matter how much he tried to convince himself to stop, John knew he wouldn't until Connor returned.

* * *

"I really appreciate this, Evan." Connor said, accepting the clothes his best friend held out to him.

Evan grinned. "Not a problem, Doc. Should be interesting."

"What are you going as?"

"Number One."

"The number one what?" Connor asked confused.

Evan laughed. "Number One from Star Trek: The Next Generation. I even got a fake beard thing."

"John likes Star Trek."

"I always knew he was much more of a geek than he let on."

Connor grinned. "Definitely." He paused. "What's Teyla going as?"

"Guess."

The linguist thought about it for a moment. "… No way."

His friend nodded with a huge grin on his face. "Yes way."

"Did you talk her into that?"

Evan snorted. "Like I could. She liked who I was going as and suggested it."

Connor blinked. "Wow."

"I know."

"John had brief thoughts of me dressing up as June Carter."

The other man laughed. "Are you serious?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Well, I can't believe you didn't decide to do that." Evan said with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"It was close." Connor said with a dramatic sigh. "It was either this," he gestured to the costume in his hands. "Or the lovely Mrs. Johnny Cash. I'm just not sure I could have pulled off the heels."

Evan laughed. "You are certainly in a good mood tonight."

"I get spiky hair." Connor said excitedly.

The major examined Connor's hair. "Isn't it a bit long?"

Connor shrugged. "John likes it long, but I wanted to see what it's like to have hair like his."

"It all makes sense now." Evan observed.

Connor grinned. "Well, I better get back, John's waiting."

"I'll see you at the party."

* * *

John heard the doors open and a moment later warm arms wrapped around his waist from behind. "Are you gonna spike my hair?" Connor murmured into John's neck. His arms slipped under the hem of John's shirt and rested on his stomach.

John leaned back a little into his husband. "I've suddenly decided that we should skip the party and stay in."

Connor laughed. "And you don't think people will notice that you're missing?"

"I'll tell them I was there but wearing a mask."

The younger man pressed a soft kiss to the back of John's neck. "I'm not so sure that that plan is foolproof."

John turned in his arms to face his partner. "Who cares?"

Connor's hands slid around John's body and into the top of his pants. "I'm sure Colonel Carter will have something to say about it."

"Meh." John leaned down slightly.

"And I want spiky hair." Connor mumbled against John's lips.

"How about I make something else of yours stand up instead?"

Connor blushed and ducked his head. "John." He mumbled, embarrassed.

John laughed. "So let me get this straight, you're standing here with your hands down my pants and you're blushing because I insinuated something sexual?"

The younger man flushed and looked away. "Um, maybe."

John pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead with a soft laugh. "I love you, Con."

Ten minutes later, Connor had freshly spiked hair and was pushing John out of the bathroom in order to get dressed. John caught a glimpse of something dark blue before the doors closed in front of him. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

"You need to learn some patience." Connor called to him through the metal door.

John grumbled as he sat down to wait. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help you?" He asked loudly.

There was a muffled noise and a slight pause before Connor answered, "Can you take the clip out of my gun?"

"You're wearing your gun?" John asked, but rose to retrieve the sidearm.

"Yeah."

John smoothly slid the clip out of his husband's weapon. "You know, I'm sure no one would mind if you left it loaded."

"It's part of a costume."

"So? You know how to use it." John knocked on the metal door and it slid open wide enough for his hand and the gun to reach into the bathroom. John hadn't known it could do that.

"Cheers." Connor offered right before the door closed.

"You're welcome." John rolled his eyes. "What's with all this secrecy?" He asked loudly, taking his seat again. "You are coming out, right?"

"Eventually."

"Well, we're meeting Ronon and Keller in the hallway in five minutes."

"I'll be ready."

"Be ready sooner so we can make out before leaving." John said with a grin. He could picture Connor's blush in his mind.

"Are you ready?"

"To make out?"

There was a long pause before, "Yes."

John grinned at the sarcastic tone Connor's voice had taken. "I'm always ready for that."

"Do you think my hair's too long to spike?"

John rolled his eyes. "Now you ask?"

"…"

"No." John said with a laugh. "It's fine, it's great, it'll look even better out here."

"John."

"Yes?"

"You have to promise not to laugh." Pause. "Or be offended."

The older man sat forward on the edge of the seat. "Does that mean you're coming out?"

"Only if you promise."

At this point John was pretty sure he'd promise the moon, the stars and his gun to the other man if he would come out of the bathroom. "Promise."

The door slid open and John knew he was about to break a promise to his husband for the first time. John burst out laughing, his hands went to his stomach as the muscles clenched with laughter. "Where… where did you get that?" He got out between laughs.

Connor blushed. "You promised."

John took a deep breath and tried to stop laughing. He was pretty sure his face was turning red and he quickly exhaled as another round of laughter over took him. "Well, at least-at least I'm not offended." John held his arms out, body still shaking with laughter, and gestured with his hands. "Come here."

Connor walked over to where John was and the older man took a good look at his partner. Connor had on a dark blue flight suit, almost exactly like the one John had worn back when he still flew choppers. John's aviator sunglasses were hanging out of the top of Connor's shirt, dog tags were seen hanging around his neck and, most accurately, there was a black terrycloth wristband around Connor's right wrist. His M11 was strapped to his upper right thigh in a way John would wear it currently. "What do you think?"

John's laughter had finally begun to settle and he took a deep breath before exhaling. "I think that if people didn't know we were friends before, they're going to hope we are afterwards."

Connor smiled shyly. "Is that bad or good?"

"Good." John grinned. "Definitely good." Connor stepped closer and John grabbed fistfuls of cloth around Connor's waist, tugging the younger man down on top of him. He leaned in to kiss his partner and a weird thought crossed his mind. "This is kind of like making out with myself."

The linguist rolled his eyes and poked John's arm. "Three minutes and counting. Do you want to talk or make out?"

"I can't do both?" John asked, but he was already leaning back in for another kiss.

"Nope." Connor mumbled against his lips.

John pressed their faces together and pulled Connor's bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling on it lightly. His tongue licked Connor's top lip and the linguist opened his mouth further. John gladly pushed in, using his tongue to taste his husband, licking at the top of Connor's mouth. He felt the other man laugh a little at the feeling, but John didn't care. Connor seemed content to let John do whatever and the older man forced himself not to run his fingers through Connor's freshly spiked hair.

The lights flashed and John gave Connor's mouth one last lick before pulling back and sighing. He grinned. "You look ravished." Connor's lips were swollen and red, a blush was spread across his face, and, oh yeah, his pants weren't hiding a thing. "Just think about Caldwell in a bikini." John suggested. "It's what I do."

A disturbed look crossed Connor's face and sure enough, a couple seconds later, John felt him soften. Too bad picturing Caldwell in a bikini wasn't doing anything to help John currently. But his pants were a little more forgiving than Connor's borrowed flight suit.

John pushed his partner up and off of him and the younger man reached a hand down for John. "Are you bringing your guitar?"

"Think I should?"

"Yeah."

"As long as no one asks me to play." John said as he walked over to the corner of the room to retrieve it. He pulled the strap on over his head and slung the guitar around to his back. "How do I look?"

"Like The Man in Black himself." Connor grinned.

"Oh you're so getting some tonight." John promised.

Connor offered a shy wink before blushing. "I'll hold you to that."

The lights flashed again and John wondered how Connor lived with Atlantis micromanaging his life. He gave his partner one last peck on the lips before following him out of their quarters and into the hallway. Neither Ronon nor Keller were there yet and John mentally rolled his eyes at Atlantis.

Not a second later, though, both came out of Keller's quarters. John whistled at their outfits. Ronon had on dark black sunglasses, as did Keller, and a long black leather trench coat. His shirt and pants were black and he had borrowed a black thigh holder for his gun, completing the outfit.

Keller had on a shiny black stretch tank top that pretty much accentuated all the right places. She had matching shiny black pants, a belt and, surprisingly, also had a gun holstered to her leg.

They both looked like they stepped right out of _The Matrix_. Ronon was Neo and Keller was Trinity.

John grinned. "Great costumes."

"I know." Ronon said confidently.

Keller rolled her eyes. "He's obsessed with the movie."

John glanced sideways towards Connor and found his partner's eyes wide. They were focused on Keller's skin tight costume and John was willing to bet that the younger man had never seen someone dressed like that outside of a movie or TV show. John gave him a subtle nudge with his shoulder. "Alright there?"

Connor's mouth closed and he nodded, glancing away and at John. He flushed a deep red, "Yes, sorry."

John quirked an eyebrow at him, but let it go. "Shall we?" He asked, gesturing to the transporter down the hall.

Keller offered a bright smile. "We shall." She grinned.

* * *

"We're going to be late, Rodney."

"Everybody's late to these sort of things." Rodney answered from the bathroom.

Eric rolled his eyes, "Yes, but we can't be late because you're meeting up with Teyla and Major Lorne and I'm meeting up with Ben and Jim."

"I still think that's a stupid idea."

"Yes, I know. I heard you the first fifty times you said it."

"I don't see why we can't go together! It's not like we're going to start fucking in the middle of the room."

Eric pinched the bridge of his nose. "And what do I tell Ben and Jim?"

"You found someone better to take you."

Eric sighed. "I don't understand what's taking you so long to get ready."

"Have you ever been to a Halloween party?" Rodney asked, ignoring Eric's statement.

"Nope."

"Never?"

"Nope."

"You need to get out more."

"Well I plan on getting out now if my ridiculously slow-moving boyfriend will ever come out of the bathroom."

"Perfection takes time!"

Eric sighed. "You have seven minutes, Rodney, and then I'm leaving."

Eric fiddled with the gun holster attached to his belt. There was a messenger bag across his chest and he had a tan button up shirt on with dark khaki pants. A neutral color fedora rested atop his head. The only thing missing was a whip, and as far as Eric was concerned, it would stay missing.

He was Indiana Jones, a long time hero of Eric's.

"Are you dressed?" Rodney called.

"I've been dressed."

"Really?"

"Yes."

The door slid open and Rodney stood there, in the best costume that Eric had ever seen, although, admittedly he was biased. Rodney was a headless… "What exactly are you?"

"Headless butler." Came his muffled reply.

There were dark grey pants with a black jacket. Rodney wore a white undershirt that had the inside of a neck showing at the top. In his hand he held a silver tray with a head on it.

"That's pretty fucking awesome, Rodney."

"Really? Cause Jeannie got it for me."

Of course. "How can you see?"

"Through the collar."

"Are you hot in there?"

"A little bit, but I'm not staying long."

"You're not?"

"Nope. Forty-five minutes, an hour tops. Enough time to get the good food and leave. I have better things to do than waste my time playing dress up."

"And you're telling me that I need to get out more?" Eric asked, pushing Rodney towards the door.

"You do."

"Uh-huh." Eric led Rodney to the transporter. "Try not to hit anyone in your costume."

"I can see just fine!" Rodney protested.

"In front of you. What about to the side of you?"

"… Oh. Hm. Good point."

"How are you going to eat with your costume?"

"I'm taking the food back with me."

"Oh." He shoved Rodney in and hit the button for Teyla's level before stepping back out. "See you at the party."

"Yeah, yeah."

* * *

Connor had never been to a Halloween party before. Now he knew why. There were people everywhere and the giant room was filled with noise. There was music playing in the background and everyone was trying to talk over it.

Ronon and Keller had pushed on into the room and had been absorbed by a large throng of people. Connor had frozen in the doorway and refused to move further into the room. John was close behind him, so close that Connor could feel heat from John's body. His husband hadn't said anything, he seemed content to let Connor try and work it out for himself.

There were a large number of people scantly clad and Connor was sure there was some sort of permanent blush on his face. He turned to face the man behind him. "You can go in."

"So can you." John pointed out.

Connor shook his head. "I don't think I can." He winced as a female Marine passed by in a very revealing Princess Leia outfit. Not the white one either.

"An hour." John countered. "Stay an hour."

A pained look crossed the linguist's face. "It's so loud in here."

"I know." John said soothingly. "You can do this, Con."

Connor swallowed. "Okay."

"Let's get something to eat and then we can look for Teyla and Rodney."

Connor nodded and John gave him a little push into the room, directing him to where tables of food had been set up. There were cookies with orange and black frosting in the shape of bats, a punch bowl that someone had put dry ice in and various finger foods. There were a couple of dishes out that looked like they were probably native to the Pegasus Galaxy. Connor added some to a plate.

Connor was in the middle of eating something that John had called a 'pig in a blanket' when he heard his name. "Doc!" The linguist looked around and saw Ben gesturing him over. John offered him a grin. "Go see what he wants."

"Save me in five minutes." Connor pleaded.

"I'll see what I can do."

Connor took his plate of food over to his team. Jim was wearing a very indecent cave man outfit, showing way more skin than Connor had ever seen on him. Ben was dressed as a pirate, looking dashing with an eye patch and a fake sword tied to his belt. Eric was Indiana Jones, but Connor had seen his costume as he was the one who had helped the younger man pick it out.

Connor carefully approached the three men. People were everywhere, knocking into each other, dancing, laughing; Connor was pretty sure most of the people in the room were already drunk. He narrowly avoided being hit by someone dressed as The Joker before reaching his teammates.

"Hey, Doc." Ben greeted with a grin. "Does Colonel Sheppard approve of you dressing like him?"

"He loves it." Connor answered.

Jim laughed, "You look great."

"Thanks."

Eric winked at him. "Really great, Connor."

"You all look quite grand yourself."

"We're just four handsome men." Ben answered with a chuckle.

Connor caught a glimpse of John, out of the corner of his eye, talking to a bunch of Marines. He looked so at ease and comfortable that Connor, once again, envied his husband's ability to fit in so well.

"This place looks great." Jim said, looking around.

There were orange and black streamers strung across the room. Various skeletons had been placed in random spots, black bats hung from the ceiling, a smoke machine had created a small layer of fog along the ground. "Yeah." Connor agreed softly, glancing at his watch. Forty seven minutes to go.

* * *

John found Teyla and who he assumed to be Rodney together, along with Lorne, standing in a corner near some pumpkins. John wondered where the pumpkins had come from, but not enough to want to ask someone. "Hey." He greeted.

"John." Teyla acknowledged with a nod. "Or should I say 'Johnny'." She remarked with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Either works great." John answered with a grin. "Great costume, McKay." He offered to the headless man beside him.

"How did you know it was me?"

"I have my ways." John replied, mysteriously. He turned back to Teyla and Lorne. "Great costumes."

Lorne grinned. "Aye, aye, sir."

Teyla had a huge wig on her head and looked completely at home in the lavender spandex suit she was wearing as Deanna Troi. John had to admit that all the spandex and scantly clad women tonight were definitely making his pants just a little bit tight. One look at Connor, though, dressed as an Air Force pilot made John's nether regions stir. His husband looked extremely hot in Lorne's borrowed flight suit. John glanced at his watch, he couldn't leave when Connor did, as Carter definitely expected him to show face for longer, but he wondered if two hours was long enough.

* * *

When John finally arrived back at his and Connor's quarters, three and a half hours later, he wasn't too surprised to find his husband in bed. Connor had always found situations with a lot of people to be exhausting. Lorne's suit was folded neatly on Connor's desk, although he knew the younger man would wash it before returning it. Connor's spiky hair had been washed away and wet locks stuck to the linguist's forehead. John pressed a quick kiss to the top of Connor's head before heading for the bathroom.

When he finished brushing his teeth and splashing some water on his face, John headed back out, dropping his clothes into a pile on the large chair in their room. He slid into bed next to Connor, naked, and curled up with his husband. He turned his head on their shared pillow to look at the other man and was half surprised to find sleepy blue eyes looking back at him.

"How was the rest of the party?" Connor mumbled.

John reached a hand out and pushed some errant strands of hair out of Connor's face. "Good. You missed the costume contest."

"Who won?"

John thought about it. "You know, I have no idea." Connor laughed softly. "Did I mention how hot you looked in your costume?" Connor shook his head. "I pretty much walked around with a hard-on the whole night."

Connor blushed and looked down between their bodies. He couldn't see anything through the blankets so John reached out and took his partner's hand, shoving it in between them. Connor's hand wrapped loosely around John's erection and squeezed. John bit back a moan. "Are you tired?" Connor asked quietly.

John shook his head. "Not really." He pressed their faces closer. "I want you in me."

It'd been five days since they'd first gone all the way and there hadn't been another discussion of Connor bottoming and John, at least, would wait to have that discussion. He had no doubt that while Connor was almost fine doing what they were doing now, he wouldn't be fine with more. As it was, John was the one to bring up sex every time. Connor just had yet to say no. He wondered if maybe that was something they should talk about, too.

He wasn't in too much of a hurry though. Sometime in the past five days John had become a slut for his husband, wanting Connor in him in any way possible.

So they would talk, but definitely not now as Connor had rolled on top of him and his face was pressed into John's neck, licking at the pulse point there. John's hands slid down his husband's boxers, gripping the flesh underneath them. "You're overdressed." Connor pushed his hips up and John slid the shorts down his husband's body and off to the side of the bed. He glanced down Connor's backside and felt himself harden more at the sight. "You're perfect," John breathed. Connor moved from John's neck and slid down the older man, creating friction between their bodies. John didn't hold back his moan this time and he reached blindly for the lube. "In me," he begged softly. "Connor, please."

The younger man took the lube from John and used a hand to nudge John's legs apart. John let them fall to the side as Connor warmed up some lube in his hand. His hand moved down to John's entrance, but the linguist hesitated, "Are you sure you're ready?"

John thought that was probably a fair question considering not fifteen minutes ago Connor had been asleep and John brushing his teeth. A fair question, but really, an unnecessary one. "Been ready."

[Edited Content]

"I love you."

John wasn't sure who had said it and he was pretty sure it didn't really matter as a few seconds later he was coming hard. A few minutes later Connor was coming and soon collapsed on top of John and didn't seem to be in a hurry to move at all.

John ran one hand through Connor's damp and sweaty hair and ran the other up and down Connor's back. After a few minutes his husband began to shiver slightly and John pulled the blankets up over them. "Plan on staying there all night?" John asked gently. Connor nodded against his neck. "Well, we can try, but I'm not sure how well it will work." He said, referring to where Connor's softening erection was still pushed inside of him.

"I like being in you." Connor mumbled.

"And I like you in me." John replied with a small smile even though Connor couldn't see his face. "I'm just not sure how long you _can_ stay in me." Connor made a soft noise that sounded so sad to John. The younger man slowly and carefully pulled the rest of the way out of John but didn't move. "Do you want to take a shower?"

"No." Connor said quietly.

John moved his hand in a circle on Connor's back. "Tomorrow we can experiment a little…" John offered soothingly. There was a really long pause and all John could hear was Connor's breathing in his ear. "Would you… would you maybe want that?"

Connor didn't answer. Instead all he mumbled was, "SGA-7 missed their check in, John."

John blinked at the non-sequitur. "What?" Before Connor could repeat what he said, John's headset was beeping and he reached for it. "Sheppard here."

"Colonel Sheppard? SGA-7 has missed their scheduled check-in, sir. How would you like us to proceed?"

John scrubbed a hand over his face. SGA-7 had been off-world for the past two days. They had been hoping to make it back tonight in time for the party and John was actually sorry that they had missed it. All of his gate teams needed time to relax. "How long has it been?"

"We waited fifteen minutes, sir. They haven't been late before now."

"Okay." John exhaled. "Get my team up along with Major Lorne's team."

"Yes, sir."

"I want them ready to leave in fifteen minutes. In the meantime dial out to that planet."

"Yes, sir."

"Get Lorne to prep a jumper."

"Sure thing, Colonel."

"Thank you. Sheppard out."

John didn't move for a few seconds and then Connor slowly rolled off of him. John would have to take a quick shower before meeting up with his team. He wasn't about to go off world smelling like sex. He moved a hand to cup Connor's cheek. "You'll be alright?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah." Connor turned his head to kiss the inside of John's palm. "Go shower."

"Okay." John pressed a kiss to Connor's forehead and then reluctantly pulled away.

After that everything seemed to speed up. He was in and out of the shower, accepting the clothes Connor shoved into his hands. He remembered receiving a deep kiss from his husband while John promised to bring SGA-7 back. Before he knew it he had geared up and was pushing Rodney, who had a huge thermos of something in his hand, into the back of a jumper. Lorne's team was passing around coffee and aspirin and John had a vague recollection of maneuvering the jumper through the gate before they were off to find what had happened to SGA-7.

* * *

Evan Lorne loved to sleep curled up around Teyla. She was soft in all the right places and hard in all the right places. Plus she didn't seem to mind that he basically copped a feel every night.

Tonight she was facing the wall and his chest was pressed up against her back. Evan wasn't sure what it was, but seeing her dressed as Deanna Troi made him hornier than hell. Maybe it was the symbolism of their costumes or just the really tight spandex of the outfit. Whatever it was, he'd dragged her out of the party about two hours after they'd arrived-not that she had complained-and had spent the next three hours making love to her. There had been a brief respite period or two in the middle there, but tonight Evan had taken his time to explore her body.

Right now they were in the early stages of sleep. They'd finished their shower ten minutes before and Evan was moving his hand back and forth along her stomach. Occasionally his fingers would drift higher or lower and Teyla would sigh contentedly, but for the most part, he stayed confined to right below her breasts.

Every few minutes or so she would gently move her hips and Evan would groan and wish he didn't have to get up so early tomorrow. In fact he was about to blow off his morning meeting and wake Teyla all the way back up when both of their headsets began to beep.

Evan groaned again, but this time not in a pleasurable manner as Teyla reached out and grabbed them both. She handed Evan's back to him while answering hers.

Five minutes later they were both dressed and out the door.

Teyla took a seat in the jumper behind Sheppard and glanced back at him. She offered him a smile and Evan thought he was probably the luckiest guy in the world.

* * *

"You looked pretty hot as Indiana Jones."

"You think?"

Rodney's dick stirred as he remember Eric in the costume. "Smartest man in two galaxies, remember?"

The younger man laughed. "Of course." Eric was laying half on top of him and half on the bed. Not the most comfortable of positions as Eric was taller than Rodney and muscle definitely weighed more than fat, but Rodney wasn't about to ask him to move for the world.

"Keller was looking pretty good tonight."

"You think?" Eric didn't sound jealous, just curious. At least to Rodney.

"You don't think she's remotely hot?"

Eric's answer to that question was, "Eww."

"Wow, you are really gay." Rodney observed.

He could feel Eric roll his eyes. "Yup." Eric squirmed a little until Rodney felt something hard pressed up against his leg. "Want to be gay with me?"

"I was gay with you about ten minutes ago."

"So?"

"So some of us are old and need time to recover." Except that at this moment in time, Rodney's dick didn't seem to be agreeing with that statement. It was definitely interested in being gay with Eric.

"Uh-huh."

Suddenly Rodney remembered something that had… bothered him earlier. "Eric?"

The younger man froze, sensing the serious tone in Rodney's voice. "Yeah?"

Rodney gently let his fingers trace a raised scar on his boyfriend's back. Eric shivered and started to pull away. Rodney tightened an arm around him. "Don't." He said quietly.

Eric's breathing increased and Rodney could feel Eric's heartbeat speed up. "Rodney…" He said quietly.

"Was this… was this from a whip? Was that why you didn't have one with your costume?"

Eric's breath hitched and he tried to pull away again but Rodney didn't let go. "Yes." Eric breathed quietly. "He-he liked the sound it made."

Rodney had never been one to be physically inclined. He learned early on that there would always be people stronger than him. He could look at himself and look at people like Sheppard and know that fighting would get him nowhere. But right now, all he wanted was to go to Earth, hunt down Eric's father, and kill him with his bare hands. Rodney wasn't particularly violent but he was currently conjuring up all the things he could do to the man. As it was, Rodney had plans for when he _did_ make it back to Earth.

Rodney swallowed but he didn't say he was sorry. He knew Eric hated it when people said that. Not because they might really be sorry, but because it wasn't their fault and most people didn't even know Eric when it was happening so they couldn't possibly have done anything to help. "I love you." Is what he said instead. "Scars and all."

"I know." Eric whispered, blinking down at Rodney.

"Do you?" Rodney asked quietly. "I know I don't-I'm not-" He sighed. "Eric."

"It's okay, Rodney." The younger man said softly. "I get it."

"Still, I-"

"Rodney."

"Hmm?"

"I get it." Eric said gently but firmly. "Did you know that you're the first person to ever tell me that you love me?"

"I am?" Rodney still had a hard time believing that Eric had been so alone before him. He had his team and Davids, but when he thought about it, Rodney couldn't really imagine telling Teyla, Ronon or Sheppard that he loved them. But still…

The younger man pressed a kiss to Rodney's shoulder. "My parents certainly never did."

This was one of those times where Rodney wished he were better with people. Where he knew the right things to say and do. Instead all he could come up with was, "Well, it's good that I was first, since I'm also the best." _And only_ , Rodney hoped.

Eric let out a soft laugh. "Yes, you are."

Rodney smiled and ran a hand through Eric's short hair. "Wanna do me?"

"Really?" The younger man asked, surprised.

"Yes, really." Rodney said with a roll of his eyes. "It's not like you haven't before."

"I just wasn't expecting it." Eric sat up and reached for the bottle of lube on the bedside table. Right before he grabbed it a headset beeped and Eric reached for it instead, handing it to Rodney.

"How do you know it's for me?"

"Rodney, no one's going to call me in the middle of the night, whereas you're constantly called in the middle of the night."

"Oh, yeah." Rodney fumbled with the headset. "McKay here."

"Dr. McKay? Colonel Sheppard has requested that you suit up and meet him in the jumper bay in fifteen minutes."

"Now?" Which was a dumb question, because of course the caller had meant now. Rodney was hoping it wasn't now, though, as he was about to get laid.

"Yes, sir."

Rodney sighed. "Okay. McKay out." Eric looked at him expectantly. "I have to gear up."

"Okay." Eric said, moving aside so that Rodney could get out of bed. He didn't try to keep Rodney in bed with a kiss or express disappointment at being interrupted. Eric was a Marine and he knew all about the call of duty.

"I suppose I should shower." Rodney said, tripping over hastily shed clothes.

"That'd probably be a good thing."

"There better be coffee." Rodney grumbled as he made his way into the bathroom.

"I'll make you some." Eric promised, already cleaning up their clothes. The kid was a neat freak, but Rodney supposed it was better than just leaving the clothes there for a couple of weeks like he would have done.

"And not decaf!" He yelled through the bathroom door.

"Would I do that to you?"

Rodney thought about it. "No, probably not."

* * *

"Ronon."

"Gumh." The Satedan mumbled in his sleep.

Jennifer pushed Ronon's shoulder a little. "Ronon, your headset is beeping."

"Lurgh."

Jennifer grinned and tried another tactic. "Ronon, the Wraith are invading."

Not a second later, Ronon was standing up, gun charged and in his hand pointed at the door. He looked around frantically and Jennifer personally thought he should always fight the Wraith naked. It was a great look on him. After realizing there was no danger he turned at glared at her. "What Wraith?"

She shrugged. "I may have lied a little."

"Hmm." His eyes roved over her naked torso. She was sitting up and the blankets had pooled in her lap.

Jennifer rolled eyes and held out his headset. "It's been beeping for a few minutes."

Ronon didn't take the small earpiece. Instead he just started dressing and Jennifer sighed sadly. She loved his body. Ronon turned and grinned at her over his shoulder. She loved it and he knew it. He walked over, accepted the headpiece and bent down for a kiss. Their lips pressed together and he reached a hand out to cup a breast. She moaned into his mouth and slapped his hand away. Ha laughed into her mouth and moved his hand back, running a thumb over her left nipple. "Ronon." She groaned, pulling back. He offered her a guilty smile. "Come back safe and you can do that all you want."

He smirked. "Okay."

She pushed him away and lightly slapped his backside. "Go be brave." It was something she said to him more often than not when he had to depart for missions. He always followed with…

"I'll be courageous instead."

* * *

Tim Coughlin was only a little drunk. Well, okay, a lot drunk when he left the party. And he was pretty sure that he'd figured out exactly who the Doc was dating by now. And while he didn't really know Corporal Johns very well, he knew Connor and was a little hurt that the Doc had thought he'd react badly to knowing he was dating another Marine.

Connor had stopped by to hang out with SGA-2, Tim's team, for about ten minutes before leaving and sidling up to the Corporal for about half an hour before moving on to Major Lorne and Teyla. Connor had laughed and Johns had slung an arm around the linguist in a way that spoke of a quiet closeness. Not that Tim had been watching him, of course. Except that he was.

Tim had to admit to being a little bit hurt when Connor had chosen to join SGA-4. The scientist was the unofficial fifth member of their team and while gate teams did usually only have four members, sometimes exceptions were made. But Tim also knew that Evan had hoped the Doc wouldn't join a gate team ever, and Tim was on Evan's side for this. Going through the gate was dangerous and the Doc was like a brother to Tim.

And as such, now that Tim knew who Connor was dating, he could confront the other man so he didn't think he'd have to hide it from Tim anymore. With that plan in mind he settled down to sleep.

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

Tim grumbled and wiped the sleep out of his eyes as he reached for his headset. "Coughlin here."

"Sir, Colonel Sheppard has requested that you suit up and meet him in the jumper bay in fifteen minutes."

Tim sighed but rolled out of bed in search of pants. "Got it, Coughlin out."

* * *

Jake Reed was really, really, really drunk. So drunk in fact he was currently unbuttoning the pants of his very male teammate. For some reason though he couldn't seem to get the button undone. The body above his laughed and David Parrish slapped his hand away. "I can do that."

Jake sighed happily and let his arms fall to the side, content to let David pull his pants off. Parrish was almost as drunk as Jake was. Which was comforting because before now Jake was pretty sure both of them had been straight. Jake was suddenly naked and then a wet mouth was covering his. David's tongue slid in and Jake wrapped his arms around the body on top of his.

He realized quickly that David was still fully dressed and Jake scrambled to change that. David laughed as Jake pulled at his shirt, but soon enough they were both as naked as they day they were born.

Even in his drunken haze, Jake had enough sense to realize that he had no idea what he was doing. "David?"

The scientist was busy sucking at Jake's neck. "Hmm?"

"What are we doing?"

"When?" The other man mumbled.

Reed laughed. "Right now?"

"Oh, I thought we were making drunk."

"Making drunk?"

"Lurve."

"Lurve?"

David tried again. "Love."

"You're so dr-drunk you can't member the word love?" Reed asked and gasped as David tweaked a nipple.

"Yup."

"I think me wight durnk… we might be too drunk."

"So?" David's mouth was hovering dangerously close to Jake's erection, Jake forgot what he was asking about.

"Good moint." Wait that didn't sound right. "Point."

"Okay, stop talking now." David mumbled and a second later his mouth closed over the tip of Jake's member.

"Mhhffmph." Jake groaned, settling his hands in David's hair.

* * *

David wasn't sure when he'd passed out, but he was being rudely awakened by a loud beeping noise that wouldn't go away. When his brain emerged from sleep enough to recognize it as the sound of his headset, he reached an arm out for the bedside table. David froze when his elbow slapped into someone's face and that someone said, "Ow", sounding suspiciously like a man.

David flung his other hand over his face and swore. "Fuck."

"David?"

David instantly recognized the voice. Jake. "Double fuck." He groaned. "Can you get my headset? I think it's beeping."

"They're both beeping." Jake answered, handing a set over. David made sure it was his before answering it. "Parrish here… got it. Parrish out."

Almost immediately after he finished talking Jake said, "Reed here… yes, sir. Reed out."

The lights came up and warm fingers pried the hand covering his eyes away from his face. Jake was looking down at him. David squeezed his eyes shut and tensed his body. "Let me have it."

"Let you have what?"

"Aren't you going to beat me up?" David asked meekly.

"David? What the fuck? No, man. Why would I do that?"

"Because we…" David moved a hand up and down their bodies, gesturing.

"That's fucked up, David." Jake said sadly.

"It's not like it hasn't happened before."

"Some fucker beat you up?"

David wondered if Jake swore this much all the time or only when he was still a bit drunk. "Yeah."

"Well, shit. I would never. You didn't see me beat up the Doc when he came out to us, did you?"

"I thought maybe Evan scared you away from doing that."

Jake snorted. "Yeah right."

David finally opened his eyes and they met Jake's. All he saw in them was concern and anger, presumably over David getting beat up. "So you're not mad?"

"I'm confused." Jake answered honestly. "And we really don't have time to talk about this right now. Not if we want to shower."

"Oh, right. I'll just, uh, head back to my place." David rolled out of bed and went about gathering his clothes. Hopefully there wouldn't be too many people roaming the halls at this time of night. He had just finished buttoning his pants and the door had slid open when Jake's voice stopped him. "David, we cool, man?"

David nodded but didn't turn around. "Yeah, we're cool."

With that he left and made a mental note to bring some aspirin for him and Jake.


	46. Comfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 46 : Comfortable**

Author's Notes :

\- **LTwill** at ff[dot]net requested some Connor-waking-up-John action, and I aim to please. It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be, so I hope it worked out all right.  
\- Don't own iPods.  
\- Edited content is on my listed homepage.

Special thanks to **Don M and his partner** at _Wraithbait._ Thank you for constantly reviewing. I'm glad that your partner and you love the story so much. =)

BETA : JackD

* * *

"Carter to Sheppard."

Connor froze above him and John fumbled a hand out for his radio. "Sheppard here."

"John can you get Rodney and meet me in my office?"

John groaned silently as Connor rolled off of him. "I'll be there in ten." He clicked his radio off and turned to look at Connor who was naked and panting next to him. John pressed a kiss to his partner's sweat slicked forehead. "To be continued."

Connor laughed softly. "Caldwell in a bikini."

"That doesn't work too well when you're laying there naked and hard, and when two seconds ago your dick was in my ass." John told him, rolling out of bed.

His team, Lorne's team, and SGA-7 had gotten back early that morning. It turned out that Sgt. Baxter had broken his leg and Lt. Nielson had sprained his ankle, both climbing up some rock formation. The other two men on the team were being used as crutches and no one could make it back to the gate fast enough. All in all, it had been a boring mission and when he'd gotten back Connor had been working and unwilling to continue their earlier discussion.

John had caught a couple hours of sleep before persuading Connor to join him in bed. He'd given the rescue teams the morning off and was including himself in that decree. Things had been going pretty well and John was in the middle of getting laid, again, when Carter had called.

John slid on a shirt and was tugging on some BDUs when Connor gestured him over to the bed. "Come here." The linguist said.

John walked over to the bed and Connor sat up. He reached for John's open fly and pulled his still hard member out.

[Edited Content]

His husband deftly tucked John in and carefully zipped him up. The older man ran a hand through his partner's hair. "Thanks."

"No problem." Connor offered, blushing lightly while smiling shyly up at John.

"What about you?" John asked, gesturing to Connor's own erection.

The linguist shrugged. "I can take a shower, or just wait it out."

"I love you." John said. "Not sure if I've mentioned that today or not."

"Not yet." The younger man said with a smile. "I love you, John."

John leaned down to press a kiss to Connor's forehead. "I'm sorry that I have to go." He said quietly. And he was. He hated leaving Connor in the middle of something so intimate.

"I understand." His husband answered, and John knew that he did.

"Thank you."

John left his partner there and blew out a frustrated sigh as the door closed behind him. He took a deep breath and then went a few doors down to get Rodney. He ran his hand over the door sensor. "McKay!"

A few seconds later a sleepy looking Rodney answered the door with just some boxers on, hair sticking up everywhere. "What?"

"Carter needs us."

"Okay." He stepped forward with his eyes half closed. John reached out his hands to stop him.

"Rodney?"

"Hmm?"

"I think the Colonel would appreciate it if you put some clothes on first."

Rodney looked up at John confused. "Huh?"

John rolled his eyes but before he could say anything Eric came up behind his boyfriend. "I'll get him dressed, John."

"Three minutes." John warned.

"Got it." The younger man yanked Rodney back into his room and John wondered what he could do to Connor in three minutes. Before he could figure it out, Rodney's doors opened and he was pushed back out, fully clothed.

"That was fast." John commented.

"Yes, sir." Johns offered a salute and let the door shut in front of him.

Rodney didn't look anymore awake then when John had last seen him so John decided a side trip to the mess hall would be needed by all. "C'mon, Rodney, coffee."

Rodney perked up at the word. "Coffee?"

* * *

Sam lowered the tablet she was working on as John and Rodney came through the door. A second later Major Lorne entered as well. She gestured all three men into seats. "We're waiting for one more…" Jennifer appeared in the doorway and Sam gestured the doctor in. "Never mind. Please, have a seat, Jennifer." The blonde woman smiled at Sam and took a seat next to Major Lorne. "Gentlemen, Jennifer, we have a problem." Sam said seriously.

John looked back and forth between who was in the room and then look back at Sam. "Should we guess…?"

Sam smiled and shook her head. "No need, John. You were all at the party last night, right?" She received four nods.

"Did any of you see the food from one of our allies?"

John nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah, tasted okay." Jennifer put in.

"Those weird cookie like things?" Lorne asked.

Sam nodded. "That would be it, Major."

Rodney's face took on a panicked look. "Oh no, they're poison! We're all going to die." His hand went to his collar and he pulled at it. "I'm choking, am I choking? Is it hot in here? I'm seeing spots. My stomach hur-"

Sam looked up to see that John had slapped a hand over his teammates mouth. "Why don't we let Colonel Carter finish telling us instead of jumping to conclusions?"

Rodney grimaced and nodded. "Fine, but if I die, it's on your hands, Sheppard."

"I think I can handle that." John smirked.

Sam sighed and rubbed a hand across her forehead. "It appears that the Tolkanis, the people who we traded the food for, left out one small detail about it." She paused and looked at each of them. "The food contains something that acts as an aphrodisiac." She watched as confusion crossed four faces before a look of embarrassment and finally… was John blushing? "One of the other doctors felt a little weird after eating it and took some samples. It's considered very mild and Dr. Knight feels that the effects will wear off in a few days, but in the meantime…"

"We've got a base full of people who just want to have sex." John finished. "I recommend light duty shifts for the next few days, suspend all off world travel and confine people to their quarters as much as possible. And let's see if we can find someone who didn't eat any to sit at gate controls for the next few days."

"Agreed." Sam said. "John, if you could get your people moving on this. Rodney, I need you to talk to the science heads and make sure they understand that we mean everybody. Jennifer, people are probably going to come to you for a variety of reasons, I suspect you've already considered most of them so I need you to be prepared for that." The blonde doctor nodded. Sam exhaled, "So far this is containable. I'm also going to temporarily withhold all regulations pertaining to fraternization as everyone is under the influence, but let's not spread that around. Well, that's it." All four of them rose as one and Sam realized she'd forgotten something, "Wait, Rodney, John, the _Daedalus_ will be here in nine days."

John grimaced but nodded and Rodney shot her a bemused look before they both left.

* * *

"Well, that explains a lot." Rodney said as soon as he, John and Lorne stepped into the transporter.

Lorne snorted. "Oh yeah."

John decided that was more than he ever needed to know about his XO and teammate's sex life. "Connor's probably gonna flip."

"The couch for you, Sheppard?" Rodney jabbed.

John rubbed the back of his neck. "Something like that." John was pretty sure that Connor would put a moratorium on sex until the drug was out of their system.

The doors opened and Rodney stepped out onto the level with his lab. "How I'm going to explain this, I don't know." The astrophysicist muttered to himself as the doors closed again behind him. The transporter started up again and a few moments later John and Lorne were stepping out, heading for John's office.

"We need to get all of our guys in the training room. Let's just say this once."

"Yes, sir."

Three hours later John was ready to go back to bed. He and Lorne had broken the news to their guys and John would guess that the number one emotion in the room was relief. He didn't want to know why as long as everything had been consensual and if it hadn't been… well, John would find out and there would be hell to pay.

Now he was going back to his quarter where he would hole himself up with his husband except for food for the next few days. And if Connor said no sex then it was about to become three very long days.

"Hey." John greeted, stepping into the room.

Connor turned away from his laptop to face John. "Hey."

"Did you get the e-mail?" John asked, unbuttoning his shirt. Jesus that stuff was strong. Almost the second he looked at Connor he felt himself start to get hard. John kinda liked that it hadn't happened with anyone other than his husband, despite the aphrodisiac racing through his system.

"About the food?" Connor asked, standing up. He walked over to John and slid his hands under John's over-shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. "Yeah." He leaned forward and licked John's neck. John shivered and reached for the hem of Connor's t-shirt.

"I'm not sure mild was the right word." John breathed as he frantically tugged at the younger man's shirt. "I'm ah, surprised."

"At what?"

"I thought you wouldn't want to do anything until the drug was out of our system."

Connor paused and looked up at John. "Is this what it's like for you?" He asked quietly, fingers working at John's belt while he did so.

"Is what what it's like?"

"This feeling? Wanting to… make love all the time."

John swallowed as Connor began to undo his pants. "You want the truth?"

"Yes."

"Then, yeah. This is sorta what it's like, Con. I look at you and I want you and when I'm not with you, I'm thinking about being with you and recently I've just been thinking about you in me."

"I kind of like this." Connor admitted. "It makes me feel more normal-wanting you so much." He blushed. "Not that I normally don't want you, I just…"

John smiled. "I know what you mean."

"Oh, good. I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't." John assured him. His pants fell to the floor and John pushed his boots off with his feet and stepped out of his pants. "Bed."

"Yeah."

* * *

Eric woke up slowly and blinked the sleep out of his eyes. He was pretty sure he and Rodney hadn't spent the past three days in bed, but he couldn't really remember very clearly. "Rodney?"

"What?" Rodney asked, without taking his eyes off of his computer screen.

"Do you remember what we did the past few days?"

Rodney snorted. "My ass certainly does."

"Rodney." Eric said seriously.

The older man was quiet for a few minutes. "It's a bit hazy." He admitted. "Logically we had to have gone out for food or at least water, but right now all I remember is a ton of fucking."

"Me, too." Eric sighed. "Well there went three days of my life."

"Days well spent, I'd say." Rodney offered, going back to his work.

"Really?" Eric asked quietly.

"Yes, of course." His boyfriend answered. "What's that supposed to mean?" He turned around in his seat again.

Eric fidgeted with his hands. "Nothing. It's just usually you would be bitching about Atlantis falling apart or Zelenka killing the city or… some other crisis."

"Jesus, fuck." Rodney swore and ran a hand down his face. "You seriously think I care about the city more than you?"

Eric half shrugged. "I could see why you would. I don't mind, Rodney, really. Atlantis is important, our jobs are important."

"Is your job more important than me?" Rodney asked, unusually quiet.

The younger man thought about the question. Being a Marine was important to him. He had always felt a strong desire to serve, a patriotic sense of duty. Being a Marine is who he is. "Not my job." Eric said at last, "But the people I protect and serve; my country, my planet has to come first."

Rodney shook his head. "That wasn't what I asked. I think we both know that other things have to come first, I'm asking if that necessarily makes them more important."

"No." Eric said quietly. "It doesn't."

Rodney nodded. "It doesn't."

* * *

"David?" Jake called softly into David's botany lab.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

A head poked up from behind a blue-pink plant. "Sure." He answered, confused. "You don't have to ask permission, Jake."

Jake shrugged hesitantly. "I just, uh, wanted to make sure we were alright."

"Well I'm fine, are you?"

"I don't know." Jake answered honestly.

"Look, Jake," David stepped out from behind the planter he was working behind. He slowly approached Jake as though the other man was a wounded animal, scared and defensive. Jake supposed that was probably a pretty accurate description of what he was currently feeling. "Having sex with a guy under the influence does not make you gay. It was just once, dude."

Jake swallowed and nodded, looking away. "Yeah, okay."

David reached an arm out to lightly touch Jake's shoulder. "Are you okay? With me?"

"With you being gay?"

David shrugged. "I'm not really gay just like… really open. I think most of the scientists here are like that."

"Oh." Jake didn't really understand that, but that didn't matter. David was his friend no matter what.

"Look," David sighed. "We can just forget it ever happened, alright? We weren't ourselves, it only happened once and now we can move on."

For some reason that really bothered Jake but he didn't know why. "Yeah, okay, man. We'll just forget about it."

Jake turned to leave when David called his name. He turned back to the botanist with a questioning look. "If you want someone to talk to, or just… I don't know, there's me, there's the Doc, fuck, Jake, there's a goddamned Gay support group on Atlantis, anyone would listen."

"A support group?" Jake asked weakly.

David shrugged. "New thing the Doc just started. Not a support group per se, but if you stay after, Connor is willing to talk to anyone who wants to, and so are a bunch of other people."

Jake wondered what else was happening on Atlantis that he had no idea about. "Thanks, David."

"We welcome everyone, straight, gay, bi, whatever. Every Tuesday and Friday at 2000hrs in Lab 4J6." He paused. "I'm trusting you with that information, Jake. It's not open knowledge."

Jake blinked at the slight hostility in his teammate's voice. "Of course, David."

David nodded. "Okay."

* * *

"You're startin' to freak me out a little, Doc." Lt. Ben Ramsey commented as they made their way through waist high grass towards yet another abandoned Ancient outpost. Connor was really starting to wonder why there were so many outposts, why they were all abandoned and if the Ancients just randomly spread them out because they were extremely paranoid.

"Freak you out?" Connor asked, the words sounded funny coming out of his mouth; it wasn't a phrase he used often.

Ben laughed. "You've been grinning for days. If you're on drugs, and not those weird sex ones, where did you get them and why haven't you shared?"

"No drugs." Connor replied with a smile. "Just life."

"So things are good with your gentleman friend then?" Ben asked.

Connor moved some more grass aside as they walked. "Very good."

"And you're sure you won't tell me who it is?"

"Sorry." Connor offered softly.

"Meh, I'm sure I'll find out some day."

"Maybe." Connor agreed. He looked behind them to where Jim and Eric were battling their way through the grass. Jim was cussing at the grass while Eric looked on in hidden amusement, the corners of his mouth barely lifting. Connor turned back to face forward. "What about you? Any, uh, girls on the horizon?"

Ben sighed. "If only, Doc."

"What, um, kind of girl do you usually date?"

"Whichever kind will take me." Ben grinned. "I'm not that picky. I guess my only requirement is that they be able to string a sentence together."

"That's it?"

"What are your requirements?" Ben countered.

"Um…" Connor frowned. "I'm not sure. I've only ever dated one person."

"You need to play the field some more, Doc." Ben glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "But I know you won't."

"Nope." Connor agreed quietly. "I'm quite happy with the one I have."

"Obviously." Ben said with a laugh. "If he can make you smile like that for so long." He paused. "So any plans for when we get back?"

 _Probably a long, hot shower with John followed by dinner and maybe some ice cream with Evan,_ Connor thought. "Some dinner?"

"So you _do_ eat." Ben joked.

"I eat plenty." The linguist defended.

"Sure you do, Doc." Ben said with a wink.

"I do!"

"You do what?" Jim called from behind them.

Connor turned, "I eat."

Jim laughed. "Sure you do, Doc." He said, unknowingly repeating Ben's words.

"Why does everyone think I don't eat?"

"Possibly because you're as skinny as a pole." Ben offered.

"I eat a lot." Connor looked behind him, "Eric, tell them that I eat."

"I don't think all that pudding you consume counts, Connor." Eric said with a twinkle in his eyes.

"My own team is against me." Connor grumbled.

"Aw, we just love you, Doc." Ben said, clapping a hand against Connor's back. "Have breakfast with us tomorrow and prove that you eat."

Connor rolled his eyes. "What time?"

Ben turned his head slightly. "Smith! What time you workin' tomorrow?"

"0800."

"Johns?"

"0830."

"Meet us at 0720, Doc."

Connor groaned. "That's so early."

"Yup."

"Alright, but don't expect me to be awake."

Ben grinned. "Deal."

* * *

"Ben says I'm freaking him out." Connor murmured.

"Yeah?" John asked, running shampoo through the younger man's hair. Connor was leaning against him, head on John's shoulder, arms around his waist. He'd been pretty exhausted when he got back from, what Connor affectionately called, the Grass-from-Hell planet; not to mention dirty and sweaty. John had taken one look at his partner and had ushered them both into the shower where the other man proceeded to fall half asleep as John soaped him up.

"Says I smile too much."

"I like your smile." John commented. "Close your eyes." Connor did so and John walked him backwards under the water, letting the hot liquid run through Connor's sudsy locks. John used his hands to make sure the water got it all out, gently massaging Connor's head.

"Mmm." Connor sighed. "And he made me promise to meet them for breakfast in the morning."

John laughed. "You're going to breakfast? At what time?"

"0720." Connor muttered.

"Ouch." John said, sympathetically. "I'll make sure you're up."

"How about you just pass on my regrets." Connor suggested instead.

"We'll go to bed early tonight."

"It's already 2200."

"And you haven't eaten dinner yet."

"'m not hungry." Connor mumbled.

John's hand drifted down Connor's wet back. "Yes, you are."

"I am." Connor admitted. "And it's creepy how you know that."

"I'm your husband, it's my job to know."

Connor looked up at him, chin resting on John's chest, and smiled, like John knew he would. Every time John used the word 'husband', a smile would cross Connor's face. "I don't know when you're hungry."

"That's because I eat all my requisite meals and am rarely hungry in between." John told him. "While you, on the other hand, insist on skipping meals and surviving on tea and pudding alone."

"I don't insist…I just… forget."

"You don't forget anything." John said, turning the shower off with a single thought. "You get wrapped up in your work and think it's more important than eating."

"It is." The younger man insisted. He stepped out of the shower with John and accepted the towel that his partner held out to him. "I can always eat later."

"You can." John agreed. "But you don't." He rubbed the towel up and down his body while Connor did the same. "Didn't any of your martial arts instructors ever get on your case about eating? Or track coach?"

Connor blushed a deep red that went all the way down to his chest. "Um, maybe," he conceded. "But I'm an adult now, John. I can eat when I want to."

"And you can also eat when your partner wants you to." John said, sliding an arm around Connor's waist. "He'll reward you if you do." He lowered his head to Connor's neck and pressed a series of wet kisses along the newly dried skin.

"I… uh… I'll… take that… under advisement." Connor breathed.

John smiled and pulled away. "See that you do." He said, placing a kiss on the younger man's lips. He moved to pull back but Connor wrapped his arms around John's neck, holding him in place and deepening the kiss. John melted into his husband's arms and wrapped his own around Connor's waist. "Are you trying to distract me?" He mumbled against Connor's lips when they finally came up for air.

"Would I do that?" Connor asked innocently.

John laughed. "Yes."

If possible, Connor's blush deepened and his husband offered John a sheepish look. "There might have been a wee bit of a possibility…"

"A wee bit, huh?" Connor nodded. "Well how about we eat a _wee_ bit of dinner and then have a _wee_ bit of sex." John whispered into Connor's ear. Despite the past few days, John couldn't get enough of his husband.

The linguist shivered. "What happened to going to bed early?"

"We both know you weren't going to go to bed early." John grinned.

"I can do early." Connor protested.

"Sure, you can." The older man agreed easily. "It just hasn't happened yet."

"I'll have you know that until I was ten, I went to bed at eight o'clock every night." His husband retorted.

"You might have gone to bed." John whispered. "But I bet you weren't sleeping."

Connor blushed. "I think you know me entirely too well, John."

John kissed the tip of Connor's nose. "I try to, at least." He pulled back. "Let's get dressed."

* * *

"He lives!" Jim declared from his seat as Connor entered the food hub the next day.

The linguist blushed and quickly made his way over to a replicator. Ten seconds later he had a full Irish breakfast, complete with bacon rashers, black pudding, sausages, white pudding, toast, eggs, potatoes and fried tomatoes. He took his plate and settled it onto a tray before replicating some tea as well. Steam rose in his face as he carried his tray over to where the rest of his team sat. Connor took the open seat next to Eric and across from Ben.

"Morning, Doc." Ben greeted.

"Good morning."

"Mornin'," Jim offered from behind a cup of coffee. He was holding it in front of his face, inhaling the smell, occasionally taking small sips.

"Good morning." Connor offered again.

"So…" Eric began. Connor turned to look at his friend. "What would it take to get you to say 'top o' the mornin' to ya'?" He asked, the beginnings of a smile on his face.

Jim and Ben both started laughing as Connor blinked. "What?"

"You know…" Eric prodded. "That Irish saying."

Connor blinked again. "People don't actually say that a lot."

"Really?" Eric asked, looking a little bit disappointed.

"Really."

"Would you say it anyway?"

Connor shrugged. "Top o' the mornin' to ya."

Jim laughed, Ben grinning and Eric groaned. "I meant in your actual voice." Eric clarified.

"This is my actual voice." The linguist protested, mystified. Jim and Ben laughed again and Connor wished John was here to explain what was so funny.

"In your accent." Eric corrected.

"Oh, um…" Connor blushed again. "Top o' the mornin' to ya." He had no idea why that was so entertaining to his team but Jim and Ben had huge grins on their face and Eric offered him a real smile, something of a rarity for the younger man.

Eric held his hand out to his teammates. "Pay up."

Connor watched as Jim fished a chocolate PowerBar out of his pockets while Ben offered up a Snickers. "Why are they paying up?"

Eric nodded. "These two said that I wouldn't be able to get you to say it."

"Why wouldn't I say it?"

The younger man shrugged as he pocketed his winnings. "Embarrassed about your accent maybe, or you think the saying is stupid and stereotypical."

"I'm not embarrassed." Connor said with a slight frown.

"But you talk like an American." Jim said.

"I don't like to stand out."

"There are plenty of people not American on the expedition."

"Not from the United States you mean." Connor corrected softly. "And that's true, but there's only one other Irishman."

"There's that new Ranger guy." Ben said.

"He's British."

"He sounds pretty Irish to me."

Connor looked down at his plate as he answered, "He's from Northern Ireland."

"Oh."

"Still," Jim said. "Your accent would fit right in."

Connor looked up at his friends. "Why the sudden need for me to change the way I talk?"

Ben shrugged. "We just thought that it might be bothering you, having to hide it all the time."

"Nope."

"Well, okay then." He smiled easily and gestured with his fork to Connor's full plate. "You gonna eat all that?"

"Probably not." The linguist admitted. "Maybe half."

"Just half?"

"I don't usually eat so early." Connor explained quietly. He picked up his fork and pushed some food around on his plate.

"Well, eating half isn't going to convince us that you actually eat." Ben said, spearing a piece of pancake on his own plate.

Connor sighed and looked at his full plate. "Three-fourths?"

"Seven-eighths." Ben said with a grin.

The linguist groaned. "I can't eat that much."

Jim laughed. "You can do anything you put your mind to, Doc."

Connor stabbed some sausages and glared at them. "You guys are the worst team ever."

Ben and Jim laughed while Eric leaned sideways and gently bumped their shoulders together. "You know you love us." The corporal said.

Connor rolled his eyes. "Heaven knows why."

* * *

John heard the door to their room open and glanced over to see Connor entering the room, his jacket tucked over his arms.

"John."

"Hm?" John pulled one of the ear-buds out of his ear. It had been a week since the Halloween party and John was stretched out on the bed listening to some Irish lessons that he'd uploaded to his iPod.

"How much do you love me?" Connor asked innocently. He was standing next to the bed with a jacket in his hand.

 _Uh-oh_. "…lots."

Connor held the jacket out towards John. "I tore a small hole in the arm…"

John laughed as he accepted the jacket. "Some day you should really learn how to do this." John said, pulling the other ear-bud out and pausing his iPod. He left it on the bed as he stood up with Connor's jacket, heading over to their dresser. He rooted through the top drawer until he came out with a small sewing kit. He sat down on their big comfy chair and Connor came over to perch on the arm.

"I know how in theory…"

"Your mom right?" John asked, opening the small box. He pulled out a needle and handed it to Connor to hold while he selected a grey thread to match Connor's jacket.

"And you." Connor added softly.

John snipped off a piece of thread and accepted the needle back from Connor. He held it up to the light as he carefully threaded the small eye. "So what happened this time?" He asked, as he picked up the jacket to locate the hole.

"Um… Jim… we, uh, were arm wrestling…"

"You wrestled Jim Smith?" John asked, a little impressed. Connor was pretty strong, but Smith was at least six inches taller than the linguist and probably outweighed him by a hundred pounds, half of which was pure muscle. "Who won?"

"Um…" John looked up and for the first time he noticed the bright white bandage wrapped around Connor's bicep and the red circle on the outside that John knew was blood.

"Jesus." John said, standing up. The jacket in his lap, as well as the sewing kit, fell to the ground as John reached out and grabbed Connor's arm. "Why didn't you call me? When did this happen? _What_ happened?" He demanded. A slightly pained look crossed the younger man's face and John swore, "Fuck, sorry." He gently released Connor's arm. "You need to start talking, though, before I lose my mind."

Connor bit his lip and blinked his eyes up at John. "We were arm wrestling in the mess hall and I had won the first match so Jim demanded a second… this time, he won and when my arm hit the table… we didn't realize that there was a steak knife sitting on the edge…"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Connor!" His husband winced. "Sorry, sorry," John apologized for his language; he really had been trying to be better on that front as Connor didn't really seem to like it. "You were stabbed with a knife?"

"It's just a small flesh wound, John." Connor said, in what John thought was probably his attempt to be soothing, but really it only made John freak out a little bit more.

"And Keller saw it? She looked at it?"

"Yeah, bandaged it up, gave me a lecture on arm wrestling when there's cutlery on the table, glared at Jim until he cried and then let me go."

"It's bleeding through the bandage." John said, gently touching the outside.

Connor reached into his pocket and produced a few packaged replacement bandages. "She gave me these."

"And this just happened?"

"Yeah… Jim was with me the whole time, he dropped me off here. I couldn't call you… I'm sorry." Connor finished quietly.

"Hey," John said, tilting Connor's chin up very gently with his hand. "I'm sorry. I freaked out a little, you're right, you can't call me every time something happens it just… I wasn't… I see you and blood and I kinda lose it."

Connor offered him a shy smile. "If it helps, I really wanted you there."

John crooked a smile. "It helps." He paused. "So you really beat Smith?"

"Yeah."

"Does your arm hurt?"

"A little." His husband admitted with a duck of his head.

"How is there not blood on the jacket?" John asked, detaching himself from Connor and bending down to pick the piece of clothing, as well as the sewing kit, up.

"It was a weird… delayed… sort of thing. It just hurt at first, and then after I took my jacket off, I sorta poked the area that hurt and then it began to bleed."

John swallowed and desperately tried not to picture blood gushing out of his partner. "We should change the bandages."

"Okay." Connor agreed softly.

John took a deep breath and slowly released it before sitting down again. He gently tugged on Connor's hand until the linguist sat sideways on top of him. John took the extra wrappings out of Connor's hand and set them down. He ever so carefully peeled away the bandage on Connor's right bicep. It was still bleeding, as evidenced from the previously white dressing. "Shouldn't it have stopped bleeding by now?"

Connor shrugged. "It's not bleeding much is it?" He craned his head over his shoulder to look at his arm.

Red liquid was drizzling down his arm at an alarming rate. "Maybe we should do this in the bathroom." John suggested.

Connor stood up and John kept a hold on his husband as they made their way to the small bathroom. John urged Connor up onto the counter and turned the sink on, holding a washcloth underneath it. He wrung it out and gently patted Connor's arm, earning him a slight hiss from the younger man. "It didn't really seem that bad in the infirmary."

"It must have reopened. Did you hit your arm?" John asked, dabbing at the wound. Now that he could see it, John guessed it was deep enough that it would leave a small scar.

"I don't think so… oh! Jim, uh, gave me a hug."

John thought it probably wasn't healthy to be so jealous about a hug. "No more hugs from Smith."

Connor laughed lightly. "Okay."

"Thank you." He pressed the cloth against Connor's arm, holding it for a minute or so. When he removed it the bleeding had stopped. John dabbed the wound with a dry rag before drying his hands off and selecting a bandage. He tore the top open and removed the large band-aid, different from the one previously covering Connor's cut. John blew softly on the wound as he removed the plastic from the sticky backing. He applied the bandage, gently smoothing the sides. He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to the top and looked up in time to catch a smile crossing Connor's face.

" _Go raibh maith agat_ , John." Connor said softly. [Thank you]

"You're welcome."

* * *

The door slid shut behind Connor and the linguist tip-toed around in the dark, trying not to wake John up. Connor deftly unhooked his ring from his neck and slid it back onto his ring finger, something he and John did every night when they got home.

Next, he silently stripped off his clothes, dumping them on the large chair in their room, before heading towards the bathroom. The door shut behind him before the lights came up halfway. Connor quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face before drying it off on a towel and thinking the lights back off.

Connor walked softly across the room and to the foot of the bed. John was sleeping on the side of the bed not against the wall so Connor crawled up from the bottom, trying not to jostle the bed too much. When he was finally at the top, he pulled his legs up to his chest before pushing them under the blanket.

It was almost four in the morning. Connor had lost track of time in his lab, again, and had urged John to go to bed without him. He'd just finished translating a section on the Replicators that he would e-mail to Colonel Carter sometime later that day.

He sighed and stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He'd thought about continuing to work, but in the end he'd decided that he'd rather be with John, even if his partner was asleep. Connor turned on his side to face his husband, who was sleeping on his back. He carefully raised a hand and hovered it over the part of John's chest that was peeking out from the blankets. His hand followed along John's skin, up and over his face, careful not to actually touch the other man for fear of waking him up. Connor hesitated when he got to John's hair. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers through it. Instead he settled for lightly grazing the top of it. When he lowered his hand, he was only half surprised to find John looking at him in the dark, moonlight reflecting off of his eyes and lightly illuminating his face.

"You can touch." John whispered, voice rough from sleep.

"I didn't want to wake you up." Connor answered in a hushed voice.

"I don't mind."

Connor bit his lip and raised his hand again. He carded his fingers through John's soft locks and his partner sighed in contentment. "Sorry I was so late tonight."

"It's okay."

"I was caught up in my work."

"It's really okay." John mumbled and leaned into the hand still moving through his hair. "Did you get a lot finished?"

"Yeah."

"What about your other thing?"

Connor let out a soft laugh. "My secret mission?"

"Mmm, yeah that." John murmured.

"I have all of the botany department finished."

"Who's next?"

"Nursing staff."

"Be careful." John pleaded quietly, not for the first time.

"I am."

"And what about the other part?"

"Four more Marines will have their water returned to them in the morning." Connor said quietly.

John was silent for a moment. "How many are left?"

"Seven." The linguist answered. "I'm still working on them, John."

"I worry about you."

"I know." Connor pulled his hand back from John's head and scooted closer to his partner, pillowing his head on John's chest and running his fingers over John's stomach. "I'm sorry." Connor whispered. "Do you… do you want me to stop?" He told John that he would stop if the older man ever wanted him to. With every marine that Connor implicated, the knife that had settled in John's heart when this began, twisted a little bit more. Connor knew that John felt every person on this base was his responsibility. He'd worked hard to get the approval of his men and Connor knew that every single one of them would walk through fire for John.

"No." John breathed. "What does Carter think about all of this?"

"Sam-"

"Sam?"

Connor blushed in the dark. "She asked me to call her that." He took a breath and continued. "Sam and Daniel-"

"Daniel?"

The younger man poked his husband in the chest. "Stop interrupting."

"Sorry." John said, chastised.

"Daniel started working with me about two weeks ago. He and Sam have been pretty supportive, more than I thought Colonel Carter would be."

"Cause she's military?"

"Yeah."

John yawned. "She's pretty cool though."

"Yeah."

Soon enough, John was asleep again. His chest moved up and down underneath Connor's head. The linguist closed his eyes and laid there, listening to the sound of John's heartbeat and air moving in and out of his lungs. He eventually drifted off, following his husband into sleep.

Connor woke up slowly. A glance at the clock told him he'd only been asleep for about an hour, too early for Ronon and even too early for John. He rolled off of John and landed on his back, staring at the ceiling. He only lasted about a minute before turning on his side and propping his head up with an arm, staring down at John again. Despite John's permission, Connor didn't touch him in fear of waking him up again.

Sometimes, at moments like these, it amazed Connor that John was his to touch, to love, to sleep next to each night. After so many friend-less years, Connor had a husband, a best friend, a team, and friends who would literally kill for him. It was hard to believe sometimes. Hard to believe that anyone as amazing as John would hang around Connor, but more than that, that John _wanted_ to hang around Connor.

"I love you." Connor whispered to the sleeping man. And it was so easy to picture John flashing him a smile, eyes shining bright and responding in kind. Connor could hardly believe how easy it was.

"You're staring again." John murmured, without opening his eyes. He tilted his head towards Connor.

"Sorry." Connor said quietly. "I didn't mean to wake you up… again."

"Trouble sleeping?" His husband asked softly, opening his eyes and meeting Connor's.

Connor shook his head. "No." He lowered his arm and rested his head on the pillow next to the older man's. "John?"

"Hmm?" His partner asked sleepily.

Connor paused. "Never mind."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." John yawned. "Love you, Con." He mumbled before falling back into sleep.

" _Davids!"_

 _Connor looked up from his notebook and frowned. He didn't recognize the voice that had called out to him, but he turned nonetheless. "Yes?"_

 _A boy of about sixteen appeared in front of him. "I always knew you were bent, Davids. Now I have proof."_

" _What are you talking about?" Connor squinted at the person in front of him. "Michael? Michael Seaver?"_

 _The boy jutted out his chin. "That's me. You're such a feckin' knob-jockey, Davids." He spat._

" _Michael, you don't know what you're talking about. Why are you even here? Where did-"_

" _Shut up, ye windy feck! I don't even want to hear you." He shook his head._

" _You spoke to me first." Connor said quietly._

" _I'm plastered." The teenager said and Connor watched as he wavered. "I'd speak to a bloody cow if it crossed me path."_

 _A few seconds later Michael shimmered out of existence and Connor turned back to his notebook only to find his mother standing there holding it. "Oh, Connor." She sobbed. "I had hoped you would end this nonsense."_

" _Nonsense, Mamaí?"_

" _This horrible gay nonsense, Connor." She answered more gently. "You've had your fun and your father and I were willing to overlook it, but it's time now to continue our family name."_

 _Connor felt tears come to his eyes. "But I love him, Máthair."_

" _This is not love, Connor. This is an abomination, a perversion. Didn't we raise you right?"_

" _Of course. How could you ask me that?"_

" _We must have gone wrong somewhere." She reached a hand out to Connor's face. "Oh, Connor, oh, my son. If you love me you will leave this wicked life behind."_

 _Connor felt a tear slide down his face. "Of course I love you, Máthair. But I love John too."_

" _You cannot love us both." She said sadly. "If John is your choice…" She began to back away._

" _I… you're leaving me?"_

" _You left me first, Connor." And with that she turned and slowly faded away._

" _Máthair!" Connor yelled after her disappearing figure. "Máthair!" He collapsed to the ground, falling heavily on his knees, sobs over took his body._

" _Stop crying, Connor." A voice said harshly. "You're always crying."_

" _John?" He looked up through his bangs to find his husband standing over him, a mean expression on his face._

" _I mean, fuck, Connor, did I marry a baby?"_

" _No." Connor said and pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to stop his tears from falling. "I'm sorry."_

" _Always sorry." John said harshly. "Well that's great for you, what about me?"_

" _What?"_

" _What about me, Connor? We always do what you want; we stop when you want, go when you want. What about me?"_

" _I-I…"_

" _I-I." John mocked. "This is exactly it, you're always thinking about yourself."_

" _That's not true. What about last week?"_

" _When we were under the influence? Is that what it takes to get you in the mood? I never get to do the things I want because I'm too busy worrying about you."_

" _You don't have to worry about me!"_

" _Oh really? So if I bent you over my desk and took you from behind, you'd be okay with that?"_

 _Connor swallowed. "If that's what you want, John."_

 _John laughed. "You say that now. What if I came into your lab and tried to pull you away from your work for a quick blow job?"_

" _I-If that's what you want." He repeated softly._

" _Of course that's what I want. Who doesn't want that?" John asked mockingly. "Oh, right, you."_

" _I want it if you want it."_

" _I want my husband to start acting like a husband."_

" _So you want-you want more sex?" Connor asked cautiously._

" _For starters." John nodded. "And for you to stop crying like a fucking baby all the time."_

" _I'm sorry." Connor said, wiping the tears from his cheers. "I can be better."_

" _Then prove it."_

Connor's eyes flew open and he raised a hand to his chest as his pulse raced. He looked to his left and took in John's sleeping form next to him. Slowly his dream came back to him and Connor sat up, pushing the blanket off of himself and onto John. He slid down the bed and all but ran to the bathroom. He slid to the floor and a second later he was heaving over the toilet. _This is an abomination_. Connor heaved again and lost what little dinner he had managed to eat. _Leave this wicked life behind_. Connor's arms shook as he supported himself. _We must have gone wrong somewhere_.

 _This is not love, Connor. Stop acting like a fucking baby. Then prove it._

 _Then prove it._

* * *

Major Evan Lorne quickly blinked awake as his door beeped, letting him know that someone was requesting entrance. Evan frowned but thought the door open. A body was silhouetted in the doorway, light shining in from the hallway behind them. The figure's posture was so defeated that it could only be one person.

His best friend stepped into the room and the door slid shut behind them, plunging the room back into darkness. Soft footsteps made their way over to the bed and hesitated as they neared.

"What's up, Doc?" Evan asked lightly.

There was a long pause and then, "I really need someone to talk to." Connor whispered.

Evan patted the bed next to him. "Have a seat, I promise not to bite."

Connor hesitantly sat down on the edge of the bed and it dipped under his weight. Evan moved over a little bit so that the linguist would better fit. "I'm sorry to wake you."

"It's no problem." Evan assured his friend.

Connor turned slightly to lean against the wall at the head of the bed. Evan heard soft plops and correctly assumed that Connor had toed his shoes off. Evan lifted his blanket up and Connor shoved his legs underneath it. The younger man traced a pattern on the edge of Evan's blanket and Evan knew better than to push him to speak.

"I had a dream." Connor said at last. "With my mother and a boy I used to go to school with."

"That's an… interesting combination." Evan remarked quietly.

"Not really." Connor said softly, so softly that Evan had to strain to hear the next part. "He was telling me that he always knew I was gay and my mother was telling me she'd hoped I'd moved on by now. She said that I couldn't love both her and John."

"I don't think your mother would say that, Doc." Evan offered gently. Connor had told him bits and pieces about his family, and from what the older man could tell, Connor's parents would have, at the very least, been tolerant.

"Me neither." Connor commented. "Evan."

"Doc."

"Do you… I mean, um, would John… If I were, uh… bad in bed, do you think John would tell me?" Connor finished softly.

Evan blinked. "Does this have to do with your dream?"

"Yes." The linguist answered quietly. "John was there too and he… he was mad that we didn't do more. He said it was always about what I wanted, not what he wanted."

"Doc, I don't think there's anything you could do in bed that Colonel Sheppard wouldn't like. He's so head over heels in love with you that nothing else matters. You're inexperienced, don't confuse that with bad in the sack." Evan could hear Connor's breathing, not so steady, but controlled. "And there's no way he's going to want to do something that you don't."

"What if there is and he's just not saying anything?"

"You could ask him." Evan suggested.

Connor paused. "I did something he didn't like once." The younger man admitted.

Evan closed his eyes as he pulled up various memories. "Was this when you upset him?"

"Yeah."

"Connor." He paused for a second. "Why aren't you having this conversation with Colonel Sheppard?"

There was a long stretch of silence and Evan wondered if he shouldn't have asked at all. "I'm tired of him seeing me cry." Connor whispered.

Evan had lifted a hand before he realized what he was doing. The back of his fingers grazed Connor's cheek and came away wet. He lowered his hand to Connor's arm and squeezed it in reassurance. "You're married now, or bonded, whatever. Isn't it his job to see you cry?"

"Not about this."

"Not about what?"

"This." Connor repeated. "Dreams that make me doubt John or God. Thoughts that make me wonder if I'm bad in bed. John already deals with all of my other problems, I don't want him to have to deal with problems that concern him."

Before Evan could answer, his radio beeped from his bedside table. He reached over to pick it up, "Lorne here."

"Tell me he's there." The voice on the other side pleaded, half worried, half anxious.

"He's here, sir." There was a noticeable sigh of relief on the other side and Connor had already slid off of the bed and was putting his shoes back on. "And he's on his way back."

"He can stay if he wants." Sheppard answered.

Connor leaned over the bed towards Evan and pressed a feather light kiss to the side of his cheek. "Thank you."

Evan lowered the radio. "You don't have to go."

"I do." Connor countered quietly. "I'll see you in the morning."

Evan grinned. "I'll see you for lunch." He countered.

Connor laughed lightly. "Yeah, that's probably more accurate."

"Wait, Connor." His best friend turned around to face him. "Just because you think he wants it, doesn't mean you should force yourself to do it. I don't think he'd appreciate that at all."

"I won't." He turned to leave but Evan called his name one more time. "Yeah?"

Evan swallowed. "I can't see this happening in any universe, but if he ever does something you don't like or don't want him to do, you tell him to stop, or you push him away and you come find me."

"John would never-"

Evan held up a hand. "I'm serious about this."

Connor looked at him for a long, hard moment and then nodded. "Okay. Thank you… for everything."

"It's what I'm here for." A second later the door opened, pouring light in, and then he was gone and the room was dark.

"He's on his way back, sir." Evan said, raising the radio again.

"Thanks, Lorne."

"No problem, sir."

"Sheppard out."

* * *

"Just tell me you aren't cheating on me with Lorne." John joked softly as Connor entered the room.

The linguist frowned and the door closed behind him. "What?" Connor toed off his shoes and quickly shed the rest of his clothes, leaving only his boxers, before sliding into bed with John. "You don't really think that Evan and I are…"

John laughed lightly. "No, I don't think that. He's not really your type."

"Especially since he's not you." Connor murmured as he climbed his way on top of John. His head rested on the pillow besides John's, face hidden in the crook of John's neck, his knees fell on either side of John's hips and his arms rested along the bed, hands near John's shoulders. The older man rested his arms on top of Connor's lower back, fingertips under the elastic of Connor's boxers. "Mmm," Connor sighed happily.

John tried to be really patient and not ask Connor what he was doing in Lorne's room at four in the morning, but it soon became clear that Connor wasn't going to say anything at all. "Con?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something bothering you?"

It took Connor a moment too long to say, "Not really."

"Connor." John paused for a moment. "I love you. I love you _so fucking much_ that it _kills me_ when something is going on with you and I can't help."

"You help, John." Connor said quietly into his neck.

"Then talk to me, _please_."

Connor seemed to think about the request before gripping John's left shoulder and rolling them to the side so that they could face each other. John tucked a knee in between Connor's and reached up with a hand to brush some hair out of his face. "Sometimes," Connor began softly. "It's hard for me to believe that you want to be with me." John frowned and opened his mouth to say something when the hand on his shoulder settled lightly over his lips. "Just wait." Connor said gently. "Before you came along, before Evan, really, I had no one, John. No one who cared about my safety or if I stayed up all night working. No one who cared how much I ate. My parents were alive, yes, but I didn't live with them and I only talked to them once a week. General Landry looked out for me a bit, but he was a busy man and could only do so much. And now I'm married, I have someone who's _always_ going to care and that amazes me. I'm scared of messing up, doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing. I've become so… addicted to you since we met that I don't think I can live without you anymore and that's… frightening." Connor slowly lowered his hand. "I want to ask you something." He said quietly and John nodded. "Do I please you?"

John wrinkled his forehead in confusion. "Of course you do."

Connor bit his lip nervously. "I don't just mean in general, I mean, um, sexually? Do I please you?"

"Yes, of course. I would have thought you knew that by now, especially after the week we've had." John stared into Connor's eyes. "Where is this coming from?"

Connor didn't answer his question, instead he asked, "Is there anything we aren't doing that you want to?"

Briefly an image of him making love to Connor flashed through his mind, but John ignored it. Connor hadn't mentioned wanting to be on the bottom yet and John wasn't going to bring it up, at least not for a while. "Like what?"

"I could-I could, um, suck… you more?" Connor asked quietly.

John shook his head. "I know you don't really like doing that, Connor."

"That's just it!" Connor said and pulled away from John. He sat up and pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them and settling his chin onto his left knee. "You acquiesce to my needs too much, John."

John rolled back onto his back so he could look up at Connor. "Too much?"

"You like it when I…" He made an obscene gesture.

"Not at your expense." John told him quietly. "Never at your expense, Connor."

"So just at yours?"

"Connor-I-where is this coming from?" John was genuinely confused.

"I just… I had a dream."

"And I was in it?"

"Yeah."

"And I was telling you that you don't satisfy me in bed?"

Connor looked down at John with a horribly sad expression on his face. "Yes. You said I only think about myself, about what I want and not you. You-you said you wanted to bend me over your desk and take me from behind, but you couldn't because I didn't want to. But I would let you, John. I would let you if you wanted to."

John took a deep breath. He knew he had to tread lightly here. Connor looked so fragile already that John was so afraid of what might happen if he said the wrong thing. "Connor, what you're talking about, what the dream me suggested, that's rape, Connor, that's me doing something against your will. You may say you're okay with it, but you're not and I'm not. I told you once that I'd wait forever for you. If you decided right now that you didn't want to have sex anymore or do anything sexual… I won't lie, it would be hard, but we wouldn't, and that would _never_ make me stop loving you. I promised myself to you forever, Con, even if that's a forever without kissing or touching."

"But I want to give you what _you_ want."

"I only want as much as you can give." John countered softly. "Nothing more than that."

"You're unreal, John." Connor said softly. "No one wants that."

"Says who? I can live without sex, Connor, I can't live without you." John met Connor's eyes. "I thought that this was getting easier for you."

"It is. I don't know what's wrong." The younger man admitted.

John reached a hand out and rubbed it up and down Connor's back. "You're under a lot of stress right now, Con. I'm not too surprised that you're… having some doubts."

Connor laughed softly. "You mean having a break down at four in the morning and waking everybody up."

"I don't mind being woken up by you for anything and I doubt Lorne does either. Or Ronon for that matter."

"Ronon?"

"I called him to see if you guys had gone running early today."

"Oh."

"I would rather you talk these things out than keep them bottled up inside." John sat up behind Connor's and pressed a soft, moist kiss to the back of the linguist's neck, brushing away the hair there. When Connor didn't react he kissed him again, slowly moving his head around to the side of his husband's neck. "I love you." John whispered in his ear.

"I know." Connor whispered, melting backwards into John's arms. "I… can we… I want…in…"

"Of course." John whispered gently. Connor unhooked his arms from his knees and turned around falling on top of John. They sunk back onto the bed together, falling into their earlier position. Their mouths met in a warm, reassuring kiss. Connor tasted like toothpaste with a hint of the taste John had come to love underneath, pure Connor. His arms slid down Connor's back and slowly eased off his partner's boxers, letting them fall to the floor somewhere. His hands kneaded Connor's cheeks and Connor moaned into his mouth.

John felt himself begin to harden as Connor made delicious sounds. John reached towards the bedside table and came back with their bottle of lube, he poured a bit onto his fingers, rubbing it to warm it up before gently sliding an index finger between the two mounds.

[Edited Content]

Connor head was propped up on a pillow and he was gazing down at John with a blissful expression painted on his face. "Thank you." He murmured, running his fingers through John's now sweaty hair.

"My pleasure." John responded with a smile. He crawled back up his husband and Connor pulled him down into a kiss, full of love and emotion.

They switched places so that John was lying on his back with Connor resting his head on John's chest, hand in his dog tags; their usual position. John caught a small wince before Connor covered it up as the linguist moved a leg on top of John's.

"Sore?"

Connor looked up into John's eyes and John could almost sense the debate Connor was having with himself on what to tell John. "A little bit." The linguist finally admitted. "But it's not too bad."

"We might have some of that cream around here still…" John said, referring to the stuff Connor had used on him after their first time together.

"I'll be okay." Connor pressed a kiss to John's chest. "You really liked that." He said, but it was more of a question than a statement.

"Definitely."

"Why?"

John thought about it for a second. "I'm not sure. You were just there, giving yourself to me, it was amazing."

"But I didn't really give myself to you."

"What because we didn't go all the way?" Connor nodded against his chest. "I don't care about that. I mean, yes, I think about doing it in the future-when you're ready-but this was… you trusted me not to hurt you and part of me was in you and you were so fucking tight. I'm pretty sure, if I could manage it, I would be hard again right now just thinking about it, Con."

"I… John."

"Hmm?"

"I want to… want _us_ to do more of this."

"More of what?" John asked, running a hand through Connor's hair.

"More, um, intimate stuff." He paused. "Without the influence of some alien drugs."

John frowned. "Are you unhappy with our sex life, Con?"

"I just… want to grow more comfortable with it."

"So you're going to push yourself until you are?" John asked in disapproval.

Connor was silent for a moment. "When I was growing up, I was afraid of the water. I didn't want to learn how to swim. So my da took me to the local pool everyday. He never pushed me, but he took me there. We would sit and watch the other kids swim. Little by little we would get closer to the pool, until one day I found myself sitting on the edge with my feet in the water. A couple weeks after that I was sitting on the steps in the shallow end and a few weeks after that I was walking around in it. Eventually I loved going to the local pool. It took me a while to get over my fear of the water to find out that I really enjoyed swimming."

"What if you find that you don't really enjoy sex?"

"I'm still a guy, John. I think most of us do enjoy sex." John laughed at the look his partner shot him, full of 'I can't believe you just asked that'. "I enjoyed it well enough last week. I might not like everything we do, you're right I don't really like giving blow jobs, but really it's just not something I gave much thought to before I met you and I didn't give any thought at all to gay sex. I was so wrapped up in my work… it's not pushing myself, not really, it's… dipping my toes into the water."

"Well," John drawled. "I'm really all for more sex. Maybe we could try a few of those things that the book suggested." he looked down to see that Connor's face had flushed a deep crimson. "We can work up to that."

"Thank you for being so patient." Connor said quietly.

"It's not patience, just love."

"Well, thank you for being so loving, then."

"Always." John said fondly. "Think you can sleep now? I already let Ronon know that you wouldn't be joining him this morning."

"Yes." Connor curled even tighter around John. "Sorry for ruining your sleep."

"I'm not." John pressed another kiss to the top of Connor's head. "We're married now, you're allowed to wake me up if you're freaking out about something or even if you just want to make hot, filthy love." He said with a grin.

Connor poked him. "Don't be crude."

John laughed. " _Tá grá agam duit_ , Con."

" _Tá grá agam duit_ , John."

* * *

Dr. Casey Wright paced back and forth in his quarters. He glanced at his watch 1953. The meeting would start in seven minutes. He paced for another four.

Mind made up he took a deep breath and left, heading for Lab 4J6. He arrived at the doors at 1959 and hesitated.

"First time?" A warm voice asked from behind him.

Casey turned around to see Dr. Daniel Jackson behind him, a man he recognized by reputation only. "Yes, sir."

The other man laughed. "Call me Daniel."

Casey held his hand out. "Casey Wright, but everyone calls me Box."

Daniel quirked a brow as he accepted Casey's hand. "Box?"

"Yes, sir."

Daniel stepped towards the doors and they opened, he offered Casey a questioning look and Casey nodded, more to himself than to Daniel, and followed the other man into the room. There were couches all over the room and there were more people than Casey had expected. On rough estimate he'd guess there to be about fifty people in the room. "It can be overwhelming at first." Daniel said into his ear. "But they're all good people."

"And they're all gay?" Casey asked in wonder.

"Some are, some aren't. Some are just here to support their friends."

Casey looked around the room and saw more military members than he would have thought would be there, along with a couple people from the infirmary, where he was stationed. Casey tried not to show his surprise at seeing Dr. McKay there with a much younger looking Marine who had his arm wrapped around Dr. McKay's waist.

Daniel tugged on Casey's sleeve leading him to a sofa. They were all arranged in a circle around the room, some had people in them, some were still empty as scientists and military personnel milled about. Daniel claimed an empty couch and tugged Casey down into it. "So where does Box come from?"

Casey pulled his eyes away from all the people in the room and turned to look at Daniel. "Well, my friends used to call me Case and from there it sorta morphed into Box."

"Ah, Case-Box… got it. That's a cool nickname you have, though."

"I suppose." Casey said with a shrug.

"You don't like it?"

"I've had it since I was twenty." Casey told him. "And I haven't been twenty in a long time."

Daniel looked at him in surprise. "Really? You can't be that old…"

Casey reached a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "I feel older than I am. You're right, I'm only thirty-one."

"How long have you been on Atlantis?"

"Since the second wave." Casey told him, referring to the first group of people that had arrived after contact had been reestablished with Earth.

"What department are you in?"

"I'm an MD, not a PhD." Casey explained. "I work under Dr. Keller in the infirmary."

"Ah, that probably explains why I haven't really seen you around."

"We tend to keep odd hours in the infirmary." Casey agreed.

"How'd you hear about our meetings?"

Casey glanced around the room before indicating Dr. Davids. "He came by earlier today with a petition and mentioned that meetings were held."

Daniel followed his gaze and seemed to recognize the man Casey was pointing to. "Connor announced the meetings?" He asked, sounding surprised. "To all of the medical staff?"

Casey shook his head. "No. I was signing and he looked at me, he just seemed to know or something. Dr. Davids told me about the meetings that you had every week."

"Ah, that sounds more like him."

"Do you know him well?" Casey asked out of curiosity. Before today Casey hadn't even known that there was a Dr. Davids on Atlantis, much less one that was trying to start some sort of gay rights movement.

"Pretty well." Daniel answered. "He's the one who convinced me to come to Atlantis."

"And he's gay?"

Daniel seemed to hesitate with his answer. "I'm not sure." He said finally. "He's in a serious relationship with another man, but as far as I know that's the only person he's ever dated. So he might be bi."

"And you?" Casey asked softly.

Daniel smiled. "Me? I'm attracted to the person, not their anatomical parts."

Casey smiled in return. "That's good to know."

A soldier in the middle of the room started asking people to stop talking and Casey figured the meeting was starting as everyone took a seat on a couch. And if Daniel scooted just a little closer to him for no reason, well, Casey wasn't going to complain.

* * *

Connor was becoming increasingly aware of the Marine sitting next to him. He scooted over more, closer to Eric who in turn scooted closer to Rodney who in turn glared at Connor but scooted over further. Connor had seen the man next to him on the range a few times, and around Atlantis, but hadn't ever talked to him.

Now he was wishing he had. If only to tell the Marine that he was taken.

He'd sat next to the linguist at every meeting but the first one and tried to engage him in conversation every week. Connor was too polite to tell him off. Right now he was really wishing John was here.

Connor swallowed. He could do this. He could stand up for himself. With that thought in mind, the linguist decided to wait until the end of the meeting to talk to the Marine next to him.

People talked and Connor gave them half an ear, filing the words away for later when he wasn't distracted by the Marine who had pressed closer to him. Finally people got up to mill about again and Connor took a deep breath and turned to the man next to him.

The Marine, taller than Connor was and certainly more buff, had dark blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. Connor closed his eyes briefly before opening them and holding out his hand. "Connor Davids."

"Paul Silvers." The Marine said, accepting his hand. "Nice to meet you, Connor. Can I call you Connor?"

Connor ignored the question, "Look, Paul, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm married."

The blonde quirked an eyebrow. "No ring?"

Connor pulled his dog tags out and flashed up the silver ring. "I don't wear it in public. I'm very much taken and my husband could probably break all the bones in your body and still leave you alive, so…"

Paul held up his hands. "Got it."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Thanks for letting me know." Paul stood up. "It was nice meeting you, Connor." With a smile he walked away.

Someone coughed next him and Connor turned to see Eric looking at him. "I think I'm impressed, Connor."

The linguist blushed. "He wouldn't leave me alone."

Eric winked at him. "I meant I'm impressed that you think John would leave him alive."

"Oh."

"And that you could turn down someone so hot without so much as a blush." Eric teased.

Connor flushed. "What?"

"You have to admit he was good looking."

The linguist furrowed his brow. "I didn't think so."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm." Eric poked Rodney and the older man looked over at them both.

"What?"

"Did you think that Marine that was just here was hot?"

"What Marine?"

"Blonde, blue eyes, huge… muscles."

Rodney snorted. "If you're into too much testosterone, then yeah."

Eric turned back to Connor. "See? Even Rodney thought he was hot."

Connor glanced across the room to where Paul was standing, talking to someone else. He subtly looked him over and then shrugged and looked back at his friend. "Looks pretty average to me."

The younger man sighed. "If you say so."

"Yup."

"Well, okay then."

* * *

Connor woke up breathing heavily. His mind raced back to his dream, it had been unlike any other he'd had. He looked down to see his erection straining against John's leg. He wanted his husband and he really wanted him _now_. John did say that Connor could wake him up for hot, filthy love making. Connor got up to quickly brush his teeth before settling back into bed with his husband.

"John." Connor murmured, lightly pushing on John's shoulder.

"Hmm? Con? What?" John asked sleepily. He blinked slowly up at Connor.

Connor bit his lip. "Never mind, go back to sleep."

With every second John grew more and more alert and was looking at Connor with worry in his eyes. "Are you okay? Migraine? Did you have another nightmare? Do you need something?"

Connor blushed and looked away. "I'm fine."

A warm cupped his cheek. "Whatever it is, Connor, it's fine. Just tell me."

"I want you." Connor mumbled softly.

"What?" John asked in confusion. "I can't hear you."

Connor looked back into John's hazel-green eyes. He opened his mouth to repeat himself but he just couldn't do it. "Never mind, John, it's early. Go back to sleep."

"Connor." John said quietly.

Connor ducked his head into John's neck. "I want you." He said clearly.

John reached a hand down to gently squeeze Connor's erection. "Out of everything you might possibly wake me up for, a booty call would definitely be at the top of my list." He said with a soft laugh. The younger man attempted to burrow further into John's body, full of embarrassment. "Really, Con, I don't mind. I wake you up for sex all the time."

"Not in the middle of the night." Connor mumbled.

John laughed. "If I woke you up every time I wanted to have sex, we'd never be asleep."

"Oh." Connor looked up to meet John's eyes.

John grinned. "How do you want me?"

Connor's brain suddenly short-circuited as John was lying there offering himself up to Connor, barely hard but getting harder by the second. "Um…"

The older man laughed and leaned in close to Connor's ear. "I wanna ride you."

The linguist was embarrassed at how much his body seemed to like that thought. "Oh… uh…"

John smiled. "Would you like that?" He asked breathlessly in Connor's ear.

Connor swallowed thickly. "I… we never…"

"There's a first time for everything."

"The book says that-"

"I know what the book says." John said softly. "We don't have to. I'm fine with you in me any way I can have you."

Connor flushed. "I… we… yes, okay."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

John leaned forward and their lips met. John seemed to sense Connor's nervousness as he slowly explored the younger man's mouth with his tongue. Despite the week they had had, Connor was still nervous about sex, he was still worried about pleasing John and he was still worried that he was really bad at it. John had never actually said Connor wasn't.

John's tongue slid out a little and traced the outside of Connor's lips, licking at them. Connor moaned in satisfaction, "John."

John pulled Connor close and soon the linguist felt them moving. He relaxed, content to let John direct his body however he wanted to. Connor ended up on his back with John laying on his chest, legs straddling Connor's waist, knees on either side of Connor's hips. The older man grounded his body gently against Connor's straining erection. John's mouth was busy pressing several quick, hard kisses to Connor's mouth, leaving the linguist breathless.

Connor felt John push something into his hand. As he wrapped his fist around it, Connor realized it was a bottle of lube. John paused in his kissing and met Connor's eyes. His husband's green-hazel eyes were dark with lust and full of love, no hesitation existed; Connor was sure his had hesitation and nervousness and uncertainty and… John closed his mouth around Connor's again, wiping away all thoughts but wanting to be inside John.

The younger man moved his arms around John's back and he flipped the cap open, pouring some lube into his other hand.

[Edited Content]

When Connor came back down from his sex induced high, he realized that he was no longer in John and that the other man was tossing a tissue away. Connor reached out and touched John's skin, getting his partner's attention.

"Hey." John said quietly.

Connor felt a smile stretch across his face. "Hey."

John turned on his side to face Connor, tucking the smaller man into his body. John's hand was warm in his hair, the other settled on Connor's hip. Connor pushed a leg in between Johns and curled up into his husband. They lay there in the warm after-bliss for several moments and Connor felt himself falling back into sleep, eyes closing heavily.

"Connor?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Connor mumbled, snuggling closer to John.

A feather light kiss was pressed to the linguist's forehead. "We can talk about it in the morning."

"Talk 'bout what?"

"Nothing." John whispered. "Go to sleep."

"'k."

"I'm glad you woke me up." John offered softly, pressing another kiss to Connor's head.

"Me too." Connor burrowed in closer to his husband. "Love you, John."

"I love you, too, Con." Connor felt John sigh heavily and wondered why before sleep over claimed him. "I love you, too."


	47. Oneiric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 47 : Oneiric**

Author's Notes :  
\- oneiric: of or pertaining to dreams  
\- Takes place right after chapter 46.  
\- Don't own Gatorade. But I really want some right now. The lemon-lime kind or ooo the rain lime kind. Yuuum. Heh, my beta doesn't like Gatorade, so more for me. =)  
\- I don't know how this chapter ended up with so much Eric/Rodney sex. Lol.  
\- Edited content can be found at my listed homepage.

BETA : JackD

* * *

"Connor."

"Mmm… John?"

"Come have some tea with me." John said quietly. He was perched on the edge of the bed, hand resting on Connor's shoulder while the linguist was doing his best to burrow under the covers. John found it incredibly endearing.

"Why so early today?" Connor mumbled but obediently sat up, hair everywhere.

John moved aside so the younger man could get out of bed. Connor did and John stood next to him, directing his husband into the bathroom. He knew Connor wasn't fully awake yet. "I have an early meeting to prepare for the _Daedalus_."

"We have two days, right?"

"Today and tomorrow." John confirmed. Connor reached for his toothbrush and John left him to start on the tea. A few minutes later the toilet flushed and Connor came out with his eyes barely open. John smiled as his partner stumbled over to him. The older man wrapped his arms securely around his husband and Connor snuggled into them. John couldn't help but kiss the top of Connor's head. "You're pretty adorable right now."

Connor blushed and looked up at him. "Men aren't adorable, John."

John kissed the tip of Connor's nose. "That's where you're wrong."

"Nuh-uh." Connor protested, burying his head in John's neck. "Not adorable."

John laughed lightly. "Whatever you say, Con."

John heard the water begin to boil and he carefully separated himself from Connor, leaving the other man standing alone looking lost. John placed a tea bag in each mug and poured the water over them. He carried the mugs over to the table next to the large chair in the room. As soon as John sat down he got a lapful of Connor as the smaller man curled up on him. John rubbed the linguist's bare back and looked down in shock when he realized that Connor was still completely naked. Usually by now the scientist would have at least donned a pair of shorts. John hoped this meant that Connor was growing more comfortable in his skin. Mostly he knew, though, that it just meant Connor was too asleep to be bothered.

John sipped his tea while Connor seemed content to just lie on top of him. "Tell me what your plans are for the day."

"Sleep." Connor muttered.

John laughed. "When you wake up."

"Work, hang out with Jake, shoot some Marines, scheme with Evan, make out with Daniel, train a jumper…"

"I'm hoping you didn't mean at least three of those things," John said with a laugh.

"Huh?"

"You said you were going to shoot some Marines, make out with Jackson and train a jumper."

"Oh." Connor pulled his head back from its place on John's body and blinked up at him. "I meant shoot with some Marines, meet up with Daniel and train someone on the puddle jumpers."

John smiled. "I thought so. I'd have a real problem if you were gonna go make out with Jackson."

"And not if I shot some Marines?"

"Hey, they're armed, they can shoot back." John teased. He ran his free hand through Connor's hair. "How about you have some tea and wake up a little? There's something I want to talk about."

Connor groaned. "You want me to wake up at seven? I don't think that was in our wedding vows."

"Weren't you awake a couple hours ago to go running with Ronon?"

"I've perfected the art of running asleep." Connor answered, reaching for his tea.

John laughed. "That's quite the talent you have then."

"I know." Connor sipped the steaming hot liquid. "Mmm, Athosian."

"Teyla's people spoil you."

"They love me." Connor sighed happily.

"That they do." John agreed.

"What are your plans for the day?"

"Lorne and I are still doing random room inspections, so we'll be doing those for a few hours. I have various meetings throughout the day with different gate teams, making sure their reports are ready for when Caldwell arrives. Colonel Carter and I have our weekly meeting over lunch and somewhere in between I'll probably play light switch for Rodney since he's been nagging me more lately."

"Full day." Connor commented.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"What?"

"Um, you should probably know that at the meeting last night a Marine hit on me, not sure who he was. But I, uh, set him straight."

"You did, did you?"

"Yep, I told him what you told me to say."

John kissed the side of Connor's jaw. "Tell me what you said."

Connor blushed and nodded. "I told him that I was taken and that my husband could probably break all the bones in his body and still leave him alive… he left pretty quickly after that."

For some reason the thought of Connor telling someone that really turned John on. "Good. And it's not probably. I can."

Connor gave John a quick kiss. "Eric and Rodney thought he was hot."

"Oh really?" John drawled.

"I thought he looked like everyone else, average, not close at all to how good you look."

John felt his heart flutter in his chest at Connor's words. No matter how often the younger man told John that he found him good looking, John still felt amazed that Connor felt that way. "Well it's good to know you won't be leaving me for someone hotter."

Connor seemed to think about it for a moment. "I think you're the hottest person on base, so until someone hotter comes along, you're in luck."

"So you're just biding your time with me?"

"Of course."

"Was there a shot of smart-ass in your tea this morning?" John asked with a grin.

"Nope, just a shot of cleverness."

John shook his head as he laughed. "You are in a good mood this morning."

"I'm in love, I think there's a difference."

John thought about it for a second. "Hmm, maybe."

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Connor certainly seemed more awake now and John couldn't really hold off any longer. "Last night." He paused. "Or more accurately, this morning."

The younger man blushed. "What about this morning?"

"It was something new. I just want to talk about new things as they happen so they don't fester."

"Fester?" Connor asked, confused.

"Like if we did something you didn't like, or maybe I didn't like. I thought we should talk about it so that we can not do it again or do it differently, something to make it better." John said. He waited to let his words sink in. "So is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Not really."

"Not really still means there's something."

"Then there's nothing." Connor said quietly, taking a sip of his tea. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Yes." John paused. "On a scale of one to ten, one being horrible and ten being mind blowing, where would you rate this morning's activities?"

"Um…" There was a really confused look on Connor's face along with a mix of concentration.

After about five minutes of silence and a growing look of pain on his husband's face, John took pity on the younger man. "Okay," he said quietly. "Let's try it a different way. You don't like giving blow jobs, right?" Connor nodded, wary of where John was going with this. "But you give them, often enough that they would probably rate somewhere around a three? Maybe a four?"

"Okay."

"You liked… you liked being… you liked my fingers in you." John said gently. "So maybe that would be, what? An eight? A seven?"

"Okay." Connor repeated, not confirming any of John's guesses.

"You like being in me, when we're face to face, the way we've been doing it before this morning, yes?"

"Yeah."

"So maybe that's a nine or an eight." John turned Connor's face to meet his gaze. "Where would you put last night?"

"Why?" Connor whispered. "Why do you want to know, John?"

"I can't be curious?"

"No."

"And it can't just be because you're my husband and I love you?"

"Not with this." Connor said quietly.

John tried a different tactic. "So if you liked it alright, let's do it again tonight." And there it was, a wince crossed Connor's face, so small and so fast that had John not been sure it would be there he would have missed it. "Don't do this, Con, please. Just talk to me." John picked up one of Connor's hands. "I love you, I want you to love all the things we do. I want you to love them as much as I do."

"I'm not sure that's going to happen, John." Connor whispered.

"Why?" John asked, voice breaking. "Why?"

"I don't know!" Connor said, pulling away from John. He stood up and turned his back on the older man. "I don't know."

John stood and came up behind Connor. He ran his hands down the linguist's arms before settling them on Connor's stomach, pulling the other man back against him. "Tell me why you didn't like what we did this morning."

Connor took a deep shaky breath. "I couldn't kiss you, I couldn't really touch you. You felt… far away."

"We can fix that, Connor. It doesn't have to be that way."

"John? Why don't you want me to-" Connor broke off. "Why don't you want to switch positions?"

"I didn't think you were ready." John admitted.

"Why?" Connor leaned his head back against John's shoulder and John squeezed his arms tighter around the younger man.

"I thought you'd probably have more hang ups about being on the bottom."

"I feel weird topping you." Connor said quietly.

"You don't like it at all?" John asked, shocked.

"No, no!" Connor turned around to face him and looped his arms around John's neck. "I love being in you, you know that."

"Then what is it?"

"It's…" Connor sighed and looked away. "It's really stupid."

John inwardly groaned. "Please, Connor, tell me."

"You're the military leader of Atlantis, John." Connor said, slowly but firmly, turning his head up to meet John's gaze. "You're a lieutenant colonel in the United States Air Force. You did black ops for seven years. I-I shouldn't be the one you… submit to. You're better than me, John, I'm no one. I'm not like you, not important. People would-they would perceive you as weak and I don't want to be the reason for that."

"Connor." John breathed. "How long have you thought like this?"

Connor lowered his gaze. "Since the first time you blew me."

John swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them he met Connor's bright blue ones. "Connor, I… I don't give a flying _fuck_ what other people think. What we do in our bed is between us! Not those people outside! Not the men under my command or the men higher up than me! If I thought I could quit and still stay on Atlantis I would. I would do that for you, Connor. Because it _kills me_ that you think things like this. I'm not better than you! No one's better than you! We have different jobs, but that doesn't make us unequal. The translations you've done on the Ancient medical tech have saved twenty-seven lives since you got here! Fuck, Connor! I love you!" John voice broke on the end of that and the energy rushed out of him. He whispered, "I love you. To me that makes you the most important person alive. That makes you the best person alive. I would do anything you asked me to, Con, _anything_."

John paused and swallowed as his hands clutched at Connor's body. "Tonight you can bottom. You can bottom so you can realize that just because I'm not the one on top, doesn't mean I'm weak. If this is really what you want, Connor, we can do that. We can do any-fucking-thing you want because I _never_ want to hear you say something like that again. I never want you to _think_ something like that again. We're equals in this Connor, this isn't some power play or some domination game. I like you in me, I like being the one who surrounds you and if that gets me perceived as weak, than so be it, because I am not ashamed of wanting you, Con. Not at all."

Connor looked up at him with tears pooling in his eyes and John pulled him into a tight hug, rocking their bodies back and forth. "I'm sorry, John." Connor murmured into John's shirt. "I'm sorry."

"Shh." John cooed. "We can fix this, Connor. I love you. I love you."

* * *

"Hey, Doc."

Connor looked up. "Jake, hi. Is it, uh, lunch time already?"

"Yup." Evan's teammate confirmed. "I was wondering if maybe we could get some food and bring it back here." Jake said, indicating Connor's lab.

"Sure." Connor saved his work and followed the younger man out of his lab.

Ten minutes later they were back and sitting side by side on Connor's couch. There had been silence since they'd arrived back and it was beginning to unnerve the linguist. Jake wasn't the quietest person around, although in all fairness he wasn't the loudest either. Jake had e-mailed him last night asking if they could have lunch together. It wouldn't be the first time Connor had dined with the other man, but it was the first time he had done so outside of a group setting.

"I slept with David." Jake said suddenly, eyes wide, face nervous. He looked incredibly young to Connor although the linguist knew that the other man was only a few years his junior.

Connor swallowed the tea in his mouth. "Okay."

"I just…" He exhaled hard. "I'm telling you because you're the only one I can tell and I have to tell someone or I'm gonna go insane, Doc."

"After the party?" Connor asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Have you talked with him?"

"He said we should just forget it."

"But you don't want to?"

"I can't!" Jake answered, frustrated. He stood up and started pacing back and forth. Connor followed Jake's movements with his eyes. "I try to… I just… How do you make it stop?" He pleaded.

"Stop?"

Jake stopped pacing and slid to his knees in front of Connor. "I want it all to stop, Doc. I can't think these things! David's one of my best friends, he's my teammate! I like women! So why can't I stop thinking about David?"

Connor reached a hand out and landed it gently on Jake's shoulder. "Come here." He pulled Jake into a hug. It was an awkward hug considering Jake was kneeling on the floor and Connor was still sitting on the couch, but Jake went into it easily enough. "Just because you… you slept with David, especially under the influence, doesn't m-mean that you're gay," Connor said softly. "The memories are fresh right now, they'll fade."

Jake looked up at him. "You think?"

"Yeah." Connor nodded. "Just give it a little time."

"Thank you, Connor." Jake said, grasping one of the linguist's arms. "Thank you."

* * *

"Rodney."

Rodney looked up from his computer screen to see John hovering nervously next to him, a six pack in his hands. "Beer for dinner, Sheppard?"

The lieutenant colonel shrugged, "Why not?"

Rodney had a hundred excuses on the tip of his tongue to get out of eating with John. But then he took a look at his best friend, a real look, and Rodney had to admit that he got a little freaked out. John looked horrible. There were dark rings under his eyes, his hair was an even bigger mess than usual, his eyes were bloodshot and red, his clothes were rumpled and he was fidgeting nervously. "Okay, fine." Rodney saved what he was working on and followed John out of his lab. "I hope you brought real food too."

John held up his other hand that was holding a large bag, previously hidden by Rodney's desk. "Brought you three meatloaf MREs, just the way you like 'em, McKay."

Rodney rolled his eyes and followed the other man into the transporter.

Five minutes later they had the food spread out between them and John was quickly working his way through a can of beer.

"So what's up, Sheppard?" Rodney asked, biting into his meatloaf.

"Can I ask a personal question, Rodney?"

"Eight inches."

John sputtered and spit out his beer. "Okay, first of all, that wasn't my question and second of all, too much information and third of all, Jesus, McKay!"

Rodney blinked. "Oh."

"I want to know if you only top."

"I think my ass would get pretty upset if that's all I did." Rodney answered, taking another bite.

"So you and Johns go back and forth?"

Rodney tilted his head to the side. "Well, I'm on top about seventy percent of the time."

"Do you prefer that?"

"I think Eric does."

"Oh."

"I think he's just young."

John swallowed the last of his first beer and moved onto his second. Rodney was starting to get a little worried and wondered if he should be calling Davids out here. "I've only ever been on the bottom."

Rodney choked on the meatloaf in his mouth. "What?" He coughed.

"Connor tops."

"You let him _top_?"

"Yeah."

"I think you just killed a couple brain cells, Sheppard."

"It's not a big deal! Why is everyone making it out to be some huge thing!"

Rodney held his hands up, "Whoa, okay I know I may be as smart as everyone combined, but I'm hardly everyone and it sorta is a huge deal, John."

"It's not." John said a lot more quietly. "It's really not. I love him, Rodney, I'd do anything to make him more comfortable. He's not ready to bottom, so I'll do it until he wants to or can."

Rodney was feeling very glad that Eric had only taken a few months to be ready. He couldn't imagine waiting longer. Although now, now that he was stupid in love with the younger man, Rodney knew he probably would. "So what's Davids' problem with it?"

"He thinks that because I'm the military commander of Atlantis I shouldn't be rolling over for him. That my men might perceive me as weak and since everyone already perceives Connor as weak, he should be on the bottom."

Rodney hated to agree with John's fuzzy linguist but… "I think he's right."

"What?" John turned to give him an icy glare. "Connor thinks he's no one, Rodney. He thinks he's not as important as I am. He doesn't understand that without him I'd be so god-damned lost I couldn't find north with a compass!"

Rodney reached out and took John's beer away, noting that most of the second one was already gone. "You need to slow down on those, Sheppard. Don't you have meetings tomorrow?"

"Who gives a care, Rodney?" John asked miserably. "Connor thinks he's not important." He looked up at Rodney with sad eyes. "He's so important to me, Rodney, _so_ important. I would die without him. Connor's so strong, so amazing. I'm the one who's no one, the one no one loved before he came along. My own parents didn't even love me."

"Okay, that's it." Rodney pushed all their food back into the bag. "Let's go." He stood up and hauled John into a standing position, shoving the bag at the older man. He taped his radio as he led John back into the city. "McKay to Davids."

"Davids here."

"Meet me in your quarters."

"Now?"

"Yes, now." Rodney rolled his eyes. "McKay out."

It took Rodney ten minutes to lug John all the way back to his quarters. Davids had a look of deep concern on his face as he rushed out to greet them. "John? What happened?"

"Connor?" John asked, reaching out to touch the linguist. Davids slipped an arm under John's shoulders and led him over to their bed. "I really, really, love you. And I'm not more important. You're more important."

"John?" Davids wrinkled his nose. "Are you drunk?"

"Had a bottle of scotch with dinner." John confirmed.

"He had two beers on the dock." Rodney put in. "He didn't seem drunk when he forced me to eat with him. I didn't see him drink the scotch."

"Did you shoot the Marines?" John asked suddenly.

"Yeah." Davids answered with a small smile. "I need… aspirin and Gatorade." He looked up at Rodney.

"What?" Rodney asked.

"Can you get me some?" Davids asked softly.

"Fine, fine. But you better tell Sheppard he owes me." Rodney huffed.

"I'll tell him. Thanks, Rodney."

With that Rodney left to get the sport drink and pills, leaving John alone with his… linguist.

* * *

"John, John, John." Connor said fondly, crouching in front of the older man. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Stay with me always." John was quick to answer.

"Of course." Connor answered promptly. He reached around John's neck and pulled the ring off of his dog tags, slipping it back onto John's finger. He also removed John's black terrycloth wristband, used now to cover the braided leather band around his wrist, the Athosian symbol of bonding. When he finished with that, Connor bent down to untie the older man's shoes. "Can you take your shirt off?"

"No sex while drunk." John told him.

Connor laughed. "I know the rules. The shirt needs to come off, though, unless you want to sleep with it on."

John grinned down at him, "I'd rather sleep with you on."

The younger man blinked. "What does that mean?"

John scratched his head. "I have no idea." He unbuttoned his black over shirt, letting it fall off behind him. Connor pulled off his right boot as John tugged his undershirt off over his head. The linguist managed to untie John's left boot before the older man kicked it off. "I think…" John started. "I think I'm a little fucked up right now."

Connor nodded and pressed a kiss to John's forehead. "I'm sorry, John."

"It's not your fault. Never your fault. It's my fault." John moaned. "All mine. I should have seen this, should have known. I've always been able to read you."

Connor smiled at him sadly. "Let's get you undressed and in bed before Rodney comes back alright?"

"Alright." John stood up and patiently let Connor undo his pants, pushing them past his hips and to the floor. John stepped out of them, leaving him in just his boxers, and followed the younger man into the bathroom.

"How much scotch did you drink?"

"Five glasses." John paused. "Maybe it was more."

Connor ruffled John's hair. "You should be okay in a couple hours then, I think. Brush your teeth."

John obediently searched out his toothbrush and loaded it up with paste. While he brushed he kept his eyes on Connor and a hand fisting the linguist's shirt. Connor patiently waited as John finished before leading the drunken man back to bed.

Connor pulled the blankets up over his husband and was moving away to make some tea when John grabbed the hem of his shirt. "Connor," John said, looking completely sober. "I might be considered more important on Atlantis, but you're important to me and that makes you important to everyone else. If I lost you, I'd lose my fucking mind. If you were captured, I'd get every soldier under my command out looking for you. If someone were to hurt you, I'd make them regret it for the rest of their life. If you were allergic to something in the mess hall, I'd have it banned. I would move mountains for you, Connor, because you're important to _me_. And I think, since you're the only one who matters to me, that I should be the only one who matters to you. Me and God, Con. You don't have to worry about anybody else."

"I only worry for you, John." The younger man said softly.

"Let me worry for me."

Connor nodded slowly. "If you promise not to get drunk on your own again."

"You'll do this for me?" John asked.

"I'll attempt to." Connor promised. "It won't be over-night, John. It could take time."

"Thank you." John said quietly.

"You're welcome." The younger man smiled. Atlantis shot him an image of Rodney exiting the transporter on their level. "I'm going to go let Rodney in, okay?"

John nodded and let go of Connor's shirt. The linguist went back to making tea. He thought the main door open and Rodney stepped in holding two bottles of Gatorade and a couple aspirin.

"Thanks for getting all of this, Rodney." Connor said, accepting the items. "And thanks for bringing him back."

"Couldn't just let him wander around Atlantis drunk off his ass." Rodney grumbled. Rodney hesitated before adding, "You'll be okay with him?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Good, good." Rodney glanced towards John and then back towards Connor. "Tell Sheppard that I'll see him for breakfast."

"Sure thing, Rodney." With that the astrophysicist left them alone. Connor twisted the lid off of one of the bottles of Gatorade, bringing it back to John and offering it to the older man. "It will help replenish electrolytes."

John laughed but took the drink. "Thank you."

Connor reached out and lightly touched John's arm to get his attention. "I have a wee bit more work to do tonight, but I'll bring it back here, okay?"

"Yes, okay." John nodded.

Connor offered John a fond smile before ruffling the older man's hair and heading back to his lab to pick up his notes.

* * *

"Rodney."

Rodney looked up to see his boyfriend looking over at him from his place at Rodney's desk. Eric was working on homework, books spread out in front of him, while Rodney worked on coding better coffee into the replicators, stretched out on his bed. "Hmm?"

"Can you help me with this problem?" Eric asked, gesturing to his laptop.

"This better not be for some soft science class." Rodney muttered, getting up off the bed. He walked up behind Eric and leaned down over the younger man's shoulder. "Hmm." Rodney examined the problem, numbers flying through his head. "You've got the right idea, but your math is wrong here," he pointed to one spot in the equation, "and here."

Eric looked up at him and smiled, glasses sliding down his nose. "Thanks, Rodney."

Rodney had a strong urge to push the glasses back up his boyfriend's face. "Sure."

Eric turned his head to give Rodney a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "I'm almost finished."

"That's what you said an hour ago." Rodney grumbled.

"Sorry." Eric said quietly.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Need any more help?"

"Nope. Thank you." He repeated.

The older man walked back over to the bed and retook his spot, pulling his laptop back onto his lap. "You don't have to thank me every time, you know."

"Oh." Eric said softly, as if the idea hadn't occurred to him. And suddenly Rodney was sure it hadn't. He wondered if Eric ever had anyone to help him with his homework before. Even Rodney's parents had tried to help before realizing that their son's homework was just too far beyond their reach. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Rodney assured him. "I'll take it out of you in trade."

"Okay."

Rodney went back to trying to program in some Hawaiian coffee. He briefly wondered how Sheppard was doing. He felt a small twinge of guilt for leaving Davids there to fend for himself but pushed it away. The linguist knew where Rodney was if he needed anything.

"Rodney."

"Hmm?" And this time when Rodney looked up it was to Eric peering down at him. "Oh, finished?"

"Yeah." The glasses were tucked away somewhere and one of these days Rodney was really gonna make his boyfriend wear them in bed. "Wanna do me in the shower?" Eric asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes." Rodney answered. He pushed away his laptop and followed the younger man into the bathroom. Eric stripped quickly and Rodney followed in haste. "Fuck, you're hot." He murmured. Eric blushed lightly, and Rodney laughed, pulling the younger man to him. Rodney reached his free hand into the shower to turn it on. One nice thing about the showers on Atlantis is there was no waiting for the hot water; it was all instant.

Eric pulled him under the water and Rodney willingly went. They didn't do it in the shower a lot because Eric was taller then Rodney and the height difference made it a little awkward in such a small space. They did it the other way once, with Eric doing Rodney but Rodney wasn't sure either of them had enjoyed it that much. The shower had been slippery, Eric preferred to see Rodney's face when he topped and Rodney wasn't really as good at balancing against the wall as his much younger boyfriend was.

Eric's arms wrapped around Rodney's shoulders as he ducked his head to kiss Rodney's jaw. Rodney thought it wasn't fair how hot Eric looked with water pouring down over him. Rodney looked somewhat like a drowned rat with what little hair he had left plastered to his head. He wasn't even going to think about the physical differences between their bodies.

Rodney opened his mouth as Eric's covered it, allowing water to leak in alongside Eric's tongue. His boyfriend was a bit more aggressive tonight than usual, not that Rodney was complaining. Rodney groped his boyfriend's backside, gently squeezing Eric's bottom. His fingers rested in between the two cheeks and Eric moaned softly into Rodney's mouth.

The younger man rubbed their erections together, the water slick against their skin. Eric pulled away from Rodney's lips and kissed the side of his mouth. "I want you, Rodney."

[Edited Content, as well as various pieces of edited content throughout this scene]

"Why are you in such a hurry tonight?" Rodney asked.

"I want to feel you in me." Eric replied quietly. There was something in his eyes that made Rodney falter a little. Just something off, something fragile.

Rodney pulled his boyfriend a little tighter against him. "Okay." He kissed Eric on the mouth. "Turn around." Something else flashed in Eric's eyes and Rodney's chest tightened. Rodney reached behind him and turned off the water.

"Rodney, what…?"

Rodney didn't answer. He tossed a towel at Eric who caught it with a surprised look on his face, and a little bit of a hurt one. Rodney dried himself off and waited while Eric, still standing in the shower dripping, kept looking at him. The older man sighed and went back to his boyfriend. Rodney pried the towel out of his hands and gently dried Eric's skin. When he finished with the younger man's body he rubbed the towel through Eric's short hair. Rodney tossed the towel behind him and gently led Eric out of the shower and to their bed.

Eric followed him without complaint and didn't say anything when Rodney pushed him onto the bed. Rodney took a moment to close down his laptop, setting it aside on the floor. Rodney climbed onto the bed next to Eric and turned to face him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Eric answered, not meeting his eyes.

Rodney sighed. "Do I need to get Davids in here? Will you talk to him?" And wasn't that a blow to his pride, Rodney admitting that Eric might not want to talk to him about something.

"There's nothing wrong, Rodney." The other man denied again.

"Bullshit."

Eric sighed and turned his head to face the ceiling. "I'm gonna miss you while Caldwell's here."

"He's only here for a couple of weeks."

"I know."

"You can still come annoy me in my labs."

"Yeah." Eric said sadly.

"That's not the only thing, though."

"You know me too well, Rodney." Eric said quietly.

"I think that's what usually happens when you fall in love, kid."

Eric shook his head fondly at the moniker. "It's about Connor."

"So?"

"I'm really worried about him, Rodney. He's going after these guys that could really hurt him."

And that's when it clicked in Rodney's brain. His eyes widened and he sat up staring down at Eric. "Has someone said something to you? Done something?"

"No."

Rodney reached down and grabbed Eric's hands in his. "I really need you to not be a stupid, strong Marine for a second and tell me the truth. Has someone said something to you, Eric?"

Eric blinked up at him and swallowed. "Not about me."

"Then…?"

"I overheard some of the guys in the locker room saying stuff about Connor, but they could have easily been saying it about you or Colonel Sheppard and I… I wanted to make them stop, Rodney. I wanted to punch their face in and make them shut up." Eric turned his head to the side. "I promised myself I would never do that-hit someone in anger. I can't be like-like him, Rodney, I can't."

Rodney took a deep breath. "Connor can take care of himself. Some idiot was stupid enough to give him a black belt. I think it goes without saying that Sheppard can take care of himself as well."

"And you?" Eric asked, moving so that his eyes would lock with Rodney's. "Who takes care of you?"

"My whole team is full of ass-kickers." Rodney answered gently. "And I have you." He paused. "That's not to say that I haven't learned a few things over the years… I'm pretty bad ass now too."

Eric laughed mirthlessly. "Of course you are."

"Eric. You don't need to worry about us, we can take care of ourselves. And anytime," Rodney swallowed. "And anytime you feel angry enough to want to hit someone, you can come to me. I'll talk you down or fuck you senseless, or maybe both at the same time." Rodney joked lightly.

Eric cracked a half smile. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, Rodney."

Rodney blinked and moved to cover Eric's body with his own. "Nothing more than I did to deserve you. Now let's get back to the fucking before we become as sappy as Sheppard is."

"How do you know how sappy Colonel Sheppard is?" Eric asked, trailing his arms down Rodney's back.

"It oozes from him." Rodney answered.

"He's in love, Rodney."

The older man rolled his eyes. "Yes, well-"

"Rodney." Eric said, cutting him off.

"What?"

"How about we stop talking about John and get back to the part where you're in me instead?"

Rodney's dick seemed to like that idea. "Yeah, yeah."

Eric laughed and tugged him down so their lips would meet.

* * *

"John." Connor said, bursting into his husband's office, unannounced. He flushed a deep red when he saw there were two soldiers in the room with John and Evan. John met his eyes briefly, a question hidden in them. Connor fumbled over his and John's pre-established emergency phrase, "Dr. McKay needs you in his office right away."

John's eyes widened a fraction before he turned to Lorne. "I'll be right back, Major."

"Yes, sir." Evan met Connor's gaze, concern in them. Then suddenly John was in front of Connor, ushering him out of his office and down the hall to an unused room.

John's hands ran down Connor's arms. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I'm being recalled to Earth." Connor said hurriedly. "I have five minutes to get a bag of stuff together."

"What?" John's voice held a note of panic. "Who's recalling you? For how long? Where are you going? You didn't know ahead of time?"

"General Landry just asked for me during out weekly dial out. I have to go, John, it was an order. I don't know where I'm going or when I'm coming back. It didn't sound like it was permanent… I don't know." Connor cried. "I don't know. I just… I have to pack, but I had to see you first. I'm sorry to bother you in your office."

John pulled Connor to him for a tight hug. "Okay, okay." He ran his hands up and down the linguist's back. "It's okay, you'll be back, if you're only packing a bag. Let's go pack, okay?"

"Don't you have to…" Connor gestured towards the direction of John's office.

"They fucked up, they can wait five minutes." He said, pulling Connor out of the room and towards the nearest transporter.

Soon enough they were back in their quarters with John packing clothes for Connor.

"What if they don't let me come back?" Connor asked in a shaky voice, following John around the room. John folded clothes with military precision and soon most of Connor's casual wardrobe was packed along with a few of his uniforms. He followed John into the bathroom where the older man was gathering Connor's toiletries.

John carefully placed them all into Connor's duffel bag before turning to face the younger man. "If you can't come back, then I'll come to you." He said softly, looking Connor in the eye.

"But Atlantis…"

"Is not my home, you are." John finished. "I love you, Connor, and I promised you forever."

Connor swallowed and leaned forward, John enveloping him into his arms. Connor squeezed his husband, holding on for dear life. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

"Be careful."

"Only if you're careful too." John said.

"I will be, I promise."

"And you better eat."

"I will."

"And sleep."

"I will." Connor kissed John's neck. "Don't let Caldwell get to you."

"I won't." John pressed a hungry kiss to Connor's lips. "I love you, Connor."

"I love you."

John picked up Connor's bag. "I'll walk you to the gate room."

Connor had John's hand in a death grip as they made their way back to the transporter. It began to move when the doors closed. "Can you tell everyone I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye?"

"I'm sure they'll understand." John said softly, handing Connor his bag as the doors opened. Connor let go of John's hand. "But I'll tell them."

"Thanks." They walked over to where Sam was waiting for them.

"Ready?" She asked.

"Yeah." Connor answered quietly.

"Have fun on Earth." She said with a smile.

Connor forced one to his face. "Thanks."

With one last wave and look at John, Connor stepped through the wormhole back to Earth. General Landry was waiting by himself at the bottom of the ramp on the other side.

"Dr. Davids, sorry to pull you away so suddenly." He offered with a friendly smile. "We'll get you back to Atlantis as soon as possible." He gestured to a nearby soldier. "Airman Kennle will take your bag to your room, if you'd follow me."

Connor handed off his bag and followed the older man out of the room.

* * *

John blinked as the wormhole shut down.

"I'm sorry about all of this, John." Carter offered from next to him. "General Landry requested him personally."

"Do you know what they need him for?"

Carter shook her head. "No, he didn't say."

John nodded. "Okay. I've got to get back to my office. I left Lorne in there alone."

She smiled at him sadly. "By all means."

John offered a sloppy salute and left her there, heading back to his office. By the time he got back to his office, John was already missing his husband. He took a deep breath and entered. Lorne was still there, as were Jacobes and Knighly, the two men he'd been… sternly talking to.

"Dismissed." John said. Lorne gave him a look of surprise as did the other two men. "This was your first offence, and hopefully your last. A note will be made in your files and if either of you end up in this office again for disciplinary purposes you won't be here long enough to regret it. Dismissed." He repeated.

They both saluted John before hightailing it out of his office. John sunk down into his chair and just sat there for a moment. He reached up to rub the ring hidden by his shirt.

"Sir?" Lorne asked quietly. "Is everything okay?"

John blinked and sat up straighter. "Connor was recalled to Earth. He apologizes for not being able to tell you in person."

"Recalled? For what? Does his team know?"

 _Shit._ John rubbed a hand over his face. "Get Ramsey here now." He waited while Lorne called SGA-4's leader into their office. "I don't know why he was called back. Make sure whoever he was giving jumper lessons to is rescheduled with someone else."

"Yes, sir."

They sat there waiting for Ramsey to show up. Or rather, John just sat there, his second in command was busying typing away on his laptop. The door chimed and John thought it open.

"Sirs." Ramsey said with a salute towards both of them.

John returned it. "At ease." The other man relaxed, placing his hands behind his back. "I need to inform you that Dr. Davids gated back to Earth earlier today at the request of General Landry. It was unscheduled and as such he did not have time to inform you himself."

Ramsey's face held confusion and concern. "Is he in trouble, sir?"

John shook his head. "Not to the best of my knowledge. I'll keep you posted as I get more info."

"Will my team be on stand-by until he returns, sir?"

John shook his head. "You'll stay on schedule as is. I'll ask Dr. Jackson if he would like to join you."

Ramsey looked uneasy at that. "Sir, if I may…?" John nodded. "I believe my team and I would prefer to… remain as we are without Dr. Jackson."

"Sure." John agreed. "If that's what you want. Please make sure the rest of your team know."

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

Ramsey offered another salute that only Lorne returned this time before taking his leave. John sighed and leaned back in his chair and tried not to think of Connor, alone on Earth.

* * *

"Where's the Doc tonight?" Jim asked.

 _Good question_. Eric looked at Ben who had summoned them to a team dinner. Ben grimaced as he placed his replicated hamburger on his plate. "Let's sit down first."

Eric felt his heartbeat pick up and tried not to imagine a horrible bad things happening to his friend. "Ben?" He was horrified to hear his voice break.

Ben sighed. "He's fine, let's just sit down."

Eric quickly replicated some macaroni and cheese before following the rest of his team to an empty table in the food hub. When they sat down, Eric looked at his team leader in anticipation. "Well?"

"He gated back to Earth a few hours ago."

"What?" Jim asked. "He just left? He didn't even say goodbye! He's coming back right?"

Eric thought those were all good questions and impatiently waited for Ben to answer them. "Colonel Sheppard says he doesn't know why the Doc was recalled, or how long he'll be gone, but the assumption right now is that he will be coming back. He couldn't say goodbye because he had no time, apparently General Landry just asked that he come though."

"Are we on standby?" Jim asked.

"No, we're on the schedule same as before."

"Just minus one." Eric said softly.

Ben nodded sadly. "Yeah, minus one."

Later that night, Eric was waiting for Rodney to come home. Once the _Daedalus_ arrived they would go back to spending every few nights together. He sat up and looked out Rodney's window, sheets pooling in his lap. Eric shivered as the cold enveloped his bare skin. The young man leaned forward to rest his elbows on his bent knees, gazing out at the night sky.

Rodney came in earlier than Eric thought he would so he turned in surprise. "Hey."

"It's freezing in here." Rodney grumbled. "Aren't you cold?" He ran an appreciative eye over Eric's naked back.

"Yeah. Can you turn the heat on or something?"

Rodney frowned. "It should have already been set." He walked over to his desk and lifted up his computer tablet. Rodney tapped it a hundred times, or so it seemed, and a second later the room began to heat up.

"Thanks." Eric returned his gaze to the moons outside as Rodney got ready for bed. A few minutes later the bed dipped and a warm body was pressed up behind his. Eric felt himself pulled backwards against Rodney's chest while Rodney's legs settled on either side of Eric's body.

"I heard Davids left." Rodney said, wrapping an arm around Eric's waist, hand dipping low.

"Yeah, back to Earth."

"Have you seen Sheppard?"

"Not yet."

"Man looks like his puppy died." Rodney said, fondling Eric's nether regions.

"I can't believe you're feeling me up while talking about dead puppies." Eric said, leaning his head back onto Rodney's shoulder.

"I wasn't talking about dead puppies." The older man protested. "I was talking about how Sheppard looks like his puppy died, there's a difference."

"I hope he's okay." Eric said quietly.

"You and everyone else."

"I hope John's okay."

"Are _you_ okay?" Rodney asked, unusually gently. He kissed Eric's neck.

"I don't know." Eric paused. "We talk about them a lot while we're having sex."

"We're not having sex."

Eric arched an eyebrow even though Rodney couldn't see it. "So there's a gun in your pocket?"

Rodney snorted. "I can't be happy to see you?"

The younger man grabbed the bottle of lube off the bedside table and pushed it into Rodney's hands. "I'd rather you do more than see." Eric closed his eyes as he heard Rodney snap the lid off.

[Edited Content]

Eric breathed Rodney's name as he came and Rodney, in turn, called Eric's.

* * *

 _JSD,_

 _I've included a decryption algorithm for the rest of the e-mails. MRM should know what to do with it._

 _CSD_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I miss you. I'm sitting in my old room at the SGC writing this e-mail to you, knowing it won't arrive for another week. That doesn't matter though, just writing makes me feel closer to you. I wish I could tell you what I'm doing here, but General Landry has ordered me not to say anything to anyone. I think you'll find out soon enough about some of it._

 _I haven't been in this room since we were last on Earth. It feels strange to be here again, especially without you with me. Last night I woke up and thought that maybe I had lived a dream. That I had made you up. Your dog tags were around my neck though, and my wedding ring on my finger._

 _My life is so different now, with you, John. I don't wake alone anymore. I have friends to eat with. Someone to remember to pack my sweatshirts for me. I always forget how cold they keep the mountain._

 _I have to get ready soon, I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I'll write again tonight._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I really wish General Landry had given me more time to pack. There are several books in Atlantis that I wish I could have with me right now. Instead I've ordered some more of them off of the web and rushed them here. Hopefully they'll arrive tomorrow._

 _I hope your day went well, especially with the arrival of the Daedalus. I spent most of my day working. I ate lunch today though, and dinner I promise._

 _There are so many new faces here that I don't recognize hardly anyone. Those I do recognize I've never talked to. I've found myself falling into my old routine. Breakfast in my room, lunch in my office and dinner in my room. It reminds me of how much I have on Atlantis and how little I have on Earth for me._

 _I miss you, John. A pillow just isn't the same if it's not breathing._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_Connor,_

 _You've only been gone three days but it already feels like three hundred._

 _Ronon wakes me up every morning to go running in your place. Have I mentioned yet how glad I am that you run with him in the morning and I run with him later in the day? Well I am. The mornings just aren't the same without you. Teyla showed up this morning to drink some tea with me. I couldn't help but wish you were here instead._

 _Rodney blew something up in his lab today. It was pretty funny actually. He was yelling at me for touching something and then knocks over his coffee which leaked into some wires and before you know it there are chunks of some Ancient thing everywhere. Don't worry though, no one got hurt._

 _Teyla's been teaching me new stick fighting moves. I feel like I'll be ready to take you on when you come back._

 _I… this sucks, Con. I can't just sit here and pretend that everything's okay. I've been staying in my old quarters since Caldwell is in the city. I stole your pillow though. It always was better than mine. I miss you._

 _John_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _It's been eight days and I'm already so tired. I'm trying to get these translations done but I'm beginning to think they might take a lot longer than originally thought. I've started to eat lunch and dinner in the mess hall just so I would have some time away from my work. I wanted to try and get through it as fast as possible but no matter how much I work on it, I feel like nothing gets done._

 _I hope everything is well in Atlantis. I miss the city. Don't laugh, but I've been walking into doors. The elevator is the worst though. I'll get in and forget to press the button because I'm so used to the city doing it for me. Yesterday I rode all the way to the surface before realizing I had missed my floor._

 _I'm going off world tomorrow, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write my usual amount of e-mails. I can probably send you my breakfast one, but lunch and dinner might be difficult to write. We'll see though._

 _Sorry this is so short, but I think I need some sleep._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_Connor,_

 _Got all your e-mails in the last dial-out. I'll try to write more, but you know me. I'm not exactly Mr. Technology. I'm glad to hear you seem to be doing okay. I was worried about why they recalled you but it doesn't sound like you're in any trouble. You aren't right?_

 _I heard there's a new Star Trek movie out. I thought they ended those a long time ago. Feel like picking it up and bringing it back with you if you have the chance?_

 _I miss the way you smell. And taste. Like raspberries and Athosian tea. Try not to bring too much tea back with you, we still have a huge mound left. Although some more chai would be nice._

 _Since you've been gone, Lorne has been hovering more. Everywhere I turn he seems to be there. Him, Teyla and Ronon have become my shadows. I can't remember the last time I ate a meal alone. Speaking of which, I wish you wouldn't eat alone. I'm sure the people there are nice. Just ask to eat with one of them. I wish you would, but I know you wouldn't. At least eat in the mess hall._

 _Any word yet on when you'll be finished doing mysterious Connor things? If you take any longer you'll miss Caldwell's whole visit. And it will have been two weeks since I've last seen you. I think we should add on to our wedding vows. Something about the length of time we can be apart because this is killing me._

 _I love you, I'm worried about you._

 _John_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I ordered the Star Trek movie for you. I rushed the shipment just in case there's a chance I'll be able to leave soon. Same with the tea. Anything else you want?_

 _I've talked to General Landry about the translations. They're impossible, John. And this time even I can admit that._

 _I have some meetings this week with different people. I'm nervous and I wish you were here to bolster my courage. You've always said I was strong, John. I guess it's time for me to believe so as well._

 _I've been in touch with Sam, Daniel and Evan. They're continuing on with my 'secret mission'. I'm worried about what will happen in my absence. Eric says that meetings are still being held. That's good. I think it's important for support to be established._

 _This e-mail will be short as I'm really tired._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_Connor,_

 _We've found another gate for Midway. That gives us all the gates we need. McKay is working on writing a different macro code and building has already begun on the new station. Hopefully this means you can come back any time you want without having to wait for a dial-out or a dial-in._

 _We stumbled upon another Wraith controlled planet. I think we did some damage before hightailing it out of there. Don't worry though, no one was hurt. Well, a few hundred Wraith probably have some wounds, but no one you know was hurt. We might be going back to finish the job. I know Ronon wants to._

 _Speaking of Ronon, he asked if you received his e-mail. I don't know why he thought I would know, but I'm passing that along._

 _Rodney got the replicators to start making better coffee. It's awesome. I've put in a request for better booze. Anything you want me to bug him about adding?  
_

 _The new guys that came on the Daedalus a couple weeks ago are so fresh I could do my laundry with them. We got thirty new men and only two have ever been off world. I'm starting to feel old, Con._

 _The Daedalus is gone and on its way back to the Milky Way. I moved back into our room._

 _I miss you. I love you._

 _John_

 _  
_

* * *

_Connor,_

 _What happened? Are you okay? The new batch of e-mails just came through and there's only twelve. What happened to those last three days? I hate this, I hate waiting for a reply. Most of all I hate not know if there will be one._

 _I'm trying not to have a heart attack as I sit here and write this._

 _I miss you a lot, I'm going crazy here. I just need to know that you're okay. Just send me something, a word, a picture, a blank e-mail! Hell, send someone else something, I don't care. Right now I'm having visions of you lying dead somewhere and it is not a pleasant feeling._

 _John_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I'm writing this as fast as I can so it can get out while the gate is open. I'm sorry there's no e-mails this week and that I missed a few days last week. I spent the few days leading up to the dial out in the infirmary. I'm fine, no damage, just a migraine. Almost as soon as I got out, General Landry needed me to gate off world with Colonel Mitchell's team. We've only just gotten back. Oh no, the gate's opening._

 _I love you, John. I miss you._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _There's talk of recalling Daniel back to the SGC to help me. I wish they would._

 _I went to church today. I didn't go in though. I stood at the doorway and watched. Maybe I'll try again next week._

 _I included a picture of me and Cam off world. He seems a bit lonely, missing Daniel and Sam, there's just Vala here now. I guess we sort of stole them from him. I think he wants to come to Atlantis but they won't let him. Something about there being too many colonels and confusing the chain of command. I think he just really wants to fly a puddle jumper. I don't think he has the gene though, but maybe the gene therapy will take._

 _I can't say much about this, John, but I have a meeting with some really high up people tomorrow. The results of these meetings could change a lot of things._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_Connor,_

 _Sorry there's so few e-mails this time, I've been off-world a lot. It seems with the replicators mostly gone and the Wraith as few as they are, a new race has stepped up to terrorize people. Will we ever learn?_

 _Tomorrow is the dial-out and I'm desperately hoping there's something from you. If there's not I'm not sure what I will do._

 _The days are getting longer and now, more than ever, I can start to understand what you went through when I lost my memory. It's hard living without another person who's become such a huge part of my life._

 _I've included a few pictures I stole from Ronon. Hopefully he won't send you the same ones. He's become quite the photo fiend. Every time I turn around he's there with the camera again._

 _I love you. I miss you._

 _John_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _Daniel arrived yesterday. Cam is happy to have someone he knows back. I'm happy to have help. Daniel's up to speed on everything now and we've been rapidly moving through texts. Cam stops by every once in a while to make sure we eat. I've also recently learned how to play basketball. Cam says everyone needs to learn how to play._

 _Do you know him? I think he's close enough to your rank and age that you've probably crossed each other's path. It's hard to tell from your e-mails if you knew him or not. Thanksgiving's next week. If I'm still here Cam wants to take me and Daniel home for the holiday. I've never had an American Thanksgiving. It sounds like a lot of food and a lot of soccer._

 _Try and see if Rodney can program some raspberry tea. I'm running out of the stuff Evan bought me._

 _There's a bunch of new Marines on base. I don't think I enjoy them as much as I do the fly-boys. Maybe you and Evan have ruined me in that respect. Eric would be so displeased._

 _I miss you._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I just realized that I wrote 'soccer' in my last e-mail. I meant football. I can already hear you laughing. I can't help it if your people are weird, John. Football seems like a much more accurate term for soccer. After all, it is played with the foot, while in American football your foot hardly touches the ball._

 _I'm sorry my e-mails have not been as proliferate as they have been in the past. I've been working a lot to try and get home to you sooner._

 _Speaking of which, Daniel has just knocked on my door and is waiting for me to finish this e-mail. I swear he never sleeps. It's already two in the morning. Oh well, I love you, John._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I'm writing this as I drink my morning tea, imagining that you're sharing a cup with me. I have a long day ahead of me; lots of translations and a few different meetings. Don't worry, John, I scheduled in time for lunch and dinner. I'm eating a scone for breakfast. They're not the same here in the States as they are in Ireland, but I'm slowly getting used to them. Even the replicators back on Atlantis make better scones than they serve here._

 _I played chess last night with one of the new Marines. She's young and recently arrived. She asked to sit with me last night at dinner and we got to talking. She's from Washington state and has four older brothers. I think you would like her. She's funny and has a great laugh._

 _I miss you, John. I miss waking up next to you. I miss kissing you. I miss touching you._

 _I went to mass again on Sunday. There was a new priest there. He was young, for a priest. His homilies were funny though and he got his point across. I felt weird sitting there by myself. All around me were these couples, reminding me that I…_

 _I miss you._

 _Colonel Mitchell stopped by my office. He pulled me out to lunch. I really like spending time with him. It might be because he's a bit like you, John._

 _I hope everything is alright with you, John. You're latest e-mails have sounded so sad. I'm sorry I can't be there. I'm working as fast as I can. Rodney e-mailed me to tell me to tell you to stop moping and Ronon e-mailed me to say that he's kicked your butt the last three times you sparred. Now, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that the standing of the Sheppard-Davids name is very important to me. Go out there and defend our honor._

 _Today I'm going off-base for dinner with the Marine I told you about. Her name is Rachael Jensen by the way. She's a lieutenant. I've heard that it's raining outside, with a couple mentions of snow. I'll have to remember to dress warmly. Before you say anything, this is not a date. I told her I was married, not to mention way too old for her, John. She's just new in town and wants to eat somewhere other than the mess at the SGC. Who can blame her?_

 _If I haven't said it enough, I miss you._

 _Well, I've drunk all my tea and am about two seconds away from missing you so incredibly badly that I can't move. So I will say goodbye for now._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_Connor,_

 _You sound like you're spending a lot of time with Mitchell. To answer your question, I've met him a few times in passing. Good guy, but he sticks pretty close to the line. He also came to Atlantis once. I think that was before your time, though. Rodney is not too fond of him. But, then again, who does Rodney like?_

 _I had a weird dream last night. I was back on Earth racing in a car around an empty track. I kept trying to stop but nothing would happen, I just kept going around in circles. Any thoughts?_

 _Thanksgiving has always been a big affair in the US. Honestly I never really understood why, but I've also never really celebrated it. You know my parents weren't big on the holidays, so for me it was just a day where there was no school. I think the most I did to celebrate it was make paper turkeys out of my hand in elementary school._

 _If I recall Mitchell is from the south, so I imagine there will not only be a lot of food but a lot of people. Sorry I can't be there for you. I asked Lorne about it and he said, if you want, you should bring flowers or a pie or something. He'll probably tell you in his own e-mail._

 _I really miss you a lot._

 _John_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I probably won't have a chance to write to you for a few days as Cam has forbidden me and Daniel from bringing any work with us to his parents' farm. Cam is from Kansas. I've never been there so I'm a bit excited to visit a new place. Vala is coming with us._

 _Some of the guys here call Cam 'Shaft'. He said it's his call sign. What's yours? I can't believe I don't know. I wonder what Evan's is._

 _I miss you, John. More than I thought it was possible to miss another person._

 _I walked into another door yesterday. I really need to pay more attention when I'm reading._

 _Your dream might mean that you feel you're just going in circles in life. Everything is the same and nothing is changing, you're stuck. Kinda how I feel right now, without you. Life is a giant circle of work, sleep, eat, repeat. I hope you're faring better than that, John._

 _All my love,_

 _Connor_

 _  
_

* * *

_Connor,_

 _I hope you're having fun at Mitchell's place. We're not doing anything for Thanksgiving here. Rodney bitched for days when Carter made any mention of it. Something about real Thanksgiving happening in October? How can there be more than one Thanksgiving? I've said it before and I'll say it again: Canadians are weird._

 _I've had more than one call sign over the years, it does happen. You do know the last one I had, although you didn't know that you knew it. It was Shep. Before that some guys used to call me Pine, short for porcupine as a reference to my hair. Before that I had another one that I'm not sure you would appreciate so I won't repeat it here. If you really want to know, ask me when you get home._

 _I'm pretty sure at least one of Lorne's call signs was Blue. You'd have to ask him to be sure though. I think it's because blue is a synonym for forlorn… I'm sure you get it._

 _Now that you're a pilot, I'm sure we can hook you up with something. How's LepreCON? I'm sure the other guys would just call you Doc. Or some other name we think is clever, but really isn't._

 _Christmas is in a month and you better be home by then._

 _I think Johns is missing you a lot. You're whole team is in my office, separately I might add, everyday asking for updates on you. I keep telling them that when I know something, they'll know something._

 _I had something else to say but I forgot what it was. Next time I should probably say it first._

 _I love you._

 _John_

 _  
_

* * *

_A chuisle_ ,

 _I'm coming home tomorrow. So is Daniel and Cam's coming with us. I don't know why I keep bringing parts of SG-1 back to Atlantis with me._

 _I'll tell you all about Thanksgiving then, as well as part of what I've been up to._

 _See you soon,_

 _Connor_


	48. Parachute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 48 : Parachute**

Author's Notes :  
\- I'm not an avid SG1 fan, I'll put that out there. So I'm not exactly sure about the SG1 world of politics. For the purposes of this story, a new president was elected last year, as mentioned in a much previous chapter.  
\- _Parachute_ is from the Train song of the same name. "I'll open up and be your parachute, I'll never let you down."  
\- This chapter was party inspired by _The Scientist_ by Coldplay.  
\- Edited content is available at my listed homepage.  
\- Thank you to all of you who review. I really appreciate it. =)

BETA : JackD

* * *

John wasn't _bouncing_ , per se, he was just really excited. A month without his husband was a month too long and John wanted Connor back now, now, _now_.

Teyla shot John a look that said he wasn't fooling anyone. Ronon was smirking at John but John didn't care. Connor was coming home _today_. He knew they were just as excited. John also knew that Lorne's and Ramsey's teams were both cursing him as they were off-world right now and couldn't be here when Connor returned. John tried to feel bad about that, but really, it meant more time with Connor for him.

"Scheduled off-world activation." Chuck said. "It's Stargate Command."

"Lower the shield." Carter said with a smile from where she was standing next to John. She seemed pretty excited herself. John thought it had probably been a little bit lonely without Jackson and now she was getting Jackson plus Mitchell.

Whatever John was expecting, it wasn't what he got.

Mitchell came through the gate first, pushing a cart of luggage and a second later Jackson and Connor came through at once, both pushing a cart full of supply cases.

They looked absolutely horrible.

All three of them had black eyes, Jackson was limping slightly, Mitchell had a butterfly band-aid across his nose and Connor had a white bandage stretched across his cheek. John could tell from the way Connor was walking that the younger man probably had some broken ribs or some bruised ones.

Connor's eyes met John's and, despite his appearance, his eyes lit up and a smile stretched across his face. Connor left the other two and quickly walked over to John and his team. Teyla stepped up and bent her forehead towards Connor's and he bent his in return before she pulled him into a light hug. Ronon was next and John watched as his teammate pulled Connor into a hug. The linguist winced a little and Ronon eased up but promised a real one later. Connor laughed and moved on to John.

John carefully pulled Connor into a hug. It was shorter than Ronon's or Teyla's had been and John wanted nothing more than to just stand there and breathe Connor in but he had to let go as Mitchell and Jackson were both rapidly approaching.

"Cam," Carter greeted. "Good to see you. Daniel, great to have you back."

They each got hugs of their own and all three had matching smiles.

"Should I even ask…?" John questioned, gesturing to the three of them.

Connor blushed and ducked his head. "I'll, uh, tell you about it later."

John took later to mean 'in a few minutes when we're alone in our quarters and I can really greet you' and nodded. "Okay."

"Um, I have to talk to Sam for a second."

John nodded, "I'll get your stuff."

"Thanks." Connor answered softly. "I'll just be a moment."

He stepped away and walked with Mitchell and Jackson up to Carter's office. John's eyes followed him the whole way and he smiled. Connor was _home_.

John went over to the cart that Mitchell had pushed through. He sorted through the numerous bags there, briefly wondered if Mitchell was staying or just visiting, grabbed Connor's three bags, wondered why Connor had three bags, and pulled them off the cart. He glanced up into Carter's office to see Connor handing her something before offering Mitchell and Jackson both hugs.

Connor quickly left her office and gingerly walked down the stairs. He stopped to say something to Teyla and Ronon who both nodded before making his way back over to John. John glared at his husband as Connor attempted to take one of the bags from him.

"I've got them, Con." John said quietly.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

It took three minutes to get up to their quarters. Three really long minutes where John bit the inside of his cheek in an effort not to fire question after question at his husband.

As soon as the door to their quarters closed behind them, John dropped the bags and was pulling Connor into his arms. Connor seemed to melt into John and they stood there, breathing each other in.

"I missed you," John said, voice thick with emotion. "One month is too fucking long without you."

"I agree," Connor mumbled into John's neck. "I completely agree."

One of John's hands worked its way up the back of Connor's shirt while the other one slid down into the top of the linguist's pants. "I missed your skin."

"I missed your smell," Connor inhaled deeply.

"I didn't know you could miss someone as much as I missed you," John said softly. "Connor, _tá grá agam duit_ ," John answered roughly.

"I love you, John."

The words were a balm to the ache that had taken up residence in John's chest. As they stood there, wrapped around each other, John felt the ache ease away, steadily replaced with warmness.

"I want… fuck, I don't know what I want." John said with a bit of a laugh. "I want to stand here, with you, forever."

"Whatever you want, _a chuisle_ ," Connor whispered.

"God," John said softly. "I imagined you saying that every time I read your e-mails. I could hear it perfectly in my head but it sounds so much better when you say it out loud."

"Do you have anything you need to do today?"

John shook his head. "I staffed it all out yesterday. Lorne's off-world but should be back shortly, so I have to have my radio with me, but otherwise… I'm all yours, Con."

"Mmm," Connor sighed happily. "John."

"Connor."

"Can we maybe… take a nap?" Connor asked, nuzzling John's neck.

"Tired?"

"It's been a really long night." Connor admitted.

"Want to…" John bit his lip. "Want to tell me what happened?"

Connor exhaled loudly. "Yeah, I just… maybe we can sit?"

"Your ribs." John murmured and pulled away. "Let's get you into bed."

Connor pulled back from him. John reached out and carefully helped his husband out of his clothes. Connor winced as his shirt came off and John winced with him. Connor's torso was a mixture of purple, black and blue.

"Ouch." John said, fingers ghosting over the bruises.

"Yeah."

Connor's pants came off next and the linguist toed his shoes off with them. John didn't hesitate to push Connor's boxers down with his pants. Connor, though, blushed as John did so. The older man directed his husband to the bed and made short work of his own clothes before joining Connor under the sheets.

John waited as Connor tried to get comfortable. Eventually they ended up with Connor on his right side facing their living room and John curled up in front of him, arm loosely thrown over Connor's waist. John could tell that this wasn't the position that Connor could have chosen, but for now, it was all they could do. Connor's hand snuck up between their bodies to grab John's dog tags.

Connor took a deep breath. "Last night, Cam, Daniel and I went out to a nearby restaurant. Kind of a last night on Earth sort of thing…"

" _C'mon, Davids. There's nothing left to do here and we're gating out bright and early. Come out with us."_

 _Connor bit his lip indecisively. John did want him to get out more but Connor remembered what happened the last time he went out on Earth without John… Connor nodded, "Okay, but I want to be back by twelve."_

" _Two." Cam countered._

" _One."_

 _Cam smiled. "You drive a hard bargain, Davids. Okay, let's go get Jackson and we'll go."_

 _Connor grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and followed Cam to Daniel's quarters. Cam knocked and Daniel answered in jeans and a t-shirt, similar to what Connor and Cam had on. "Ready?"_

" _We've been ready, Jackson." Cam answered. "We're just waiting for you."_

" _I'm ready."_

" _Good. I'm driving."_

 _The steakhouse wasn't far. It was about fifteen minutes from the Cheyenne mountain complex and was frequently frequented by many of the SGC personnel. Connor had never been, but apparently they had the best steak in town. Connor wasn't much of a steak person, but usually where there was steak, there was fish and fish was something Connor could get behind._

"So you went out to dinner? And what? Had to wrestle your own cow?"

Connor poked John's arm. "Patience, John."

John sighed. "You're lucky I love you, Connor."

"I know."

" _What can I get for you boys tonight?" The waitress asked._

" _I'll take the house special, medium rare." Cam said, handing her his menu._

" _I'll have the same." Daniel said._

" _Um, fish and chips, please, with some vinegar."_

 _The waitress smiled. "Sure thing, honey. Anything to drink?"_

" _Just a coke for me." Cam said with an easy smile._

" _I'll take a Bud Light if you have it." Daniel requested._

" _We sure do, and for you?" She asked, looking at Connor._

" _Do you keep Stella Artois on tap?"_

" _We sure do."_

" _One of those, please."_

" _Coming right up."_

"You went out and ordered beer?"

"Just two."

"I'm just surprised." John said. "I know you don't drink a lot when you eat."

Connor shrugged awkwardly. "I really wanted a Carlsberg but it's hard to get that in the States."

"Got it. Continue."

John let his hand wrap around the one hold his dog tags.

" _Excited to be returning to Atlantis?" Cam asked them both, glancing around the mostly empty restaurant._

 _Connor was sitting next to Daniel in the booth and Cam was across from them._

" _Yeah," Daniel answered. "There's so much to study there and to explore."_

 _Connor nodded. "Yeah."_

 _Daniel nudged his shoulder a little. "Connor has someone waiting back there for him."_

 _Cam's eyebrows raised. "You never mentioned anyone, Davids. You holding out on me?"_

 _Connor blushed. "Not intentionally. I'm, uh, married and my spouse is on Atlantis."_

 _Cam's eyes bugged out. "Married? Really? I mean, I saw the ring, but you never mentioned anyone…"_

" _Well, we're not legally married. We bonded." Connor admitted. "We can't get married in the States."_

" _Because you're not a citizen?" Cam asked, taking a sip of his soda._

 _Connor shook his head. "Because I'm gay."_

 _Cam's mouth dropped open just a little. "Oh, wow. I never see these things coming."_

 _Connor stared at his beer. "Me neither," he said with a small smile._

"You told Mitchell you were gay?" John asked, a little surprised.

Connor looked at him, "Of course."

"How did he take it?"

"I was getting there…"

John rolled his eyes. "Patience, I know. I seem to have no patience when it comes to you, Con."

Connor leaned forward and offered John a small kiss. "That's okay, I love you anyways."

" _So gay. Wow." Cam blinked. "I can't believe you never told me."_

" _He's not really gay." Jackson put in._

" _Not really gay?" Cam asked, looking between them. "How does that work?"_

" _It means Connor's really more like pansexual."_

 _Cam stared at them blankly. "What does that mean?'_

 _Before Daniel could launch into one of his lengthy explanations, Connor cut in. "What Daniel means to say is, uh, that I've only been attracted to one, um, person and it happened to be a man."_

 _Cam blinked. "And you met on Atlantis?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _How long have you been together?"_

" _We've only been married for, um, a little over a month. We've been together for about a year and a half."_

 _Cam looked at him in surprise. "You were only together a year before getting married? Isn't that kind of soon?"_

 _Connor shook his head. "Not for me and not for him. We are both quite sure about this."_

" _Wow." Cam said again. Connor wondered what his fascination with the word was. "So who is this mysterious man?"_

 _Connor flushed. "Um, you can't ask and I can't tell."_

 _Cam's eyes bugged out. "No way, really? You're married to a Marine?"_

 _Connor could see how he would assume that since 95% of the US military forces on Atlantis were Marines. He winced. "Um, I really can't say any more."_

 _Cam held up his hand. "No problem. That's cool, though, that you found someone. So you were only married for a couple weeks before being sent back here?"_

" _Yeah, it's been… hard."_

" _I can only imagine." Cam said. He held up his drink. "Well, cheers to you and your recent marriage."_

 _Connor blushed and picked up his beer, clinking it with Daniel's and Cam's. "Sláinte."_

"So he was cool with it?"

"Yeah."

John's arm moved from resting on Connor's waist to tracing his body, caressing skin. The linguist shivered and arched into John's touch.

"John…"

"I know."

" _This is really good steak." Cam said, biting into another piece._

 _Daniel nodded. "Oh yeah."_

" _Do they have steak on Atlantis?"_

 _Connor nodded. "The replicators make it."_

" _Doesn't taste quite as good." Daniel put in. "But close."_

" _Replicators?" Cam asked warily._

" _Food replicators." Connor corrected. "They're sorta similar to replicators but they're not self-replicating and they, uh, only make food as far as we can tell."_

" _Yeah, Connor and I think that there's some in the city that make something other than food. We just haven't found them yet."_

" _I think they're in the main hall we, um, found a while back."_

 _Daniel nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Too bad Rodney and Sam won't let us back in."_

" _John won't even let us anywhere near there."_

" _John?" Cam asked._

 _Connor blushed. "Colonel Sheppard."_

" _You're on a first name basis with Sheppard?"_

 _Daniel laughed. "Connor has many friends in high places."_

" _So if I ever need anything while I'm there I should ask Davids here?"_

 _Connor blushed a deeper red as Daniel nodded. "Oh yeah, he can definitely hook you up. Most of the military thinks he's some kind of computer god. Sam and Sheppard definitely cater to him… Lorne as well. But he doesn't really ask for much."_

" _They do not…" Connor protested. "… do they?"_

John laughed. "I can definitely tell you that you've been missed. Rodney's back to complaining about Marines acting like cavemen and breaking their computers. And sorry, Con, we definitely cater to you."

"I… I don't ask you to." He protested lightly.

John kissed Connor's nose. "Nope. You get it anyways."

"We're gonna talk about this."

"We are, are we?" John asked with a smirk. "Deal with it, we all love you."

Connor sighed and continued.

 _Connor had just finished his second beer when a second later Daniel finished his third. Cam, since he was driving, had stuck to Coke. Connor would have had a third, but it was getting late and he really wanted to get home._

 _They sat there for an hour or so after their food had been taken away. Cam had ordered some ice cream and Daniel stole part of it. Connor ordered cheesecake and thought it was pretty good for a steakhouse._

"Connor."

"Hmm?"

"I love you and I want to know everything about you, but really, I can live without a blow by blow of everything you ate."

"So skip to the good part?"

"Yes, please."

" _I have to go to the bathroom." Daniel declared, standing up._

" _Well, be quick, Jackson. I told Cinderella we'd have him home by one." Cam said with a grin, jerking a thumb in Connor's direction._

 _Daniel laughed and Connor blushed. "I'll just be a minute."_

 _Cam and Connor waited. And waited. And waited._

" _Should I go check up on him?" Connor asked quietly._

" _In the bathroom?"_

 _Connor nodded and stood. "I'll be right back."_

"This is not sounding good." John said. His voice was strained and he was mentally bracing himself for whatever came next.

Connor squeezed his hand.

 _Connor pushed the bathroom door open and immediately tensed. He could hear noises of a fight. He pushed the door all the way open. "Daniel?"_

 _Daniel was there, along with eight huge men. Connor had seen them come in earlier on motorcycles. Daniel was attempting to hold his own as three of them attempted to beat the shit out of him._

" _What's this? Another fairy?" One of the guys asked._

 _Connor relaxed his body. "You don't want to fight me."_

" _Oh, don't we?" Another asked, already stalking towards Connor._

 _Connor changed his stance, arms at the ready, body braced, adrenaline pumping into his veins. John was really not going to like this._

 _Four of the men charged him and Connor could only fight back as Daniel continued fighting in the corner._

"Four guys came after you? What the hell, Connor?"

Connor winced. "It wasn't so bad, you know I've fought more than four at once."

"Which doesn't explain how you ended up black and blue."

"I was getting there."

 _Connor ducked another punch and swung his leg in a roundhouse kick at a man behind him. He went down briefly and then got back up. That was the problem. These guys kept getting back up._

 _Connor worked his way through them to Daniel's side. The other man looked horrible and Connor pushed him behind him._

" _Stay there, Daniel."_

 _Daniel hesitated. "Connor…"_

" _I can do this. Just stay there."_

" _Okay."_

 _Connor punched one of them in the face and brought his hand down swiftly to the man's neck, hitting a nerve. The man screamed lightly and fell to the floor. Connor barely spared him a glance as his foot found another man's stomach._

" _Jackson? Davids?"_

 _Connor looked away momentarily from the man in front of him. Cam had come bursting into the bathroom. That second of distraction ended with Connor getting a fist shoved in his face. He reeled for a second and kept going._

 _Cam jumped into the fighting._

"Wait so Mitchell distracted you? Exactly how big were these guys?"

"Uh…"

"Connor." John warned.

"They all probably outweighed me by a hundred pounds and several centimeters of height."

"Jesus, fuck, you went to Earth and got beat up by some biker gang?"

Connor winced. "Maybe?"

"That seals it. You're never going anywhere without me ever again."

Connor sighed. "I could probably deal with that."

"Tell me what happened next."

 _Connor inwardly groaned when he saw that Daniel was fighting someone else again. Connor knew that Daniel could take care of himself, but the man had three beers in him and had already been injured._

 _He ducked and put his fist in the guy's sternum. The man fell to the floor with a groan. A foot landed in Connor's stomach but he quickly pulled himself together and made sure his foot landed in the guy's face._

 _Three down._

 _He looked at Cam. There was one body on the ground by him and then the man he was fighting._

 _So four down._

 _Connor hesitated before leaving Cam to fight by himself. He made his way back to Daniel's side. Connor pulled one man off of Daniel and quickly kneed him in the back leaving the man writhing on the floor. Now Connor was pissed off._

 _He pulled the second man away and shot a kick to his face before turning and planting another one in his torso. Connor grabbed the man's arm and twisted it behind his back, jerking his wrist up towards his shoulders. He brought a knee around and pushed it into the man's groin. The man fell to his knees on the floor._

 _Connor spared Daniel a glance, the other man looked like he might pass out, before heading over to Cam. Cam was putting up a pretty decent fight. Connor was a little impressed. Cam had just punched the man in the stomach when Connor approached. Connor grabbed the man's arm, used some momentum and physics to flip the guy onto his back harshly. The man met his eyes briefly before passing out. Cam looked up at him, impressed._

" _Wow."_

 _There was that word again._

 _Connor shook his head. "Check on Daniel."_

 _He bent down to get the pulse of the man underneath him. He moved on to each of the men, checking that they were all still alive and breathing. He also made sure to pull out each of their wallets and look at their name. When he finished he looked up to find Cam and Daniel hovering by the entrance. Cam had an arm under Daniel's shoulders and was helping the other man stand. Connor thought Cam probably needed a little help standing too. Instead he just moved to Daniel's other side and slipped his arm under Cam's, relieving some of the weight._

"Wait, so that's it? You went to get food and Jackson gets attacked in the bathroom?" John exhaled. "That's so… crazy, Connor. All three of you go off-world regularly and you can't even get a steak without being attacked?"

Connor pulled his and John's joined hands up to their mouth and kissed John's. "Daniel told me that they thought he was gay. They saw him eating some of Cam's ice cream… he was attacked in that bathroom, John. His eyes… Daniel's seen a lot of things, but in this… in this I think he was still innocent."

"So were you, Con." John said quietly.

"Not completely." Connor said. "And Cam… he was so angry, John. _I'm_ so angry. I should have checked on Daniel sooner. I should have been watching the other people, I just… How could this happen?"

Connor's eyes were wet and a tear slid down them into the pillow under his head. John felt one leave his own eye. He pulled Connor closer. "Shh…"

"He was bleeding so much, John." Connor said softly.

"I know."

"I wanted-I wanted to hurt them. I wanted to make them pay. And I could. I knew how."

John felt his husband shudder. He ran his hands up Connor's bare back. "It's alright that you didn't."

Connor shook his head against John's body. "It doesn't feel alright, John. It feels horrible. What if they do that again? To someone else who doesn't have two friends?"

"Did you report it?"

"Cam did. I gave him the names. It's not enough, though."

"There was nothing else you could have done, Con."

"I know." Connor whispered. He looked up at John, cheeks glistening with tears. "I don't understand all of this John. How can people be so mad at someone, so angry at someone they've never met? They don't know Daniel. They don't know that he's a great guy, so nice and kind. They hate him because he likes men as well as women. How can someone just hate someone they don't know?"

John took a deep breath and pushed some hair out of Connor's face gently. "It's really easy, Con. You don't think of them as people, as normal people. You convince yourself that you're helping the world be a better place. When you think you have the moral high ground, everything is so easy."

Connor blinked up at John and ran his hand across John's face. "You hated the men you killed, John?"

John nodded. "I had to. I had to or I would have eaten my gun after the first one."

"That's war, John. This was dinner." Connor said quietly.

"It's all the same, Con. War is just justification to the rest of the world. Those men had no right to do that to Jackson or you or Mitchell. I know you wanted to hurt them, but I think, a few years down the road you will be glad you didn't."

Connor offered John a sad smile. "Maybe."

John touched Connor's cheek. "And in a few years if you still want to kill them dead, I'll be there with you to help you hide the bodies."

Connor let out a soft laugh. "Thank you, John."

"How much pain are you in?" John asked quietly.

"It's not that bad. I don't think any of my ribs are bruised-"

"Don't think?" John groaned. "Did any of you get checked out?"

"Um… well, it was really late when we got back and we left so early…"

John sighed and turned to the bedside table, reaching for his headset. "Sheppard to Jackson."

"Jackson here."

"Get your ass to the infirmary and get Mitchell's ass there too."

There was a long pause and then. "We're already on our way. Sam ordered us to go."

"Got it. Sheppard out."

John rolled out of bed. "Up, up, Con."

"John." Connor moaned. "I'm fine."

"You could be bleeding out internally. Let's go. I'll get you some sweat clothes." John said, leaving no room for argument.

Connor sighed but slowly got out of bed. John dug through their dresser to come up with a zip-up hoodie of his and a pair of track pants that John honestly wasn't sure who they belonged to anymore. Connor pulled on the pants faster than they had taken his other ones off and he dug his feet into his shoes while John slipped the jacket onto his shoulders. Connor pulled his ring off of his dog tags and handed them to John.

Connor's dog tag was on top, followed by one of the ones that John had given him as a wedding present with his married name and then John's rested on the bottom, closest to his skin. Keller wouldn't see any but the top.

John slid Connor's ring onto his own necklace next to his own.

"Do you outrank Cam?" Connor asked as they left their quarters, heading for the transporter.

John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "That's a bit tricky." He answered. "Yes… I guess. I have the time in grade ahead of him, but only by a couple months. So really, not really."

"But you're military commander of Atlantis, doesn't that put you ahead of him here?"

John nodded as they stepped into the lift. "Yeah. Even when Caldwell's in the city, I technically have power over him, but it's not something I've ever exercised, for the most part."

"When it comes down to chain of command, though, you outrank Cam?"

"Yeah. But it's sort of a courtesy that I wouldn't really use."

"The military does courtesy?" Connor asked as the lift stopped. They stepped out on the infirmary's level.

John laughed. "I do courtesy."

"Oh." Connor paused. "And you can order Daniel to the infirmary?"

"You really ask the hard questions, Con." John said fondly. "Since the city is under military control now, yes. Back when Elizabeth was in charge… I probably couldn't. But I could get Keller to order Jackson in."

"Oh. But if the city is under military control doesn't that make Sam the military leader of Atlantis?"

John exhaled. "It's a bit more complicated than that. Colonel Carter and I talked about it and had several discussions with the SGC. She's essentially a military Elizabeth. She is needed to oversee the city and everything that goes on. That includes the scientists and the military. But since there really aren't enough hours in the day… the military has been delegated back to me like it was before. So while Carter is my boss, I'm everybody else's. It's understood that while she is ranking officer and everyone has to follow her, I'm to be considered the military leader."

"Oh." Connor turned to look at John as they quickly approached the infirmary doors. "Shouldn't you have more work to do then?"

John grinned. "That's what Lorne is for."

"Ah."

John maneuvered Connor into the brightly lit infirmary. Jackson was already sitting on a gurney, in just his underwear, while Mitchell was sitting on a bed next to him with his shirt off. They both had nurses poking them and John winced as one of them touched a particularly dark bruise on Jackson's torso.

"Dr. Davids." Keller greeted from next to them. "Please take a seat on the bed next to Colonel Mitchell's."

Connor sighed and shot John a betrayed sort of look before making his way over to the bed. John just grinned and helped Connor out of his sweatshirt. The linguist carefully sat on the bed and John tried not to hover like a worried husband. Keller came over to them and gestured for Connor to lay back.

"Should you, um, be helping the others?" Connor asked softly.

Keller smiled warmly. "Dr. Wright is already with Dr. Jackson and Dr. Chan will be with Colonel Mitchell shortly. You're all mine, Dr. Davids."

Connor blushed and John hid a smile. "Um, call me Connor, please."

She smiled again. "Sure thing." Her hands moved gently down Connor's torso and John's husband winced a bit. "Nothing feels broken… give me some numbers, Connor."

Connor closed his eyes. "Um, probably a three for the stomach."

"What else hurts?" She asked immediately.

Connor hesitated. "I've had a headache for a while."

"Start of a migraine?"

"Yeah."

"Well, when we're finished here, I can give you something for it to take with you."

"Thanks." Connor said quietly.

"I don't think anything bleeding, but I want to get a body scan just to make sure. Dr. Jackson's going to go first and then we'll get you in after him." She smiled as she pulled her stethoscope out from around her neck. "Can you sit back up? I want to listen to your lungs."

John gently settled a hand on Connor's back and helped him sit up. The younger man flashed John a grateful smile and John let his hand drop as Keller set the round end of the stethoscope on Connor's back.

"Take a deep breath, please." She asked. Connor inhaled slowly. "And exhale." Connor's chest deflated. "And one more time." She smiled. "Sounds pretty good. Are you the one who bandaged everyone up?"

"Um, yeah, sorry. They didn't want to go to the infirmary and I read that field medic book you gave me…"

"It's fine, Connor. I was just checking. You did a good job from what I can tell."

"Thanks." Connor said with a blush.

Connor's radio beeped and he looked up at John. John reached out and took the radio out of his ear.

"Lorne to Davids."

John tapped the radio. "Major Lorne this is Colonel Sheppard-Dr. Davids is in the infirmary."

"Is he alright, sir?"

John was pretty sure Lorne and his team were about to show up in the infirmary. "That remains to be seen."

Connor rolled his eyes. Keller pulled back and re-wrapped the stethoscope around her neck and Connor made a grab for his radio. John let him have it.

"I'm fine, Evan… well, uh, yeah but-… you really don't need to… about an hour… uh, well, I didn't get hurt on Atlantis… yeah… no, John is here…" Connor squinted up at John. "He'll stay… Dr. Keller wants me to get scanned and then I can go…" Connor blushed suddenly and John really wished he knew what his XO had said to the other man. "Yeah… Davids out." Connor put the radio back in his ear.

"Is he coming?" John asked.

"Um, I think so."

"Doc!"

Connor reached for his sweatshirt but it was too late. Lorne was suddenly in front of both of them, Reed, Parrish and Coughlin behind him. "Hey, Evan."

"What happened?"

"Geez, Doc I hope you kicked their ass in return." Reed remarked.

"He did." John put in.

All at once they seemed to notice he was there and John got three hastily composed salutes. He offered one back and they lowered their arms and returned their attention to Connor.

"What happened?" Lorne repeated.

"Ran into some angry bikers on Earth." Mitchell said from the next bed over.

"Very angry." Jackson added.

"You beat up a biker gang?" Coughlin asked Connor.

Connor flushed and Mitchell and Jackson nodded.

"I don't know if they were really a, uh, gang." The linguist offered.

"Way to go, Doc!" Reed said, offering Connor a high five that the scientist reluctantly returned.

Coughlin held out his fist and Connor glanced at John before bumping it with his own. Parrish just winked at Connor and when Connor blushed John wondered what Connor knew about the botanist that John didn't. Lorne leaned in and gave Connor a hug. One Connor returned.

"Glad you're back, Doc."

"Me too, Evan."

* * *

Connor closed his eyes and winced before opening them again. The headache that had lingered all day had finally turned into a full blown migraine. John was curled up behind him, asleep, but Connor hadn't been so lucky. His head was pounding so badly that he couldn't think beyond the pain, he couldn't relax enough to fall asleep.

Closing his eyes hurt, as they tried to focus behind his eyelids so Connor kept them open in the dark. Every breath was painful and Connor tried not to think about how good it would feel to just stop breathing for a while.

He weakly reached a hand out and curled his fingers into John's which had been resting on Connor's stomach. Their wedding rings clanked quietly as they hit each other.

His head _hurt_.

Connor tried to steady his breathing. He could already feel bile rising up in his throat. Every second was more painful than the last and Connor wasn't at all sure that he wasn't about to puke everywhere.

The pills Keller had given him were on the bedside table, along with a glass of water. Connor knew they weren't a painkiller, but a sedative, so that he would fall asleep. Too bad he couldn't move to reach them. If breathing hurt, Connor didn't want to find out how much doing anything else would hurt.

He held his breath and the pain lessened by a small degree, only to come back in full force as he exhaled. He felt a tear leak out of his eye and Connor started to pray in equal parts that his head would and wouldn't explode. He was hoping it would so that the pain would be over, he was hoping it wouldn't because then the pain would permanently be over.

Connor took a deep breath and tried not to close his eyes. "John."

"Mmm, Connor?"

"John." He whispered again.

John shifted on the bed and Connor moaned.

"Shit, sorry." John said quietly. "You want the pills?"

"Yes."

Connor tried not to die as John fumbled around in the dark for the sedatives.

"You have to sit up." John whispered softly.

"I might puke." Connor warned shakily.

"I have a bucket."

John's hands went to Connor's back and then Connor was gently being eased into a sitting position. His head swam and Connor felt blood rush out and the pounding increased. His head was hot and his eyes hurt so much that Connor was sure they were about to fall out. He grabbed John's hand and squeezed tightly.

A bucket appeared under his face and a second later Connor lost what little dinner John had managed to get into him. A warm hand rubbed his back and Connor shook with pain. It hurt to sit up, it hurt to throw up and now that he had, Connor wasn't sure he could keep the pills down.

"Should I call Keller?" John asked quietly. John was doing everything quietly.

Connor tightened his hand on John's. He didn't want his husband to leave. Connor gasped before heaving again. His stomach was churning, his head was pounding and Connor just wanted to stop breathing.

"Please, John." Connor begged.

"Whatever you need, Con."

"Let me stop breathing." He pleaded.

Connor heard John swallow and this time it was John's hand that squeezed his. "I can't do that."

"Please." Connor sobbed. "It really hurts."

"I know." John said soothingly. "I'm going to call Keller, okay?"

"Don't leave."

"I have to put on a shirt." John paused. "If I help you lay down again, do you think your stomach will be okay?"

"Don't know." Connor whispered. John handed him some water and held it against his mouth. Connor took a small sip, rinsing his mouth out before spitting the water out into the bucket.

John set the water and the bucket aside and he gently, so gently, helped Connor lie back onto the bed. Connor gasped as his head tilted back and his hand grabbed a bit of John's pajama pants and squeezed.

Connor wasn't really sure what happened after that.

* * *

John called in sick. Lorne obviously knew he wasn't, as did Carter, but neither of them said anything. Well, Carter told him to take a few days. He was pretty sure both of them thought he was getting laid in some capacity. John wished he were.

Instead he was more worried than he'd ever been in his life. He was propped up against the wall on his and Connor's bed. He had a pillow in his lap and Connor's head was on the pillow. His husband's breathing was ragged and John was keeping tabs on Connor's pulse.

Last night had scared him. Connor had begged John to let him stop breathing. More than once. It was all the younger man kept asking after Keller arrived.

Keller had been worried too, John could tell. She stopped by every hour to check on Connor. She hadn't said anything about finding John in Connor's room and John figured they would cross that bridge if they ever came to it. He would talk to Ronon and ask the Satedan to politely talk to Keller. It was time that she knew.

John glanced at his watch. Keller would be there in another fifteen minutes for her seventh check-up.

Connor had been crying last night. Tears streamed down his face as he pleaded with John. John was pretty sure he would never forget his husband asking him to help him stop breathing.

Keller had arrived with an IV. John wasn't sure what was in it, but he knew it was potent. He knew she was worried about the effects it might have on Connor. Hence why John was monitoring Connor's breathing and pulse. If at any time Connor's breathing became shallow or his pulse sped up too much, John was to call her immediately.

He knew that Connor should really be in the infirmary but his husband had pleaded with both of them to let John stay. Keller hadn't been able to say no and John was pretty sure _he_ would have cried if Keller had moved Connor to the infirmary. John couldn't follow the younger man there and they all knew it.

Connor let out a small moan and John ran his fingers through Connor's red-brown hair. His eyes roamed over the rest of Connor's body that he could see.

John was pleased to note that Connor didn't seem to have lost much weight in the past month, something John had been seriously worried about. He wondered how much of that was thanks to Mitchell's apparent nagging.

John gazed at his husband and felt love pulsing through him.

"I love you." John whispered to the unconscious man. " _Mo chuisle mo chroí_." [Pulse of my heart]

* * *

Connor blinked awake slowly. His head felt fuzzy-but it didn't hurt anymore-his body was a little stiff and he could definitely use a toothbrush. And a toilet. Not in that order. Connor pushed up off of the bed, surprised that John wasn't in it with him. He brought the lights up part way to find Evan sleeping in a chair by his bed. Something caught his arm and he looked down to find an IV needle sticking out of it, connected to a plastic line. His eyes followed the line up to where it was hanging on a pole.

Connor wondered how long he'd been asleep. He picked his watch up from the bedside table. 0834. Now Connor was wondering what day it was. Except that his bladder wasn't about to wait long enough for him to ask Evan.

He carefully stood up and took a deep breath against the lightheadedness that hit him. The linguist grabbed the two bags attached to his IV line and then stumbled a bit across the room and into the bathroom. The door shut firmly behind him and he quickly relieved himself. He sighed and the toilet flushed. Connor set the small pouches of medication on the sink and then washed his hands. When he finished with that he reached for his toothbrush.

"Doc?"

Connor spit toothpaste out. "Yeah?"

"Everything okay?'

"Yeah."

He finished brushing and put his toothbrush back into the holder next to John's. It looked much better standing next to another than it had all alone in his quarters at the SGC.

Connor splashed some water on his face and dried it before opening the door again. Evan was hovering nervously on the other side. His best friend stepped forward and grabbed the two bags attached to Connor's IV and then wrapped an arm around Connor's waist.

"I've called for some food."

"I'm not really hungry."

"Colonel Sheppard's orders." Evan said firmly. "And Keller will be here soon."

They slowly made their way across the room and Connor sat back down onto the bed while Evan hung the IV bags back up. "Where is John?"

"He got called off-world."

"At eight thirty in the morning?"

Evan shook his head. "He's been gone since last night."

"Last night…? What day is it?"

"You've been back for three days, Doc." Evan said gently. "If you hadn't woken in the next couple of hours, Keller was gonna give you something to wake you up."

Connor frowned. "Three days? I don't… I don't really remember much."

"You've been in and out of it." Evan told him. "Mostly out of it. I know that Colonel Sheppard was looking a bit haggard when he showed up in the middle of the night telling me that I'd better not let anything happen to you while he was gone."

Connor winced a little. "Sorry."

Evan waved it away. "It's okay. How are you feeling?"

Connor blinked. "My head feels a little… floaty."

His friend nodded. "From what I understand they had you on some pretty strong stuff."

The linguist ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends to try and stop them from sticking up all over.

"Wait." Evan said.

Connor froze. "What?"

His best friend reached for his hand and Connor let Evan grab it. Evan turned Connor's hand over and studied his ring.

"I've never seen this up close before." Evan explained. "It's pretty awesome."

Connor blushed. "Thank you. John's is different than mine."

"Yeah?"

"His has a knot pattern… ask him to show you."

"I'll do that."

The door beeped and Evan let go of Connor's hand and went to go get the food. Jake Reed was on the other side with a huge tray full of stuff. He followed Evan back into the room.

"I'll make you some tea." Evan said and moved to the other side of the room.

Jake took Evan's seat and settled the tray onto his lap. "Hey, Doc. You had us pretty worried there for a while."

Connor frowned. "Sorry."

"As long as you're okay now." He offered a bowl of soup to Connor and Connor reluctantly accepted it. It was tomato.

The scientist took a small sip and it was like someone flipped a switch inside of him. Connor was suddenly ravenous and he held the bowl up to his face and slowly drank down the hot liquid. He finished it in record time and sheepishly handed the empty bowl back to Jake while accepting a napkin. His eyes were glued to Connor's hand.

Jake's face adopted a hurt expression. "You got married."

Connor hesitated. "Bonded. On New Athos."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I'm sorry." Connor whispered. "We only told five people."

"I wouldn't tell anyone, Doc."

"He's in the military. I-I can't say anything, Jake. I'm sorry."

Jake nodded slowly. "I get it." He paused. "Will you tell me someday?"

Connor bit his lip. "If I can."

"That's all I ask."

"I'm sorry." Connor whispered again.

"It's okay, Doc." Jake smiled weakly.

Connor gently squeezed Jake's arm before reaching for some toast.

"Have you seen my team?" Connor asked softly, changing the topic.

"I'm not positive, but I think they gated out with Colonel Sheppard's team along with SGA-3 and SGA-9."

"They did." Evan offered, walking over with a mug of steaming liquid. He held it out to Connor who accepted the tea.

"What happened?" Connor asked.

Evan shifted a little. "Perelli's team got lost."

"Lost?" Connor blinked.

"They gated to some jungle planet with… some sort of magnetic thingy that doesn't work well with technology and makes their compasses spin."

To Connor that sounded absolutely fascinating. But he could see where that would be a problem. "Oh."

"So Colonel Sheppard's team, Ramsey's team, Mason's team and De Rosa's team all gated out with jumpers."

"How do the jumpers work with the interference?" Connor asked before taking a sip of his tea.

Evan scratched his head. "You know… I have no idea. You'd have to ask McKay."

Connor decided he'd ask Eric instead. "So what's been going on with, uh… you know…?"

"We've got the petition finished." Evan said. "Every single civilian has signed it, along with every member of the military not from the US."

"And the cameras?"

Evan frowned a little. "We've got confirmed chatter amongst four of the suspects."

"What about the other three?"

"Honestly?" Evan asked. "I think they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. And, uh, so does the city. I think she turned their water back on."

Jake looked back and forth between them. "What's going on?"

Connor hesitated, "There's been some problems with harassment."

"Harassment?" Jake asked. "Who…?"

Evan shook his head. "It's probably better that you don't know."

Connor turned back to Evan. "Anything incriminating?"

"Not yet, they're pretty smart, Doc."

"Not smart enough."

* * *

Connor was sleeping when John got back. John really wanted his husband to take a shower with him. He kicked his boots off and threw his jacket over the back of the desk chair and then perched on the edge of the bed. John reached a hand out and gently shook Connor's shoulder.

"Con."

John grinned as one of Connor's hands moved out from the blanket to slap at him.

"Connor." He said, a little bit louder.

"What… Jo-ohn, 'm sleepin'."

John laughed. "Come take a shower with me."

"Sleeeepin'."

"Please." John said, leaning to next to Connor's ear. "Then I'll blow you and you can do me."

"Why can't you ever want to do that when I'm awake?" Connor asked, sitting up. The blankets pooled in his lap and John let his eyes roam over his naked husband.

"I always want to do that when you're awake." John countered with a grin.

"Oh yeah."

"C'mon." John pulled Connor up and out of the bed. The linguist shivered and then John felt the room start to warm up.

"I missed that." Connor said with a sigh.

"She spoils you." John said, pulling his shirt over his head.

"Yeah."

John worked his pants off and tossed them in the direction of the hamper. When he was as naked as Connor was he pulled his husband into a hug. "I can't wait to get you in me."

Connor blushed. "How was the mission?"

John laughed and pulled Connor along behind him towards the shower. "Fine. We're deleting that planet from the database though, it really kind of sucked."

"I wish we could take a bath together."

John paused at that as the city turned the water on for them. "There has to be a bathtub here somewhere."

"I'll look for one." Connor promised.

"Or maybe I can build one."

Connor eyed him funny. "You're going to build a bathtub?"

John sighed. "Yeah or not."

Connor smiled at him and pulled John into the shower. The water was hot and warmed their skin quickly. John ran his hands over Connor's body and he felt himself grow hard.

"Jesus, I don't know how long I can wait." John murmured.

Connor's fingers dipped into the space between John's cheeks, teasing him lightly. "You're the best thing I've seen in weeks."

"Ditto." John whispered.

"Let's get you clean first."

John groaned softly but nodded. He closed his eyes as Connor poured some shampoo into his hair. He'd missed this. John loved showering with Connor. He loved having the other man bathe him. Fingers massaged his scalp and John felt some suds slide down his face.

Connor gently tilted John's head back into the water and rinsed the shampoo out. When it ran clear John let his eyes open and watched as Connor squirted some soap onto a washcloth. He pulled John's body against his and slowly began to move the washcloth all across John's skin, down the front of his torso. It was incredibly sensual and incredibly intimate and John just relaxed into Connor's arms.

"Your stomach is okay?"

"It's fine." Connor promised, pressing a kiss to the back of John's shoulder. John didn't really believe that but let it go for now.

Connor had to separate their bodies as he bent down to wash John's legs. John leaned forward and braced an arm against the shower wall as Connor's hands moved up the back of his legs. The washcloth dipped between John's legs gently skimming his balls before moving back up across his butt. John moaned as Connor let a finger slide between his cheeks again.

"Don't tease me." John begged.

Connor pressed a kiss to John's back and the washcloth fell to the floor. "Bed."

John nodded. "Okay."

The water stopped and John didn't think he'd ever dried off so quickly in his life. He followed Connor back to their bed and rolled on top of him.

John covered Connor's mouth with his own. It tasted like home. He plunged his tongue into Connor's mouth and the younger man opened wider for him. Connor's hands trailed down John's back before stopping on his butt. The linguist gently squeezed each cheek and John moaned and rubbed their bodies together.

John was so hard that he wasn't sure he'd make it to the grand finale. Connor didn't seem to be in much better shape. They were both panting when John pulled away.

" _Tá tú go h-álainn_." Connor whispered.

John shook his head as he looked down at his husband. "Trust me," he said quietly. "If anyone's beautiful, it's you."

"No," Connor said, smiling so perfectly up at John. " _Mo shíorghrá_. You bring so much to my life, John." [My eternal love]

John was pretty sure he fell in love all over again just then. Connor was smiling up at him, their skin pressed together and hearts beating rapidly.

He kissed his way down Connor's body. His lips found every inch of available skin. Connor moaned softly with each kiss and John just really wanted to make it so that his husband never stopped making such amazing noises. Connor was pretty much humming with pleasure by the time John's mouth hovered over his erection.

[Edited Content]

"I missed you." John said, hooking his arms around Connor's neck. "I missed you so fucking much, you're never going anywhere without me again."

Connor let out a small. "I'll remember that."

"See that you do," John said, pulling Connor down into a kiss.

* * *

Later that night, after they'd both taken another shower, Connor was lying on John in his usual position. John had protested for all of two seconds, but Connor claimed the bruises didn't really hurt. So there they were, Connor's head pillowed on John's chest, his hand in John's dog tags. John had one hand going through Connor's slightly wet locks and the other was running fingers up and down the arm on his chest.

"Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen someone about your migraines? A doctor?"

"Yeah."

"And they couldn't help?"

"No." There was a pause and then, "There's really not a lot known about them, John."

John knew this. He'd done research on them after finding out that Connor suffered from them. "You just… you were in so much pain."

"Yeah." Connor said softly.

"I wish I could help you."

"You help a lot, John."

"I don't do anything. I just sit there while you're in so much fucking pain…"

"John…" Connor let go of his dog tags to place a hand on John's cheek, gently pushing so that John would look down at him. "Before you… I passed out on the floor of my bathroom twice while in Atlantis… I puked all over the floor trying to get to the bathroom only to collapse next to it… it's not really something I'm proud of, but I'm telling you so you can know-you do a lot, John."

John swallowed. "Why didn't you ask for help?"

Connor released John's face and his hand once again found it's way to John's tags. "I didn't know anyone, I didn't want to bother the infirmary staff… take your pick. My da always said I was too independent in my suffering."

John was quiet for a long time. He listened to Connor's even breathing, the way his chest would expand and deflate against John's side. What seemed so easy for his husband now but had been so painful just three days ago.

"You begged me to let you stop breathing."

John blinked as he realized he'd said that out loud. He hadn't meant to say that, but now he couldn't take it back. And he didn't want to.

"I'm sorry." Connor said quietly. "I… I… my brain doesn't really think when it's hurting so much."

"You scared me a lot." John admitted softly. "Every time I had to tell you 'no', something twisted in my gut and you would get this look in your eyes… like I… betrayed you or something."

"I'm really sorry, John. Maybe I… I should… be by myself-"

"No."

"I don't want to hurt you-"

"No."

"You shouldn't have to-"

"Fuck, Connor." John swore and then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was much calmer when he said, "I'm not leaving you to deal with this on your own. I'm your _husband_ , Connor, not your roommate. I'd rather sit with you forever, while your words tear me to pieces, than spend another minute away from you. I love you. This is non-negotiable."

"John-"

"Non-negotiable." John repeated.

"Thank you." Connor whispered.

"You're welcome, Con."

* * *

"Rodney, did John mention him at all?"

Rodney sighed and froze. "Are you seriously asking that now?"

Eric nodded. "He's been back for days."

"And he's been sick or something." Rodney muttered.

"I haven't seen him once. You were with John all day, did he mention Connor?"

"What is it about sex that makes you think about Sheppard and Davids?" Rodney asked. "I mean, really, Eric, I'm going to start having some sort of psychological trauma if every time I put my dick in your ass you start babbling about Davids."

"Rodney."

"Eric."

Eric shrugged. Which Rodney thought was quite the feat considering he was basically bent in half, with his legs on Rodney's shoulders. "Sex relaxes me and gives me time to think."

"So we're making love and you're going through your daily mental list?"

"Did you just say 'making love'?"

"No, and don't avoid the question."

"You so did." Eric smiled and Rodney felt something warm spread through his chest.

"Can we get back to this?" Rodney asked, gesturing to their joined bodies.

"Oh. Yes. Sorry."

Rodney rolled his eyes and started moving again.

* * *

"Hey."

Jennifer looked up from her computer to see her boyfriend standing in the doorway. "Ronon, hi." She smiled.

"How much longer do you have?"

Jennifer shrugged. "I don't have anything that absolutely needs to be finished tonight, why?"

Ronon gave her a look, one that Jennifer knew meant he had something he wanted to talk about. It had taken months for her to be able to tell his different looks apart. But it was so worth it. She quickly shut down her laptop, stood up and grabbed her jacket.

"You eat?" Ronon asked.

"Yeah, I had dinner a while ago."

Ronon led them up to his room and Jennifer couldn't help but glance at Dr. Davids' door. She had seen him earlier that morning, checking him over. She fought the urge to check on him now. Ronon ushered her into his room and closed the door.

They went about their nightly routine. Jennifer pulled on a large shirt of Ronon's to sleep in while Ronon slid into bed in only his boxers.

"So what did you want to talk about?" She asked quietly.

Ronon was playing with some of her hair and she was holding one of his hands, tracing all the small scars on it.

"Sheppard… asked me to talk to you about something."

Jennifer frowned. "If you don't want to talk about it, Ronon then that's okay with me."

"It's not that… I need you to promise you won't say anything about this to anyone else."

Jennifer glanced over at her boyfriend. "Of course."

"It's about Sheppard… and Irish."

She frowned. "What about them?"

"They're sharing pillows."

"Sharing pillows…? You mean they're… together?"

Suddenly it all made sense. The way Colonel Sheppard was always with Dr. Davids, how he had been there last night-had been the one to call her to the linguist's quarters. It was why so much of the base thought Davids was with Teyla even though Jennifer knew that Teyla was with Major Lorne. Teyla and Sheppard were friends and Teyla was Sheppard's beard, so to speak. Jennifer really couldn't believe she'd missed it. She'd thought about it a couple times but nothing had ever come of that.

"Yeah."

"Wow. I mean… I thought maybe… but then I always just dismissed it. They really don't give it away in public."

"Yeah."

"Who else knows?"

"Teyla, McKay, Lorne and that Marine… and the one with the glasses who came from Earth and talks too fast."

Jennifer laughed. "Dr. Jackson?"

"Yeah."

"So not many." Jennifer surmised. "How long have they been together?"

"Been bonded since right before the big party."

"Bonded?"

"On New Athos."

"Wow, so they're pretty serious."

"Yeah. On Sateda we would have called them _eternamora_ -eternal lovers."

Jennifer smiled. "Thanks for telling me."

"Sure."

* * *

"Come have some tea with me." John said softly. He was sitting on the side of the bed, mug of tea in hand, trying to rouse his sleeping husband.

"What kind?" Connor asked, slowly pushing the blankets off of him.

"Some of that fruity stuff you brought back from Earth."

"The pomegranate?"

John held his tea up to his nose and inhaled. "If that's what this is."

"It smells like it." Connor answered. His hair was mussed from sleep and his eyes were only open part way, but to John he was beautiful.

"Go brush your teeth and then come sit with me." John patted Connor's leg and stood up.

"Only because I love you." Connor mumbled. He stumbled out of bed, heading blindly for the bathroom.

John took a sip of his tea before setting it down. He walked over to their dresser and pulled some boxers out for Connor. About five minutes after he entered the bathroom, Connor exited. He looked a little bit more awake and blushed lightly as John held out the boxers for him. The linguist slipped them on and followed John over to the big chair. John sat down and tugged Connor down on top of him. He handed a mug of tea to the younger man, before picking up his own again.

Connor's back was against John's chest and he was leaning backwards so that his head rested partly on John's shoulder and partly against the chair. John wrapped an arm around Connor's waist, settling his hand onto his husband's stomach.

"Tell me about the meetings you went to on Earth." John said softly.

Connor sighed and took a drink of his tea before answering him. "I can't really say much."

"What can you say?"

"Do you remember me mentioning last year that the new presidential candidate was running on gay rights issues?"

John scrunched his forehead. "Vaguely."

"And then he got elected."

"Really? That was him?"

"Yeah." Connor nodded. "I, uh, met with some people and there's a bill right now, in Congress, that could change a lot, John."

"Good change or bad change?"

"Philosophically some argue that change can only be good." The linguist commented.

John tightened the arm around Connor's waist. "How about not philosophically?"

"I'd say good."

"Hmm." John slowly relaxed his grip. "Tell me about Mitchell."

"What about him?" Connor asked. He took a large gulp of tea and sighed happily.

"You seem to have spent a lot of time with him on Earth."

"Yeah. He… he reminded me of you a bit. Him and Daniel are funny to watch together."

"Carter says he's here indefinitely."

"Cool. I like him."

"How was your first Thanksgiving?"

Connor took another sip and then set his tea aside. "He has a lot of family."

"He seems like the kind of person who would." John remarked.

"And they're all very loud."

"So not your kind of people?" John asked with a laugh.

"Not really. One of his cousins kept asking if I wanted to go on a hayride with her."

John hid a smile. "What did you tell her?"

"That I was allergic to hay." Connor admitted.

"You are?"

"No." The younger man shook his head. "I lied to get her to leave me alone."

"Did it work?"

"Um, sort of. She stopped asking about the hayride and then started asking me if I liked pie."

"Oh really?" John drawled.

Connor's hand played with the one on his stomach, occasionally lacing his and John's fingers together. "I told her that I like pie."

John laughed. "And then what?"

"And then apparently Daniel or Cam told her that I really like butterscotch and the next day there was a butterscotch pie with dinner."

"There's a butterscotch pie?"

"Apparently."

"Did you eat it?"

"Yeah, well, some of it. It was really good."

"And then what?" John asked.

"Then Cam's family watched some socc-football." He corrected himself.

"Did you watch? Who played?"

Connor shook his head. "I didn't watch. I helped Cam's mom and aunts wash dishes."

"And the cousin?"

"She was putting extra food away."

"And then what?"

"Daniel and I went outside to talk."

"To talk?" John asked.

Connor shrugged. "Mostly about the work we were doing."

"Ah."

"And then Lucy came outside and joined us."

"Lucy is the cousin?"

"Yeah."

"How old was this Lucy?"

"Um… maybe late twenties? I'm not sure. I can ask Cam."

"No, I'm just curious."

"Oh. Well, she told me she had been dating a guy but then he got shipped out to Iraq and he dumped her."

"Didn't want to leave someone behind." John murmured.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. She didn't seem very happy about it, though."

"I imagine she wouldn't be."

"Anyways, we left the next day and she, uh, gave me another butterscotch pie to eat when we got back."

"You should have gotten the recipe."

"I did. I e-mailed her and she sent it."

"E-mailed?"

"Yeah, her e-mail address was with the pie."

"Ah."

Connor reached across John and grabbed his tea again. He took a few sips before setting it back down. John finished off his tea and set his empty mug next to Connor's.

"John?"

"Yeah?" John rubbed his hand over Connor's stomach.

"Was she… I mean did she want…"

"In your pants?" John grinned. "Definitely."

"John." Connor said with a blush.

John chuckled. "What? It's the truth."

"I was wearing my wedding ring."

John shrugged. "But you never mentioned a wife, did you?"

Connor was quiet for a moment. "No."

"For all she knew, you had been widowed or something. I mean, you did spend Thanksgiving with Mitchell and Jackson… that doesn't exactly scream romantic entanglement."

"Oh."

"What about that other Marine you mentioned?"

"Rachael?"

"Yeah."

"What about her?"

"You're… friends?"

"Yes." Connor paused. "Is that okay?"

"You're allowed to have friends, Con." John said quietly.

"I know, I just… wanted to make sure."

"Well, it's definitely okay with me." John told him, pressing a kiss to the side of Connor's head. "How're the bruises?"

"They're-"

"And no lying."

"-a bit sore." Connor admitted. "I can't believe I did so badly."

"Did so badly with what?"

"With blocking all the punches. I should have been able to block them all easily."

"Well, you did have two beers in you by then." John reminded him.

"Yeah… I don't think I want to drink in public anymore."

"Well now, that's not very Irish of you." John teased.

"It slowed my reflexes."

"Yeah, probably." John agreed. "But I doubt you thought you would be attacked while out to dinner."

"Daniel was attacked, I just sorta… stepped in. I don't know why they chose Daniel. He's… he doesn't seem that gay to me."

"I think it's the muscles." The older man said. "I'm pretty sure he wasn't always so buff, though."

"Still… I'm way more gay than he is."

John laughed. "I guess it depends on how you're defining gay. I think Jackson's probably slept with more men than you have."

Connor turned to him and gaped. "What? Really?"

John nodded. "For sure."

"Hmm, well it only takes two." Connor mused.

"Yup."

"But he's also slept with more women."

"Yup."

"Do you think it was me?" Connor asked softly. "Like they knew I was gay and since Daniel was sitting next to me…"

"If you're asking if I think it was your fault… the answer is definitely 'no', Con. It was no one's fault. Well, maybe it was their fault for being so close-minded."

"They don't know what they're missing." Connor murmured, interlocking his and John's fingers again.

"Exactly." John pressed another soft kiss to the side of Connor's forehead.

"I love you, John." Connor said, turning his head to look at John.

John smiled. "I love you too, Connor."

* * *

"John?"

"Hmm?"

John looked up from his computer to glance at his husband. Connor was turned in his seat and looking at him. They were both in the linguist's lab, John was situated on Connor's couch and Connor was working. John had basically followed the younger man to work after they had lunched together. John had his laptop and was working on performance reviews. Every thirty minutes or so he tried to talk his husband into making out on the couch with him. So far, Connor wasn't going for it. John was sure he would eventually.

"Why do people in the US keep their eggs in the refrigerator?"

John was pretty sure he was used to Connor's questions about the US by now, but this one actually baffled him.

"What?"

"Their eggs-they keep them in the refrigerator. I saw it at Cam's apartment. I, uh, didn't want to ask him…"

"So you thought you'd ask me?"

"Yep."

"You don't keep eggs in the fridge in Ireland?"

Connor frowned. "No."

"Where did you put them?"

"In the pantry."

"What?"

"In the pantry." Connor repeated. "The cupboard."

"But… in the stores they're in the refrigerated section… you just went home and stored them in the cupboard?"

"What are you talking about, John? In the store they're just on the shelves."

"Not in the States. You never went shopping while you lived in Colorado? Or California?"

Connor shook his head. "Uh, my mother went shopping for us in California, and in Colorado I just ate on base."

"You really kept your eggs on the shelf?"

"Yes."

John blinked. "That is so fucking weird."

"So everyone in the US keeps them in the refrigerator?"

"Well, I can't speak for everyone, but everyone that I've ever met-yeah."

"Oh. Is it better for the eggs?"

"I thought it made them last longer." John told him.

"Oh." Connor smiled at him. "Thanks." With that he turned and went back to his work.

John shook his head and turned his attention back to his computer. Then he remembered.

"Want to make-out now?"

Connor didn't turn around, he just answered, "Give me ten minutes."

John grinned. He had the best fucking husband in the world.

* * *

Connor groaned a little when someone rung the door to his lab. John didn't seem too bothered as he sucked Connor's top lip back into his mouth. His hands were slowly making their way down the inside of Connor's pants. Connor was sitting on top of John's lap, facing him and straddling his waist.

The door chimed again.

"Mmm, John…" Connor murmured, in between kisses. "I have to get that."

"No you don't."

Connor was pretty sure that John had done away with Connor's higher brain functions sometime in the past twenty minutes because he completely agreed and went back to letting John have his way with Connor's mouth.

The door chimed again and this time John groaned.

"Can't they take a hint?"

"Ignore it." Connor mumbled and kissed John's chin.

"Good idea."

John's mouth landed on his again and a finger fell between Connor's cheeks, gently rubbing the soft skin there. Connor easily maneuvered his tongue into John's mouth, licking at the inside of it. John hummed with pleasure and swiped his own tongue across Connor's.

When they pulled back, Connor took large gulps of air to try and catch his breath. He rested his head on John's shoulder, nuzzling his husband's neck, occasionally pressing a kiss to John's pulse point.

The door ran again and Connor sighed. "What if someone needs me?"

"Your radio hasn't beeped." John murmured.

Connor's radio was sitting next to John's on the arm of the couch. It was close enough that they would hear a call on it but far enough again that they didn't have to worry about hitting them off of the couch.

The linguist froze. "Wait, what time is it?" He pulled back from John's body and glanced at his watch. "Oh no."

Connor carefully extracted John's hand from his pants and John made a soft noise of protest. The younger man scooted backwards off of John's lap. His face was flushed and his clothes were wrinkled and if John's lips were any indication of his own, than Connor know they were swollen beyond belief. He ran a hand down his clothes anyways, aware that it was a futile attempt to straighten up.

He jogged over to the door and let Eric in.

"Eric, hi."

The corporal took one look at Connor and raised an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

Connor nodded. "Yes, sorry. I, um, lost track of time."

Eric looked skeptical at that and Connor followed his gaze over to John who definitely looked like he'd just been making out with Connor. Despite the laptop he was using to try and cover his lap.

"Should I come back?" Eric asked with a small smile.

"Uh, no, sorry… just give me a minute, please?"

"Sure thing."

Connor walked back over to John and John, in response, stood up to meet him.

"Sorry." Connor whispered into John's ear.

"That's alright." John murmured. His hands ran up the Connor's back. "Did you have something planned?"

"We're going to work out in the gym."

"Your gym?" John asked.

"No, Eric wants me to spot him on the bench."

"You're going to bench press?" His husband asked in a disapproving tone.

Connor shook his head. "Not today. I'm, uh, still a bit sore from what happened on Earth."

"Be careful." John pleaded. "Don't over do it, Con."

"I won't. We should be finished in an hour or so." Connor met John's hazel-green eyes. "Are you going back to your office?"

"Yeah, for a bit. Come find me when you're through?"

"If you want me to." Connor answered with a smile.

"I definitely want you to." John told him, tugging Connor a little bit closer. "Have fun."

"I will." Connor promised.

"And really, please be careful." John looked over the younger man's shoulder briefly before looking back at Connor and offeering him a soft kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, John."

* * *

Lorne looked up as John entered his office.

"Good afternoon, sir."

"'afternoon." John returned. He took the seat across from Lorne and set his laptop down on his desk.

"I've set up the schedule for next month's OTS, sir."

John hadn't really liked Officer Training School, and honestly, he liked teaching it even less. But because they had so many young recruits on Atlantis the SGC had _asked_ if John and Lorne would hold some classes, while the rest could be done through correspondence. John couldn't really say 'no' so now he was stuck teaching the damn classes and feeling older by the minute.

"Great."

"Did you get the gate team schedules finished, sir?"

John nodded. "Yeah. Let me send it to you."

"Thank you, sir."

John clicked open his e-mail and sent the new schedules to Lorne. After the major reviewed them, then Carter and all gate team leaders would receive a copy.

"Is Connor feeling better today, sir?"

"Yeah." John paused. "Well, his migraine's gone. He's still sore from the fight on Earth."

"In my head I know that he can take care of himself," Lorne said. "But it's a bit hard to picture him taking on a biker gang, sir."

John totally agreed and tried not to picture it at all as every time he did his heart would leap into his throat.

"Agreed." John said.

"Sir?"

John looked up from his laptop at his second in command. "Major?"

Lorne hesitated. "I was wondering… the Doc mentioned that you have a different ring than him and I was just wondering if I could see it, sir."

John raised an eyebrow. It was a personal request that John hadn't expected, especially coming from Lorne. He nodded though and pulled his ring out from underneath his shirt. John leaned forward across the desk and Lorne moved to match his position. Holding the ring out, John watched his XO study the wedding ring.

"Doc said they were… knots?"

"Celtic knots." John confirmed. "They interlock and represent, uh… eternal love." He finished quietly.

"It's great, sir." Lorne told him, leaning back.

John thought it looked even greater on his finger where it belonged. He tucked the ring and his dog tags back into his shirt and shifted back into his seat. "Thanks."

"Colonel?"

John looked up again. "Yeah?"

"Uh, never mind, sir."

"Lorne."

"Yes, sir?"

"What are their names?" John asked softly. The names of the four homophobic men under his command.

Lorne didn't even bother not to know what John was talking about. "Johnson, Williams, Jones, and Brown, sir."

"And otherwise their conduct has been acceptable?"

"It's been perfect, sir. That's part of what's so frustrating." Lorne admitted. "The Doc and I have been trying to catch them doing something-anything-that we can get them shipped back to Earth for."

"When's the next personnel rotation?"

They regularly rotated Atlantis' military personnel back to the SGC. Every eight months a quarter of the men went back to Earth. John thought they next rotation had to be soon, but he wasn't positive.

"Five weeks, sir."

"I want their names on it."

"Yes, sir."

John suspected that their names had been on that list for weeks.

"Did Connor mention anything about the meetings he took on Earth?" John asked.

"No, sir."

"Carter called me into her office the day after he got back. She said there was likely to be some policy change within the next few months. She didn't say what it would be though. This morning Connor mentioned something along the same lines-a bill in Congress that could change things for the better."

"I'm not really up to date on politics back home, sir." Lorne admitted.

"That's okay, I was just wondering if maybe you knew something."

"I can try and find out, sir."

John thought about it. "Nah, that's okay."

"Yes, sir."

John went back to his laptop. He answered a few e-mails and scheduled some time to play 'touch that Ancient thing'. When he finished with that he checked the clock and sighed. Connor was still at the gym and would be for another twenty minutes. John clicked open a game of Hearts. He had just selected three cards to pass to the left when his heart stopped as a blood curling scream came over his radio. John was out of his seat in microseconds and running for the transporter with Lorne at his heels.

As he ran along the corridors, one thing echoed in John's head. That was Connor screaming his name.

"JOHN!"


	49. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 49 : Answers**

Author's Notes :  
\- Don't own _In Bruges_ or _Minority Report_ or iPod.  
\- _Nil_ is Irish for 'no'. Sorta. It gets complicated.  
\- Mark and Emery first appeared in chapter 42.  
\- Thanks to SanctumSyte for help with the medical aspects of this chapter.  
\- Edited Content is available on my listed homepage.

BETA : JackD

* * *

"Hey, let's go swimming."

Connor looked at Eric curiously. "Instead of working out?"

"Yeah." Eric nodded.

"Okay." Connor agreed softly. "My suit's in my room though."

"Go get it, I'll meet you there."

Connor nodded and offered Eric a wave as he got back into the transporter. It only took a moment to go up to the level his quarters were on. Eric's quarters were much closer to the pool so Connor hurried so he wouldn't keep Eric waiting too long. Once in his room he dug through his drawers trying to find where John had stuffed their swim trunks. He pulled out some dark blue ones and wasn't sure whose they were. Connor figured John wouldn't care if they were his, so he unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down, pulling his swim trunks on instead.

He bent down and looked through the bottom drawer, full of shoes. John had some flip-flops in there and Connor pulled them out.

"Davids to Sheppard."

"Sheppard here. Shouldn't you be working out right about now?"

Connor could hear the smile in his husband's voice.

"We're going swimming instead. Can I borrow your shoes?"

"Swimming? And sure."

"Yeah. Eric wants to swim for a while."

"Don't go overdoing it, Con."

Connor smiled. The day John stopped worrying about him was the day Connor shipped his husband to the infirmary to find out what was wrong with him. "I won't."

"Okay." John sounded skeptical.

"I promise."

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, I'm going now."

"Be careful!"

"Davids out."

Connor rolled his eyes but grinned as he slipped on John's shoes. He snagged two clean towels, one for him and one for Eric in case the other man forgot one, and headed out the door.

Eric was already swimming when Connor entered the pool room.

"How's the water?" Connor asked, toeing off John's flip-flops and pulling off his shirt.

"Great." Eric answered with a slight smile.

Connor left the towels, shirt, shoes, and dog tags in a pile off to the side and then dipped a toe into the water. It was definitely warm, warm enough that Connor felt like diving in. He walked around to the deep end of the pool and reached his arms over his head before smoothly diving in.

The water was even better than expected and it was without the sting of chlorine that most pools on Earth had. Atlantis kept it clean some other way, leaving the water crisp, clean and perfect for swimming in. Connor loved it but he and John had only managed to make it out here a few times.

Eric was swimming laps back and forth, and activity that Connor would normally had joined him in, but his ribs ached a little and he _had_ promised John he would take it easy. So Connor swam somewhat leisurely from one end to the other, mostly underwater without making any big movements. Every once in a while Eric would swim past him and poke an arm or something. Once he managed to brush a hand against Connor's stomach and Connor laughed at the ticklish feeling.

Connor dove a little bit under water and did a neat somersault. He used to do them on the ground with his martial arts classes but hadn't done some in a while. He made a mental note to step his workout routine back up. For the most part he did less of everything now that he had John to keep him busy. Connor didn't regret it at all.

He emerged from the bottom and took a deep breath. Eric swam past him and Connor reached out to gently whack the top of his friend's head. In response, Eric pulled on Connor's arm, pulling him back under the water. Connor came back up laughing and Eric paused in his laps to grin at Connor.

"You're trouble, Doc." He said fondly.

Connor grinned while treading water. "John still loves me."

Eric rolled his eyes. "John would still love you if you turned into some kind of psychotic murderer."

Connor paused and tilted his head in thought. "You think so?"

"Oh yeah. He'll be with you till the end."

Connor laughed lightly. "I'm not sure if that's reassuring or not."

"I think you guys would make a great Bonnie and Clyde." Eric commented lightly. Connor could see a sparkle of humor in his eyes.

"And who would be who?"

"I think John would make a great Bonnie," Eric said seriously, eyes twinkling.

Connor nodded and tried not to laugh. "He _would_ look better in a dress."

Eric's eyes met his and a second later Connor burst out laughing, Eric's silent chuckles joined his. It was refreshing to see his friend laugh, something Eric did so little of. Finally the laughter died down and Eric shot Connor a small smile.

"You have to promise that if that ever happens… there will be pictures."

Connor laughed again. "We'll see." He swam towards the edge and carefully eased himself up, making sure not to hit his ribs against the side of the pool.

"You leaving me?" Eric asked, treading water towards the center of the pool.

"I need to use the toilet." Connor explained.

"You know most people call it the bathroom."

"But I'm not going to take a bath…" Connor replied with a bit of puzzlement.

"Is this an Irish thing?" Eric asked.

"It's an accuracy thing." Connor stood up and quickly located his towel. He slid his feet into John's shoes, pulled on his shirt and turned back to Eric. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Eric mock saluted him. "Roger that."

Connor hurried away from the pool. He thought he probably shouldn't have had that second cup of tea with lunch. Or that cup of tea between breakfast and lunch. Or the cup of tea after lunch. He definitely blamed John for at least three of those. John kept pushing a full mug into his hands and Connor wasn't even paying attention when he accepted them. Connor reached up and felt empty air where his dog tags and wedding ring usually rested. It was unsettling not to have them around his neck.

He hurried back to his quarters to use the toilet. Early on restrooms had been available in various parts of the city but then Rodney had put his foot down on unnecessary energy usage and told everyone not to be lazy and make the hike to their quarters. It wasn't very efficient and the pool wasn't that close to a transporter so Connor bounced a little in the few seconds it took for the lift to arrive at his level. He hurried into his quarters to relieve his bladder.

When he finished he gave a soft sigh and then washed his hands. His hair dripped all over the sink and the floor and small water droplets were making their way down his back. He wished he'd stopped to grab his shirt.

Connor shuffled back into the transporter and was back on the pool level before he could think about how annoying Rodney's restroom rule was or how chafing wet swim shorts were against his skin.

A second before he entered the large room that housed the pool a shiver ran up Connor's back and the hair on his neck stood up. He tried to shrug off the feeling but the further into the room he walked, the worse it got.

The first thing he noticed was how quiet it was. He couldn't hear Eric swimming.

The second thing he noticed was a streak of red in the pool water. His eyes followed it to the bottom and Connor tossed his towel away before diving in. Eric's body was limply resting on the bottom of the pool and Connor swam rapidly downwards towards him. He wasn't moving and Connor soon realized that the red streak had been blood. It seemed to be emanating from a cut on Eric's head, but for now, that was the least of Connor's worries.

He reached Eric's body and quickly slipped an arm around his friend's waist before pushing off the bottom back up towards the surface. The second they surfaced, Connor's legs began swimming and one arm paddled, trying to pull his and Eric's weight towards the edge of the pool, several feet away.

"Atlantis!" Connor gasped out. "I need a channel to…" Some water trickled into his mouth and Connor spit it out before taking another breath. He wasn't moving very fast, and Eric wasn't moving at all. "To… John!"

Connor wasn't sure why he asked for John. Intellectually he knew that he should have asked for Keller, but his stomach was hurting and his arm was tired and all he could think about was John. He felt a tickle at the back of his mind and Connor knew that the connection had been raised.

"John!" He said as loud as he could. "John!"

It took a second but then his husband's voice responded, shaking and with heavy breaths. "Connor? What's wrong? Are you still at the pool?"

"Yes…" He spit some more water out. "I need help. Get… Keller…"

That was all he could get out as more water filled his mouth. Connor couldn't concentrate on getting Eric out of the water and talking to John.

"Connor?" Came over the pool room's speakers but Connor had to ignore it. "Connor?"

"Can't… talk…"

The edge was still about thirty feet away. Connor had to take Eric up the stairs because there was no way to pull him up over the side of the pool. His mind briefly thought that this was nothing like it seemed in the movies. This was harder and Eric's life really was at stake because Connor couldn't feel him breathing at all.

* * *

John was pretty sure he had never run as fast in his life as he was now. Lorne was on his heels and giving stilted directions to the infirmary. John pushed out of the transporter and ran down the hallway to the pool. He arrived in time to see Connor hauling a body behind him towards the shallow end. John didn't waste anytime before jumping into the pool a few feet away from his husband.

Connor's eyes met his and there was a huge look of relief on the younger man's face, along with a small amount of pain. John swam over, feeling his boots slow him down, and then took Johns from Connor. Lorne was waiting at the nearest edge for them and John paddled over before pushing the unconscious man in his arms up. Lorne grabbed a hold and lifted him out of the water. By the time John had hauled himself out of the pool, Lorne had Johns on his back and was beginning CPR.

John had never used his CPR training before and it was scary as hell to think he would need it now. Lorne pumped on Johns' chest and John pinched the corporal's nose shut before breathing in after five pumps. Then they did it again. And again. And John wondered where the fuck the med team was.

He heard Connor get out of the water behind him and John was too busy to tell Connor that he shouldn't be watching. Johns was dead, for all intents and purposes, CPR was a final Hail Mary.

"One… two… eight… nine… fourteen… fifteen…"

John breathed twice.

"One… two… eight… nine… fourteen… fifteen… breathe…"

John breathed twice.

He heard Connor leave and then voices got closer.

"Colonel Sheppard! How long has he been unresponsive?" Keller asked, falling to her knees next to John. A nurse pushed John and Lorne out of the way and John stood up watching them. Another nurse crouched down until Johns' body was surrounded by medical personnel.

John looked at Connor for the answer.

Connor shrugged and wrapped his arms around himself. "Minutes." Connor whispered.

"How many?" Keller demanded. "Bag him!" She said to someone else.

Connor shook his head and he looked so lost and confused that John wanted to pull him into his arms and never let go. "I… I don't… I don't know… I went-went to the rest-restroom and c-came back…" His teeth were chattering and Connor's breathing was erratic. "I… maybe three minutes?"

Keller nodded and suddenly everyone stood up, Johns' body went up with them before being settled on a stretcher. John could only watch as they wheeled away, running from the room with the stretcher between them.

"J-John?" Connor said softly.

John turned to look at his husband, shivering and with arms wrapped around himself. There was no one else there except for Lorne so John crossed the few feet between them and pulled Connor into his arms. A small voice said that John probably shouldn't be hugging Connor in wet clothes, the younger man was already cold enough, but John couldn't stop. Connor was holding onto him so tightly that if John let go he thought his husband might collapse.

"I've got you." John whispered as he gently swayed back and forth, holding Connor close. "Shh, Con… I've got you."

"He wasn't… wasn't breathing, John."

John swallowed. "I know."

"He was so still."

"I know."

"And cold." Connor pulled back and looked at John, a look of pure anguish on his face. "He was so cold, John."

"It's just the water," John soothed.

Connor shook his head. "No, the water's warm. Eric-Eric was cold."

"Shh." John said, pulling Connor back against him. "You can't think like that, Con okay? You need to be strong."

Connor fingers gripped John's wet shirt and Connor nodded against John's chest. "Okay."

"Okay."

They stood like that for a few more minutes and John felt a towel drape over both of them and gave Lorne a grateful smile.

"Let's get you warmed up, Connor." John said quietly.

"I want to go to the infirmary."

"We can go after. You're shivering… you need to warm up," John whispered. He pulled back and looked at Connor, tucking a piece of wet hair behind his husband's ear. "It'll only take a few minutes and then we can go. Lorne's going to go now and he'll tell us the second he knows something, okay?"

Connor's eyes flickered to Lorne who offered the younger man a reassuring smile and a nod.

"Someone needs to tell Rodney," Connor said quietly.

"We can tell him when we have something to tell," John said. "Otherwise he'll just panic and distract Keller."

Connor swallowed and nodded. "You're right, I don't-I don't know what I was thinking." He blinked rapidly.

John wrapped an arm around Connor's waste as he accepted the second towel from Lorne. Lorne dropped John's shoes in front of Connor and Connor absently stepped into them. John thought his husband might be going into shock. Lorne handed John a set of dog tags and John took them. The major also had another pile of clothing in his hands that John thought probably belonged to Johns based on the set of BDU pants sticking out.

"I'll be in the infirmary, sir."

John nodded. "Thank you, Major."

"Yes, sir."

With a worried glance in Connor's direction, Lorne left them alone.

"C'mon dry clothes and then we can…" John trailed off. He was going to say that when Connor finished they could go see Corporal Johns but John knew that there was a good chance that Johns wouldn't make it. "Then we can go. I'm sure Keller doesn't want us dripping all over her floor."

Connor nodded stiffly and let John lead him out of the room.

* * *

Evan jogged to the infirmary and found a flurry of action happening in the large room. Nurses were running everywhere, voices were loud, medical supplies were being rushed back and forth. It gave Evan a small sliver of hope. They wouldn't be rushing if they didn't think they could save Johns. So he waited. And tried to forget the awful, broken look on Connor's face.

"Lorne to Teyla."

There was a slight delay and then, "Teyla here. Is there something I can help you with, Evan?" She asked softly, her voice was strong and beautiful.

"Are you busy right now?"

"I am available for a short while." She answered without pause.

"Can you come to the infirmary?" Evan asked softly.

"Of course. I am on my way. Teyla out."

Evan felt cold as he stood there and suddenly became aware that half of his clothes were damp from hauling Johns out of the water. When Evan closed his eyes he could feel the cold skin of Johns' chest underneath his hands and he pushed down, trying to pump the other man's heart. Evan had performed CPR a few times before, twice with success and once… once the person was already too far gone. If Connor's estimated time was right, John might have been to far gone before they had ever pulled him out of the water.

"Evan?"

Evan turned to see Teyla behind him, a question in her eyes. He gaze flickered to the chaos of people in the infirmary.

"Connor went swimming with Corporal Johns… as far as I can tell, Connor went to the bathroom and when he came back, Johns was on the bottom of the pool."

Teyla's breath hitched as her eyes widened, searching Evan's.

"How is Connor?" She asked softly.

"Colonel Sheppard took him back to his room to change clothes." Evan told her quietly. "He jumped in to get Johns while he was dressed. Colonel Sheppard did also, for that matter."

"So they will be here shortly?"

"Yeah. You got here much faster than I thought you would." Evan admitted.

"I was already on my way to meet Jennifer for lunch." She replied, answering his unspoken question. "I was a bit early."

Evan wormed an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. She was warm and Evan could almost forget how cold Johns had been.

* * *

John rubbed a towel up and down Connor's left arm before moving to the right one. His husband was shaking and Connor's first few attempts to dry off had left him repeatedly dropping the towel. So after changing his own clothes, John had gently sat Connor down on the bed and was rubbing the towel over the younger man's skin. John wished they had time for a shower, but they barely had time for this. It was rushed and Connor was still shaking. John finished with Connor's torso and handed his partner a shirt.

"Put this on." John said quietly. He knelt before Connor and rubbed the towel down each of Connor's legs. "I'll get you some sweatpants."

Connor nodded and pulled the shirt on. He stood and John tossed some boxers. Connor stiffly pulled them on before pulling on the sweatpants that John was handing to him.

"Lorne to Davids."

John frowned and glanced around. Connor's radio was beeping in a pile with the towels from the pool. John reached picked it up.

"Sheppard here."

"Sir… Dr. Keller has been able to revive Corporal Johns but he's still unconscious."

"Alright, thanks for letting me know. We'll be there in a few minutes. Sheppard out."

John turned to face Connor. "Lorne says that they've revived Johns. He's unconscious, for now."

Connor gestured for his radio and John handed it over. "Davids to Ramsey."

"Ramsey here. What can I do for you, Doc?"

"Ben… Eric has, uh, been in an accident. He's in the infirmary, I'm on my way there." Connor told him softly.

"An accident? What kind?"

"He… drowned." Connor answered quietly. "I-He's… I can't…"

"I'm on my way." Ben said gently. "I'll get Jim too, okay? Hang in there."

Connor nodded even though Ben couldn't see him. "I… you too."

"I'll see you soon, Connor. Ramsey out."

John pulled Connor into a tight hug. "It'll be okay, Con you need to believe that."

"He was without oxygen for so long… his brain…"

"Think positive."

Connor clutched at John's back. "Okay. Are you going to tell Rodney?"

"Yeah." John answered wearily. "He can't-fuck, he can't visit."

"He can stop by later." Connor said softly.

"Yeah…. Yeah."

* * *

Eric woke up on a Monday. Connor knew that because he'd been sitting by his friend and teammate's bed. He'd been sitting there for two days. Ben and Jim were frequent visitors as was Daniel and even Cam, although the latter two were mostly there for Connor. John and Evan were there often and sometimes Rodney would flit through the infirmary with some desperate need of a doctor.

Connor knew he just had a desperate need to see his boyfriend.

Connor was typing away on his laptop, planning out what he would talk about at the TED conference. John had become a sounding board because he knew the basics of linguists, from the books Connor had leant him, but didn't have really a full understanding of them. So if John could understand what Connor was talking about, then Connor figured others would too.

"Ngh… Connor?"

Connor jumped and his laptop came perilously close to sliding off his lap before he caught it.

"Eric?"

He set his computer aside and stood up, peering down at his friend. Eric was blinking against the harsh lights and Connor immediately asked Atlantis to lower them.

"Can you hear me?" Connor asked quietly. He reached for one of Eric's hands. "Squeeze once for yes and twice for no." The hand in his squeezed once. "Let me get Keller."

Connor tried to pull his hand away but Eric held on. "Tell me… happened…"

"You scared the shite out of me." Connor said quietly. "We were swimming and I went to the bathroom and came back to find you at the bottom of the pool."

"S'ry," Eric mumbled. "Was hit."

"Hit?" Connor frowned. "Hit by what?"

"S'm'one hit me."

"Someone hit you?" Connor's eyes flew to the white bandage on Eric's face. Until now the running assumption had been that Eric had slipped on pool deck and fallen into the pool. "Who?"

"Dunno. Hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Head… ch'st…"

"Evan cracked a couple ribs while performing CPR. He's really sorry about it." Connor said quietly. Inside he was bursting with happiness. Eric was awake, talking, seemed mostly coherent and he could feel pain. All good signs. "Let me get Keller. She can probably give you something for the pain."

"How… long…?"

"Two days." Connor whispered. "Jim and Ben have been here… and Rodney…"

"R'dn'y? Is he 'k?" Eric's eyes opened more fully and met Connor's.

"Yeah. He's worried though. We were all worried."

"S'ry."

"Don't be sorry, just get better." Connor said gently.

"'k."

"I'll be right back."

And this time Eric let go of his hand and Connor took another look at his friend before tracking down the blonde doctor with a small smile on his face.

* * *

"Ow!"

"Jesus, Eric. Be careful." Rodney said with a frown. "Are you okay in there?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Just banged my elbow."

"Are you sure you don't need help?" Rodney asked, pacing outside the bathroom. Eric had been released from the infirmary today after spending six days there.

"I'm sure."

"I mean, I can help if you need it."

"I'm just taking a piss, Rodney." Eric said. Rodney could practically hear the eye roll the younger man was giving him.

"Well it sounds painful."

"I just banged my elbow." Eric answered. "Hit the funny bone."

"It's more like a funny nerve." Rodney mumbled to himself. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Since you asked me three minutes ago? Yes."

"What's taking so long?"

"I'm washing my hands."

"Oh."

The door slid open and Eric stood there with a raised eyebrow, looking at Rodney. Rodney couldn't help but look his boyfriend up and down, making sure he was still alright. Eric stepped out of the bathroom and the lights turned off automatically. He stopped in front of Rodney and gave the older man a small smile and a kiss on the lips.

"I'm really okay, you know." Eric said softly.

"Are you sure? Cause you just got out of the infirmary and Keller said to take it easy…"

Eric smiled fondly and Rodney was surprised to get two smiles in such a small period of time. "I don't think going to the bathroom falls under the strenuous category."

"Right."

"Take me to bed." Eric said gently.

"I definitely think that falls under the strenuous category." Rodney muttered. But he stepped to the side so Eric could make his way back to the bed. Rodney let his hand rest on the younger man's lower back, guiding him.

A few minutes later they were situated under the covers, both naked and Rodney was spooned up carefully behind Eric. He had an arm around Eric's waist, aligned with Eric's own arm and their hands were pressed together, fingers threaded with each other's. He could feel his boyfriend breathing and it was the most reassuring feeling that Rodney had ever experienced. The way Eric's chest expanded pressing back into Rodney's was soothing.

Rodney pressed a kiss to the back of Eric's neck. And then another, and another. Eric sighed happily and Rodney bent down to rest his forehead where his lips had just been.

"Eric?" Rodney asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I-I really fucking love you." Rodney said. His voice only shook a little bit; something he was proud of. "I was so goddamned scared when Sheppard showed up in my lab. I knew something was wrong with you and I… I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up." He paused. "And you should know that before you came along I didn't have heart attacks in my lab over some kid. I used to be perfectly healthy."

Rodney felt his boyfriend chuckle a little bit. "Really, Rodney? Healthy with all that coffee you consume?"

"There's nothing wrong with coffee."

"Suure." Eric agreed lightly. There was a short pause and Eric squeezed Rodney's hand before saying, "I love you too, Rodney. I'm sorry I worried you and it's okay that you weren't there when I woke up. I was-I was a little surprised that Connor was there, actually."

"You died in front of him, where else did you think he would be?"

Eric shifted a little before asking, "Did you just stick up for Connor?"

"What? No!" Rodney defended. "Just pointing something out."

"Uh-huh." Eric said and Rodney could hear a hint of a smile in his boyfriend's voice. "You like him."

"I don't like him." Rodney instantly denied.

"You so do."

"No I don't."

"I'm on to you, Rodney."

"Well, you're on to the wrong part of me." Rodney grumbled.,

Eric let out a short laugh. "Keep telling yourself that."

* * *

"You coming to bed any time soon?" John asked, leaning over his husband's shoulder and peering down at Connor's notebooks.

"I've got some work to finish," Connor answered softly.

"Is that a 'no'?" John asked, kissing the side of Connor's neck.

"That's a 'it could be a while'." The linguist answered. "You should go to bed though, I know you have a meeting in the morning."

John sighed and rested his chin on Connor's shoulder. "When did my life become so full of meetings?"

"When you turned thirty-five." Connor answered wryly.

John laughed. "I suppose that's fairly accurate. How late will you be?"

Connor shrugged. "I'm not sure. I might work through the night."

"Should I bring you some breakfast?"

The younger man shook his head. "I'll eat."

"Uh-huh." John said dubiously. "Where have I heard that before?"

"I'm meeting Jake for breakfast." Connor told his partner.

"Jake… Reed?"

"Yeah."

"You seem to be meeting with him a lot these days." John commented easily.

Connor wrote something down before answering. "Yeah."

John let out a soft laugh. "I get it, it's a secret."

"Not _my_ secret." Connor said. "I would tell you if I could."

"That's fine. Just make sure you eat, alright?"

"Yeah."

John kissed Connor's cheek and just stood there for a moment, wrapping his arms around Connor's chest as he bent down over his husband. Connor let his pen fall to his desk and leaned back into John's embrace.

"I love you." John murmured.

"I know." Connor answered quietly. He turned his face towards John and reached a hand up to the side of John's head to turn it towards him before gently pressing their lips together. John closed his eyes and sighed happily. After a moment, Connor pulled back, a light blush on his face. "Goodnight."

"'Night." John whispered. He leaned in for one more quick peck on the lips and then straightened. John pulled away from his husband and headed for the door to Connor's lab. Before he left he glanced back at the younger man; Connor had already returned to work and was flipping through a book while the giant screen in front of him scrolled down. He smiled to himself and then left.

* * *

Jake waved his hand over the door sensor and shifted nervously. A few seconds later, the door slid open, revealing his friend on the other side. "Morning, Doc."

Connor smiled back at him. "Good morning."

Jake frowned at the bags under Connor's eyes. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

The linguist gestured behind him. "I had work."

"Maybe you should go to bed… we can have breakfast some other time." Jake suggested.

Connor shook his head. "I'm fine. Where did you want to eat?"

"Food hub?" Jake suggested.

The Irishman smiled. "Sounds good. I'm in the mood for some pancakes."

Ten minutes later they had their food and Jake didn't want to say anything, but Connor's pancakes looked a lot like… crêpes. The scientist was slathering them in raspberry jelly and they looked really, really good. Jake looked back down at his plain stack of waffles and was thinking that he should have ordered whatever Connor had ordered.

"So how are things with you?" Connor asked, blowing across the top of the mug of tea in his hands.

Jake cut the stack of waffles in half. "Pretty good. We haven't had any weird missions for a while… knock on wood. There's a week-long training exercise on the mainland next week that I'm not particularly looking forward too, but it could be worse."

"John, Ronon and Evan have been working on that for a month." Connor offered.

"Wanna give me some hints about it?" Jake asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Connor offered him a smile and a light blush before answering, "I've been sworn to secrecy."

"Damn." Jake said without any heat. "Foiled again."

The linguist laughed and started slicing up his pan…crêpes. Jake looked down sadly at his pieces of waffles and drizzled some syrup over them.

"Do you think there will be another Secret Santa this year?" Jake asked, stabbing a chuck of waffle.

Connor appeared to think about it for a moment before answering, "Yes."

"I liked it." Jake offered. "It was nice to get something random."

"Yeah." His friend agreed.

"Any other holiday plans?" Jake ventured. "With the lucky man maybe?"

Connor blushed a deep red and stared down into his plate. "Um, just the normal…"

Jake sighed wistfully and popped the piece of waffle into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. After swallowing he said, "I hope I'll be as happy as you someday, Doc."

"You're not happy?" Connor asked, looking up with concern written on his face.

Jake shook his head and waved the concern away. "I didn't mean like that. I'm happy, sure, but it gets old being alone, ya know? I want someone to come home to, someone to ask me how my day went."

The scientist frowned a little. "Isn't there some kind of, uh, Atlantis dating network? I thought Tim mentioned something…"

"There is." Jake said with a bob of his head. "But that's really more for… hook-ups than actual dating."

"Hook-ups as in… a, uh, one night thing?" Connor asked softly.

"Yep." Jake looked at his friend. "Can I ask you a personal question?" At Connor's panicked look, Jake amended, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Connor nodded. "Okay."

"How'd you meet your partner?"

A shy smile came over Connor's face and Jake watched as it softened and his friend's eyes filled with fondness. "We met here, on Atlantis… although you, uh, probably knew that. It's… I can't really say much, if I did I would, um, give him away. We worked together, for a little while though and… we became friends."

"Did you-were you hoping it would lead to something more?"

Connor shook his head. "Definitely not. We…" He paused and collected his thoughts. "Neither of us had been with another man before. I think I knew there was something but I didn't really know what it was."

That gave Jake pause. "Wait, so you weren't gay?"

"Nope." Connor answered, taking a bite of his crêpes.

"And your partner wasn't gay?"

"Nope. He'd dated only women before." His friend answered.

"You're like a modern day romance story, Doc." Jake said with a grin. "Your life could be a movie or something."

Connor blushed and pulled his tea in front of him, picking it up. "I, uh, don't know about that." He paused. "I can keep an eye out for someone for you, if you want. I don't know that many women, but I can ask around."

Jake looked around the food hub. It was completely empty except for them. The biggest reason was because it was 0540 in the morning.

"Connor?"

"Yes?" Connor answered softly, meeting Jake's eyes.

"I still think about David all the time." Jake admitted.

"Have you thought about telling him?"

"Connor." Jake said flatly. "You really think David wants to hear that?"

The linguist shook his head ruefully. Jake loved all of his teammates but David was… loose with his affections. He didn't really mean to be but he was a bit absent-minded and maybe too focused on his work to really invest in anybody else. David never stayed with anyone for too long. Jake wasn't sure why that was, but it seemed to suit his teammate just fine.

"Is it David specifically?" Connor asked quietly. "Or the fact that he's a-he's a man?"

Jake blinked. "I think it's just David."

Connor nodded. "Then let me see what I can do."

"Yeah?"

The scientist smiled softly at him. "Yeah."

* * *

Connor moved quietly through his and John's room. John was sleeping and while Connor knew his husband had probably woken up the second the door opened, he still held hope that John had fallen back to sleep. Connor hated to wake the other man.

"How was the movie?" John mumbled.

Connor finished pulling his shirt off over his head and started undoing his pants as he answered, "Good."

"Yeah? What'd you watch?"

" _In Bruges_."

"Never heard of it."

"I think you'd probably like it. It has a fellow Irishman in it."

"Yeah?"

"Colin Farrell."

"Are you a fan?" John asked, sounding more awake.

"Of his? I-I'm not sure. He was pretty good in the movie. I'm not sure I've seen much else with him in it."

"I saw him in _Minority Report_ ; was good."

"Ah."

"You coming to bed?"

"After I brush my teeth."

"Don't take too long." John said.

"I won't."

Sure enough, four minutes later Connor was crawling into bed next to his husband. Connor let out a short laugh when John pulled him on top of him. Connor's body was flush with John's, one leg sunk into the middle of John's and one fell on the outside. He turned his head so that his cheek rested on John's chest and John's arms rested heavily on his back.

"Tell me about your day." John mumbled.

"It was pretty boring."

"Tell me anyways." John beseeched quietly.

"I woke up to run with Ronon."

"Did you guys run outside?"

"For a kilometer or so. It was raining."

"Yup." John agreed, rubbing a hand into Connor's back.

"We like to run in the rain."

"I'm sure your immune system likes it too."

"I'm perfectly healthy." Connor muttered in protest.

"Yeah? Are there a lot of vitamins in butterscotch pudding?" John teased.

"There's… calcium." The younger man finished triumphantly.

John laughed. "So you went running…"

"Then I came back and had some tea with my husband who just wouldn't let me have a lie in."

"Sounds like a mean husband."

"The meanest." Connor agreed. "Then he went to work and I couldn't go back to sleep so I went down to the shooting range."

"Shoot anyone?"

Connor shook his head against John's chest. "I wanted to though. There was some guy on the range who was… annoying."

"Really?" John asked surprised.

"Yes, really. Why?"

"It's just-you never find people annoying."

"I find you annoying all the time." Connor countered with a grin.

"Only because you want to sleep and I want you in me."

"And I told you those aren't mutually exclusive."

John laughed and Connor's body shook lightly with John's. "We'll see. So he was annoying?"

"Yeah."

"Name?"

Connor thought about it. "Nope."

"Nope?"

"Not telling you."

"Con-nor."

"Jo-ohn."

"It's always the quiet ones." John said with a sigh. "So what happened after that?"

"Sgt. Morelli needed some help with his computer. Unfortunately he blew his motherboard and that is something I can't fix without the proper tools."

"Just fill out the requisition forms."

"I did."

"Good. What else?"

"Hmm. I did some work for a while."

"Translate anything interesting?"

Connor smiled. "To me or to you?"

"To me."

"Nope."

"… how's that gun coming along?"

"The one like Ronon's?"

"Yeah."

"I passed the information off to Radek. He's working on it, as far as I know."

"Weren't you doing something else with Dr. Z?" John asked.

"Yeah. We're outlining those computer 101 classes for your Marines."

John shifted a little and pulled Connor in closer to him. "You're not over-working yourself, are you?"

" _Nil_."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

John sighed. "Okay. So what did you do after work?"

"I had dinner with Cam, Daniel, Mark and Emery."

"How's Mitchell settling into the city?"

"He loves it. And I think Daniel's excited to have a regular exploration partner."

"I should ask him if he wants to join in on any of the drills."

"I think he'd like that." Connor agreed.

"What'd you do after dinner?"

"Meeting." Connor said succinctly.

"Ah. Anything new there?"

"Nope. Is there-did you find anything out about who p-pushed Eric?" Connor asked quietly.

John's hands moved gently up and down the linguist's back in a soothing motion. "Not yet. We're still looking, Con."

"It's been days, John."

"I know and… as much as nobody wants to say it, chances are, we won't find whoever did it." John said gently.

Connor sighed. "I know. I should never have left him alone."

"We've been through this, Con. There was no way you could have known. Johns doesn't blame you and you shouldn't blame you either."

"Easier said than done." Connor mumbled.

John smoothed a hand through Connor's hair. "I know."

There was a long pause but Connor knew that John was still awake. "John?"

"Hmm?"

"You're pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me, you know that right?"

Pause. "Pretty much?"

Connor smiled. "Well, I mean, meeting Evan is pretty high on that list too…"

"I better be at the top." John growled.

"And then there's Ronon and Teyla…"

"Connor." John warned lightly.

"And Eric and Jim and Ben…"

"Are you trying to kill me?" John asked with a pout.

Connor laughed lightly. "I really, really love you, John."

"I really, really love you too, Con."

* * *

A few weeks later, Connor and John were both busy. John had been running military simulations on the mainland for the better part of two weeks and Connor had only seen him, Ronon and Evan a handful of times. They were rotating military personnel in and out and Connor didn't really think it was an accident that when Evan's team was gone, Connor's was here or when Connor's team was gone, Evan's was here. John and Evan liked to meddle but Connor didn't really mind as it benefited him. Teyla and Cam had been with them for the past week, also, leaving very few people on the base for Connor to talk to.

Last week Connor worked three days straight and spent the day after that sleeping and then the day after that exploring with Daniel and Emery. Mark had been rotated out to the mainland.

But everyone would be back tonight because Christmas was in three days. John would be home for a week and then gone for another week. And Connor had a sneaking suspicion that during the week John would be home there would be a citywide drill. Well, it was less like a suspicion and more like actual knowledge. There were a few perks to sleeping with the base's military commander.

Connor wasn't embarrassed to say that he was excited. He loved Christmas and he missed John and he'd get both of them soon. He wondered if he and John would bake another cake this year. Before leaving, John had put a bunch of Christmas songs on his iPod and Connor knew he was determined to learn them. New ones were playing throughout the city this year and Connor couldn't help but smile every time he heard them.

So he was bouncing a little. John would be back in three hours and Connor had plans that involved his husband and a mattress. Although at this point, the mattress was optional. He wasn't really sure when he'd turned into one of those people who pounced on their spouses as soon as they returned, but Connor missed being close to John. The few nights that John had been back, John had been so far beyond exhausted that one time he fell asleep in the shower. That had been an almost disaster, luckily Connor had been standing behind him.

There had been two good things that had come out of everyone being gone. One, Rodney had begrudgingly eaten dinner with Connor several nights in a row and Connor was almost sure that Rodney liked him a little more than he did before. And two, Connor had managed to find someone for Jake. He'd sent his friend an e-mail describing her and was almost sure Jake would like the woman. John would probably joke that Connor was moonlighting as a matchmaker. At this point, John would be right.

Connor tapped his pen nervously against his notebook as he waited for John to arrive. Two hours, fifty-four minutes to go.

* * *

John wasn't sure who was more excited to get back to Atlantis; him, Lorne, Teyla or Ronon. And then he realized why they were all so excited to get back to Atlantis and horrible mental pictures of his teammates and XO flashed through his mind. After that he was wishing for some machine to wipe out the last three minutes of his life.

He was also excited for Christmas. This would be his second Christmas with Connor and last year's holiday had been everything John had wanted as a kid. He'd made sure to book the kitchen again this year and the presents he'd gotten for his husband were already wrapped and hidden in his old room. They weren't anything special, but John thought Connor would appreciate them.

He wished the jumpers could go faster. He was ten minutes out from Atlantis and his body was thrumming with excitement.

When he finally landed John did a hasty shut down and then raced down the ramp with his bag slung over his shoulder. A small part of him wished that Connor had been standing there to greet him but John pushed that aside. He headed for the doors, avoiding the swarm of people around him. He had just turned into the hallway when he almost ran into someone going the opposite direction of everyone else. John looked up and his face broke out into a grin. He pulled Connor into a quick hug before letting him go and ushering him back down the hallway.

"Sorry I'm late." Connor said quietly, blushing lightly.

"We're early." John dismissed. And they were, by about fifteen minutes.

"I wanted to be there when you landed."

"You're here now." John said. They stepped into a transporter with four other people and waited while the lift stopped at different levels, before reaching theirs.

By the time they got to their room, John couldn't hold it in any longer. His bag dropped to the floor and he grabbed Connor lightly, pushing him up against the wall. Their mouths met in a hot, desperate kiss and soon hands were grabbing at clothing, trying to get it off as fast as possible.

"Missed you." John said breathlessly.

Pants fell to the floor and shirts followed soon after. John's hands roamed over Connor's skin, touching every inch that they could reach.

"John." Connor breathed. His head fell back against the wall and John's mouth trailed down his jaw to his neck. John thrust their erections together and Connor moaned beautifully at the friction.

"In me, Connor." John begged. "I want you in me."

Connor's eyes stared down at John, his pupils already wide and the blue was darkening. His breathing came out in quick gulps and John was already so hard that he was pretty sure if Connor _breathed_ the right way, John would come.

"Bed." Connor gasped as John wrapped a hand around his husband's erection. "Bed, John."

"Yes." John mumbled into Connor's skin. "Okay."

The only thing about John bottoming that John wished were different, is that he weighed so much more than Connor. He would have loved to do it up against the wall, but there was no way Connor would have been able to support John's weight.

They stumbled onto the bed and John pushed the blankets and sheets away before falling on top of his partner. Connor moved a little underneath him, grinding them together. A slick hand worked its way in between their bodies and soon their erections were sliding past one another.

"Connor, please." John whispered into Connor's neck.

[EDITED FOR CONTENT]

John hadn't known that that was what his body was waiting for, but the second Connor told him to come, John was coming hard. He cried out softly and his body shook with release. Black dots danced in front of his eyes and John pushed against the side of Connor's head while the hand on his neck, held him down. John almost cried with relief when his body stopped shaking and a second later he collapsed on top of Connor, breathing quickly, heart racing.

When John opened his eyes he was a little confused to find himself alone in bed. He jumped a little when a warm washcloth landed on his backside and then slid down into his crack.

"John?" Connor murmured.

John turned his head to find Connor crouched next to the bed, looking a little bit worried. "Yea-" John croaked and then swallowed, wetting his dry throat. "Yeah. What happened?"

Connor frowned. "I, uh, believe the technical term is 'passed out'."

"What?"

"You passed out right after you, ah, came." Connor told him quietly. He ran the washcloth lightly up and down John's backside, wiping him down.

"I-" John closed his eyes and thought about it. He remembered a feeling like none other and then nothing. He drew a blank. When he opened his eyes, Connor was frowning at him lightly.

"Are you okay, John? Should I call Keller?" He asked softly.

"How long was I out?"

Connor bit his lip and tossed the washcloth into the hamper. "About five minutes or so."

"Jesus." John swore, rolling onto his back. "I don't think that's ever happened to me before."

"I think you're dehydrated." Connor offered quietly. "You never drink enough when you're training. I brought you some water." He gestured to a glass on the bedside table.

If Connor was mothering him then John had definitely scared his husband. And as John became more and more awake he started noticing more things. Connor's hands were shaking a little and there was a line of worry between his eyes-eyes that were moving up and down John's body and not in an 'I want to jump your bones' kind of way.

"Hey." John said softly, reaching out and wrapping his hands around Connor's. "I'm okay. I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, Con."

"You weren't moving, John. Just-just like Eric." Connor said, looking away.

"But I was breathing." John reminded him gently. "You saw my chest moving."

Connor swallowed and wouldn't meet his eyes. "Yes."

"Let's take a shower." John suggested quietly and then frowned. "Did you…?"

The younger man turned back to face him, looking confused at the question. "Did I what?"

"Did you-I mean…" John wasn't really sure how to ask if Connor had come after he did. But he was still slightly shocked that he had passed out during sex. Some might say after, but to John if they hadn't both come, then it wasn't over. "What happened after I passed out?"

"Besides me freaking out?" Connor asked lightly. John assumed he was trying to hide how worried he had really been.

"Yeah."

"I got you some water and then a washcloth. I, um, had decided that if you didn't wake up within the next ten minutes I would call Keller." His husband said quietly.

John sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed. He glanced down at Connor's naked body and wasn't sure what he was looking for Connor didn't _seem_ hard. "Did you at least come?" He asked gently.

"Did I at least…" Connor looked baffled. "You're kidding, right?"

John frowned and shook his head. "No."

"John you passed out! Went limp! Stopped moving!" Connor argued, standing up. "You really think that's conducive to me getting my rocks off?"

John winced at the phrase. "I'm sorry that I just… left you hanging."

Connor blinked down at him like John had grown another head. "You can't possibly be serious, John."

"I feel horrible that I-" John cut himself off. Connor stared at him in disbelief and his arms had moved up to hug himself. John stood up and reached for the other man but Connor pulled away, stepping out of John's reach.

"Don't." He said softly, almost inaudibly. "Please, John."

"Connor-"

"No. I just-" Connor closed his eyes. "I need a few moments."

John nodded even though Connor couldn't see him. He took a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over his husband's shoulders on his way to the dresser. Connor might need time, which John would give him, but he wasn't about to let the younger man freeze. John grabbed some boxers and a black shirt, pulling them on. Then he set about making some tea, setting the water to heat and rinsing out two mugs.

After the water boiled, John split it into two mugs and dropped two bags of tea into them. He added some milk to Connor's mug and some sugar into his before carrying them back to the table. He set them down to steep and sat down heavily into their large chair. A second later, Connor sat down on John's lap and the younger man practically folded in on himself, blanket still wrapped around him.

John pulled the blanket out and adjusted it so that it went around both of them and he didn't say anything when Connor tugged one end of it over his head, burrowing his face into John's neck. John wrapped his arms around the bundle in his lap and murmured soft noises of comfort.

"Drink some tea." Said a muffled voice from under the blanket.

John obediently reached out and picked up his mug, taking a sip of the hot liquid. He winced, "It's hot."

"Drink some of mine."

John set down his mug and picked Connor's up. It would be cooler because of the milk. He took a long sip of it, drinking almost half the mug before he set it back down on the table.

"I told Rodney we would eat dinner with him."

"He's not spending time with Eric?" John asked quietly.

"He will later. Eric has a week's worth of homework to finish."

"What time?"

"1900."

"When is that?"

"In about half an hour."

John rubbed a hand down Connor's back. "Will you be okay by then? We can cancel."

"You need to eat." Connor answered in a tone that booked no room for argument.

John licked his lips and picked up Connor's tea again, finishing the mug off. He set the empty one back down next to John's still steaming cup. "Should we talk about this?"

There was a pause and then, "I'm tired of talking about things."

"So we should ignore this?"

"No." Connor said firmly. "You'll just eat before we have sex."

John frowned. "What? Every time? I'm not even dehydrated, Connor. I was just… tired or something. Most people would be flattered to have their partner pass out."

"I highly doubt that." Connor said.

"Well, that's what they say on TV. But really, Connor I can't just eat before we have sex. I'll probably end up puking on you or something."

"I'd prefer that to you passing out."

John grimaced. "Really?"

"Yes."

John sighed. "I can't talk to you when you're hiding."

"We're not talking. I'm deciding and you're saying 'okay, Connor great idea', if you ever want to have sex again." Pause. "And I'm not hiding."

"So we can have sex after dinner tonight?" John asked.

"Yes."

"But not tomorrow morning."

"Not unless you eat first."

"Connor." John said, rubbing his forehead. "You have to be reasonable about this."

"Do I?"

John sighed and wondered when his partner had become an extortionist. "I was just really into it."

"Well I'm _not_ really into sex with unconscious people." He paused. "Unless I'm the unconscious one."

John couldn't help the small laugh that escaped. "What about a trial basis? If it happens again I'll eat before sex for the next… week."

"Month."

"Two weeks."

"Month."

"Am I going to win this?"

"No."

John sighed. "Fine. But until then, you don't make me eat before sex."

"Fine. But water is non-negotiable."

"This is like living with a terrorist." John said.

"Do you always negotiate with terrorists?"

"Hmm. Good point. Fine. I'll drink some water."

John actually found himself grinning. Connor loved him. He knew that, but this was something different. Connor wanted to take care of him, protect him. Connor had always seemed content to let John take care of himself, but not anymore, and John couldn't help but feel warm inside at the thought of Connor taking care of him-just a little. It was nowhere near the amount of mothering that John and the others did towards Connor, but that didn't really matter. Connor had always been there for John, now he was there just a little bit more.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad?"

"What? Why would I be mad?"

"Um… I just threatened to withhold sex to get what I wanted."

"Connor." John said. He tugged the blanket off of Connor's head and ran a hand through his partner's red-brown hair. "I'm not mad at all. I'm actually… kinda touched. It wasn't like you threatened to withhold it for something ridiculous. You threatened me for me."

"I'm sorry I freaked out earlier."

"I'm sorry for making you freak out." John countered. He twirled a bit of Connor's hair around his finger.

"Just don't do it again."

"I won't." John said. "I promise."

"Good. Now, drink your tea."

John grinned as he reached for his tea. He was so whipped.


	50. Concupiscent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 50 : Concupiscent**

Author's Notes :  
\- This begins right after chapter 49.  
\- I do not own _Jameson_.  
\- John and Connor dance to _You and Me_ by Lifehouse  
\- Eric and Ben refer to the movie _Good Will Hunting_. Eric has previously stated it was his favorite movie.  
\- Jaffa cakes are real and delicious. In fact I really want some. Right now.  
\- Edited content is on my listed homepage.

IMPORTANT : I apologize for not posting this sooner. _BCD_ is coming to an end and has about 2.5 (2 chapters and an interlude) left before its completion.

My awesome BETA : JackD

* * *

"I think Eric's having an affair."

John choked on his beer and turned to face Rodney. "What?"

"I said I think Eric's having an affair."

John eyed the three empty beer bottles next to Rodney on the pier they were sitting on. "Are you drunk?"

"What? No! Please, Sheppard I lived in _Russia_. I drank three beers with _breakfast_."

"But you think Johns is sleeping around on you?" John asked skeptically.

"Yes."

"I don't think it can be called an affair if you aren't married." John observed.

"That's so not the point, Sheppard."

John took another swig of his beer and swallowed, "What is the point?"

"That he's _having sex_ with _someone else_!"

"You're being stupid, Rodney. The kid is head over heels for you, I don't even know why you would think that."

"He's twenty-three! When I was twenty-three I would have had sex with a tree if I could! And since he's not having any with me, he must be getting it somewhere else!"

John frowned, "You aren't having sex?"

"Not so much as a blow-job since he got back from your stupid training thing on the mainland."

"Ah."

"What?" Rodney faced him. "What do you know that I don't?"

"How to fly an F-22 fighter jet," John answered easily. He finished off his beer and set it aside. It was the only one he would be drinking tonight, mainly because he had serious plans of getting laid again today. He and Connor had gone to dinner with Rodney and while John would have liked nothing more than to follow his husband back to their quarters, Rodney had been looking a little put out and Connor had poked John in the thigh, tilted his chin at the astrophysicist and then promptly left them alone. John had always been able to take a hint.

"I'm serious, Sheppard!"

"So am I."

"John." Rodney ground out.

"Rodney, he's only been back like twelve hours."

"So? I bet you got laid!"

John tried to look innocent. "That's not the point. I'm married."

"I think there's something going on."

"Rodney-"

"Even before he left we only had sex twice that whole week!"

"I don't think he's sleeping around on you, Rodney. Have you tried talking to him?"

Rodney scoffed, "You want me to talk to him? About sex?"

"Yes."

"Of course you would say yes. I'm sure you and Davids just sit around talking about it all the time," Rodney said sarcastically.

"Well-"

"Shut up, Sheppard."

"Just talk to him, Rodney." John put the empty bottles back into the six-pack carrier. "Are we finished being high school girls?"

"Yes." Rodney grumbled. "And I bet I could fly a stupid jet if I had to."

* * *

When Rodney got back to his quarters there was no sign of Eric. Of course the only sign of Eric would have been Eric himself since the younger man didn't leave things in Rodney's room for fear of being caught. Rodney sighed and felt a stab of loneliness hit his chest.

There was an ache there; an ache that said Eric was going to leave him.

Sheppard may not have believed Eric would leave him, but Rodney had a list of reasons why someone wouldn't want to stay with him. He had several ex-girlfriends to thank for the list.

Rodney took a shower, slipped into clean boxers and then slid under the sheets. They were cold and Rodney thought that was somehow fitting.

Something woke him up and Rodney opened his eyes a bit to see the bathroom light on. He reached a hand out and there was a warm spot under the blankets. A moment later the light switched off and a body slid into bed next to his.

"Eric?"

"Yeah."

"What time did you get in?" Rodney asked quietly.

"Around two. I'm sorry I'm so late, Rodney."

Eric shifted and Rodney found himself with an armful of Marine. The younger man rested his head on Rodney's chest and wrapped an arm around his stomach.

"Eric?"

"Yeah?" The other man asked sleepily.

"Are you-do you… do you want to break up?"

The body next to him froze. "What?"

"It's just-"

"You want to break up with me?" Eric asked brokenly. He broke away from Rodney and sat up, the sheets pooling in his lap. Rodney heard Eric's breath hitch and then a small sniffle and he knew that Eric was crying.

"Eric." Rodney said hesitantly. He reached a hand out to touch Eric's bare back. "I don't want to break up with you. I thought you wanted to break up with me."

"What? Why would you think that?"

"You've been staying in your own quarters more and more, I barely see you-what am I supposed to think?"

"That I'm _busy_ , Rodney, not that I want to break up with you. _I love you_. I can't believe you would think that."

The room was pitch black and Rodney couldn't see Eric's expression and his tone of voice wasn't giving much away. Rodney was starting to feel a little guilty that he brought it up. Eric lay back down, next to Rodney, on the bed. A hand reached for his and Rodney let Eric lock their fingers together.

"I'm not going anywhere, Rodney." Eric said softly. "I promise."

Rodney swallowed and decided it was now or never. "Is there… someone else?" He finished in a whisper.

There was a pause and then, "I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry, Rodney. I barely have time for the boyfriend I _do_ have and you think there's someone else? There's never been anyone else," Eric said quietly. "It's always been you."

"Eric… I'm sorry. It's just… I've always been the busy one, the one to come home late and forget things like nine-month anniversaries… I guess I'm learning what it feels like to be on the other side of that."

"Fuck." Pause. Rodney could hear Eric's steady breathing. "Rodney I don't-I don't even know what day of the week it is, much less the date. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"It's not, it's really not. It's not-I mean, I'm just so busy. I'm barely keeping up with my classes and I've got OT on top of that… I was never expecting to be in a relationship when I decided to go down this path."

"Can I… is there anything I can do to help?" Rodney asked cautiously.

"Just be here." Eric said softly. "Just be here, Rodney."

* * *

"Let's go skate."

John watched as Connor finished writing something in a notebook before turning to face him with an amused look.

"Skate?"

"Skateboard." John elaborated. "You have a board in our room but I've never seen you use it… please tell me you know how to use it."

Connor laughed softly. "I know how to use it. I just haven't too much since coming to Atlantis."

"So let's go skate. I'll get my board, you get your board… there's a perfect pier on the west side of the city that has a couple railings…covering from the rain…"

"Some of us are working, John." Connor said with a smile.

"So?" John walked over to Connor until he was standing right behind him. He leaned down and rested his chin on Connor's shoulder and ran a hand down the front of Connor's chest. "Please?"

"And this can't wait for another time?" Connor asked, but John could tell his husband was caving.

"What other time? We're meeting with my team tomorrow night and then we're baking a birthday cake… and then the next day it's Christmas…"

"And all those days after Christmas just don't count?" The younger man asked, amused.

John slipped his hand into the top of Connor's pants, barely grazing the elastic of the younger man's boxers. "Nope."

"John."

"Hmm?" John asked, pressing a kiss to the side of Connor's neck.

"Your hand is in my trousers."

"I know."

Connor sighed. "One hour."

"Really?" John asked with a grin.

"If you promise not to stick your hand down my trousers while I'm working again." Connor countered.

John sighed and pulled his hand back. "Alright."

Connor shook his head at John and smiled before closing his books. He stood up and John watched as his husband took in the two skateboards John had propped by the door. The younger man rolled his eyes and followed John out the door.

* * *

"John." Connor said with a soft laugh. "It's hard to dress with you there."

His husband was plastered to Connor's bare back, arms wrapped around his stomach from behind and John's mouth was leaving wet kisses all over Connor's shoulder.

"That's the point." John said between kisses.

"So you'd rather I showed up naked?"

"I'd rather you stayed here naked." John countered.

Connor blushed as one of John's hands worked its way down to more sensitive areas. "I already told them I'd go." Cam had invited him and Daniel to dinner in his quarters. Connor was also sure that there would be a lot of alcohol in his foreseeable future.

"Blow them off." John whispered. "And I'll blow you."

"You'll do that anyways." Connor answered with a moan.

John paused. "That's true." He turned Connor around and slid to his knees.

 **[Edited Content]**

John sighed Connor's name happily and a second later he came, all over Connor's hand and his hip, but Connor didn't really care at all. There was an expression of pure bliss on John's face and Connor wondered how John could be so happy when Connor felt like crying.

Connor turned on his side to face John and hid his face in the older man's neck. John settled a hand on his back and rubbed it up and down his skin.

"I hate seeing you so unhappy." John murmured.

Connor shook his head. "I'm not, I-you make me so happy, John. I want to give you more."

"We both know why you're not ready." John said softly. "And it's okay, Connor, it really is. I understand, and you give me so much. You make me incredibly happy just as you are."

"Yeah." Connor sighed. "I love you, John."

John tilted Connor's head up and gave him a kiss. "I love you, too."

"Take a shower with me?" Connor asked shyly.

"Of course." John paused. "How late are you?"

Connor coughed. "An hour early."

John's eyes narrowed, but Connor knew he wasn't really mad. "You totally lied to me."

Connor giggled. "Yup."

John sighed dramatically. "What ever did I do?"

"I knew you wanted to…" Connor trailed off and looked between their bodies. "So I allotted time for that."

John pinched Connor's bicep. "You tricked me."

"Yup."

"And you're not even sorry about it."

"Nope."

John smiled. "Me neither." He pressed his lips to Connor's again.

* * *

"Merry Christmas Eve."

Connor opened his eyes and met John's before the other man pressed a soft kiss to his lips. It was close mouthed and barely made contact but it brought a smile to Connor's face anyways. John was leaning over him with one hand braced on Connor's other side, looking down at the younger man.

"Merry Christmas Eve, John." Connor replied with a soft smile.

"I want presents." John declared.

Connor laughed and rolled out from underneath his husband. "You have to wait one more day." He said over his shoulder as he walked to the bathroom.

John got up to follow him in but Connor gave the older man a look and a raised eyebrow and John detoured to where the electric water kettle was. Connor stepped into the restroom and shut the door behind him. He glanced at the shower and wondered how easy it would be to talk John into taking one with him. He figured it would be pretty easy.

Connor quickly used the toilet, washed his hands, brushed his teeth, and scrubbed his face. His hair was a mess and he ran a brush through it a couple of times. It was starting to get really long again, but John made a noise of protest every time Connor even hinted at cutting it. So he let it be. For now.

"You better not be thinking about taking a shower without me!" John called in to him.

Connor smiled to himself and thought the door open. John was pouring water into two mugs and stopped to look at Connor standing in the doorway in just his boxers. He instinctively curled his arms around his stomach to try and cover himself up more. John smiled fondly and tossed him a nearby sweatshirt. Connor slid the piece of clothing on over his head and walked over to John.

He wrapped his arms around John's waist from the side as John poured some milk into one of the mugs. He put a little sugar into both and then let them sit on the table. His hands covered Connor's and John leaned his head to the side to it would rest on the younger man's. Connor sighed happily.

"No Ronon today?" John asked.

"Nah. I told him I was taking the week off."

"And he let you get away with that?"

Connor blushed. "I might have implied that there were, uh… better uses for his time."

John coughed and lifted his head to face Connor. "You told Ronon to have sex with Keller instead of going running with you?"

The linguist felt his face flush a deeper red. "Well, not exactly like that…"

John laughed. "That's awesome." He pressed a kiss to the top of Connor's head.

Connor ducked his head with a smile. John leaned down to grab both of their mugs and Connor let go so that John could carry them back to their chair. John set them down and then sat down and pulled Connor down sideways on top of him.

"So since this is a holiday and all…" John began. He picked up one of Connor's hands and started playing with it. "And most people are off duty…"

"Yes…?" Connor prompted.

"I was wondering what the chances were of me talking you into a blow job in my office." John finished.

Connor blinked. "You want me to… in your office?"

"No, no!" John said hastily. "I'd blow you. You'd just have to sit there."

"What if Evan walks in?" Connor asked with a frown.

"I can lock the door."

"Or Colonel Carter?"

"I'm not sure she even knows I have an office." John answered, rubbing a thumb across the back of Connor's hand.

Connor thought about it for a second. "I, uh, kinda thought that if you wanted to… do something like that… it would be on one of the jumpers."

John's eyes practically bugged out of his head. "You'd let me do that on one of the jumpers?" John's voice got a little high towards the end of the question and he swallowed thickly.

Connor shrugged. "At least someone couldn't walk in on us."

"You're serious." John said, it was more of a question then a statement.

"About someone walking in on us?" Connor asked, wrinkling his forehead. "I would prefer that doesn't happen-"

John shook his head. "I mean about sex in a jumper."

"Oh. Uh. Yes?" Connor answered nervously.

"Jesus." John swore. He glanced at Connor and then said, "Sorry."

Connor nodded in acknowledgement. John had been trying to cut down on the number of religious words he used to swear with. Connor definitely appreciated it.

"We could still… in your office… if you want." Connor offered.

John blinked. " _Yes_. Fuck, Con. I never thought you'd be this… adventurous."

Connor blushed and buried his face in John's shoulder. "Me neither."

John slid a hand up Connor's leg into his boxers, resting it ridiculously high on the scientist's thigh. "Let's just spend the day having sex all over the city."

Connor wasn't sure how much fun that would be, but John seemed really into the idea. Connor wasn't as into sex as John was, but he was definitely into John and John was into this. "Not _all_ over." Connor paused. "Right, John?"

"The shower… my office… a jumper… maybe we can hit your lab too." John said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"You're going to be drinking a lot of water." Connor cautioned.

John grinned. "It's so worth it."

* * *

 **[Edited Content]**

"I love you." Rodney said fiercely. "Don't forget that."

"I won't." Eric answered quietly. "I promise."

* * *

John's team was having a Christmas Eve party in the same room that John and Connor had had their reception in. It would be his team plus significant others.

"It's been a busy year." John murmured to Connor.

"Hm?" The younger man was tying his Converse shoes and had paused to look up at John.

"It's been a busy year." John repeated. He crouched down and tied Connor's other shoe for him. "But a good one."

Connor smiled at him and John finished with the shoe and leaned forward to steal a soft kiss from the other man. Connor gently rested his hand against the side of John's face, cupping it in his palm. Connor's wedding ring was on his finger and John could feel it against his skin.

"Wear your ring tonight." He murmured and turned his head to kiss Connor's palm. "Please."

"Of course." Connor answered quietly. He didn't ask John to wear his and with a bitter pang John realized that Connor wouldn't either. There was a chance, no matter how small, that John would be called away in an emergency. He didn't have time to stop and think about things like his wedding ring. Connor's Athosian bonding bracelet was clearly visible and John's was a thing bump under his wristband.

" _A chuisle mo chroí_." John said softly.

"Yes." Connor breathed with a smile. " _Tá grá agam duit, Seán_."

John crooked a smile at the Irish version of his name. It was weird, but John liked it. When Connor was speaking Irish it rolled off the tongue much better then 'John' did. Connor said it was because the Irish alphabet didn't have a 'j'.

" _But what about Jameson?"_

 _Connor looked confused. "Jameson?"_

" _The whiskey?" John clarified. "That has a 'j' and it seems pretty Irish to me."_

" _Jameson was started in 1780 by John Jameson… a Scot."_

" _And there's a 'j' in the Scottish language?"_

" _No." Connor answered with a shake of his head._

" _Then where did all the j's come from?"_

 _Connor looked at John and squinted a little. John was getting the feeling that he was missing something._

" _J is sort of… one of the wonders of the world. It just developed overtime. It wasn't in ancient Latin, Hebrew, Greek or Arabic. The letter is only about 500 years old. Irish has been around much longer then that."_

" _Wait, what? Really? 500 years?"_

" _Yeah. Most speculate it came about in medieval times."_

" _Wow."_

 _Connor nodded. "It's pretty incredible, huh?"_

 _John smiled and leaned over his husband. "You're pretty incredible."_

"John?"

"Hmm?" John snapped out of the memory.

Connor was looking at him with a small frown. "What are you thinking about?"

John smiled. "The letter 'j'." He stood up and pulled Connor to his feet. "Want a sweatshirt?"

"Yes, please."

John walked over and grabbed one of Connor's hoodies from a drawer. He met his husband at the door and followed him out of their quarters. They were both wearing jeans and Connor had on a black t-shirt of John's while John had on a black button up shirt. Connor pulled on his sweatshirt while they waited for the transporter to arrive. John tugged on the bottom of it, pulling it down in the back for the younger man. Connor gave him a smile and stepped into the lift.

A few minutes later they were walking into the room that John's team would be taking over for the night. They were the first ones there and John had a sneaking suspicion that Connor planned it that way. There were still couches and tables left over from their reception and John kissed Connor's cheek, and wrapped his arms around his partner.

" _An bhfuil tu damhsa liom_?" John asked softly. [Would you like to dance with me?] He turned Connor around and hook his arms around the smaller man's body, his hands rested on Connor's lower backside, almost hanging there. Connor slowly hooked his arms around John's neck before leaning forward and turning his head to the side to rest it on John's chest. "Some music?" John asked. A moment later a guitar began strumming and John rested his head on top of Connor's and closed his eyes. "Isn't this song about a girl?" John asked quietly, swaying with Connor to the music.

"It's about love." Connor answered softly. "His is just with a girl."

"Good point." John whispered.

 _And it's you and me and all of the people,_

 _And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you_

"Mmm. John." Connor sighed contentedly.

"Connor." John answered in the same manner. " _Fear céile_."

"Husband." Connor echoed softly in English.

The song ended and a new song began, it was a little less suitable for slow dancing; John recognized it from one of Connor's playlists. They broke apart slowly and John leaned down, capturing Connor's lips in his. He pulled Connor's top lip into his mouth, sucking on it lightly and one of Connor's hands slid up into John's hair. John slipped his tongue out and into Connor's mouth, meeting Connor's in the process. The younger man tasted like toothpaste and a flavor that was uniquely Connor. John's hands flattened against Connor's back and slid down into the younger man's back pockets where John gently pulled Connor closer to him. Connor broke apart for some air and John leaned his head down to Connor's neck.

"Didn't you…" Connor took a few breaths. "Didn't you get enough earlier?"

"Never." John answered breathlessly.

"People are going to… guh… John…" The scientist's words trailed off and he rolled his head to the side so John could have better access to his neck.

John kissed his way back up to Connor's mouth and covered it with his own. John was about two seconds away from dropping to his knees when the lights flashed in warning. Connor froze and before John could even blink, his husband was two feet away from him, smoothing his clothing down and furiously blushing. John stepped over to him and ran a hand through Connor's hair. "Sorry." He whispered.

Connor nodded and offered him a small smile as the door swished open. John didn't look over; he just kept looking at his husband.

"Do I look…" Connor's question tailed off.

"You look perfect." John told him, tucking a piece of Connor's hair behind his ear.

Connor nodded again, swallowed and then turned to see who had come in. John looked over Connor's shoulder to see Ronon and Keller standing near the doorway. Ronon was smirking at them as though he knew what they'd just been doing. Keller was looking at them in poorly hid curiosity. She hadn't known about him and Connor for very long and she definitely hadn't seen them together as a couple.

Before anyone could say anything, the doors opened again and Teyla and Lorne entered. It was weird to see everyone so casually dressed. Lorne had on a t-shirt and jeans, Keller had on a semi-casual dress that John thought she looked pretty fantastic in. Teyla was wearing a skirt and a tank top like shirt that laced up the front.

They all kind of stared at each other for a moment before John smirked and grabbed Connor's hand, leading him over to one of the couches.

Lorne and Teyla had shown up with food and Ronon and Keller had shown up with drinks. Rodney and Johns were supposed to be coming with dessert. Earlier that day, between the jumper and the couch, John and Connor had brought plates, napkins, cups and silverware. They had also maneuvered in another couch to go with the three currently in the room. The cutlery and stuff was all set out on the low table in the middle of the couches and everyone followed John's lead and placed their bounties on the low table.

Connor let out a soft noise of displeasure that John was sure he was the only one to hear. He glanced at the food-pizza. John turned to Connor and quietly asked him if he wanted John to get him something else to eat.

Connor shook his head. "I'm fine."

"I know you had pizza last night." John said softly.

"It's okay." Connor answered quietly. "I'm not very hungry anyways."

John gave him a disapproving look but didn't say anything. They both sat down on one of the free couches. Ronon and Keller took the one to their left and Lorne and Teyla took the one to their right, leaving the one across from them for Rodney and Johns.

Keller started passing out the plates while Teyla handed out silverware. John passed cups over to Lorne who opened a couple bottles of soda. Connor passed around napkins and there was just a flurry of motion as everyone moved at once. Drinks were poured, food was served and they began to eat, while waiting for Rodney and Johns to show up. John pegged them as twenty minutes late. Connor had been more optimistic and said fifteen.

Seventeen minutes after everyone else had shown up, Rodney and Johns walked through the door. Rodney had his arms crossed and Johns was pushing him from behind with one arm. Keller's eyes widened and John mentally cursed. He turned and met Connor's gaze at the same time, they had both forgotten that Keller didn't know about Rodney and Johns.

Ronon caught John's eye and gave him a slight nod. John relaxed and leaned over to Connor. "It's okay."

"Sure?"

"She won't say anything."

Connor cast a wary look towards Keller and then shrugged. When John looked back up, Rodney and Johns had both frozen and were glancing nervously towards Keller. Rodney turned back to Eric and said something in a low voice. Johns nodded, offered a small wave towards Connor and then pulled Rodney back out of the room. No one said anything and everything seemed to stand still until Rodney came back in, by himself.

John frowned and then Connor stood up and was out the door before John could call him back. Rodney sat down like nothing had happened and proceeded to get some pizza. Lorne poured him a drink and passed it over. John spent the next five minutes glancing between the door and Rodney. Teyla had drawn Rodney into conversation, about what, John couldn't fathom, and everyone else was just sitting there. Keller was shifting awkwardly with a guilty expression on her face.

John was about to go after his husband when Connor re-entered the room. John stood up and met him before he could reach the couch. He gently led Connor across the room.

"What's up?" John asked quietly.

"He's going to go hang out with Ben and Jim." Connor answered softly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He's okay, John."

John noted the honesty in Connor's voice and couldn't help but believe him. "Okay."

"Is Rodney okay?"

"Seems okay, but you know Rodney." John answered softly.

"Yeah." Connor sighed. "I can't believe I didn't think about this."

"Me neither." John answered wryly and ran a hand through his hair. He glanced back at the group; they were all studiously _not_ looking at them, so John pulled Connor into a hug. "It won't always be like this."

"I know." Connor whispered into his ear. "I'm sorry it's like this for you."

John nodded. "Me too."

* * *

John liked to watch Connor bake. He'd only really seen the linguist do it once before but he had liked it then and he liked it now. He pretty much liked watching Connor do anything. When the linguist baked, though, there were smudges of flour on the black shirt of John's that he wore and a lighthearted laugh that accompanied said smudges. He was playful and John could easily imagine a much younger Connor doing this very same thing with his mother.

The scientist expertly measured everything out and then pushed it into John's hands with an innocent grin and an aura of happiness. John would mix it in and then Connor would roll his eyes and grab the bowl from John and do it himself. John was sure that nobody was as bad at stirring as he pretended to be. But Connor humored him and they both knew it.

Together they carefully poured the batter into the prepared cake pan and John opened the oven while Connor slid the pan in. Then they started on the frosting. This year it would be a butter cream frosting to go with a vanilla cake. John was impatiently waiting to eat it.

They worked together well and John was once again struck with how well they complimented each other. Their movements were synchronized and John had a hard time remembering that they'd only been married for two months and Connor had only been in his life for a year and a half.

"Mmm." John said, wrapping his arms around the younger man from behind. He bent down and nuzzled Connor's neck and Connor tilted his head to the side to give John better access. Connor dipped his finger into the bowl and held it up in front of John's face. John leaned forward and poked his tongue out to taste it. He licked a little bit and let the flavor roll over his tongue before leaning forward and wrapping his lips around Connor's finger, swirling his tongue through the icing and cleaning it all off.

John grinned as Connor blushed and pulled his finger back. "Too sweet?"

"Just right." John answered. He kissed Connor's cheek and pushed his hands under Connor's shirt. "Just like you."

Connor laughed softly and kept folding his frosting. "I think someone hit you with the concupiscent stick."

"The what stick?"

"It means 'eagerly desirous'." Connor informed him. He held up another frosting dipped finger. John sucked it into his mouth and swirled his tongue about. After licking off all the frosting, he reluctantly let Connor have it back.

John thought for a moment. "Did you just call me horny?" The linguist turned a bright red and John knew he had guessed right. John grinned, "That's probably pretty accurate."

"Honestly, John… all we've done today has been… um…" Connor drifted off and bit his lip.

"You didn't like it?" John asked seriously.

Connor shook his head. "I don't mind."

Except that John was currently getting the feeling that Connor _did_ mind and he hadn't _really_ liked it and now John felt like the worst husband in the world for not noticing sooner. His hand fell out from under Connor's shirt and even though Connor made a soft noise of protest, John didn't put it back. He stepped away from the younger man and leaned back up against the counter next to Connor. Then just braced his hands on the edge and hoisted himself up so he could be able to face the other man while he stirred. "Connor…"

"Hmm?" His partner answered without looking away from his frosting.

"Can you look at me for a second?" John asked softly. Connor's blue eyes met John's, they were unconcerned and curious. John reached a hand down and tilted Connor's chin up. "I thought we talked about this."

Connor scrunched his forehead in confusion. "Talked about what?"

"This altruistic streak you have." John answered.

"I don't have an altruistic streak." Connor denied with a soft shake of his head.

John sighed. "You have one a mile long, Con."

"No, I d-"

"Yes." John said, cutting him off. He finished gently, "You do. But it's one of the many things I love about you-except in this case."

"What case?"

"Us making love."

"John, I…" Connor bit his lip again and tried to look away but John kept his hand firmly underneath Connor's chin.

"C'mere." John reached his free hand out and Connor abandoned his frosting and moved to stand between John's legs and John's hand fell from under his face. In their new position, John was a few inches taller then he normally was and Connor's head came up to the middle of John's chest. "We're going to keep talking about this for as long as it takes, Con."

"I really don't mind, John." Connor said weakly.

John sighed. "Then we're going to keep talking about this until you sound more convincing."

Connor swallowed and said in a stronger voice. "I don't mind, John." He paused and suddenly seemed very young to John. "I really don't. I _like_ doing that stuff with you. I'm sorry if it seems like I-I don't."

John ran a hand through Connor's hair and down the side of his face. "What do you like about it?" John asked softly.

"Being close to you." Connor answered immediately.

"What else?"

Connor frowned and his eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"What else do you like about us making love?" John asked gently.

Connor blinked as if suddenly realizing that there was more to it then that. John hoped that's not what his expression meant. "I like being able to touch you."

"What else?" John repeated.

"Um… I like that you trust me enough to let me… be on top." Connor answered with a blush.

"What else?" John questioned softly. He wrapped Connor's hair around his fingers.

"John… why do you keep asking me 'what else'?" Connor whispered.

"Because… everything you said relates to the emotional side of sex, Con." John told him quietly, tugging on a piece of hair. "You didn't say 'I like touching you' you said you liked _being able_ to touch me. You didn't say 'I like topping' you said you liked that I _trusted_ _you_ enough to let you. Those are all good things, but there's more then that."

"There doesn't have to be." Connor countered quietly. "There doesn't have to be, John. Some people have sex just for the physical release, what's wrong with liking the emotional release? I think you're beautiful, John, but I fell in love with _you_ first and your body second. I like making love with _you_ , not just your body. I don't like treating you as-as a means to an end, even if you let me. I _love_ making you happy, that makes me happy. So if sex makes you happy, then it makes me happy. Maybe that makes me… it makes me different, but I don't care. I'm perfectly capable of saying 'no', John-you know that. But I don't want to because I like it. You're not making me do anything I don't want to do."

He reached a hand up and settled it over John's heart. Connor smiled up at John and it was beautiful and honest and John felt a large swell of emotion for his husband-thankfulness mixed with love mixed with acceptance.

"Are you sure?" John whispered. His throat was tight with emotion.

"Positive." Connor promised.

"And you'll tell me if that ever stops being enough?"

The younger man nodded. "Yes."

"Do you…" John swallowed. "Do you feel like I treat you as a means to an end?"

Connor shook his head emphatically. "Never."

"Never?"

"Never." Connor repeated firmly. He reached up with the hand not on John's chest and wrapped his fingers around the hand in his hair. "John? I want you to know that it's okay if you do sometimes. We-we think about sex differently. It's not that one of us is wrong and one of us is right, it's just different."

"I like being close with you too." John whispered. "I like that you trust _me_ enough to let me be with you."

"I know." Connor said softly. "I do, John. But I want you to know that I understand our differences and that I'm alright with you needing just a physical release sometimes. I think sometimes I need one too, it's just less often then you-and that's okay." He smiled softly. "You're my husband, John… my body is yours, I share it with you willingly. No matter what we do physically, I know that you love me and _that_ makes all the difference."

"You're so fucking perfect." John whispered with a smile. "You're way too good for me, Con. God, when did you get so smart?" He asked with a small shake of his head.

Connor quirked a smile. "I think somewhere around the age of six."

John laughed quietly before sobering back up. "You're really okay with this?"

"Yes. I'm very okay with it."

"I love you so much." John said fiercely. "I just… sometimes it's crazy how much I love you."

"I know the feeling." Connor answered softly. "I love you, too."

John smiled and then remembered, "My body is yours too, Con. So if you ever feel like jumping me… you don't even have to ask."

Connor rolled his eyes. "I'll try and remember that."

John grinned. "See that you do."

* * *

Eric was wide awake. He was facing the wall with Rodney curled up behind him. His boyfriend had an arm thrown over his waist and was pressed against Eric's back. The older man had fallen asleep a couple of hours ago, but Eric couldn't. He never slept on Christmas Eve. He hadn't for as long as he could remember. It was simple really, Eric didn't like Christmas.

He sighed and shifted a little and the arm around his waist tightened. Eric suddenly felt trapped and carefully maneuvered himself out from under Rodney's arm. He slid down the bed and stood up. He pulled on some pants and a sweatshirt, slipping his feet into his boots. Eric glanced at Rodney and then left the older man's quarters.

It took four minutes to walk to Ben's quarters and when Eric ran his hand over the door sensor, the doors opened and Ben stood on the other side with a small smile and a yawn.

"I was wondering when you'd show up." He said, letting Eric step into his room.

"Sorry I'm so late." Eric said softly.

"You know I don't care, so cut it out." Ben said warmly.

Eric took a seat on Ben's bed and Ben offered him a mug of hot chocolate that he'd had waiting for Eric. Ben carried a second mug over and stretched on the bed next to Eric, leaning against the wall. This had become a tradition of theirs, starting the first year they were on Atlantis, although back then they'd been drinking tea and not hot chocolate.

Eric blew across the top of his mug. They sat there in silence drinking.

"So…" Ben said, breaking the silence. "Who is he?"

"I…" Eric was going to say that he didn't know what Ben was talking about, but that would be a lie and Eric respected his team leader way to much to lie to him.

"Eric." Ben said gently. "I've known you were gay since the time you spent half an hour explaining the difference between turquoise and teal to Jace." Eric felt a small pang of hurt in his heart at the mention of their dead teammate. "I don't care and I'm not going to tell anyone, you _know_ that. You're my fuckin' family, kid. No one comes before family."

Eric couldn't swallow past the lump in his throat. Ben had said that before-that Eric was family-but it always got to Eric. "'m not a kid. You're only five years older then me."

Ben sighed. "Feels like so many more." He paused. "So are you going to tell me or am I going to have to guess?"

Eric groaned. "What happened to 'don't ask, don't tell'? Because you're asking."

Ben cuffed him on the back of the head. "Shut up. You're damn right I'm asking, and you're telling. Now spill."

Sigh. "Rodney McKay."

Ben gaped. "No shit?"

"Yeah." Eric nodded and sipped his drink. He sighed again and leaned backwards against the wall. "I'm so completely gone on him, Ben. It's ridiculous."

"He makes you smile." Ben said gently. "He makes you smile and he makes you happy, Eric. You're so different now and you don't even know it. And it's a good kind of different, kid."

"I'm so scared he's going to leave me." Eric whispered. "The funny thing is that he's just as scared that I'm going to leave him. We're such a pair."

"These things take time."

"Yeah. I just-I have no idea what I'm doing." Eric admitted. "I never know if I'm saying the right thing or doing the right thing… it's so exhausting. And Rodney… Rodney is hard to keep up with. His brain just never stops working and I constantly feel like I'm playing catch up. He's so _smart_ … I never have any idea what he's doing with me, what he sees in me."

"He's sees what everyone else sees, Eric. A smart, handsome young man who cares about the people around him."

"He's sees my scars." Eric whispered. "And he doesn't care."

"I told you the right person wouldn't."

"I know. I didn't believe you."

Ben laughed softly. "I know." There was a slight pause and then, "He's a lot older then you."

Eric nodded. "Yeah. Sixteen years."

"Jesus. He could have a kid your age."

"He said that too." Eric finished off the last of his hot chocolate and set the mug aside. "Sometimes I miss him."

"Jace?" Ben asked softly, following Eric's gaze to a photo of their old team. "Me too."

"He always knew the right words to say."

"Yeah. He really did."

"Do you think he'd like Rodney?" Eric asked softly.

Ben let out a soft laugh. "I don't think any scientist likes McKay." He looked at Eric. "But I think he would have liked the way McKay gets you to smile, the way he got you to laugh. Jace always worried about you."

"I know. I wish he hadn't."

"We all worry about you." Ben reached out and squeezed Eric's hand. "McKay's not the only one who's seen your scars."

Eric swallowed and looked at Ben. "You've never asked about them."

"You've never offered." Ben countered quietly.

"My dad used to beat the shit out of me." Eric said flatly, looking away. "He's in jail now."

When Ben didn't say anything, Eric looked over at his friend. Two tears were silently making their way down Ben's cheeks. The older man looked away, wiping at his eyes. "Shit. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Ben took a deep breath and when he looked back at Eric, the tears were gone. "It wasn't your fault you know."

The lump was back in his throat. "I know."

"Eric… Is this why you like that fucking movie?" Ben asked softly.

Eric nodded. "Jace gave it to me one day. He said there was a scene in it that I needed to watch, that I needed to know was true."

"Did he know?"

"I never told him." Eric said. "But I always thought that he knew."

"He always was the most perceptive one on the team."

"Yeah. So I went back to my quarters and put the movie in and I got to that scene and I knew that was what he was talking about. That it wasn't my fault. Jace made sure I knew that. Connor does too. And so does… so does Rodney."

"For a while I thought maybe you and Connor…"

Eric shook his head with a small smile. "Nah. He's got his own guy."

"So what are you going to do tomorrow?" Ben asked softly. "Have you talked to him?"

"No." Eric said with a shake of his head. "Rodney likes Christmas, he pretends he doesn't but… he does."

"You smile every time you talk about him."

"I do?" Eric asked surprised.

"Yeah."

"Damn." Eric made a mental note to be more aware of that. "I-I just don't know what to tell him."

"Maybe you can try something new." Ben suggested gently. "Something that includes him."

"I don't want to ruin his holiday." Eric murmured.

"Then don't spend it alone."

"Ben…"

"Eric, just give him a chance to reach you. Give him a chance to be there. I think he'll understand."

Eric smiled wryly. "You're giving Jace a run for his money in the advice department."

"I try."

"Thank you." Eric whispered. He stood up and Ben followed him to the door. "Thank you for everything, Ben."

Ben leaned in and gave Eric a tight hug. "I love you, kid. And it wasn't ever your fault."

Eric felt tears well up in his eyes. "I love you too, old man. And I know."

* * *

Ronon pulled some pants on to answer the door. Jennifer was still sleeping so he tried to be quiet. He snagged a cookie on his way. Jennifer had insisted on leaving a plate of cookies and a glass of milk out. Ronon wasn't quite sure why, but he had enjoyed the milk and loved the cookies.

He opened his door and found Irish on the other side holding a plate with two slices of cake with a candle in each one.

"Merry Christmas, Ronon." Irish offered with a smile.

"Merry Christmas." Ronon returned. "What's that?"

"John and I baked a cake last night, for Jesus' birthday. I brought a couple pieces for you and Dr. Keller."

"Why is there a candle in it?" Ronon asked, accepted the plate.

"On earth we put candles in our birthday cakes and the light them. Traditionally you think of a wish, something you want to come true and then blow it out."

Ronon looked at the candle and then back up at Irish. "Should we light it?"

Irish shrugged. "If you want to. I don't think Jesus would mind."

Ronon nodded. "Thanks."

"Sure." Irish paused. "We'll see you at the party?"

Ronon grinned. He loved Earth parties. So much food. So much alcohol. "Yeah."

"Great. Well, I guess I'll see you then."

"Yeah."

Irish left and Ronon caught Sheppard's eye as the door across from Ronon opened. Sheppard grinned and offered a small wave before the door shut behind the linguist. Ronon closed his door and carried the cake over to his desk. He thought about eating it but decided to wait for Jennifer. He grabbed another cookies instead.

* * *

"Hey, Doc." Evan greeted with a yawn.

"Merry Christmas, Evan."

"Merry Christmas… is that cake?" Evan asked, looking at the plate in his friend's hands.

"Yup. John and I made it last night for Jesus' birthday. I thought I would bring you and Teyla a piece."

Evan grinned and accepted the plate. "Thanks. This looks delicious."

Connor blushed lightly. "Thank you."

"You guys are going to the party, right?"

Connor nodded. "Yup. I probably won't stay very long, but John will be there all night."

"Not your scene?" Evan asked sympathetically.

"Yeah."

"Hey, what'd your Secret Santa give you?" Evan asked curiously.

"Socks."

"Socks?"

Connor rolled his eyes. "Socks with the Canadian flag on them."

Evan laughed. "Well I guess that narrows it down."

"It was definitely Dr. McKay. There was a note with them that said they were not to be worn while shagging Americans."

"Well that was nice of him." Evan said with a laugh.

"Yeah. What'd you get?"

"A book on archeology."

"A book?" Connor asked with interest.

"I'll drop it off at your lab tomorrow."

Connor smiled. "Thanks."

"I figure someone might as well get something out of it."

"I'll let you know if it's any good."

"Awesome." Evan grinned. "Well, thanks for the cake."

"My pleasure." Connor replied happily. "See you later."

* * *

David Parrish groaned as his door chimed again. He threw an arm over his face and prayed for whomever it was to leave. Well, maybe. It depended on who it was. After a few minutes it became clear that his visitor was staying until David opened his door so he trudged across the room in his boxers and ran a hand through his scruffy hair. He had one shoulder leaning against the wall by the door when it opened, propping him up.

David blinked. "Doc?"

"Hey, David." Connor greeted shyly. "I, uh, brought you some cake."

"Cake?" David moved his gaze down to look at the slice of desert on the plate being held out to him. "It's like nine in the morning."

Connor blushed a little. "I made it last night for, um, Jesus' birthday."

David took the small plate along with the knife, fork and candle that went with it. "What kind is it?"

"Vanilla."

David nodded and looked back up at his friend. "Don't you ever sleep, Doc?"

Connor laughed. "More than my partner cares for."

The botanist laughed with him. "So things are going well with you and the missus? Still _not_ fighting?"

"Yup, very well. I'll have to tell him you called him that."

"As long as he doesn't come back to kick my ass." David answered with a grin.

"Nah, he's pretty tame."

* * *

Jake arrived back from the gym in time to see Connor standing outside his door holding something in his hand.

"Connor!" He called down the hallway. The linguist turned and a smile broke out across his face when he saw Jake there. "You haven't been standing there long, have you?" Jake asked as he approached.

"Nope. Just a minute or so."

"I've been at the gym." Jake explained, apologetically. "Want to come in for a minute?" He stepped in front of his door and it opened for him. They still weren't quite sure how the doors knew who was who, but it was working so far, so not a lot of research was going into it. Jake figured that Connor might have an explanation for him, but it was too early to care. "So, what's up?"

"I brought you some cake." Connor offered, holding the plate out.

"Looks delicious. Did you make this?" Jake asked, accepting the cake.

"Yeah. For, um, Jesus' birthday."

"That's completely awesome, Doc. Thanks for thinking of me."

Connor nodded. "You're welcome."

Jake set the cake down on his desk before turning back to face the linguist. "So I have a… date with Sarah in an hour."

Connor smiled excitedly. "So you like her?"

"She's awesome. Where did you find her?" Jake asked. Sarah Thomas was a Flight Lieutenant with the RAF, a year younger than Jake, and extremely hot.

The linguist shrugged. "We both like tea."

"'We both like tea'? That's all you're going to tell me?"

"Yup. She's really nice. I think you two will be grand together."

"I hope so." Jake murmured. "I hope so."

* * *

Connor found Tim, Ben and Jim in the same place: the mess hall. And unfortunately they weren't alone; they were at a large table with several other members of the military. So after peeking into the large room, he carefully backed out of it and let Atlantis open the doors to each of their quarters. Connor had felt bad about that, but he left a note with the cake and Atlantis didn't seem to have any qualms about letting him in. When he finished he went back to his and John's room. He still had two more pieces of cake to deliver.

When he got there, John was eating more cake. He'd already eaten two pieces before Connor left to deliver slices to his friends. John didn't even look guilty as Connor came in and rolled his eyes.

"You're going to get fat." Connor murmured. He sat down in John's lap with his back to John's chest and John's arms came around him, one hand holding a fork, the other holding a plate.

"You'll still love me if I'm fat, right?" John asked, over his shoulder. He sectioned off another piece of cake with his fork and held it up.

Connor intercepted it with his mouth, stealing the bite. He chewed it and then swallowed. "I don't know. It depends."

"It depends?"

"On how hot you'd still look." Connor answered with a grin.

"I'd be the hottest fat person there was."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah." John answered. "Besides, I have a feeling that Ronon will make me work this off tomorrow."

"You'll be lucky if he waits until tomorrow."

John stuck another piece of cake in his mouth. "You're probably right about that."

"Should I take Rodney and Eric their pieces now?"

The older man looked at his watch. "It's nine thirty in the morning on their day off."

"… so is that a 'no'?"

John laughed. "Yeah. Snuggle with me for a little while."

Connor blinked. "Did you say 'snuggle'?"

"Uh…" John coughed and dug his fork into the cake again. "Nope."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm a man and men don't say things like that."

"Uh-huh." Connor repeated, doubtfully.

"So how else did your cake deliveries go?" John asked, clearly changing the subject.

"Fine. I had to leave Jim, Ben and Tim's in their rooms because they were all in the mess hall eating breakfast with other Marines."

"How'd you get into their rooms?" John asked. He held up a piece of cake in front of Connor and the linguist shook his head. John stuck it in his mouth instead.

"Um… I'm not sure. The doors just… opened." Connor answered innocently.

"I'm sure they did."

Connor grinned. "David called you 'the missus'."

John choked on the cake in his mouth. "He what?"

"He asked how things were going with the missus." Connor clarified.

"Lorne needs to reign his team in better." John grumbled. "I hope you set him straight."

"I told him things were well."

"Connor!"

"Yes?"

"Ugh."

"It's not like he knows it's you." Connor pointed out.

"It's the principle of the thing." John argued.

"Mmm-hmm." Connor slid off of John's lap. "I'm going to take some cake to Rodney and Eric." He picked up the two pieces he had cut for them and stared at John.

John sighed but stood up. "Let's go."

"You gotta start working off that cake."

"I'm hurt." John said. "I really am. You only want me for my body."

Connor laughed. "At the rate you're going… you better hope that's not the case."

* * *

"Tell whoever it is to go away." Rodney mumbled into Eric's shoulder.

"Go away." Eric said to the door.

The door chimed again.

"I don't think they heard you."

"Can't you turn the sound off?"

"If I get up." Rodney shifted and gripped Eric tighter, pulling the taller body towards him. "I don't want to get up. No coffee."

Eric shook Rodney's arm. "You've gotta answer the door."

"You're closer."

"But it's your room. It could be anyone."

Rodney snorted. "Please. Only Sheppard, Teyla and sometimes Ronon come here. Oh and Zelenka. And Carter. And-"

"Rodney."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm getting up." Rodney rolled slowly over Eric and stumbled towards the door.

"You could at least put some boxers on!" Eric called after him.

"Too early." Rodney mumbled. He leaned on the door controls until the door slid open. Davids face turned a bright red and he stepped backwards to hide behind Sheppard.

"Jesus, Rodney. You couldn't have put some pants on?" John asked, not amused.

Rodney peered at them through barely open eyes. "It's early."

"It's almost ten."

"It's my day off. What do you want, John?" Rodney asked through a yawn.

Two arms emerged on either side of Sheppard from behind him. Each held a plate and a piece of cake.

"Connor wanted to bring you some cake."

"There's no lemon in it." Connor added in a slightly muffled voice.

"It looks really white to be chocolate." Rodney observed sleepily.

"That's because it's not chocolate, McKay."

Rodney focused on the cake. "Huh. So it's not."

"Do you want it or not?" Sheppard asked impatiently.

"We want it!" Eric called from the bed. Rodney tried to glare at him, but it probably didn't work well with his eyes mostly closed.

"Fine, fine. Leave the cake." The hands pushed the cake closer to Rodney and Rodney managed to grab both plates. "Anything else?"

"Connor wanted to talk to Eric."

"He's sleeping."

"He just yelled." John pointed out.

"Come back in a few hours."

"Just have him knock me up when he's ready." Connor said.

Rodney must have been really asleep because that didn't make any sense at all. "Got it."

"Thanks!" Connor offered.

"Anything else?" Rodney asked again.

"I think you've traumatized my husband." John said.

"Ha-ha, Sheppard." Rodney said in a deadpan. "That will teach you to let me sleep."

"We were just trying to bring you cake, Rodney."

"At ten in the morning."

"It's really good cake."

Rodney looked at John and then let the door slide close.

"You're welcome!" Sheppard shouted from the other side.

Rodney looked down at the cake in his hands and then shuffled back over to the bed. "Do you want cake?"

"Now?" Eric asked sleepily.

"Yeah."

"No, just leave it on the bedside table."

Rodney deposited the plates there and then slid back into bed. "Sleeeep." Eric curled up into him and Rodney tangled their bodies together. "Love you."

"Love you too." Eric mumbled into his chest.

* * *

"Whatcha doin?" John asked, peering down at Connor's laptop.

"Putting together my presentation for the conference."

"Didn't you already do that?"

"I wrote what I'm going to say, I'm adding some photos to emphasize points."

"Ah." John's head hovered next to Connor's as he leaned over to look at the screen. "Are you nervous?"

"Yes, of course." Connor answered.

John pressed a kiss into Connor's hair. "Don't be. You'll be great."

Connor shook his head lightly. "Go play with Ronon."

"Are you kicking me out? On Christmas?"

"I just need fifteen minutes, John."

"But you've been doing this for an hour."

"It's been seven minutes."

John blinked. "Really? I could have sworn it's been an hour."

"Let me finish this and then you can open your presents." Connor replied without looking away from the screen.

"Fifteen minutes?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"Okay."

John left Connor to his work and went to retrieve their small collection of presents. There were three for John from Connor and two from John to Connor. John hoped Connor liked them. They had agreed not to spend more then fifty dollars on each other and John had taken that agreement seriously.

There was also a present from Evan and Teyla to them both, one from Ronon and Keller to them both, and one from Rodney and Eric to them both. John wondered when he and Connor had merged and become one person. Or maybe his friends had just gotten cheaper. Connor's team and Lorne's team had both gotten the linguist something and Mitchell and Jackson both had dropped something off for the younger man.

John set the presents down on the small table in their room and then set about making tea. He made raspberry for them both and it smelled wonderful as it started to brew. Two arms wormed around John as he poured some milk into one mug and a head leaned against his shoulders.

"Mmm." Connor sighed. "You smell good."

John smiled and turned around in Connor's arms. "Yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

John tilted his head down and Connor's angled up so their lips could meet. It was a soft, sweet kiss and John wanted it to last forever. When they broke apart, John pulled Connor into a tight hug and closed his eyes, memorizing the feel of his husband for the thousandth time.

"Promise to stay with me forever." John breathed.

"Haven't I already?" Connor asked softly but his grip tightened around John. "I promise, John. Forever."

"Forever." John echoed. "With me forever."

"Yes." Connor whispered.

"A year ago, Con… did you think it would be like this?"

He felt his partner shake his head. "No."

"I loved you." John said. "I loved you even then."

"I know. I always knew how you felt, John."

John pulled back a little so he could look at Connor's face. "I love you so much. God, the words sound so… small. Like they can't fully explain what I mean. I… I wish I were better with words so I could tell you everything I feel."

Connor smiled shyly at him, a hint of a blush on his pale face. "You tell me everyday, John-with words _and_ with actions. Don't feel like it's not enough, because _I_ know you love me."

John smiled. "Okay."

"Okay." Connor repeated. He slowly broke away from John. "Presents?"

John didn't really care about presents anymore. He had Connor and that was all he had ever really wanted.

* * *

When Rodney woke a second time he was alone. He strained his ears to see if he could hear the shower, but there wasn't any noise, nothing but the sound of his own breathing.

"Eric?" He called softly. His words were met with silence. Rodney blinked and pushed the blankets off of him. He sat up on the side of the bed and his feet rested on the cold floor. He looked over at the clock on the bedside table, in between two pieces of cake. It was almost noon. Rodney yawned and glanced at the clock once more and this time a piece of paper caught his eye. Rodney reached over to pick it up.

 _Rodney,_

 _I probably should have told you this before, but I wasn't sure how. I don't celebrate Christmas, or any other yuletide holiday. I prefer to spend the holiday alone. I know how much you like Christmas (don't try to deny it) so I thought I'd spend the day in my quarters so I don't bring down your holiday._

 _I got you something. It's not much. I hope you like it. It's from a book I read and since then I've thought the idea was nice._

 _All my love,_

 _Eric_

Rodney read the note through four times before he looked at the bedside table again. There was a small box hiding behind the clock. Rodney picked it up and lifted the lid up. Nestled on a bed of tissue paper was a small round ornament with a picture of Rodney and Eric that read 'Our First Christmas - 2008'. It was perfect and Rodney loved it. He loved that it said 'first' as though there would be more. He loved that he was the person Eric shared this idea with.

Rodney held the note in one hand and the ornament in the other. He carefully replaced the gift and set the note on top of the box. The astrophysicist stood up and dressed quickly. He left his quarters and didn't stop moving until he reached Eric's room. He didn't stop and 'ring' the door chime, he let himself in.

Eric was sitting on his bed, back propped up against the wall, glasses perched on his nose with a book in hand. He looked up, startled, at Rodney's entrance.

"Rodney?" He asked in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to tell you how stupid you're being!" Rodney answered, hands waving in front of his face. "I might like Christmas, but I love you, you moron! Or did that escape your notice! You don't like the holiday, so what? I can't believe you think I'd rather spend it surrounded by idiots at some stupid party then with you! Don't be an idiot, Eric."

There was a blank look on Eric's face before a smile slowly crept over it. "You really have a talent for insulting people and complimenting them at the same time."

Rodney snorted. "Only and idiot would think being called an idiot is a compliment."

Eric shook his head fondly and set his book aside. "I love you too, Rodney."

"Then let's go. I'm not staying on your lump ridden mattress. It looks like some mattress fairy puked and that's what you ended up with."

"You could have been a poet, Rodney."

"Yeah, yeah. Can we move a little faster please? My back hurts just looking at that thing."

* * *

"Con? How many of those things are you going to eat?"

"Um… all of them?"

"Tonight?"

"Probably."

"Now who's going to get fat?"

"You bought them for me!"

"I didn't think you liked them so much."

"They're delicious. Everyone likes them this much, John."

"I don't like them that much."

"More for me."

"So you really like them?"

"… no I just eat them because you bought them for me."

"That I would believe."

"Yes, I really like them."

"I bought them because the name was just too funny."

"What's funny about Jaffa cakes?"

"… Jaffa?"

"It's a city in Israel. And an orange. The orange is named after the city where it comes from and the biscuits are named after the orange."

"C'mon, Con. You can't see the humor in a Jaffa cake?"

"Stop saying it like that. It's not jeh-fah it's jahff-ah."

"I don't know why I even try."

"Try what?"

Sigh. "Nothing. You're getting crumbs in bed."

"So?"

"You're lucky I like you."

"Very."

"Connor?"

"Yeah?"

" _Nollaig Shona Dhuit_." [Merry Christmas.]

" _Nollaig Mhaith Chugat_ , John." [A good Christmas to you.]

"No _Seán_?"

" _Tá mo chroí istigh ionat, Seán._ " [My heart is within you.]

" _Tá grá agam duit,_ Connor."

"Your Irish is really improving."

"I know all the important phrases. And you're getting crumbs on my side of the bed now."

"Did you learn ' _póg mo thóin_ '?" [Kiss my ass.]

"Are you finished with your Jaffa cakes?"

"Almost. Why?"

"I wanna _póg_ your _thóin."_

"That was horrible."

"But you still love me."

"Heaven knows why."


	51. Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 51 : Good Enough**

Author's Notes :  
\- Because, apparently, some people like Rodney/Eric even more then Connor/John and some people just _really_ like them, here's a little Rodney/Eric interlude for you RE fans out there. Rodney is incredibly OOC but you all probably realize that by now. I think.  
\- _Good Enough_ belongs to Lifehouse.  
\- Don't own _Hallmark_.  
\- Spoilers for… I'm too lazy to look up names. It's the episode between the first and second season. I think.  
-Edited content can be found on my listed homepage.

BETA : JackD

* * *

When Rodney wakes up in the morning, he expects one of two things: either morning sex or coffee. Eric has tried to get it out of him which he prefers but really, Rodney didn't think it was fair to have to pick between them.

Before Eric it was easy-coffee. Katie had never been big on the morning sex, or really a lot of sex, and that was one of the best parts of having a _boy_ friend. Guys liked sex and they liked lots of it. Eric was a little weird in that he liked to finish his homework before giving into Rodney's sex drive (and Rodney futilely tried not to think about the fact that he was doing it with someone young enough to _have_ homework) but still, Eric liked sex and more importantly he liked sex with Rodney.

He let Rodney jump him in the shower, on the couch, on top of the bed, against the wall, over their desk and once or twice on the floor (which had hurt both of their backs but they were too manly to say anything. Well, Eric was to manly to say anything).

The thing about sex with Eric was that it was the first time Rodney was having sex with someone he loved. Rodney had thought he had loved Katie but when he thought about Eric it was kind of like comparing Tofurkey to steak. There was no comparison. And having sex with someone you love was something completely different then just having sex. At least it was to Rodney. And because it was _Eric_ meant something else entirely.

Sometimes Eric would just sit somewhere and stare out into space. He would go somewhere that Rodney couldn't follow. The first time he'd done it, he had freaked Rodney the fuck out. It was never for long, ten minutes tops. But Eric would emerge shaken, quiet and meek. It would take Rodney a few minutes to get the younger man to meet his gaze and then another few minutes to get Eric to talk and another ten minutes until he stopped flinching every time Rodney touched him.

It didn't happen often; maybe once a month, once every couple of months. Rodney had already ascertained that it didn't happen while Eric was working. It was a singularly unique thing that happened while the younger man was relaxing and alone or alone with Rodney.

Rodney had tried to ask about it once, about where Eric went, and Eric had answered in stilted words and haunted expressions. Rodney never asked again.

And since Rodney was always thinking, his brain always working, he couldn't just forget those times while he and Eric were having sex. He couldn't just forget how not-fragile but very breakable Eric was. Eric was a contradiction in and of himself. He was the strongest person Rodney knew (not counting Ronon, but Rodney couldn't count Ronon in anything. He was too much on an outlier and just threw out all of his statistics) but also someone who always seemed close to a shatter point. And Rodney didn't want to be the one to break him.

There was this strange feeling in Rodney, this need that had never been there before-a need to protect. And not that Rodney really knew how to protect him anyways, but it was definitely a need that Eric did not appreciate. Rodney's boyfriend was a _United States Marine_ and had no problem reminding Rodney of that fact.

Eric was deadly and brazen and strong and proud and not at all breakable like Rodney thought he was. It was something Rodney was working on and something Eric humored him about. To a point.

"What are you thinking about?"

Rodney looked down at Eric who was lying perpendicular to Rodney with his head in Rodney's lap. Eric had his glasses on and was holding a book, reading. Rodney had a book in his hands too, but he hadn't read a word in twenty minutes. Rodney sighed, dog-eared the page he was on and set the book on the bedside table. "Nothing."

Eric snorted and adjusted his glasses. "You're always thinking about something, Rodney. And not just something, a hundred million somethings."

"Why did you pick me?" Rodney asked.

And Eric _had_ picked him. That much was clear to Rodney. Rodney hadn't even known the younger man existed before being set up on a date with him. So there had to be something that made Eric want him. Some reason for the best person Rodney knew to come falling into his life and leaving him thanking every god he knew for bringing them together.

Eric was quiet for a moment as he thought about the answer. "You're just… this swirl of energy. And one day I watched you berate a scientist over something-hands flying around, words coming out rapidly-I remember wondering what it would take for you to just relax. After that I kept my eye out for you and you were always so passionate about everything, so dedicated. I saw you with Katie, once, and you were…" Eric paused, gathering his thoughts and Rodney watched him lick his lips. "You weren't you… not the Rodney McKay I knew. You weren't this flurry of energy anymore, you were subdued and polite it was… weird. And I got to thinking-"

"You thought this much about me before we were dating?" Rodney asked.

Eric nodded slowly. "I wasn't stalking you or anything-you're just… hard to miss."

"Oh."

"Anyways, I started wondering which of you was the real Rodney McKay. Was it the scientist with the hands and the mouth and no social skills or was it the person you were with Katie? I didn't have a way to answer that question, but I wanted one. You intrigued me from the start." Eric paused. "And then I saw you with your team."

"Just how long were you watching me for?" Rodney questioned.

"Um…. I plead the fifth."

Rodney grumbled. "Fine."

"So I saw you with your team and you were different again. More like the scientist-you but with some of the Katie-you mixed in. You were just this enigma. This puzzle wrapped up in a Rodney shaped box. I went-I went to Connor to try and find a way to get over this crush I had on you, instead he set me up on a date." Eric finished with a soft laugh.

Rodney absorbed everything Eric said. It was true, in the lab there was a lot going on and Rodney had to stay on top of it, with Katie, Rodney had tried hard to be the perfect boyfriend, and with his team there was a sense of belonging that Rodney didn't have anywhere else in his life. Except in his bed with Eric.

"So which of me is the real one?" Rodney asked.

Eric smiled up at him. "I like to think it's the Rodney in here with me."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I can't really be that different."

Eric reached a hand up and ran his fingers down the side of Rodney's head. "In here, with me, you're perfect, Rodney. You don't care that I have so many issues and you always know how to make me laugh and I honestly love hearing you rant about stupid scientists and Colonel Sheppard's hair and how there's never enough blue jell-o. I never really let myself think about the kind of person I wanted to be with, I didn't because I couldn't. But now, I can't imagine anyone but you."

What Eric gave him was acceptance. Eric didn't tell him that he needed to be nicer to people, that he needed to be polite and pull out chairs, he didn't tell Rodney that he needed to work harder at being in shape or firing a gun with accuracy. Eric just let him _be_. He didn't question Rodney when Rodney was quiet, he didn't interrupt him when Rodney was ranting. He just stayed there and let Rodney be Rodney.

Rodney had never really known acceptance. It was hard to be included when you're so much smarter than your peers. Eric got that about him. That Rodney was actually really smart and didn't just say he was because of his ego. He got that Rodney _had_ to say that, had to prove that there was something about him worth keeping. Rodney's intelligence was the only thing that kept him around his work peers, the SGC, whomever. He didn't have the social graces that others did, the fine-tuning of personality that came with growing up surrounded by peers. Rodney had always been ahead of everyone else and had always been trying to prove his worth to those around him.

But with Eric there wasn't anything to prove. Rodney was worth it because he was _Rodney_. If Rodney acted different around Eric-gentler, softer-it was because Rodney wanted to, not because Eric expected him to. Eric didn't expect anything from Rodney, but he _wanted_ Rodney's love. Wanted what Rodney wanted to give. Never more.

"I love you." Rodney blurted out.

Eric smiled tenderly. "I love you too, Rodney."

"Like I _really_ love you." Rodney added.

"I _really_ love you, too." Eric replied sincerely.

"I like it when you smile." Rodney commented. He let his hand trace Eric's mouth, wanting to memorize it in everyway possible. Eric still didn't smile much, but he smiled a lot more now then he did when they first got together.

"I'm sorry I don't smile more." The younger man answered against Rodney's fingers, but didn't let the smile fall from his face. He closed his eyes at the touch.

Rodney opened his mouth to say something and then closed it. He glared at his boyfriend even though Eric couldn't see him. "You've turned me into a goddamned sap." He grumbled, without heat.

Eric chuckled lightly. "I think you always were one, you just hid it well."

Rodney snorted. "I'm sure there are several people who would disagree with that."

"I don't care." Eric opened his eyes and brown met blue. "I like it when you're sappy."

"I feel like a fucking _Hallmark_ card." Rodney said, but didn't stop the smile that spread across his face.

"I've always liked _Hallmark_."

"Let's fuck so I can stop feeling like a girl." Rodney ordered, pulling Eric's book out of his hands. Eric let go without protest and reached up to pull off his glasses to but Rodney stopped him. "Leave them."

"You totally have a glasses kink, Rodney." Eric said, but left them on.

"Just on you. I don't really feel like fucking Zelenka." Rodney answered, pulling Eric's body up so it was flush against his.

Eric climbed on top of Rodney. "That's good, because I like Radek, I'd hate to have to hurt him."

[Edited Content]

"We need a shower." Rodney observed, running a hand through Eric's sweaty hair. Eric was now resting completely on top of him, his head on Rodney's shoulder, trying to slow his breathing. Rodney could feel the younger man's heart beating quickly against his skin. Rodney's own heart was still pounding from their activities.

"Yeah." Eric answered lazily, his voice was muffled against Rodney's skin. "In a second. I don't think I can move."

Rodney laughed and ran one hand up and down Eric's back. They stayed that way a for a few minutes, slowly coming down off their sex-induced high.

"Eric?"

"Hmm?"

"Was that okay?" Rodney asked, suddenly nervous. That was probably the kind of thing he should have asked first but Eric had yet to say 'no' to anything they did in bed and Rodney had gotten used to that.

"Oh _yeah_." Eric mumbled. "It was fucking hot."

"You're sure?"

Eric sat up a little and met Rodney's eyes. "Definitely. It was perfect. You're perfect." He paused. "We're you serious about getting some toys?"

"Yeah." Rodney answered hoarsely, thinking about what they could do with those toys. "Would you be okay with that?"

"Yes." Eric answered definitively. "I would be."

"Jesus, you're so freakin' pefect." Rodney said under his breath. "Let's shower."

Eric nodded and slowly got off of him. "And maybe after we shower I can do that thing you wanted me to." He said with a wiggle of his fingers.

Rodney groaned. "You're going to kill me one of these days, you know that right?"

"I'm twenty-three." Eric answered with a shrug and Rodney followed him into the bathroom. "It's okay if you can't keep up."

"Kids have no respect for their elders these days." Rodney growled as he pushed Eric into the shower and then plastered himself to the younger man's back.

Eric laughed and Rodney wondered how he had ever lived without the other man in his life.

* * *

"We really need to get you a quieter keyboard."

Eric rolled his eyes and kept typing. "I don't think they do that for laptops."

"I can hear you all the way across the room!" His boyfriend exclaimed.

"It's not really that loud, Rodney. It just seems like it because it's so quiet in here."

They were in Rodney's lab and it was about two in the morning. Rodney hadn't been to bed yet and Eric had a ton of work to catch up on before heading back out to the mainland tomorrow for another training session.

"Well when I type it doesn't sound like dinosaurs walking."

"Great hyperbole, Rodney."

"It's not an exaggeration! I can't think!"

"You create new laws of physics while bombs are going off around you, machine guns are being fired and you can't think over the sound of my _keyboard_?"

Rodney grumbled. "How much longer will you be?"

"I'm probably not going to bed tonight, if that's what you're wondering."

"So you're just going to stay up?"

"It's called an all-nighter, Rodney. I'm sure you're familiar with the concept." Eric said, pushing his slipping glasses up his nose a little.

"So you're going to be gone for a week and I don't even get send-off sex?"

"Send-off sex?"

"You know what I mean." Rodney answered.

"If you let me finish this, I'll blow you while the coffee percolates." Eric answered, distracted. "I really need to concentrate on this, Rodney."

"I thought Sheppard was joking when he said that Davids would rather work then have sex." Rodney grumbled.

"Connor is dedicated to his work and this expedition." Eric defended. He glanced up at Rodney.

"At the expense of sex?"

"His work saves lives, Rodney." Eric said and then gave Rodney a meaningful look. "It also gave you regular access to chocolate."

"Ugh. Why do you always have to put things in perspective?"

"It's my job." Eric answered easily. "Now what's wrong?"

"Wrong?"

"I've been sitting here for four hours, Rodney. And just now you decided that I type too loud? What's wrong?"

"I can't just be bored and want to have lots of sex with my ridiculously hot boyfriend?" Rodney asked.

"Nope."

A weird look passed over Rodney's face and Eric knew that there was something more important than that.

"Rodney?"

"It… it can't just be that I want to spend some time with you before you leave for a week?" Rodney asked in a much smaller voice.

Eric felt his heart ache at the words and he set his laptop down and stood up. "And you can't just say that?" He asked in a soft, teasing lilt. He walked over to Rodney and stood next to his boyfriend.

"I know your work is important." Rodney admitted.

"You're important too." Eric assured him gently. He reached a hand out and combed his fingers through Rodney's hair. "When I get back, let's go out."

"Go out?"

"On a date."

"As long as it ends in bed."

"It might start in bed too." Eric said with a small smile.

"Will you still blow me while the coffee is brewing?"

"Definitely."

* * *

They didn't go out on a date on the same day that Eric returned. Mostly because Eric spent the rest of that day sleeping and no matter what Rodney tried, his boyfriend could not be roused. So Rodney had to wait for the next night. Eric had apologized profusely and then planned pretty much the best date that Rodney had ever been on. There were candles in a room that was missing a wall and just open to the outside. Eric said Connor had found it.

There were candles and really good food and so much sex that at one point Rodney actually wondered if there was such a thing as too much sex. Eric had laughed and said that sounded like a good hypothesis to test and they spent the rest of the night using the scientific method to get results.

That had been last night.

Today Rodney was off-world with his team exploring a planet of interest in the Ancient database. From what he could tell it had been abandoned for years. Eric's team was off-world as well, something that hadn't happened a lot since Davids had joined the team. Rodney figured that Sheppard had been rigging the schedule.

Eric's team was to go back to an abandoned planet that they'd visited a few times before without incident, so Rodney figured it had been deemed safe. Regardless Sheppard had been tense all morning and Rodney wasn't about to admit that he was feeling the same tension.

SGA-1 had been on the planet for about an hour when it started hailing chunks of ice big enough to be golf balls. Rodney was starting to get an idea about why the planet had been abandoned.

"Rodney?" Sheppard called over the storm.

"The database didn't mention any hail!" Rodney answered, typing away on his tablet. "These are pretty big though. I don't think we should stick around to see how big they get."

They ran for cover towards the nearest set of trees. Rodney knew he was going to have huge bruises all over. Even Ronon looked like they hurt. They were trying to wait out the storm under the trees when Sheppard tapped his radio.

"Sheppard here… how long?… who radioed back?… what do you mean 'no one'?… what's their situation?… yeah, get a team together and put Keller on standby… how long do they think… yeah… we're on our way back… yeah, that would be great… do your best, Major… yes, that's fine…. Sheppard out."

John turned to look at them with a blank gaze on his face. "Seems like we weren't the only people with nature problems. SGA-4 is stuck off world. The building they were in collapsed, blocking the exit. All four of them are alive and Lorne's putting together a structural team to go dig them out."

Rodney's brain was stuck at SGA-4: Eric's team.

"They're sending a jumper for us now."

"Has anyone been hurt, John?" Teyla asked softly.

"Radio contact has been going in and out. There are no confirmed injuries." John answered.

A jumper slowly landed in front of them and the ramp opened. They didn't waste any time getting in and a few minutes later they were back in Atlantis. Rodney didn't bother to take off his vest or unclip his gun. He followed the rest of his team up to the command area.

"What's the situation?" Sheppard asked.

Lorne turned to him. "I've got people putting equipment into the jumper as we speak. I've already sent a team out to get a visual of the site and to try and establish a better radio connection with SGA-4, sir."

"And you're going with them?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay. How long on the equipment?"

"Five minutes, sir. Then ten minutes to start setting it up once we get there. Keller's team is on standby."

"Okay. Let's do this." John said firmly. "My team will take some people out in a jumper. We're leaving in two minutes, so get whoever needs to be there to the jumper bay."

"Yes, sir."

Rodney followed Sheppard back to the jumper bay. He sat in the co-pilot's chair and watched as Sheppard quickly ran through the pre-flight. Ronon and Teyla sat behind them and people began to file into the jumper.

"Take a seat!" Sheppard called back to them. "We're leaving in one minute."

Bodies rustled about as people sat on the bench seats at the back of the jumper. Sure enough, one minute later the jumper was descending out of the jumper bay and shooting through the open wormhole.

"Jumper 3 this is Jumper 1, come in." Sheppard said.

"Jumper 1, this is Lt. Jacobson."

"Lieutenant, what's your position?"

"We're on the ground, sir. It's two clicks east of the gate."

"I see you. What's the damage look like?"

Pause. "The whole building's collapsed in on itself, sir."

"Have you been able to get SGA-4 over the radio?"

"We haven't managed a steady signal yet, sir."

"Okay. Our ETA is two minutes."

"Yes, sir."

"Sheppard out."

Rodney silently urged the jumper on. When they landed he was first out with Ronon and Teyla right behind him. Sheppard had to shut down the jumper but was soon walking with them towards the collapsed building. It looked horrible. There was debris everywhere and dust filled the air.

Rodney turned to Sheppard to see him already talking with the other men on the ground.

"-should be here in ten minutes. I want you so set up-"

"Colonel!" A Marine called in their direction. "We've made contact. There's a doorway that's only partially damaged. A wall's collapsed on the other side but we're able to talk to them."

"Have they responded?" Sheppard asked, jogging towards the Marine. Rodney and his teammates followed Sheppard around the building.

"Yes, sir. Lt. Ramsey is on the other side."

"What about the others?"

"I'm not sure, sir. As soon as we made contact I came to get you."

They stopped in front of a doorway that had definitely seen better days. Rodney wondered what was taking Major Lorne so long.

"Lieutenant?" John called into the building.

"Yes, sir!" Came his answer. It was quite muffled and hard to hear through the layers of rock. Once Lorne got there with the equipment it would be next to impossible to hear them at all.

"What's your situation? Is anyone hurt?"

"We're all fine, Colonel! A few bruises and scrapes, but nothing major!"

Rodney let out a sigh of relief. Teyla offered him a smile and even Ronon grunted positively at the news.

"Are you all together?"

"No, sir! I've got the Doc here with me. Johns and Smith are in the next room. I can see them, but there's to much debris to get to them!"

"Don't touch anything!" Sheppard called in. "We have a group of structural geologists and engineers coming and they're going to get you guys out."

"Yes, sir!"

"Connor?" John called in. "How's it going?"

" _Táim go maith, John! Ná bí buartha!_ "

Rodney wasn't sure what that meant, although he was betting the language was Irish. John, though, seemed to know what the words were and he grinned.

"We'll have you out in no time!" Sheppard promised.

"We'll be here, sir!" Lt. Ramsey answered.

Rodney heard another jumper arrive and looked over to see it landing next to theirs. He turned to Sheppard, "Well? What did he say?"

"Who?" Sheppard asked.

"That dinky linguist!" Rodney answered. "Keep up, Sheppard!"

"He's not dinky." John said with a glare. "And he said he was fine and not to worry."

"I had not realized you were so well versed in Irish, John." Teyla commented with a smile.

"I'm learning." Sheppard replied. "It's a cool language."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "It's a dying language that four people speak."

"It's more than four."

"Not by much." Rodney grumbled.

"C'mon, Rodney." Sheppard said, grabbing his sleeve. "Let's go help the major set up."

Rodney huffed but followed his team to Lorne's jumper. The faster they set up, the faster they could rescue Eric. The faster they rescued Eric, the faster he and Rodney could get on with the 'thank God your alive' sex. Rodney sighed. Eric had better be fine or Rodney was going to kick his Marine ass.

* * *

"Let's have sex under water."

Eric didn't even look up at the suggestion, he simply turned the page of whatever book he was reading. "As long as you don't get my book wet."

"I'm serious!" Rodney said. "Haven't you ever wanted to do it in a pool?"

"Not really."

"What? Why?"

"Because most lube is water based and would wash away and chlorinated pool water isn't my idea of a good lubricant." Eric answered, still reading his book.

"There's oil based stuff." Rodney argued.

"Then, go get some 'oil based stuff' and then find me."

"Really?" Rodney thought that someone on Atlantis had to have oil based lube. Maybe he would ask around at the next meeting.

"Yes." Eric finally looked up at him over the top of his book. He eyed Rodney who was lying on top of the sheets, casually stroking himself. "Really, Rodney?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "We just had sex like an hour ago, I haven't even made it through one chapter yet."

"Then you have really long chapters."

"They're complicated more than long." Eric corrected. He went back to his book.

"Are you seriously going to leave me like this?"

"Take a shower." Eric suggested, turning another page.

"What's the use of having a hot, young boyfriend if he won't have sex with me all the time?" Rodney grumped.

"Maybe Colonel Sheppard and I are dating the wrong people."

Rodney gaped. "Please tell me you're joking. Me and Sheppard?"

Eric looked up and Rodney saw a mischievous grin stretched across his face. The younger man laughed softly. "Of course I'm joking. No one else would put up with you."

"What?" Rodney sputtered. "I'll have you know I'm a very sought after person! People beg to have me in their bed!"

"Sure they do, Rodney." Eric responded easily, going back to his book again.

Rodney paused. "You were serious about the pool thing though, right?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Rodney wondered how he could tactfully say that if he were Eric he'd be avoiding the place he died with gusto. "It, ah, probably doesn't hold the best memories?"

"Connor and I went there yesterday."

"What? Really?"

"Rodney, I'm really trying to get this chapter finished." Eric said, looking up from the page. "I have…" He flipped through his book. "…twelve pages left, if I can read while you're fucking me then I'm all for that, but I need to concentrate on this."

"How can you always have so much schoolwork? I don't remember there being this much when I was in grad school."

Eric looked at Rodney like he was stupid, a look that Rodney wasn't used to having directed at him, and Rodney thought there might have been a tiny bit of anger in his gaze as well. "Most of us don't come with IQs so high they're mistaken for our body weight."

"…what?"

Eric shook his head. "Nothing. Just…" Eric stood up, collected his laptop and books. "I'll come back when I'm finished, okay?"

"Wait, Eric-" Rodney called, but Eric was already out the door.

* * *

Eric liked the couch in Connor's room. It was just a little squishier than the one in his lab and it was perfect for studying on, with a great view of the ocean. Not to mention the linguist was a perfect study partner. Connor was quiet, courteous and actually answered questions that Eric had instead of ranting on the insignificance of learning from textbooks written by horrendously stupid people and how it doesn't help anyone in the real world. Connor also didn't proposition him for sex every ten minutes.

Eric could admit to himself that he was a little bit angry with Rodney and the worst part was that it wasn't the other man's fault at all. Rodney was so incredibly smart that he couldn't understand that not everyone was as smart as he was and could learn as fast as he did. He constantly expected Eric to learn things much faster then Eric actually could. It was frustrating sometimes and it was a constant reminder of how much smarter Rodney was.

"Is everything okay, Eric?" Connor asked softly.

"Huh?" Eric asked, looking up from his reading. "Yeah, everything's fine. Why do you ask?"

"You keep, um, sighing."

"I do?" Eric frowned. "Sorry."

"It's not a problem." The linguist was quick to assure him. "I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay with you."

Eric chewed on his bottom lip before asking, "Does John ever have problems with you being so much smarter than him?"

Connor blinked and turned in his desk chair to face Eric. "I don't think either of us would say that I'm smarter than him, my brain is just designed differently. John excels in many areas that I never would… like strategy and math."

"But you have a degree in math." Eric pointed out.

Connor shrugged. "I like it and I'm good at it, but John… it's second nature to him. He practically _sees_ equations. He hides it well, but it's part of what makes him such a good pilot. He can compute things like velocity and trajectory in his head much faster than other people."

"Is it hard to remember that you have a much better memory than other people?" Eric asked, ignoring how dumb that question sounded.

"It was when I was younger." Connor admitted. "People would tell me things and I would just remember them and then when they forgot things that I told them, I would feel hurt and I thought that they just didn't care enough about me to remember the things I say. I eventually realized that that wasn't it at all. That just because I remembered everything it didn't mean they would and it also didn't mean they cared about me less than I cared about them."

"How long did it take you to realize that?"

"Hmm. I was in my twenties, I think." Connor offered him a wry grin. "It wasn't the fastest realization there ever was. Even now, I still sometimes feel a little bit hurt if John forgets something I tell him, but I can't hold that against him and it's this constant struggle to remind myself that _I'm_ the one programmed differently, not everyone else." He paused. "Does this have to do with Rodney?"

Eric sighed. "Yes. I think he forgets that we're not all geniuses and can't all just take ten minutes to do homework or read a book. He doesn't understand why it takes me so long and it bothers me more than I want to admit. I never really thought I was dumb until I started spending a lot of time around him."

"You're not dumb." Connor said sharply, with a frown. "And if he makes you feel that way, you need to say something, Eric."

"He won't understand."

"I think he understands more than you give him credit for." Connor said gently. "He cares about you, I don't think he'd be happy knowing he makes you doubt your intelligence."

Eric laughed softly. "I'm pretty sure Rodney thinks it's his goal in life to make _everyone_ doubt their intelligence."

"Not the person he loves."

"I think he takes it personally when I say that I have to study rather than spend time with him. I've tried to study with him there but he's… very distracting. I had less work when I started dating him. It's like he forgets that I'm in grad school now, that my work is harder and takes up more time. On top of that I have OTS and I never imagined I'd be doing all this _and_ trying to juggle a boyfriend. I need a break!" Eric finished loudly. "I spent my whole life alone… I'm still adjusting, I need some time."

"Then ask for some." Connor said softly.

Eric shook his head sadly. "You don't understand, Connor. I don't think Rodney's going to wait for me to get my head around all of this. I'm replaceable."

"You're not replaceable." The other man said. He got up and came to sit next to Eric on the couch. Connor wormed his hand into Eric's. "Not everyone is ready for a relationship right away, especially in a place like this with such a contained population, where you're bound to see each other everyday. I don't think anyone would begrudge you some time, Eric. Relationships are a big adjustment. You go from ordering one of everything to ordering two of everything, from not having to check in with anyone to having someone else worry about you when you don't. I'm married and even I need a bit of time away from John sometimes and he gets that, and Rodney will too."

"But John picked you and you picked him. Rodney didn't pick me, I'm not sure he even knew who I was before you set us up. There are so many people better suited for him… older people, smarter people, more experienced people, people less fucked up than I am."

"Eric." Connor said quietly. "Where is all of this doubt coming from?"

Eric sighed and looked away. "I don't know. I know Rodney would be devastated if I left him, and I don't want to leave him, I just need…"

"Space." Connor finished for him.

"Yeah."

"How many nights a week are you spending at his place?"

Eric furrowed his brows while he thought about it. "Almost every night, lately. I go back to mine for clothes and stuff."

"Maybe you should try every other night, see if that helps."

Eric chewed on his lip. "I don't want Rodney to think I'm rejecting him."

"He won't if you talk to him about this." Connor answered gently.

"I can barely formulate my words when I'm talking to you!" Eric argued. "And I'm not worried about hurting your feelings."

"Then wait until he comes to you about it."

"Just wait?"

"Yes."

Just then the door opened and Eric turned to see Colonel Sheppard enter the room. The military commander's eyes immediately zoomed in on him and Connor sitting on the couch. John walked over to them both and leaned down over Connor while Connor tilted his head back to receive a quick kiss. Their movements were smooth, practiced and the love they had for each other was so tangible that Eric thought he could reach out and touch it. Rodney would hate it, but Eric loved seeing two people in love.

"How was your day, dear?" John asked in a semi-teasing voice. He reached out and ruffled Connor's hair. "Ready for dinner?"

"Definitely." Connor answered. He turned to look at Eric. "Want to come with us?"

"It's almost 2100." Eric said in confusion.

Connor looked uncertain at his words. "I… yes?"

John smiled fondly and played with the bottom of the linguist's hair. "I think he's trying to point out that it's a bit late for dinner, Con."

"But it's only 2100."

John laughed and faced Eric. "We tend to eat late because most days Connor doesn't even eat breakfast until 11."

"Oh. Is that good for your metabolism?" Eric wondered.

"Probably not." John admitted. "But it works for us. You're welcome to join us, if you've eaten you could get some dessert or something."

"Dessert sounds great." Eric said, setting his book down. And it did; it sounded perfect.

"Cool." John grinned.

Connor stood up and went to his computer and Eric watched as he saved whatever he was working on. When he finished, they made their way to the door where John was waiting with a jacket in his arms. He passed the clothing off to Connor who shrugged into it while following them to the food hub. Eric didn't think Rodney had ever gotten a jacket for him.

He quickly berated himself. He shouldn't be comparing Connor and John's relationship to his and Rodney's. They were all very different people. But their familiarity with each other was something that Eric wanted for him and Rodney. He knew Rodney's body better than he knew his own, but he didn't feel like he knew much else about the other man. They both kept their secrets and that left a barrier between them.

They made their way to the food hub, which Eric thought was one of Connor's better discoveries-pretty much all of Atlantis thought it was one of Connor's better discoveries. Eric was really looking forward to some ice cream. And a brownie. With sprinkles and whipped cream. Well, no sprinkles because Rodney hadn't programmed those in. Eric wondered what it would take to get his boyfriend to do that…

So while Connor and John ordered their dinner, Eric ordered a huge brownie and some Butterfinger ice cream and whipped cream on top of both. He met up with them at a small table for four. He sat across from Connor who sat next to John. John had a burger on his plate with some onion rings while Connor had… Eric wasn't sure what he had.

"Curry again?" John asked. "Aren't you tired of that yet?"

"Nope." Connor answered. "Its delicious."

"What is it this time?"

"Panang Neua. It's grilled beef with basil in a red curry and coconut milk."

"Rodney programmed all of that?" John asked skeptically.

"He's not the only one who can program things." Connor replied mysteriously. "Want to try some?"

John reached over and speared a piece of beef with his fork before sticking it in his mouth. Connor motioned Eric towards his plate but Eric just shook his head, waiting to see what the colonel thought of the food.

"It's spicy." John said at last. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Not for wimps." Connor teased. They both went back to eating their respective dinners.

"Do you think you can program sprinkles?" Eric asked. He swirled his spoon into his ice cream.

"What kind?"

"Rainbow." Eric answered with a grin. "The long thin ones."

"Sure." Connor answered easily. "Give me a couple days."

"Sweet. I love sprinkles."

"John thinks they look like bugs." Connor told him with a wink.

"They're just weird and hard and floating around in my ice cream!" John argued. "And then they get stuck in my teeth."

Connor laughed. "They're yummy and colorful."

"Lots of color." Eric agreed. "Brightens my day."

"Empty calories." John stated plainly.

Eric and Connor both eyed John's burger and then met each other's gaze. Connor grinned and rolled his eyes at Eric before returning to his food.

Twenty minutes later they were all back in Connor's room and Eric was gathering up his stuff. John politely made himself scarce in the bathroom, leaving Connor and Eric alone.

"I don't think he's ever been so friendly to me." Eric said with a small amount of awe in his voice.

"Who, John?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's not that he's ever _not_ friendly, he's just not _friendly_." Eric shook his head. "That didn't make any sense did it?"

The linguist laughed softly. "It's just a little weird for him to be hanging out with men under his command, or just other military guys; John's a bit of a loner in that respect. And I think it's especially weird when it's someone who knows we're sleeping together."

"Ah." Eric nodded. "Got it. He seemed okay tonight."

"Too tired to care." Connor explained gently.

"Tired?" Colonel Sheppard hadn't seemed tired to Eric. He'd seemed pretty animated for someone who was tired.

"Yeah. Once you leave he'll probably hit the mattress and then there's no waking him up."

Eric furrowed his brows. "It's none of my business, but you're not going to… you know?"

Connor frowned in confusion. "Have sex?"

"Yeah."

"Probably not. I'm going to do some more work and John's exhausted. He likes to pretend he's still twenty-one and can run circles around the Marines."

"You don't do it every night?"

Connor looked at him in surprise. "No, definitely not. Why? Does Rodney expect…?"

"Not really expect, but it happens." Eric told him.

"Oh. Wow." Connor blinked. "That's certainly… ambitious… of you."

"We really like sex." Eric paused. "Sorry, that's probably too much information."

"It's fine." Connor said, waving him off. "Eric… promise me you'll think about what I said. About talking to Rodney and about staying over every other night. You don't have to do it, I just, um, I want you to consider it."

"Of course, Connor." Eric promised.

"Thank you." Connor answered softly. He reached his arms out and pulled Eric into a gentle hug. It was reassuring and full of love and Eric felt safe in his friend's arms. He suddenly wanted Rodney because he always felt like that around Rodney.

"You're welcome." Eric kissed Connor's cheek. "Good night."

Connor blushed and pulled away. "Good night."

"Good night, John!" Eric called towards the bathroom.

"Night! And for the record, I _can_ run circles around the Marines!"

Connor walked him to the door and offered a small wave as it closed behind him. Eric squared his shoulders and walked back to Rodney's room. Rodney was still up when he stepped in. He was sitting on the bed, typing furiously on a laptop with another one right next to it. He looked up as the door closed behind Eric.

"You're back." Rodney said, sounding surprised. "I, ah, wasn't sure if you would be back tonight."

"I said I'd be back." Eric replied softly. He set his stuff down on the desk in the room and slowly began to get undressed. He could feel Rodney's eyes on him and a wave of self-consciousness hit him; it was something he hadn't felt since the beginning of his and Rodney's relationship. Eric wrapped his arms around his body as he walked over to the dresser. He pulled out a large shirt of Rodney's and slid it on to go with his boxers.

Eric stood there for a minute, not ready to turn around and look at the older man. Despite Connor's words of encouragement, Eric knew that he and Rodney didn't have the same kind of relationship that Connor and John did. Eric's relationship was full of lingering doubts and worry and nervousness. It wasn't smooth and reassuring like Connor's seemed to be, there wasn't the same amount of surety between he and Rodney that the linguist had with John.

Warm arms cautiously slid around Eric's waist and slowly Rodney's hands came to rest on his stomach with Rodney pressed up behind him.

"When I think about you," Rodney said quietly, hesitantly. "My day gets better. When you smile for me… I feel like the luckiest person in the whole goddamned universe, Eric. When you tell me you love me, I just get this incredible feeling of happiness and disbelief because someone as amazing as you wants to be with me. I'm sorry that I'm horrible at relationships and that I say the wrong thing all the time. And you… you make me want to try harder, to be someone you can be with. It… for me it feels like you're giving up so much for this. You're so young, Eric and you have this amazing loyalty and love for your country, and although it's the wrong country…" Eric coughed. "… I… there's nothing I have that can compare. I want this to work. I want _us_ to work. Jesus, Eric I _love_ you, and I don't want to hold you back… especially not if I have to listen to Zelenka whine everyday about you falling asleep while he's talking."

Eric flushed. "He told you that?"

"Please. Anything you tell Zelenka will inevitably become known when he gets drunk on the moonshine he thinks he's hiding."

"Got it."

Rodney exhaled. "I just… I really don't want you to leave me because I think you're pretty much perfect for me and I think I can be perfect for you." He paused for a second. "Remember when you-you came to me? After Davids told you they were getting married? Do you remember what you told me about why they were doing it?"

Eric thought for a moment. "I said it was because John was too insecure and that this way he could remember that Connor promised him forever, that John was scared of losing Connor."

"I remember thinking that was so stupid. Sheppard would never be scared of that; this was _John Sheppard_. The man flew a goddamned jumper into a fucking Hive ship with the intention to blow himself up! And then Davids comes along and suddenly Sheppard is as insecure as a teenage girl. I didn't get it then." Eric could feel Rodney's breath on the back of his neck. "Eric?"

"Yeah?" Eric asked hoarsely.

"I get it now."

Eric felt something in his chest tighten. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

* * *

When Eric woke up the next morning, wrapped in Rodney's arms the first thing he did, after getting out of bed, was put some coffee on. The second thing he did was check his e-mail. Most were forwards from science departments on new findings and another had his off-world schedule for the next two weeks, but there was one that intrigued him. He clicked it open.

 _To : McKay, Rodney_

 _CC : Johns, Eric_

 _From : Sheppard, John_

 _Sent : Tues 1/13/09 6:08 AM_

 _Subject : FW: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!_

 _Rodney,_

 _How many times have I told you that there's something wrong with your keyboard? You keep typing in all caps. I think the button is stuck or something. I can have Connor look at it for you if you want. He can fix everything. (Connor just read this and verified that he can fix it.)_

 _And how is this my fault? I'm not the one who told you to talk like a "stupid Hallmark card". I'm sure the kid likes it when you're sappy, mine does. (Connor would also like me to insert here that he's not a kid and neither is Johns.) Just be glad you have someone to be sappy with and then go fight Ronon to regain some manliness. It's what I do._

 _I'll tell him to expect your call._

 _p.s. Connor politely objects to being called my boy toy._

 _Lt. Colonel John Sheppard-Davids_

 _US Air Force_

* * *

 _To : Sheppard, John_

 _From : McKay, Rodney_

 _Sent : Sat 1/10/09 11:46 PM_

 _Subject : THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!_

 _SHEPPARD!_

 _I HATE YOU!_

 _THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!_

 _YOU'VE GOT ME TALKING LIKE A STUPID HALLMARK CARD! YOU AND YOUR STUPID HAIR! NOW ERIC'S GOING TO THINK I'M SOME KIND OF GIRL LIKE YOU AND YOUR BOY TOY. WHAT'S NEXT! ROSES? A RIDICULOUS MARIACHI BAND? MATCHING TATTOOS?_

 _I COMPLETELY BLAME YOU FOR ALL OF THIS!_

 _Dr. Rodney McKay_

 _PhD. PhD. PhD._

Eric laughed softly, making sure not to wake his boyfriend before the coffee was ready. Only Rodney would blame John for becoming more romantic. John was right though, Eric did like it when Rodney was sappy. He also liked it when Rodney wasn't sappy. He just really liked it when Rodney was anything.

Eric decided to mention the idea of matching tattoos before Rodney finished with his first cup of coffee; the response should be humorous. He also decided that Connor was one of his most favorite people in the world. He laughed again at the thought of Connor replacing Rodney's caps lock key.

He smiled at John's added '-Davids' to his name. The font was different, so it was obviously something he was doing for Rodney's benefit and perhaps, Eric considered, John was doing it for his own.

The coffee began to drip and Eric abandoned his laptop to start his day.

* * *

"Davids said something to Eric."

Rodney leaned to the side as he veered his car left. Sheppard's car was a few inches in front of his and Rodney was trying to catch up.

"Now why…" Sheppard directed his car around the barrel at the end of the hallway. "… would you say that, McKay?"

"He's been spending more time in his room and I know it's because your wife said something."

John burst out laughing. "Jesus, Rodney. If anyone's the wife, it would probably be me."

Rodney made a face. "That's too much information, Sheppard."

"I just meant that… you know what? Never mind. Now why do you think my _husband_ had anything to do with Johns spending more time in his own room?"

"Because! Eric gets all quiet and secretive and then goes and hangs out with your _wife_ and comes back with these crazy ideas!"

"Crazy ideas?" Sheppard rammed his car into Rodney's and Rodney's car spun once before he could right it.

"Stop doing that. And yes! Crazy ideas! Like… dates! And candles and… dancing. The worst one yet has been when he tried to swap my coffee with tea."

"Ouch." Sheppard winced sympathetically.

Their cars zoomed past them down the hallway and they both turned around to follow them. There was a corner at the end that they had to make it to as their cars did, so they both strode towards it.

"Yes, ouch! I need my coffee, Sheppard!"

"What makes you so sure it's Connor? I think out of the two of them, Johns has the more dominant personality."

"Only cause he's a fucking Marine." Rodney said with a snort. "Otherwise he's goddamned pussy cat."

"He can't be both, Rodney." Sheppard pointed out.

"Please. Like you're all military commander when you're talking to Davids." Rodney paused. "And if you are you better not ever tell me or I'll kill you and make it look like an accident. You know I could, Sheppard."

John laughed. "I bet Johns is just asking Connor about what we do to try and spice up your relationship."

"Spice up my relationship? My relationship doesn't need spicing up! It's spicy!" Rodney exclaimed.

"Well maybe he doesn't think so." Sheppard said with a shrug. They reached the corner at the same time and their cars went zooming down the corridor.

"You think he doesn't think so?"

"Look… Rodney… you're worried about why he's spending less nights with you… have you ever thought to ask him?"

"Ask him?"

"Yes… you know that thing where you open your mouth and words come out and then at the end of the statement your voice goes in pitch?"

"Ha-hah, Sheppard." Rodney said flatly and then ran his car into John's. "You're just so funny."

"I know, aren't I?"

"Whatever. Can we get back to my problem?"

"It's not a problem."

"Then what is it?"

Sheppard shrugged. "Initiative."

"On whose part?"

"His."

"He's twelve! He doesn't get to take initiative!"

Sheppard made a face at him. "It's kinda gross when you cut his age in half like that."

Rodney paused. "Yeah. Fine, whatever. He's twenty-three. When I was twenty-three… well I think I spent most of that year doing physics proofs while drunk."

"Well he's a little more mature than you probably were."

"No shit." Rodney grumbled. "So you don't think it means anything?"

"I think it means that he's busy with school work and doesn't want to bother you with it." Sheppard answered. Their cars turned around again and headed for them. Rodney thought that one of these days they were going to have to find a longer track; it was annoying to keep turning around.

"You don't think it means anything else?"

John turned to look at him. "I think if you think it means anything else then you need to talk to him about it and not whine to me about Connor manipulating your relationship from afar. He's still traumatized from seeing you naked, you know. He doesn't forget anything."

"Hrumph. Well that's what he gets for waking me up at the crack of dawn."

"It was almost ten o'clock!"

"Crack. Of. Dawn."

"You're impossible."

"Thank you."

* * *

Eric looked up as the door to his quarters opened. Rodney was standing on the other side, shifting from foot to foot and looking more than a little suspicious. Eric raised an eyebrow and stood up to walk over to the door. Corporal Sague walked by behind Rodney and offered Eric a small wave. Eric returned it and then glanced around before tugging Rodney into his quarters.

"What are you doing here?" Eric asked, once the door shut behind him

"I can't visit?" Rodney asked, glancing around.

"You don't usually."

Rodney crossed his arms over his chest. "I want to know what's going on."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Eric stated and pushed his glasses further up his nose.

"What is this?" Rodney asked, gesturing about the room. "Why are you here?"

"I live here." Eric answered quietly. "This is my room, Rodney."

"But why are you in it?"

"Because I _live_ here."

"What's wrong with my room?"

"It's _your_ room."

Rodney frowned. "Is that what this is about? I told you you could bring more stuff over."

Eric sighed. "That's not what this is about. Why are you here, Rodney?"

"Because you're here!" Rodney answered.

"And?"

"And I want to know why you're suddenly hiding out in your room! You said there was no one else, that you didn't want to break up… was that… were you lying?" Rodney asked quietly.

"What? No! Fuck, Rodney. I just… haven't you noticed anything this week?"

"What? Like you being in your room all the time?"

"Not all the time. Every other day."

"Really?" Rodney asked. "It seems longer than that."

"So you haven't noticed anything else?"

Rodney's eyes flickered around the room as he thought about it and Eric waited to see if he boyfriend realized what had changed. He looked back at Eric helplessly and shrugged.

"Rodney this whole week I've been able to be with you and leave my work here. When I'm with you I can be _with you_ and not just with you and my books."

"Oh." Rodney paused. "Huh. Yeah. You're right."

"Of course I'm right." Eric said, rolling his eyes. "I think this will work better for us. I'm sorry I can't be there everyday to make your coffee or whatever, but this way I can get my work finished and still have time for you."

"So every other day?"

"For the most part." Eric conceded. "Around midterms and finals I'll probably be a bit busier. Are you… okay with this?"

"You'll have enough time?" Rodney asked quietly. "To finish your work?"

"Yes. I mean, I can't promise that I won't bring a book with me on some nights, but I really need to do this, Rodney. And I really want you to understand." Eric pleaded softly.

Rodney nodded slowly. "I do. I get it. I'm not mad. Jesus, Eric I love you. This is only for four years, right? I mean, I can wait that long."

There was suddenly a lump in his throat at Rodney's words. _Four years_. It sounded like Rodney was expecting them to be together in four years. He said it so casually, so easily that it seemed like it never occurred to the other man that they might not be.

Eric swallowed. "Well, actually, I'm on a three year program."

"Even better. Hopefully by then Sheppard will have gotten off his lazy ass and cleared some of the larger quarters for use. The Ancients had these family units with a few rooms and stuff, that way we can both have an office. And Ronon said he saw some with kitchens, not that I cook or anything. Do you cook? I mean, that's never really come up. I'm allergic to citrus you know, so no lemon chicken or anything like that. But, oh! Chicken sounds good. We should get dinner. Or are you studying? I can come back. You do eat when you're studying right? It's good for the brain to have proper nutrients so it can absorb everything you're trying to teach it. I have a ton of books back home that I could get shipped out once we get a bigger place…"

As Rodney kept talking, Eric felt a smile stretch across his face. Connor had been right, Rodney wasn't going to leave him and he was willing to wait. Eric figured it was about time the universe started paying up for his shitty childhood and giving him Rodney was the perfect way to do it.

"… had a cat back on Earth. I wonder if Sam will let me get a new cat. You're not allergic, right? They're low maintenance. I used to just pour all the food out at once into this huge bowl and wait till Cat ate it all. And I had this leaky pipe that I just put a bowl under for some water. The guy before me had a dog door installed and I paid someone to teach Cat how to use it to go outside to do his business…"

Eric shook his head in amusement, grabbed his jacket and pushed Rodney out the door, intent on some dinner.

"… and then Ronon started telling us about the pets he had as a child. One of them sounds a bit like it might have been a velociraptor. Which is a little bit scary but then so is Ronon, although he did say they were really tasty…"


	52. All I Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 52 : All I Need**

Author's Notes :  
\- I don't own Converse/Chuck Taylors, Hooters, Starbucks, Peet's Coffee and Tea, Stella Artois, Playboy, Budweiser.  
\- _All I Need_ belongs to Mat Kearney.  
\- Corcaigh : Irish for Cork  
\- St. Monica is a real church in Santa Monica. The priest, however, is not a real priest. And to those of you who scoff at Irish priests in the US, I would like to say that all the Catholic churches I've attended in the US have had an Irish priest at one point or another.  
\- This chapter refers heavily to chapter 43.  
\- Since I gave slash warnings, I feel it is only right to give het warnings. So, warning: heterosexual sex.  
\- Edited content is available on my listed homepage. I left in more than I usually would due to how choppy the chapter would have been otherwise. If you have a problem with the amount left in, I do ask that you talk to me first and I can change it instead of reporting me automatically to ffnet.

** I want to warn people that this chapter deals with a delicate subject matter involving homosexuality and religion. I've tried to approach this as cautiously as possible and even thought about skipping the matter, but it's a huge part of this story and I've tried to keep it real thus far. I don't speak for any Christian/Catholic with these views, I only write from experience and from some personal views (not all). My intent is _not_ to insult anyone or in any way imply that these views are shared by others. I _do_ intend to present a real struggle that real people are faced with. Please remember this is  fiction.

This chapter is currently un-betaed.

* * *

Connor bit his lip, saved his data, and closed his laptop. He was going back to Earth with Evan in three days and he'd rather be in bed with John than do more work. Granted Connor would only be there for four days, but if the way that John had been extra clingy lately was any indication, then Connor wasn't the only one feeling the upcoming separation.

It was easily three in the morning, maybe four, and John had dropped by hours ago to kiss Connor goodnight, bring him some food and ruffle his hair.

When he got into their quarters, John was sleeping soundly. Connor was sure that John had woken a little bit as he'd entered the room, too much training not to, but John's subconscious had long ago mastered the art of identifying Connor as non-threatening and it allowed the older man to quickly go back to bed. Connor asked Atlantis to lighten the windows so some moonlight could shine through and the city responded eagerly.

The linguist slowly made his way across the room and to the bathroom. Once there he brushed his teeth, used the toilet, and stripped out of his clothes, leaving him in just his boxers. The night air was cold and Connor shivered as it touched his skin, but knew in a few minutes John's body heat would be wrapped around him. He gingerly made his way to the bed, the cold ground made him wince a little, but a few steps later he was climbing over John.

John liked to sleep at the side of the bed closest to the door, putting himself between any visitors and Connor. That suited Connor because he liked to sleep by the wall and he liked how protective John was.

The moonlight streamed into their room and John's body was illuminated as Connor pulled the blankets over himself. John turned on his side to face Connor and unconsciously reached out towards him, settling an arm heavily across Connor's chest. Connor turned his head to study John.

John was so beautiful and as much as Connor was gently teased about blushing, John would blush anytime Connor admired his looks. It was endearing and Connor fell a little more in love with the other man with every blush. It felt a little weird to just stare at his husband, but John had long ago given Connor permission to do so and had even admitted that he _liked_ when Connor looked at him, it wasn't weird to him at all.

Connor yawned and tucked himself further under John's arm before following his husband into sleep.

* * *

When Connor woke again it was to the sound of John's watch alarm. He quickly reached over the other man to shut it off. Ronon would be by in fifteen minutes to pick him up to go running. Connor sighed and rolled off of John, they'd shifted positions during the night and Connor had ended up mostly on top of his partner.

"Mmm… Ronon here?" John mumbled.

"Not yet." Connor answered, pressing a quick kiss to John's forehead. "Go back to sleep, okay? You don't have anything until 1100."

"Sounds good." John muttered, cracking an eye open. "Are you going to run outside?"

Connor glanced out the window to where rain was pouring down on the city. "Not today." He answered John. He kissed John's forehead again. "Go back to sleep."

John yawned and closed his eyes again. "'k. Love you."

"I love you, too."

Connor slipped out of bed and headed straight to the bathroom. A few minutes later his teeth were brushed and his bladder appeased. He quickly dressed in his running clothes and was just finishing the last bow on his shoes when the door chimes. He glanced at John and smiled, John had gone back to sleep and was hugging Connor's pillow to himself. Ronon grinned as Connor stepped out.

"Five miles today." Ronon stated as they headed for the transporter.

"Six." Connor countered. "Let's do that long loop that you and John found last week."

"Sure."

* * *

An hour later Connor returned sweaty, but wide awake. The run had felt good and he thought about maybe joining Ronon when he and John went out later that day. After downing a bottle of water, the linguist quickly hit the shower and was just about to pour shampoo into his hand when he paused and put the bottle back. He wondered if he could talk John into joining him.

Connor left the water running as he grabbed a towel and patted himself dry before wrapping it around his waist. He made his way out to John, leaving drops of water behind him. He crouched at the side of the bed and reached a hesitant hand out to comb through John's hair. John's eyes immediately opened and took in Connor's form.

"Hey." Connor greeted softly. "I was, uh, in the shower and thought maybe I could… um…'

"Talk me into washing your back?" John finished with a soft smile.

"Something like that." Connor admitted. "But if you'd rather sleep, that's fine."

John laughed quietly. "I think you've mistaken me for you. When have I ever turned down naked-Connor time?"

Connor thought about it for a second. "Good point."

"Thank you."

John sat up and gave Connor a quick peck on the lips before rushing off to the bathroom, leaving the younger man to follow at a more sedate pace. By the time Connor arrived, the Ancient toilet was flushing and John had a toothbrush in his mouth and was brushing vigorously. Connor dropped the towel on the floor and he could see John checking him out in the mirror. Connor blushed and stepped back under the water.

It was maybe five seconds before a warm, naked body pressed up against his. John leaned forward to gently kiss the side of Connor's neck. One of John's hands slid down Connor's wet body and gently tugged at his member. Connor sighed happily and leaned backwards into John. He could feel John hardening behind him and his heart skipped a beat. His body wanted John, wanted John buried in him, stretching him, filling him up. But Connor's mind balked at the idea and ultimately the mind controls the body.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" John whispered into his ear. He had one hand pumping Connor's slowly hardening flesh, while the other was rolling a thumb over Connor's nipple.

"How much my body wants you." Connor answered honestly. He leaned his head back, resting it against John's shoulder.

"Can I…" John paused. "I'm not sure how to ask this."

Connor froze as a hundred different endings to that question raced through his mind. The most prominent being 'can I at least try?'. He felt himself go limp in John's hand and he closed his eyes in frustration. "Sorry."

John stood there with him, not moving an inch, his hand still rested on Connor's soft dick and his hand was still splayed across Connor's chest. "Shit. I didn't… I would _never_ …"

"I know." Connor said quietly. "I _know_. I'm sorry, John, I don't know why I would think that."

"I shouldn't have left it hanging like that." John answered. Water dripped down their bodies and John started to gently rock them both. "Relax." He whispered.

Connor took a deep breath and tried to slow his rapidly beating heart and relax into John's arms. After a few minutes, it became clear that it wasn't working and his breathing was starting to speed up instead.

"Connor." John murmured gently. "I need you to calm down, okay? I'm going to turn you around." John gently rotated Connor to face him and then pulled the linguist to his chest. This position was much more comforting and known and Connor felt his body slowly start to lose some tension. "That's it…" John whispered, running a hand through Connor's wet locks. "Just relax…"

"I'm sorry." Connor said into John's shoulder. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You've been stressed about your trip to Earth." John said gently. "And I know you only got a few hours of sleep."

"I know, but that shouldn't… I've never reacted to stress like this before." Connor tilted his head back to look into John's concerned hazel-green eyes. "I know you would never… I _know_ , John. I'm sorry."

John reached up and gently tipped Connor's head back a little, peering into his eyes. "How long have you had the headache?"

Connor frowned. "I don't-"

"You're pupils are dilated and slightly uneven."

"We were just-"

"No, it's not from that." John said with a shake of his head. "Connor."

Connor sighed. "I thought I was just a little dehydrated. It started around mile four. I drank some water before taking a shower, John. I swear I did."

"So it's not bothering you?"

"Not really."

"Take today off." John suggested softly. "You've been working overtime to try and get stuff finished while you're gone… you've got Jackson here to help you now, just… you're pushing yourself, Con and you'll only be gone for a few days."

"Daniel isn't as fluent as I am in the technical stuff, he's getting there but it'll be another couple of weeks. I-" Connor sighed and looked away. He thought the shower off and stood there dripping with John. "I like my work, you know that."

"I also know you like me more." John teased gently. "And I know you know I'm worried about you."

"It's just a headache, John."

John shook his head sadly. "We both know it's more than that. You've been having nightmares lately, it's why you've been coming to bed so late."

"It's something I'm working on."

"It's nothing I can help you with?" John asked carefully. "Not even to just listen?"

"No." Connor whispered. "It's… When I go to Earth, I'm going-I'm going to go visit my old priest. I need to talk to him, John."

John took a deep breath. "It's not too late for me to switch places with Lorne, I can take some leave and-"

"John." Connor said quietly but firmly. "It's just-it's something I need to do on my own. I… please."

"Promise you'll come back to me." John said fiercely. "Promise me, Connor. Because if you don't and Lorne comes back alone, I'll be through the gate to Earth before Chuck can say 'wormhole engaged'."

"I'll come back, John. I would never do that to you." Connor promised firmly. " _Tá grá agam duit_."

"I know. I just… fuck, Connor-you're my whole fucking life. I want to help you but I can't and it's just so hard watching you suffer like this." John admitted softly.

Connor looked at his husband and forced John to meet his eyes. "I _am_ happy, John. You make me happy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with my… with my struggles. I know you want to," he said when John opened his mouth to interject. "And I love you for it, but I still feel bad about it."

John leaned forward and rested his forehead against Connor's and mumbled against his lips, "Don't. We're partners, that means we share everything. Your struggles are mine and mine are yours, Con. That's just how it works."

Connor was pretty sure that John was way too good for him. "I love you."

"I love you, too." John whispered before capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. When he pulled back he whispered, "If I whisk you off to bed, what are the chances you'll let me blow you?"

A small smile graced Connor's lips. "Probably pretty good."

John's face grew serious. "It's okay if you're not up to it. Or if you'd rather sleep."

"I'd like to try…" Connor answered, biting his bottom lip. John leaned forward and used his own lips to tease it out of Connor's mouth, licking it before pulling back. Connor blushed, "I-I don't… I'm not sure… I-I think I-"

"Shh." John whispered. "We'll try it and see how it goes."

"I'm really sorry I woke you up for nothing."

"It wasn't nothing." John said sharply. "I wish you had some idea of how much it means to me that you're willing to wake me up for shower sex, even if it didn't happen. That's something you wouldn't have done a couple months ago, or even a month ago. Just knowing that you want me _that_ much is… it blows me away. So don't be sorry, okay?

"Sorr-" Connor blushed as he cut himself off.

John laughed lightly. "I really fucking love you."

* * *

"It's not too late for me to pack a bag." John murmured three days later.

Connor offered his husband a small smile and settled his arms over the ones wrapped around his stomach. "I'm meeting Evan in an hour."

"Mmm." John nodded. Their eyes met in the mirror. "I'm so proud of you, you know."

Connor blinked in surprise. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." John confirmed, pressing a kiss to the linguist's neck. "I asked around… this TED conference is a pretty big thing."

The scientist blushed. "It's… pretty well known."

John rubbed a hand over Connor's stomach. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll be back in four days."

"Still." John insisted.

Connor smiled gently and turned his head, gently pressing his lips to John's cheek. "I'm going to miss you too. Try not to do anything stupid while I'm gone. I've already talked to Ronon and Teyla, they'll keep an eye on you."

John's face took on a mock expression of hurt. "Me? Do something stupid?"

The linguist rolled his eyes. "I probably should have talked to Rodney too since between the two of you you seem to think you're indestructible."

"You mean we're not?"

"No." Connor answered firmly, but there was mirth in his eyes.

"Damn." John swore with a grin. "I guess we'll have to cancel that personal bomb testing we had scheduled for later today."

Connor was hesitant to ask. "Personal bomb?"

"Well, we thought that since we often ran into Wraith one on one on a cruiser that we shouldn't waste ammo by blowing up a room with just three Wraith… instead we can use personal bombs that take up a tenth of the C-4 we use in the fields. Then we'd have this spray glue stuff and sorta… stick it onto their armor."

"Please tell me you're joking."

John laughed. "Well… it was tossed around as an idea a few months back."

"John." Connor ground out. "You are not making personal post-it note bombs to stick on Wraith."

John laughed again. "Yeah that's pretty much what Carter said. Although she might have thrown something in questioning our sanity if we were willing to get close enough to a Wraith to stick it with a bomb."

Connor shook his head at his partner. "You and Dr. McKay just need to never be left alone together."

"I'd rather be alone with you." John said and then leaned down a little to plant a kiss on Connor's chin. His hands slid into the top of the towel Connor had wrapped around his waist. Fingers dipped down and Connor moved a hand to clutch at the towel, holding it up.

"We don't have time." Connor whispered regretfully.

John reached a hand up to Connor's cheek. It was littered with facial hair; Connor had been getting ready to shave when John had come in behind him. He'd been in the shower when he'd realized that he'dleft his new razor on the sink and hadn't wanted to wake John up to get it for him.

"Can I shave you?" John asked quietly.

Connor swallowed. "If you want."

"I do." John whispered.

"Should I turn around?" Connor asked.

John nodded. "Please."

While Connor turned around, John reached for some shaving cream. When they'd moved in together, Connor had just started using John's as John had accidentally used his one time and it had left him with a small rash. Connor had been horrified but John had just waved it off saying he should have been more careful. The next day Connor got rid of his and swung by the stock room to pick up more of John's brand.

John squirted a small dollop of shaving cream into his hands and only hesitated for a second before raising his hands to Connor's face and gently rubbing the cream onto his face. John had never done this for him before. It felt very personal and Connor wasn't sure he would have trusted anybody else enough to let them try. Connor didn't have to shave nearly as often as John did. John had to shave every day, without fail. Connor only shaved every few days.

John reached around him to rinse the shaving cream off of his hands in the sink. When he pulled back, Connor's razor was in his hands and there was a slightly trepidatious look on his face, as if only now he realized that with any wrong move he could slice Connor's face open. Connor reached out and wrapped a hand around the one holding the razor. "I trust you, _a chuisle_."

"I just want to make sure you still have a _chuisle_ when I finish." John said quietly. [pulse]

"I will. I trust you, John." Connor said, offering his husband what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

John nodded. "Any particular side you like to start with?"

"Whatever you want."

John reached up with his razor and gently slid it down Connor's left cheek. Every few seconds he would reach around the linguist to where the sink was still running so that he could rinse the razor off. Connor tried to stay as still as possible while John worked. John was gentle and careful. He seemed a bit hesitant but each stroke was delivered with confidence. John's fingers gently pulled on Connor's cheek, stretching the skin as he glided the razor downwards.

Eventually he got to Connor's chin. John went slowly and Connor tried to convince his body to stop holding its breath. It didn't really work very well. By the time John started with the area under Connor's nose, the linguist was sure his lungs would explode.

Not five minutes later John was finished. He used a wet washcloth to wipe any remaining smudges of shaving cream and peered at Connor's face carefully. Apparently satisfied, John reached for Connor's aftershave and shook out a small amount before rubbing it gently into Connor's face.

"All set." John said quietly, rinsing his hands off.

Connor laid a hand against John's cheek. "Thank you."

John dried his hands off on the towel wrapped around Connor's waist before leaning his forehead against the linguist's and whispering, "Thank _you_."

 _  
_

* * *

"It's weird to be on an airplane again." Connor remarked softly, looking out the window of a 747.

Evan turned to look at him. "Miss the jumpers?"

"Definitely." Connor answered. "I really appreciate you coming with me, Evan."

"Not a problem, Doc. I love southern California. You used to live in the area, right?"

"Yeah. Santa Monica."

"Posh." Evan grinned. "Maybe you can show me some of your old haunts. I heard there's a Hooters…"

"You heard?" Connor asked skeptically.

"Well, okay, Colonel Sheppard might have mentioned it… in passing…"

Connor rolled here eyes. "We'll see."

"Awesome."

* * *

"Ladies and Gentlemen, he's one of my favorite Irishmen in the world, and, sorry ladies, he's recently married…" Evan grinned and wondered if Connor even know the guy introducing him. "… And here today to talk to us about the effects of shanty towns on the presiding language of a society… Here he is, my friend, Dr. Connor Davids!"

Evan clapped as his friend emerged from backstage, dressed more formally then Evan had ever seen him. He was wearing a dark blue button up dress shirt, no tie, with black suit pants and a matching blazer. The Chuck Taylors he'd gotten for Christmas from Colonel Sheppard were peeking out the bottom. Connor didn't hesitate to hug the announcer and Evan figured that meant he probably _did_ know the guy.

Connor quickly took his place behind the podium on the left and he didn't hesitate before launching into well-prepared speech. Pictures clicked along on the large screen to his right. His words were steady and firm with none of the nervousness that Evan had expected and was used to; Connor was confident and poised.

Connor's talk was only twelve minutes, most TED talks were close to that in length, and when he finished the audience burst into applause. People near Evan began to whisper about Connor's talk and Evan felt proud of his friend. Connor's face flushed and he smiled, nodded and he took his leave from the stage. There was another speaker right after the linguist that was already making his way out onto the stage. He was the last one before the break so Evan waited the fifteen minutes before leaving to find his friend.

When he found Connor, the scientist was surrounded by people asking him questions, congratulating him on his talk and a few were pushing business cards into his hand. To Evan's surprise, Connor seemed to know many of the people around him and greeted them all with a smile. He did seem a little uncomfortable but not enough to avoid any of them. Evan found a chair off to the side and patiently waited for his friend to finish.

* * *

Connor woke up slowly. The sun was streaming in through the small breaks in the curtains and they hit the blankets covering his body. The linguist looked over at the bed next to him where Evan was sleeping peacefully. He blinked and stared up at the ceiling. For a fleeting second he wished he had taken John up on his offer to come with him. John always knew what to say, what to do to make things seem better.

He sighed.

The clock on the small table between his and Evan's beds read 6:23. The alarm was set for eight but Connor knew he wouldn't get anymore sleep. He quietly rolled out of bed and selected some clothes out of his suitcase. He walked to the bathroom and shut the door before turning on the light.

Fifteen minutes later he had his wallet in his pocket, hotel room card slid in next to it and was on his way out of the hotel to find a Starbucks. He'd left a note for Evan so his friend wouldn't worry and had his cell phone in the pocket of his sweatshirt.

It took five minutes to stumble upon a Peet's Coffee and Connor decided that was good enough. He pushed open the door and was greeted by the scent of coffee and baked goods. There were a couple other early risers in the coffee shop, newspapers and laptops spread out in front of them. The linguist made his way to the register and ordered an Irish Breakfast tea. By the time he'd finished paying, his drink was being slid across the counter to him in a take-away cup, the string from the tea bag hanging out. He thanked them and took his beverage and headed back out of the shop.

Connor walked up Main Street to Colorado Ave which took him directly to the Santa Monica pier and Venice Beach. He sat down in the sand and watched the water while the sun finished coming up.

The sunrise wasn't as beautiful as it was on a clear Irish day. Cork was more on the eastern side of Ireland than the western side and from there the sunrise was gorgeous. Rays of light would splash against buildings, lighting them up like palaces of fire, the water would glisten like precious stones and tiny drops of dew in the grass would create hundreds of little rainbows.

Santa Monica, though, owned beautiful sunsets. The way the sun would disappear into the horizon, looking for all the world like it was sinking into the ocean. Sometimes it would burn a bright red and other times a fire-y orange.

It was sunny, but cold and Connor pulled his sweatshirt in tighter around him. A glance up at the sky showed some clouds moving in. It had rained for part of yesterday and Connor was sure it would rain again today.

He sipped his tea as the city around him came alive. Cars started to drive past him, people were walking their dogs, jogging, chatting and shopping in the boutiques around him.

He sighed again.

* * *

"Hey." Evan greeted as his friend re-entered their room.

There were two coffee cups in Connor's hands and he offered one to Evan. "Coffee of the day from Peet's."

"Thanks." He took a sip. "Hot."

Connor smiled. "Yeah."

"So what's on the schedule for today?"

"John made me promise to ride the Ferris wheel for him, so you can come or you can, uh, stay…"

"I'm definitely going." Evan grinned. "Who doesn't love Ferris wheels?"

"Rodney may have been a wee bit vocal about their structural integrity." Connor answered easily.

"He doesn't count. He's a _wee bit vocal_ about everything."

Connor laughed softly and sipped his drink. "Then, um, I thought we could go to your Hooters for lunch."

Evan chuckled. "It's not _my_ Hooters, Doc." He paused. "That sounded weird."

"Yeah." Then Connor looked away, out the window and into the street. A blank expression fell over his face and Evan wondered what his friend was thinking about. "Then there's, ah, some stuff I have to do. I don't know how long it will take."

"Should I come with you?"

"If you want." Connor responded softly, distantly.

Evan wondered if this was what Colonel Sheppard had been talking about.

" _Lorne."_

 _Evan turned back to his CO. "Yes, sir?"_

" _Watch out for him."_

" _Of course, sir." Evan promised._

" _He…" Sheppard visibly hesitated. "He's going to need someone while he's there."_

 _Evan blinked and frowned a little. "I don't understand, sir."_

 _Sheppard ran a hand through his hair. "Just… if he comes to you or… seems really quiet… he's going to need a friend."_

" _Yes, sir." Evan said, not really sure what he was saying 'yes' to, but knowing it was something important._

 _Sheppard met his gaze and looked at him for a moment then nodded. "Okay."_

"And, um," Connor's voice cut through the memories and Evan turned to look at him. "John gave me a list of things to get, so if there's time for a little bit of shopping…"

"I've got my own list as well." Evan admitted wryly. "Why Parrish needs _another_ napkin holder, I'll never know… but yeah. My guys wrote down a bunch of stuff, too."

"So Ferris wheel, Hooters, my, uh, personal thing, and then shopping."

"It's a good thing we threw the Hooters in there." Evan grinned, grabbing his wallet and following Connor to the door. "I was starting to feel like a chick with all this talk of buying shit."

* * *

For a second Connor could close his and imagine he was back home in Corcaigh. It smelt like rain with a distinct hint of grass. There was a soft breeze and a bustle of people and he'd stepped in a puddle earlier, soaking his cloth Converse shoes. If he let himself, Connor was sure that he could trick his mind into believing that his parents house was down the road a little ways and then to the left. He could smell exhaust and fried food and imagined his mother waiting for him with warm apple pie and rich, hearty stew.

At that moment he wasn't sure why he turned down John's offer to come. Because Connor certainly needed him. He wrapped his arms around himself and felt more alone than he had since meeting John.

"Connor?" A concerned voice asked to his right. Connor shook his head and opened his eyes to see Evan standing close to him looking at him in concern. "Are you okay?"

Connor bit his lip. "Yeah."

Evan sighed and then smiled and stepped closer to the linguist. Before Connor could blink, Evan's arms were wrapped around him and his friend was holding him in a tight hug. Neither one of them said anything and Evan didn't let go, so Connor wrapped his arms around his friend and held on.

The tight feeling in his chest started to dissipate and he started to warm up. Connor gave Evan one last tight squeeze before letting go. His friend pulled back and smiled. "Okay?"

"Yeah." Connor answered with a small smile of his own. "Thank you."

Evan shrugged. "It's what best friends are for."

* * *

Connor had managed to live in Santa Monica for several years without ever stepping foot into a Hooters. Right now he wished he could still say that. Evan grinned at the waitresses as they walked by and Connor sank further down into his seat. A flash went off and Connor blinked as white spots filled his vision. He turned his head in time to see Evan putting away a camera.

"Colonel Sheppard made me promise." Evan said with a shrug.

When the waitress came, Evan ordered some chicken wings, because apparently Hooters was famous for them. The linguist figured that was like saying you read Playboy for the articles. Connor ordered a grilled chicken caesar salad and a pint of Stella Artois on tap. Evan had an almost startled look at the order and then ordered a pint of Budweiser for himself.

"How ya doin?" Evan asked gently, after the waitress had left.

Connor played with a coaster on the table. "Evan?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever done something you knew was wrong but would make you happy anyways?"

Evan was silent as he thought about the question and Connor let go of the coaster to nervously twist his wedding ring around. He wondered what John was doing right then. A glance at his watch told him it was almost 2200 Lantean time. John was probably sleeping or getting ready to sleep.

The waitress chose that moment to reappear with their beer, giving both of them a wink before leaving. Connor took a sip of his drink while Evan drew in the condensation of the glass.

"Once." Evan said finally. "A long time ago." He looked up at Connor and he looked old and incredibly young all at once. "I fell in love with a superior officer." He took a long drink of his beer before setting it back down on the table. "I had just finished with the Academy and she was… she was beautiful and smart and so kind. We had this instant kind of chemistry." Evan explained softly. "She was two ranks ahead of me though… we tried-tried to be friends but both of us knew there was something more. Until Teyla there was no one that could even begin to compare to her." He smiled wryly. "She was perfect."

"What was her name?" Connor asked.

"Victoria. Most people called her Vicky but to me she was always Victoria." Evan said wistfully.

"So what happened?"

"About a year after we'd met-at which point we'd both been on different tours but kept in touch-we met up one night. Just dinner, drinks… maybe some dancing. She was posted overseas and we weren't sure when we'd get to meet up again." He took another long sip of his beer. "It was the most perfect night, Doc. We went out to a great restaurant, talked for hours, danced a little…" Even shook his head and laughed lightly. "Neither of us had anything to drink so we can't even blame it on the alcohol. We were dancing to this one song on the jukebox and our eyes met… it sounds so cheesy, I know. But this is really how I remember it. Our eyes met and I knew… I knew that that night would be the best night of my life. And it was. It was perfect and the next morning, right in the middle of cutting up her pancakes, she looks up at me and says, 'I love you, Evan' and then went back to her pancakes. I just sat there in shock. I'd loved her from the moment I set eyes on her and she loved me too."

Connor watched as a smile made its way across his best friend's face only to be replaced in a few seconds by a look of sorrow. "Did you stay together?"

"For the next few years we met up whenever we could. In three years I saw her twenty-two times, twenty-two of the best days of my life." Evan blinked and stared at Connor with a slightly blank face. "But we knew it couldn't last. Both of us were dedicated to the Force and breaking so many rules was hard on us. The sixth time we met up, we both knew. I don't think I'd ever cried so hard in my life and she wasn't much better." He swallowed. "Before meeting up, I bought her an engagement ring. I'd been saving years for it. I knew that if I ever bought one, it would be for her. We were breaking up, but I wanted her to have it. I wanted her to know that I would have married her if I could, I wanted her to know how much she meant to me." He paused and was clearly struggling with his emotions.

Connor reached across the table and settled his hand on top of Evan's, curling his fingers around it and squeezing lightly. "I'm sorry, you don't have to-to finish, Evan."

Evan shook his head. "I want to tell you. I just… it's been a while since I've talked about her." He paused and took a moment to collect himself before continuing. "Our last night together… I gave her the ring. I didn't ask her to marry me and she didn't say yes. She just took the ring and slid it onto her finger like it had always belonged there. We both knew it would only be there for one night, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that I would have asked and she would have said yes. I have… I have a picture of us together, with her wearing the ring. It's in my quarters back home, I can show you if you want."

The linguist nodded. "I would love to see it."

Evan forced a small smile to his face. "Just remind me. Anyways, after that we went our separate ways. We would send each other letters every couple of months-updates on our lives and such. Then one day, a couple years later, her brother showed up at my door. I'd never met him, only seen pictures. He was… he looked just like she did, just more… masculine I guess. But I knew, I could see it in his eyes. Victoria was dead. She'd been killed trying to stop a mugging while stationed at Dover. Ian said that Victoria had left specific instructions that I was to be informed. He also…" Evan swallowed. "He also had something for me and wanted to inform me of the funeral. Ian handed me a small box and a bottle of Jack and told me he was staying at a hotel nearby and to come find him in the morning. Do you know what was in the box?" Evan asked quietly.

Connor nodded slowly. "A wedding ring."

Evan offered him a small smile. "I don't know how you know this stuff, but yes. She had bought me a wedding ring."

"Sometimes," Connor said quietly. "Sometimes you play with your ring finger, like there should be something there."

The major blinked. "I do?"

"Just sometimes."

"Oh. I hadn't even realized." Evan said with a frown. He finished off her beer and pushed the glass to the side. "The next day I got on a plane and went with Ian back to his house. I felt like I had known him forever. Victoria would always talk about him. Later on he told me the same thing. She… she left me a letter. In it she said that she had always considered us married so before the funeral I went out and bought her a proper wedding ring. She was buried with both rings. To this day I still call her mother 'mom'." Evan paused and met Connor's eyes straight on. "The Air Force said it was wrong for us to fall in love, to be in a relationship. But I loved her, Connor. How could that _ever_ be _wrong_?" He paused and gripped Connor's hand firmly. "I gave her up, Connor. I gave my wife up, don't give up your husband… nothing in the world hurts more."

* * *

Connor paused and stared up at the beautiful grey stoned building of St. Monica. He and his family had gone to this church for several years but it had been a while since he'd been back and he wasn't sure that Father Patrick Michaels would recognize him.

"Should I wait for you out here?" Evan asked.

Connor looked at the church and then up at the clouds. "It's going to rain. I think you'll be fine waiting inside."

"Are there any rules I should be aware of?" Evan asked as they started up the stairs to the church.

The linguist blinked. "Rules?"

"Don't… cuss?" Evan asked with a wry grin.

Connor laughed softly. "Well I would definitely recommend not cussing in a church, but I suppose that's entirely up to you."

"I'd rather stay on God's good side." Evan answered as he opened a door. "I'll just sit in one of these back benches and wait for you."

"Pews." Connor corrected absently, following him in. "I-I'm not sure how long I'll be."

"Take your time." Evan said gently. "David doesn't really need another napkin holder."

Connor nodded and headed towards the confessionals. He had e-mailed Father Michaels a few weeks ago and asked to schedule a confession. Father Michaels had eagerly responded, inquiring about Connor and his life now. As he approached he could see Father Michaels waiting by the small booth. He turned when Connor got closer and offered the linguist a large smile and extended his hand. Connor shook it and bit his lip.

"How are you, Connor? You're looking well."

"I-I'm pretty good, Father." Connor answered softly. "Yourself?"

"Always the same, but never the same." Father Michaels said with a twinkle in his eye. There was a soft lilt to his voice and Connor ached for his home country again. Father Michaels had immigrated from Limerick twenty years ago and his accent had faded, but was still strong enough to easily be identified as Irish. "We can catch up later. But I believe you've asked for confession?"

"Yes, Father."

Father Michaels nodded and gestured to the booth, Connor followed him into it. It was small and only a little cramped, but the separation made Connor feel a little bit better. He touched his ring again and bit his lip, taking a deep breath.

Connor raised his hand and crossed himself. "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. My last confession was two years, three months and fourteen days ago."

Father Michaels said a brief passage from the Bible before asking, "And what are you here to confess today, my son?"

"I killed a woman, Father." Connor blurted out. "And I've fallen in love." There was a short pause before Connor remembered to say, "I am sorry for these and for all the sins of my past life."

There was a pause and then, "Love is hardly a sin, my son."

"Mine is, Father."

Another pause. "Tell me about this woman."

"Her-her name was Rebecca Grey. She… she drugged me, shot my best friend and then… and then she tried to kill me. I…" Connor swallowed. "I shot her in self-defense, but it doesn't feel like that."

"Were you injured?"

"Shot." Connor said quietly. "In my arm. I-I didn't want to shoot her. I tried to help her… she… I didn't want to kill her."

"Have you prayed on this?"

"Yes, Father. Several time."

"What have you felt in your heart on this matter?"

"I…" Connor swallowed. "I think that God has forgiven me and saved me from death."

"I do as well." Father Michaels said gently. "Now what of this love you speak of?"

"I've fallen in love, Father… with a man." Connor paused. "I didn't mean to. I didn't want to, it just… it happened."

"Did you try praying about it?"

"Yes." Connor whispered. "In the beginning. But I knew that God would not accept this and I… I tried to turn my back, I tried to walk away from Him. But I couldn't. Sometimes He's easy to forget, other times… I just… He's always there."

"You know what the Bible says about this."

"Yes." Connor whispered.

There was a long paused before Father Michaels said, "It also has many other rules which we do not keep to."

"Father?"

"The Lord has always said to love, my son. The world has far too much hate." Slight pause. "I was there for the bombing of Abercorn in '72."

Two people had died in that bombing, in a Belfast restaurant, and 130 more were injured. It happened the same year as Bloody Sunday.

"I can't even imagine what that must have been like." Connor whispered.

"There was no love back then, Connor. Just fighting and hatred. But… you have come to confess to a love, my child. A love that would lead you to separate yourself from the Almighty. Be in this world, Connor, but not of it. Your heart must first belong to God."

"But…"

"There are no 'buts'. I cannot give you the answers you seek, that is between you and the Lord. I am sorry. Would you care to express a prayer, Connor?"

Connor knew he was asking if Connor would express an Act of Contrition. But as the words came to mind, they seemed harsher than they ever had before… _O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell_ …

"I am not sure I can, Father."

Father Michaels was silent for a few moments before assigning Connor some penance. "Would you still care to speak with me now, Connor? You can do your penance when we finish."

"I… I… uh, yes, Father."

"Very good, my son. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good…"

"For His mercy endures forever." Connor finished.

* * *

"If you want absolution, Connor… you know I cannot give it to you." Father Michaels said gently, but not unkindly as they sat in his office.

"Yes." Connor whispered, looking away. "I know. I-I don't know what to do."

He moved so that Connor could see his face. "Or you know what to do but won't?"

"Yes." Connor answered brokenly.

There was a long silence between them before Father Michaels asked, "How long are you here for?"

"Another day." Connor whispered.

"Connor." The linguist turned to look at the priest. "I want you to visit a friend of mine. Here," He turned around to grab a small Post-it note and Connor watched him jot a name, number and address down on it before peeling the sticky note off and handing it to Connor. "I know this might not help, and maybe it's not the answer but a workaround… promise me you'll talk to him."

Connor stared at the number and then looked back up at Father Michaels who had a kind look on his face intermixed with sorrow. "I promise."

"I'll call him and let him know you're coming."

"When would be a good time?" Connor asked quietly.

Father Michaels smiled. "When you get there is when you get there and God will make it a good time."

Connor nodded. "Of course. Thank you, Father." He stood up and Father Michaels followed his lead, holding his hand out to Connor. Connor grasped his hand and shook it.

When he went to let go, Father Michaels settled his other hand on their joint ones, keeping Connor's hand from moving. "I don't know where your walk will go, Connor, and I'm sorry I don't have more answers for you… but for what it's worth, I've don't remember ever seeing you so happy."

* * *

If John was surprised to find Eric curled up on the sofa in Rodney's lab at two in the morning, nothing gave it away. Sheppard just raised his eyebrows a little, more of an 'I'm on to you' look than a look of surprise.

"What's up, McKay?" He asked, leaning against Rodney's desk.

Rodney swatted his arms until Sheppard moved off of his stuff. He picked up a long rounded object and handed it to John. "Touch this."

"Looks like an alien dildo." John said, taking the item. He concentrated for a second, letting his eyes fall shut. Rodney saw the moment he realized what it was. John's eyes snapped open and the door closest to them opened and Sheppard darted out of it. Rodney hesitated for about three seconds, sparing a glance at Eric, before following his friend out of the room.

John turned the corner and Rodney sped up to try and catch up with the man. When he finally did it was in time to see John hurl the object off the side of a balcony. Before it could hit the water, the cylinder exploded and Rodney could feel the heat from where he was standing.

"Holy shit." Rodney's eyes widened. "I'm going to _kill_ Zelenka!"

"Wasn't his fault, Rodney."

"He almost killed me! He almost killed you! He almost killed _Eric_!"

"I doubt he thought it would be a bomb. At first it seemed pretty harmless." Sheppard said, a grin was slowly making its way across his face.

"Harmless? That thing almost took out my lab! And my boyfriend! And your stupid hair!"

"You know, you really have a weird fixation on my hair."

"Because it defies all laws of gravity!"

"Rodney?" A new voice asked. Rodney turned to see Eric standing there, shivering, looking at the black cloud of smoke that hung over the water. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yes. Zelenka just tried to kill us, that's all. I knew he wanted my job!" Rodney exclaimed.

"How did he do that?" Eric asked, walking closer to them.

"Told me the alien bomb was an alien dildo."

Sheppard coughed. "Wait so you really though it was a… and you let me touch it? Gross, McKay."

Rodney huffed. "We've been exploring for five years and have yet to find any kind of fun, recreational Ancient stuff. I thought we were over due."

"Please, McKay. We're talking about a race of the stuffiest people known to mankind. They probably did it with their clothes on." John said with a snort.

Eric scrunched up his face. "Where's the fun in that?"

"There was no fun in that." Rodney snapped. "That's why they all ascended."

"Oh." Eric paused. "Really?"

Sheppard laughed. "No. Don't listen to him. He's just mad he didn't get a new toy."

"Just a couple more days, Rodney." Eric said comfortingly.

"A couple more days?" Sheppard asked.

"I gave Connor a list of some, uh… things to pick up on Earth for me." Eric explained.

John blinked. "You gave _my_ husband a list of _sex toys_ to bring back for you!"

"Um, possibly?" Rodney said weakly.

"MCKAY!"

* * *

When they got back to their room that night, Evan sat down heavily on his bed and dropped all the bags in his hand on the ground. Next to him, Connor did the same.

"I don't think I've ever shopped so much in me life." Connor said tiredly.

Evan blinked. His friend must be really exhausted because all of that had come out as: Ah dohn't tink ah've ehver shohped so mooch in me life. Translation: in a heavy Irish accent.

"Well, at least we got everything on our lists."

"Let's hope so."

Evan kicked his shoes off. "The Daedalus is beaming us up tomorrow night, any plans for the day?"

"There's another place I wanted to visit."

"Yeah?"

"Father Michaels recommended it to me."

"Ah. Got it."

"What about you? I sort of monopolized your visit."

Evan smiled up at the ceiling. "I'm just here for you, Doc."

"Oh. I need ta brush my teeth, but the water closet seems really far away." Connor moaned.

"Leave it for one night." Evan suggested. He was about three seconds away from falling asleep.

"And I'm still in my clothes."

"… did you say 'water closet'?"

"Yes, sorry. I meant bathroom."

"I love your funny little Irish phrases, Doc."

"That one's not terribly Irish." Connor admitted. "It's actually a bit British, me grandma on me mum's side was from London. I picked it up from her."

"Ah." Evan's eyes closed. "I'm wishing we hadn't turned on the light."

There was silence and then a laugh. "I forgot for a moment that we weren't on Atlantis."

"Did you just try to think the lights off?"

"… maybe?"

Evan laughed too. "Goodnight, Connor."

"Goodnight, Evan."

* * *

"Hey."

John looked up from his computer to see Ronon standing in the doorway of his office. "Ronon, hey, what's up?"

"Irish."

John glanced at his watch. Twelve minutes until his husband and XO were scheduled to gate back. "There's still about ten minutes, buddy."

"You gonna be there?"

"I'd probably jump him in the gate room." John admitted sheepishly. "We're gonna meet in our room."

"I'm going to get Teyla."

"Don't break him with a hug." John warned. "I need him in working order."

Ronon grinned. "No promises." He pulled back out of the room, leaving John there by himself.

It had only been four days but John had spent every minute of those four days worrying about his husband. John wasn't at all sure that Connor wasn't going to come back broken into little pieces.

He looked at his watch. Eleven minutes.

Approximately sixteen minutes later, the door to their quarters opened and Connor stepped in. The second the door slid closed behind him, the linguist let all his bags fall to the floor and let John envelope him in a strong hug. John hugged his husband with as much strength as he could muster. This is what he had been missing. John inhaled deeply, letting Connor's scent surround him.

"John." The younger man murmured, hands clenching the back of John's shirt.

"Connor." John whispered back.

He pulled back a little, leaving his hands on Connor's shoulders as he peered into his eyes. John's eyes roamed over the other man's face and Connor gave John a quick once over.

"No personal bombs?" The linguist asked, only slightly joking.

John offered him a grin. "Just exploding sexual toys." Connor blinked and then promptly blushed. John laughed. "I've missed your blush."

"Evan has several pictures of me." Connor offered quietly with a smile. "I'm probably blushing in at least half."

"Please tell me he got one of you with the Hooters girls." John begged.

Connor blushed a deeper red. "I can't believe you put him up to that!"

John grinned. "My gorgeous husband with hot chicks… I'm thinking desktop background for the laptop."

"Or you could keep the one you have now."

"I like to change it up."

"As long as no one sees it."

"Just me." John promised. "How was the trip?"

"It was…" Connor paused and a distant look entered his eyes. "… I'm not sure, yet. Ask me tomorrow."

John kissed his cheek. "Sure. Are you tired? What time was it when you left?"

"Nighttime, and I am a bit knackered." The younger man admitted.

"Have you been sleeping alright?" John asked, worried.

Connor bit his lip. "I got a few hours each night."

John glanced at his watch. "I can take an hour for my lunch and then I have a meeting with Carter and Mitchell about a few things, but I can come back after that."

"I don't want to keep you from your work."

"You won't." John promised. He picked up Connor's hand and tugged him over towards the bed. They both toed off their shoes and John followed his husband underneath the sheets. Connor turned to face the wall and John curled up behind him, wrapping an arm around the linguist's waist. He kissed the back of Connor's neck, "I love you."

"Mmm." Connor sighed. "I love you, too."

* * *

Teyla gave Ronon a not so subtle look and the Satedan flashed her a toothy grin before leaving her alone with Evan. She picked up one of the bags he had brought and followed him back to his quarters. As the doors closed behind them, Teyla caught him yawning and smiled.

"I do believe John has given you the rest of the day off." She said warmly, walking over to him.

"He has." Evan confirmed. He bent down a little and their foreheads touched in the familiar Athosian greeting. "I missed you."

"I will confess that your presence has been sorely missed as well."

Evan smiled a little and then reached out and pulled her into a long hug, burying his face into her neck. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly, sensing that something was troubling him. His body shook a little and Evan held on to her just a little bit tighter.

"Is everything alright, Evan?" Teyla asked cautiously.

"I told Connor about Victoria." He said quietly. "I'm sorry, I just needed… I…"

"Take whatever you need." Teyla said gently. "I wish to help you however possible."

They stood there for several long minutes, just holding onto each other. Then Teyla felt warm lips ghost her neck. She tilted her head to give Evan better access and he took it, sucking lightly on the delicate skin there. His fingers gently caressed her back and she worked her hands up under his t-shirt.

His lips trailed up her jaw before landing on her own. She parted them and Evan's tongue cautiously licked at her bottom lip. His mouth fully covered hers and soon she was panting heavily and they pulled apart briefly only for some air. His hands were working on removing her clothes and Teyla was busy sliding his belt off.

By the time they made it to the bed, Evan only had his boxers on and Teyla was fully naked. She leaned over him, kissing him with fervor as his hands traveled the length of her body.

Suddenly he paused and broke his lips away from hers. Evan flushed, "Am I… is this… I don't want to use you, Teyla."

"You are not." She assured him. Teyla ran a hand down the side of Evan's face and he turned his head into her palm. "You are not using me, Evan."

"You're sure?" He asked, somewhat brokenly.

She smiled down at him. "I am quite sure."

He nodded slightly and she pressed their lips together again. His hands went to her waist and he carefully rolled them over so that he landed on top. Evan broke their kiss and trailed his lips down her body. He paused to lick at her nipples and she shivered in delight. Teyla settled her hands into Evan's hair, threading them through it as his tongue traced her skin.

[Edited Content]

He leaned in and gave her a kiss, full of affection and warmth, just like her was. His fingers trailed down her arm and he gently slid out of her.

"We should probably shower." He murmured.

She kissed his forehead. "In a moment."

"Thank you." He whispered.

"You are quite welcome." She replied sincerely.

He reached out and grabbed her hand, threading their fingers together. "Teyla."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Teyla felt a smile stretch across her face and something warm exploded in her chest. "And I you, Evan."

"Yeah?" He asked, with a smile of his own.

"Yes."

* * *

Connor was still asleep when John retired to their quarters for the night. He picked up Connor's bags set them on the couch. He quietly began to unpack them, tossing dirty clothes into their hamper and taking the linguist's toiletries into the bathroom. The other bag was filled with gifts from Earth and John left those alone. He brushed his teeth and stripped out of his clothes before climbing into bed with his still fully dressed husband.

Connor mumbled something that John couldn't make out and then wrapped himself around John. John smiled to himself and followed his partner into sleep.

Something woke him. John wasn't sure what it was, but the answer was clear enough when he found himself alone in bed. A quick check of the time let John know that Connor was probably out running with Ronon. He tried to stay awake to wait up for the younger man but soon his eyelids felt heavy and he fell back asleep.

When he woke again it was to Connor-naked this time-wrapped around John, hand tangled in John's dog tags. It was still early enough that John wondered if Connor would be willing to wake up for him.

John kissed Connor's forehead and ran his fingers through the linguist's red-brown hair. "Connor."

"Mmm."

"Connor." John tried again, just a little bit louder.

"Mmm… John."

"I really, really, really want you to wake up so we can make love."

Connor opened one eye and looked at John. "It sounds so feminine when you say it like that."

"Well I'm not going to say that I want you to wake up so you can fuck me." John responded easily. "That's not what this is, what we do."

"No meeting this morning?"

"Nope. I might just take the day." John said softly.

"Really?"

"Really, truly." John answered. "What do you think of that?"

Connor blushed lightly and pressed a kiss to John's chest. "I think that would be quite grand."

"I do try to be grand." John grinned. "Now what do I have to do to get you in me?"

A slightly cold hand snaked itself around John's growing erection and he jumped a little. "Lube."

John reached over into the bedside table and pulled out a bottle of lube, handing it over to his husband. Connor squeezed some out into his hand and reached for John again, sliding his hand up and down. John groaned. "Connor, please."

Connor didn't move, he pressed another kiss to John's chest and kept pumping his hand up and down. "John?"

"Guh… yeah?"

"You really like being on the bottom?"

"Definitely."

"Does-does it hurt a lot?"

"At first, yeah…. Then it feels really good." John frowned. "Although I'm not sure I would say 'a lot'."

Then there were no more questions.

[Edited Content]

It didn't take long for either of them to come, John thought that probably had more to do with spending four days apart than any sort of sexual finesse on either of their parts.

When they finished, there were beads of sweat on their skin and Connor was wiping them both down with a tissue. When he finished, he snuggled right back up to John and promptly went back to sleep. John laughed softly and ran a hand through Connor's sweaty hair before carefully moving out from underneath the younger man. He walked over to the desk and shot an e-mail off to Lorne and Carter saying he was taking a personal day. He scrolled through the rest of his e-mail quickly and decided there wasn't anything there that couldn't wait.

John climbed back into bed with his husband and closed his eyes.

When John woke for a third time it was to a finger tracing shapes onto his chest and bright blue eyes watching him closely.

"Hey." John rasped, voice full of sleep. He turned his head to look at the linguist.

"John." Connor whispered. "I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what?"

"Ready for more." Connor said quietly.

It took John's brain a moment to wake up and blink away the sleep. "Wait, what?"

"I think I'm ready to be… for us to…" Connor swallowed and John reached out to brush a stray piece of hair out of his husband's face. "I'm ready."

"Connor… we talked about this. You don't have to push yourself."

The younger man shook his head. "No, John, I… I really, really want to be with you. There's nothing I want more."

"This is a big step." John said gently.

"One you took months ago."

"We aren't the same, Con, and you know that."

The scientist gave a short nod. "Yeah. But I'm ready, John."

"Talk me through this, Connor. What happened on Earth?"

So Connor told him. He told John about going to St. Monica's and talking to Father Michaels and how Father Michaels had referred him to someone else….

" _You must be Connor." The man said with a warm smile. He reached a hand out and Connor took it hesitantly, shaking it before retracting his hand to play nervously with the bottom of his shirt._

" _Yes, sir."_

 _The man laughed. "No need for that, Connor. Can I call you Connor? My name is David Howard, I'm co-pastor here. My friends call me Dave though."_

 _Connor bit his lip. "Connor's fine."_

" _Now, Patrick said you had something you wanted to talk about?" Dave asked, gesturing Connor into a nearby chair. The taller man took a chair across from Connor._

" _I… uh, yes. I think."_

 _Dave laughed softly. "Well you came at the right time. It's usually hectic around here during the week, but my staff decided to take a half day to go enjoy the rain. We don't get much of that down here."_

" _It rained a, uh, lot where I grew up." Connor told him. "I'm from Ireland."_

" _Ah. I thought I detected a hint of an accent."_

" _Really?"_

" _Well, I've been hanging around Patrick long enough to pick these things up." He shook his head. "I really have no idea what they go out and do in the rain. The only thing I can think of is catching a cold."_

" _Just, uh, make sure they have plenty of vitamin C."_

 _Dave grinned and his eyes twinkled. "I'll make sure to do that. Now, what can I help you with, son?"_

" _Um… I'm not really sure why Father Michaels, um, referred me to you… I…" Connor nervously twisted the ring on his finger. "There's nothing anyone can do to help me."_

" _Connor." Dave said gently. "Those sound like the words of a man who's given up. You don't really look like the sort of person who would give up so easily."_

" _It's been almost a year and a half."_

" _What's been almost a year and a half?"_

 _Connor looked away and whispered, "Since I fell in love."_

 _There was a long pause before Dave said quietly, "Tell me about him."_

 _The linguist's head snapped over to look at the pastor and instead of condemnation he found acceptance and compassion. "I-I… his name is John." Connor said finally. "He's in the Air Force."_

" _Ah, a serviceman." Dave said knowingly. "That must be hard."_

" _Yes, but he's worth it." Connor whispered. "I didn't fall in love on purpose. I didn't_ choose _a man."_

 _Dave smiled at him kindly. "Do we ever choose to fall in love? Or for that matter who we fall in love with?"_

" _We can choose to stay."_

" _Can we really?"_

 _Connor looked away. "I don't know."_

" _Is John the first man you've fallen in love with?"_

" _He's the first person ever. I didn't… I didn't think I'd ever fall in love. I was thirty-five when I met John. I was settled into my life alone and then… and then he just showed up. He showed up and I wasn't so lonely anymore. He… he makes me happy, so happy. Sometimes I wish he didn't. Then it would be so much easier."_

" _Then what would be so much easier?"_

 _Connor paused and bit his lip again. "John never asked me to choose between him and God. He's… he's not a believer, but he's always respected my beliefs, encouraged them even."_

" _But your beliefs are telling you this is wrong, that being with John is wrong." It was more of a statement than a question._

" _Yes." Connor whispered. "When John found out I stopped going to my Bible study, he was… disappointed, I think. Saddened."_

" _Why do you think that is?"_

" _He knows how important my faith is to me."_

" _If it's so important, why did you stop going?" Dave asked gently._

" _I couldn't. I didn't want to lie to those other people there. I didn't want to seem something I'm not."_

" _But you aren't, are you? You're a believer just like they are."_

" _But I'm knowingly and purposefully in a relationship with another man." Connor protested._

" _Connor…" Dave reached out for Connor's hands and gently took them in his own. "As Christians we have two voices that battle for our attention. On one hand we have evil. Evil tells us that we're wrong, it condemns us for our actions. It says things like 'sinner' and 'betrayer'. On the other hand we have Christ. There is no condemnation in Christ, Connor. How many times did Jesus call someone a sinner?"_

" _None." Connor whispered. "He never did."_

" _That's right." Dave said with a soft look. "He never did. But He always stood with the sinners, didn't He?"_

" _Yes."_

" _So why do you think He wouldn't stand with you?"_

" _I_ know _what I do is wrong."_

" _You don't think the people Jesus stood with knew didn't know what they were doing was wrong? You don't think Christ knew? He knew, Connor. He knew and He loved them anyways. He knew and He stood with them anyways. Don't listen to evil condemning you, listen to Christ, Connor. Listen to how much He loves you."_

" _But, I-"_

 _Dave shook his head, cutting him off. "There are no 'buts' with Christ, son. It's unconditional. Do you get that, Connor? Do you understand what unconditional means? Without conditions? I think we, as a people, would be very screwed if Christ started putting conditions on his love. I don't think anyone would meet them."_

" _Dave…" Connor felt a tear slide down his cheek._

" _Hey." Dave said gently. He reached a hand out to gently squeeze Connor's shoulder._

" _Thank you." Connor whispered, looking up at Dave._

" _You're welcome, Connor." Dave said genuinely. "Tell me some more about your John."_

" _He's… he's the best person I know. John is always saving people, he never leaves a man behind…"_

"Dave was right, John." Connor said in quiet wonder. "I don't know why that never occurred to me."

John rubbed his hand up and down Connor's arm. "It's occurred to you now, that's what matters."

"I've been thinking about it a lot since talking to him, and I just… I think he's right. I'm still not sure what I think about Hell and such, but I know now that Christ loves me. That He's always loved me and there isn't much I can do to change that. I'm… I'm going to keep being the best person I can, I'll just happen to be in love with a wonderful man at the same time." Connor paused and looked John in the eye. "And that's enough for me, John. I've never felt great assurance that I was going to Heaven, and now that I'm in love with you, I don't feel any less assured, it feels the same."

John cupped Connor's face. "It still doesn't mean you're ready."

"I've been ready for a long time, my mind just had to catch up." Connor bit his lip and looked at John through his eyelashes. "I love you, John and I still can't believe how long you've waited for me, but thank you. Thank you for waiting."

"I'll always wait for you." John promised softly.

"No more waiting." Connor said quietly. "Make love to me."

John smiled softly. "So you can say it but I can't?"

"I'm special." Connor teased.

"That you are." John breathed. He rolled on top of the linguist and couldn't help but stare down into Connor's deep blue eyes. There was love there, anticipation, lust but most of all, John saw peace. There was a sense of serenity in his husband's eyes that had been missing for a long time. It wasn't that Connor had been anxious and unsettled the whole time they had been together, but there had always been just a little hint of _something_. But that something was gone now and Connor was looking at him with unfettered eyes.

"John." Connor breathed. "John, I want you."

Those words went straight to his groin and John felt himself instantly harden. Holy shit, they were actually going to do this. The very act that had plagued John's dreams for months and consumed more than its fair share of his waking hours.

"Connor…" _I love you. I want you. You make me complete._ John wanted to say everything he'd ever felt for the younger man. _You make my days better. I can't believe how lucky I am. I can't believe you love me._ He settled for, "I love you."

Connor smiled up at him and it was a perfect smile. It made his skin crinkle a bit at the side of his eyes, his cheeks flushed out, blue eyes twinkled. "I love you, John."

John reached out and tangled their fingers together, holding on tightly to Connor's hand. He licked and kissed his way down Connor's jaw line to his neck, sucking hard enough to leave three bright red marks on the linguist's skin. Connor's fingers tightened on his hand and John continued on his journey, mapping out the body he knew so well.

There was a small spattering of freckles on Connor's shoulder's and each one tasted like sunshine. Connor's skin was so pale that John made a mental note to drag his husband out into the sun whenever the rain stopped again. He nibbled at the muscle in Connor's upper arm and the younger man let out a small laugh.

John licked the marks his teeth left and turned his head so his lips pressed against the skin on the side of Connor's torso. He slowly dragged his tongue across the pale skin to the closest nipple. He closed his mouth around it and flicked his tongue over the tip. Connor's body arched up a little and John squeezed the hand he was holding and smiled inwardly when Connor squeezed back. He used his teeth to gently tease the hard bud and Connor moaned appreciatively.

Connor's body was so different from a woman's, and John wasn't sure why he was thinking about that now. But he was. The body underneath him had more strength than he'd ever perceived his past girlfriends to have. It was thin and lithe and even though John thought sometimes that Connor was _too_ thin and might break, John knew that the younger man wouldn't. Where a woman was more soft and curvaceous, Connor was hard with angular planes. He was perfect.

John slowly slid his tongue across Connor's chest to the linguist's other nipple, hard and waiting for John's mouth to descend upon it. He didn't disappoint, kissing the skin and massaging the bud with his tongue.

A hand settled into his hair, and John loved the weight of it on his head. Connor's fingers dug gently into his scalp and sent a warm feeling through John's body.

Reluctantly John tore his mouth away from Connor's perfect chest and kissed his way down Connor's flat stomach. John was so turned on that he was doing everything he could to try and last. He wanted everything to be perfect for Connor's first time.

"You're so beautiful." John breathed, resting his chin on Connor's hip for a moment.

Connor ran his fingers down from the top of John's head to swipe them across his cheek. He shook his head lightly and laughed softly, "If you could only see yourself, John… I can't take my eyes off of you."

[Edited Content]

The younger man shifted a little and then a bottle was being pressed into John's hand. "John…"

Connor's legs opened a little, falling to the side in a way that showed how flexible the other man was. And Jesus, John was trying to think about a naked Wraith, naked Rodney, _anything_ that would stop him from coming right there and then. Connor was offering himself to John in a way that made the younger man seem vulnerable and trusting and so goddamned perfect.

"We're going to go slow." John got out. Connor nodded obligingly. "And it's going to hurt." And fuck, that was something that bothered John just a little. It _would_ hurt and John would be the one _doing_ the hurt.

"I know."

"And if I thought I could get away with it, I'd do it how the book recommends for a first time." John whispered.

"Face to face." Connor countered obstinately. John knew his partner wouldn't be budged on the issue. For Connor sex was about closeness, about being closer to John than anyone else. There was physical gratification, but Connor got so much more out of it and if John was behind him, that closeness wouldn't be as present.

"I know."

Connor nodded slowly and John sat up to pour some lube out onto his fingers. He was definitely going to be using too much, but better too much than too little. He reluctantly pulled his hand out of Connor's and grabbed the bottle. He squeezed some out, coating his fingers liberally.

John swallowed again. He could do this. They had done this much before. They'd been doing this much for months. But it felt different. John's body knew what was coming after this, his mind knew.

" _John_."

Nodding, John pressed a finger to Connor's entrance and after a second or so, he pushed it slowly into his husband. John reached his free hand up and groped around a bit until it found Connor's. He squeezed their fingers together as he carefully moved his finger about. Connor squirmed a little but didn't say anything.

In some ways Connor would set the pace, in others John would. Connor knew that John was only going to go slow and John knew that the moment Connor said 'stop' he would freeze.

John slowly pushed a second finger in with the first. He began to stretch Connor, making sure to rub his fingers against the linguist's prostate with every chance he got. Connor was still incredibly tight when John gently worked a third finger into him. John was carefully not imagining anything beyond what he was currently doing or else he knew he wouldn't last.

His fingers moved with purpose, stretching the hole they were in. Connor's thumb started to rub against the back of John's hand. It was a soothing motion and when John looked at the younger man he saw some worry in Connor's deep blue eyes-worry for John.

"What's wrong?" John asked softly, slowly pulling his fingers out.

"I should be asking you." The linguist countered. "What's wrong, John? You're… tense."

"I am?" John took a mental stock of his body and was shocked to find that Connor was right. His arms were stiff and he was felt like he had been holding his breath.

"I-I never asked if you-you wanted to…" Connor said nervously.

John blinked in surprise. "There's honestly nothing I want more in the world."

"So what's wrong then?"

"I…" John looked away. "I don't want to hurt you."

"John." Connor said in an understanding voice. "It's going to hurt no matter what. Do you blame me for hurting you on our bonding night?"

"What?" John shook his head. "No."

"Why would I be any different?" He smiled warmly. "I want this, John. I know it's going to hurt, but I know that it's _you_ and that's what's most important."

"You… you asked for pain before, this isn't… this isn't for that?" John asked quietly. "Right?"

An unreadable expression fell over Connor's face before he shook his head. "No, John, this isn't for that. I…" He licked his lips. "If you aren't ready, then that's okay too."

"I…" John paused. How could he be not ready? He'd been waiting for this for _months_. "I don't know why I…"

"Come 'ere." Connor said gently, tugging John down on top of him. John fell gracelessly onto his partner and Connor ran his fingers through John's hair soothingly. John turned them sideways so that his weight was on the mattress instead of the younger man and Connor pushed a knee between John's legs. He quirked a smile, "I hadn't actually thought of this as a possibility."

"Me neither." John said quietly. "I guess I was just so used to you… I just need a minute."

"Take as long as you need."

There was a long pause before John murmured, "I need you to tell me about that time, when you asked for it… rough."

"I just… sometimes I-" Connor broke off and bit his lip, he looked uncertain and John leaned in and kissed his lips. Connor returned the kiss and John broke it after a few seconds. The linguist took a deep breath and continued. "You always treat me so gently, _a chuisle_. When you kissed me like you did… I just really wanted more like that. I… all I've known is what _we_ do, John. You've had rougher sex, I-I haven't. I don't know if I would like it or if I wouldn't. I think it appealed to me then because…. because we've never done anything like it. I-it's not to say that I don't like what we do, or that I'm tired of it. I'm just… curious. The book mentioned so many things… I just, I'm sorry, John."

"Why didn't you say any of this before?"

"It hadn't occurred to me before." Connor said simply. "I needed time to think through it. Had I know it was bothering you this much I would have told you much earlier."

"Oh." That made a lot of sense when John thought about it like that. John hadn't wanted to try anything rough because he'd had a bad experience with it, Connor hadn't had any experience at all. It would make sense that the younger man would be curious. He knew that Connor loved learning, and apparently it didn't matter what the subject was.

"John." Connor said in a somewhat strained voice.

It broke John out of his musings. "Hmm?"

"I… not to rush you, but…" Connor blushed. "Should I be taking a cold shower?"

John blinked and felt his worries melt away and desire hit him in the gut. "No, no. Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to have some sort of… whatever in the middle of…" John coughed lightly. "Sorry."

Connor smiled fondly. "No worries."

John gave Connor a grin as warning before rolling back on top of the younger man. It took a few minutes to get back to where they had been-pulse racing, lungs burning for more air. Hands were roaming everywhere and every few seconds their fingers would brush against each other before drifting apart again.

Lips were everywhere and John moaned when Connor reached down to wrap warm fingers around his erection. There was a bustle of movement as John managed to find the abandoned bottle of lube and squeeze some into Connor's palm and then there were just incredible feelings.

John was just slightly hesitant when nudged his fingers back between Connor's legs. His husband, though, shared none of the hesitancy as his legs fell open again, giving John easier access to what he sought.

"John." Connor whispered, touching his free hand to John's cheek. "I trust you. I love you. I want this."

"Yes." John nodded. "Okay."

He pushed two fingers back into Connor's slick entrance and the scientist let out a low moan of pleasure that went straight to John's groin.

"John. _Please_." Connor whispered, fingers digging into John's back.

John kissed his jaw and slid a third finger in, stretching the other man and then a couple of minutes later he was gently easing in a fourth. Connor let go of John's erection and wrapped his hand around the wrist of John's hand, the one he was using to prop himself up with.

"You're sure about this?" John asked again, breathlessly.

"Positive."

"I-we can wait." John offered quietly even though his body was already protesting the thought.

"I'm sure, John." Connor promised.

John nodded and pulled his fingers back out. He wiped them on the sheet next to their bodies and he sat back onto his heels. He gently dislodged Connor's hand from his wrist and then urged Connor's legs up towards his chest. John leaned forward and planted one hand on either side of the younger man's body, holding his legs in place.

Connor reached down between them and gently took John into his hand, moving him into place. John fought the urge to just push in and took a deep breath.

"John." Connor whispered, looking up at him. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything."

"Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Please." Connor said softly. "I'll tell you when to open them."

"Connor, I-"

"Please, John."

John swallowed. "Okay." He took one last look at the younger man, memorizing him, and then let his eyes fall closed.

Connor carefully guided him into his entrance, slowly, so slowly. John fought the urge to open his eyes, trusting Connor. It seemed to take forever as he moved in inch by inch. He couldn't hear anything except Connor's heaving breathing that would hitch every few seconds. John was halfway in when Connor used his hand to gently halt their progress. John squeezed his eyes shut and waited for Connor to give him the sign to keep going.

It took a minute or so but eventually Connor's body relaxed a little and a hand landed on John's back, wormed underneath John's arm. The hand pressed him closer and John took that as a signal that Connor was ready again. He kept easing in, repeatedly telling his body that it did _not_ have permission to go any faster.

Connor's breath shuddered again and John leaned down and hoped he'd aimed for the right spot as he pressed a kiss to the skin his lips found.

"Close."

John smiled and felt Connor tilt his head underneath him, letting their lips meet. He pulled back and Connor rubbed John's back while John slid the rest of the way in. Connor was breathing faster now and the fingers digging into his shoulder was the only sign of unease that John could sense.

Connor was tight, so tight, and so hot and slick with lube. He was perfect.

"John." Connor whispered and the hand on his back slid down his neck and up to his cheek. "You can open your eyes."

John's eyes flew open and automatically locked onto Connor's face. There weren't any signs of pain, instead he found Connor with flushed cheeks, bright blue eyes, recently wetted lips and a content look on his face. Now John knew why Connor had wanted him to close his eyes, he hadn't wanted John to see him in pain.

"I love you so fucking much." John whispered before lowering his mouth to Connor's.

[Edited Content]

Connor, John could tell, wasn't as close to coming as John was. Although, really, John had been close to coming for the past ten minutes, probably more.

"Hey." John whispered.

Connor's eyes focused on his and he offered John a lazy, content smile. "Hmm?"

"Okay?" John asked.

"Yeah."

"You sure? It doesn't hurt too much?"

"A little." Connor admitted. "But it still feels good."

John kissed Connor's jaw line before straightening back up. "I'm really close."

"I know."

"I'm sorta trying to wait for you." John admitted sheepishly.

Connor smiled. "Don't."

"I was sorta thinking that after I come you could sorta… do me."

Connor raised an eyebrow at him and John thought it was a bit surreal that they were having a real conversation while making love. "You want me to?"

John panted as desire coursed through him. "There's really not a time I don't."

"You'll probably be sore later." Connor warned softly. "Since we just, ah, I mean you…"

"Don't care." John breathed. "So… yeah?" Connor didn't answer, instead he squeezed around John's cock and John let out a deep groan. "Fuck, Connor…" He panted heavily and leaned down to kiss his husband. Their mouths met in a wet, desperate kiss and John pushed his tongue into Connor's mouth, tasting the younger man. They eventually broke apart for air and John buried his face into Connor's neck.

"Just… a little faster…. John, please." Connor whispered into his ear.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

So John sped up his pace, just a fraction and Connor made beautiful noises into his ear. He was so close, so very close. He just wanted to hear… "Connor."

"John." Connor breathed in response. "John, I love you."

And that did it. It sent John spiraling over the edge. He could feel himself filling Connor up as his body shook. The younger man held him close as John gasped through his orgasm. He saw stars and felt hands moving on him and then he felt like he was floating.

When John came back down he was laying on top of Connor and his husband had two fingers in him.

"Back with me?" Connor asked gently.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"I swear, John-water. You will drink lots of water next time."

John laughed. "I promise."

"Good. Now slide up a bit."

John obliged, still hazy from coming do hard moments earlier.

[Edited content]

"Stay with me." Connor said gently, tugging lightly on John's hair.

"I am." John promised.

The linguist sped the pace up again and John let the pleasure wash over him. "John, I…" And then John felt Connor's body stiffen before shaking as he came into John. It was beautiful and perfect and John was more exhausted from their activities than he probably should have been, but Connor seemed equally as depleted of energy.

They stayed there together for a moment before Connor shifted his hips away and slid out of John with ease. He held on tightly to John as they waited for their breathing to level out and heart rates to normalize.

"How was it?" Connor asked softly, running a hand through John's sweaty hair.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

Connor shrugged. "I want to know how it was to you."

"It was perfect." John paused, suddenly aware that all of his weight was resting on his smaller partner. "Am I too heavy?"

"You can move in a minute." His husband answered dismissively. "So you liked it?"

"Definitely. You?"

"You were perfect, John."

"Connor?"

"Yes?"

"I…" John bit his lip not sure of how to say what he wanted to say.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"IthinkIprefertopping." Connor said quickly. "I mean, I know I should probably give it another try and it's not that I _didn't_ like it, I just-"

John blinked and then let out a sigh of relief. "-Connor."

"Yes?"

"I think I prefer being on the bottom."

"Oh." Connor said in a slightly shocked voice.

John grinned and kissed his husband on the chin. "I guess we're perfect for each other."

Connor rolled his eyes. "Well we already knew that, John."

"Hmm. I suppose we did."


	53. Never Think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Becoming Connor Davids**

**Becoming Connor Davids**

 **Chapter 53 | Epilogue : Never Think**

Author's Notes :  
\- I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who's stuck with this story. There are some closing statements on my LJ with the tag 'end note'. It would be really awesome if you went over to check that out, since I don't want to spam the story with all the stuff I want to say.  
\- So a while back, **LTwill** over at ff[net] asked for some Connor waking up John action. After the first attempt, I promised to try again. My attempts keep coming out as epic failures, maybe because it's not in Connor's nature, but it is in mine to keep trying… so here it is, I hope this one is a little more to your liking. =)  
\- _Never Think_ belongs to Robert Pattinson and co. I chose this song as the title because it's been the number one played song throughout the writing of this fic. There are probably close to 1,000 plays (if not more) between my computers and my iPod. And I still have no idea what the song means.  
\- Edited content available on my listed homepage.

Just. Holy. Shit. This is _the end_.

* * *

 _One year later…_

The day it finally happened was pretty much like most days.

"Ramsey to Davids."

Connor blinked and tapped his radio. "Davids here."

"Hey, Doc, it's that time again."

The linguist glanced down at his watch and froze before springing into action. "Shite, Ben I'm sorry. I'll be there in a moment."

He was a flurry of motion as he closed down his computer, thought the lights off, and grabbed his sidearm before running out the door. He jogged down the corridor and into the transporter. When he made it to the tac room, his team was already there and Jim was holding out his vest with a grin. While Connor slipped it on Eric checked the front while Jim checked the back.

Ben shook his head fondly at the sight. "Get caught up in work again?"

"Yes, sorry." Connor flushed. Usually Atlantis would have reminded him, and now that he thought about it, the lights had flashed… he had just been too engrossed in what he was doing to connect it all. His team all flashed him a smile as they walked together towards the gate.

Eric's eyes narrowed as they approached the stargate, concerned. "Where's your jacket?"

"My jacket?" Connor didn't remember the briefing mentioning needing a jacket.

"Yeah, MALP reported back that it was kinda chilly." Ben put in.

Connor could clearly picture his jacket lying on the back of the couch in his room. "It's…" He trailed off when he saw John jogging towards him with his jacket in hand.

"You left this." He said, holding out the jacket and Connor blushed accepting it from his partner. Their fingers met for a moment.

It was official. The rules had changed. They could have this, John could kiss him goodbye. But they'd talked about it. Because John was such a prominent figure, they would wait a few days-gauge the temperature of the base.

So Connor just said, "Cheers." He really wanted to say, "I'll come back to you, _a chuisle_."

John swallowed, "No problem. Have fun."

* * *

Eric looked up as his door slid open. He peered over the top of his glasses at Rodney who stood nervously in the doorway. He frowned, "Did we have plans?"

"Uh, no." Rodney fidgeted with the bottom of his jacket. "Do you have a lot of homework tonight?"

"I have a few chapters to read and some lab write-ups. Why?"

Rodney stepped further into the room and the door slid closed. "I was wondering what you thought about the new rules."

"You know what I think of the rules." Eric answered, confused. "It's been pretty much all we've talked about for weeks."

"I…" Rodney fidgeted again and Eric licked his lips.

"Rodney." He said gently. "Just say what you want to say."

That seemed permission enough for the astrophysicist. Rodney blurted, "Am I allowed to tell people about us?"

"Um." Eric blinked. "You want to tell people?"

"Of course I want to tell people! Why wouldn't I want to tell people?"

"I don't know." Eric said weakly. "It's private?"

The older man eyed him carefully. "You don't want to tell people?"

Eric wasn't sure if he imagined the twinge of hurt in Rodney's voice or not. "I… Connor and I were going to talk to the guys tomorrow at breakfast, but other than that… there's not really anyone else I want to know. Dr. Z's known for months."

"He has?"

"He uh, sorta caught us kissing in your lab once."

"Huh. He never said anything."

"He wouldn't."

"Yeah, probably not. Still, really? Wow."

"Who else would you want to let know?" Eric asked softly.

"I don't know… people?"

"I-I sort of like that it's just us."

"You want to keep it a secret?"

This time Eric _did_ pick up on hurt in Rodney's voice and when he met Rodney's eyes it was reflected there also. He shook his head, "Not a secret, I just… I don't think it's anybody's business. I'm not ashamed of you, Rodney. That's not what this is. I…" And Eric couldn't help it. His mind flashed back to gasping awake in the infirmary after almost drowning. He saw Rodney's worried face and the way Connor's voice shook when he said they had no leads on who had pushed him. Eric whispered, "I'm scared."

Rodney slowly walked over to him and kneeled onto the floor next to his chair. He took Eric's hands in his and asked, "Scared?"

Eric nodded. "I've known I was gay for years, Rodney but I'm not sure… I'm not sure I'm ready to come out to the base. I'm not sure I'm ready to live that life. Someone's already tried to kill me once and I-I just don't think I'm ready to go through that again." They'd never found the person responsible and Eric wasn't sure who took it harder-him, Rodney, Connor, or Ben.

The older man squeezed his hands tightly. "But people know, Eric. All the people in Davids' little support group, my team…"

"People with similar secrets, Rodney and people I trust, people _you_ trust. I…" He turned away from Rodney's piercing blue eyes. Blue eyes full of understanding and love.

"We'll wait then." Rodney said quietly. "We'll wait until you're ready."

"You'd do that for me?" Eric whispered, unsure.

Rodney raised a hand and turned Eric's face back towards him and waited until Eric met his eyes. "There's really nothing I wouldn't do for you, Eric."

"I'm not ashamed of you, Rodney." Eric repeated. "And I'm not ashamed of being gay."

"I know. I know this isn't about that."

Eric cracked a small smile. "Smartest man in two galaxies."

"I'm glad someone recognizes that." Rodney said lightly. He leaned forward until their faces were mere inches apart. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

"John!" Connor said in delight, eyes shining. "It came."

John let the door to their quarters slide shut behind him as he started unbuttoning his shirt. "What came? The new rule book?"

"Well that came, but more importantly…" Connor produced a large white envelope. "This came for you. From MIT."

John stopped unbuttoning his shirt and walked over to retrieve the envelope from his husband's outstretched hand. He opened it slowly while Connor waited impatiently next to him. He slid the papers out and the breath he didn't realize he had been holding left his body. "I… I did it."

"Let me see." Connor said, reaching for the papers. John let him have them. It took his partner only seconds to scan each paper, committing the contents to memory. When he got to the last one, a thicker piece of parchment than the rest, he laughed in delight and pulled John into a tight hug. "I knew you could, John."

"Thank you." John whispered into the younger man's ear. "I never would have done this without you."

"You did all the work, _Dr._ Sheppard." Connor said with a grin as he pulled back. "I just gave you a little push."

"That's Dr. Sheppard-Davids." John corrected with his own smile. He pointed towards the diploma. "See?"

It was the first time the combination of their last names had been on anything official and Connor traced it with his fingers. "John Sheppard-Davids. I'm so proud of you, John."

John set the papers down on a nearby surface and pulled Connor to him. "Let's celebrate."

"And how should we do that?" The linguist asked coyly.

"I can think of a few ways."

"Oh you can, can you?"

John's hands deftly tugged down Connor's zipper and unbutton his pants. "I can actually think of more than a few."

Connor's face flushed with desire as he let John back him into their bed. "Then we'd better get started."

* * *

Connor waved goodbye to Ronon as he stepped into his and John's room. He swiped the back of his hand across his forehead to wipe some sweat off of his face. He had to meet his team for breakfast in an hour and a half. That was an hour and a half he got to spend with John.

The linguist crouched down next to his husband and ran a hand through John's hair, waking him. John's eyes fluttered open and immediately locked onto Connor's. The older man smiled and Connor found himself smiling in response.

"You're all sweaty." John whispered, voice raspy with sleep.

"Just got back from my run. I need a shower." He paused. "I was thinking that you could get sweaty too and then we could, um, shower together."

"I could get sweaty too, huh?" John asked teasingly.

"Yup."

"I don't know… sounds like a lot of work."

"I'll do the work." The scientist promised. "You just lay there and look pretty."

John laughed. "So it finally comes out, you really _do_ want me for just my body."

"Well, of course." Connor replied simply.

John laughed again and rolled out of bed. "Give me three minutes." He jogged into their bathroom and shut the door. Connor pulled off his shirt and tossed it into the hamper. He toed off his shoes and tugged off his socks. The linguist pushed down his sweatpants, leaving his boxers on-those John could take off. John came out of the bathroom the same way he went in-naked. Connor blushed as he ran his eyes down his husband's form. John wiggled his eyebrows a little and the younger man looked away. "We're about to have hot, passionate sex and you're blushing because I'm naked?" John asked, pressing his body up to Connor's.

"I, um… yes?" Connor mumbled.

John nipped an ear. "I love your blush."

"That's probably good, since I can't control it." Connor whispered.

His husband chuckled. "I think you're right about that. How long do we have?"

"Hour twenty."

"You're going to be late." John warned as he gently eased Connor down onto the sheets.

"Maybe." The younger man agreed.

"Okay." John breathed. "As long as you know that."

"Oh, I do."

"Good." John said into Connor's skin. He kissed Connor's skin, glistening with sweat, while one hand worked off Connor's boxers.

Connor dug his fingers into John's back, pressing him closer. He wasn't sure when John had had the time to get the lube out, but as they rubbed against each other it was clear that John had gotten some at some point. Then John's mouth was on his and Connor wasn't thinking about when John could have done it. He lost himself in his husband's kisses, feeling his heartbeat increase, his breaths become labored.

John's tongue pushed into his mouth and Connor met it with his own. The older man moaned and pressed closer to him, rubbing skin against skin. It felt wonderful.

Connor let his fingers trail down John's back to his cheeks and rubbed a finger between them. John pushed back at his hands slightly and Connor nipped at John's upper lip in rebuttal. John groaned but obediently stopped pushing. Connor pulled his hand back to swipe his fingers between their body, slicking them with some lube. He returned them to their previous location, just rubbing over John's entrance between his cheeks.

John pulled his mouth away to press his forehead into the pillow by Connor's head. " _Connor_."

The younger man smiled. "Yes?"

" _Please_."

[Edited Content begins here]

John turned his head and licked at Connor's neck. "I want to mark you." He whispered. "Where everyone can see."

"Yes." Connor breathed.

John licked his neck a few more times, wetting the skin and then Connor felt lips gently press against him. John slowly sucked on his skin, pulling it into his mouth and Connor let out a strangled gasp. Moments later, John pulled back and gently lapped at the mark. He turned his head and claimed Connor's lips again while the younger man blindly reached for the lube.

John pressed the bottle into his hand without breaking their kiss and Connor reached around John, pouring some out onto his hand. Connor watched as his eyes were drawn to the mark he made. John reached a finger up to touch it. "That is _so hot_."

"How very caveman of you." Connor grinned.

John's hazel-green eyes darkened with desire and he bent down again to cover the mark with his mouth for a second time. "I just want everyone to know you're _mine_." John whispered against his skin, gently nipping at the hickey with his teeth.

"Me too." Connor said into his ear. "Yours."

[End edited content]

"You're so beautiful." Connor whispered. "So perfect, John, my John."

" _Connor_."

" _John_."

And then there were stars and John-just John. John was everywhere-wrapped around him, whispering in his ear, shaking along with Connor.

They stayed like that for several minutes until Connor, regrettably, slid gently out of John. His husband stayed curled on top of him and Connor ran his hand through John's hair.

"How did most people take the news?" Connor asked softly.

"Pretty well, I think." John answered, pressing a kiss to Connor's neck. "It helped that Carter's been sending out e-mails for a couple weeks explaining the new rules to help ease the transition."

"Yeah."

"Although the last few sounded suspiciously like the writings of someone else I know."

"Did they now?"

"Uh-huh." John answered with a small nod.

"But not the first few?"

"Did you write those as well?" John asked with a touch of surprise.

"Daniel and I wrote them all and Cam proofed them for us."

"So us grunts could understand it as well as you geeks?" His husband asked without heat.

Connor rubbed a gentle hand down John's back. "Something like that."

"Should you be hopping into the shower?"

Yes, but Connor wasn't going to admit that, not when John was warm and plaint and lying on top of him. "I can be late."

"Weren't you going to tell them about us?"

"Yeah, and Eric is going to talk to them as well."

"And you're having lunch with Lorne's group?" John asked, interested.

"Yes, sorry." Connor apologized. "I promised I would tell them when I was able. You don't mind do you?"

John kissed his cheek. "Definitely not." He shifted a little so his body rested more on the bed then on Connor, but kept a tight grip on the younger man. "I changed my medical forms yesterday, and my will."

Connor rested a hand on John's cheek and smiled softly. "I love you, John."

John returned the smile. "I know."

* * *

Eric nervously pushed around the hash browns on his plate. Connor was late, although honestly everyone at the table had been expecting it. The linguist was often late to breakfast as it was clear he was not an early riser, although from the smirks on everyone's face when Connor finally entered the food hub, and from the blush on the other man's face, Eric knew that sleeping in was not the reason the scientist was tardy today.

Connor quietly placed his tray down next to Eric's as he took a seat. He was across from Ben and Eric was across from Jim. They were at a relatively private table, no one was within earshot.

When Connor reached for his mug, Eric saw the glint of metal on his ring finger. It wasn't that Eric hadn't seen the ring before, of course he had, it was just that he was pretty sure he'd never seen it in the food hub or anywhere else public. When Eric turned to look at the linguist, his gaze immediately caught onto the bright red mark on Connor's neck, high above his jacket collar. His eyes widened and he coughed. Connor looked at him quizzically but before Eric could say anything, Jim beat him to the punch.

"Looks like someone had a good night." He grinned, gesturing with his fork to the hickey on Connor's neck.

The blush on Connor's face went all the way down his neck. "I, um…" He blinked and then in a way that sounded completely like John Sheppard he said, "Well, it was more of a good night and a really good morning."

Ben choked on the coffee he was drinking and Jim stared for a moment before he burst out laughing. Eric hid a smile and reached for his water.

"Jesus, Doc." Ben got out. "Warn a guy."

Connor nodded and went back to his breakfast. They all ate in companionable silence for a few minutes while Eric tried to work out what to say. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous; Ben and Connor already knew about Rodney, which left Jim who probably already knew, at the very least, that he was gay. Both Ben and Jim knew that Connor was with a man, just not who.

It took Eric a minute to realize that neither Ben nor Jim were eating, instead their eyes were trained on the ring glistening on Connor's finger. The linguist, for his part, was busy cutting up some ham and didn't notice them.

Ben glanced at Eric and then back at the ring as if to say, _You knew he was married or engaged and didn't tell me?_ Eric shrugged in a way that hoped he conveyed it wasn't his story to tell. After a few more seconds it became apparent that Jim was about to burst so Eric gently elbowed Connor and the linguist looked up.

That seemed to be all the permission the two men needed as Jim reached over and grabbed Connor's hand for a closer inspection of the ring-it was pretty cool-and Ben leaned over towards Jim to see it better.

"I, um…" Connor bit his lip nervously and his eyes darted over to look at Eric who offered a hopefully encouraging smile. "John and I were bonded in an Athosian ceremony about a year and a half ago."

"Bonded?"

"A year and a half?"

Connor nodded at the two questions as Jim let his hand go. "Bonding is like… marriage. We're hoping to get married on Earth when it becomes permissible. John and I have been together for over two years."

"John?"

Eric watched as both men went through the list of members of the US military with the first name of John. It was a very short list. And the list got even shorter when age was taken into consideration. He saw the moment Ben got it and a second later, Jim's eyes widened.

"John _Sheppard_?" Ben asked in shock. "You're married to _Colonel Sheppard_?"

"Um… well really it's John Sheppard-Davids now…" Connor joked lightly. His voice trailed off at the gaping stares of his teammates. "Yes."

"Holy Jesus." Ben swore. "Now that I didn't see coming."

"Colonel Sheppard's _gay_?" Jim asked, still in shock.

Connor bit his lip. "John's more like… bisexual." He hesitated. "I… are you okay with that?"

Jim and Ben both nodded absently, obviously still processing the idea that their commanding officer was sleeping with their scientist. Eric wondered how long it would be before they connected John to the hickey on Connor's neck. He stifled a laugh.

Eric cleared his throat and then swallowed nervously when Ben and Jim turned to look at him. "I guess this is a good time as any to tell Jim that I'm dating Rodney McKay."

Ben laughed and Connor gently touched his knee against Eric's in a comforting manner. Jim's mouth dropped open and he closed it before turning to Ben. "Please don't tell me you've been sleeping with Jackson this whole time."

Ben laughed again and shook his head. "If I'm right, I think there's a medical doctor out there who might be a little pissed if I were to do that."

"Box." Connor confirmed.

"I'm still single." Ben confirmed. "And while I have no problems either of these two kids," he jerked a thumb towards Connor and Eric. Connor glared because he was older than Ben and Eric glared because he wasn't a kid. "I think I'll stick with the ladies."

Eric shared a look with Connor that was full of mirth, a secret smile passed between them before he looked back at his friends. "You know, Connor is somewhat of a successful match maker. I'm sure he can hook you guys up."

Jim raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

The linguist took a sip of his tea and looked over the top of his mug at Jim. "John says I've meddled in enough love lives."

"But John can't deny that you've had some successful meddles." Eric pointed out.

"For the most part." The linguist appraised Smith. "I'll see what I can do."

Jim grinned. "Great." He paused. "And congratulations, both of you."

"Thank you." Connor murmured and Eric echoed the sentiment.

Eric quietly cleared his throat and everyone at the table turned to look at him. "Um, I'd rather keep this between us for now, if you could." There were confused looks but everyone nodded. "Thank you."

"No problem, kid." Ben said. He turned to Connor. "What about you?"

The linguist shook his head. "John and I are keeping quiet for the first few days to see how the base reacts to others, but after that… I think he has some kind of grand plan to harass me before missions or something."

Jim smirked. "He wants to send you off with a kiss."

"Something like that." Connor agreed sheepishly. "Um, you should probably be aware that he's my medical proxy-just in case something happens off-world."

"Rodney's mine." Eric offered. "I'm not sure he knows it though."

"And with any luck he'll never find out." Ben said.

"Yeah." Eric responded. "With any luck."

Jim leaned across the table, breakfast forgotten. "So c'mon you two, cough it up. How did you end up with two of the most high up guys in the city?"

Eric looked at Connor and gestured for him to go first.

"Well, it all started really with some jumper training…"

* * *

It was an unexpectedly clear night on New Lantea. There had been rain the past few days, but tonight the stars shone brightly and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Connor was out on the north pier, his feet hung over the edge and he had a thick blanket wrapped around him. There was a soft pillow underneath his head as he stared up at the various constellations. The waves provided a soothing soundtrack to the night, crashing up against the city.

Connor didn't turn his head when he heard quiet footsteps approaching him.

"Room for one more?" John asked softly from above him.

Connor nodded and lifted the corner of his blanket for his husband to slide under. John did so and the sides of their body pressed together, their fingers twined, and John's head landed gently next to Connor's on the pillow.

"Where's your B-52?" John asked softly.

Connor pulled their joint hands out from under the blanket and pointed up towards a cluster of stars on the right. "Over there."

"And the Milky Way?"

Their hands shifted over a bit. "There."

"It still seems so small." John commented, tucking their hands back under the blanket. "Space. It's… it seems so unaffected. Like nothing changes the universe."

"But the universe changes us."

"Exactly." John paused. "Except that Rodney would say the universe is constantly expanding, so it's constantly changing."

"We just can't really see it."

"I don't think change is one of those things you can see while it's happening."

"That's what hindsight is for." Connor said quietly.

"Yeah."

"Connor."

"John."

"Remember when we first did this?"

"Yeah." Connor answered fondly. "I was so nervous. I had no idea what I was doing."

John laughed softly. "If it helps-neither did I."

"I'm glad we tried anyways."

"Yeah." John paused. "You've changed so much since then."

"As in _I've_ changed or I've changed _things_ , _people_?"

"I think it's a little of both." John answered softly. "You're still the same basic person, but different-and not a bad different, a good one. It's more than just you changing your name, not being alone anymore, having friends and a lover. It's like you grew into yourself. And… you changed _me_. You became my partner, my husband, my _life_. I had this huge hole in my heart and you stepped up to fill it. You fit so perfectly."

"When I'm with you... I feel like I'm who I'm supposed to be." Connor admitted softly. "It doesn't matter that I'm-I'm shy and quiet and whatever. I… When I was younger my mom used to worry about me a lot. She thought I spent too much time alone, too much time in my studies. But my da always said that I would grow into it, that we're not born the person we're supposed to become, 'become who you are' and all that. I feel like, since I've met you, I've become the person I was meant to be, the person I am. The name change is just a physical representation of that. I've spent my whole life becoming Connor Davids. But after meeting you, John… I realized that I've actually spent my whole life becoming Connor Sheppard-Davids. You were the part of me that was missing and now that you're here, I have all the pieces."

"I love you, Connor Sheppard-Davids." John said fiercely.

Connor turned his head on their shard pillow and kissed John's jaw. "I love you too, John Sheppard-Davids."

John turned his head and smiled at Connor. "Is there where I say 'til death do us part'?"

"No." Connor said with small smile. "This is where you say 'and they lived happily ever after'."

John reached a hand out to cup Connor's cheek. "And they lived happily ever after."

 _~Finis~_

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* * *

Just once more, there are some closing statements over at my LJ in regards to this story. Thank you again to all my wonderful readers, especially to those of you who have reviewed. You guys are awesome and amazing.

I've never been one to beg for reviews, but like all authors I like to hear from my readers. In April alone I had over 19,000 people visit just _Becoming Connor Davids_ (discounting LJ stats with at least 70% of those people being unique readers [not the same reader over and over]). 19,000 people read _Becoming Connor Davids_ and 14 people left a review (plus 13 on LJ) which equals less than .001% of readers reviewing.. I've never appreciated when authors beg for reviews but like one of my favorite authors writes on the bottom of her chapters, "It takes me two weeks to write a chapter, it takes you two minutes to review."

From my stats I can tell that I have a lot of regular readers, they've stuck with the story, and not to brag or anything but I update regularly and I've _finished_ a **long** fic, which in this fandom and pretty much all others is somewhat of a rarity (still waiting for that Marriage Stone update).

Ideally I would love everyone who's read this to leave a review *begin laughing now*, but I know that won't happen. More realistically I'm hoping for just a few more reviews. Just sort of something so that I know that the pretty numbers that show up on stat counters aren't all fake.

There's one more thing I want to say and in my opinion it's really important, so please just bear with me for a few more seconds. If you or someone you know is being abused, please _seek help_. Find someone, talk to someone. Just know that there are people out there who can help you and who _want_ to help you. I hope I haven't romanticized the notion of abuse. That's the _last_ thing I ever want to do. I'm very aware that there are several Erics in the world. It honestly breaks my heart that abuse happens. Abuse is a _very serious_ issue and it's not just physical or sexual, it can be psychological too. Please, seek help if you or someone you know is being affected by it. My LJ has a list of websites and numbers of places where help can be found throughout the world. Please take advantage of them, if needed.

Once again, thank you. It has been an honor.

Cheers,

Ace


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